#differently and part of me is like. yo it doesnt really matter its whatever and then i move on. but then i also start to notice that im not

[insomnihan]

han’s Entire Thoughts & Feelings on Dreamcatcher’s “Odd Eye”

oh mY F UCKING GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-

there are no read mores here so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

ALRIGHT SO-

OH MY F UCKING GOD THE SONG WHERE DO I EVEN BEGIN WITH THIS??????????? DEAD ASS?????????????? THAT BEGINNING SOUND ALONE TRIGGERED MY FIGHT OR FLIGHT AND THEN IT JUST CALMS DOWN YET MY BRAIN IS ALREADY F UCKING LOSING IT- ITS THE GUITAR ALL THROUGHOUT AND HOW I JUST HEADBANG WITH EVERY HIT OF THAT DRUM OR WHATEVER THE F UCK FOR ME- pls calm down okay i just……………………… leez…… ollounder…………… i oWE YOU MY LIFE- the way the prechorus is so FAST???????? like whaT IN THE ACTUAL F UCK the way it hypes me up with that instrumental the DRUMS GOT ME BOUNCIN AND S HIT AND GET SMACKED IN THE FACE ODD EYE I SWEAR TO GOD I FELT A NEW EMOTION AFTER THA- AFTER THIS WHOLE SONG TO BE HONEST-

THE?????????????? LINE DISTRIBUTION?????????????? IS SO SE*Y?????????????? THE IMMENSE POWER IN SIYEONS AND YOOHYEONS VOICES I CANT- ACTUAL SUA RAPPER CRUMBS idc what yall say minuscule sua rapper crumbs THE AMOUNT OF HANDONG AND DAMI LINES IS F UCKING DELICIOUS 😩😩😩 HANDONG VERSE CHORUS AND BRIDGE?????????????? DAMI BRIDGE??????????????? ‘LIVE IT UP’?????????????? BICTH IM ALIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

forgot to do this for boca so imma do it here kinda

YES YOOHYEON START THE SONG

THE AMOUNT OF HANDONG?????????????????? I CANT BREATHE??????????????????????

and ofc her ooOOOooOOO-

sua rapper crumbs idc idc-

YOOHYEON AND SIYEON BEING QUEENS OF CHORUSES AGAIN ESPECIALLY THE LAST ONE GO👏OFF👏

jiu ‘no more utopia’ AND sua ‘no more utopia’ pls took me three (3) tries to type ‘utopia’

LIVE IT UP YOURE SO RIGHT QUEEN YOU BETTER RAP YOUR HEART OUT

JIU AND HANDONG CHORUS

THE F UCKING BRIDGE CHANGED MY LIFE

okay for the dance i will be using the mcountdown fancam BC I DO WANT THE F UCK I WANT 👁👁 I JUST WANNA SAY i lit rally CANNOT believe how stable they are dancing LIKE THAT™ thE POWER THEY HOLD ANYWAY as always the dance always S L A P and is literally impossible to dance to without feeling like youre absolutely f ucking d*ing and out of breath……………… LOVE THAT

THE BEGINNING EYE FORMATION ARE YOU KIDDING ME-

im delusional but lowkey deja vu clown me idc idc-

THE SUA RUNNING OUT OF THERE THE JIU THE COMPLICATED HAND STUFF

JUST👏THE👏CHOREO👏FOR👏THE👏CHORUS👏BICTH

siyeon doing this

DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

putting a bullet point for just that one (1) second of dami doing That™

handong right after…………………………………

gahyeons part with the other members doing different moves my eyes liked it

THE ENTIRE BRIDGE I DONT NEED TO SAY ANYTHING ELSE

like jiu and dami with handong ive literally watched that for five hours-

i just like the way they lined up and needed it to be linked here

THE SPIN THAT K*LLED US ALL

THE KICK THAT SENT US SIX FEET UNDER

S C R E A M……………………………………………………… Iconic™

DO YOU SEE THE BUDGET IN THE VISUALS JESUS CHRIST- the f ucking set up all of the effects!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! all of the lights!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! all of thE GLOWING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ALL OF IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the black and white set and theyre wearing red…………………… the red and white set and theyre wearing black…………………… that purple and green place…………………… the tree and random nature but everything is so futuristic looking…………………… dunno why yoohyeon is in a graffiti covered restroom but im LIVING for it- SIYEON SURROUNDED BY THOSE TVS DAMI IN THAT TRAIN THAT MULTICOLORED PLACE WHEREVER SUA IS EXCUSE ME- I COULD LITERALLY NAME EVERY SCENE IN THIS DAMN MUSIC VIDEO AND THEY👏ALL👏SLAP👏HARD👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

TIME TO SHOW WHICH SCENES I LIKED

THE WHOLE F UCKING THI-

jk ill name some😊😊😊again id name everything but ill just show one i liked more than others bc this is alreADY TOO DAMN LONG-

this is self restraint btw

I FEEL THREATENED-

helL YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AND IF I CRIED????????????????????????

this is here for no reason other than bc i wanted it here-

OOP-

OOP- x2

………………………………… F-

WHY OFC I HAVE TO PUT THIS HERE

ABSOLUTELY…………………………… ABSOLUTELY

OH F CUK-

it was this or the close up shot either way it k*lled me

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-

😦

OH NO-

OOP- x3

😔😔😔😔😔😔😔

honestly let me just mention i really clowned and set myself up for heartbreak bc the album is only called ‘road to utopia’ but i assumed theyll find utopia bc thats how trilogies work but then this slaps me in the face- what im saying is im 🤡

T H E M

oK A Y SO THIS POST IS LONG ENOUGH ALREADY LIKE GODDAMNIT COULD I JUST SHUT UP FOR TEN (10) MINUTES PLS- SO HERE ILL JUST SAY ONE (1) WORD………………………………………………

W O M E N™

plus this truly is long enough good god-

JIU

OH BICTH SHE GRABBED ME BY MY NECK RIGHT AT THE START WHEN SHE JUST POPPED UP- lemme just talk about this screenshot for a second the STREAKS IN HER HAIR and THE PIERCING???????? THE JACKET???????GOOD GOD????????? L I S T E N her outfits during the dance scenes the R E D especially jeSUS- its that red one for me im pretty sure some of yall saw me go F E R A L™ on the dashboard about it so i WILL NOT go into it again- and theN THAT DRESS A F CUKING QUEEN LOVE TO SEE IT

SUA

ONCE AGAIN I HAVE TO BRING UP THE VERY START WITH THAT SLOW MO- RED👏IS👏HER👏COLOR 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏  the dark hime cut………………… the choker on both the red and the black is it the same one doesnt matter im d*ad……………… yo her wavy hair and that dress when it looked like she was in some hair shampoo commercial bicth i liVED FOR THAT- and theN T H I S YES THIS THAT IN THE SCREENSHOT the leather and the jacket the writing on her face i waNT HER TO BEAT ME WITH THAT LIGHT-

SIYEON

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY IM LITEREALLY CRYINNG

I SWEAR TO GOD I SCREAMED EVERY TIME SHE WAS ON THE SCREEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! pls breathe yes i see that orange coat with the collar and her two different colored eyes and how she is sitting in that chair i see her looking so fine in that red outfit especially near the end of the mv oh mY GOD- those pants yall bringing that style back from boca literally let me bREATHE FOR LIKE TWO (2) SECONDS

HANDONG

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LISTENLISTENLISTENLISTEN my eyes legit started tearing up when i saw her so soon in the mv yall DO NOT understand the emotions im going through to rewatch this mv again and again anD- iiiIIIIiiII CANNOT FULLY EXPRESS MYSELF BUT I JUST WANNA DIRECTLY MENTION THOSE CRYSTALS AND HER HIGH PONYTAIL SHE MADE F UCKING SURE TO SHOW OFF HOW POWERFUL SHE IS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YOOHYEON

YOOHYEON WITH BUNS??????????????????? THAT LIPSTICK COLOR RIGHT AT THE START???????? THAT OUTFIT WITH THE RED PLAID SKIRT????????? like when you REALLY look at the outfit the polkadot jacket and the tie makes not a lot of sense but she made it woRK!!!!!!!!! okayokayokay her lip ring and dance outfits lets talk about it to be honest its something about that chain that hangs on her torso that makes it really hit………………… but like the entire outfits HIT™ she ripped her pants didnt she

DAMI

I CANT STAND THIS WOMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! tell me why for literally one (1) second of that ‘live it up’ it snapped my neck???????? it was HARDLY A FLASH OF LIGHT YET IT WAS ENOUGH TO HURT ME- i prefer her short hair but listen the longer hair is making so many points rn- i think i said that for boca too… SHES LITERALLY SITTING YALL AND YET HERE I AM- the jacket the necklace the gloves and then that dramatic spin and the leaves OH MY GOD- DID YALL👏SEE THE WAY👏SHE KEPT👏FEELING👏HER NECK👏👏👏👏👏👏👏!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GAHYEON

GAHYEON THE WOMAN YOU ARE- i wanna start with the black hair and thee stickers look bc i wanna buT WE LOVE NOIR BY SUNMI but like i love that look like overall????????????? she literally wears the same outfit for that and this screenshot but the vibe is so different i LOVE this purple color she got going rn and that black hair IS A STATEMENT imma be more open here about it but lowkey i am genuinely missing her dark hair rn- anyway THAT DESIGN AROUND HER EYE WITH THAT RED OUTFIT BRUH DO I D*E-

BONUS TIME: B-SIDE TRACKS (short thoughts and parts i liked)

Intro

IVE NEVER BEEN SO FERAL IN MY LIFE

Wind Blows

this instrumental……………………… holy god????????????? its chill for like a second in the beginning and then it just YEETS you in- imma be real i wasnt sure about that ‘wind blows’ part i dunno why i ……… into it at first but yknow whaT THATS ONE OF THE BEST PARTS DAMIS RAP I SWEAR- but then the prechorus parts are so chill??????????? is it bc its handong its probably bc its handong ‘always be with you like gravity’ siyeon pls- it gives me the same energy as tension and break the wall where i feel like i jusT GAIN ALL THE STRENGTH AND CONQUER THE WORLD yes i saw the dance multiple times it k*lled me every single time

Poison Love

literally what the f uck- when i heard it in the highlight medley i knew i was gonna LOVE this like i cant stand how much i love their sexy bops like dami got me immediately ‘why do you?’ YOURE RIGHT DAMI WHY DO I- you could NEVER go wrong with lower register dreamcatcher NOTHING👏CAN👏GO👏WRONG👏 DAMI AND GAHYEON THEIR RAPS JESUS CHRIST i put my hand on my heart i was so taken aback- maybe i went back to replay it a few times when i was listening to it and then handong……………………………………………………… UH ANYWAY-

4 Memory

JIIIIIIIIIUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WE LOVE THE HAPPY AND BOUNCY AND FUN BOP OF THE ALBUM- like ive said this to a few moots that this song just makes me happy and lifts up my mood its the little instrumental parts in the chorus for me i dunno what it is its just pleasant to my ears and then damis rap is so fun like :cccccc cute- like this is a song about the seasons and wanting to be with someone (well jiu help write this is this about like insomnias or am i a stupid clown-) like i REALLY WISH i could express how much i enjoy this song but i would just be repeating myself that its a feel good happy song!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

New days

DAAAAAAAAMIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LIKE i dunno how to describe the energy this song holds except ‘friendship energy’- its literally the guitar all throughout the song for me LIKE i feel like im just wrapped in a nice hug BUT NOT JUST ANY KIND OF HUG its the kind that the other person opened their jacket and theyre holding me and their jacket is around me listening to this song yall i kinda wanna cry i dunno- everyone sounds so lovely especially jiu pls her voice is so soft and DAMI OFC HER RAP GETS A HELL YEAH™ FROM ME like the ‘find you’ AND THEN AT THE END ‘FOUND YOU’ IM 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 (if yall cant see its the pleading puppy eyed emoji)

LIKE WHAT A WAY TO START THE F UCKING YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! im so in awe of everything about this as SOON AS SOON I SAY i saw the very first photo teaser and i COULDNT STOP LISTENING TO THE HIGHLIGHT MEDLEY AND THE TEASER WITH THE SUITS AND THE DRINKS IS STILL LIVING IN MY HEAD- alright alright ill calm down for this part but its one of my FAVORITE ALBUMS FOR👏SURE👏 like i really cant think of any criticisms regarding anything about it!!!!!!!!!!!! since im posting this after promotions are over (odd eye promotions anyway) i will just say im EXTREMELY proud of what we have accomplished as fans and what the girls have achieved during this era!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it was hella wild all around and i am once again saying that im very happy to be an insomnia <3<3<3<3<3<3<3

and ONCE AGAIN JUST ONE (1) MORE TIME RIGHT BEFORE MY BIRTHDAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉 

IN CONCLUSION: THIS ALBUM TAKES ME TO AN ENTIRELY NEW WORLD AND IM GONNA LIVE IT UP

AND AS ALWAYS:

[moonieseok]

𝙨𝙩𝙖𝙧𝙧𝙮 𝙣𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩...𝙚𝙭𝙘𝙚𝙥𝙩 𝙞𝙩'𝙨 𝙨𝙣𝙤𝙬𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙤𝙪𝙩𝙨𝙞𝙙𝙚?

pairings: kim taehyung and bestfriend!reader (platonic) 

request: can you do a platonic friendship kim taehyung drabble where he and his best friend have a paint night?

genre: platonic!! drabble!! and i had a tricky time coming up with the title because i wanted it to be a spin on the name of a classic painting so here you go anon! :D

word count: 1.1k 

taehyung had woken you up super early 

like i’m talking 6:00 am early

“tae. it is SIX AM NO WAY AM I GOING OUT”

...

...

and now you’re at the paint store

you didnt even know there was a paint store near your apartment??

and somehow tae knew there was a sale today 

its like he has a radar for this sort of thing

you snap out of your thoughts and look back at the endless shelves of canvasses 

canvases....canvai?? 

“uhh, tae? what do we need all this for?” you’re not sure if your wallet can handle this 

“c’mon y/n, it’s just a little paint! besides you know i like to have up to date supplies for my art~” 

so he says but 

twenty canvasses? 

twenty?? 

“listen i love that you’re passionate about this sort of thing...but this is too much.” you reach into the cart and grab a random paint bottle

“i mean come on, ashy pink? who needs ashy pink when you’ve got...uh....sunset rose??” 

he turns around and grabs the bottles from you

“i will have you know that ashy pink and sunset rose are two very different colors!” 

you honestly couldn’t care less i mean as long as you have one shade of pink it cant be all that bad? 

but are you still gonna sit there and complain until tae is done spending all his money on art supplies

yes because youre a good bestfriend 

suCK IT UP Y/N 

but the paint stuff is going to be sitting around the apartment for days

months

eighteen years

it’s just gonna be an eyesore

unless??

you draw your eyes to a poster on the wall

it reads paint night, this monday 

but over it in red text is a notice saying that the event was cancelled, because of the pandemic 

hmm

paint night

and if you make it last long enough

then all the paint can be gone in one go

“taehyungggg” you’re actually smiling now that you’ve got a way to win in this situation

“what if we had a paint night?” you ask

he stares at you for a few seconds

“you know..like a night....where we just paint....and nothing else?” 

he continues to stare

“hey are you oka- !” 

he had started rapidly shoving more bottles of paint into your cart

the cart! is getting manhandled by taehyung? 

mr. cart did nothing wrong free him

“y/n that is the most amazing idea you have had all day let’s do it RIGHT NOW” 

“taehyung its not even night yet-” “i dont care i want to PAINT NOW” 

suddenly he’s speeding towards the checkout

jesus mr. cart must be having the worst day of his life 

“taehyung- taehyung- slow down!” you run after him 

“y/n paint night waits for no one. not even you” he whispers to you as you both stop at the checkout line

“paint night wouldn’t even be happening without me so watch your mouth young man” you reach into your bag to grab some hand sanitizer because...you can never be too careful!

taehyung is moving the bottles of paint towards the register when he suddenly turns around and smiles 

“hey y/n-” “no. no we only came here because there was a sale and i am NOT going to pay for you!” 

you ended up paying anyway and now theres a crap ton of paint supplies in the back of your car

“i hope you know that means the next sushi run is on you”

taehyung reclines back on the car seat, so RELAXED and at ease

“yeah yeah whatever you say” 

you had to make him wait till the sun went down

otherwise he would’ve gone through all the supplies

and while thats what you wanted you wanted to paint too >:(

i mean you paid for the stuff you should at least get to use it 

to hold him off you just put on harry potter

it distracted him for about an hour before he got up and turned the tv off

“heY we were getting to the good part! i wanna know what happens to cedric!” 

taehyung then spoiled the movie for you

“tae how coULD you” “i mean its pretty obvious that he-” “sHUT UP LET ME MOURN” 

then the sun went down and you FINALLY let tae take the paint stuff out

“so uh..do i just grab a canvas and start painting whatever i want?” 

luckily tae was able to help you put your canvas on an easel and said “okay now paint whatever you want i am going to be over here in the zone™”

pinterest is always helpful so after 30 minutes of scrolling looking for something to paint you look up to see what tae’s doing

and this man has painted a whole ass sakura tree 

how?? when?? he’s not even using a reference??

i mean....go off bestfriend i guess 

so anyway you decided to paint your cat

because she was just sleeping and is there no better time to admire your cat then painting night? 

well first off painting is kinda hard

you have to pick the right colors for every piece of your art

and you have to make it look good 

like it doesnt matter if it looks realistic

and you know that making it good isnt important 

but you consider yourself somewhat good at drawing so this shouldnt be too hard

...

