#all EYE know is that it's driving me fucking bonkers and if we don't get some answers soon i'm gonna go all the way off the deep end

[danthropologie]

Everything this man says about his future confuses me more but I’m genuinely so unsure how to read that rb comment. Because there is clearly a fondness of the team and a belief that he can do well in those cars. But on the other hand, the comment did come across to me as like “it would be nice… but”, like yes it would be a sort of romantic, full circle moment but maybe not what’s best for him (in his thinking)

and this is exactly what he wants!!! known liar daniel ricciardo strikes again, sowing confusion in the hearts and minds of the general public!!!

he wants people lost and perplexed when it comes to his next move cause it's advantageous for him from a negotiating standpoint to do so!!! if he's talking to 'pretty much everyone', then whoever he DOES allow to capture his heart and ass (in their reserve seat) better fucking pay up cause he's got 6 other options waiting in the wings to do the same if they won't (or at least he wants them to believe that 👀)

[rrosamariaa]

my top 5 favorite book wolfstar moments

this is all for funsies. I'm going to be very honest here: I don't really think wolfstar is implied in the books, but I feel like if I put my shipper googles I CAN prove that those two were, at least, a bit weird about each other!

1. Remus "ideals" going askrew for Sirius:

We have two moments in the books where we see Remus being pretty ruthless when it came to the war, he thinks that if there's a way to put a enemy down then you should do it:

prisioner of azkaban, chapter eighteen:

"You should have realized," said Lupin quietly, "if Voldemort didn't kill you, we would. Good-bye, Peter."

deathly hollows, chapter 5:

Lupin looked aghast. “Harry, the time for Disarming is past! These people are trying to capture and kill you! At least Stun if you aren’t prepared to kill!”

However, when he was talking to Harry about Sirius reciving the dementor's kiss this is what Mr. Lupin has to offer:

prisioner of azkaban, chapter twelve:

[...] Lupin drank a little more butterbeer, then said, "It's the fate that awaits Sirius Black. It was in the Daily Prophet this morning. The Ministry have given the dementors permission to perform it if they find him." [...] "He deserves it," [harry] said suddenly. "You think so?" said Lupin lightly. "Do you really think anyone deserves that?"

This makes me actually go bonkers like... When he found out it was Peter all along he was full on ready to kill him but when he belived it was Sirius doing the same damn thing then suddenly no one deserves it... christ we see you remus lupin, we see you...

2. Moving in thogeter

I don't even have anything to say for this one just.. *gestures vaguely*

Order of the phoenix, chapter 6:

[...] and Lupin, who was staying in the house with Sirius but who left it for long periods to do mysterious work for the Order [...]

It's so funny cos like... he didn't need to do that... no one else is staying there even though it's the order's HQ.

And we know that as poor as Remus is he does have a house (Sirius stays there for a bit at the end of GOF) so he just... moves in... just because. yea.

a little extra scene that it's kinda funny, imagine finding out your teacher and godfather are dating by calling said godfather and said teacher picks up... lol :

Harry opened his eyes to find that he was looking up out of the kitchen fireplace at the long, wooden table, where a man sat poring over a piece of parchment. “Sirius?” The man jumped and looked around. It was not Sirius, but Lupin. “Harry!” he said, looking thoroughly shocked. “What are you — what’s happened, is everything all right?”

3. Remus is Sirius' good boy

Okay I will try not to ramble about this one but... I can't help it. He quite literally calls Remus a good boy you can not make this shit up.

Order of the phoenix, chapter 9:

Sirius, who was right beside Harry, let out his usual barklike laugh. “No one would have made me a prefect, I spent too much time in detention with James. Lupin was the good boy, he got the badge.”

