#so for me the next day idk i woke up and just spilled my anxieties and like

[yongseungkim]

.

[banquetwriter]

CAN YOU DO some johnnie smut with morning sex PLEASE

that would be so hot

୨୧ glory filled mornings ୨୧

pairing: Johnnie Guilbert ♡︎ fem!Reader

warnings: ୭̥⋆*｡ SMUT, unedited, wrote this when i had a fever so it doesn’t make sense lol

summary: ʚ johnnie wakes up with an embarrassing situation ɞ

Words: idk lol

SUPPORT ME

An: i’m so sorry u have been absent i’ve genuinely been going through the ringer and i promise i’m making my way through these requests!! also i will rewrite this at some point haha

It wasn't often that Johnnie indulged in hookups. Sure every so once in a while a pretty girl and him would leave a bar together. Nothing was ever that serious with him. He has been on a few dates but nothing ever went anywhere.

This was different. He had to admit you had piqued his interest since he met you at a party. Then again the next week he saw you again. You were one of Corry and Jake’s friends from their traphouse days.

You were so fucking pretty. The way you laughed at almost all of his jokes, even if they weren't funny. When you would lean in to make sure you heard everything he wanted to say. The way you would trace his tattoos whenever he would show you one of them. That's what led the two of you to cuddle in an Uber home.

The two of you drunkenly cuddled on your couch before you kicked him to your bed. Refusing to let a guest sleep on the couch. That's how he woke up to his head pounding and an unfortunate boner.

He felt the familiar feeling and looked down, revealing a small tent in his boxers. Probably from sleeping in a pretty girl's bed all night. “Fuck,” he muttered to himself.

He rubs his face with his hands as you suddenly enter the room. He quickly covers his body back up with your duvet. “Heyy good morning sleepy head,” you said smiling. You had a medicine bottle and a glass of water in your hands. “H-hey,” he said, feeling his heart beating out of his chest.

“Ugh god my head hurts so bad, I took some Tylenol and I hope that helps.” you absentmindedly said setting the bottle and water down on your bedside table. The pressure of the blanket pressing on his core was definitely not helping his boner, the sight of your short Beetlejuice sleep shorts was also not helping.

Your skin looked so damn soft, the pudge of your thighs spilling out as you sat down on the bed next to him. You were on your phone not even looking at him. It was truly embarrassing just how much his damn brain was fixated on you.

You hugged your knees to your chest scrolling around on your phone. Softly chewing on your nails, you notice that Johnnie has been staring at you for a prolonged amount of time. You lifted your head from your Doordash app to look at him.

He looked flushed, he had ripped his shirt off in the middle of the night so you could see how red his chest was. You quirked your head at him “Dude Johnnie you ok?” you ask, trying not to laugh a little.

“Um yeah I'm fine-” he muttered, scratching his head, his rings and necklaces clinking together. “Dude, tell me what's going on. You didn't blow chunks in my room did you?” you say with a disgusted face.

“No! No- I swear I didn't-” he said sitting up more. Unfortunately, he was cut off by your eyes dropping to his waist. When he sat up the blanket got just a little too low. Johnnie’s raging boner peeking through his skinny jeans was now in full view.

His eyes shoot up back at your face. He couldn't discern your facial expression at all. Your eyes were slightly wide but you didn't look disgusted or horrified or even mildly embarrassed.

Johnnie sure did. He felt like he was gonna die. Right there, right then, with a fat boner in a pretty girl's bedroom. His brain was slowly shutting down from anxiety. Unable to form an apology. Or any thoughts for that matter.

You felt a rush of confidence surge through your body as you stared at the raven-haired boy. “Oh?” you asked, turning your phone off, leaning forward getting closer to Johnnie.

He was surely having an aneurysm. Or maybe he was still drunk and this was just a bad dream. He could almost feel the heat radiating off of your skin. It was going to set him on fire. His head was pounding and he was tired, but at the same time, he hadn't ever felt more awake than he does now.

“I-I'm so sorry. I'm not trying to be some fucking creep. It just happens sometimes I promise it has nothing to do with you.” he stuttered putting his hand in between you and himself.

That was half true. Sometimes morning wood just happens for no reason, the untrue half was that it had NOTHING to do with you. Maybe Johnnie dreamt of you last night, maybe he didn't. All he knows is the scent of you was enough to drive him up the fucking walls.

“Awww really?” you asked in a fiend sad voice. You placed your right hand on one side of his body moving you closer to him. He felt like squealing or squirming or maybe both. This was a horrible situation to be in.

“Yes, I'm so sorry I will leave.” he prefaced trying to pin his body down onto the mattress as you moved closer to him. “There's no need for that, you said it yourself it's perfectly natural. You don't need to be embarrassed.” you purred out. Johnnie's skin was on fire, he could have cried from how hard he was in his jeans.

“I promise it's not about you,” he whispers, trying to save face. “It's not? You don't think I'm pretty Johnnie?” you ask with a pout. You continued to climb up the bed. Your body was so close to his now. Your arms were on either side of his head.

“No! It's not that I think you are beautiful-” he almost shouted at you. “Oh, you think I'm beautiful?” you whispered as you hovered over his neck. He let out a shaky breath as he watched your head dip down to his neck.

He felt like could explode as you slowly started to kiss up his neck. “This ok?” you murmured against his skin, your voice tickling his flesh. “Mhm!” he borderline whimpered out feeling your tongue and teeth grazing his hot skin.

You moved your legs to mimic your arms moving on either side of his body. Your body was on top of his, feeling his boner through his pants. It sends waves of heat to your core. Pressing your clothes clit on his hard-on slowly starting to rub up and down.

It was painful how hard he was. “Fuck please, let me take my pants off.” he moaned out his hands slinking up to your waist and under his shirt. You were quick to take his hands off of you and hold them above next to his head.

He whined out as your display of dominance, bucked his hips up into you. “Keep your hands there,” you whispered while sitting up. All of your weight was now on his crotch. The pressure sent him spinning. You slowly slid your hands on your body taking your shirt off.

He gasped looking at you. He never went after looks always personality but fuck you were so perfect for him. It was hard listening to your instructions. He wanted to grip your sides as you bounced up and down on him.

But he stayed put. You slowly pulled your shorts off as well, it's not like they left much to the imagination. Your dark panties found their way to his body again grinding down on him. His mound pressing into you. “Let me take my fucking pants off,” he whined, lifting his head a little bit.

“God, you are so impatient,” you murmur moving your head down, he sucked in with clenched teeth as you slowly started to pepper kisses along his chest. “Ah fuck.” he whined bucking his hips against you.

“Shush,” you whispered, you continued to suck and pull at his chest skin adorning his body with hickies that matched the ones on his neck. He threw his head back trying to feel any sort of release or pressure.

“Mm, fuck.” He whimpered again he squirmed more under you, his slim waist flexing beautifully. “Johnnie?” you asked moving up above him leaving his marked chest alone for now.

“Yeah?” He panted out, his head still feeling like a jackhammer was bouncing around his brain. “Take your pants off,” you whispered. Your voice was so quiet he didn't hear you at first. A pause between the two of you capturing desperation.

Once the words finally filled his brain he scooted away from you and off the bed hastily ripping the belt he had been wearing off. You flipped on your back, head hitting the pillow.

You hooked your fingers around your panties to pull them down. “No! Don't, I want to.” Johnnie said, holding his hand out. You smirked at him feeling your panties sticking to your body.

He fiddled with his jean button before finally being able to undo it. He yanked his pants and boxers down, his cock springing up and hitting his chest. He crawled up the bed, staring down at you.

You were breathing deeply, gazing into his eyes. Johnnie grabs the blanket, dropping it over himself. His hands find their way to your sides slowly caressing up and down. His head ducked down to your neck.

He returns the favor of the hickies nipping at your skin. Your nails find their way to his hair, scraping his scalp and encouraging him to continue. You moaned out slightly at the contact.

His arms moved to either side of your head, his back flexing to reach every part of you. This time your hips moved up to meet him. “Who is the impatient one now? Huh?” he asked, you could feel the smirk on his lips.

“It's still you.” you teased him, slowly grabbing a fistful of his hair. He whined slightly as you pulled him away from your neck. His dick was resting on top of your stomach. “Johnnie, I need you,” you stated slowly. “I need you to fuck me,” you said, your voice dripping dominance.

Johnnie couldn't help but obey. “Fuck yeah, ok,” he muttered sitting on his knees and moving his hands towards your sides. Finally pulling your panties from your dripping cunt. You spread your legs open for him, his hands pressing against your thigh to stabilize himself.

Hu pumped his cock a few times before lining himself in your entrance. He slowly pushed into you, whimpering feeling your tight walls around him. He leaned down, capturing your lips. He slowly pulled out of you and snapped his hips back in. You whimpered against him.

Your nails found his back, he slowly started to pump faster and faster inside you. You moaned against his mouth scratching down his back. Your long acrylic nails surely leave him bleeding.

He moans into your mouth as he starts to approach his climax. “Fuck fuck I can't hold on for much longer,” he whines. “Keep going, I'm so close,” you whine back to him. He grips the pillows behind your head as his hips snap against yours.

The coil snaps as your walls flutter around his member. Your eyes roll back as you mewl out for him. Your orgasm washes over you like a powerful wave, you squeezed him so tight you pulled his orgasm out of him.

His hips stuttered for a second before continuing to pump in and out of you as white ropes shot to your core. After a few seconds, he stood still before removing himself from you.

You feel him drop to your chest bringing the blanket up over himself and holding you. He snuggled his head into your chest not wanting this moment to be over.

Eventually, it had to be. So to Johnnie’s dismay, he rolled over on the other side of your bed. You giggle as he lets out a dramatic huff. “Mmm fuck.” he mumbles his headache returning. You rolled over as well smiling down at him.

“We should go shower now,” you whispered, pressing a soft kiss against his cheek. “Mm later,” he whispered, wrapping his arms around you.

The two of you sat with one another for a while. Just resting, tracing his tattoos. Eventually you moved to the bathroom, turning the warm water on. You stepped in letting the water heat your body.

The shower door opened and you turned around to see Johnnie stepping in after you.

[corpsedaydream]

crash

so, here i am with a new one shot.

so before anyone asks if i’m gonna be posting frequently again or anything, i process things by writing about them. if something is running through my mind over and over and i can’t think through it on my own in my mind, writing about it generally helps me. this past weekend was supposed to be a fun long weekend away w my friends but it quickly ended when i experienced something pretty traumatic. i haven’t been able to sleep at all the past couple nights and so i started working on this. originally it was just going to be something private to help myself w the panic i was feeling then i started adding a muse into it and then i realised i was still writing about corpse without even meaning to, so i guess he’s still got me feeling musey.

anyway, i thought about keeping this private bc i’m still rly shaken up about what happened but idk feels like a shame to just let it sit on my computer.

idk if i’m back to this blog yet, i still feel indifferent about it. i’m signed out on my phone and was signed out on my laptop until just now and haven’t opened my inbox.

anyway. here’s the one shot.

word count: 1666 words (i’m not kidding)

trigger warning: car crash, panic attack

__________________________________________________

crash

Wake up. Wake up. Wake up wake up wake up.

The words repeated over and over in your head. You’d had dreams about crashing your car before, but usually you woke up just before the point of impact. This time you didn’t.

This couldn’t of happened, this can’t be real, this is a a dream, I’ve got to wake up.

But you were already very much awake, this was very much real.

The colour had already drained from your face, tears were welling up in your eyes and your heart had already sunk. Your hands were trembling, your chest was completely still, you weren’t breathing in that moment. Your body had reacted before your mind had completely caught up.

“Fuck.” Was all you managed to say as realisation had hit you. You’d gotten into a car crash.

You looked around you, wondering how the others cars on the road were still moving when it felt like your world had just come to a stop when your car had its collision. You heard your dad’s voice in your head, all the things he’d told you when he taught you how to drive, had - god forbid - you ever ended up in a situation like this.

You went through the motions as well as you could. You were in a state of shock and physically, you were definitely there, but mentally, you really weren’t present. You were having an out of body feeling in the most terrifying way, it was a defence from the panic that had overwhelmed you.

-

Corpse felt a surge of anxiety. He had no idea why, either. All he was doing was looking through fan art on twitter, he hadn’t seen anything that usually would make him feel like that. It just throttled its way into himself seemingly out of no where.

It was especially odd seeing that today had been such a good day. Waking up beside was usually something that put him in a good head space.

So he started to call you, you always made him feel better. But then he remembered you were driving and you were a cautious driver, you never answered your phone when you were behind the wheel. You’d told him in the past how tenacious your dad had been as a driving teacher and it had really stuck with you.

Just as he was about to hang up, knowing you weren’t going to answer, you did.

“Hello?” Something was off. Corpse heard it right away in just that one greeting from you.

“Are you okay?” He didn’t even greet you back, he already had anxiety running through him and the unsettling tone of your answer of the phone had only made it increase.

“I think so.” You were so monotoned. Corpse had never heard you speak this way. You were a lot of things, but monotone was not one. You were expressive, bright and dramatic.

“You think so?” He repeated in a questioning way, wanting to know what was wrong.

“Yeah.” You responded so plainly again. Corpse almost wanted to ask you who was he speaking to right now, because surely this couldn’t have been you. This person had your voice, but this was a person he did not know right now.

“What’s going on?”

“I crashed my car.” You said it to him so simply. There was no emotion behind it. His heart thundered as if a terrible hail storm had just broken out. 

“What?!” 

“I crashed my car.” You repeated. Once again so eerily unemotional.

“Where are you?!”

-

Corpse shouldn’t have been driving in the state he was in, but he needed to get to you. His emotions were running so high and he couldn’t comprehend why yours weren’t.

After what felt like the longest drive of his life, he reached the crash site. His panic peaked when he spotted the ambulance, immediately thinking the worst. But then he saw you standing to the side of it. You were up and talking to the paramedics, that was at least a good sign you weren’t seriously injured.

“(Y/N),” He called for you as he got out of his own car. And just like your voice on the phone, your movements were so robotic.

You were normally so open with your emotions, you were such a readable and honest person. When you were happy, you shined, when you were mad, you yelled red, when you were sad, you cried oceans. But Corpse had never seen you in a true state of shock. He’d never seen your fight or flight response. And apparently it was a stillness and unresponsive, the complete opposite to how you were normally.

“Are you okay?” He knew you probably weren’t, but he couldn’t find any clue to how you were feeling. Until his footsteps brought him closer to you.

You didn’t respond to him at all. Even words felt like too much right now. As he neared you, though, he spotted the signs of fear your body displayed that your words did not. Your hands and arms were trembling, your shoulders were slumped, your face was completely pale, sweat dotted all over your forehead despite it not being a hot day, tears were slowly spilling from your eyes one by one, your chest was moving unevenly as you struggled to breathe properly.

“Baby, c’mere.” Corpse didn’t hesitate to gather you in his arms. Holding you so tenderly against him. That’s when he felt that it was more than just your arms and hands that were trembling, your entire body had a slight shake to it. He knew you were experiencing true terror in that moment.

-

The time between your banged up car getting placed onto a tow truck and arriving back at your apartment felt like a blur.

You’d just gotten off the phone with your insurance provider when you’d heard Corpse.

“Are you in any pain?”

"What?” You’d heard him perfectly but you hadn’t once thought about how this had affected you physically.

“Are you in any pain?” He repeated himself.

“I’m not sure.” And you weren’t, but the paramedics had said that adrenaline would be coursing through you right now and adrenaline was the biggest distraction from pain. “I’m gonna go have a shower.”

“Okay.” Corpse watched you with concerned eyes until you disappeared behind your bathroom door. He so badly wanted to help, wanted to make you feel better, break you out of this state you were in that he was so not used to.

-

You didn’t know how much time you’d spent in the shower. But it was long enough that the sky had grown darker and the moon had replaced the sun by the time you emerged. Once you’d gotten dressed, you made slow steps towards your bedroom. Your hands were trembling more violently than before and your breathing was speeding up.

The shock was finally wearing off and reality was getting ready to slap you hard across the face.

“Corpse...” Your voice was so silent, almost as if you couldn’t form a word due to the air that seemed harder and harder to breathe as a panic attack started to take control of you.

Corpse might not have even heard you had he not been on such high alert for you right now. But he was, and so he did he hear you and when he saw the state you were in, he instantly got up from his spot on your bed where he was waiting for you and was wrapping you up tight.

You were hyperventilating so dangerously, your heart felt like it was being encased in treacherous clouds that tightened with every intake of air you struggled to get.

You couldn’t remember the last time you had cried this way. You were breaking down.

Corpse was completely holding you up. Had it not been for him, you would be a crumbled heap on the floor.

-

The both of you didn’t sleep that night.

Every time you were close to drifting off, the crash would replay in your mind on an insufferable loop and you would jolt awake and the panic would restart all over.

And every time, Corpse was right there to hold you through it. He didn’t sleep due to how concerned he was about you.

-

The next day was a little easier mentally, but a lot harder physically. You’d gotten so much emotion out the night before that now the pain could have your attention.

Everything from your hips up felt sore, stiff and tense. Every time you moved your neck was scary because it felt like it was about to snap. But worst of all was your chest. It was hard and painful to breathe. The paramedics had warned you about this. The impact to your chest was going to take the longest to recover from. You kept your breathing shallow, any other kind of breathing made you wince and Corpse noticed.

“You’re hurting.” It wasn’t a question, he was stating what he noticed. He’d known the signs of someone in pain. Plus he had also taken note of the bruises that had appeared on your skin, the colouring of them looking like a painting of a galaxy, all purple and blue. 

“A little bit.”

“Mhm.” He knew it was more than a little bit, but he wasn’t about to argue with you. He looked over you laying beside him, grateful that you were still here, you were alive. A car could be replaced, but you could not.

You were flat on your back because that was really only the current position that felt even the tiniest bit comfortable right now. Corpse was on his side, one of his hands supporting his head as he leaned over you. His other hand began to soothingly run his fingers through your hair and you let your eyes flutter close at the touch.

“Tired?”

“Yeah.” You mumbled back, keeping your eyes shut and feeling exhaustion take over you.

“Try sleeping, baby. I’ll be right here.”

[mzmezzler]

Helping Hand - Jisung x Fem!Reader 

-

shortlist: cock rings, eager!Jisung, dom!reader, degradation, edging, kink negotiation, crying, oral sex (recieving), service top!Jisung

word count: 1.4k

summary: The backstory to Chokehold that no one asked for. This can easily be a stand alone, but it would give more context to it I guess. But basically Jisung keeps cumming early so you find a solution within edging.

a/n: I don’t know if this was a necessary concept to be expanded upon, but I also feel like if it was for another idol and separate idea then it would have felt kinda lazy. Idk the longer it got the more I was like why tf did I write this cause now I gotta post it. I hope somebody like it.

Any and all feedback is appreciated :)

You were three weeks into your relationship with Jisung when it all came blatantly apparent that his stamina was going to be a problem. 

It’s early morning, Jisung woke you up by peppering kisses along your jaw and brushing the sleep from your eyes with a drowsy smile. You giggle at the feeling of his lips gliding along your skin and you sink back into the sheets while he worships your body underneath the sheets. Your breath hitches as you feel his fingers tug at your panties and then drag the fabric down your legs. 

Peeking up from the covers to give you a toothy grin, Jisung dives back under to kiss at your naval and sink down to flatten his tongue against your folds. 

Gasping out, you reach a hand down to push the boy’s head down to encourage his eager sucking. The feeling of Jisung’s tongue fucking itself into you sends a shiver run through you as he brings his thumb over to rub and pinch at your clit.

“Sungie, you’re doing so well” You groan out. 