...

wrong

who knew your cat could be so rebellious

she has like 7 different shades of orange in her fur

and out of all the paints you had the right shade for her nose was not there

who knew ashy pink would come back to bite you 

tae, somehow is almost done with his painting 

“hey y/n could you pass me the sky blue” 

you get up to reach for it when suddenly your cat decides to wAKE UP 

and coincidentally knock over the paint can. 

you are now covered in paint

and behind you is the sound of laughing

you turn around slowly

to see your traitorous BEST FRIEND LAUGHING AT YOU????

well this is just terrible

so in response, you grab aSHy piNK and dump it on his head

(luckily he was done with his painting so it was somewhere else to dry)

no paintings were destroyed in the process of paint night 

after about ten minutes of paint throwing and laughing 

and accidentally getting some green on his phone but shhh shh he doesnt need to know

you both finally fall to the floor in exhaustion

“remind me to never let you touch paint again”  

“no next time just donT buy all this stuff” 

“my passion needs adequate supplies you dont get to-” 

there you go again

a/n: yo so this was really fun to write!! and i got it out pretty quickly which was good so i hope you all enjoy it :) i might be writing some genshin impact scenarios so look out for those not sure when they’ll be out tho 

[coralstudiies]

SURVIVAL GUIDE & STUDY TIPS

hello everyone!! this post is a collab with the lovely and amazing @boinkhs because we've both reached 2k followers :D she'll be doing study tips for college students and i'll be doing study tips for high schoolers. check out her post here!

i've split this into part 1. survival, which concerns how to study & learn better in general and just tips on how to get through high school. part 2. is on specific study tips for each type of subject, namely sciences, maths, languages and humanities.

Hope this helps <3

1. Don't snooze please

you just end up snoozing 5 times then you’re late for school

2. If you find you have difficulty getting out of bed, just keep in mind ONE TASK you need to do.

for example, making your bed. then you just gotta focus on that! it should help fight the sleepiness because you’re forcing your brain and limbs to be active.

3. Do the necessary things like brushing your teeth, putting on clothes and eat breakfast

i don’t know why but some people don’t eat breakfast before coming to school like ???? excuse me ???? please eat at least a small snack, or a fruit or something. your body doesnt function on an empty stomach! also, drink some water to hydrate yourself

4. On the road, you should do something that puts you in a good mood.

for me, i go straight to spotify and listen to my playlist. you should also review the previous day’s learning so that you refresh your memory before going back to class. personally this is my fav part of the day HAHAHA

5. If you like, you can choose to read a book.

just make sure you’re calm but ‘warmed up’ to focusing in a sense.

1. Hydrate frequently

idk man it just keeps you awake + i dont feel so icky if i drink enough water

2. Learn actively

if the teacher asks questions, try to answer. sit at the front row. offer to help give out the worksheets or notes. clarify your doubts after. when they speak, copy down notes. don’t worry about the aesthetic; i mean you can but you need to write fast and neat which unfortunately doesnt come together very often. i suggest you spend more brain power digesting and understanding the content.

3. Don’t over highlight

ONLY KEY POINTS that are stressed by the teacher. you can tell when their tone changes, expression changes, when they use more hand motions, or they keep repeating a few key words. yes , that. highlight that. stare at it while listening to them speak. make sure you understand. if you don’t please ask. but make sure you don’t have a fluorescent page because that’s not ideal study material!

4. Write down any questions you have

if they’re answered in the lesson, cancel them off. if not, ask after the lesson. dont be scared! *sends virtual courage*

5. Use whatever free time you have to finish homework

because you’re gonna thank yourself later. you should spend more time at home revising than doing homework. ( doing homework isnt equivalent to revising PLEASE I KNOW SO MANY PEOPLE WHO SAY THEY REVISED FOR 3 HOURS BUT ALL THEY DID WAS HOMEWORK ) also it feels better knowing you have one less thing to worry about

6. Record down all assignments, due dates and test dates

do it in a planner or your phone. doesn’t matter just keep them somewhere. it can be demoralising to see an entire entry of shit to get done but still it’s better than not knowing what needs to be done. ignorance is NOT bliss. try to color code or symbol code them, for example • for assignments (due date behind), - for tests etc. act on this when you go home (see below)

7. Have a file/binder some form of organisation to keep different subjects’ worksheets, tests, notes, reading etc.

you can have one massive binder, one binder for each subject, one folder file for each subject or anything that suits you. for me, i clip all materials of one subject together with a binder clip. the materials i use most are at the front for easy reference. then put those bundles into zipper files, perhaps one for math and sciences, another for languages and humanities. or whatever suits you best! make sure you have everything in one place so you don’t panic and dig through a pile of dog-eared paper.

8. If you can, when it’s near the exam period, don’t stay back after school unless it’s to study.

i used to stay back for training and to play volleyball with my friends and i kid you not we would play from 2pm to 6.30 pm and get nothing done but it was fun. and i’m not saying deprive yourself of that fun but when the exams are near, you should be studying somewhere quiet/ somewhere you can focus. you should go somewhere (preferably home) where you can focus and get things done.

9. Decide if you’re a lone wolf or if you need a study buddy/study group

personally i’m a lone wolf because i hate distractions and i don’t want to distract others. but when my friends ask me for help i don’t mind staying back a little to teach them and/or study with them. Personally i find that for subjects like english which require you to write about an array of topics, studying with someone else can help in generation of essay points and to just broaden your understanding of the topic. so yeah it really depends, just do what suits you :)

10. Take notes in class

try to understand while copying, and if you didn’t understand something, you should raise your hand and ask for the teacher to repeat so that you hear it again. also, it gives you more time to take notes as they re-explain the content. read them after the lesson is over to help internalise some facts. you can create your own method of organisation for your notes, e.g. colour coding.

1. Review the day’s learning on the way home.

if you take public transport, try to flip through your notes and worksheets to review new content for the first time.

2. Eat lunch, have a snack, take a shower, everything that’s necessary.

if you use your phone while eating, make sure you don’t eat slowly just to use your phone because that’s wasting time.

3. If you’re super tired, just have a 15-20min power nap

nothing more otherwise you will NEVER wake up until the dead of night. just take a nap to get some energy back. doesnt matter if you wake up feeling more tired, because you’ll shake that feeling in a while. keep a glass of water beside you so that you can drink it once you wake up!

4. Look through your ‘list’ that you made earlier in the day. (in class, pt. 6)

you might want to spend max 10 mins updating your schedule. then stare at the dreaded homework. start with the easiest and least time consuming to build up momentum. this could actually be the remainder of what you’ve finished in school. then look at the due dates. do them in order of due dates. unless it’s a huge project or assignment, you might want a head start on it!

5. With the remaining time, you should start revising

review the day’s learning AGAIN.

make notes/mindmaps/flashcards whatever works for you. you should prioritise the subject or chapter that you were most confused about. quickly revise and try to clear up any questions you have about the chapter. if you have additional time, go ahead and make notes for the next subject! another way is going through corrections and clarifying your doubts with friends/teachers, and summarise the day’s learning on a post-it or two. if you’ve already taken notes in class, look at other sources e.g textbook and combine what you’ve learnt before re-writing or re-organising your notes.

1. Pack your bag!

remove unnecessary materials, and pack the necessary one. make sure your bag isnt too heavy. you can choose to hand carry some files or binders if they’re too bulky, but make sure you’re all packed before the next morning

2. Have a meal & clean up

again, basic necessities. don’t go to bed hungry or feeling icky because thats not how you treat yo self!

Before class:

if you’re going to continue on a chapter, review the content that came before it. Try to make your own connections between the already learnt and to-be learnt content so that you’re mentally ready for class.

In class:

take down notes, highlight, annotate and DRAW DIAGRAMS. you can’t do sciences without diagrams. for physics or chemistry which require more calculation, copy down the problems your teacher goes through and solve them along with him/her. write the formulas on a post it note so you can stick it onto the page where you’re writing for easy reference. if the teacher plays a video which is MOST DEFINITELY NOT GOING TO WAIT FOR YOU you have to write only the relevant points in the most abbreviated form possible.

Note-taking:

I find that linear notes help me most in sciences. for chapters that involve lots of interconnected processes, for example o chem, then mindmaps or flowcharts will be helpful. also if you tend to forget something, post-it that stuff on the front page of your notes where you are FORCED to stare at it. yes. write down example problems and their steps, then write explanations for each step so that if you’re confused you can always refer back. again, draw any required diagrams.

Answering techniques:

if there’s a ‘standard’ way to answer it then you have to make sure you follow that way even in your homework because it’s muscle memory. when you get to exams, your hand will automatically write in the same format so you don’t lose marks or spend time recalling the correct format.

imo sciences are quite logical so as long as you remember and follow the flow you’ll be fine!

In class:

copy key terms, facts and examples and write all examples that the teacher has gone through. write all formulas and definitions on a post it, then shift it around the pages as needed. if there’s a type of problem you particularly suck at, ask your teacher for help IMMEDIATELY because it’s so easy to forget the steps to a problem.

At home:

do your homework, do additional practice, correct your mistakes, clarify, and repeat. memorise formulas and definitions (perhaps using flashcards or post its) then practice more and make sure your concepts are strong. there’s no easy way and sadly this is all i can comment.

In class:

copy down notes, think actively, and if you’re given a sample essay you should annotate the heck out of it and keep it somewhere safe.

For essays:

read up more and write up. befriend the best writer in class and ask for their essays. write essay plans and consult your teacher. brainstorm possible approaches with friends. read the news, and copy the links of interesting online articles for future reference. have a go-to list of examples and quotes you can use, for any and every topic. read these like your bedtime story and never forget to keep updating them.

For comprehension passages:

read the questions first. then you’ll be more sensitive to what you need to read in the passage and how you need to analyse it. try to question yourself about how and why the author does something or makes you feel something. do not rush-read the passage or you will fail horribly (personal experience). do one or two extra comprehensions and ask your teacher to mark them.

In class:

ARROWS TO LINK EVERYTHING and annotate any class notes given. write down new examples provided by the teacher. if there is a link you ‘can check out’ go check it out. it’s probably something thats gonna be on the exam.

At home:

you have to rely on mindmapping and flow charts because everything is linked in some way and you cannot ignore those links!!!! although i do my humanities notes in linear form, my in class notes are all in the form of mindmaps. and actually i revise from those in a pinch because i can see everything at one go. watch vids on the concepts, for example plate tectonics. those things are so hard to see when they’re deadass sitting on the page and not budging. watch a video where they really move instead of being frozen.

If you’re so frickin lost:

watch more videos on the concepts, watch more videos on the events, search up interpretations online and ask your teachers!!! for everyone who gets equally lost as me when i’m faced with a new chapter, another way is to pre-read before the teacher starts teaching. if you’re lazy to read just watch a couple clips on it so that at least you have some background. even if you wake up the next day with 0 concrete memory, which you won’t, you’ll already have the flow of things which will help you if you’re usually the straggler.

(disclaimer i study geography although i've tried history and english literature but i think that they're similar to some extent, especially on how to study them)

[the-angry-pixie]

camboy AU... but make it romantic

Camboy Bill AU feat. the OT7.

- basic stuff really

- Bill is a camboy (billoncam) on those websites that I don’t know enough about to be able to give a name.

- and he does sessions every few days in private chatrooms

- mostly solo stuff - either a vibrator or dildo in his ass whilst jacking it to the camera

- his fans love him because he is really chatty and responsive. and when he gets really turned on, he stutters. he always moans and thanks the person when someone sends him a tip - its like the tip button is directly connected to his vibrator, the way he moans every time it *dings*

- he has regulars. people who always seem to tune in and leave lots of tips. he comes to recognise their usernames.

- “welcome mikey-mike. i hope you’re having a good week.”

- “its good to see you again bigdickrich, what filthy things are you gonna say to me today?”

- stuff like that.

- he holds competitions among viewers - whoever gives him the most tips in a session gets to choose a name for him to call out when he cums

- as a result billoncam ends up moaning out “oh fuck carsforeddie! oh fuck you feel so good carsforeddie! oh fuck OH FUCK!” a lot.

- like previously stated, he’s known for his highly interactive solo stuff but every now and then his audience gets a guest appearance from other people. it always seems to be the same guys but we never get to see their faces 

- one has lovely golden skin that matches his golden curls that Bill loves to grab onto when he’s fucking him

- the other is this buff dude with dark blonde body hair that makes the most delicious sounds when he’s railing Bill

- thats right, billoncam be versatile as fuck

- even more versatile than first anticipated because one time during a session Bill is holding a photo on his phone up to show the camera and he accidentally swipes to the next photo which is of some redhead woman lying on a bed in lingerie

- the comment section goes wild and Bill is like “oh fuck, oh fuck you weren’t meant to see that, ah ha ha ha lets forget that happened pls” and he goes on with the session. trying to ignore all the questions hounding him about who the fuck that was and why was she on his bed??

- two days later when billoncam is next scheduled to cam it is immediately obvious that things are very different when the session starts on a shot of Bill sitting fully-clothed talking straight to camera

- “thanks for tuning in everyone. I just felt I wanted to do something a bit different today. There’s been lots of discussion and questions about what happened the other day and I’ve thought about it a lot and have decided that I would like to be honest with you. This is a part of who I am and I don’t want to feel ashamed of that. So the truth is... I’m bisexual. And this...”

- Bill holds up his phone showing a photo of Bill and the redhead from the lingerie photo hugging each other and smiling giddily at the camera

- “... this is Bev. She’s my girlfriend.”

- again, the comment section goes wild. Obviously Bill has been camming himself on a website for gay men and well... gays can still be mean and weird sometimes when it comes to bisexuality.

- “I know. I know. It’s not what you’ve come to expect from me. I’m sorry if you’re offended or something. Well actually I’m not sorry at all. I would never be sorry for being in love with Bev. She’s my rock. We’ve been together for so long and she means the world to me. And the only reason I’m showing her face on here is because she’s given me full permission. In fact she has her own camming channel. Which I can link you to if there are any fellow bi’s out there.”

- Because the internet is the internet, Bill notices he’s losing viewers quickly, but he’s kind of happy to note that some of his regulars are among the ones being super supportive

- sitonthis: you’re not really gay. get the fuckk outta here!

mikey-mike: thanks for being honest with us Bill. I’m bi too and some people on here need to be quiet and stop being rude.

erotic-cum-on-my-hole: where’s the dick??

bigdickrich: daaaaaaaaaaamn Bill. she’s fuckign hot! gimme dat link please >______>

br000ny: sick of these bi s trickin on us. im out.

carsforeddie: YO EVERYONE NEEDS TO SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LEAVE BILL ALOONE!@! WHO WOULDN’T WANT TO DATE BILL?! HE’S FUCKING GORGEOUS AND PERFECT!! I SWEAR TO GOD YOU ALL NEED TO MEET ME IN THE PARKING LOT RIGHT THE FUCK NNOW!!e@!

- but it doesn’t stop there. Bill has more to tell. He doesn’t get naked at all that session. But he does come clean about being polyamorous. Apparently Bill and Bev were together for years before she started dating Ben. Who then eventually started dating Bill as well (mystery solved on who buff dude is). And then a little while after that Bill started dating Stan who also began dating everyone else eventually (mystery number two solved on who golden curls is)

- of course to respect privacy Bill doesn’t give names or photos for those two (they’re not into camming and only ever fuck Bill on cam as a favour cause they know Bill loves it so much). But he does wax poetic for a further half an hour on just how much he loves all his partners and then unexpectedly signs off.

- billoncam disappears for awhile. his sessions just suddenly stop. his fans reckon its probably got to do with the negative response he got to coming out as bi. 

- they try to reach out to him on his social media but never with any luck. its funny, billoncam’s sessions have weirdly become a bit of community thing. its strange. the regulars all kind of know each other and it feels wrong to not be coming all together (pun not intended) a few times a week on Bill’s channel. but whatever, it doesn’t matter anymore because it seems billoncam is no more. he’s been scared away.

- struggling radio personality Richie Tozier is definitely not expecting to run into Bill aka. billoncam in a random Los Angeles Starbucks one day. But he does. Thats him. That’s totally fucking him. The only way Richie could be more sure is if Bill whipped his junk out in the middle of this cafe.

- Richie is so stunned he can’t even think what to say. How to approach this guy that he has been jacking off to for the last year or so. 

- He ends up chasing Bill down the street and kind of pouncing on him. 

- Bill is understandably wary at first. But of course he’s kind of charmed by this nervous motormouth with his ridiculously syrupy-looking frappuccino concoction. Its strange how familiar he seems. He almost whispers the name to himself just as Richie practically yells “Oh by the way. I’m bigdickrich. Did I mention that? I might have forgotten to mention that. Fuck!”

- And well, a week or two later... billoncam makes a comeback suddenly.

- And he’s got a companion. A companion who is showing his face. Bill’s regulars know they definitely haven’t seen this guy (or his body) before but they don’t mind at all since the session is so much more intense because they can see both participants for once. And this new guy is very cute. In a hairy, gangly, bedraggled kind of way.

- Bill introduces the guy as his new friend. He says his new friend convinced him to come back online. And his new friend even gave permission for their first time together to be filmed live.

- New Friend’s eyebrows wiggle at the camera behind his thick dark-framed glasses

- this sends a thrill through the audience obviously. such an intimate thing that theyre witnessing. New Friend doesnt seem to mind though. In fact he seems to lap up the attention and is very willing to take suggestions from the audience of just what he should do to Bill. 

- the vibrator and dildo remain untouched on the bed that day. 