I think what drives me insane about this one is that even though Remus had the same sense of humor as the other boys (although his was quieter and dry), they were a bit different. Sirius himself says that Remus would make them feel ashamed of themselves sometimes and, of course it depends on how you view Sirius, but to me I feel like he is a person that doesn't really put up with things just to please someone and so I feel like if it were a random person he would just go like "Well if you don't like what we do fuck off I guess" but since it was Remus he doesn't get annoyed at all and it makes it seem like he has a soft spot for Remus:

Order of the phoenix, chapter 29:

“Of course he was a bit of an idiot!” said Sirius bracingly. “We were all idiots! Well — not Moony so much,” he said fairly, looking at Lupin, but Lupin shook his head.

likeee that's his boy!!

4. Giving harry a joint present

You see, this one is very funny to me bc I was watching Sex and the city a few weeks ago and there's a scene where Carrie takes Mr. Big as her plus one to a wedding and of course she asks him to put his name on the present and he just. refuses. He has several commitment issues and even tho they were together for months at that point he thought a joint present "was too much".

And naturally my first thought was "oh wow that's so crazy bc in the children's book series 'Harry Potter', harry's godfather and teacher gave him a joint present without second thought". After moving in together. yea.

Order of the phoenix, chapter 23:

Sirius and Lupin had given Harry a set of excellent books entitled Practical Defensive Magic and Its Use Against the Dark Arts, [...]

how does that makes you feel mr.big

5. Intimacy

Last but not least (literally I think this is my favorite?) three moments that I think it shows us just how close those two are. Not even romantically, but in friendship too.

Order of the Phoenix, chapter 14:

[...] said Sirius with a wry smile. “I know she’s a nasty piece of work, though — you should hear Remus talk about her.”

We know Remus is a Nice Guy. He does everything he can to maintain at least a civil relationship with the people around him (save moments of distrees and his little cynical comments in poa, of course). And so the fact that he has a little "can I be mean?" moment with Sirius is just so funny... I just know Sirius supports all Remus' moments of haterism <3

Order of the phoenix, chapter 5:

“Molly, you’re not the only person at this table who cares about Harry,” said Lupin sharply. “Sirius, sit down.” Mrs. Weasley’s lower lip was trembling. Sirius sank slowly back into his chair, his face white

Order of the phoenix, chapter 29:

“I’m coming up there to have a word with Snape!” said Sirius force-fully and he actually made to stand up, but Lupin wrenched him backdown again.

I know people always talks about those 2 moments with the sense of like... oh wow remus asks and Sirius obeys thats hot and I AGREE it's the same thing I said before: If it was anyone else I think he would go "fuck off no" but since it's Remus he just do it unquestioned.

but ALSO. I feel like it does show how close they are... Close enough to push someone backwards etc those two lived together for more than a decade... they are Close and are used to each other and I think that's beautiful :')

[raz-writes-the-thing]

Who's In Danger Now? (Bad Samaritan One-Shot)

Cale Erendreich x GN!Reader

Fic summary: Cale forgot about your birthday and now he's the one in danger

Fic type: crack treated seriously

EVERYTHING: @winchxters

Bad Samaritan: @stevekempscocktails @go-bonkers-go-foolish @peytonpenguin37 @madspads @merrilark @jaziona92 @iguirisu @pansexual-imp @bunnypill (send an ask to be added to a tag list!)

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

You're going to take him apart the next time you see him, you just know it. It's your birthday, and he's forgotten- it's not like there's one a month or anything. Just the one day once a year and he forgot. You're not sure if you should be surprised, in all honesty.

He's always got his head shoved up his computer hard drive's ass, after all.

Anyway, more on to the point- when you woke up to find Cale already gone, you weren't overly surprised. Disappointed, sure, but not surprised. But as time went on through the day you became less and less sure that he'd done something nice for your day. You weren't needing anything elaborate or expensive or anything- you'd have been elated with just a message, to be quite frank.

But no. No muffin on the counter for breakfast, no card on the bedside table, no flowers delivered to work, no dinner for you when you got home.

To be honest, the dark and cold of the house once you stepped back inside after your very long day felt very off-putting. More so than usual.

And where was Cale? Of course, huddled in his office in the dark. The bastard didn't even leave a light on for you to traverse the stairs.

