#XxCharlie BearxX

[honeycombwerewolfe]

❥ :  tucking stray hair behind their ear (reluctantwonderchild)

this meme

//Hmm.... >=] I haz idea...//

Her heartbeat pounded in her ears as she looked down at her phone once more, tapping to bring the black screen to life. Still hours to go before the photographer was scheduled to come collect her - already with Serena for the 'getting ready shots.' No new messages from Serena. It was the waiting, wasn't it? She almost regretted not having the chaos of planning and running a big convoluted event - almost. Still...at least it was quiet yet. Just Charlie and her. Dom and Cam had gone to fetch them all some breakfast; giving Bernie and Charlie a chance to get dressed. Bernie looked up from her phone at the unexpected touch. She gave a worried half smile. "Misbehaving again, is it?" Bernie had done her best to make her hair look presentable but really there was only so much one could do with it.

[honeycombwerewolfe]

Since Cam's death, does it help having Charlie around or would you rather not see her?

It takes her a moment to respond, no readable response in her hollow expression. Her voice was little more than a whisper when she did manage it. "I don't want...to lose her - " as well.

[honeycombwerewolfe]

Your daughter is a slut

"Oh, I'm sorry. Did I miss the part where we went back in time? Is my state of unchaperoned promiscuity towards another woman too much for your poor mind to handle as well? Will you faint?"

[honeycombwerewolfe]

Charlotte would probably try to blow you up too to be honest. You should have seen her when she thought you were dead. She had no tune but she could still belt out 'ding dong the witch is dead' like a champion.

"..."

[honeycombwerewolfe]

Only Child Left Standing

While Serena hurled through the skies towards Holby, Bernie Wolfe  completed two phone calls. Marcus had already heard the news...finding out Bernie had been there when it happened only managed to escalate matters. He had accusations but worse he had questions: questions she met with silence. She wasn't brave enough to tell him what happened...to tell him how she crawled out of there first, how their son stood under a collapsing roof begging her to tell him she was proud of him and how she couldn't do it. It all ended in one sided screaming and an abrupt quiet as Marcus hung up on her.

She allowed herself a few steadying breaths before calling her daughter.

@reluctantwonderchild

[honeycombwerewolfe]

Charlie still occasionally has nightmares from when she was little where a stranger would come and tell her that you’d died

"I...I'm sorry she had to go through that. It couldn't have been easy..."

[honeycombwerewolfe]

Nightmare: It was Charlie taken hostage in Mogadishu

Bernie reached for Charlie's arm, stepping closer, even as her attention remained on the man shouting across the bed from them. Her other hand lifted, moving through the air as she spoke, calmly as her agitation would allow. "Alright. Alright. He needs an operation or he is going to die. And unless you know your way around a suture, I'm going to need her." It seemed to placate enough, though there was still a warning given about stepping out of line and he kept hold of his rifle, watching them as they worked. Bernie caught Charlie's eyes over the bed with a small nod. "We've got this." After the work was complete, Bernie was able to get Charlie alone under the pretense of organizing supplies. She kept her eyes on her work as they whispered between one another. "You have to be careful Charlotte. Don't give them any excuse." Much of dream jumped between scenes of operations, hurried moves between camps, keeping watch over Charlotte as she slept curled up on one of the floor mats. Always Bernie forcing her way near to hover protectively, putting herself at any risk to protect Charlie. When she startled awake, drenched in a cold sweat, her heart was still racing, body still tense and ready for a threat that no longer existed. Untangling herself from the blanket, her joints and back gave small complaint over the distance from her bed on the floor to standing upright. She grabbed a box of fags and went to sit on the stoop outside, mind focusing in on the feel of the smoke in her lungs.

[honeycombwerewolfe]

Are you ever going to ask Charlie about what it was like, from her point of view, when you were deployed in active war zones?

"Marcus painted a clear enough picture." Bernie took a breath before continuing with the smallest of forced smiles. "I would...hope she would come to me, that she feels she could come and talk to me about it if...if she needed to."

[honeycombwerewolfe]

(For post Cam verse)

As you’re not an overly tactile person, if Charlie was to come up and hug you, out of the blue, would you be ok with that?

(Finishing up the inbox from the M!A honesty event - thanks for being patient on this one ^_^) She wanted to say of course. She wanted to say she's there for Charlie no matter what. What came out was

"Not if I didn't see it coming. No."

Bernie’s heart plummeted, eyes wide, as she heard the words out loud. It was no wonder...no wonder her kids...

[honeycombwerewolfe]

Wouldn’t it be ironic if you, who didn’t want kids, had two, and your daughter, who desperately does want kids, never gets the chance?

"...Life...has a funny way of breaking best laid plans. I may not have...seen myself with kids but I ended up with two perf..." - She trailed off with a frown before taking a breath and carrying on. - "loving the two I got with everything I had. If Charlotte decides what she really wants is to have children...I'm sure she'll find a way. There's more than one way to skin a cat after all."

