#a small rat is easy to carry along huh XD

[ratstuckinamarble]

im gonna inflict you with the knowledge that, while doodling that diving griffin pic, i had Atemlos durch die Nacht (live in Munchen 2022) on repeat >:)

AND, the whole time the image in my head was something like this:

sorry Rat ^w^;

The gall! >:0

Well... Perhaps this Rat gave the version you mentioned a listen. And perhaps, it was not as bad as I remembered.

Maybe, just maybe, I was kinda grooving to that... But only in small amounts! I gotta keep this a very rare occasion as to not hate the song again XD

[kanasmusings]

[Translation] SERVAMP School Festival Track 3

I got busy with moving apartments so I couldn’t update much but now that I’m settled, here’s the third track of School Festival! My internet’s finally stable enough to post more frequently, yay~

The words of the day from this track is ‘sniper angel’ XD

Track 3: [ドキッ★猟師だらけの即興劇 ～赤ずきんちゃん～] “Boom ★ An impromptu play full of hunters ~Little Red Riding Hood~”

Under the cut as usual, enjoy~

Track 3: [ドキッ★猟師だらけの即興劇 ～赤ずきんちゃん～] “Boom ★ An impromptu play full of hunters ~Little Red Riding Hood~”

MAHIRU: Going back a month ago, our class decided to do a play during our long homeroom but…

LILY: Alright~ Now, let’s decide the programme for the play! Is there anyone here who has suggestions?

TSUBAKI: I’ll be the scriptwriter! I’ll write and direct everything. I’m sure it won’t be interesting if you do it~

BELKIA: Eh~? Can you include my super special magic show, too~?

TSUBAKI: Of course! I wanna make it a wonderful battle royale where every single character will draw blood~

SAKUYA: Ah, you don’t have to include me but… I’ll just kill you whenever I want.

LICHT: I want a play where I can be with cute animals.

LICHT: The main characters will of course be me, Mr. Cat, and Mr. Fox.

LICHT: I’d be happy if there was a Mr. Bird, too.

HYDE: That means Lichtan will be the only human character! No way! REJECTED!

HYDE: I wanna do some really cool stunts!

LICHT: Hah?! I wasn’t asking for your suggestion.

MAHIRU: Think rationally! It’d be impossible to do an original play in one month.

MAHIRU: And also, a super violent person shouldn’t be in charge!

TSUBAKI: Awww, how uninteresting…

HUGH: Hmm~ How about a fairy tale?

TETSU: A fairy tale? Like Momotaro?1

HUGH: Correct! If it’s a story that’s been around for a long time, the audience will understand it quickly.

HUGH: And if the main characters are already well-known, it should be easier for us to act.

TETSU: I see. Hugh-sensei always says such great things.

HUGH: (laughs) Treasuring tradition is a great thing.

MAHIRU: “Us?” Does that mean you’ll be acting, too, Hugh?

HUGH: Of course! I’m the assistant homeroom teacher after all~

MAHIRU: You’re still a teacher though…

MAHIRU: Well, going with a fairy tale might be a good idea!

MAHIRU: It’s simple and easy to understand.

LILY: Oh, then a fairy tale with lots of characters might be good! I want to be a part of it, too~

MAHIRU: You, too?!

BELKIA: Ah~ Then, isn’t that one a great idea?

BELKIA: The one where about seventeen dwarves appear~? What was it again?

TSUBAKI: Wait, Bel! That’s the wrong number~ Snow White only has seven dwarves.

BELKIA: Ah-ha-ha~ I got it wrong~

SAKUYA: You’re too off the mark.

LICHT: Do animals appear?

HYDE: They don’t.

LICHT: Then it’s rejected.

HYDE: For what reason?!

HYDE: But I’m interested~ The story’s climax is when the prince kisses the princess! We’ll do it with these members?

MAHIRU: Let’s choose another one.

MAHIRU: Hmm… A story where animals appear… Ah! How about Little Red Riding Hood?

MAHIRU: It’s a wolf though.

TETSU: How does that story go?

