#Yaoist for ever

[heynhay]

will you ever consider taking klance commissions ♥️

maybe one day! perhaps this summer, I’ll be off school, but as of now I don’t feel ready :’) thank you sm for the interest though🫶

[amielbjacobs]

@yaoist

Yessss let me list my favorite Soviet history books

The Whisperers: Private Life in Stalin's Russia, by Orlando Figes - I wound up doing a lot of deep dives into very specific subjects without ever reading a good general history book, so this was one of the more general histories I've read. As a writer, I love all of the specific detail. Figes himself is kind of a . . . character (read: writes his own Amazon reviews under a sockpuppet) and there's a few weird moments in the text that seem to reflect that, but it was really enlightening.

Homosexual Desire in Revolutionary Russia, by Dan Healey - the definitive book on queer Soviet history. My favorite parts are the portraits of early trans people - although like many historians, Healey is (imo) way too eager to label historical people as cis when the evidence is at best mixed.

Red Closet: The hidden history of gay oppression in the USSR, by Rustam Alexander - A series of portraits of queer people in the USSR. As someone morbidly fascinated by the secret police, my favorite was the case of the KGB officer who was 1) gay and 2) weirdly obsessed with arresting gay people, to the point where it made all of his comrades very uncomfortable. It's a fascinating window into the institutional KGB approach to the "crime" of sodomy.

The Lost Spy: An American in Stalin's Secret Service, by Andrew Meier - I picked this one up at random at a library book sale and loved it. An investigation into an American agent of the NKVD who vanished into the USSR during the great purges and was never seen again. My favorite part is how the writer (a journalist) makes his own research part of the story, a kind of detective story.

Police Aesthetics: Literature, Film, and the Secret Police in Soviet Times, by Critina Vatulescu - this is another academic book so it might be really boring to anyone who isn't me, but I am fascinated by the interplay between propaganda and the people who propaganda depicts, especially in terms of spy fiction. I quote the line "In classic secret police fashion, the true secret is that there is no secret at all," all the time to my other war-crimes-special-interest friend.

Next Stop Execution, by Oleg Gordievsky - A memoir by KGB defector Oleg Gordievsky. I found this a fascinating look into the inner workings of the KGB, as well as into the mind of a man willing to risk everything for what he believed in.

Those are my history book recs, I have some more historical fiction or Soviet fiction recs!

[esoteric-crow]

playlist i made for the bachelor

kinda homoerotic and burakhovsky coded but you can just listen to it and think about daniil if you want to smiles

anyway hallowed be thy name by hit prog superband emerson lake and palmer is the most pathologic song in the world and you will understand why or i will eat you. if i ever get into making amvs im making a pathologic hallowed be thy name video because the vision is CLEAR as FUCK.

what else would you expect man i’m a yaoist

[yaoihellsmile]

I thought that guy was yours and Yuma's son ?

I DO NOT HAVE A SON. I DO NOT HAVE A SON. I. DO. NOT. HAVE. A. SON!!! STOP DIGGING INTO MY OLD RELATIONSHIPS TO SUPPORT YOUR CONSPIRACY THEORY WHAT HAPPENED BETWEEN ME AND THE NOCTURNAL DETECTIVE AGENCY ALL THOSE YEARS AGO WAS NOT SEXUAL OR EVEN FRIENDLY TO BEGIN WITH. THEY WERE CRIMINALS AND I ONLY EVER TRIED TO ARREST THEM AND THEN SKIN THEM ALIVE ON TWITCH DOT COM. YOU FFUCKING YAOISTS SEE GAY SEX WHERE THERE IS NONE!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU THINK YOU'RE SOOOOOO FUNNY. YOU THINK YOU GOT TO ME HUH???? WHAT'S YOUR GOAL. WHAT DO YOU HOPE TO ACHIEVE BY SPREADING THESE DISGUSTING LIES. I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHO THIS TAKUMI SALMON FUCKER IS BUT WE ARE NOT RELATED. NOT MY FUCKING SON!!!! I DO NOT HAVE A SON!! I DO NOT HAVE A SON!!! IF I HAD A CHILD I WOULDN'T HIDE IT. I WOULD HAVE NOTHING TO HIDE. WHY WOULD I NEED TO HIDE MY. FUCKING. SON!!!!!!!!!!! WHICH I DON'T FUCKING HAVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SHUT UP. ABOUT THIS FUCKING IMAGINARY SECRET BASTARD SON OF MINE!!!!!!!! SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I HATE YOU. I HATE ALL OF YOU. I HATE ALL OF YOU SO FUCKING MUCH. WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME?!?!?!?!?!? LEAVE ME ALONE LET ME LIVE. WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO GAIN FROM THIS?!?!?!?!?!?!? IS THIS FUN TO YOU?!? ARE YOU FUCKING HAPPY??!?!?

[st-just]

tag 9 people to get to know better

tagged by @sendme-2hell!

3 ships: (for wildly atypical definitions of 'ship') - Blake/Green Eyes (Pact), Gideon/"Dulcinea" (The Locked Tomb), Jedao2/Kujen (Machinaries of Empire)

First ever ship: First one I can remember actually being, like, invested in? Root/Shaw from Person of Interest.

Last song: Bloodlust by aeseaes

Last movie: Ah. Hm. Lord Of the Rings rewatch back in August?

Currently reading: The Daughter of Doctor Moreau by Silvia Moreno-Garcia, finishing off the Hugo nominations for novel finally.

Currently watching: Very very slowly watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer with friends, 30 years after everyone else.

Currently consuming: half price stale grocery store lemon danish

Currently craving: chicken cacciatore I am hopefully making tonight

tagging uhh @wings-liker @self-loving-vampire @apollo-cackling @lifeattomsdiner @yaoist @metamatar @fipindustries @fallowhearth @toasthaste (no pressure whatsoever, of course!)

