#acosf quote advent calendar

[princessofmerchants]

~25 ACOSF Days of Solstice~

"And I am still terrified that if I let myself have you … it will be taken away. Someone will take it away, and if you’re dead …” She buried her face in her hands. “It doesn’t matter,” she whispered. “I do not deserve you, and I never, ever will.” Utter silence filled the room. Such silence that she wondered if he’d left, and lowered her hands to see if he was there. Cassian stood before her. Tears streaming down his beautiful, perfect face. She didn’t balk from it, letting him see her like this: her most raw, most base self. He’d always seen all of her, anyway. He opened his mouth and tried to speak. Had to swallow and try again. Nesta saw all the words in his eyes, though. The same ones she knew lay in her own. So he stopped trying to speak, and closed the distance between them. Slid a hand into her hair, the other going around her waist and tugging her against him. He said nothing as he dipped his head, mouth brushing the tears sliding along one of her cheeks. Then the other. She closed her eyes, letting herself savor his lips on her over-hot skin, the way his breath caressed her cheek. Each gentle kiss echoed those words she’d seen in his eyes. Cassian pulled back, and remained that way long enough that she opened her eyes again to find his face inches from her own. “You’re not going to marry Eris,” he said roughly. “No,” she breathed. His eyes blazed. “There will be no one else. For either of us.” “Yes,” she whispered. “Ever,” he promised. Nesta laid a hand on his muscled chest, letting the thunderous beating of the heart beneath echo into her palm. Let it travel down her arm, into her own chest, her own heart. “Ever,” she swore. It was all he needed. All she needed. Cassian’s mouth met hers, and the world ceased to exist.

—ACOSF Ch. 58

This chapter, when Nesta and Cassian finally yield to each other so fully and beautifully, moved me so much both times I've read it. I grabbed this passage because it comes right at the end of Nesta sharing with Cassian her darkest feelings of unworthiness of him. It's different from Chapter 50 because then the feelings are about herself, while here they are about herself in relation to him.

I know Nesta's feelings receive a lot of scrutiny by those who feel she is unjustly hard on herself. For my part, as someone who has felt and said similar things to my partner about me that Nesta says to Cassian about herself, I'm here to say this scene rings so very true to my anxious, tired soul.

But this passage above, it comes right after those words of unworthiness, and I love it because it is so characteristic of Nessian, y'all, I just want to swim around in it.

From Nesta's vulnerability after spewing out all of the bad things she feels, and Cassian seeing all of her and not balking (a callback to "Wings and Embers"). To all the ways Cassian tells her (mostly without words) that she is in fact worthy of him. Also, it's worth noting that he calls her a queen earlier in this scene when he is worried about his own unworthiness of her.

And for me, the thing that is so overwhelmingly beautiful about this coming together for them is that they both think themselves unworthy of the other, but here at this moment, Cassian has had it and firmly moves past that emotional barrier keeping them each from the other.

He claims her first without words, then with the simplest of declarations that broker no argument. And as someone, like Nesta, with enough anxiety that at times it is debilitating, that kind of confident, firm, and loving hand from my partner is essential—to us, our love, our relationship, and what makes us work.

25 ACOSF Days of Solstice Masterlist

Bonus quotes from their lovemaking after the break...

...because I almost made this post about these but the above transitional moment, from argument to connection, won out for me:

On the fifth, the walls of that inner fortress of ancient iron came down. Cassian pulled away, as if sensing it, and his eyes flared as they met her own. But he kept moving in her, making love to her thoroughly, unhurriedly. So Nesta let all that lay beyond those iron walls unspool toward him. Thread after thread of pure golden light flowed into him, and he met it with his own. Where those threads wove together, life glowed like starfire, and she had never seen anything more beautiful, felt anything more beautiful. She was crying, and she didn’t know why—only that she never wanted it to end, this binding between them, the feeling of him moving so deep in her that she wanted him imprinted beneath her skin. His tears dripped onto her face, and she reached up to brush them away. He leaned his head into her hand, nuzzling her palm. “Say it,” Cassian whispered against her skin. She knew what he meant. Somehow, she knew what he meant. Nesta waited until he’d thrust again, driving as deep into her as he’d ever gone, and whispered, “You’re mine.” He groaned, thrusting hard. She whispered, “And I am yours.” Those golden threads between their very souls shone with the words, as if they formed a harp strummed by a heavenly hand. For it was music between their souls. Always had been. And his voice was her favorite melody. “Nesta.” She heard the plea in her name.

dat Nessian mating bond tho ❤️

The golden threads shimmered and sang, and she couldn’t take it, the music between their souls, the feel of his body on her and in her, and— Release blasted through her, obliterating every last bit of that inner wall, razing mountains and forests, wiping the world clean with light and pleasure, stars crashing down from the heavens in a never-ending rain. Cassian roared as he came, and the sound was the summons of a hunt, a symphony, a single clear horn playing as dawn broke over the world. There was only this moment, this thing shared between them, and it lasted for an eternity. Time was of no consequence. Time had always stood still around him, around them. He spilled and spilled himself into her, longer than ever before, as if he’d been holding himself back all the times before now, as if he had let his own inner wall come crumbling down. Forever, forever, forever.