- and its right at the end, still panting and sweating and coming down from their highs that Bill mentions that his New Friend is a previous audience member.

- “some of you might recognise the username. This is bigdickrich. Sooo... I guess we now know he wasn’t exaggerating with that name ha ha” to which Richie just grins at the camera holding his hands up under his chin.

- the comment section goes BONKERS!

- carsforeddie: THAT ANNOYING CRUDE SON OF A BITCH!! WHAT THE FUCK WHY IS THE UNIVERSE SO UNFAIR! FUCK!”

mikey-mike: good for you bigdickrich. you’re a real lucky guy. 

twinksfordays: i want to choke on bigdickrich’s cock

carsforeddie: HOW?! HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?! EW I JUST JACKED IT TO THAT ASSHOLE! FUCK I NEED TO SHOWER”

- Bill and Richie giggle and converse with the commenters for awhile and then sign off.

- billoncam returns to regularly camming again. much the way he was before. mostly solo. though sometimes with guest stars. and Richie becomes a more and more frequent feature. He’s the only one (besides Bev popping in now and then) who shows his face.

- and then, billoncam hits 100,000 subscribers

- and Bill. Well he has to make it special right? So he auctions himself off. There has to be some careful wording and labelling so that he can’t be done for prostitution but... essentially Bill auctions off the chance for him to travel and spend the night with the highest bidder.

- of course carsforeddie is not going to let this opportunity slide by him. He’s a successful businessman. He might only be 25 but he’s got money to burn and he’s been loving lusting after billoncam for a LONG TIME

- its undisclosed just how much Eddie Kaspbrak, luxury car rental business owner ends up paying for billoncam to fly to New York and spend the night with him - for legal reasons obviously. And no, Eddie does not give permission for the deed to be filmed.

- But! Its perfectly legal to say that the 2nd time Bill fucks Eddie - the 3rd, the 4th, the 5th and the 6th and all the times that follow - are done completely for free!

- Ben jokes to Richie privately about them going to need to move into a bigger house if Bill keeps adding people to this relationship.

- It becomes less of a joke and more of a reality as Eddie moves permanently to Los Angeles 6 months (and lots of trips to LA) later.

- And thats it. Theyre nearly there. There’s just one more thing missing. One more piece to the puzzle. Bill doesn’t know why he feels this way. He just does.

- Luckily Mike Hanlon (aka as mikey-mike) has been unknowingly working away on this very thing for months. Not that he would have dared to assume that anything would happen when he slid into billoncam’s DM’s 18 months ago.

- He’s just a country boy from bumfuck nowhere. There’s no reality in this universe where he and the likes of billoncam would ever cross paths. But he enjoys talking to him. They have a lot of laughs. And Bill is surprisingly sweet and very well spoken. They like a lot of the same things. The same literature, the same sports teams. Bill is always asking after the animals on Mike’s family’s farm. Mike wishes he could get to know him better. 

- Bill wants the same thing. He’d give anything to meet the sweet-souled farmboy from Maine who brightens Bill’s day whenever he gets a new message from him. I mean, it helps that he’s also gorgeous with the most wonderful smile, but thats beside the point.

- Bill ends up putting his money where his mouth is. Just enough to buy a return plane ticket to LA, so that Mike can come visit him, and cover the cost of a hotel room (ya know, in case he doesn’t want to stay with Bill and the rest of them. Bill would never want to make him uncomfortable).

- Needless to say Mike fits right into the family almost immediately. 

- its a couple of months later and billoncam still exists, but its like a relic now. Bill pours all his creative energy into his new channel “the-lucky-seven”. Its a channel shared by everyone and its outrageously popular. Sure there are still a few individuals who are too shy or anxious to show their faces but the audience doesn’t seem to care. There’s so much variety to be found on the channel. Different combinations of people doing a live cam nearly every second day. 

- they’re all unapologetic, they all love each other, and they don’t mind sharing it with the world. 

- :) :) :) :) B) :) :)

----

Did I really just write a romance story about camming? Why yes, I think I did. Ha Ha. Hope you enjoyed. :)

[donttellthemangosiwashere]

Guess who watched Frozen2 yesterday and is back on her AU Juice

ok get this, using thomas’s rewrite for Frozen 1 but also 

you know that theory where Hans is like,,,, a chill dude, and the rock trolls are the evil ones and mind-controlled him into fuckin shit up so Christof would become king? also that

Spoilers for Frozen 2 so,,,, be wary

Virgil is Elsa 

Paranoid shut-in, afraid of scary ice powers, convinced himself he’s perfectly comfortable with being alone forever. Distrusts Dee immediately because he can sense the presence of magic in him, but he doesn’t know that’s what it is at first

Patton is Ana 

Emotionally volatile, quick to trust/immediately assumes the best in people, bit of a hopeless romantic

Roman is Christof 

Agrees to help Patton because “ur a prince, I cant let you do this alone it’s not noble of me to leave u hanging like that”

Remus is Roman’s funky twin brother who would rather just continue being a rock troll honestly

Kinda functions as Sven/Olaf/comic relief buddy character but they also DO have an Olaf and a reindeer steed to pull the wagon. He's hanging out with Patton and Roman during most of the movie

Deceit is Hans

Actually a prince from another country who’s like an ok dude and does grow fond of Patton immediately after meeting him, not evil until later

Logan is the head guard/politician guy with the big nose that was their advisor/guardian after their parents died, you know the guy

He's gonna be much more important in the story. He mostly tails Dee and slowly figures out that there’s something weird about him towards the end, and tries to protect Virgil and Patton from him. He cares about them so much, but he’s bad with emotions, so he’s not great at helping Patton with his loneliness or helping Virgil with his anxiety. Even when the rest of the kingdom starts to turn against them, he never doubts that Virgil is good

Character Thomas is Olaf because that’s cute as hell

He’s an embodiment of Virgil’s love for and protectiveness over Patton, but the longer he exists, the more he starts to develop his own personality and traits based on who he spends time with? So eventually Logan, Roman, Remus, Deceit, and Patton all become a part of him too, and he’s their little amalgamation snow son

(plot stuff under the cut. be warned, i put waaaay too much goddamn thought into this)

Ok so most of the first movie happens as normal. Thomas is just a lovable little anxious snow boy who walks around and dotes over and protects Patton, Reindeer is just a regular animal, Virgil runs away after a freakout, Patton goes to find him, etc etc etc

But when Hans is on the road in the first movie (when him and some soldiers have just captured Virgil from his ice castle and are marching back to the kingdom) their caravan is jumped by the rock trolls. Virgil doesn’t know whats going on cause he’s trapped in a carriage with no windows, but the rock trolls lure Dee away and then do the evil magic thing, they puppet him from then on to imprison Virgil and refuse to kiss Patton.

Roman and Remus drop Patton off and return to the woods, right? Roman’s being all reluctant about it, and Remus is like “im sure he still wants to be ur friend bro, it doesnt matter that he’s a prince and we’re common, you KNOW he doesnt care about all that” but Roman is not convinced, says he’ll ‘think about it’. They return to the rock trolls, and Remus sees the shaman in the process of puppeting Dee, in the “if only there was someone who loved you” scene where Patton is clearly dying. Remus runs to tell Roman what’s really happening, and they get caught. Roman stays behind to fight off the other rock trolls, buying Roman time to race towards the castle and save the brothers

The “if only there was someone who loved you” scene is different, tho. First of all, Dee doesn’t say that. He (and the shaman) are too smart to give up the bit until they are SURE they’ve won. Dee refuses to kiss Patton, but in like a soft way. (Got this scene from my friend Nat on discord, one of the reasons i made this au at all, its fucking KILLER) It’s more like a 

“i mean yes im fond of you but I don’t love you??? We just met” “but you proposed!” “We’re princes, looking for love in marriage is an idea I abandoned a long time ago. I figured I could at least make you happy, and an alliance between our kingdoms would be favorable.” “Oh...” “I could see myself falling in love with you, Patton, i mean that. But right now... If I could break the curse, I would. I’m deeply sorry.... Is there anything I can do to keep you warm?“ “No, there’s nothing...” “How dare your bother turn his magic against you? First he freezes the kingdom, then that golem, then he curses his own brother? (he does a whole schpeil where he convinces an emotionally broken and shellshocked Patton that Virgil is actually like evil and bad) ...Sit here, I will get you some blankets.” (Again, quote @glorifiedpigeon! She wrote a whole scene like this with Dee as Hans and Roman as Elsa, its bonkers as hell!! So good!)

While he’s gone “getting blankets” (Dee’s really just gonna leave him to freeze) Thomas sneaks in, and starts up a fire. Patton tells him not to do that cause he’ll melt, and he’s like “some people are worth melting for.” Thomas can tell Patton he’s upset and they talk about Virgil and how Patton doesn’t know what to think anymore. Thomas melts while keeping the fire warm for Patton, his sacrifice breaks the cold-poison-curse-thing and Patton is saved. The conversation Patton has with Thomas while he’s dying is weirdly familiar, and Patton realizes that it’s a 1 to 1 of a conversation him and Virgil had when they found out there parents died, when Virgil promised to “protect you no matter what, i love you.” Patton realizes Thomas was just a representation of Virgil’s brotherly love for him, which is cute as fuck, and then he goes to save his brother.

Virgil is visited by Logan, who busts him out of his cell, telling him he never doubted him for a second, but he’s wary of Dee. They run away together, panning to go out and find Patton and finally talk everything out. Dee reaches them, and calls Logan a traitor to the crown for helping Virgil escape, insisting that the fact that they are running away proves Virgil’s guilt. Logan tells Virgil to stay calm and keep a hold on his powers, and goes to confront Dee alone. Dee twists Logan’s words and just makes them sound more suspicious, eventually whacking Logan with the handle of his sword and knocking him out. Virgil is enraged, and attacks Dee. He almost kills him, but then Roman arrives, and stops Virgil from landing a killing blow. He’s about to explain what’s happening, and that Dee can still be saved and it’s not his fault, but Dee (with the rock troll magic being channeled through him) Silences Roman with a spell, so he cant speak. 

At the moment, Virgil is scared, distressed, and kinda cornered since he refuses to leave Logan’s unconscious body, and Virgil has no reason to trust Roman. All Roman knows about Virgil is that he’s wicked powerful and volatile, and he knows he can’t let Hans kill Virgil. This leads to the three of them all fighting each other 1v1v1, Hans trying to kill Roman and Virgil, Virgil trying to fend off Hans and Roman, and Roman trying to keep ether of the other two from killing each other while protecting himself.

Patton finally reaches them, and sees Roman knocked out and trapped in ice, incapacitated by Virgil, and Virgil is doin some ice magic at Dee, about to kill him, or at least wound him, to escape. Patton protects Dee, and is like “Yo no wait Virgil, you both have the wrong idea! He’s just scared of you, he’s not bad!” And Roman really wants to say “He IS bad but not in the way you think!”, but he’s still silenced. Virgil’s like “uh yeah he IS bad, look at what he did to Logan!” 

Finally, Remus catches up. He runs in from behind Dee and Patton, so they don’t see him approach until he yells to them about the trolls and whats actually going on. While they’re all distracted, Dee attacks Patton, holding him at knife-point and using him as a hostage to get Virgil to stop with the magics.

How is this fight resolved? Fuck if I know, I kinda wrote myself into a corner lmao. They are somehow able to incapacitate/trick dee, and Virgil uses his magic to override the trolls and free him from the mind-control.

And, at the end, there’s this cute little scene, after Patton is explaining everything that happened to Virgil and vice versa, where Patton’s like:

“Wait, wait! Can you resurrect Thomas??” and Virgil’s all snarky about it like “I dont know, wouldn’t that lessen the impact of his sacrifice? He’s like, a part of me, right? I think he’d like to go out all melancholy and poetic like that” “Virgil oh my goodness if you dont bring back my little snowman buddy I will cry here and now” “Okay, okay, jeez”

HERE IS WHERE THE SECOND MOVIE COMES IN

pretty much the only thing that changes is this: you know the voice thing that Elsa just starts hearing out of nowhere as a sign to fix past wrongs and whatnot? Virgil only starts hearing them now BECAUSE the rock trolls were blocking the signal from reaching him. And, Dee comes with them on this adventure and kinda redeems himself over the course of the movie by being a cool dude. And, the grampa who did the betraying was ALSO controlled by the rock trolls way back when; the rock trolls have been trying to destabilize the magic for years so that they could siphon more of it away from the spirits for their own personal use, and they got greedy once they had humans (re and ro) to work with, wanting political power as well. (Dee has been staying with them in their kingdom, as the ambassador from his country or whatever)

And for all you Shippers out there

the ships for this could be literally anything, dude. like literally any combination works, go fucking hogwild. Doesn’t even have to have a romantic ship or anything, it could just be everyone being platonic lovely babies.

[yennefer-stark]

Rehab of a soldier

Part two

---------------------------------------

Almost at midnight, I heard a scream wich reached the inside of my bones. Like he experiencing physical pain... I immediately ran to him.

-Hey... It's just me, Yennefer, can I come in?

-Please... --his voice was broken and quiet as he tried to holding back his tears.

-You had a bad dream --I sat down in his bed and swiped away his cold sweat. He didnt know what I wanted, so he sat there, completely frozen; when Buck realized that I mean no harm for him, he closed his eyes and leant into my palm-- Can...can you tell me your dream?

-They wiped me again because I said I knew him, the man on the bridge.

-You were right Bucky, You know who he is. Your childhood best friend. He still remember you even if you doesn't.... Should I go or should I stay?

-Please, stay with me...

-Are you sure?

He doesnt answered, just nodded with his head, so I laid next to him, because there wasnt so much space in his bed. For me, his hug with his metal hand was a surprise. I started to play with his hair. Once again, he froze by a sudden, then again, he relaxed. The next day, I woke up in an empity bed, I walked to the kitchen, where Steve cooked something, the radio quietly played some music.

-Do you met with him?

-Buck? No, I didnt.

-He might went to buy a few thing. I found him yesterday at the museum. He sat at your picture and he said, he remember one single date. July 4, 1918. After 70 years of torture and being frozen constanly, he still remembers.

-My birthday, and trust me, he remember much more than that. What do yo think, why we do this in secret?

-What kind of program he has in his arm? Unknown HYDRA right? When dad was an UNI student he hacked the Pentagon...

-How much time do you need Yennefer?

-Thats on Buck's arm... If something can go wrong, It will go bad sometime for sure. I dont want to be a bad person, but I'd be happy if his robotic arm cant fucntion properly. Do you spoke with Thor?

-No. He doesnt know where Loki went, he still search him.

After a few minute, Bucky come back from shopping, looked at me, than Steve, dead in his track. He arranged his face back to normal, while Steve just wanted to hug him.

-Not now Steve.

-Long time no see Buck.

-Long time ago? I dont remember. ... I think my name is Bucky and we went to italy...? And at another misson I fell from the train...?

At the end, Steve hugged his ex-assassin best friend, who pushed away him.

-Why did you do this?

-We used to greet like this.

-Really? Coz I remember only one date... July 4, 1918. I try to remember things, but after a time, it hurts... And I cant remember much more than that.

He placed the plastig bag in the table, then he went up to his room, he may closed the door with his metal hand, coz Steve an I heard a loud crashing sound.

-If the door is still in It's place it's a luck, that was forceful...

-True, but what I've done?

-You? You did nothing wrong, just your presence is new for him. Yesterday night he was so calm... He leaned into my hand when he figured out that I mean no harm to him.

-He doesnt seemed like a sleepless person, what did you done?

-It's... my secret, but if you forgive me, I have other things to do. Captain.

With a slightly evil grin I turned away from him, and then I went up to Bucky's room. The door wasnt there, just the frame.... The man behind the door's piece was stressed and tense. When he saw me, his eyes radiated pure fear and started to backing away.

-I didnt wanted to destroy the door, I'm sorry. I think something happened with my hand...

-Come on, I can do something with it.

-What can you do with it?

-You'll see, trust me.

I saw the pure terror and complete fear in his eyes as he leaned against the wall. I dont know what HYDRA did with him, but I'm sure they broke him into million pieces and this fact broke me a bit too.

-Before I start this whatever, I will ask you a few question, but I dont know that... You're able to answer the questions...

-What questions?

-How much do you want to be free? How much do you want to know them dead?

-So you say, I will be free and no longer under commands? Finally I can be free from them?

-Yes. I can guarantee that.

-Who are you?

-Lemme say, that you met with my grandparents...

His face was so pale when I said that he met with them. After I implanted the blocker, he experienced a littlebit of pain, coz he didnt used to have opinions and peace, and the program just blocked all of those. I meant the HYDRA-programs...

-You might have nightmares still, but at least, they cannot use you anymore. You're free Buck.

-If I find Rumlov or Pierce... I'll kill them without hesitation.

-Take it easy Buchanan, you have so much time. Will you come with me for breakfast?

-They rarely call me like that.

-I hope that it isnt a problem.

I walked into the kitchen with a smirk on my lips, where the Captain raised one of his eyebrows and asked me with that.

-I think he's super confused, and I'm sure those bastards will come to take him back.

Bucky was still afraid but he walked with more confidence than last night. I know it that he need some time to get used to his new surroundings and that fact he doesnt need to kill anymore. The program blocked all of the HYDRA commands. But still, he looked at Steve like he doesnt know him.

-You said that we used to be very good friends...

-You said to me that you're with me till the end of the line.

-I hope you didnt done anything stupid...

-I can not promise that...

-Steve... Dont lie. Or do I need to tell that you love jumping out from planes without parachute? Or that story when you fall 100 meters when we smoked out the HYDRA from SHIELD?

