-Everyone is standing around the broken coffee maker-
Ton: So. Who broke it? I'm not mad, I just wanna know.
Retsuko: ...I did. I broke it.
Ton: No. No you didn't. Komiya?
Komiya: Don't look at me. Look at Haida.
Haida: What?! I didn't break it.
Komiya: Huh, that's weird. How'd you even know it was broken?
Haida: Because it's sitting right in front of us and it's broken.
Komiya: Suspicious.
Haida: No it's not!
Tsunoda: If it matters, probably not, but Fenneko was the last one to use it.
Fenneko: Liar! I don't even drink that crap!
Tsunoda: Oh really? Then what were you doing by the coffee cart earlier?
Fenneko: I use the wooden stirrers to push back my cuticles. Everyone knows that Tsunoda!
Retsuko: Okay let's not fight. I broke it. Let me pay for it Mr. Ton.
Ton: No! Who broke it!?
Anai: Mr. Ton...Tsubone's been awfully quiet.
Tsubone: REALLY?!
-Everyone starts arguing-
Ton: -being interviewed- I broke it. I burned my hand so I punched it. I predict 10 minutes from now they'll be at each other's throats with warpaint on their faces and a pig head on a stick. Good. It was getting a little chummy around here.
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Ikariverse: Then and Now
Then…
Haida: *running inside the hospital* Oh, man, I hope I’m not too late! *goes up to the reception desk* Excuse me, I’m here to see Retsuko? I believe she was checked in here?
Receptionist: And who might you be, sir?
Haida: I am her boyfriend, Haida. She’s having our son, and...well, I gotta be there for that, you know?
Receptionist: Very well. Give me a second. *grabs the phone* Dr. Sakamoto? A Haida is here to see the patient Retsuko? Apparently he is the father of the baby she is giving birth to. ….yes...alright...okay. *hangs up* Take the elevator over down the hall, go up to the twelfth floor. The room with Retsuko will be the second one on the right, you cannot miss it.
Haida: Thank you so much! *rushes over to the elevator*
*eventually, he makes his way to the room where Retsuko is staying*
Fenneko: *sees Haida open the door* You’re laaaaaate~ :3
Haida: I know! It’s hard when your train breaks down so close to the station! Where is she?
Retsuko: H-Haida! *he rushes to her bed, as she’s breathing heavily, and pushing* You made it!
Haida: *holds her hand* Of course! I wouldn’t miss it for the world!
Doctor: Now, Retsuko, we’re gonna need just a few more pushes from you. Just a few!
Retsuko: Okay! HRRGNNNNGH! *pants* Oh, god, he feels like a nuclear warhead right now!
Haida: I-it’s okay! We can do this!
Retsuko: H...here goes!
Doctor: One last push! Make it good!
Retsuko and Haida: ...3...2...1…..hrrrrrrrrnnnngaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-*gasps, as Retsuko suddenly goes into her death metal rage* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*and then...just like that…*
???: WAAAAAH! WAH, WAAAAAAAH!!! *they see him, a small brown-ish young red panda/hyena cross, crying his little heart out*
Retsuko: *panting...before seeing the baby* ….o….oh my god! Is that?!
Haida: It-it is! :D
*the doctors cut the umbilical cord, and get the baby cleaned up, before handing him to Retsuko*
Doctor: Congratulations, you two, you have yourselves a healthy, young baby boy.
Retsuko: *holding the infant, tears of joy streaming down her face, and voice cracking* Oh...oh, look at him, Haida! Our own son!
Haida: *similarly crying, with a giant grin across his face* I know! Oh, I can’t believe it! I-I’m a father! WHOO!
*as the two celebrate, their friend, Fenneko, simply took a photo of the happy family...with herself smiling right along with them*
Now…
*Retsuko and Haida, with their son, now named Ikari, are making their way to their place of work. There’s just one thing odd about it…*
Retsuko: Why do we need to go in on a Saturday? It doesn’t make sense, we never did before.
Haida: I don’t know. Maybe...maybe they just had a little extra work they needed to get done?
Retsuko: Perhaps…*sigh* and on Ikari’s birthday too! I was thinking of so many fun ideas we could do! Like, go to the amusement park, have a picnic, something!
Haida: Hey, don’t worry! I’m sure by the time we get done, we can still celebrate!
Retsuko: I hope…*the elevator opens, revealing their office space….which is strangely dark...and empty* ….uh….
Ikari: ….hellooooo? Wheo is evewybody?
Haida: IIIII….don’t know. :/
Retsuko: Well, we’re not gonna get anything done with the lights off. Where’s the switch?
Haida: Um….oh! Here it is. *flicks the switch, turning the lights on*
*suddenly, a whole bunch of co-workers, dear friends, and even people they despise (mostly Ton, Komiya, and Tsubone) all jump out, with smiles on their faces*
Co-workers: SURPRISE!
Retsuko: What the-?!
Ikari: *to Fenneko* Aunt Fenny! :D
Fenneko: Happy birthday, squirt! :3
Haida: Wha...you guys hosted a birthday party?
Ton: Yeah! Even though you two are a couple of slackers, with a nuisance you bring into work everyday, we kinda grew a little fond of the fella.
Washimi: It was a collaborative effort, we had to get everyone on board with the idea.
Fenneko: Believe me, some were not so keen to the idea. Ain’t that right, Komiya?
Komiya: I was hesitant, I won’t lie, but it was because Ton was too!
Tsunoda: Not that it matters! The point is, we’re all here now!
Kabae: Ikari, remind me, how old are you now?
Ikari: Thwee! :D
Ookami: Three? Well, he’s getting to be an old man, isn’t he, Haida?
Haida: Hehe, yeah…
Retsuko: ...I just can’t believe you guys would do this. O_O
Gori: Girl, that’s your kid! And we all love him to bits! Of course we were gonna try to make some kinda party!
Tsubone: I even brought him a present! Now wasn’t that thoughtful of me-
Retsuko: Is it a jar?
Tsubone: …..ooooon second thought, perhaps this gift isn’t good enough.
Retsuko: That’s what I thought.
Tsunoda: What’re we standing around for? Let’s partaaaaayyyyyyy!
*as the party begins, the two parents observe their joyful son, and the people surrounding him, equally happy*
Retsuko: ….you know, there are a lot of days where I absolutely hate this place...but sometimes? It’s not half bad. There’s good people here.
Haida: Even if there weren’t, I wouldn’t say I hate this place.
Retsuko: Really? Why’s that?
Haida: It’s where I met you.
Retsuko: Oh, yeah! Heh...we really got it made, haven’t we? :)
Haida: Yeah, we really have. ^_^
Ikari: Mommy! Daddy! Come on, weo gonna have cupcakes! :D
Retsuko: Oh! Coming, sweetheart! *to Haida* Let’s make sure they didn’t lace those things.
Haida: Gotcha.
*they continue on the party, and have themselves a fun little time, celebrating their child’s three years in their lives, and hope for so many more…*
Sooooooooo, was that kinda short, and not very deep? Yeah. But hey, who needs mega-complex stories of biblical proportions? Besides, I wanted to get something out for the birthday, and...well, here it was. Hopefully you all enjoyed it! ...now I need to sleep. :P
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