#accounts and what I knew she often used in video games and hacked some other accounts and wrote it down and her fav numbers and colors…..

[holyluvr]

If my father hadn’t of crushed my dreams of being an author apart like he crushed my laptop full of years of work on my vampires in half over his knee, maybe…..just maybe I would have reached John Greene’s potential.

[cryo-regalia]

I absolutely adore the aesthetics of this blog, seriously, I’m a sucker for cafes and coffee shops >w<, is it okay to request some general headcanons for Futaba Sakura please? Tyvm!!

general headcanons with the phantom thieves’ resident hacker ft. futaba sakura

— THEMES : yandere tw, gender neutral reader, p5 spoilers, online stalking, hacking, invasion of online privacy / information, emotional manipulation, poor mental health, mentions of suicidal tendencies, antisocial behaviors.

— NOTE FROM THE ARATAKI GANG : you’re so sweet, anon! thank you so much and i hope you enjoy!

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT | 18+

Futaba knows her fair share of internet terminology and being a big fan of anime herself, she knows what a yandere is. She doesn’t have an opinion on them as she surrounds herself with the superhero genre a lot rather than the dark horror and romance genre, but doesn’t necessarily see down upon it. Does she apply that term to herself? Not at first. She didn’t picture herself as someone who would be one, especially when she’s such a recluse. She had her fair share of obsessions, but nothing that really stood out, let alone about a person. Though she does wonder about it, how it would play out having someone being so unconditionally in love with her that they would do virtually anything for them. In the moment, she brushes it off and doesn’t think much of it. She doesn’t really have much hope in finding a partner, or anyone at all who would stick around that wasn’t someone she considered family like Sojiro. Instead, she’s happy to project herself in a fantasy with her favorite fictional beings to try and cast out the tormenting words and thoughts.

The best bet of actually meeting her is on an internet chat forum about anime or a video game. Either way, it’s a social media platform that she can easily keep her identity private, using a secondary account that’s devoid of any content, including follows and likes. She’d go by another name that wasn’t her own or Alibaba in an attempt to keep that reputation clean so anyone trying to follow her wouldn’t suspect or find out her interests. Even she knew that there wasn’t a reason to get someone who’s just trying to chat involved with something like the hacker world. No one ever really stuck around as she’d go on for hours about a single topic if you let her, so she’s used to speaking to different anonymous users on the daily. Meeting someone who shares interests and lets her go on and on for so long is so refreshing that it catches her a bit off-guard. She’ll even mention that briefly, about how thankful she is about that before continuing on about whatever the topic was about beforehand. There are times where she may play an online game with other players, but she can’t summon the will to use her mic or even join the team voice chat, even if she sees a name she recognizes.

The only other scenario where this may differ is if her s/o is part of the Phantom Thieves where they may see her more often in person, but it’s more than likely that they’ll talk to her behind a screen if the Protagonist isn’t there. He’s still a big comfort for her as he helped her out of her shell, but her darling will quickly become someone she will be comfortable around to speak her mind freely to. It’s a very big leap from her usual self that both the Protagonist and Sojiro don’t expect, but if she feels that safe around someone that she can relax, they’re okay with that. Being so close to her darling is almost similar to having her mask on, but not so heavy and suffocating around her head. Being able to squeeze their hand and remember that they’re there to keep them safe soothes her anxiety and nerves in a way she didn’t think was even possible. She may burst into a nervous sweat sometimes and shake uncontrollably if she’s in public, but having someone by her side to help her through it is more than enough. Just don’t touch her, it’ll make her overwhelmed in the moment. Instead, give her some space and words of comfort. It doesn’t make it go away entirely, but she’s still working on trying to become comfortable outside of her tiny bubble of solace that she will make room for her s/o in soon enough.

Before her Change of Heart, she’ll be a little less active online or invested in a conversation. That’s not to say she thinks the topic is boring, her s/o will need to take the lead for a bit. She just doesn’t have the energy to do so, even if she wants to reach out and talk more. Moving her fingers along her keyboard gets so tiring and she finds herself going over the most recent message sent, coming up with a response in her head but can’t find the will to type it out. On top of the sudden lethargy, she convinces herself that she’s only wasting this person’s time and that she doesn’t deserve to even speak to them, let alone be friends with them online. She isn’t going to be in this world for long anyways, so she doesn’t want to get close to someone she’s just going to leave. But they talk to her anyways, asking her if she’s okay, they’re so friendly and overwhelmingly kind, and remind her that they’ll be there for her whenever she expresses these less than pleasant feelings. She doubts they will and that they don’t really care about her, and that makes her sick. She doesn’t want them to be just like her mother, late mother, and leave her, she doesn’t want to annoy them, and she doesn’t want to get so attached that when they do find someone better to capture their attention, she gets hurt because of it.

Futaba knows that getting so attached will only lead to heartache, but she ends up bonding with this person anyways. It’s accidental and she scolds herself for it, but she can’t help but let them in. She’s dependent on them to help get rid of the voices, even if they aren’t aware of what she’s going on. When she wakes up in the morning, the first thing she does is check her messages for something from her s/o and send a quick message. Whether it’s “hey”, “good morning”, she’s content with it given her drowsiness and lack of will to type much as it is. She does hack into their account and then into their phone to find out more about them, and even track where they go. They won’t ever know and as one of the best hackers in the world, if not the best, she was sure she wouldn’t leave any evidence of her being there. All she wants, at first, is information. What they look like, where they live, where they go to work, where they go to school, their name, simple stuff like that. She’s careful not to reveal that she knows this information, but she sometimes finds herself typing their name out before deleting it and sending her message including their online alias.

But once her Change of Heart takes effect, expect for her to be much more positive and it’s crystal clear through her messages. She’ll use a lot more exclamation points and express obvious interest in her darling’s interests and what they have to say. If they’re not one of the Thieves, she’ll apologize for her behavior and explain that she was in a really bad depressive slump. Still, it doesn’t excuse what she’s done and she asks for forgiveness. It wasn’t all a lie, but she couldn’t and wouldn’t give away her identity as Oracle, the newest Phantom Thief. Though she is still secretive about her identity, she’s willing to open up a little bit more about herself and admits she’s a bit of a hermit. It feels refreshing to not be weighed down by so many crippling thoughts and hallucinations, and it takes some getting used to, but she’s happy now. Happier than she has been in a long while, especially with her darling making the world around her a little brighter. Or maybe that was her computer screen.

Because she doesn’t know what actual romantic love is like, having read so much media surrounding yanderes has...influenced her way of thinking. It’s a popular trope and she can’t seem to get away from it no matter where she goes. From games to light novels, to even blogs and content on various sites centered around it! It doesn’t help that she’s so young and without Sojiro knowing what was going on within her head, it only made things worse the longer she wasn’t guided down a proper direction. What harm would it do if he didn’t know? It’s not like she’d do anything to him or that visiting a site for some time would make a real impact, right? She’s delved deep into the internet countless times before, what would be the harm in continuing to do so? She’d spend more time on that online forum if that’s where she meets her s/o, often sitting and waiting for their status to change to “online”, or to see if they posted anything, or even responded to anyone.

It’s likely that she’ll be willing to start an actual relationship after her Treasure is stolen. Now that she has a significantly better mindset and view of the world around her, she thinks that she would be ready to start something so committed and serious, even if it does intimidate her a little bit. She’s completely unfamiliar with something like that and the media she consumes makes it look easier than it really is. Why is she so nervous? It’s just confessing feelings, albeit feelings she doesn’t entirely understand, so what’s the big deal?! It’s not like speaking her mind ever stopped her before, so what was going on? Her face was getting so red, and her hands became so clammy that wiping them off was a solution that only lasted for a few seconds. She does try her best to be a good girlfriend, but does get a little overwhelmed. By a little I mean a lot. Is she not messaging them enough? She’ll send another just in case. Is she not showing enough interest in their hobbies? She’ll ask more about them. And she does end up convincing herself that if they don’t respond to her quickly, they’re talking to someone else or upset with her. It gets her pretty down and she does hack into their phone to bring her some comfort, but she does worry if they haven’t picked up their device in awhile.

She’d love to meet her s/o in person, have a conversation that strays into fandom-related topics and gaming once she gets over her overwhelming anxiety. What if she wasn’t what they were expecting and they didn’t want to talk to her anymore?! If they decided to block her, she could always find her way around that, but it was still hurtful. What if they thought she was weird or ugly?! What if they weren’t interested in short girls?! She knows the dangers of meeting a stranger online, but they weren’t a stranger! They were her darling, duh! Besides, she went through their information beforehand, she was sure she wasn’t being lied to or anything. If she was, she wouldn’t be so willing to do this or consider them her darling. As a cover up, she’d say that she was going to meet with the Protagonist at her favorite manga shop so she doesn’t give Sojiro a heart attack if she told the truth. She does feel a little bad about that, but they could meet each other soon enough and she wouldn’t have to lie any more! Everything would be fine! And yes, she would most definitely bring and wear her doll mask the entire time.

It takes some time for her to finally become adjusted with being so comfortable in front of someone, even in the case of her darling. She’d need someone who would be patient with her and be willing to hold her hand (physically and figuratively) through her attempts at forcing herself out of her bubble of comfort. They’d definitely have to either be a gamer or support her efforts in the virtual world if they weren’t as interested. They’d also have to understand that while she can be blunt she means well and that she isn’t all that familiar with love and needs some time to figure out what that means to her. She figures jealousy is natural, but it appears quite a bit. She hates it when people linger around or talk to her darling longer than needed. Friends, strangers, anyone, she just wants to be left alone with them. The conversation is over, just go away! But she doesn’t voice anything, and if someone commented on how her face scrunches, she covers it up with a quick lie surrounded by stammers. She’ll try to excuse herself and pull her darling with her in an attempt to capture their attention on something else. If they call her out for it, she’ll become flustered and slowly admit that they’re right, but say that she was sure that this person was looking at them oddly and that she didn’t have a good feeling about them.

Futaba is one of the less physically brutal yanderes, if not the only one within the Phantom Thieves. In theory, she could get away with whatever she wanted in the the Metaverse and leave not a single clue behind. She could even pin the blame on that black masked intruder if she so chose. However, she doesn’t have much actual fighting experience and would most likely have her butt handed to her should she appear in the fight itself. She’s their support for a reason, and doesn’t have the proper skills for that or she’d be at level five already. They’d have to have a Shadow for her to really do anything, which would complicate things. And if her darling was a Thief, too, it would make things a lot harder in that area. Asking the others could get risky if she continued to try and get them to investigate if someone had a Palace, or a Shadow at the very least, and the last thing she needed was them getting on her case and suspecting her of something. And if her darling is part of the Thieves, she’d really have to take care of her rivals in her own time and away from the gazes of the others. She’s glad her darling is so strong and can take care of themselves, but sometimes she really wished they knew less to make this easier.

But what makes her terrifying is how emotionally manipulative Futaba can be and that she can be virtually anywhere she wanted. Instead, she would take action through the vast world of the internet, a place she felt the safest, aside from her darling, of course. She couldn’t do physical damage to anyone, but she could definitely toy with their mind and their sense of security. Did they really think that some silly password could get in her way? Of course not. She’d crack the code faster than Sojiro could brew his coffee and not even bat an eyelash. While she doesn’t really care who she goes after, she makes sure it’s worth her time as she has plenty of other people to visit and her darling’s texts await her. She’s almost reliant on her darling to comfort her and be there, often repeating that without them she was sure she would have spiraled further into her depression and that they were the only one who truly understood her. She will hack into their phone and send her darling messages, pretending to be them. And honestly, she doesn’t think twice or care what is said within them. If it means her darling will get closer to her, she’ll do anything.

She’ll never be easy on any rivals, even if they are part of her new team. If she’s in a good mood, she’ll give them a warning to back off and leave her and her darling alone, but that’s it. She’ll find all of the dirty, hidden information on this person that she can get her hands on and keep it all in a hidden folder on her computer that’s cleverly masked as one of the folders for her otome games. She knows that Sojiro won’t get into her business, but what if she’s out with her darling or the Protagonist and someone gets into her computer. This causes her to add significantly more passwords to a point that it’s a wonder how she can remember so many as they’re all something entirely different. With all of this newly retrieved information, she’ll be sure to use it as a means of blackmail. Cooperate, leave her darling be, and it’ll be their little secret. She promises to keep it confidential and keeps to her word should they comply. If they don’t and underestimate her, she’ll leak it a heartbeat with no remorse. She gave them a chance and they didn’t take it, this is what they deserved. She’ll send it to her darling once it gets a bit of popularity, feigning disappointment but firmly adding that she was right to be suspicious of them and that they should listen to her more often.

She won’t hesitate to reveal how she’s feeling to her darling. At first glance, this could be seen as being something healthy. It’s good to let your partner know how you feel, after all, and that’s what she justifies it as. She constant pines for her darling’s attention and affection through messages or in person if she’s with them, and if she doesn’t get it, this is where it starts to cross a line. Of course, she has no qualms about doing whatever it takes to make sure things go as she planned for them to. You don’t want to go to her favorite arcade today? But it closes early. You need to study for a test? It’s at the end of the week, using your time on something that isn’t study material won’t hurt your grade. You wanted to see a friend? But you just saw them the other day. She was sure that they looked at her s/o weirdly too, she was sure that they would just hurt her darling in the end. Expect a mean text later that day from the very person she was so paranoid over. Why didn’t they want to do more with her? Did they not love her anymore? What did she do wrong? Was she only disappointing them? Was the only light in her life really going to leave her for someone else? These would be questions she’d voice in front of them and force tears into her eyes, sometimes they would be real and others from a dropper she hid underneath her sleeve. In short, she’ll guilt-trip them and if she is more or less forced to go home for the day, she’d talk to Sojiro about it. Of course, it’s much more hyperbolic than it really is, but he doesn’t need to know that. She knows that he’ll say something about it to her darling when they come by Leblanc or drop by the house.

Futaba understands privacy and boundaries and respects any that her darling may have. Most of the time, anyway. Her bouts of self-doubt end up leading her into going through their phone and social media accounts for a form of reassurance. She has to know that they’re not talking to anyone else romantically, or sharing information that only she should know of. Likes and dislikes are one thing, but really personally stuff about fears and “love language”—not that she really understands what that is—is off limits to anyone but her. Sometimes she’ll get paranoid and overwhelmed while she and the Thieves are on a mission to a Palace or exploring further into Mementos. In the case that her s/o is a regular civilian, she’ll wonder if something is happening in the real world and her darling is trying to get into contact with her. Or if they are another Thief, then she’ll be over their shoulder the entire time and purposefully boost their stats. She’ll make sure to do the same to the others so they don’t get on her case even if her favoritism is as clear as day. To an outside view, it may be seen as creepy, but Futaba wholeheartedly believes that this is okay and what needs to be done to secure a route to her darling’s heart.

“Route secured! I’m finally on your route, darling! We’ll get our good end soon, just you wait!”

© cryo-regalia, all rights reserved. do not edit, translate, or repost my work.

[grimoire-of-geekery]

Wicked: a Gamer’s Look at Morality

(pic is from an Etsy store, I really want these dice, they’re freaking gorgeous)

A few years back, I was one of a handful of admin on a roleplaying sim on Second Life, and I was put in charge of teaching basic roleplaying skills to people new to our game.  There’d been a shift in our rule structure, a move towards a more formal rule set very similar to Dungeons and Dragons, and I had to adapt my workshop to reflect that.

Some of you who know me are already cringing on my behalf.  Yep, I’m one of those gamers who loves tabletop roleplaying games, but just... really dislikes D&D.  A lot of my friends already know about my laundry list of complaints (unrelatable magic systems, the ridiculous idea of “evil gods,” unrealistic rules... it’s a long list), and I’m not going to dig too deep into it for this story.  Suffice to say, I have some opinions, and we’ll leave it there.

Ordinarily, I leave my list at home, and just try to avoid playing standard D&D.  This time, however, I had a bunch of friends counting on me to help our players adapt to the new rules, and that meant dealing with some of my prejudices, and turning some of my objections into experiments.  One such experiment, and arguably the most successful one of the set, was an experiment in D&D morality alignment.

I should preface all of this by saying that I told this story in a shorter form on a Facebook group I follow, a DnD players’ group, and that’s what got me thinking about it and wanting to share it with all of you.  Yes, I do realize the irony in being a member of a group centered around a game with which I have so many issues.  I’m a geek, we’re allowed to be inconsistent in the pursuit of our fandoms.  Anyway, someone asked about alignment, and it brought up the whole story for me again, so I’m sharing it with you now (and I’ve also shared it on Facebook), as I feel it’s kind of relevant these days.

