#acidspeaks2024

[soul-likeasecretinyourthroat]

I’m cooked I’ve made friendship bracelets in our eye colors, they r in a heart pattern >:) will he get the hint then if I give it to him????

[soul-likeasecretinyourthroat]

I MADE MY MOVE FUCKKKKK

IM SO COOKED ITS BEEN 2 HOURS ANS NO RESPONSE, but I like to believe that he is just asleep already sooooo

[soul-likeasecretinyourthroat]

I can’t stop thinking about last nights party. I went to a band practice and played drums fkr two hours straight and he never left my mind. Is this how people feel when they’re in love? Pls give me advice in the tags bc I’ve never had this feeling before and want to know if insomnia and practically 24/7 thoughts abt someone is normal behavior for crush. Also I have to make a move soon before he graduates :) I’ll keep you updated but pls give me advice on if what I’m feeling is normal or not :)

[soul-likeasecretinyourthroat]

Omg I don’t wanna forget this one moment bc I find it very cute and caring :

Me : (opens an Amber Red Bull bc I’m thirsty)

Him : “what’s that?”

Me : “Oh, an energy drink, it’s pretty good, wanna try?”

Him : “Sure :) but while I take a sip of this, [hands me his water bottle] you gotta drink this, okay?”

Me, actively trying not to look like he already has my heart and to not turn tomato red : “Okayyyyy fine :)”

(Guys am I cooked if this is what I find endearing about him? Like among other things but he’s so thoughtful and funny and aughhhhh ) (I can’t wait til I can show him these posts once we are dating, I gotta ask him to date tho bc idk if I can wait any longer 🤭)

[soul-likeasecretinyourthroat]

Me and a group of friends went to emo nite at the rave last night and it was so fun! I got to do my friends makeup too!!!! O’s dads pretty funny, he held O’s face while I put on the first layer of eyeshadow because he wouldn’t stop talking lmao. I really like his parents, they are pretty cool people. He was a very good canvas tbh, he didn’t flinch and was patient with me too :) Once I was done with his makeup, his parents said he looked like Robert smith from the cure, and I fully agree with them! O looked so cool in the black eyeshadow, and it really was a trip for me to see him in it <3

After that, we left to go pick up 3 more ppl. A couple, B and R, who killed it with their outfits! The bf (B) wore a leather skirt, knee high leather stiletto heels, and some sort of tshirt (which under he borrowed his gf’s bra to complete this almost-drag look). The gf (R) dressed to the 9s in emo attire, rocking the mcr tshirt and fishnets. Me n Him were Shocked to say the least when B walked out of his garage like that lmao it was insane, very proud of him!

Then we went to go pick up M, and she wore her homecoming dress and a cute jacket, it was pretty scene inspired for her inspo, and she killed it!!!!

Me and O forgot to eat before picking ppl up, so we stopped at chipotle for food in our full emo regalia. Imagine just 5 of the most emo teens you’ve ever seen, and put them in the most suburban chipotle Ever, we stood out like a sore thumb! It was honestly really freeing to just like wear my outfit in public because it was so emo and I consider myself diet emo on the best days so I was happy. We got so many confused looks but I didn’t care, I was hanging out with the people I loved :)

After chipotle, I drove us (on the freeway!!!) downtown to the venue, and got parking right across the street! Then I started to do B and R’s emo makeup per their requests, and both of them have cool bone structures and I loooove doing peoples makeup fr it’s so much fun!!!!

O had a surprise tho, he brought with a second shirt that he wore, that he didn’t want his parents to see >:) it was a black, lacy, long sleeved button up with a flowery design on it, it was very sheer so he wore a white tank top underneath. We all looked so sexy fr, like omg

We got inside at 9pm, but it apparently didn’t start til 10:30, which was said nowhere lol. All good tho, us 5 got to hang out for a while anyway so it was fun!

