#Writing Lillian is so much fun. She has one last scene in the next chapter that was fun to write

[fazedlight]

you know, i’m a big lena luthor apologist, and i totally get the frustration that arises from how badly kara/the superfriends treated lena in the show, and i get also that as a result when people try to write kara and alex in particular as ‘in character’ from canon that to some extent they will almost inevitably come off as tending to take lena for granted or being overly suspicious about her etc etc etc at some point and -especially- if you’re jumping off from some unspecified place in the show as a starting point.

but it is SO weird to me that someone would go into the comments of people’s fics and get upset about kara’s behaviour in fics, especially since it feels like those are the exact reasons so many fic writers (and the fic writers you’ve listed in particular) are trying to convincingly recreate or adapt the characters into fics where lena and kara DO have to talk to each other and they DO have to process all of that trauma and there is balance for the fact that they’re both flawed and that their flaws play into each other in specific ways.

at the end of the day i think lena does have a soft spot for kara and kara does tend to jump the gun, while lena was brought up to be all careful consideration and trying to be good, so yeah, a lot of the time lena ends up being the one to step up, but kara is also completely soft for lena as well, and that’s kind of just part of their dynamic and fic writers almost inevitably are trying to show growth for them both (and i think for me personally i always especially like to see kara owning what she did) that didn’t happen on the show.

i actually went back and reread the first four chapters of diat (because i’m annoying like that) and not only do we get insight into both of their perspectives, lena and kara both get space to ruminate and introspect on the previous events as the chapters progress, and i really like kind of the quiet way that a lot of their issues are naturally brought up both as their internal monologues and conversations with others and each other as a result of the narrative in a way the show never managed to do. (“i don’t need to be raised, agent danvers” made me cackle out loud.)

so that is SUCH a weird comment and especially given that as of right now lena….literally does not have time to process anything? because the world is kind of ending? i’m not sure urgently throwing her into action has anything to do with being mean to lena and being good to kara? because if she’s going to be upset about kara the world is going down with her temper tantrum and lena is just never going to do that??? :D

…flippant snark aside, i’m loving the callbacks to canon inserted throughout and how you’ve managed to make canon and the magic!lena work for the worldkillers. this would have been so much better as an introduction to magical lena, and i love when lillian gets to show up like this. i also have a particular soft spot for the question of how muddy the show is about alien-human relations (and especially the way they never address kara’s hypocrisy about kryptonite when they have dealt with several kryptonian adversaries) so i loved that (fairly early on) when kara was like but krypton would never?! that lena got to have her exasperated ‘you gotta be kidding me’ moment.

i’m definitely not doing your fic justice but i’ve already written an essay, so sorry for the extremely horrendously long-winded ask. excited for the next chapter!!!

Yesss!!! 💗💗 Part of why I adore these characters is because…. they’re both hurting, and they’re both trying to do the right thing! It just so happens that their traumas interact very badly. Kara has lost everything before, so she wants control - and has this knee-jerk reaction to the kryptonite that was really hurtful, and she lied because she’s desperate to not lose Lena like she’s lost everyone else. Meanwhile, Lena was forced as a child to adopt the Luthor credo of lying to get ahead, was betrayed over and over again… and now she’s developed her own knee-jerk reactions to being lied to.

To me, it was always clear that the thing that pushed Lena over was killing Lex, before finding out who Supergirl was. She sacrificed someone so precious to her (despite his flaws) to save the world, and very specifically to save her friends… especially Kara. Finding out that the one person she had chosen to save had deeply betrayed her (not just with the secrets, but with the spying, with the meanness) - she wanted to avoid any and all pain at that point, even if it meant brainwashing the world into being nice to each other. If she had found out before shooting Lex… well, that’s part of why I wrote No One and Nothing, and of course DIAT. (I also wrote Synthesis to show that it wasn’t just keeping secrets that set her off, it was everything else too.)

