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#about how i look to somoene else?? idk if tmi but my stretchmarks are in places that are normally covered so its whatever
straykats · 3 years
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tw: body image ; brief sui imply (im okay!! just rambling) ; disordered eating but briefly ment at the end
#kats perosnal#uhhh spacer tag as i always do incase anyone doesnt wanna see the contents of my little rant ramble thing for any reason#idk if that was a large enough spacer bc i know that the amount of tags shown differs on mobile and desktop and even then i dont think its#consistent but surely this is enough#anyways i just#for the most part i don't really have a problem w my body/how i look#but sometimes i notice new stretchmarks and im like :/ oh that sucks huh#or like i realise i've gained a bit of weight and im like :/ oh that sucks huh#but other times im like. no yeah stretchmarks are totally normal and im fine w that and weight isnt gonna be consistent forever and its#bound to change#and for the most part im okay with myself and i know i need to be a bit more active so when i go to the beach to write i take a walk before#i go and i know thats not like 'okay great ur healthy now' but im kinda. hey i did smth.#but then there's like. this whole 'gym culture' thing and im like. yeah u go girl @ friends and cousin who gym and im happy for them etc#but i also feel this like.. pressure to work out and excercise and i know its not their intention when they tell me stuff about gym#like its 100% a me thing and its just this feeling i wish to Not Perceive lol#and then re: stretchmarks#i used to really not give a fuck at all bc i mean lmao didnt think i was gonna really make it long enough to get to the point where i worry#about how i look to somoene else?? idk if tmi but my stretchmarks are in places that are normally covered so its whatever#and not to get tmi/too comfy or anything but the idea of being in a position/situation where someone would see my stretchmarks makes me#very... worried and anxious bc like haha what if they're like. nope not for them.#that being said tho the prospect of having a rom partner/a future w someone is still smth i cant see for myself so like lol#and like sometimes i just become very aware of my weight or my thighs or my stomach/belly whatever lol or how a pair of pants fit a bit#differently and part of me is like. yo it doesnt really matter its whatever and then i move on. but then i also start to notice that im not#eating as regularly as i used to (not that i ever really had 3 meals but i always try to have 2)#and idk if thats a subconscious thing or if i really am just so absorbed in my day or i really jsut didnt have time#and idk its a very easy spiral to go down (body img thoughts) but im normally able to just shrug it off#but AH sigh. i just had it all on my mind just then and really wanted to get it out#im gonna try and not think about rom relos too much as well because thats a whole thing in itself and i can ramble/rant a whole new post's#worth of stuff on that so yeah. sorry if u read all this but also thanks??
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