[yaoist]

have you ever read A Cruel God Reigns ? its on mangadex I read it years ago but I was scrolling through here and thought, tumblr user yaoist would like this maybe

ooooo thanks for the rec anon :O

[dwarfbutch]

I saw what yaoist said in response to the backlash they got foe making racist jokes about Ahmed and like... WHAT?? I'm pretty sure nor everyone who gets drunk says racial slurs or the most disgusting, childish and offensive shit ever. Anyone who stands by them even after evidence of their racism is a worthless cunt

yeah i mean like i said I've been shitfaced before and ive never started saying racist shit. actually no one i know has ever suddenly turned racist when they're drunk lol. if you get drunk and start spewing racist bullshit it's because you're fucking racist

[misscandlequeen]

Mugman : Hey Dice, haven't you see my bro-

Dice and Cuphead, actualy kissing :

Mugman : Never mind I got my answer.

[bubtans]

(same anon) thanks for the reply, I agree with everything. Sadly, given how brown/black women are treated by fandom, I was expecting it to happen, but it still stings.

I'm trying not to be swayed because I also think Alhaitham is an excellent charcater, but between the rampant misogyny of his fans and the yaoists, it's a bit bad around here. The Desert Gang was my favourite part of the Archon Quest, Dehya in particular for many reasons, but she's largely ignored by the fandom which is baffling since she got more screentime than everyone else except Nahida 🥴

i'm so sorry to hear that, my friend, and i hope it doesn't affect you too much so you can keep enjoying desert gang to the fullest :'( i've ranted a lot about how fandoms are in this very weird place where they have a very surface-level understanding of what it means to perceive media in a progressive way, so there's a lot of posturing and tokenizing that happens to women, especially black/brown women, because people just aren't equipped to give those stories the same level of dimension that they are to men's.

(had to rant Some More a little bit below i'm so sorry u don't have to read it but just know I GET U)

like one thing i've noticed is that i don't even think dehya has just been ignored, she and candace have just been watered down into sidepieces or pigeonholed as "sumeru beiguang" because even popular lesbian romance is a collection of tropes that people have taken from their favorite yaoi and reapplied to women.

dehya's very significant relationship with alhaitham is neatly categorized as "mlm/wlw solidarity" so that people can seem like they're diversifying the story and acknowledging dehya without needing any further exploration because the only way a man and a woman can have a meaningful non-romantic bond is if we're somehow still making it about the man's other relationships (kaveh, in this case, because god knows neither candace nor dunyarzad are ever the center of that "solidarity" as dehya's love interests).

people can conveniently claim that alhaitham's underdeveloped, tropey hostility with kaveh is more significant than his deep and enduring respect for dehya's personhood because it's "gayer" based on a surface-level understanding of queerness and race. even though dehya outwardly expressing her frustration to the traveler at how desert-dwellers' bodies and minds are taken for granted, only to then have her intelligence Repeatedly vouched for by alhaitham to the point of wanting her to work with him, is a narrative that already has inherent queer significance even in platonic devotion and love.

everyone has unknowingly created these boundaries to separate stories about gender, queerness, and race respectively, so characters like dehya and alhaitham and candace who combine multiple perspectives at once are just. forced into boxes that don't fit and i'm SAD!!!! I'M ANGY!!!!

[schytheshenanigans]

Who shall remain nameless.

Okay... this has been in my head for quite a while now and I'm growing tired with keeping it in.

two weeks ago, I posted a Hicstrid image in myday on messenger just to get that overwhelming feeling of the Fandom somewhere. this was what I posted:

If you guys ever know who the artist is, please PLEASE tell me cuz they deserve a proper credit for this beautiful artwork! Any ways, I was on my way on making a short fan fic AU for this couple, when I suddenly got a notif saying that someone reacted to the pic I posted. and here is what they said:

"the pic is cute, but I still dont like Astrid."

okay, I know, it to, got me on edge. but I decided Id take it well. I know the person after all and I dont want to cause a conflict between the two of us. so I replied with:

"why?"

and then they replied with:

"I just dont like her character. Why couldnt she be with that... um.... that other guy.."

and so I said:

"who would you ship Hiccup with then?"

and they said:

"Im yaoist so ill forever ship Hiccup with some guy........Dont hate me... i just dont like Astrid...She didnt like him for who he was at the start. So why did she liked him after he get Toothless? Its just weird."

this is where I got annoyed at a point so I muster up the guts to tell them off saying:

"no youre not getting the point. it was because all she saw in Hiccup was that he wanted to be some one he is not: a "dragon killer" and one time she told him "our parent's war is to become ours. figure out which side your on" indicating that she hates him for being a viking who lacked the element of self realism. until the time they found out about the red death's nest, she said "you're not gonna tell your father about this to protect your pet dragon? are you serious?!" then replied by Hiccup by saying "yes" and that was where she REALISED that Hiccup IS able to find his true self. his real PURPOSE."

but I take it that they will not be moved by this and said:

"Well. Its been awhile since ive seen it and i just know i never liked her but.. whatever."

It was the end of on the line on my side of the rope so I went on frank with them saying:

"look, I dont mean to disagree. and I know how much you loathed to be denied or to be contradicted with. But what I hate the most is being dishonest to a dear friend."

and they replied with:

"So....?"

and I replied with:

"I just hope you wouldn't be so narrow-sighted."

and they ended with:

"Lets not talk about it.."