"Good evening, Cale," you said as you passed the door slightly ajar. It was deliberately worded that way, cold and distant. Petty, sure, but he deserved it. Sort of. You disregarded his half-hearted reply and made straight for the shared bedroom, shucking your jacket and plonking down on the stool at the foot of the bed to undo your shoelaces.

There was an almost imperceptible creak as the door opened back up again where you'd pushed it almost closed. You looked up, rubbing at your sore feet. Cale stood in the doorway, hallway light casting the front of him in shadows. He was menacing, leaning in the doorway shrouded in the dark like that.

"The fuck's your problem?" He asked with a sniff. He appeared uncaring, but the way his eyes shone with calculation told you otherwise. He was trying to figure you out. Was it him who had done something now, or someone else from work?

"Nothing," you replied, tone clipped. Cale rolled his eyes- something you did not miss despite the shadows playing across his face.

"Okay- don't fuckin' lie to me. You know how I feel about the lying."

You sighed and stood to face him, crossing your arms defensively.

"I have to wonder if you might have forgotten something important today, Cale," you said, giving him what he wanted. The truth. "Something that only comes around once a year?"

"It's not our anniversary," Cale answered with a sneer. "I'd fuckin' remember." Plus he had an alert, but he wasn't about to tell you that. "What else could it b-oh."

Your brow arched solemnly.

"Yeah. 'Oh' is correct," you frowned irritably. "Now, I know you're very scary and all but I need you to move out of my way so I can go downstairs and make myself some dinner because you didn't leave me any. Scoot, go on. Fuck off."

Cale hesitated for only a moment, gaze tightening before he sighed in resignation.

"Alright, don't get your fucking panties in a twist. Here, lay down. I'll make you some dinner and we can watch a movie, okay?"

He didn't seem that keen on the idea, but you knew by tomorrow or the day after that he'd be doing his best to get into your good books again.

"Okay," you relented, slumping a fraction. "But I'm choosing the movie."

You could hear Cale's grumbling all the way down the stairs.

[olderthannetfic]

CW: rant about "racist fetishizing" and "exotification" as a white person, etc.

One thing that particularly drives me bonkers is when antis take issue with things that are either not obviously negative or are inextricable from things that are neutral or even positive. For example, are there situations where AAVE really is "appropriated" and used in a way that takes advantage of black culture while keeping a comfortable distance to actual black people? Sure! But my gents. 1) A random Tumblr user having absorbed a ton of AAVE into their speech patterns and saying "y'all" a lot is not it, 2) absorbing language patterns from those you socialize with is an unavoidable side effect of socialization, and I don't know how to tell this to terminally online people but it is in fact a good thing. It is a good thing that African-American people are so present and their content engaged with enough that people are passively absorbing AAVE! No, it doesn't mean racism is solved or that people who say "y'all" can't be racist, but absorbing AAVE in and of itself is a good sign!

I have a similar complaint with most accusations of "fetishization" (beside the meaningless vagueness of the term), because what it comes down to is "you find people who look like this sexy and that's BAD". Even "exotification" is not in and of itself a bad thing, when removed from the context of imperialism and colonialism, because looking at someone and thinking they're sexy because they look so different to what you're used to, i.e. "exotic", is not actually inherently a bad thing! We have some amount of sexual draw to what's different - I mean, people with blue eyes apparently all have a single common ancestor who really got around, for crying out loud.

Where this attraction becomes problematic is when due to the outside material conditions (whether on the societal scale or the single person scale), the exotified person is both desirable and lacking in power, but the exact same thing is true whatever the ethnicity of the person! (A good deal of what feminism views as "predatory" behavior in men is only really predatory against the background of economic desperation in women wherein there is some material disadvantage to turning down unwanted advances, and would be considerably more harmless in a setting where everyone is equal and living comfortably, which I daresay should be the end goal of any equality and empowerment movement).