-You didnt changed a damn thing.

We sat down and ate all our breakfast and after that, Steve washed away the dishes, then went away, coz he had serious things to do, he left heavy silence between me and Bucky. His cerulean-greyish eyes hide the most, almost unbearable pain, his walnut brown hair softly framed his features and it was long as Loki's hair...soulder lenght with a little bit of stubble. Completely different from Loki, but as charming as him... But I dont need to pining on things like that, but still... Months went away sinse we had a really heated argument and at the end, I made him leave. He left me in his trademark scent: cinnamon, mint, pine forest and old book.

-What are you thinking about?

-Nothing. Why you would be interested in my problems?

-Its good to tell your problems to strangers.

-But I know who you are.

-You stil can tell me.

-I dont want it.

-You want me to find out?

-Just ask Steve then, he knows what my problem is... I trained with him in the gym, in fact till this day, buf... I got a friend who doesnt liked this..

-Thats good, coz you can train with Steve.

-No, no. Dont misunderstood the situation. He was the best; in everything, well, almost everything.

-How he looked out?

-Tall, like the door over there, shoulder lenght black hair, and gorgeous green eyes. They were envious of him tho... Our relationship doesnt started so well. It's still hard to talk about but this happened almost a year ago... I mean... Our quarell...

-How...how much time do you two...?

-Almost four years. But if you dont mind, I'm going to my room and do some paperwork.

The truth was that I wanted to cry alone, in my room which was still full of Loki's scent.... That doesnt matter that other metal things were here, the God was way stronger. This was the main cause why I cried, but his abscene... was at such level that I started to cry when I saw green... After a few minutes I heard a quiet knock on my door, so I opened up with cried-out eyes.

-Still doesnt matter what's the problem?

-Yes, coz if I tell you, you will laugh at me...

-Why would I do that?

-Soo... I had a very serious and heated quarell with him, and I made him go away. That was a mistake tho; and I start thinking that he's with another.

-Let it go, but as I see, it's not easy to do. Since there is such a scent in your room?

-Since I met with him. It's his trademark scent.

-My hand...

-Do I need to fix it again? I can paint something if you want. Just say it.

-No. What do YOU need?

-Nothing? I have everything. Family, job, money, adrenalin, stress. --he moved closer, and grabbed my hand with his right. As if he knew what powers I own, he looked right in my eyes.

-I'm traumatised, not blind. Dont think that I wont see what you miss.

He let go of my hand, and left me in my room. I went after him, maybe too fast, coz he frooze in his track, and this was the moment I almost regret my whole life.... I kissed him, thanks to an accident. He may thought that I wanted to do because he hugged me at my waist. When I pulled away, Bucky smiled like Loki used to. Not in the mischievous way, more likely in a happy way.

-I...I didnt wanted ...

-I do. Do you want it again?

-I dont know... I have a boyfriend...

-Who went missing a year ago, let it go, you deserve better.

-But you didnt know.... He's not from earth.

-Then Pierce, Rumlov and Zola too...

@winterbuckytho @i-smell-penniess @itsbuckyb1tch

[dirtreally]

kokkuri3replied to your post“every time i publicly complain about an artist that isn’t japanese but...”

No I want to see your long post about this this is interesting

Okay this ended up being a lot because this is something i’ve been thinking about a lot so here’s too many words about me being too mad about anime

I first have to preface this by talking about a very deep uncertainty: i don’t know what i’m talking about but i only know what i’m talking about. everything i am about to say is based on what i feel are fundamental truths. everything i am about to say feels so deeply obvious that half the time i spend thinking about this is spent wondering if i’m just running in circles. But also like: every artist i am about to mention here has some level of large, clout-able, mainstream success but like, 0 substantial critique whatsoever(critique that isn’t just: hey check out this artist cuz i like them/we’re collabing), much less critique that even pokes at any of these deeply obvious truths. So i’m stuck here wondering if i’m a crazy person or if like, all the cool epic kids Whose Art I Personally Like already realise this, but like they comprehend it so thoroughly that such a thing doesn’t even need to be said. To some extent, the latter has to be true, cuz like, the Cool Epic Kids don’t usually fuck with a lot of the art i’m about to shit on, so on some level we must realise these same things about this art. But at the same time that kind of doesnt matter? because both possibilities (either that you already think of this in the same way that i do OR that you have a different understanding about what i’m about to talk about) BOTH have to end with the same conclusion: that by the end of this post, it will be deeply obvious that this has been an exercise in running around in circles. this post is the seinfeld of talking about anime.

okay so i get mad about this specific thing a lot but let’s just look at the specific studio that kicked it off today:

and here’s the thing i got mad at for good measure:

Okay so here’s the background info: local singaporean graffiti studio, they really like anime, and they were the source of that one dumb ass screenshot i posted earlier. and like just look at this

this literally just looks like youtube is recommending me a future bass playlist but in real life. This tells me nothing about anything that has ever mattered. This is a math equation. This is just: kitschy faux-retro aesthetics because they’re popular, rendered in a modern cel-shaded style cuz it’s popular, and with katakana thrown in because if cool anime art wasn’t enough to convince you that these guys were hip then maybe some fucking  A E S T H E T I C S will. Nothing about this communicates to me that anybody who had any part in the creation of this actually wanted to be here. This goes beyond any idea of like, art competency, or even being good at art. if you want you can change the subject matter, make your art more dynamic, sure:

But even this piece, arguably the studiomoonchild work with the most energy to it, feels completely lifeless. Like yeah, i could say that it’s cuz all of their anime girls have like those weird dead eyes but that’s almost certainly a copout: the simple truth is that this thing and the earlier one with the robot are the exact same piece of art. they are both interchangeable, they both tell me the exact same nothing.

If you like go through all of their work it’s basically the exact same thing through where like everything they do has this exact feeling of “nobody really had to be here”. even the way this art is produced reflects this because studiomoonchild and their contemporaries are all part of the same sycopanthic surge in the popularity of “”legal graffiti”” in singapore that’s all just this problem repeated for infinity. nobody doing legal graffiti in singapore actually really cares. there is so much art that is absolutely nothing other than like, 1. YO IS THIS HIP? 2. YO DOES THIS TOE THE LINE OF BEING EDGY? 3. YO IS THIS IMMEDIATELY SAFE ENOUGH TO NOT ACTUALLY CHALLENGE OR COMMUNICATE ANYTHING? all of this is literally just stock music but with extra steps i don’t want anybody to tell me how much they fucking hate kevin macleod ukeleles while liking this its all the same bro!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But here’s the kicker: studiomoonchild actually has art that pulls away from this i mean look at this!!

it’s definitely still pulling on that same vein of like, youtubebait anime art, but there’s an undeniable sense of PRESENCE that doesn’t exist in any of their other work. It feels like the people who drew this actually WANTED to draw this, and it’s vibrant and fluid in a way that no amount of weird katakana placement and anime lo fi hip hop girl playlist thumbnail type art can convey. AND LIKE even then, it doesn’t shake off the gender thing, where in the world of studiomoonchild, the female subjects can only ever be pretty and silent and cool or cute while the dudes are actually allowed to have flesh in their face, to have big defined noses and cheekbones and laugh lines, and perhaps most importantly, to transcend the flesh by being a cool robot that gets to shoot all the laser beams and like how apparently this is their entire conception of anime. OH WELL we can’t hit it out of the park every time i guess.

CONCLUSION

conventional thinking about art and the way it exists in society suggests that it is better, perhaps even more virtuous, to be technically skilled but stylistically conventional than it is to be unique but unrefined. think about every single “ohhhh i could draw that though???” type comment ever.  Like, there’s this buzzfeed draw-off video ive posted about before where hae-joon and jonni phillips redraw superman

the comments are basically what you expect: 

this is just two of them but like its sooooo much worse literally every single top comment is some version of shitting on jonni but like heres the thing; all of these bitches will, without a shadow of a doubt, remember jonni’s superman before hae-joons’. A single look at jonni’s superman already communicates so much. we understand that it’s not supposed to be a literal 1:1 depiction of the truth of superman as he appears in the cartoons or comics or movies but rather a rendering of her own emotional truth on the subject of superman: he’s literally just kinda whatever!!! he’s just a strong cool man who wins fights epicly and has all the powers and loves his wife and has Logo That Makes Grown Men Spend 27 Dollars On Mug. Jonni understands this and is able to use this to her advantage, creating this single drawing tgat is apathetic, disdainful, and playful all at once. 

You kind of can say the same thing about hae-joon’s art, but you kinda can’t? There’s the same core idea here: that hae-joon also has no strong feelings on superman apart from “i know of him, and i know you know of him”. But the thing is that like: he knows it, but he doesn’t Know it. hae-joon cannot take this fundamental, deeply funny, truth, that one of the biggest fictional characters ever mainly exists as the emotional, narrative, and aesthetic equivalent of white bread, and bring it to its logical conclusion.

[low-budget-mulan]

Hi! How often do you run into psychiatric patients during work as an EMT? I'm doing psych right now and we had a 12 yo girl whose mom had her in porn at 6mo-9mo and I just want to scream at 1. these people who are pro-porn and 2. the mom is clearly mentally ill, but still what the effffff. So how do you deal with these patients?

I'm going to start this off by saying that those parents should be reported to CPS. That is absolutely disgusting and I would not let those monsters anywhere near a child. If you have not contacted the proper authorities yet then please do so now because their child (children?) Are being abused and absolutely nobody deserves that. Especially an innocent child. If you have actual evidence of the abuse and the evil things that the parent did then those kids should be taken away and locked up never to see the light of day again. Pieces of shit.

We run into psych patients on the regular. Whether it is a person who is having a psychotic episode, a person who is suicidal, a person who cant take care of him/herself, or a person who just has some sort of addiction where they are self medicating to forget about their problems (either drugs or alcohol. Sometimes both). It is all part of the job. Each patient is different. I've had psych patients who wanted complete silence. I've had psych patients threaten to harm/murder/rape me. Hell, just a couple days ago one tried to attack me in the back of the ambulance on the way to the hospital. I've had psych patients who just wanted someone to talk to. And I've had psych patients that I didnt even realize were potential psych patients until after the call was over. You have to be able to assess the situation and from there you can move forward in patient care. I'll give you a couple examples of times situations were handled well and times they were not and how I decided to act/treat my patient.

1.)

We had a 911 call for a behavioral overdose. Sheriffs were already on scene (good). We get there to find a high school aged girl. She was alert and oriented (AO). Her whole family was around plus the sheriffs, plus the fire engine, plus the fire medics, plus me and my partner. There were too many people. We are trying to talk to our patient and figure out the whole story but she isnt really talking. I turn to the fire medic (they technically are in charge of medical calls, so what they say goes even if it's wrong and stupid) and say let's get her loaded up and he agrees. We walk her to the gurney and load her into the ambulance. Typically we allow one family member/friend to ride along with a patient especially if the patient is a minor. Unless the patient is a psych patient. And heres why. Once the girl was in the back of the ambulance and away from the hoards of people she started answering our questions. She told us everything that happened leading up to this point and why she did it and how she was feeling. I gained her trust by talking to her and separating her from what was causing her anxiety and other feelings that werent good. During the transport I realized she just needed to be distracted. I was monitoring her closely with the medic and got all the medical information I needed. So we just talked about school and plans for college. We talked about her favorite tv shows and how I spelled my name wrong for 13 years. That's all she needed. But not everyone needs that. This is an example of a good call.

2.)

I will start this off by saying I can be sarcastic. Which is not always a good thing. Okay so. This was a transfer call for a man on a legal hold. We were taking him from an emergency room to an actual psych facility where the remainder of his hold would be carried out. This guy was extremely tall like over 6 feet and used to be in the military and still worked out a ton so he was pretty muscular. I just so happened to be driving this day. While my partner was getting his report I went to go get a set of vitals to make sure he was stable and nothing was wrong. Before I can even get them this dude is making all sorts of racist remarks and how he doesnt want to go to whatever psych hospital we are taking him to because "its associated with a certain kind of people if you know what I mean." Then goes on to say hes not going (which tbh if you're on a hold it doesnt matter if you want to go or not. You have to go until you are psychologically cleared). I explained that because he was on a hold he had to go and I wasnt the one who set up the transfer. I literally am just the driver and I go where my dispatch sends me. He then responds with "well what if I fight you" I realize I wasnt going to get my vitals and that this guy was going to be a problem. I walk over to my partner and tell him what's going on and that we need to use restraints (which I rarely use because who wants to be restrained?). At this point we now have sheriffs there to help us get the guy on our gurney and to protect us if this guy freaks out. We get him on our gurney and I put the restraints on. After putting on restraints you have to check for a pulse in the extremity and make sure they can still wiggle their fingers/toes. So I ask him to wiggle his fingers and he flips me off. Me being the sarcastic person I am and without thinking I responded with "oh thanks. I havent had that in a while. Could I get another?" The dude then threatens to rape me and becomes very agitated. I messed up. We de-escalated the situation thank goodness. But I could have handled that situation better. I knew he was already agitated and a dumb comment like that could have easily been the breaking point for him. Dont do something stupid like that.

3.)

We had a transfer for a woman who was on a hold. This was out of one of the worst hospitals I know. Literally the hospital that killed my grandpa. I already hated being there, but how the staff treats patients both medically and professionally (if you can even call it that) was absolute shit. I hated this hospital even before my grandpa was a patient there because of how incompetent and rude the staff was. Sorry I got distracted and ranted, but the backstory is relevant. I go to try and get a report from the nurse who knows absolutely nothing about this patient. Cant give me any history. Doesnt know what meds (if any) were even given. And gets annoyed when I ask for an actual report. Not just the "oh yes that lady is on a hold. She can talk but is being selectively mute. And you're taking her to this place. K bye." At this point I realize I'm going to get nothing from this 'nurse' and I just look through the packet. I go over to the patient who is just sitting there on the bed staring off into thin air. I realized that any loud noise or sudden movement scares her. So I slowly inch my way to her and introduce myself. I tell her I'm there to take her to a different hospital where the staff will be able to take care of her better and where she can get the help she needs. In that whole interaction I got her to say maybe a couple words. And they were basically what's going on. I realized the staff at this shit hospital did not tell her what was happening. Nobody told her she was being transferred. They literally just left her to sit in her own feces because they couldnt be bothered to do their job. Before I even touched her I told her everything that would happen. I walked her through the entire transfer process and let her know what was going on. Then once we were ready to actually start getting her onto our gurney before I made any movement I told her exactly what I was doing. She was completely fine with me. Once we get her to the psych place we finish up our transport and are about to leave she grabs my partners hand says "are they going to be nice and take care of me here?" My heart broke. I told her that yes she would be taken care of and that she wouldnt be ignored here as I know this hospital has great staff. She smiled and let us go.

By assessing the situations and the patients you are able to figure out how to handle your patient. Ive learned from my mistakes and I've learned from my coworkers who have been around longer than me. But always be cautious as a patients mood can change at any time. Even if you dont do anything to trigger it. A patient will go from happy and smiling to trying to punch you in the face. Know your surroundings. Be ready to react because things can change in an instant.

Addition: any sort of illegal activity I will report to the proper authorities. I have reported hospitals, families, and nursing home for neglect and other forms of abuse. If you are sure then ask someone who knows more. I usually ask the supervisor I trust or my coworker who's been doing this for 20 years.

[heathenarmyimagines]

Title: A Different Time

Summary: After a bit more chaos the day finally chills out.

Pairing: Ivar x Reader

Taglist: @ubbesgirl, @shewolf2000, @tis-itheapplepie, @atequila, @demoncrypt1066, @greennightspider, @badbitsh13, @fireismysaftey, @minarawr, @laketaj24, @hvitserksgirl, @blahblahcookiesdoma, @fabulous-peasent, @sforsammmmmi, @minmiin1d, @courtrae89, @letsloveimagines, @tomarisela, @titty-teetee, @beyond-the-ashes@elenawrit, @mblaqgi, @whenimaunicorn, @chuflisworld, @mystruggledlife, @moose-squirrel-asstiel, @syreni-dea, @trashqueenbitch, @alykatv, @mbaku-babygirl, @perfectus-in-morte, @beyond-the-ashes, @neeadinghugs, @readsalot73, @triumphantreturnofpies, @anarchy-is-coming, @tephi101, @alicedopey, @ivarslittlebadgirl, @jtrstp, @nejijjeoroo, @charlylama, @ivartheblessed, @captstefanbrandt, @fabulouschrissi, @ivarsrideordie, @3x5gurl, @the-writer-appreciation-blog, @lolabee9, @captainfoxy22, @young-ugly-god, @im5ftbutmythroat66, @bribyyy, @irishhiggins, @cadetomlinson, @keclleon101, @slutforragnarssons, @ltkeke, @meeeeeeeeeps, @lille-kanin, @opalscarab, @ssraven7, @ivarandersen, @concretewaywardangel, @funmadnessandbadassvikings, @sharon-is-tired, @cadetomlinson, @mystruggledlife, @chuflisworld, @justmarissa97, @lol-haha-joke, @weirdly-randomly-awesome, @inlovewithmakeupcomicsanim, @idonthavehusbandsihavelovers, @alexa040004, @buckythetinman , @burntmythroatskullingmytea,@jorunnravenslayer, @two-unbeatable-beaters, @buffy-the-vampire-blogger, @arses21434, @ltkeke, @captainfoxy22, @chinduda

Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part Four, Part Five, Part Six, Part Seven, Part Eight, Part Nine, Part Ten, Part Eleven, Part Twelve, Part Thirteen, Part Fourteen 

You were unsure what to do, who to comfort first.

