#Which they do not experience themselves - and therefore projects his own uselessness when it comes to helping anyone else

[magicwithineleteo]

ok so below the cut is me addressing my feelings about the “drama” in the fandom. i would just like to mention that i am hesitant to post this out of fear of receiving backlash and being attacked/harassed by those who disagree. if you are as mature as you believe yourself to be, then please act as such and try to have a healthy discussion instead of just jumping on me for speaking up.

tw: pedophilia, bullying, swearing

i honestly don't have words for what’s happening in the fandom. i joined this fandom out of love for an amazing show, and was pleased to find a community of like-minded people who enjoy it just as much as i do. but i was not expecting this toxic element. i agree with the fact that everyone is entitled to their own opinion and they are free to ship whatever they want to. usually, i wouldn't give a fuck. but i do care when the ships are morally wrong. to reiterate, this is NOT a matter of opinion, this is a matter of MORALITY, which if someone wants to go ahead and say is subjective, at the end of the day, there are basic definitions of what is morally right and wrong. these ships are gababel and esteomi. (i am against cedfia too, however i’m not in the sofia the first fandom. only the eoa fandom so this is primarily about these ships.) i do not understand how one can comfortably ship these ships. at the beginning of the show, naomi is 15 and esteban is in his mid 50s. i don’t get how so many people don’t see the issue with that??? and at the beginning of the show, isabel is 10 and gabe is 18. again, a big issue. there is only one context in which esteban and naomi would morally work, if naomi was around pre-amulet. so by the time elena is freed, naomi is a similar age to esteban. but she’s not. regarding gababel, i don’t see how aging up isabel makes it any more acceptable. gabe has known isa since she was 10, i don’t think he’s just gonna immediately get feelings for her when she turns 18. that just sounds like a bunch of bs. other excuses for these ships are also a bunch of bs. dang, i didn’t know that not shipping gababel was because i’m not imaginative enough to think about the future of that ship. at least i'm imaginative enough to see that it's not even worth imagining because why would anyone even want to picture it? 

treating people with kindness and living by the golden rule means a lot to me. that people should be nice to each other, no matter if their beliefs clash or not. so why is it that when a young minor calls out these morally wrong ships, they are targeted? once again, this is a young MINOR. A CHILD. and not to mention, they were targeted by a bunch of adults. this child has called out something that’s morally wrong and adults came for them. i feel like these adults were aware that they are a child, but only to a certain point. they used the fact that they are a child to prove the point that they don’t know what bullying is, or that you were once in their shoes, an opinionated teenager. didn't know having an opinion was exclusive to teenagers, but i digress. however, a lot of you failed to recall that this is an actual child. not to mention, a handicapped child who has expressed time and time again how negative criticism affects them. at the end of the day, this context shouldn't even matter, because no one should be treated like that anyway. this child was bullied. this child felt invalidated and hurt. i don’t care what you think the definition of bullying is. they were bullied. imagine you’re in their place. a young (at the time 14 year old) who is receiving replies from  several adults telling them that they are wrong about pedophilia. you wouldn’t feel so nice either. their mental health went down because of this. you all failed to realize that this is a child, and that you need to be respectful to them. they are an equal member of the fandom, and they deserve several apologies. 

going along with this whole dialogue of age, i would like to point out that your age has nothing to do with your level of maturity, understanding, or comprehensibility of matters. just because someone is younger than you doesn't mean that automatically you are more correct or have the upper hand or whatever it may be simply due to your age. sure you may have more life experience, but what about your level of decency? empathy? awareness? sense of morality? these matter just as much, if not more. you can be 15 and wise and be 80 and be less knowledgeable. your actions and character display these things, not your age.

also with the whole “woke/woke teenager” thing. it's funny how it was said that buzzwords are being thrown around yet here we are, throwing this word around too. anyways, being “woke” is about being aware, having an open mind, and being able to not only recognize when something/someone is wrong, but being able to shed light on it and call it out. if you think i’m “woke” for calling out your pedophilic fantasies (which yes it is pedophilic i don’t think i need to explain to adults how that is so; and no, just because you aGe tHEm uP in yOuR hEad doesn't make it okay) then i’m damn proud to call out your shit. and i'll be damned if one of my friends or i get scrutinized for standing up and doing the right thing. no one deserves to get attacked for this, especially not with superficial strawman arguments that go after the person themselves rather than their “argument”/point of view. you can do all the name calling you want to, that does nothing to enhance your argument. all it does is shine a bright light on your character. and thank you for that, so we can see what kind of people we have in this community. it’s not about being sensitive or “woke” or whatever useless argument you want to use to steer away from the fact that you are MORALLY WRONG. i would understand if this discussion was about something lighter but this is so much deeper. this is not about “not being able to imagine/not being creative enough to imagine” i mean seriously? is that the argument here? that would be laughable if it wasn't as sad. what a substanceless argument that shows there is no viable justification for these ships. and it is not just about these pedophilic ships; it's also about how people are getting treated, specifically how adults on a power trip are attacking younger members of the fandom (wrongfully) with their petty posse of people. i mean seriously? can none of you (just a one on one not one of us versus your gang) have a decent conversation without needing your other friends to attack along with you? just childish honestly. and i wouldn't even say that because children aren't low enough to act like that. they are aware enough of others' feelings and know how to solve problems without hurting each other.

the fact that this is being deemed as “policing” and “telling the fandom at large what to do” is just ridiculous. first of all, no one is forcing our stances down people’s throats. second of all, who said you suck? you said it, not me. third of all, think of it like this. we have laws, yes? sure, the laws are written and yet some people still choose to break them. the law is enforced but yet still people have the option to follow it or not (even though they should follow it, duh). now say someone is breaking the law. would law enforcement be wrong to call them out on it? would they be wrong for charging them? no, because your actions have consequences. someone can “believe” they were not breaking the law but if their “belief” is objectively illegal and morally wrong, then by all means they should be called out on it. just because *you* personally don't find you shipping a 10 year old with an 18 year old (a fifth grader and high school senior for context) doesn't mean it's not problematic. and it doesn't matter if you're aging them up, it's still weird like why? it’s like you’re trying to justify pedophilia? and then you have the nerve to collectively attack ONE younger person who called out your foolery? this analogy was not to make it seem like we are the police of the fandom and are high and mighty or whatever, but simply to try and get across the point that just because *you* think it's not wrong, does not absolve you of it actually just being wrong. 

the way this matter has been addressed (and i wouldn't even say that because it is more like a one sided conversation/scolding where the opposite side of the discourse is either silenced because of fear or silenced after being attacked) has been absolutely petty, snarky, condescending, and catty; you really give yourself a sense of superiority over people because you are older and therefore more mature and more able to understand things on a deeper level? then understand this. handle this discussion in a more mature way. allow others who disagree with you to at least come to the table and share their feelings and see from their perspective. do not immediately pounce on them with your similarly-aged clique like this is some early 2000’s high school movie. it's funny because you are invalidating us by belittling us as just “high schoolers”, but if anything you guys are the ones acting like what you are projecting on us. literally bullying children. how depraved do you have to be to sit here and behave like this with actual children. it's funny because some of you actually have children and here you are, being a keyboard warrior for a pedophilic ship. is that the hill you are choosing to die on? at least try to open your eyes and see why we are addressing this. to your point, yes, you are adults. ADULTS. so act like it.

i would also like to mention that there is a big difference between notps and morally wrong ships. notps are ships that you do not ship because that’s just not what you like. an example of that for me is elenaomi. i don’t ship them like that, that’s one of my notps, and that’s okay. however when there are ships like esteomi and gababel, those are more than notps. those are morally wrong ships because they are pedophilic. i am not gonna call these my nOtPs; these are HELL NOTPS.

some of you are also big hypocrites. you say to scroll on, and to ignore it if you don’t like it. yet you feel the need to respond to things you don’t agree with. yes, it’s your blog, but if you’re not going to practice what you preach then, what’s the point? this reminds of the whole dialogue surrounding “if you don't like it here (your country), then leave.” this phrase is used to invalidate people who call out issues within their country, whether it be the societal structure as a whole, or the government etc. it's like you are only patriotic if you have 0 complaints and love everything about your country. you don't care if things are ruined; it's your country so you love it. in my eyes, true patriotism is when you are able to recognize and not be in denial about issues in your country; you are willing to not only acknowledge them as a problem, but are actively trying to address and fix it. similarly, i believe that you shouldn't have to just scroll on or leave the community because you are uncomfortable because of a genuine problem. why should we just be silent and accept what's going on? us scrolling on while recognizing the problem and not saying anything, letting it thrive, is being complicit. it's like being a bystander, and we are not going to do that. we want this community to be a great place for all of us to get along because of our shared interest of eoa. but that doesn't mean that these things should be excused or ignored. if you are having an issue with people calling this out, if the shoe fits, that's your problem, and moreover, you are part of the problem. i am not calling out specific names in this, so if you have an issue with it, then….hate to break it to you.

i understand that i’m usually a lot nicer on my page. however, i feel that i have been silent for too long. but i’m not a hypocrite and i know that i’m right. how people respond to this just reflects their character more than mine. i am a 13 year old child, and i am hesitant to discuss this because you guys did not hold back at a 14 now 15 year old. that is not okay, especially when this is supposed to be a loving community about a show that is aimed at children. that was all. please have some empathy, understanding, and especially respect.

[thepencilnerd]

Melophile | Part I

melo·phile- noun; a person with great love and affluent passion for music

➵ A piano major and a composition major collaborating for a final semester project. It seemed straightforward, right? But what if you were forced to pair up with the school’s most problematic genius, Min Yoongi? Add to that the fact that he absolutely hated your guts and you had the perfect recipe for disaster. How can someone you’ve never even met before despise you like a sworn enemy? Getting to know each other was hard enough, but what happens when the most beautiful, painful, and darkest secrets force the two of you to expose the thing you each guarded the most—your own emotions? 

➵ pairing: min yoongi x reader

➵ genre: AU! enemies to lovers, fluff, angst, smut, slow-ish burn 

➵ word count: 16k (sorry mobile readers)

➵ warnings: swearing, heavy angst, discussions of depression, rough sex, biting, marking, hair pulling, cumplay/eating, impreg kink, unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it), i’m screaming while writing these warnings 

a/n: this was originally supposed to be a single post, but i’ve split it up into two. the second part can be found on my masterlist or under the #melophile ^^

Second, third, second, first, second, fourth—

“Again,” the voice snapped sternly.

Breathing deeply, you closed your eyes shut and clenched down on your teeth before playing again.

Second, third, second, first, second, third, fifth, fourth—

“Stop.” Letting out another sigh for what felt like the hundredth time in the last hour, your professor took off his glasses before pinching the bridge of his nose. “Why don’t we call it a day?”

Biting down on your tongue, you gave a curt nod and agreed reluctantly. Glancing at the clock, you saw that it was already fifteen minutes before nine.

“An hour and fifteen minutes of dealing with my bullshit. A new record,” you scoffed silently to yourself. 

You hesitantly thanked your professor before holding the door for him and seeing him out. Today was a rough day. The whoosh of the door escorted you back into the cold room as your legs carried you back to the grand piano. Your relationship with Professor Powell was—complicated—to say the least. Although he was like a father figure to you and was the one who gave you the opportunity to attend university in the first place, it was always difficult to maintain a healthy student-teacher relationship, especially in the field of the arts. Hungry and impatient to improve, it was the teacher’s responsibility to make sure that they pressured their students but also know their limits. Push too much and they’d suffer the possibility of a mental breakdown, but not enough and the years of time, work and patience would all be for nothing

Taking a few minutes to massage your cramping fingers and tender wrists, you couldn’t help but burn holes and glare at your own hands.

“Is it really that fucking hard to follow the stupid numbers written on the damn sheet music? Useless. Absolutely useless,” you swore.

After another minute of self-deprecating criticism and voiceless outrage, you felt your throat constrict as frustration welled up inside your chest as questions of your own purpose began to arise. What were you doing with your life? Was this stupid degree really worth it? How were you even going to get a job with a degree in music?

“Idiot...” You muttered to yourself but stared coldly at the wooden creature directly in front of you. Cracking your knuckles, you took in a deep breath, held it for two seconds, and exhaled as calmly as you could. Concentrating on the finger numbers scribbled down above the notes, you gulped in anticipation, determined to get the last line of the piece down by tonight. One more time.

You’d been here since lunch and even opted to skip dinner just to save an hour to practice. Your professor sometimes came in at random to help supplement your practice hours, but it almost always ended up with him leaving an hour later, equally frustrated at the level of progress you hadn’t accomplished. It wasn’t your fault you didn’t do well under pressure, but you understood where he was coming from. Playing was hard, but playing with an audience was even harder.

Playing the first few minutes of Chopin’s Fantaisie Impromptu had now become a breeze, but the last section was always the part where you couldn’t take it anymore. Your fingertips became sweatier than a marathon runner’s forehead, your hands cramped like divers who had the bends, and your wrists felt like they had brick blocks tied to them at the joint.

14 sheets, seven pages, 138 measures, sixteenths on the right hand, and triplets on the left. The pain, tireless hours of practice, and feeling of desperation in the pursuit of the perfect chance to play— all that for six minutes of pure, unadulterated beauty. The puzzle pieces that clicked together in perfect harmony. In that precise moment, it was pure bliss.

In that exact moment, it was just you and the music.

You couldn’t describe how free you felt when you played. Each time your fingertips pressed down on the weighted keys, the melodic sound that reverberated deeply and throughout the room was what you lived for. It was a last-minute whim decision when you chose piano as your major. Sure, you’d been playing it since you were a child and loved it more than anything else, but you secretly worried that they’d fear for your future. Understandable, considering their generalized opinions on art majors, but thankfully, they were nothing short of supportive.

Originally, you planned to get into the business trend like everyone else. Truth be told, you didn’t know what you wanted to be, and that scared you, so it seemed like a safe, cookie-cutter option. While your classmates stressed out about finals, entrance exams, extracurriculars, job hours, and college applications, you went through a phase of feeling adrift. Lost, confused, conflicted, and utterly desperate in search of what you wanted to pursue in life, your overwhelmed mind remembered that you actually played an instrument.

You would be lying if you said the idea initially didn’t terrify you. What would you do with a degree in the music field? Playing was always a self-satisfying activity rather than something you did for attention, so you had no desire to play for an audience, therefore, playing as an accompanist was out of the question. To add to it, you couldn’t compose new pieces to save your life, so being a producer was also checked off early. Then you came across the idea of being a music teacher, which for some blindly stupid reason, you didn’t think first. Money was never the ultimate goal for you, and the opportunity to share your passion and knowledge with others clicked with you instantly.

Getting admitted into one of the country’s best art universities was something that you never envisioned happening in your wildest dreams. The audition was the first time you had ever played for an actual audience, and to say it went perfectly would be a painfully embarrassing lie. It was also your first time playing a high-quality grand piano, which added to the already intense pressure. You remember all-too-clearly how your fingers fumbled over the glossy, attributed to how you weren’t used to the feel of the new model of instrument, and you even messed up on the middle section of the piece. However, somehow, through the unexplainable, miraculous, and impossible powers of the universe, the panel of professors saw something in you and admitted you on a partial scholarship.

That short-lived period was already four years ago, and you were now in your second year of your master’s degree in the school’s associated graduate school. One more year and you were ready to venture off into the world as an adult. 

Shaking off the storm of flashbacks and anxiety of foreshadowing you didn’t have the capacity to deal with right now, you turned back to the crumpled pages in front of you. Starting from the very beginning, your fingers began carrying themselves across the keyboard, allowing your muscle memory to come in swifter than a lightning strike. Scanning over the tornado of notes with quick eyes, your heart began beating faster as a familiar ache began to spread throughout your fingers. Pushing through the middle measure before the end, you willed yourself to get it right this time.

Once the ending excerpt began, you begged your hands to hold on for another minute. That was all you needed. Just one more minute…

Before you knew it, you had already sped through the remaining bars of music and finally made it to the last line, slowing down the tempo and letting the last few notes reverberate as they faded to quiet nothingness.  

You did it.

Shooting up from the crinkly leather seat, you hopped around like a sugar-high energizer bunny. You finally did it. Nine treacherous hours of fruitlessly pounding at the keys and nearly tearing your hair out, and you finally did it. Maybe it was the delirium from yesterday’s all-nighter or the hunger starting to kick in, but you suddenly felt a rush of blood make its way to your head, causing you to clutch your temple and hunch over the piano for support. Taking it as a signal from your body that it was on the brink of breaking down, you decided to call it a night.

Packing up your things, you bid one last farewell to the creaking percussion instrument before clicking off the lights and leaving the room.

It was always a breathtaking experience walking through campus. The rustic buildings, blooming plant life, bustling students, and even the poorly paved concrete sidewalk made it all the more like home. As a student in the art department of the school, the secondary campus was smaller but more well-spaced than the main campus. Rather than have a bundle of tightly-knit classrooms arranged directly next to each other, the arts campus consisted of three main buildings that were spaced far apart and divided by green lawns and tree-lined pathways.

You were so distracted by your dream-like trance, you didn’t realize that you were already five minutes late for your lecture. Murmuring a string of curse words at yourself, you nearly ran into a lamppost before dashing across the lawn to class.

In a record time of two minutes, you managed to make it to the front door of the lecture hall. Willing yourself to breathe rhythmically to slow down your racing heart and strained panting, you slowly opened the door to see that an exponentially large number of students were still shuffling into their seats. Thankfully, Professor Powell was also in the midst of organizing the scattered papers on his desk but noticed you poking your head through the cracked open door. Ushering you in with a collected welcome, you bowed your head in a silent nod of appreciation and scurried to the few remaining seats available.

Looking around the strangely crowded room, you saw that the usual number of 20 to 30 people was now a lump sum of about 40 people. You recognized about half of the ones as those who shared your major, but the remaining were complete strangers. A loud cough and clapping of hands silenced the chattering students, making everyone turned their attention to the front of the class.

“Thank you all for making it today,” he announced. “You may have noticed that—”

The sound of the door swinging open halted the professor’s words as a student waltzed in. Sporting a black hoodie with torn jeans to match, you could barely make out the few stray hairs of beige blonde hair that poked out from underneath. His piercing stare could practically be felt from a mile away, and he made no comment or apology for his late entrance. Not even giving a second look to Professor Powell, the blonde boy found himself an empty seat in the back of the class, causing everyone around him to shift uncomfortably. Tossing his backpack carelessly to the floor, his presence alone was threatening enough to send chills down your spine.

Clearing his throat, the professor composed his thoughts before resuming speaking. “As I was saying,” he hummed. “You may have noticed that today’s class is particularly ample and that there are a few faces that aren’t in this major.”

The students all looked around in unison, picking out the faces they could clearly recognize and ever-so-slightly frowning in confusion at the ones they didn’t. A wave of quiet murmurs spread across the entire room, causing Professor Powell’s hands to clap aloud once more in an attempt to gather everyone’s attention. 

“If you’ll all direct to the syllabus being handed out to you, you will find the rubric of your semester final project,” he enunciated. As if by cue, the person directly in front of you passed you a thick stack of papers. Peeling a page from the mountain of sheets, your eyebrows cinched together at the bold text. 

MUS302 Semester Final Project

GROUP ASSIGNMENT IN COLLABORATION WITH THE SCHOOL’S THEORY-COMPOSITION MAJORS. 

PAIRS WILL BE ASSIGNED. 

“Now,” his voice boomed. “I’m aware that we still have four months before final exams are administered, but since this is a special occasion, you may find the extra time useful.”

You couldn’t hold back the nasal ‘hmph’ that escaped your throat. This had to be a practical joke. Your professor was never one to assign group projects, and this was certainly something that had never been done once in the history of the entire school. What was different? Apparently, you weren’t the only one who was dumbfounded at the news. A hum of voices began to arise as all the kids in the classroom began whispering to each other, the pre-meditated gossip already spreading like wildfire. 

“I know that group projects aren’t exactly a common occurrence in this class and a collaboration with a group of students in a different major has never been done before, but music does not discriminate.” His firm words seemed to silence the loudmouths, replacing their incessant chatter with a few awkward coughs. 

“This project will be worth 65% of your final grade and will replace your usual paper-formatted exam. It is mandatory, there will be no excuses, makeups, grade curves or supplementary extra credit, and it will go on your permanent transcript.” Taking the silent air in the classroom as an indication of their understanding, he managed to force out a tight smile through his enunciated words.

“Alright then. I will be choosing your partners for you and there will be no switching. Complain and email me about it and it will result in an automatic fail.” Sensing his stern tone, no one dared utter as much as a single moan of disapproval. 

Professor Powell had a reputation for being one of the strictest teachers in the entire school, and it didn’t come without a reason. Within the first week of the semester, nearly half of the students always dropped his class. Although the reasons ran few and far between the inflexible grade curve and his borderline terrifying aura, not a single person doubted his raw ability and talent in the field of music. He was a legend and to learn under him was an honor in and of itself. 

You were eternally grateful that you were able to get on his good side from the first time you encountered him at your audition, but that didn’t stop him from pushing equally, if not, even harder, than the rest of his students. His ardent passion for music and methods of teaching were of a caliber you’d never witnessed before and from the moment you stepped inside his classroom, you knew he would ignite and fuel your love for music more than flaming embers themselves. 

“I will call your names in pairs and you will come up, sign your names on this sheet, and collect your partner record sheets. On this sheet, you will write down the dates and hours in which you have spent working on the assignment together—” he emphasized, “—and the progress you have made if any. Details of the project will be explained once everyone is all paired up.”

He began calling out random names in couples of two. The process of walking down the tiered seating, awkwardly greeting each other, signing names, and trudging back to their seats became so repetitive, you didn’t even notice that your name wasn’t called.

The professor's voice boomed once more, snapping you out of your daze. “If you were not called, please come see me after class.” Instantly, the people who shared your classes all turned to face you like a stack of falling dominos. Was it really that obvious? You weren’t aware that anyone knew your name, let alone the fact that you even existed.  