Once the set started by the emo nite dj, the room got so fucking hot like I was melting in my thick tshirt, but I only had on a fishnet long sleeve top that barely reached my collarbones and a bra, and no way was I gonna be showing my assets for free (at least not to the 30 year old crowd of millennials there lol)! O got hot, so he took off the tank top he had on underneath the sheer shirt he had on, and he offered it to me to wear so I wouldn’t be so hot! Dude I like him so much he doesn’t even know fr like (I’m so down bad for him) anyway I change in a bathroom into the tank top and put the fishnet shirt over it, it was a very cool outfit ngl, and thank god I wore a nice bra and not an old one, because I would’ve cried if it looked gross infront of him fr

We all were dancing and having fun, and then O has the great idea of getting up and dancing on the stage, and me and M were like ofc that sounds like fun! We managed to get on stage and we were dancing and singing so much, the photographer took several photos of us together in the cool lights on the stage, they will hopefully be put on the www soon so I can see them! I love candid photos and I wanna see how I look in candids as well :)

I was really trying to be flirty with him (O) last night, and i was dancing really close to him, like within a few inches of him. I love to see him dance, when he dances with his arms above his head and moves so fast, it’s mesmerizing and I can’t look away. Whenever songs came on that had lyrics about love, I would purposefully get his attention and make him look at me scream-singing along to them, hopefully he caught a hint PLEASE! I twirled him like a pretty princess, and that made me get a stupid smile on my face :)

The concert got done at like 1 in the morning, and while we were walking back to where I had parked my car, O said that he wish he could’ve gotten any hot goth girl’s Snapchat, and I casually said “Omg what about me? Aren’t I got enough for you???” And he was mad blushing after that comment, hopefully that signaled to him how I felt maybe? We stopped at a kwik trip gas station to refuel and for a late night snack, and it was again very comical to see 5 emo kids in a gas station in a suburban area at 1:20 in the morning lol.

I dropped M off first, I thanked her for coming with and she thanked me for taking her lol.

Then, O got in the passenger seat and started playing music on my phone that was connected to Bluetooth! He played the full album of “Good God!” By rio romeo, which if you don’t know rio’s work is very romantic and like sappy songs. We both knew all the words to the whole album, and R and B were in the backseat giving each other looks and stuff, I’m pretty sure they think that O and I are dating, and I really hope that O knew that too >:)

We then dropped off B and R, said our goodbyes, and we went on the way back to O’s house. We kept playing the album, even if it restarted once or twice. Before we turned into his drive way, he changed back into his tshirt he left in. The moonlight reflected off of his skin beautifully, and it caught in his eyes which shone like jewels. We were talking about how much fun we had, and then we got to his house, His sister was waiting at the front door to let him in, since it was 3 am everyone else had long since been asleep. I told him that we should hang out again asap, and that I was really happy that he came with tonight even though he doesn’t know a ton of emo songs. He said he had a lot of fun too, and told me to be careful on the roads and go like 20mph because of all the deer on the road wandering. I said I promise I’ll go slow, and I would text him when I got home to let him know I was safe :) I watched as he walked down the long driveway into his house, he almost was skipping inside. I kept the album playing. I started my way back home. I regret not making a move on him, I really do. I don’t know how much longer I can survive without knowing that he might like me back. He’s so beautiful and sweet, his eyelashes are so long they touch his brow-bones, his off white teeth are the same shade as mine, those blue eyes that ensnare my gaze whenever I turn to look at him, the way his face moves when he smiles, the crinkles next to his eyes, the way his hair falls on his head, his nose is just perfect, his body covered in small freckles like a strawberry, and his voice that makes me weak in the knees and could tell me to do anything at all and I would no hesitation. (I want to hear him make noises that I didn’t know he could make, and daydream about what he would sound like, and how I can get him to make those types of sounds >:3 )

Sorry for the sappy rant, I have feelings for him that I’ve never felt for anyone else before ever. I’m just a teenager hoping that their crush likes them back.

Anyway, on my drive home (15 mins) I was tearing up over the fact that I already missed him, and how I wish I could go be at his side forever, maybe fall asleep on his basement couch next to each other while watching a studio ghibli movie or live-streaming an symphony orchestra playing. I got home around 3:30, talked to my mom for a bit, let everyone know that I got home safe, and ate half a pizza. I went to bed around 4am, but I could barely fall asleep even though I was exhausted because I couldn’t get him off my mind long enough to fall asleep lol

I need to be straightforward with him about how I feel. I’m currently writing down these tumblr posts about him in a physical notebook, that after I tell him how I feel, I can give it to him and show him how long I’ve felt like this for him, and some of my most favorite memories I’ve made :) I’m such a romantic it kills me.

