Tumgik
#to GET them to care and if i dont who will!!!!!!!!!! nobodys gonna do it like me!!!! im trying so fucking hard and its fucking exhausting
oceanwithouthermoon · 5 months
Text
i think its weird that i have to make this disclaimer but the internet is crazy so wtvr,, anyway,,
if i say i dont like something, that doesnt mean "that thing is bad and nobody should post it.."
i swear literally every time i even mention that i dislike something, people will go "wow does that mean u fucking hate me cuz i post that thing? ur a fucking stupid bitch and all ur opinions r wrong" LIKE ?? er.. no. just because i say i dont like certain characterizations of certain characters (the saiki k fandom is CRAZY about this cuz i can state an opinion on literally any character and a group of people will still go 'well only we're allowed to post our opinions about them because we're always right!1!1!'), or certain ship tropes (mentioned my hatred of toxic yaoi maybe once or twice on here months ago and people STILL get mad at me as if i said toxic yaoi lovers r evil or something), or certain ships, or WHATEVER, does not mean that i HATE the people who are posting them or that i think they shouldnt post them at all, NO, im just posting about my personal tastes on my personal blog and it would be extremely weird and hypocritical if i decided that i was the ONLY person that was allowed to do that,,
i think the only reason people assume that is because there are a lot of other people on here who ARE like that, and a lot of people toe the line between posting that they dont like something and posting that they think everyone who likes that thing is stupid, annoying, and wrong,, so i guess all i can say is, sorry for whatever made you make these assumptions but they arent true about me so plz leave me alone ʘ‿ʘ ur doing the same thing to me that ur accusing me of but i didnt do it in the first place so ur just actively being a dick for no reason
#crazy that the mindset some people on here have is that theyre the only ones allowed to post their opinions#ive repeated this a lot on this blog but i rlly think people forget that the person on the other side of the screen is in fact a person#if ur harassing people and publicly making fun of them then ur just as bad as any real life bully#that shit isnt as funny or harmless as u like to pretend it is#not once have i ever targetted anyone or went on someones blog to harass them over my opinion#yet people think its fine to do the same to me and treat it as if its like. revenge or something#like ? me saying 'i dont like toxic yaoi' is not equivalent to someone going on someone elses page and going 'how tf do u like toxic yaoi'#I DONT CARE !! all ive ever done is sit in my own little bubble and had opinions and that makes people mad#honestly though the people who will publicly talk and post abt it are significantly meaner#and i want to act like im not bothered by it because i know most of them r just angry that someone has a different opinion#and they want all their followers to bandwagon off of them (idk why maybe for validation or whatever-same reasons anyone would bully)#but seriously if u actually do think that something i said was out of line and crossed thise boundaries- just fucking tell me ?#im a person bro. ur solution to disagreeing with me shouldnt be 'lol im gonna post abt this and make everyone harass them'#have a conversation with me dude i dont bite ? if u cant talk to me like a person then just dont fucking say anything wtf#its so cowardly to be like 'well no i didnt wanna say anything to u cuz i didnt wanna be rude.. so instead i publicly made fun of u!'#LIKE WHATTTT STOPPPPP </3333#ok anyway this post wasnt supposed to get THAT serious.#MY POINT IS just be considerate of other people and dont base ur hatred off of assumptions#ur deflecting the blame onto someone else because u dont want to admit that ur just a fucking bully lol#being inconsiderate on here is something ive also been guilty of back when i first joined the fandom and was clueless#but grown ass adults who have been on here way longer r still doing that shit which is crazy#and i cant say anything because they have so much leverage over me and idk if its on purpose or if they dont even realize#ok im putting fandom tags cuz i want people to see this sorry. this is my one post thats actually targetted but its at a lot of people#so if u look at this and think 'hey i do that' pls evaluate urself<3#i mean its also targetted at everyone who does this anonomously so i dont know who it is OKOK IM DONE BYE SORRY HOPE THIS IS UNDERSTANDABLE#watch nobody read this fr#saiki k#tdlosk#the disastrous life of saiki k.#meows post
49 notes · View notes
eddiegettingshot · 3 months
Text
sorry i just like. it's so insane to me to make wholesale claims of immorality and bigotry about a completely atomized and diverse community of people based on the one shared interest that suggests nothing about and has no bearing on anyone's identity or social position or opinions. like when you go on my blog you should not be putting "buddie shipper" above "brown lesbian" in terms of importance and you certainly shouldn't be approaching me like the first matters more than the second because that is a wholly abnormal way to act. it's just fucking weird. i would never do that to anyone. i am not responsible for the people outside of my circle just because we share an interest but i am responsible for being vocal about the (real) issues i do see in the spaces i enjoy. that's what i'd expect of anyone else too. so i hope that the people getting self-righteous are turning inward with the same exact energy! (i haven't seen it but there's still time)!