Rising from his place under the sheets he shoves his sleep shorts down his legs and strokes his leaking cock. The flush on his cheeks runs down to his chest as the boy rises up to cage you between his arms, and giggles to himself when you give a small peck to his nose.

Grinding himself against your heat with shallow thrusts, Jisung finally presses in. Bottoming out within you with a throaty moan, you wrap your arms around his shoulders while he takes a moment to adjust. 

His  thrusts are short and sharp. You could tell he was getting close already by the way he squeezes his eyes shut and drops his jaw to gasp right into your ear.

“I’m c-cumming”  He groans out. You still, and look up. “Ji wai-” You reply. Before you could finish your sentence, the boy is pulling out and releasing onto your stomachs.

The silence coated only by his panting and your own even breath feel full. “Ji-” You start. The boy looks mortified over you, eyes searching into yours, while you look back at him with a blank look. It was unclear how long you both just silently communicated while his cum was drying between your chests. “I’m sorry” the boy whispers.

With his head hung low against your shoulder you just sigh out as Jisung continues to chant little “I’m sorry'' s into your skin. It was pathetic honestly, but you knew he genuinely felt bad for cumming too early. Again. 

"I’m sorry Y/N, I really try to last, but-” he stops to give a shaky sigh. “I just get really overwhelmed during sex. I want to give you more.” His wide eyes look into yours and you take his hands into yours, "We'll figure it out Sungie. Don't worry"

You almost didn't know how to take the situation. On one hand it irritated you how almost everytime you all have sex it’s rudely interrupted due to Jisung’s own sensitivity. It wasn’t his fault, but that was the problem, it wasn't his fault. And probably had an easy solution.

Ironically, it actually was an easy solution.

-

Over the next few days after you researched methods to help the boy last, and the most glaring solution turned out to be simply not letting him or controlling his release.

So you bought a cock ring with the thought of Jisung, thrusting wildly into you hoping for a release only to be edged for however long you need running through your mind. 

-

He had been a bit anxious about his performance since that morning, and you producing a simple black silicone ring from your bedside table didn't do much to ease his anxiety. 

"Y/N…a cock ring?" He sputters. 

"Yeah Ji, I looked it up and there are lots of benefits with it and you'd look cute begging for me to let you cum." You respond. If the glassy look in his eyes was enough to go off you could tell he was already getting hard. 

"Can you tell me more?" He responds. The boy's mouth is opened slightly while he squirms, trying to adjust himself beside you. 

"About the ring, or about how I want to make sure you can get me off without spilling into your shorts like a little virgin." You reply. Satisfied with the whine the boy let's out you continue, "But I shouldn't be too hard on my baby, it's not your fault." You pat his head and move your hand down  to cup his puffy cheek, " you just need a little help. Isn't that right Sungie?"

"Mm-hm" he replies with a nod. It was cute seeing Jisung slowly work himself into his headspace, and even more so when you got to ease him down. 

"Do you wanna try it now?" You respond while caressing the bulge in his shorts. Jisung replies with a quick nod as he shifts to pull down his shorts and lie beside you waiting.

Taking the boy's half hard member in your hand, you use the other to slip the ring past his shaft and snug against his balls.  

Jisung looked as if a weight was lifted from his shoulders as a shudder ran through him once your nimble fingers left his cock.

“How does it feel” You ask. 

“It feels like when you need to sneeze, but it just doesn’t come” he chuckles. 

Testing the waters and stroking his cock Jisung whimpers at your heavy handed grip, "Why don't we put it to good use then" You respond.

Swallowing at your words; Jisung rises from his spot beside you, and pulls your sleep shorts off along with your underwear in a practiced motion. Lifting one of your legs onto his shoulder and onto your side Jisung slides up, pressed against you, and starts his insistent grinding. While working himself to a full the boy lowers his head to your chest and attaches his hot mouth to your breast, lapping up and sucking at your hard bud.

"Come on baby" You sigh out. 

Jisung is too caught up in moving to your other breast, sucking and nibbling at the skin, making red and pink marks paint your skin.

Raising your hand and striking a quick slap onto Jisung's ass, you knead the skin at his broken whimper, "Come on Sungie, you can fuck me baby" 

 Jisung  detaches himself from your breast with a wet gasp, and ghosts his open mouth along your chest while lining himself up with your entrance.  Inch by inch he slowly presses into, as if he was testing the new sensations. 

When Jisung finally bottomed out, he took a bit to regain his breath before starting his long and slow thrusts. Slowly working himself up to a rhythm that made your toes curl and arms reach for his back while Jisung whimpered into his own thrusts. 

“Fuck-”

“I-is this ok”

“Yeah Sungie, you’re so good for me.” You reply.

Jisung was always so eager for praise, constantly needing a guiding hand in and out of the bedroom. You see it in the way he buries his face into your chest and scrabbles to intertwin your hands in an effort to ignore the warmth crawling in his stomach. 

There was something so intoxicating about seeing him like this, so hungry for release and still so determined to show that he’s good for you. 

Snaking a hand between the two of you, you moan deeply as you work your clit in tandem with Jisung’s thrusts. Knocking your head back, you groan at the sensation.

Jisung looks up at you with watery eyes from his place on your chest, “Can I cum now?” He pleads eagerly while rapidly thrusting into you. 

He looked feral, pistoning himself into you with sweat beading on his forehead. It was cute how he was taking it. 

Chuckling at the over eager boy, you wipe a tender hand over his face, brushing his hair out of his face, “Let’s not get too ahead of ourselves Sungie.”

[yourfangirlfriend]

It’s Nothing Serious - Chapter Six

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Five and a Half

A/N: idk if this is good but I’ve been putting off writing it and perfect is the enemy of done so here you go, I had fun

It’s not not serious.

At least, this seems to be the mutual conclusion you have both silently reached after that weirdly intimate night you never talked about, either.

And yes, you’re aware of how childish that is.

For two people voluntarily living in one of the more dangerous cities on the continent, it turns out you’re both pretty cowardly. But why put yourselves through the agony of all that when you could both instead play a game of emotional chicken to test where the boundaries are?

You go first the morning the two of you wake up in your bed. You both woke up in a tangle of limbs and slid out of bed after the second snooze alarm went off. He had just pulled on his jeans when he reached for the shirt you had folded the night before.

“Wait,” you said. You walked to the closet and pulled a crisp black shirt off its hanger, continuing to brush your teeth and you walked up and deposited it in his hand. “I washed this after you let me wear it home.”

That night we made pasta and I spilled sauce on my shirt and you took it off and fucked me in your kitchen until the chicken burnt-

He looks up at you, his eyebrows raised.

“What?”

“Nothing,” he shakes his head before pulling it over his shoulders. “Thank you.”

You give him a look before dipping into the bathroom to spit.

After a quick cup of coffee, you’re both striding towards your door when you stop short. He turns and looks at you, waiting for you to take another step and flick the deadbolt. Instead, you ask

“Are you going to be okay? Today, I mean. With...”

His face falls a little, like he was expecting to get out of this without you mentioning it. It makes your heart hurt.

“I’m fine,” he says, curtly. He drops his head to look at his shoes. You swallow.

“So...drinks tonight? Still?” You reach out and bop his hand with yours.

“Not if you don’t open the door.”

You roll your eyes, walking forward and flicking the bolt. You pull the door open and he catches it, holding it back for you as you take the first step out.

“...yeah. I’ll be back around 6,” he says as you finish locking the door. You drop the keys in your purse, straightening up as the two of you walk towards and out the doors.

“Bar or your place?”

“Mine.”

“You sure? It’s my turn to buy,” you say.

“No, it’s not,” he says as he opens the passenger door for you, gesturing that you climb in. You do and watch as he walks around the front to his side. “Besides, mines quieter.”

You nod, staring forward as he starts the car and pulls into the street. Like every morning, his hand falls to your knee and you feel content with his answer.

You can’t help yourself, though, when he pulls up in front of the school and parks, waiting for you to climb out. Usually, it’s a pretty quick, platonic affair- a quick “thanks, Javi” before you open the door and swing your legs out. This morning, though,

“You know,” he says when you reach for the handle. “You...you don’t have to take care of me.”

You drop your hand before turning back to face him. And maybe it’s the coffee you drank took quickly, or maybe it’s the way last night is still lingering in your head, but

“I like taking care of you.”

You reach out and pull his face to yours, letting the kiss linger before pulling away.

“See you tonight,” you said, flashing him a quick smile. If you’re not mistaken, you see the corner of his mouth twitch up before he remembers himself, and gives you a cool masculine nod. You climb out and watch as he drives away before you hear behind you:

“¿Es tu novio?”

You turn around and see three little girls from your class huddled together and giggling that they just caught the teacher doing something naughty. Despite yourself, you smile through your teacher's voice.

“Entrad, niñas. La clase está a punto de empezar.”

He makes the next move when he shows up outside the school, waiting against his car when you walk out that afternoon and he flags you down.

“Hey,” he says when you approach his car.

“Hey,” you say. “What’s up?”

“Was told to go home early,” he says. “Figured...” he waves his hand up, gesturing to you. “You got plans?”

“Was just going to swing by the liquor store. For tonight.”

“It’s not your turn to buy,” he says, moving out of the way so you can open the door. You send him a look.

“It’s the 90s. Let a girl buy you a drink, Javi.”

He smiles, and over his shoulder, you see one of the girls from this morning- Cara - sending you a shit-eating grin.

Despite yourself, you give her a little wave as Javi drives the two of you out of the parking lot.

--------------

It becomes a game after that. He picks you up from school. You ask him to stay the night again, and he does. The next morning, he kisses you goodbye in front of Steve, whose eyebrows you see pop up from the corner of your eye. That night, you stay over at his and leave the spare toothbrush you brought next to his in the bathroom. The next day, he comes to your house with take-out and a tape and the two of you fall asleep on the couch, drunk and full. Soon, you don’t remember a night where you aren’t sleeping in the same bed or whose turn it is to initiate a sleepover. You just meet at your smoking spot and then, inevitably, one of you will lead the other to their door for the night, and inevitably, the other one will stay.

The small reminders of each other begin to pile up in your respective apartments. A mystery toothbrush appears in your bathroom. Then there’s a jacket and two of his shirts hanging in your closet. A drawer in his bathroom slowly begins to fill with evidence of your presence- hair ties, bobby pins, the odd bit of makeup. During one of your drunk nights, when you are once again lamenting the lack of decoration, you draw a stick-figure portrait of the apartment - you, Javi, Steve, and the creepy silent man who you only ever see leave his place to buy fish - and tape it to his fridge. He tells you you hang around kids too much, but every time you come back, it’s still up.

Then the bigger things happen. You go to dinner with him and Steve. You bring him on a double date with Alessa and Frankie. He kisses you goodbye in front of the school every morning, and you reach out and hold his hand whenever the two of you walk outside- which you do now, by the way. You walk to the grocery store, you walk to the liquor store, you walk to the corner store to buy pre and post-coital smokes, and every time his hand finds yours. You’re still having sex, you still fuck, but now, sometimes, to what would once be your disgust, it’s slower. Softer. There’s eye contact and prolonged kisses and caressing and very little hair pulling.

And god. Now there’s cuddling.

You no longer sit across the sofa to hanger a drink. No, now your legs are in his lap or his arm is around your shoulder or some other horribly intimate design the two of you just naturally find yourself falling into whenever you’re in proximity. Now, after sex, he’s pulling you to him or you’re pulling him to you or you just both mutually descend towards each other. And when you’re all wrapped around each other, the worst thing of all happens. He talks.

It’s not like you hadn’t talked before. You were friends, after all. He already knew about your kids you taught, your parents, and some random, funny stories about your life. In turn, he had told you some stories about his mom, about the ranch, and about the people in his life. But now it’s different. Now, whenever you two are alone in the dark, bodies pressed against each other under the sheet with such softness it’s grotesque, the walls come down. He tells you about his mom's death, and how he didn’t cry for months. He tells you how afraid he is of himself, and how he worries she would hate the person he is. He tells you he doesn’t think he’s a good person, because of the women he’s hurt ( -“The DAY of?” “I’m not proud of it”-) and the people he failed (“-supposed to get her out, keep her safe, and I couldn’t-“) and how, though he won’t go into detail about it, he’s worried how numb he’s become to things, and that he’s only going to get number (“-you see so many people die, there’s got to be a point you just stop feeling that, like self-preservation, and that’s fucking scary-“). You listen. You think you may be the first person who has listened in a while. When he tries to apologize, that he shouldn’t have said that or that he’s a mopey sad sack or you don’t want to hear this, you kiss his hands.

“Javi,” you tell him. “I like listening to you. Anything you have to say.”

Looking back, you think the look he gives you the first time you said that was when you really knew. But now, you’re still playing dumb. You both are.

What’d he call it? Self-preservation?

To pay him back, you tell him about you. You try to match his scars, telling him about growing up in a loud, weird house you’d only learn at the age of fifteen was a commune. You tell him about all the times you caught your parents tripping out naked on drugs and having to drag them to bed, or how you had to watch your sister for days on end as a kid whenever they decided to go out on ‘spirit walks’, and how you eventually enrolled yourself in school after your mothers homeschooling attempts fell to the wayside. That one time when you were six and accidentally took a tab of acid your mother and father’s sometime lover, Sunshine, left on top of your peanut butter and jelly sandwich.  You try and tell him the good things, too- how you speak five languages (“what?” “English, Spanish, German, Russian, and some Chinese.” “...what?” “My parents were communists!”), how you used to be really good at gymnastics (“is that why you can’t do a handstand?” “I can do a handstand-“ ), and the things in yourself that you’re afraid of- your denial, your anxiety, your bad habit of never calling your sister back and how that actually reveals you’re a sociopath. And in turn, he listens. He squeezes your hand. He asks you questions when you know he wants to and lets it be silent when you can’t bring yourself to answer.

About three months into this, you find yourself lying on your side one night, staring at his beautiful, stupid, snoring face as he drools against your pillow, and for the first time, you finally, finally, finally let yourself admit it.

It is serious.

---

“Well no shit.”

You scowl at Lisa over your glass.

“What? Like we all didn’t already know? For months?”

“Leave her alone,” Alessa elbows her. “I think it’s sweet.”

“You think everything’s sweet.” Lisa rolls her eyes. “You tell him yet?”

You bite the inside of your lip and look down at your drink. “No.”

“Why not?”

“Timing?”

“You spend all your time together.”

You shake your head, taking a swig.

“Coward.”

“What!”

“I said you’re a coward,” Lisa says as Maritza deposits the tray of shots between the two of you.

“Who’s a coward?” she asks sweetly.

“Eloise.”

“Yeah, I am,” you reach forward and take two of the shot glasses, snatching the one in front of Lisa before downing it.

“Hey!” She yelps.

You flip her off and down the second.

She huffs. “Bitch.”

You shake your head and march towards the bar to order another tray.

----------

To be fair, he knew it would be like this.

He had to. It’s you. It’s both of you. Two weirdly cagey people who don’t like having their guard down and never, ever want to be the one person who sticks themselves out for ridicule. The little dares over the past few months have been one thing, like you’re placing pebbles on a scale, seeing how long it takes until it collapses under the weight. Nightly sleepovers? Pebble. Toothbrushes? Pebbles. Sharing childhood trauma after a round of particularly kinky sex where you had your hands tied to the headboard and it inadvertently reminded you of the time you got your hands stuck in some old handcuffs your sister and you had found and you had to spend three hours with your hands looped around a bed frame because Tanya was seven and when she found your mom they were high on peyote and it turns out it takes five drugged-out hippies to find a tiny pair of keys to free a small girl in the woods after it’s already gotten dark and then he told you about the time his uncle had drunk too much shiner and tried to shoot an apple off his cousins head with a BB gun but missed and now the cousin has one eye kind of like Lorenzo and then you both chain-smoked cigarettes and wondered what a glass eye feels like - alright. Maybe five pebbles.

But...actually saying it?

Stones. Big, ugly stones. The kind that fall on cars.

No wonder you got shit-faced.

“Javvvvvvvi,” you sang through his door. You pounded out the melody that only made sense in your head. “Heyyyyy,”

You hear footsteps approaching from the other side and you stand up straight, ready to drunkenly seduce him with your pose when the door swings open and-

“Can I help you?” She asks, annoyed.

You take the woman in front of you in. She’s tall, with long honey blonde hair that falls across her shoulders. Her waist is bared under the halter top she wears, and you’re only a little jealous of the toned plane of her stomach and the long legs that stretch out from her short shorts.

“I...” you start.

“What are you doing? Get away from the door!” Javi appears from behind her, reaching out to take her arm and pull her back. His eyes fall on you, though, and he drops his hand.

“El- hey- I thought you were-?”

“I was...what uh,” you raise your hand to the woman. “What the fuck?”

“Who the fuck are you?” The woman hisses back. Javi reaches up and takes her arm, pulling her back gently.

“I told you not to answer the door-“

“No, I think I’ll leave-“ you toss your hands up. “Enjoy your night.”

“She’s not- it’s not like that-”

“OH PLEASE, I wasn’t born yester-“

The door behind you opens, and the two or you swivel you hear to see Steve enter holding two bags of food. He looks between you and Javier, then to the door.

“Hey,” he says finally.

You give him a pathetic wave. He waves back before turning to Javi.

“Is she-“

“Yeah,” Javier says. He points to his apartment “Could you actually-?”

“Yeah,” Steve nods a bit too quickly, moving behind him and disappearing into the apartment, closing the door behind him.

Javier turns back to you.

“She needs a place to stay before we move her. I was going to tell you when you got back.”

“Ohhhhhhh,” you draw out. You grimace, before looking back to him. “...Sorry.”

“You really think I’d do that?”

You open your mouth to answer before he cuts in again.

“Are you drunk?”

“I-“ you start before huffing. Fucking cop. “Yes! Of course I’m drunk! It’s tequila night! I even, kindly, I might add,” you reach in your bag and pull out the bottle you picked up on the way home. “Got some for you, too!”

“Who did you think she was?”

“Javi-“ you groan, squeezing your eyes shut. This wasn’t supposed to be your night. Tonight was supposed to be about getting drunk with your friends, then getting drunk with Javi, then having drunk sex on your couch loud enough the upstairs fish guy would have to bury his head in what you only assumed was a pile of rotting fish carcasses in his trash to drown out your moans.

Now it’s this.

You shake your head and nod to your door, beckoning him to follow. It’s tense, and he watches over your shoulder as your hands shake trying to pull the right key. Once you manage to unlock the door, you hurry inside and deposit your things on the table, before turning back and facing him.

You open your mouth to say something-

-and then shut it again. You sigh.

“You thought I was sleeping with her.”

You snap your head back up to see him, cross-armed in front of you. You shake your head.

“This isn’t fair, I’m drunk. You’re not.”

He walks over to the bag you threw on the couch and unscrews the bottle you brought home. He takes a swig, holding eye contact as he gulps a third of the small bottle down, all while you watch flabbergasted.

“Say it,” he says, screwing the cap back on.

“You’re going to be sick-“

“Eloise.”

“Well, it’s not like we’ve talked about it!” You snap. “We never- said! What we’re doing!” You drop your hands to your side and turn, walking to the kitchen and leaning forward onto the counter. Javi follows you up, eying you.

“You thought I was, though?”

“Yes! No? I don’t know!” You bring a hand to your face. “I don’t know. Maybe. I just got scared. I guess...I’ve been scared? Lisa thinks so, the bitch-“

“Scared of what? Me sleeping with someone else?”

“No! Not- necessarily-“

“You really think- Jesus, it’s like we never-“

“Hey, don’t!” You spin to face him. “Don’t turn this around on me. You never brought this up. We haven’t talked about this. We talked about everything else and are doing everything else like dinner dates and sweet sex and fucking movie nights but we haven’t...said anything! Saying things matters!”