Ubbe and Hvitserk had each other, and Lagertha was taming Bjorn. So Ivar it was.

You went around to your room and walked through the connecting bathroom.

‘Ivar?’ you called softly as you entered the room, trying to prepare whatever disaster you might walk in on.

What you saw when you walked in proved you were right to be tense, Ivar was on the ground as if he had fallen from his chair and he was convulsing.

You rushed to his side and take him into arms, at first you thought you he was having a seizure, but you looked at his face and saw that his, while wide with fear, they were focused.

A panic attack.

‘Its OK Ivar, I’m right here, I’m with you.’ you said.

Still he couldn’t get in good breath.

‘OK, listen to me Ivar, we are going to take a deep breath. Breath in for four seconds.’ you said before taking a breath, making sure to watch Ivar do the same.

‘Good, good; now lets just hold it in for five seconds. One, two, three, four, five; now let it all out.’ you instructed,

Ivar let out a long sigh and seemed to calm down a bit, you and he did the exercise a few times until he was calm enough to speak.

‘There you go.’ you sighed in relief.

‘Sigurd will never forgive me no matter what I sacrifice...I will never forgive me.’ Ivar sobbed.

‘We will never return to Kattegat and it will be my fault because I killed him...my own brother.’ he cried.

You held him close.

‘Don’t you lose hope Ivar, things will get better, we’ll figure something out. For right now why don’t you get in bed and I’ll tuck you in and you can sleep until you feel better.’ you offered.

He wiped his eyes before he nodded and pull himself up onto the bed.

You pulled the covers over him and rubbed his hair gently ran a hand through his hair before you kissed his forehead.

‘Sweet dreams Ivar.’ you whispered.

Ivar didn’t say anything back, he just turned over and pulled the covers over his head, the way a child would after a bad day at school. 

You sighed sadly before you turned and left the room.

Once you were back in the  hall you were about to go and check on  Ubbe and Hvitserk when you heard a knock on the door.

You waled over to the door and looked through the peephole.

Alvin.

You rolled your eyes as you open the door.

‘You really couldn’t have chosen a worse time to show up unannounced.’ you said as you stepped outside closing the door behind you.

‘If I had called you wouldn’t have answered.’

‘No I’d answer...and tell you I don’t want you near my damn house.’ you sassed as you folded your arms.

‘Please (Y/N) let’s just talk, just the two of us. There isn’t a girl in my car and I even deleted every girl I had in my phone. I just...I want you back.’ he said reaching out to grab you by the waist.

You backed away from him.

‘What you do now doesn’t change what you did, or all the girls you did it with Alvin. So try peddling that “baby I want you back” shtick for the next girl, maybe she’ll fall for it.’ you said.

‘I’m not peddling anything, I miss you. I know I was wrong going out looking for sex behind your back. You weren’t ready, I respected that and didn’t want to force you, but I wasn’t patient enough to wait for you to be ready and found someone else.’

‘A lot of someones.’ you said.

‘Yes a lot...and each time it was wrong. The other girls they were just...sex and nudes, you were everything that mattered. A person to talk to, a friend I could trust and a good girl to bring home and settle down with.’

‘I was good to you Alvin, better than you deserved. I don’t like making the same mistake twice. We were a mistake; I’m not ready for sex, you aren’t ready wait for sex.’ you reasoned.

‘I’m ready to wait for you now.’

‘It’s too late Alvin.’ you said.

Just when Alvin was going to speak the door opened and there stood Bjorn, Ubbe, Hvitserk and Lagertha.

‘Who the hell is these people?’ he asked as he tensed up his body language.

‘We heard the door open and thought maybe it was Sigurd again.’ Hvitserk said as he looked at Alvin.

‘Is this Alvin?’ Lagertha asked.

‘Yes, he was just leaving.’ you said as you tried to herd them back into the house.

‘The one who made you cry? This is that Alvin?’ Ubbe asked as his looked your ex up and down, sizing him up.

‘Yes, everyone jus-

‘Good, just what I needed after the day I’ve had.’ Bjorn said as he stepped past you and got in Alvin’s face.

‘You got a problem old head?’ Alvin asked defensively getting in a fighting stance.

Bjorn didn’t seem to notice the change in position at all, he just grabbed Alvin by his shoulders and lifted him off the ground.

‘What the fuck?! Let go of me old man!’ 

‘Bjorn put him down! No fighting! I told you no fighting!’ you yelled as you  tried to make the beast of a man put down your poor ex.

With a heavy sigh and the roll of his eyes he dropped Alvin like a sack of potatoes.

‘All of you inside, we’ll talk later.’ you said as you went to help Alvin stand back up.

They all spared Alvin one last look before they went back inside.

‘Nah, what the hell was that shit who the hell were they and why they in yo house?!’ Alvin yelled angrily. 

‘Foreigners! I rented out some of the rooms for extra pocket money, they stay here until their visas expire. They were who I bought the clothes for at Walmart, I was going to tell you but you looked busy.’ you lied.

‘That big ass old motherfucker...tell his ass to get back out here!’ Alvin said angrily.

‘No! That man is veteran a damn good one from the stories he’s told he could kill you! Alvin just go, we are over and that old man is just having a bad day and so are you. Please please please just walk away, don’t tell anyone don’t call the cops or they could get in serious trouble. Alvin please do this one thing for me if you ever cared at all, just walk away and forget this.’ you begged.

He was still angry, you could see that, but he looked at you and sighed before he nodded.

‘I don’t snitch...not even on big ass old heads.’ he said.

You sighed with relief.

‘Thank you.’ 

‘Don’t sweat it...and (Y/N), I am sorry for what I did. If by some miracle you ever decided to give me a second chance I’d take it, and I would be better.’ he said before he turned and left.

You watched him get in his truck and drive off.

Now that he was gone you had a whole other monster to deal with inside.

You went inside and there they were on the couch with faces ready for a scolding.

‘I’m not mad or disappointed so I’m not going to yell, none of us need that right now. Today has been...today fucking sucked.’ you said bluntly.

‘I had to work, I got sexually harassed and you all have had a visit from your brother, my ex popped up and you nearly got into a second fight after we had avoided the first.’ you summarized.

‘Yes today...fucking sucked.’ Lagertha agreed.

‘I say we spend the rest of this long ass day watching TV, and eating our feelings. That’s how most people handle a bad day.’ you said as you set the TV up and pushed play on the show.

You head back into the kitchen to get a few bags of chips and Little Debbie snack cakes from the pantry, using your shoe to prop the door open just in case.

You came back into the living living room and put all the goods on the table and opened a few, showing them how to eat the snacks before you sat down on the love seat and opened a bag of Cheetos while the show played.

You all fall into a comfortable silence while watching Merlin, the vikings didn’t ask questions they just sat on the couch and ate.

Finally, things were chilled...for now at least.

[ghostandblog]

Talking about Movies

FF / AO3

Summary: Bored in the library, Hannah and Barbara play a small game thinking about their friends.

Pairing: Sucy/Akko, Hannah/Amanda, Barbara/Lotte ( all characters are mentioned but not all appear, this is mostly about H&B talking).

Word count: 1,890

“Alright, let’s start with…Diana.”

Hannah’s tone is low, almost like a whisper, despite the library being pretty much empty. She looks at her friend with an inquisitive look.

Barbara rests her hand on her chin, with a concentrated expression as she thinks of their overachieving roommate. She considers her proper body posture, aristocrat upbringing, and the way she always goes for the most complex words at the moment of talking, which Barbara was sure it was a conscious decision on her part. It reminds her of black and white films, stories of powerful yet vulnerable heroes, beautifully designed yet simple dresses, and a sense of elegance that is just absent in most modern movies. With a clear answer on her mind, she looks back at Hannah.

“Diana would be… Classic Hollywood.”

Hannah raises her eyebrow a little bit. “That’s an odd connection.”

“Not at all, it makes perfect sense. Think of her as…Gone with the Wind or Citizen Kane”. Once she figures that her redheaded friend is convinced, she clasps her fingers together with a small smirk. “Alright, my turn. Give me a movie genre for… Amanda.”

Hannah narrows her eyes for a moment. “Amanda…Amanda would be adventure films. Movies that provide an… exciting sense of wonder. Purposely throwing yourself to danger in order to find new experiences, marvelously choreographed action scenes. You know, stories about the discoveries of ancient secrets and hidden treasures that also would lead to the discovery of…new aspects of yourself.” Hannah feels her lips forming a smile, then looks at Barbara’s grinning expression and worries that she may have flattered their american classmate a bit too much. “B-but there would not be, like, anything meaningful in them! always B-rated flicks with zero substance, yeah! That’s Amanda.”

She looks around them, worried that maybe she spoke a little too loud, but finds the library as empty as it was when they came for their now-paused study session. Hoping that her blush isn’t too noticeable, Hannah points at Barbara.

“Your turn now! Constanze?”

Barbara giggles a little bit, this was definitely a no-brainer. “Well duh, science fiction movies!” Giant robots, scientists working on their laboratories creating complex machines. Barbara entertains the idea that the short girl’s birthplace and silent nature is reminiscent of german expressionism cinema, but she knows she may be reaching with that one. “Jasminka?”

Hannah lets out a mocking chuckle. “I dunno. The cooking channel?”. After both share a small laugh, she tries to give a more thoughtful response. “But like, seriously, there is a sort of…warmth in her, you know? Always offering a tiny bit of what she’s eating, always with that calm smile of hers, it kind of reminds me of those feel-good movies that you watch as a kid with your parents, the ones with happy endings no matter what, or no matter how cheesy. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, if you will.”

Barbara nods, not really having anything to add.

Hannah raises her eyebrow again, this time placing a hand under her chin. “Now what would Lotte be?”

Barbara’s mind goes back to the finnish girl and remembers how she got to know her better thanks to their shared interest in Nightfall. She thinks of impossible love stories, star-crossed lovers, and above all, stories of girls that at some point may have been perceived as plain-looking or invisible, but later prove themselves beautifully unique and irreplaceable to the eyes of the previously dismissive hero. Unlike Hannah, she is not ashamed of her blushing face neither tries to hide it. She lets out a sigh before speaking.

“Lotte would be romance. Definitely.”

“Hehe. Of course she would.”

“You now. How about…Kagari?”

Hannah blinks, not really sure what to say at first, then finds a clear answer just by looking at Barbara’s smirk, knowing for sure that she is thinking the same thing as her.

“Comedy!”, they both say almost in unison, covering the giggling with their hands, more like a habit than a genuine attempt at keeping it quiet.

Atsuko Kagari. Always tripping over something, always making a mistake in her potions that resulted in some kind of explosion and her face covered in ashes. It’s like she was born to make every situation around her funny, and her almost negative intellect didn’t help, either. Everything she did was a source of laughs. Comedy certainly suited her alright.

Hannah wipes a small tear from her eye after laughing maybe a little too much, remembering it was her turn to ask.

“Okay Barb, what about creepy Susie?”

“Yeah. What about me?”

The monotone tone of voice is familiar, but the surprise is still there when they turn around and see the figure of a pale girl with long purple hair, her only visible eye looking directly at them with a tired expression, bangs covering the other one.

Hannah tries to stand back almost instinctively, accidentally tripping with one of her feet and falling out of her chair in a very unflattering manner, not unlike the way of the clumsy girl they were laughing at recently.

Barbara remains sitting where she is, petrified, with her hands placed in front of her as if she were trying to stop a sudden attack coming from Sucy. She attempts to keep her cool, but still can feel the sweat on the back of her neck.

Sucy just stands there, her expression unfazed. Is only the slow, uninterested way she blinks that reminds Hannah and Barbara that the girl standing before them is still alive (as far as they know).

“S-sucy! Hannah and I were just, we-” Still doing her best to keep whatever remains of her composure, Barbara hopes that she can get them out of there alive by sweet-talking somehow.

“How long have you been just STANDING there!?” Hannah’s usual temper doesn’t make it easy for Barbara, though.

Sucy just gives her a quick, dismissive glance, before looking directly at Barbara, who is now wishing that her sweating isn’t as noticeable as she thinks it is.

“So? What movie genre I am?”

“Ah! Well, we- uhm, we thought that you, erm, obviously-”

As Barbara attempts to form a coherent lie, Sucy just gets closer to the point that their faces are mere inches to each other, as if to remind her that there would not be a way out of this unless she tells her what she wants to know.

“Answer the question. Which one I am?”

Barbara lets out a loud gulp. She can’t really think of a convincing lie, so she decides to just answer honestly, ready to face the lavender witch’s wrath.

“Horror. I…i was gonna say that you would be a horror movie.”

Her expression doesn’t change for the next seconds that to Barbara, felt like hours. Then a smile seems to form on her lips, just enough to let Barbara know that she was amused by her answer.

“Haha. Neat.”

“Yo, Sucy! Hurry up! I already found the book that Lotte asked us to get!”

Hearing the familiar, loud voice that doesn’t even try to pretend to be in a place meant for silence and studying, the three girls look at the other end of the library, where Akko is waving at them while holding an old, dusty book on her other hand. Sucy looks back at Hannah and Barbara, wearing the same uninterested expression as before.

“Gotta go now”.

Feeling like she dodged a mushroom-shaped bullet, Barbara tries to keep the tiny bit of composedness that she barely had, but lets out a deep breath the very moment Sucy turns back and goes to where Akko is. She keeps looking at their direction, though, if only to make sure that the creepy girl actually leaves and doesn’t have any kind of last card, snake or potion under her sleeve. While hearing them chat as they walk, Barbara can notice, once again, how Sucy’s body language changes just a little bit when walking alongside Akko.

“Hey Suz, what were you doing with Hannah and Barbara just now?”

“Eh. We were just talking.”

“About what?”

As they leave the library, the two blue team members can’t hear their conversation anymore. Hannah, still shaking due to their near-Sucy experience, tries to regain her collectedness and opens her books again without saying anything, willing to forget anything related to the game they were playing to slack off studying. Barbara’s attention is somewhere else, still looking at the door even after the two girls are no longer there.

If Barbara had to be honest, she didn’t particularly care for either of them… even if Lotte was still trying to get her to know them better. But despite her own indifference, she couldn’t deny that there was something…charming in how the weird, creepy, and off-putting girl with lavender hair managed to develop a soft spot for the clumsiest girl in school, and how it was hard to ignore given that she herself managed to notice certain patterns as she was looking for stuff to make fun of them. Back when she still found enjoyment in bullying the three red team members, she considered the idea to tease Sucy about her potential feelings towards her roommate, but even then her own sense of survival knew better than that.

The expression on her face softens up just a tiny bit, enough for Hannah to notice when she turns to talk to her again.

“Did you know, that despite how different and irreconcilable they may seem, the horror and comedy genres have a lot in common? Many film and literally critics agree on that.”

Hannah just looks at her with a confounded expression.

“Huh?”

“If you pay attention, you would notice how many of the most acclaimed horror movies have a little bit of comedy in them. Not even as a foil, mostly as…a small piece that you didn’t know it would be missing. Something that you never thought would fit, but it does amazingly so. Yes, comedy and horror movies can exist on their own and work perfectly fine alone…”, pausing her words for a moment, she looks for her notes scrapped on the table to resume her studies, “…But is only when placed alongside with comedy that the horror genre gets to truly shine to its full potential.”

“What the heck are you going on about now?”

As if taken back from a trance, Barbara blinks a little, then just shrugs.

“I guess I just thought it was interesting.” She says almost instantly forgetting why that particular comparison came to her mind. “What about us though?”

“Ah?”

“Yeah, what movie genre would we be?”

Hannah scratches her head. She considers the options left, even if at this point she is not really interested to keep playing the little game they both made up. “I dunno. Animation?”

Seemingly considering the answer for a moment, Barbara lets out a dismissive laugh while opening one of her books. “Ha! As if.”

“Yeah, you are right. I’m not a big fan of cartoons, in all honesty.” Hannah says as she thinks of repetitive Saturday-morning animated shows, the ones with talking animals wearing funny clothes, stock sound effects, and the same background scene over and over. “Is just stuff for little kids anyway. Like, who has time for that kind of crap?”

A/N:

Hannah and Barbara being named after Hanna-Barbera will never not be funny to me.

Has something like this been done before? at first i wanted to compare the characters to music genres and bands but besides picking Kraftwerk for Constanze i've got nothing. Kinda not very really convinced how this one turned out, but still, i think is better to just publish it instead of letting it accumulate metaphorical dust in my drafts forever lol. I think I also better look for some beta readers for my next fic, i have a couple of other unfinished ideas even if I am not really sure what do…writing-wise? Guess we’ll see.

Amanda being Hannah’s gay awakening is a really cute concept. Is really growing on me!

Still, thank you for reading! Hope you all enjoyed this.

[aisu-zeilia]

To Allure and Impede

SUMMARY: Marvin Lockens was fifteen when he was brought under Jameson Jackson’s wing and first started learning how to control and use his magic. Since then, he’s met Henrik Schneeplestein, the Castle’s doctor and his father figure, Chase Brody, the Castle’s Third in Command and best archer around, Jackie Bullmon, the Second in Command and Head Guard who’s always wearing red, and Sean McLoughlin, the King Himself, as well as various others. Yet, despite being with them for more than four years and proving to be a skilled mage, they all still treated him like the shy child they first met. And he was tired of it. What happens when he meets a stranger in the woods, who gives him cards to hand out and disappears into the shadows? What happens when he hides it from everyone? What happens at the Masquerade?