26 notes · View notes
g0thsoojin · 13 days
Text
when i see actual shitty people im like wow it is actually insane that i have such low self esteem and call myself bad when im nowhere close as most of these awful bitches lmao
8 notes · View notes
nomairuins · 26 days
Text
i like overthink everything now it makes me feel so dumb. i used 2 be able to just talk 2 ppl but nowadays every single thing im like Is that actually going to make them hate me. Yes probably. and then i just dont respond which makes ppl hate me. this is how it is
#ive been overthinking 1 light and casual mildly funny response to something but im worried itll come off as disrespectful and dismissive And#make me seem stupid and uncaring all at the same time. and also be seen as insulting. but like idt itd be insulting right like. im not#saying what it is so ig for all you guys know im like I mean if i say All your shit suck ball and i hateit kys. <- thats not the thing i was#going to say#like it doesnt matter now the window for response is closed now but i feel stupid bc i shouldve just said it it was light and casual. im so#bad at keeping convos gojng im convinced im not going to survive. In like a light and casual way like in a He will not make it through the#winter joke way. dw. im not going to do anything bc i had One failed interaction. if i was going to do anythjng itd be bc of the 8000000#other failed interactions. But im not. anyways. it just makes me feel so useless 😭 like i want to respond i want to talk to ppl so bad but#i feel like i mess things up Irreparably every time i speak OR i take too LONG overthinking my response and then i just cant respond bc its#been too long and then its been 3 years and the only messages ive ever sent r my intro message and 1 message 2 years ago that nobody#responded to at all. or the conversation stopped immediately after. and like i used to be better at this i was lkke. talkative in a couple#muts servers like. i talked 2 ppl daily in those servers and i had fun and like. I was an important part of the group and i felt like it#but i just feel like such an outsider for Everything and its literally my fault bc i cant just like. Talk. The explosion. bc im always like#im gonna try im gonna do it this time im gonna get it back im going to finally be Good connor and im going to fix it all and make a Good#solid friend group and ill find HEALTHY LOVE and i wont selfsabotage and ill move out and have a job and ill balance it well and ill start#all my hobbies and ill have a great routine and be so loveable and on top of it and not stressed and content and happy and roll with the#punches and then theres a single hiccup and im like Well fuckinf whatever im going to be an unemployed hermit forever and im going to die b4#im 25 anyways so Who cares and also im digging a little hole for myself. and its like. AUGHH ik i just have to persevere and overcome but#even saying that feels so stupid its not fucking hard its Talking to ppl. like. i literally if ive ever said a word to you i had to think#avt it and strategize how to respond right even for like. like. it makes it sound like its not genuine it is#like for example i want to say hey i love your art! but then i freak out and im like thats not normal thats like a rly generic comment they#hear that all the time theyll thjnk im being polite and my brains like hrmmm rewrite Your art changed my life. It shaped me. Ill never be#the same. Nad im like ok too far overcorrected go back and the sentence generator is like Your art has colors 💯 like. GOD. WHY IS IT SO#difficult. and then usually i either just dont say anythinf and feel awful abt it 4ever OR i send it on anon and then i spend like 15#minutes ibsessively slightly tweaking the apelling and capitalization and punctuation to make sure it doesnt seem like its me just in case#it Is the worst possible thing to say but then i see the response and itll be like AWWW TYSM :] THIS MEANS A LOT or whathaveyou and i feel#stupid bc i couldve just Told them this to their face and it wouldve been a good positive interaction we had. but instead i had 2 hide and#tyoe entirely differently so they couldnt sniff me from my typing style. and it soesnt even feel like the thanks is actually 4 me bc i#tweaked the message sm. and it still makes me happy that the oersons hapoy but its like. that couldve been a nice mutual interaction#like not that i need a personal ty i compliment ppl when i Want to compliment ppl and when its genuine yk. i dont do it so i get mutualpoint
7 notes · View notes
bunnihearted · 7 months
Text
🌧️🫧💭
#i shouldnt have fav mutuals bc i get sooo sad when they soft block me#which *always* happens like im not joking the day will come when they're just like nahhh bye#🥲🥲 nd i cant help but get sad#nd i dont even agree w that anon who said that 'no wonder everyone blocks u' bc im never mean to anyone#i think it's just bc im fundamentally unlikable and unlovable and the time will come when smth abt me#ticks them off nd nothing abt me is ever tolerated i always have to be perfect for everyone so then i just get cut off like dead weight lmao#also it shows that i get attached so easily but in reality ... ppl are not at all as attached to me 💀💀#like i care abt them but they dont care abt me nd it makes me feel so stupid#why do i so easily care for ppl?????? why do i have to care nd like ppl when it's always gonna end the same way#me being me is bad nd wrong and nobody could ever truly know me nd still like me#i have to live my life constantly hiding parts of myself and making sure im not too authentic or too open bc then i will make ppl dislike me#it rlly is that. im never mean. i never fight. ppl just see smth abt me nd go 'oh ewwwwww' nd then leave#nd if it hasnt already happened it will at some point nd im constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop#whenever i realize i say or did smth wrong im tense waiting for the moment where they'll leave me will arrive#ok this might sound silly bc i was like 'triggered' by smth small but like#all my life thats just how it's been. im not even mean or cruel. i just exist and ppl dont like me or who i am or what i think#i can never be truly myself anywhere. that is sure to result in being all alone 4ever. but i dont like hiding parts of myself#but i have to. but its hard when im trying to hide nd be lowkey but i still manage to make ppl dislike me T-T#idek what im supposed to do bc i just exist nd im not likable. i try to be that but im still not. idk what to do#anyway.. who cares.. j'appartiens seul#but yeah it is bc it's like this for me all the time nd ig that triggered me lmao#i mean just w my sisters.. their issue is just who i am. my personality. i havent been cruel to them. or bullied them. or put them down#they just get irritated from my personality nd who i am. thats what makes them mad. nd they kinda want me to just stop being me nd idk how#to do that and therefore we arent even talking. havent talked for a year#i wanna cry like????? what am i supposed to do??????? im so extremely fucking horrible that just by exisiting nd not being mean or cruel mak#es me unworthy of everything. idk idk like. omg i feel so stupid for being triggered by that#maybe if i had irl friends and a job and a life i wouldnt care but im a fucking loser failure worthless good for nothing idiot. ofc im this
12 notes · View notes
monards · 6 months
Text
i know hoyo is setting up rhine to have good intent and whatever in her trying to 'save' khaneri'ah or whatever; but i REALLY hope they stay with the cruel persona thats been built up for her. because it would be so wonderful to see a character who had good intent in the beginning just get absolutely corrupted; with the inability to ever go back to that prior state purely because of what had happened. also because there is NO way in her turning back after all that shit