He stares at you.

“I didn’t think it did! I thought I was fine with just...letting...ugh!” You bring the heels of your palms to your eyes. “I shouldn’t have done that last shot.”

“Eloise, what are you-“

“I’m not a coward!” You point at him. “I’m not! I’m just- it’s just-“

“No one said you were!”

“Lisa did!”

“Why?”

“Because I haven’t...Ugh! They really make strong drinks at that bar! Because I haven’t said-“

“Jesus Christ, WHAT.”

Ooh, you wish you could just fall apart and have him see what’s running through your mind right now. You feel the anger in your stomach bubble. He’s really annoyed with you for thinking the worst of him, and maybe he has a right, but you two haven’t talked about it. You had just assumed- assumed he felt the same way, assumed the little intimacies have built up in such a way that you had something real and concrete, and especially that you both weren’t fucking other people. But the second she opened the door it felt like your worst fear had come true: you were the idiot who had let their guard down first and got hurt, because they were too stupid to realize what this was, and you couldn’t even be mad. Because you hadn’t talked about it. Because he never technically said he was with you.

But now he’s looking like he’s feeling the exact same way, only he’s the idiot. He’s the idiot for confiding in you and crying on your tits and telling you all those fears and worries and believing you when you kissed his hands and told him you thought he was a good man. He’s worried that you’ve always seen him this way- as the guy who would cut and run and betray you, and maybe if you think that, then it’s true. Maybe he was kidding himself into thinking someone like you could believe in his goodness, after all he’s done.

Fuck, you may be drunk but it does make you insightful.

It may be too late though. Because he’s dropped his hands from his hips, tired of waiting for an explanation. He’s making towards the door, murmuring something about having to work and it all just seems like it’s slipping out of your fingers like you can see he’s building up the wall again and this time you’re not going to be able to tear it down-

“Javi,” you say, your voice strained. He stops and turns to you, and you know you only have a few seconds to do it. You try and form the words, but your tongue isn’t working and maybe Lisa was right, maybe you are a coward, but you have to try.

“I like taking care of you.” You say, pathetically, dropping your hands to your sides.

A beat passes. He brings his hands to his hips, waiting for a further explanation. You sigh and walk down to stand in front of him. “I like having you take care of me...and...I haven’t wanted to tell you, because I don’t want to scare you but maybe that’s just me ‘projecting’ or whatever Alessa said. She’s really annoying now that she’s doing that psychology class-“

“El.” He says, not without softness. You feel his fingers come under your chin, gesturing for you to look up at him.

This wasn’t the plan. This was supposed to be a hookup. Then a friendship. You don’t want to lose that.

But now he’s staring down at you like that, and your drunk brain is turning over itself as you think maybe that train has already left. Maybe it left a long fucking time ago, and the two of you have just been hanging onto the back, waiting for the other person to let go first.

But you don’t want to let go. You never really did. You were just waiting for him to give you a sign so you could make it look like you were jumping off together instead of you pathetically holding on as he disappears behind you.

But from the way his thumb traces your jaw and his other hand reaches forward to take your hand in his, you think maybe he’s been utilizing the same strategy, and he’s been just as scared as you.

Well, now you can either let go or try to pull yourself up.

So.

Are you a coward or not?

He wets his lips before his eyes drop. He looks defeated. And at that moment you decide – fuck it.

Between the gymnastics and dragging your high parents to bed and all this fucking holding you’ve been doing inside of you, you’ve got strong enough arms.

So.

Fuck it.

“El, I don’t-“

“I love you,” you say without thinking. “And yes I’m tequila drunk, but I don’t think that takes away from-“

You’re stopped as he leans forward and presses his lips to yours, cutting you off. You wrap your arms around the back of his neck, pulling him in closer and deepening the kiss. You feel him pulling at your top and you shimmy it off and over your head, tossing it to the side before dipping your hands down and unbuckling his belt as he unbuttons his shirt before you. You drop your hand down the front of his pants, jerking him softly as he moans into your mouth. You feel him guiding you to the couch, and when the back of your knees hit the arm you drop down and begin to pull his pants down for him as he rids himself of his shirt. You’re about to take him in your mouth when he pushes you down, your back hitting the cheap leather as he crawls over you, pulling your skirt up to your hips. He pauses.

“You always skip the underwear in girls' night?”

“Only when I’m coming back to you.”

That gets him, because a second later he’s between your legs, thrusting inside of you. You let out a cry and drop your head back, exposing your neck to him as he continues to pump into, his hands reaching behind and you and grabbing a fistful of your hair.

“Say it again,” he says.

“I don’t wear underwear-“

“No,” he growls, dropping his hand down between your legs to play with you. You let out another little cry.

“I love you,” you say. “I-I’ve loved you for a long time- ahhh!” The next thrust hits a little too well. “Ah, fuck, Javi- right there-“

“Keep going-“

“YOU keep going- fuck, has your dick gotten bigger?”

“El-“ he lets out a moan. Taking advantage of the moment, you slip out from under him and switch positions, pressing him back onto the couch and climbing atop of him. His hands settle on your hips as you ride him, pulling sounds from him that echo around your living room. When you cum he’s not long after, and the two of you collapse onto each other, breathing heavily as you come down with his hand holding the back of your neck.

“Hey,” he says finally. You lift your head and sit up, looking down at him. His eyes are glassy, and the look on his face makes you giggle.

“Are you drunk?”

“Yes,” he says. “But a wise woman once said that doesn’t take away from what I have to say.”

“She sounds smart, you should fuck her,” you say, moving to stand. He catches your wrist, pulling you back down onto his lap with a bounce.

“Give a girl a few minutes before round two-“

He cuts you off with a kiss. It’s slow and soft and you melt into it. The way you always melt into him.

When he pulls away, you chase after his grinning lips. He brings a hand to the side of your face, tracing his fingers down the side of your cheek.

“I love you, too.” He says. “I don’t know what that’s worth…but I do.”

You lean in, wrapping your arms around the back of his neck.

"Baby," you say "It's worth everything."

In the morning, you’ll have to contend with the knowing look Steve gives the two of you before asking “Good night?”, a joke that earns him a look from Javi and a deep blush and muttered apology from you. You’ll have to put up with the squeals from Maritza, Lisa, and Alessa when you tell them in the staff room during lunch. You’ll even get a look from your upstairs neighbor when you pass him and his fresh fish that next afternoon.  Most of all, you’ll have to consider what the fuck this means for you and Javi and this scary, exhilarating little life you’re leading.  

But.

Right now, you’re naked and smoking a cigarette on the couch with the man you love who loves you back, and you’re both laughing, and that's more than enough.

taglist: @fuckoffbard

[theladysexpistol]

Can i get Josuke, Polnareff, Formaggio and Narancia trying to jumpscare their s/o but they were holding a kettle with boiling water and they spilled it on themselve and getting a bad burn ?

Hi anon! So my character limit is 3 unless it’s a team, I hope you don’t mind me just doing Polnareff, Josuke, and Narancia 🥺 don’t get me wrong i like Formaggio too (I’ve got a veryyyyy spicy WIP for him on the side), but I think him and Polnareff might be pretty similar anyway.

Also awww this kinda fluffy angst, the poor reader!

~~~

Polnareff

I cannot for the life of me remember what ep this is from lmaoo Pol you just really look so funny

To say Polnareff was devoted to you was almost an understatement. In the months he had been gone, investigating something for a friend he wouldn’t tell you about, he made sure to smother you in affection from afar. Love letters, flower bouquets ordered from vendors down the street you weren’t quite sure how he did it. You knew he missed you terribly, and you missed him too.

Especially on mornings like these, with the sun so bright and warm, not a cloud in the sky. You smiled to yourself at how cheesy it was to think of Jean Pierre just over a normal, sunny morning, but you imagined he would make a morning like this anything but mundane. You made yourself a cup of tea and went out to the front porch of the little cottage you lived in.

Polnareff wanted to surprise you when got back. It was incredibly difficult for him not to call you instantly when he was finished investigating. He wanted to hear your voice, to see you, to hold you and catch up on the months of time he had lost with you. He made his way up to your house with the widest grin on his face, and the largest bundle of roses in his hand that he could possibly afford.

Both of you had the perfect reunion set up in your mind. You reached for the door at the same time Polnareff swung it open.

You jumped back when the door appeared to come alive, spilling your tea all over yourself. The boiling liquid burned your arms, and as if you wouldn’t have already started crying upon seeing him, you burst into tears.

Polnareff’s smile fell and the roses were discarded to the ground as he lunged forward toward you, putting his arms around your back to steady you.

“Mon cherie, what happened? I am so sorry... I didn’t mean to frighten you mon amour! Let’s get that treated right away.”

Despite his hulking frame and rather large muscles, Polnareff was gentle and tender as he helped treat your minor burns. Eventually your tears gave way to laughter. He had just been trying to surprise you and look what you had done. Any sort of romantic reunion was completely thrown out the window as the two of you had grown worried, spent the first hour together again trying to fix your stupid mistake.

He gave you a very confused look when you started laughing, and his face almost made you laugh more. Finally, you gathered yourself enough to bring your hand to his face, and pull him down into a kiss.

“Not what I had planned but...” you smiled as you finally got a good look at his face again. “Welcome home.”

Josuke

“Oh! Hello Josuke,” your mother greeted him after he’d knocked on the front door.

“H-hello, ma’am... uh, I mean Mrs [L/n],” he bumbled, internally flinching at his own trip up. It didn’t matter how many times he talked with your parents, it made him incredibly nervous. There wasn’t even any reason to be! They were incredibly kind to him; and if he could deal with his own mother, he should be able to deal with anyone. He sighed, ran a hand over his pompadour habitually, and gathered himself. “Is [y/n] free? I was hoping we could go together to meet up with our friends at the cafe.”

“Hm? Oh yes, [y/n] is awake in the kitchen. Go right on ahead, Josuke.”

As he stepped past your mother, however, he noticed she had a coat and her purse thrown over her shoulder, as if she was leaving. She seemed to notice him staring, because she smiled once more at him.

“I’m just running to the grocery store. You two kids better not get up to anything while I’m gone!” She said before stepping outside and closing the door.

Even though he knew she was teasing, Josuke felt a blush crawl across his face. He heard that all the time from his own mother, but there was something different about your mother saying it to him.

Now that he knew the two of you were alone though, he wasn’t embarrassed to give you a little surprise kiss. Purposefully, a miscue IOU’s grin crawled on his face as Josuke snuck toward the kitchen; for someone of his height and stature, one might think this was impossible, but Josuke had learned by now the art of stealth in order to play video games while his mom was sleeping down the hall.

He peeked his head around the wall, where he found you standing at the counter, humming a song to yourself. He was so overcome by the thought of how cute you were that he didn’t notice the kettle of boiling water in your hands as he lunged forward.

“Gotcha!” Josuke gleefully yelled as he seized you by the hips, but his lips did not make their way to your face.

You, aware that Josuke may be stopping by today but assuming you were alone when your mother left, shrieked upon the feeling of someone grabbing you. The kettle in your hand went flying, as did the cup of tea you had already poured in the other. By the time you realized it was Josuke, and that your mother must have let him in, you were already crying as the hot water burned you.

“Wha- shit! Shit!” Josuke immediately grew agitated when he recognized you were hurt, it then took him several moments later to realize it was his fault.

If there was one thing Josuke was devoted to, it was protecting the people he cared about. That was the basis behind the restoration ability of Crazy Diamond. And he was the one who had hurt you.

You didn’t flinch when he reached for you, that much was reassuring to him. He took both of your hands in his and manifested his Stand. It never mattered to him in the moment when people who couldn’t see Stands realized he had healed them somehow; all that mattered was taking away the pain, making it anew. And he wanted nothing more than to take the pain away from you. Even if Crazy Diamond’s ability made him feel the pain instead, he’d gladly take it. The burden belonged on him, it was his fault.

A minute passed and you passed your fingers over where the burn had been, mesmerized and stunned. You had no idea how Josuke had healed you. In fact it was somewhat of a miracle. But you didn’t want to think about it now, pushing it from your head as you looked up toward him.

“I’m sorry,” your boyfriend muttered, looking utterly defeated.

“It’s okay Josuke,” you cooed softly, wanting nothing more than to see his smile in that moment. “It was an accident, that’s all.”

As you pushed your head into his chest and hugged him, Josuke tenderly wrapped his own arms around you too. Right, an accident. And Crazy Diamond had healed you, restored your skin without fail. So that the only thing left of the incident was the dripping countertop where the kettle had spilled, and the guilt already weighing heavily on his spirit.

Narancia

Waking up in your arms was what Narancia lived for. You werent living together yet, but it was something you discussed often; especially considering how much time he spent at your place anyway, and how much he slept over. He had an extra bag left in your apartment just in case he got called out to a mission while in your home.

But when Narancia woke up to an empty bed, he found something he like even better - the smell of breakfast wafting from the other room. You were cooking for him?! It was like every day, you got more and more perfect to him.

Narancia hastily got dressed, pulling on much of the clothes he had been wearing the previous day. He assumed that in all his fumbling and swearing, you would have heard that he was awake from the open bedroom door.

He stretched, mussled his hands through his bedhead hair to make it more of an even unruly mess, and bolted out of the room straight to where you were standing in the kitchen.

“Buongiorno!” He yelled as he wrapped his arms around you tightly. His eyes were closed and a big grin was over his face, delighted to spend another morning with you.

But when Narancia heard you gasp, felt something hot drip ever slightly on his arms, he opened his eyes and his wonderful morning shattered.

“What happened?!” He growled immediately, as if he thought someone had attacked you. You were clutching your arm against your chest, gasping over and over again. But then Narancia’s eyes wandered over the stain on your shirt and the liquid on the floor, the shattered cup, and Narancia realized exactly what happened. Espresso was one of his favorite things, but right now he hated it more than anything else in the world.

“Cosa ho fatto? Damn it! Oh god, [y/n], I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to spook you!”

He couldn’t help but panic a bit, upset that he had caused this. All you had wanted to do was make breakfast for him and he repays you by burning you? Eventually, Narancia calmed down enough to bring you a wash cloth of cool water to wrap the burn in and guided you over to the couch. Your voice helped calm him down too, assuring him over and over that it was an accident.

Of course, how much more pathetic could he be? You were in pain, you were the one who had been hurt and yet you had to comfort him? Narancia was visibly upset as you brought him down to sit next to you, and cuddled into his side. Narancia was tense, but wiped the tears on your cheeks away and watched as you fell asleep with him. He was surprised by this trust; the anxiety that you might not feel safe any longer in his arms would keep him wide awake at night from that moment on.

~~~

[A/N: so like I spent a long time trying to come up with these and liked my ideas... but after writing them idk how I feel. I feel like I made the Polnareff one too lighthearted and the Narancia one too serious. But I put so much effort into them that I can’t see them coming out any other way. The Josuke one turned out exactly how I planned though. I hope you like them all anyway!]

[xplrerdolan]

Heheh idk if my request sent 🥺👉👈 possibly a Colby angsty fic where y/n is having a really bad day and comes home to Colby crying and he comforts her? Only if you want tho, ily Bb 🥺❤️

u sent this so long ago but here i am, trying my best to finish ONE THING while i’m working on like FIVE THINGS. anyways i love u 🥺

—

Every hour of the day seemed to weigh heavier on your shoulders by the time you were getting out of work. You’d been late that morning because your alarm clock had somehow managed to get unplugged, resulting in your boss’s impatient voice being the first thing you heard when you woke up. After getting ready in a panic, there was, of course, traffic on the way there, making your anxiety spike while there was nothing you could do about it.

When you’d walked into your job, you had sighed, thinking the worst of the day was over and now all you had to do was get through the day until you could go home. But, no. That’s not how things went.

Your boss chewed your ear off some more about being irresponsible and how there was no excuse for being as late as you were, despite having very valid, though unfortunate, reasons for why you’d been late. There wasn’t anything you could do but take it; as is the way with an abuse of power.

When you finally clocked in to work, you were completely swamped all day. You were grateful when your lunch break rolled around, especially since you hadn’t eaten breakfast that morning, but once again, your boss told you off. He said you didn’t get to have a lunch break that day since you were late, and that the time you’d lost during the morning could be made up during lunch.

You went back to your desk, fuming and extra irritable from being hungry. You typed away angrily, which you regretted as soon as your spacebar suddenly stopped working. Anger quickly bled into another bout of panic as you tried desperately to fix it yourself without having to tell your boss, but why would that have happened?

Facing your boss once again, you were met with more anger and unnecessary insults on your overall work performance. With each word that flew from his mouth, he chipped away at your ability to remain calm and collected, leaving you nearly at your breaking point when he sent you to request a new keyboard. You sent in the request and tried to take care of any tasks that didn’t require a keyboard.

Finally, you made it to the end of your day, feeling like a husk of the human you once were. You texted Colby that you were on your way home and that you’d be there soon. You just wanted to stop somewhere to pick up food and get home so you could just unwind for a bit. As you waited in the drive-thru line, you massaged your temples until you pulled up to the speaker.

You ordered your favorite fast-food treat, only to be told that, unfortunately, they were all out of one of the essential ingredients they needed to make your order. You couldn’t even respond, you felt so defeated. You drove away and tried to fight the heavy, suffocating lump in your throat as you made your way home. You focused completely on not letting your tears spill over; you did not want to cry. Not while you were driving, and honestly, not at all. You just wanted to be able to go home and go directly into your bed, under the covers, and sleep until the next morning.

You parked in your usual spot and kept your breathing steady as you walked through the front door of your home. Breathe in and breathe out, you coached yourself, keeping your face neutral as you removed your flats that had been digging a blister into your heel all day. You slowly made your way towards your bedroom, passing the living room as you did.

From inside, on the couch, came the cheerful greeting of your boyfriend. “Hey, babe,” he called, standing up to meet you in the hall.

You were more focused than ever on not crying. You turned and forced a tiny smile on your face, not wanting to unload all of your burdens onto him. He had such a busy life, and you knew in your heart that he had to deal with a lot more than you did on a day-to-day basis, so you didn’t want to add any more stress to his life than he already had.

Once he reached you, he put his hands on your shoulders and leaned in to give you a quick peck on the cheek. You were holding it together pretty well... until he asked, “How was your day?” with a sincere smile.

You could physically feel the fascade you were hiding behind break. Just as instantaneously as it cracked in half, you went from a tiny smile to hiccuping sobs.

Colby’s face dropped with concern, the suddenness of your tears catching him off guard. He pulled you into his arms with a wide-eyed expression on his face, trying to figure out how he could blink and miss the moments between you being seemingly okay to you being inconsolably upset. After a moment of trying to figure it out, he decided it wasn’t really that important to know—what was important was finding out what had made you upset and what he could do to help.

“Hey, it’s okay, you’re okay,” he murmured, his hand rubbing soothing circles across your back. You buried your face in his chest, not wanting to confront how terrible you were feeling despite being at the mercy of your own emotions—you had no choice but to let it out, even if you wanted to choke it all down.

“Why don’t we go to our room?”

You nodded at Colby’s suggestion, keeping your head down to hide the expression on your face. You held his hand and he let you lead him upstairs to your shared room. Walking in after you, Colby closed and locked the door to make sure you had total privacy. Before he could start to comfort you again, you were moving around the room, taking off your business casual clothes, all while you tried to explain through angry sobs as coherently as you could why you were so upset.