In my smut reading travels I'm becoming a bit of a connoisseur of how orgasms are written, and this right here is just really beautiful. My lovemaking Nessian bbs have my whole romantic heart ❤️

[princessofmerchants]

~25 ACOSF Days of Solstice~

They fell silent again as Gwyn shifted her feet, angling the blade. The wind waggled the ribbon again, as if taunting her. Cassian glanced over at Az, but his attention was fixed on the young priestess, admiration and quiet encouragement shining from his face. Gwyn whispered, “I am the rock against which the surf crashes.” Nesta straightened at the words, as if they were a prayer and a summons. Gwyn lifted the blade. “Nothing can break me.” Cassian’s throat tightened, and even from across the ring, he could see Nesta’s eyes gleaming with pride and pain. Emerie said, “Nothing can break us.” The world seemed to pause at the words. As if it had been following one path and now branched off in another direction. In a hundred years, a thousand, this moment would still be etched in his mind. That he would tell his children, his grandchildren, Right then and there. That was when it all changed. Azriel went wholly still, as if he, too, had felt the shift. As if he, too, were aware that far larger forces peered into that training ring as Gwyn moved. Smooth as the Sidra, swift as the wind off the Illyrian Mountains, her entire body working in singing harmony, Gwyn lunged toward the ribbon, twirled, and as she spun, her arm opened up, executing a perfect backhanded slice that cut the winter morning itself. Half the ribbon fluttered to the red stone. A flawless, precise slice. Not one frayed strand rippled in the wind as the severed ribbon hanging from the beam flapped. Nesta bent down, picked up the fallen half of the ribbon, and solemnly tied it around Gwyn’s brow. A makeshift version of what the priestesses wore atop their heads with their stones. But Cassian had never seen Gwyn display her Invoking Stone. Gwyn lifted trembling fingers to her brow, touching the ribbon with which Nesta had crowned her. Nesta���s voice was thick as she declared, “Valkyrie.”

—ACOSF Ch. 60

This scene opens Chapter 60, and I believe this is SJM's writing at its best.

Three strong women, reforming an ancient female warrior group, their strength born from struggle and pain but finding light and purpose together...this is the moment the narrative bends around them.

Gwyn's invocation, "I am the rock against which the surf crashes. Nothing can break me," and Emerie's reminder that they are an "us" now. Nesta's admiration for her strong friend. It is archetypical yet utterly personal.

But the moment is told through Cassian's eyes. SJM is at her core a romance writer. The partners she writes for her strong heroines have this lens through which they grow to see and know their mates (used here in all senses)—a lens shaped by love, strength, admiration, and at times wonder.

(NB: I'll admit, for me, this moment is also one of the strongest bits of textual evidence that SJM's romantic plans for Azriel will involve Gwyn. His admiration of her here, albeit observed by his brother, is right in type with the mold of SJM's romantic pairings.)

But this part of ACOSF is also why I see....literally SEE these three females in future books playing a role that is world altering. I mean, it's right there in the text: "The world seemed to pause at the words. As if it had been following one path and now branched off in another direction. . . . Right then and there. That was when it all changed."

And I get chills reading this because while ACOSF gives us their participation in the Blood Rite as one way they emerge as a unit, I feel in my bones their role, and the role of the Valkyries which they have brought back to life, will shape the outcomes of the world conflicts to come.

I can't wait to see it.

25 ACOSF Days of Solstice Masterlist

[princessofmerchants]

~25 ACOSF Days of Solstice~

“I am your mate, for fuck’s sake!” Cassian shouted, loud enough for people across the river to hear. “You are my mate! Why are you still fighting it?” She let the truth, voiced at last, wash over her. “You promised me forever on Solstice,” he said, voice breaking. “Why is one word somehow throwing you off that?” “Because with that one word, the last scrap of my humanity goes away!” She didn’t care who saw them, who heard. “With that one stupid word, I am no longer human in any way. I’m one of you!” He blinked. “I thought you wanted to be one of us.” “I don’t know what I want. I didn’t have a choice.” “Well, I didn’t have a choice in being shackled to you, either.” The declaration slammed into her. Shackled. He sucked in a breath. “That was an incredibly poor choice of words.” “But the truth, right?” “No. I was angry—it’s not true.” “Why? Your friends saw me for what I was. What I am. The mating bond made you stupidly blind to it. How many times did they warn you away from me, Cassian?” She barked a cold laugh. Shackled. Words beckoned, sharp as knives, begging for her to grab one and plunge it into his chest. Make him hurt as much as that one word hurt her. Make him bleed. But if she did that, if she ripped into him … She couldn’t. Wouldn’t let herself do it. He pleaded, “I didn’t mean it like—” “I’m calling in my favor,” she said. He went still, brows bunching. And then his eyes widened. “Whatever you’re—” “I want you to leave. Go up to the House of Wind for the night. Do not speak to me until I come talk to you, or until a week has passed. Whichever comes first. I don’t care.” Until she’d mastered herself enough to not hurt him, to stop feeling the old urge to strike and maim before she could be wounded. Cassian lurched toward her, but winced, back arching. Like the bargain tattoo on his back had burned him. “Go away,” she ordered. His throat worked, eyes bulging. Fighting the power of the bargain with his every breath. But then he whirled, wingbeats booming as he leaped into the skies above the river. Nesta remained on the quay as her spine tingled, and she knew her tattoo had vanished.

