#Yeah yeah revolution but listen TACO BELL

[idkaguyorsomething]

A Shitty Recap of An Unearthly Child

For convoluted legal reasons, the very first episode of Doctor Who, An Unearthly Child, is unavailable for the public to screen (they cover the details here: https://www.ign.com/articles/why-the-first-four-doctor-who-episodes-ever-made-wont-be-on-bbc-iplayer ). So I’ll be recapping it with some screenshots here!

[Image ID: The words “An Unearthly Child” superimposed over an image of a 1960s police box]

We open with a scene of a police officer walking through the mist, opening the gates to the Foreman Junkyard and passing by a Perfectly Average Police Box.

Cut to Coal Hill High School, where the bell has rung to signal the end of the day and we see our leads, BARBARA the history teacher and IAN the chemistry teacher.

[Image ID: a man and a woman talking in a high school chemistry classroom. There is a chalkboard in the background]

BARBARA: We need to talk about Susan.

IAN: Susan?

BARBARA: You know, the fucking weirdo.

IAN: I do know, though when you put it like that-

BARBARA: Look, her grades are really high but her homework is shit, and when I went to go see where her home address is I ended up in a random junkyard.

IAN: Well, that could’ve been a typo in the school system.

BARBARA: Maybe, but when I went to go ask her about talking to her grandfather, she said that it would be absolutely impossible. For her only living relative, don’t you think that sounds a little-

IAN: Don’t!

BARBARA: Sus?

IAN: *sighs* Well, there’s probably some perfectly reasonable explanation for it.

BARBARA: I promised to go lend her a book, want to help me get to the bottom of it?

IAN: Sure.

Cut to SUSAN in another classroom, stimming!

[Image ID: Susan standing in the foreground, holding a radio with one hand and drumming her fingers on her wrist with the other. Barbara and Ian are in the background]

BARBARA: I have that book about the French Revolution you wanted, Susan.

SUSAN: Oh, thanks! I’ll return it tomorrow.

BARBARA: You can return it when you’ve finished it.

SUSAN: I will have finished it by tomorrow :3

IAN: Nice Beatles tunes you’re listening to there.

SUSAN: Wow, I didn’t think you were young enough to know about the Beatles.

IAN: Listen, student of mine, I was just about to give Barbara a ride home, and I’ve got extra room in my car if you want a lift.

SUSAN: Umm, you know what, I think I’d rather walk home in the dark. That has spookier vibes. Yeah.

BARBARA and IAN exit the room. We hold on SUSAN, who starts flipping through her book.

[Image ID: Susan flipping through a book] SUSAN: The fuck is this bullshit?

Cut back to BARBARA and IAN IAN: Well, that settles it. Something is definitely off about that situation. We should stake out her home address and see what’s up with that.

BARBARA: Now you’re talking!

[Image ID: BARBARA and IAN standing in a classroom, looking at each other lovingly]

Cut to BARBARA and IAN in IAN’S CAR, parked outside the Foreman Junkyard eating Taco Bell.

[Image ID: the blurriest photo ever of Ian and Barbara sitting in the front of Ian’s car]

BARBARA: Did you know Susan doesn’t know how English currency works?

Flashback to the classroom, where all of Susan’s classmates are laughing at her.

[Image ID: Susan standing in the classroom, looking very upset]

SUSAN: Shit, you mean you haven’t converted to the decimal system yet? Now I’ll have to learn what sixpence and a shilling is!

[Image ID: Barbara and Ian sitting in Ian’s car again, with Ian looking slightly annoyed] IAN: You know people from other countries exist, right?

BARBARA: Don’t chicken out on me, this whole operation was your idea.

IAN: I think you’re just really curious about this whole situation and that there’s a simple explanation for it all.

BARBARA: Her homework lately’s been shit! It’s the right thing to do!