#sorry. i dont think theres any good and plausible explanation for rhine to still be a kind or gentle person in general#she can (and SHOULD) have her moments. but it'd make so much more sense (and be much more impactful) for her to be inherently cruel#because look at all the stuff thats happened#i love the indomitable human spirit trope. dont get me wrong.#but rhine has that in the way she WONT stop her research till shes either dead or murdered. she is not gonna be gentle kind and optimistic#she watched all her kids (that she was SHOWN to care for) get very brutally murdered.#had to then go and kill her next creations that she didn't consider perfect (which most certainly fucks a women up. no matter what you say)#made the 'perfect creation' and the way she treated him was obviously a HUGE contrast to how she was before (being gentle and nuturing)#and left him (albeit with what we can guess was good intent) with NO goodbye just#a recommendation letter. a text. and his final mission#she could have good intent#and still care for others#dont get me wrong!!!!!!!#but shes. human???#humans can be (as much as i hate to say it) a tad selfish when it comes to survival#and being antagonized demonized AND shunned by teyvat and even her own people. having to survive multiple gods wrath#isn't. gonna be good for the human psych#and it isn't gonna be something fixable#look at how furina progressively faltered over a hundered years WHILE being adored#she already started waning in her ethics and morals (as someone immortalized as a human WOULD)#with exposing lyney and all of that when it was VERY clearly the morally wrong thing to do (which her as a human would know)#and being relatively pessimistic and clearly spiralling#(no hate. i love furina with all my heart.)#if thats how FURINA started going#imagine rhine who has nobody (save maybe alice. but i doubt she'd be constant given her spontaneous nature and refusal to sit still)#shit man. even I'D go crazy and be horrible.#its okay and natural to be bitter#and its not as if anybody was there to help#hexenzirkel has a ton of women who survived their own nations falling yes#but not ONE of them (from what we know) has had circumstances any where near rhine's
10 notes · View notes
chiistarri · 4 months
Text
what if instead of messaging me in the middle of the night about your stupid fucking girlfriend and your stupid fucking problems with her you actually act like my fucking friend and message me like how you message everyone else in our group
#bye ignore my venting bigger problems what fucking ever#im sick of her ass she only messages us for us to help her with her fucking girlfriend problems like we arent even friends atthis fckn point#and i love her shes so funny whatever but god shes literally the worst because i just want to be friends i dont fucking care ab her goddamn#selfish ass gf thats shes obsessed with. be obsessed tell me about it but cant we be friends ab other stuff too#we used to be her 'favorite friend' cause we shared so many interests and we hung around what fucking ever but fuck that right#get a gf and just use us to help better yalls relationship without even telling her you're sharing her private msgs w us huh yeah sure#what fucking ever im so done with this bitch and i cant even get my contacts out cause i have long nails and im js poking my eye#AND SHE WOULD NEVER BE SORRY if our friendship fell apart she would tell everyone i was jealous of her gf or what ever i literally dont care#she was like an older sister before i dont get why getting a gf would have to change shit like ok good for u but what ab us#what about me its not even fucking fair like is it that hard to keep up w ur friends?? NO its fucking not#taking me so long to write a post bc im still fucking helping her with her stupid dumb selfish idiotic gf omfg#just BREAK UP i literally dont fucking care just leave her if she makes u unhappy its literally online tf is she gonna do to u nothing omfg#why am i the one being punished when shes the one with the stupid dumb gf that hates her and herself i dont fucking care i js want m friend#and i cant tell any of our mutual friends cause she dont do that to them its js me so itd be like im being dramatic#and like shit i guess i am but i dont care atp thats all she ever talks to me ab like ok i get it i helped u but stop jfc#but if i said that we'd never talk again bc what fucking ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! cause im just dramatic whatever#if u cant resolve these simple problems of communication on ur own then maybe u shouldnt be in a relationship idk js my thoughts! die#sry the 1 person who knows what xactly i mean is asleep and im so tired of getting late night msgs being like hii can u help me SHUT UP#id love to help if we were actually still fucking friends but we arent so js leave me alone bruh#post#nickpost#will delete in morning my mom keeps telling me to put my phone down bt i need 2 say smfh 2 some1#i hate change i hate slight differences in my normal day to day i hate everything i hate not having smth to rely on i hate change i hate it#sry im alg now im js sick of her ass js leave bruh#nimbhe my moms yelling im tired anyway i need to js isolate myself forever no problems if im on an island alone#living my best life in the shade drinking idk water or whatever and just talking to myself bc who even needs friends right!!!!!!!!#its 11:11 make a wjsh#adding more cz whatever im deleting this ltr anyway#its so clear where i stand with everyone cause its always close but not close enough friendly but not friends and i guess its the same w her#bye im out of tags etc whatever nobody matching my freak ever never comfortable in any friendships
4 notes · View notes
clownattack · 8 months
Text
Whenever i am told thangs abt the leech i just go. What an embarrassing person gosh
#iykyk#god damn#The stupidest and most oblivious person ive ever came in relatively close contact with /gen. With several ppl who know them irl agreeing#i kind of feel bad they dont even realize this but not gonna bother myself with it its just me going damn#unfortunate#apparently they are under impression im a lurker. one of their MANY projections but possibly the funniest/most pathetic one#i literally did not see their blog/crs blog since waaay back when we were still getting along#i have 0 reason to go in their spaces#last ive heard they were obsessively going thru tags on my posts day in and out#at work out of work#that makes ONE lurker in all this haha even crink knew to stop at some point LMAO#literally all i know is from ppl telling me soz m8#osmosis#just. the fact they believe ppl care enough to lurk on them is really funny in a sad way#ive been told they are paranoid abt one of their followers or something?#theyre nobody i know but stay paranoid ig#the assumption ppl would care enough#i was chortling while having old pellets read out for me#i would have to be insane to care abt what someone like that says#by which i mean an undiagnosed unmanaged shut in#quote /the universe hates them/#definitely nothing to do with them being a mess#fitting that they have an alter ego/sona that is just their bad traits concentrated#like yeah. why are we even upset LMAO#projection town on their end allllllll the way it just screams /unwell and out of the loop/#they dont know... ajajaj...#night was not happy abt that post no surprise there#YES they are enabling infidelity yes they are inserting themself. was supposed to stay in the house a few months and now. poor night jfc#nine months to go is too long#im so glad she told them
2 notes · View notes
dirt-str1der · 2 years
Text
Ive said it a million times omegaverse power dynamics are worthless uninspired and boring— HOLY CRAP hes standing on a branch like a real bird ...