W̙͍̠̿̄͘h̬̲͇̻͎̍a̖̣͇̯͌̈͆ͯ̒͊̿t͇̗̖͕̻̽̄̑ ͚̼̜̪̥͎ͪͬ͊ͦͫ̉̚H̻̯͈͎͇͎͇ͣͣ͛͛ͣ̇ã̠̼̝̖̫̌̽ͯ̍̑p̝̌̐̿̔ͩͤṗ̷̻̳ͤ̂͋ͬ̋͒e̫̪̣̽̐ń͓͚̞͈̲̯͡s̶̀̐͋͂̈?̥̖͊͘

Chapter 2

Word count: 1587

Warnings: nostalgia, lies, high anxiety levels Whoop, chapter two is up and runnin! I had a bit of fun, mainly with the reminiscing part. Again, thank you to my beta readers, @lin-apples and @jackjames-exe . I dunno what else to say, except im not really sorry for the ending.

previous // next

"Marv, there you are! I got Sal and came back only to find you gone." Chase commented, approaching him with reins in each hand. He paused, examining the ruffled apprentice. "....what...happened to you? You're covered in mud and theres a buncha grass on your back. "

Marvin blinked, looking around. "What? Oh, yeah, I'm fine. Nothing to worry about!" "....you sure?" Chhase looked at him suspiciously, handing him the reins to Sal. "Yeah, im perfectly alright, " Marvin replied, an attempt to brush off any concern. "I just thought I sensed something, but all it was is older magic. Like, weeks old, and I was barely able to sense it." Chase crossed his arms, sending him a blank look. "That doesn't explain the mud. " "....may or may not have fallen down a ditch...." Marvin looked away sheepishly as the guard began to laugh. Immediately the tips of his ears were turned pink. " Hey, its not funny!" He attempted to defend himself. "I can't really see when im looking for traces, my eyes have to be shut!" "Sure, sure. Whatever you say, " Chase waved his hand, yet still qore a smug grin on his face. "Now come on. I trust that you're alright, but it would be best if you got checked on. So go see Henrik after you change, okay?" "Fiiine" Marvin rolled his eyes, mounting his paint. He readjusted his cloak a bit once in a while as they rode home, chattering the entire ride home. Jokes were occasionally made, all the qay to the gate. Chase never noticed the new deck of cards on the sheath of his sword.

"Ah, Marvin! Good to see you, " Henrik Schneeplestein commented, looking up from the bandages that were currently being reorganized. "Sit, sit! What can I do for you?" "Hey doc, " Marvin commented, having pit on fresh clothes after washing off. "Chase sent me." Henrik huffed. "Why? Did zhe lad get stuck in something again? I warned him to not go down zhe laundry chutes!" He snorted, hopping onto the stool by the Castle medic. "As funny as that would be, no. Actually, i was out with him earlier and may or may not have fallen down a ditch..." "If I had a coin every time one of you fell down into something in zhe woods." Henrik rolled his eyes. "Is your ankle sprained or anything?" He set the box of bandages to the side and turned to face the apprentice. He ahook his head. "No, I feel fine. But Chase still wanted me to get an ok from you." "Considering how many falls he takes, I should be less surprised." Henrik stepped closer, examining a few joints and liftingthe back of Marvin's shirt to check for any bruising or scratches. All the while, the patient seemed unusually quiet. "...Is something zhe matter, Marvin? " Marvin blinked. "Hm? No, why do you ask?" "Well, its as if something is on your mind. Like something is concerning you." He thought for a moment. "Nothing comes to mind at the moment Doc. But I'll let you know if it ever changes." Henrik was hesitant to let him go so easily. If something was actually bugging him, then they should talk, right? "....Alright. But feel free to come and talk to zhe good doctor if ypu ever need to!" "Soooooo any other doctor. Got it." "I'll have you know I am a 100% qualified real doctor!" "I know, I know! Im kidding around Henrik." "Hmpf" He continued his examination , having him stand, walk around, hop, and do a couple of other basic actions to make sure he was alright and not feeling any pain. "Well, as far as I can tell, you seem to be physically alright. " "Thanks doc!" Marvin stretched, feeling a satisfying pop in his back. He walked over to the door, but paused. "....hey Henrik...?" -Hm?" The doctor had turned back to his work, reorganizing a few scattered papers on his desk. ".....nothing, nevermind, " he shook his head. Best not to disrupt someone busy, afterall. "See you at dinner?" "See you at dinner, Marvin." He replied, smiling behind the surgical mask he always wore.

Marvin inhaled, wandering the halls of the castle aimlessly. He knew where he was, since he had spent years already wandering the many rooms the stone building held. He knew where to turn to reach the ballroom, the dining room, the foyer, the library, as well as everyone's room. The Apprentice paused, looking up at a stained glass window. It was tall, showing a dark and a light figure. Solaris and Lunairis. The sun and the moon. As the hall continued to stretch further and further, the story of the creation of life continued being told. He took a few steps back, leaning against the walls. Eyes shut, head tilted up, and overall simply just basking in the memories and the nostalgia. Marvin chuckled to himself. When he first came here, he would always come back to this hall, always seeming to read the story on the windows just a little bit different each time. And each time, he could spend hours on end just sitting in this hall. What did he call it again? Hall of histories? Histories indeed. It not only reminded him of the history of the land, but his own history as well. His first spell took place here. He was continuously muttering the words, making sure he got them right. Next thing he knew, an entire suit of armor had toppled over. Marvin laughed, remembering how he ran away and hid for hours. The old grandfather clock chimed. Five o'clock. Almost time for dinner. With a sigh, he opened his eyes and continued his wandering. The difference now, though, was that his aim was for his own room.

"Hey teach!" Marvin opened the door to Jameson's office, smiling at his instructor and his sovereign. One arm cradled a book, the other held the door open. 'Hello Marvin,' Jameson signed, a small smile on his lips "Hey Marv!" Sean waved, currently sitting in the seat that was usually reserved for the mute mage. "Ohey Sean!" Marvin chimed, walking in with a pep to his steps. He set his book down on his chair, opting to sit on his desk instead. "Whatchu two doing?" 'Nothing much.' He signed, turning slightly so both Sean and Marvin could see and understand his sign language. 'Just discussing the Ball in a few days.' "The one for Mark's birthday? " Marvin asked, head slightly tilting. "Yeah, " Sean nodded. "Him and a few of his and my court members should be arriving over the next couple of days. They'll all be attending." "Is Felix coming, and will he be coming early?" He asked. Sean chuckled. "If I didn't invite him he'd probably send us a crate full of ducks again. And you know him. He's always early so he has a say in the decor. " "That sounds about right," Marvin shrugged. "And I do not have to attend the masquerade, right?" He winced slightly. "About that......no, you have to attend the masquerade." "What!" He squawked. "Why!? I've never had to attend before!" 'Because you're the next court mage. As such, you have to attend all functions,' Jameson signed calmly, not even flinching at the outburst. He had gotten used to it after teaching him for so long, afterall. "He's not wrong, Marv. We've given you the freedom to decide for the past four years." Sean spoke up, trying to play off the jump that was caused by Marvin's sudden outburst. "Jamie is already attending! Why do I have to go too?!" He protested. No, he didnt want this. 'We already told you.' Jamie signed. " That doesnt explain shit! It's my life, i shouldn't have to go if I don't want to!" "Marv, please just ca-" Sean was cut off by a sudden slam on the desk. Jameson had slammed the book that was previously in between his arm and side onto the wood desk loudly. He quickly began signing, even somehow adding a very angry tone to it. 'Marvin, listen to me! For the past four years we have given yo freedom and choice for every event bevause you were a child. But now its time to grow up. You aren't the child on the streets anymore so quit acting like it!' Marvin blinked. He could feel the tears building up, breathing becoming slightly more difficult. ".......you can't make me go if you can't find me. " Suddenly he was running, slamming the door open. He didn't care where to. He just needed out. He needed space. Safety. He needed to get away. He couldn't see. He could barely feel himself run into someone. Couldn't hear the shouts of alarm, the footsteps behind him. He didnt know how, but he reached his room. Yet, Marvin still didn't feel the freesom, the space he craved. The room was too small, too confining. He needed out. So, the young mage grabbed a bag, a clean and veey basic cloak, as well as a different, more basic mask. Marvin threw open the balcony doors, ignoring the feverent knocking at his door, the shouts to get his attention. He was already climbing down the vines that grew onto the walls of the stone. By the time someone unlocked the door, he would be gone. There would be no finding him anywhere on castle grounds. Marvin had run away.

[petitalbert-blog]

Reject Discernment!

I've been thinking a lot recently about how needing "proof" is a real barrier to doing enthusiastic, meaningful magic. I think discernment should be like a 301 or 401 level Pagan topic, something you start doing 3 or 4 years into practice - it’s not a topic to discover or ponder early on.

I think New Pagans have a lot of work to do rediscovering play, imagination, and the sort of confidence that toddlers have when they declare "I am a fighter pilot!" when wearing swimming goggles, and the way they absolutely believe it. A lot of work overcoming prejudices they have about gods not being "real", magic not being "real", and wanting to see evidence that witches can fly or win the lottery, in ways that stops them from experimenting and discovering the very real ways in which magic can work. I think an early focus on discernment derails that process! For me, at least, it meant:

Wanting to do things "right"; being too cautious to practice in case I do things "wrong" and there are bad consequences; wanting to know the difference between "real" god contact and my brain talking to itself; wanting to know the difference between astral travel and vivid imagining. All of these have stood in the way of me doing a lot of regular magic/ritual, and at the end of the day doing the things

Helpful and Hurtful Traditions

I've been really encouraged recently by putting my focus back onto Western Esoteric and Chaos approaches. Both of these paths acknowledge explicitly the role of make-believe in ritual. There's a model where we are in the world of matter, and there are levels above and above us - imagination is a muscle we strengthen, but by making believe a lot we do slowly approach things which ARE very real.

For example: WET explicitly teach that imaginary visual journeys are the first step into slowly developing astral powers, and that would be my experience with it: I've done a lot of playing, but at some point that turned into something that felt wholly genuine; how I got there was the willingness to play and to buy into my beliefs as real and also not question too heavily.

This is a contrast with like hard polytheist approaches, which make it very hard to do this kind of playing. If the gods are real, then it IS very important to hear them true - and possibly blasphemous to be attributing false things to them. If spirits are 100% literally real every time, then toying with them is serious and even dangerous, and its good to be cautious - but caution, of course, means you'll never get anything done.  

And even the way many serious crafters talk about their spirits as things which are physically present, or talk about their rituals not as recipes but as prose poems, make it fairly inaccessible as a model to follow because one is constantly worrying they are experiencing something totally real, and what you are doing is not.

One great thing about pop culture magic is it often feels more low stakes than approaching real gods and demons, yet you are exercising the same parts of the mind and learning how to ritual and learning the importance of aesthetic and belief.

Rules for Discernment

So here are my new rules for discernment.

You need to practice discernment when:

1. OTHER PEOPLE ARE INVOLVED When you're on your own, it is paramount to believe 100% in what you are doing as a child does when they play or a method actor does on stage or you do when you're really invested. Buy into your bullshit. But buying into someone else's imaginative world is dangerous.

"The spirits tell me I am actually a child of a star goddess" = great! Fantastic! Believe that shit. Probably, technically, you're using god-forms or developing a powerful witchself, and those things are great for building confidence and power. In any case, go with it.

"The spirits told my friend they are actually a child of a star goddess" - be polite to your friend, if you like, but don't trust them, don't believe they are really a prophet or goddess, don't flatter them, etc etc. This goes for all sorts of claims - claims of skill, knowledge, patronage, magical ability, divine secrets.

I have seen on discernment lists before "You get UPG from a Power which is totally off base with their traditional meanings; i.e. Kali as a loving snugglesnoot maternal sort". I'm not sure I agree. This is certainly a good clue that that Power is not, in fact, Kali - but so long as you're working alone, why not go with it?

Believing someone else's version of reality above your own is dangerous; be alert to the ways people get a thrill and a sense of power from pretending to be Mage-i-er than thou, from implying they have hidden knowledge, from taking on roles as leaders and elders, etc etc etc. The Pope is just a bloke in a robe - it's the beliefs of others around him which invest him with supernatural power, he doesn't actually have any aside from that.

2. Your spirits/divination/whatever tell you to make a huge, irrational life change. This isn't the same as doing a tarot reading that says "leave your job" and you already wanted to kinda do that anyway. If the spirits tell you to leave a job you love, live in the forest, hurt people, anything extreme - discernment is important, and probably an outside perspective from someone you trust.

3. Health is involved. Discernment for herbalism yo. "My spirits taught me how to make this" no thank you. "My spirits told me to stop the medication and just drink mint tea" also no.

4. Children, animals, people who are not-you are involved i.e. don't then tell your friends you are a star goddess, and act as if they should be worshipping you. Be mindful of how you use information gained from the divine around other people, especially if it involves you being very important. I'm leery of people getting their children involved in magic period, but if you're making decisions for children based on messages from the beyond your discernment must be 100% watertight.

Beyond that, no discernment for the first 3 years! You rarely need to be that sure about anything.

The Hidden Gatekeepers

A while back I was chatting with Windvexer, who has changed their name now though I can't recall what to, and she said she envisages hidden "gatekeepers" of magic - spirits which prevent you from accessing things you are not ready for, and which you have to overcome. These figures are nameless, and more literal than you would suppose: "not wanting to get out of bed early" or "not making time".

I think one of my hidden gatekeepers was/is "discernment", and since letting go of that my ability to do anything at all has exploded. I'm doing lots of regular ritualwork, I've summoned some big stuff, I'm working with various energies, and its fantastic - and a big part of that is the combo of "this is all in my head so it doesnt matter if I screw up" AND "this is all real, I need to buy in 100% and take it seriously". Whereas previously, my discernment-led model was closer to "this is all real, which means it's serious if I get it wrong" and also "this is all in my head, which means i can't take it seriously and it doesn't matter".

tl;dr Practice strong self-belief, and mistrust of others; and don’t question how real things are unless the stakes make it important to know. Be OK with playing.

[heavyyhearts-blog]

https://byf.tumblr.com/post/163680331020/last-thing-im-posting-about-this-heres-ayas

“if i made it sound like you did similar stuff to every single one of these people it wasn’t my intention. however in the past you have gone in depth about jess, and how she left you “when you needed her most and fucked you up more,” and you have told me winter backed her up when she left you. whether you’re intentionally like this or not, you’ve been toxic and manipulative enough unintentionally that you’ve made multiple people also stressed and hurt. however you’ve had this pointed out to you, that you can be to much, and that you do these things. yet you still do them because “you can’t help it.” i understand fully that bpd fucking sucks, and that it affects your relationships. but if you’ve already had these things pointed out to you, you need to work on them, and you’re not. “

i have been working on them though? the problem is that you literally didn't tell me that i had been the way i had been. and on the issue with jess specifically? how i acted around her was EXTREMELY different to how i acted towards you. how i acted towards jess was, not only several years ago, but a lot more awful. the entire situation was awful, really. we were both like, 13 or 14, somewhere around there. i was approaching a point in my life where i was beginning to have nonstop problems with my abusive parents that made my life even more of a 24/7 suicidal nightmare than it already had been.

on top of the fact that i had began showing many extreme symptoms of bpd. and the thing about it was? i literally did not know what bpd even was. i didnt know there was a reason for how i ended up acting. i felt so horrible and disgusting every single day of my life for the things i had been doing, but i had no way of stopping them. i was 13. i was going through too much. this was also when i started realizing i was trans and dealing with the backlash on that from my parents.

what did i do? i yelled at her constantly and split on her constantly. every single tiny thing she would do wrong, would get me so extremely irrationally pissed off and i couldnt control myself. i literally, could not control myself. i tried so many stupid bullshit plans to make myself stop doing all thse shitty things but none of it worked and itw as too much for her. i would love her so much one minute and then literally hate her and everything she stood for the next and i was so constantly afraid of every tiny little thing just changing my mood over and over again. i was extremely dependant and needy and i had no control over my moods and i had no idea what was happening i had no idea she was my fp or what bpd even was.i was just all around horrible to her with no way of stopping. it was at that point in time where i would need time and separation from her to ever not do those things again.

and im 99% sure i already told you this. again, how i acted towards jess was nothing like how i acted towards you, and how i acted towards her was never inentional either. in that way, ive definitely gotten better, because i have never been as bad as i was with her since.

