#Yoshi-P you wrong for this

[scrollsfromarebornrealm]

Yoshi-P, show mercy to the Thancred fanbase. Pls.

I say this as an Estinien lover who has feasted well this expansion. Pls. I can't even make jokes anymore after finding this out last night

Give them an escort quest! Please! Y'all doing the H2hoes dirty with this!

[morsking]

oh so i get the distinct feeling the endwalker postgame is not that much of a set-up for the next big arc of the msq it certainly feels like a bit more of a parenthesis between the zodiark saga and 7.0 onwards.

[nonbinaryurianger]

when you load into labyrinth for an alliance roul and you spot the person whose health is going back up to full

[nihil-ism]

So.

Are we talking about how ff14 very deliberately included a lot of ff8 *exclusive* stuff into their raids and dungeons?

Eden? Diabolos? Quetzacoatl?

JUST REMAKE THE GAME ALREADY I AM BEGGING

[seiko-chi]

Reading the hate on pre-release FF16 is ..... interesting now that the game is out and we see how it really is

All these "edgy" and "mature" topics were covered in previous FF games, the only difference is the nudity and language

Yoshida did the game a disservice by how he sold it in interviews, PoC representation included

It is a final fantasy game alright, both story and reactions

[croucify]

✶ hamzahthefantastic universal studios hcs

A/N: this is based on los angeles universal studios btw aaand don’t have any ideas for fics rn so i finished this draft i started when i was on vacation!!!! if u have any reqs send em in <3

✶ gets u both early access for the mario world, waking u up SOOOO early so u guys can be first in line before it gets long

✶ points at EVERYTHING he sees in the park

“oh my god is that yoshi?”

“babe holy shit, they have pinocchio from shrek as the cinema attendant for the tickets”

✶ when it gets too sunny and u guys are in line, he moves to where the sun is hitting u and kinda becomes an umbrella/wall so his back was now the one being hit by the sun

✶ tries his best to keep his hands off u and to not make u two like those couples hugging each other when in line for rides

✶ gets excited when he sees the mascots taking pics and begging you to take one with them

“please take one of me with the minion and i promise it will be my last… unless we see shrek.” he tells you as he held your hand in his while pouting a bit to convince you.

✶ takes pictures of you and all the parts of the park, not wanting to miss a part of it

✶ u two eat before the studio tour but he ends up napping with his head on your shoulder as the tour guide yapped and yapped (getting up early got to him)

✶ at waterworld, he chooses to sit first row which gets the both of you splashed by water

“i’m taking this as a sign to buy a shirt here now…”

✶ but when he sees the prices of the clothing pieces at universal, he curses himself out but still ends up getting u both matching shirts

✶ when someone recognizes him at the park and asks for a picture, he always immediately asks for ur permission if it was alright for u as he always separates his personal life from his work life

✶ holds your hand when you guys are in rides so he could “keep you safe” but he ends up being the one screaming and squeezing your hand during the ride

✶ takes loooootttsss of pictures of u, asking u to stand there and post and some were taken in secret

✶ in harry potter world, he speaks in a british accent when talking to anyone even to u and when he gets to the wand experience, he says all the spells completely wrong but still with a british accent

that’s all :P

✶ taglist — @cdbabymp3 @noturbabe22 @dabuggh3 @thatmartinkitten @tumb1rgir1z @mfcherry @ldrvinyl @certainfestivalnerdshepherd @seasidelily @jisyng @brucewayngfreal @beamuah @maybankfr @nickmillersn1gf @ivvees-blog @freak4hamzah @anonymousmay22 @beensleepy

LMK IF U WANNA BE ADDEDDD!!!

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[noelledeltarune]

As a mario enjoyer I’m curious abt ur interpretation of the bros origins. This isn’t rlly asking what is canon cuz the series doesn’t rlly prioritize continuity and it’s all debatable etc. Personally I have a vague timeline in my head and I like to draw from pretty much all mario media but sometimes that makes contradictions. A lot of mario media has mario from new york (new donk?) and then ends up in the mushroom kingdom through a warp pipe. In yoshi’s island it seems his parents live in the mushroom kingdom though. And in partners and time baby mario and luigi are there during the shroob invasion in the past. I love partners in time a lot but I also rlly like mario being a new yorker so it’s hard to have my cake and eat it too. I guess he could be born in the mushroom kingdom then move to NY then come back? I’m not too sure. I’d like to know your take on it.