Tumblr media
#Listen to my problems#theyre always like oouggh widdle omeger needs penis and all these suave and in-control alphas will take care of his penis problem#like have you ever considered that alphers in heat lose 100% of their brain function because they need hole#and they will straight up turn into monsters for no reason. like i WILL be taking you away even if my apartment is shitty and if i had the#hand eye coordination i will tie you to my bed but ill just have to settle for fucking you until you cant walk#anyone who looks at you will be killed by me. i cannot stop starting fights because im convinced they want you (and they do ! because youre#irresistable) and i will go out and buy you the biggest food bundles ever because i cant cook right now and when i go out im a public menace#because i can only think and talk about you and all my friends hate me for this but they also hate me because i wont let them fuck you#if we go out im going to be clutching you to me and growling at everybody in a ten meter radius because i need to hide you away NOW lets#have a date in this dark cave where nobody can find you and also lets have sex please please please please please im so in love with you i#need you to bear my pups PLEASE give birth right now i dont care that youre not pregnant we have to start a family NOW im gonna be the best#dad ever you wont even have to get out of bed speaking of beds lets have sex#alphas CANNOT share they cannot cooperate. no matter how charming and leaderlike they are outside a rut they lose all ability when its matin#season. gotta become the stupidest motherfucker alive and get fired from my job because when my mate kicks me out the house im not going to#work im buying bedsheets and pillows and chocolates and fast food#you get it.
5 notes · View notes
talkorsomething · 3 months
Text
genuinely tried to Be Asleep for like two hours this time and just couldn't. I think i'm cursed [unwell]
#100% секретный дневник левы НЕ ЧИТАЙ#feels pretty much like the first night i got sick (remember that breakdown? lol) except this time i have Overcome the illness#mostly anyways.#but yeah i'm just. augh. not only do i have to deal with literal nightly thoughts of sh now i can't even sleep?!#my curse of Hearing Things immediately working against me the moment i can't hear things clearly#cause ... now i REALLY don't know whats going on#like i know it's not my business and shouldn't be my business but a) i live here and b) i have to hear it either way.#just ... yeah. now that we're probably as settled in as things are gonna get i REALLY do not feel like i'm meant to be here#not in general; as in this physical actual space. there's no thought that something should be made for all of us since they have work#& i ... well i do but [redacted]. so it's the work i make for myself mostly. but yeah so it doesn't matter if nobody sees me eat breakfast#(dont care about that anyways) and it doesnt matter that nobody sees me eat dinner (maybe i care A Little ok) because the whoooole rest of#the day is nebulous Lunch Time. and oh boy let me tell you. i'm not having that either#cause uhm. 'you can eat our food' only means so much until money comes into the equation#like BOY if i thought i was messed up about that before let me tell you: it has become Worse#i dunno. i try to have good days and yet the moment its Asleep Time i am someone completely different#like ... it's like seasonal depressiom but WORSE because theres SUNLIGHT and i LOVE SUNLIGHT#no yeah i think that's exactly the sort of thing i can liken it to now that i think of it#cause i always have like... seasonal issues when it starts gettin dark around 4-5ish range. except right now its summer so its NOT#wish i knew how to really be normal. then maybe at least if i wouldnt have good music making material i could like. meaningfully contribute#to my existence as a roommate#'i'm doing great' says man who is somehow Still Not#relatedly i think my next public facing breakdown is either gonna be about this still or about spinning in the pride parade. time will tell#....i can hear them AGAIN i know why IM up why are THEY#/bangs on wall Go To Sleeeeep leave me alone to also sleep T_T#that's ... that's a joke by the way i'm not doing that. i do feel more tired now so maybe i will have somewhat restful sleep. hopefully
0 notes
mayspicer · 5 months
Text
Ok, the boss is no more! There were some super stressful moments but surprisingly we all survived o:
My animal companion got hit with disintegrate, but we had hero points to make him avoid it. I would cry actually, because disintegrate means no resurrection x_x
The war is prevented! At least this one, because Cayden's party is right at the center of a much bigger one just starting. Today we saved the country. Cayden is trying to not even save the whole world, just maybe slow the whole thing down and save as much people as possible...