Now, those of you who are familiar with D&D already know what the alignments are, but for those new to it: every character you play gets a moral alignment based on a combination of two sets of three traits- Lawful, Neutral, and Chaotic, and Good, Neutral, or Evil.  You can play a Lawful Evil character, a Neutral Good character, a Neutral Neutral (called True Neutral) character, a Chaotic Good character, and so on.

Dungeonmasters and storytellers and writers have expounded for years on what those alignments really mean.  Before we nerds had “what is your Hogwarts House?” quizzes and discussions, we had “what D&D alignment are you?” debates.  And frankly, I always hated the whole system.  What rational person would willingly choose to align themselves with “evil?”  How the hell are you going to find someone who’s objectively “good,” or “neutral” for that matter?  And how about the whole “lawful” vs. “chaotic” concept?  These are none of them rational or practical character motivations or personality frameworks, and they afford players the ability to become unrepentant murderhobos far too easily, to the point where there’s a whole genre of roleplaying centered around that mentality called “hack n slash.”  Like, that’s part of the appeal for some people.  I don’t get it, I don’t enjoy it, and it bothers me enough that I decided to change things around with our new players.

We had a character sheet and some various “character HUDs” that allowed players to use abilities like in a video game, with special effects and such.  They came with an alignment choice.  That alignment choice was set up with a grid of nine cards, each with two letters.  Lawful Good wasn’t spelled out, it was just “LG.”  Likewise, Neutral Evil was “NE.”

This gave me an idea.  A WICKED idea.

I sat my players down, and said to them, “forget what you know about alignments, I’m changing the rules.  We’ll choose your alignment after you design your character.”  They went about the business of designing who they were going to play in our game.  At the end, they were to choose an alignment, based solely on what they thought those letters meant.

They chose.  One guy chose LE because he wanted to play an evil character who still played by the rules.  Another girl chose CN because she wanted, and I quote, “to do whatever she wanted without concern for morality.”  All of the players finished their choices, and that’s when I unveiled the surprise.This is what I told them:

Those of you who chose an E, congratulations, E= Elphaba.  You each get a small starting advantage of some kind- a power boost, like a feat or an extra cantrip.  It’s small, but useful.  However, you also gain an uncanny mark which puts you at a social disadvantage, causing people to vilify you or be intimidated.  Good for intimidation checks, bad for making friends.

Those of you who chose an N, N= Nessarose.  You get a physical disadvantage that causes people to infantilize you.  You may choose a magical method to circumvent the physical side of that disadvantage, but you can’t get rid of the social aspects of it.  Bad for intimidation, good for getting people to feel sorry for you.

Those of you with a G, congrats, you’re all Glinda.  You get a social advantage with strings attached, and a single fatal mental flaw, causing you to miss certain information and misjudge things.  You will be good at making friends and manipulating people, but you’ll also be dependent upon them.  Choose what social group you’re connected to now.

My final declaration: your letter determines what kinds of options you have.  Glindas can’t make decisions that are only available to Nessaroses or Elphabas, and vice versa with all three.  You are limited in your scope, and you will have to deal with the consequences of your actions in a way that’s in keeping with your alignment.  And no, you can’t just choose a new alignment, you’ll have to change it in character through story.

Suddenly, I had a bunch of players who thought they were done with their character creation, scrambling to figure out how to revamp their sheet and make their characters playable.  Naturally, I got a number of “it’s not fair” complaints, and one player stormed out and threw a tantrum.  Eventually, though, we had a large chunk of people with characters which had a lot more intricacy and detail woven into their design than they had previously attempted.  We had players who were actually excited to play with the others, because they no longer knew which way their character would go.

I had left the whole “lawful/neutral/chaotic” thing alone, so people could use it as a touchstone in their behavior choices.  I also gave them the option of changing their alignment in character, with the understanding that the changes would cause them to lose whatever advantages their previous alignment granted them.

The axiomatic side of things actually helped some of the players understand character motives and moral choice, which was awesome.  They learned that the letters are in that order for a reason- Lawful Good instead of Good Lawful, because the axiomatic aspect was about choosing for oneself, and the moral aspect was for how one deals with one’s consequences.

People who are good aren’t people who only ever do good.  People make mistakes, they screw up, they lose their footing or have bad judgment or get confused or experience temporary states of insanity.  People who are evil aren’t people who only ever do evil.

Being “good” is about accountability, about accepting that not everything is about us.  A “good” person is someone who chooses to accept that their choices affect the world in ways they cannot always predict, and that they will one day have to pay the piper for their actions.  They accept their accountability for their actions, they endeavor (rationally, and in a way that serves them as much as anyone else) to make the world a better place for everyone, even if it’s just in small ways.

A “neutral” person is someone unconcerned with consequences.  Maybe they just are in it for the experience, maybe they see no moral quandary with their actions or their situation.  Maybe they’re not able to see the longer view, or they haven’t had a reason to look yet.  Maybe they’re not in a phase of their life where they’re interested in responsibility.  Neutral isn’t a way to drive though.  It’s the setting in your car for “not going anywhere.”  A person is neutral when they’re reactive, and they’re often not thinking about whether their reactions are acceptable or not.

Conversely, an “evil” person is someone who refuses to be accountable.  They don’t just ignore consequences, they aren’t ever wrong, and their constant efforts are towards advantage and maintaining their position at the top of the heap.  They don’t have to answer to anyone for anything they do, not even themselves.  Maybe they have a nihilistic “nothing matters anyway” philosophy about the world.  Maybe they’re convinced that the ends justify the means.  The difference between them and the other types is, their choices are corrupting and make the world a little harder to live in for everyone involved.  Not that they care, they sleep just fine, thanks.

Now, I have been all three of these people at one point in my life, and I’ve learned that there aren’t good or evil people, just choices and consequences and how you deal with both.  I’ve learned that I’m pretty much never okay with being a neutral person, it stresses me out.  I’ve also learned that I’m not fond of evil at all, because I genuinely like life and the world we live in.  So, good it is, as often as possible, even if it’s just in small ways.

I think it’s important, especially now, for us to recognize that chaos can be good, that law can be evil (and obviously vice versa), and that being neutral is rarely the way forward.  Nobody who strives to make the world better for themselves or those they care about ever thinks they’re doing evil.  And, they’re right, because they’re not doing evil or good.  Good and evil are in the consequences, they’re in how they’re going to deal with the fallout of their mistakes, or how they’re going to handle their success or good fortune.

Those of you looking for good in the world?  Do good, even if it’s small.  Don’t worry about being perfect, focus on making a small difference and making the world a better place.  I promise you, it’s never a bad choice.  And if you have to get a little Wicked to do it, that’s fine.  Chaos can be good.  So can law.  And only those who don’t value good would not try to make good out of both.

Addendum: maybe this is important, maybe not, but out of twelve players I instructed in that class (I went back and counted names in my records), none of them ever tried to change their alignment.  They all became very fond of their character’s personality and identity, and felt no need to change what they’d fought hard to develop and understand.  When a person’s identity is in question, it can often become a fight for survival to change one’s behavior.  To be different means that the old self dies, and nobody takes death well.  I think that might be useful information for some of us right now.  For me, I’m keeping in mind that good and evil are about consequences, and I’m striving to make sure that any fighting I do, whether for my own identity or for the safety of what I love, will be towards making this world a better place, especially for those who have a hard time finding safety or hope.

[redhoodssweetheart]

Under the Mask I

Pairing: Jason Todd x OC (Freya Andros)

Rating: M

Word Count: 1.7K

Warnings: None this chapter but violence, death, swearing, torture, and more to be added in future chapters. Angst and fluff

Description:  Freya Andros had harbored a crush on Jason Todd for awhile and then one day he took notice of her.  The two becoming friends and slowly it morphs into something more, but what happens when their plans are uprooted and Freya’s life is thrown through a loop.

A/N:  This takes place when Freya and Jason are 18, they are high school seniors.  This doesn’t necessarily follow any canon, but it will have some plot points from movies/comics.  Please bear with me as I’m new to writing for DC characters and am learning more about them as I go.

Jason Peter Todd hadn’t known of Freya’s existence for most of his time at Gotham Academy.  He had been popular with the girls and he had tended to leave a trail of broken hearts where he went.  He was even on the soccer team, which Freya would sometimes attend the practices to watch.

Despite never having talked to Jason Todd, Freya had formed a crush on him.  He had one of those easy-going smiles and he had the prettiest blue eyes she had ever seen.  It wasn’t fair how incredibly attractive he was and she often voiced this opinion to her friends who would just laugh and agree. 

Today was one of the days Freya attended the boys’ soccer practice.  She tried not to go too often for fear of being grouped in with the hordes of girls that seemed to be vying for Jason’s attention.  Freya didn’t just watch the practice, she also worked on homework as well and occasionally glanced up to see what exactly Jason was doing.

On this particular day Freya had her earbuds in and was listening to music, too engrossed in her work to really notice what was going on around her.  She had paid attention to the scrimmage some, but her focus had been pulled toward her science homework.  She hadn’t even realized that practice had ended and most of the people were beginning to clear out.

That was why she also hadn’t noticed Jason sneaking up to her before he pulled out her earbud startling her.  He was giving her one of his famous smiles and her heart was fluttering in her chest.  Was this real?  Or had she somehow been smacked upside the head with a soccer ball and she was merely passed out and dreaming all of this?

“You know I notice you sitting here a lot when we practice and yet you never act as they do, and to top it all off you do homework.  That’s a good way to make a guy feel like you’re not here for him,” he jested.

Freya snatched her earbud back from Jason which made him chuckle and she began clearing up her work.  “Who said I’m here for you, Todd?  Maybe I’m watching Ben or Derek.”  Despite having a monumental crush on Jason she was determined not to fall for his ways.  She refused to be yet another notch on his belt.

He cocked his head to the side, “I don’t think so, sweetheart.  I see you following me with your eyes.  You’re here for me and not Ben or Derek.”

Freya shouldered her bag and stood, Jason mimicking her position quickly.  He was a little taller than her, and her face came in total view of his chest.  She looked up and hated the way her cheeks began to heat, “Well it was nice talking to you, but I should get home.”

“Need a ride?”  He offered.

She smirked, “If you can tell me my name then sure, I’ll go with you.”  Jason’s eyebrows came together as he thought through all the names of the girls he knew.  Freya laughed, “Times up, Todd.  This was lovely, but I’m going to go.”

Jason watched as she descended the bleachers and towards the parking lot where it was just his motorcycle and her car left.  “Are you at least going to tell me your name?”  He called after her.

She turned and started to walk backward, “Where’s the fun in that?”  Then she gave him a jaunty little wave and continued on her way.

Jason raced home and headed down to the Batcave where Dick, Damian, and Tim were all sitting around doing various things.  Tim was fooling around on the computer, Damian was cleaning his sword, and Dick was on his phone talking to someone, probably Zatana by the goofy grin on his face.  Dick was the only one who looked up when he heard Jason’s footsteps.

“How was school?”  He questioned.

“Fine,” came Jason’s quick reply.  “Tim, I need a favor.”

Tim turned to face his older brother, “Whatever it is I won’t do it.”

“Hey I didn’t tell Dad that you hacked into the FBI three weeks ago, so this is me calling in a favor.  I just need you to find the name of a girl I go to school with,” Jason told him.

Damian looked up from what he was doing, “Has someone finally seen past your so-called charm and smile?”

Jason narrowed his eyes at the youngest member of Bruce’s family, and the only biological son in the group.  “No, she just didn’t tell me her name, and now I’m curious.”

“He totally got shot down,” Dick fake whispered to Damian.

“I didn’t get shot down!”  Jason protested just as laughter came from the three other boys.  “Whatever, can you help me or not, Tim?”

“I need a description,” he told Jason as he turned back to the computers and began to type away to pull up the student IDs for the girls at Jason’s school.  Jason rattled off the traits he remembered about the girl and finally, he got a picture of her.  “Freya Andros, her father runs Andros Technology and she’s in line to inherit everything.  I know her from the social circles we used to run in together.  She’s nice.”  He turned to face Jason, “Do not break her heart, Todd.”

Jason held up his hands, “Whoa, calm down Timmy.  I just wanted a name.”

Tim began to grumble about how that was not what he wanted from her and closed out of her file.  He stood then and said he had homework that he needed to finish and would be in his room if anyone needed him.  Jason looked at Damian and Dick who were both looking at him with neatly matching expressions.

“What?”  Jason asked innocently.

“Don’t ‘what’ us,” Dick began.  “You do have a reputation Jay.  And I’ve heard Tim talk about her before.  She and Tim spent a lot of time together when they were younger and if you pursue this girl then just Tim’s going to go into protective brother mode.”

“Who said I was going to hurt her?  I merely wanted to know her name,” he stated calmly.  “Now if you’ll excuse me I have home to finish.”  He left the Batcave and headed upstairs to grab something to eat and get started on his homework.

Who was he fooling?

He was going to go stalk Freya on her social media accounts and see what he could dig up about her before tomorrow came.  He found her Instagram and Twitter pages, flipping through them he learned that she portrayed herself differently.  Instagram showed a higher society part of her life.  The glitz and glam and days out with her friends.

But her Twitter was filled with book recommendations and quotes from poetry or geeking out over a new movie.  He saw she and Tim interacted more on Twitter, the both of them talking about new technology being developed.  Soon it was well past one o’clock and Jason was finding himself laughing at a video he had discovered of a younger Tim and her together performing an awful dance cover of U Can’t Touch This by MC Hammer.

He fell asleep that night still thinking about her and the smile she had on her face.  She was going to be trouble for him, but he kinda wanted to know where it would lead.

That morning as Jason pulled into school he noticed the usual gaggle of girls waiting for him on the front steps.  Freya, as usual, was not among them.  He had only ever noticed her at the games or practices.  At first he thought that she just like doing her homework there sometimes, but then one day he had noticed her following him with her eyes.  He tested a theory and lifted his jersey to wipe sweat from his face, for a brief moment his muscular chest and abdomen were exposed and when he glanced back at her she was blushing.

He then began to wonder why she never tried anything with him.  She never tried to touch his arms or chest like the others and she never flirted with him.  When he had noticed her the previous night on the bleachers that was the first time they had ever conversed and the first time he had managed to get her alone.  He knew she liked him and when she flat out refused his offer to drive her home it made him even more curious about her.

“Hey Jason,” one of the girls latched onto his arm, this was Cynthia, leader of the cheerleaders at Gotham Academy.  “You didn’t respond to my texts last night,” he looked at her and noticed the pout there.

The irritated him, “I was busy.”  He tugged his arm free and maneuvered away from her.  

Cynthia narrowed her eyes at the way he was behaving, “What’s your deal this morning, Jason?”

He resisted the urge to roll his eyes, he really didn’t have time for this, “Look, I’m not in the mood.  So why don’t you go flirt with someone else?”

“Asshole,” she muttered as she turned and stalked away with her friends following after her.

Jason continued down the halls until he came to a stop when he saw Freya at her locker putting her things away and checking over what she needed for her first class.  Jason made his way toward her and leaned against the lockers next to hers, “Hello Freya.”

She looked up and saw Jason standing there, “So you figured it out, huh?”

“I had a little help, apparently you know my younger brother Tim,” he confessed.

She arched a brow, “Tim warned me that you had figured it out.”  She turned back to her locker, “But I’m afraid the offer to drive me home has now expired.”

“Can I just ask why you seem to want nothing to do with me?”  He rested his head against the locker and watched her.  “My brother’s already told me not to break your heart.  I’m pretty sure he’ll murder me if I hurt you.”

“Timmy?  Murder?” She snorted.  “Timmy wouldn’t murder you, I’m pretty sure he’d torture you psychologically first and then murder you.”

She had him there, Tim probably would do that if he hurt her.  “Why don’t we start over?  Hi, my name is Jason Todd, and you are?”  He held out his hand to her for her to shake.

Freya eyed it for a moment before gently slipping her hand into his and saying, “Freya Andros, it’s nice to meet you Jason.”

[alphawave-writes]

Play me a memory--A sigma fic

Summary: Sigma hopes to transcribe the universe's melody, in hopes of awakening his true powers, but gets more than he bargains for when the government facility he has escaped from has found him once again.