IAN: Barbara, we’re staking out a junkyard in my car eating Taco Bell. There’s been shittier homework. Bad social skills, good schoolwork, and reading books in improbably short periods of time, you know what that sounds like to me? Autism.

BARBARA: It’s the 1960s, you’re not supposed to know that exists yet.

Then they notice Susan stepping into the junkyard and get out to follow her.

[Image ID: BARBARA and IAN standing in front of a police box, placing their hands on it]

IAN: A police box? In a junkyard? Who’s going to have an emergency in here?

BARBARA: Forget that, where’d Susan go?

Just then, the DOCTOR steps into the screen!

[Image ID: the First Doctor standing in a junkyard]

DOCTOR: Rassilon’s toenails, the only thing this planet has is weed and racism!

IAN: Hey you, have you seen a young woman wandering around here?

DOCTOR: No, I can’t say I have. And who are you again?

BARBARA: We’re Susan’s high school teachers. We’re here to check on her because we suspect that she might be hiding her grandfather’s corpse around here while the rats eat her homework.

DOCTOR: Uh huh… perhaps you have the wrong junkyard.

Suddenly they hear Susan’s voice coming from inside the police box!

SUSAN: Grandfather, you left the bong on the stack of scrap metal again!

BARBARA: Susan!

DOCTOR: Shit.

IAN: Are you her grandfather? Is she being locked inside that box? What the hell? Susan, try to dial the police from inside there!

[Image ID: the Doctor looking at Ian smugly in the foreground while Barbara looks on in the background] DOCTOR: I think the two of you are just hearing things. You know how it is with junkyards and their junkyard echolocation. Common knowledge. This is just an ordinary, empty box.

IAN: If it’s just an ordinary box, then you wouldn’t mind stepping aside so we can look inside, would you?

DOCTOR: Oh, fuck off already!

IAN: Not in a million years. Susan, we’re coming for you!

The two of them tussle while BARBARA runs around them and opens the door to the police box.

[Image ID: some blurry shit that looks like an old man throwing hands with a guy in his 30s if you squint]

Barbara steps into the police box, and all three of them end up on the inside!

[Image ID: Barbara, Ian, the Doctor, and Susan all standing around the interior of the police box]

SUSAN: Grandfather, did you grab the bo- oh.

BARBARA: O_O

IAN: How is it bigger on the inside? That defies the laws of physics?

[Image ID: the Doctor holding up one hand as he lectures Susan. Ian watches them in the foreground] DOCTOR: You’d better get used to it, because you’re my prisoners now. Susan, I told you something like this would happen if you tried to attend high school. Now we’ll have to get a litter box or something for them. I think Koschei left some collars and a leash somewhere around here last time he visited…

IAN: You can’t keep us prisoners in here, that’s inhumane! Besides, someone else is going to stumble onto this box eventually.

DOCTOR: Well then, it’s a good thing that neither I nor Susan are human, then? And I’ll just have to pilot the box elsewhere.

IAN: Pilot a box? But physics-

SUSAN: No, it’s true. Grandfather and I are both Time Lords from the planet Gallifrey, although those names won’t be established for another couple of seasons. The box is actually a time traveling ship called the TARDIS, which is an acronym that I came up with that’ll give a headache to anyone trying to understand the lore. We’re exiles, actually.

[Image ID: Barbara looking at Susan sweetly but sternly]

BARBARA: Susan, sweetheart, have you ever heard of brainwashing?

SUSAN: You’re inside the ship! How do you want proof more definitive than that?

IAN: That’s it, I’m out of here.

Both Barbara and Ian attempt to leave the ship, but find themselves being held back.

[Image ID: Barbara and Ian try to open the doors of the TARDIS but are unable to. Their faces are in distress]

BARBARA: Damn, that old bastard must’ve locked the doors somehow.

DOCTOR: Did you not hear the part where I said you’re my prisoners now?

IAN: I saw him pushing one of those buttons on the console!

DOCTOR: You’ll never find out which button that was! It takes decades to learn the controls to the TARDIS. Even I haven’t learned them all yet!