#majek says shit#I have the diamond for a raise animal companion spell but it can only be used if you have a body and even then there are restrictions#and Kela wouldn't even know about it until after the fight because she got trapped between a wall of force and a stone golem?#or a stone Big Humanoid Fucker idk what that technically was but it would've killed me pretty fast#and it all was in an area of supernatural darkness emanating from the powergamer's character...#which interfered with so much of everyone else's actions and we even addressed it before the session that it's a bad idea to cast this#but its ok because HE will be able to see through it and HE won't be targeted easily:))))#he also almost ended the encounter in the first round of proper combat...#by using mechanics so outrageous but technically ambiguous enough that our GM can't deny them by using only RAW...#and he prefers to settle arguments by going as RAW as possible...#and it wasn't a problem until now when we have a player who exploits to an actually unbelievable extent#we shared our character sheets online yesterday and I finally saw his... still have no idea how the character works#because like half the stuff is custom and missing from the app#he has 9 AC in the app and allegedly 32 AC before buffs...#and the GM says the math checks out but 1. nobody saw that math besides him and 2. so far he trusted that player without too much questions#and only recently he actually realised he's been manipulated multiple times when me and some others started dismantling that players actions#I so hope this was the last session with that person#the worst thing is I think he's an ok guy when I'm not playing any kind of game with him#and I understand different people find enjoyment in different aspects of games - his being figuring out how far he can go with the rules#and there are whole groups of people who like to play like that and enjoy the challenge of making the most broken “build” possible#but the rest of the group are not that kind of people. maybe some like to have fun with researching what's possible#but it's never the purpose of the game and these things dont find their way into the actual game#I'm actually considering the possibility of just leaving the campaign if he stays there... I know I whine a lot in the tags#about different players that get on my nerves for various reasons. it sounds like I'm never happy about anything#but our group is big and we play together as a friend group in 4 different campaigns now (I'm in 3 of them)#and every one of these smaller groups has it's issues. sometimes it's the characters not matching and sometimes different expectations#or interpersonal stuff that can be worked out. this here is not a group composition issue because the powergaming attitude is everywhere#it's impossible to talk casually between sessions and confronting the guy leads to like actual temper tantrums#literally said “the fuck do I care if the party dies I'm not gonna be useful anymore” after the GM gave him feedback to maybe ease it up#he never says things like that when the gm or me are present but we still get info. he just can't be confronted by the gm like that
1 note · View note
bunnihearted · 9 months
Note
Why would you wish your neighbors to fkn die just because they make noise?
gosh some ppl are way too sensitive and cant handle ppl saying anything at all huh
#bc im angry and they are RUINING MY DAY EVERY SINGLE DAY#bc they make noise that wouldnt be heard if they didnt live in next to empty apartments#bc im extremely nosie sensitive and get sensory overload very easily and noise makes me suicidal and homicidal#good for you that you dont care!!!! you are FORTUNATE for not being this heavily affected by noise. you're not better than me. ur lucky#grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr it makes me so annoyed that ppl like u just cant handle mentally ill ppl VENTING.#am i sending them death threats? no. am i beating them up? no. am i sending complaints to them? no. i am enduring my suffering#bc we live in a world where nobody cares abt ppl who arent normal. i am in genuine physical pain bc of this everyday#do u think this is fun for me???? do u think i want to be like this? no! i'd kille to be like u who can walk unaffected thru life!!!!!!#do u think i enjoy spending my days in agony just bc noise upsets me? i cant fkn focus on my school work!!!!!!! or anything else!!!!!!!!!#do u know that there is NOTHING i can do? i have to accept a life of daily torment bc im noise sensitive#if society allowed me i'd live in specific apartments designed for noise sensitive ppl. or in a cottage on the countryside#but society dont give a fuck abt ppl who diverge from being normal#also omfg just bc i vent and say i wish they died dont mean i actually genuinely want them to die#why are y'all so black and white?????? why is it so hard to understand that just bc u express smth in anger dont mean u ACTUALLY want it#tbh y'all are too much. and fkn unfair. ppl are actually allowed to vent in anger and let out steam and not suppress their emotions#i have never done anything to cause another person harm. i even have high blood pressure bc im so stressed out yet i never do anything#i have done NOTHING to harm my neighbors. the only thing i do is vent on my blog#do u really think theyre magically gonna die just bc i vent abt it???????#bro fuck off you made me even angrier like if u cant handle ppl expressing ugly thoughts#u and i are not compatible bc *i* know that u need to express things u might not even mean#but u clearly dont and need everyone to be uwu peace and love and perfect so just leave me alone go awayyyyyyyyyyy
4 notes · View notes
vagueiish · 5 months
Text
look, i cant even strike up conversation and begin forming connections with people i indisputably have things in common with and who (ostensibly) find me agreeable (or at least not disagreeable enough to unfollow/not follow back) under the thin veil of semi-anonymity i have on this hellsite
how am i meant to find My People in meatspace if i cant even figure out how to do that here?
0 notes
lesbeamofsunshine · 1 year
Text
in a really fucked up way its absolutely fucking infuriating being like "whaa I have nothing to live for" while quite literally having something to live for
1 note · View note
huellitaa · 7 months
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
𓏲˳˚⊹ 🧸 become obsessed with yourself.
you are stupid. i said it. there. you are stupid.
let me get this straight. you are out here listening to these people who make you insecure. you are listening and actually giving a shit about people who put you down, make you feel unworthy, inferior, less of the absolute goddess that you are. you people please, you go above and beyond to help people & change yourself for people who would never do the same and for what. for people to like you? honey nobodys gonna like you. you dont even like yourself.
listen ml you need to get your priorities straight. sit down for a sec. like. just sit and genuinely ask yourself "what do i get out of this? how does this serve me?". go on, ask yourself. all these people who constantly think theyre better than you, that they can walk all over you, the ones that dont care a bit for you with their actions even if their words say otherwise, all these habits that only make you feel more low, more insecure, and dont align with where you wanna go in any way, shape or form. honey how in the hell does any of this serve you ???😭😭
i am sick to death of seeing the word selfish everywhere the moment somebody steps up and is brave enough to try and better themselves. the amount of times ive gotten "youre so selfish" or "youve changed" or "you werent like this before" jst because i got out of the most severe depression of my life where i came close to being unalive so many times is riDICULOUS and just shows how normalised insecurity and people pleasing is nowadays.
you see, people are always trying to follow the trend, follow the leader, follow everyone else nowadays. nobody actually honours what they want & that is a reflection of their own insecurity and traumas and emotions they are too scared to face. do you really want that for yourself? youve got such big dreams, such big potential, but what on earth do you do to fulfill them?
i dont think you realise just how limitless you actually are. you can do anything. we are all born the same. its only those with the courage to get up and try who will reach what they want and achieve greater things.