Ok I gotta go to bed now it’s 1:30 am.. I’ll be back hopefully soon with an update concerning mine and his relationship >:) wish me luck!!!

[soul-likeasecretinyourthroat]

Omg I’m invited to his grad party !!!

I’m going to emo nite with him and another couple and a friend from another state next Friday !!!

AND HES GONNA LET ME DO HIS EMO MAKEUP OMG IM GONNA FREAK OUT

I AM FREAKING OUT THIS IS GREAT

Today was the seniors and his last day of school, I cut math class to go hang out with him and a couple other seniors as well, and before I left to go to my next class, I gave all the seniors a hug

And I came to hug him and he held me so tightly that I can’t even think straight !!!

I’m literally so not even present rn bc I can only feel like I’m still in his arms, with his vaguely nice scented hair and his head on my shoulder.

I’m sooooo down bad man, but hey at least I’m like 99% sure that he’s into me know bc of the last couple of interactions we’ve had !!!

Yayyyyyyyyyyy :)

[soul-likeasecretinyourthroat]

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[soul-likeasecretinyourthroat]

AYYY ITS 3:35 AM AND I JUST GOT BACK HOME FROM HIS PARTY :)

Nothing happened, but it was so fun! We played badminton and volleyball, had chicken or beef sausages (basically fancy hot dogs) and beans with like a salad, and then we played a game of sardines (special hide and seek where one person hides, everyone else tries to find them. And once a person finds the hider, they then hide with them until only one person is looking for everyone else who’s in the same spot)!

At like 1:30, it was just me and him left, we watched studio ghibli’s “Princess Mononoke” which was beautiful. We sat close to each other on the couch, but not quite touching each other, but how I wished I could’ve held his hand. If only I knew that he was into my gender type 100% instead of ruining a great friendship.

(However, I have a suspicion bc he grabbed us blankets halfway thru the movie and propped his legs up, that he might have been doing something there, I heard his breath go ragged for a couple seconds and after that he seemed fine, but I’m pretty sure he got off next to me prolly which is super cool, unless he just had a hard time breathing for a sec and it came out really shaken, but I don’t think that’s the case.)

Once the movie ended, I had to leave to go back to my place because my mom needs the car in the morning. We pet the house cat for a minute before we hugged. WE HUGGED! It was insane and I still can barely sleep riding that high! I drove home not even tired, I didn’t even turn on the radio because I was just singing silly little love songs to myself.

I have to figure out a way to tell him that I like him before he graduates. Technically I am going to college next year too so it’s not weird, I just have to go back to my high school for a singular gym class :)

My friends keep calling out my cowardice, and I agree.

I’ll attach the cards that I made for him, and he even said that he’s gonna frame it because he likes it so much :)

[soul-likeasecretinyourthroat]

Today was the final band concert of 2024. I cried as my favorite seniors played their final time on the stage. He gave a beautiful speech about a song that my band director’s late dad adored. I literally am so down bad for him it’s insane. My other friends got awards such as the John Philips Sousa award for being a talented musician. This night was insane. My bestie Sophia told me that I am invited to her future wedding, that I would be one of the people alongside my friend liv to fan her and feed her grapes at the bachelorette party :)

Damn imma miss my senior friends so much it’s not even funny :/ gonna go cry again about them leaving me to be a senior next year.

[soul-likeasecretinyourthroat]

I think I’m in love. I can’t even think coherently. When he looks at me I forget what I was saying or thinking, and when he talks to me I feel as if I melt through the floor. Whenever I look into his eyes and find his staring at mine, I get trapped in their own sky blue daylight. Today I told him happy birthday (as anyone would say to someone who has celebrated their birthday) and I went to high five him. He Held my hand for a long minute while we kept talking :) I was absolutely Zooted out of my mind with ecstasy at the touch of his hand in mine, a feeling of him being there for me, being present with me. I think there’s a good chance I’m in love. Anyway since I couldn’t think the rest of the day after he held my hand, here’s some drawings of him that I did during my math class and after school :)

I think he may be my new muse, as the figure David was to Michelangelo.

I am so down bad send help 😂💀

[soul-likeasecretinyourthroat]

I sent him a video on instagram and it was about making bracelets of each others eye color, and I hope he knows I mean that romantically

That’s romantic, right????

[soul-likeasecretinyourthroat]

Here’s some art!