Over all, this conversation is just infuriating. How could one be so narrow-sighted and close-minded? I understand what they meant about shipping Hiccup with a GUY but their obsession to Yaoi (boy love) was taken too far for a fujoshi (BL lover) To even take place. I clearly cannot ship Hiccup with other Guys. and hating Astrid for who they thought she is is a sin! Astrid Hofferson is a smart woman and is never the type to be taken lightly with! She learned to GENUINELY LOVE HICCUP over time not cuz he is Berk's great dragon master and the future Chief, but because he is an Honnest loser, a proud dork and an awkward but selfless idiot! Astrid would rather Marry a twig who knows what's right and is willing to give up even his own life for the sake of it than kissing a beef cake who only cares about himself and portrays the work of a fake hero! (sorry Snot Laut). this person clearly did not see the beauty and purity on this franchise and that Idea is just so sad and dissapointing.

I'm sorry for the ranting. I had to get it out some time.

Good night Dearies!

[yaoist]

#so proud of my beloved long term mutual yaoist for making the funniest image i have ever seen in my life#going to post this when anyone tries to tell me i can’t post freaky porn on the internet  UNFORTUNATELY I CANT TAKE CREDIT IDK WHO MADE THIS . . . but it speaks to me on a spiritual level

me

[torisfeather]

Also on AO3

It was in the middle of the morning. Kiku had gone out for some fresh air and, true to himself, had settled on a bench in the playground, in the shade of a tree, to read. Except…

"Kiku-chan!" Kiku looked up. Alfred smiled at him, a coke can in his hand. The Japanese boy couldn't open his mouth before he sat down next to him. "Wait… A biology book?!" the American exclaimed when he saw the cover. "Kiku-chan, it's Sunday, we've had like a week of lessons and you're already studying? Aren't you a little crazy?"

Kiku seemed a little uneasy and looked away. "I'm used to… starting early," he said hesitatingly.

"What the fuck…" Alfred said. "Well, whatever floats your boat. "He finished his coke and threw the empty can into the nearest trashcan, yelling "GOAL!" when it successfully disappeared into the black plastic bag. "So?"

"So what, Alfred?"

"Tell me! What did you do yesterday? Did you find yourself a club?"

Kiku stayed focused on his book and kept silent for a moment. "I joined the journalism club."

"… That's all?"

"Yes, why?"

Alfred breathed a sigh. Kiku couldn't tell if he looked rather disappointed or relieved. "How many are you? Two?"

"We're three."

Alfred snickered.

"What's so funny?"

"Nothing, it's just a pretty ridiculous number of people for a club!"

"It's completely fine!" the Japanese said, slightly offended, before speaking up again. "How many are you in your student help club?"

"Six."

"That's not a lot either."

"It's more than three!"

Kiku let go of the issue. He wouldn't fight about such futile things. That a club had three or six members was about as important at the percentage of snow in August on the Mississippi River. He glanced at his friend, still laughing a little with that genuinely happy smile on his face. "You look happy that my club has so little people."

"Huh? Why would you think that?"

"A feeling."

Alfred scratched his head. "It doesn't really make me happy… I mean, it's not a real journal team, they only publish a few pages a month and there aren't even sexy pictures. Plus, they never tell about my HERO exploits, they just talk about things nobody cares about, it's not fair!"

"Oh, so it's grudge…"

"Wha…" Alfred seemed about to choke, his eyes exaggeratedly wide, wiggling without visible intent. "Absolutely not! A HERO never holds a grudge, unless there's a good reason!" He was so ridiculous Kiku let out a tiny laugh that he tried to hide behind his hand. Too late. Alfred noticed and gave him a large smile. "I knew you could actually laugh! You should try to do it more!"

"Huh…" Kiku hesitated for a while and then eventually chose not to answer.

"But about what we were saying… Journal club isn't the best to make friends."

"Hum? Why? Ludwig-san and Feliciano-kun are both quite friendly."

Alfred laughed again. "Ludwig? Friendly? Are you serious?"

Kiku thought for a moment and had to refrain from giggling again. "I have to admit it isn't exactly the best adjective to define him."

"No kidding? Plus two friends can't be enough."

"You know, Alfred, I believe it's better to have few solid friendships rather than many hazardous acquaintances."

Alfred looked at him like he was reflecting on his words. "Come again in English?"

Kiku had to refrain himself from face palming. "Quality is better than quantity."

"Oh, okay, you couldn't said that earlier!" The American started to laugh and Kiku just smiled. Alfred's good mood was contagious. Silence fell again between the two of them and Kiku went back to reading, thinking they were done. "So it's my HERO duty to help you in your quest for friendship!"

The black-haired boy sighed. "I assure you there is no need for this now, Alfred. I believe I can fit in just fine."

"But… You don't have a lot of friends and…"

"And I like it that way, thank you," Kiku interrupted a little sharply.

Alfred went quiet and looked at him with a sad little pout. "So you don't need me anymore?"

Kiku gave him a surprised look and smiled before his puppy eyes. They were probably about the same age but Alfred acted so much like a kid… "Why would you say that, Alfred? You are the one who told me we were friend, aren't you? It doesn't matter if you are helping me or not!"

The American's eyes sparkled and, without warning, Kiku was prisoner of a pair of arms seemingly trying to crush him. The Japanese felt his face go white, then red, started shaking, reflexively struggled, tried to calm down, observed the situation, put things in perspective and, finally, dared to put his own arms around Alfred's waist after making a lot of efforts to see this as normal for occidental culture. Give him a big hand, it was difficult but he finally managed to hug someone back!

He realized far too late that he had dropped his book. When Alfred let him go, he was too fast for him and grabbed the book instead of Kiku. But instead of giving it back, he looked at the page the Japanese boy was reading. "What's so interesting in th…?"