—ACOSF Ch. 62

So! This is a Nessian fight. It has the potential to be quite a painful one. Those of us who remember Solstice the year prior (two Solstices ago) in ACOFAS can attest to that.

But I'm sharing this as my passage from Chapter 62 because I am so proud of Nesta for 1) speaking her deepest thoughts and feelings about the violation and trauma of being thrown into the Cauldron, and 2) for making the conscious choice not to hurt Cassian with her words when every defense mechanism inside her is driving her to.

She knows on a higher level that she loves him, and she's aware of that enough to know that the very hurtful things she could say to him here would actually hurt her through hurting him for its own sake, which is part of what love is.

Do you know the mental health work involved in being able to catch oneself from going on automatic and into old, former toxic patterns when triggered? Nesta deserves every 👏🏻 single 👏🏻 medal 👏🏻 for her restraint here.

Now let's talk about Cassian. Holy hell what he says here, about being "shackled" to Nesta, makes me so angry.

But I can also see how right his immediate correction of himself is. He does the exact right thing a second after making an explosive, harmful mistake. This doesn't make up for it, but it does take an immediate step toward fixing what his harmful word choice broke between them.

And I think Nesta does believe he didn't mean it, or she knows eventually she will once she has distance from him enough to calm down. So she gifts them with that distance.

Granted, he fights the bargain to try to stay and make it right, which is very characteristic of how his modus operandi is to care more about the person he loves than he does himself. But it's also against her express wishes in this moment, and soon after he does comply and follow the order she's given in calling in the favor he owes, and leaves.

As we know, they are about to be separated by external forces, and the timing there is super dramatic given this fight they end on.

But this Nessian fight shows so much growth for them as a couple, even while they are still very much their brash, impulsive selves (whether externally or internally).

It's a hard fight to witness but I think it's so typically them that I love its placement here in the story.

25 ACOSF Days of Solstice Masterlist

[princessofmerchants]

🌲 25 ACOSF Days of Solstice Masterlist 🎁

✨ Complete ✨

Day 25 ~ Chapter 56 ~ Nesta in the heart of the House

Day 24 ~ Chapter 57 ~ Nesta prefers dancing to magic

Day 23 ~ Chapter 58 ~ Nessian yield to each other

Day 22 ~ Chapter 59 ~ Valkyrie trio friendship bracelet making

Day 21 ~ Chapter 60 ~ Gwyn cuts the ribbon

Day 20 ~ Chapter 61 ~ Nesta reaches the bottom of the staircase

Day 19 ~ Chapter 62 ~ Nessian fight

Day 18 ~ Chapter 63 ~ Cassian is ready to take responsibility for his mistake

Day 17 ~ Chapter 64 ~ Amren is powerless and I am petty

Day 16 ~ Chapter 65 ~ Nesta is not an object to be wielded

Day 15 ~ Chapter 66 ~ Nesta rescues Emerie from the river

Day 14 ~ Chapter 67 ~ Cassian is confident Nesta can protect herself in the Blood Rite

Day 13 ~ Chapter 68 ~ The Valkyrie trio tell their stories

Day 12 ~ Chapter 69 ~ Nesta prepares to hold the Pass of Enalius

Day 11 ~ Chapter 70 ~ Nesta thinks of Ataraxia

Day 10 ~ Chapter 71 ~ Enalius, Ramiel, Cassian, and Nesta connections

Day 9 ~ Chapter 72 ~ "Because my mate taught me well."

Day 8 ~ Chapter 73 ~ Briallyn: "He's mine now." Everyone: 🤔

Day 7 ~ Chapter 74 ~ Nesta erupts

Day 6 ~ Chapter 75 ~ Cassian after Nesta erupts

Day 5 ~ Chapter 76 ~ The Archeron sisters and the Mother

Day 4 ~ Chapter 77 ~ Nesta's bargain with the Cauldron and the Mother's response

Day 3 ~ Chapter 78 ~ Nesta, a quick study in using her powers

Day 2 ~ Chapter 79 ~ Cassian and Eris

Day 1 ~ Chapter 80 ~ Nesta finds peace regarding her father

I am around 25 chapters away from the end of A Court of Silver Flames, reading it in full for the second time. I want to finish it by Christmas, so I'm challenging myself to read one chapter each day, and as a gift to me and anyone who follows me I'm going to share a favorite, standout passage or quote from each chapter with my reasons it stood out for me. This post will be a masterlist linking to each quote post.

Think of this as an ACOSF themed Advent calendar. This will be fun! I'm starting with a post I shared yesterday and continuing from there. Link list is above.

Happy Solstice!

[princessofmerchants]

~25 ACOSF Days of Solstice~

There was nothing in Nesta’s head but screaming. Nothing in her heart but love and hatred and fury as she let go of everything inside her and the entire world exploded. The baying of her magic was a beast with no name. Avalanches cascaded down the cliffs in seas of glittering white. Trees bent and ruptured in the wake of the power that shattered from her. Distant seas drew back from their shores, then raced in waves toward them again. Glasses shook and shattered in Velaris, books tumbled off the shelves in Helion’s thousand libraries, and the remnants of a run-down cottage in the human lands crumbled into a pile of rubble.

