#abh

[the0retically]

The fact that Alfred is the March Hare in Sick to Death but takes the hat off and is just Alfred and gets in Alice’s face about how she won’t let the story continue and keeps trying to stop it to save him, because if they don’t finish the story then he can’t die and leave her

But Alfred is so tired and she won’t accept that he’s going to die and she tells him that everything she’s doing is for him “it’s all about your pain” and he looks so defeated when responding with “sorry, but who’s pain” because that’s the question: is she trying to save him from death or herself from the pain of losing him?

[natashalostt]

eat up depressed bitches

[hansrilowz]

this has been one of my ultimate favorite choreographies in theatre ever since i saw this slime for the first time in 2019. LIFE CHANGING and everyone must watch it at least once…

[doggolol]

HE ALMOST SURRENDERS TO THE KISS

HE WAS SUPPOSED TO SURRENDER TO THE KISS

IM SOBBING

[zephzephyrus]

Alice by Heart and Next to Normal and their depictions of grief

less of an essay and more just a ramble about them, but tdlr; they have their similarities and differences in their portrayals of grief and how the characters deal with it.

it is very long, so you have been warned, and if you read it I hope you enjoy!

I was just in AbH and have a little hyperfix on N2N, so here we go.

The way these two shows depict grief is so wildly different with the way the characters handle their feelings, yet there are similarities (ofc); Alice seeing Alfred and Co. as Wonderland characters and Diana seeing Gabe, neither being who/what they are.

Alice has to deal with the fact that she's losing her best friend, and there's nothing anyone can do to save him. She thinks that reading to him will make it better, that being with her will make it better. Books make things a little less painful, and Alice is all he has, so of course, being near her will make him feel better, thus making him healthy again. Alice is fifteen years old, stuck underground during the London Blitz with no one she knows except Alfred, and the only things she can do to minimise the pain and grief threatening to take over are to deny and escape. She ignores the warning from the Nurse, "Catch that cough, he'll be your death," and goes behind the curtain anyway to drag Alfred into one last adventure through Wonderland.

Alfred, for all he tries to do, begs Alice to let him go, and she can't. He's all she has. So he goes along with it, he follows her into the story and down the rabbit hole. The thing about this is that it's all in their heads. The other people in the underground are cast as characters in Wonderland and play along for the most part. But as Alfred slips further away and begs Alice to just get to the end, one last time, Alice holds on tighter and eventually loses him altogether. Then the Alfred we see is one from her mind, a ghost, a hallucination, because she still can't let go. Not yet.

Diana Goodman has spent years ignoring her grief. Her mental health is a huge part of that and it declines rapidly throughout the show as she continues to push away said grief. Holding on to what should've been, causing the very memory of Gabe to twist into what we see, the spirit of grief clinging to her and antagonising everyone else, just begging to be recognised. Not only that, but she sees him as a normal teen doing normal teen things when he's not tormenting everyone else. He goes to school, stays out late, plays football, argues with her like he would've done—could've done if he were alive. He's not pictured as the perfect kid, he's just a kid.

In the prelude, Gabe tells Diana, "You gotta let go, mom. I'm almost eighteen." He warns her from the beginning that she needs to let go, she needs to grieve, or it'll never get better. And Diana can't. She can't grieve because grieving means forgetting. It means leaving Gabe behind and moving on with her life and acting like he was never there. So, the solution to her is to never grieve cause, "if you won't grieve me, you won't leave me behind." And the continuous refusal to allow those feelings to come to light causes her to spiral and make things so much worse, not just for her, but for her family, too. A cool thing about all that, which I appreciate very much, is that Gabe is constantly in light. Looking at it or going towards it, even saying, “catch me I’m falling,” as if he’s falling away from it, cause Diana is holding him back. She physically holds him back during some of these moments, and he latches on to her during others when it seems like she might let him. 

Both characters believe that if they hold on, then things will turn out fine, that the pain will eventually stop and things will just be normal (no pun intended). We, as the audience, know that it can't happen unless they let go. And while Alice works through her grief during the show, eventually accepting that Alfred is gone, Diana doesn't. She doesn't work through her grief because she doesn't grieve. They give her meds, she goes to therapy, she gets ECT, but she still doesn't grieve. Not until the end, when she realises that it's not something that can be 'cured', that it's a hurt that will stay with her and is part of her, does she allow herself to begin to grieve and let go.

Another thing, the characters in both. In Alice by Heart, the characters help Alice to come to terms with what and how she's feeling, allowing this child to process the hurt as needed. In Next to Normal, the characters—mostly Dan and Dr. Madden—attempt to help Diana in ways they think will work best, but Diana doesn't really want help, nor do they do the one thing that Diana actually needs: naming Gabe. He says so himself with, “Until you name me, you can’t tame me,” representing not just Diana’s grief, but the family's grief and how encompassing it is. Dr. Madden tries, but because Dan also isn't ready to face his own grief, which is a whole other thing, he hinders Diana's progress rather than helping her.