Read it here, or find it on AO3

-

Sigma sits in front of a piano. Not the Bechstein studio grand piano that used to sit in his apartment in The Hague but a cheap, upright Yamaha instead. He knows it is old just from the touch, the damp thud of the keys and the slow responsiveness of the pedals. Most aggravating of all is the tuning, the way the notes sound off to his ears. He does not have perfect pitch, and he never will, but if he concentrates hard enough, he can feel the shape of a note. Middle C is a yellow circle, and if he rises it up to a D, it transforms into an orange triangle. He hypothesizes that his abilities over gravity have given him a sensitivity to the electromagnetic waves that make up sound, but he cannot test this without rigorous testing. The beauty of these powers is that there are so many potential experiments and possibilities.

It’s been a long time since he’s played. Or at least, he thinks it’s been a long time. The last time he had touched a piano was one week before he went up to the international space station that caused his accident, but time is no longer linear and memories no longer make sense and he cannot say how many years have already passed since then. Has it been three years or longer? He cannot say.

He very much prefers listening to music rather than playing it, but he does not have that luxury. Talon is many things but it is not a musically inclined organization. His previous request for an parabolic microphone must have fallen upon flat ears for the next day he gets a regular microphone, the kind used for karaoke parties. It didn’t even have the batteries in it. So it is a miracle of sorts that his request for a piano got through. It was probably salvaged from a nearby dump, but it is still in working order, and he is grateful for whatever gifts Talon bestow upon him.

His body suddenly stiffens as he feels a shift in the air. He turns his head slowly, eyes wide as he finds himself staring back into his face. Only it’s not his face but another version of him, decked out in the orange jumpsuit that government facility crafted specifically for him. His copy smirks sinisterly.

 “Gravity is like sanity. All you need is a little push.”

“W-w-what?”

 “They called the geniuses of old insane back in their times.”

He is frozen in fear, staring into a face that is his but not his. The other approaches him and places his hands on his shoulders. He can feel the energy being sapped away from his body, his twisted mirror image growing larger, impossibly larger than him. As the energy leaves his body, he can feel his mind clearing. As his mind clears, he can see this twisted alter ego for what it truly is. It is sin, the devil in disguise. And behind that disguise is the black hole that destroyed his career and his mind. And it laughs. It laughs so viciously.

He feels his body suddenly being rattled back and forth, and his mind is clouded once more. The cloned image of him is gone, replaced by an annoyed woman with chocolate skin and purple lips. Her hair is parted to one side, showcasing the cybernetic implants glowing on her skull.

“Are you OK, old man?” She huffs.

Sigma is about to say “no” but he shakes his head and clears himself of the hallucination. It is easier to keep the fractured pieces of his mind together when he has a familiar face by his side. “Y-yes, I’m OK. Sorry if I scared you, Miss Olivia.”

“Ay, don’t call me that. Call me ‘Sombra’ like everybody else.”

“Sorry. I’ll…try and remember for next time.”

“I give myself a cool name and no one takes it seriously anymore,” she mutters to herself. Her eyes fall on the piano. “We have a piano? When’d we get one?”

Sigma smiles, relieved for the change of subject. “I asked Talon to provide it for me. I told them it was necessary for my experiments.” He raises his eyebrows. “I guess you could say this is an instrument in more ways than one.”

Sombra makes a face that is a cross between a cringe and a wince. A lot of people make that face when he tells jokes. So many years later and people still do not appreciate a good pun.

“A-anyway, I had a breakthrough last night,” he continues. “I have harnessed the harness that is gravity, but I have yet to maintain it in whatever shape and form I desire. I was at a roadblock. Then, it hit me! I’ve been thinking about it all wrong, you see. I’ve been trying to use my equations and quantum instruments to further my research, but I’ve yet to use the most important tool at my disposal.” He smiles in excitement. “I’ve got the universe’s melody in my head, playing on repeat. I’ve heard it so many times before, so I must be able to play it in the real world. If my theories are correct, it is as simple as transcribing a piece of music by ear.” He plays a chord and frowns. “Unfortunately, it seems music appreciation does not equate to music composition.”

“Wait wait, so you’re telling me that playing the piano,” she gestures wildly at the object, “is going to help you create a black hole again?”

His eyes brighten. “Yes. That’s precisely it! I knew you would understand.”

Sombra raises her eyebrows in disbelief. Out of all the Talon operatives that Sigma has encountered, she is the least judgmental—or rather, she is the least likely to dismiss his ramblings completely. She can be rather judgmental when she wants to be, often when it comes to Reaper and Widowmaker, but she makes no remarks about him. Perhaps she thinks it is bad taste to make fun of a man crippled psychologically like he is. Or maybe she doesn’t care enough to say anything about it.

He turns back to the piano and starts playing discordant notes. It has been years since he played but he remembers how to lie his hands, where the keys were, how to make his fingers glide over the faux ivory. He’s almost startled by the ease in which he remembers, because he knows he cannot account this for mere muscle memory alone. There are some things people do not forget, he knows that, but it’s unnatural how comfortable he feels in front of the piano.

It’s almost as if he is supposed to be here. Like the universe is calling to him from within the hidden strings. His fingers fly across as if in a trance. He hears the whispering in the air, but he’s not sure if it’s the benevolent universe or the demonic other or some other creature outside the confines of time and space that have decided to play their games with him. He listens and copies their words. A dark expanse of his own creation surrounds him as his eyes turn cloudy.

He hears someone snap their fingers impatiently in his ears, and turns to find Sombra next to him. She looks annoyed but there’s a familiar shimmer of pity in her eyes. It betrays her, just like his mind betrays him.

“Earth to Sigma.”

He winces. “My apologies.”

“I don’t know what goes on inside your head. You have the thingy on. The pedal. You’re pressing on it.”

He glances down at his feet, which are currently covered in pink wooly socks. They are expensive, and currently his only frivolous purchase since joining Talon. He does not remember putting them on, or when he bought them, or why he chose pink of all colours. On closer inspection, he sees that his foot is firmly pressing down on the right pedal.

“Oh,” he says, surprised himself. “So I have.”

Sombra groans loudly. “I don’t know why they tell me to watch you. I just wanna go back to my computer and watch some videos. Play some games. Hack some dudes or something.”

Sigma frowns. “You do not have to supervise me if you don’t want to, Miss Oli—I mean, Sombra.”

“Nah, the boss will kill me if I do that. I gotta make sure you don’t get yourself into danger.” She walks over to the side and leans dramatically over the top of the piano. “C’mon, piano man. Play a song.”

“This piano is for research. It is certainly not to be played with.”

“But I’m so booored.” She rests her head on her arms. “You must know some song, right? Play me one.”

“I shouldn’t…” he begins to say, but his mind is already buzzing with the songs of his past. One sticks with him, imprinted in his soul. A song from his past that spoke of simpler times.

He looks up into her eyes and falls victim for her doe eyes. He takes a deep breath, composes himself as best as he can, and begins to play Erik Satie’s Gnossienne 1.

It’s not long before he gets lost in the melody. Music is a language as easy to speak as English and Dutch. Sentences flow from his fingertips, time condensed into notes and sounds. Dark magic threads and twists from his wrist as gravity lifts up and away from his body. His mind drifts away to become one with the song, splinters of his childhood resurfacing. Images of his piano instructor in his majestic home, stern and imposing. His father falls asleep for the last time in his study, the sky outside the window going from day to night, the stars twinkling in rhythm to the invisible song.

Objects float and fly above him. Particles transform into one-dimensional strings that ascend into higher dimensions. The piano rises with him. There’s a yelp of surprise. “Let me down, let me down!”

His eyes widen as he finally notices Sombra, flailing her arms as she floats helplessly in the air. In that instant the spell is broken and the world returns to clarity. Gravity returns with a shuddering thud as the two of them crash back down into orbit. He is able to land gently. Sombra does not have the same luck.

“D-Dios mio, you’re going to kill me!” She hisses, rubbing her backside painfully. He doesn’t want to tell her how lucky she was. A few centimetres to the right and she would have been trapped under the piano. On one or more occasion, he has commended Talon for having the mindfulness of nailing everything in his lab down. It has prevented more than a few accidents due to his ever shifting powers.

She looks at him sternly, fire in her eyes. He shrinks a little.

“I’ve theorized for a while that my abilities are linked to my mental and emotional state. It seems music is able to amplify my abilities.” Sigma puts his hand on his chin and frowns. “Perhaps later I can determine the source of this ‘amplification’ and utilize it myself. Right now, however, it is an unfortunate complication to my experiments.”

“I’ll say. You’re going to hurt yourself at this rate.”

“I realise that, but I am close, I can feel it.” His hands glide over the dusty top of the piano. “If I can just find the correct song, I might be able to harness the fullest potential of my abilities.”

“Then maybe put the piano in a different room? So you don’t destroy everything in this room if you do find it?” She suggests.

“No, I…it’s better that I am here, where I cannot hurt anyone.”

Death has unfortunately become the new norm in his life. As payment, Talon tasks him with going on missions with their officers, and that often leads to a battle to the death. No one expects an old man like him to fight, and they definitely do not expect to be flung around like paper ragdolls in the wind. It’s frightening how the guilt washes away easier the more blood he must spill. During one such mission, he almost found himself enjoying the violence.

He places his fingers back on the keys. Sombra takes her place in the far corner of the room and watches warily, away from danger. There are no more fluctuations in gravity that day.

-

He plays and he plays, morning day and night, but he is no closer to his goal. He has continued his normal experiments, with the piano experiments continuing during his break. He eats and drinks and sleeps, but it is at a bare minimum. Why is it now, when he seeks out the song does it decide to run away? Why is this silence louder than noise, overwhelming him with nothingness? Why is it when his mind has never been clearer does a part of him yearn for the spark of insanity?

There is madness in his actions, but it is controlled and tempered. His equations are correct, as they always have been. He has ripped out a bit of paper to write sheet music on and has done his best to interpret the song. He can only work through sound. If only he knows an expert in music composition, or sound engineering. His understanding of sound is limited to his extensive knowledge of electromagnetic waves. Tonality, timbre, chord structure, they are patterns he hears but does not understand.

It’s late at night but he presses onward. He’s close, so very close, and he must work now while his mind is still whole. The pieces never hold together for this long, and sooner or later it will fracture, but he must press onward while he still has control. He wants to feel normal, and to feel normal is to surround himself in his research, pushing forward to new limits and new heights. The stars call out for his name. First he must understand and master his abilities. Then he can continue his original dream to see the stars outside their humble galaxy and walk on the surface of planets that are not his home.

He doesn’t hear the thudding footsteps approaching in the dead of night. He doesn’t notice the red light on the security camera suddenly go dark or the crack of his lab door breaking open. It’s only when he hears the unmistakable sound of a gun’s safety being taken off that he finally notices that he’s no longer alone. Three men stand before him, each training their guns on him. The sigil of the government facility he escaped from is displayed fully on their uniforms. It taunts him in a way that a gun to the head cannot. His heart leaps out from his chest.

“Subject Sigma,” one of them barks. “Come with us quietly, or we will shoot.”

Despite every instinct in his body, he cannot move. He is frozen in place in front of the piano, trapped, as if he is still tied down to that accursed bed, like his freedom and everything since is a dream he has conjured. He can imagine their hands forcing him into horribly itchy orange jumpsuit, the unprofessional way they injected their sedatives into him, the way they talk about him like he’s beneath humanity, a hideous creature without thought or intelligence.

“Didn’t you hear what he said?” A second soldier growls. “Get a move on!”

His eyes glance around, desperate for a way to escape, but there is none. The exits are watched by more soldiers. The very safety features within this room, designed to minimize the harm he can cause with his powers, are now the portents of his doom. In this section of Talon’s HQ, no one will hear him if he screams, and even if someone does, he will have less than a second before he’s shot dead. He might be able to block or absorb most of the bullets, but it will be futile. It will buy him seconds, maybe a minute. It’s not enough.

Even the voice that screams for violence in his ear is unnaturally quiet. It knows that taking the offensive will not help them survive in this situation. They’re trapped.

The third man steps forward, a curious smile spreading across their face. He orders the other men to stand down. As Sigma watches, he sees that this man is not dressed like the others. He wore glasses over his eyes instead of the tactical masks everyone else did, and his uniform has the markings of a combat medic rather than a soldier.

“It’s good to see you again, Siebren.”

The realization floods him with a feeling of terror but he hides it behind his gritting teeth. This is the doctor that was in charge of him back then. This was his torturer above torturers, Satan amongst the demons. “Dubrovnik,” Sigma spat.

“You’ve done well for yourself, haven’t you? A nice fancy lab, some powerful friends on your side,” His eyes glance down. “Loving the socks. Really sells the old man look.”

“What do you want?”

“To finish my job, and that is to keep you contained,” Dubrovnik said.

“You cannot stop progress.”

“You are a threat to humanity.”

“I am in control.”

“Until when?!”

Sigma stiffens. Dubrovnik puts his gun away and approaches slowly, the hunter coming to collect his prize. Sigma doesn’t react when Dubrovnik tugs his chin forward, jerking his head up to look into those cold, black eyes. Dubrovnik is significantly shorter than him, but in his seated position, their heights are roughly equal. It’s a frighteningly familiar feeling, being manhandled like this, like he is just a piece of trash on the ground.

He wants to choke him, make him suffer, make him hurt in all the ways he has been hurt, but he can’t and Dubrovnik knows this. Dubrovnik relishes in it. He was, and still is, a sadist.

“Out of the oven and into the fire, right, Siebren?”

“What are you talking about?” He rasped.

“You don’t know what Talon is?”

“They saved me!”

“You never thought why?” Dubrovnik’s lips curl. “I’ll tell you why. It’s because they want a weapon. They want Excalbur, and you happen to be the one who pulled it out of the stone. They want war, Siebren, they don’t care about you. As soon as they can wield Excalibur for themselves, they will throw you away like trash. And when they have Excalibur, no one will be able to stop them. They are terrorists. You know this.”

He wants to tell Dubrovnik that he’s wrong, that Talon is an organization of intelligent men and women who want to help humanity take the next big step, but he sees the heat in Dubrovnik’s eyes and he cannot help but take pause. Dubrovnik truly believes this. But why? He is needed, he is important. They will not go through the trouble of saving one man unless he’s important. They have been so kind to him, provided so much for him. They will not abandon him…right?

Dubrovnik takes a step back, Sigma rubbing his neck self-consciously. He’s not sure he imagines it but there’s a flicker in Dubrovnik’s eyes, almost like he pities him.

“If you come with us, we will help you subdue these powers. No one will hurt you or use you. I promise.”

“How can you promise that, you Croatian hypocrite?” Sigma snarls.

“Because no one should wield the powers you wield. Not you. Not Talon. No one.”

Dubrovnik puts his hand out and Sigma is left dazed. He glances around at the guards, emotionlessly watching the exchange. As far as Sigma can tell, Dubrovnik is sincere. And that terrifies him, because Dubrovnik knows something he doesn’t. About Talon, probably.

Sigma realizes in that moment how little he knows about Talon. All he knows is that they support cutting edge research, and have a private military to protect themselves. What is Talon’s goal? Why did they bother with an old man like him?  

He almost reaches for that hand, but Dubrovnik’s form swirls and shifts and suddenly his mirror image is standing there, orange jumpsuit and bitter smile and all.

 “Will you really submit yourself to him again?”

“What else can I do?”

 “You know what to do.”

The mirror image gestures behind Sigma, pointing at the piano. His skin pales.

“I-I can’t. I need to hold it together.”

“A little push,” they say as Dubrovnik appears once again from the smoke. The mirror image is no more.

“If you’re done with your muttering, would you kindly come with me, Siebren?”

Sigma turns back to the piano, his eyes wide. He can hear the melody again. The universe is speaking for him again. It asks him to play its song. It shows him the chords. It tells him the price it will wreak upon his mind.

It’s a price he is willing to pay this time. He turns around and opens the lid for the piano.

“What are you doing?” Dubrovnik asks.

“Let me play one more song before I go,” he says. “It’s my final request.”

He sees the blank faces looking at him in the reflection of the lacquered wood. In the darkness he finds his place on the faux ivory easily. He presses his foot lightly down on the pedal, spreads his fingers on the keys, and pushes his fractured mind off the cliffside. With perfect precision he plays a song of his own creation, a tribute to the song the universe sings.

Memories of his past resurface. The bitter judgment of his academic rivals, the callous disregard of his piano instructor, the stars in the sky, the sorrow of losing his home, the rage of knowing no one cared enough to find him. Dark emotions coalesce into space as gravity releases itself from its chains, sending everyone in the lab flying. There’s screams and shouts as guns are ripped from people’s grasps. Dubrovnik is saying something to him. A plea, a beg, something along those lines, but all Sigma can see is the cosmos expanding, with him at the epicenter. He’s no longer playing the piano; gravity is doing the work for him. He flies above everyone else, his hand outstretched. With every bit of himself he loses, he gains control. The dark voice in his brain laughs in murderous glee.

