#a discord server where if i ever have a quick question that specific mod community is really helpful actually (⁠.⁠ ⁠❛⁠ ⁠ᴗ⁠ ⁠❛⁠.⁠)

[kuromi-hoemie]

i wanna know what y'all are interested in. reblog this and tell me what ur current hyperfixation(s) is in the tags.

[intersex-support]

Hi! I turned 21 earlier this year and have been learning so much about myself this year. One thing i’ve always known but never done much research on is the possibility of being intersex. As a newborn, doctors took me away from my mom for hours, running all these tests and trying to determine my sex. When they finally gave me back to my mom, they told her I was a girl, and that she should consider going through with surgery to make my genitalia look more “normal” I guess? They couldn’t tell if I was male or female because my clitoris was/is enlarged. My mom basically told them off with a quick little “fuck you, they can make that decision for themselves when they are of age, i’m not changing my kids body without their consent.” Which I am so thankful for!! However that’s all she’s ever told me about the instance. Growing up however was really strange. I got my period at 13 and have had many many issues with it since. Constant ovarian cysts, irregular periods, and lots of pain. I started to develop breasts at a pretty young age, but they just kind of stopped growing at a pretty young age. They’ve been the same very small size since I was probably 9, while all the other women in my family have DD and up size breasts. I also started to explore my sexual and gender identity at a young age, and have identified as non-binary since I was just 16 years old. I’ve been researching endlessly on google, reddit, twitter, etc. and i’ve gotten the general consensus that I am most likely intersex. What do I do/where do I go to determine if I am intersex or not? It makes so much sense to me, but I really want to talk to a doctor or therapist that specializes in these issues and can help me, I just don’t know where to start. Any advice is very helpful and I thank you in advance for taking the time to read my story!! :)

Hi there! 

So I’d say that it’s absolutely very very likely that you are intersex. What you’ve described about your experiences at birth is absolutely an intersex experience, with the doctors being confused about ambigious genitalia and wanting to surgically “fix” it even though there’s absolutely nothing wrong. I’m so glad that your mom decided to wait and not have surgery performed on you without your consent, and it makes me so mad that doctors always push that on parents and tell them that they need to make that choice. Everything else you’ve said sounds like an intersex experience, too. Ovarian cysts and irregular periods are also signs of intersex variations, and especially when considered in context with your experience at birth, I really think that you are intersex. 

One possible condition that you might want to explore is Congenital Adrenal Hyperplasia (CAH). The things you’ve described are all symptoms of CAH or NCAH, especially having ambigious genitalia at birth and having irregular periods and cysts later in puberty. If you have other symptoms like “excessive” body hair and acne, those would also be signs, as well as rapid growth during childhood but a short stature later as an adult. There are several tests that doctors can do to diagnose CAH. They can check your  17-OHP levels, other hormones like testosterone and androgens, and the main test for CAH is something called ACTH stimulation. All these tests could lead to a diagnosis, if that’s something you want. Of course, I can’t diagnose you over the internet and it could be something entirely different, but it’s a possibility! 

If you’re interested in seeking a diagnosis, you could reach out to a doctor or a gynecologist and explain that you had ambigious genitalia at birth and are interested in seeking a diagnosis. If there’s certain traits that you want to seek treatment for, like painful periods, you could bring that up as well. Explaining your symptoms and saying that you’d like to look into diagnosis is a good way to start conversations with doctors, and if you think it’s something like CAH or another intersex condition, you could bring that up. Your regular doctor or gynecologist can probably refer you to an endochronlogist who is more of a specalist when it comes to intersex conditions, and they could do tests and help you through the process of diagnosis. 

I don’t know of any intersex specific therapists, but it might be a start to reach out to therapists who specalize in LGBTQ issues. They might be more informed and be able to help you through this process of discovery and self identity. And I just want to validate that whatever you’re feeling about this discovery that you’re intersex is really valid, and that you’re not alone. I know when I found out I was intersex it was really a shock to me, and I had a lot of conflicting feeling about it, and felt like everything I had ever known about myself had changed. If that’s what you’re feeling, know that you’re not alone, and that you’re the same person you’ve always been, and that you just know more about yourself now. There’s a whole community that understands and has your back. Of course if you’re feeling totally comfortable about this discovery, that’s awesome and understandable too! Being gentle with yourself throughout the process of intersex diagnosis and discovery is so important, and letting yourself feel whatever it is your feeling and taking time to unpack and process however you need. The intersex community on tumblr is full of people who can listen and understand, and I’m also in some really supportive intersex discord servers that I would happy to give you a link to if you come off anon. 