SORRY FOR TAKING SO LONG TO GET TO THIS. yeah i'm gonna be honest my take is sort of vague and meaningless because as a kid i just wanted every single thing to take place in one universe. and i sucked at making that happen. to me it sort of went like, they were delivered / born / whatever in yoshi's island to their parents. then those guys were like wait these arent our kids. then they were delivered to their actual parents or whatever (i have never really played yoshi's island i'm sorry) and they lived there for a couple of years and probably spent a lot of time with peach / around the castle because i figure if kamek was aware of the whole star children thing it's likely that at least some people in the mushroom kingdom would want them there for that. and mario has fought bowser a couple of times as a baby so who knows.

then after partners in time rolls around their parents who were sort of letting them hang around the castle went ermmmm actually nvm. we are going to brooklyn 1990 because it is Much Safer There. [looks into the camera like in the office]. and then they kind of lived in new york city for 20 years before getting dragged back to the mk in a tragic plumbing accident. even though i know they love their jobs as plumbers and are genuinely passionate about it i will admit that i like to think that mario wanted to go into paramedicine or nursing and luigi to university for aerospace engineering or something but it wasn't really feasible for them before the great eeby deebing 😔

i honestly don't really know how i imagine their parents, a lot of people have really lovely designs and concepts for them, and there's been a lot more stuff on them since the mario movie came out and gave people these dubiously canon characters to work with, but they just don't come up much in my mind. i don't want to be like "they died 💀" but also like mario and luigi are in their mid 20s and if they somehow ended up in the mushroom kingdom i figure their parents would also be able to go back there. but then you think about like the whole deal with the cartoons how the way between worlds was sealed and stuff and it just gets confusing to try and make everything work 😭

sorry i'll probably be able to come up with something more reasonable tomorrow after i sleep and give it some proper thought but i think in general i just have the skeleton of a timeline LMAO

delivered by stork yoshi's island style -> partners in time happens -> I Am Not Letting My Babies Fight Aliens We Are Going To New York City -> WHUH OH! PLUMBING EVENT GONE WRONG???!?!?! [NOT CLICKBAIT] -> basically every other game.

it's also a little tough to balance because judging by PiT they seem like they would have known or have learned at some point that they like. are actually from the mushroom kingdom and stuff. which idk how you'd explain that to your kids but whatever

there are honestly a couple of ways i imagine their backstory, like saying oh they fell into a warp pipe themselves while exploring baby style after PiT and were adopted and raised in brooklyn or just going oh they have their own room in the castle in PiT so they probably lived there as kids or just saying they were just born in brooklyn and ended up in the mk like in the the cartoons and ignoring yoshi's island and PiT but none of them are very cohesive or really make much of a difference in how i imagine their characters yknow?

i have the same dilemma as you because i also love mario being a new yorker but parnters in time is my favourite M&L game

don't worry though once get really into mario again i'm sure my favourite scenario will come to me in a prophetic vision. and then i will get back to you 🔥💯‼️

[toadeyes-miqote]

FFXIV Fanfest 2024 - Dawn Trail - Krile indeed Pictomancer

EEee Nutkin is his pet!!!!! PAINTER!!!!!!!!! Ok Pictomancer - A Relm Arrowny fights on I like how fun this looks. Am curious how far the paint medium changes with weapons HRothgal!!!!

-----

Let's see how far I managed mythril foil hat as the broadcasr goes on

Mythril foil hat disclaimer

-------

Shinjuku Elpis Domain Expansion this? Days of Elpis Lostbelt adrift - LB 7 this?

Somehow TIMEY WHIMEY BALL Set right what went wrong because someone(Alexander/Tycoon/Omega/ pick one) was playing with time and an entire Allagan civilization(because someone else was playing with time and streams collide) got stuck in time!!!!

The original citizens can't leave their city but others can visit them

How advance is Allagan or Elpis past? Ghost in the shell - In view of the locked in time thing A bunch of Allagan had tried to replicate creation magic and cross the time streams and time lock happened. Allagan brains in biological shell (a la Doga nd Unei) to wake up later and see how world progress but the original citizens can't leave their city Garlemald had wanted to come here for their tech but Zenos happened

Young lady in white is key to this but is sealed in there. A Riona to seal Ultimecia?