Alfred and Gabe. Alfred wants to let go. He tells Alice that he's running out of time and warns her over and over again that he can't stay. Throughout the musical, he follows her and reminds her of his circumstances, which she refuses to acknowledge, and he eventually becomes a spirit existing in her mind in her vision and allows her to have the closure she needs. Gabe wants to be acknowledged for what he is, who he is, and that is the part of Diana that has been locked away and left to fester into the possessive, desperate, destructive force we see throughout the show. Both are plagued by the grief surrounding them, and they have no control over it, like cogs in a machine.

At the end of Alice by Heart, Alice and Alfred have one last moment together during “Afternoon” to say goodbye. The characters, at the end of the song, are physically holding on to one another as Alice clings to him for a final time. Alfred drops out of singing, lets go of Alice—and she lets him—and walks off stage while Alice continues, signifying that she grieved. She grieved for her friend and was able to continue with her life, not forgetting him. At the beginning of “Winter Blooms”, Clarissa, a snobby girl, says, “At least the story’s done,” to which Alice replies, “No, never done.” She recognises that he’s gone, but she will not forget him. She carries his memory and keeps his story alive.

At the end of Next to Normal, we see Diana realise that holding on is hurting her and everyone around her, so she leaves. Dan finally acknowledges Gabe, even if it’s just for a second, and Natalie helps her dad while also grieving her mom and someone she never knew. During “Light”, they all get/have what they need. Natalie has someone who knows her for her and won’t give up on her, Dan finds someone to talk to, and Diana works through her grief. All while this is happening, Gabe lingers behind them. Not as some malevolent spirit tearing down each attempt to help Diana, but as a watcher; a reminder that he was there, that he is there. A reminder that grief doesn’t go away; it lingers. And that doesn’t have to mean forgetting who you’ve lost. 

Grief is not a linear process. It can be, but it rarely is. It's gut-wrenching and exhausting and long and unforgiving and hard, and these musicals are so very good at depicting it and the journey it takes to just get somewhere with it; Alice taking no more than a day and Diana taking over eighteen years. These musicals show that it's okay to grieve, no matter how long it takes, and that it's not easy, but it is necessary.

This was less of an essay and more of a ramble of thoughts about them. didn't even touch on the religious connotation behind Gabe's name or what it signifies, but that’s for another time (also the tumblr people talk about it, so def go look at those). I adore both of these musicals with all my heart, and they mean so, so much to me. If you haven't seen/listened to either, you absolutely should, and if you've only seen/heard one, you should go check out the other. Okay, ramble done.

[wrenofwvnds]

them ! i hope this show gets a west end production one day!

[staywithmestill]

Alfred Hallam 🕰️🐇🗝️

“But how can I stop the clock in me when I’m chasing me still”

[dankest-of-lies]

need to see these 2 be best friends and/or lovers tee bee ache (tbh)

[notfye]

First chapter of After the Bombs is up!

[wasnt-always-there]

Haven't posted here in ages because I always forget-

I made these a while ago, though

My OCs plus silly things about them :DD

[mysticeyeliner]

ABH Poster Acrylics

I've been working on this for about five days, it's 22×15 inches

Inspired by this bridgerton poster^

[ellie-r2]

Thinking about Alfred being behind everyone else in down the hole when they sing "What happens if I can't get out of wonderland" and then him dying in "wonderland"

[1-800-googleimagesearch]

if the tuberculosis doesnt get him first a fall will

[teatimemols]

I like Malek's appearance and teasing, but he acts so freaking pretentious. It is painful, actually, lmao

Every time he starts with his (moral? ethical?) relativism, I'm just

[sleepboysummer]

one (1) person asked me for this so. here are some really specific beliefs i have about alice spencer (and consequently some abt alfred)

ok this one is sily and stupid but. i fully believe that the singing is just a narrative device in the show to tell the story... the real alice spencer can NOT sing. she is so fucking bad at it. (alfred however. he is randomly so good. like, the way he sounds in the show is his real singing voice)

grows up to be a writer, especially of childrens books, finally able to channel her habit of escapism into something good

braids her hair like every single day..

she wouldve been in her early 20s when the alice in wonderland movie came out. when she heard about it she was so pissed and all "theyre going to ruin the story... this isnt like the book at all.." but then cried in the theatre seeing it

if she found out there was a musical about her she would be SO annoying and never shut up about it

always loved playing princesses, probably still would if you asked

enfp

as an adult she constantly travels whenever she can

was super annoying to alfred as a kid, always telling him that he was gross and had cooties and stuff. and then like as SOON as she turned twelve she looked at him one day and was like. i want him

she immediately told him

he was like "okay". and they never acknowledged it again

[whitemonstertab]

Is the Alice by Heart fandom still alive?

any of yall out there still hiding in the bunker? if so, here’s some photos from my production that’s about to open :3

im super duper proud to be in this show and getting to play a character as cunty and hilarious as the duchess. If you’re interested in seeing it (ouuuuuu I know you are) the tickets can be bought in my bio. also bonus video