Overall, I want to affirm that you are absolutely welcome to identify as intersex and that everything you’ve described is absolutely an intersex experience. I know this process can be hard and confusing, and navigating doctors can be difficult, so feel free to reach out if you have more questions or if you just need to vent. I wish you all the best, anon! 

-Mod E

[gobbochune]

I’m calling you out for not knowing how to call people out

I saw a callout post for a problematic user the other day that was probably the worst attempt defamation I’ve ever seen. And this made me mad not because I thought the target was wrongly accused, but because there were like seven people giving their testimony to the abuse and yet it was handled so poorly that I doubt anyone who saw it would even believe them. This is pretty dangerous considering the person in question was an actual pedophile grooming children for sex, and a quick google search told me that this person has an army of stans ripping the lack of significant evidence apart in order to entrap new victims. Calling out the blatant inconsistencies in testimonies is a tactic that abusers use to separate their victims from the people who want to help them. Anyone who has had a run-in with a serial pedophile can tell you that they usually have a methods to make people trust them over numerous allegations. Its not enough to throw a rock at their house, at its worst, that rock can even help the abuser gain a victim’s sympathy. 

So I’d like to take this moment to explain how to properly spread information about a potentially dangerous person. Though, I’d like to make this very clear: I’m not saying this as someone whose done a lot of these as if its some kind of art form. I’m doing this from the perspective of someone who has seen the scum of the earth and know how they ensnare people, and hope to be able to spread awareness to potential victims. 

1. The Abuser

I feel like it is a no brainer to actually mention who the abuser is, but apparently thats difficult for some people to wrap their heads around. So often I will see purposeful misspellings or code names in callout posts to avoid causing drama. This is stupid for two reasons: Firstly, if it is at the point where you feel a callout post needs to be made for people’s safety, fandom drama should no longer be an issue. Secondly, if you don’t make it clear who it is you’re warning people about, how the fuck are they actually supposed to avoid them? Like, do you expect a 12 year old who is currently being gaslit by a pedophile to message you like ‘Hey, is @lle/////gory!!!334 Gregory? That kinda looked like his username but I couldn’t tell.’ Of course they’re not. They’re going to ask the person who is grooming them, who will either say ‘lol nah’ or make up a sob story as to why they’re being defamed. Grow a pair and use their names. 

It is very likely that the abuser will have more then one account, you’ll probably need to list all of them that you’re aware of, but know that the minute they see a post with their current name on it they’re probably going to change it. So, mention very clearly who they are, what circles they can be found in, and how they amassed enough popularity to trap victims in the first place. 

This callout post that I saw, which I will now be using as a reference for what not to do, managed to list the abuser’s various names but pretty much nothing else about them. All it said was that they were apparently the origin of some meme, but didn’t even explicitly say what the meme was so I had no idea if I even knew this person or not. I didn’t know if they were a fandom blog, an art blog, a social justice blog, a youtuber, the only context I could draw was from the fandom-specific usernames of their victims. If they changed their name, which they probably did right away, I would have no way of telling who this person was. 

Include screenshots of any of their posts with a lot of notes and listing this as identification for who they are. Also explicitly mention what circles they can be found in, any projects they were involved with, and any other iconography that can be associated with them. However, there is something I’d like to stress:

Do not include leaked personal information such as home address, workplace, or emails. It is not your authority to broadcast this information online. A callout post is not a legal testimony, merely a warning to other internet users within a community. If alerting the authorities is necessary, it is a different process to be handled by the victims and their supporters. Do not attempt to intervene through a social media. 