LILY: Let’s see~ (clears throat)

LILY: The main character is a young girl wearing a red cloak. She was asked by her mother to visit her sick grandmother in the forest. But, on the way, she’s tricked by a mean wolf and she loses her way. While she was wandering, the wolf went and ate her grandmother. After tricking Red Riding Hood that he was her grandmother, he ate her, too. And then, a hunter who happened to be passing by saw the situation and cut the wolf’s stomach to save them both. The three of them kill the werewolf and they lived happily ever after~

LILY: That’s about how it goes~

TETSU: The grandma’s pretty chill after being swallowed whole by a wolf. She’s so tough and cool, huh?

TETSU: I’m fine with this story.

LICHT: Of course, the main character will be me, the angel.

TSUBAKI: Heh~ I wanna do it, too.

HYDE: (laughs) You two! Red Riding Hood is supposed to be a cute girl.

HYDE: How about looking in the mirror first?

LICHT: You can just stand there and be the grass.

HYDE: Is there even a role like that?! More like, how am I gonna act grass?!

MAHIRU: Hey, Kuro. You awake?

KURO: I’m sleeping…

MAHIRU: You’re not! If you don’t say anything we’ll end up doing this play, you know?

MAHIRU: Are you fine with that?

KURO: Don’t care. I’m fine with anything as long as it’s not the main character.

KURO: Let me just play the stone that rolls around or something.

LICHT: Isn’t that great, shit rat? You finally have a rock friend.

HYDE: Is a grass’s friend a rock?

(door opens)

MIKUNI: You seem to be having a fun talk. Let me in on it, too~

MAHIRU: Mikuni-san, please go back to your own class.

MIKUNI: Eh~? You’re no fun!

MIKUNI: It’s obvious that the older brother would fill in for his sick younger brother, right?

MIKUNI: Doesn’t that lift off the feeling of uneasiness~?

MAHIRU: No, I can only feel more anxious now.

MIKUNI: Hm… Red Riding Hood, huh?

MIKUNI: Ah! I wanna play the prince~

MAHIRU: There isn’t one!

  ***

 MAHIRU: In the end, we couldn’t decide which should play what role so we just drew lots.

MAHIRU: There’s a lot of people and there had to be narrator.

MAHIRU: Though, in the end, how they would act was still unpredictable so it ended up being an impromptu play…

  ***

(curtain opens)

(audience applause)

※ MAHIRU is the narrator and he speaks through a mic.

MAHIRU: Long ago, in a far-off place, there lived a very special little girl.

MAHIRU: The girl wore a red cape that her grandmother made for her and since it suited her so, she was given the nickname ‘Little Red Riding Hood.’

LILY: Oh, Red Riding Hood. Grandmother is sick at her home by the forest. Would you go and visit her?

KURO: No way. (he starts playing video games)

LILY: Eh?

KURO: Too troublesome. Don’t wanna go out.

MAHIRU: Little Red Riding Hood hated troublesome things.

LILY: Oh no! (quietly) The story won’t move forward if you say that.

LILY: (clears throat) Grandma Misono would be happy to see you, too. Would you go see her?

KURO: It’s normal for Bastard-chan to not feel well, right?

LILY: Geez! Don’t say that.

KURO: Don’t pull my clothes!

KURO: If I say I won’t go then I won’t.

MAHIRU: Little Red Riding Hood really hated doing troublesome things.

LILY: Come now, it won’t even take 30 minutes to walk there.

LILY: You just have to give her this grape juice and cake.

KURO: Then you go do it. I’ll watch the house.

LILY: Ah, then, let’s do this! In exchange for visiting her, I’ll buy you a new game console.

LILY: I’ll even include a soda and potato chips with it~!

LILY: Now, what will you do?

KURO: Guess I have no choice. (Kuro stands up)

MAHIRU: Little Red Riding Hood’s feelings were finally captivated.

MAHIRU: Wearing her trademark red cloak and carrying her cell phone, she went on her way.

LILY: (sighs) Now the story can finally continue.

LILY: Hm? K-Kuro! You forgot to take the basket with the juice and cake in it!

  ***

  (birds chirping)

MAHIRU: Meanwhile in the forest, there was a wolf lurking, looking for a victim.

