#after telling my friends bye. and didnt acknowledge me. and i juat kept smiling and turned around and walked away too | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

autisticlee · 1 month

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I know it's wrong and bad to say this, but sometimes I really hate when my friends have other friends. (specifically when I can't also be friends with those friends) because every time I want someone to hang out with or talk to, the only couple friends I have are always busy with their other friends. when I want to plan something with them, they will always choose the other friends over me. they will cancel plans *with* me as soon as other friends ask, but won't cancel plans *for* me when i ask. they will use up their social spoons on other friends and leave none for me. always putting things with me off or simply not responding at all.

i'm always told by random people when I say I want mkre friends "it's better to have a couple great friends than many aquantances" or something like that. but honestly it sucks because you can't rely on 1-2 people to always be there for you every day or every week when you want or need someone. if you keep asking, you're seen as annoying and clingy and they will ignore you eventually (or worse)

it's annoying that they get to fill their social needs at all times, but I never get to. because i'm never the one that gets to go first in the social queue. and when it gets to my turn, it refreshes and i'm pushed to the back again.

the only solution I can ever think of is being friends with my friends' friends too....but for some reason!!!!!! that never works out!!!! (if my friends will even share their friends with me to begin with)

#and dont even get me started on when i share my friends with each other and they choose each other over me and kick me out lmao #WHY ARE FRIENDS SO HARD #why am i just a little creature that requires certain amounts/types of social interaction that never gets met #and no one wants to do anything about it. and im forced to sit here feeling bad about it because i cant fix it either fbbdbdfghhdhjrhfdj #this whole friend and human interaction and bonding and companionship bullshit is going to be lifelong issue and im not here for it #NO ADVICE IM GIVEN WORKS. IM TIRED OF ONE SIDED BULLSHIT WHERE ONLY I TRY. HUMANS ARE ANNOYING #im like a non human creature that wears human skin and everyone except me knows and they dont want me and i domt know why #i also dont have the energy to do the whole new friends song and dance where you small talk to get to know each other #and share your life stories. i rather just hang out and become friends through enjoyment of mutual enjoyed activity????#or something like that idk #i tried so hard to be friendly to friends' friend last weekend when we all hung out so i can be adopted into their friend group but #they didnt even tell me it was nice meeting me and hanging out and didnt even say bye to me. only to my friends #and i was too sad about that to say it to them instead as they walked away. theyre way more social and good at words #and i was overwhelmed and struggling to speak so i was waiting for the queue to say those things or something #i expected it like an idiot loser becuase i thought i did a good job being a cute gremlin that fits into the group that seems to have #other goofy gremlins like me. i thought maybe they can be “my people” or something. but then they turned around and left #after telling my friends bye. and didnt acknowledge me. and i juat kept smiling and turned around and walked away too #PRETENDING IT WAS FINE. BUT IT FELT BAD. BECAUSE I FAILED TO MAKE A FRIEND WHEN I THOUGHT I DID GOOD WITH THEM FOR ONCE #so “being confident/believing in yourself” like im told to do DIDNT WORK AND IT FELT WORSE THAN DOUBTING MYSELF. YOU LIARS. ugh fhdhdhfhjssk #WHAT DO. WHY LEE BAD AT THIS. WHY IT FEEL BAD. WHY NOT JUST ACCEPT BEING ALONE 99% OF TIME AND GIVE UP. WOULD BE EASIER #lee rants #autism things #i know its rude to invite yourself into a friend group but what if i try anyway 🤪✌️

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