If you don’t want to receive hate from an army of stans thats understandable, which is why many people often will make a blog where victims can anonymously offer evidence. In fact, I suggest doing this as a first resort as it is easier to search “_____ problematic” into Tumblr then it is to scour a personal blog for mention of the abuser. This will also provide a handy archive for the allegations, and help keep up with the abuser’s activity. However, for legitimacy’s sake, I suggest that the mod’s identities of these blogs be clear. This leads us to my next point:

2. The Evidence

This is actually my primary reason for wanting to make this. The stuff mentioned above delegitimises accusations but isn’t really dangerous the same way a shoddy presentation of evidence can be. Someone who has been thoroughly brainwashed by the abuse cycle will look for any reason to continue a relationship with their abuser. They’ve likely been isolated from their friends, groomed to worship or fear their abuser, and are so drained from a volatile relationship that they don’t have the mental energy to waste on doubt. It takes a lot of strength to end even a good relationship, thats why abusers try to keep their victims drained and confused. They make them think it is easier to continue being abused then try to untangle the lies and manipulation. 

That is why you need to be explicit, blunt, and vocal about what the abuser has done. Put the most serious and unforgivable accusations at near top of your post in clear view. Try not to rely too heavily on accusations that dont have concrete evidence, as the abuser has probably already explained away anything you don’t have in writing. 

I am going to once again revisit the terrible callout post from before. The first thing they did was the usual attention grabbing intro with the paragraph pretending to tell us who this person is was to list a bunch of testimonies from various users.

Now, testimonies don’t really work over tumblr in a traditional sense. In a courtroom a testimony is given under oath, all the words spoken must be presumed to be true because the speaker understands that lying is a federal offence. Obviously the internet is not like this, and there is nothing stopping someone with a blog from lying. Not to mention, if they had been in the abuser’s circle in the past but is now flinging accusations, it is safe to say they didn’t leave on the best of terms. Abusers are famously unable to take responsibility for their relationships falling apart, odds are everyone in the abuser’s circle convinces their latest victim that all previous victims were in the wrong. 

I spoke with a friend who briefly joined the public discord of a known abuser to see what it was like, and showed me the rules specifically prohibiting anyone on the server to discuss allegations towards the mods. There was even a list of names that the bot would automatically block if you tried to type them in the chat log, and the mods had this witch hunt mentality where if they found evidence of you conversing with blacklisted users outside the discord, you would be banned and your name would be added to the list. It is very likely that the act of reading a testimony and asking about it could place a victim in danger. 

However, there is value to a testimony online if there are more then one. Testimonies are really only effective if there are an abundance of them, so many that you don’t even have to read one, the sheer volume of people speaking out against the abuser is suspicious enough on its own. Again, the presence of a blog that allows anonymous asks or submissions would be the ideal platform to publish testimonies.

Back at the terrible callout post, underneath the list of testimonies they had some bullet points of direct evidence that they linked directly back to the abusers blog. You should not do this. I cannot believe there are people who do not realise it is largely worthless to use posts that the abuser still has access to as a source. 

If you have even a remotely functional following anywhere on the internet you have probably said something stupid that bit you in the ass before. Your immediate reaction was probably to defend yourself, and when that failed, you go back and delete the post. Abusers can do the same thing, or, even more insidious, edit the post to say something else. 

“_____ fetishises black women! here is the link!” can originally have linked to something explicit but can easily be changed to “I think black women are beautiful and deserve our support <3 <3″ to make the writer of the callout post look stupid or overzealous. 

Screenshots are your friends. Take screenshots of the concerning behaviour and either include them in the post or link to a photo sharing archive. There’s really not much to explain about this. I cannot believe someone thought linking back to the original url would work. 

Another thing I cannot believe about that terrible callout post was that half of the accusations linked to posts of people repeating rumours they’ve heard. 

This is...dumb. This is unsalvageable. Don’t to this. It will never count and you will look like an idiot. 

However that terrible awful worthless callout post did have SOME credible evidence, to shit that didn’t matter at all, which leads us to our last point. 

3. The Abuse

Now this part is hard to discuss as most people seem to think abuse is a subjective term. This is not the case. 

While abuse can take shape in an infinite number of ways, not all stuff that pisses you off counts as abuse. Sometimes a jerk is just a jerk. Now you can hate a jerk as much as you want- they probably deserve it, but don’t try to sell someone just being a generally awful person as abuse.  

The terrible awful no good callout post tried to back up claims of criminal activity by saying the abuser cares more about Doctor Who than Flint Michigan. 