SUSAN: You threw away the instruction manual, grandfather.

Ian rushes at the control panel and presses a button, but the Doctor presses another button and he gets fucking tasered.

[Image ID: Susan watches as Ian gets electrocuted]

DOCTOR: Bad human! Down!

SUSAN: Grandfather, no!

DOCTOR: Let’s get out of here, we’ve stayed in one place too long already. They wouldn’t let me join the Coal Hill PTA, anyways.

SUSAN: I won’t let you!

The Doctor starts operating the controls to the TARDIS, but Susan jumps at him from behind and knocks him off balance.

[Image ID: a couple of smudges that look like Susan and the Doctor tussling behind the TARDIS console]

SUSAN: They have the Beatles and free love and people my own age here!

DOCTOR: My child, you’re several decades older than every other human at that high school.

SUSAN: I don’t care, you can’t tell me what to do anymore!

They knock over several levers and press multiple buttons in the process, and a few seconds later, the wheezing noise of the TARDIS taking off is heard. Everyone inexplicably passes out, and we fade to black. Then, the TARDIS reappears in an ancient landscape, where we see a strange face looking upon it…

TO BE CONTINUED

[kayoi1234]

You know what I'm still not over yesterday's streams I mean this fucking SMP had a carefully crafted storyline only for it to get shattered because all these gamer nerds really wanted to eat Taco Bell and not pay for it

[lovemesomesurveys]

How many times have you ever ridden an elephant? This question makes it seem like riding elephants is a common thing everyone does. Anyway, I’ve never ridden an elephant.

Do you like cobblers? No. What do you think about Lord of the Rings? look... i feel like im the only person who hasnt read the books OR watched the movies. i feel like it wouldnt be my thing <<< I haven’t either. I have no desire to. 

What kind of cup did you last drink out of? It was one of our Disney collector glasses that McDonald’s was giving out when I was a kid.

Do you currently have any cuts or scrapes? No.

Did you like Barney as a child? I was obsessed with Barney. 

What color vacuum do you use? It’s black.

Do you have a lot of clothes hangers in your house? Yeah.

Have you ever been in a Latin class? No.

Have you ever had bubble gum stuck in your hair? That happened once when I was a kid.

Is there any pet hair stuck to your clothing? I’m sure.

What do you smell? Nothing at the moment.

Have you ever watched The Gremlins? No.

What is your favorite type of seashell? I don’t have a particular favorite. 

Do you love 3-D movies? Wearing the glasses was a nuisance as a glasses wearer, plus I feel like the 3D effects were generally not all that good. 

Have you ever used Proactiv? Yeah.

Is your cell on charge? No.

Do you like dirt or sand better? Sand cause the beach.

When’s the last time you had a hamburger? It’s been a little while..perhaps a couple a months.

Do you own an iHome? No.

Do you own a BEST FRIEND charm or firgurine? No.

What do you think about rainbows? They’re beautiful.

Are you wearing anything on your head right now? No.

Are you watching cartoons? No.

Do you own a pet spider? That’s a HELL no.

Do you like mouthwash? No.

Have you ever used a Ped-Egg? No. Ew, the commercial for that always made me gag.

Do you like Olay products? I couldn’t tell you the last Olay product I used.

Have you ever gone on a cruise? No.

Do you use green pens? Not often, but I’m not opposed to it.

Do you own anything that has a striped pattern on it? Yeah.

Do you watch Wheel of Fortune? I haven’t in quite a long time.

Are there any fake tattoos on you? No. There aren’t any real ones either.

When’s the last time you saw your grandpa? My maternal grandpa passed away back in 2010 and it’s been 3 years since I’ve seen my paternal grandpa. 

Is there a rocking chair in your house? No.

Do you call your animals “baby names”? Yeah. My doggo has a ton of nicknames.

Why does George Lopez say “I GOT THIS!!” in that voice? Ask him.