—ACOSF Ch. 74

The moment Nesta finally erupts.

There's no question I, along with many I'm sure, have been waiting for this since ACOWAR when Amren said to a Nesta in the early stages of grappling with her power, "When you erupt, girl, make sure it is felt across worlds"...

Since ACOMAF, after what the Cauldron did to her, tried to do to her, after males with power and violence in their fabric forced her to be irrevocably changed, after that violation...

Actually going all the way back to ACOTAR when we see a brittle Nesta hardened by a life in which, even before her family lost their material comforts, Nesta was groomed to objectify her very self in the most insidiously innate way, leading her to accept the idea of an abusive husband if it meant fulfilling that narrow understanding of her supposed duty and purpose...

The imagery in this moment is really fucking powerful for me. Especially that of her cottage in the human lands crumbling, the cottage where she felt and experienced formative trauma, and here I mean of the familial variety. The dynamic in the Archeron home at the start of ACOTAR is so familiar to me in its toxicity (because I experienced something like it in my family growing up). It's a tragedy.

And yes, earlier in ACOSF Nesta did find hard won peace in a final visit to said cottage with Cassian at her side as partner and support, but here?

The rage that is always there, even if it's calmed by a life lived well, is finally expelled so others might see it, feel it, have their worlds shaken by it. It's vital and essential and wonderful.

Mark this one down as one of my favorite moments in Nesta's story. ✅

25 ACOSF Days of Solstice Masterlist

[princessofmerchants]

~25 ACOSF Days of Solstice~

“You know, Eris,” he said, a hand wrapping around the doorknob. “I think you might be a decent male, deep down, trapped in a terrible situation.” He looked over his shoulder and found Eris’s gaze blazing again. But only pity stirred in his chest, pity for a male who had been born into riches, but had been destitute in every way that truly mattered. In every way that Cassian had been blessed—blessings that were now overflowing. So Cassian said, “I grew up surrounded by monsters. I’ve spent my existence fighting them. And I see you, Eris. You’re not one of them. Not even close. I think you might even be a good male.” Cassian opened the door, turning from Eris’s curled lip. “You’re just too much of a coward to act like one.”

—ACOSF Ch. 79

This penultimate chapter brings us something I think is very needed and welcome at the end of this book: a look into where Cassian lands in his own arc at the end of this journey primarily through the arc of his mate.

But we get it through the lens of this intriguing scene between Cassian and Eris.

Eris who has been one of Cassian's most offending slinger of insults for the majority of his life. Eris who has been a source of belittlement for Cass, belittlement that hits its mark every time because of their respective and different origins and statuses in the world.

Eris has a fan base now post-ACOSF, and while I'm not sure I'm a canon Eris stan yet (his brutality is a little too stark for me overall in the story we've seen so far), I cannot deny that this second to last scene of a freaking long installment of a multi-part series with more parts to come, absolutely screams to us readers that Eris has depth and complexity we are only getting a glimpse of so far, which is likely to be revealed in future installments.

In fact, it's Cassian giving us that glimpse here in his p.o.v. But what I really love about this moment is the fact that Cassian, who has a gift for reading people, observes the Eris facade as just that, a facade, and analyzes the puzzle pieces of Eris's recent actions and sees a picture he never expected to see. Because of Cassian's reliability as a reader of people, I think we can trust Cass's observations about Eris's character here.

But even more, those observations are, for Cassian, cast in sharp relief when compared to his self-reflection on just how loved he is and how worthy of love he realizes he has always been.

His current status as a mated male who fought tooth and nail physically, emotionally, and mentally for his mate, to show her how loved she is and his steadfastness for her, finally allows him to truly see his own worthiness in a way he hadn't been able to before. I don't think Eris's insults will hit their mark anymore moving forward.

As one of the two romantic leads of this story, that Cassian gets this moment to see this about himself is lovely and important as ACOSF winds down.

25 ACOSF Days of Solstice Masterlist

[princessofmerchants]

~25 ACOSF Days of Solstice~

A hand slid into Nesta’s, and she found Elain there, shaking and wide-eyed. Nesta squeezed her sister’s fingers. Together, they approached the other side of the bed. And when Elain began praying to the Fae’s foreign gods, to their Mother, Nesta bowed her head, too.

—ACOSF Ch. 76

This chapter is a heavy one. Pregnancy plot coming to its fruition, etc. But more important to me, Nesta wielding all three Dread Trove items. 👀

But my passage isn't directly about either of those.

It's this moment at a dying Feyre's bedside, between Nesta and Elain. It's a moment really between the three of them, and if I may be so bold, the Mother as well.

I softly gasped when I reached this moment during my reread. To have a vulnerably strong moment of openness and care between the Archeron sisters in this room where Death hovers to take one of them away from the others...

To have Elain, who has perhaps struggled most of all with her forced turn to Fae, invoke the Fae gods including the Mother in a prayer for Feyre, and for Nesta, who we recall has been attending the priestesses' evening worship services to fill the part of her that loves music, to join in that prayer...

Nesta who has also been blessed and favored in some way by the Mother throughout this story...