You furiously scrubbed the makeup off your face while you detailed the way your boss seemed to have it on his agenda to ruin your life today. You clumsily stepped into your fuzziest pair of pajama pants while you exasperatedly explained how hungry you were and how many times the day kept you from sitting down to eat. You unclipped your bra from under your shirt and threw it haphazardly across the room, landing somewhere near your laundry basket, before launching into an account of how you managed to break your keyboard and how your boss berated you for it. By the time you had finished ridding yourself of evidence that the day had even happened, you had gone through the events of your whole day, all while speaking (and often screaming) through sobs that had been contained for far too long.

Colby sat on his side of the bed, listening patiently as you got ready to relax, his expression a mix of concern and sympathy. Under the surface, he was fuming about how poorly your boss had treated you today—he wasn’t necessarily a great boss to begin with, but he really took it too far this time. However, he would save that anger for another time; you were the one who needed to let off some steam at the moment.

When you had finished recounting your day, you took a deep breath, your breathing coming out unevenly as you got out all of your anger and were left with feelings of sadness and frustration.

“Come here,” he said softly, opening his arms wide and sitting back against the pillows to allow you to cuddle into him comfortably. At his simple command, you hurried over and climbed into the bed next to him, grateful for the haven his embrace provided you.

It was hard to believe a little while ago you thought you’d be able to keep all of your emotions bottled up inside you. You continued to let everything out, not holding back on any sobs or sniffles. Colby, supportive as ever, encouraged you to stay cuddled up to him for as long as you needed. One of his arms hugged you tight against him while the other continued to caress you in a calming manner.

“I know today was really shitty and getting through it was really hard, and I’m really sorry you had to go through all that,” he began, his voice gentle and low. “But I want to remind you that you did get through it—all of it, even things that you had every right to give up on. I wouldn’t have been surprised to find out that you decided to quit on the spot as soon as your jackass of a boss even breathed near you.” He earned a tiny chuckle from you as you started to calm down. “Seriously, though, you pushed through a lot today. It would’ve been completely reasonable for you to not go into work after waking up that late, but you pushed through. I could totally understand if you told me you snapped at your boss after he chewed you out, but you pushed through. You could’ve done a lot worse than break your spacebar, and if I were in your position, I probably would’ve—but you pushed through that, too. You even kept pushing after you broke it and couldn’t get any more work done at your computer. And the fact that you didn’t set fire to that fast-food place after they couldn’t make you the only thing you wanted? Your self-control is truly admirable!”

You were giggling softly as Colby continued to compliment you on how you managed to make it through everything you had, looking up at him from where your head was laid on his chest. You could see his smile get bigger with every tiny laugh he coaxed out of you, and watching him get happier as you got happier truly made you feel a million times better. And you had to admit, he was definitely right—you had persisted through a lot that day, maybe even more than you should have.

“I’m proud of you. You’re such a strong person, and I love that about you,” he said, his voice a lot softer now. “You make me want to be strong, too.”

Your eyes were welling up again, but not from negative emotions. Instead, you were overwhelmed with gratitude and love for the man next to you. At a loss for words, you simply reached up and pressed your lips against his, letting your lips do the talking for you.

When you pulled away, you whispered, “Thank you.”

“Of course, baby. I’m glad I could help,” he smiled, pressing another kiss to your forehead.

As if your stomach could sense you were done letting out your emotions, it growled loudly, making both of you laugh. “I’ll order some food now, okay? We can stay in and watch a movie or something. Whatever you want,” Colby said, pulling out his phone to start placing an order.

“That sounds perfect,” you said, kissing his cheek before laying your head against his chest again.

It was funny, you realized, how you had imagined that Colby must’ve gone through so much worse in his daily life that you felt you definitely should be able to handle as much as you had and probably more. Yet here he was, admitting that you inspire him to be strong enough to get through his day. You nuzzled in closer, feeling extra grateful and extra humbled as that reality hit you, and you felt warmer knowing you kept each other going.

[marauder-exe]

AU list!

hi! These are a bunch of Au’s that i could write,and you could request! (reposting because it didnt work the first time)

General

Fake dating (My personal favourite)

Soulmates

Coffee shop

Modern Royalty

Rockstar

Running From The Police

Rebel Against The Goverment

High School

University

Law school

Delayed-Flights-And-Were-Stuck-In-The-Airport-And-Its-Like-2Am

Roommates

Road Trip

Arranged Marriage

Im-Arranged-To-Marry-Your-Brother-But-Were-In-Love

Amnesia

Tattoo-Artist-And-Coffee-Shop-Worker

Loved-Since-Childhood

Professor-Student (of age)

Met-On-Holiday

More detailed

21.You were singing/playing guitar/etc. in the park to protest the war and a policeman tried to dismiss you for 'disturbing the peace' but you argued that you were promoting peace and things got heated and next thing you know you're being arrested for assaulting an officer. You intrigue me, so I'm here to bail you out and maybe take you on a date?

22.the nice one who everybody loves with the grumpy and strict one that the students hate and the students wonder?????????how what the fuck

23.we just had a one-night stand but a massive storm hit so now we’re snowed in, hello awkward

24. i sit at the rental booth at our local ice rink and watch you teach children how to skate

25. alternatively, i watch kids teach you how to skate because you’re a terrible skater

26. i’m running late to an important interview/meeting and you accidentally spill your hot cocoa all over my outfit

27. you’re my hot ski instructor and i’m failing the bunny hill

28. i slip on some ice and you’re the stranger who catches me

29.  i gave my winter coat to a homeless person and come into your store to warm up

30. our friends rent a cabin to go skiing and we’re the only ones who stay inside

31. you’re the asshole of our group and we don’t get along, but then i find out you make soup for the local shelter

32.we’re waiting in line for the club when you complain that your roommate stole your gloves so let me warm your hands up with mine

33.my family invites you to join our holiday meal as an obvious setup and i’m so sorry

34.the power goes out in our apartment building, but i’m not prepared for this, and you come to check on me

35.i’m having a snowball fight with my friend in the park and i hit you instead

36.a storm is delaying our flight home and i’m afraid of thunder, please talk to me while we wait

37. we’re both in small claims court and i got into a huge fight with the person suing me but you stepped in to hold me back before security got there

38. i drove two hours to the closest video rental store that’s still operating and you were checking out the only copy of the movie i was after

39. i hit you with my car but luckily you’re okay, but we should still exchange information i guess

40. i was worried about buying something off of someone creepy from craigslist but oh no you’re hot

41. my friend talked me into playing a drunken game of spin the bottle even though we’re all adults and now we have to make out

42. we both decided to take a [yoga/fencing/cooking etc] class and we’re the only two assholes not taking it seriously and everyone else is giving us dirty looks but we keep grinning over at each other

43. my date just made a scene in public and got arrested and now i’m stranded in a city without a ride home

44. sharing a cab together

45. you’re trying to get me to sign a petition and i have no idea what you’re talking about

46. you’re drunk at this festival and dancing on the table and when you eventually fell i caught you

47. we both play this stupid game online and you keep beating me every single goddamn time so i called you out and you are pretty cute but can you not

48. im a bartender and you just came in here without shoes sat down and ordered a chocolate volcano and idk what the fuck that is and im scared to ask

49. we are neighbours and every night at 3:14 am you start yodeling for no fucking reason??? why???? is that you yodeling??? its been 2 months???

50.im a pizza delivery person and i just delivered a pizza to someone in the middle of a satanic ritual and they gave me their number???

51. i woke up this morning to find you sitting in my living room with a goat in a poncho??? who are you??? why is the goat wearing a poncho??? how did you get the goat in here i live on the 12th floor???

52. we work out at the same gym and you always look super legit but i know you sing hannah montana in the shower and you know i know

53. im a cashier and i saw you stuffing you pants full of potatoes and i would stop you but you already have 27 and i want to see how many you can fit

54. its 4 am and im drunk as fuck in a mcdonalds and you have been watching my trying to eat this burger for 30 minutes

55. i was playing beer pong with a coin and i accidentally threw it right into your eye at a party

56. i’m at the beach and some kids thought it was funny to bury me in the sand when i dozed off can you please dig me out

57. it’s unbearably hot and we’re both fighting over the last handheld electrical fan at the shop at the amusement park

58. hey i just met you, and this is crazy, but i get sunburned really easily so can you please help me put sunscreen on my back?

59. thunderstorm after a menacing heatwave and we’re both getting weird looks for dancing in the rain

60.i have no idea who you are but you just fainted right in front of me holy shit dude you need to drink more in this heat

61. we both chased after the leaving ice cream van like ten-year-olds and now we’re both out of breath and a bit embarrassed

62.i clearly reserved this deck chair by putting a towel on it why on earth are you lying on it who the fuck do you think you are

63. My friends bet I wouldn’t buy these three weird and questionable items and you’re my cashier.

64.Once a week I go visit the pet store just to stare at the cute kittens and puppies and you’re the nice employee who always lets me hold them and wait I think I’m going to cry hold on.

65.You’re the DJ of the University’s radio station and every time you give an opinion on a current event I have to call and argue with you because could you seriously be anymore wrong?

66.We both wait tables at the same restaurant and you’re always mad at me by the end of the night because I make more in tips

67.We have the same class and once a week you wear this graphic shirt I don’t understand and I really want to ask you about it.

68.We both work at the same craft store that literally has no customers so we have nothing to do and I’m always reading at the register but you always have to criticize my book choice what the hell?

69.I’m working the concession stand for this week’s home game and this is the fifth time you’ve come back for snacks wait are you flirting with me?

70. we’re at a bookstore and you and I seem to have similar taste in books have you read this one? How about this one?

71. you look like you need help and I’m a professional roller/ice skater but I don’t want you to feel bad about how much you suck but wow you suck

72. You ordered your food before me and they gave you a drink you didn’t want so you gave it to me

73. We’re sitting at adjacent computers in the library and I’m taking extra care not to look at your screen out of respect but what the fuck do you keep laughing at

74. as a joke I yelled out “happy birthday to someone!” in this store and you called back “thank you!” who are you

75. You heard me talking about a TV show in class the other day and now you’re passionately yelling at me about how good it is we’ve never actually spoken before

76. It’s 10:30 at night and I left my glasses at home so I can’t read any of these labels and you’re one of the only people in the grocery store and GODDAMMIT DO YOU HAVE ANY TOMATO SAUCE WITHOUT CHUNKS

77. We go to the same support group; I have social anxiety and you’re a kleptomaniac who sorta stole my heart

78. You thought you were alone at the bus stop so early in the morning so you started passionately singing Fall Out Boy but your Patrick Stump impression could use some work and I’m not really afraid to point that out

79. I’m an artist and you have a really nice face so would you mind if I drew you?

80. We’re rival up-and-coming singers and every time one of us releases a new single the other does a cover to try to make it better; we’re always trying to top each other and out-cute each other, but half our fans aggressively ship us; our agents use this to their advantage and decide we should do a duet because it’ll be popular; unfortunately now that we’re in the same studio and I’ve seen what you’re like I really wanna know what your lips feel like

81.PLEASE I REALLY CANNOT FIND MY CAT AND I KNOW IT’S THREE A.M. BUT NEIL CATRICK HARRIS AND I WOULD BOTH APPRECIATE THE HELP

82. We were both stood up for dates at the same nice restaurant so we decide to eat together and split the check but I dunno you’re pretty interesting aside from your distractingly enormous eyebrows

83. We met at a mutual friend’s cheesy masquerade party and we agree that the only good thing about this party is the masks so you can’t judge a book by its cover only now that we’ve been talking I want to see your face but I don’t know how to ask

84. You used to date my friend who absolutely hates your guts after a messy breakup and now you’re flirting with me and I really shouldn’t be so interested in you but I am

85.We pass each other every day while we’re biking on the same path so we’ve started smiling at each other and one day you’re stopped because you’re having an asthma attack so I offer you my extra water bottle and now we’re talking and now I’M the one who’s breathless

86.I lost my little sibling in IKEA and I need your help finding them

87.I'm a private detective hired to follow you, but you're endearingly boring and mostly I just like watching you and oops, I sort of find you adorable.

88. You've been sketching me for half an hour now, and just shuffled up to hand me the finished product and it's TERRIBLE but you just wanted an excuse to talk to me.

89.  I'm at an art exhibit and I just badmouthed the art, because I don't get it, okay? And it turns out you're the artist. I'm so sorry, maybe I could get you coffee and you could explain what it was supposed to be?

90. We're the only two people who turned up to an underground gig and it should be awkward, but the band is amazing and you asked me to dance and hey, there's nobody watching but us.

91.  You live in the apartment next to me. We're not supposed to have pets, but I KNOW you have a cat. I'll make you a deal, I won't tell, if you let me pet it.

92.  I punched you because I thought you were insulting my friend, but it turns out you know each other and it was an inside joke and I'm so sorry, let me drive you to the hospital?

93. We both wanted to rent a bike for an hour but the only one they have is a tandem bike

94. I’m on a terrible date and you’re my waitor please help me

95.Our dick landlord just evicted us both

96.I’m your neighbor and I can hear you fucking someone who  shares my name

97. You’re sort of famous and we vaguely know each other through bumping into each other all the time but the media thinks we’re dating

98. Your roommate cheated on me and I just threw your laptop out the window thinking it was his

99. It’s 2am on the night of my 21st birthday and we gotta fix this fucking mess by morning or else we’re fucked

100.Fuck you and your bee farm I’ve had enough

Feel free to use any of these as your own! If you wanna request you could drop an inbox saying ‘ could you do ____ AU with this character’!

[littleoddwriter]

Panic | Dan Torrance x Gender Neutral!Reader

Another vent fic ‘cause I needed it. This describes sth that happens to me on an almost regular basis, often multiple times a day or night. Idk what to call it, really. It doesn’t correspond with any symptoms of actual panic attacks (which I also have and they are wholly different), it’s not night terrors, it’s probably not a psychotic episode either. I honestly don’t know. Every therapist and doctor pretty much ignores it when I talk about it. They never corrected me in tiltling it a panic attack, but I believe it’s because they don’t know what else to call it. Anyway. I woke up this morning and kept thinking about this. Then I wrote some stuff and posted it on my WhatsApp story, making myself cry, lol. So, here we are. (Also??? My sister shared a room with me all my life, but moved out in April. Today, she told me that, especially at night, I would scream these words, like “No”, “I don’t want to”, “You won’t get me”, etc. and I legitimately don’t remember doing that, ever? Wild shit. Cooperated it in the fic, tho, because uhhhh).

summary; you experience “a fit of panic” for the lack of a better word. Dan helps you with the aftermath. Also: Love confessions. 

notes; TW // Death Anxiety, panic attack, ig, self-harm (pulling on hair, punching oneself); Gender Neutral!Reader (can therefore be read and enjoyed by anyone!), love confessions, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, ig. 

Darkness. Forgotten. Meaningless. Pointless. "No! Please, no! Don't! I don't want to!" You shouted. You shot up. Whimpering, you pulled on your hair, making your scalp burn with it, trying to make it all stop. The images forced their way into your mind's eye all over again. Panic settled into your bones. You screamed. High-pitched. Full of terror. You tried to run. You scrambled out of bed and ran into the next corner of the bedroom, screaming, whimpering, pulling on your hair, punching yourself repeatedly. Y/N! It's okay, you're okay. You startled. Ripped out of this haze. Dan's voice in your head. You were trembling, shaking all over, breathing so heavily as if you had just run a marathon. You whined. Tears welled up and threatened to spill. Distantly, you noticed Dan coming closer to you, your teddy bear in one hand. He gently pressed your stuffed bear into your hands. You automatically grasped onto it so tightly, fearing you might tear it apart by accident. You lifted it to your face and pressed it into its furry tummy. It restricted your breathing, but you didn't care. A few tears found their way out of your eyes, wetting your teddy's fur. You were still whimpering and shaking. You felt weak and exhausted. Broken.    Hesitantly, Dan put a hand on your trembling shoulder. You tensed, but leaned into his touch after realising that it was his hand.    You're okay, baby. Can we lie back down? Dan's voice resounded in your head again. Lowering the bear from your face, you nodded, avoiding his eyes. He rested his hand on your shoulder, guiding you back to bed. Your blanket was on the floor, tangled up into a fluffy mess. Dan picked it up as you sat down on the edge of the bed. Kneading your teddy bear rhythmically, you tried to slow down your breathing and will down the tears that still tried to make their way out of your eyes.    The sheer panic had stopped by now; you were slowly coming back to reality. What was left was guilt, anxiety, shame. You could feel the warmth that Dan was radiating on your back, where he was close to you. He wasn't touching you anymore. It made you feel like he didn't want to, even though you knew that wasn't it. You couldn't help feeling anxious about him leaving, though. You were so broken beyond repair. He had his own problems. You would only add onto them anyway. "I'm sorry," you whimpered brokenly. "Don't. It's alright, you're okay. Can you lie down?" He replied softly. You nodded and lied down next to him, as he shuffled back a little to make space for you. "Can I touch you?" He whispered, after he spread the blanket over the both of you. "Yeah," you said, nodding. You were lying on your back. So he shifted onto his side, closer to you, and wrapped his arms around your middle, resting his chin close to the top of your head and intertwined your legs with his own. You held your teddy bear close to your chest, both of your hands intertwined on top of it. "Do you want to tell me what happened? You don't have to if you don't want to," he asked, whispering it. He was so gentle with you. "I'm not really sure. Uh, I- I've had this since I was nine years old. It occurs at night, during the day, whenever, really. It's because... It's because of my fear of death. I don't know. I don't know how to explain it. I'm sorry. I should have told you. I- I knew it would happen eventually, I'm sorry," you explained, rushing through it towards the end. The two of you had started dating a few months ago, sleeping over at each other's homes more frequently as time was passing. You cursed yourself for not having told him beforehand.    "Ssh, no, it's okay. It's alright, yeah? I understand," he shushed you, kissing the top of your head gently. "Is there anything I can do for you? Now? Whenever this might happen?" You shook your head. "I don't know. What you did was already perfect, I guess," you chuckled brokenly. "It's just difficult. I don't know what to do about it. I don't even know what to call it. We've always called it a panic attack, but it's not that. I know what panic attacks are like. It's not night terror because it happens at any given time, just mostly during the night. I- I just don't know. I'm sorry. B-But what you did was great. Giving me my little bear and stuff. Thank you." "I'm sorry. I wish I could help you with this, take it away from you. Anything. Telling you that we don't end won't help, though, will it?" "No, all it would do is lead to another episode or whatever." "Okay." He sighed, nuzzling your hair, squeezing you. "I've got you, baby. I promise," he whispered. "Thank you." You turned your head, looking at his chest. Some of his chest hair peaked out of the shirt's collar. You lifted one of your hands and stroked over it. He chuckled above you. "I love you, y/n. This is probably not the best time to say it, but I do," he said.    Your heart was pounding for a wholly different reason than before.    "I love you, too, Dan. So much." Smiling, he leaned back a little, shifting to be face to face with you. Then he pressed a gentle kiss on your lips. Whatever had happened those few minutes before no longer mattered.

[writingsbymarie]

Shameless Part 2: Secrets

prologue Part 1 

Word Count: 2,200

Warnings: Kissing, fluff 

A/n: i really know nothing about mobs lmao

You woke up, your eyes fluttering open. The sun leaking from the open spots of the blinds soaking your skin. You slowly sat up to see tom in front of the mirror buttoning up his shirt giving you a glimpse of his sun-kissed abs. You watched as he buttoned the shirt slowly, and all you wanted to do is go over there and unbutton it. You made eye contact with him in the mirror blushing, and looking down at the white sheets. As angry as you were in the situation you were in you couldn’t deny that your new man was gorgeous. His toned chest, strong arms, and kissable thin lips. You had also heard stories from others that he was a god in bed, and well you didn’t doubt it. 

“You're up” he noted turning to face you as he buttoned the last button on his shirt. “Did you sleep well”?