HYDE: Hey, hey, everyone~! It’s your miracle wolf who’s overflowing with coolness and cuteness at the same time, Lawless-chan!

HYDE: Sorry for making you wait~

MAHIRU: That’s kinda irritating… A-ah…! (clears throat) However, rumours about the wolf have been circulating recently so most people have started avoiding the forest.

MAHIRU: And so the wolf was starving.

HYDE: I’m so hungry! Who was the stupid guy who said that there was a wolf in the forest?!

HYDE: I’m just a very, very kind wolf, ya know~?

(footsteps)

HYDE: Huh?

MAHIRU: The wolf was sure that he heard the sound of a human’s footsteps.

MAHIRU: When he took a small peek, what caught his eye was the deep red cloak.

(footsteps)

HYDE: (to himself) That’s… It’s Red Riding Hood, huh~ (laughs menacingly)

HYDE: (to himself) I’m so lucky to have my prey walk right in here!

HYDE: (comes out from his hiding place) Little miss, where are you going~?

MAHIRU: Are you hitting on him?!

HYDE: Yeah, I’m talking to you~ You wearing the red hood!

TSUBAKI: Eh? I—Me?

HYDE: Yes! Do you have food with you? I’m really starving, ya see?

TSUBAKI: Then, tell me something interesting~

HYDE: Huh…?

TSUBAKI: If you tell me something interesting I’ll give you some food.

TSUBAKI: You’re fine with some kibidango2, right~?

MAHIRU: That’s from Momotaro! I heard that he’d be the director so why’s he playing Red Riding Hood, too?!

TSUBAKI: Shirota Mahiru, I can hear you! I think I have more merit playing the main character than Sloth’s Sleepy Ash~!

TSUBAKI: My image color’s red, too~

MAHIRU: That’s all?!

BELKIA: (panting) Tsubakyun, the hunter’s not there. Geh! It’s a wolf!

SAKUYA: (in a monotone voice) Wah!

SAKUYA: Well, I’ll be running away so take care of the rest. (they run away)

TSUBAKI: Wait! Save me. That’s your role, right?

HYDE: I don’t remember there being a role like that.

HYDE: Anyway, are you really Red Riding Hood? It seems veeeeeeerrrry suspicious.

TSUBAKI: I didn’t draw it but I wanted to play this role. Got a problem with that?

MAHIRU: Of course we do! That’d make the cards meaningless then! What are you doing?!

TSUBAKI: It’s an impromptu show so don’t sweat the small stuff.

HYDE: I can’t go along with this! I have to go find the real Red Riding Hood.

MAHIRU: (sighs) When the wolf found out that it wasn’t the real Red Riding Hood, he went on his way.

MAHIRU: While he was walking, he saw a person’s figure by the refreshing shade of a tree.

(snoring)

HYDE: A red hood…? Is it the real one this time~?

MAHIRU: The wolf called out to the figure and slowly approached them.

HYDE: He~llo~ If you sleep here you’ll catch a cold, Nii-s— ah, no, Little Red Riding Hood!

KURO: Hmmm?

HYDE: What are you doing in a place like this?

KURO: I was on the way to visit someone but I suddenly got sleepy.

KURO: It’s the end for me… Go in my place.

KURO: I’ll… leave it… to you…

MAHIRU: You make it sound so gallant like you just got defeated by an enemy but you’re just gonna sleep!

(snoring)

HYDE: But isn’t this a chance? I should go to her grandma’s house and eat her while she’s here sleeping. And then when Red Riding Hood gets there later, I’ll eat her, too?

HYDE: (laughs) I knew it! I’m a genius!

HYDE: I got it! I’ll fulfil that request of yours.

KURO: Y-yeah… I’ll leave it to you. (snores)

HYDE: If you say so then I’ll go no—

(gun cocking sounds)

LICHT: Don’t move.

HYDE: …! Don’t tell me…! The hunter is Lichtan!?

LICHT: I’m not a hunter, I’m an angel!

HYDE: Ah… Eh… Um… You drew the ‘hunter’ card, didn’t you?

LICHT: Even as an angel, I can exterminate demons with this rifle.