He stopped. His expression went from curiosity to surprise to amusement in a couple seconds. Kiku shrunk back into his seat, mortified. There, between the biology book's pages, he had slipped a doujinshi to use the studies as an excuse to read it. Alfred smirked at him. "So you know that technique too! I'd rather do that to read comics in class but hey, you do you…" He laughed loudly and turned the manga's pages. Kiku was as red as a poppy, trying to disappear into his own shirt. Alfred suddenly stopped laughing, squinting his eyes to take a closer look at the manga. "Kiku?"

"Y-yes, Alfred?"

"What is that guy doing with the… Wait, what is that thing? Is that a skewer?"

Kiku looked at the page he was talking about and blushed even more. He really didn't think he'd ever read this kind of stuff with someone else… Alfred was looking at him insistently, waiting for an answer. Kiku took a deep breath and whispered an explanation in his ear. Alfred blushed as well and winced but didn't seem too disgusted, much to the Japanese boy's relief.

"You read very weird stuff, dude," he commented as he took a look at the rest of the manga. He laughed several times, avoided a few pages that looked too "weird" for him and asked plenty of questions Kiku did not want to answer. After a couple minutes, he looked up and gave Kiku a look that was way too serious for his character. "Kiku… Don't tell me you're in the crazy-yaoists club?"

"Um… Let's not change the subject, Alfred…"

At the very beginning of PCD, that Monday morning, Luna had taken a few minutes to announce that their yearly September Ball would be held on next Saturday. She had watched as the students' eyes sparkled, as the girls started chirping about the kind of dress they absolutely had to wear, as the boys started talking about who they'd invite. She smiled fondly. Then the lesson began, like the week before, with an intensive tiring session. But as their last strengths left the kids, her mobile phone rang and she left the room to pick up. When she came back, she looked perturbed. Like divided between annoyance and worry. To the point where she actually didn't realize the students had all taken advantage of her being gone to take some rest. She started to give her instructions for the lesson, like nothing happened.

Everything went smoothly. Those who knew their powers gladly worked on them and the others, which meant Vash, Lily and Mei, spent the session watching horror movies, since the teacher was obviously too shaken to surprise them like last time When the bell rang the end of the lesson, Feliciano innocently asked Luna what was on her mind but she sent him off a little dryly, which didn't comfort the Italian boy.

Thankfully, the next day, she seemed to be back to her usual mood, so the problem might not have been that bad.

The first journalism club session was quite short as Ludwig had declared that the first week would be dedicated to finding interesting topics for the school newspaper. Since he was taking the small number of members and their inexperience into account, he had put the publishing date at the end of October so that they could produce quality articles. To make it short, the journal was composed of a front page article on which they had to cooperate, as well as several smaller topics they could manage separately. Ludwig was taking care, ever since he had joined the club, of the "practical advice" page, focusing on studying methods and health. Kiku had inherited the "criticism" page, which was actually to his liking. Lastly, Feliciano was in charge of the "school info" page. He just had to report whatever was happening in the school, which was akin to a simple rumor page.

Ludwig had then started a brainstorming to find a topic for the front page of their October edition. But with a pasta-obsessed boy and an otaku who would only submit very Japanese topics, the research was not going well. Because no, "pasta popularity by country" and "the ten best places to celebrate the hanami" were not suitable topics. He decided they would simply think about interesting topics for the rest of the week and pick one at random the next Monday.

Then Feliciano woke up and they had a snack while talking about September Ball.

On Wednesday afternoon, during free time, Gilbert put his plan to execution.

He had to do without any accomplices this time. Antonio had been kidnapped by Bella and Francis was in detention for "exhibitionism". Granted it wasn't socially accepted to go skinny dipping in the school's swimming pool during swimming practice but a detention for that… It's not like it was the first time, they should be used to it by now.

He was carefully walking through the empty corridors, making sure he was as silent as possible. Mostly because he didn't want to get caught, but also because, if he listened carefully, he could hear the discreet sound of footsteps following him since noon. He smirked as his destination came into view: the kitchen. Francis had told him it was completely empty between two and four in the afternoon. Cooking club didn't start until then, and the cleaning staff was long gone already. Gilbert stepped into the room, tip-toed further in, as if checking no one was there. Then came back and closed the door.

Now came the work part. The albino boy walked up to one of the many numbered cupboards in the room and started checking them, one by one. He found numerous interesting things, such as bags of ingredients with unpronounceable names or diversely shaped cake pans, until he found what he had been looking for: a bag of flour.

He walked back to the door with his loot but, instead of leaving, he just opened the bag and started spreading its content all over the kitchen floor, making sure he didn't leave a single clean space. For good measure, he threw the rest of it across the room, and watched the results unfold.

At first, nothing happened for several minutes. Gilbert was waiting, standing in a corner, but his idea seemed to have failed… Pfft, as if! He was awesome, all his ideas were consequently awesome, and thus had to work! Thankfully for the albino's ego, after a while, two footprints suddenly appeared. They quickly made their way towards the door. The mysterious stalker was running away once more. Gilbert had an impatient grin. The hunt had started.

He teleported in front of the wooden door. The footprints in the flour stopped suddenly and tried to take a few steps back to run in the opposite direction. Except whoever this invisible person was, they had forgotten a crucial detail: flour makes tiles very slippery.

A large white cloud raised in the air when the invisible person fell onto the ground. Gilbert jumped on the hole that fall had created in the white powder and kind of managed to restrain the spy by sitting on them. He felt them struggle but not manage to shake him off, which made him smile even more.

"Behold the way you were tricked by the awesome me!" An annoyed growl answered him as his prisoner slowly calmed down. It was almost like they were sulking, which made the albino laugh. "So, won't you show me your face, Birdie?"