GET OBSESSED WITH YOURSELF. i am so DRAINED and TIRED of caring about what people think. i like something? im gonna do it. i dont care. fuck people pleasing. what are they gonna do when youre rich and famous and successful and thriving? YOU ARE THE ONLY VALIDATION YOU NEED. life is so much easier when you genuinely could not care less, like you just dont give a single shit. you are the only person who knows you inside out and will be there with you 24/7 365. it infuriates me how self hatred is so normalised nowadays. like what the actual fuck, why would you wanna spend your entire life hating the only person whos gonna be with you every second without fail, when you are perfectly capable of reversing that???? its ridiculous.
get up. get obsessed with yourself. the only validation you should be chasing is your own. pull yourself together girl. this is ridiculous. you are so much more than this. start acting like it. be ur own biggest fan. be ur own bestest friend. everything you need is already within you. u got this. 💕
all my love 💓✨💗💘🎀💖
Tumblr media
2K notes · View notes
nadvs · 7 months
Text
cam girl (part two)
pairing rafe cameron x female reader
rating explicit 18+
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
summary you work two jobs. by day, you’re a maid for the cameron household, where rafe degrades you any chance he can get. by night, you’re a cam girl, hiding your face so nobody can recognize you. when you discover your new subscriber, the filthy-mouthed man obsessively paying you to do everything he can think of, is rafe, you’re not sure what to do next.
» masterlist
+:★:+*━━━*+:★:+*━━━*+:★:+*
The next time you log in to the cam website, your heart is racing. Throughout your classes that day, all you could think about was how hot the session with the man you thought was a stranger was last night.
But he isn’t a stranger. He lives in the mansion you get paid to clean twice a week, where he taunts you every chance he gets, practically fucking you with his eyes.
Does Rafe know it’s you on the camera? Is this a sick little game he’s enjoying, thinking you don’t know it’s him? Or maybe he’s aware you know who’s behind the account and he wants to see if you’ll say something about it?
But you do such a good job hiding your face. He can’t know it’s you.
You wonder if it’s wrong to continue doing the nightly private sessions knowing his identity. But when you remember how much joy he gets from berating you while you clean his house, you figure it’s ridiculous to care about the ethics of it.
You try to focus on the fact that you’re making so much money. Rafe gave you over $1500 last night. And he wants to keep paying you for every session. At this rate, you won’t have to worry about bills or your college tuition at all.
You closed your cam girl account to all other subscribers and posted a note that you were no longer streaming. The truth was, you were, but for one man only.
The thought of Rafe lying in bed jacking off to you turns you on before you even start the chat with him.
You take a deep breath, your hand hovering over your laptop trackpad. Rafe Cameron is going to watch you get naked and touch yourself and it makes your stomach feel like it’s flipping.
You start the private session.
Your screen fills with the image of you from your lips down to your feet as you’re curled up on your bed. You’re in a sheer white nighty with no bra or panties on underneath, your body hardly hidden beneath the smooth fabric.
Rafe called your tits perfect last night, so you figured he’ll appreciate you having them on display right when he logs in.
figure8 has joined the session.
You swallow hard.
figure8: been thinking about you all day princess
His words give you butterflies. You try to keep your confidence at the same level now that you’re aware of who’s on the other side of the chat. You refuse to be intimidated knowing it’s Rafe.
“Yeah? What about me?” you ask.
figure8: how pretty that pussy is and how im gonna watch you fuck it from behind
You feel the blood rush to your face. You know he has a filthy mind from the comments he makes to you at his house while you work, but this is more than you ever expected.
“Should I go slow for you again?” you whisper. “I know you like that.”
figure8: what a fast learner
You smirk. There’s the Rafe you know. He has such a natural talent for mocking you.
“You like this little outfit?” you ask him, your hands running down the fabric on your chest, fondling your tits. “I wore it special for you.”
figure8: so fucking hot. bounce those tits for me
You sit up on your knees and arch your back, lightly bobbing on the bed with your hands up in your hair. He has a perfect view of your chest beneath the sheer nighty, your nipples hard under the fabric as your tits jiggle up and down.
figure8: damn. i’d leave hickeys and bites all over those tits. you like to get bitten dont you princess. i know you like it rough
With every other viewer you’ve had as a cam girl, you’ve lied about your preferences just to get tips, but with Rafe, it’s like he knows exactly what you want. You haven’t had to lie to him once.
“I fucking love it rough,” you moan. You put your hands up to your tits and squeeze hard. “I want you to leave marks on me.”
figure8: i’d leave them all over your tits and your ass
“Yeah? Would you spank me? Hard enough to leave a handprint?” you ask, turning around and slowly lifting the nighty over your butt. You stick out your ass for him and sway it slowly for him.
figure8: fuck yes. shake your ass
You spread your knees wider and obey, looking back to watch your body on the screen. The thought of Rafe lying in bed fisting his cock while he watches you makes you get even wetter.
figure8: straddle your pillow. i wanna see how you’d ride my face
You tilt the laptop down so he doesn’t see above your mouth as you move to grab a pillow from behind the computer. You readjust the screen then straddle the pillow, the cotton soft against your naked core.
You start to buck your hips, shuddering immediately. You’re dazed already, desperate for his hands on you, as you rub your body against the pillow.
“I’d ride it fast like this,” you say breathily, humping the pillow.
figure8: my needy girl. my dick is throbbing watching you
figure8 tipped you $200.
figure8: that’s for riding it so well
“Thank you,” you purr, still grinding the pillow. The feeling of getting paid while doing something that feels so good is intoxicating. You’d do anything Rafe’s filthy mind desires.
figure8: don’t cum yet. i’m not done with you
You bite your lip in frustration.