… a lot of my fics are secretly “In this essay I will-” but anyway …

I wrestle a lot with trying to stay balanced in my fics - I think stories often make sense to tell from Lena’s point of view more often, which makes it hard sometimes to show how much Kara is wrestling with her own actions. It’s one of the billion things I wonder if I’m doing right when writing. But hey, it’s a craft, over time I try more things, and I think I tell a better story than I did when I started 15 months ago. But at the end of the day, I’m still learning to write the stories I want to write.

With Lena dealing with the end of the world… I also feel like that was a very canon response for Lena to have. She was pissed during Crisis, too - and in an even worse state with the superfriends - but when the world is ending, she can put that aside for a time.

I was so nervous about magical!Lena - I know a lot of people hated that subplot in the show, it made me anxious that people might give up on the fic entirely. I’m glad you’re enjoying it! It seems to have gone over okay, which is an immense relief. (I was also nervous about Alura being a villain for a while - I suspect Alura’s arc was part of the original season 3 plan, but I wasn’t sure how it was going to go over. Honestly that’s part of why I put out ETYK first, because I wanted to make it clear that I do really love her as a character.)

Never feel sorry for a long ask! I love these!! I just may write an essay back 🤣

[henghost]

Twig Liveblog for Arc 13

aaaaaa ‼️‼️‼️ idk if i've metabolized my thoughts enough to be fully coherent about them but i feel like i'll burn alive if i don't get them out, so:

it's like, after 3.1-10: "oh this is fun! a little cat and mouse game with the lambs." then after 3.11: "i am ready to commit grievous acts of violence." the earlier chapters are nonetheless worth discussing as without them there could not be such a "devastating" fifth-act catastrophe. particularly the communication experiments fascinated me. what a perfect metaphor! what if a radio could feel fear? what if a a radio could feel love? might we not also ask--what if a weapon could feel horny?

of course the lillian perspective deserves special attention as well. even before she says so explicitly, we understand that she is "ruined." there is her drug use, her physiological response to even the smallest mention of sy. this is perhaps the anatomical effect of being so close as the lambs, who are essentially a single organism: losing one, especially the one to whom you were closest, is like cutting off a limb. poor girl! like the rest of them she's wrapped up in shit too vast to possibly understand much less overcome.

helen is also going through it :( maybe she'll be the next one to join sy... mary's perspective is also quite rough--this is when i realized that this sy guy is on a level of psychosis i hadn't really considered before lmao.

and then at last there's That Scene with lillian, which reads at first like some kind of fanfiction--some kind of fanfiction lillian herself might have written--complete with typically teenaged overdetail, melodramatic descriptions of flushes, body heat, etc., till finally there's a sort of "surrealist coup," we realize we are too deep in sy's subjectivity to understand the reality of the situation, there's a break, we are lost.

it's all just so (say the line, henghost!) freudian... one of freud's most correct insights is that eros permeates all aspects of life, and therefore that to deny, suppress, or compartmentalize it cannot achieve anything but to make it sick, make the host neurotic. for example, instead of simply fucking your best friend who's clearly into you, you might design an obscenely elaborate rube goldberg type contraption throughout a monument to your darkest trauma (that psychotic fucking carnival orphanage lmao) in order to "win" your ex back. it is wrong, therefore, though understandable, to say that sy has "castrated himself"--it would be more accurate to say that wyvern has his dick twisted up in knots while he's still trying to get hard, poor guy. (by the way, i really have to write something about how wyvern is an allegory for ssri's lol.)

i won't even broach the moral ambiguity, though i'm sure there's something interesting to be said about it--for me, it's like asking about the morality of a withered tree or oedipus rex. and it really is that sophoclean: it was doomed to happened; it was fate. it is written into jamie's dna. sy is a gun who wants, and a gun cannot help but fire. libido is the engine pushing us down a railway designed at best by deus sive natura or at worst by the Academy. i feel fucking sick to my stomach!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! nonetheless, i found it life-affirming. it's pessimistic, yes, but it's a pessimism of strength.