A long moment of silence followed his question. Gilbert wondered if he had heard him well and wanted to repeat himself when, finally, his stalker slowly appeared. He could first see their blue student jacket form some sort of transparent veil above the tiles. Then their beige vest appeared underneath, then their white shirt. Their brown tie took a while to show up at his collar. Then he could see a pinkish neck, pretty blond locks, and the lines of a slightly chubby face, like a child's. His ruby-colored eyes traced their large, round jaw, their full lips and straight nose, and ended up diving deep into huge blue purplish eyes. He drew back a bit, taking in their half-annoyed half-sheepish face and decided, after taking a good look, that this boy was the cutest stalker he had ever seen.

He was very disappointed when the boy ended up not turning completely visible. He was staying in a transparent state which, although allowing to see his face, made it difficult to make out clearly his silhouette; he looked like a ghost. A very cute ghost.

After a while, he turned completely invisible again and Gilbert whined.

"I can't stay invisible for very long, it takes a lot of focus," the ghost explained in a voice as transparent as he was.

"What's your name, Birdy?" Gilbert asked.

"Matthew."

"Why are you following me?" Gilbert was determined to get the truth out of him.

Matthew hesitated for a few moment before answering. "I… I spy on problematic kids on the principles' behalf. I might have to tell them about what you did here."

Gilbert gave him, or at least looked at the spot where his head was before, a doubtful look. He was awesome enough to know a lie when he heard one, and Matthew had hesitated too much to be sincere. "And the real reason is?"

Matthew went quiet for a minute. "I'm looking for confidence," he finally said. Gilbert did not move, waiting for him to keep going. Matthew sighed and explained. "As you can see, it's pretty hard to notice me," he said. "I have a hard time being visible and everything I touch, from my clothes to Kumayolo…"

"Who?"

"Over there." Gilbert turned and noticed, further away, a white teddy bear sniffing the flour and sneezing quietly. Matthew had probably let go of it when he fell. "Anyway, everything I touch goes invisible too, so it doesn't help. Most people in the school don't know I exist, or forgot from not seeing me. S-so I try to get others to notice me but…" You could feel from his tone of voice that he was blushing. "I can't, I'm too silent," he said like it was a secret. He then stopped for a moment. Gilbert tilted his head, not getting where he was going. "So I followed you to try and understand how I could be noticed. I mean, you're one of the most famous kids in the school. The Bad Touch Trio, all that stuff. Everyone know your name, even if it isn't to say nice things about you. So I thought that, by observing you, I could learn to be the same. It's stupid, I know."

Gilbert gave him and incredulous look. Then dropped to his side, freeing the blond boy, and started laughing nervously. Matthew didn't move. The albino was guessing he hadn't told him the entire truth but he'd make do with his explanation for now. "So that's why you've been following me for weeks?!" he exclaimed, shaken by his uncontrolled laughter.

"Y-yeah?"

"Dude you should've just asked me right away, Birdie! You need awesome advice to become awesome!"

"Wha… Oh, ok, sorry…"

"Don't apologize! It just took longer than it should have, that's all!" Gilbert stood and reach out towards the space where he thought Matthew was. He felt his hand in his and pulled to help him up. He himself stayed visible, which meant Matthew's ability only affected objects. Kuma-what's-his-name was a teddy bear so, even if it moved, it still counted. "So, Birdie, in my awesome generosity, I will teach you everything you need to know to become almost as awesome as me! Kesese…"

"Um… Really, Gilbert, you don't have to bother…"

"Don't worry, Birdy! I was bored anyway!"

"Why are you calling me Birdy?"

Gilbert stopped and thought. "It's a nickname I used for you… I guess it stuck because… You're hard to catch, and you fly away as soon as I find you, like a little bird." Matthew didn't answer, Gilbert assumed that meant he liked the nickname. "Well, then. Lesson number 1, Birdy! When an awesome dude makes an awesome mess, he proudly faces the consequences. So we're going to leave the flour here and go before someone sees us…"

"Um… Aren't contradicting yourself right now?"

"No, why?"

"We could at least sweep the floor, there are people working here that have better to do than cleaning…"

"Yeah, but we also have better to do."

"But…"

"Second lesson, Birdy!"

"But…"

"Wanna go to September Ball with me?"

"But… What? What does this have to do with anything?"

"Well that's rule number 2! An awesome guy never goes to a party alone! So, Birdy? What do you say?"

"…"

"Birdy?"

"…"

"That's when you say 'Oh Gil'! I'd love to go to the party with you! When are you picking me up?' and you fall into my arms crying happy tears."

"Wh… Y…C… Y-y-you really think anyone'd do that?"

"You say that like it's a bad thing!"

There was another silence. One could almost hear the gears turning in the blond boy's head. "Ok, fine," he eventually said. "I'll go with you…"

"Yeah! That's cool, Birdy!"

"On one condition." Gilbert stopped. Matthew walked to a closet, opened it, took two brooms out and threw it to the albino. "We're going to sweep the kitchen."

Gilbert scratched his chin and pretended to think. "Blackmail, huh? Cool, I didn't even have to teach you lesson number 3!" He felt a light hit on his arm and laughed. "Feisty, aren't you, Birdy?" he said before starting to sweep the flour-covered floor.

The invisible blond boy was intriguing. He couldn't remember the last time someone had managed to make him clean up one of his shenanigans. But hey, it wasn't such a heavy price to finally have someone entering the party with him. Even someone invisible.

"The time is up, you can all stop."

Francis sat his pen down and checked the list of feelings he had detected among the students. Arthur let go of Carwin's hand and hurriedly put his gloves back on as the older boy kept talking with his Shadows. Yao blew off the tea light candle he was training with and was finally allowed away from the fire extinguishers. Eduar closed his laptop before Young Soo and Hyung Soo's attentive gazes. Gilbert went back to his human form after going through all the animals he could think of all morning. Antonio stopped playing with his force fields and Bella lowered herself as delicately as she could to the ground.