[honeycombwerewolfe]

Do you feel like a failure now you’ve lost your favourite child? That all you’ve got left to leave the world is Charlie?

"Charlie may be the only…child I have left but she is the best of both Marcus and myself. And it would be your loss if you can't see how amazing she is." Had she failed Cameron? Obviously. But Charlie...she was not her brother. Charlie was not her brother.

[honeycombwerewolfe]

Do you like collecting damaged people? Your wife, your kids, your exes. What do you think that says about you?

"Excuse me?! My family are no more damaged than anyone else. If I were you, I'd focus on whatever problems in your own life you're ignoring by focusing on the lives of complete strangers."

[honeycombwerewolfe]

You’ve had one kid turn to murder. What do you think it’d take for your other kid to go down that path? She’s certainly got enough anger.

Summarily ignored.

[honeycombwerewolfe]

Bernie’s New Journal

The binding creaked, pages flitting from her thumb like the shuffle of a worn deck of cards as she opened it. It wasn’t thickened by damp ruined pages or mementos shoved between pages. The leather bound journal was crisp and new...pages unfilled. White textured paper staring back at her: waiting. Serena had tried to give Bernie’s journal back a while ago but Bernie had told her to keep it. That -

“- it was always meant for you, Serena.”

She had plenty of opportunities to start up again when she moved in with Serena but she never even took the plastic off the new one Serena bought her. There were plenty of excuses she could give but the truth was Bernie was afraid of the words she would fill those pages with. Afraid even if she tried to fill it with plants and Serena...that the militia would bleed through until the journal was saturated with everything Bernie wanted least to think about.

A little over a month had passed since the explosion at Holby. There had been plenty to keep her busy...but now there was too much quiet for her thoughts to spill into. Instead of spending another day crying out all her energy until she was a zombie...instead of allowing herself to drag Serena through the pain of being the only thing carrying Bernie through her grief...Bernie picked up the journal and decided to at least try to pick up some of the slack. Sat curled up in a reading chair with a hot cup of coffee and a pen, she stared warily down at the first page.

She scribbled the city and date at the top, mostly so she wouldn’t have the blank page looming there.

.

I’ve only melted down once today. All things considered, a better day than yesterday. I’m worried about Charlie. Some time away from that flat would be good for her. People have the potential for such cruelty under the cowardice of anonymity. Crueler still when the mob feeds into it. I swung by again Tu Wednes no, Tuesday to help clean up the latest graffiti and make sure she was eating. The inside of her flat may have actually been worse off than anything anyone else did to the outside. She’s still refusing to come stay with Serena and me at the B&B. It may have been a tight fit when she slept on the bed here with Serena and me the last time but it was good to have her near again.

.

The pages filled on the days that followed were much the same. Entrees that followed the footprints of one Major Berenice Wolfe through dreary day after dreary day. Cam’s death and the events surrounding it were never mentioned but they were still present underneath each entree...permeating every activity, action, and emotion of herself and those around her.

[honeycombwerewolfe]

Headcanon

Fun thought for you all to chew over 0=]

After Bernie tells Charlie...they end up curled up in bed with Charlie passed out from crying, face all puffy, and Bernie is cradling Charlie’s head resting on her chest. Stroking the hair that still smells like the baby she held in her arms over a quarter century ago. She starts to shake; trying to keep it together even now that Charlie is asleep as Bernie’s reminded of the other baby she cradled to her chest...rubbing her nose in his crown of dark waves. She keeps her face out of Charlie’s view, looking up in a desperate attempt to keep the tears from spilling out...one hand sliding from Charlie’s head to cover Bernie’s mouth.

Trying to still her chest from the half choked down sobs, she spots Serena walking in. Love and sorrow mix in Serena’s eyes as she walks over to sit behind them, near the pillows of the bed, and holds Bernie who turns into Serena to muffle her grief soaked wailing.

[honeycombwerewolfe]

A Family’s Loss

(long post beneath the cut)

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Marcus’s words stole Bernie’s breath as she stared at him in horrified shock. She’d expected some level of..backlash...of blame but leave it to Marcus to go above and beyond expectations. They never were a family of half measures.

It took her a moment to realize Charlie had stepped in front of her and was shouting back at Marcus. She couldn’t help but stare dumbly at the scene. Bernie and Marcus had done their best through the years of keeping any arguments (both running a bit hot under the collar) away from the kids view. Marcus a little less so after the divorce but that was neither here nor there. Apart from the argument they got into after Marcus found out about Alex, this was the only time Bernie hadn’t given at the very least as good as she got...and it was the first time Charlie had taken her side. By Marcus’s aggrieved expression, Bernie assumed he was just as taken aback by Charlie’s actions. After a deep breath, Bernie stepped forward to place her hands gently on both Charlie’s triceps. Her voice was soft and kind but intended for all participants to hear. “Charlie. It’s alright.” “Nothing about this is alright Bern.” Marcus’s retort was low. The way he got when he couldn’t stop from saying things his temper fed into. The type of things Bernie used to let slide once they’d made up. @reluctantwonderchild