Why is the word "Levin" in used? Jenova is coming Ultimecia is also coming because of all the magical people and timey whimey magic Laguna Laguna All your Cids combined and futuristic timeline happened!!! Dangit Nero!!!! What have you done?! The bespectacled Miqo'te over there is involved in solution nine somehow.

------------

What are the odds of Hylnyan going short Hrothgar(176-180 as with her OC Cat shpeshifter) for future town? Unconfirm if she's half Hrothgar or not on her father's side, mainly because she's already taller than the average Miqo'te.

Free Fantasia yes? maybe? Be taller than Thancred and start combing his hair like mother cat or something. To be the one carrying him instead This --> a Hrothgar NPC with a thing for Thancred and carrying him under her arm or slung over her shoulder because she can run faster than him. And they are fleeing from very big trouble Yeah I ship him with Miqo'te, Au Ra and Hrothgar women because he has a thing for tails.

Garlenmald rebuilding on the moon? Rebuilding civilization that Meteion destroyed? Help them makes sense of what had went down?

Dyes - Further minion replication of clothes - OC's colour scheme to come mayhaps~~~~ Thanks Yoshi-P!

----------

Obligatory mention of Jack Van Burace and Hanpan. I would squee if Nutkin ends up being being a grappling hook to rope across some cliff/broken bridge or something

Hylnyan ends up being Beastmaster if not Viper to avoid stealing Krile pictomancer thunder _during MSQ_

Pictomancer looks wicked cool but Hylnyan's weird aether is slower to effectively manifest for Pictormancer during MSQ. Main BRD-DRK dropping into GNB for solidarity

[maguneedsalife]

T'zekhwalker - Final Zenos Fight

i spent so much time here it needed its own post. i'd be lying if i said this one scene wasn't a main reason i pushed t'zekh through the main story (the other was i wanted him to get to 90/get the rdm artifact gear so he could wear his canon glam but you know)

so, some background for folks who are new here: t'zekh was the main wol for stormblood. he was the one zenos became obsessed with, and he has spent most of endwalker trying to get zenos to leave him alone. he knows zenos desperately wants t'zekh to kill him--to come at him with fire and rage and bloodlust--but t'zekh refuses to kill anyone no matter how much they deserve it.

i had been waiting so long for t'zekh to be able to do this dialog choice and the answer i had envisioned for him actually changed from the time i did this with aoife. originally i'd thought he'd go with option 2, but by the time i got here, 3 was more his style.

which ended up being a good thing, because zenos's response to that answer was fucking perfect for t'zekh

small aside--it drove me bonkers back when spoiler embargo first lifted and ppl (mostly on twitter) were INSISTING that answer 1 was the only possible canon answer and if you picked any of the others you were clearly playing the game wrong. even despite yoshi p confirming that there was no "correct" answer and the team had tried to write it so that players could respond to zenos the way they felt best reflected their own character's experience. people were STILL out there like "sorry but if you didnt pick option 1 you're just wrong"

so to see the text validate my choice and my hcs so perfectly has me feeling vindicated in this chilis. it is okay for people to have a different experience of the game than you!!! (i'll get off my soapbox now)

option 3 was perfect for t'zekh because he is finally fed up enough with zenos that he's finally willing to cast aside his moral opposition to killing in order to make sure zenos can't hurt anyone else in his name.

and zenos caught on to that and responded in kind.

anyway then i took a fucktillion pictures in the instance (most of which i'll put on my wol blog)

it was so hard to get them in the same frame lmao

and then i did the solo fight! not too bad on red mage, surprisingly enough - was very thankful to have vercure though lmao

this punch is still just as satisfying the second time

On my way to the last credits sequence i learned that you will actually fuck up the music timing if you skip or speed up the credits. it was playing revenge twofold when it was supposed to be playing flow together. that was very jarring. i don't know why they haven't set it to just start playing flow together for that sequence. dont skip the credits folks

and that's a wrap! i uhhh might have abandoned him before finishing out the quest so i could go farm memoria misera with aoife but im very happy to have (technically) beaten Endwalker with him before the year ended, which was one of my goals.