Shifting uncomfortably in your seat, you tried to ignore the feeling of burning stares as you listened intently to what Professor Powell had to say next. You even went as far as taking notes to try and distract yourself from the eyes that lingered.

“This project is all about vulnerability.” His choice of words was surprising. Rather than go with the trust and teamwork trope, he decided to play the liability card. “You and your partner will be responsible for constructing an entirely new piece that embodies your two souls as musicians.” The sudden and clearly obvious attempt at being dramatic caused a couple chuckles to erupt from the room, making the professor laugh lightly as well. 

“The piece should be a mixture of classical piano and may or may not involve the use of the composition majors’ programs or software. The time limit is a maximum of six minutes and the bare minimum is two. The piece needs to be one that constitutes who you are as artists,” he articulated. “The audience needs to see—feel—who you are through the music. Your happiest and most beautiful memories, your deepest secrets, and even your most painful experiences. Therefore, this requires you to get to know each other not just as musicians and creators but as human beings. Everything needs to be laid out on the table.”

Holding his hands behind his back, he started pacing slowly across the classroom, intent on making sure that the class understood the magnitude of importance this project encompassed. “You will argue, laugh, smile, cry, and you may even want to tear each other’s throats out with your teeth like feral packs of starving wolves—but know this; no matter the journey or path you choose to venture on, I guarantee that you will all come out of this as stronger musicians and even better artists.”

Everyone was nose-deep in their notebooks, jotting down each and every single word that came out of the professor’s mouth in an effort that it would secure them a better grade. Of course, you knew better than anyone that success in this class was never shown—it was earned.

“The deadline is the same week as finals and each piece will be performed in the school’s concert hall.” Looking around at the already-tired and worn out students, he opted to be the bearer of good news for the day. “I’ll be nice and let you all out early today,” he chuckled. “Go on and—” 

Even before he finished his sentence, everyone was scurrying out of the class like a pack of rabid wolves eager for a new hunt. Sighing in exhaustion from the night before, your eyes wandered around the vacant classroom and settled on the black hooded figure sat across the room. Startled to see that he was glaring at you, you started hiccuping. Picking up your bag, you panicked and hurried to the front of the classroom, remembering what your professor had said about not having your name called.

“Professor?” you peeped quietly, already anxious at what he was going to say.

Pausing the shuffling of his papers, he turned to face you. “Ah, _____,” he noted. Beckoning to someone behind you, you could only assume the worst as the sound of scuffling feet made its way to you. “You will be working with Yoongi for this project.”

An audible gulp escaped when you tried to swallow down your apprehension. Facing the figure that was now standing beside you, he had taken off his hood, leaving his messy beige blonde hair exposed in all its glory. Now that you were standing close to him, you even saw the glint of a small hoop earring when the sunlight bounced off of his ear. You forced out an apprehensive smile and held out your hand as a greeting. The passing silence gave you an opportunity to study his facial features as well. With smooth pale skin, angular cat-eyes, and a soft but chiseled face to tie it all together, it would be a sin to deny that he was indeed good looking. 

‘Heartbreaker,’ you immediately thought.

“I’m _____,” you greeted as warmly as you could, given the tension in the air. Why was he acting like you’d just kidnapped and hopped past three state borders with his pet hamster? Exactly four seconds had passed, (yes, you counted) and he simply raised an eyebrow at your feeble attempt at a civilized handshake. His hands were tucked in the pockets of his hoodie, making you wonder if he was too lazy to pull them out or if he acted like this with the general population. To save your already-bruised ego, you opted to go for option C. Maybe his hands were cold.

Still quirking an eyebrow at your hand, you quickly lowered it, looping your finger under the strap of your backpack to hide your embarrassment. “I’m aware,” he commented dryly. Furrowing your brows slightly, you tried not to show your evident confusion. Had you two met before?

“Ahem. _____, I’d like to politely introduce you to Mr. Min Yoongi; your equal in my composition class,” the professor filled in, trying to ease the tension. “He is another one of the school’s prodigies and my star students, so I thought it’d be best if the two of you partnered together for this project. Seeing as you two excel greatly in your respective fields and are of the highest ranking in your major, it should be a breeze.” Professor Powell drawled out the last word, making you quirk your head. His tone was too sarcastic for your liking.

“Pleasure,” Yoongi said with a hoarse purr in his voice, lifting his chin as a makeshift nod of acknowledgment, you pressed your lips together tightly in response. He still had his hands tucked in his pockets. When you turned back to Professor Powell, he had already gathered his things and was waving goodbye, the closing whoosh of the door leaving you alone with the cold embodied demon of a boy. Great.

“Do you want to—” You tried to initiate a conversation but were cut off by his immediate words.

“Here’s my number. Text me when you want to work on the project. Don’t bother if it’s about anything else.” With a sullen and near spiteful tone, he handed you a torn piece of paper with a scribble of numbers on it. Just as you were about to ask him if he had time today, he was already out the door.

You scoffed. “What the hell is his problem?” you seethed. It wasn’t like you had crossed paths with him, nor were you aware of any instances in which you’d even met him. Hell, you didn’t even have any friends. 

Examining the bundle of scribbles on the torn piece of paper, you begrudgingly added the number into your phone. 

“Min...” You began typing but smirked when another nickname came into mind. “Min Salty.” Not the best nickname you could’ve come up with, but wasn’t any worse than his shitshow of an attitude. Raking your hands through your hair in sheer frustration, you told yourself to calm down and compose yourself. You had to push through for the project. This grade meant everything and you’d be damned if you let some jerkwad of a pre-pubescent boy mess it up for you. 

Two weeks passed and you had yet to speak to Yoongi about the project. You could have messaged to him as soon as he gave you his number, but each time you typed up a text to send, it ended up being saved as a draft. Your pride mocked you, asking questions like, “Why hasn’t he texted you?” or “Why should you be the one to text first?” In reality, it didn’t matter who texted who and it was past the line of being childish. If that was the case, then why couldn’t you just press the stupid fucking send button?  

In actuality, you were the least bit ashamed to admit that you were intimidated by him. Whenever you tried to approach him in the hallways during passing periods, you were met with a menacing glare that made you curl back into your shell like a hermit crab. On top of that, whenever you did manage to single him out in the crowded parts of the campus, he’d oh-so-conveniently start walking in the exact opposite direction, almost as if he was purposely avoiding you. 

Then the fateful day came when you gathered all the courage you could muster and caught him strolling into the on-campus café. You had him cornered. Entering the comfy bistro, the familiar chime of bells and the warm scent of ground coffee welcomed you with open arms. 

Searching through the crowded tables, your eyes landed on a single person sitting alone by the window booth. He stuck out like a sore thumb. Perching his hand under his chin while looking through the clear glass, his eyes bore the same expression as they did when you first met them; rigid and burning with intensity, yet lost and precarious. When he turned his head around, his stare widened for a moment when he noticed you. Quickly ducking down, you shifted your jaw and huffed. Did he think you were blind or something?

Puckering your lips, you marched over to the booth while feigning conviction in your walk. Fake it until you make it, right? At least, that’s what all the cool kids used to say...

“Hi,” you greeted as you sat down. Yoongi’s eyes refused to me yours and kept writing down notes, choosing to maintain his focus on his laptop screen. “Hey,” he replied curtly. Biting down on your lower lip, you pulled out your laptop and began talking about the project. It wasn’t worth it to pick a fight today. You had a project to start. 

“So I was thinking—” 

“I have to get to my next lecture,” he droned, voice completely null and void of any detectable honest emotion. “Text me later.” Jotting down something quickly in his notebook, he folded up his stuff and practically shoveled it into his bag before getting up and running off. 

“But—” you sputtered. But of course, he was already out the door. Judging by his short paces and urgency to get as far away from you as possible, he was probably skittering halfway across the campus by now. 

Clenching your jaw, you bit down as hard as you could on your teeth as if you were getting stitches without anesthesia. What the actual hell was his problem? Did you say something that offended him? Were you secretly the reincarnation of someone who murdered him in his past life? Then you found yourself asking the same question once again: Had you even met him before this semester? 

Hunching over the table, your fist slammed down on the wooden surface, earning a few judgmental stares here and there from bystanders. Complain to the professor and get a fail. Partner with Min Yoongi and get a fail. “Work” with Min Yoongi and get a fail because the word itself would entail absolutely nothing, therefore, nothing would actually ever get done. 

It was at that moment you realized that you were absolutely and royally fucked.  

Another week passed and you were already past the point of giving up. You managed to catch Yoongi a few more times and have a 15-second conversation with him before he bullshitted that he had a lecture to go to. 

Yoongi was intentionally avoiding you. The best part? 

You hadn’t a single clue why. Even though it was pointless to mope around and sulk like a wilting houseplant, you still made it to your daily self-practice sessions. Strangely enough, your professor never made any well-timed entrances during the midst of your playing, making you wonder whether it was because of the project or if he was simply busy with other things. 

After three weeks of stressing out over the project that you hadn’t even started yet, a night well-spent in the practice room seemed like the perfect way to blow off some steam. Sure, playing while you were at your happiest and most joyful was the most enjoyable experience, but grazing and striking down on the keys while you were holding something deep inside of you was something entirely different. It was almost an out-of-body release; physically, emotionally, and mentally. 

Once you were trapped in the practice room for a couple of hours and finished pounding out your frustrations, (and hearing the growl of your stomach) your mind was exhausted and spent. You could’ve sworn that you heard a distant humming of music coming from the room next door, but maybe it was just your ears playing tricks on you. No one else was ever here at this hour...

When it didn’t fade after a couple seconds, you started to get creeped out. Poking your head through the crack of the door and into the dimly lit hallways, you looked left and right as you tried to find the source of the humming. Were the ceiling pipes leaking? A minute of trying to think of what the sound could be when a loud thump reverberated four doors down from yours. 

Tip-toeing carefully to the slightly ajar door, you crinkled your face each time your shoes squeaked on the floor. Now that you were in front of the door, the humming and thumping wasn’t actually just white noise, but rather the sound of a melodic chorus playing from inside.

The euphonious sound of the piano and an added bass made your eyes drift shut, the harmony of the notes slowly lulling you into a trance of serene relaxation. You couldn’t hold back your curiosity any longer. Telling yourself you’d regret it later, you stood up from your hunched position and glanced through the clear pane of the door. Moonlight streaked into the enclosed space and onto the glossy shell of the piano, bouncing off and reflecting onto the face of a person. 

Min Yoongi. 

Your mouth parted in surprise. Why was he here this late? Did he compose this himself? Was this for the project? A plethora of questions suddenly plagued your mind—but the most prominent of all presented itself on a silver platter.

Why wasn’t he playing?

You narrowed your eyes and blinked forcefully, trying to see if your eyes were deceiving you. There was music playing and it was, in fact, coming from this exact room. However, his hands were resting comfortably on his lap and his eyes seemed to be staring with disdain at the instrument. 

“It must be coming from the speakers...” you thought. “Of course, it’s coming from the speakers, you idiot...”

The music suddenly shifted in tone; the bass became heavier, the tempo quickened, and a synth pad followed an orchestra of strings. As the piano keys slowly thinned out into a hushed melody, it went from being the main instrument at the start of the piece to nothing more than background static. 

With each passing section, the piece became darker as the once soothing melody became distressed and tortured. Yoongi was sitting as calmly as ever in the leather chair of the piano. Resting with a slight hunch in his back, his head was leaning to one side as he continued to stare ominously at the uncovered black and white keys. 

When the piece reached the end of its crescendo, the tune ended abruptly without a brighter finishing section or lively coda. It was over. At the same moment, Yoongi’s blank gaze found its way to yours. He blinked out of his sullen daze and when your eyes met each other’s you could’ve sworn his eyes were watering. Remembering that your mouth was still parted, you clamped your jaw shut and widened your eyes. Then, without giving it a second thought, you sprinted down the hall and ran across the campus back to the dorms. 

For the rest of the night, you couldn’t find it in yourself to fall asleep. Every fiber of your being tossed and turned throughout the night as your mind desperately tried to repress the question. Hours of sweating, shuffling around in the blankets, and a couple bathroom trips later, you kicked off the covers and placed your hand on your burning forehead. It was no use—the question burned a hole inside your heart like a raging fire that showed no signs of extinguishing. 

What was Min Yoongi hiding? 

Throughout your life, you hadn’t had the honor of meeting many people who had infuriated you half as much as Min Yoongi did. The end of another unproductive week was nearing and you had yet to start on the project. Enough was enough.

Throwing your things into your backpack, you thanked your teacher for the class and then proceeded to dash across the lawn to the Bungalow Building. Weeks of constantly trying to find Yoongi and catch him by the collar after class had left you with detailed knowledge of his schedule and classes. Others may call it stalking, but you preferred to call it chance determination. 

Standing outside door 240, you stood anxiously on your heels while you waited for the students to pour out. When they did, you peeked in to see Yoongi slouched on his desk, clearly in no hurry judging by how sluggishly he was collecting his things. It was now or never. 

Waving a small greeting and excusing yourself for entering the classroom, you gestured to Yoongi in the hopes that the professor would understand. Thankfully, she simply smiled in return and carried on with her business of gathering papers. 

You practically skipped like a child to where he was sat, satisfied at the revelation that he had nowhere to run. Standing over his desk, you slammed your palms onto his table and made him jump at the sudden impact. His eyebrows turned into a questioning frown and he stared at you with a vacant expression.

“We’re working on the project today.” Stating your main point firmly, his mouth opened to say something, but you weren’t letting him win today. 

“Don’t say that you have to get to a lecture because I know damn well that this was your last class for today. Professor Powell told me that you don’t work so you don’t exactly have a job that you need to go to, so you can cross that off of your excuse list, too,” you rambled.

His mouth was still parted open, but his face suddenly morphed into an awestruck smirk. Your heart was pouring out the never ending buckets of frustration and humiliation, and at this point, it was evident to you that your emotions had full control over your head. 

“To add to that, our project is due in three months and we have spent the past month doing absolutely nothing, and I’m not sure about you, but I don’t exactly plan on failing this class because my asshole of a partner hates my guts for some godforsaken unknown reason.” 

Taking a moment to take in a much-needed breath of air, Yoongi shut his mouth and nibbled on the inside of his cheek in order to hold back a cocky grin. Darting his tongue out to wet his lips, he slung his backpack over his shoulder and stood up, height now towering over you. 

“I was going to say that I got started on the first subject,” he grinned with pure insolence saturating his voice. Studying your reaction with heavy eyes, he raised his eyebrow for a split second as arrogance practically seeped from every speck of his face. 

His unintentional actions and fully intentional methods of provoking you all these weeks had indeed tested your patience, but also helped you grow a thick skin to rebuke his antics. All you could do was clench down on your jaw and compel yourself to grin. 

“Off to the café then?” you offered, voice sounding a little too sweet for your own good. Shrugging nonchalantly, he trailed behind you as the two of you began en route to the place where you would hopefully manage to get something done. Strong emphasis on hopefully.

As you eyes grazed over the waves of notes, you could only bear an expression of awe and amazement; the chorus was breathtaking. 

“You wrote this?” you coughed, nearly sputtering out your coffee. 

Swishing his drink around his mouth carelessly, he gave you a curt nod. 

“Why didn’t you–you should’ve called or—” Your brain was short circuiting like a cheap computer monitor as you tried to find the right words to say. “This is supposed to be a group project, we have—”

“I work better alone.” He stated it as if it were a fact that everyone with common sense knew by heart.  

Gulping down another mouthful of your scorching hot drink, you told yourself that the burning sensation was just the liquid courage doing its work, gathering the confidence to carry on the conversation. “Is this what you were playing in the studio the other day?” 

In the process of bringing the porcelain cup to his lips, he froze halfway. His Adam's apple bobbed and he licked his lips before setting the cup back down. “I wasn’t playing...” he replied quietly, staring at his hands that were now fumbling in his lap. 

Tension immediately filled the air as you ran out of things to say. “Do you hate me?” you asked bluntly. Judging by the way his eyes shot up immediately and widened, you took it as a sign that he was taken aback by your straightforward and bold query. 

“I—” he stuttered. “I don’t—”

Seeing the way his tongue tangled on his words made you let out an amused chuckle. It was the first time you’d witnessed his cool guy image crack. Gaining newfound confidence at the way he crumbled, you leaned forward and leaned your cheek against your hand, propping up your elbow. 

“Why?” you asked simply. There had to be some kind of reason, right?

“I don’t hate you,” he answered firmly, his cold personality resurfacing once again. “Can we get back to the project now?” 

Narrowing your eyes at his defensive attitude, you opted to go for your second icebreaker. “What were you doing alone in the studio that late?”

Yoongi’s eyes remained stone cold when he spoke. “What were you doing in the studio that late?” he retorted. His smart mouth made you want to wipe the table with his smirking face. 

Deciding to drop the topic, you bit your tongue to told back the flurry of curse words that would definitely explode if you opened your mouth. “What do you want the theme for the piece to be?” Thinking quick on your feet, you remembered that you had an assignment to work on. 

“Do you usually write—” you paused to try and think of a way to say it that wouldn’t offend him. “—mellow tempo songs?” 

“If you’re asking if I only write depressing shit, the answer should be obvious,” he spat out harshly. You swore his mood changed quicker than the water pressure in your dorm shower.

“I just wanted to get to know you as a person. What kind of music you like to listen to, the genres you prefer to write—” you rambled nervously, trying to back up your earlier question. 

Slamming down his cup onto the table, you were couldn’t tell what surprised you more—the fact that the cup didn’t shatter or that he was already ticked off. “How about you stop acting like you’re genuinely interested in getting to know me for the sake of a fucking project and focus on getting this shit done as soon as possible?” he hissed through a locked jaw. 

You couldn’t hold back the nasal huff that came out. “I’m not—”

But before you could defend yourself, Yoongi had already collected all of his things and stood up. Gritting his teeth, you could practically smell the smoke coming off of his head.  

“Practice room 2B at 3:00 tomorrow. Don’t be late.” With the meetup sounding more like a threat than anything, he turned away and strolled out without as much as a second glance. 

For as long as you could remember, you’d always been a fighter. Hardheaded would be another word for it, but you were too stubborn to even admit that. When the teacher finished up summarizing the lecture and thanked the class for their attendance, your heart instantly felt heavier. Each step you took closer to the designated practice room felt like trekking in quicksand. Why did you always seem to suffocate at the thought of Yoongi?  

Occupied by your racing thoughts, you were already at the front of the practice room. Cracking open the door, your eyes instantly landed on Yoongi. He was sitting in front of the piano with an unreadable expression. Sorrow? Pain? Anger? Today, he was wearing a graffiti patterned black hoodie—with the hood slung over his head, of course—and his signature distressed jeans. 

Coughing lightly, your presence broke him out of his trance. Raising his head to you in the same half-ass nod he gave you at your first meeting, you brushed it off, grateful that he even acknowledged you at all. 

Yoongi stood up and pulled out a separate chair, placing it beside the piano so that it was a healthy distance from you and the instrument. Thanking him silently for giving you the leather seat, he took out a few pages of blank sheet paper and placed it on top of his notebook. 

“Do you want to play what you came up with?” he asked dryly, clearly already bored out of his mind. Clearing your throat out of habit, your hands started to fumble with each other as your nerves washed over you yet again. 

“Here’s the thing...” you started, chuckling awkwardly. “I’m really bad at composing structured pieces?” The confession came out in the form of a question rather than a fact due to your high-pitched voice. It took you by surprise when he didn’t interrupt you this time around. 

Assuming you weren’t finished with your statement, Yoongi kept his eyes glued on you with an eyebrow raised. God, you could practically drown yourself in the amount of hypercriticism he emitted. 

“But I’m pretty sub-par at improvising,” you quickly said, hoping you would be able to make it at least two minutes without getting on his bad side today. 

Leaning back into his chair, he set his notebook down and crossed his arms. “Go for it,” he exhaled, gesturing to the piano with a jut of his chin. 

With cold hands, scratchy throat, a racing heart, and nerves that almost made you hiccup, your fingers touched the keys and instantly made you feel at ease. Closing your eyes, you stroked over the smoothly glazed plaques of wood and breathed in deeply, tuning out your surroundings like the flick of a light switch. 

You started off with a soft waltz; simple, light, and sweet. The tune took you back to the days of your first piano lessons with your mother, the gentle melody making the memories of your carefree childhood resurface like swirls of smoke. 

Improvising the second subject, you found yourself playing a much darker and somber chorus than you usually did. As you began pressing into the keys with an urgency you didn’t know you had, your memories became melancholy, bringing you to the times in high school; the long nights when you would walk through the empty field and think about what you wanted in life; the endless days when you felt lost; the feeling of emptiness that still lingered within you to this day. 

“Everything needs to be laid out on the table,” you professor’s words echoed in your head like a broken record. 

Coming to the end of the phrase, your mind wandered to the future, envisioning a life where you would not only be successful and make lots of money, but have a career in your field of passion; one where you could spread your love of music with others and maybe help them find themselves as well. 

Transitioning smoothly into the familiar style you usually stuck with, the lighthearted song filled the room like morning fog. Soon enough, the piece came to an end, and you were left in the quiet space that was the studio. Your fingers still lingered on the keys, the tingling sensation of satisfaction and self-accomplishment lasting for only as short as the piece had gone by. 

Finally pulling away from the keyboard, you turned your head to see Yoongi studying the piano with a half-lidded gaze. Snapping his head out of his trance-like state, he swallowed tentatively and nodded his head. 

“You were right,” he started. “You are pretty sub-par at improv.” 

You took slight offense to his harsh and judgmental tone, but when you the smirk creep up on the corner of his lip, you punched his shoulder jokingly. 

“Ass...” you mumbled, making him let out a ghost of a chuckle as well in response. Raising his hands up in defense, he shrugged his shoulders and made a playful expression. Was it you or did his mood just do a full 180?