This is not abuse. Why would anyone think this is abuse. 

Now, if I have a blog devoted to a fandom I’m probably not going to post stuff about Flint Michigan to that blog. As stated above, I had no idea who this person was. For all I know they could have been exclusively a fanblog for Doctor Who. Sometimes there are just spaces that are kept away from serious real world issues and that in itself is not a crime. 

Trying to equate something like that to an act of sexual assault only makes it easier to dismiss your legitimate concerns by saying: ‘they’re just hating on me for being cringy’

There are millions of reasons why someone might not want to keep up with real world social activism on their blog, and those are a million reasons the abuser will use to invalidate your legitimacy. 

But hey, if that sort of thing annoys you, I totally get that. Go ahead and block this person, campaign against them, blacklist their stuff, encourage your friends to do the same. I’ve blocked people for less, just dont call it abuse. 

Now there is actual fan content that is means for legitimate concern. If the person consistently praises or creates content of abusive scenarios, its a red flag. If a person consistently defends incest or pedophilia, its a red flag. If a person bullies someone else for being ‘triggered’ over Flint Michigan, its a red fucking flag. 

The problem isn’t the art or the content or the blog type, but the mentality behind those things. Liking Doctor who isnt a problem. Liking the idea of Doctor Who having sex with his own daughter is. Avoiding current events isnt a problem. Trying to bully activists into silence is. You need to include that context to be taken seriously. 

Chat logs are your friend. Get the permission of victims to post, anonymously or otherwise, chatlogs of concerning behaviour. Try to focus on patterns to show a potential victim that the tactics used to insnare them have been used on other people before. Highlight instances of an abuser being sweet, (The Honeymoon Phase) as well as how quickly they devolve into abuse. 

In Conclusion

I’ve probably turned a lot of people off with this big dumb rant about something as petty as a callout post, and to those people I say: Good. If you’ve never been in a position to need this kind of thing then that is good. I’m not being facetious here, or implying you don’t know what you’re talking about just because you disagree with me, a callout post is really a last ditch effort to warn others that someone can construct in the aftermath of their ordeal. Pretty much everything I’ve mentioned relies on the willingness for victims to come forward, which I totally understand if they dont want to.

It is not my intention to bully others into sharing traumatic memories over the internet, but rather to make sure that anyone who does speak out wont become a target for harassment. At the end of the day, these are just posts floating around on tumblr. All you can ever hope is for someone to see your warning and stay away from the person who hurt you. Perhaps even draw the attention of other victims and help them process what has happened to them. 

But baseless claims and petty squabbles aren’t how you do that. Abuse should be taken seriously, and there is a large difference between someone Problematic and an actual Abuser. 

[periakman]

A Loose Amateur Compilation to Good Writing Community Guidelines

Everyone wants to create a space where writers can kick back and ooze with creativity, be it a club an irc channel, a discord server, a skype group, or something different. And the fact is, it’s harder than just starting up a group, providing a link, and letting people pour in, so let’s look at some basics...

What Do You Want This Community to Be?

  -   There is more than one type of writing to exist. Most of the young folk online are usually in the midst of writing their big sci fi/fantasy epic. But that’s not everyone. Some people write nonfiction. Some people do it as a 9-5. Some people only ever want to write poetry. Figure out what type of people you want to attract. Decide if you want to accommodate a wide spread of people, or if you want to focus on one specific aspect.    -   There is more than one type of writing community to exist. Some are just for encouraging writing. You give your word counts. You engage in writer sprints. You cheer each other on. You gripe when something doesn’t work. Others are more about gushing and celebrating. You might not have anything written down, but you love your oc and want to share that love. Others are about research, ironing out problems, or maybe getting in depth feedback.  Decide what type of writing community you want, or if you want to take on multiple aspects    -   Don’t overclutter. It’s easy enough to decide you want a catch all server, but unless you have a pre-made base audience, it can very easily turn into a situation where you only get a few casually passionate people about a bunch of topics who have no desire to interact with each other. Additionally, while “bigger is better” might be your goal, keep in mind that not every service can actually keep up with a large group of people. You can’t have a “everyone gets a turn at being given criticism” if there are more people in a group than there are minutes in your free time.    -   There is no “every community has this” truth. If you think something exists in every community, you are wrong. Not every community has a problem child. Not every community has terrible flame wars. Not every community has trolls. When you’re creating a community, it’s on you to moderate. It’s on you to decide what you don’t. As some quick and obvious things to consider:        -   Slurs (written or discussed)        -   Traumatic Situations (written or discussed)        -   Off Topic Conversations        -   Therapy/Comfort        -   Harsh Criticism        -   Drama Importation/Exportation