LICHT: Today I am a sniper angel.

HYDE: I see…

MAHIRU: There’s nothing to be satisfied about that!

LICHT: Have you repented yet? Get lost, you shitty demon!

HYDE: Ah no, I’m not a demon, I’m a wol— (gunshot)

HYDE: EEEHHHH?!!! Why’d you bring a real gun!?

(gunshots continue)

HYDE: (panicking) Woah! Wai—wait!! Listen to me! (more gunshots)

HYDE: This is a fairy tale! We need to do it without violence! LOVE AND PEACE!!

LICHT: It won’t hit you if you keep running away! (gunshots)

HYDE: Of course I’d be running away!

MAHIRU: And then, a new figure suddenly appeared.

  HUGH: Stop the needless scuffle!

LICHT: Who are you?

HUGH: If you keep shooting blindly, you might hit an innocent animal unexpectedly.

HUGH: Is that alright with you?

LICHT: …! That’s--- That’s not good…

HUGH: (panting) I—I’m also an innocent animal though…

LICHT: Bastard, what are you?

LICHT: Are you an angel? Or are you a demon?

HUGH: That is a great question. My name is Hugh the Dark Algernon III!

HUGH: I am a hunter in this forest.

HYDE: Don’t tell me… There’re two hunters?!

HUGH: This is my apprentice Tetsu.

TETSU: Hey, nice to meet ya.

MAHIRU: Wha—That’s too many hunters!

HYDE: Three hunters…? Isn’t 3 against 1 with a wolf a little unfair?!

LICHT: No, it’s not really. As long as it’s for cleaning up demons.

TETSU: Cleaning up? What’ll we do? Wash him like laundry?

HYDE: Please don’t treat people like dirty clothes!

HUGH: I’ve heard that this wolf is a bad one who eats people.

HUGH: It’d do us good to get rid of him now.

TETSU: I see. (cracks knuckles)

HYDE: Bare-handed even though you’re a hunter?!

HYDE: Please wait! I’ve never even eaten a human before!

HUGH: Hm? Is that so?

HYDE: I was just really starving and… I was only pestering passers-by to give me some of their food.

TETSU: What should we do, Hugh-sensei?

HUGH: I don’t think what he’s saying is true but never mind. I’ve decided to believe him.

LICHT: We won’t exterminate him…?

HYDE: Why do you sound a little disappointed?

HYDE: Wait—You mentioned that he’s your apprentice, right? Are you master and student?

TETSU: Yeah, Hugh-sensei’s amazing. Even though he’s small he can kill a bear in one strike.

HUGH: Tetsu’s doing pretty great for an apprentice, too!

HUGH: Even during the rain…

(flashback sort of scene)

(thunder claps)

HUGH: Not yet, Tetsu! We won’t go home until you throw that boar off the cliff.

TETSU: Yeah.

HUGH: Even during the strong winds…!

(flashback)

(strong wind blowing)

HUGH: Woah! I feel like I’ll be blown away!

TETSU: Are you alright, Sensei? Grab on to me.

HUGH: We’ve trained long and hard. Even now, we’re undefeated in this forest. We’re one in mind and spirit—

MAHIRU: Stop, stop! It’s a nice story but it’s got nothing to do with our play! Let’s leave that out!

MAHIRU: Meanwhile, at Grandma’s house…

MAHIRU: Mother Lily had delivered the grape juice and cake herself after Red Riding Hood forgot to bring it.

LILY: (sighs) Red Riding Hood’s taking so long… I wonder what path she took.

LILY: This area’s been pretty dangerous lately so I hope she didn’t run into some trouble.

MISONO: (scoffs) That one’ll do something about it on her own. Also, you didn’t have to visit me.

LILY: You’re still saying that. In truth you were really looking forward to it, weren’t you?

MISONO: …! That’s not true!

LILY: You even brought out your special tea cups~

MISONO: Th—That’s… I just happened to bring it out.

LILY: Now, now. I brought your favourite juice and cake so why don’t we eat first?

MISONO: It’s… It’s a chocolate cake, right?