I think I started main story with him in January, so it's taken me about a year to get through... mostly what set me back was i had to make time/build emotional strength to make progress through parts I knew would be difficult emotionally. But I committed to not to skipping any cutscenes and just pressing on through a second read, and I'm glad to have embarked on this journey.

as soon as i finished endwalker the first time i knew it was going to be equally aoife and t'zekh's story. they both ended up having stakes in the plot in different ways, and getting to play through and see things from t'zekh's perspective was so much fun.

i still keep thinking abt the version of the ending in my head, wherein t'zekh is lying at the edge of the universe and all he can think is "i want to live, dammit!!"

and he hears a voice calling out to him.

"there you are!" aoife shouts, "I was looking all over for you!"

T'zekh has spent so much of the story kind of in aoife's shadow, grappling with what it means to be a "hero" in his own way. he spent a lot of stormblood resenting her absence.

but by the end of endwalker… i think they end up really close friends

---

Next, it'll be Banri's turn.... skipping as many cutscenes as possible so i can get him through before Dawntrail!

[sapphire-weapon]

I honestly believe the game went through a LOT of re-writes. There's things in the story that seem like they're going to develop into something then get dropped, I really got the impression they were bits left over from a previous draft. It's interesting because there was a leaker who got a lot of the plot right but other parts a bit wrong which makes me think they saw an early draft, in their leak they said "Clive, Jill and Torgal all live." An ending edit where its more clear he lived perhaps?

I do remember Yoshi-P and/or Koji Fox saying that XVI was originally two discs but they cut it down to only one, and I'm like... wait a minute, what did you cut, exactly. Because there are some BIG holes in this game.

On my second playthrough, the one that really jumped out at me was Cid knowing who Ultima is and implying that he also knows why Ultima wants Clive. He says that, and then he dies, and it is NEVER revisited after the fact. All that time that Tomes was trying to find info on Ultima, how the fuck is it possible that Cid never mentioned him even once?? Considering that a portion of Ultima was at the heart of every Mothercrystal, you'd think that that would be... idk... important information for Cid to be sharing, if he had it?

The fact that Clive's power as Mythos is never explained is also fucking crazy to me. He takes Dominants' Eikon powers away from them, except no he doesn't because they can still Prime if they freak out hard enough, except no they don't even really have to do that because Jill just keeps all of her powers regardless, but she's not allowed to continue in the fight anymore because fuck you.

And don't get me fucking started on Leviathan.

I'd be really interested to see that leak, if you can still find it. I'm curious to know what this game's story might have looked like, once upon a time.

[aotopmha]

So, about 15-16ish hours in, and I think the FFXVI story is really good. Not perfect by any means, but really good.

(Spoilers.)

I'm at the start of the second timeskip.

I absolutely at least get Yoshi-P's comments on diversity in the game and the decisions they made around this now.

Slavery is almost as literally as it can possibly be front and centre thematically (to the point where I think it can be a little too heavy-handed), but I can at least say limiting the amount of PoC in case of this topic is much, much more understandable than any other because, well, slavery is such a sensitive topic, especially related to PoC characters. Some of this content could look really bad even with PoC put in unrelated positions.

Another thing, though, is that there are two major PoC characters in the game, Cid and Kupka, and Cid especially, is a fantastic character (so far probably my favourite character in the game). So I think they could have introduced more without automatically inviting that baggage.

What seems wierd about this topic being brought up in reviews, though, is that there seems to be a "measure" of PoC representation not being "black enough" and the PoC we have in this game are all Middle East-coded.

That has always bothered me with this kind of discussion – only the "most black" characters "count", when for example, Indian, Latino and middle eastern people are just as much PoCs than "more black" nationalities that supposedly "vary less". I know the subtext is that sometimes it's code for just making PoC characters "tanned" and "not actually PoC", but with all of the promo art, I really think this game simply decided to keep its representation to the Middle East and I think that's not in itself bad.

It's not ideal, but all of this tells me that the limitations at least came from a good place, not a place of hate or bad faith. It's all super flawed goodwill (and probably fear of a PR disaster).

There is a number of issues any of the possible approaches can bring here and there is even an option of just not making a story so intensely focused on the theme of slavery.

But I at least "get it".

All of this said, at this point, Clive and Cid truly have been the highlight characters of the story for me and the story's twists and turns are exciting and compelling.

The pacing is straight-up *perfect* so far.

But I also think Jill definitely deserves much more character focus.

And Benedikta definitely deserved much more time to begin with.