   -   How do you plan on accomplishing this? If you want a community with Super Serious Published Writers, maybe don’t just post a link for anyone to join. If you want a casual server but with a polite atmopshere, maybe don’t post it in a place known for abrasive and divisive opinions. If you want to create a community for people you have no contact with (I’m a creative person with no creative friends! How do I find them D:!) then you might want to consider joining other people’s groups. Get a lay of the land. See how they do things. Meet people, befriend them, build your base, etc.    Additionally, think about the other things you want! Make sure each thing you want has a planned strategy. Don’t just say you want it and hope it comes, research into it!

What Is Required Of You As A Leader?

   -   Moderation! You are the one who decides who comes and who goes. If two people jump into a fierce argument, you are responsible for settling it, and even if it gets resolved, making sure it doesn’t happen again (unless you WANT fierce arguments). Remaining neutral is not a boon here, but being fair and unbiased is of tantamount importance. If you don’t think you’re capable of doing this, recruiting someone else is a good idea.

   -   Catalyzing! People are easily distracted and are not obligated to contribute. Figure out easy ways you can ignite your chat with fresh new topics. Merely posting a million writing prompts isn’t going to help. If you are busy and don’t want to do such a thing, then once again, recruiting people who will do this is a good thing. If done right, this will self propel by itself, but you need to lay that initial spark.

   -   Positive Role Enforcement! We’re all humans, and we’re all flawed. If a random newcomer says “ugh I hate everyone who likes Naruto! Why can’t they all just Stop LoL”, then most naruto fans will take umbrage, but probably not necessarily go to war about it. If a mod or a leader says it, it can take a very different tone. By being the leader, you have power. That doesn’t mean you can’t be mean or negative or weird or stupid. but it means you should figure a way to clearly distinguish yourself when you’re “on” and “off” and realize that if you are the type to speak bombastically or harshly, it could affect potential nervous newbies. 

   -   Cultural Enforcement! If you want a culture where everyone gives detailed feedback, you need to give detailed feedback. If there’s a queue, you cannot jump the queue. Live the status you want to see everyone else do. If there are exceptions (such as if you are dedicating a server to your work specifically) clarify and write it out clearly.    -   Communication! Do you have dreams of a large spanning community, with subcategories and many moderators? Or do you just want to not have to read every single line that is written? Well, communication is your friend! Specifically, vertical communication! If someone complains about something that goes on in the community, will it reach your ears? and also, horizontal communication! If you have multiple authorities (or perhaps are doing a collab with other communities), does information hit all parallel groups? Now, in small groups this is fairly easy to deal with, but keeping these basic ideas in mind for measuring success of information distribution can be a great rule of thumb.

What Actions Are Detrimental to the Community?

