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queennicoleinboots · 5 years

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Day 55 of Peter and Xara the Goat's Curse:

Battle of the Bands of Goats, Walrus Bear Pigs, Cats, Clowns, and Asgardian Gods, part 3

A/N: This story is cartoonish and does not necessarily make sense.

"Fuck you!!!" Everyone in the meeting hall sang before they bleated.

"Peter W. Parker, your orange hair makes it easy for us to troll you!" Mr. Thor the Appliance Beater sang.

Murphee howled in agreement.

Kissy walked over to Peter and sang, "I'm here, motherfucker."

"I'm here, motherfucker!" Everyone sang to Peter before bleating.

Peter bleated and was one with his inner goat. He then sang, "Fuck this! After the spaghetti squash dinner, I'm out of here."

"Spaghetti squash! Spaghetti squash! We can't wait for spaghetti squash! It will be delicious!!! Dee-dee-deelicious!!!!" Everyone sang.

"I fucking love this organiiiizzaaaaatiiiiionnnn!!!" Bruce the Ace of Brake-fixing sang loudly.

"You are inducted! You are inducted! Bruce the Ace of Brake-fixing! You are inducted into the secret society of gooooooaats!" Mr. Thor the Appliance Beater sang before he chanted. "Come on the stage!"

"You are inducted! You are inducted! Bruce the Ace of Brake-fixing! You are inducted into the secret society of gooooooaats!" Everyone sang before he, she, or it chanted. "Go on the stage."

Bruce the Ace of Brake-fixing went on the stage. He waved to everyone and thanked us for having him. Kissy meowed at him.

Mr. Thor the Appliance Beater pointed at Kissy. "Come here, cat. I require thee," he said.

Everyone else sang, "Go there, cat. He requires thee."

Kissy walked quickly on the stage. Everyone said, "Awwwww!!!" as she crossed over to Mr. Thor the Appliance Beater.

"Are you not an inductee of the secret society of goats as well?" Mr. Thor the Appliance Beater asked as he petted her.

"I am," Kissy answered as she purred. "My Mommy is a high-ranking officer."

"Well then you are also required to sign and say the oath of the secret society of goats," Mr. Thor the Appliance Beater said as he scratched her belly.

Peter's phone alerted him of a text. I was sitting next to Peter, so I was able to see his text messages. He sighed.

Mr. Thor the Appliance Beater went on with the inductions. If you are rank 10 or above, you are allowed to have your phone on because you are that fucking important.

My inner goat told me to look at Peter's text messages.

Jamie texted him, "I need you to fix my wheelchair. The remote isn't working. I need you to fix the tables in the garage. They're broken. I need you to fix OUR toilet. It's now broken. I need you to fix the toilet garden. You broke it in Episode 3. I need you to fix the carpet and drywall in your room. It's mentally scarring. I need you to fix the ceiling. Pennywise is coming through the ceiling, and it's freaking me out."

"Dad, Dad, Dad," Peter muttered.

Another text message showed up on his phone. This time, it was from his mother, Godiva Parker. "I hope you're having fun at your party. Your father requires a lot from you. I told him *not* to bother you, even if the clown from "It" the Stephen King novel is indeed coming down from our ceiling. He's talking about stuff floating from our toilet. Oh brother. This guy's obnoxious. When you're done being a rockstar, come home."

Peter smiled and responded, "Actually, everyone's trolling me because of my ORANGE hair. I'd do anything to get my hair to an auburn color. Literally. Ha!

Yes. I got a long to-do list text message from him. He mentioned Pennywise coming out of the ceiling. Oh brother. Never a dull moment at home. I leave home to relax."

Wally the Walrus the Bear the Pig texted me. "Garfield sends his regards by meowing. I'm cooking the spaghetti squash with meatballs and alfredo sauce. It's taking forever to scoop out the seeds. How is Kissy's induction ceremony?"

