#a fucking relief!!!!!!! but in the meantime it FUCKING SUCKS and whaaa no one cares about me or anything else but im trying so fucking hard
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in a really fucked up way its absolutely fucking infuriating being like "whaa I have nothing to live for" while quite literally having something to live for
#literally my sister is getting married and im a bridesmaid and i have bridesmaid responsibilities and im actually looking forward to seeing#my extended family again but rn im also like!!!! fuck!!! im so fucking depressed i wanna fucking kill myself#!!!!! but actually i dont bc im excited for things but nobody cares about me except they do bc theyre also excited about what im doing!!!!!#but theres also other shit going on rn thats making everything else hella stressful and uncertain but if/when we figure it out itll be such#a fucking relief!!!!!!! but in the meantime it FUCKING SUCKS and whaaa no one cares about me or anything else but im trying so fucking hard#to GET them to care and if i dont who will!!!!!!!!!! nobodys gonna do it like me!!!! im trying so fucking hard and its fucking exhausting#but if i can do it itll be worth it. but also part of me wants to say fuck it and resort to murdering my f*ther bc then we'd never have to#deal with him again! what bliss!! but i would sooooo not get away with it and prison sounds like fucking hell so unfortunately if i did#resort to that i would have to kill myself as well so im NOT gonna do that but ohhhhh god do i want to. i wanna murder that man soooooo bad#you have no fucking idea. BUT thats also a terrible option so im not doing that even though the fact that i have literally never killed that#man is also fucking infuriating!!!!!!!!!! ugh anyway whatever idk what im doing with this. life sucks blah blah whatever#my post
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