anyway, i've gotta give kudos to the author. for all the (deserved) shit i've given him, the wildbow of twig is clearly a far more mature writer than the wildbow of worm.

i must also--since this the last recorded arc for the audiobook!!--shoutout kim dauber, who provided professional-level audibook-reading for free!!! it's possible my reading will slow down without it :(

[sunnybugz]

only fools

chapter: ii

word count: 2310

authors note: hi kids here’s chapter two!!! idk if it’s that good, but please leave constructive criticism as always! love y’all xo

7:00 AM, Rosa Diaz’s bedroom

Rosa awoke with a start when her phone alarm started going off. She was always grumbly and tired, but especially in the mornings.

Until she remembers.

Brooklyn Academy High runs on a day one, day two system, instead of a semester system. On day one, they have four classes, and on day two, they have their other four classes. And today is day one, which means she has dance first period. With Gina as her partner. If seeing Gina is dancewear wasn’t enough to make Rosa want to get out of bed, the fact that they’re currently working on ballroom dancing, and Gina is Rosa’s partner, makes her ready to run all the way to school. Rosa stands up, stretches, and goes to pick out her clothes.

Once she’s fully dressed for the day, in a red t-shirt, black jeans, and a leather jacket, along with her basic makeup and hair (nude eyeshadow, black eyeliner, a nude lipstick, and leaving her naturally curly hair as it is), she’s ready to go. She packs her dance clothes, which is a pair of black capri leggings and a black tank top, and heads out the door.

She lives in a second floor apartment on Sixth street, across the street from Comet Mini Mart, which is owned by the family of her older sister, Lillian’s, boyfriend, Lucas. They were super nice and always gave discounts to the Diaz family. Rosa decided to pop in before school.

“Oh look, it’s Rosa! Why are you in so early?”, says Amira, Lucas’s mother.

“No reason, just wanted to stop by before school,” Rosa responded. She wasn’t a fan of small talk, so she tried to make it as quick as possible. She wasn’t sure what drew her in to going to the store before school, but she realized she couldn’t leave without buying anything. That’s when she saw a box of Zebra Cakes, which she knew were Gina’s favourite. Rosa smiled a little at the thought of Gina, and at the memory that she had attached to this little fact. The two of them had been shopping for a cast party that they were throwing after their grade 10 play, and Gina had somehow convinced Rosa to drive her around in the cart - ‘I’m just so tired, Rosa. Be a good friend and push me around!’ is what she had said. Rosa didn’t even try to fight back. While they were shopping for snacks, Gina’s face had lit up when she saw the last box of Zebra Cakes. ‘Rosie, we just have to buy them! They’re the best snack in the history of like, ever!’. They ended up eating half of the box together on the drive back to Gina’s place, but that was okay. Rosa picked up the box and placed it on the counter.

“How much for these?”, she asked Amira.

“$3.00, but for you, $1.50. You are family,” Amira says to Rosa. Rosa smiles and hands her the money. Amira was genuinely so kind, but Rosa was too antisocial at these hours to talk to her.

When she reached the school, she headed straight to the auditorium change room. A couple of girls were in there, none of whom Rosa had bothered to learn the names of, but no Gina. Not a big deal though, Gina was almost always late. Rosa just grabbed her dance clothes and tried to change as quickly as possible. She just stood in her corner, minding her own business, until she heard the whispers.

Rosa had learned to deal with these since coming out as bisexual in the eleventh grade. She knew they would always be there, but they did catch her off guard this time since it had been about a month since she had heard anything.

“God, I can’t believe we have to change in here with her”, a tall, brunette girl who Rosa quickly identified as Jenny Gildenhorn whispered.

“I know, it’s like the teachers are trying to creep us out”, the skinny blonde beside her said. Rosa just bit her lip and got changed quicker. Luckily, the girls stopped when someone walked in to the change room. It was Gina, thank God. Gina walked over to Rosa and smiled at her.