“Yeah” you mumbled rubbing your eyes and then brushing your hands through your hair. 

“So, I know this is out of the blue, but there is this ball or dance that's tonight. Its a fundraiser, and we need to be seen in public, so everyone believes this is true” he rambled playing with his hands. 

“I think I'll have to pass” you sighed. Not wanting anything to do with the mob bullshit. 

You never wanted to be part of this, but unfortunately, it was looking like you werent going to have a choice in the matter.

“Yeah that's not, really an option” he replied walking closer to you. “We're leaving at 6 pm, there is a dress in the closet for you, I am not asking you to come, I’m telling you your coming, so you better be ready to leave the house by 6 pm” he purred touching you bare shoulder dragging his hand down your arm softly giving you goosebumps. 

“You don’t control me, Tom,” You whispered standing up. You were so close to his body you could feel the heat radiating from his body. You put your hand on his chest dragging it down. Silently wishing there was no shirt blocking his chest. “But since your dad scares the living shit out of me, and I don’t want to die or get physically tortured I will come with you. You felt his body tense up at the touch of the hands making you blush, and quickly remove your hand. You walked away towards the bathroom closing the door. You leaned against it sliding down the down into a ball putting your head into your hands. Your head pounded as you thought of what your life was about to become. After the mobs know you and Tom are really together you'll have a target on your head. You slowly stood up turning on the shower. You removed your clothes stepping into the glass door. You stepped under the hot water steam rising from your body. You grabbed the soap rubbing it all over you closing your eyes taking a deep breath. This was going to be a long day.

--

It was around 5:00 when you started getting ready. You weren’t sure how you felt about the whole outfit he picked out for you though. It was a black dress that fit all your curves. You felt sexy in it, but sexy, well wasn’t your thing. You would have some bursts of confidence, but you tended to not have self-confidence when it came to being alluring or seductive. You get too nervous and you come off more like a clumsy awkward girl. You curled your hair. Applied some light makeup including mascara, eye shadow, and foundation. You added lip gloss to your lips because you hated lipstick. Every color you ever put on made you look like a clown. As you were applying the lipstick Tom appeared in the doorway putting one arm up on the frame leaning against it. You could have sworn you saw him checking you out as you glanced at him through the mirror. Your face went bright red.  

“I’m glad I picked that dress you look ravishing” he purred walking towards you. Somehow you got even redder. The heat coming from your face was making you dizzy. You were 19 and he was 23. He was older, more mature, and for some reason that made him ten times hotter. It not that you haven't had a boyfriend before. You were a virgin though. You had done little to nothing thing sexual, because your parents were crazy, and had you basically locked in your house because they didn’t want you to die probably because they needed you to be a pawn for their game. You hated that. 

“Thanks” you breathed as he came up behind you. You turned, and your chests bumped, and you took a step back looking down at your feet. 

“Turn around, I have the perfect necklace for you to wear tonight, and I have your ring, you'll need to wear this tonight,” he said lifting your hand to slide the ring onto your finger. He put his hand on your waist lightly spinning you around so your back was to him. He held a diamond necklace in his hands. He put the necklace on clipping it in the back. 

“Perfect” he mumbled, stepping back from you. He gestured for you to follow him. You grabbed your purse and placed your phone into the bag. You walked out of the bedroom trailing a bit behind Tom. You werent the best at walking in heels. That you could admit. You looked down at the ring on your finger. It was beautiful. That you couldn’t deny, but you were upset.You were tourn because you would never get a marriage proposal, never have a real wedding, and never get to experience falling in love. That was all taken from you, and it made you sick. You were stuck in your thoughts your body in autopilot when you bumped right into Tom.

“Sorry’ you sighed. Picking up your purse you dropped. You were at the front door walking towards the limo. Tom opened up the car door for you. You gave him a soft smile muttering a thank you as you entered the limo. You moved yourself to the window seat buckling yourself in. Tom was seated right next to you, and next to him was Harrison. The car rolled away from the castle making this the first time you left your prison or your home since your father dropped you off that dreadful day. As you watched buildings roll past you thought about escaping. Running away and never looking back. Starting fresh with a new name sounded like the best idea in the world, but you would never be able to live with the guilt because if you left your parents blood would surely be on your hands. You were so caught up in your dream world in your head that you didn’t realize the limo had stopped. Tom tapped your shoulder snapping you out of your daze. You opened the door of the limo stepping out feeling the fresh air on your skin. You looked up at the building. It looked like a 5-star hotel. It was gorgeous with a lit fountain liting up the garden below it. You began to walk towards the door Tom right next to you. Your hand brushed his and you blushed but tried to act casual. Harrison opened the 2 doors to the entrance, and that when Tom interlaced your fingers. At first, you pulled away but he whispered in your ear.

“Were supposed to be married just go with it” You nodded your head. Interlocking your fingers again. His hands where clammy. He seemed a bit nervous. So were you though. Anxiety was coursing through your veins. He leads you through the halls to a large ballroom. It was so crazy that although this was the mob in the public eye they were saints doing fundraisers like this. He took you to a circle table releasing your hand to pull out a chair for you. You sat down pulling your dress down over your thighs feeling overly exposed. One of your legs were bouncing up and down. Your hands shaking slightly. You were terrified that they wouldn’t believe the marriage, and that would result in the death of people on your side of the mob. Which would include your parents? The Hollands were extremely powerful and threating with death was their specialty. You had figured out in the past day that the reason your father sold you off was to save your family's life. It was either this or the Hollands would obliterate the Y/L/N mob. Tom noticed your anxiety and put his hand over yours squeezing it. He leaned over asking you a question.

“Do you want to dance” You swallowed, nodding slightly. You hoped you could make this looked convincing. You grabbed his hand and he leads you to the dance floor. He placed his hands on your back, and you lifted your hands to his neck. You both swayed to the music. 

“Are you okay?” he asked He sound genuinely concerned.

“Not really, I don’t want this Tom,” you said backing away from him releasing your hands from his neck. “All of this, always being a target, having to worry about my every move, being trapped in your castle”.

“I know” he sighed grabbing your hands putting them back around his neck. “I didn’t want to be forced into marriage either, but this is what had to be done so I can take over. We have no choice in this matter. We can't risk seeing other people, because we could ruin this all, so let's just make the most of it, I’d love to get to know you”. Your mind was racing with thoughts. Part of you wanted to slap him, and the other wanted to spill your whole life to him. You nodded looking down at your feet. It was a long silence before Tom spoke up. It was honestly a pretty awkward moment. Like when you are talking to your middle school crush and you have no idea what to say. 

“So what's your favorite color,” he asked out of the blue. You looked up from the ground giving a small laugh.

“Maroon, I like red, but I’m more of a fan of darker colors they look better on me, what about you” you responded

“Blue, like the color of the clear blue oceans, those are gorgeous” he answered, making you laugh. “What” he questioned looking at you like you were a little crazy.

“Idk I was just expecting your favorite color to be red like the color of blood, or black like the color of your soul” 

“What do you think I am some emo middle schooler who listens to screamo, I’m a future mob boss, not a psychopath” he laughed. 

“Eh, I guess I was expecting something less innocent” you trailed off. “Favorite animal”?

“Dogs, 100%, I don't think I could ever love anyone more than I love my dog”

“So you’ve got a soft spot for dogs. Noted” you giggled. “Mine is the Tiger they are fierce, majestic, and beautiful like me of course,” You said as you flipped your hair dramatically making him laugh. 

“Does that mean you're a cat person, because then we probably have to get divorced because I don’t do cats” he joked making you laugh.

“I prefer dogs over cats so I guess our marriage still stands” you smiled tucking a piece of hair behind your ear. 

“And also you are beautiful like a tiger” he interjected

“Thanks” You replied as your cheeks turned bright red. Heat radiating from yur skin like you were sunburnt. 

You and Tom talked for a couple more songs, you even danced for a bit. He spun you around, and you attempted to do the tango, but the almost lead to you falling to the ground and left both of you in hysterics. You were actually having fun with him which was the opposite of what you were expecting. So you could conclude with you and your husband actually had some things in common. You both were dancing in the middle of the dance floor when he pulled you closer to him. Your body tensed up as your foreheads touched. 

“Just go with it” he whispered, and then he placed his lips on yours. Your eyes were wide open and you froze. His lips were soft and warm. After a couple of seconds, your body relaxed into the kiss and you're melted into his arms. You slowly moved your lips against his pulling him closer to you. You tugged on the ends of his hair causing him to groan. You pulled away from the kiss to breath resting your head on his shoulder. He used his hand to lift your head up, and he whispered into your ear.

“How about we leave this, say you're sick and go have some real fun, I know the best clubs around town. And an ice cream place with the best ice cream you'll ever eat. 

“Lead the way Holland”

[spencerreidreads]

Room for Two part 5/?

a/n: idk why it won’t let me tag some of you, let me know if it’s spelled wrong

The next morning you woke up in Penelope’s bed with a pounding headache, seeing Penelope looking just as bad as you felt passed out next to you.

You groaned sitting up trying to remember how you ended up in her bed in the first place. Why had you had to drink so much wine last night?

You reached for your phone on her nightstand, and that’s when your heart stopped. You had three missed calls from Spencer. You looked in your phone log and saw that you had called him first.

Your heart was pounding in your chest and your hand instinctively covered your mouth.

“Pen wake up!” You shoved her a couple of times to wake her up.

She grumbled and slowly blinked as she sat up, “What on earth are you yelling for Y/N? You know I can’t handle my wine...”

“Apparently I can’t either! Were you aware that I called Spencer last night?”

Penelope’s eyes bugged out of her head, “You didn’t!”

“Why on earth would I call him! Who knows what I said! And now I’ll have to talk to him to figure it out...” you shook your head and rested your head in your hands.

“It won’t be that bad, I mean he’s been kind of terrible lately, but he’s still Spencer.”

You just hoped that what she was saying was true.

You made your way to work after hoping that by the time you got there that some of your nerves would have subsided, but you were wrong. If anything you were more nervous about the possibilities of what could happen. The bullpen was pretty empty which you were grateful for, but it didn’t last long. You had just sat down and started reading a case file from the last case when you heard Spencer and Luke laughing with each other, which immediately made you feel self conscious. Had they been talking about you? No Luke wouldn’t do that to you.

You looked up from your desk as Spencer sat down at his own, quickly breaking the eye contact that was made, rushing back to your work.

Spencer frowned and leaned across his desk to get closer to you, “You want to talk about last night?”

You cringed and looked up at him, knowing that you couldn’t get out of this.

“Spencer I don’t even remember calling you, can we just forget about it please?”

“So...you don’t remember saying anything?” He actually looked disappointed, but you just wrote it off.

“If you’d like to fill me in that would be much appreciated, but if not can we just drop it?” Your heart rate was speeding up, afraid of all of the possibilities that you could have said to him the previous night.

His mouth opened and closed a couple times unsure of how to start, but then he cleared his throat and began, “Well it was obvious that you were drunk because we aren’t talking right now and then I was trying to hang up so you wouldn’t say anything you didn’t want to...but then you um...”

Your anxiety was through the roof, there was no way that you could have told your secret.

“You told me you loved me.”

Your eyes went wide and you and Spencer just stared at each other, you took a deep breath and leaned back into your chair, using the silence to try to think of what to say. You were in love with him, there was no doubt about it, and you also had no recollection that JJ told you Spencer had feelings for you so there was no way in hell that you were going to confirm those feelings were still how you felt.

“Look Spencer, there was a time when I had really strong feelings for you, so the alcohol must have made me revert back to that time, but you’ve hurt me too much for me to ever see you that way again. I’m sorry I called you.”

You gave him a closed lip weak smile, and started to get back to work, but Spencer wasn’t done talking.

“Those feelings weren’t one sided you know,” Spencer said barely above a whisper, making sure that your colleagues couldn’t hear your conversation.

You pretended not to hear him, and dug your head further into your work, your pen suddenly started moving faster.

“I just want you to know how incredibly sorry I am for what a complete jackass I’ve been. And I don’t care how long it takes for you to forgive me, I’m going to try to show you how much I care for you till you believe me.” He sat leaned forward at his desk, still waiting to see if you were going to say anything, but after a few moments he sat up straight and returned to work.

You glanced up at Spencer wondering how true what he just said to you was, but pushed those thoughts aside as fast as you could, deciding to get up and let Penelope know what had just happened.

Spencer watched you walk away and shook his head, just thinking about how much he messed up.

“Knock knock,” you announced your presence walking into Penelope’s office.

“What can I do ya for my love?” She spun around in her chair, twiddling her pen in her hands.

“Well,” You plopped down in the seat next to her, “I found out what my call was about...”

“Spill!”

“I told him I loved him. Pen I’m such an idiot now he’s trying to fix things with me, but I’m still so mad at him!” You got up from your chair frustrated with yourself.

“Oh my...Maybe you should feel it out. I mean if he really wants to try? The Spencer that you fell in love with is still there, it can’t be completely hopeless can it?” Penelope tried to help you work through your emotions.

“That’s the thing, I don’t want him to just be pitying me! I just don’t know...”

“You guys will figure it out, it’s you and it’s Spencer,” Penelope frowned looking at you as you started walking towards the door.

“Thanks Garcia, I’ll keep you updated” you called over your shoulder and walked back into the bullpen.

As you walked in, Spencer was in deep conversation with JJ, but as they saw you walk in they broke apart immediately. You rolled your eyes knowing that they must have been talking about you, but you had no room to judge since you were just doing the same.

The next few days you and the team were on a case and Spencer was true to his word that he was going to try to prove just how much he cared. He was constantly opening doors for you, bringing you cups of coffee, and telling you looked nice when you walked into the room. The first day it was annoying, the second day you wanted to tell him to stop but you held your tongue, and the third day you just tried to stay as far away from him as possible.

You had made a tactical decision out in the field and therefore the victim was killed in front of you. Everyone said it wasn’t your fault, that it was likely to happen either way, but you couldn’t help but blame yourself.

You kept yourself together the whole trip back, just staring out the window of the jet collecting your thoughts. It wasn’t until you got home that you threw yourself onto your couch and just started bawling. Your whole body shook as you cried, when there was a knock on your door.

You decided to ignore it, but the person on the other end was relentless and kept knocking, so you got up not caring what you could possibly look like at the moment.

You opened the door to see Spencer holding some ice cream, smiling, but when he saw you his smile dropped.

“Y/N...you didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Yes I did! She’s dead because of me...” you struggled to get out crying even more walking back to your couch.

Spencer took that as his queue to walk in and close the door behind him.

He sat next to you on your couch which he had done all too many times before, “He was devolving, there was a chance we weren’t going to be able to help. You can’t blame yourself, it’s just going to tear you apart.”

You didn’t know why you were talking to Spencer considering he was bothering you so much the past few days, but it felt good to cry to someone.

You looked up at him, finally calming down a little bit but tears still were falling down your face, “But what if I could have said something or done something that would have saved her?”

“You can’t think about what ifs...” he tried to smile, but seeing you so torn up broke his heart. He took his hand and slowly wiped the tear that was making its way down your cheek.

You leaned your cheek into his palm, still not breaking eye contact with him. You’d stopped crying, and Spencer stroked your cheek ever so slightly. Your eyes traveled to his lips, then back to his eyes and you gulped.

Spencer started to lean in ever so slightly, and that’s when you backed away, lightly pulling his hand from you. “Spencer...”

“What? I love you Y/N can’t you see that? I’m sorry for everything I said about you. I know it doesn’t make any sense, but I only stopped things from happening between us because I was afraid of getting hurt. And then I hated seeing you with all those men so I acted out. But I love you Y/N please give me another chance...please.”

He was searching your eyes, trying to read you, but to be honest you had no idea what to say. You should have been thrilled hearing those words, but you just didn’t know how to react. So instead of saying anything, this time it was you leaning in to kiss him.

Your lips met and he smiled into the kiss, you slowly laying him back on the couch. You knew it was wrong, but you reached in between you and started to unbutton his shirt. He followed your lead and soon you were both bare, tangled in each other’s arms on your couch.

You woke up the next morning and unwrapped yourself from Spencer’s arms. It was everything you’d ever imagined it would be and more, but you still hadn’t decided how you wanted to proceed in your relationship with him. Again you had used someone because you were sad, and this time it was Spencer. You felt terrible.

“Good morning...” Spencer’s sleepy voice broke you out of your thoughts, “Did you see we have to go to into work?”

“Oh yeah, sucks considering we just got back...”

“I’m going to run home and get ready, I’ll see you at work,” he leaned over and placed a kiss on your cheek, before leaving.

You spent the whole morning on your way to work wishing that you could call out. This was Spencer, you loved him, this should have been an eye opener, a sign of what you should do, but now you were more confused than ever.

Luckily today was just a paperwork day, you just had more work to do considering it involved a death, so you snuck in and ran to hide in Penelope’s office, something you did way too often.

Unlucky for you, it seemed that everyone was having a little gathering of their own in there, including Spencer.

You could have sworn you saw Luke smirk at you so you gave him a questioning look. He just laughed and patted you on the shoulder before walking past you, out of Penelope’s office.

Determined to find out, you followed Luke towards his desk, “What’s so funny mister?”

“I’m just really glad you and Spencer worked things out,” he started cracking up.

You smacked him with your files, “I can’t believe he told you!”

“He was walking in here strutting his stuff, smiling big, it was so obvious he got laid, we just all started pressuring him to tell us who with and he finally cracked,” Luke explained.

You sighed and shook your head, sitting on Luke’s desk, “That’s the thing though, I’m still not sure if I’ve forgiven him. Like it was amazing and all, but he asked me to give him a chance, and I didn’t know what to say so I just kissed him...So obviously he thinks that’s my answer. I’ve gotten myself into a mess.”

Luke no longer found the situation so funny, he was shocked, “Y/N you better figure it out soon before you hurt the kid.”

You suddenly felt worse. Spencer told you he was afraid of getting hurt which is how this whole situation started, and here you were doing something that could hurt him terribly.

-tags-

@spence-imagines @steveharrigntons @tamosbien @bujotellsyourstory @sighsophiia @cleocc @fandomblitch @literallyprentissstwin @marvelouspotterhead @skrrrrrrrrrrt @detectivebourbon @itwaswhileyouweresleeping @canipetyourdog3 @mantlereid @well-itsbeenfun @forcingsmiles247 @answer-the-sirens @smilechannie @isittearsorjustthepouringrain @theradvibes @daddys-princ3ss18 @alisondepartedbear @exploding-bonbon @morcialovechild @criminal-cookies @spiritualotaku @racheljuanessa @bluebear2232 @ultrarebelheart @impossiblezonkgardencolor @neon-gravest0nes @neon-deanmon @criminal-cookies @clairedragonessbaker @cocklesbelli @midnightjcat @macfizzle @fandomqueenlove

[ravens-rambling]

Simply Meant To Be

A/N: This is for Virgil’s bday sorry for it being slightly delayed. But I hope you enjoy it! I was really in an Analogical mood so idk take this cheesy will give you cavities fic I guess. 

summary: Logan and Virgil had been together for four years now and today is Virgil’s birthday. Even though Virgil seems to have a curse placed on him on every one of his birthdays Logan is instant on proving him wrong. Does he accomplish his goal or is Virgil simply cursed that not even his beloved can break him out of? 

WC: 3,122

ships: Romantic Analogical

warnings: Anxiety, Crying, Nervousness, Mention of abusive parents, Mention of anxiety attacks, Self-Deprecating thoughts (seriously Lo you’re starting to beat V on this), cursing, uuhhh I think that's it?  

Tag List: @punsterterry @frostedlover @stormcrawler75 @mutechild @mycatshuman @panicattheeverywhere15 @thewinterbookqueen @riley-castillo

Today was a special day.