Do you have homework? Nope, I’m done with school.

Have you ever gone to a Monster Truck show? No.

Well, have you ever seen the Nutcracker? Yeah, in elementary school for a field trip.

Where did you get your bed sheets? Macy’s.

Do you always use manners? Maybe not always at home, but generally yes.

Have you ever been stood up? No.

Are your lips chapped? No.

Have you ever been kicked in the throat? Gahhh, no.

Do you own a fishtank? Nope.

When is the last time you were sick? It’s been a few years since I’ve had something like a cold. I always feel crappy, though.

Do you like the song “Barbie Girl”? Sure.

What do you usually order from Taco Bell? Bean burrito with no onions and extra sauce and cheese, a chicken quesadilla, and a couple Doritos Loco tacos.

If you have a cell, is it touch screen? Yes.

Do you own a feather boa? No.

Are you allergic to peanuts? No.

Do you wear ribbons in your hair? Nope.

Did you get into the Livestrong bracelet kick? I did.

Do you use cheat codes on video games? Yeah.

Have you ever gone mudding on a fourwheeler? No.

Is there a rolly chair in your bed room? My wheelchair.

What is your favorite flavor Jolly Rancher? Watermelon was my favorite. I couldn’t tell you the last time I had a Jolly Rancher, though.

Who is your favorite super hero? Iron Man, Scarlet Witch, Spiderman.

Have you ever been to a church camp? No.

Is there a trampoline in your back yard? Nope.

Have you ever played Dance Dance Revolution? No. Have you ever swam in a creek? No.

Do you enjoy running? Nopeee.

How long has it been since you last slept? Like 30 minutes.

What are your thoughts on Myspace? What a time. It was all the rage back in the day and I was definitely super into it. Then it just died and everyone went to Facebook.

What is the last thing you dropped? My water bottle.

How many nickels are in your posession? I have no idea.

Is the sound on your laptop or computer turned off? No, it’s on because I’m listening to an ASMR video.

How many items do you have in your “favorites”? Where?

Would you ever slide down a razor blade slide into a pool full of alcohol? Uh, no???

What is the last infomercial you saw? *shrug* Probably an exercise one.

How many magnets are on your refrigerator? Several.

How many keychains do you own? I have a ton of keychains.

Do you own anything with a peace sign on it? Possibly.

Have you ever been to Johnny Rocket’s? Yes.

How many stuffed animals are in your room? A ton. Look up, then to the right. What do you see? My closet.

Have you ever done the “Cupid Shuffle”. No, but I’m familiar with the song and dance.

Do you know how to do the Solja Boy dance? I can’t do it, but yeah I know the dance.

When is the last time you wore shorts? A couple days ago.

Do you like elevators or escelators? I have to use elevators.

Have you ever layed on a tampur pedic? No.

Have you ever been in Karate? No.

What color is the nearest lampshade? White.

Is there anyone in the room with you? No.

How long has it been since you’ve eaten a Reese’s? It’s been a long time. When is the last time you went to Walmart? A few weeks ago.

Do you own any body glitter? I have a glitter spray from Bath & Body Works.

What brand of hair straightner do you own, if you own one? I don’t have one.

What is your favorite brand of chips? Frito-Lay.

What time was it 20 minutes ago? 5:50AM.

When is the last time you pet an animal? Last night.

Do you own anything from Aeropostale? Not anymore.

Did you have fun with this survey? I wish there weren’t so many straight yes or no questions.

Was it random, or no? Sure.

[middleclassfashion]

536

I don’t remember a ton about college, except that I spent the first few years really dragging it out, knowing that this would probably be the best time of my life and I didn’t want to rush it. I didn’t live on campus. I was best friends with my parents and liked hanging out with them, plus we only lived twenty minutes from the school. On my first day, I was so anxious that I made my dad drive behind me on my way to my first class. I was a very young eighteen and was just so worried I would do something wrong or get lost. We pulled into the parking lot and he rolled down his window asking if he should walk in with me. I waved him away and whispered thanks anyway. 