“ whether you’re intentionally like this or not, you’ve been toxic and manipulative enough unintentionally that you’ve made multiple people also stressed and hurt. however you’ve had this pointed out to you, that you can be to much, and that you do these things. yet you still do them because “you can’t help it.” i understand fully that bpd fucking sucks, and that it affects your relationships. but if you’ve already had these things pointed out to you, you need to work on them, and you’re not. “

i dont even know what this "youve been told you can be toxic and manipulative and havent done anything about it." i? have? listen. i had no idea that i was ever being like how i was with YOU and possibly some others, i dont really remember. it was only when you literally made fun of me with a meme image that i realized i was getting like that at all. back with jess? i was violently, uncontrollably verbally abusive. like, flat out, name-calling shit, that i always felt so horrible for after i would inevitably calm down. like that wasnt being manipulative that was just verbal abuse, not the same thing. and the entire thing about that is, i dont do that anymore. part of when i say i've gotten better about things over the years, is that ive managed to get over that , and that im very luckily not that mentally unstable anymore. and you cant use jess to refer back to this "not getting better thing"

ever since i had been told that i was being manipulative unintentionally , i've tried very hard to not get like that, and, as far as im aware, i've done it a lot less, if at all. like. im working on it? ive even specifically told a lot of people how i had been acting so and that i can be oblivious and to please tell me if i ever get like that because i dont want to be like that. like literally forewarning people, just in case, even though ive already been way more cautious anyway and am pretty sure no ones told me that ive been so because i havent

also just as an example on this one of my friends just now brought up to me how i used to kinda flame them in league/get mad at them a lot and that i was scary like this, and now i dont do this anymore  i dont take my anger out on them like i used to, that was a problem i similarly had with jess before i can @ them if you really want me to. , ive also apologized for this and gotten better about it. i know i fuck up a lot

“ my point in gathering some of the more extreme things you did and posting them is that you were continuing to do things along those lines, albeit maybe not the same explicit things, but still manipulative/bad actions. you didn’t stop any of them until you were already splitting on me for drinking/having friends/etc. “

first of all youre still insisting ive been splitting on you for drinking/having friends or whatever. thats?? not why ive been i already said this?? i've been collectively splitting on you over time because of the nonstop problems we've had over all of these months. like ive literally been splitting because i havent been happy. and all the drinking shit etc/is just things that make it even easier for me to split, like, it's not like that's the sole reason i have been. if it had not been for all of these months of bad shit happening between us, i could probably easily cope with those things given time and conversations, but it doesnt even matter now.

and yes, even after i had been told, i still did some things. because it takes time? to get better? i cant fix myself instantly. like you literally cannot deny that i have gotten better about it. like im still sorry for everything i have done, it can be hard to control at times, that doesnt mean i cant help it

" i wasn’t necessarily calling you out for blocking me, i was putting that down as something you did even after you went around saying it was fucked up. my problem isn’t that you blocked me, its that i stopped doing that, and was ready to communicate, like we both agreed to, and then you went and blocked me out of no where, when you were telling people in a group chat, and probably people privately that i was so fucked up for “just ignoring you for days” i was “ignoring you for days” because i told you that i needed to cut you off and stop talking to you multiple times and you continued to beg and spam me, after i told you to stop. that’s what cutting you off is, and you didn’t respect that. you mentioned “compromising” but i wasn’t okay with that. i was at the point where i wanted you out of my life and you kept pushing, and then made me the bad guy by saying “MAKE UP YOUR MIND!!” i had made up my mind. and you continued to spam and beg me. i’m mentally ill too and you were too stressful for me, and i rarely had the energy that you needed. i explained that to you and you didn’t care. “

i dont know what youre referring to on “ and then made me the bad guy by saying “MAKE UP YOUR MIND!!” “

and i dont really have anything to say to this like. thats something i honestly cant help doing. i know that no matter what i do, it's going to be an "in the moment thing" should the same thing ever happen to me again, and that ill react the same way. people leaving me scares me too much. what i already said to this was that my solution to that problem was to restrict myself from getting too attached to people like i did with you. i got too attached to you. what happens when i get too attached, is i get too comfortable, i lose my filters, i act more impulsively, i do stupid things, and most importantly it would start making me have breakdowns i cant help should they ever leave, which is why i need to stop with having people become my fp. it's too dangerous for both people involved for me to get attached like that and its why ill stop doing that. ive learned that now.

“ the “out of context rant” was to show how you would react to me trying to cut you off. and thinking on it, it wasn’t fucked up for me to try and get you out of my life AGAIN. i was pissed and snapped because you were sitting there telling me i was becoming to reliant on alcohol for coping, when i had always drank. i just didn’t talk about it because you were uncomfortable about it. i could also already feel you becoming distant for that reason and others, and i (also having bpd.) felt shitty because i felt like you didn’t care and were replacing me. i decided that it was best for me to just remove myself from the situation. especially because it would also benefit you in that you didn’t have to deal with me drinking, because that’s not something i’m stopping. i could see that you at that point had other friends, and it was in both of our best interest to just get out of the toxic situation. which you then got mad at me and spammed me for, just like before. “

"which you then got mad at me and spammed me for, just like before. “

um lol as you can clearly see i got mad because you pulled the instant blocking without talking to me thing yet again, for reasons that didnt even make sense, like you said all this shit about "having a perfect image of you in my head" and whatever out of nowhere??? like it made no sense to me and made it seem even more ridiculous to me. as if that pissed off reaction was somehow unprovoked

“ and the problem with you saying “you should have just talked to me about it,” is anytime that i would talk about it you would breakdown and spam and beg me. “

???? what???? are you talking about when you would try to cut me off??? because you "talking about it" is just telling me "im done bye cant do it" then forcefully blocking me. and if youre referring to "talk to me about things im doing wrong," youre lying.

“ this whole paragraph is just. okay. i’m not expecting you to just “not split.” i’m asking you to just say, “hey i fucking hate you, it pisses me off seeing you, i’ve split so much, i can’t be around you, bye. block” “

this is just me being petty and pissed off and not caring enough to tell you given everything that's happened, i still dont care

“the bakugou thing; again it was more of a, this is the kind of shit they do/say. you did “apologize for it” and say that you didn’t care anymore. however you continuously do similar things, where you will push issues that. aren’t your business and that you really don’t need to know. “

yeah if i ever push things like that it's because it seriously bothers me and makes me beyond anxious that i will end up pushing it, because i dont know how else to calm down over it and stop thinking about it for days other than talking about it. even so you still tried to make me look bad by saying "when i cc’d bakugou and she tried to make me explain my trauma to make it Valid" ???

“ and yeah, you showed a personal confession from me that i said i crave something. that doesn’t mean i do it. it means i have those urges, not that i go through with them. but you got me. “

just trying to make you look bad :3

[nnd1bspring19briadixon-blog]

Assignment #6

Transcript: 02.13.19

Bria: What do you think it means and feels like to be in love?

Nunet: In love... being in love is probably the most reckless things you can do *rests her elbow and leg on the chair*

Bria: *interrupts* reckless you said?

Nunet: very reckless. You feel reckless you feel invincible… you feel… you feel like you have life figured out. *She said looking up at the ceiling*. You know, all these things that you know the Western world considers to be love begin to make sense because you feel like oh now my own narra- my own love story is flourishing, but in reality… I think you know there’s a difference between like being in love and actually loving somebody for who they are like when you're in live I feel like there's this romanization of who this person could be to you

Bria: mhm

Nunet: and… I feel like that’s not very realistic. Hold on is this- *takes the phone out of my hands*. Yeah, it’s okay,  just wanted to make sure you weren’t covering the-the the mic.”  

Bria: oh yeah, yeah. You’re good.

Nunet: I think it’s back here actually. *flips the phone over on its front side and replaces it back in my hand* “So don’t”

Bria: “oh shoot!” *out of laughter*

Nunet: so um. Yeah I feel like there’s a romanization- there’s a difference between being in love*plays with her hair* and actually having a love for somebody *people talking in the background*

Bria: mhm

Nunet: And like being in love is like the romanization it's like idealistic love like, oh this is gonna last forever *she said mimically*

Bria: mhm!

Nunet: They're not going to you know, doing anything that's ever going to upset me. Or we'll work through it no matter what, but you know actually loving somebody is accepting the fact that love is not perfect *moves her hand in the air* you know that's actually being in love with someone and accepting somebody unconditionally. *takes a breath* for who they are you know getting rid of these preconceived notions that this person is perfect for you-

Bria: “Mhm”

Nunet: because hm, *shrugs her shoulders* they're probably not like there are so many, so many people that are a quote on quote perfect for each other but they're actually they're actually not. I don't know… *stops* I feel like with love there has to be there has to be a dissociation from your ego and I feel like that's a lot of what love

Bria: Yeah

Nunet: the western idea of love

Bria: Right. Cause it's like. My problem. I have, I have like really bad trust issues

Nunet: yeah…

Bria: And like I don't even know from what, you know what I mean. I feel like it's like my parents they’re divorced.  They divorced when I was 6 years old so like ii see love as like its gonna end eventually-

Nunet: Yea.!

Bria: Like no matter *I said looking over into the corner* and I feel like that's a bad way to look at it because it's like you're going into something with like this negative thought.

Nunet: yeah *nodding*

Bria: you know what I mean

Nunet: I also feel like people being in love have this idea that love is going to last forever-

Bria: yeah…”

Nunet: And it’s not it’s going to change-  

Bria: *joins convo* and it's going to have bad like-

Nunet: You’re going to have- you’re not going to be at a ten all the time, you know. And sometimes love ends *Bria nods her head* you know you don't have a perfect soul mate you have multiple soulmates in your life you know what I mean

Bria: wait to hold up *Checks recording* oh I thought it closed *people talking in the background

Nunet: And it’s complicated, but it doesn’t have to be like at the end of the day I feel like we live in a society where love is something that you need to do it's something that you need to engage in

Bria: mhm

Nunet: in a certain way. But you know love can be as simple as connecting with somebody, seeing their flaws as a human being and accepting that

Bria: mhm *nodding*

Nunet: being with them being beside them while they grow, while they change, while they evolve because the person that you fall in love with is not going to be the same and you know that saying “you weren't the person that I fell in love with” that's-

Bria: *eyes widen*“Oh you mean like I think I know what you mean where its like you get into an argument with somebody, and they’re like-

Nunet: you're not the person I fell in love with and that's the problem because that's the whole problem with love because if you’re falling in love with somebody for who they are in the moment you're not getting to know them you're not giving them the chance from jump to like- for them to show you who they are so you already have this idea of what your love should be and what they should be in your head

Bria: yeah *tilts head and nods* Me! I feel when I meet somebody like especially if I'm attracted to them like it's easy to like imagine shit. You know what I mean-

Nunet: yea! Imagine what they could do for you or

Bria: right exactly

Nunet: and that's where the ego comes in because they’re like oh they’re going to do this for me because this is what love looks like.

Bria: Mhm. but it's not reality

Nunet: it's not reality.

Bria: and I saw this post on Instagram where it was like “when you take away sex from a relationship. There's nothing!

Nunet: What is there?

Bria: and I was like-

Nunet: exactly what do you have in common!? *leans forward with hands in the air*

Bria: that's the sad part!*laughs*

Nunet: what do you have in common *smiles*

Bria: that's the bad part*laughs*

Nunet: and that's why friendship is so, so, so, so, so, so important before- *looks up*

Bria: before a relationship-*nodding*

Nunet: Before anything, and it like *looks back at me*

Bria: And actually get to know the person

Nunet: you know and that's not to say that  you can't do that but The friendship should take precedence over the physical intimacy that you guys have

Bria: mhm

Nunet: because you know the friendship could be elevated with the physical

Bria: right

Nunet: not the other way around, because if you have a one-night stand with somebody

Bria: you're not really getting to know that person until they like to contact you and all that shit

Nunet: then you find out they’re a shitty person, and it's like oh

Bria: mhm

Nunet: at least I got d***

Bria: I know right! *bursts out in laughter*

Nunet: I guess you kind of got d*** but you also f*****  like a really shitty person *smiles* and it's like-

Bria: yeah and it's like I don't know this whole concept i feel like people will always ask me like well what do you think and I'm like well I can't necessarily explain things to you that I've never felt before you, now what I mean like I can tell you what it thinks it feels like, but I don't know what it actually feels like. You know what I mean like it knows what it means to actually LOVE somebody like my parents and friends and stuff like that, but I don’t know what it is to be in love. *gesturing* and at the same time, I feel like I'm afraid to be in love cause like you get hurt and I think about like I don't want to get cheated on or hurt you know what I mean-

Andrew: b****! *gestures to be quiet* “oh”

Nunet: Yeah, I feel like love… the love. Love is universal I feel like the type of love that we express to our children to our families should also be- or just to like your friends should also be applied to your romantic partner that's why there's a difference between being in love is like the idea, but love is universal

Bria: yeah, cause you to know how they say you can fall out of love you know what I mean?

Nunet: Absolutely, yeah *raises eyebrows* and the unconditional love that you have for your family should apply to every other human being on earth period. So...  you know it's it's just something like yeah you have family members that you love, then you’re like oh f***

Bria: Right *laughs*

Nunet: *imitates* don't f*** with them like when they come over like you go into your room, but you still love them

Bria: yeah exactly

Nunet: like that's still your uncle that's still your cousin at the end of the day, but you know you accept that they have flaws, and like but you're still gonna hit up your cousin if you got some s*** that you need to take care of.

Bria: like in the end me and my mom can be pissed off at each other, but I'm never gonna leave the house without being like I love you

Nunet: exactly

Bria: you know what I mean cause you never know what could happen

Nunet: yeah, *the room starts to get crowded* love should apply

Bria: should apply to your significant another right?

Nunet: absolutely

Bria: do you think that there's a difference between like being in love and loving somebody? Because like you can still- I feel like love is like caring and like being supportive of that person you know what I mean but being in love it's like, I don't know how to describe it

Nunet: being in love I feel like is an idea.

Bria: yeah.

Nunet: and actually loving somebody is the reality of love

Bria: I feel you

Nunet: You're not going to stop loving somebody just because you guys get into an argument that's just like this infatuation

Bria: mhm!”

Nunet: that's d*** infatuation. Okay. *smiles*

Bria: *laughs*

Nunet: *smirks* you know- it's not, it's not real love if you cannot compare the love I feel like if you cannot compare the love you have to your significant other to you know a member of your family then it's not  

Bria: it's not real love right?

Nunet: cause you're not willing to cut that person as apart of you

Bria: cause its like how do i explain it when I ever think about something before I get into a relationship i think hard like mad hard, because its bad I have really high standards when it comes to relationships so its like, but I also feel like that holds me back from a lot of shit you know what I mean

Nunet: holds you back from a lot of the shitty people *laughs*

Bria: yeah, cause I be like yo like why am I not getting with the guy I wanna be with *laughs* you know what I mean

Nunet: honestly you know

Bria: that shit fucks me over

Nunet: whatever misses you wasn’t meant for you in the first place.

Bria: that's what people say like it's just not your time and I'm like yo it's never my time you know what I mean *leans back with a smile on face*

Nunet: eventually

Bria: and like there are also times I don't want to rush stuff

Nunet:  being very particular with the people that you know that you share your love with is very important because the love you know I'm all about free love is amazing, but people will take advantage of that

Bria: people…*hesitantly*  I didn't know I feel like people let me give you a scenario like when somebody cheats and then it's like when people cheat they know if you go back to them twice or once they start to walk over you cause they’ll be like “if I do again shell just take me back.”

Nunet: exactly and that's where you have to be careful with your love like be free loving but don't let [guys] walk over you

Bria: and friends are like oh but I love him and it's like do you or do you love the idea of him?

Nunet: yeah exactly like you have to know the power of your love and give it out accordingly to like what's good for you and what your soul is don't give it to people who are just going to suck it out of you. But not make you want to be a loving person just period you know what I mean

Bria: I just can't with relationships s*** just be f***** me up *rolls eyes with a smile on face*

Nunet: yo no forreal and like…  you think you're in love with somebody but it's actually kind of just like a really unhealthy attachment  in my experience you know it was, it was I thought it was love but it was really just codependency and it was like we were supporting each other in terms of like I hated him like I really hated him like I really did not like him but the fact that he had an apartment and he had a car that could drive me around rural a** buffalo new york you know I was like oh I love him he takes care of me but like he really was just taking care of me and that was it

Bria: I like I know when somebody is good for me but like I'm not for some reason I just can't like attached that like my feelings like I can't be in something if I really don't like you-you know what I mean

Nunet: right and sometimes it happens, sometimes the co-dependency happens

Bria: yeah

Nunet: but it's whatever

Bria: Thank you so much Nunet! *smiles and stands up*

Nunet: No problem!

Bria: can I hug you? Oh my god. *hugs*

[tumblunni]

ANYWAY! I’mma gonna talk about my playthru of Digimon World Next Order, to distract me from the fact i’m rapidly approaching the ending and have to wait to sate my JRPG tastes on Persona 5 afterwards...

* it is really really REALLY REALLY really REALLy great to finally be able to play a game in the DW series as a female character. Holy SHIT, man this is overdue! And it isnt handled awfully like in Cyber Sleuth where everyone constantly calls you male and the character design is really oversexualized and doing weirdass poses for everything. There’s still a lil bit of ‘cliche girly option traits’ but seriously she’s like the least stereotyped design we’ve had in the games since Dusk and Dawn! She gets to wear SHORTS and A HOODIE! A hoodie that has an inexplicable hole in the back for some reason, but whatever! xD Also I actually like her version of the Protagonist Hair better, even tho I think its lame they colour coded them in the ol cliche genderedness. Boy character just has one streak of coloured hair at the front, but girl has a spiralling streak on the end of her ponytail that looks like a punk poison sort of fashion~! And it leaks pixels when she runs, and has a really nice glow effect that kinda makes it draw patterns as you swing her model around. Makes me wanna run in circlesssss~ Her dubbed voice is a bit boring cliche anime love interest tho, a bit squeaky after you’ve been hearing it for hours. But the dude is Like Every Shonen Hero Voice Ever, so i think its meant to be intentionally generic for both of them. I could swear he’s voiced by a bad Tai impersonator! XD Also I’m just kinda thankful cos every other girl in the plot gets a REALLY squeaky unbearable english voice, thank god protagonist is spared...

* its a lil bit of funnyness tho that for some reason the skill list is the only place where the translators forgot about the protagonist options. Like.. a LOT of Tamer Skills are weirdly gendered when it would have taken five seconds to change that. Why does it have to be stuff like ‘Cooking Boy’ and ‘Cooking Man’ instead of basic and advanced cooking? Especially cos the other one in between is called Gourmet Cooking...