And Logan was nervous, very nervous indeed.

The reason?

Oh, nothing really why it was just Virgil’s birthday and he wanted to make it special.

But the reason why Logan was really nervous wasn’t just that. Why he wanted to show just how special Virgil met to him. He wanted to propose.

They had been dating for quite some time now, about four years to be precise. The reason why he hasn’t done it before as they both were content without marriage. They didn’t need rings on their fingers and papers to show how much in love they were.

But Logan thought it was about time he really showed Virgil just how much he loves him. And maybe it was to get Roman off their backs too. Either case Logan was very nervous, to say the least.

He had been planning this day for weeks now preparing every single thing for the day. He wanted this day to be perfect.

Virgil had told him before that he didn’t like celebrating his birthday, rather he liked celebrating it during Christmas since they were so close together. And he had said that his birthday was cursed. Every time he had tried to celebrate his birthday one mishap would happen after another, year after year, until finally he just didn’t celebrate it anymore.

Didn’t help that his parents and family didn’t care much about him.

Well, Logan was intent on changing that.

But when he woke up that morning and saw how much it snowed last night he had to wince and start worrying. But he didn’t panic not yet at least.

Slowly he got Virgil’s breakfast ready, making his favorite chocolate pancakes and bacon finishing it with his coffee knowing that he doesn’t fully wake up without his coffee. Setting them on a serving tray he glanced at the time, 11 pm, good everything’s going as he planned.

Softly he made his way to their shared bedroom knocking the door with his foot once to alert Virgil that he was coming in so he doesn’t spook him then with one hand he softly opened the door. He smiled when he saw Virgil asleep underneath all their blankets, he was buried underneath them, and as he came closer he saw there was a small smile on his lips.

He set the tray on the nightstand and leaned forward to kiss his nose then cheek.

“Virge… Wake up, sleepyhead. I made you breakfast.”

“Mhm…” His eyes blinked open as he looked around then up at Logan and smiled.

“Hey…”

“Hi, V. Good morning. And happy birthday.”

Virgil yawned loudly as he sat up then groaned at the mention of his birthday, “Oh yeah…thats right… My birthday..” Then he sighed, “My wonderful birthday…”

“Now now don’t think like that. I have everything planned for today I will make sure nothing happens this time alright?”

“Mhm… So you said last year…and the year before that… Do I have to remind you what happened last year?”

Logan winched at that. Okay, so last year definitely didn’t go down how he wanted. They had planned to go shopping and had stopped at Starbucks. Somebody passed by while they waited for their drinks and somehow spilled coffee on Logan. Then on the way back home his car stalled out.

“Well, I will make sure this year isn’t a repeat I promise you that love.”

“I don’t know why you try every year, L. Haven’t four times been enough to prove my birthdays cursed?”

Logan looked at him sternly, “No it hasn’t. I will never give up until you realize your birthday isn’t a curse. Now. Eat up I have something extra special planned for you later today.” He placed the tray on Virgil’s lap and kissed his cheek.

Virgil huffed, “Whatever you say. Don’t blame me if we’re stuck in the snow again.” But his eyes lit up when he saw the coffee making a beeline towards it he didn’t seem to even notice the other items on the tray.

“You’ll see I’ll change your mind my Stardust,” Logan said as he kissed his hair.

As the day passed by though Logan became slightly panicked.

It had continued to snow when he woke up and only got worse as the day went by. By the next few hours, it had already snowed a few more inches. And when he turned on the TV the news said it was gonna snow even more. Properly even become a blizzard by tonight. They had said just yesterday that it wasn’t going to snow today at all.

Today could be ruined once again if he doesn’t do something and fast.

But as he tried and think of something a news flash came on and his heart sank. The roads will be closed until future notice and to warn people to not drive unless absolutely necessary.

Oh no.

No no no no.

They were supposed to go to their favorite diner.

After that, they were supposed to go and watch Christmas lights.

And after that Logan was supposed to propose.

But now its ruined.

What is he gonna do now????

Virgil seemed to sense his internal struggle or maybe he had a flash of panic in his eye, either way, he placed a gentle hand on his shoulder.

“Lo? You okay?”

Logan’s breath hitched. What is he suppose to say? Oh, just peachy he may have fucked up yet another birthday for him right after he promised him he won’t. He may have just fucked up even his proposal. What great of a boyfriend he is.

“Hey Lo it’s okay. Can you look at me.”

Slowly he turned around and looked at him and oh god the look in Virgil’s eyes made his eyes water. He looked so gentle. So concerned… He doesn’t deserve this. He deserves a boyfriend who can properly plan a birthday.

“Sh, Love don’t cry what’s wrong? Are you okay?”

No, he shouldn’t cry. It’s Virgil’s birthday still he shouldn’t-

Welp, there it goes.

“I-I’m sorry… I wanted today…to be special…and I fucked it up… A-and I just-”

“No no Lo, it’s okay. You know I don’t care if we do anything. Here come here.”

He felt Virgil's hand in his and felt his legs move under him but none of that mattered. When he blinked again he found himself on top of Virgil on the couch a smiling Virgil below him.

“Hey, Logan it’s okay I promise you.” He felt a hand in his hair, “Honestly just being with you makes this one of my favorite birthdays. And hey at least this time we aren’t stuck in the snow we dodged that at least.”

Logan hiccuped and smiled a bit his arms curling around Virgil’s as he tried to breathe. He felt a tapping on his shoulder, a rhythm that he does for Virgil when he has his attacks, and he focused on that.

“I’m sorry I broke my promise… I’m sorry I couldn’t even plan this right… I’m sorry-”

There was a finger on his lips stopping his words in their tracks. Virgil looked at him with such a determined stare that he shrank a bit.

“Lo, stop apologizing I said it was okay. You know I don’t care if we do anything. When have you known me to ever insist that we do something big or fancy? Never. And honestly, as long as I’m with you I’m happy no matter what. So yeah sure other people may see this as a boring birthday but me? I see this as one of my best birthdays I’ve ever had cause I get to spend it with you. That’s all I ever want. That’s all I would wish for and I got it."

He smiled gently then continued, "Now please stop blaming yourself you didn’t break your promise nor did you fuck up today in any way. Cause I’m happy today isn’t that what you were trying to accomplish? Well, you succeeded. Today is already special to my eyes. And Lo?”

Virgil smiled even more at this, “I love you. You're the best boyfriend ever for even trying to do whatever you were gonna do for my birthday. I couldn’t have picked the best boyfriend in the entire world so thank you.”

Logan’s breath sucked in yet again. He didn’t even know what he should say to that. Is there anything logical to say to that? His mouth opened and closed like a fish gasping for breath in the open air as his brain tried to catch up and say something. But he wasn’t quick in time.

A kiss was placed on his cheek and he was pushed gently, “Now go get dressed to pajamas, nerd. I say this is a day we binge watch movies what about you?”

Logan could only nod a blush forming on his cheeks. Why couldn’t he talk???

But he managed to get up but as he made his way to the hallway he heard laughter from behind him and only blushed more.

He really has the perfect boyfriend, doesn’t he? Hopefully after tonight that boyfriend will be his fiance.

But should he propose now? Everywhere he read up people normally propose in grand places. He was certain their house was not some grand place. But then that means he has to wait? However, he wanted to do it today… Could he wait until Christmas? No that won’t be right. That doesn’t feel right…

After he changed he looked down to the small purple box that he pulled out of its hiding spot and gulped. Nothing else felt right expect to do it tonight.

Especially after Virgil’s speech, nothing else felt right to Logan. He knew Virgil was in his heart already this was just to make it permit right? But what if he does it wrong? What if Virgil would say no? What if-

No. No, he can’t think like this. No today is when he was planning on doing this today is when it’s gonna happen. Something right was going to happen today.

So with a determined sigh, he grabbed the small box and put it in his unicorn onesie pocket and made his way outside. When he got there he stopped at seeing Virgil. He was in his Stitch onesie already properly had it in the laundry or something and was already ready.

But there was something about him right at that moment. He wasn’t sure how to describe it but it sent a certain pain through his heart. It made his ribs hurt.

Gulping he tried to smile a bit as he made his way over Virgil smiling as he saw him and opened his arms for cuddles. Not like Logan will turn that down.

He looked to the screen to see that even The Nightmare before Christmas was already set up to play, the menu music playing softly. Logan looked up to Virgil questionally and he shrugged, “What, I want to watch it. And it’s in season alright?”

Logan sighed and chuckled he leaned forward and kissed the edge of Virgil’s lips, “Whatever you want Love. It’s your birthday after all.”

This, in turn, made Virgil blush heavily and he turned his head away, “Well…whatever. Let’s just start the movie.”

Logan giggled as Virgil huffed and pressed play.

The entire movie Logan was nervous and anxious. His hand went to his pocket as he absentmindedly played with the box. Twiddling it with his fingers and rubbing it against the material. He swallowed thickly. When should he do it? He wasn’t planning on this. He had absolutely no clue. At least in his plan, he was gonna do it after they saw all the lights and ended it where a gigantic Christmas tree was and do it there. But there was no cue here. There was no end in sight.

Before he knew it the movie was nearing its own end. Snow was dropping on Halloween town as Jack waved to Santa Claus. He swallowed thickly again and closed his eyes. Maybe he should do it now. Now seems okay right?

As Sally made her way up the grey hill he cleared his throat and huddled his face into his onesie.

“Um… Verge…? There is something… I have to tell you…”

“Mhm? What is it, love? You okay?”

Logan couldn’t look at Virgil but oh god his concern in his voice nearly made him turn. But no he couldn’t if he did he feared he may lose his nerve.

He swallowed again even more thickly this time, “You complete me, Verge... I couldn’t hope for a better boyfriend… We fit like um... Two peas in a pod. There’s a more scientific saying to that but I heard Roman saying that and thought you might like it but shit I’m rambling.”

He took a breath and started again, “I love you, Virgil. For the past four years, I’ve never been happier, all my life before that I thought I would never fall in love. I thought love was stupid and illogical and didn’t make sense. But that day I meet you on that rainy day I knew my heart belonged to you. I knew that I was yours from that day forward. And even though I tried to deny it and push away those feelings for I thought you didn’t like me back."

He paused to take a breath, "But when you told me you liked me I was so happy. I was so happy that I cried in bed that night. I was so overwhelmed with emotions for you I couldn’t place any of them down. But you helped me through them. You helped me in ways nobody else could. And I helped you through so much. We both have changed for the better for each other and slowly ourselves. And um… What I’m trying to say is-”

“Lo?” A finger was below his chin gently pushing his head towards the other before he could even bring out the ring. The look on Virgil’s face made him smile fondly.

“Yes. I will marry you.”

“O-Oh… G-Good… I um…” With shaky hands, he finally brought out the ring his throat deciding that moment to close up.

Virgil’s eyes turned misty as Logan shakily put the ring on his finger. As soon as he did he had arms wrapped around him and lips pressed against his in a seared kiss. A squeak came from Logan as their lips met.

They stayed like that for a few moments Jack and Sally kissing on screen as Zero flew up and to the moon. They only broke apart as the credit music started playing them both breathing in for air.

“Logan… I love you so much.” Virgil rested his head under Logan's chin smothering himself into Logan as much as possible.

Logan closed his eyes and smiled deeply holding his beloved close to him, “I love you too, V.”

They stayed like that in silence for a moment them both drinking in each other love until finally, Virgil broke it.

“Logan I really do love you but I have to ask you something.”

“What is it?”

“Roman wrote you that speech didn’t he?”

Logan’s face turned a bright red and his hand tightened up around Virgil’s. He chuckled and suddenly the table looked quite interesting.

“I don’t know what you're talking about.”

“That was too sappy even for you even you have to admit that. Roman helped you didn’t he?”

Logan sighed, no point in lying, “Okay fine yes he did. But I really meant every word and-”

He was cut off again by a kiss to his chin, “I know you did my Stardust I know you did. I wanted to make fun of you is all. You know you didn’t have to do all that for me right?”

“I know… But-”

“You wanted it to be perfect I get it, Logan. Cause actually…”

Virgil slowly got up from their entangled pile of limbs and blankets smiling as he made his way to their hallway and Logan assumed their shared bedroom? What could Virgil had possibly meant?

But when he returned he had a beaming smile and something in his hand. With a plop, he sat back down on Logan and presented a small dark blue box.

When he opened it Logan gasped. It was beautiful, it was dark blue with bits of light blue stripes in it. It had small white dots all around it and Logan recognized those dots. They were constellations. And as Logan looked closer he could see in fine print their names in the middle of the constellations meaning love. It was simple but breathtaking in Logan's eyes.

“I wanted to propose on Christmas. Looks like you beat me to it. I asked Patton to help me with the speech and where I should do it. Thank you for saving me the trouble cause gods is that too much pressure on me.”

Logan’s breath broke as his eyes watered. He brought up a shaky hand as Virgil put on the ring.

“B-But I thought-”

“Yes the diamond industry is highly unethical but I thought it was about time we showed the world how much we truly love each other don't ya think?”

All Logan could do was nod as he hugged Virgil he placed so many kisses all throughout Virgil’s face and neck making Virgil almost explode from laughter.

But once Logan was done showing his love he distantly noticed the music had stopped playing. It was back to the menu.

They sat in peace them holding each other, they held in each other's love, not wanting anything to break their peace. They watched as the snow fall outside content with each other's love and care for each other.

Until Logan broke that silence with a simple mumble into Virgil’s hair. “I love you so much my birthday boy.”

“I love you too my precious nerd.”

And with that, they kissed knowing that from this point on nothing will stop them. They will be together forever now, their hearts intertwined until they die which even then they will be together in the afterlife they knew for certain now. And sure this wasn’t what was planned but Logan was happy it turned out like this. He won’t want it any better.

“And Lo?”

“What is it?”

“Thank you for all of this. This is the best birthday ever.”

“I’m glad to hear that my Star. And V?”

“Mhm?”

“Happy Birthday.”

"Yes, I think for once I did have a happy birthday. Thank you for showing me my birthday isn't cursed, my love."

"Of course, it was my pleasure."

[dobseventeen]

It’s You: Chapter 4

A/N: I’M BACK FROM VACATION. Thanks for being patient with me, I know it’s been a minute since I’ve updated. I actually put a lot of work (and emotion) into this chapter, so it’d be great to get some feedback on it! HUGE SHOUTOUT to my main bitch @lietomeat3am for helping me edit/word some things, idk what I’d do without your angsty ass. 

Enjoy babes, thanks for reading! 💓

Word Count: 3,263

Pairing: Thomas/Reader

Warnings: Cussing, angst, general sadness, character death :(

Previous Chapter: Chapter 3

The following weeks were nothing short of difficult for you. The feelings you had begun to develop for Thomas had progressed from confusion, to you finally admitting to yourself that you not only had a thing for him, but felt irretrievably drawn to him, which frustrated you to no end. The realistic and logical part of you knew you were being ridiculous and that you should be doing everything in your power to move past whatever was happening with Thomas, but you couldn’t help yourself from smiling at the sound of his radiant laugh from across the glade, or stealing glances at him every so often at dinner, or feeling completely and utterly safe when he was around. 

You were so caught up in your own head, that all the longing looks, the subtle smiles whenever you walked into the room, the way he always seemed to zone out just listening to the sound of your voice, were unnoticed.

Teresa ended up half-heartedly apologizing to you, mostly for Thomas’ sake, although nothing really changed. She still felt the need to mark her territory anytime you were around, but you hadn’t been involved in anymore screaming matches since the morning you woke up across from Thomas, so you supposed that was a plus. 

You had become very good at putting on a brave face and turning the other cheek anytime you would see Thomas and Teresa together, even though you could feel your heart being ripped a little more each time you saw his hands around her waist. Every quick kiss on the cheek, every brush of her hair behind her ear, and every “I love you” were seen by you from a distance, through teary eyes that you’d instantly blink away, in hopes that your anguish would be masked. And up until earlier this week, you had thought you had been doing a  good enough job and that no one had noticed, but leave it Newt to crack your tough exterior. 

------------------------------------------------

DAY 53

“Do you wanna tell me why you’ve been sitting alone out here for the last hour?” your blonde friend asked as he sat down in the grass next to you. 

You flashed him a pitiful excuse of a smile, “Hey, Newt. Just a lot on my mind, I guess...” you trailed off, knowing damn well why you were sitting here looking up at the names of the gladers that have been lost over the years, dusk consuming the sky above you. 

It had been exactly two years since Thomas came up in the box, and the majority of the gladers felt it necessary to throw a party; one in which everyone gets way too drunk off of Gally’s infamous drink. The last thing you wanted to do was be surrounded by people who were celebrating the man you had undoubtedly begun falling for, while he held hands with the girl who managed to wrap him around her finger, so you escaped to the concrete memorial on the other side of the glade. 

“Yeah, I can tell. I’ve been able to tell for the last month. Spill it, Y/N. I hate seeing you like this.” Newt questioned, a concerned tone to his voice. 

You looked at him reluctantly, not knowing how to put your ordeal into words. 

“I know it has something to do with Thomas.” he said lowly, his eyes not moving from the etched concrete in front of him. 

“Yeah... it has everything to do with Thomas, actually.” you mumbled, his name leaving your lips causing your heart to skip a beat.

“Are you finally seeing the connection thing I was telling you about?” he asked in an almost relieved manner.

“I’m not just seeing it Newt... I’m being completely consumed by it.” you murmured as your head lowered, hands playing with a few blades of grass. 

His head snapped to look at you, obviously taken by surprise at your rare admittance of emotions. 

“Care to elaborate?” he asked gently, a small sigh being elicited from you. 

“It’s like a constant need to catch my breath. When I’m not around him, it’s like I can’t find a way to get enough air. And when I see her in his arms, it’s like all the oxygen in the world couldn’t cure the emptiness in my chest... But when I’m around him, talking to him, seeing him smile, it’s like I’ve been drowning and he’s saved me-- I can breathe again.” you spoke with hesitance, the pain from speaking the words aloud having a bigger effect on you than you anticipated.

“And you know what the worst part is? I feel like I have no control over it. My mind is screaming at me to get the fuck over it, but my heart won’t budge. And to put the cherry on top of it all, he is perfectly happy with Teresa and has no idea I’m over here dying, or you know, metaphorically drowning... and I don’t know how much longer I can tread in this dangerous water.” you added, now looking up at the moon that was beginning to rise in the sky.

Newt was now looking at you, mouth agape in shock at your confession. He took a few deep breaths before turning to face you.

“Y/N, I... I don’t know what to say. I knew that there was something going on, but I didn’t realize just how bad it had done you in.” he said softly, still trying to come up with any kind of advice. 

“I’m not Thomas, so I can’t tell you what his feelings or thoughts are, but I can promise you that it’s not as black and white as you think. Teresa is really good at painting a pretty picture for the world, but behind closed doors, it’s a different story. It’s not my place to tell, but the bottom line is that things aren’t that great between them, and as hard as it is to hold on to something so painful, don’t give up hope. You obviously feel like this for a reason, and I wouldn’t be surprised if Thomas was feeling a similar kind of way.” he spoke with a hint of confidence in his voice, which gave you a dose of reassurance you didn’t realize you needed. 

You were silent for a few moments, absorbing the words that your friend just delivered. You found yourself counting the stars that began lighting up the sky above you, thinking about the life you had before the maze. You wondered if you had ever experienced pain like this in your past life, or if this was the first time and maybe that’s why it hurt so bad. You wondered if you had ever experienced intense emotions like this for someone before, and if so, you hoped it was reciprocated and not one-sided like your current situation. You wondered if you knew someone like Thomas, someone so strong and captivating and brave... everyone should know someone like that at some point in their life. 