Looking down into your lap, you massaged your hands habitually, the remnants of tingling nerves and rushing adrenaline still coursing through your fingertips. Whenever you were around Yoongi, moments between speaking always felt like ominous intervals before the next argument or uneasy pauses filled with dread, but the previous five seconds was a scene you’d pay a million dollars to relive over and over again.

“So, what does the genius Min Yoongi have in mind for the finalized piece?” you wondered out loud, taking his momentary decent mood as an opportunity to spark up a civil conversation for once. Rubbing the back of his neck, he hung his head and stared at the ground awkwardly as his tongue prodded the inside of his cheek. 

“That’s his thinking face…” you noted. For some reason, you had a gut feeling that you’d become well-acquainted with it by the end of the semester. 

“Let’s just start from the beginning,” he replied, speaking more to himself than to you. Reorganizing the sheets of paper on his lap, he twirled his pencil in his hand and began scribbling down a series of notes. After a couple minutes of craning your neck at an uncomfortable angle to see what he was writing down, he placed the page onto the music rest in front of you.

Your jaw nearly unhinged from its socket.

Pointing at the fully marked sheet of paper, you were able to make out the sections of music you heard that night when he was alone in the practice room as well as parts of the improvised piece you had just played a mere few minutes ago.

“How the hell did you do that…” you spoke softly, staring in complete awe. Raising an eyebrow as if you had just asked what color grass was, it took him a few seconds before he comprehended your question.

“Oh. I’m pretty good at memorizing music,” he stated matter-of-factly. “It’s not that big of a deal.”

Tucking your chin down and staring at him with an ‘are you being serious right now’ expression, your jaw was still agape. “Yoongi, you memorized and transcribed a piece that I practically pulled out of my ass and combined it with yours perfectly.”

When you tried to emphasize each word so that he would be able to understand your shell-shocked state, he just shrugged. You even counted the four words you dragged out on your fingers, but he could have cared less.

“Like I said,” he spoke with a pout. “It’s not a big deal.”

“But—" you stuttered.

Cracking his neck to stop you from blubbering any more nonsense, he pointed to the page in front of you. “Do you want to get this project started or what?” Nodding a little too enthusiastically for your own good, the two of you went to work on the piece. 

Days blurred into weeks as you and Yoongi started to warm up to each other. Some days, you’d find yourselves getting overwhelmed by the blurred papers of notes and out-of-tune chords, and the only way you refrained from murdering each other was to take long breaks. Sometimes you’d talk and other times it’d just be five minutes of painful silence. 

“It’s not right,” Yoongi huffed to himself. Running his hands through his hair, he slanted his head and scowled at the piano. 

Freezing your hands and hovering over the keys you’d just played, you felt your mouth go chalky. “Are you– do you mean the chord or– the way I played it?” you squeaked, not entirely used to his unpredictable temper tantrums. 

Waving his hands assuringly, he shook his head. “No, no, no, it’s not you,” he grumbled. “You didn’t do anything wrong, don’t worry.”

Blinking at his suddenly gentle temperament and caring response, you sat still for a few more seconds while he paced around the room with his copy of notes in hand. Gnawing the inside of your cheek, you played from the beginning section of the excerpt, but rather than play the entire measure with the assigned minor chord, you switched a couple bars to their equivalent major key. This, in turn, caused the formerly sullen and melancholic tune to shift into a brighter and happier theme. 

The slight change in scale made Yoongi’s ears perk up like a cat. Walking back over to where you were sat, he gestured with his hands in a circled scooping motion, urging you to repeat whatever you just did. Holding back a snort at his childish reaction, you shook your head and grinned as you replayed the excerpt.

Furrowing his brows in confusion, he looked at his sheets and at the keys you’d changed, moving back and forth between the keyboard and his notes. “Hmph...” he hummed against his throat. “Nice job.” Erasing a few of the notes and copying them down onto his paper, he tapped the sheet with the end of his pencil and waited for you to continue playing. 

Nostrils flaring at the plain and seemingly backhanded compliment, you squinted your eyes and pushed out a forced toothless smile and accepted the recognition nonetheless. 

“Yoongi?” Your voice came out hesitant.

Not looking up from the paper he was doodling on, he let out a faint 'hmph.’ 

“Why don’t you play?” The question came out in a whisper quiet enough not to disturb a sleeping baby. 

Yoongi’s breath hitched in his throat immediately as he clenched his pen. Balling his other hand into a fist, his knuckles turned white at the sheer force, and his jaw muscles tensed with a ripple. Slamming his pen down, the crack of plastic could be heard throughout the room.

“I don’t play.” Although his answer was short and simple, his unnerving tone said otherwise. 

“Bullshit,” you called out instantly. “Everyone in comp plays and you know the theory for it better than anyone.” 

“Anymore,” he added, teeth gritting as his fist crumpled the piece of paper he was writing on. 

“Why?” you asked mindlessly. He wasn’t getting away from you this easily. There had to be a reason. 

“I just don’t, okay?!” he shouted all of a sudden. Shooting up from his seat, he lashed out at you with malice, hostility dripping like a deadly venom that had no antidote. 

Collecting his things, he stomped out of the room and made sure to slam the door on his way out, leaving you alone in the room you had gotten too used to being by yourself in. Tears began to prickle your eyes but you swallowed them down along with the growing lump in your throat. You didn’t have a single reason to cry, let alone for him, so why did it seem like your emotions were betraying you?

Hiding in the alley next to the music building, Yoongi leaned against the cold brick wall for support. Breathing heavily, his throat was as dry as sandpaper and his tongue felt like it was superglued to the roof of his mouth, while his shaky hand was pressing on his chest, willing himself to calm down. 

His pulse was racing faster than the engine of a sports car and it felt like his heart was pounding so hard against his ribcage that it was about to shatter. Each time he inhaled deeply, it was as if he didn’t have room to exhale and his lungs felt like they were balloons one single puff from bursting. 

Shutting his eyes tightly, he counted backward from ten. The aching lump in his throat made its way up to his eyes as the budding tears made his eyes glassy. 

“It’s not working,” he pointed out to himself. “Why isn’t it fucking working?”

The hands that were always buried inside his hoodie, still and unmoving were now shaking violently like drops of water on a burning hot and oiled pan. A gut-churning feeling began bubbling in his stomach as the visceral reaction at your statement triggered him into a full-blown panic attack. 

“Just fucking breathe,” he panted, struggling to not choke between gulps of air. 

Everything around him started to feel heavy as his limbs nearly collapsed under him like a row of dominoes. Bending down into a crouching position, he supported himself against the wall and tucked his head into his knees. 

“It’s okay,” he told himself. “You’re okay.”

Squeezing his hands with a painful and near numbing amount of pressure, Yoongi took a few more deep breaths until his tears dried into stains on his cheeks. 

Never again...

Slamming your fingers onto the chord, annoyance began to take over like a plague. This was the 44th time Yoongi had made you play the last segment of the piece. Forty. Fourth. He hadn’t asked you to, no, no no—he quote on quote “agitatedly requested” it. 

“Yoongi,” you sighed deeply, pinching the bridge of your nose as your elbows slammed onto the keys, producing a sickeningly unpleasant and revolting sound. For some reason, it actually made you feel relieved to hear a different sound that wasn’t the same set of chords that you’d been repeating or Yoongi’s incessant badgering. 

“We’ve been trying to fix this for two hours straight and I’m sure nothing’s in need of fixing,” you reasoned. “Can we please just take a two-minute break?” Wincing unconsciously, your face contorted into a pained expression as you massaged your burning fingers and aching forearms. 

There were three sections of the piece. Yoongi decided to construct the format based off of what a sonata would be; the exposition, development, and recapitulation. It was also fancy talk for a lively beginning, depressing middle, and a combined ending of the two. 

If playing the 6-minute piece wasn’t torture enough, it was your genius idea to incorporate a thrilling finishing coda, which was basically a shitstorm of flying hands with steroid-filled trills, arpeggios, and staccatos. Therefore, it was safe to say that the last section of the entire piece was the most intense. 

Although the test of stamina and muscle memory was also at play, Yoongi’s tastes in voicing certain keys and your style of playing couldn’t have been more different. You soon learned that his pieces required varieties of slow, soft and drawled out notes as well as hard and borderline violent slams of keys without any pedals. You also discovered that depending on the day, he was open to letting you have more creative freedom in playing with the tones and tempos, but today was not one of those days. 

“Fine,” he grumbled, his voice making it evident that he hated nothing more than being hindered in his work process because of someone else’s problems.

Sighing in thanks, you spread your fingers apart into an outstretched position and accidentally cracked a few joints, hissing unexpectedly at the shooting pain that resulted from the action. Knitting his eyebrows into a quizzical frown, Yoongi sat down next to you without warning, startling you to scoot aside.

“Give me your hands,” he said. Guarding your hands close to your chest, you shot him a questioning stare before he rolled his eyes and grasped your wrist gently. 

Letting out a pained yelp, you thought you saw his jaw clench in anger, but the facial tick disappeared as soon as it had appeared. Without saying anything, he began massaging your hands, relaxing your tense muscles. 

Contorting your face at the soothing yet painful acupressure, you struggled to speak through the pain. “You don’t have to—” 

“Shut up.” His eyes remained on your hands, examining them while kneading them as if they were finely carved marble sculptures. Whenever you tried to pull your hands away, he tsked at you and kneaded extra firmly into a particularly sore spot. 

After a couple moments of silence, Yoongi was the first to speak. “Does Powell know?” You tilted your head, confused at his question. 

Sighing, he paused his calming rubbing and lifted your hand up and held it still. Your eyes widened. It was impossible. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you laughed dryly, playing it off as a misunderstanding. 

There was no way he knew. 

“_____—” he spoke softly but you were the one to cut him off this time. Snatching your hand away from him a little too harshly, you turned back to the pages laid in front of you. 

“Let’s get back to the piece,” you warned. Your sudden frigid tone made Yoongi swallow uneasily. It was the first time you had spoken to him in that kind of manner and even he was taken aback. He didn’t want to make you feel any more exhausted than you already were so he dropped it.  

There was absolutely no way that he knew anything.

The red lights of your alarm clock flashed 10:57 p.m. Safe in the comfort of your cruddy single-student dorm room, you were in the process of brushing your teeth and getting ready for bed. 

Dancing and hopping around like a maniac to a random indie playlist, your hall mates were away for the week-long school break. You felt it’d be best if you stayed and indulged in the empty campus. It was only a week anyway and the next long break wasn’t until after finals. As a result, the entire block of your dorm was empty and unoccupied, and you were a very happy camper.  

With hair was still damp from your shower and wrapped up into a bun, you knew without a shadow of a doubt that it would be a dented mess by tomorrow. You almost swallowed the bubbles of toothpaste when you jumped along with the chorus of the song and the simultaneous buzz and ping of a notification sounded from your bed. 

Tilting your head to one side, you contemplated who in the world would be texting you this late at night. Skipping in-beat with the music to your phone, your energetically bouncing shoulders slumped instantly when you read the text. 

Min Salty: practice room 1A. i’m dying. [11:01]

You have got to be kidding. It was 11 o’clock on a Friday night and this lunatic was texting you to come and work on the piece? Wasn’t he away for break like everyone else? In the midst of typing out an excuse that you were sick, his name popped up on the screen in the form of a phone call.

Swiping the accept icon reluctantly, you managed to breathe into the microphone before his voice boomed through the speaker. 

“Don’t try and bullshit anything, it’ll be quick,” he said bluntly. Did he plant a camera in your room or was he a psychic? “And bring an umbrella.” 

With those two bored and uninterested sentences out of his mouth, he hung up on you with the bleep of the dial tone.

“Dick,” you swore. “Fucking dick.” If there was one thing that was certain, it was that your vocabulary had taken on an entirely new spectrum of colors since meeting Yoongi. Contemplating between nestling into the comfort of your warm bed and leaving him hanging, your inner empath wailed at the mere thought of it. It was raining cats and dogs and Yoongi was at the studio? Alone? Did he really not have anything else to do? Was he actually dying?

You groaned internally gave into the guilt that threatened to eat you alive. Throwing on a jacket over your jumper, you reconsidered whether you should put on a bra beforehand, but opted not to. Not only were you freshly showered and too lazy to take off and put on your clothes again, but Yoongi mentioned that it would be quick. Then again, he also said he’d work on the piece with you but we all know how long that ball took to get rolling.  It’s not like he took an interest in you bare-faced or well-dressed anyway.

Forgetting that you broke the only umbrella you had last semester, you slung your hood over your face and crossed your arms around your body tightly. It had to be the one damned day it rained in February. 

It took you two minutes to sprint from the dorms to the music building and you slipped twice on the wet concrete. You would’ve doubled over, too it if hadn’t been for the rusty lampposts, but regardless, you managed to make it to the building in one piece. 

A dull, aching pain spread across the joints of your hands from being exposed to the howling wind and freezing cold drops of rain. Clenching your teeth in a pained grimace, you tucked your hands underneath your armpits in the hopes of keeping them covered until you went inside the studio. You really should’ve asked for mittens for Christmas. 

Regret hit you when you realized that not wearing a thick coat might have been a mistake. Peeling the sopping wet jacket from your body, you wrung it out and shook it off, relieved that your sweater underneath was dry for the most part. It probably helped that you had a shirt on underneath, but it didn’t stop you from shivering when you walked into the practice room. 

Yoongi was splayed across the couch inside. A couple of the practice rooms were large enough to hold a full-size piano as well as a couch for guests, and you wondered if they were that necessary or the school president was just that spendthrift.   

Despite the freezing cold weather, he was still as fashionable as ever. Donning a thin white sweater and frayed black jeans, you scanned around the room to check if he had brought a jacket or coat or some sort. Your suspicions were confirmed when you spotted a bundle of black fabric too large to be a blanket but too small to be a single hoodie. Maybe it was oversized? 

“You’re getting the carpet wet,” he mumbled, the throw of the couch wrapped around his body like a swaddle for a baby. His expression was colder than the air that nipped at your bare skin, but there was warmth there. Something you couldn’t grasp. Something flickering. 

“I didn’t have an umbrella,” you quipped dryly. Tossing you a towel from thin air, you caught it before it managed to smack your face. Of course he’d aim it perfectly. Maybe he should’ve been a baseball pitcher. You gave him an odd look before trying to pat yourself dry, a fruitless endeavor really seeing as how drenched you were. “What do you want?” 

Sitting up straight, he gestured to the unopened piano. “I wanted to hear you play.” 

Slumping your neck forward and raising your brows, a scoff of amazement left your mouth. “Are you joking?” 

He shook his head. “I was in my dorms alone and I was bored, so I figured why not pull your strings a little and have some fun while we’re at it.” 

Your face froze in an expression of utter astonishment and disbelief. “That’s why you called me out in the middle of the night in the pouring rain? To play for you?” A puff of air made its way past your lips. 

“And to work on a few details,” he tried to justify.

“This couldn’t have waited until, I don’t know—tomorrow?!” you shouted. 

Raising the corner of his lip, he smirked. “I just wanted to talk,” he shrugged, feigning innocence. You wrapped the now-damp towel over your shoulders like a shawl. Seething with agitation, you sat down in front of the piano and took a long, deep breath. 

“What would you like to talk about, Yoongi?” Speaking like an adult trying to control their temper while scolding to a child, the only reason you were sitting here was due to the fact that you refused to be near proximity of him. Also your dripping clothes were getting heavier by the minute. The cold wasn’t doing anything for your shivering stature, either. 

“About you,” he answered, leaning back into the sofa. 

Rolling your eyes, you sat with your hands tucked in between your thighs. They felt like blocks of ice. “If that’s all you called me out here for then I’d be happy to get back to you tomorrow over lunch.” 

“Why haven’t you told Powell yet?” he asked frankly with an inquisitive stare.

Your teeth ground like gears in your mouth. “What’s there to tell him about?” you countered, trying to maintain collected.

Yoongi’s gaze darkened as he leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees, lacing his fingers together in an intimidating manner. “You know what I’m talking about.” 

“I don’t, frankly, and neither do you,” you corrected him with a stern voice. 

“You really don’t think I know?” he scoffed, narrowing his eyes like freshly sharpened daggers. Standing up, he took slow and deliberate steps to where you were sat and cocked his head sideways as he scoffed. Was he being serious right now?

“I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about,” you repeated robotically, growing increasingly irked at him boring into you like this. Shaking your head in the realization that you didn’t have to deal with this bullshit, you picked up your jacket and stood up to leave. Maybe you’d be in the mood to deal with his antics tomorrow, but today, you were a ticking timebomb. 

Spotting the fire he had set ablaze from a mile away, he spun you around by your shoulder and lifted your hand up so that it was the only wall separating both of your faces. 

“You really don’t think I know?” he whispered through a clenched jaw. 

Tensing your eyes into a glare, your nostrils practically blew off jets of steam as you yanked it down to your side. “Fuck off,” you mumbled. Stomping back to the door, the click of the knob was the thing that completely set Yoongi off. 

“What’s going to happen to prodigy _____ when her professor finds out that she has RA?” he sighed, clicking his tongue pitifully between his teeth. 

He knows. 

With fists balled painfully tight, you felt your body temperature rising by the second. “Shut up,” you muttered under your breath, restraining yourself through tightly clenched teeth. If you bit down any harder, you were sure to hear the crunch of your enamel as if they were a mouthful of potato chips.

“Rheumatoid arthritis at 22,” he enunciated, articulating the medical term around his tongue as to poke fun at a sleeping bear. “What a shame...”

“Oh yeah?” you scoffed, reclaiming your position directly in front of him as you were now drunk with rage, delirium taking over all the common sense you had left. “What about you? Composition major Min Yoongi who doesn’t even play the fucking piano anymore and stays locked up in his studio like the banished Hunchback of Notre Dame? God knows why, huh?” 

Running his tongue over his teeth, his smirk now resembled a snarl of frenzy and hysteria. “You want to talk about me?” Pulling down his sleeves angrily and lifting up his arms, you could barely make out the scattered patches of raised skin on the tops of his hands. The lines you assumed to be veins were too light in color and instead textured in the form of scratches, trailing all the way down to his forearms, finishing at his elbows. Looking closely, you could see clearly that they weren’t veins or patches of tanned skin at all—they were scars. 

“Picture this: college Yoongi walking to the bus stop after finishing his 8-hour shift. Little did the gullible bastard know that some sugar daddy decided to take a little joyride in the dead of night with two bottles of whiskey in his system.” His deadly bitter tone made goosebumps prickle across your skin. 

“Flash forward to half-an-hour later when his professor, of all people, found him knocked out cold in the middle of the street. When Yoongi got admitted into the ER, you know what the doctors said?” he chuckled drunkenly, hands that were balled in fists a mere three seconds ago now hung loosely by his sides.

Huffing briefly, his voice choked as it shifted to one filled with anguish. “We’re terribly sorry, but when he landed after being struck by the collision, his arms absorbed the initial impact and his radial nerve suffered extensive damage. Post-recovery, he may no longer be able to coordinate certain muscles in his hands and fingers.” 

It was as if he’d memorized and repeated the post-op summary to himself far long after the accident occurred and it was engraved into his mind like a curse; one he would have to live with for the rest of his life. 

You could only stare at his face with a parted mouth, unable to move a single inch.

“It’s actually hilarious if you think about it,” he snorted. “Two of the school’s prodigies dealing with secrets that are big enough to eat away at you like a disease. But it’s not like my life was as nice as yours before I got here, isn’t that right, princess?”

Furrowing your brows as your face morphed into one of pure confusion, you were taken aback at the sudden assumption. “What?” 

“Come on,” he grinned malignantly. “Full scholarship, easy money, probably equally supportive and gushy parents, Goody Two Shoes in all of her classes—sounds like a textbook prude in my book.” 

“My life—” you choked through a bitter laugh. “I don’t– I am not—” Bile rose in your throat as Yoongi began barking insults at you like an assailant. Sympathy quickly evolved into apathy at the change in direction of the conversation. What point was he trying to make? 

Throwing his head back, he burst into a forced fit of wry laughter. “Everything in your life must be fucking perfect, princess.” 

“Don’t call me that...” you said through clenched teeth, closing your eyes so you wouldn’t have to see the malicious grin that was coating his face. You were trying so hard to feel bad for him after what he’d just told you, but his abusive indignities made it all the more difficult. 

Craning his head to one side, Yoongi stared at you with a raised brow, his pearly white teeth peeking through the cocky grin you wanted to slap off more than anything. “My bad, did I press a button?” 

“Shut up.” You repeated the response like a mantra in your head, praying that if you said it enough times, it’d come true. 

“It’s all beaming white diamonds and unicorns hopping over rainbows for Princess _____, isn’t it?” he seethed, laughter painfully sarcastic. 

What the hell was he on?  

“I have worked my ass off for everything in my life up until this point you unbelievably cocky, arrogant, narcissistic prick!” you exploded, words unfurling angrily like the tail of a seething dragon. “If you think I was handed the opportunities that I’ve been given on a silver platter, then you could not be more wrong.” 

“And now it’s just a couple doctors appointments and a written diagnosis away from being taken away from you, isn’t that right, princess?” he butted in with a satisfied grin. 

“Shut the fuck up,” you said louder this time. Blood rushed to your cheeks as you started to feel your nails dig into your palms, almost drawing blood. With white knuckles and a frantically pounding heartbeat, you were two breaths away from throwing a right hook at Yoongi’s pretentious face.

“What the hell is your problem, Yoongi? Is that why you called me here? To chew me out? Annoy me? Berate me? Or does your inner sadist just want to watch me burn because of how bitter you are from the past?” Your voice was an octave away from shouting but his stone-cold expression gave no leeway as to what his intentions were. “Fine. Fine. Just ignore me like you always do because hell if I know what I did wrong!”

The muscles of his jaw tensed again as he parted his lips to speak. “You must be so happy with what you have, princess...” His voice grew timid and hushed at these words but his message was as evident as ever. 