“Hey loser, what’s up?” Gina asked. Rosa said nothing, just shook her head. It wasn’t like her to get so upset over little things like what those girls said, but she was. She was upset and angry and just wanted to punch something.

But she didn’t. Rosa's been suspended enough times to know that it’s so much better to get revenge where nobody knows it was you. “Nothing,” she responded to Gina, but gave her that look that meant it was definitely something. Gina cocked her head at Rosa, her perfect eyebrows downturned in confusion, but Rosa just shook her head. Gina still looked worried, but didn’t want to pressure Rosa into talking, as she knew she was a very private person. Rosa waited for Gina to finish changing, and then the two of them headed into the auditorium, where there dance class took place, and sat on the stage, where half their class already sat. Their teacher, Ms Richardson, was sitting in one of the auditorium chairs, waiting for the rest of the class to show up. When the bell rang at 8:20, the entire class had trickled into the auditorium and were sitting on the stage. Ms Richardson walked up the stage steps and began to talk.

“As you all know, we have been working on our ballroom dance routines for the past three weeks. Finally, everybody is in class, so we can begin to present today. I will be pulling groups from a bowl to see which order we’re gonna go in, but do we have any volunteers to go first?”. Nobody raised their hand. “Alright, exactly what I expected, so I guess we’ll draw our first group!” Ms Richardson reached her long, slender hand into the purple mixing bowl. The room was silent as nobody wanted to go first.

“And the first group is… Jenny and Eddie! Everyone clear the stage, and find a chair as close to the front of the auditorium as possible,” Ms Richardson said. When everyone was sat down, Jenny smiled at Rosa in such a mean girl, ‘I’m better than you’, way. Rosa clenched her fists and breathed heavily through her nose.

“Alright Rosa, what did that bitch do to you?”, Gina whispered. Rosa looked over at her.

“I’ll tell you later,” she whispered back. She didn’t want to think about that now. She had Gina with her, and she was safe.

Jenny and Eddie performed a graceful waltz. They were doing wonderfully, and it made Rosa so mad. She desperately wanted Jenny to trip, or mess up a move, or have Eddie step on her toes. But of course, Jenny Gildenhorn was being the perfect, graceful girl she always was.

When the two of them finished their dance, they got a round of applause. Rosa rolled her eyes, and Gina sat there, splayed out in her seat, not giving Jenny or Eddie anything.

Ms Richardson finishes writing something in her notes and then speaks up. “Okay, it’s time for our next group. The second pair to go will be Gina and Rosa!”. Gina immediately stands up, confident as always, but Rosa is frozen for a second. She takes a deep breath before standing up and walking to the stage.

Her and Gina had practiced for weeks. They were going to be doing a fun tango, Gina playing the traditionally masculine role, and Rosa playing the feminine. They were basically guaranteed some of the highest marks in the class, since Rosa did ballet from the ages of four to sixteen, and Gina was an amazing dancer, even without any training. The two of them took their positions across from each other, and waited for the nod from Ms Richardson saying they could go.

When the music started, something washed over Rosa and it was like she was back in Gina’s basement, practicing these moves over and over again until late at night. She had melted into the auburn haired girls gaze night after night, trying to focus on staying on her feet, even if all she wanted to think about was the fact that Gina was touching her waist, and the fact that Gina was looking at Rosa with that damn smile that Rosa fell in love with the first day she saw it.

She performed the moves perfectly, Gina’s touch hypnotizing her nerves away. When Gina twirled her, her heart fluttered and Rosa smiled. When Gina dipped her, their gazes met, and Rosa never wanted this to end. The music finally faded away, and Gina gave Rosa that damn smile again. Rosa couldn’t help but smile back. Gina was the one person who could consistently break Rosa’s badass exterior and cause a smile to crack open her stone cold face. Everyone else thought Rosa’s etched in scowl was unbeatable, but in Gina’s case, it just took a few words or a smile to break through to her.