There is absolutely still more time for Jill, but this unfortunately seems to be it for Benedikta (and has seemed to be the case for a while at that).

So the story still has issues when it comes to writing women, too. What we have is good/interesting enough, but the guys, as said, particularly Clive and Cid, get more depth and time than anyone else.

And as much as I loved Cid, he is also dead now.

Part of the story is also that all of the Dominants will probably die one way or another, so if this extends to all, Clive, Kupka, Barnabas and Dion all should go under this, too, at least making it more equal-opportunity.

(Something tells me unfortunately only Clive, at best Clive and Jill, might make it out of this, though, as dark fantasy tends to work.)

So in general, so far, I think the story is great for what it does right, but what it does wrong is pretty old and unfortunately very typical.

But the game absolutely also is a labour of love.

Aside from the major characters, for example, you immediately care for many of even the most minor characters.

The bigger boss encounters are absolute marvels of narrative gameplay.

And the music and voice performances (which also extend to side quests) are incredible enhancers of all of this.

How these elements add up by the end is the bigger question here: I've heard the last third kind of slows down, but potential pacing and plot issues aside, more than anything, I hope all of the characters get complete, satisfying stories because to me this was the strongest element of the narrative in the demo and up to this point has been the strongest point of the story in the full game.

[astralartefact]

dawntrail fanfest thoughts (& prayers) Part II London

(Part I >> here)

Pour one out for Krile, I miss her.

My opinion hasn't really changed so far, still pretty optimistic over here. I didn't really get anything I really wanted (except for one thing, we'll get to it), but the things I didn't really like weren't catastrophic either, so... Let's just get into it.

Viper I don't know if I like this more or less than I would have liked Corsair (which I wouldn't have liked bc I think pirates are boring). I like the concept of the two combined swords and I think it could look very flashy, but from what I've seen so far I'm not particularly interested, the in-game job trailer really didn't do anything for me.

I guess it's because this job seems very very FF16 to me but in a bad way. Lore and Realism but with fantasy fire effects just doesn't really make for an iconic aesthetic imo... but hey, maybe they just hid the best parts from the job introduction video, they showed like two or three skills at most lol. But who knows.

But as long as I get my Green Mage/Pictomancer I'm not going to complain too much about this one. Good for the people who really love this! Love that for you!

My Green Mage/Pictomancer Hopes and Dreams Koji said "We should look to his [Yoshi-P's] hints from last fanfest" for the remaining job - so Pictomancer is still possible!!!!!! It's not over until it's over!!!

I once again realize that I shouldn't have gotten myself attached to something that might not actually be happening. If they don't do Green Mage/They do Green Mage wrong I will be so disappointed lol

It's just that I can see them do your average generic Druid instead because 'something something we need to cater to a western audience now bc FF16, Final Fantasy legacy stuff is cringe actually so we need to make everything generic western fantasy to be taken seriously' and I'm very much not here for that. Just give me a charming little Green Mage with a big staff or maybe with a judge's mallet - or maybe like one of those shogun war fans??? But I'll take whatever, even the weird ugly little gimmick you're bound to come up with.

The Limited Job Beastmaster and if it's not it better be something truly out there and not just some half-assed BS. Yoshi-P, you have to show the community you listen just a little bit, it's getting dire out here.

Eliminator Is it just me being desperate for Hamauzu-based Remixes or does this thing exude FF13 energy... Makes me wonder if the Tural-based Technology we've seen in that one dungeon art might be FF13 inspired? I just hope it isn't just Allagan again, make it another nation that lived around that time.

The Areas Kozama'uka looks really pretty... I love when fantasy background elements you can't even reach are "too big" (like FF7 Remake's Midgar Skyboxes) - so I guess Shaaloani still has a chance to win me over depending on whatever we find there. Speaking of which: Shaaloani is exactly what I pictured/dreaded a New World based expansion would look like and I do not particularly like it, I was hoping we would be save from bargain bin wild west stuff at least until we went to Northern Tural. I also hope that the pseudo-oil stuff is just lore and won't be a big part of the msq because good gravy Yoshi-P hire a diversity consultant already I'm dying over here.