“D-d-don’t do this, Siebren, please! You’re better than this! You’re not a murderer!”

Alarms are going off above his head, painting the room a bright red. People are holding onto each other, trying to hold on. They know what is coming before he does. Despite the chaos and turmoil before him, he is strangely at peace. The universe sings its lullaby to him from the piano. There is no time signature, no bars, no rhyme or reason. It should not work, but it does.

A placid smile escapes his lips as he brings everyone crashing down. The crunch of broken bones is followed shortly by the bellows of pain. The dark voice takes over, grabbing one of the guns, still hovering up in the air. He shoots—not accurately, but he shoots. There is silence, save for the klaxon above his head and the whimper of one more person.

Dubrovnik crawls towards the door, broken. His left shin bone is sticking out from his pants, trailing blood. Sigma calmly floats forward, the dark voice in control as he pushes the might of gravity upon Dubrovnik’s head. There’s a gasp of air, and then the crunch of bone, and finally a squish. Red liquid oozes out of every hole of Dubrovnik’s head.

It’s not long before Talon realizes the reason for the breach in their HQ. Reaper and Widowmaker are the first ones there, guns at the ready. They round the corner to Sigma’s office down, ready to fight, only to discover the aftermath of a bloodbath. The entire lab is splattered in crimson, dead bodies lying in crooked angles and twisted postures. A pile of guns are stacked in one corner, all crushed and broken. By the door, a man's head looks to have been squeezed together.

Sigma sits alone on the piano stool in front of the cheap, upright Yamaha piano. He is perfectly clean, as is the piano. As they tiptoe over the bodies, careful to not step on the blood, Sigma turns to them with a stern but relaxed expression.

“You’re late,” he says, before waving dismissively. “It’s fine, though. I handled it. I think I even learned a new trick or two.”

If Reaper is not wearing his mask, they would see his mouth open and shut. He’s speechless.

“Since you’re here, how about a song?” Sigma cracks his knuckles and places his fingers on the keys. “How about ‘Piano Man’ by Billy Joel? An old classic.”

No one says anything. Reaper and Widowmaker stand there while Sigma plays and sings along from memory. They do not move. Their eyes are concentrated on the swirling dark energy hovering over the piano, bopping in tune to the beat of the song.

[obscurewatch]

[PARIS LORE] I found unused interactions for Luna

In the game files I found unused voicelines for Luna that seem like they're interactions with the playable heroes that you can't hear in game for now as far as I know. So, since these can't be heard in game at the moment, this technically constitutes a leak, right? I hope we don't get banned for this :S 

Video made by Discord user Snowflake#5979 from my discord server !

- Déjà de retour, Mme Guillard ? Contente de vous voir.

- Vous demandez souvent « Les Saisons de l’amour ». Ce titre doit avoir de l’importance pour vous.

- Vous me rappelez quelqu’un. Un autre moine, qui était venu me voir chanter.

- Bonjour, cousin. Le chat grimpe sur le mur et scrute.

- Le cabaret Luna est un havre où les omniaques peuvent être eux-mêmes.

- Quelle rareté ! Je n’avais jamais vu une créature comme vous.

- Oh, qu’il est mignon.

- (amusée) Vil flatteur.

- Si vous continuez à me regarder comme ça, je vais devoir vous demander de partir.

- La sortie est par là, très chère.

- Un cow-boy ! Je n’en avais vu que dans des films. Vous êtes loin de chez vous, dites-moi.

- C’est rare de rencontrer un humain que la réussite d'un omniaque ne trouble pas. - Je ne vous effraie pas, au moins ?

- Vous me dévisagez, ma jolie. Vous aimez ce que vous voyez ?

Here's the translation and my guess as to who she's saying these to

- Back already Mme Guillard ? Happy to see you (to Widowmaker)

- You often ask for « Les Saisons de l'amour » (The Seasons of love). This song must mean something to you. (to Widowmaker?)

- You remind me of someone. Another monk, who came to hear me sing. (to Zenyatta, about Mondatta)

- Good day cousin. The cat climbs on the wall and watches. (Cousin? This sounds like a secret phrase with a hidden meaning, this is not a french saying)

- Cabaret Luna is a haven where omnics can be themselves. (???)

- Such rarity ! I've never seen a creature like you. (to Winston/Hammond or a future hero?)

- Aw, he is so sweet. (to Hammond in response to something Hammond had his mech say for him?)

- Oh you flatterer (addressed to a man). (to Reinhardt? Maybe McCree?)

- If you keep on looking at me this way, I'm going to have to ask you to leave. (to Zarya? Maybe Torbjörn?)

- The exit is right this way, my dear (addressed to a woman). (Zarya?)

- A cow-boy ! I've only ever seen cowboys in movies. You're far from home, aren't you. (to McCree)

- It is so rare to meet a human unfazed by a successful omnic. I am not scaring you, right ? (Genji?)

- You're staring at me, gorgeous(addressed to a woman). Do you like what you see ? (???)

As far as I can tell, the heroes involved in those interactions don't have voicelines to go with Luna's but if someone out there has access to the gamefiles as well, feel free to make sure ! Together we are strong !

So Mondatta came to see Luna. She sounds like a proud advocate for omnic rights, it makes sense that Mondatta met her. Perhaps she's part of whatever movement Mondatta was the leader of. Her cabaret seems to be a refuge for omnic revolutionaries too, I wonder if the revolutionary movement of Paris is part of something bigger, something that might be linked to whatever Mondatta was doing.

Widowmaker is a regular there apparently, she seems to always ask for the same love song, perhaps her and Gérard's favorite, proof that she still has feelings for him and is mourning him, her own way. In Masquerade, before heading to Monaco, she was in Paris. She took a flight from Paris to Nice as the boarding pass in Château Guillard indicates, Masquerade took place during the winter time (the carnival in Venice happens in February) so apparently she spends the winter in Paris and she goes to Luna's Cabaret quite often to listen to the same song over and over again. Poor Amélie.

I wonder who the "rare creature" is. I doubt it's Winston. There isn't a lot of super-intelligent talking gorillas/scientists out there (I assume) but he was part of Overwatch and as such he probably got such a media exposure that anyone would instantly recognize him. It could be Hammond, but "creature" doesn't feel right. He's very clearly an animal not a "creature". An animal 10 times the normal size he should have but an animal still. Perhaps this voiceline is for a future hero, one that would better fit this creature description.

I wonder who Luna is calling "cousin" too. An omnic? She would probably call him brother. Cousin sounds like she considers that person as part of her "family" but they're not that close, so perhaps a pro-omnic human? Either way, this person seems to be in on a secret Luna has, this cat stuff is suspicious.

Luna has 4 voicelines about cats.

- Good day cousin (addressed to a man). The cat climbs on the wall and watches. (unused)

- The cat climbs on the wall and watches. From this height he's not afraid to fall.

- If you followed the cat, you're in the right place my friends.

- Like a cat, one can tame me and I always land on my feet.

On the left, real promotional poster for the cabaret Le Chat Noir from 1896, on the right a poster that can be seen in Luna's cabaret as well as in the bakery.

I wonder what the arrow near the omnic cat's tail could mean. Maybe it has to do with the whole "following the cat" thing. Maybe you have to follow the arrow on the poster to get somewhere secret.

Following the cat, a cat watching from up high, climbing the wall, this all sounds like the type of things a secret society would say. Coded phrases. It makes all the more sense when you take into account the omnic revolution that is brewing.

https://playoverwatch.com/en-us/news/22904915

"Expect traffic delays and increased security presence near the Maison Marat over the weekend. A grand gala is being held to celebrate the recent passage of controversial omnic rights legislation."

You better believe this new omnic rights legislation isn't the kind that grants omnics any more rights, very likely the opposite. Otherwise, why would omnics organize themselves in secret revolutionary groups?

"Paris is a city of hidden gems, search out the speakeasies and hidden places as you roam the city. The right word might get you into a place you never knew existed. "

Maybe "the right word" has to do with cats. And mustn't be told to the door with all the graffitis, but to Luna directly? I can't think of a voiceline involving cats, or of anyone from our current roster of heroes who would feel like joining omnic revolutionaries. Well, except Sombra maybe. Ultimately, I think we're on the wrong track if we think using voicelines in different parts of the map will get us anywhere.

Back in the day, on Dorado, Bastion used to have a special voiceline when he would get close to a screen showing that the system had been hacked by Sombra as if he had gotten hacked as well. That was neat. Perhaps some heroes have special voicelines after they played a song on the piano or after they interacted with Luna or the door in a certain way. Time will tell I'm sure. Someone is bound to randomly notice something , like always.

Seeing as how those interactions Luna has with heroes haven't made their way into the game for now, I wouldn't be surprised if whatever the developers are teasing about the map won't be added to Paris until a further patch !

Bonus lore :

The police woman's voice that can be heard around the police station has 12 voicelines, 6 are just pure walkie talkie static and the other 6 are :

-Toutes les unités disponibles à l'Hotel Beau Ciel. Une cellule de la résistance omniaque s'y cache. Soyez prudents.

-Code 5. Suspect Jamison Fawkes repéré. A toutes les unités disponibles.

-Suspect repéré dans la librairie Carpentier. Voss, omniaque féminin d'1m60.

-Code 5. Suspect Mako Rutledge repéré. Le suspect n'est pas seul.

-Agent Bilodeau, répondez.

-Prêt

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

-All units available to the Beau Ciel Hotel. A pocket of omnic resistance is hiding there. Be careful.

-Code 5. Suspect Jamison Fawkes spotted. To all available units.

-Suspect spotted inside the Carpentier bookstore. Voss, female omnic, 1m60.

-Code 5. Suspect Mako Rutledge spotted. The suspect is not alone.

-Agent Bilodeau, respond.

-Ready

Voss means fox in northern german. What a fantastic name. So badass and unique. Maybe she's the female omnic whose mugshot we can see in the police station

The bottom right one has a cross? That’s odd

Bilodeau is a french family name that comes from the name Billaud which may come from germanic word Biliwald meaning (likeable, gentle).

The french police seems to be using this system of communication so Code 5 simply means "Relay this information".

They're smart enough NOT to get too close to Junkrat and Roadhog, they're just relaying the information of their presence ^^

That's all I have for today !

If you enjoyed this and want to join the discussion and go on a hunt for clues, feel free to join my discord server !

https://discord.gg/SkVvhJN

A thousand thanks to Snowflake for making the video !

I hope I didn't do a major oopsie by revealing these unused voicelines and spoiled something :S

[theartofmedia]

Kotaku and the Art of Game Leaks

(Full disclosure: this piece was commissioned by a friend. The topic has changed from the initial pitch, but still. I don’t know how that may or may not affect your view on this piece, but I still feel it’s important for me to be transparent about this.) On May 30th, 2019, Laura Kate Dale announced her departure from Kotaku UK. Dale is a controversial figure among the games journalist community for... multiple reasons (please note the latter link lacks any actual evidence and how she apparently didn’t report this Uber driver for ‘nearly kidnapping her’ despite posting it publicly on Twitter, hence the controversy around it), but that’s not what we’re talking about today. What we’re going to be discussing is what she is known for the most: video game leaks.

LKD is most known for leaking video game information prior to their release, from information about Dark Souls Remastered, to unboxing a PS4 Slim before Sony itself even announced its existence, to Switch software. It got to the point where LKD was blacklisted by Nintendo UK, most likely for leaking so much information.

Now as I was researching LKD, there was something I noticed. A lot of people supported LKD’s leaks, calling it “real journalism,” and commending her for doing her job so well. As shown by the link above, many people mocked Nintendo UK for blacklisting her for “doing her job too well.” People are always scrambling for new leaks, new information, though in many cases, this can lead to fake leaks, misinformation, and confusion among players.

And it got me to think: how do leaks really affect both the devs and the consumers of games?

The conclusion I’ve come to about it is: it does more harm than good on both sides, but especially to the devs.

Here we will be defining four categories of leaks (three of which are explained here by Griffin Vacheron of Game Revolution), though our main focus will be on two.

Accidental leaks are just like they sound: they’re accidents. Something happened, something went wrong, and people got a hold of information before they were supposed to. Like when Capcom put all the pictures of the roster of Ultimate Marvel vs. Capcom 3 on their website when a good portion of the roster hadn’t yet been announced, and the unannounced characters could be found via a small URL change. Or when Walmart’s Canadian site revealed around 40 unannounced titles due to a(n alleged) glitch in their system just weeks before E3 2018. Or when Bethesda accidentally streamed their E3 2015 rehearsal which ended up confirming the existence of Dishonored 2. Yeah.

The main component of accidental leaks is just that--accidental. Someone did something wrong, something in a system went wrong, someone didn’t think through the consequences of what probably seemed like a good idea at the time--it happens! Nothing is perfect, people included, and shit happens. But the key part is that it’s not intentional. Someone may (or, really, will) be reprimanded, punished, or even fired depending on the leak, but there was never any intention to reveal this information.

Company leaks are... not entirely proven, from my research. This is the idea that the developers themselves leak information in order to draw attention to their game and hype it up. Often, this will be the other determination of certain leaks--was it an accident, or a PR stunt? There’s no real definitive proof and seems to simply be rumor, but the possibility still exists, as there’s no real way to disprove it, either.

Ethic leaks are generally the exception, not the rule. These are leaks of working conditions, such as an employee from NetherRealm talking about the toxic work environment, or Rockstar employees opening up about how they were mistreated and underpaid and burned to ashes, or Blizzard’s layoff of 800 employees. (Further reading here on the abuse of game devs, as well as what can be done about it.) These are things that need to be talked about, because these relate to the treatment of actual, real people. These aren’t issues then of game content or development, it’s an issue of ethics in the workplace. Same with the leak of this document that details how AI can be used to encourage microtransactions, though that is an issue related to the consumer rather than the workers. Shady tactics and the maltreatment of workers is something that needs to be shown and discussed and talked about, because these things affect the actual workers, as well as the quality of a product and the company’s integrity in relation to the consumer. (Basically, if you intentionally make your game in such a way that players have to use microtransactions to make any significant progress, you’ve ruined your integrity as a company by trying to drain your player base of more money, regardless of the base price they paid for the game anyway. It’s a scummy business practice, and that kind of thing should be revealed to the public that you’re going to try to bleed dry.)

Intentional leaks are just as they sound: they’re the intentional leak of information. This is when people outside the company hack in and reveal secrets, or when people inside the company reveal information (whether directly or indirectly via being sources for journalists) before they are to be officially announced. The information given is given with the knowledge that yes, someone is going to reveal it to the public.

So let’s talk about the ramifications of intentional leaks on game devs.

Remember Mario + Rabbids: Kingdom Battle? The cover image had been leaked before the team had a chance to actually showcase the game. Nobody knew anything about the game other than the cover, and universal reception at the time was: “This is going to be terrible.” Because of a leaked image, the public already had a strong negative opinion about it. However, the showcase that showed off actual gameplay was well-received, and the Metacritic score is 85. So the game itself was pretty damn good, according to the critics. An unlikely crossover turned out well! But the initial reaction was incredibly demoralizing to the team. It’s one thing to have criticism given to a game based on a trailer or gameplay showcase; it’s another to get criticism based on a single image and the concept alone with no other information given. As the director and music composer explain, the dev team was very worried and stressed not just about the game reception but about the showcase, as they were afraid that the reception to the showcase was going to be bad due to the already-negative opinion on the game.

Let’s also talk about how CD Projekt Red had demo gameplay and audio of Cyberpunk 2077 leaked by a journalist (who later complained about not being credited, about how his relationship with CD Projekt Red and the PR person he was friends with) after being asked not to. The company had their trust in the journalists--someone who they had a fifteen year relationship with--used and abused, leading to secrets being leaked. The devs had politely asked the journalists not to do so, but one did, and apparently saw nothing wrong with leaking private information and posting it to the public.

Or let’s talk about how, way back in the day, the entire source code for Half-Life 2 was revealed to the public and Valve (allegedly) lost $250 million dollars. The article actually states some of the effects of the leaked source code: “Meanwhile, the team at Valve, which had been in crunch mode for months, was left reeling by the leak. The game was costing the company $1 million a month to build and the end was still far from sight. The leak had not only caused financial damage but had demotivated a tired team. One young designer asked Newell, "Is this going to destroy the company?" (found under the heading “A Red Letter Day”).