I went inside. I was at least an hour early. My first class was Music Theory I with Aural Training. I did not know what Aural Training meant, but it sounded creepy. I sat down in the hallway with my back against the wall and hugged my knees to my chest. Not long after, the door opened again and a guy walked in. He looked my age, eighteen or nineteen. He was tall and skinny with glasses and long brown hair that flopped into his face. he looked like a musician and somebody who likes uncool bands. He said hey to me and kind of half waved, sat down across from me, and asked if I was in Dr. Henry’s class. I said yeah and stared at my feet. I tried out conversation in my head and finally said “hey do you know what aural training is?” and he kind of laughed and said not really. I think he ended up telling me later that his mom dropped him off on that first day.

We became friends. I gave him rides a lot because I had a car and he didn’t. He would always have strong opinions about what I was listening to. One time he said “you can tell that’s a girl drummer, you can always tell” and I got mad but didn’t entirely disagree. We would hang out sometimes in the evenings and work on our theory homework. A few times I brought him back to my house and we made a frozen pizza and played Fake Plastic Trees on guitars. 

I made a few other friends in the music department, but I was always kind of disconnected from everybody as a group because I didn’t live on campus. I would occasionally come to parties and had fun, but definitely felt like everybody knew one another better. When I turned 21, these girls Jen and Cynthia took me to Fast Eddies and taught me how to order a beer. I remember Jen saying “now you have to put a dollar down for tip” and I asked why, when all they did was take the bottle cap off. She said she didn’t know but that’s just how it was done, so I set down a dollar. I got tipsy and Jen drove my car to the Alton Bell casino. It was a blur of red lights and chiming machines.

My sister was in high school during this time. She had a huge group of friends and would spend a lot of time making a big photo slideshow on the computer for when they graduated. She did things like playing Powder Puff football. When my parents went out of town, she would have big house parties and I kind of liked them. I remember showing up with Rhi to a house filled with people. I was wearing my Green Day shirt from the Pop Disaster Tour, and we had a bag of like 20 Jack in the Box tacos that she’d gotten for free. After that particular party, I found an untouched Little Caesars pizza hidden in our laundry room. 

Her friends played a lot of Dance Dance Revolution and her boyfriend was really good at it. Stacey drove my mom’s old Jeep Cherokee and like 9 of her friends would pile into it. She was always surrounded by a big group of people, or else she was asleep in her bedroom. It used to drive me crazy, she’d stay in bed for an entire day and night, barely moving. I’d try to talk her into going somewhere with me, I’d crack open the door and she’d be asleep with her laptop propped up in her lap, downloading songs from Limewire, with some kind of old romantic movie playing on the tv. She would always listen to this radio show on 101.1 the River, the host was Delilah I think? It was all this cheesy sentimental crap, Delilah would read these letters and then play songs to go with them. This is so dumb, I would always tell Stacey. 

[they-are-there-upon-his-head]

Hi, I just really need to talk about modern AU great Comet hcs Please love me

an unprompted ask?? for me??? this is the content I signed up for

so yeah i’m just gonna make a big ass list of headcanons lemme know what you think,,, i love modern au so much so this is also a long post beware!!!

these are random as hell but are heavy on the Andrierre, which is good and bad because I love this ship but also I haven’t read War and Peace so some of the Andrey headcanons might be dead wrong

and of course feel free to correct and/or add on to this list! I’d love to hear what you guys have to say about this and I’m always up for talking about Great Comet

so let’s begin

 Anatole is a picky picky picky eater, he’ll only eat very specific things like That One All-Natural Organic Overpriced Brand Of Mac ‘N’ Cheese™

9 times out of 10 Helene is going to or drinking Starbucks

Dolokhov will eat ANYTHING but he still ends up going to Taco Bell way too often

he drinks too much Mountain Dew

Pierre keeps his shirt on at the beach/when swimming

he only leaves the house to walk to the local convenience store and buy snacks, and the liquor store to buy booze