Now, for this section, I’d like to draw your attention to a little thing called “Benne and Sheats’ Group Roles.”  It can give a great quick example of how there are different ways to contribute to a community, and how to tear it down. It’s honestly a nifty little way to think of people, and while it doesn’t provide all the answers, it can give options you hadn’t even thought of! With that out of the way, let’s talk toxicity! But as a general disclaimer, these actions don’t mean the person should be banned, or that the actions are detrimental all the time. Just that they can be if not done in a pre-agreed manner. And this doesn’t cover everyone, but it covers some of the bigger issues I’ve seen.    -   The Self Server: The one who will provide mountains of information about their own story, lovingly detailed and lovingly explained, but will often falter when other people’s writing comes up, or anything that doesn’t involve them. Online, this can often result in personal messaging out of the blue, where they will encourage newbies to read their work, even if they have no intention of doing the same in turn.    Self Serving can show up in truly toxic people who just want the praise and attention, but also can show up in people who are well intentioned. They want attention, and don’t know how to get it, so they go through the only thing that’s a technical success, not realizing the awkward position they put everyone else in. Many might also have social issues, and not know how to give people attention that they desire. Having some default sentence starters can be useful here. As an example:       “I like your X thing. It’s similar to my thing, Y. I like my Y because Z reasons. Anyway, Question about your X?”     It is also important to recognize that everyone shows their attention differently. Some might be willing to listen, but not feel so good about commenting and complimenting. Others might show their support in paying money, but never mention it. When dealing with this action, it’s important to codeify what others require in order to feel validated, and the best way to go about validating someone who might have counter-intuitive values.    -   The Drama Starter: They start arguments. They complain. They whine. They never quite do much else, but whenever they type something up, it’s sure to start drama. They might not even ever discuss what they’re writing, but boy are they Suffering (tm).     Toxic Drama Starters are people who usually want to get attention, but also want to feel vindicated in some way. They are about being right and being told they are right. More well intentioned drama starters probably have a lot of going on in their life, with no idea on how to solve it. So they vent, and vent, and vent. The words help them form a frame of reference, and maybe a way to rationalize it in their head. Unfortunately, if all someone contributes to a community is constant complaining (unless it is, of course, a community based on complaining), then it will rarely turn out to be productive. These are the ones who seem to always start fights, even if they don’t intend to.     It’s worth heavily moderating people who keep starting unwanted fights. You don’t have to ban them, but you have to uphold a standard of rules. Some people improve, some people don’t. Use your own judgment.

   -   The Con Artist: They’re going to start a huge project. They’ve started it already, in fact. It’s going to be huge. They’ll get famous. And when they do they’ll totally hire you to contribute! In fact, why don’t you do something now? The ideas are solid and of course they’re writing it. Of course, at some point, the information dies down. And then there’s nothing. Maybe a chapter comes out, maybe it doesn’t. And then they resurface, a new idea, a new passion, and a new enthusiasm to drum people up with.    At best, a con artist is just someone who has no solid work ethic but strong passions. They honestly mean every word they say, and feel terrible guilt about the pile of old projects left behind. At worst, well, they’re an actual literal con artist. The latter is someone who does not belong in a community, the former is someone who can exist, but needs to be informed of their cycle. It can be tough, of course, to find the line between “happily gushing about new project” and “gushing about a doomed project to the point of community detriment.”  In the end, it’s up to the community to decide what they want to tolerate, but also up to the community to make sure other newcomers don’t get swept up in a wave that will come crashing far more shortly than they thought.

   -   The Elitist: There is a tiered system in writing. On the top are the mainstream famous writers. They don’t actually exist, but we know they do. Then you have the successful writers, who people might  know of, but are unknown by the common populace. Sometimes you might meet them briefly. You keep going down the rungs, and you hit “published author who sold three copies” and keep going further down to “person with ten WIPS with not a page written” and finally to things like “fanfiction” and “roleplay” and “popular posts on the internet”.     This system is completely arbitrary. There is no form of writing or existence in writing that is truly “better” although I think we’d all prefer to be in a situation that made our bank accounts better. Despite the arbitrariness, there are people who will hold their hearts to it, or to some tiered equivalent. And that is where, of course, elitism comes in.    Elitism can show up in any category. No matter how lowly or equal. There is always a way to be Better. It’s something humans are incredibly good at, unfortunately. And it’s an extremely detrimental aspect to any community, especially if it’s growth focused.    Toxic Elitists are exactly what they look like. They want to feel better, and they don’t want to help others. While there’s nothing wrong with admitting a community might not be proper for someone of a certain skill level, there is of course a polite way to do this and a rude way. Additionally, many “innocent” elitists might be younger folk, or people who never bothered to interact with a group, and are just spouting off pre-canned lines that they never considered the implications of. Merely informing someone of this can be a very easy way to offset the toxicity.    Additionally, things like age and having english as a second language can also set off issues with elitism. For instance, a twenty six year old might be at a loss as to how to interact with a thirteen year old, and vice versa, especially in the world of the internet where it’s not immediately known. These situations are complicated and require personalized and contextualized moderation.