“Stop calling me that.” Each word came out through pursed lips and clamped teeth. Leaning into you so that he was directly in your line of vision, his lip curled into a smirk and his eyes flaunted a veil of malicious intent.

“Make me,” he snarled. Never in your life had two words made you more furious than at that exact moment.  

“Fuck you, Yoongi,” you spat out, face just centimeters away from his. “I’m sorry for what happened to you, I really am, okay? But you don’t know a single goddamn thing about me, so stop acting like you’re the only one who’s been hurt in the past.”

Moving closer to you in response, you felt his hot breath fan over your lips, making you lean back instinctively.

“I’m not hurt,” he pointed out with venom dripping from his voice. Leaning towards the shell of your ear, his exhaling breath tickled your neck.

“I’m broken, _____...” Yoongi growled your name like a wild animal; vehement, primal, starved and circling his prey. Licking his lips, he edged closer to you with each breath until your back was pressed into the wall. Shoving his chest harshly, his hands came up to slam against the wall behind you, caging you in; you were right where he wanted you.  

“Move,” you demanded. Pushing him away again, you were stopped when he grabbed you by the wrist and brought you closer to him, your bodies now pressed dangerously close to each other.

Not having the time to curse at him, your thoughts were halted halfway when he wrapped his free arm around your waist and held you even tighter than before. You didn’t think there was any space left to move any closer to each other, but you couldn’t have been more wrong. 

Glaring at him with nothing but hatred and blind rage, you noticed that his pupils were completely blown with lust. The once brown eyes were now obsidian black as you felt them stare through you like a crystal clear lens.  

Whether it was a whirlwind of poor judgment, lack of rational decision-making skills, loss of sanity or a deadly concoction of all three, it didn’t matter because in the blink of an eye, Yoongi’s mouth collided against yours in a frenzied kiss. 

Locking his lips onto yours, you couldn’t hold back the audible gasp that escaped. He gripped both of your wrists and pinned them back against the wall and used your moment of surprise to begin exploring your mouth with his tongue.

Caught in the heat of the moment and enraged with sexual tension, you found yourself doing the one thing you swore you’d never do in a million years—you were kissing him back. In a battle of colliding teeth and tangled tongues, your body suddenly rushed with lustful desire you had never felt before.

He gripped your wrists tighter when you tried pulling them down, seeing it as an attempt at asserting control; the thing both of you craved above everything else. He could tell that you were holding back and took it in his best interest to coax you by tugging on your lower lip with his teeth, knowing damn well that they were raw from your habit of biting on them. 

Whimpering unconsciously, you felt him smirk against your lips. Another breathless gasp escaped when you hoisted you up by your thighs and carried you to the couch. Your hands were finally free from his grasp, allowing you to tangle your fists into his hair while you locked lips again and tug—hard.

Determined to put up a fight, he let out a gravelly groan against your lips, refusing to submit to your attacks. This time, it was you that grinned. When he pulled away from you for a second to take off his shirt, you found yourself gawking at his body. Yoongi wasn’t on the bodybuilder side of the muscular spectrum, but he was built; the perfect combination of his lean figure and perfectly proportioned muscles almost made you drool. 

Swallowing your bubbling excitement, you reached down to the hem of your shirt to mirror his actions but he stopped you. Tearing them away from your shirt, he resumed kissed you hungrily, taking the time to pay attention to your now-red and throbbing lips. 

You leaned back and went back to raking your hands through his hair as he started placing wet open-mouthed kisses on your neck, sucking bright burgundy bruises into your skin before trailing down to your throat. With his elbows bracing his body weight, Yoongi rubbed his growing arousal over your center, rolling his tongue across his lip when he felt your heat even through the thick fabric of his jeans.  

Nibbling on the junction between your collarbone and pulse point, you inhaled sharply when his teeth grated cruelly against the delicate surface. If anything, the pain made you shiver with pleasure and the sudden sensation caused the heat between your legs to throb with anticipation. 

Soon enough, his hands had made their way down to your jeans and were swiftly undoing the buttons and zipper. He grumbled in dissatisfaction when he had to pull away from your lips to try and find the metal clasp, making you giggle in amusement at his concentrated pouty face. The abruptly forceful tug that came from him pulling your pants down your thighs made you scoot down the couch, causing another breathy chuckle to emit from your chest. 

With two more pulls, your jeans were tossed haphazardly across the room and strewn lazily on the chair along with Yoongi’s shirt. Reaching for you again, he laced his fingers through yours and brought his face close, breath fanning against your lips teasingly. 

“I need you to beg, _____.” You couldn’t filter out how he said your name with an alluringly throaty voice. For what, to take your shirt off? With the same piercing gaze, you couldn’t do anything except breathe heavily. Moving back down to your legs, he repeated the same process of biting and sucking deep purple marks into your thighs, leaving a pattern of blossoming bruises to admire later. 

His painstakingly slow but calculated steps made your body writhe in frustration. Your temperature was beginning to rise, making the loose sweater you were wearing stick to your body. It felt like you were sweating bullets. Looking down at Yoongi, you almost jumped when you saw that his eyes were already locked on yours with a shit-eating grin. Studying your tense face with his dark eyes, he continued leaving marks along your thighs and hipbones. 

The cheeky fucker was teasing you. 

“Fuck, Yoongi,” you swore, pressing your hand against your forehead and shutting your eyes in annoyance. “You win, just fucking do something—anything, God.”

Not wasting another second, he ripped your underwear off and balled it in his fist before tossing it into the pile across the room. Before the cold air got a chance to hit your skin, he delved facefirst into your dripping core, lapping at your pussy as if it was his last meal. You try to contain your moans by cupping one hand over your mouth and using the other to grip the cushion for support, but he guides the one holding back your pleasurable sounds to his hair, clenching it tightly in a silent plea for you to grip harder. 

Switching between delicate, broad licks across your entire slit and teasing strokes with the flat-edge of his tongue, you almost screamed when he sucked harshly on your clit, causing you to jolt. 

“Fuck—my shirt, Yoongi,” you beg, desperate to pry the clinging fabric off of your sweaty body. It felt like you were being suffocated and you couldn’t tell whether you were lightheaded from the stuffiness of the room or Yoongi’s unforgiving tongue. 

“Busy,” he replied, voice coming out muffled because he refused to pull away from your cunt. Hurrying to strip down, you were grateful you decided to forgo a bra earlier. 

Your topless state forced Yoongi to direct his attention back up to your body. Licking his lips ardently, you felt yourself gush at the view; your wetness coated his lips and cheeks and glistened down his chin in a sight that was so wrong but felt so right. Diving back into your throbbing core, you felt your body hum with pleasure, the buzz of your orgasm nearing at just an arm’s length away. 

Yoongi sensed this by the way you were grinding into his face to gain more friction. Locking his hands around your thighs, he lapped mercilessly at your swollen lips. All rational thoughts flew out the window when he finally slid two of his long fingers into your tight heat and accompanied the deep pumps with torturous sucks. Within moments, your body exploded into a euphoric release of moans and pants as you rolled yourself against his mouth. 

When he pulled away on the verge of overstimulation, your hands were still tangled in his blonde tresses. Rather than continue pulling at his roots, however, your fingertips stroked the length of his hair softly, rewarding him for bringing you to your release. Wiping his face with his fingers, your eyes widened when he popped them into his mouth and sucked off what remained—all while keeping his eyes glued on you. 

Moving back up to kiss you, you moaned into him when you tasted yourself all over his mouth. Swirling his tongue around yours, Yoongi was deliberate in making sure that you’d taste your release off of him, determined to let you know that he was the only one who would ever be able to make you feel this good.  

“I need you, _____,” he murmured into your ear. “Please...” Yoongi spoke breathlessly, the lines of control and carnal need smudging together in a blur of lust and yearning as he tried to control himself.  

Still breathing heavily under his caged hold, your heart was still hammering against your chest at a million miles a minute. “Pill,” you replied in a rushed tone, an urgency of longing and eagerness engulf you. 

Fumbling with his jeans, Yoongi swore at the metal-ringed belt he decided to wear today. Your shoulders shook slightly as you tried to hold back a giggle. Who knew that the big bad wolf was also the biggest dork in the bedroom? He finally freed himself from his jeans, pulling them along with his boxers down his thighs and causing his muscles to flex with the slightest movement he made. 

You found yourself licking your lips at his fully exposed state; the dim lights made his svelte body all the more defined, accentuating the V-line of his abdomen that led to his immaculate member. You weren’t one to go down on your partners for your own pleasure, but something about Yoongi made you want to consume him. Just as you were about to sit up, he read your mind like an open book. 

Hovering over you, his lips connected with yours again and pressed you back into the sofa. “Next time,” he assured. “I need you now.” The utter desperation laced in his voice made you whimper against his mouth. 

Reaching down stealthily, you gripped him gently and began pumping his hard length with slow, teasing strokes, grinning in satisfaction when he fluttered his eyes shut and moaned at the contact. Spreading the dripping bead of precum over his sensitive slit with your thumb, it took everything you had not to take advantage of his submissive state and blow him. God, you wanted him in your mouth so badly... 

Cupping your face with his hands with haste, he kissed you sloppily before guiding his cock into your entrance. Rubbing over your slit with the newly formed bead of arousal that coated his tip, Yoongi’s sense of need grew dangerously desperate; he hadn’t even started and already he didn’t want it to end. Unable to cage your own temptation any longer, you grabbed him by his hips and urged him forward, making him enter you in one swift thrust. 

The sudden linking of your two bodies made both of you groan in unison. He was bigger than you thought. The delicious sensation of feeling full and one with Yoongi was already a lot for you to handle—how would you feel once he actually started moving? Reading your expression, he looked at you with an expression you couldn’t read before kissing you again. You needed him to move so fucking bad. Voicing your thoughts physically, you lifted your hips up in the hopes that he would get the message. 

After a moment of resistance, he couldn’t contain himself. Pulling out all the way, he bottomed out completely, repeating the action as he began moving against your body with even-timed thrusts. You threw your head back in pleasure at the senses that were being stimulated; the feel of him inside you, the smell of his shampoo and light cologne, the plushness of his lips, the rough texture of his hair, the sounds of your combined moans, and the undeniable feeling of finally being connected. 

Every few seconds, he gave you a particularly harsh thrust, making you cup a hand over your mouth to mute your sobs of intense pleasure, but of course, Yoongi absolutely despised it. How dare you silence your melodic moans that he was hellbent on making you produce? Tearing your hand away from your mouth, he laced his fingers through yours and held your throat securely with his other hand, not applying any pressure just yet.  

“I need to hear your moans, _____,”  he panted heavily, an idle grin grazing over his face as he began pounding into you harder, only choosing to tighten his grip around your throat when your mouth parted in a gasp.

There was your name again. And that word: need. Not want, but need. 

Gasping at his stark change of pace, your head lifted off of the cushion, making his hands tense around your throat. “Fuck, Yoongi,” you sputtered out, determined to hold back your moans for as long as you could. 

Seeing this, Yoongi’s jaw clenched. Pulling his fingers off of your throat and away from your hands, he cupped your breasts with his large hands and kept his grip firm, refusing to do anything more than that. Two could play at that game. 

“Please, _____,” he pleaded, pausing his thrusts and changing to grind painfully slow into you while pinching your nipples between his fingers. Biting down on his lip hard enough to break the skin, it was evident that it was pure torture for him and that your pride would be the death of both of you.

Lacing your fingers through his disheveled hair gently, you kissed him deeply, wordlessly telling him that you needed him just as badly—if not, more—than he needed you. 

It didn’t take Yoongi more than a second to pick up his relentless thrusts again, pounding into you like there was no tomorrow. You could already tell you weren’t going to be able to walk anytime soon. As you grew tighter around him with each thrust, the two of you became a panting mess of animalistic moans. 

Your hands were either clawing red stripes down his bare back or tugging at his hair, while his hands switched off between massaging your breasts and playing with your nipples to holding you by your hips to drill into you harder. When you tugged him down by his hair to your lips, you left a trail of blooming marks along his throat, mirroring the exact same ones he made sure to leave on you. Finalizing your masterpiece by licking a stripe up the side of his pulse point, he grunted into the crook of your neck, snapping his hips instinctually at the fervent sensation. 

Clamping his teeth down on your neck, your core clenched around him immediately, digging crescents into his biceps with your nails to grip onto whatever sanity you had left. Releasing your breast and replacing it with his warm mouth, his hand moved down to rub quick circles on your clit, making you scream with pleasure. Thank God for soundproof walls. 

“Yoongi—” you sputtered, no longer able to form coherent words. 

Switching to the other breast, he sucked at the neglected nipple and swirled his tongue around the bud tantalizingly, begging you to cum.

“Cum for me, _____,” he ordered. And with a single word, you gasped sharply as you erupted into a surge of pure bliss. Sheer ecstasy overtook your senses like a high you couldn’t get enough of. The satisfying heat of your release spread from your lower abdomen to your panting chest, rising up to form the post-orgasm glow on your face that had Yoongi under your spell. 

“_____,” he moaned deeply. His eyes were screwed shut in utter bliss as his thrusts became uneven and urgent, signaling his release. The fact that you were still clenching around him made him let out muffled whimpers into your neck and the vibrations of his throaty gasps made you hum in delight. 

“Cum for me, Yoongi,” you edged, repeating the words that he spoke mere moments ago while holding him close. On the brink of overstimulation, he bared his mouth in a silent hiss and snapped his hips into you roughly before letting out a guttural groan, burying himself hilt deep. His cock throbbed against your cunt as he came deep inside of you, releasing strings of warmth that coated your walls completely. While still buried inside your heat, he rolled his hips against yours, wanting nothing more than to push his release deep into you so that you knew you were his.  

Your insides clenched tightly when his cum dripped out. Pressing a final kiss to your raw lips, his member twitched a few more times before he pulled out slowly, making sure that as much of his seed remained inside of you as possible. Feeling it flow down your ass, you weren’t able to hold back the moan that came when you felt Yoongi collect it with his fingers and push it back inside of you. Your sensitive state caused you to arch your back and prop yourself up on your elbows and watch as he started pumping his fingers. 

“Yoongi—” you hummed, rolling your head back as he concentrated on cleaning up your dripping center. Scissoring your combined releases in between his two fingers, he pulled them out slowly, making a string of wetness trail from his fingertips to your cunt. Popping them into his mouth, your jaw dropped as he sucked off the mixture from his fingers deliciously, smirking at your reaction. Right when you were about to comment on his actions, he buried his fingers knuckle-deep back inside you and curled them sinfully, making your breath hitch in your throat. 

This time when he pulled out, you grabbed his wrist and guided his sticky fingers into your mouth, swirling your tongue around the unholy essence and humming at the oddly satisfying taste. Yoongi’s eyes remained fixed on you as his tongue darted out to lick off the remaining wetness from his lower lip, desperately wanting to taste whatever remained of your combined highs as possible. 

His lips pressed firmly onto yours the moment after your tongue traced a circle around your lips, the earlier battle of clashing teeth and tongues now soft and nurturing; a complete change of mood from earlier. 

“You’re so fucking perfect,” he chuckled with lips still connected to yours. Smiling against his mouth, you stroked his cheek softly, scooting over as he made room for himself beside you. Reaching over the edge of the couch, Yoongi grabbed the large throw blanket and draped it over your bodies and snuggled into you like a pillow. He wrapped his arms around your body and nuzzled his nose into you while he began placing soft kisses along the valley of your breasts. 

Cradling his head tenderly, you ran your fingers through Yoongi’s tousled hair and felt his breaths become calm and even, the soothing action lulling him into a deep slumber. Slowly but surely, you too felt your eyelids droop as the weight of sleep consumed you.

The morning after trope was always a fun story to tell. A gigantic yawn spilled from your mouth as you stretched out your arms like old tree limbs. When your fingertips brushed the cold surface of a wooden headboard, your eyes flew wide open and you sat up like a shot fired from a cannon. Blood rushed to your head immediately as rays of sunlight blinded you, making you scrunch your entire face and smack your hand against your temple. 

Your mouth felt dry as a chalky taste coated your tongue, becoming more apparent now that you were fully awake. What time was it? What happened last night? When did you buy black pajamas? Why was it so goddamn sunny? 

Groaning, you cocked your head side to side to stretch your cramped neck, probably from sleeping in a position that had you ready to be shipped to Costa Rica. Feeling around the small twin-sized bed, a large puffy white linen blanket covered your body and you looked around to see that you were in one of the dorm rooms. 

Minimally decorated and tidy, the only thing that seemed to distinguish the room from an IKEA display was the disarray of papers scattered across the desk and the uncovered digital piano that was set up next to it.  

A rustling beside you made you jolt in surprise and clutch the blanket over your body tightly. With eyes the opened to the size of flying saucers, you stretched your neck over the bundled lump of the blanket and could only make out the fuzzy cap of blonde hair. As if your timing couldn’t get any better, a hand suddenly reached from under the crumpled fabric and grabbed you by the wrist, dragging you back down into the warm sheets. Landing on the mattress with a soft thump, your eyes came face-to-face with none other than the sleeping giant himself. 

You got into an argument yesterday. 

With Min Yoongi.

You had sex last night. In the practice room. 

With Min Yoongi. 

And you were now wide awake and sharing a bed. 

With Min Yoongi. 

As if life couldn’t get any better, the slight rustle of sheets beside you slapped you back into reality. 

This time, you had nowhere to escape. 

you know where to find part 2 ;)

[hxseok-honee]

Tag, You’re It Clues List!

hello hello~ here are the clues for suspecting Hoseok up to this point! some of these are really minor / hard to catch, i tried to make them difficult bc i was worried it’d be too obvious if i didnt tbh

Part 1 - the boys regard jimin’s ‘dream friend’ either as a joke [jungkook] or with mild concern/ confusion [namjoon and jin], but hoseok says “that sounds like a really nice time” about jimin’s dreams

Part 2 - “im sure the police did everything they could…” , “i don’t think that’s it,,,” , “let’s not”, “the buddy system doesn’t always work though” : all of these are hoseok trying to change the subject because he knows the details firsthand and also feels defensive about being to blame for yoongi getting kidnapped

Part 2 - hoseok’s text to jimin on the lock screen : talking about the case has always made yoongi anxious which affects jimin’s health, and hoseok recognizes the signs of yoongi’s emotions

Part 3 - “that’s kinda weird, isn’t it” → “hope he’s okay” : both are genuine concern about yoongi’s anxiety

Part 3 - hoseok’s excuse about the school project : he’s concerned that by jimin seeing hoseok, yoongi might get more anxious and it will make jimin sick. He’s not willing to risk affecting jimin’s body anymore that day

Part 4 - hoseok’s rejection of tae’s idea to start a search party - he knows yoongi is dead and it would be useless

Part 5 - asking jimin more than once about the details of the conversation he had with Unknown : trying to test how much he remembers when he blacks out

Part 6 - after yoongi calls hoseok in an angry fit, he disappears without explaining what he’s going to do. When jimin freaks out the next morning about his nightmare, hoseok is trying to piece together what actually happened and how much jimin remembers

Part 7 - playing the peacekeeper

Part 8 - pointing out jungkook’s idea of torture  to make him suspicious

Part 9 - bringing up the news to move the conversation in a different direction - he doesnt actually care at all about the recent stabbings

Part 9 - brings up his school project to cover up for any slip-ups he makes later

Part 10 - doesnt want jimin to walk back to the park because he doesnt want to risk jimin, and therefore yoongi, getting arrested and locked away

Part 11 - trying to scare jimin and weaken his mind by convincing him that he killed the man in the park 

Part 11 - “am i doing a good enough job, hyung?” : he’s asking if hes hurting jimin’s credibility with the boys well enough

Part 11 - yoongi telling him hes being too nice : hoseok has tried to be a peacekeeper until that point

Part 12.1 - honestly everything hoseok says in this part is from firsthand experience, and then he gets defensive and mean, which is what yoongi asked him to do

Part 12.2 - “it was his buddy’s fault for letting him wander off?? Are we blaming that kid?” : hoseok is getting defensive about himself 

Part 12.2 - “it wouldnt have been yoongi’s fault either. It’s never the victim’s fault” : he recognizes yoongi trying to take the blame off of hoseok and put it on himself

Part 14 - just making jungkook and taehyung look bad as usual, but honestly they do that well enough on their own

Part 14 - “this couldnt have come at a worse time” : hoseok doesnt want the government to reopen the case when yoongi is this unstable 

Part 15 - “this honestly doesnt even feel like it’s a b o u t jimin” : hoseok recognizes yoongi confusing the situations and is getting worried about him

Parts 17 and 18.1/18.2 - he’s honestly just trying to match the energy and seem the right amount of concerned, except he actually becomes alarmed once jungkook and tae take things too far

Apart from the hints in the parts themselves, one minor hint is that when i started doing the questions of the week, i put them all in pairs for the polls - by the time the namjin one came out, the only members left to pair up were Hoseok and Jimin, aka Unknown and Jimin

There’s one more hint that will get explained later in the au! You’ll know it when you see it :)

[mayacatmaster]

"We love the conversation about sexuality, because it is the subject where most people have had the experience of pure alignment.

In other words, it's the closest thing, because it's a time that is often void of thought. It's a time that's often spurred by instinct, or intuition, or connection to Source Energy.

And when it's a co-creative dance, it is a wonderful experience.

Many years ago, Jerry was teaching a business course on creating your own reality, although he was calling it, Turning Thoughts to Things. And he was using the Think and Grow Rich book, that was written by Napoleon Hill.

And there was a section in the book called, Sexual Transmutation, and Jerry always skipped that chapter with the group, because he didn't wanna stir anything up. And he didn't want to offend those who were sensitive about the topic.