Luna was noting her observations on a notebook that she always had with her, as she watched from the corner of her eyes the fourth year students preparing to leave. She had a small smile as she noticed the progress some had made during the summer. Bella, for example, had been levitating for a whole hour without batting an eye, a new record. Unfortunately, others seemed still unable to progress…

Francis handed her his list and she let him go with a little "good job".

"For those with two powers, we'll work on them next week," she announced as she read. "Carwin, excellent work but remember to make sure you have control before summoning more. Eduar, good work, you can leave. Yong Soo, Hyung Soo, you'll do what you've seen next time, try working it during the week-end…" The students she called would listen what she had to say to them and then leave immediately with their stuff. That was how Luna's classes usually ended. "Bella, very good, I'm glad you practiced. We'll work on precision together. Antonio, Gilbert, you did well but stop playing during the class, you're here to work. Yao, Arthur, you both stay."

The two boys shared a look, slightly anxious. It also was common for her to keep one or two students to speak to them, but it wasn't usually to congratulate them… The rest of the class left the room, leaving the two students alone with the teacher. She went and sat at one of the tables that had been pushed against the wall and gestured at them to do the same. They complied, nervously.

"Who wants to start?" she asked with a firm voice that said yes, you are being scolded. The two boys shared another look and Arthur pointed at himself. Luna nodded and told Yao to go and wait in the projection room. He obeyed without a word, which only added to the heavy atmosphere that had settled. The English boy waited, uneasy, for her to start. "So? You still can't control it?" she asked with a troubled face.

"No, still can't."

"Still as powerful?"

"Yes, I believe it's even growing stronger…" She looked at him in the eyes, waiting for him to continue. "I made sure not to touch anyone outside of my family, don't worry. Although it's hard with that damn frog who uses all his time to spoil mine and keeps harassing me and…" Luna cleared her throat and Arthur realized he was rambling. "Yes, so, as I was saying, even with touching anybody, I feel like it's getting stronger. I can't explain it it's like… I don't know, drugs getting stronger without a change of dosage."

"It must be growth," she said almost to herself. "And you still can't calm the effects?"

"No, impossible," Arthur grumbled, pulling on his gloves and bringing the teacher's attention on them. "Are they new?" she asked.

"Um… yes, I lost last year's ones…"

"And you're wearing them already?"

Arthur didn't answer and blushed. Luna smiled and wanted to ruffle his hair, but remembered he didn't want to be touched. She stopped herself just in time, which the English boy was thankful for. "Don't worry, I know why you're wearing them. You know it's a permanent capacity, like Matthew's…"

"Sorry, who?"

"A second year student. You know, the invisible little guy? Alfred's brother?"

"Alfred has a brother?"

"Oh, whatever. So I was saying… yes, permanent capacity, so it's hard to control, but I am sure you'll manage in a few years. You just have to keep working on it."

"Yes, miss…"

She gave him a blinding smile and nodded at him to leave. She watched maliciously as he gathered his stuff. "One last thing!" she said before he could disappear though the PCD room's door. "I'm certain this power will be useful to you, so you might want to test it? Your little 'frog' seems rather receptive…"

Arthur almost choked as he glared at his teacher who burst into shimmering laughter and shooed him away, taking note of the redness that had appeared unexpectedly over his cheeks. Oh how she loved teasing the students about this!

She got up and went to open the projection room's door. It was Yao's turn to sit in front of her, as he obviously tried very hard to control himself. He probably thought she was going to scold him about his non-existent progress. He wasn't exactly wrong, but she didn't want him to have a new fit. She had to weight her words and to be tactful, while still telling him the truth. She took a few moments to think as the Chinese boy grew impatient. "Yao," she eventually said. "Don't worry, you work well, even if you are not progressing very fast. This is what I want to talk about."

She dangled the list Francis had written in front of his eyes. Next to his name, Yao could read Very tense since the beginning of the session, but that's not usual. Anxious and defensive. All of this has to do with his power + being confused about his feelings. Personal note: needs a hot bath with lavender oil and relaxing music. "Can't he mind his own business, aru…"

"He still needs to practice. If I'm correct, it was almost the same thing last year. And the one before that." Luna sat the paper down and gave him a beautiful smile. "Would you talk to me about this?"

"No, ma'am, sorry…" Yao looked away and bit his lip awkwardly.

"I already told you that, if you wanted to control yourself, you had to make peace with your emotions. I didn't tell you to force them away."

"I know, aru…"

"You need to understand, Yao, as long as you won't be calm during the exercises, you won't be able to progress and everything will stay erratic and unexpected. I know it's something difficult to do for someone with a past like yours, but we need to avoid putting others in danger. If you fight it, your power will fight you too, do you understand?"

"Yes, aru…"

"If you have trouble controlling them, it simply means you are not accepting your powers as a part of you. After three years of training, you should already be able to manipulate candle flame away from the fire extinguishers, you know? Same thing for…"

"Miss!" Luna stopped. Yao's face was red and his eyes glistening with tears. He couldn't listen, as always… "Miss…" he repeated, in a lower voice, trying very hard not to snap at her. "When I found out about this capacity you say is "part of me", I set my former school on fire, aru. Kids almost dies because of me, aru. And when I got here, I had to find out about some other curse that I had to live with, aru. So don't tell me these… things are part of me. I don't want to be a freak!"

"Yao. Calm down." Yao ignored her and started gathering his stuff. He did not want to talk about this, not now, not ever. He felt his pulse raise and was clever enough to sit back down and breathe, so he wouldn't illustrate what he had just explained. "Yao, rejecting your capacities won't make them less dangerous."