I just think this is a really meaningful and powerful collection of images when considering the series-wide character arcs of the Archeron sisters, as a family and as individuals.

I also think (predict) that this moment situates our thoughts of the three sisters in a way that sets up for what will come in future books.

25 ACOSF Days of Solstice Masterlist

[princessofmerchants]

~25 ACOSF Days of Solstice~

Another blow and her feet left the ground. The breath slammed out of her as her spine hit something unyielding. A boulder. Nesta’s body refused to move as she panted. Warm blood trickled out of her nose. Bellius approached, tossing his weapons aside. “Doing this with my bare hands will be so much more satisfying.” Move. The word rang through Nesta. She had to keep moving. On shaking hands, as lightning cracked and the snow swirled, Nesta pushed up off the rock. Her legs trembled, begging her to sit, to stop, to just fucking die already. Bellius advanced, his powerful body sinking into a fighting position. The wild hatred in his gaze seared her. Her friends had made it … but she did not want to die. She wanted to live, and live well, and live happily. Wanted to do it with— Nesta braced her feet apart. Settled her aching, battered body. Bellius snorted. “You really think you can beat me in hand-to-hand combat?” Blood flowed from her mouth, her nose. But Nesta smiled anyway, its tang coating her tongue. “I do.” Bellius threw his first punch, putting the entire force of his powerful body into it. Nesta blocked it, driving her fist into his nose. Bone crunched. Bellius howled, falling back a step. And Nesta hissed, “Because my mate taught me well.”

—ACOSF Ch. 72

This book is a romance. The ACOTAR books are romances. It's the driving undercurrent for why I read them. Romance-driven character development is my bread and butter. And this moment when Nesta finally claims Cassian as her mate is e v e r y t h i n g.

Most of us Nessian stans have been waiting four books and a short story, since ACOMAF and "Wings and Embers," for this. Nesta earns the hell out of this moment of finally overcoming her fear and stepping into her position at Cassian's side as his partner and mate.

Of course, she's not literally at his side because she is alone in the Blood Rite by this time. But he's there, isn't he? In the skill with which she fights, in her refusal to yield, and in her reasons for getting off the ground and fighting for her very life because she realizes with him in it, it is worth fighting for.

And the fact that she claims him, finally, while dispatching this piece of shit mysogynist asshole, is characteristically perfect for Nessian.

I am pretty sure I cheered the first time I read this, and speed turned the page to get to their reunion that much quicker...

25 ACOSF Days of Solstice Masterlist

[princessofmerchants]

~25 ACOSF Days of Solstice~

Cassian lay facedown on the earth. Nesta rushed toward him, praying, sobbing, her magic still echoing through the world. She turned him over, searching for the knife, the wound, but— The knife lay beneath him. Unbloodied. He groaned, cracking his eyes open. “I figured,” he rasped, “I should lie low while you did that.” Nesta gaped at him. Then burst into tears.

—ACOSF Ch. 75

This is a quick post for a quick chapter.

Here Cassian is referring to Nesta's eruption in the last chapter, including Unmaking Briallyn

I love several things here.

That he's using his signature humor to signal to a frantic Nesta that he is okay and uninjured.

That he's confident in his place at the side of someone who can destroy worlds if she so chooses.

That he'd have it no other way and his ego isn't the least bit threatened by her baddassery.

That's my OTP right there. 🥰👏🏻

25 ACOSF Days of Solstice Masterlist

[princessofmerchants]

~25 ACOSF Days of Solstice~

“You know, our god—the first of the Illyrians—held the ground against enemy hordes right where you’re standing.” There wasn’t a scratch on him. No sign of exhaustion despite the climb. Bellius smirked. “He drew a line in the dirt as well.” He nodded toward it. “Nice little touch.” Nesta hadn’t known that tidbit of their history. But she revealed nothing. She became blood and dirt and pure determination. “It didn’t end well for Enalius,” Bellius went on. “He died after defending this spot for three days. Climbed with his guts hanging out to the sacred stone at the top and died there. It’s why we do this stupid thing. To honor him.” She still didn’t speak. But Bellius’s eyes drifted to the peak above. Displeasure narrowed them. “My crippled cunt of a cousin and that half-breed disgrace this sacred place.” A flutter of light from the summit washed over Bellius’s features. Nesta’s lips curled. Widened into a smile at Bellius’s growl. Gwyn and Emerie had touched the sacred stone and been winnowed away by its magic. “Seems like you didn’t win,” Nesta said to Bellius at last.

—ACOSF Ch. 71

The chapters are super short here at the end of both the Blood Rite and ACOSF as a whole. I'm highlighting this bit today so I can share some theories about Enalius, Cassian, Ramiel, and Nesta.

They aren't very detailed, my theories. Just impressions. But here they are:

Enalius held what becomes the Pass of Enalius (which Nesta is at present holding too), then, fatally wounded, he climbed to the top of Ramiel and summarily died.

There was already a sacred stone atop Ramiel which Enalius was trying to reach. Whether it yet had any powers, similar or not to the winnowing power of the stone in the present (which we are told is specific to the Blood Rite, a later historical development), we do not know.

The Blood Rite is to honor Enalius who the Illyrians revere as a god.

Cassian as the General of the Illyrian armies is compared to Enalius in his fighting abilities.