I responded, "Pet Gar for me. Tell him 'Hey Bubba.' Also, when will the meal be done? Everyone sang a song about the meal when you left. Kissy is doing fine. She can meow and bleat at the same time. She also sounds like a wind-up toy you'd get at Toys R Us."

Bruce the Ace of Brake-fixing and Kissy were signing the appropriate forms to become members of the secret society of goats.

Wally the Walrus the Bear the Pig responded, "At least another hour. Ugh. Bad timing. P.S. Garfield is laying near my feet."

I responded, "I love that animal."

Wally the Walrus the Bear the Pig responded, "I love you. 30 seconds until I grow man-boobs. Oh wait. Too late."

I laughed out loud at that comment.

Mr. Thor the Appliance Beater turned to me. "I'm glad someone laughed at my joke. But seriously, my band is called Mr. Thor and the Interrupters. I legally removed "The Appliance Beater" from my title. I got tired of writing it on every document I signed."

"Screw the appliances! Where are the-" Peter started to ask.

"It doesn't matter," Mr. Thor answered.

"But you didn't-," Peter started to say.

"You're a dick!" Mr. Thor exclaimed.

I started laughing and rolling on the floor.

"You know what fuck-" Peter started to say.

"You!!!!" Mr. Thor said.

"Apparently the idea behind this game is-" Bruce the Ace of Brake-fixing started to say.

"Is to interrupt the other person!" Peter yelled before going on stage.

Ronald McDonald went on stage with Peter and started singing.

The line of goats on the stage started singing.

Murphee barked to interrupt everyone. "Fuck Peter," he said.

"Good idea!" one of the females in the group said.

"No orgasm for you, miss," Peter said. "At least, not while-"

"We're interrupting each other," I blurted out.

Everyone started to bleat before the four rams bleated to interrupt us.

I laughed my head off some more. Lindsay interrupted my laughing by laughing.

Prince Carrington started to ask, "Am I immune-"

"No!" Kissy said with a loud and long meow that got interrupted by Peter starting to sing and dance.

The Rams played some hard rock music in the background.

"No!" Ronald McDonald shouted.

"Sleep!" Peter sang.

"Till!" the line of goats yelled.

"Bleating!" the audience yelled.

"Bleating!" Peter and Ronald McDonald sang loudly.

Peter and Ronald McDonald started to dance on stage before Murphee jumped in front of them and barked loudly.

Peter and Ronald McDonald jumped to the left and stepped to the right.

The rams started playing the "Time Warp" from the Rocky Horror Picture Show.

Everyone sang. "First we jump to the left. Then we step to the riiiiiiggggghtttt."

"With a pelvic thrust! Which we do in time!!!!" Mr. Thor interrupted.

"Let's do the time warp again!!" Peter sang loudly.

"Let's do the time warp again!!" Ronald McDonald sang loudly.

Kissy sneezed.

"Gesundheit!" Everyone yelled.

Kissy jumped off the stage and was sniffing my coffee.

"Get out of my coffee," I said.

"Get out of her coffee!" everyone said.

"Apparently we did the time warp again," Peter said.

All of a sudden, a basenji burst through the door.

Everyone turned to see Tug running up the aisle to the stage.

"I thought I locked the door..." Murphee said. He did a kujo growl.

"Oh shut it. Will you? I'm here on official business. I know it's not goat business, but this is important," Tug said.

"Well why not? This whole meeting has turned into a series of interruptions. What better way to conduct business than to have a random fox dog burst into the meeting," Mr. Thor said.

Tug stood on stage and howled before he walked over to Peter.

"Tug! What are you doing here, boi?!" Peter asked as he petted his dog.

"Awwwwww!!!!" Everyone said before they bleated.

"I need to let you know that I cope with your existence every day. I also want the world to cope with the fact that I can talk. I can even siiiiing. But. I can't bark. Am I a dog or a fox?" Tug asked.