LILY: Of course! It’s your favourite cake after all~

  MAHIRU: At that time, a sudden knock on the door came.

  (knocks)

MISONO: Is that Red Riding Hood?

LILY: (whispering) Misono, it should be the wolf according to how the story goes.

MISONO: (whispering) This is bad…! This is supposed to be the scene where I was sleeping alone…!

MISONO: Hide for now, Lily!

LILY: Even if you say that there’s no—

MISONO: Anywhere will do!

LILY: I- I understand! (Lily hides under a blanket)

(door opens)

TSUBAKI: Good afternoon, Grandma~!

BELKIA: Oh my~ She’s really sleeping~

SAKUYA: Wasn’t the setting something like her having a cold?

TSUBAKI: (quietly) Ah~ Wait a sec, look at that.

SAKUYA: Hm?

TSUBAKI: The futon is… raised suuupeeer high.

TSUBAKI: That means that Grandma was already eaten~

TSUBAKI: So, the one sleeping there is—

BELKIA: A WOLF?!

TSUBAKI: Wait! Your voice is too loud, Bel~

SAKUYA: What should we do? Is there a hunter around?

TSUBAKI: Let’s do this~ (they start whispering incoherently)

SAKUYA: Eh… That sounds troublesome…

BELKIA: Alright, Tsubakyun~

TSUBAKI: Let’s go~

TSUBAKI: Grandma~ Are you feeling okay?

MISONO: …

TSUBAKI: Ah! You’re suffering so much that you can’t even speak!

TSUBAKI: Your ears are getting so red, too!

MISONO: … It’s because of the cold… (coughs)

TSUBAKI: Your bed hair is so messy, too!

MISONO: It’s because I was sleeping from the cold…!

TSUBAKI: And you’ve gotten so small, too!

MISONO: That’s…! (stutters) I-it might be because of the cold! (coughs)

BELKIA: What sort of cold is that?

TSUBAKI: Your stomach’s this large, too~ Should we return it back to normal?

LILY: (muffled) Ow! That hurts…! My body’s gonna get crushed…!

MISONO: (screams in pain) My—my stomach’s fine so don’t touch it!

TSUBAKI: Ho-ho~ I knew it~ Your stomach’s full so touching it is bad, huh~

MISONO: Huh?

BELKIA: Fooling us won’t do you any good! The proof’s right here!

MISONO: Stop!

(Belkia removes the blanket)

LILY: Ah… Hey there…

TSUBAKI/BELKIA: Eh…?

MAHIRU: Meanwhile, in the forest…

MAHIRU: The wolf and the hunters were still arguing.

MAHIRU: I wonder how long they’ll keep at it…

HYDE: I told you! If I don’t go to where the Grandma is, the story won’t progress!

LICHT: You think that simply letting a wolf like you go would end in a happy ending? Die.

TETSU: That’s true, you have a point.

HUGH: Hmm… But what if he’s really innocent?

HYDE: Ah, geez! Someone save me please!

MAHIRU: At that time… Hiding around in the bushes was another person!

  MIKUNI: You have nothing to worry about. I’ll go to where Misono is.

HYDE: Ah…! Don’t tell me… You’re a second wolf?!

HYDE: Thank goodness! I was so troubled.

MIKUNI: No, I’m a tree.

HYDE: Huh…?

MIKUNI: A tree. (in English) Tree.

MAHIRU: Why’d you have to repeat it in English?!

MIKUNI: I mean, I look like a tree, right? I’m wearing brown and all.

HYDE: … Isn’t a tree supposed to just be standing!? I’ve never seen a tree with this much lines!

LICHT: The demons keep multiplying…!

MIKUNI: Aw come on~ I’m just a normal tree.

MIKUNI: My aura’s just a little bit intense so I understand the misunder— (gasps) You’ve been staring for a while… Don’t look at my Abel with those eyes!

HYDE: No one was looking! If you’re a tree then what role does that doll play!?

MIKUNI: Hah?! Abel’s a doll. She can’t play any role. Are you alright in the head?

HYDE: Eh?

HYDE: Lichtan, give me that rifle.

MIKUNI: Violence? Oh my, how scary~ So scary~!