Or we can talk about the Sm4sh leaks back in 2014 and how it led to an employee (allegedly) being fired and sued due to leaking this information. Now, this can very easily be viewed as justice being served to the leaker, and I would agree. But what is the issue here can be summed up by PlatinumGames producer JP Kellams:

The people working for years and years on a project suddenly have parts of their project--that they wanted to surprise players with, this particular instance being the Sm4sh roster--given out to the public before they wanted it to be. Imagine working for years on your life on a project, and then having someone reveal your work to the internet without your knowledge or permission. I know I would feel dejected, exhausted, hopeless, hurt, regardless of any positive reception to what was revealed. You, as someone who has worked so incredibly hard--and, in many cases in the game industry, been thoroughly abused--apparently don’t have the right to reveal the thing you’ve been working on the way you want.

I want to make this clear: I am not talking about “the Big Corporation” here. I don’t care about the higher-ups who put the pressure on the workers. I care about the workers, the little people that are being trampled on and forced to work in abusive, toxic conditions in order to meet a deadline and the outrageous demands of the higher-ups. They are the ones suffering.

Case in point: the Blufever leaks for Final Fantasy XIV. The details are a bit murky, as is with most leaks, but the story as I understand it is: user Blufever is/was an employee at Square Enix who leaked massive amounts of information on upcoming expansions/patches for FFXIV. Then, their account went dark, as they apparently feared for being found out by Square Enix. Vergeben, a known reputable leaker within the Smash community, had this to say about the situation:

Now, of course, there is no way to truly verify these claims. However, due to Vergeben’s reputation as an accurate leaker (and the fact that he was right about one of the upcoming DLC characters being from Square Enix) leads me to believe him. Assuming that his claims are true, someone leaking all of this information to the public put a lot of innocent people in the line of fire--and it’s very possible that these

So, what does this have to do with Kotaku?

Here’s something interesting.

When known E3 leaker WabiSabi was given a cease & desist warning from Nintendo for leaking information, take a look at some of the top replies. (Note that a lot of them are ninja gifs, here’s a sample so I don’t have to do it for every one.)

Not all of the replies are against WabiSabi, however, though a majority seem to be:

(About the above: I can’t really find anything suggesting that LKD was leaking things for “customer advocacy,” other than confirming that the next gen console (now known as the Switch) was not using the Wii branding like its predecessor did, thus easing some fears because of the bombing of the Wii U. Other tweets about that are here, but don’t really sway me in terms of “consumer advocacy.”)

As shown, the replies seem to be pretty divisive on whether or not it was a good or bad thing that WabiSabi got hit with a cease & desist.

However, let’s have a look at some of the replies to LKD’s tweet about how she was blacklisted by Nintendo.

And again, not all are supportive of her:

I actually had to look quite a bit to find any negative comments. Many were supportive of her.

(I would like to take this moment to get unprofessional for a second and unleash my full opinion of this: NO FUCKING SHIT YOU GOT BLACKLISTED, SHERLOCK. THEY TRUST YOU WITH THEIR SECRETS AND THEN YOU DISRESPECT THEM BY REVEALING THEM BEFORE THEY DID. I DO NOT FUCKING UNDERSTAND WHY PEOPLE WOULD SAY IT’S A COMPANY BEING “SHADY” WHEN IT’S JUST INFORMATION ABOUT UPCOMING PRODUCTS. NOTHING ABOUT ETHICS OR CONSUMER TRUST OR PRODUCT QUALITY. anyway,)

Now, you can say, “But Sakra! That’s a three-year difference!” And I rebuke with: people still support her to this day in spite of this. Kotaku UK kept her on though all of this and then some. It wasn’t until a kerfuffle happened in April with the “Persona 5 OST Has A Disability Slur” thing happened, and soon after, LKD left. It seems that the immense backlash with that was what fully pushed her off. (Now whether she was forced to resign or legitimately wanted to leave, that’s something only Kotaku UK and she know for sure.) The point is, her departure from Kotaku UK seems to have been completely unrelated to her leaks.

And why would it when Kotaku themselves--not just the UK chapter--are clearly very supportive of video game leaks of this nature?

Just have a look at their recent posts. All I did was put “leaks” in the search box. You may say “they’re just reporting the news of leaks!” But they put some of the leaked information IN the articles. The one on Watch Dogs Legion even confirmed the leaks. “Kotaku can confirm that this one’s real, as we’ve heard the name from several sources plugged into the company.”

Oh, and let’s not forget this lovely fucking article from 2015 where a Kotaku writer apparently speaks for the site and basically victimizes themselves for being blacklisted by Ubisoft and Bethesda. In fact, we’re going to dissect it, just because there is so much bullshit in here from the author, who is clearly speaking for Kotaku as a whole!

Buckle up, kids, your local Sakra is about to get fucking pissed.

The author describes how the Bethesda blackout came after “we reported insiders’ accounts of the troubled development of the still unreleased fourth major Doom game. In May of that year, we reported that Arkane Austin, the Bethesda-owned studio behind Dishonored, would be working on a new version of the long missing-in-action Prey 2 and that some at the studio were not pleased about that. When top people at Bethesda started making statements casting doubt on our reporting, we published a leaked internal e-mail confirming that those statements had misled gamers and that Arkane had indeed been working on a version of Prey 2.”

However, Kotaku at that time had also posted “our December 2013 report detailing the existence of the then-secret Fallout 4.” Reporting on troubled development isn’t an issue. Leaking emails just to confirm a game when Bethesda was desperately trying to preserve their secrecy that you had broken (probably not first, but Kotaku has a lot of mainstream reach) is an issue. I don’t like Bethesda, don’t get me wrong, but they were trying to salvage the secrecy of a project. Do I think trying to lie to the audience in order to keep the existence of a project secret is okay? No, not really. But I understand what they were trying to do. And whether you agree with their choices or not--no shit you would be blacklisted, especially if you have insiders as described here! You can’t go crying victim and martyr yourselves when you do this kind of shit. Especially if you were reporting on Fallout 4, a major fucking entry in a popular franchise!

As for the Ubisoft blackout...

“The current Ubisoft blackout is actually the second in as many years. The company tried a similar approach in the spring of 2014 after we published early images of the then-unannounced Assassin’s Creed Unity—images that had been leaked to us by an independent source. That article confirmed news about the company’s extraordinary plans to release two entirely different AC games in the fall of that year, one for new consoles and one for old. Ubisoft had warmed back to Kotaku by the summer of 2014, several months after the Unity report, but has cold-shouldered us since the Victory story one year ago. It’s possible other articles angered them, too. But that Victory piece is a safe bet.”

Ubisoft actually gave Kotaku another chance after leaking Unity, and the Victory (now Syndicate) story was, guess what, more leaks. You broke Ubisoft’s trust once, then you broke it again. Frankly, it’s fucking disgusting, knowing about how these leaks really affect devs, that Kotaku would dare to turn itself into a “journalism martyr,” as it were, because they were ignored by the devs whose trust they broke.

Now, you can say that maybe they didn’t know the information of how it affects devs--but a) the Sm4sh leaks and the fallout had already happened by then (it was 2014) and the Half-Life 2 source code fiasco had happened in the previous decade. Also, if they had insiders, wouldn’t they know just how serious leaking this information was and how it puts their sources and other devs at risk? Maybe Ubisoft and Bethesda aren’t as strict on their leak policies as Square Enix and Nintendo are--we don’t know. But I can’t imagine that they like it at all.

“I’m sure some people will sympathize with Bethesda and Ubisoft. Some will cheer these companies and hope others follow suit. They will see this kind of reporting as upsetting, as ruining surprises and frustrating creative people. They will claim we are “hurting video games,” and, as so many do, mistake the job of entertainment reporting for the mandate to hype entertainment products.

“We serve our readers, not game companies, and will always do so to the best of our ability, no matter who in the gaming world is or isn’t angry with us at the moment. In some ways, the blacklist has even been instructive—cut off from press access and pre-release review copies, we have doubled down on our post-release “embedding” approach to games coverage. We’ve experienced some of the year’s biggest games from street level, at the same time and in the same way as our readers.”

No.

It isn’t just about “spoilers” and “ruining the surprise.” In some cases, yes, a lot of people don’t like or actively avoid leaks because they do want to be surprised. But that’s not the only thing.

By “serving your readers” and trying to dig for this information, you’re putting devs at risk. You’re putting your “sources” at risk. Now, if you were reporting on development or shady tactics or awful work environments or specific negative incidents behind the scenes or things that should be talked about, I would absolutely agree with you that you should continue digging deeper. But that’s not it. The companies trust you not to reveal something until a certain time, and you go and do it anyway.

By claiming victim and demonizing the “big bad corporation” for blacklisting you, you minimize the actual stress and hardships it put on the smaller guys in the company that the entire company is built on. You completely brush it aside and paint the entire company as irrational. You completely neglect the plight of the actual people working on it, and disrespect them by revealing their information before they do, when they have worked for SO LONG on whatever project it is. Like JP Kellams said, devs earn the right to talk about their product because they worked on it for so long. You haven’t.

And then... this paragraph.

“Too many big game publishers cling to an irrational expectation of secrecy and are rankled when the press shows them how unrealistic they’re being. There will always be a clash between independent reporters and those seek to control information, but many of these companies appear to believe that it is actually possible in 2015 for hundreds of people to work dozens of months on a video game and for no information about the project to seep out. They appear to believe that the general public will not find out about these games until their marketing plans say it’s time. They operate with the assumption that the press will not upend these plans, and should the press defy their assumption, they bring down the hammer. We make our own judgments about what information best serves the news value of a story, and what our readers would prefer not to know—which is why, for example, we omitted key plot details from the Fallout 4 scripts that were leaked to us. We keep covering these companies’ games, of course. Readers expect that. Millions of people still read our stories about them. The companies just leave themselves a little more out of the equation.”

I never thought I’d see the day when video game companies were being victim-blamed.

Frankly, by leaking information, it ruins the relationship between the companies and the journalist, because then the company will start to make generalizations about journalists and not trust them, thinking that they will reveal whatever information they give them, which makes journalists like this press harder for information, and can you see where I’m going with this? It’s a cycle of mistrust, perpetuated by journalists like these who go against the wishes of a company that just wants to keep something a surprise until a certain date.

And then this motherfucker has the audacity to frame companies blacklisting reporters that leak information as bad! “They operate with the assumption that the press will not upend these plans, and should the press defy their assumption, they bring down the hammer.” Why are companies wrong for trusting journalists? Are you implying that all games journalists are untrustworthy, because they won’t respect the wishes of a company that gives them the information in good faith that they won’t leak it? You do say that “it is nearly unfathomable to me that a reporter would sit on true information about what’s really happening in gaming, that we would refrain from telling our readers something because it would mess with a company’s marketing plan,” so I don’t know, maybe you DO think that all games journalists should immediately report on confidential information that the game companies are going to eventually reveal anyway and while only really receiving clout in return. Oh, whoops, got a little bitter there.

“They appear to believe that the general public will not find out about these games until their marketing plans say it’s time.”

Maybe because people like YOU are the ones who leak it! You can just as easily, you know, not fucking do that! This feels more like an excuse to not accept responsibility/deflect criticism, because ‘the companies shouldn’t have expected us to stay quiet!!!’ This is just straight-up victim blaming. Like it’s actually kind of scary.

It’s this ideology that Kotaku seems to stand by, as LKD once stated that higher-ups look over the written articles to approve them, and to my knowledge, Kotaku hasn’t redacted any of these statements, so I’m assuming that they still stand by it. Them spreading this ideology is what perpetuates the idea of game leaks (of the non-accidental, non-ethics-related kind) being “good journalism,” and with how much reach Kotaku has, it has the power to be legitimately damaging.

“They have done so in apparent retaliation for the fact that we did our jobs as reporters and as critics. We told the truth about their games, sometimes in ways that disrupted a marketing plan, other times in ways that shone an unflattering light on their products and company practices. Both publishers’ actions demonstrate contempt for us and, by extension, the whole of the gaming press. They would hamper independent reporting in pursuit of a status quo in which video game journalists are little more than malleable, servile arms of a corporate sales apparatus. It is a state of affairs that we reject.”

And here it is: Kotaku was just the humble, underdog reporter just doing their job, and the publishers show off contempt for the entire industry (rather than just Kotaku itself, I guess blacklisting one site means you hate all of games journalism) for Kotaku simply doing their jobs!

No, you ignorant twat, you broke their trust, so they don’t want to talk to you anymore. You don’t get to play victim when YOU were the one who blew the whistle.

Now, I cannot stress this enough: I am only talking about leaks related to game announcements, content details, etc. that are deliberately leaked to the public from an inside source. I am not talking about leaks related to ethical violations or troubled development or other negative things within companies. Those are things that should be reported on. But that kind of thing isn’t primarily what Kotaku is talking about and promoting; they are promoting the reveal of information because it’s “just good journalism.”

Except, as shown above, it has some very dire, very real consequences for the people you don’t see, and maybe that’s why Kotaku is so adamant about defending themselves in this regard. Maybe they don’t see the living, breathing people who get affected by their leaks, and so they think they’re fighting against the Big Bad Corporation when, in reality, it’s much more complicated than that. It doesn’t feel real to them. Or, maybe they do and they just don’t care. I genuinely cannot say so one way or the other.

I really, truly hope that by reading this, you the reader have a new perspective on how leaks of that kind affect the industry, and the little people whose backs the companies are built on.

As for the article and Kotaku as a whole...

“Kotaku readers always deserve the truth. You deserve our best work. It doesn’t matter which company is mad at us today, or which companies get mad at us in the future. You’ll continue to get it.”

Fuck yourselves.

[dunnystuff]

Sent: Wednesday, September 01, 2021 12:04 PM

Subject: Rich's Blog

Now We know How Churchill Felt Watching Neville Chamberlain

Hi to all -

The Aftermath

I had heard that during his term, Obama would sometimes ban Biden from attending strategy meetings because his 'thinking was dangerous'. Guess even Obama knew that Biden was not a diplomat, leader or thinker. Just a political hack, easily manipulated.

Well, everyone can now watch this. Yes, Biden did meet the plane returning the bodies of our fallen. He dutifully stood there, trying to look somber, but he was clearly not there in spirit. As each of the 13 bodies was carried off the plane, Biden stopped and looked at his watch. He had someplace more important to be than honoring our soldiers. Perhaps if those coffins had been filled with cash from China, he could have spared some time. Some of the families noticed this, and said very unkind things about Biden.

Remember Hurricane Sandy? That storm devastated the coastal areas of New Jersey. Obama paid a visit to see the destruction, and in one very revealing moment, he stood amidst the ruins of a home, holding up a weeping woman, and promised her with all the sincerity a politician can muster that he would not desert them, but would be there to take care of their tragedy. Then, he looked at his watch, and literally dropped this woman, saying he had a fundraiser to go to. Later, these people were told, by mail, that they did not qualify for federal aid, just because their houses had literally been wiped off the map. One homeowner sent the bureaucrats a letter, with a photo of himself standing in the ruins of his home, and inviting them to come over for dinner, since they were not experiencing any loss, or deserving of any aid from the government.

Now that the battle is over, and there is nothing to be done, the GOP members of congress held a long presser today. Lots of hand wringing, and the usual lamenting that someone must be held accountable, etc. Easy to do, after weeks of silence. But several members got up and told angry stories - these were often vets of that war - of people they knew being executed by the Taliban. One congressman told of his interpreter having been captured by the Taliban, and having to watch them behead his wife and children, before they beheaded him.

Nancy Pelosi was asked to attend. But, Nancy, like all piss ant tyrants, is a coward, and refused to attend to hear the stories, or answer the questions, etc. Nancy can only function in the dark, or in an environment she totally controls. Daylight is as dangerous to her as it is to any vampire. She sent some poor underling who was powerless to say or do anything.

For weeks now, Nancy has forbidden any discussion in congress about the situation, and blocked every effort by others to mitigate the problems or prevent the losses. Treason? Conspiracy? Efforts to destroy America? You decide. And, there was a lot of angry emotion in the room. A group of 90 generals and admirals demanded the resignation of General Milley and General Austin (Head of the Joint Chiefs and Secretary of Defense) for their total failure in this bungled effort. Secretary of Defense Lloyd Austin was revealed to have had detailed knowledge of the attacks on our troops in advance. He even notified medical personnel to be prepared for a 'mass casualty event' more than 1.5 hours before it happened! Dereliction of duty, anyone? In fact, our intelligence people had been presenting detailed descriptions of what was happening, and what was about to happen, when and where, to our forces on the ground. The word 'impeachment' was not mentioned. How odd.