Marya loves couponing

Dolokhov prides himself on his cool sneakers

Sonya plays the ukulele

she wears a lot of scarves and flannel and loves autumn

Andrey owns a lot of soft gray sweaters

Mary has a really old ipod nano that has like ten songs on it but she listens to it and dances while she cleans in the morning when her father is asleep

Helene wears athletic wear (track pants, cool sneakers, etc) for the aesthetic but isn’t much of a fan of working out

Andrey goes for a run every morning

Natasha uses the dog filter on Snapchat way too much

Balaga wears a weed hat and weed socks

there’s a 99% chance Anatole has texted “send nudes” in the last 12 hours

Pierre has a lot of t-shirts with random bands on them

Marya loves strong coffee

Natasha and Sonya share a room that’s decorated with fairy lights

Andrey works a bunch of jobs and has really weird hours

lucky for him, Pierre never sleeps

so they often go to the local diner together at 3am and get milkshakes and cheese fries

Pierre fucking loves cheese fries

Sonya had a weeb phase

Dolokhov is still in the tail end of his emo phase tbh

Anatole secretly loves Buzzfeed quizzes

Balaga is an uber driver

Sonya watches a lot of Food Network and HGTV

Natasha loves The Bachelor

Dolokhov watches roast videos

Pierre once watched vine compilations for 13 hours straight

somehow word got around that Dolokhov secretly has an embarrassing tattoo (something along the lines of “I love my mom,” perhaps?) but when confronted about it he turned bright red and vehemently denied its existence

Helene wears those Aesthetic™ shirts with random French words on them from like Forever 21 or something

Dolokhov wears Timberlands and track pants and snapback hats

he also wears his socks pulled up high like your friendly neighborhood fuckboy

Natasha has worn the same pair of Uggs for a long time

Balaga unironically wears Crocs (often paired with his weed socks and oversized denim cutoffs)

Dolokhov takes snowball fights very seriously

Andrey can drive but he hates doing it

he bikes to work and around the city

Mary also hates driving, but that’s because she’s deathly afraid of it

Pierre bought contacts but never uses them, he just wears his glasses instead

Dolokhov is really into sports, both watching them and playing them

his favorites are soccer and basketball

he forces Anatole and Helene to watch some games with him and they hate it

they just rate the players’ attractiveness instead and end up talking and wolf-whistling over all the commentary

Dolokhov is annoyed by it at first, but always ends up joining in and marveling at the muscles on these guys! look at those fucking biceps

Natasha visits Pierre once in awhile and brings some gifts and food (usually baked goods that her and Sonya make)

they just sorta hang out and talk and eat, sometimes Pierre makes tea for them and they have a little tea party

Pierre’s very awkward but Natasha is good at diffusing the awkwardness, mostly by talking a lot about nothing

one time she convinced him to let her paint his nails and honestly??? Pierre kinda liked it

he wanted to tell Andrey about it but Andrey still doesn’t seem ready to talk about Natasha

Pierre’s ok with it though, he’ll give it time. Andrey will come around eventually.

Mary swears by medicinal teas and herbs for almost every ailment

she also collects flowers and dries them and hangs them in her room

Dolokhov does parkour

Balaga runs a meme account

Marya has everything you could ever need in her purse, including napkins, Advil, hand sanitizer, wet wipes, tampons, pepper spray, tweezers, Beyonce’s entire discography, the whole city of Moscow, etc

Pierre has a lot of books on the French Revolution

one Valentine’s Day, Andrey got Pierre a locket with Napoleon’s face in it and Pierre was so confused until he opened it and he just looked so pained while Andrey laughed

honestly Pierre thinks it was actually really fucking clever and it’s kinda sweet that Andrey noticed how into the French Revolution he was

also, he had never seen Andrey laugh as hard as he did in that moment and that made it all worth it