(video game beeping sounds)

HUGH: You went up another level, huh?

KURO: Well, I play it everyday so…

TETSU: This Pokamon’s3 not really easy to get, right?

TETSU: Mr. Sloth—no, Red Riding Hood, you’re amazing. I have so much respect for you now.

HUGH: Oh? My Gorochu’s4 at a very high level now too, you know?

MAHIRU: (sighs) Red Riding Hood and Hunter 2 and 3 suddenly started playing Pokamon for some reason.

MAHIRU: Meanwhile, at Grandma’s house…

TSUBAKI: A strange man came out from the bed where the wolf’s supposed to be. What’s going on?

MISONO: (clears throat) I think you’re misunderstanding something but, I’m not a wolf.

MISONO: Aren’t you guys the wolf?

TSUBAKI: We aren’t… the wolf?

MISONO: I’m the grandmother! Lily’s the mother.

LILY: Ohohohoho~

TSUBAKI: The situation’s getting more and more complicated now!

TSUBAKI: (laughs) So not interesting…

BELKIA: Why is the mother here? Isn’t she supposed to be watching the house?

MISONO: This is… Um, there was a lot that happened, see?

MISONO: More importantly, who are you guys?!

TSUBAKI: Me? I’m Little Red Riding Hood!

LILY: Huh? Isn’t Kuro supposed to be Red Riding Hood?

TSUBAKI: Who the hell decided that?

SAKUYA: Well, you only decided to do this on your own though.

MISONO: Don’t think that I’ll forgive you for that, bastard!

LILY: Ah, Misono, calm down. Your blood pressure’s rising.

MISONO: Don’t treat me like the elderly! I’m still young!

(knocks)

MISONO: Who is it this time?!

HYDE: (disguising his voice; over the door) Good afternoon, Grandmother. It’s me, Red Riding Hood.

HYDE: (disguising his voice; over the door) I came here to visit you after hearing that you’re not well.

MISONO: You’re too late!!

HYDE: Huh?

MISONO: I’m saying that you’re too late! Red Riding Hood’s already here.

MISONO: I’m busy right now! Go home!

HYDE: (over the door) EH?! Wait!

MISONO: You’re persistent! Don’t tell me, you’re supposed to be the bad guy?

MISONO: I’m not gonna do anything! I won’t go along with you!

(banging on the door)

HYDE: OPEN UP! Just when I finally got to do something wolf-like after running away from Lichtan!

(gun cocking sounds)

LICHT: I finally found you, shit rat.

HYDE: (panics)      

LICHT: I’ll exterminate you with my angel powers this time for sure.

HYDE: AAAAAHHHHH!!!! (gunshots)

LICHT: Die. (more gunshots)

HYDE: NOO!!!

LICHT: DIEEEEE!!!

MAHIRU: And so, Grandma protected herself and wasn’t eaten by the wolf.

MAHIRU: Uh… At that time, the real Red Riding Hood was…

(video game beeping)

KURO: (sighs) Home is really calming.

KURO: The outside is so scary with wolves and hunters. Can’t deal.

MAHIRU: Red Riding Hood is… back at home like usual…

MAHIRU: All’s well that ends well…

MAHIRU: Get a grip, you NEET Red Riding Hood!

  ==END==

 Translator’s Notes:

1 “Momotaro/桃太郎” (lit. Peach Boy) is a famous hero legend in Japan about an old, childless couple who found a giant peach floating in the river. When they opened up the peach to eat it, a boy came out of the peach saying that he was sent by the Heavens to become their child. Years later, Momotaro left to fight a lot of demons. Along with his companions, they go and fight the demon and he returns home victorious with his spoils from the war. [Source]

2 The kibidango/吉備団子 is a famous Japanese delicacy that has an eponymous reference to an old province in Okayama Prefecture, the origins of the Momotaro story. And so it has a strong connection with Momotaro as well as it is a food that he was said to have carried. [Source]

3 “Pokamon” is obviously a spoof on Pokemon XD

4 “Gorochu” is a parody of Pikachu.

※ Please don’t re-upload these translations anywhere without permission. ^^