Pentagon Press Secretary John Kirby blithely dismissed leaving so many stranded people as 'We have people stranded all the time.' He refused to answer any questions about the botched pullout . he refused to answer why, knowing what was about to happen, he failed to warn or protect our soldiers. But what really got a lot of folks riled up was the reveal, and photos, of our service dogs being abandoned, in their kennels, on the airfield. These dogs are soldiers, too, who work and give their lives for our soldiers. There is a move to rescue them, as they are in the custody of friendly people still there.

But, if we stall questions for a short time, they will be unnecessary. The Taliban is going house to house slaughtering 'enemies of their new state'. When I said this was going to happen, Big Brother censored my story.

Biden, meanwhile, is claiming that this was a 'great victory', and dancing his victory dance. He did what no one else could do. Well, that part is correct. We have never had a traitor like this before. And, all those $82 billion worth of weapons will be on the world arms markets in days, if they are not there already. This is more weapons that many of our allied nations possess - and they will go to the highest bidder, and will soon be used against us right here - coming across our southern border. Did you see the videos? Pallets of pistols, rifles, binoculars , night vision gear, body armor, and tons of ammo. Thousands of vehicles, even aircraft.

By the way, Biden is trying to get the CDC to ban ammo sales and distribution as a health and safety issue, since he cannot do it by Executive Order. An old Obama back door approach. He also wants private companies to do what he cannot do - discriminate against manufacturers and buyers of weapons - even as our own weapons are coming to attack us.

Do you remember what Ike did as he was about to launch D-Day? Chances were not so great that it would succeed. So, Ike prepared two statements. One, to give if the landings were successful, and another if they were not. In the second case, Ike said that the failure was his, and his alone. There are no Ike's in the Biden White House. Only whining finger pointers.

Teachers Union

President Cecily Myart-Cruz noted that kids are not doing well, and says that lockdowns that have kept so many out of class for nearly a year and a half is no problem at all. Just because they do not know their multiplication tables, or how to read, or spell, or write their own names, that does not mean they are not educated. Not at all. After all, she said, they have learned resilience. And, they know all about riots, protests, and insurrection. That is more important than basic functional skills, right?

General Flynn

He is still hated and feared by the left. He just posted a letter he received from Chase Bank - which caused quite a stir. The letter said "We decided to close your credit cards on September 18, 2021, because continuing the relationship creates possible reputational risk to our company." Well, such blatant discrimination got a lot of folks up in arms, and Chase had to issue a retraction, claiming 'it was an error'. No, it was not. It was an attempt to punish a man because of his political beliefs.

To put this in perspective, Chase just agreed to a $920 million settlement with the DOJ for conspiring to defraud the markets for precious metals and Treasury Bonds . If the settlement is nearly a billion dollars, just how big was this fraud?

New Orleans

Well, they are getting into action for the aftermath of storm Ida. The looting is already in progress, so the head of law enforcement made the announcement that this would not be tolerated, and that looting was a felony, and anyone arrested would be treated as a felon. Some have already been arrested. Compare to Katrina.

Years back, I lived in a small town with a very corrupt local government. It had been a family fiefdom for years. The Judge was family with the sheriff, and all other officials were on the take. Cops would raid one drug gang, and then sell the drugs from their police cars while on patrol. There were organized theft gangs, hitting up to 100 homes per week. No one ever saw their goods again. Except for one. When the gang hit the home of the judge, he complained to the sheriff that his wife's silver and furs had been taken, and by the most amazing coincidence, the sheriff found those items the very next day, and returned them to the judge.

Finally, the feds had enough, and swooped in and arrested everyone above the rank of meter maid. The mayor ran for reelection from his jail cell! Well, a new crop of folks took over, and one of the first things they did was institute a new law for the holidays. See, business robberies were an everyday occurrence during the holiday season (your Christmas shoplifting), as I knew first hand from being on the receiving end of an armed robbery, with daytime raids and nighttime break ins. So, there was an announcement that in any case of questionable behavior, police would shoot first, ask questions later. It was not long before two incidents brought this policy to light. A young man tried to rob a convenience store, and was shot dead as he exited the building. Another young man was discovered climbing out of a basement window of a business, with what looked like a weapon, but turned out to be the screwdriver he used to break in with, and he was also shot dead. When these two stories were reported on the news, robberies and other crime dropped by 90%, and never returned to former levels. Even crooks have a risk limit.

War of 1912

During this war, the British sent a force up the river to seize control of an important American post. A man on the riverbank yelled at the British "If Washington were still president, he would not let you do this !" The British officer responded "If Washington were still president, we would not even try." Teddy Roosevelt expressed this well, when he said "Speak softly, and carry a big stick". When people know you mean it - they will leave you alone.

China

They are concerned over how much time young people spend on video games. So, now all video games must be registered with the state, using real names and personal ID card numbers. All games will be monitored by the state, and youth will be allowed no more than three hours weekly to play games. One hour daily on weekends, and one hour on holidays. Kids and game makers are not happy, but this is China, and you have no say in your own life in China. Look for similar things to come here.

Rich

[wazardhazard]

A Wizard101 Fanfic (Another Wizard)

Hey, first time writing a fanfic here! This fanfic is based off of the SAO anime/manga, but Wizard101 style and definitely some different twists and turns in it. I kind of made it my own but in the style of Wizard101. If y’all enjoy the beginning of this fic, I’ll make sure to post more! (This chapter is full of information about the changes and more information will gradually be found out later on through it.) unedited

Chapter One: A Game

A game. This was just a game I had played since childhood. There was nothing special about it at all; it was just your average MMO. A harmless game created by Kingsisle, a family game, and now this family friendly game wasn’t family friendly or even a game.

This all started when I was sitting at my desk, it was just another night online. I was in my usual choice of comfy clothes; I was relaxing. There was nothing to do but quest on my wizards. This was a usual night for me. I thought this until something weird happened. My video camera light went on.

Now, I was taught growing up hackers and online stalkers are everywhere, and that is why I didn’t take this lightly. When that light came on, I froze. My eyes slowly rolled up at the camera. I definitely was creeped out. Typically my computer never glitched this bad to where the camera light would come on. My solution was to set a sticky note over the camera and cover my speakers with socks. Then Wizard101 started to act up, which wasn’t anything out of the usual. People often experience lost connection for no reason or your character glitches into a sitting down position, but this particular glitch froze my screen without my character in it. I was puzzled. My screen froze on numerous occasions, but my character was always there regardless of the freezing.

“Huh,” my mouth dropped slightly. First the camera and now the game. A thought had crossed my mind that someone could have potentially hacked into my laptop, but from two virus protections and firewalls running on my computer it would have taken at least a mild amount of effort. Plus what would be the point of doing that? I’m a college student who studies all day just to sit down and play on an online game. I was definitely not someone of importance and my bank account even more so.

My thoughts lead me to the off button. Typically when Wizard101 freezes, it won’t let me click out of it. So the normal thing to do was hit the power button and wait a few minutes to start it back up. The webcam light started to flicker as my hand grazed across the keyboard. It was so bright, I could see it through the sticky note. My immediate response was to shut my laptop. Before my last thought ended another light blinded me. It was blue and the brightness level replicated a truck’s headlights. I winced. When the light dimmed, I opened my eyes. I was looking downwards. I saw a pattern of blue boxes on my body. I was terrified. I shot my hands across my keyboard towards the top of my laptop to shut the lid, but a pain like no other shot through my hands and down my legs. I cried out hitting the laptop onto the ground. I fell off my chair in the process. My fear was paralyzing my movement, but my laptop’s screen shown black.

When I could feel my movement come back to me, I slowly rolled over onto my stomach. My body felt like jelly, but my head hurt even worse. How did this happen? I thought. This didn’t make any sense, I thought to call 911 or any place that could help, but who would believe what was going on? My mind was made. I would call someone for help.

My phone was across the room and my body was in no shape to move that far. I had to wait. The laptop however didn’t. The webcam light lit up brighter than before.

I covered my eyes with my hands. The pain I felt was even more crippling. I became light-headed until my body collapsed into sleep.

“Hey sleepyhead! Are you dead?” my eyes opened to a young man. I immediately flung myself upwards and held my ground. The man obviously looked confused to what I was trying to do. Heck, even I was.

“What are you doing?” a higher pitched voice rang behind me.

“I’m checking on another. She seems to be in a state of delusion.” the man was probably right. My body felt heavier and I was no longer clothed with pants, it was a dress-like attire. I was ultimately confused. Someone, else could have changed me or I forgot what I was wearing previously, but that didn’t seem right. That lead me to even more confusing thoughts. I could have been kidnapped or drugged, and I have no idea where I am. This is scary, what’s going on? How could someone get into my apartment? Everything was locked! I gave my head a break, it still hurt. I let my eyes wander in this moment. Nothing was familiar. There was green grass surrounding me and a body of water.

“Where is this?” I mumbled.

“Where do you think?” The higher pitched voice screeched.

“Don’t bother her, Jeffrey.”

“Isn’t it obvious, though? We’ve all played this game and that’s why we’re all stuck in it!” Obviously Jeffrey wasn’t having a nice day, but neither was I.

“Jeffrey, knock it off. We’re all going through shock still. There is no exception.”

“ Fine, Wolf! I just want to go back home. I hate this stinking game!” Wolf rolled his eyes and looked down at me once more before offering a hand.

“Is he always like this?” I asked.

“Well, I’ve only known him for a few minutes so I can’t really say anything yet.” Wolf seemed pretty genuine for the name he had.

“So, what’s going on?” He pulled me to my feet, but my feet felt weird. This gave me an opportunity to look down. I was wearing shoes. These shoes looked very familiar however, and they had little cute leaf designs on them. My face immediately went blank. “Allison wears these shoes.” my lips blew a raspberry after that.“No frickin’ way!” I turned to my right and saw the common’s tree and a bunch of other players looking as puzzled as I was. Wolf chuckled a little at my expression.

“Your reaction has made my day, Allison!” I turned back towards him.

“My name isn’t Allison.” I regretted saying those words immediately. I have no idea who this person is, and I said something unnecessary.

“Well, obviously.” He laughed. I wasn’t as amused as him, in fact I was puzzled out of my mind. How could an online game be first person, when it wasn’t first person to begin with? Unless you count seeing the back of your character as first person, but I didn’t.

As soon as I started to look around, the more I saw people crying and freaking out. What happened next drove certain people over the edge. A voice so loud it could make your ears ring, came from all over. The words they chose sent chills down my spine. They explained the new shops and categories added to the game, including a news clip of what was actually happening to us. This clip showed people passed out by their laptops, desktops, anything that could run Wizard101. It stated these people were unresponsive and should not be moved away from their electronics by all means necessary. They found by doing this, the person’s brain would be shocked by an electric wave sent from the electronic that would ultimately kill them in an instant. This sounded preposterous and struck fear in everyone. My ears rang as the explanation continued, their words that followed up the video became even darker. If we died in the game whether by combat or another player the same waves of electricity would trigger and kill us. This was too cruel even for my ears.

Immediately I saw players stabbing themselves with their own wands and jumping into the water trying to escape from this virtual reality. Many were non-believers of what was being said, but I believed it. My heart sank for others that didn’t. If I thought my heart was sinking then, my heart would most likely implode from what was to happen next. The voice urged us to check our handbooks. However, we would have to check them in a different way. A tap anywhere to the right would allow our books to appear. Again, we would have to tap to open it. The book then would somehow levitate right in front of us; we could flip through the pages with a drag of a finger. It was definitely an improvement compared to the normal MMO. The voice then went silent.

As everyone opened their books, the same bright light that was so familiar to me shined on them as they screamed in agony. It started happening all around me, but I was too caught by the light. The pain ripped through me until I fell to the ground. I was exhausted. “Are you okay?” the same voice that I heard the minute I arrived here was speaking to me, but it wasn’t the same face. A man that represented a forty year old stood in front of me. His eyes were no longer blue, and his hair certainly wasn’t purple. I mostly say this because he didn’t have any hair, and his eyes happened to be brown instead. That was when I realized everyone I had traced over before the bright light began, looked completely different. Their heights, facial features, hair, down to their very shoe sizes were different. This made me worried about what I would look like. I scurried over to the pond and stared at my own reflection. I looked like me! How exciting. However, if I looked like myself then everyone else looked like themselves. I quickly realized this was bad. Everyone knows my identity now, but even worse, I noticed Wolf’s name wasn’t Wolf. It was Henry. I turned around to look Henry in the eyes.

“Is your real name Henry, Wolf?” Henry nodded in amazement like I had guessed a very big secret of his. Poor Henry didn’t realize his position either. He went from charming young man, to kind old fart. It took him a few minutes before he too, looked into the pond. This was a disaster. Since I knew Henry’s name, then my name would be on display as well. Especially because our names are located right over our heads. How creative.

“So, what now?” The squeaky voice screeched again.

“We survive.” an unfamiliar voice suggested. I wasn’t too fond of people after hearing PVP is no longer an extra hobby you can choose to do on here, but rather something you can do without asking as long as it is not in a safe area. If in a safe area, you cannot hurt anyone but yourself. Luckily, we were in a safe area but I didn’t want to make any friends. Afterall my character was a max life wizard, so I was set for surviving the obstacles that were set for me.

“How can we survive at level 1!?” the squeaky voice that hurt my ears so much gave me a reason to be concerned. My body went into full panic mode. I tapped and tapped until my book appeared open in front of me. I kept flipping until I hit my character stat page and realized he was right. My stats were stripped from my clothes and wand, and my level was stripped from my character. As for my pet, he was nowhere to be seen. This was devastating; I would have to join a group to survive.

“We can if we work together.” this positive person came into view. They were early twenties. If I had to describe them, I would say they had very fluffy hair and they were super tall with kind eyes. Their name was Harley.

I didn’t know what to say to their positive attitude. Negativity consumed me, and I just wanted to get out of this game. My dog and cat would starve if I didn’t get out. They probably are already hungry. My thoughts made me sad. I accepted this reality, but how was I going to make it with these people? I have a forty year old troll, and very squeaky guy who seems to be pessimistic, and a guy who seems very okay with everything that has happened. Honestly, I really didn’t want to join up with either of them.

“What do you say?” Harley asked us, as if we were already a group.

“I don’t know about that.” the squeaker added, and Henry was dumbfounded. I took this upon myself to decline his offer.

“Thank you for the offer, Harley. I just can’t see myself in a group right now. My main focus is to learn more about these newly added categories.” Harley looked disappointed, but he unexpectedly smiled. He then sent me a friend request. The least I could do was accept, and so I did. Everyone around me looked shocked. They all were going into groups to survive, but that just wasn’t me.

I teleported to my dorm. It was empty as if I truly was a beginner. However, I proceeded onwards and looked into my handbook about the categories that were added. There was cooking. A newly added category for our energy as a wizard. We would have to eat 5 times a day to maintain our energy. Three full meals preferably and three snacks as well. I frowned at this news. No one had gold to buy food, not even me. The second newly added category was blacksmith. You could train like crafting, but specifically for wands, weapons, and gear. It wasn’t really a newly added thing but the changes they made to it were. There was no longer crafting in a vast majority like before, there were now sections you could choose to advance. One was blacksmith, the other was making food, and lastly a pet tamer. A wizard no longer had the ability to train their pets to be good unless this ability was achieved by rigorous study, same with the other categories. It took money and effort for each and every one. So instead of wizards trying to achieve all of these things, which was nearly impossible to do, they would pay others for these things. To be more specific on these categories, a chef would be able to plant plants, mix and make things fast, and be able to alter the energy each meal gave you depending on the ingredients. It would also be easier for them to acquire plants and ingredients in battle the more they trained this ability. Food and ingredients also had an expiration date on the game. It would disappear from your inventory the day after the expiration date.

As for the pet tamer. This ability is very great and hard to rank up in. This ability allows you to train pets to heal, shield, and fight for their wizard, However there was no longer a mixed pet, a pet was dedicated to one thing alone. Either healing, taking damage, or doing damage to the enemy. If this ability was not trained, you would not be able to have a pet. The abilities different levels determined if the pet would listen to you and help you in battle. If you did not focus on the ability, you would lose it over time, and run into difficulties keeping your pet. It could fly or run away from you if not trained properly or to a certain rank.

Regarding being dedicated to blacksmithing. It was one of the hardest abilities to keep. You had to work at it day by day to be able to forge even one thing. This ability was also very hard to rank up in. As you ranked up, it would become easier for you to forge things. You could potentially forge high level gear in just a few minutes. They are also able to affix jewels to make gear stronger. Blacksmiths would become some of the wealthiest players in this game. That was it for abilities. The other newly added categories consisted of how battles were designed, teleportation, dungeons, secondary schools, safe areas, pvp, realms, drops, the crowns shop, and unlocking things at new levels.