And, years later - he was teaching it before he was interacting with us, and years later, we were discussing it with him. And we said, that's the most important chapter. Because it's the chapter where people know how to let themselves go. It's the chapter how they can allow their broader intentions to guide them. It's the understanding where, if you will allow yourself to move with the Energy that is truly coming from within you, and not try to be guided by the mores, or morals, or laws of the environment around you, then there is true freedom in that, isn't there...

So, the chapter was important, not because it's the most important topic. It's one of them. But, not because it's the most important topic.

But, because it's the topic where most understand from firsthand experience what it really means to be in alignment, and to just let yourself go with broader perspective guiding your impulse." - Abraham *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** Via and thanks “Abraham Hicks Love”: *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** Because….: Outside advice is useless if you don't have your own internal compass to guide the way. *** *** *** These following words will either attract a strong mind or offend a weak one. NO BOOK WRITTEN CAN TELL ME WHAT GOD WROTE The human brain is the world's greatest computer because it is self aware, self thinking, self learning, & can even reprogram itself. Why would God implant such great abilities into our heads and then give us religions that discourages intelligent critical thinking in exchange for blind dumb faith? ~Exposing the Matrix of Lie *** *** *** Very apparently is…: You don't learn to walk by following the rules. Be You... Natural led by Joyful Discovery & Exploration! *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** Via and thanks “Vortex Coffee Club - Law of Attraction”: *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** Follow the force that is guiding the whole universe is in you. Pledge allegiance to your "Source"(God; True Self; Tao; Logos), everything is done! ~Zhouyi cantong qi 「觀天之道，執天之行，盡矣！」: 周易參同契； *** *** *** You are never along or helpless. The force that is guiding the whole universe is in you too! *** *** *** You are not responsible for the programming you received in childhood. As an adult, you are 100% responsible for fixing it. *** *** *** So….: Do not ever put anything into your imagination….: Do not try to be guided by the mores, or morals, or laws of the environment around you, then there is true freedom in that, isn't there…: *** *** *** Do not ever put anything into your imagination that you do not want to materialize. - Wayne Dyer *** *** *** To rise above & overcome anything, first you have to overcome that mental bondage!! So…: Your mind must arrive at the destination before your life does. ~Vybe Source *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** "Rather than being so ready to Jump Into action to get the things that you want,we say think them Into being;. see them, visualize them, and expect them and they will be." -A. Hicks *** *** *** Then you will face Cycle of Limitation….: *** *** *** Many of you recognize that there seems to be an acceleration of negativity, an acceleration of violence, but this is because you are at the end of the Cycle of Limitation. You have to get all of the negativity out on the table in front of your face so you can consciously decide what kind of world you prefer to have. Now that you know you're strong enough to deal with it, you're getting it all out of your system as fast as you can having the most extreme examples come up because you re strong enough to deal with it. -Bashar From the movie First Contact (2016) by Darryl Anka *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** Via and thanks “Sililaquies”: *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** It's not luck, it's alignment. You're not lucky, you're aligned. ~Abraham *** *** *** "You don't have to change your anger, you don't have to change your greed, you don't have to change anything. You have simply to be alert and aware. And all the projections of greed, all the projections of anger, all the projections of delusion, will evaporate - just the way, every morning, your dreams evaporate. They are made of the same stuff as dreams are made of." ~OSHO *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** "In deep orgasm, if you are aware, you will know for the first time what ecstasy is. Otherwise you have only heard the word, you have not known its meaning. Only in deep orgasm, if you are aware, if your flame of awareness is burning bright, will you be able to know that sex is not just sex. Sex is the outermost layer. Deep inside is love, and even deeper then is prayerfulness, and deepest is godliness itself. Sex can become a cosmic experience, then it is tantra. Sex plus awareness, and something tremendous starts changing." - OSHO, Ecstasy: The Forgotten Language chapter #3 *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** If I could give you only one advice, I would say, Don't Identify with anything Be completely empty - no one. Be no "body" (mind) and see if you lose anything but delusion. ~Mooji *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** Identify yourself! "Who am I?" "Where do I stand?" How can spirituality help you? Because it shatters the illusion of who you think you are. When this illusion is pierced, you will know your true identity. The implications of knowing yourself in a real sense are huge. All your fears will simply vanish, along with your suffering. There will be abundant peace, and happiness that is causeless and permanent. The Master promises you 100% guarantee. This promise will be fulfilled, if you follow the Master' instructions. ~ ULTIMATE TRUTH Sri Ramakant Maharaj *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** My Master Ramana Maharshi, says to me, "God is not an object to be seen, He is the subject. He cannot be seen, He is the Seer, Find this Seer." My Heart is opened. "Find the Seer," This is the Teaching. 🕉 Papaji *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** Via and thanks “Erin Elliott”:‎ The idea is that we are always awake, but always dreaming. You can, in your evolution, begin to experience this in-between state,this hybrid state, this blended state, of really knowing - consciously knowing, that you are creating your dream, that you are creating your physical reality as a dream, as a projection ~ that it can really be designed to be what you prefer it to be. ~bashar (the awakening) *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** Q: In Europe there is no tradition of a mantra, except in some contemplative orders. Of what use is it to a modern young Westerner? M: None, unless he is very much attracted. For him the right procedure is to adhere to the thought that he is the ground of all knowledge, the immutable and perennial awareness of all that happens to the senses and the mind. If he keeps it in mind all the time, aware and alert, he is bound to break the bounds of non-awareness and emerge into pure life, light and love. The idea -- 'I am the witness only' will purify the body and the mind and open the eye of wisdom. Then man goes beyond illusion and his heart is free of all desires. Just like ice turns to water and water to vapour, and vapour dissolves in air and disappears in space, so does the body dissolve into pure awareness (chidakash), then into pure being (paramakash), which is beyond all existence and non-existence. ~Nisargadatta Maharaj *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** If you don’t want it….: *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** Keep on remembering,

"I am neither the mind nor its ideas." Do it patient and with convictions and you will surely come to the direct vision of yourself as the source of being-knowing,|oving, eternal, all-embracing all-pervading. ~Sri Nisargadatta. *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** Once you realize that this is all a movie, then you can watch from a place of detached and meditative enjoyment. *** *** *** Otherwise….: The intensity of a feeling or thought or mental image is, therefore, the important element in determining its subsequent physical materialization. Seth (lane Roberts), 'Seth Speaks', Session 525. *** *** ***

[eyesaremosaics]

Epiphany: step one "clarity"

This morning… A fact was suddenly made so clear to me. As thought the quarreling cloud of self doubt burned off like the fog into the early afternoon. It hit me all at once. The reason this person could not love an accept me for who I was… Is because they could not fully love and accept themselves. Their self hatred ran so deep, that they projected all their own insecurities from their own past experiences on me as though I were doing it to them. It pulled the past into the present moment, and held us captive there, in great pain, for years.

Truthfully, I mirrored that behavior back to the same extent. We both showed up in each other’s reality, to light up our fears and insecurities. Our fears of self worth, deserve-ability, our sexual prowess, personal power. We brought all these issues up to the forefront in each other’s lives…. Because we were not dealing with them.

Neither of us was facing our wounding, because it was too raw. We both self destructed to escape from having to really sit soberly, in silent terror, with the monument of our emotions. We may have manifested it differently, but the pain was the same. That is why we drew together initially. We trauma bonded. Two very hurt children trying to huddle together for some kind of protection.

I tried so hard to love all the hurt, the anger, the pain out of him. I thought if I could just hold him long enough, show him I would always be there, that maybe one day he would stop being so angry. Poisoning himself with anger on a daily basis. He was angry as a cover emotion for pain. Underneath that anger, he is deeply hurt.

I had to cry for both of us, because he couldn’t. As a healer, and an empath I had to hold his pain in my body everyday. It made me physically ill. I didn’t realize I was doing this. Trying to heal him energetically by taking his pain. My taking it in, was destroying me. I began to lose my identity, and the only thing which helped numb the pain was alcohol.

I realize now: The thoughts and ideas we both had swirling in our heads about each other… It’s all just radio static. It was his tape in his head and my tape playing in my head–projected on each other. In reality. It was both of us hating ourselves together. It hurt him to watch me do it to myself, because he was in denial that he was doing the same. He knew my anguish was because of him, and that made him feel even worse. I felt that I was not doing my job, I wasn’t healing him properly, therefore I must not be good. I must be useless. This lit up my fears, and led to my self destruction.

It was all a chain, and even though he may not have loved me as much as other girls from his past, I know that I definitely impacted him. There is no way either of us could escape unscathed. This thing was frightfully irresistible. We were magnetized towards each other… Because we shared a similar kind of pain.

I’m reminded strongly of claymore. “Does it l…hurt?” “Oh I see… You mean this scar. It does look bad, but it doesn’t hurt as much as you might think.” “But it does hurt you. I see it on your face everyday. Your eyes…they look just like my eyes do. Like you’re scared and alone but you don’t want anyone to know. I know–”

The claymore realized: “she wasn’t hugging me because I saved her. She was hugging me because we had shared the same kind of pain. She felt our kinship, even when I didn’t… I kicked this tiny girl over and over… And all she wanted was to be held. She made me realize something, I thought I’d never learn. That even silver eyes like these, could still shed tears.”

His level of blaming, judging, and shaming others, comes from secretly doing that to himself inside. He knows he has done dark and terrible things, and deep inside, he feels the weight of it slithering in his gut all the time. He blames others, because he was always blamed as a child. It’s easy to understand why he developed that defense mechanism.

For me, as a healer, I internalize everything. I make everything about something “I did”. He saw that as selfish, or self obsession–it wasn’t that. Because my parents divorced when I was 2… Though I can’t remember it… My therapist said: “two years old is the time when a child comes to realize that they have an impact on their environment. At this developmental stage, they are egocentric, and think everything that happens (good or bad) is because of them.”

One minute both parents were there loving me, the next minute it was mommy and I in a dingy apartment with no furniture…. And daddy was just gone. Even though I saw him On weekends, he pawned me off on my aunt and vovo who bagged and criticized me. Around this time, I began to be abused sexually. “Your dad wasn’t there to protect you. Inside you feel that no one has ever protected you. They just left you to be harmed.”

Because harm came to me so young, I developed a self destructive personality. Self destruction is the fear of being out of control. These things that happened to me–were out of my control. I was being subjected to them against my will. My way of controlling my own reality. Of having a say in it, was to do it myself before anyone else got the chance.

This is why scorpio is attracted to me. It is in a scorpions nature… If it is in danger, to turn the poison in on itself. To kill itself before any outside influence can. I developed this technique as a maladaptive coping mechanism. Yet still I always rise again. Just as the Phoenix (the exalted form of Scorpio, it is their destiny to become the Phoenix if they are evolved as a psychological/spiritual being). It’s why my personality card is Death/Rebirth.

We came together, to teach each other important lessons. We thought we could find the healing power of love on each other. That the other person could save us from Our own inner darkness. In truth, we needed to find that within. We needed to purify our own darkness and give our light to each other from the inside. When you live in darkness, when you make the choice to be there, you can’t give love.

I couldn’t give it to myself, because I desperately needed it from him. He did the same thing. We both reacted differently to our needs not being met, but it was the same core issue. Self denial. I just hope one day he comes to understand this. His judgment is an impediment to love and connection. No one can get through with a wall that high. He'll never be truly happy until he starts forgiving and understanding himself. If he understood himself better, be wouldn't judge others so harshly. Because he holds himself to such a rigid set of standards, he never meets them, nor does anyone else.

I also know that I am not the first girl to be this way with him. I can hear his spirit ruminating. Through the tarot cards... The empress. He is asking himself: why do I always draw this kind of woman? It is because of everything I am describing here. Self denial, emotional unintelligence will be reflected in your relationships. It will keep showing up until you get the message.

as for my message: I have to learn to love myself enough not to be affected by other people’s thoughts and opinions. I have to develop true self confidence. Letting people in is not the problem, it is keeping them. People do ’t want to stick around to watch something fall apart and refuse to do anything about it. It’s hard to watch someone surrender their power. No one can give it to you. Power comes from within.

Because my power was always taken from me, in my past lives, I give it up easily. I am used to the subjugation. My life lesson is to stand strong and growl back at anyone who growls at me, instead of submitting blindly to the will of others. I will never live the life I want until I master that.

[workrockin]

Understanding MIMO

I don't know about you but sometimes technology makes me feel stupid. Usually you'll find me in a cheerful mood happily trotting along somewhere in a grass field, but every once in a while, a heavy feeling takes hold and it makes me sit and reflect upon the choices that I have made, leading me up to the present point in my life. Anyone who knows me can testify that I'm not the one to waste a bright sunny day in useless contemplation. You can imagine then the force of this indescribable feeling that took a free spirited creature like myself, who would rather spend its time chasing the wind, to chain itself and think. Imagine that. Sit and think on a bright sunny day! But one must make best of ones circumstances.

The other day I was reading about MIMO. Just scrolling through a Wikipedia article. I can't say how I got on to it. I don't remember what prompted me to open the page. All I remember is that it was there. It was interesting read. Multi this. Many that. etc etc.

I'm not all that much into reading, as you probably would have guessed. It does not fit my character, you see. I'm someone who prefers activity, due to my natural outgoing, adventurous nature. I've learnt though my own experience and through the experience of my ancestors that its of no use fighting your own nature. It is a battle that you can't win.

As you can understand therefore, I rarely read. Unless it is to pass time at work. Even then I prefer to study the habits and inclinations of cats on various online encyclopedias. Especially preferring vivid portraits on imagur and short documentaries on youtube that aid in understanding to big walls of text.

But something drew me to that particular subject that day. I don't know what it was. I'm not a painter who can describe his feelings through his art. Nor am I a poet who can write a song about it. I'm unable to find the reason behind my decision to read about that particular subject of which I had no particular knowledge. Maybe it was fate. Maybe something else. All that matters now is that I read about MIMO. And today a similar feeling compels me to talk about it.

MheeeeeeMhawwwww

MIMO stands for Multipe Input and Multiple output. MIMO is applied to make a radio link more robust by increasing the number of transmitting and receiving antennas. The goal of MIMO is to increase the network robustness and capacity. MIMO takes several forms

In one kind of MIMO Multiple can antennas transmit among different paths. Multiple receivers can accept those signals. Each one on a different path. This is the basis of Beamforming. Not all of the receivers will receive the best signal so we must design a way for the receiver to determine the best signal. This is done with the help of precoding. For the purpose of this discussion we don't need to understand precoding.

In another type of MIMO instead of sending multiple signals you simply send one signal but split it into multiple streams. Each one of those streams are transmitted over a different antenna. To the receiver it looks like each one of these signals have arrived at a different channel and thus network capacity is increased....... At least in theory.

Finally there is Diveristy Coding. Diversity coding is best understood as spray and pray technique. In this type of MIMO a single stream is transmitted many times by multiple antennas hoping that at least one of them will arrive at their destination unharmed. Desperation is palpable in this one.

MU-MIMO is MIMO with multi user capabilities. In other words you can MIMO with several users at once.

Reading this post left me with several questions. After collecting my thoughts I shared them with one of my smarter friends to understand what he had to say about the subject. My mom used to tell me that it is always good to take advice from someone who is brainier and more knowledgeable than you are. Although you must trust in your own ability its never a bad idea to seek some guidance. Those who know me can tell you that I have always been an obedient child. It should come as no surprise then that I'd listen to her advice.

I took my queries to my friend and this is what he had to say. I paraphrase because I forgot to carry my notepad with me to jot down his wise words.

THUS HE BEGAN

Before we can understand MIMO we must understand wireless networks. A wireless network is a physical network with no wires. When a wireless communication channel is established between two devices it is equivalent to connecting the two devices with a physical wire.

Of course the appeal of wireless networks is that you don't have to invest in huge infrastructural projects to increase the connectivity in a region.

The downside is that since wireless signals can't be directed as well as wired signals there is a lot of signal loss. That leads to a degraded quality of service. Which leads to unsatisfied customers.

Therefore effort has to be spent to get wireless signal as close to the quality of wired signal as possible. If one has the inclination to study it can take an entire lifetime to understand the clever techniques invented to make this possible. Life is short. What we need know is a gist of the matter. Here it is:-

We want to efficiently utilize the communication channel. We do this by multiplexing. 

We want to make the networks more robust. We do this by adding redundant network stations.

MIMO is one such technique invented. However MIMO has several shortcomings.

It requires a dedicated hardware in base station and client machine. Existing machines will not work. 

It requires complex receiver hardware to assemble the signals.

It does not guarantee a better QOS or signal to noise ratio. MIMO in essence is simply a way of increasing the chance of getting a good quality signal by adopting a brute force approach.

The goal of MIMO is to increase total network throughput ( Individual speeds will not be increased, however more user will have access to a uniform speed ) . Bu then why do we need MIMO at all? There are alternatives where these goals can be achieved cheaply.

Most of the MIMO technology can be easily replicated using cheap inter-operable components available in the market right now. Especially in the home networking context.

In fact the principle behind MIMO is best realized when you set up cheap multiple access points rather than highly optimized individual devices. Quantity is greater than quality in network coverage. All the time.

Consider Beamforming. By definition beamforming is the technique of emitting same signals from different antennas in a way that they all add up to for the best signal at the receiver.

But this can be easily replicated by having multiple base stations each of them emitting a signal. All client device has to do is choose the best one?

"But its costly to set up multiple base stations you say?"

I ask different questions.

What is the cost of having multiple antennas on a single station and a receiver? Exactly how is a single station with multiple antennas cheaper from multiple stations with single antenna? What happens when the receiver is in motion?

In the last case we discover that beamforming actually reduces to the same old radio signals that we're used to. And we have spent all this money on equipment that only works when the client and the base station positions are well defined? Static, in other words. Really? Why not go with a Point to Point connection then? Nothing can beat that in terms of quality.

There is one very big advantage of multiple stations. It is redundancy. No single point of failure. That is something that is well worth the investment.

Next consider spatial multiplexing. Here you divide a single data channel into multiple channel streams to trick the receiver into believing that its getting data from multiple channels at a higher speed. It does increase the network capacity. But how many client devices can actually use this technology?

Let us assume that we actually get the client devices to work with this technology. What then? How should the application layer adapt to this change? How should we design our you tube app for example, when the last 30 min of a 90 min movie have arrived successfully but the stream transmitting the first 60 min is lost?

Whatever you gain on base station efficiency you loose at the client reception. As a user I feel no better or even worse as compared to old network.

Data integrity is just as valuable as data speed. I can understand a congested network giving me slower speeds. But I can't tolerate a fast network giving me data out of place. It may work slowly but it should always be right.

A well designed redundant network will always outperform an "intelligent" auto adjusting technology. Interference exists and we have means to work around it.

Like any breakthrough in communication technology to fully gain the advantages of MIMO we need compatible client as well as server station hardware. This means that we need to invest in new infrastructure. Do the gains provided by MIMO justify the investment? I'll leave that to you to decide.

With these parting notes my friend signed off. Having nothing further to add to the discussion I must take my leave as well. I hope that my ramblings have been of use to a few people who like me often find themselves at a loss in the ever changing, ever expanding , progressive world of communication technology. I'm lucky to have a friend who has a certain interest in these things. Though I can't for the life of me understand how any one can be bothered to read about electronics and radios when you can study cats instead. But no one can fight their nature, I suppose.

If you'd like answers to your wifi problems don't hesitate to send an email to

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[ruixuemaoblog-blog]

Paprike(2006) - Satoshi Kon’s Dreamland Invasion

Paprika (Japanese: パプリカ) is a 2006 Japanese science-fiction anime film co-written and directed by Satonshi Kon, based on Yasutaka Tsutsui's 1993 novel of the same time, about a research psychologist who uses a device that permits therapists to help patients by entering their dreams. It is Kon's fourth and final feature film before his death in 2010. The significant philosophical claim advanced in the movie Paprika is that any consciousness can live as an existence inside dream and reality with or without noticing. Dream is another world with freedom, people tend to show their deepest desire and wishes there. Therefore, dreams can be powerful. Desire, as a thought, can also be alive. Thus, a dark desire can be alive as an evil form, a justice war of dreams starts. This is the journey that all the characters in the movie have been through, to pursue the most real oneself, and ultimately it is the lesson that the movie conveys to its audience.

In anime film world, the moon is often used as a metaphor for Satonshi Kon. Thinking process is the feature of his twisted work which matches the cold society. However, you can always get that last hope from his work till the end. It is like the moon, bringing people the perfect time to meditate. Movie starts with the circus scene. Flashing light with excited audience in the seats, detective  Konakawa Toshimi (use as Kon below) experiences a series of unbelievable weird things with a red hair lady. Suddenly, he wakes up. It was just a dream. The red hair lady smiles next to him. The opening of story begins with the confusing mystery. In the near future, in order to treat more and more modern human beings, more and more serious mental illness, the Institute of Psychiatry in Tokyo has developed a machine that can reflect the dreams of others. The red hair lady is the avatar of Dr. Atsuko Chiba (use as Chiba below) who is the one of concept founders of the dream machine - DCmini. Back to the storyline, Chiba and her partner (close friend) engineer Tokita (use as Toki) found out DCmini is stole from the hospital. Patients and even doctors are getting crazy one by one after the stealing case. They are hurting themselves and others blindly with the excited twisted facial expression.

In order to stop more victims, Chiba and Toki with their team started more investigation to catch the “murderer” behind the scenes. The main character Kon is invited in the team, in the meantime, his personal “date” (which is actually the mental treatment）with the red lady - Paprika is still going on only through the computer. Because typically, Paprika can only exist in the dreamland. Talking about this point of the story, I always find that it is very interesting to compare the dream world with the computational system, which I mean the website itself  through the screen. They are both existing in the “unreal” world, they are both untouchable and they are both addicting. What’s the deeper thoughts behind this comparison?

More victims get involved in the case. The assistant of Toki escaped with one of the DCmini, his condition is getting out of control. The only way of saving him is going inside his dream. This is the moment of inviting Paprika - Dr.Chiba’s avatar of the dream. When Paprika arrived inside his dream, she found out the dream is full of deepest desire, overwhelming fear and twisted forms. She is surrounding by the physical forms of some kind of twisted metal world. The patient himself already turned inside his own desire. In other words, the deepest desire takes control of his physical body and mental mind. He is his desire, his body is his fear.