   -   The Judge: All Love Triangles are badly written, they say. It’s common knowledge, so it must be true. There’s no debate or discussion around it, it’s just correct. This person has learned the tools and tricks of writing, but has no concept of what it’s actually like to fruitfully discuss something. This one is fairly simple, and can easily go hand in hand with the Drama Starter. It’s bad arguing, and it’s not helpful.    Toxic Judges are ones who refuse to admit they’re wrong, or that their world view is anything but all knowing. More innocent ones might be honestly perplexed as to how things could go differently, or are employing clumsy arguing tactics they developed without the self awareness to realize how or why they work.   It is a good idea to try and inform people of when they fall into this, and encourage them not to make such objective statements. Maybe don’t say something is obviously bad when someone else was just talking about how much they liked it. Maybe don’t dismiss a work with “oh this is romance it’s obviously bad” etc. A community will only improve when nuance in opinions is accepted.    -   The Single Issue Wonker: The person who is way too interested in one Specific Thing. Perhaps it’s a sexual interest, perhaps it’s not. There’s nothing wrong with liking something passionately. But if taken to an extreme, it can mean every conversation is a derailment waiting to happen. It doesn’t matter how mundane the interest is, if forced unnecessarily, it will eventually cause discomfort to the community at large, unless that is something everyone loves together.    This is a tough one to deal with. Most of us are nerdy folk. We have the things we love, and want chances to gush. There are also many neurodivergencies that can lend itself to creating an environment where you do have a Very Specific Interest, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that! However, in a community, striking a balance is important, and making it so that all facets of the community’s goals can be discussed and interacted with is what will help it live longer.     The other common form of this is the “fetishist” so to speak. They are clearly sexually turned on by something specific, and are going to constantly showcase it. This is semi understandable. Many people have sexual interests, and folks have a right to depict it in ways that satisfy those interests. However, constantly bringing it up, or using a writing server as a masturbation area is rather rude, for multiple reasons.     Even if there is an “nsfw” section, not all nsfw categories are about things being sexy, and it’s crucial to figure things like that before dumping those interests in such a category. And even if it IS about the sexy things, it is still good to allow others chances to exist in their own sexy canons, without necessarily adding a specific one to the mix.    In short, if someone’s interest in something specific is eclipsing the point of the community, it needs to be addressed.

   -   The Wounded Heart and the Hurtful Heart: Two sides of the same toxic coin. This one is one we all know, so I will be brief. Either they take criticism too harshly, even if they beg for it, or they give it far too cruelly for it to be considered anything but bashing. Sometimes they are even the same person. Maybe they want to give up writing, maybe they want you to give up writing, maybe it’s just a giant dramatic blur and everyone is confused.    At the end of the day, if someone cannot emotionally handle the guidelines you set, then you have to either consider changing your rules, or dealing with the person in question. Everyone needs to learn how to give and take feedback, but not every community is conducive to that environment, and not every person is conducive to actually learning.

On the Topic Of Feedback    -   What Is Feedback? The golden question for all communities. Define what your feedback is! Recognize that not all people want the same feedback! Some people just want emotional responses! Some people want their execution to be looked at. Others want their actual ideas to be criticized. Some want criticism. Others also want criticism, but their definition of criticism is completely different than the other person, and now they’re fighting. Define your feedback! Force other people to also define their feedback! Some ways to clarify:       -   Where are you looking to improve with sharing your work       -   What problem areas do you think there are?       -   Do you want grammatical feedback?       -   Do you want content feedback?       -   Do you want the sandwich method (compliment-critique-compliment), or do you just want straight honesty?

   -   Speaking of the Sandwich method! it’s a very well known tactic and is quite useful if you are just starting out and don’t know how to word things. It’s very simple, you say something you like. You say something they need to work on. You say something else you like. It can be a great method if you have something you need to convey and don’t want to hurt someone.    With that being said, there are some issues with this method once you get into tougher and more nuanced issues. For instance, if a story has something that must be addressed (maybe it’s unreadable, maybe it depicts a graphic scene that you were not warned about), sandwiching such a complaint will probably not be as helpful. It also can create a sort of false equivocation between the sentences, or just make the whole thing seem strange.  As an example:    “I think the story is clearly very passionate. Also your worldbuilding, characters, plot, and grammar all need a lot of work. I like the names you picked for your character, very unique.”     Would just be strange and demeaning. So while it’s not always a good structure to use for everyone, it’s a way to start.