Enalius dies right next to the sacred stone. The legend does not say whether he touched it or not.

Ramiel is considered a sacred and powerful mountain along with the Middle and the Prison.

My impression is, a power transfer of some kind took place at Enalius's death. The sacred stone became distinctly powerful in that moment.

Whether he was a god before, after, or both is also a detail that feels significant, but which we do not have knowledge about at this time.

The parallels between Enalius and Cassian in ACOWAR point to Cassian having a unique and personal connection to Enalius. Descendant? Reincarnation? Hard to say with the amount of information we have.

So what's all this have to do with Nesta?

When she was forcibly Made and turned Fae in the Cauldron, she ripped some of the Cauldron's power away in rageful vengeance for the violation she was experiencing in that moment. Her own powers, born from that ripped away power, develop over the later books and are identified as death-like, related to death in some way.

But they also lead her to Make: the House, Ataraxia her sword, two other blades, and the friendship bracelet charms that serve as a beacon between Nesta, Gwyn, and Emerie in the Blood Rite.

As we know (because this is a reread of ACOSF for me), Nesta will soon magically summon Ataraxia as she continues to hold the Pass of Enalius. (Edited to strike through this bit because it turns out I was misremembering this part.) And we also know she never makes it to the top of Ramiel and never touches the sacred stone.

And finally, Nesta is singular in that she can safely wield and control the Dread Trove, a collection of Made objects with great power.

Oh, and Cassian is her mate.

Again, I can't confidently say what picture these puzzle pieces make, but that they do in fact relate to one another in a definitive way is really clear to me.

Is the sacred stone at the top of Ramiel Made? Was it Made when Enalius died in front of it? What would have happened had Nesta touched it?

And is it significant that the singular person who can wield Made objects, and who did not yet touch the stone at the top of Ramiel, has for her mate the Illyrian who seems to channel Enalius?

Inquiring minds want to know 👀

25 ACOSF Days of Solstice Masterlist

[princessofmerchants]

~25 ACOSF Days of Solstice~

Nesta just looked bored. Like they hadn’t just given away the dagger she’d Made. Perhaps it was because Nesta’s eyes had drifted toward the dancing, shimmering throng. As if she couldn’t help herself when the music swelled. She seemed to be half-listening. Maybe music meant more to her than the dagger—more than magic and power.

—ACOSF Ch. 57

I've posted at least twice in the past quoting from the parts of this chapter when Nesta is dancing. They are deeply formative, favorite descriptive passages from this book for me.

But this passage struck me this time around because my first time through ACOSF I was as apalled as Cassian at Rhys's audacity in giving Eris one of Nesta's Made blades.

But this time, I think Nesta's calm and indifference toward power of the purely magical ilk was clearer to me. And even more, the ethereal power of music and movement in her body and heart are more identity-forming for Nesta than the fact that she can Make and wield items of great power. It's so clear here and I love to see it.

And the fact that Cassian sees this, sees her in this subtle moment before she dances before the Court of Nightmares and is veritably and visually reborn into herself before them all...

I just really love observant boyfriend Cass right here. 😏

25 ACOSF Days of Solstice Masterlist

[princessofmerchants]

~25 ACOSF Days of Solstice~

“And now I’m going to slit your pretty little throat.” // Cassian’s words were not his own. His hands were not his own as Nesta—as his mate—tried to pull away and he clamped his arms around her. Hard enough that her bones shifted against his hands. He was screaming. Silently, endlessly. Screaming at her to fight him, to run. Screaming at himself to stop it. But he couldn’t. No matter what he did, he could not stop it. “Cassian,” Nesta said, struggling. Kill me, he silently begged her. Kill me before I have to do this. “Cassian.” Nesta shoved against his chest. But his arms held firm. Squeezed her tighter. “He can’t obey you, Nesta Archeron,” rasped an old, withered voice from behind Nesta. “He’s mine now.” Cassian could not even widen his eyes in warning. His arms loosened on the queen’s silent command, allowing Nesta to turn in his embrace. Presenting her to Briallyn, who wore the Crown atop her thin, white hair.

—ACOSF Ch. 73

Cassian's inner dialogue here is gut wrenching. It's so very Cassian in that he would gladly die before being responsible for the death of someone he loves (more on this in the next chapter 👀). This poor bat boy's panic at being put in this situation is palpable.

But the main reason I'm sharing this bit is because of what Briallyn says to Nesta about Cassian:

"He's mine now."

Bitch, what are you smoking? They are M A T E S. He is LITERALLY that badass Made High Fae Valkyrie's, who's about to kick your ass. Not. 👏🏻 Yours. 👏🏻

Dumbass bitch deserves everything she has coming to her in the next chapter, for her audacity to claim this VERY MATED MALE as somehow "hers," Crown or no.

Watch these two correct her absurd misconception. 🍿

25 ACOSF Days of Solstice Masterlist

[princessofmerchants]

~25 ACOSF Days of Solstice~

“I gave it back to the Cauldron in exchange for the knowledge of how to save them.” She swallowed. “But a little remains. I think something else—someone else—stopped the Cauldron from taking all of it. And I made some changes of my own.” The Mother. The only being who would see the sacrifice Nesta had made and give a little back. Perhaps it was she who had peered out at them through the Mask. // “But I adjusted myself to match what the Cauldron did for Feyre. For when the time is right.” He couldn’t tear himself from the quiet joy lighting her face.