Battles were no longer magic circles that allowed you to draw out your spell, but instead just like a real battle. A flick of a wand was all it took to cast your spell. You now would have to think about what spell you wanted to cast in your deck, for it to be casted. Pips were no longer a thing, but instead a drainage of your energy. The stronger the spell the more your energy would decline. In this combot you could also enchant your weapons. If you had a sword for a wand, you could enchant it and just battle with the sword. It was the same for bows, slingshots, harpoons, and anything unwand like. Your pet’s health could also decline in battle. Imagine it as a battle in real life, the enemy could hit anywhere it wanted to resorting in injury, among broken armor, or even kill your pet. In fact, just by battling your energy would drain. But as you leveled up it would drain less with every level. Fizzling was still a thing. If your energy was not where it needed to be for a spell to be cast, a fizzle would occur. Depending on a wizard’s school, your energy would vary. Storm’s energy was the lowest of them all. In battle you would have to dodge things like you would if someone threw something at you. The faster you could dodge was dependant on your level and gear. Your health would also depend on your gear and school. Battling was now a thing to be worried about.

Teleportation now showed a map with a circular light blinking showing where the wizard was at. To access teleportation you would need a crystal. This crystal was automatically given to every player after the voice shared with us these changes. It would allow you to teleport to your dorm, the commons, and anywhere you had access to at your level, among teleporting to your friends. This crystal is located in your book.

Dungeons no longer had siduals. They were now just big doors a wizard or group of wizards would push open to begin. You could no longer port into a dungeon, not even one.

Secondary schools cost gold. A lot of gold. Only the wealthy could train in another school. The others would have to fend for themselves when it came to their schools. The level system for spells however stayed the same.

Safe areas were one of the scariest things added yet. Only a select few areas in every world were safe from monsters and other wizards from harming you. These areas consisted of common areas and shopping areas. If not in a safe area another play could kill you. This plays into how PVP is no longer a hobby. It is a player against another player without consent and someone could die.

Realms were also taken off the game. There was only one realm that everyone was in at all times. Just like real life.

Enemy drops to even boss drops no longer gave as many things as they used to. You would possibly get some gold and one item. The drops depended on what abilities you have and what rank they were at. Gear drops were random and selective due to last hits or the most damage done, but specific bosses still could drop specific things you were looking for.

The crowns shop became an actual shop ran by a NPC. Crowns is the shop’s currency, but you didn’t have to pay in crowns. You could trade things for equal value or even pay in jewels you’ve acquired. NPCs are not the only things that can run shops. Many players if they have enough money can buy a shop and start selling things they’ve acquired from battle, made, or even cooked. There are many restaurants all over Wizard City.

Unlocking things was not new to Wizard101. Specific gear was only allowed to be worn by a specific level or school. The same system is still around, but now you can unlock specific wizard abilities to your school. Fire can light a path of flames where one once walked to find their location. Storm can activate a different level of eyesight in the dark, lighting up their way or finding someone hiding in the bushes. Ice can now freeze time for a select amount of seconds with each level they rank up. Balance now has the ability to mimic other schools, meaning they could camouflage themselves in a fight. As for the other schools, they are unknown still. There are also more abilities for each specific school to acquire depending on their level and if they are strong enough to keep their ability. If they are not strong enough, it will disappear with time.

My head hurt from all this new content. I feared for what was to come out of all this. How many people would have to die for the end goal of escaping? The end goal set for us was finishing every world including Empyrea. If only one person got that far, we would be freed, but this was going to be a long few years. The majority of people would like to focus on their abilities and make a life for themselves. Plus the bosses and enemies were improved upon and became much more of a challenge. Assuming that with our new abilities they acquired new ones themselves. Not many would be willing to die, and some could even take this as a game by ending another’s life. As for me, it was time for me to start farming specific areas in Wizard City. My emotions remained neutral in this place. I didn’t know if I could survive this, but I would try.

[darkness-looms]

Darkness looms CH9 P.A

Lana handed the detective a flash memory, he inserted it into his computer, it contained a video and some screenshots, she pointed at the video

“It was taken yesterday in Chicago public schools! Your witness was fighting! Play it”

The video started with Hai’s having her hair pulled! Chase started shaking his head in terror, and only stopped when she broke free, he then leaned forward towards the screen when she walked towards one of the boys, slapping his phone away from his grasp, it tumbled on the ground! And when the boy tried to pick it up, Hai stomped his hand. Chase smiled with a subtle nod upon watching this.

‘You can't just take photos or videos of people without their consent! Ugh teens these days know no manners!’

He snickered, but soon, his eyes widened in terror as the other girl came from behind Hai, raising a chair, he shut his eyes! But opened them just in time when Hai dodged another strike and landed the last blow!

Lana, who’s been watching Chase’s reactions raised an eyebrow, for someone who examines gruesome crime scenes, he’s being too emotional!

“You’re biased” she told him

“Of course I am!” He shamelessly admitted “That girl saw a dead body in her weekend, is probably being threatened, and she’s going through a hard time, she needs a break! Not a bunch of bullies picking on her!“  he turned back to the screen “What was all that about though?”

“I scrolled until I got to this comment!” She opened one of the screenshots, Chase smirked at her

“You slacking at work obviously” she glared at him

“Just shut up and read!”

“I KNEW IT!” He cried “She knows more than she’s letting on!” Lana crossed her arms

“Then why did you not grill her for information?”

“Because she’s scared for her life! I don’t want to be the one to put her in danger!!!” He answered

“Scared? Hah! She should be scared of what would happen if she didn’t speak! People will keep dying and _ “

“We are the police!” He interrupted “We’ve been training for YEARS to conquer the fear of death and bending our will to put our lives on the line! This is our job and these are its obligations! You can’t expect the same dedication from her! She’s just a kid!!! “

“Yeah I know she’s minor and shocked and all that but there is a SERIAL KILLER on the loose and we have NO leads! You can’t go soft!”

“For the sake of argument let’s assume she knows vital information, do you think the killer would let her live with it?!”

“Yes! They only needed to keep her quite! You see, the accounts that uploaded the video got hacked! Gladly I managed to save a copy into this flash memory before all traces were removed“

“Well” he started “It seems that our hacker did this for her sake! Perhaps she requested for them to be hacked”

“Yeah right! Things are not always what they seem! The killers couldn’t publicly say: she talked too much! So we’re gonna remove her videos... “ she argued

“What about her account? Was it hacked?” She took few seconds to answer

“... No It wasn’t...”

“If I was a hacker involved in serial killing, and a little girl revealed information, I’d hack HER ACCOUNT first, then everyone else who uploaded the video... can you show me her profile?”

Lana opened Hai’s Instagram profile on her phone and showed Chase “Not much! Just some dishes she cooks, video game stuff, but mostly those crazy suicidal rooftop videos” she shuddered

“Parkour videos! She boasted about her skills! That’s definitely her!” He turned to her, teasing “Being the procrastinator you are, I bet you already scrolled through the whole account! Did she ever upload a picture of herself?”

“No”she pretended she didn’t hear the procrastination part

“No wonder she got mad at those who filmed the fight! she doesn’t want her face in public social media, and the hacker came through FOR her!”

“It sure is NICE to have a hacker as a friend!” She said in a wishful tone

“A friend!” He whispered to himself, then widened his eyes with realization “Come to think of it! Hai seems to value Marki! Heck she even reached out to him instead of the police!”

“I’d do the same to be honest! I hate to admit but a hacker is more capable than cops!”

“What if Marki and the hacker are one and the same?!!!” He wondered

“Look at all you learned” She smiled “what would you do without me”

“Thank you! Still, Those are just hypothesis. Not facts... except for the ugly truth that a hacker is involved... “ his last sentence was said in a terrified tone, Lana noticed his face gradually getting pale

“You’re shaking? Are you alright?” She asked

“This is CHICAGO!The smart ass city where everything is run by CTOS!” His voice grew louder, drawing the attention of everyone in the room “Haven’t you noticed how (fatal accidents) sky rocketed ever since the introduction of Ctos? This system gave Hackers more than just access to money and information! They now have the whole city’s infrastructure in their fingertips! We got explosions, blackouts, traffic lights jammed, Heavy containers falling on heads and more! Those fatal accidents weren’t unfortunate malfunctions! They were homicide performed by hackers and written off as accidents!”

“Wow! Are you secretly a dedsec member?” Asked Lana

“Our opinions my align, but I don’t trust them! As a matter of fact, I don’t trust anyone capable of hacking!” He walked towards the door, leaving “I want Marki’s portraits printed and distributed inside the building! I want everyone to remember his face! Am pretty damn sure he’ll attend Claudette’s funeral! I’ll have the secret police force secure the church ...  we’ll get ‘em!”

“Did you kids hear strange noises?“ Marial asked, they exchanged looks and shook their heads , she looked at them, one by one “I know I may seem paranoid but, I feel like I am being watched... “ she thought Azur would shrug it off like he always do, but instead, he placed comforting hands on her shoulders

“I’ll go check it out for you”

“No! Please don’t!”

“Mom! I hold a Karate black belt! You handpicked my master! I’ll be fine!”

“No no am just imagining things... this whole serial killer thing really got into me! If I keep this up I’ll lose my mind so...”

“As you wish”

“So... you guys are having a study party?”

“Yeah... Hai’s having hard time with biology. Namely the X linked recessive inheritance diseases” he took white board markers “am going to explain it to her” and in cue, they all seated before Azur waiting for him to begin

We’ve already learned about autosomal recessive inheritance back in school, how to determine the health condition of the children based on their parents health condition, weather they’re healthy, carriers, or infected! However, X linked recessive inheritance is a whole new story! First, am gonna explain the basic facts...

In X linked recessive inheritance diseases, women, could be: healthy, carrier, infected (rare though)

A male can be either healthy, or infected! He can’t be a carrier!  Now, the properties!

Males do not absorb bad genes, nor pass them down! They only receive them from their mothers! As for females,,,

They absorb the bad genes, and pass them down too! Now, let’s see how we determine the health condition of a new born male!

As you can see, it does NOT depend on his father? Why? Because even if the father is infected, as a male, he doesn’t pass it down to his son… and the son, being male as well, doesn’t absorb the bad genes… Thus! His health condition depends on his mother!

lemme explain the possible scenarios...  starting with a healthy mother...

If the mother is healthy, they’ll be healthy! However, if she’s a carrier,,,

,,,he either receive a bad gene, or get lucky and receive a good one! But if the mother was infected…

…Her male children would be too!!! Moving on to female children.

Females absorb the genes from both parents, so her health condition depends on both of her parents...this is why I divided the females in half…now... If her father was infected,

She’ll absorb the bad gene and become a carrier! So it’s safe to say: male hemophiliac have carrier daughters… as for the other half, it depends on the mother! If she’s healthy, nothings there to absorb, however if she’s a carrier, she could either get a good gene and stay a carrier,

and in rare cases get the bad gene and become hemophiliac!

And if both parents are hemophilic, they should adopt instead of risking having children of their own. Questions?

Marial clapped for him, he saw a look on her eyes he rarely ever see! She looks… PROUD!

“You just brought me back in time…” she says “You’re the spitting image of your father! Same tone of voice! Same gestures and body language! Same expressions!” She scoffed bitterly “I could hear my brother saying (Oh hell no! Azur’s way cooler!)” Azur flashed a sad smile

“And you’re gonna say (of course he is! He’s of MY production)!”

The two laughed, this is one of the rare times where they don’t cry or feel sad upon recalling Evan…

“Mom! I want us to remember him like this more often” he asked, she nodded, she looked into her phone “Oh! The road’s clear! Am gonna get ready to head to work! Do you need a left, kids?”

“Yes” said Marki“I need to head back to campus” Hai raised her hand

“And I should be home!” She said,

“I don’t have classes” said Azur with a smug smile

“Okay! I’ll go get dressed! Get ready to leave” she said, then left the room, they waited to hear her dressing room door shuts before resuming their conversation...

“I think I understand what you were trying to say!” Said Hai “I know why the killer is going after women! They absorb and pass down the disease!” Azur nodded

“Not only that! The killer DEFINITELY suffers hemophilia! Either A or B! But not Hemophilia C! “

“Why?” Asked Marki

“Hemophilia C has autosomal recessive inheritance, so males can be carriers and pass down the bad genes! If it was hemophilia C, we’d have seen male victims too. Plus, hemophilia C is not as bad as hemophilia A and B! Severe hard to stop bleedings tend to happen only after a major injury or surgery. However, it’s rather threatening to females! Because every month th_ Ah! Am glad I don’t have it! Otherwise I wouldn’t be able to go street fighting!” Azur explained!

“This bit about monthly thingy with women!” Said the puzzled Marki “Explain it again! I don’t follow!” Azur waved his hand in dismissing signal

“It’s a girl thing! Don’t concern yourself with it”

“Well, my mother, sisters, Hai, your mom, and Noir are females! I care about them!” He said with determination

“Wait...” Noir interfered “You really don’t know?”

Azur mouthed (no please don’t) at her, Hai frantically waved her arms and shook her head

“Well, what Azur’s trying to say is: women are of an incredible breed! They bleed constantly for a whole week on monthly basis, and yet, somehow they survive!”

Azur and Hai turned in terror towards Marki who froze a bit, eyes widened, obliviously trying to picture the terrifying facts he just learned, he finally blinked and exclaimed: “....... WHAT?!!!”

“WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO MY PRECIOUS BABY?!!!” Hai yelled, Asur joined her

“I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU JUST WASTED YEARS WORTH OF EFFORTS TO MAINTAIN MARKI’S INNOCENCE!”

“What! He gave me the puppy eyes!” Complained Noir, she glared at Azur “ Plus, YOU’RE the one who brought this up!” And before an argument erupts, Marki stopped them

“Alright enough! We’ve established that the killer has either hemophilia A or B and that hemophilia C is out of the question! Can we get back to the topic?”

“Where were we? Right! The killer! He’s blaming the female patients and carriers for spreading the illness! Trying to clear them off the face of earth! He thinks he’s doing a good thing trying to eliminate the disease.”

“Pffft! That’s wishful thinking!” Said Hai “It’s impossible to eliminate the disease entirely! “

“Yes, but If this goes on, OTHERS might get inspired and start serial killing movements OUTSIDE of Chicago! This has to be stopped!” Said Azur, Noir elbowed him

“Stopping them is on the police! Stay out of it!” She demanded

“We gotta warn the potential victims though!“ Said Marki, he turned to the girls “Do you have the warning message ready?

“Nope!” Answered Hai “ I need to tweak it and add Azur’s information! I’ll send it to you once done...”

“Try to have it ready for tonight! Now, let’s get ready to leave!”

The garage’s door opened, and Marial drove her car out slowly, taking in her surroundings, she saw a car, and heard it’s engine starting, she narrowed her eyes A stalker! Her instincts didn’t fail her this time! She was right to be paranoid! The man tailing her car was the voices she heard, and the eyes that watched! It’s been long since the last time I got a stalker! My evading skills must have gotten rusty, but am game! BRING IT ON

[bffhreprise]

Entry 339

 “How much do you people play this!?” exclaimed Maxine, staring in shock once she realized that James and Alma’s characters were easily keeping up with her horse.  Numerous people in our guild were that fast.

 “Rather often.” admitted James, shrugging slightly.

 I had strolled over there to see their expressions between guiding my own character, but I was still mentally preparing for what was to come.  Dani had asked what James was up to and took offense at James not inviting her to join us on Ancient Tribes of Earth.  Though she was making splendid progress, she hadn’t mastered her guitar yet.  Unfortunately, they had all been discussing the idea of convincing me to play in their band earlier.  There were still ongoing scenarios of how terrible that could turn out running through my head.

 A thousand of our guildmates were traveling with us to help get additional rare ores for my shop, so I shouldn’t wander off right now, but the thought was tempting.  Emma and Iris weren’t having any luck convincing Dani to stay practicing, or even to put down her instrument.

 “I thought you were supposed to be incredibly busy.” accused Maxine in a bewildered tone.

 “You have no idea.  His schedule makes mine look laughable.” insisted Alma, obviously finding something amusing.

 “Then how do you have time to be doing this right now?” questioned Maxine, her impressive mind unable to stop questioning the oddities surrounding him.

