#a lot of this came about too partially bc it was her black belt test right and like at the very end
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#a lot of this came about too partially bc it was her black belt test right and like at the very end#she comes up to me and goes i didnt mention it in the speech but u were a part of why i got this today.#i was like aww i mean u didnt have to mention it and she was like yeah idc abt the rest knowing i just want u to know#so then we talked about it a little later as we were winding down for bed#and i was like congrats today and also for reaching out at the end i appreciate it#and she was like yeah i wanted to know bc i dont think youd have connectedthe dots#and i was like yeah i would have never guessed#(again to me in my mind im like ? idk how this girl sees me)#and she was like yeah youve made an impact in my life and im sure others as well#and i dont remember the exact words but smth abt how like ppl miss you when ur not there and all that#which caught me off guard i did start crying like i didnt know any of this#like how was i supposed to know any of this#so for me the next day idk i woke up and just spilled my anxieties and like#i cant tell if it was the right or wrong thing to do#im a little better in that like im not exactly anxious that she'll get mad at me for sayign this#but im more worried right now if its information she had to even know cuz its just my anxieties ? like#its not necessarily real its just how i perceive the world idk :((#i really hate feelings becasue i always think im wrong for having them.#and the sucky thing about anxiety is like if its not her itd be something esle for sure and i know that much like#idk man why is having friends SO CONFUSING#i was like damn if you feel like we are close and you miss me while im not there then whyyy do we not talk when in group settings#idk where i was going with any of this tbqh i just#i feel weird and anxious about it still#and i thought being open about some things would help but it hasnt not really
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