“Okay,” you say heatedly. You slow down your thrusts, back still arched as you await your next instruction.
figure8: show me how you finger yourself. get your pussy nice and close to the camera
You shift to spread your legs in front of the camera, seeing yourself on full display for him.
figure8: start with one finger. i want you to work up to four. can you do that princess?
“I can do that,” you say shakily. You insert a forefinger into your warm, tight hole and let out a contented sigh.
figure8: pump it in and out slowly. add a second finger when you’re ready
You obey, stretching yourself out a bit before adding a second finger. Slowly, you add a third and writhe a bit. You push your hand back and forth, watching yourself on the screen.
You add your pinky finger and slightly tense up, your body rolling.
figure8: breathe through it. you can do it
You let out a shaky exhale as you continue, watching your fingers disappear inside of you.
figure8: good girl stretching that pussy out so nice. i bet you taste so fucking good. taste yourself for me
The request is so sinful, so unlike anything you’ve ever been asked to do. You slowly pull your fingers out of yourself, bringing your hand up to your mouth, making sure he can see your lips.
“I’ve never done this before,” you say to him.
figure8: you’ll do a lot of new things with me, princess
You taste your wetness, sucking on your fingers for him with a slurp loud enough for him to hear. It’s such an animalistic, depraved act, and you find yourself wishing you could do it with him in person, have him watch you do this in the same room.
figure8: god i want to taste you so bad
“I want to taste you, too,” you whisper. If only Rafe knew how accessible you were to him, in his house twice a week. “You know, you can send me photos whenever you want.”
figure8: desperate to see this dick aren’t you
You smile. He could not be more correct. You don’t know how you’ll manage to be around him in person and act normal knowing what you know.
Your stomach heats when you see that he sent a photo. He’s holding his cock, the curve of it so perfect, a pearl of precum leaking out of the tip.
“I want to use my mouth on you,” you keen. “My pussy is aching for it.”
figure8: i know you’d love the taste, princess. show me how you’d take my cock doggy style
Finally. You pick up your dildo and turn around, backing up towards the screen. You angle to slide the toy in slowly, feeling it fill you up, then move your hand so he can view you clearly.
figure8: i can see you dripping
Sure enough, you look down on your sheets to see drops of your own wetness. This man has got you hornier than you’ve ever been.
“That’s what you do to me,” you rasp. “Fuck, I bet you’d destroy me.”
figure8: that pussy would grip my dick so well. i’d fuck you so hard
“Can I please do it now?” you say breathlessly, throbbing with need.
figure8: only because you asked so nice
You dip your arm between your hips, knees sinking into your bed as you lean so your cheek is pressed against the mattress and out of the camera’s frame. You hold the base of the toy and shut your eyes and imagine Rafe’s warm, hard cock inside of you instead of a dildo you have to control.
Breathy moans spill out of you as you thrust the dildo in and out of your slick cunt. You picture him behind you, his hands on your hips as he ruthlessly thrashes in and out of you.
The orgasm slowly builds and builds.
“I’m gonna come,” you say, muffled. You bite your tongue, stifling the urge to call him by his name. Your eyes roll back as the orgasm ripples through with a powerful force, making you shake with pleasure.
When you finally regain enough energy, you sit up and turn to look at the laptop again. To your delight, you see that Rafe sent another photo.
You look closer at the image to see his cum sprayed across his muscular stomach, the white splashes of his pleasure glistening atop his abs.
“Shit,” you rasped. The image is so sexy that you feel yourself getting aroused again.
figure8: see what you do to me? i never cum this fucking fast
figure8 tipped you $100.
figure8: use the money to buy this. have it ready tomorrow
He sends a link in his next message. You open it to see a sex toy website. The page he sent is for a rose vibrator.
“I’ve always wanted one of these,” you say breathily. “Thank you, baby.”
figure8: dont use it without me watching. understand?
“Yes,” you say.
figure8: sleep. you’ll need your rest for what im doing to you tomorrow
figure8 tipped you $1000.
Rafe leaves the chat. You follow his instructions, ordering the toy right away and selecting the option to have it delivered tomorrow. What is he planning?
You decide to do some more online shopping, finding a top you know he’ll like.
After you buy the items, you stare at your laptop, reeling from what just happened.
You look at the pictures he sent again. Rafe was always such a cocky asshole whenever he taunted you at work and it definitely isn’t from overcompensation. He’s so well-endowed that you know it’d hurt so good having him inside you.
How would he react if you told him you were the girl he was jacking off to? Would he be embarrassed? Or relieved he could fuck you for real? Because you’d let him have sex with you. After tonight, there’s no doubt about it.
You close the laptop. It’s Thursday, meaning you’ll likely see Rafe in two days when you’re back at the Cameron estate on Saturday as scheduled. You typically see him around the house, but there are times where you don’t run into him at all.
You don’t know if you’d prefer to see him or not. How could you act normal after having him talk to you like that, after seeing his naked photos?
You try to go to bed right away, but your head is spinning.
The next night, you log in wearing skimpy white panties and the pink tank top you bought the night before, the word “princess” stretched across the front in white cursive letters.
Rafe joins the private session and you can imagine the smirk on his face once he sees your outfit.
“Hi, baby,” you coo, pinching the peaks of your nipples poking beneath the shirt. “You like my top? Bought it last night.”
figure8: its perfect. i want you to spoil yourself with every dollar i give you
You giggle and hold the small silicone rose toy up the camera.