Pierre’s favorite TV show is Gravity Falls, though Ancient Aliens is a close second

he also watches reruns of Jeopardy a lot and is surprisingly good at it

sometimes Andrey will watch it with him; Pierre gets all the history stuff and Andrey gets more of the pop culture questions

Helene listens to Lana Del Rey, Dolokhov has a soft spot for twenty one pilots, and Anatole is always a slut for some Britney

Pierre listens to Radiohead and other depressing existential indie/alternative rock

Natasha is a sucker for a good love song, Broadway musicals, or any happy boppy pop song tbh

Sonya loves folk music and anything with string instruments

Andrey is partial to some good 90s grunge rock (Nirvana, Foo Fighters, Weezer, etc)

Marya listens to pop music of the 70s and 80s music, stuff of the “good old days”

boy oh boy can she GET DOWN to Dancing Queen

Mary thoroughly enjoys Christian rock

Andrey secretly loves to dance, he’s one of those people that just kind of loses himself in the music and is just completely in the zone while dancing

honestly??? Pierre’s jealous because 1. how do you relax while there are people around you and 2. how the hell does Andrey still look cool

Pierre is either too self-conscious to dance or he just kind of nods his head to the beat, that’s all he’ll do

(unless he’s alone in which case it’s WILD)

Dolokhov’s dancing is basically just jumping with some fancy footwork once in awhile

Anatole and Helene twerk. c’mon of course they do

one time Natasha tried to teach herself how to twerk and Marya walked in and grounded her for a week

Pierre thinks The Shawshank Redemption is the pinnacle of cinema and will fight anyone who thinks otherwise

Natasha sings in the shower

Anatole loves chick flicks and has a crush on Ryan Gosling

he forces Dolokhov to watch shitty romcoms with him as revenge for Dolokhov forcing him to watch sports

but I mean they’re all curled up on the couch with their arms around each other and Anatole’s crying and Dolokhov’s laughing at him and they’re eating ice cream and takeout from the one place that Anatole actually likes and it’s just them because Helene’s knows that this is just Too Much™ so she left and she’s basically the voice of reason in their friend group and it’s really quite the experience

Pierre was in a really shitty cover band in college

Balaga is always high

Sonya loves oversized sweaters and leggings

Dolokhov has his ears pierced

Helene has a nose ring

not a day goes by when Anatole doesn’t quote Mean Girls

Mary owns a lot of those wooden blocks with random little quotes on them (you know the ones – they’re in any given Marshalls and dearly beloved by suburban wine moms), like “Be happy” and “Jesus loves you” and “You can’t buy happiness, but you can buy chocolate”

one of Andrey’s many jobs is waiting tables at Applebee’s. Pierre has visited him there a couple times and boy did Andrey look dead inside

the only reason Andrey works so many jobs is so he can afford his own place because his father is a piece of shit

Pierre offered to help with the financial aspect of it but Andrey wouldn’t let him pay for it

still, Andrey ends up sleeping over Pierre’s a lot, not that Pierre minds

Old Prince Bolkonsky exclusively watches FOX news and he yells at the TV a lot

he eats the same thing for lunch every day: a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, which he makes Mary prepare

fun fact: Mary is allergic to peanuts

Sonya works at an ice cream parlor and brings home desserts for Natasha and Marya

Marya loves chocolate ice cream, Natasha prefers vanilla with rainbow sprinkles

Sonya is a butter pecan kind of girl, if we’re getting into it (and we are)

Anatole likes French vanilla (it has to be French), Helene likes coffee, and Dolokhov is partial to death by chocolate (or something similar)

Bolkonsky has to have peanut butter ice cream, Mary likes strawberry

Andrey prefers sorbet, but if he had to pick, he’d go with pistachio

Pierre’s favorite is cookie dough

Balaga probably found a way to make weed ice cream tbh

Mary loves scrapbooking

Sonya writes fanfic

she loves to read and wishes she lived in a Barnes & Noble

Andrey and Pierre play video games together and they’ve gotten really good at it

neither one of them likes intense fighting games but they do really like Mario Kart