“Do you really think he could have any kind of non-platonic feelings, or are you just saying that?” you asked quietly, hating that you had reached this point of searching for desperate answers in your friend. 

“I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t mean it.” he spoke clearly.

----

Newt left after awhile, the intense conversation dwindling down to normal small talk. You stayed for another thirty minutes or so, watching the party from afar. The bonfire cast a beautiful glow on the scene, illuminating the gladers that were gathered around. You couldn’t help but smile watching all your friends laugh and let loose, something that didn’t happen often in the glade. But when your eyes fell on Thomas’ lips kissing Teresa goodnight on her way to leave the party, the familiar ache of heartbreak returned to your chest, tears stinging your eyes. You tilted your head back in effort to keep them from falling, breathing now rapid and shallow. 

“Damn it, Y/N. Get it together, you’re so much stronger than this.” you spoke aloud, anger surging through you. You weren’t sure exactly why you were angry; maybe because you let yourself cry over a guy who could care less, or maybe because you were stuck in a heart-wrenching position that you couldn’t break free of.

Much to your dismay, the tears fell anyway. You stood up quickly, needing to be in alone in your room before the emotional episode threatened to get worse. You walked steadfastly towards the small huts that unfortunately resided on the other side of the glade, past the bonfire. In attempt to avoid anyone and everyone, you walked along the perimeter of the buildings, as far away from the party as possible. 

The tears were still streaming down your face, your hands working skillfully to wipe them away the second they emerged, when you ran into something--not something, someone.

The second you collided with his chest, your body was slammed with a wave of strange comfort that you were not in anyway expecting in that moment. You hadn’t seen the face of the person whose arms were now holding you up, but you had a pretty good idea. You looked up and were met with the whiskey eyes you had dreamed about every night for the last month, bringing a surge of emotions with them; anxiety, sadness, nervousness, fright, anger... hope. You pullled away quickly to wipe the tears from your face, instantly missing Thomas’ touch on the soft skin of your arms.

“I-uhm, I’m sorry. I should’ve looked where I was walking.” you mumbled as you wiped your face, looking down at the ground beneath your fidgeting feet.

“It’s fine, Y/N. Are you okay? You look like you’ve been crying...” he said softly, his gaze boring into you as he took a step closer. 

“Yeah, I’m fine. It’s nothing.” you said a little more clearly, an cold edge to your voice.  

When you finally looked up at him fully, he felt his heart drop in his chest. Seeing you so hurt, broken, and teary eyed was something he never wanted to witness. He couldn’t deny the growing feelings he had for you, even though he wasn’t sure if “feelings” was the correct term. Could he have feelings for someone else while he was in a relationship? And if not, then what do you call the need to always make sure the other person is okay, even if from a distance? What do you call the feeling you get when you see them walk into a room, and your entire mood shifts? What do you call the feeling of sadness when you see them unhappy? What do you call the excruciating feeling of seeing tears streaming down their face?

“Y/N... you can talk to me.” he whispered lowly, taking another step closer to you.

With each step he took closer to you and each soothing word that left his lips, your anxiety, and anger towards the whole situation, would increase ten-fold, making it almost unbearable to be in the situation any longer. Yet, you found it ironic that all you wanted in the moment was to collapse into his caring embrace. 

Unfortunately, that feeling lasted for only a few seconds, anger undoubtedly taking it’s place. You honestly weren’t sure why, but you were suddenly over taken with rage over the whole predicament you found yourself in with Thomas. He was the only person to ever make you feel this low, and at that point, you had had enough. 

“You know what, Thomas? Leave me the fuck alone. I actually can’t talk to you, because I can’t even look at you without feeling the hatred your girlfriend has for me, which doesn’t seem to affect you in the slightest, by the way. And I think we both know if she saw you breathing the same air as me, you’d both be fighting for days. So I’m gonna leave and you go find your girl, for both of our sakes.” you spoke harshly as you wiped tears from your eyes, anger and sadness ultimately getting the best of you.

“But I-I just want to make sure you’re oka-” you cut him off.

“No, Thomas, I’m not okay! I’m not okay and there is nothing I can do to fix it. You’re the last person that I can talk to about it anyways, so just drop it and go find Teresa, I’m sure she’s looking for you.” your words were laced with venom as you stepped past him, your heart shattering more and more with each step you took away from him. 

Thomas stood there, paralyzed by your bitter confrontation. Not only was he unprepared for your outburst, but he was completely taken aback by it. He didn’t know what to think in the moment. Why were you so mad at him? What made you so upset in the first place? Why was he the one person you couldn’t talk about it with? He felt more pain than he thought possible, and he was beginning to wonder if the “feelings” he’d been getting for you had something to do with it. 

Thomas went to bed that night with his mind running nonstop, thinking about you and the encounter that had happened. He was determined to get some answers, no matter what it took...

------------------------------------------

DAY 58

A lot had happened in the glade since the night you fell into Thomas’ arms. 

You avoided him at all costs, seeing his face bringing up too many unwanted, visceral emotions. Not only was it agonizing to be around him, but it was confusing too. One minute you were immensely angry because he made you feel this way, and the next you were heartbroken because you hopelessly wanted to be the one in his arms. You knew damn well that both of these outlooks were pitiful and unreasonable, but you simply didn’t care. It was your own internal battle anyway, right? 

Thomas on the other hand, was enduring his own kind of suffering. Not only was he having the regular issues with Teresa, but he was slowly being consumed by his growing theories behind the confrontation he had with you. He didn’t even fight with Teresa anymore, he simply let her yell at him while his mind wandered off to you. He thought about the words you said, repeating them in his head over and over again, trying to understand the meaning behind them. “I’m not okay and there is nothing I can do to fix it. You’re the last person that I can talk to about it anyways.” 

He could feel his presence in his relationship slipping, and he honestly didn’t care. He hated how exhausting it was to be with Teresa, and he wasn’t sure how much more he could take. His longing to understand your torment was beginning to take up more of his mental space than the need to continually reaffirm his crumbling relationship, and it was concerning to him how easy it was to let the change of mentality to transpire. 

----

Both of your personal thoughts, along with every other glader’s, were brought to a halt the day Ben stammered out of the woods, a demented look in his eyes as he chased Thomas. The second he had to be knocked out with a shovel, confirmed what you all had feared; he’d been stung. 

His banishing to the maze was nothing short of torturesome. Ben was a good friend to all, and it was agonizing to watch him being forced out into the maze, body covered in purple and black contusions and swellings, eyes dark, skin pale. 

Once the walls closed, a solemn ambiance fell across the glade, no one muttering more than a few words for a remainder of the evening. From your bed that night, you could hear the metal hitting the concrete from across the glade; Ben’s name being crossed out, joining the others who have perished in this hell of a maze. You thought back to the day in the tent when Ben told you his thoughts on Thomas and the way he reassured you that your feelings were valid. It broke your heart that you never got the chance to thank him. 

“Thank you, Ben.” you said quietly into the darkness of your hut, the clanging of metal still ringing through the brisk night air.  

---

The following day started with a glade-wide meeting, everyone’s attendance necessary. When a tragedy like this happened, there was always a conversation the following day that gave people an opportunity to mourn the lost. But more importantly, this assemblage took place to discuss the transfer of responsibilities that the fallen glader had. With how quickly things changed in the glade, it was important to keep things running smoothly. Normally this change of job for someone was nothing more than a planter switching to a cook, or a builder switching to a tree chopper. But occasionally, it would be a major switch...

After all the kinds words and stories had been shared on Ben’s behalf, Newt and Alby moved to the front of the crowd.

“Thank you all for your caring and compassionate testimonies, Ben was a great man, and even better friend. He will be deeply missed by all of us.” Alby said clearly, his voice slightly hitching towards the end. 

“As you all know, it is now time to pass his position as a runner off to someone. We need at least three people running at all times, for safety and efficiency.” Newt said loudly, addressing the entire room. 

“We thought this would be a difficult decision, but after deeply considering it, we realized it may have been one of the easier decisions we’ve had to make.” Alby added, confidence apparent in his voice. 

Newt cleared his throat before taking a step forward into the small aisle way between the rows of seats.

“We have decided that Y/N will take Ben’s place as a runner. After her impressive dash to save him during his seizure, and the referral from another runner that was given to us last night, we’re confident she is the best choice to fill the position.” Newt spoke sincerely, a small smile landing on his face once he finished.

Upon hearing his words, your stomach dropped to the floor, your mind running a mile a minute. WHAT THE FUCK. WHY would they pick me? I’m not cut out to be a runner. I can’t possibly work with Thomas every single day. 

Then your focus flashed to something Newt had said, “the referral from another runner that was given to us last night.”. You knew it had to be Thomas, he was the only one to have seen you run through the maze. Why would he do that, why would he willingly want to work with me, knowing Teresa would kill him, knowing the words I said to him earlier this week. WHY?

Everyone’s eyes were now glued to you. Most were encouraging, but there was one set of eyes that were burning into you like a flame from a few rows in front of you-- Teresa. 

What you didn’t notice though, was the smile that flashed across Thomas’ face when Newt announced your name, and the way his eyes were now brightly gleaming at you. 

He knew exactly what he was doing, and he wasn’t sure what the repercussions would be, but he knew he couldn’t take anymore days not filled with your soothing voice, angelic laugh, and radiant presence. 

---------------------------------------------------

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[sachinismad]

In a cabin at point Abril. Surround by my magnificent peers gathered to open our minds .That’s when I realized that it’s just me and my four friends,we pouring tastes out for the dead. While these bodies have life right now. My Brothers. This was my family now.

That’s what’s been breaking my heart over the past few weeks. I’m on the right track. Brutally depressed.

I have a theory.

I love mom, and dad, and Mira, and my uncles and my aunties and everyone. Yet this summer I had some eye opening moments. Like trying to admit some real problems to dad, on a deeper level. The existential Shit and the feeling of anxiety, dread sometime. What he said back to me really rocked me as a person. “I found that hard to believe” will paralyze you. There were other attempts. I spilled my guts out to him about Kevin Greg becoming my nemesis, the productive benefits of mania, the feeling of not belonging at a place like concrete. What it’s like reject yourself and not know why. What it’s like to be copilot sometimes.

Ugh fuck I’m tearing up.

“I just don’t understand why you didn’t get over it earlier! Don’t you think ahead ? Didn’t you know these deadlines were coming??” I actually physically jumped to my feet from hearing that from like cuddling on the couch with him. I told myself and him that I know he wants the best for me but maybe I was just trying to brush ur off. The next day I woke up to the demands and threats. That didn’t feel good. The wolf and the rabbit, in the words of victors dad.

Ever since I came home I’ve heard nothing except “GET A JOB” from move in up until I started to snap. I tried to tell Mira about it but she flat out told me it wasn’t her problem and that her life is more stress free if she doesn’t have to get involved. That was the second time I was stunned in the span of like 3 days. Honestly, fair enough. Just turned around and dipped and went away to get over that additional heart ache. I thought about the Fran’s bathroom. She’s been giving me the most gloom and doom about the job market, but when the opportunity came to mention me to Telus she turned it down. Twice. That tells me all I needed to know really. And then the weird incident with her thinking I did a Shit job at concrete idk. Idk. She’s the one that reviewed my portfolio. She knows that I do.

And so I turned to mom. Who upon hearing this told me that these thoughts were too painful to bring up and would anger dad to let’s just put it to bed. Sri Radhe. But it’s difficult to know what to say when they ask why I’m being quiet these days. I can’t help it.

Irony ; home when it doesn’t feel like a safe space. How their love feels much like a belief in god, a belief. What love

What is family

Mira would joke that nobody listens to what I had to say in our family, because it’s sometimes correct. It’s just not conversations anymore it’s become deeper than that. The conclusion that I’ve been facing down is that I’ve outgrown my family. That there’s no longer any place here for my feelings and vulnerability. It’s not heard, and I’ve become calloused for trying. Im trying so hard not to lose touch with a side of myself that I havnt been since before the drama. Before the subtle ques that it’s time for me to go

Before I started thinking like this

Before it was “abandon me? I’ll abandon you”

I’ve been going through something

[thatchoiboy]

Butterflies | 2jae

📝 summary : Youngjae can never get tired of Jaebum’s lies. Even if he has to suffer the consequences.

📝 pairing : Jaebum, Youngjae (GOT7)

📝 genre : angst

📝 word count : 2.2k

📝 note : i started this 2 months ago and i finished it today and its not the best but enjoy (happy ending i swear) its kind of a mess but i’m sleepy so idk :) goodnight 🌟

Youngjae curled up on the left side of his and Jaebum's once shared bed. The older had gone home reeking of alcohol with his lips visibly chapped. After being together for almost three years, Jaebum started sleeping around with other people, suddenly claiming that a guy like him can't be tied down. Youngjae's heart ache as he watch his 'boyfriend' flop down on the couch, covering his eyes with his right arm and snoozing off. He knew the older was drunk and didn't know what he was saying. Now Youngjae was lying down alone, the right side of the bed never felt so cold.

The few months of fooling around, Jaebum still slept beside him, hugging him tightly and easing the younger's ache. But tonight was different. He sobbed quietly as he hugged a framed picture of them on Han River. On the picture was a couple wearing matching outfits, the taller was bending down to kiss the shorter. It was supposed to be a normal picture of them smiling at the camera but Jaebum had other plans. That's what made the picture so special.

No matter how many times Jaebum comes home, faint hickeys all over his neck. Youngjae never has the heart to get mad at him. He believed that it was just a phase and his boyfriend will get over it soon. Days turn into weeks. Weeks turns into months. It was always the same routine. Youngjae leaving for work early in the morning, he gets home greeted by silence. Jaebum enters the house past midnight, drunk. Youngjae crying himself to sleep. Jaebum would apologize the next day, whispering sweet lies while spooning his otter, making Youngjae's heart flutter. The older didn't know that Youngjae knew about his 'little' flings. He didn't know how much he was hurting the younger's heart.

Because in the end, Youngjae would trust the butterflies in his heart over and over again, fooling him every time.

"You have to talk to him about this, you know that right?" Youngjae was in his friend's house. Jinyoung. Every problem the younger has, he would always go to Jinyoung. He knew he could trust him. "I know- but I'll just give h-" Youngjae was startled when Jinyoung harshly put his cup down, giving Youngjae a look. "What? Give him more time? Youngjae it has been almost 2 months! You can't just let this continue!" Jinyoung regretted raising his voice the moment Youngjae had his head down. "Fuck- Youngjae, I'm-"

"Don't you think I know that? Don't you know how mad I am? I wish I could Jinyoung.. but I can't! I love him- I don't want to.." Youngjae sobbed into his palms. Jinyoung looked at his friend, he considered him as his little brother since they've known each other since they were in middle school. It broke his heart that someone like Youngjae had to suffer like this. He hopped off his chair and embraced the younger. "J-jinyoung.." Youngjae sounded so crushed. "Shh.. it'll be okay. You'll be okay." He stroked Youngjae's hair, whispering sweet little nonsense, trying to calm the broken boy.

It didn't seem to work when Youngjae sobbed harder into his neck. "J-jinyoung.. it h-hurts so much.." Seeing the younger pour his heart out had Jinyoung in tears too. Youngjae didn't deserve any of this. He wants to kill Jaebum for ever hurting a guy like Youngjae. "W-was I not enough for h-him? Do I have to change myself for everything to go back to normal?" The older forced Youngjae to look at him and shook his head while wiping the younger's tears, "Oh Youngjae.. you're perfect. God. You are absolutely a great person. You don't need to change yourself. Jaebum is not worthy to receive your love if he doesn't love you for being yourself. Y-you deserve so much better."

"But- if I'm not the problem, then why did everything we had changed? W-why.. why doesn't he love me anymore? Why does he sleep around and come home drunk?" Jinyoung just held Youngjae in a tighter grip as he didn't know the answer himself. All he knows that he and Jaebum are going to have a very serious conversation about this. "Youngjae, sweetie, you want to take a rest in my room? I just have a business to take care of." The otter nodded and let Jinyoung pull him into his bedroom and tucked him in. "I'll be back soon." He said, kissing Youngjae's forehead.

Jinyoung closed the door and rest his head on the wood. He could still hear little cries coming from the bedroom. He wiped his tears and anger washed over him. Jaebum was going to have a little piece of his mind.

Jaebum was home early for the first time. Staring blankly ahead of him. He didn't flinch, not one bit as the front door was slammed opened. "Im Jaebum explain yourself right now!" He was a tad surprised to see Jinyoung so angry. "Well if it isn't 'Jinyoungie'." Jaebum slurred, picking up a random can of beer on his lap. "What's up?" Jinyoung glared at the drunkard. "What's wrong with you? Don't you know you're hurting Youngjae? I didn't expect you to become like this, Im." He watched as Jaebum finish the can and crushed it. "Its not your business. What we had was a mistake." Jaebum said while staring right into Jinyoung's orbs. "You bastard!" Jinyoung yelled, throwing a punch on Jaebum's nose, causing him to stumble and fall from the couch. Jinyoung sat on his chest and slapped him on both cheeks repeatedly. "How could you do this?! Especially to Youngjae! He's been nothing but loyal to you while you whore around and be this drunkard that doesn't know what he's doing! If I were Youngjae I would've broken up with you and leave you foreve-r." Jinyoung said as his tears landed on Jaebum's face. "If you're going to continue to act like this, stop telling him more lies. Please." Jinyoung sobbed as he got off Jaebum and ran to the door, slamming it shut.

As soon as Jinyoung got home, he quietly knocked on his bedroom door, whispering. "Youngjae?" Receiving no response, Jinyoung took it as clear and slowly turned the knob. He saw Youngjae sleeping, dried tears covered his face and soaked the pillow. Jinyoung sat on the other side of the bed, caressing his friend's hair. He remembers the day Jaebum first asked Youngjae out.

Jinyoung was reading his newly bought book when his phone rang loudly, the sound echoing throughout the quiet apartment. He placed a bookmark on the page he was currently on and answered the phone. "Jinyoung! You won't believe what happened today!" Jinyoung had to pull the phone away from his ear as his friend had the ability to deteriorate someone's hearing. "What happened, Jae?" He could hear shuffling from the other line before Youngjae answered. "Jaebum just asked me out. On a date!"

"That's great! How did it happen?" He asked, suddenly interested on his 'baby brother's' love life. Youngjae stuttered for a while and the older knew that he was blushing. "Well- you see- he uhm, he just kind of gave me a teddy bear at work earlier and asked me out to the movies tomorrow.." Jinyoung smiled, he knew how much Jaebum and Youngjae compliment each other. He had thought Jaebum would be a great boyfriend and seemed like a guy who wouldn't hurt Youngjae. "I'm so happy for you! He better treats you well or I'll whoop his ass!" He heard Youngjae chuckle and whine. "He's a great guy, Jinyoungie! Don't worry." Youngjae had to hang up since his break was over. "Okay, get home safely!"

Everything Jinyoung had said about Jaebum in the past, he regrets it. He could've prevented this to happen if he was cautious and didn't trust Jaebum too much. Now look at what happened. Look where it landed Youngjae. He wished he was the one suffering instead of the younger. "I'm so sorry, sweetie." Jinyoung whispered as he settled behind Youngjae and spooned him. He hugged him tighter as soft whimpers escaped Youngjae's mouth. "It's okay- I'm here, I'm right here sunshine." Jinyoung muttered and felt Youngjae relax under his hold. One thing he was sure of ; he was never going to forgive Jaebum.