"I know, aru! Put I still can't accept them, aru!"

"Then you're in a dead-end."

He stood without answering and headed for the exit. He tried to think about something else, kittens, plush toys, flowers… Something cute and peaceful that could calm his thumping heart. He needed to get those problems out of his head.

Ivan was waiting at the door. Tâ mâ de!

He was alone. Which meant he had left his friends/scapegoats/servants/others to stay with him a while. Double tâ mâ de!

Yao could always pretend he didn't see him but it was pretty hard to say that to an almost seven feet tall guy standing right next to the door. Especially when the playground was empty because everyone was having lunch.

He could also try to dig a hole and bury himself alive so he would have to endure the Russian's presence and the very unpleasant his body tended to have in his presence. Right now, it seemed like the most enticing option. Unfortunately, there were material limits so he would have to choose another option…

"Yao-Yao~!" The Russian boy's playful voice interrupted him in the middle of his thoughts. Yao felt his large hands cover his shoulders and shivered. His heart started beating harder. He already wasn't very calm, but now the situation had gone from bothersome to dangerous. He started power walking towards the cafeteria like nothing was wrong, making sure he was breathing evenly. Ivan followed him.

"Sorry, Ivan, but I'm really not in the mood for anyone's company right now, aru," he said with a blank voice.

"Eh? Even though I waited for you all this time?"

Yao checked his watch. Classes really did end fifteen minutes ago. "You didn't have to, aru."

"But I wanted to be with my little Yao-Yao!"

The shivers increased. Bad omen. "Well I don't and that's it, aru! And stop it with the nickname!"

As only answer, Ivan caught up to him and closed his arms around him, slowing him down. He held him tight. "But Yao-Yao want to be with me too, da?"

Yao couldn't react immediately. He could feel the Russian boy's warm breath on his neck, the sweet scent of his scarf, the strange exchange of temperature between their bodies, through their uniforms, a surprising side-effect of their respective powers. Part of him wanted to hold onto that large back and accept the embrace. But the rest of him was freaking out at his heart going crazy, at the shivers increasing again, and at the ball of heat blossoming in the depths of his chest. He only hesitated for a second. He kicked the Russian in the legs, freeing himself, and ran as fast as he could to the closest bathroom. Once more, Ivan didn't chase after him. He just watched him go with a bitter eye, sighed and walked to the cafeteria. By himself. He'd have his chance anyway. He knew it when he saw him the first time. Yao would be his. But not like his friends. The Chinese boy would be completely and entirely his. Someday.

Locked in one of the stalls, curled on the toilet seat, Yao wanted to cry. He was breathing as deeply as he could, gripping the fabric of his pants to try and steady himself. Why? Why did he have to hide such a shameful thing? Why was this happening so often these days? Why couldn't he just have that kind of affection from Ivan? He knew he could be cruel when something wasn't to his liking. He knew he was probably a little mad. But he also knew how frighteningly nice he could be with him. With this sort of kind dominance that made his head spin all the time. He had been hiding for three years and controlling himself was getting more and more difficult every time his roommate tried to get close to him. Until when would he be able to keep it a secret?

All these questions weren't helping at all. His blood was boiling, the heat had claimed his entire body. His muscles and bones were a little sore, as always. There was nothing to do. He had to wait. Wait for his body to stop being a jerk.

He startled when he hear the bathroom door open. Slow and silent steps walked on the tiles and a pair of black flats stopped right in front of his booth. He heard three knocks on the panel but didn't move. "Occupied," he said with the most normal voice he could manage.

"I know, Yao. Let me in."

It was a woman's voice, low and calm. Yao recognized it immediately. He stood, trembling, and unlocked the door.

It was a woman in her forties. She was slender, and a little hunched but you could feel she had once been very tall. Her skin was dark and her hair was blond, a darker blond than her sister's. The long blue dress she wore was hardly hiding the weakness of her body. However her almond-shaped eyes were filled with colors, shimmering like stars.

Gaia came in, closed the door and held him close. No word was spoken. Yao let her, thankful. He even let a tear roll onto her shoulder. She just held him silently. She knew. She always seemed to know. "You don't have to be ashamed, you know…" she whispered.

Yao didn't answer. He knew that, if he was to open his mouth, he would start sobbing.

"I know you don't want anyone to know but nobody will judge you for being different. Because everyone is different here."

He shook his head. Her words felt so right and yet…

"You don't want to accept it. I know. The problem isn't about others. It's about yourself. Unfortunately, you'll soon have to accept yourself."

"When?"

"Soon." He wouldn't hear more. She probably didn't know about the details either. Little by little, he felt the heat leave his body. His heart had calmed down. Feeling this, Gaia stood back a little and looked at him straight in the eyes. She gave him a wonderful smile and played with his brown hair for a moment. "Better?" she asked.

He nodded. Without another word, she left the booth and started walking slowly towards the exit. "You don't leave your office very often," Yao commented.

"That's true," she said, still walking slowly. "But I cannot let my sister take care of everything by herself. And I've had more than enough of all the paper work."

"Do you need help to go back?"

She stopped and looked at him with a sad smile. "I can still go by myself, thank you. I am sick but not disabled yet."

He watched her leave. He felt a little lighter. Gaia was great at cheering her students up. She was always at the right place at the right moment and always knew what to say. With an appeased sigh, he headed back towards the cafeteria.

[transmisogyny-explained]

[Image Description 1: A reply to the original post by @clevercrumbish which reads, “They weren’t elves” /end ID 1]

[ID 2: A gif of a person sitting near the back of a classroom eagerly raising their hand. Seconds later, they bend over their desk and cover their head before an onslaught of backpacks, various school supplies, and even a pair of their classmates are hurled at them. /end ID 2]

There are a lot of good additions to this post I wanted to share with my followers, but I didn’t want to spam reblog, so screenshots will be under the cut.