—ACOSF Ch. 78

Ok so me grabbing this passage from Chapter 78 might appear as though I'm gonna focus on the fact that Nesta made it so she can safely bear Illyrian babies someday.

That ain't why I am quoting this part.

For me, this little admission from Nesta gets me so giddy because she used her power to make a change, successfully, after seeing how the same change was accomplished by the Cauldron to save her sister.

It does appear that, while Nesta asked for the knowledge of how to save Feyre with her magic, the Cauldron accomplished this by showing Nesta.

Then Nesta, our quick study, went ahead and accomplished on herself the same thing she just saw, on the first try.

I think back to when Nesta studied so hard with Amren in ACOWAR to understand and use her powers.

It's also confirmed here by Nesta that not all of her power left her, that "someone else—stopped the Cauldron from taking all of it."

The Cauldron had a personality in ACOWAR that was So Extra. Also in the prologue to ACOSF of Nesta's POV in the Cauldron.

That the Mother done stopped the Cauldron from taking back all the power Nesta took from it makes the Mother my new best friend.

I'm telling you,

Nesta Archeron 🤝 The Mother

25 ACOSF Days of Solstice Masterlist

[princessofmerchants]

~25 ACOSF Days of Solstice~

And the death that Nesta felt around her sister, around Rhysand, around the babe in Mor’s arms—she bade the Mask to halt that, too. Hold it at bay. In the beginning / And in the end / There was Darkness / And nothing more / A soft, familiar voice whispered the words. As they had been whispered to her long ago. As it had warned her in Oorid’s darkness. A lovely, kind female voice, sage and warm, which had been waiting for her all this time. // She reached inward, toward the power that had made deathless monsters tremble and wicked kings fall to their knees, but … she didn’t know how to use it. Death flowed through her veins, yet she did not have the knowledge to master it. One wrong move, one mistake, and Feyre would be lost. So Nesta held her sister tightly, with Time halted around them, and she whispered, “If you show me how to save her, you can have it back.” The world paused. Worlds beyond their own paused. // “I give it back,” Nesta said, one more time, and Mask and Crown tumbled from her head. The light exploded, blinding and warm, a wind sweeping past them, as if gathering every shard of itself out of the room. And as it faded, dark ink splashed upon Nesta’s back, visible through her half-shredded shirt, as if it were a wave crashing upon the shore. A bargain. With the Cauldron itself. Yet Cassian could have sworn a luminescent, gentle hand prevented the light from leaving her body altogether.

—ACOSF Ch. 77

We are up to some of my fave stuff in ACOSF. And I surprise myself with that because it happens alongside a Pregnancy Plot ™️ I could care less about.

I am, of course, talking about Nesta's bargain with...the Cauldron? the Mother? Both?

The sacrifice of the power she took from the Cauldron so that Feyre might live and not die is powerful and meaningful, and certainly lends healing to their relationship as sisters.

But I'm way more into all the things we learn or confirm about Nesta and the Mother through this exchange between them. Such as:

Yes, it was the Mother's voice in the Bog of Oorid who urged Nesta to run to safety, and possibly also to run away from the Mask.

The Mother had been "waiting for her all his time" [and omg the Frozen 2 vibes here ✅].

Nesta doesn't have the knowledge to use her power to master Death. The offer she makes to the Mother and the Cauldron is to be shown how to use that power, not to save Feyre.

I repeat, Nesta asked for and was given the knowledge to use the power inside her to save Feyre through physical healing. She didn't ask the Mother or the Cauldron to save Feyre, she asked them to show her what she needed to know in order to do 👏🏻 it 👏🏻 herself 👏🏻.

And then she does it, and offers that same power back in return for the knowledge of how to use it.

Except the Mother, according to Cassian's understanding of what he sees and how he interprets it, "prevented the light [Nesta's power] from leaving her body entirely."

And Nesta now has a tattoo on her back to mark this bargain struck with the Cauldron, a tattoo I absolutely interpret from the text to be in the image of a wave crashing against her back.

HERE'S WHAT I THINK BASED ON ALL OF THIS ☝🏻️☝🏻️☝🏻️

I think it was incredibly deliberate on SJM's part that Nesta did not ask the Higher Being of the story to save Feyre.

Instead she asked to be shown how to wield the power inside her, that she's struggled and grappled with since being forced to become Fae, in order to heal the physical trauma in both Feyre and Nyx caused by a traumatic, premature birth.

I think Nesta's possession of this knowledge is key to the Mother's decision to prevent all of the power in Nesta from leaving her.

(It REALLY has me interested in the faith/religion/mythology world building around the relationship between the Mother and the Cauldron only she can hold and tip so that the world can be formed and created by that which pours from it. 👀 Mother and Cauldron seem a little at cross purposes here and I'm here for it)

I also think this knowledge, and the power that remains in Nesta, will be an important element in the future books.

As will the bargain Nesta made with the Cauldron here. Though it begs the question, is there a condition under which this bargain might be fulfilled, resulting in the tattoo disappearing from Nesta's back?

I don't have a confident answer to that question, but it merits asking.