The Graphics Update Now let's give it up for the real MVP of the day for all of us no graphic mod people (and to the graphic mod people that complain 'we already had that for years', quit your yappin, 85% of you don't have taste anyways.) The new lighting stuff looks amazing - especially what they did with the fog, it looks gorgeous, I'm so excited. The lighting updates on the character models look so good, too... I think you can really see the difference in that picture they showed of the femRoe scholar in the new AF gear. And the glow up on Midlander Face 1 is amazing. Is that even allowed?? This was slumbering under there all this time???

The Alliance Raid Let's just all pretend we never thought Sakaguchi was going to do them (even though he literally said he wouldn't want to do one) and never talk about it again.

Anyways. FF11. Leaving the best thing for last - this is the thing I was really happily surprised by.

I'm so happy for FF11 :) That game has it fcking rough. It's constantly the one Final Fantasy game that's just. Not even considered. Even what we would reasonably call "Real" FF fans always just leave it out of everything because "MMO" (of course ever since shb that became "the worse MMO" instead) and casual gamers - even ones that play certain FF games - probably don't even realize that nobody ever talks about 11.

But it has so many cool concepts that would warrant a treatment like Eden with FF8 - meanwhile FF14 is directly built on things 11 provided, so many of our base fundamentals, so many generic mob designs, so many of our job concepts, so many things we just take for granted come from FF11 but it still never really got the same attention as the other FFs. Yeah, Eureka and Bozja are kind of based on it, but the way it is referenced is just so different from how most of the other FFs are represented in the game - it's always just the other MMO and it deserves to be treated the same as the others: as the mainline Final Fantasy game that it is.

So I hope they give it the respect it deserves. I need these to be better than Ivalice, just so FF11 gets enshrined somewhere in some way. Their legacy is on the line, Yoshida, so don't fuck it up!!!!! And make sure to include Memoro de la Stono because I like it!!!

I do hope they don't just make one of the Reflections actual FF11 Vana'diel though, I think that would be kind of lazy, it only worked with Y:DA and even there I'm the only person who liked that because I think Kingdom Hearts Bullshit Timeline Shenanigans are fun. I hope this is a FF14 version of Vana'diel like how Ivalice is our Ivalice - with certain concepts reinterpreted through our lense while others reappear almost identically, similar to the FF12 summons.

Now, I haven't actually played 11, I'm just a passionate bystander in all of this, but the one recommendation on things 11 I can give is the Record Keeper version of Awakening - most Record Keeper arrangements are amazing (see FF13's Blinding Light) but this is definitely one of their best.

Anyways! I'm really excited for what they do with it! I don't have any particular fear they're going to fuck the raids up, from a pure spectacle standpoint (the only standpoint that matters) they generally only get better. (except for eulogia) (fuck eulogia) I do hope they make them a little more challenging again, but I also won't be mad if they don't. Just don't ruin your own lore again like with Eulogia (fuck eulogia)! Also, I would love to see the Ark Angels, especially their armors as raid drops kthxbye <3

[gelpenss]

Mirror Test Translations

Posted a fic using a cipher, promised translations, and as promised here I am!

> Act, ecgctrv. Zfkzchvxi rfwkxht yh qvfatwg 1-ncqi-F, r buyo Tyuxlh hbbxchmtjm qyoctxzru grcr iej qyrx usskzruyva gntcphgof ujxy p wbwdyu EZ rbvz dytiu dh grg zsezcqnfgq pj r gypoprmc utwrkuce wlqdrmv, moi Ypgndq Yoshi-“

“Yes, alright. Beginning testing of subject 1-dash-B, a male *Rattus norvegicus domestica* that has been surgically implanted with a combat AI chip based on the brainwaves of a recently deceased subject, one Hamato Yoshi-“

> “Jynekd Yoshi. J eclulc mlfa you jotc b rat, veyvffv. Mtlzsp. How udyf sv feel, uie sv rp fv acgotym?” … “Qp qiiwucc vffc ntlr wrong. Zu you ycsi zc nuotc you lihvf lfzvg nbvgpbxv ibvc, ymvpu you? Nkqbtgdcadklh. M'ca nrvn Qustzgnx vm try again.”

“Hamato Yoshi. I always knew you were a rat, brother. Vermin. How does it feel, for it to be literal?” … “Or perhaps they were wrong. If you were in there you would never tolerate this, would you? Disappointing. I'll tell Stockman to try again.”

> “Zqxo, ptbr me cmz csk cemt bnnlzhhc unin dvnsc.”

“Boys, give me and the poor creature some space.”