Lying on the couch, Jaebum's mind was full of confusion, regret, and loneliness. He slowly got up, trying to balance himself as he made his way to his and Youngjae's bedroom. He had expected his boyfriend to be there as always. His dark brown orbs was soon filled with panic as he saw the tidy but empty bed. Before he knew it, his voice cracked as his eyes were filled with tears. Did he want any of this? He let his body fall onto the bed with a soft thud. He looked over beside him, where the younger usually was. If he was there, Jaebum would've hold on and never let him go. What have I done? All he knows is that he fucked up. He fucked up so bad.

He sat up and near the door, a framed pictured was hanged. There he saw a picture of him and Youngjae in their couple shirts. He remembers Youngjae spilling his ice cream all over his own shirt and hugging Jaebum right after. It was a fun memory. He just realized how much pictures they had in their house. Jaebum let out a small smile. Youngjae was a dream come true, why did he ruin everything?

He wasn't trying to intentionally hurt the younger. It just happened. He doesn't remember the last time he was fully sober. It was all so fuzzy, he was sure it was because of stress and anxiety but it was never about getting tired of Youngjae. Jaebum loves Youngjae like how one loves their books. They might get tired of their books, but in the end, they treasure and love it. Jaebum didn't know what came to his mind treating Youngjae like that. The younger will never forgive him. And he knows he deserves it. But he will never give up on him.

Youngjae woke up to an unfamiliar place. He noticed arms wrapped around his waist. “N-nyeongie?” He whispered. Jinyoung stirred and sat up as he saw Youngjae awake. “What’s up Youngjae?” He asked, watching as Youngjae yawn and rub his eyes. It was a cute sight. “Can you take me home?” The younger male breathed out and climbed off the bed. Jinyoung sighed. “Why?” Stopping Youngjae’s tracks. “What’s so special about him?” He asked as Youngjae slowly turned around.

“Because he is my first love, Nyeongie.” The fact that Youngjae was smiling so bright, brighter than the stars at night that broke Jinyoung’s heart in pieces. He doesnt deserve you.

Jinyoung closed his eyes for a second and took a deep breath. “Okay then.” He opens them to see Youngjae rushing to the door mumbling a small ‘thank you.’ Both of them got into Jinyoung’s car and started to drive away. It was silent. Youngjae was looking out the window while Jinyoung was focused on the road.

When he drops of Youngjae, he called him one more time before he gets inside the house. “Call me if something happens okay?” Youngjae nodded at him and waved as he steps into the porch. Once Jinyoung was gone, he nervously grasped the doorknob and twisted it slowly. It wasn’t a surprise when it was unlocked.

He quietly entered the house and closed the door carefully. He turned around and bumped into a sturdy chest. Youngjae blinked and suddenly, he was pinned to the door, strong arms trapping him, not letting him escape.

“J-jaebum?” He whimpers. He looked at his boyfriend and saw dried tears on his cheeks. “I thought you were gone forever.” The older said was he nuzzled his face into the crook of Youngjae’s neck, nipping at the skin lightly. “Please don’t leave me. I love you.” Youngjae froze. It has been so long since he last heard Jaebum’s soft and meaningful words. He stared at the older who looked vulnerable. How could I ever leave him?

Youngjae felt the weight on his wrist loosen and saw Jaebum looking at him with the same soft glint in his eyes. He slowly raised his hand to pet Jaebum’s hair. “I’ll never leave.” Jaebum then lifts him up, Youngjae wrapping his legs around Jaebum’s waist as the older slammed him against the wall, Youngjae groaning in pain. Jaebum kisses him with desperation and tenderness.

“I love you so fucking much Jae. I’m sorry for the shit I’ve put you through.” Jaebum navigates them to their room and flops Youngjae onto the bed and crawled towards him. “I know you can never forgive me but please, I don’t think I can live without you.” He stared at Youngjae’s eyes and took his boyfriend’s bottom lip in between his and slowly explored his mouth. Youngjae’s fingers finds its way to Jaebum’s hair and tugs on him.

Youngjae likes the way Jaebum kisses him hard but yet it feels so gentle. He likes the way Jaebum man handles him but makes him feel like he’s the most wonderful person in the whole world. And he likes the way Jaebum makes him feel loved.

Correction.

He doesn’t like it. He loves it.

Jaebum may continue to constantly hurt him and lie to him. But he has a feeling he won’t. In the end, he’ll always trust the butterflies in his heart. Even if it fools him everytime.

Jaebum loves Youngjae and Youngjae loves Jaebum.

Even the laws of gravity can’t- never break them apart.

[survivormagictreehouse]

Episode 1: “Why is my tribe all these musty men and Ruthie?” -Ali

-I'm writing this pre-cast reveal and I'm scared shitless. Dear future Jess, Don't puke before tribals because of anxiety. Don't let the m*n tell you what to do. Don't get in your head and trust your gut. Sincerely, Pre-Cast Reveal Jess.

- Now where do I begin.... It's day 2? I believe.... in this game and I've already spiralled and showed the signs of a future crackhead. In all seriousness though, I've calmed down and the initial shock of cast reveal has worn off. I was a bit shook seeing some of the people in this cast playing. I've literally hosted a large chunk of these people so I REALLY HOPE NONE OF THAT COMES TO BITE ME IN THE ASS (I don't think it will). I hope people realize I wasn't really paying close attention to their games when hosting.. and if I was... I have the memory of a pebble. I'm sure none of that will have an impact on anyone besides maybe Ali. BUT ALI IF YOU ARE READING THIS.. DAY 2 JESS REALLY WANTS TO WORK WITH YOU! Now lets talk about my tribe: - We got Rachael/Zach who are super close or at least have some sort of connection through his sister. - We got Birch/Keegan regardless of whatever they are pushing about doubts with each other I can see them cleaning that slat in the name of numbers. - Me and Gavin because I'm the only one he knows in this game. - Possibly me/Timmy if he wants to work with me. - Possibly me/Chips hoping he remembers I did show how blindly loyal I was to him the last game we were in.... - Bodhi might be in with people like Zach (who he was hosting) and Rachael. - John honestly... I have no idea about. He's such a wild card for me. My overall thought process and game plan right now is... BLUID THOSE RELATIONSHIPS! I think I proved with my challenge performance I am an asset to this tribe but I want to show people I can be an asset to them. I can see us swapping at 16 so I'm going to be around this tribe for a bit so I need people to want me around. So far I'm getting along with Keegan he seems like a cool cat. I'm also aware he's probably a cool cat in everyone's eyes but for right now.. I really like him! Birch is definitely a social beast. From what I remembered they were an extremely social player in the season I hosted them but they are very transparent with their information which does scare me. For the time being though, I'll attempt to work my magic with them and build that trust so the information spills to me.. Rachael is a queen. I really want to work with her because I do see similarities between our playing style which is something I always gravitate towards in games. I'm naive and I do know she has other people higher up on that trust-ladder based off of initial relationships but I do hope to somehow climb that. Although I do know she will be a power play in this game, I know I'm going to need other power players around me to ensure there is a target ahead of me. She also brings connections which typically brings in information. So rather than be a crackhead and go for her (which is what cast reveal night Jess thought about) I'm going to try and work with her. Zach.. honestly, I don't know how much I have in common with a teenage boy so that might be a road block between us. He is one of those key-relationships I hope to build off of through Rachael. I will also die if Rachael/Zach aren't that close and I'm just rambling shit right now. Gavin is one of my FIRST ORG friends and I'm SO HAPPY TO SEE HIM PLAYING THIS GAME. I don't think anyone right now knows we are close but I'm not afraid to cut him if it means I go further in this game. I'm not really sure about my tribes chances for this first immunity challenge. Everyone aside for a few people on this tribe seem like they have their shit together in this challenge. I know the "movie trivia" crew snapped hard and my back hurts from carrying my tribe but.... our chances of winning rely on Timmy (who is on vacation), Gavin who is probably working or something, and Bodhi who is hosting currently. So to say I'm confident.... would be a giant ass lie. I'm excited for the idol search to open up SO BAD.

-Cast is revealed and game starts in a half hour. I’m feeling excited. I hope I do better in this season than the game I did last, 17th. Ughhhhhh, grosss

- I’m having fun doing the quotes, it’s interesting. I feel like I’m getting along well with everyone. I’m trying to talk to them all and interact. If I’m amusing they won’t get rid of me. Right? Right? Somebody tell me I’m right

-Okay tea time!  I'm really excited. I had to add A LOT of people I have never talked to before and I always like doing that because I LOOOOVE playing with people that don't know how I play and also getting to know clean people and starting with a clean slate! The only people I had added on my tribe are Jay and Ali and I LIKE that!   I'm excited to talk to people, scope everyone out a little and see what I need to do.  This game and the theming is SO CUTE and I can't wait to see what all happens next!

- https://youtu.be/MY-s5k1n7sI

why is my tribe all these musty men and ruthie what did i do to deserve this.

https://youtu.be/LPxSC_ZjZIc

https://youtu.be/ojw9T8GsbaA

-That 36 person cast twist not being real...big disappointment, I was hoping for a huge mess where someone cries. But 20 people, good size. My tribe seems like good people so this should be exciting.

- So we lost the first immunity challenge. Seems like it’s unanimous for John to go. Works for me as he is who I wanted out when I woke up this morning since we hadn’t spoken. He keeps saying he wants someone who was weak in the challenge out and didn’t tell me a name but told Rachel, Bodhi. Funny thing is, John did worse in his challenge than anyone in the quotes group so therefore his own logic can be used against him.

-AHHHHHHHHHHH MY PEOPLE ARE HERE I DON"T KNOW WHO I WANNA WORK WITH. There is king ali, my bae Austin, bestie jay, and really old time friend Collin in this one tribe. I'm not even counting people on the other tribe. I'm gonna lose so hard. I'm crying tho

-When I was meeting my tribe for the first time I was thinking that we have a very good group here. I'm glad to see Bodhi again cuz I haven't seen him since Trinity: P&P a few months ago. I think that with the additions of Birch and Keegan to our tribe I think we're gonna win some challenges. So I'm hoping for the best and not the worst for this team.

- So we're all waiting for the results of the 1st challenge, and I'm feeling a little nervous that my tribe may lose, but I'm hoping that we do win because I want this season to start off on a good note for my tribe. I'm just hoping that we pull this off and not blow this.

-the way i was offered a final 2 within minutes of joining the tribe chat. hopefully this ages well and you get to see me and bodhi succeed :)

- John is too damn messy and has got to go. PERIODT.

https://youtu.be/L1-ZBhnUQ7U

-I love my Tribe!! I'm super excited to play with Keegan and Timmy again! I'm trying to get closer with everyone else since I haven't played with them before. I'm also kinda nervous for the challenge. I have a weird taste in music so we will see how this goes. I really hope I'm not first boot. I haven't had good placements in my last couple of games, so I'm hoping for better this time! This cast is iconic.

-So my mom got my drunk before the challenge and then tried guilting me into not doing the challenge. we flopped anyway. we are currently pulling ahead in the Movie challenge but it's still early so idk. I really hope we can get the next 2 challenges. I don't wanna be first boot.  

- Ahoy matey! me got cursed t' only talk like a pirate in thar tribe chats n' me alliance chat. So me’m doing dis confession like a pirate. So anyway. me’m in a alliance Wit' Keegan n' Jess. As far as me know our jolly crew only verily talked t' each other. So dis works out. Our jolly crew also lost which SUCKS. me verily hope me’m nay first boot. me might sail after John. All me conversations wit' him be painful. So that’s fun. me like all hands so dis will hard. But let’s see what happens! Birch signing off.

- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V1Iq3ANGs8M&feature=youtu.be

- Here’s the Tea Link: https://youtu.be/X3J2e4ffmiY

- https://youtu.be/Q80k6g4QUIk

Kinda bummed the movie challenge didn’t go so well hope we don’t have to go to tribal this early

-Hello hello! I am SO happy to be back in atomic Survivor! I feel like things are off to a really nice start and I'm hoping that will continue. For now I'll do a little assessment of my tribe before we find out results for the first challenge. Ali - I've seen him around in the community a lot for years, im pretty sure I was around when he played his first game. But I don't remember if I've ever had the chance to actually play WITH him. He's such a nice guy I've loved talking with him so far Austin - Lmao the funny thing is I actually talked to him for the first time ever like a week ago. A real lucky break that he and I were both part of this casting twist. We immediately started talking and agreed to look out for each other. Cindi - this is my first time meeting her ever! She seems really rad and we've just been talking about life and tattoos and shit lmao. I can definitely see myself working with her in the future. Collin - y'all I LOVE Collin. I just played with him in Mesopotamia, and even though he voted me out I never had any bitterness towards him cause he's just that nice. He's definitely been the person I've talked to the most so far. We have a lot in common and I really want to trust him. But I am still a bit wary bc of Mesopotamia. Czern - I don't really have a read on him yet. Haven't spoken to him too much. Dan - Same as Czern but I haven't spoken to Dan at all Vi - Vi is such a ray of sunshine, I've loved her ever since I met her in Tashirojima. In fact my biggest mistake in that game IMO was voting her out. I'm 100% working with her this time. Ruthie - It's been so long since I've talked to Ruthie and I'm so glad that this game gives me the chance to reconnect with her. An absolute legend and one of the nicest people I've ever met. I haven't talked strategy with her yet but that'll come soon lol Timmy - Yo he DESTROYED that music challenge and I'm super grateful for that. I've talked to him a little bit and he's pretty nice but I don't really have any further opinions on him lol

- Reallllly glad we didn't have to go to tribal tonight. I've been really busy today so it would've been a really rough time. But instead I got to enjoy my day, but of course I socialized with my tribe. I feel really close with Collin, Ali, and Ruthie. Granted those are relationships that started outside of this game, but they're relationships nonetheless. I really vibe with Austin too, even though I talk to him a little less, we're bonded through that opening twist. And the best thing is Austin mentioned vibing with all those people + Vi (who's great as well, I just haven't talked any strategy with her yet) so I smell an alliance starting sometime soon. I just feel really well about the start of this game and im hoping it can last.

-First confessional of the season! I debated making a video but then I realized that's a lore more work and harder for me to have actual organized thoughts. Going back to the start of the game: I know RACHAEL, BIRCH, CHIPS, JAY, VI, CINDI, DAN and RUTHIE. The only person I don't know anything about is CZERN. So I've got a pretty stacked cast of people I can potentially work with moving forward. But I currently have three goals for this season: 1. Make the merge or swap so I can play with VI. Even if we don't work together, I'd love to play with her! She rules! 2. Make sure JAY gets voted out before myself. As a fellow winner, THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE. 3. Make sure DAN gets voted out before myself. He's a sneaky snake and I won't ever trust him after Nova Scotia. First off, I'm in an awesome alliance with BIRCH and JESS. It's only three people so it's not a clear majority but it's a good start. We formed this literally 10 minutes after the challenge had ended. Speaking of the challenge, it was a fun challenge but we did lose. However, JESS, RACHAEL, CHIPS and myself were the only ones who won our portion of the challenge, so I've been subtly hinting that I wouldn't feel right if any of us were voted out. GAVIN told me that TIMMY and BODHI didn't contribute much of anything to their part of the challenge, so that's a possible decision when it comes to this tribal. However, JOHN has been very difficult to have a conversation with and I've been told that him and BODHI won't vote for each other. So right now it's just working with JESS and BIRCH to determine what the best option is moving forward. I'm thinking I can get RACHAEL, ZACH and GAVIN on board with whatever we decide. Tune in later for some more thoughts.

-I wanna say it’s be super eventful but not really. Just a few small things: CHIPS has been telling everyone everything. He told JOHN he was the vote. He told JESS about the GAVIN thing. He needs to learn to keep things to himself if he doesn’t want to be gone next. JOHN tried throwing ZACH under the bus for not being good in challenges. I had a call with BODHI and apparently ZACH is a comp beast. So that’s not happening. If everything is as planned JOHN should be the unanimous vote. I might throw a stray vote on CHIPS just in case of an idol play but I’m undecided.

So this round I got super close with Austin and Collin, and close with cindi, and okay close with everyone else. I killed it in the music challenge because I  did not feel confident I wouldn’t go home if we lost. I need to tighten my bonds and hopefully make a solid group before the next round. I have no real targets atm but Ruthie and I have yet to speak so that’s awkward. I kinda wish I was on the other tribe because I feel like I’d vibe with them better. I had to make sure I was the first to go into the treehouse because I wanted to be open and transparent about what happens in there and make sure that nobody else got to go in and change what actually happens. I’m very excited for the next few rounds tho!

https://youtu.be/e_oVLgNr4ro

Okay so first round is going pretty good so far . I cant believe they put me on a tribe with vi which is amazing bc ride or die right there. I know ali vi collins and jay are def ppl I wanna work with in this game . I mean my whole tribe is great . Dan I know is a wild card and he seems like he wants to work together but I'm not sure if I can fully trust him since he did vote me out last seasons with telling me a damn thing . Cindi was almost in my duplicity season I'm on production for so I know her a bit as well. I know she would probs go with Rachael at a swap or merge which is dangerous .THANK GOD we won the first immunity and I dont have two sorry about a vote bc if I'm honest it would be HARD to decide on a name . Let's see what happens tho I'm ready to play and ready to win

Honestly it seems pretty slow starting. Just working on getting to know the tribe at this point. I really like Collin and Ali but beyond that I'm not getting like amazing vibes from the others. I'm not getting bad vibes either though, just neutral positive vibes if that makes sense

okay, so i have been focusing on getting to know my tribe-mates the past few days because in this game, connections are your lifeline. but, i also didn't want to come off too strong and be perceived as "too social" from the get-go *cough* keegan the snake *cough*. so, i laid back, talked to people (some more than others), and tried to focus on winning immunity. unfortunately, when immunity slipped through our fingers, i quickly got to work socializing and making sure i wasn't the one to be blamed for our loss in our challenge. i felt that i contributed a lot and tried to start discussions and debate about our quotes, and felt as though i didn't get much back from my team. so, i made sure that people knew my group wasn't very communicative and had they communicated more, we could have totally won. i didn't push for a name to begin the round, but i did make sure to let people know who i hadn't talked to in hopes of getting one of their names on the chopping block this round. i made sure to reach out to everyone (even those who didn't reach out to me or seem invested in the game, nor our conversations) because i don't want someone to spread my name as a result. then, it seemed to narrow down to john and timmy. also, it was obviously leaning towards john leaving this round. however, it was not until about a few hours before day change that john had FINALLY heard that his name was going around due to the fact that it was TRULY IMPOSSIBLE TO TALK TO HIM. funnily enough, this information came directly from chips--someone who i haven't talked to much. thankfully for me, john decided to tell almost everyone exactly what chips had said and no one was pleased to hear that. so, i worked my magic and made sure people were upset that chips tried to throw us all under the bus--because i need to make sure there is a target for next round that isn't me... DUH! later, i asked john what he wanted to do, and he sat there completely clueless. i was completely dumbfounded at his reluctance to say a name when his ass was CLEARLY on the line. eventually, i worked a name out of him, and he said bodhi (who was the only one who wanted to keep him earlier today)... so i obviously went right to bodhi and made sure he knew so i could build some trust with him going forward in this game since talking to john literally made me lose brain cells by the minute, i wanted to make sure he was the one leaving tonight. so, i am hoping everything goes according to plan at tribal tonight, but as long as i don't leave, i am golden with whatever. until next time... xoxo, gossip girl

So basically I'm not in town right now... and IbhopenI can trust people not to vote me until I get back and am less busy. I really bombed the challenge by getting 0 points for my tribe but we won that part... because the other people carried. Good stuff. Anyway we are voting John because he doesn't communicate well and has kind of mansplained the potential different vote? If its true then woohoo I got another round. Also! I got am advantage from idol hunt and thats nifty. 

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Click HERE to watch both out PREGAME and ROUND ONE cast assessments!