Andrey plays as Yoshi and Pierre plays as Bowser

Pierre tried to teach Natasha how to play but she kept falling off cliffs

her favorite character is Princess Peach

her and Sonya dressed up as Peach and Daisy for Halloween once and it was really cute

Pierre has worn the same black hoodie for two years

Natasha runs an aesthetic blog

she also writes poetry on said blog

one of Andrey’s coworkers keeps accidentally calling him Andrew and it makes Andrey so irritated

the Kuragins can’t swim

Dolokhov tried to teach them but it didn’t work because Helene’s bikini kept falling down and Anatole wouldn’t go under water because it would ruin his hair

if Andrey goes over Pierre’s during the day, he’ll help him clean the house because Pierre has no motivation to do so

about once a month Marya will stop by and remark how disgusting the house is and before Pierre can even defend himself the whole house has been vacuumed, the windows are washed, the laundry’s done, the clothes are folded, the shelves are dusted, the bathroom’s scrubbed, the beds are made, and there’s fresh flowers on the kitchen table

then they hang out and complain about people to each other and it’s a grand old time

Pierre’s really grateful to Marya, but she refuses to take a compliment

let’s be real though, she relishes in watching Pierre keep saying nice things about her because she keeps denying them and he feels obligated to make her agree

Pierre has a shitty Toyota Corolla from the early 90s that has no AC and is being held together by duct tape and he’s afraid to drive it but too attached to sell it

Sonya has a folder on her laptop that’s just pictures of Tegan And Sara. that’s it

Marya doesn’t know how to whisper

Pierre loves the movie theater but will only go if Andrey or Natasha go with him

after the whole Anatole Fiasco™ Natasha and Sonya blocked Helene on Instagram so she kept making fake accounts until they accepted one of the follow requests

Andrey takes Halloween very seriously

Pierre bites his nails

Helene taught Anatole how to do makeup and now he won’t stop contouring

Anatole takes an obnoxious amount of selfies

Sonya’s wardrobe is almost exclusively from Target

Pierre spends an embarrassing amount of time on Wikipedia

Marya had a flip phone up until a couple months ago when Natasha and Sonya convinced her to get an iPhone

Marya hates it because she doesn’t know how to use it and it makes her feel stupid

but Natasha’s teaching her how to use it and it’s kind of growing on her, it’s just so practical and functional and now she has a pretty red case for it that matches her nails and

Marya goes and gets her nails and hair done every couple of weeks, it’s her mandatory “treat yo’ self” ritual

Anatole pretty much only wears pastel colors

Dolokhov pretty much only wears black (or very very very dark gray)

he has a black jean jacket decorated with lots of pins that he wears all the time

there’s a skull pin and one that says “Jesus hates me” and a Blink-182 one and an Obama one and a gay flag one and an eggplant emoji one and one that says “I love my boyfriend” and it’s fucking iconic

his favorite shirt to wear it with is his Batman shirt

Dolokhov likes DC better than Marvel, Pierre’s the other way around (is that what the duel was fought over??? lmao)

Anatole doesn’t care but he thinks RDJ is hot

Andrey likes both and doesn’t understand why everyone’s so angry about it

Helene has an extensive collection of bralettes

Natasha hates pants and only wears skirts or dresses

Sonya doesn’t think she’s very good at drawing or painting but she still does it anyway because it makes her really happy

Pierre once said “love you” while talking on the phone with Andrey and he didn’t know what to do so he just PANICKED and chucked his phone across the room but he forgot to hang up and it turns out Andrey didn’t even hear what he said after all

ehhh hopefully this is pretty good? it was fun to make and made me laugh while writing it but let me know what you think!! and please add on to this post, i need more modern au headcanons hhhhhh