>”G ezj'c mkyycxd you xrqjnx cxe us a pet!”

“I can’t believe you really got us a pet!”

> “Qwafnnz 1O yq not a pet, Bcqmwaou, vj gu z lazzbjwrd. Ec hgf jm dd nneoeub cmz I prrsrgc px keep gv hjbeknt mh zhuzcvde ks px mk qyqrnono us.”

“Subject 1B is not a pet, Leonardo, it is a prototype. It was to be retired and I elected to keep it instead of allowing it to be disposed of.”

>”Bqm'p fzxeo, Uwmxnp, cr tmp's qbp numbers here. Y'k injwl call you.... Lou!”

“Don’t worry, Wunbee, we don’t use numbers here. I’m gonna call you…. Lou!”

>“Yfz hf you qgr us name rkk? You vig dq fppu wcz pkptx! Ipju cjmvpu vyg dq lbqv wcz!”

“Why do you get to name him? You got to hold him first! Raph should get to name him!”

>“Psi-yy! I muywje kvi nb name lzb!!”

“Nuh-uh! I should get to name him!”

>“Dmzw, zu you fmo'x stop djgt jfdfvcj ysklxht, I ygmp move svq enclosure us dn ispkaf.”

“Boys, if you don’t stop this foolish arguing, I will move its enclosure to my office.”

> “Yc'mp st abyf!”

“We’ll be good!”

> “Fiiiiiine. Ug ckw'e have vn call him Lou. Qp jbuq pdam l name vgkdrn.”

“Fiiiine, we don’t have to call him Lou. He does need a name though.”

> “Jc't wf hisd...”

“He’s so soft…”

> “Jc jw jdzg! Gjyu mw ly call him Hhbg, ngli his fur?”

“He is soft! What if we call him Snow, like his fur?”

> “K qumca fvug Lou kwy oour.”

“I still like Lou the best.”

[quartercirclejab]

you literally sound insane, you've been bitching about yoshi-p on your twitter for hours even though he didnt say anything wrong. maybe you're the racist for expecting him to put stuff in his game he doesnt want there?

the cool thing about twitter is that there are pretty strict community guidelines about what you can and cannot say, and they're rather efficiently enforced. i can't say that they totally put a stopper on inflammatory discourse, but they do at least prevent users from egregious suggestions/threats of violence

but this isn't twitter and i think you should probably pull yourself inside out

[alissaming]

Paper Mario and the Thousand Year Door Review

So before I go much farther, I must admit, I'm having trouble beating this Paper Mario game. But I've seen the ending, and the game played from beginning to end, and I've gotten close to the end. This is probably the best of the Paper Mario games, because the story is fun and interesting, the enemy isn't Bowser, and it actually feels like a continuation of the original Paper Mario. Though it does feel like it's taking itself less seriously. Also, a few of the partners' abilities are replaced with something called Curses, but I'll get into that later. Oh, and a few abilities are combined into a single partner, so instead of having one partner for each thing you need to be able to do (swimming, flying, hitting far options, etc) a couple are just put into one partner. So fewer partners.

So the story starts with Peach being lured to one side by a mysterious merchant who tells her to take a box that is said will open for the right person. It opens for her and she sends Mario what is in the box. This brings Mario to Rogueport, where the Princess was visiting with Toadsworth. Oh, and Parrakarry is the one who delivers the letter for that fun nostalgia. Say goodbye, this is the last time we'll see Parrakarry in the Paper Mario games, which is sad. When Mario gets to Rogueport he meets one of his first companions, Goombella. She just graduated from Goom U and carries around a book that will tell Mario pretty much everything he needs to know about his enemies with one exception. And she's evidence of one of the reasons this is the best Paper Mario game ever. The partners are unique and interesting. Yes, you could argue they are not that different. Koops is a Koopa like in the original, Goombella is a goomba like Goombario, you have a bob-omb partner like in the original. But you don't have a cheap-cheap, boo, lakitu, parrakoopa, etc. But honestly, these characters are far, FAR more interesting. Goombella is a graduate of a university on a quest for treasure and knowledge. Koops is a coward trying to learn to be brave and has a girlfriend and a father to avenge...or rescue or something. Oh, and there's a fun reference to Kolorado (who is not your koopa partner in the last name, I believe that guy was named Kooper) who was an archeologist you met on your travels in the last game. Bobery is a sailer who tragically lost his wife while he was away at sea to a mystery disease, and now he's an old sea dog who is struggling with her loss. Flurry is a wind spirit who is a bit of a diva and loves the stage. You also get a Yoshi partner you get to name, and color is random depending on random factors (I honestly don't remember how to get specific colors.) and is characterized as a tough guy and can swallow enemies you can't normally hurt whole and spit them out for damage. Vivian is an enemy turned ally by Mario's kindness after being bullied by her sisters, and in the Japanese version is even trans, though it's not in the American version. Ms. Mouze is an optional partner, but she pops up from time to time throughout the game. Her main ability is to sniff out treasure, specifically badges, which, while it can be useful is in no way essential. It's hard not to enjoy such interesting characters.