With this kind of horror fantasy atmosphere, the team successfully found the missing assistant. However, the DCmini is already melted inside his head and they have to take it out with a serious surgery.

Things are getting seriously dangerous. When they found out the assistant is also a victim, they realized that the big boss is actually more powerful than they thought. Back to the main character, also the clue character - detective Kon, he continued his regular dream treatment session with Paprika. Because of a homicide case, he is still struggling with his weird dream. He has a recurring dream of being trapped in a cage at the circus, surrounded by people with his own face. He also dreams that he is trapped in a elevator where each floor is a different movie scenario starring himself and Paprika, and the number 17 seems to repeat itself.  

Without even noticing, detective Kon mixes his personal experience and memory inside his dreamland. It is a perfect example of the core of this movie. Dream, as a powerful media, is sucking every thoughts, memory and experience of us. And reflect them inside our dream world while our bodies are keeping the most relaxing mode. Any thoughts of human being can become a physical form living inside the dreams. For those forms that we may never figure out, dream is their warm cozy blanket. Without rules and limitation, desire can grow faster as overwhelming virus without control. That’s also why dream can be also so attractive to human being through the long history. Similar theory was mentioned in monster theories, people feel scared and curious at the same time while they are talking about monsters. So, do human being want to experience what does it feel to become a monster? Without any consequence, maybe dreamland is a better place to release our dark side?

During the metal treatment with detective Kon, Paprika realizes that someone is intruding on Kon’s dream. All the victim’s dream are merging into detective’s dream.    

That is the point that the movie shocked me. I have never thought about dream can turn any unstable feeling which is without physical shape into a solid physical form. In other word, an evil thought within a second can become powerful and unexpectable. It can’t live inside the real 3D world, but it doesn’t mean it can’t live inside 4D dreamland. Therefore, never get an evil thought go, because it is equal with the actual physical evil action. The only difference is just happening in two different world.

The big boss starts appearing behind everything. It is the chairman of the hospital. He is struggling with his useless legs and envying other’s lives. Thus, he is trying using DCmini to take over the world by hijacking people’s dreams.   

Because of inability, he wants to destroy ability. Such an evil thought turn into a total twisted mess inside dreamland. His assistant became a puppet operating things for him. And the people who are puppets turned into the physical empty nasty skin in their dreams.

Meanwhile, Detective Kon has entered his own dream and is waiting for Paprika. He is drinking at the bar in his dream and two bar men are questioning him about why he doesn’t like movies. He suddenly realizes the significance of the number 17. When he was 17 years old, he made an 8 millimeter film with his close friend and they talked about making more movies together. Kon soon decided that he wasn’t going to pursue film, and his friend felt let down by him. His friend turned out to be terminally ill and died soon after. The detective realizes he has been carrying around the guilt for letting his friend down all these years. The story finally solves the confusing issue which happened at the beginning of the movie. The reason that why he is scared of number 17 and why he is always trapped inside his own dream. I have to say this hidden clue is very deep, even can be considered as the main story clue all through the movie. As I mentioned at the start, dream is an avatar of the real world. It always brings back the deepest desire or the weakest part of us without even noticing. It is almost part of human’s mental function. We experience in day time and release them at night time inside dream, day after day, the strongest and deepest desire or memory stays and grows as the power king inside our dreamland. Detective Kon himself even didn’t realize that why he is scared of that piece of memory. Because inside the dream, the avatar is trying to figure out ourselves. Human, us, probably don’t even know enough about the deepest thoughts and characters of ourselves.        

Story goes to the top of the mountain here. Also, another cultural frame is invited with us - The superhero theory. In superhero theory, they are not born as the superhero. Almost all of them has superhero theory. In superhero theory, they are not born as the superhero. Almost all of them has uperhero tend to “wake up” at the right moment and gather the power and save the world. It is a process of life, a process of learning forgiveness. When they let the certain part of themselves go, the guilt and struggling go with it. Only when Kon really lets himselves face to the memory he avoids, he can re-see himself and save the world. 

Kon “wakes up” and decides to save Paprika who is trapped by the big boss - Chairman. At the same time, the dream world is becoming darker and a giant black hole is appearing connected to the other world. The Chairman, now a haunting black figure towering above the city and spreading the darkness into world pronounces that he can control dreams, even death - he has become the Lord of Darkness.

Paprika realizes that the light and dark reflect reality and dreams. She projects herself as the image of a small child who is swallowing up the darkness and simultaneously growing into a woman at the same time untill she is powerful enough to swallow up the shadowy figure of the Chairman.  

Light returns to the city. Detective Kon doesn’t need metal treatment session anymore, Paprika is also saying goodbye. Detective Kon, free from his previous fears and anxieties, walks out of his office and over to the movie theatre. In the mirror of the street, his old friend is smiling to him. “It’s all over, the dreamland comes from the reality, cherish it.”  Indeed, but who knows, maybe the things happened are real, maybe, they are all just hiding again inside our dreamland and waiting for exploration.

To memorize Satoshi Kon,  the master of dreamland.

[faithfacts-blog1]

What it Means to Walk Worthy of Your Calling

...walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which you have been called,

Ephesians 4:1, NASB

The Apostle warns us all to walk in a manner worthy of the calling. I became a medical doctor in 1989. I had been in medical school for seven long years. It was a strange feeling to suddenly be a “respected” medical doctor. I had been a student for so long.

For the last twenty-five years of my life, I had been treated as a “young” student. Now, I was a “prestigious” doctor. I couldn’t do some of the things I did before. I had to live up to the new and esteemed image of a medical doctor.

So it is with ministry. God wants you to live up to your new vocation of full-time ministry. You must endeavour to accomplish all that God has desired for you.

Understand Why You Must Walk Worthy

1. You must walk worthy because it is a privilege to be chosen.

Therefore seeing we have this ministry, as WE HAVE RECEIVED MERCY, we faint not.

2 Corinthians 4:1

It is truly a privilege to be chosen by the Lord. To be saved is the highest privilege a human being could have. When I consider the millions of people who live and die, never knowing the Lord, I consider it my greatest blessing to be saved.

When I consider my friends and relatives who do not know the Lord, I am eternally grateful for my salvation. What more could I ask for? Yet there seems to be something higher that God is giving to some of us - a call to full-time ministry! This truly is the mercy of God. That is why you must walk worthy. To work for God is the opportunity very few people in this world will ever have.

2. You must walk worthy because you have a limited season of opportunity.

This is what applies to the Levites: from twenty-five years old and upward they shall enter to perform service in the work of the tent of meeting.

But at the age of fifty years they shall retire from service in the work and not work any more.

Numbers 8:24-25, NASB

From the Scripture above, a short period is allotted for the work of ministry. Some people delay unduly and lose their opportunity to work for God. It is a blessing if you responded to this call in time. It takes the grace of God to respond in time or even to respond at all!

If you find yourself working in a church, be thankful and behave yourself wisely because it is a privilege.

3. You must walk worthy because the grace of God has worked for you.

By the grace of God I am what I am...

1 Corinthians 15:10

It takes the grace of God to even hear the call. It takes the grace of God to respond appropriately to the call of God. Most human beings do not respond appropriately to the call. Jonah messed things up and had to be swallowed by a whale. Moses could not accept his call until Aaron was brought into the picture.

Many people stay away from ministry because they do not know what their calling is. Some simply do not have the opportunity to work in a church. Paul said, “I am what I am by the grace of God.” How true that is!

Coming into full-time ministry can be very complicated. Parents and friends are likely to oppose the ministry. I struggled to enter full-time ministry. I tried business and other ventures. I tried to go to America to be close to a man of God so I could learn from him. None of these things worked out. When my father found out that I was not planning on becoming a specialist doctor, he warned me and told me I was on my own. Through the financial help of my sister I was able to launch out into full-time ministry.

Many people are also encumbered with debts and other burdens. These things effectively keep people out of full-time ministry. Very few people are able to actually respond to the call of ministry.

If therefore you have been able to enter into full-time ministry, walk worthy of it because it was the grace of God that brought you in.

4. It is more natural to live the life of an unbeliever than to serve God.

So this I say, and affirm together with the Lord, that you WALK NO LONGER JUST AS THE GENTILES also walk, in the futility of their mind, being darkened in their understanding, excluded from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them, because of the hardness of their heart;

Ephesians 4:17-18, NASB

The life of an unbeliever (a Gentile) follows a fixed pattern. Paul described this fixed pattern of living in Ephesians 4:17. There are three main characteristics of a Gentile’s (unbeliever) life:

a. To live as an unbeliever is to walk in the futility of your mind.

Generally speaking, the life of an unbeliever is spent on futile and empty pursuits. It is a life of never-ending quests and useless ventures. Unbelievers spend their days building sandcastles, which are soon to be washed away by the sea. Everyone in full-time ministry could have spent his life chasing useless projects and imaginary goals. Sadly, the futility of all that men do is not obvious to them.

The heaping up of money, bank accounts and earthly treasures come to nothing but it is not easy to see. Most people never ask themselves why they are alive and why they are doing the things they do.

One day, a bank manager came to my house and left a complimentary card with the security man. When I woke up, the security man gave me the business card. As I studied this card, the Spirit said to me, “This lady is the manager of a sandcastle.”

I was surprised at this statement coming from the Holy Spirit. But as I pondered over it, I realized that it was very very true. The bank is nothing but a sandcastle of imaginary wealth. It will perish and pass away with all its glory. I would rather be a door attendant in the permanent house of the Lord Jesus than to be the manager of a sandcastle organization.

The thinking of the Gentile mind is towards futility. Anybody who points out this futility looks strange. People would look at you strangely for calling the manager of a prestigious banking institution the manager of a sandcastle. In the world system, useless things are placed on a pedestal. They are feared and revered by one and all. It takes a man of the Spirit to see through the futility and the uselessness of it all. Surely, only a man of the Spirit can see and agree with the ancient Wisdom of Solomon: “...vanity of vanities; all is vanity” (Ecclesiastes 1:2).

b. To live as an unbeliever is to be darkened in understanding.

The life of an unbeliever is lived out through his darkened (limited) understanding. Darkness imposes limitations on all activities. There are many things we cannot do in the night. Movement is restricted and most workplaces are closed. Nightfall and darkness therefore impose severe limitations on those experiencing it.

A Gentile, someone whose understanding is darkened, is therefore operating with a severely limited understanding. His thinking has been greatly reduced (darkened). He cannot see beyond this life.

Working in full-time ministry is only possible if limitations on your mind are lifted and you can see beyond this life. People in full-time ministry are seeing beyond this life. My eyes are fixed on eternal rewards.

I recently heard of how a very young executive of a billion dollar company died. It was sad because he was at the peak of his career. He had achieved many things older people could not achieve. However, he was struck with cancer and had to die sooner than he expected.

For whom shall be the things he had acquired? Where will they be stored? How long will they last? Will he be coming back to enjoy them? Will the people he left behind eat his millions while he is in the grave? Will his successors be wise or foolish? These are the questions someone with a darkened understanding is unable to answer. His mind is too limited to even think of these issues. These issues are too heavy for a darkened mind!

c. To live as an unbeliever is to be excluded from the life of God.

Unbelievers are excluded from the life of God. It is easy to exist on this earth without ever experiencing the life of God. Exclusion from the life of God is living without God’s involvement and direction! You live by the uselessness of your own thinking.

You may create happiness in your myopic world but the absence of God in your life will lead to your eventual destruction.

Adam and Eve lived happily in the garden where God visited them. They had a job given to them by the Lord. After the incident with the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, they died and began to experience death. They were condemned to an existence of sweating and toiling for mere food. Their life was destroyed. They were no more living. They were existing and surviving to gather food for themselves. Life had lost its meaning because they were excluded from God.

Without the life of God, all your labour is to provide food, drink, clothing and shelter. With the life of God, you live for a higher purpose. You live to fulfil God’s plan for your life. You live to obey His Word. That is the life of God!

The millionaires of this world do not know why they are alive. For whom do they labour? When will they get the chance to eat up all their treasures? Will they take these treasures away from this earth? What will happen to them when they die?

Exclusion from the life of God takes place because of ignorance of the Word. Born-again Christians must ensure they are not excluded from the life of God through ignorance. Constantly studying the Word of God will change you and bring you deeper into the life of God.

Throughout my years in ministry, I have learnt some things about handling God’s privileges. Perhaps the most important thing to do in your privileged position is to walk worthily and carefully. God’s grace must motivate you to walk worthily.

Don’t Offer Strange Fire!

Live and conduct yourself carefully in this ministry. Nadab and Abihu are examples of priests who did not walk carefully in their calling. They died whilst walking in their calling of full-time ministry. They did not die because they were thieves or murderers. They died because they did not practise their ministry in the right way. They offered strange fire to the Lord. They did not walk worthy of their calling.

Now Nadab and Abihu, the sons of Aaron, took their respective firepans, and after putting fire in them, placed incense on it and offered strange fire before the LORD, which He had not commanded them.

AND FIRE CAME OUT FROM THE PRESENCE OF THE LORD AND CONSUMED THEM, and they died before the LORD. Then Moses said to Aaron, “It is what the LORD spoke, saying, ‘By those who come near Me I will be treated as holy, And before all the people I will be honored’.” So Aaron, therefore, kept silent.

Leviticus 10:1-3, NASB

We want to study how to offer God the kind of service and sacrifice He loves. We want to practise full-time ministry in a way that pleases God.

There are many Scriptures that exhort us to walk worthy of our calling. I was surprised to find that walking worthily involves developing important spiritual virtues like humility and patience. God’s idea of how to walk worthy is probably different from yours. Notice these three Scriptures that exhort us to walk worthily in the ministry.

Therefore I, the prisoner of the Lord, implore you to WALK IN A MANNER WORTHY OF THE CALLING with which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, showing tolerance for one another in love, being diligent to preserve the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.

Ephesians 4:1-3, NASB

So that you will WALK IN A MANNER WORTHY OF THE LORD, to please Him in all respects, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God; strengthened with all power, according to His glorious might, for the attaining of all steadfastness and patience; joyously

Colossians 1:10-11, NASB

Therefore, SINCE WE HAVE THIS MINISTRY, as we received mercy, WE DO not lose heart, but we have renounced the things hidden because of shame, not walking in craftiness or adulterating the word of God, but by the manifestation of truth commending ourselves to every man’s conscience in the sight of God.

2 Corinthians 4:1-2, NASB

Twenty Ways to Walk Worthy

1. Be humble in full-time ministry.

...walk in a manner worthy…with all humility...

Ephesians 4:1-2, NASB

The most important way of walking worthy is to walk in humility.

Recently, whilst writing a book, I had a revelation about a great ministry that had gone down from its former glory. The Lord showed me in a flash that those people had not walked in humility when their ministry grew. This church had publicly criticized other ministries and ridiculed ministers from their pulpit. At the peak of their ministry, they would ask people who came from other churches to stand up for cleansing (from the contamination of other ministries).

There are many ways to respond to God’s promotion in ministry.

When the Lord gave Solomon the blessing of building a mega temple, he did not praise himself or think more highly of his achievements than he should. He actually demeaned his own achievements. He declared that the temple he had built was nothing. He knew that his great temple was simply a human attempt to do something for the Lord.

Notice the prayer of Solomon:

But will God indeed dwell on the earth? Behold, heaven and the highest heaven cannot contain You, how much less this house which I have built!

1 Kings 8:27, NASB

When you accomplish something for the Lord, you must see it in the right light. You have done nothing! God did not need you or me. It is His grace that makes it possible for us even to be around.

2. Gentleness in full-time ministry

...walk in a manner worthy…with gentleness...

Ephesians 4:1-2, NASB

To be gentle means to do things gradually. When you are in full-time ministry you must do things gradually. If you try to achieve certain heights in a hurry, you will have disaster. There are new ministers who want to be on television and radio in the first part of their ministry. Others want to write books because everyone is writing a book.

When you are not gentle, you push others around and you become frustrated about your apparent lack of success in the ministry.

3. Patience in full-time ministry

...walk in a manner worthy…with patience...

Ephesians 4:1-2, NASB

You must be patient in full-time ministry. You will not succeed overnight. Most of the casualties of full-time ministry were impatient. They could not wait to be bishops. They were not content with little things they were given to do. They wanted to hurry to the top. They drove faster and faster until there was a terrible accident.

4. Tolerance for one another in full-time ministry

...walk in a manner worthy…showing tolerance for one another...

Ephesians 4:1-2, NASB

It is necessary to be tolerant of others in the church. Working in a church involves working with others. You need to accept others as you work with them. Just like any other workplace, the church is full of human beings.

As soon as there is strife in the church, the anointing of the Lord is hindered. Let nothing be done through strife (Philippians 2:3). Full-time ministry must not be practiced through strife. Quarrels in the ministry should be treated as emergencies. They should be dealt with and the atmosphere of love must be maintained.

5. Staying united in full-time ministry

...walk in a manner worthy…to preserve the unity of the Spirit...

Ephesians 4:1, 3 NASB

Staying united is very important to the Lord. Whatever you do in the church, do not create division. If you create divisions, you are not walking worthy of the privilege of ministry. There is one body and we will not allow anyone to divide us into groups based on tribe, nationality or any other idea.

6. Ensure peace in full-time ministry.

...walk in a manner worthy…to preserve…the bond of peace.

Ephesians 4:1, 3 NASB

Peace is essential for building. King Solomon was able to build many things because he had peace. Solomon’s armies were used for building instead of fighting. Any ministry which fights within itself will not build much for God.

7. Please God in full-time ministry.

...walk in a manner worthy…to please Him...

Colossians 1:10, NASB

Surprisingly, not everybody in full-time ministry pleases the Lord. It is important to please God in whatever you do. Like Nadab and Abihu, God may be displeased with you even though you spend most of your time in the church. Endeavour to please God even in full-time ministry. For instance, I know of only one thing that causes a stir in Heaven - soul winning. When you win a soul, you make the Father happy. Soul winning is one of the many activities a full-time minister can pursue. I assure you, it is one thing that will please the Father.

8. Be fruitful in full-time ministry.

...walk in a manner worthy…bearing fruit...

Colossians 1:10, NASB

There are differences in employees. Some members of staff are very fruitful and contribute greatly to the efforts of the ministry. Others are more of a burden. Ensure that you are one of those whose presence is beneficial to the work of God. The fact that you are paid by the organization does not mean that you are fruitful.

9. Increase in the knowledge of God in full-time ministry.

…walk in a manner worthy…increasing in the knowledge of God;

Colossians 1:10

One interesting phenomenon is that some people actually backslide when they are in full-time ministry. They actually pray less and read less than when they were lay people. The fact that you work in a church does not mean that you will be automatically full of the Word. Endeavour to increase in the knowledge of God even as you serve God in full-time ministry.

10. Become stronger spiritually.

...walk in a manner worthy…strengthened...

Colossians 1:10-11, NASB

You must become stronger spiritually now that you are in full-time ministry. Pray more and wait on the Lord. God will bless you.

11. Be steadfast in full-time ministry.

...walk in a manner worthy…attaining…all steadfastness...

Colossians 1:10-11, NASB

You must be steady and unmovable in the ministry. Financial pressures and job offers must not be able to move you away from 25

Your calling. As you work in full-time ministry, you will attain steadfastness. Steadfastness is the ability to stay on course. Steadfastness is also the ability to come back to the course when you drift away. Do not drift from full-time ministry. There are many things to drift into. Business, education, relief work, social work, etc., are common roads that full-time ministers drift into.

12. Become happy in full-time ministry.

...walk in a manner worthy…joyously

Colossians 1:10-11, NASB

Full-time ministry is a joyful time. You must have a joyful attitude in ministry. Working in the ministry is better than working in the bank. Full-time ministry is better than working in the hospital. People who have tasted working for the Lord will not want to go back to the world.

13. Be thankful that you are in full-time ministry.

...walk in a manner worthy…giving thanks...

Colossians 1:10,12 NASB

Your heart must be full of thanks everyday for the great opportunity that God has given you to work for Him. If you are not thankful, you are probably in the wrong place. The more time you spend working in the ministry, the more thankful you should become.

14. Do not lose heart in full-time ministry.

...since we have this ministry…we do not lose heart

2 Corinthians 4:1-2, NASB

Ministry is not easy. There are many things that can discourage you. Much of what you do is hard work, with no one appreciating your efforts. You are working for the Lord and not for any man. It is when you look to people for appreciation that you become discouraged.

15. Renounce hidden things of dishonesty.

...since we have this ministry...we have renounced the things hidden because of shame...

2 Corinthians 4:1-2, NASB

Dishonest people cannot flourish in ministry. The reason is that the boss (God) has His eyes everywhere. Unlike other jobs where you can get away with stealing and other dishonest practices, you cannot steal from God.

There are people who think they have duped the Lord but no one can hoodwink the King of Kings.

16. Do not be crafty.

Since we have this ministry…not walking in craftiness

2 Corinthians 4:1-2, NASB

Craftiness speaks of being cleverly able to cut corners and get away with poor work. Unfortunately, this is not possible with Jehovah. Leave your crooked ways behind and let us work for the Lord without craftiness.

17. Do not adulterate the Word of God.

...since we have this ministry…not…adulterating the word of God...

2 Corinthians 4:1-2, NASB

The Word of God cannot be tampered with. Many people have tried to water down His precious Gospel. They have sought to re-present the Gospel as some kind of good advice for successful living. We cannot do anything that will destroy the truth of God’s work. Do not change His Word; just preach it as it is.

18. Commend yourself to the conscience of men.

...since we have this ministry...commending ourselves to every man’s conscience...

2 Corinthians 4:1-2, NASB27

It is important to commend yourself to men’s consciences. Often they will criticize you but in their hearts they respect what you are doing.