"I'll be honest. You be whom you want to be. I do all the time. Today, I want to be a rockstar who sings in bleats," Peter said.

Tug howled and then started singing, "What's New Pussycat?!"

"Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoaaaa!!!!!" Everyone else would sing at appropriate times.

After the song was over, Tug walked to the front of the stage and said to Peter, "I am going to demand that you feed me now. Thank you."

At that moment, Wally the Walrus the Bear the Pig walked in with a bunch of spaghetti squash and meatballs in Alfredo sauce. "Dig in!!!!" he commanded.

Everyone gathered spoons, forks, knives, plates, and bowls and dug into the masterpiece called Wally the Walrus the Bear the Pig's cooking.

Kissy was munching on a meatball while Tug ate some spaghetti squash. Murphee chowed down like there was no tomorrow.

"This is dee-dee-dee-deelicious!" Everyone chanted. There were celebratory bleats.

Wally the Walrus the Bear the Pig growled like a bear and said, "Dee-licious!!!" He ate another bite.

Even the rams and goats ate happily. They bleated to show pleasure.

Wally the Walrus the Bear the Pig cuddled with Kissy while they ate together. She meowed like a wind-up toy to signify that she was ready to rock and roll.

I finished my meal and then went on stage.

"Ladies, gentlemen, and animals. I want to perform a song with my bae. It's called 'Public Beatings.'"

The goats bleated in happiness.

Kissy went on the stage and meowed as though she were an instrument.

"Public Beatings! Public Beatings! I love to give those Public Beatings!" I sang.

Wally the Walrus the Bear the Pig waddled on the stage and sang, "I want you to open your window and yell, 'I'm mad as hell, and I'm not gonna take it anymore.' Ohio is one big Norman Bates phenomenon."

Everyone in the room yelled, "I'm mad as hell, and I'm not gonna take it anymore."

Kissy coughed and sneezed before meowing as though she were a sitar.

"Easy easy easy easy beats!" I sang operatically. I then proceeded to softly beat Wally the Walrus the Bear the Pig.

"My love! Here you go! I profess my love to thee as I'm getting beat. Getting beat!" Wally the Walrus the Bear the Pig sung.

The rams were playing their instruments while the line of goats bleated and sang, "Getting beat! Getting beat!"

"I'm not gonna take it anymore! I'm not gonna take it anymore! I spawn! I die!" Wally the Walrus the Bear the Pig sang. "I hope you all enjoy the khatents of my butt as I'm getting beat!"

Mr. Thor beat the cymbal. "Not that kind of meeting. No pooping on stage. K thanks," he said.

"It's not a song. It's a sandwich!" Wally the Walrus the Bear the Pig and I sang.

Kissy then jumped on Wally the Walrus the Bear the Pig and bit his leg.

"Owwwww! That hurt! Your teeth hurt like pins and needles!" Wally the Walrus the Bear the Pig sang loudly.

Kissy continued to meow like an instrument.

"You know you're my bear if you get beat I public!" I sang as I beat Wally the Walrus the Bear the Pig.

Kissy meowed an operatic meow.

Murphee howled operatically.

Tug howled and threw in what barks he could.

"One two three four with your ass. I'm gonna beat your ass right now," I sang.

Another animal entered the stage area dramatically. Garfield walked to the center stage in the middle of our song and sang,

"Get your ass ass ass off my table table table.

Get your ass ass ass off my table table table.

Get your fatass off my table! Get your fatass off my table! Get your fatass off my table. Table. Table. Get your fatass off my table!"

Garfield then walked off the stage and exited out the back door.

Kissy, Wally the Walrus the Bear the Pig, and I bowed and signified that our song ended.

Everyone bleated and clapped because it was socially acceptable to clap at the end of a song.

Peter then blurted out, "Party at my house! Apparently, my dad wants me to do a bunch of shit, so I gotta go home. Anyone who wants to join me is welcome!"

Tug howled again.

Murphee howled.

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