 I shared her conundrum, unable to even make a guess as to what happened on the honeymoon for James and Alma to come back so… different.  Walking over to them, I once again looked them over.  They didn’t seem any different physically, but… the room of honeymoon questions spilled open in my head, dumping out thousands of tiny details that had changed in their behavior—well, tens of thousands with Alma.  She was nice now, practically all the time.  The only time I heard her using an even slightly annoyed tone was on a few of her business meetings, and she didn’t seem nearly as dedicated to those anymore, giving far more freedom to her subordinates.  Walking back to my seat and resuming my position, I knew my questions wouldn’t be answered.  Quest failed from the start.

 “I made time for you.  Having you moping about was depressing.” replied James to Maxine’s inquiry.

 Only Mila was likely capable of keeping an account of James’ time;  I knew he didn’t care for thinking about how busy he was.  I knew he spent a great deal of time in his office anymore, but sometimes he’d be elsewhere despite having entered there.  How I missed his departure was a mystery.

 “I’m g-glad… that… y-you’re playing with us.” I assured Maxine, who had just snapped her mouth shut without saying whatever she had intended.  She seemed a little scared of James today, and I couldn’t figure that out either.  She didn’t have the typical stench of fear, but her anatomy was more like Portentia’s than anyone else here.

 James had somehow blocked off my senses from Maxine’s room earlier, obviously wanting to have a private discussion with her.  When they emerged, she was shaking and unusually compliant.

 Maxine didn’t respond, but Portentia was quick to say, “This is still weird to me.”  Since she arrived home and heard that Maxine was going to be helpful from here on, Portentia had been slightly on edge.  Even in the game, her character was keeping near Maxine’s.

 “Oh, yes.  Helping Raine hunt down rare ores is exceptionally different than when we normally play and help our guild.” teased Alma, glancing back to wink at Portentia.

 Frowning, Maxine said, “I, for one, have never done anything with this many people at once in a game.  I still don’t understand how the game can operate this smoothly with such a crowd in a small area.  One of my old guildmates claimed the game ran smoothly for him in a city, despite playing on an archaic piece of junk that I wouldn’t have taken if he tried giving it to me.”

 “You wouldn’t have taken the machine to data mine it?  Surprising.” questioned James in surprise.  Sensing her displeasure, he quickly assured her “I’m only teasing.  I too was mystified by how this game functions, but I’m completely unwilling to listen to Aaliyah explain how she micromanages each type of processor through her code.  You’re welcome to ask her if you’re interested.”  His acting had improved dramatically over his honeymoon, which was one of the new oddities.

 “I’ll… consider the idea.  She might not be keen to speak with me on it, considering I attempted to hack the game.” replied Maxine, though she sounded as if she actually wanted to try.

 “Mother entered the contest as well, Maxine.  She’s not so petty as to hold a grudge for such a meager maneuver against her.” insisted Mila from where she stood nearby.

 Maxine opened her mouth, shut it for a moment, and then said, “Before coming here, I would have taken offense to someone mocking my technical skills, but I really can’t in this case.  Considering you, my efforts must have appeared meager, especially with her being fully aware of my endeavors.”

 I nodded with approval.  Only a great fool would doubt the Princess’ intellect after witnessing some of her miracles.

 “Daddy!” exclaimed Dani, charging into the room with her guitar strapped to her back.

 “Yes?” he questioned in a perfectly busy-but-listening-father tone.

 “I want to play too!  Why didn’t you ask me?” she questioned with a pouty look of distress on her face.

 “Mila said you were still practicing with Iris and Emma.  You really shouldn’t leave your band behind by the way.  Iris can’t keep up while you’re wearing your enhancement suit.” he gently chided her.  “How are you liking guitar?”

 Her lips exploded into a grin as she whipped the guitar around into her arms, hugging it affectionately.   “I love it!  Watch this!”  She started playing a new melody on the guitar instead of the one she had been practicing.  “The sound is better with an amp.” she commented with a tiny frown.

 “Still, you’re progressing well.” he told her, eliciting another smile.

 Dani started playing another tune as Emma and Iris caught up.  Poor Iris didn’t have an enhancement suit on, so she was a little winded, despite seeming to be in good shape.  Scenarios popped into my head as I considered what that would feel like.  The thought occurred to me off and on throughout my life, but the idea of exhaustion never really connected with me.  I mentally caressed the idea of feeling weak.  No one would have thought of me as a monster if I was normal.  Still, I couldn’t imagine life without being me.  If I was weak, I wouldn’t have survived my childhood, and certainly wouldn’t have ended up here.

 “P-Pretty.” I commented, glancing back at Dani as she played.

 “Really!?” she exclaimed, hugging her guitar as she dashed at me.  “Does that mean you’ll join us!?”

 I shook my head, knowing that couldn’t end well.

 “Even a little?” maneuvering her guitar into one arm, so she could squeeze my hand with the other.  Her amethyst eyes stared at me as if her happiness hung by the thread of my response, ready to break if I declined  “You wouldn’t have to play in front of people.” she claimed, apparently unaware of how bands typically operated here.

 “I’d like to see you play bass.” added Emma, smiling at me and probably guessing how dangerously potent Dani’s begging face could be.

 “Come on… we’ll have fun together.” insisted Iris, smiling as well.  Her enthusiasm for including me was somewhat surprising.  We hadn’t really done too much together yet, and I was certain that she still feared me a little… Most did, at least whenever they glimpsed my hybrid form.

 “If you don’t mind hearing my two cents worth, I agree that you should try, Raine.” encouraged James.  “When we first met, you would’ve ran away just from this much attention.  Playing music with them could be another step forward for you.  You’re incredibly gifted in many areas, and I would love to see you sharing those gifts.”

 New scenarios suddenly appeared, fighting back the depictions of my failures.  If James wanted me to play, he might actually be wanting to hear it.  I already was certain that Dani had him wrapped around her finger to some extent, but he wouldn’t give her just anything.  He always seemed to want things that he thought would be good for her, so he must think that me joining the band would be good for her, the others, and possibly me as well.  Scenarios of me disappointing James were trying to budge into the confrontation in my head, but I squashed them.  Disappointing James was much harder than I originally had guessed.  If we failed, he’d just scoop us up and get us moving once more.

 Alma nodded her agreement and said, “I agree with my husband.  You should continue broadening your horizons, and music can be a pleasant form of expression.”

 “M-Maybe.” I admitted, struggling to think of the new, kind Alma’s motives.  Not enough information was available enough for a proper scenario.  Despite being kinder, she was still secretive, and much more than normal was done in her head where I couldn’t see.

 “Y’rika!” exclaimed Dani excitedly, apparently considering the matter settled.  “Then we can make pretty music and get Maxine to play piano!  Mila showed me videos of pianos being played, and it was so cool!”

 A panicked part of my mind was struggling to find an acceptable out that wouldn’t hurt the feelings of anyone present, but there was a small part of my mind allowing the possibility of playing with them to grow.  If James and Alma were both for me joining a band, would saying no out of fear really be wise?  Even before Alma became kind Alma, she had started being friendlier, to me at least.  I believed she actually cared about me, despite what I am.

 “Did she just say ‘eureka’?” inquired Maxine about Dani’s exclamation.

 “She’s still learning English, but you could consider that to almost be a cognate, given the similar usage.” explained Alma.

 “You really should at least try playing piano with us.” encouraged Dani to Maxine as she strummed her guitar.  “We could become the coolest band in the galaxy!”

 Smiling, Alma said, “Start with the city and work your way up.”

 “Fiiiine,” replied Dani, “but we’ll be amazing!  I know it!”  She still stared at Maxine, waiting for a response.

 “Mila, find a concert Dani might like coming up and book tickets for anyone interested in going.” ordered James.

 I instantly had an email, requesting my consideration of a small vacation.  France…  I could be there in a blink, view the country in slightly longer, and return home with most everyone clueless that I left.  James would probably know somehow, but he was… different… than when we had first met.  I resisted the urge to go buy souvenirs right now.  Considering the excitement growing at the idea of seeing the sights, I accepted.

 “Yes, Master.  Invitations have been sent to everyone.” replied Mila, already responding to questions as I typed them.  Though Mila talked with the rest at a very human speed, she was capable of going much, much faster.  With her, we could have very long discussions in hardly any time by everyone else’s reckoning.

 “Wow.  Really?  That was fast.” stated Iris, pulling out her phone and growing excited as she looked at it  “This is in France just two weeks from now!  How did you write a whole itinerary already!?”

 “Please expedite getting Iris a passport if she doesn’t have one as well as one for anyone else who needs it.” ordered James, perfectly confident that Mila could manage.

 “Master, Deyanira is worried about getting excused from class for the trip.  Would you mind negotiating on her behalf?” inquired Mila.

 “Not at all.  Just add the meetings to my schedule.” replied James without a hint of concern.

 I too could easily imagine James walking into any building, talking with the people in charge, and getting whatever he wanted.  His Jamesness was irresistible.

 “Is this for real!?” asked Iris, staring at James with wide eyes.

 “Of course.  If your family has any issues, explain that it’s a company trip.  If that doesn’t convince them, I’ll come convince them for you.” he assured her.

 “Is Maxine going?” inquired Portentia, obviously not willing to leave Maxine unattended.

 “I will if you’re not.” replied Maxine sassily.

 “Mila, mind marking that as a ‘yes’ from both of them?” asked James, knowing neither of them would pick a fight with him over it, though arguments appeared in their expressions.

 “As you wish, Master.” stated Mila.

 Glancing at Portentia and Maxine, James said, “I have two weeks to convince you both that you’ll enjoy this trip.  Relax.  Things will be fun.”

 “France,” whispered Cosette wistfully.  As normal, her presence was practically non-existent as she had been observing everyone else.  When she wanted to be seen, she couldn’t be missed.  Otherwise, she was a shadow watching the world, often with great amusement.  She often made me smile.

 In this case, I was attempting to figure out the best way to approach her for a hug.  The wistful tone was probably a facade as thoughts of her parents once again entered her head, assuming they ever left it.  Cosette was bright, very bright, and she had endless sleepless nights to consider the loss of her parents.  I really would have loved to meet them.  Being oldish vampires was neat, considering they would have seen many things, but Cosette’s father had been a king!  The fairy-book-loving part of me would always gush over the idea of meeting royalty while imagining fancy balls and endless dances.  Of course, living here often seemed on par with living with royalty.  James did pull the sword from the stone after all.

[wayneooverton]

The first step to understanding money: Smell Your Sh*t

Hi guys! This post is the first in a serious of personal finance articles my crazy-smart-hilarious-beautiful friend Berna from Hey Berna! has graciously agreed to write for me you all. I’m sure many of you are proper adults who know how to manage your monies, but for those of you like me, and who avoid things like thinking about taxes, bank account balances and have an attitude that “credit cards aren’t real money”  and student loans will pay themselves off, well, this is for you. Berna is here to help!

Berna is thoroughly inspirational human and has proven it’s possible, from paying off over $50,000 in debt, to figuring out how to hack free flights and hotels around the world, to saving up enough money while paying off debt to take off a year of work and travel, and she’s gonna share her best tips for me (and for you too, I guess) on how to tackle the big scary topic of money and travel! Enjoy!

Hello. My name is Berna Anat. And guys, I… am a recovering, terrible-at-money garbage fire.

Thank you for this support at this difficult time.

Seriously, though, admitting you have money problems feels a lot like one of those naked public speaking nightmares that we all dread. But that’s why Liz, out of the kindness and maybe delirium of her heart, is letting me guest-blog here. (and who definitely can’t bring herself to write about saving money to travel no matter how often people ask – shivers). 

I have been to the “Holy shit, I kind of understand money now” promised land. Not only is it delicious, y’all, but it’s 100% accessible to you too. I swear!

You just have to learn to smell your shit.

Yup, I just went there. 

I’m Berna, and here’s my face next to a giant flower! Which is ironic, because my money situation was total manure

But first, skrrrt, let me back up.

The reason I have any type of credibility in talking about this is because two years ago, I got tired of being a collector of debts, and I developed a plan to pay off my $50,000 in student loans and credit card debt.

How you ask? Very good question. I will tell all. 

I used sheer will, discipline, and a really annoying Google Doc system. I call it Felicia’s Wallet, and I talk about in the video below.

And here’s what’s really wild: I actually did it. IT WORKED!

Here’s where you hate me: I’m now traveling the world with zero debt. I repeat, ZERO DEBT. 

It’s totally and completely possible! I have enough extra cash to do absolutely nothing but travel for a year. And I have a retirement and emergency savings waiting for me in case I completely screw this up; I’ve even invested in and sold some basic-ass stock. It is possible to pay off debt and travel the world. 

Adult, what?

Most importantly, I’ve learned that the intimidating world of personal finance is simply a game – but if you’re like me and millions of others, no one told us the most basic goddamn rules. In fact, most of us learned to fear it, ignore it, and hope it somehow fixes itself.

I’m here to help captain your SS Struggle Ship. No more of that mess. Let’s sort this out now. 

You heard the Queen – via GIPHY

Some of the stuff I’ll explain in future blogs, written in real normal-human language instead of the foreign crap on :

How to create a budget that actually works

How credit card points even function (and how to use them to get free flights)

What the mother-eff is investing, and do I have to be a rich white dude to play? (Spoiler: Hell no)

All of this starts with one important step: Smelling your shit.

via GIPHY

Smelling your shit is more than admitting your fear of money – it’s putting your actual eyeballs on those nasty numbers you’ve been avoiding for so long. Most folks I talk to cannot name exactly how much debt they’re in, and that’s where their problems begin.

Not knowing your numbers gives your debt all the power as this mysterious, haunting shadow-blob. Smelling your shit is how you get your first grip of power over your money.

Do it now.

Stinky geothermal hot pools in New Zealand – they reek!

Here’s what you need to do. Sit down. Get ready. Are you ready? Great. 

1. Open an excel sheet, or a Google Doc, or a fresh piece of paper

Doesn’t matter how you record it; just that you do it right now, and on something you won’t accidentally (on purpose) throw away.

2. Write down everything you have in each bank account

Yep – this means doing the “Forgot Your Password” dance with your bank as many times as it takes.

Write down the exact amount you have today in every savings and checking account you have control over, in a grid that’s something like this:

3. Write down all of your separate debts

Yep – this might mean calling customer service reps and literally asking, “How the hell much do I owe you guys, like, in total?” You might be like me and have 3 different credit cards and 10 different student loans, all with different balances and interests rates. Write them all down separately, and then add them up.

That’s your shit! Look at her. Read her backwards. Name her and understand her. She’s yours, for better or for worse.

It’s time to own it.

4. Put this somewhere you can see it

Not on a iPhone or desktop note that you can sneakily minimize, you sneaky b. I know how it goes. Don’t even try.

Print it, write it out and stick it somewhere you’ll always see it. Tack it above your coffee machine. Stick it on your mirror and read it as you brush your teeth. Tape it on your door and whack it as you walk out, like you’re a hormonal linebacker in Friday Night Lights.

The idea here is to look at it every day and feel the sting over and over, until it stings less and less.

Angela Basset = Me when I first looked at all my numbers together – via GIPHY

You might feel shame. You might feel gassy. GOOD. That means you’re doing it right.

You wouldn’t be having problems if your money garden was all sunshine and roses, right? I’ll give you 30 seconds to throw yourself a shitty pity party.

…. Nice. I felt that.

Looking my debt in the eye for the first time – and, in comparison, seeing it next to my teeny paycheck – was incredibly shitty. But it was my shit, and I knew its exact smell.

That’s right, Gwen. OWN IT via GIPHY

It was no longer this unknown monster shit blob, hiding in a cave where my imagination can make up how scary it was depending on how anxious I felt in that moment. My money monster had a name and a shape, and a smell, and it became way less scary.

Need more weird metaphors? It’s like playing Street Fighter and seeing exactly how much green your enemy has in their life bar, so you know exactly how long and hard you need to beat their ass.

Once I defined my money situation at its most basic level, I began to feel the teeniest bit of understanding. For the first time, I felt control. And for me, that tiny sense of control changed my life. It kicked off my entire journey of learning that money problems can honestly, fo real, be overcome – no matter how much of a messy betch you think you are.

You did it. I’m proud as shit via GIPHY

Regardless of where your numbers go from here, you’ve done the scariest part; you’ve gone from total ignorance to understanding. Smelling your shit – defining your numbers – is not only the best way to fully understand your situation, but it’s the most gratifying way to feel that deep appreciation and joy when it starts to get better.

And, spoiler alert? It WILL get better. I’d bet on it.

Join me at http://www.heyberna.com and on Instagram in the land of I Kind Of Understand Money Now! We have wine!

The post The first step to understanding money: Smell Your Sh*t appeared first on Young Adventuress.

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