* I love forever that so many of the virus type recruitable digimon are sweethearts of hugs and joy. Now THAT reminds me of the original Digimon World! Seriously I am SO GLAD that Literally The Same Myotismon has a sidequest about rescuing his precious myobrella so he won’t faint in the sun. or like.. if its not the same Myotismon then MAN he would totally be a great ship with the other equally helpless one in the first game XD He has a nice new function as a townsperson, instead of just being ‘a manager’ in the colloseum and never even being a fight. (That annoyed me as a kid! He just stands there!) Now he runs the card gallery, cos you collect ‘antique cards’ in this game and he restores them with his painting skillz. its a nice lil in-joke cos they’re all the original first trading card artworks from waaaaay back in the first season! And Piedmon is in this one too, yay! He’s actually like the only morally dubious virus type AT ALL, he talks like a cliche mwahaha mad scientist even as he does nothing particularly evil. His sidequest is a funny thing of playing hide and seek and he sucks at it. While yelling hammily about being an evil genius! And then he has quite a useful function in the town, he does a random effect on you once per day with his evil science, and it could be good or it could be bad, but if its bad he actually pays you compensation money for it! EVEN THE EVIL GUY IS TOO KIND And OH MAN I am so happy and sad for Skullgreymon! A good guy skullgreymon was always one of my ideas for a DW fangame, im so happy it happened for real! In this game Skullgreymon is a fashion designer with low self confidence, and you recruit them by finding weregarurumon who’s their biggest fan and becomes their first friend. Its so sweet! They never actually interact once you recruit them both tho, cos they work at different parts of the town. But im still gonna assume they keep in touch! Its also a shame skullgreymon doesnt actually run a fashion shop, cos there actually WAS a fashion shop in Digimon World Redigitize aka the one damn game we’ll never see dubbed T_T Instead skullgreymon gets this kinda depressing role of just standing around outside the entertainment area saying ‘i wish i could work with children but they’re always scared of me’, and then if you bring a newly hatched digimon to see them then they gain bonus stats from being terrified somehow?? NOOO WHERE IS THE OPTION TO TEACH MY CHILDREN THAT SKULLY IS A FRIEND

* Anyway, my main digimon are (still) Hershey and Zephyr, and I love them! I’m still working on hoping to eventually get the full terriermon and lopmon canon digivolution lines with them, wow its hard. But I adore them no matter what form they take at the moment! I ended up loving them so much that i never raised any other digimon ever. i just rename them the same name every time they reincarnate, and pick the same eggs! I’ve gotten close to unlocking every single variation of the bunno brothers evo lines!! But it IS getting really annoying that you have to type the name manually every time, why no option to just stick with the previous name? DW1 had that and it was on way worse hardware! Oh, and its funny that I started off calling them the bunny brothers cos thats what they were in adventure 02, but then after playing the game for ages I’ve settled on headcanoning hershey as female and zephyr as nonbinary. And also I started off with the cliche personalities of sassy rebel terriermon and stoic lopmon like in Tamers, but Hershey ended up being the rebel instead and Zephyr is like a shonen hero cinnamon roll! They’re both equally sassy and eccentric tho XD I’m not quite sure yet what would be their ‘canon’ final mega forms that I wanna keep them in for the final boss and stuff. But hershey’s made me regain my appreciation of Ladydevimon after I stopped liking her as soon as I grew old enough to understand that most of her fans only liked her for being ‘a stripper’ :P Like.. she’s a really damn good design even without the fanservice?? I like her way more than devimon, myotismon and etc, I wish she’d gotten to be a major villain! i mean it sucks that devimon got to be one when she’s literally his evolved form. (And yes I am happy that it continues to be canon that ladydevimon can digivolve from devimon and the same for angewomon and angemon. DIGIMON AINT RESTRAINED BY HUMAN GENDER ROLES YO) So yeah anyway, I kinda headcanon Hershey as a hypothetical less skimpy redesign of LadyDevimon? or like.. if she got her own unique Mega form that kept a similar design, rather than just being retconned into lilithmon and rosemon’s evo lines. I just don’t think the skimpyness fits with Hershey’s personality but the rest of the design just has such a cool piratey thiefy type look?? And she’s like THE BEST monster girl in the franchise, she’s the only one who really gets to be monstery looking, even if she’s still an hourglass figure sex object. i mean i always thought it was meant to be a subversion of that?? She has that giant monster claw hand and is really vicious and powerful in battle! All her animations in the game are her shredding things with it and doing the classic dracula rise-from-the-grave when she’s knocked out, and just... ITS REALLY BADASS!! I didnt know how cool a fight with her could be, cos she just got that stupid ass fanservice joke slap fight in the anime... ANYWAY Ladydevimon is good I appreciate her I like her even though she’s in the general genre of fanservice digimon that I dislike. She’s like the one single one I dont hate! (Tho I still wish we had more than like.. two un-fanservice female digimon in the entire damn series) Buuuut I dont think her design quite fits Hershey even though she’s the digivolution I keep using ingame. Maybe if I can find a different Mega that I prefer, and make up a fanmade digivolution line? or I could do a fanart variation of the digimon...

* ANYWAY I kinda ended up headcanoning Hershey as a former member of the broken apart pirate crew in Mod Cape. Cos like.. what if your digimon had backstories of what their life was like before they met you! like Gatomon in Adventure, they were chosen to be partners to a destined hero but had to wait so long they’d become disillusioned. Cos when you meet em at the start of the game they’re mega level and only get poofed back into eggs cos of machinedramon’s attack. WHAT LIFE DID YOU LEAD WITHOUT ME. I AM HERE TO PROTECT YOU NOW AAAAAAA!! So yeah it would be cool to headcanon Hershey as a former highway bandit type character who has trouble adjusting to living in a city surrounded by happy innocent people and hugs. I dont see her as grumpy tho.. like, she’s kind of a bombastic trickster archetype but she’s still super cynical and ‘I only care about myself, anything else gets you hurt’. I was thinking maybe if I designed a fanmade mega for her she could be like a magician pirate zombie demon??? Like.. yknow piedmon is a deck of cards clown guy with those four daggers? i actually got Piedmon as her digivolution when she was a Ladydevimon and I was thinking MAN it could be so cool if we had like a zany zombie digimon who attacks by stabbing a sword through her own back! Like ‘watch me saw a woman in half’ XD A design where she has a load of weapons stuck in her and uses them to fight with! like how mummymon is a mummy + soldier in a leg brace design, hypothetical zombiemon could be a zombie + actual tragic assassination victim. Plus a magician. Or a clown. And ladydevimon. And a pirate. LOOK I JUST HAVE A LOT OF MUTUALLY CONTRADICTORY HEADCANONS OKAY xD

* I don’t really have as much development ideas for Zephyr yet, aside from that they’re Hershey’s more cheerful and positive sibling. But I see them as also being kinda creepy and battle-hungry and stuff? Like.. both these twins are total virus types, clown type, typical final villain type of acrobatic doom! And both are good guys deep down. But Zephyr is a more cinnamon roll type of good and Hershey is grumpy unwillingly dragged into goodness. And like.. Zephyr is a bit dotty and only accidentally creepy, not really understanding how to socialize properly. And probably they would be like ‘NO BIG SISTER, STEALING IS BAD’ *currently stabbing a guy* I think maybe my headcanon for Zeph might be that they were for some reason left completely alone while waiting for the protagonist? Hershey at least found some companionship with the pirates, even if she became super bitter after the team broke up. I think Zeph maybe started off as a wild forest mon that’d even forgotten how to speak, until by pure chance they bumped into their long lost twin sister and then met the protagonist. So like an innocent angel who’s all new to the city and excited about everything, but also kinda fighty and dangerous because of the same stuff that makes them innocent. I dunno, I might make them an angewomon or ophanimon to match with Hershey? Tho I wanted to make them both good guy virus types, it could be an equally interesting contrast to have a vicious battle-obsessed angel who’s the absolute opposite of softspoken fancyness! And I also kinda associate them with the colour green even though I ended up picking a grey themed digivolution for Hershey instead. But all of Terriermon’s natural digivolutions are all machiney and don’t suit this personality as much... I dunno, maybe I could make up another headcanon/variant type thing? Cos after all lopmon’s line gets two champion level forms and two megas but terriermon only has two recolours for the same ultimate level. Maybe even it out, lol! Or like, I’m thinking like.. what if Terriermon had a mega that suited Henry more? i was reading someone’s review where they said it was weird that pacifistic Henry got a giant robot specializing in attack while Rika got the humanoid pacifist digimon. And yeah, that IS totally weird! And it got me imagining what if Terriermon got a humanoid digivolution that was like a martial artist?? or maybe like a speedy superhero lookin armour thing! Like just a more humanoid rapidmon! or I dunno maybe if puppetmon is in this game then zephyr could be puppetmon. I miss puppetmon. puppetmon never got to be in ANY games except dusk and dawn! I WANNA SEE A 3D PUPPETMON YO!!

* Man I just spent this entire post rambling my headcanons for silent protagonist characters instead of actually talking about the game... aaaa...

[ilygsd]

110918

the only reason i even like this ugly fkn cunt is because we’re so similar. or at least were, he’s grown a bit more than me so i obviously appreciate his help and experience and knowlege or whatever.

but fuck him in the fucking asshole, not only is he a white man, not only does he get triggered by ”i hate whites/men” and ”ppl listen to u cus ur a white man” and takes it SUPER PERSONALLY and accuse me of fucking attacking him and shit. hes acting like a fucking dick when we’re fighting and the thing is……. HE REFUSES to admit when i say we’re similar in the way we fight??? he’s like ”no, im not” and im like YES BITCH YOU ARE YOU’RE ACTING LIKE A FUCKING CHILD

he’s so fucking aggressive, manipulative, guilt tripping and just…. COLD. i swear what the fuck is wrong with him? i’ve met him 3 times, and we’ve fought 2 times. ive known him for like 2 weeks and we’ve already had 2 major fights??

the only reason im not fucking murdering him on the spot is because 1. im not a fucking idiot. i know my limits. i CANT control him, i CANT manipulate him. i dont have any power over him and 2. i fucking like him?? if i dont apologize he’s going to go on for fucking ever and eternity??? i like him and im actually genuinely sorry that he’s hurt even if he’s a fucking pussy who got triggered over smth as petty

like excuse ME!! the way he fights is REALLY triggering for me??? the first time i was terrified. it was like flashbacks and shit i cried for a whole day and i hadn’t even met him back then. i was SO SCARED and SO SHOCKED. because IT IS I who usually have his position. it is I who usually put people in their places, NOT the other way around. i HATE being scolded, feeling like a worthless little piece of shit

i knew that i should’ve blocked his ass because that can really be SO damaging to me. also there’s a risk im goong to explode as well and we’re just gonna trigger each other and fight to death…. but i didnt because i was too god damn curious of what he had to offer. is it really possible for me to be happy as well? is it really possible for me to heal and grow like him? ERHM well obviously he’s not in his ”complete form” yet, fucking psycho when he get angry, but he’s pretty happy and kind and positive generally

i worried so much about me draining him with my anxiety and issues but he said he wouldnt let me drain him. he said he always put himself first and the he basically would leave if i try to pull anything on him. why the fuck did i even worry about him when he’s trying to manipulate and guilt trip me?? I AM SO PISSED. HE REALLY TRIED TO DO THAT THAT STUPID MOTHERFUCKER.

during our first fight it worked because i was SO SHOCKED, as i said. and i was SCARED. but fuck him in the asshole he really- he really tried to FUCKING DO THAT TO ME

he accuses me of being disrespectful of his limits when he goes fucking bananas, everythings happening so fast i cant even process what just happen, i dont even have the time to apologize cus hes all over and everywhere. and he’s so fucking threatening. he’s like ”if you dont…..” and he doesnt realize what the fuck he’s doing?? i apologize because 1. i hate these fights and 2. i like him i dont want to hurt him but he’s like ”i have nothing to apologize for”

STUPID FUCKING CUNTBAG YOUR UGLY TECHNIQUES ARE WAY OVER MY LIMITS, YOURE DISRESPECTING ME 101919X MORE THAN I EVER DISREPSEXTED U BY CALLING U A WHITE MAN.

(also can we talk abt how this motherfucker understabds that whites and men are privileged but he still doesnt get why reverse oppression isnt a thing and that it is GROUPS that are privileged and NOT individuals??? like he’s that fucking dumb)

that shit actually HURT!!!! i think he’s really immature during fights, i think he’s really fucking pathetic and i’m glad i’ve come to that conclusion rather than beating myself up. yes, i now understand that this is probably what it feels like for the counterpart when im fighting with them and im fuckig sorry that im acting like this psycho

BUT!!!!!! what really HURT was that he HONESTLY TRIED TO MANIPULATE ME. if i hadn’t called his ass out this time he would have gotten away with it AGAIN

bitch, he’s fucking 23 years old. he’s 4 years older than me. he also KNOWS!!!!!! i have a stupid crush on him and he STILL!!!!! TRIED TO GUILT TRIP ME, TRIED TO MAKE ME OBEY AND SUBMIT TO HIM, GET DOWN ON MY KNEES AND BEG

im so pissed and a part of me wish i would just have exploded but i couldnt because it was fucking 1 am and my family was asleep and i couldnt fucking shout at someone over the phone. also it actually made me feel a bit superior and mature when i was all calm and he still was upset (even though he wouldnt admit it, stupid proud brat. his voice changes distinctly). okay YES, i MAY have patronized him a little but also NOT!!! i was just really tired and sad and i still liked him so like….. i was just upset and trying to calm him down

its kind of hilarious how i had to tell him to stop sounding so aggressive and he was like ”im not” and i was like ”yes you are” and so he actually KIND OF stopped and it was easier to talk to him. wow i feel so powerful lmao. omg in really not any better than him am i? i know im not because no matter how much he denies it…….. im literally exactly the same when i fight 😔😔 i tell myself i wasnt like that because i didnt WANT to, because i want to be MATURE but a part of me honestly thinks its just me knowing my place. i like him more than the likes me, he can use that to his advantage, there was no reason or possibility for me to dominate him.

im still very pissed though and just because i like him i still REFUSE to follow him like a little puppy. ive been so worried ALL this time that i wouldnt be able to keep up with him intellectually, that he was too good for me, too smart and too kind. PFFFFFFFT!!! im sorry but i swear i was just idealizing him or smth. its his fucking voice and scent, its like a drug it makes me all calm and dizzy but objectively…. dont fucking let him manipulate you. if he ever makes you feel like yo should apologize and that tou did wrong, ask yourself WHY. an east escape is not the right answer. call him the fuck out. i think and hope he avtually would appreciate it as well……. even though he’s so fucking stubborn and proud OMG HES SO PROUD I CANT, I AM PROUD TOO BUT NOT TO HIM. or maybe a little since i now refuse to fucking message him, maybe a little bit manipulative but no, im still mad, the way he acted lady night was fucked up. why does he have to be so proud with ME???? is it because he doesnt feel as emotionally connected to me as i do? yeah probably

that stupid motherufcker…. when i told him ”instead of threatening me that you’re gonna hung up if i dont ’respect’ aka BEHAVE accordingly…. you could just say ’hey im not comfortable talking right now, i need to hung up’ AND HE WAS LIKE ”but we’re not that close-/but we’re not that emotionally-” or something like that and i was like……. is this dipshit clown really serious?? ”uhhh its more like COMMON SENSE AND RESPECT” and he was like ”yeah maybe…” YEAH MAYBE? NO YOU KNOW IM FUCKING RIGHT

god that piece of shit really thinks he has me wrapped around his finger or something. im attracted to him but what he doesnt understand is that he’s still a plain white man. he had NO IDEA how much im controlling myself by even letting myself fall for a white man. does he really think he can like…. i sont know?? i fucking asked him. because i said ”i dont demand or threaten you” and he was like yeah i know. and i was like woahhh…. wait a second….. ”do you think i dont because i like you? do you think i would just follow you whatever?” and he was like ”im not gonna answer that”

oh my god he really thought didnt he. stupid ass white boy really thought i would choose him over myself or any of my siblings of color. smh poor jack.

im going nuts. okay…. if he EVER pulls something like this again i wont be so sure i’ll be able to handle this on a mature level. the worst thing is though that i HAVE TO. because even when i DO, he’s so fucking ptronizing. like te WHITE MAN just jumped out???? if i were to lose my shit……. ITS SI FRUSTRATING AND ITS EXACTLY WHY I CANT BE WITH A WHITE MAN. i was avtually very fucking calm and he STILL managed to make me feel like i was the ”bad guy”.

ughhhh im fucking insane. this…… whatever the fuck our relationship is cus this boy is apprently only interested in me what the fuck that now even means?? okay so we can like hang out and be physical and cuddle and shit but we’re not a couple and its NOT limited to being exclusively us. apparebtly i should still feel flattered though?? cus he doesnt find anyone attractive and he needs some sort of chemistry??? im sorry boy but i am NOT flattered. you do you, i get it, it takes time for you to fall in love with someone but im obviously still much more emotionally invested. that not your fault. thats my problem. my abandonment and attatchment issues. honestly im so fucked i cant even differ my feelings. my feelings for him are strong but idk what they are. some days i feel like platonic friendship, other days an older brother, a romantic partner and sometimes even a dad/parental figure. like im that fucked up i just need a STRONG BOND i dont care what

i low key hate myself for how i ended the call yesterday. thanks to that, now i cant bring this up again. its too late. the fight is ”over”. i was like ”i still like u bye goodnight sweet dreams” but now im like ”i hate u ugly bitch”.

god my head