But my biggest takeaway from this incredible scene is that Nesta asked for the knowledge of how to use the power inside her in order to heal her sister and nephew, she was given that knowledge, used it, and then was gifted back some of that power by the Mother for future use.

I can honestly say I deeply love where Nesta lands with her power at the end of ACOSF more than where she starts with her power in this book.

25 ACOSF Days of Solstice Masterlist

[princessofmerchants]

~25 ACOSF Days of Solstice~

“Come with us,” Emerie offered, eyes lined with silver. Nesta shook her head. “Consider it the repayment of a debt.” A tear slipped down Emerie’s cheek. “For what?” “For being my friends. Even when I didn’t deserve it.” Emerie’s face crumpled. “There is no debt, Nesta.” But Nesta smiled softly. “There is. Let me pay it.” Swallowing back her tears, Emerie nodded. Hefted Gwyn higher and winced, but managed to hobble through the arch. Toward the rocks and the last stretch of the Breaking, all the way up to the peak. Nesta did not say good-bye. She just inhaled through her nose, held the breath, then exhaled. Repeated her Mind-Stilling again and again, until her breath became the steady crash of waves and her heart became solid stone, and every inch of her body was hers to control. She was the rock against which the surf broke. These males would break against her, too.

—ACOSF Ch. 69

I picked this passage not for the part where Nesta frames her decision to hold the Pass of Enalius as a debt to be paid to Emerie and Gwyn for being her friends when she needed it most. It's a moving moment, whether you feel Nesta's feelings about her worthiness of their friendship are accurate or not.

For me, this is all 👏🏻 about 👏🏻 the part 👏🏻 in red 👏🏻. Nesta becoming the version of herself at the closing of this chapter is so fucking powerful. The connection to her body and her breath, as well as her mind and her will, are e v e r y t h i n g.

As we all know, this is when her found sisters proceed to become Carynthian warriors while Nesta becomes the next rank down of Oristian warrior, because she does not finish climbing to the summit.

Instead she holds the pass like fucking Enalius of legend, who everyone says Cassian seems to channel when fighting in battle. It's so epic, but this bit here reminds us that it's also personal for Nesta.

She has become so strong through training and perseverance, and these asshole, weak-minded males are about to break against her. The whole thing has me ascending to another plane in utter hyped-ness. 🔥

25 ACOSF Days of Solstice Masterlist

I'm so extra, yet another runner up passage from this chapter after the break.

Nesta sized up the males. Emerie and Gwyn were too injured to fight, too exhausted, and— “Put your arms around my neck,” Nesta said, offering her back to Gwyn. “What?” Nesta did it for her. She had climbed the ten thousand stairs of the House of Wind, up and down, over and over and over again. Perhaps for this. This very moment. “We’re winning this fucking thing,” Nesta said, bending to grab Gwyn’s legs. Teeth gritted, Nesta hoisted Gwyn onto her back. The muscles in her thighs strained, but held. Her knees did not buckle. Her gaze lay on the terrain ahead. She would not look behind. So Nesta began to climb, Emerie limping beside her. With the wind as their song, Nesta and Emerie found their rhythm. They climbed, squeezing and slithering and hauling their weight. And the males fell behind, like the mountain was silently whispering, Go, go, go.

Just gotta commemorate Nesta and Gwyn's archetypical Sam and Frodo moment here, plus the way Nesta connects it to her walking all this stairs at the House of Wind 🗻🗻🗻

[princessofmerchants]

~25 ACOSF Days of Solstice~

But how could the charms work here? The Rite banned magic, both from a wielder and from any objects. Unless the power surrounding the Rite didn’t stifle Made items. Fae spells had to be carefully worded—perhaps whoever had woven this spell for the Illyrians had never considered the possibility of a Made item winding up in the Rite. Her own power lay dormant, though. She strained inward, reaching for it, but only emptiness met her. Her throat tightened. She was herself a Made thing—and yet she was a person, too. The magic recognized her as a person and not a thing. She hadn’t realized how badly she’d needed to be shown that distinction. She inhaled the pine and distant promise of snow. Alive. Even in this hellscape, she was alive. And she’d make sure her friends were, too. Exhaling slowly, mastering her breath, Nesta lowered her arm and began moving.

—ACOSF Ch. 65

Here is an early Blood Rite moment where Nesta is finding peace with innate aspects of herself in the midst of chaos.

Anyone who suffers from anxiety knows how hard won and deeply impactful moments of peace about your very self are.

This one is in relation to Nesta viewing herself as monstrous—Made, Fae, inhuman—after being forcibly changed in the Cauldron.

That the Illyrian magic of the Blood Rite recognizes her as a person and not a Made object is intensely comforting to her.

It's also an allusion, in my reading and opinion, to how Rhys and his Night Court colleagues (though not Cassian) have been, in many ways, objectifying Nesta in this story so far, reducing her value and worth to her power and gifts, and how she might wield them.

She's more than a weapon to be wielded by others. She's her own person. And here Nesta understands this about herself.

And though the odds are very much against her in the Blood Rite, she's deeply grateful for this fact, that she is alive. This fuels her determination to defend and protect that very same life, and those of her friends, during the Rite and beyond it.

25 ACOSF Days of Solstice Masterlist