   -   Recognize Premise v. Execution when giving feedback. This is a very specific sort of advice, but for people just starting out, it can be hard to understand the difference between going “this is why I dislike it” and going “this is why it’s going to be disliked even by people who want to like this.” One mentality to really drive home is that when you’re giving feedback, it’s to help the writer, not to help you read it. So you are helping them achieve what they want to achieve. If they want to write some strange story where bunnies are actually aliens and the main character dies a a third of the way in, only to be replaced with an omniscient narrator, then your goal should not be to dissuade them from writing that, your goal should be to help them turn that into something readable.    You can still of course say “I don’t think this premise will work without serious reworking” but in order to give good feedback, you need to accept whatever internal core exists for the story, and starting from there.

   -   Some people don’t want feedback. Some people just want to share. It is up to the community to decide what’s the norm. Should feedback be expected unless told not to give it? or should feedback be only allowed when asked for? What’s the difference between idle negative observation and negative feedback?

   -   Decide how feedback will be given. The general rule is “look at the thing above you and then post yours.” Others do queues, where no one is allowed to post until X amount of opinions are posted. Personally I try and employ a “2 for 1″ philosophy. You must give your opinions on 2 things (if possible) before posting up yours. This means there’s less of a tit-for-tat going on, and it means there will always be more feedback than posting.    There is a downside to this, obviously. It means people who don’t feel comfortable feedback won’t be posting. To which, you as a community maker need to have a decision. What is important to you when setting up your system of feedback? People feeling comfortable posting something, even if they might not ever get anyone looking at it, or people who will get feedback, but it might be disjointed and half-hearted, in a rushed attempt to just post theirs?    Now, this ignores the best possible ending. That people will give feedback willingly and in abundance. Now, to be honest, that is rarely going to happen. Usually it just means that one or two people give all the feedback, and other folks just keep producing content without bothering to contribute, because they know someone else will deal with the feedback.    One strategy some communities employ is by making sure they’re also recruiting people who love to read and edit, but this falls into another issue...

   -   Remember that giving feedback is a skill. Not just a skill, one that people get actively paid to do. That means when you are asking for feedback, you are asking for someone’s time, energy, and brain power. And you’re doing it for free. Art, music, these things can be consumed in sets amount of time, very easily. Reading someone’s manuscript is homework. Even the action of excitedly telling you someone about your work involves paying attention and keeping track of a bunch of fictional facts to form a story you’ve never read inside the confines of your brain.    The people who are best at giving feedback are being paid to do it. You are probably not paying people. So you must adjust considerations accordingly. Relying on a few people can make those people feel unloved. Forcing everyone into one standard might end up becoming actual homework and actual unpaid labor. It is unfortunate, but at the end of the day, despite how important feedback is to a writer, no one is obligated to run a whole marathon just to help with what is put forward.

   -   This is ultimately the double bind I see in a lot of communities. What it devolves into is a chaotic sprawl where no one gets feedback, but everyone wants it, and giving it can be a bit of a nightmare. This is why guidance is so important, especially if you want a feedback focused community. In the beginning, it does mean doing a lot of legwork yourself, at least until people realize what they can get out of it. This is why I personally prefer structures where effort must be put in before you get to put up your work for feedback. In Conclusion   -   The most important philosophy to take into account is that Good Faith and Not Taking Any BullCrap can exist in a mutually beneficial relationship. There will be many people who want to write, all of varying desires and oddities. Accepting people’s desires in good faith is imperative to a healthy community, and for others to do the same. But at the same time, to know what a problem looks like, and how to seamlessly remove it, without causing issue.    Trust that the people you encounter want to be happy in your community, that they want to grow and improve. But do not blindly believe it in the face of contradicting evidence. As a reminder, do check out the benne and sheats group roles linked above, as it does provide more broad overviews of positive ways to contribute on a general level and personal level, and more common issues that can show up in any group, not just writing. Writing is an incredible experience, and naturally we want to share it with other writers. We want to be in that community of nerds, all gaggled together chuckling about our injokes. And there is nothing wrong with that, but every community needs active positive influence, or it will crumble. It’s like a plant, or a pet. You can’t just say that because it’s alive and healthy now it will always be alive and healthy. Your job is not done. It’s only just beginning.