As the two of them bowed, the class applauded. They walked off the stage back into the seats. They sat beside each other, and just as Rosa put her hand on the armrest, Gina also went to do the same. Gina’s warm hand landed on top of Rosa’s, but instead of pulling it away in shock or disgust, Gina kept her hand there. The Latina felt her cheeks burn a deep red, but thankfully the auditorium lights were dimmed. Gina looked over at Rosa, but Rosa quickly averted her gaze to whatever pair was dancing now. She couldn’t let Gina know how she felt.

By the end of class, almost every pair had performed, but Rosa couldn’t tell you a thing about any of their dances. The only thing she could think of was the warm hand that was sitting on top of hers, and the fact that Gina Linetti kept looking at Rosa throughout the class.

5:02 PM, leaving play read through

Rosa spent basically the entire day with Gina, as usual. On day one, they had dance with Ms Richardson together first period, calculus with Mrs Melton second period, then lunch, and then a shared spare after lunch. The only part of the day they had apart was last period, when Rosa had chemistry with Ms Weber, and Gina had biology with Mrs House. And then after school, they had a play read through. Of course, Rosa wasn’t complaining.

“Hey Rosie, whaddaya think about that kissing scene?” Gina asked her as she half-jogged up to her.

Rosa smiled and looked at the ground. “I mean, it’s no big deal. We’re actors, right?” she says. If only Gina knew how big of a deal this was to her.

“Yeah, I mean, totally. I’m excited to practice it.” Gina said. Rosa whipped her head around.

“What?” Rosa asked, but Gina had already started turning around.

“Gotta go, live the other way, bye!!!” Gina shouted while running away. Had she really said she was excited to kiss Rosa? There was no way in hell Gina was into her. Rosa wasn’t the kind of girl Gina was into. She was pretty sure Gina had never even dated a girl. Sure, she’d made out with girls at parties and such, (not for show, just because she liked it) but she had never been in a fully committed relationship with a girl. Hell, Gina hadn’t been in a real relationship since tenth grade, and she dumped the boy because she found out he was a Gemini (Pisces and Gemini aren’t compatible, we have to listen to the universe). Not to say Rosa was any better at relationships, she dumped her ex girlfriend Becky because she ate too much soup.

The entire way home, Rosa thought about Gina’s comment. What did she mean by that? It made Rosa both insanely happy and totally confused. Why would Gina want to kiss her? Sure, Rosa could admit she was attractive, but she never thought of herself as Gina level pretty. Could Gina really be into her?

Like the disaster bisexual she was, Rosa thought about this for hours. Finally, after dinner, she decided to confront Gina about what she said, because she wasn’t going to get anything done otherwise.

Rosa: what did u mean earlier???

Gina: ??? bitch u gotta be more specific, we spent 80% of the school day together

Rosa: on the way home from read through

Rosa: when u said u were ‘excited to practice’ when we talked about kissing

It was the longest minute and a half of Rosa’s life when she was waiting for Gina to respond. Gina was never away from her phone for more than thirty-five seconds max. What if she hated Rosa now? Had she said something wrong? Was she being weird?

Gina: idk, ur hella hot, and u look like u would be a good kisser. honestly, we’d be a hot ass couple, we’re both stunners.

Rosa screamed inside her head at this. She would have screamed for real, but her mom would kill her if she interrupted her little sister, Juliet, from doing her homework again.

Rosa: we so would haha

Gina: i gtg, see u tmw ! 💕❤️💗

Rosa set down her phone and sighed. Had that conversation actually just happened? This had to be a dream. There was no way Gina could actually think that. She was probably just being friendly anyways.

Rosa smiled until she fell asleep. She didn’t even know that people could hold a smile for that long. How did people do this with their face all the time?

Rosa knew, deep down, how people did this. Love.