19. Commend yourself to men in God’s sight.

...since we have this ministry…commending ourselves to every man’s conscience in the sight of God. 2 Corinthians 4:1-2, NASB

All that we do must have approval in the sight of God. No human being or human institution can declare our work approved or disapproved. It is time to think only of what God says.

20. Make sure the Gospel is not hidden because of us.

And even if our gospel is veiled, it is veiled to those who are perishing, in whose case the god of this world has blinded the minds of the unbelieving so that they might not see the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God.

2 Corinthians 4:3-4, NASB

Finally, the aim of full-time ministry is to ensure that the Gospel is known and heard in every corner of the world. How unfortunate it is that many people do not hear the Gospel.

All the efforts and money of the modern church must be directed to ensure that the Gospel is not hidden even from the remotest village. The Gospel must not be hidden from the poor. The way we operate the ministry must ensure that the Gospel is not hidden from anyone.

by Dag Heward-Mills

[dissentdescentdecent]

Good For Nothing - Mark Fisher

MARCH 19, 2014

I’ve suffered from depression intermittently since I was a teenager. Some of these episodes have been highly debilitating – resulting in self-harm, withdrawal (where I would spend months on end in my own room, only venturing out to sign-on or to buy the minimal amounts of food I was consuming), and time spent on psychiatric wards. I wouldn’t say I’ve recovered from the condition, but I’m pleased to say that both the incidences and the severity of depressive episodes have greatly lessened in recent years. Partly, that is a consequence of changes in my life situation, but it’s also to do with coming to a different understanding of my depression and what caused it. I offer up my own experiences of mental distress not because I think there’s anything special or unique about them, but in support of the claim that many forms of depression are best understood – and best combatted – through frames that are impersonal and political rather than individual and ‘psychological’.

Writing about one’s own depression is difficult. Depression is partly constituted by a sneering ‘inner’ voice which accuses you of self-indulgence – you aren’t depressed, you’re just feeling sorry for yourself, pull yourself together – and this voice is liable to be triggered by going public about the condition. Of course, this voice isn’t an ‘inner’ voice at all – it is the internalised expression of actual social forces, some of which have a vested interest in denying any connection between depression and politics.

My depression was always tied up with the conviction that I was literally good for nothing. I spent most of my life up to the age of thirty believing that I would never work. In my twenties I drifted between postgraduate study, periods of unemployment and temporary jobs. In each of these roles, I felt that I didn’t really belong – in postgraduate study, because I was a dilettante who had somehow faked his way through, not a proper scholar; in unemployment, because I wasn’t really unemployed, like those who were honestly seeking work, but a shirker; and in temporary jobs, because I felt I was performing incompetently, and in any case I didn’t really belong in these office or factory jobs, not because I was ‘too good’ for them, but – very much to the contrary – because I was over-educated and useless, taking the job of someone who needed and deserved it more than I did. Even when I was on a psychiatric ward, I felt I was not really depressed – I was only simulating the condition in order to avoid work, or in the infernally paradoxical logic of depression, I was simulating it in order to conceal the fact that I was not capable of working, and that there was no place at all for me in society.

When I eventually got a job as lecturer in a Further Education college, I was for a while elated – yet by its very nature this elation showed that I had not shaken off the feelings of worthlessness that would soon lead to further periods of depression. I lacked the calm confidence of one born to the role. At some not very submerged level, I evidently still didn’t believe that I was the kind of person who could do a job like teaching. But where did this belief come from? The dominant school of thought in psychiatry locates the origins of such ‘beliefs’ in malfunctioning brain chemistry, which are to be corrected by pharmaceuticals; psychoanalysis and forms of therapy influenced by it famously look for the roots of mental distress in family background, while Cognitive Behavioural Therapy is less interested in locating the source of negative beliefs than it is in simply replacing them with a set of positive stories. It is not that these models are entirely false, it is that they miss – and must miss – the most likely cause of such feelings of inferiority: social power. The form of social power that had most effect on me was class power, although of course gender, race and other forms of oppression work by producing the same sense of ontological inferiority, which is best expressed in exactly the thought I articulated above: that one is not the kind of person who can fulfill roles which are earmarked for the dominant group.

On the urging of one of the readers of my book Capitalist Realism, I started to investigate the work of David Smail. Smail – a therapist, but one who makes the question of power central to his practice – confirmed the hypotheses about depression that I had stumbled towards. In his crucial book The Origins of Unhappiness, Smail describes how the marks of class are designed to be indelible. For those who from birth are taught to think of themselves as lesser, the acquisition of qualifications or wealth will seldom be sufficient to erase – either in their own minds or in the minds of others – the  primordial sense of worthlessness that marks them so early in life. Someone who moves out of the social sphere they are ‘supposed’ to occupy is always in danger of being overcome by feelings of vertigo, panic and horror: “…isolated, cut off, surrounded by hostile space, you are suddenly without connections, without stability, with nothing to hold you upright or in place; a dizzying, sickening unreality takes possession of you; you are threatened by a complete loss of identity, a sense of utter fraudulence; you have no right to be here, now, inhabiting this body, dressed in this way; you are a nothing, and ‘nothing’ is quite literally what you feel you are about to become.”

For some time now, one of the most successful tactics of the ruling class has been responsibilisation. Each individual member of the subordinate class is encouraged into feeling that their poverty, lack of opportunities, or unemployment, is their fault and their fault alone. Individuals will blame themselves rather than social structures, which in any case they have been induced into believing do not really exist (they are just excuses, called upon by the weak). What Smail calls ‘magical voluntarism’ – the belief that it is within every individual’s power to make themselves whatever they want to be – is the dominant ideology and unofficial religion of contemporary capitalist society, pushed by reality TV ‘experts’ and business gurus as much as by politicians. Magical voluntarism is both an effect and a cause of the currently historically low level of class consciousness. It is the flipside of depression – whose underlying conviction is that we are all uniquely responsible for our own misery and therefore deserve it. A particularly vicious double bind is imposed on the long-term unemployed in the UK now: a population that has all its life been sent the message that it is good for nothing is simultaneously told that it can do anything it wants to do.

We must understand the fatalistic submission of the UK’s population to austerity as the consequence of a deliberately cultivated depression. This depression is manifested in the acceptance that things will get worse (for all but a small elite), that we are lucky to have a job at all (so we shouldn’t expect wages to keep pace with inflation), that we cannot afford the collective provision of the welfare state. Collective depression is the result of the ruling class project of resubordination. For some time now, we have increasingly accepted the idea that we are not the kind of people who can act. This isn’t a failure of will any more than an individual depressed person can ‘snap themselves out of it’ by ‘pulling their socks up’. The rebuilding of class consciousness is a formidable task indeed, one that cannot be achieved by calling upon ready-made solutions – but, in spite of what our collective depression tells us, it can be done. Inventing new forms of political involvement, reviving institutions that have become decadent, converting privatised disaffection into politicised anger: all of this can happen, and when it does, who knows what is possible?

By Mark Fisher | k-punk.abstractdynamics.org

This work is licensed under a

Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported License

.

[beckyhstark78-blog]

Your House Project - Educating Yourself On Plumbing Technician Fees

As any kind of house owner will confirm, employing a plumbing professional is typically done when there continues to be little other option. A thrifty do-it-yourselfer will typically attempt to repair the annoying leakage, flood, or jerk in an effort to conserve money. Yet when a genuinely challenging issue emerges or the effort at self-plumbing confirms useless, it becomes essential to hire the professionals. As well as, ultimately, it comes to be necessary to rapidly as well as extensively educate on your own on the most current plumber prices.

Jumping carelessly right into hiring the very first plumbing professional you come across in the yellow web pages can quickly yield devastating outcomes. Taking the additional actions to research study plumbing rates will certainly put you in control of your scenario; you'll recognize what to anticipate and therefore know what to seek out in regards to reliable plumbings.

When researching plumbing technician prices there are a selection of resources in the direction of which to transform. The Internet, as always, is a valuable source of information on a selection of subjects. Just do a search for plumbing rates in your location as well as you'll quickly discover topography. Further, there are often chat online forums where you can access customers that have actually likely remained in your situation at one time or an additional. In addition, you can frequently consult with expert plumbing technicians themselves to find out the current plumbing prices for a credible solution.

However, one of the most vital resource for finding out plumbing professional rates in your location is individuals with whom you share an area. Count on your neighbors, close friends, and also good friends of pals to find the most trustworthy and reliable plumbing professionals in your location. This will certainly likewise grant you one of the most current information regarding plumbing technician prices.

One crucial thing to keep in mind is that low plumbing technician prices might not constantly conserve you money ultimately. Extra seasoned plumbing technicians will typically charge plumbing professional rates that match their level of experience. Attempting to reduce edges by employing a plumber based exclusively on their low plumber prices may cause even more problem than it's worth. A cheaply priced plumber may undercut his competitors but there might be a reason for his rates.

However, when hiring a seasoned, respectable plumbing you can often bring prices down by using to provide products on your own. By doing this, you are paying only for labor. Remember, nevertheless, that there's danger connected with this as mistaken materials will certainly not be assured by the worked with plumbing technician.

Inevitably, it might make the most sense to locate the most effective plumbing you can find and also pay the associated plumber rates. As is usually the instance, you get what you spend for. So choose intelligently.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nm4wXJ_JfLs

[sheila21telford-blog]

Your Residence Project - Educating Yourself On Plumber Fees

As any kind of house owner will certainly confirm, calling in a plumbing technician is normally done when there remains little other choice. A thrifty do-it-yourselfer will certainly frequently attempt to fix the upseting leak, flood, or wiggle in an effort to save cash. Yet when an absolutely difficult problem develops or the effort at self-plumbing proves useless, it comes to be required to contact the experts. As well as, ultimately, it comes to be essential to swiftly as well as completely educate on your own on the most present plumber rates.

Leaping headfirst into working with the very first plumbing technician you find in the yellow pages could quickly generate tragic outcomes. Taking the additional steps to research study plumbing professional prices will put you in control of your scenario; you'll know what to anticipate as well as therefore recognize what to look for in terms of reliable plumbings.

When investigating plumbing rates there are a range of sources towards which to turn. The Web, as always, is a beneficial source of info on a range of topics. Just do a look for plumbing professional prices in your area and you'll swiftly find out topography. Additionally, there are often chat discussion forums where you can access consumers that have actually likely been in your scenario at one time or another. Additionally, you can commonly talk to professional plumbing technicians themselves to discover the current plumbing technician rates for a reliable solution.

Nonetheless, one of the most invaluable resource for finding out plumbing professional prices in your location is the people with whom you share a community. Turn to your neighbors, close friends, as well as friends of buddies to locate the most reputable and also credible plumbers in your area. This will certainly likewise give you the most current details concerning plumber prices.

One crucial thing to keep in mind is that reduced plumbing technician prices might not constantly conserve you loan in the long run. A lot more skilled plumbing technicians will typically charge plumbing technician rates that match their level of experience. Attempting to reduce corners by employing a plumbing professional based exclusively on their low plumbing prices may result in even more trouble than it's worth. An inexpensively priced plumbing professional may undercut his competition yet there may be a reason for his prices.

However, when employing a knowledgeable, trustworthy plumbing professional you can typically bring costs down by offering to supply products on your own. This way, you are paying just for labor. Bear in mind, nonetheless, that there's threat connected with this as flawed products will certainly not be guaranteed by the employed plumber.

Eventually, it may make one of the most feeling to discover the best plumbing you can discover as well as pay the connected plumber rates. As is usually the case, you get what you spend for. So choose carefully.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r9My48xEOkM

[mayacatmaster]

Which you? Which world? Between old me and new me?

This is the new virtual me.

*** *** ***

The Idea Is That We Are Always Awake, But Always Dreaming.  You Can, In Your Evolution, Begin To Experience This In-Between State, This Hybrid State, This Blended State, Of Really Knowing -CONSCIOUSLY Knowing, That You Are Creating Your Dream, That You Are Creating Your Physical Reality As A Dream, As A Projection - That It Can Really Be Designed To Be What You Prefer It To Be.  ~Bashar (TH E Awakening) *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** Via and thanks “Erin Elliott‎”: *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***

Once you are in control of the way you feel, you will enjoy it You will enjoy sensing things that are about to happen, you will enjoy seeing things beginning to fall into place, and you will adore witnessing the manifesta-tions of your desires. ~Abraham

*** *** ***

Shiva is Shakti. Shakti is Shiva.  Nothing is Everything and Everything is Nothing.  Form is empty, Empty is form. The shakti that is in the world, is only one.  All these troubles arise if we think that we are separate from that shakti. ~ Ramana Maharshi

*** *** ***

Telling it like it is, will hold it like it is forever. We would recommend that you get a notebook and you call it "MY LIFE STORY" and you begin writing Chapter 1: My life story relative to Abundance, and you just fabricate a fabulous fairy tale that is pleasing to you. This is the new virtual me. And we promise you, if you tell that story for just a little while, instead of the story you've been telling, the Universe doesn't know whether the story you're telling is the reality or not. The Universe only knows it's the vibration that's activated. And the vibration that's activated is the Vibration Law of Attraction is answering.

~ABRAHAM

*** *** *** Your work is so simple. Your work is just to think thoughts that match the desire, rather than it's absence. To say words that match the desire, rather than it's absence. To tell the story of what you are creating, rather than the story of the reason why you are creating it. ~Abraham *** *** *** You Can't Continue to Do To Do The Work Of Creation Through Words And Action, When The Work Of Creation Has Always Been About The Alignment Of Thought. There Is Always Thought And The More Thought Is Focused Upon , The More Form It Takes, Until There Is Manifestation, That You Call Your Real Experience. ~Abraham Hicks *** *** *** Dream Your Dream For The Dream's Sake, And Never Mind About Reality Or Probabilities. ~Abraham *** *** *** It is not your work to make anything happen. It’s your work to dream it and let it happen. Law of Attraction will make it happen. In your joy, you create something, and then you maintain your vibrational harmony with it, and the Universe must find a way to bring it about. That’s the promise of Law of Attraction. ~Abraham *** *** ***

And in another hand…:

You dream that you are a king. You enjoy various kinds of royal pleasures. As soon as you wake up, everything vanishes. But, you do not feel for the loss because you know that the dream-creatures are all false similarly When you know the real element (Brahman/supreme soul/absolute), the waking consciousness also will become quite false like a dream. Waking state is only a long dream . The state of waking consciousness does not exist either in dream or deep sleep. Therefore, it is illusory.

REALITY ALWAYS EXISTS IN ALL CONDITIONS OR STATES.

That which exists in all states unchangingly is only real.

*** *** ***

Consciousness is the True Self of which everyone is aware. No one is away from the True Self. So each one is Self-released. Yet what a mystery that no one knows this fundamental fact, and desires to realize the True Self?

This ignorance is due to the mistaking of the “body”( I am this or that mind/body/person/name-tag/dreamer/roles) for the “True Self”(Source; Tao; Brahma). ~ Ramana Maharshi

*** *** ***

Your outer physical reality is not outer, it is INNER.  All your explorations and all your ideas, no matter how they may magnify scientifically or otherwise, are all going to be the result of the way you change the idea of how you see yourself and what you know is possible in your dimension of experience. ~Bashar *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** Via and thanks “Michelle Copeland”: *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** Now you define your reality is what you experience, literally, because all things in physical reality are fundamentally neutral, they have no built in meaning at all. You are designed to give life meaning, you are designed to give meaning to different circumstances and situations. That is the gift, that is the power, you have been given by creation as a co-creator. The meaning you give to something determines the effect you get out of it. This is just physics, it is what we call the third law of creation - what you put out, is what you get back. ~Bashar *** *** ***  You Already Contain It All There Is No Outside There Is No External There Is Only You Experiencing Yourself There Is Nowhere To Go You Are Already There — There Is Nothing To Get Rid Of Process Through, Earn, Gain Or Achieve There Is Simply Decision. It Is Up To You~ In Any Given Moment To Express Who,You Prefer To Be Versus Any Self—Imposed Definition . ~Bashar *** *** *** Reality Is Just An Audio-Visual Representation Of Your Beliefs Decisions & Actions If You Don't Like What It's Showing You Change Them. ~Bashar *** *** *** You will appear to go nowhere, unless you recognize that wherever you are, right now, is a necessary step to where you could be in the future. You are always building the foundation for what you want. You need only recognize that staring at what you don't want continues to give you just that: what you don't want. That is because the world "out there" is a reflection of the focus of your consciousness, mind, and thoughts. Attempting to get rid of what you don't like is quite useless. Your present moment point is the pinnacle of Power. It holds all that you need to discover more of what you love. It is time now to commit to being as present as you can in order to feel and reclaim your power. ~The Guider *** *** *** Have you accomplished your point of attraction deliberately or by default? Have you prepared the climate or atmosphere around you by deliberately meditating; by quieting your mind; by looking for thoughts that feel good; by making lists of things that please you? Or is your point of attraction a knee-jerk response to something someone else said; or to something you are observing around you? What is the reason for your point of attraction? Why are you thinking the thoughts that you are thinking? Are you doing it on purpose? Or are you doing it by default? ~Abraham-Hicks *** *** *** You are the Creator of what’s real. ~Abraham *** *** *** Whatever you believe about yourself on the inside is what you will manifest on the outside. Now, you see yourself as what? As who? Now, you identify with yourself as what? As who? Which world? Which you? *** *** *** Whose death do you fear?  For whom is the fear?  —Talk 202.  *** *** *** There is the identification of the Self with the “body”(I am this or that body/mind/person). So long as there is this, there will be fear. ~Sri Ramana Maharshi.  *** *** *** As a phenomenon.  You are the witness of it. How can you lose this understanding, this insight? ~Mooji *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** Why do you still consider the phenomena? See who the "Seer"(Witness; True Self; Wholeness; Brahman) is. ~Ramana Maharishi *** *** *** The Seer is most important.  You are.  That is most important.  Concentrate on the Seer, not on the seen.  All that you see is false and the Seer alone is true.  All knowledge you gather is useless, until you hold on to your Self. You are the Truth, not what is being told to you, not what you see. ~Sri Ramana Maharshi  *** *** *** All that we see is a dream,  whether we see it in the dream state or waking state. One has only to remove the transitory happenings in order to realize the ever-present beatitude of the Self. *** *** *** Since the seer alone sees, he does not regard any other factor as the seer (subject).  He is fully awake in the supreme truth; ~Yoga Vasistha *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***

Imagine... imagine: once a person wraps their mind around the understanding that they never had to buy into that (belief that they are a victim of external circumstances) as a fact, that they've been doing it to themselves all their lives — once a person understands that, and breaks free from that, imagine how powerful and indestructible they are from that point forward. ~Bashar *** *** *** Not all learning comes out of books. *** *** *** And most preach/teach simply can't pass through life practice verification on history. *** *** *** Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation. ~Qscar Wilde *** *** *** If You Look At The People In Your Circle And You Don't Get Inspired You Don't Have A Circle You Have A Cage. ~Nipsey Hussle *** *** *** Real is rare.  *** *** *** Make sure your saints/moral/religion/education help you as alignment-deliberate-creator And DO not kiss any kind of dark-tyrant-ruler’s-ass.  No matter who or what topic…! *** *** ***  When he begins to know himself a man sees that he has nothing that is his own... [and] all that he has regarded as his own, his views, thoughts, convictions, tastes, habits, even faults and vices, all these are not his own, but have been either formed through imitation or borrowed from somewhere ready-made. In feeling this a man may feel his nothingness. And in feeling his nothingness a man should see himself as he really is. ~ George Gurdjieff Quotes *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** Via and thanks “The Toronto Hypnotherapist” *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** Finally, As Humankind I Decide Want To Live An Unkiss-Dark-Tyrant-Ruler’s-Ass & Unbullshitafied Life, no matter Within Or Without. *** *** *** The Only OPINION In All of The Universe That Is Of True  Importance To You Is Your Own, And Your Own Opinion Of You Affects The Entire Universe. ~Abraham Hicks  *** *** *** We meet ourselves time and again in a thousand disguises on the Path of life. So…: To me, being spiritual means... don’t blind obey and kiss dark tyrant ruler’s ass, no matter of within or without teach/preach.  *** *** *** Distance yourself for a bit.  You'll realize a lot.  Physically I am here.  Mentally I am far, far away indifferent witness myself just like outside-alien. *** *** *** Watch Life, as if you are watching a movie! Watch your own 3D-life-movie, as if you are watching another people’s 3D-life-movie. Watch your own self, as if you are watching another people's self. Watch your own beliefs, as if you are watching another people’s beliefs.... inquiry and question it. *** *** *** If you cling to a particular “cultural”(social/religion/moral/family-belief-system-mindset) conditioning, obviously you are incapable of examining. Examination requires freedom to observe, but if you are tethered to a particular conviction, to a particular ideal, to a particular tradition, then examination is not possible and you cannot possibly reason clearly.  ~J Krishnamurti, Inward Revolution  *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** Via and thanks “Mina Milos”: *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** Once we Rise Above ALL the Man-Made, Self-Imposed Limitations of religious/moral/social-family-belief-system, dogma, doctrines, and superstitions, we will SEE ourselves clearly for the first time. *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** Via and thanks “Dolores Kuechler”: *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** If You Believe Everything You Hear From The Truth Movement And Repeat It Without Verifying It Or Questioning It, The “truth” Is That You Don't Know If It Is true. *** *** *** Truth Is About Questioning Everything - Even This Message.  Not About Replacing Unquestioning Belief In The Official Story Of How The World Works With Unquestioning Belief In What The FigureHeads Of The “TRUTH Movement” say and think. Pay Attention.  Use Your Own Judgment.  Question Everything. *** *** *** "BELIEFS A Denial Of Truth, Belief Hinders Truth.” ~Krishnamurti *** *** *** "If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun." ~KATHARINE HEPBURN *** *** ***  The more you identify with the problem, the more you strengthen the connection with it. The more you react to something in a negative way, the more negative energy you create and feelings that arise from it. Stop giving your power away by bringing awareness to your problem and realizing that this problem is not you. It's just a program that runs in your mind and needs to be dealt with. AUTHOR OF THE AWAKENED LIVING  *** *** ***

[jamesbtillery2-blog]

Your Home Project - Educating Yourself On Plumbing Technician Rates

As any kind of home owner will certainly attest, contacting a plumbing technician is typically done when there stays little other choice. A thrifty do-it-yourselfer will typically try to repair the offending leakage, flood, or jerk in an effort to conserve loan. Yet when a really challenging trouble occurs or the initiative at self-plumbing shows useless, it ends up being required to contact the specialists. And, consequently, it becomes essential to swiftly and also thoroughly enlighten on your own on the most present plumbing technician rates.