The story follows Mario collecting the Crystal Stars to try to stop the Thousand Year Door from opening, meeting intereseting enemies, such as Hooktail who will try to bribe you into letting him go, but is just playing dirty tricks (seriously, say no to everything he offers) or Dooplis who will steal Mario's identity and the only way to beat him is to find the missing letter P and guess his name, without your normal group. (This is really funny, but if after this you not only return to the town, but talk to the group who is hanging out with the copy of you, you'll notice they all seem to realize something is wrong, without being able to figure out what it is). You absolutely need Vivian for this.

There's the curses too. Yeah, let's talke about those finally. Throughout the game, you'll find four black chests at various points that you open with black keys. They contain demons that curse you, though...I'm not so sure it's actually a curse. Mario gets VERY useful abilites from these chests. You would not be able to complete the game without these abilities. The first ability you get is to turn into an airplane, which you need to get to the Thousand Year Door, to Hooktail, and a few other places, such as being able to get to Yoshi's egg to get him. This ability is followed by the ability to turn "paper thing, when Mario basically can turn in such a way to get through very small spaces, like jail cells. You need this ability CONSTANTLY throughout Hootail's castle. But you also need it through the Boogaly tree and many other places as well. Then you get the paper tube ability, which you need to get through small gaps you can't get through at your normal size. You mostly need this to get to Dooplis's castle, but it's useful to avoid some spikes as well later in game. Finally, Mario gets the ability to turn into a paper boat, which you can use in a lot of places, and need to get through Pirate Grotto. These are all essential abilities.

Mario will get various quests to get certain things. To get to the arena where you have to fight Rawk Hawk and get the gold Crystal Star, you need to see Don Pianta who will give you the ticket for trying to stop his daughter from running off with one of his men. The way to see him is to buy two specific items and say a specific color. There's walkthroughs that talk about this better than I can, so I'll just leave it there. You won't need to do so again after the first time anyway. Or you can earn coins and talk to the right people to learn what to do. Anyway, you'll need to come back here for a train ticket, which you can only do when you bring the daughter and her love back so the father can retire, and his daughter takes over. Characters that appear throughout can frequently be important. Not only is Goldbob and his wife and child important to the happenings on the train, but you need his signature to activate the cannon to the moon. The only truly irritating part of the game is you have to find General Silver, a silver Bob-omb who you chase from town to town just missing him until you come back to the bob-omb town to find him sleeping. And you just...jump on him until he decides to wake up, which will take a while. Also, like in the last game, you get badges and badge points

Another thing you should do as you play. Talk to Luigi after each of Mario's adventures. Luigi seems to be having an adventure all on his own and the kicker? He doesn't appear to be lying. If you talk to his companions, they'll confirm his story, though they'll tell it slightly differently. Luigi will usually have a new story after each Crystal Star Mario collects. I do recommend you power up your partners as you can. You can find Shine Sprites you can get with your various jump and hammer power-ups, and go to Merlon to power them up for you. Finally, there's a job board you can take from time to time. This is how you get access to Ms. Mouze, as well as the final updates on your partners through a quest Merlon gives. And if you pay attention, you'll see lots of creatures like Merlon who can give various power ups and abilities, though these are temporary.

All in all, this game is so much fun. Make sure to fight plenty, or you may have trouble getting to the final boss, much less beating the final boss. I'd give it a 5/5, except that that chase quest is unnecessary and annoying. You don't really get anything other than a "too late, the general headed to (area)" and the eventual ability to travel to the moon. Yay? So as a result, I can't justify giving it more than a 4/5.