“I was tempted to use it, but I didn’t,” you admit. “Promise.”
figure8: good girl. i hope you got your rest last night. im not paying you til you cum three times tonight
“Oh, my God,” you laugh. “Three? I don’t know…”
figure8: you can do it, princess. take ur panties off but keep that shirt on. don’t want u to forget who u belong to
His possessiveness is so attractive that you feel yourself getting wet already. You slide your underwear off, spreading your legs and putting yourself on display for him.
figure8: tell me what you’d want me to do if i was there. you’d like my head between your legs wouldnt you
You giggle, “You read my mind.” You put your fingers on your clit and close your eyes, imagining curling your fingers in Rafe’s hair as his tongue presses against your middle.
You would have never guessed that Rafe Cameron likes eating pussy, always having assumed he was selfish in bed. But he’s been surprising you since the first message he sent.
“I’d want you to start off kissing me right here,” you purr, “then you’d start using your tongue. Then you’d suck my clit.”
figure8: then i’d put my tongue deep inside your tight cunt
Reading the words makes you tremble. You lower your hand to spread your lips open and show him your opening.
“Right here?” you tease.
figure8: i want my face all wet from you
You groan, imagining his pretty face glistening, his pink lips swollen from eating you out.
You grow wetter and wetter as you touch yourself.
figure8: get the toy
You eagerly pick it up and hold your finger over the “on” button.
“Which setting?”
figure8: whatever will make u cum the hardest, princess
“You get off on me feeling good, don’t you, baby?” you tease.
figure8: those sounds you make are so fucking perfect. i’m already rock hard
“You want me to be loud?”
figure8: don’t hold back. i’ll count your orgasms with you ok? and on the third one, we’ll cum together
This man could not get any sexier if he tried. You curiously explore the toy, finally turning it on and hearing it buzz immediately.
You place it on your clit and the pleasure is instant. You let out a sharp exhale, imagining Rafe touching himself while he watches you.
The toy buzzes and suctions on you and it doesn’t take long at all for the first orgasm to roll through you. You don’t stifle the moan that comes out of you, knowing he’s enjoying it.
figure8: that’s one. that was so fast, princess
“I was horny all day,” you confess.
figure8: thinkin about me?
“Mhm. That picture of your cum all over your stomach is so fucking nice.”
figure8: then u can imagine how much i enjoy watching u fuck urself
“I want a video of you rubbing your cock,” you say impulsively. “I want to hear your sounds, too.”
figure8: you’re such a needy girl
“It’s why you like me,” you flirt. He doesn’t respond right away, making you anticipate that he’s recording a video for you.
A file from him pops up in the chat. You eagerly play it, watching six jaw-dropping seconds of his hand moving up and down the thick girth of his dick in his dark bedroom, his heavy breathing filling your ears.
“God,” you whimper. “I’m ready to go again.”
You pick up the toy and place it on your clit, pressing it down hard as it pulls another orgasm out of you after a minute. You moan out a jumbled, high-pitched mess of “oh, fuck”s as you cum.
Your muscles are tingling and tired. You’re not sure you can give yourself a third orgasm.
figure8: two. not done yet
“Maybe we stop here?” you whisper. “I’m already so weak.”
figure8: are u going to be a good girl or not
“I will,” you resign. “I will.”
figure8: go again. on the max setting
Feeling spent but determined to please him, you put the toy on your sensitive clit again. You hang your head back, looking up at your bedroom ceiling as you press the button a few times to turn on the highest level.
The toy’s suction and pace is brutal and unforgiving. You cry out from the overstimulation, writhing beneath it. The forced orgasm rises inside you and you groan loudly as you cum, tremors ripping through your body.
You’re panting when you turn off the toy and sit up to look at the chat. Rafe sent another photo. His hand is holding his cock at its base, the swollen shaft covered in his cum.
figure8: would u lick this up?
“Every fucking drop,” you say, wishing you could have orgasmed with him inside of you.
figure8 tipped you $2000.
figure8: extra for being so good
The high of the orgasms, of your bank account growing all because this man wants to watch you pleasure yourself, makes you feel like you’re floating.
“I belong to you,” you tell Rafe drunkenly, unable to imagine letting anyone else watching you like this ever again.
figure8: yeah you fucking do. that pussy is mine
“All yours,” you whisper.
figure8: ill see u tomorrow. good job today princess
Rafe exits the chat, leaving you a heaving mess.
Your heart feels like it twists reading his last message. He surely means he’ll see you on camera tomorrow… but what if he means at the estate for your housekeeping shift?
No, he doesn’t know it’s you. He can’t. You breathe out a tired sigh and take a long, hot shower before going to bed.
Your shapeless uniform is scratchy against your skin as you walk into the mansion the next day, still not sure if you want to run into Rafe or not.
You finish up cleaning downstairs and move up to the bedrooms, leaving Rafe’s room for last.
When you enter his room, it’s empty, the late morning sun hidden behind the blinds covering his big windows. You hear the shower in his ensuite running. You curse to yourself, suddenly nervous to see him. Maybe you can quickly collect the laundry and leave before he gets out.
You start to strip the bed, picturing the photos he sent you of himself on it, fucking his own hand and cumming with you. He lies right here, typing dirty things to you, watching you fuck yourself.
You’ve only unbuttoned one button of the duvet cover when you hear the shower faucet get turned off. Shit.
You rush to unbutton the cover, but you finish just as the door squeaks open behind you. You can’t bring yourself to look at him.
“I’ll give you some privacy,” you mumble, keeping your back to him and leaving the bed half-done.
“You’ve seen it all already,” Rafe huskily says behind you. You freeze for a second.
You shyly keep your eyes on the hardwood floor as you turn. When you look up at him as he towers over you, his mouth merely inches away from yours, you see he’s wearing nothing but a towel wrapped around his hips.
His hair is wet, his broad chest spattered with water drops. He smells amazing from the body wash he used and his eyes are heavy lidded and his smirk is so damn self-satisfied.
“Why do you look so surprised? You really think I didn’t recognize that pretty mouth right away, princess?”
{ read part three here }
2K notes · View notes