Leaping headfirst right into employing the very first plumber you come across in the yellow web pages might conveniently yield tragic results. Taking the added steps to research plumbing professional prices will put you in control of your scenario; you'll recognize what to expect and therefore recognize what to seek in regards to reliable plumbings.

When researching plumbing rates there are a variety of sources towards which to transform. The Web, as constantly, is an important resource of info on a variety of topics. Merely do a look for plumbing technician prices in your area and also you'll quickly learn the lay of the land. Even more, there are frequently chat online forums where you can access consumers that have likely remained in your situation at once or an additional. Furthermore, you can typically talk with expert plumbings themselves to discover the current plumbing rates for a trusted solution.

Nonetheless, one of the most important resource for learning plumbing professional prices in your location is individuals with whom you share a community. Count on your next-door neighbors, good friends, and friends of buddies to find one of the most respectable and also trustworthy plumbings in your location. This will certainly likewise give you the most updated info regarding plumbing rates.

One crucial point to bear in mind is that reduced plumbing prices might not constantly save you cash in the end. Much more knowledgeable plumbing professionals will certainly frequently bill plumbing prices that match their degree of experience. Trying to reduce corners by hiring a plumbing professional based only on their reduced plumbing rates might cause more problem than it deserves. An inexpensively priced plumbing technician might undercut his competition however there might be a factor for his costs.

Nonetheless, when employing an experienced, trusted plumber you can commonly bring rates down by supplying to supply materials on your own. By doing this, you are paying only for labor. Remember, however, that there's danger connected with this as mistaken products will certainly not be assured by the employed plumber.

Ultimately, it may make the most sense to discover the most effective plumbing technician you can locate and pay the linked plumbing technician rates. As is typically the situation, you obtain what you spend for. So choose wisely.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dLuhXy9MsR0

[marissarla924-blog]

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As that possesses therefore incredibly usually been lamented, the considerable amount of being human is actually truly nothing over a bedroom from thorns embellished through a handful of occasional roses. The Viewpoint, Install, and also Broadcast (VDT) document offers treatments information to determine if they meet the Meaningful Make use of Phase 2 step for patients taking action on their health relevant information. Language is regularly context-determined: phrases depend upon various other terms as well as on the planet to which they associate and refer. Flowers may make the ideal technique for you to communicate your views to your meaningful various other. If you cherished this post and you would like to obtain extra data relating to yellow pages personal directory uk (www.acueductour.com.mx) kindly stop by the site. 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To repair leave as well as reconnect with people, brands should begin listening to resident requirements as well as start sustaining a dialogue regarding the concerns that are actually purposeful to all of them (speak), open to new perspectives and also shared believing along with consumers as well as other stakeholders as a move toward a shared objective (think), while strengthening the connection with them and also getting their rely on (rely on). Meaningful usage looks all about chronicling that the medical doctor is performing every thing needed to make sure the client is being treated all at once person and certainly not merely for his/her presenting problem. Quotes targeted at disheartening, or even making fun of an individual's bodily attributes, handicaps or opinions should never ever be used, as they produce the quoter look hateful and also little instead of humorous. But when they looked inside, neither might uncover what was relevant for all of them. There's an easy first-level response: The hunt for meaningful job have to be led through where you try to find significance. Last but not least, if you prefer to make up a relevant eulogy for your dad, you likewise need to feature a number of your dad's achievements or even exclusive capacities. I have actually certainly never readied at taking favors, yet I chose this was opportunity to learn to say thank you" to their kind terms. However the honest truth is actually, if you desire to have meaningful connections, you've reached want to allow go of your plan and really center know one more. When 2 folks love one another they experience the absolute most stunning sensation around the world. Exactly what is actually certainly not purposeful use electronic filing maintaining are the disputes, alarms, as well as hands directing at those suggesting the impending regulation. Meaningful advertising hooks up brand names along with a beneficial mission to improve the quality of life. No matter whether a conservatory is a handful of flowerpots on the windowsill or even a sizable selection of containers scattered throughout the whole house, indoor vegetations deliver a purposeful measurement to any type of house. As a matter of fact, seeking significant job is not basically different off any other occupation or project search. The researchers discovered that tracks that were actually ordinarily useless to the listeners ended up being significant when people listened to them intoxicated of LSD. This Is this writers view that we as dark guys have created that through the hardiest of time achievable, in the past speaking. Stores could end up being the brand-new Googles of the fmcg business, producing the context for 'better consumption'; guiding, training and helping people achieve the end results that are actually purposeful to them. Telugu Christian tunes urge people to dedicate to a further and also extra relevant relationship with The lord. 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This year, our vacation gifts can be articulations of true gratitude which will have real impact on our connections as well as create our holiday season one to bear in mind. So why not discuss your ideal preferred quotes with your familied member so you can easily enjoy discussing the deep significance it has together. That would explain why Cindy Crawford's Meaningful Charm items target the exact same skin concerns of aging including alright lines around the lips and also eyes, lines, dry skin, in different means, and also with various aspects from importance as compared to Victoria Principal's Reclaim. Therefore, while experiencing a difficulty of choosing a meaningful present, the first step is actually to establish the type from the present. This is actually a lot more a trivia activity to understand that Jane suggests God is grateful or that Alexander indicates defender of males or that George implies earth worker or even that Erin indicates from Ireland. As an example, discovering a checklist from nonce words or even vocabularies can be built through subjective analyses from these terms or groups. They take advantage of tracks and rhymes that give the base for understanding just how language operates. Using specific phrases and also rejecting to utilize others is a signal that political formality like all social patterns that acquire complete recognition, may be made use of in dishonest, self permissive and also hazardous methods. Normally, you would would like to look as specialist as you can, certainly not merely to thrill your boss and also clients in wearing golf shirt for men but to feel great in your own self also. Celtic cross designs are actually well-known among folks along with Celtic links (Irish, Scottish, or Welsh) in their family history. There is actually a basic first-level solution: The look for purposeful work have to be guided by where you search for meaning. Finally, if you want to compose a meaningful eulogy for your father, you also have to include a few of your dad's success or even special capabilities. I have actually certainly never been good at allowing favors, but I chose it was actually opportunity to discover how to say thank you" to their kind phrases. Products with Direct Texting capacities can use this as a design for sending out CCDAs to individuals for the purposes from Meaningful Make use of VDT criteria. The schedules from relevant usage specify a collection of goals and procedures to ensure enhancement from population wellness in the coming years. A lot of view this as a physicians' trouble since they are actually the targeted group in charge of meeting significant usage demands. This gives our tattoos an extra definition, because our experts are going to think of our wedding whenever we take a look at this. Male were elevated to express themselves and also associate with those around all of them by means of ACTIVITY. Love is just one of one of the most gorgeous traits worldwide that can ever before occur to any person in the world. Uses that make use of Straight Messaging integration to deliver CCDAs to HealthVault for Meaningful Make use of purposes, must register a request in the Request Setup Facility, allow Significant Make use of on the Procedures button, and connect their sending out Straight Message domain name with the request I.D. on the Meaningful Usage button. When she switches off the light to head to rest, visualize her satisfy and surprise observing those terms coming from you.

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Data democratisation strategy: 12 key factors for success

82% of decision-makers believe analytics can strongly improve their business activities and processes. This figure illustrates a trend that’s gaining ground with more and more companies: data democratisation. In theory, a data-driven approach seems almost simplistic: you open up access to data to all employees, and you expect each person, at his or her own level, to decide which information is useful for his or her own work, based on the numbers. The result? Reduced costs to access information, greater efficiency, and faster decision-making.

Sure, but with this kind of project, the traps can be numerous. Security, data responsibility, questions of governance, the human factor, training, change management… many things must be considered to avoid pitfalls and make your project really happen. Here are a few principles, some general and some very specific to the digital analytics field, which we think are crucial to apply.

Get project support from a member of upper management

Buy-in from general management is crucial. If you forget to get an influential person from the board on-board with your adventure, it can be penalising… This person should be there to support and promote your data democratisation initiative internally by:

Guaranteeing the alignment of your analytics project with the company strategy and priorities

Safeguarding the project’s very existence (which could be threatened by any internal conflicts or pressure)

Providing significant pull when it comes to acquiring analytics budgets

So who should this super ambassador be? There’s no set position or role, but this person should be both convinced of the value of a data-driven approach, and sufficiently influential to protect your project and help it advance.

Consider the impact and disruptive effect on decision-makers

By all logic, if nobody from the executive management level is a stakeholder in your data democratisation project, no strategic decisions will be made based on analytics data. But beyond this observation – and even if data is only one influential element (amongst others) in decision-making – the idea of using data to manage business can be a major point of contention in certain companies. It’s not always easy for a decision-maker to rely on the numbers and give up some of his or her decision-making power. The biggest challenge in tempering this radical change in culture is proving the effectiveness of democratising analytics in boosting business growth.

Align analytics KPIs with the company strategy

A direct link should exist between the company strategy and your key performance indicators (KPIs). In other words, all your efforts should support the company’s overall strategy: product offering, business objectives, areas of development, key markets, internal organisation, etc. Each person who uses data can, at his or her own level, set objectives and a scope of measurement. This could revolve around geographic areas to address, specific business operations that are underway or upcoming (like sales periods, the holidays, etc.), channels to be optimised (mobile sites vs. apps, for example). After determining these areas of focus, KPIs and metrics can be determined which will enable each specific job role to better drive and manage its digital performance.

Address the question of data responsibility

The person who collects, processes and publishes data is not (necessarily) accountable for the results it reveals. Data can be a powerful catalyst, whether it serves to justify a decision, stop a campaign, renew a budget… or to fuel the flames of an internal conflict, or hamper the evolution of a given project. The political aspect of data is very real, and its impact can be felt throughout the company. The analyst who reports good or bad news is only the messenger. He or she shouldn’t have to suffer because of poor performance… nor should he or she be congratulated for good performance, either. Nonetheless, the analyst is the guarantor of strong data quality (data that’s accurate, consistent, timely, clean and complete). So be very clear about things. Help each person be conscientious and determine responsibilities for analysis, processes, usage, security and results. In short, lay the foundations for a solid governance strategy, and don’t leave any room for ambiguity. The analyst must procure and maintain this independence for his or her own survival.

Don’t bet everything on your analytics tool

You’ve got an awesome tool, super-advanced features, everything should just take care of itself, right? Alas, no! You mustn’t count on your solution alone. Even the best analytics tool in the world is useless without the experience of competent and trained individuals who can implement the tool and use it to its full potential. The higher the technical complexity, the more critical human analysis becomes for interpreting numbers, detecting weak signals, and putting data into context. Do not bypass or neglect the human factor. Train your teams on how to best use your analytics tool, and let an expert agency help you interpret your analytics data.

Turn to your analytics team

In other words, it’s important to sufficiently and meaningfully invest in your analytics human talent. The team (or the individual) in charge of your analytics will be the driving force behind your data democratisation project. Obviously, your analytics team will be involved in implementation, analysis, reporting, and performance management on a daily basis, but will also play a key role in change management and evangelisation to your other colleagues. Make sufficient investments, and create an organisational structure that reflects the complexity of your measurement needs, your business activity, the number of data users in your company, their data needs, and their digital analytics maturity.

Don’t forget data quality control

After the analytics solution implementation phase, it’s verifying your data quality which will determine the success of your project. If data is inaccurate, inconsistent, outdated or unclear, it can be a source of judgment errors, threaten your credibility, and sink your entire data democratisation initiative. And unfortunately, the analytics sector has long suffered from an association with data produced by free tools, which is often sampled and unreliable. To earn the trust of your decision-makers, and to have a true impact on your company’s strategic decisions, your data must be robust. Use tools like Tag Crawler and Tag Inspector for data quality control before working with your data and sharing it. Questions about this vast topic? Have a look at our comprehensive free guide on data quality in digital analytics.

Remember, your colleagues are not all analysts…

… and they’ll be able to sort everything out with their data by themselves, easily. No, unfortunately, this is not the case. They probably don’t understand all your jargon and are sometimes total newbies when it comes to interpreting an indicator. As an analytics expert, your role is to lay the groundwork for them. This means first defining a real strategy for using analytics data within your company. Ask yourself the right questions: Can your colleagues work independently enough to consult their performance by themselves? What are the 3 essential KPIs they should focus on? How should requests be managed and prioritised? These considerations – and many others – will help feed your organisation’s analytics best practices.

Encourage simplified access to and visualisation of data

Data visualisation technology has become increasingly popular. There’s no doubt about it, dataviz tools encourage the trend of democratising data for audiences who are not familiar with analytics. The formula is simple: intuitive tools, simplified interfaces, streamlined UX and immediate access to relevant information. As the provider of an analytics solution, our challenge is to give users the ability to work independently so that they can easily decode their data and extract insights.

Consider privacy and security issues

Placing analytics data in the hands of all your colleagues doesn’t come without some risk. With the GDPR coming into effect in May 2018, questions about privacy are, more than ever, at the heart of the debate. It’s therefore absolutely necessary to think about an analytics governance system that addresses these new legislative aspects. It’s also a way to protect your employees (and avoid any blunders!). Here’s an example related to your analytics solution’s access rights system: to save money, certain companies will have shared logins via standard email addresses. This can create huge security breaches, as these shared logins often remain active even when a person leaves the company. Take great care to make access rights secure and personalised in your analytics solution (which should most definitely give you this option!).

Invest in training (for the long-term)

Your analytics tools are constantly evolving, as are your objectives. Democratising your digital analytics is a fundamental effort. You must therefore consider this project more as a marathon, rather than a sprint. Whether you need to learn to interpret results, or learn how to use new features, training should be a part of your long-term plan. Lack of skill is a major roadblock to many analytics initiatives. Certain metrics can create confusion for non-experts (like “visitor” vs. “visit”, for example). So without any training on the basics of web analytics, your colleagues may not understand their data, and might even interpret it wrongly. What’s worse, if it finds itself in the wrong hands, data can be stripped of its meaning and even manipulated to be harmful for the company. Training ensures that shared vocabulary is used among colleagues, and also guarantees the trust so necessary for analytics within your organisation.

Go beyond the context of analytics

To be used on a company-wide level, analytics data must be enriched. Too often, we restrict ourselves to a few standard analytics metrics, without looking to go any further with our analysis. When used to its full potential, a (good) tool can give you so much more information than number of visits, visitors, page views and bounce rate. Take this example: marketers generally use several tools to measure and optimise marketing actions (emailing, dataviz, BI, DMP, and testing tools…). If your analytics solution interconnects with other systems, it unlocks maximum value for you: importing and extracting data, enriching your CRM base, and visualising 3rd-party data. In short, this aspect is fundamental to providing relevant performance indicators to your business users, and to helping your data democratisation strategy flourish.

Want to know more on this topic? Check out the guide below:

Credits: Photo by Jesse Collins on Unsplash

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How to win an argument with someone who is always right

The Self Improvement Blog | Self Esteem | Self Confidence

As society and people are growing more in knowledge, status and the quality of life, some people tend to think they know more than others. There are two kinds of people: people who want to learn and people who think have learned enough already. It can be frustrating to deal with people who think they know it all and can never be wrong. These people think they have a reputation to maintain—the reputation for being always right. A person’s constant need of being right is basically masking the fear that if they are wrong others won’t like them.  It can be frustrating to enter into an argument with these people. And they find ways to argue over nothing. The following are some tips on how to win an argument with people who think they are always right:

Pick your own battles

It’s not important to fight every battle and not every battle is to be won. Pick the battles you think are important to fight for. If your argument is useless and hopeless, you are just beating about the bush and only trying to do the same thing your opponent is doing i.e. to show that you are always right. If you think the topic is useless, skip the argument and concentrate on your own important things. Do not waste your energy on useless battles. Instead, focus on things that may affect your day to day life. Walk away from the argument because winning this one might not be worth all the strife and struggle. Take your energy out of a losing battle and conserve it for another that you can most possibly win for a good cause. After all, what gain is it to argue with someone who fails to see the legitimacy of the opinions of others.

Stay strong and calm

Staying calm depends on the nature of the surroundings, the environment, and the flexibility of your own self. With the growing economy, people have been working under stress. This had led them to be more firm. However, it is important to maintain a healthy and a good attitude at all times. It is important that you maintain your self-confidence at all times especially while a discourse with such people. This is to project your persona as important and serious enough to be heard.

Amy Cuddy, a Harvard psychology professor has indicated that positioning our bodies to occupy more space can elevate our testosterone levels and lower cortisol levels, a combination that raises self-confidence. This clearly depicts that one must take notice of his/her body position and nonverbal communication while communicating with people. You can do this by simple actions such as sitting up straight in your chair, which will help you feel that you are in command.

Those who believe they are always right often pride themselves on being extremely rational. Be firm and do not get angry or desperate. A clear vision and mind will always get you ahead all times. Laura Markham, a clinical psychologist, recommends remembering something that makes you feel, calm and secure. This visualization technique will instantly help you go stress-free. She recommends going to your help place every time you are under stress. Always stand tall and keep your head high. Dominance in behavior and the attitude of your rival comes to him naturally from his position of fear and complexes. If you are doing the best you can do, then do not just give your rival the gratification of pushing you around. Always keep your head high, stand tall and never cower.

Present facts rather than your own opinions

Your rival will always want to break down your argument first and then your confidence. Your opponent will try to counter any opinion you present. Always use statements that you can back with facts or your first-hand experience. Be defensive while your opponent tries to be offensive. During conflicts, opinions lack the power to counter facts present by the other. Make it difficult for your opponent to break your well-structured defense. Try to use facts that are legitimate and accurate and are indisputable. You can also ask for facts from your opponent and counter their opinions. Present some strong data that backs your concise conversation i.e. do not present justifications, present facts.

Avoid being sarcastic in your conversation

Widely, sarcasm is considered as the lowest forms of humor used to insult someone in a lighter tone. Sarcasm won’t often strengthen your case. It may rather spoil it. Such phrases can only make your argument worse. So try to be more straightforward in your conversation with a person who thinks he is “Mr. Right”. Sarcasm will never win an argument.

Assess your relationship and know if it’s worth it:

Primarily, you should look for the reasons of conflict and difficulty with your opponent by considering the factors affecting the situation i.e. nature of the environment, your attitude towards the subject, identifying the motivations of your opponent and the areas of his concerns. We can call this practice an assessment of the situation.  Before you enter into an argument, make sure you really are dealing with a worthy subject.  Determine if it is you who needs to back out or him. Leave the argument if you do not have the valid facts to back your stance. You should be farsighted enough to make truthful and fruitful efforts to work out the argument with your opponent. Therefore, assess and discover the reasons for hitches, narrowness or difficulties to resolve the argument to a win-lose situation.

Be calm yet offensive during the middle of the argument

Your calm attitude can lead your opponent to offensive towards you. You should overcome this issue to deal with your difficult opponent by constantly preparing your mind to conceive “How to win an argument with a Mr. Right?” You can achieve this by showing him your dedication to the subject and your organic knowledge of it. While dealing with your difficult opponent, keep in mind not to let your emotions get out of hand.

Understand your opponent’s perspective and consider the alternatives

Another approach is to put yourself in your opponents’ shoes and try to understand his perception and perspective. Always keep your difficult opponent under observation for his behavior/attitude towards you and your stance and try to find out what triggers him. Sometimes it is important to see things as he sees them to counter him.  Further, avoid triggering him, stopping an argument before it can start.

Work around his weaknesses

Another way to deal with such a person is to work on his weakness, striking his weak spots. You should work on your own defenses proactively, as well. Effective communication is the best way to handle any sort of unfavorable situation. You should try to build an effective communication system between you and your opponent, which can act as a liaison. For effective communication, you should have the ability to address your concerns with your rival in ways that ends it in a win-win situation.

Say the right things at the right time

Wise people always react after considering the facts, consequences of the situation and securing their position. When dealing with a difficult rival, you should analyze your situation and consider the consequences of your debate. When you think that your position is secure and you are competent enough to respond positively to the behavior of your rival, enter into the debate by saying the right things at the right time.

Be responsible and be a leader

Sometimes, difficulty in an argument with a person who thinks he is right arises due to his incompetence. When dealing with an incompetent rival, behave and act as a leader. Observe the areas of incompetency of your rival, and take the lead on your own by relaxing and helping your rival in tackling the situations that arise in those areas. This will allow your rival to think that you are responsible and dedicated towards your stance and you are considerate towards your rival, which is a favorable sign for ending the conversation constructively.

Admit that you cannot change your rival

If the nature of your rival is aggressive that means he is difficult to handle, admit it that this is his inner characteristic, and he is difficult for everyone, not just for you. If you are facing such issue, admit that it is not possible to change his nature and end the discourse with your stance.

By analyzing and assessing the situation, you can effectively deal with the person who draws you into an argument. You have the tools and the ability to win an argument with someone who always has to be right.  Find a way to make every argument a win-win when that is possible.

Author Bio:     

Asma Niaz is an Academic writer at Zoe Talent Solutions who loves to write on various educational topics, programs, training, and courses. Zoetalentsolutions is a premium teaching division, which offers highly professional personal development courses to help you excel at your workplace.

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