Content warnings for talk of porn, fetishism, and uncensored transmisogynistic slurs

[Image Description 1:

theothin

“I certainly hope that alternatives become increasingly available over time, but different types of depictions are valuable to different people, and I can’t imagine futa porn ever losing its significance completely. as long as any amount of transphobia exists, there will always be people who are apprehensive about the idea of actually being trans and, for some amount of time, will find it easier to relate to media with characters who have characteristics of being trans without being depicted as actually being trans

(also I’ve seen futa porn that wasn’t bad at all, and some portion of it is DEFINITELY made by trans folks)”

/end ID 1]

[Image Description 2:

the-descolada

“only seeing your desired body image in porn fetishizing your existence” is an unfortunately common thing among trans women I think”

/end ID 2]

[Image Description 3:

bohemiandragoness

“I feel like this is probably relatable to more trans girls than one would think, its just not something that gets brought up as most are probably fearful it leans too much into negative stereotype areas”

/end ID 3]

[Image Description 4:

yandere-clown

“[that feeling when] the consequences of trans women being seen by society as inherently pornographic and transgressive, instead of just... being regularass people”

/end ID 4]

[Image Description 5:

valkylander

“‘Oh to be a beautiful elf woman who still has a cock and is treated as sexually desirable and potent by the women around her. Alas, I am but a human man, and this dream will be forever beyond my reach.’”

/end ID 5]

[Image Description 6:

yaoist

“honestly people like horny doujin and sex is a big part of peoples’ lives and I think looking at porn where you see someone you physically identify with is extremely common with every type of person. why would trans people (in general) ever NOT look at porn where people are like them.”

reply by komaru-n-aegi

“the problem is that this is the Only place where transfems can see themselves. there’s little to no representation outside of this fetish porn, and obviously fetish porn is not good representation”

another reply by yaoist

“i was responding to the second fourth part, i think we’re always going to live in a world where people look at porn and i don’t think ‘trope where girls have dicks’ is going to suddenly become irrelevant to trans women who look at porn for obvious reasons.”

/end ID 6]

A side note: Trans people existing in porn isn’t the problem by any means. The problem is how the vast, vast majority of that porn is produced, distributed, and consumed by TME people (in particular cis men) who are often openly and aggressively transmisogynistic, reduce us down to stereotypes, and view us as sexual objects which exist for their consumption. Erotica that is made by and for trans women and which predominantly features trans women is no where near on the level of the vast amount of porn which utterly dehumanizes us as a whole.

[Image Description 7:

deodipus

“the kicker is that the cis dudes who are into that stuff also tend to be super vocally transphobic, so not only are you stuck trudging through shitty porn doujins and whatnot, you gotta put up with tons of jackasses ranting and raving about how people like you are gross/undesirable/delusional too”

/end ID 7]

[Image Descriptions 8 and 9:

soymilkers

“as unsavory as it might seem to normies, futa porn was a lot of [people’s] first exposure to alternative gender expression, particularly for [people] my age who came of age when our main cultural representations of transness were just transmisogynistic jokes or torture porn about trans suffering. like i grew up not knowing any trans [people] in real life or hearing any stories or even seeing media of trans [people] just existing. i will never forget the first terrible big dick elf girl hentai image i saw, on complete accident, after downloading what was supposed to be a milf porn image set from soulseek onto the family computer at the age of 12. i am proud of my heritage, i will not forget where i came from or what i came to”

reply from tomorrowcomest0day

“i dont think ‘fetish porn helped me realize im trans’ is the good point yall think it is”

reply from str0kethebigtree

“isnt the whole issue that trans women are fetishized?”

reply from soymilkers

“i was also joking but i put the punchline in the tags because i forgot that people reblog my stuff sometimes. fetish porn was a first contact but it wasn’t the only one, i had a whole bunch of other formative gender experiences that didn’t have to do with porn or sex at all.

furthermore, if (exclusively) fetish porn helps someone realize they’re trans it’s still a net good for them, we take the opportunities we’re given and we try to figure out who we are and how to love ourselves”

/end IDs 8 and 9]

This last reply is from me on my main account. It’s a bit disjointed, but I felt like sharing:

[Image Description 10

twink-woman

“It would be nice if trans people had enough positive media representation that porn didn’t have to be where a lot of trans girls had their first exposure to transness. But our sexualities are so heavily scrutinized and policed and pathologized, like. It’s the very fact that we’re seen as sexual objects that means a huge chunk of our ‘representation’ comes from porn. That’s not our fault. And it’s not our fault if that’s how our eggs are cracked and we shouldn’t be ashamed of it. Idk, does that make sense? Transfems having this kind of relationship to our own sexualities shouldn’t be what’s seen as the problem here.”

/end ID 10]

one of these days some very brave trans girl is gonna admit that a key part of her egg phase was big dick elf girl hentai and the world simply will not be ready for that

[starklore]

@yaoist nothing new in particular, just thinking abt how breadgate or whatever is based upon the same underlying idea that gets autistic people bullied: that fandom can/should only ever be a very casual hobby, not something you're actually passionate about or invested in.

I think that's part of what leads to the out-of-touch media critic thing I talked about earlier. If surface-level engagement is the ideal level of investment in fandom, then people with only surface-level knowledge of fandom actually become the ideal commentators on fandom. They and their followers genuinely believe that they are the ones doing fandom the correct way. People who are actually deeply involved in fan culture are considered...idk, out of touch? Too invested to be impartial, I guess?

H8 how fandom going mainstream changed it I wish we were all considered obsessed weirdos again.