As someone with straight hair, I think curls are sexy. As someone with brown hair, I think redheads and blond people and people with black hair are sexy. As a white person, I would probably date one of my cute Chinese co-workers if I weren't so damn ace, because something about that combination of same tone or darker skin + completely black smooth hair + the general facial features (including the monolid some people get so insecure about because Western poisoning sigh) is just gorgeous to me and I'm not afraid to say it. Saying something like this should not be taboo. People of any ethnicity deserve to have people of other ethnicities gushing about what makes them look distinct and unique! I mean, shit, people gush about white skin and blond hair and blue eyes enough.

(Disclaimer: I am once again not saying that there aren't contexts where calling out racial fetishization is appropriate, or where people desire someone for their physical differences but still consider them to be subhuman. There are many such cases, I know. I would even say that, based on observations of the heterosexual world, wanting to fuck someone and thinking they have equal value as a person can be completely and utterly uncoupled from each other. But this doesn't mean that all expressions of attraction because of the physical differences are automatically suspect, and it's no wonder that so much of pushback against "fetishizing X ethnicity" reads like a pamphlet in support of racial segregation!)

Tl;dr: Thinking someone of X ethnicity is hot and being racist towards that ethnicity can co-occur but have little to do with each other. People try to fix the latter problem by attacking instances of the former, and that's stupid, and just ends up looking like "you're not allowed to thirst outside of your own race".

--

It still boggles my mind that y'all is the thing people have chosen to take as appropriation from AAVE.

[genderlesssinner]

Prepare yourself for more of my rambling bullshit

I apologize this is gonna be LONG as I just spew my thoughts while watching

Oh right Liliana is here I forgot this is where we left off OOF

The Weave Mind built the fortress, okay okay okay

Burrow Site?? Ah the dig to the cage

Oooh no he's using Liliana for the projection??

Oooo fae info dump

Are the Unseelie part of how Ludinus does the widespread projections? Or is he just rallying the troops

I am both stressed and love how eager Travis always is for things to go poorly

So much teleporting if they do this and going to the Fey is time fucky so that could be bad I hope they remember that and maybe Morri can still help with that?

Istg Travis. That die roll is gonna get Chet one day and no one is gonna believe it at first cause he fakes out so much

"we're not interesting enough for that" TAL

Part of me really hopes they turn the Sorrowlord fully against Ludinus but I also don't want that sombitch anywhere near Fearnie

Always walkin and talkin, or they would never get anywhere. Ever.

This meeting should be interesting.

WHO ARE THE OTHER DRAGONS MATTHEW?

I know my love, J'mon is one. Who are the other two.

Love having telepathic bond, hell yeah Imogen

GET IT LIL MAN dayum WHO IS HERE MATT AAAAA THE WHISPERSSSSS

Braius apologizing to Fearne is hilarious to me Fearne is the last one to be picky about relationship stuff yet he kissed Imogen and it it's fine lol

TALIESIN IS SO INTO THIS I love Taliesin's reactions to everything omg

"shut up baby I know it" LIAM LEMUR O'BRIEN

I have so many mixed feelings about all of this wow okay

Thank you for stopping them Matt

My boys? WHO DID YOUR HALFLING EYES SEE ORYM?

Oh no oh um is that papa Wyvernwind?? It iiisssss oh shiiiiiiitttt

Hoo boy, those are big ass golems

WHO IS THE SILVER DRAGON MATTIE

Oooh man I love these absolute chucklefucks

The beacons are lit

Cerkonos!! Fuck yeah. Ashari!

Vex is like fuck the politics we have to *stop* this

Everytime they say Sunder King it sounds SO FAMILIAR and I can't remember it's driving me bonkers

That is one hell of a name Matt

Oh SHIT the dragon Zone of Truthed the whole damn place ooooff

Oh shit Braius of of everyone being able to lie? That totally won't bite is in the ass WILL IT SAMUEL?

VOX MACHINA ASSEMBLE BITCHES

OH SHIT the fucking bright queen vouching for the mighty nein shiiiitttt if she only knew

Taliesin: happy wiggles

Oh poor kiki dealing with all these assholes on top of everything else

Dorian thank you oh my god I was sitting here like Ash pls I love you but this one time keep your opinions to yourself you beautiful dumbass

Oh no

Okay maybe it's okay that Braius can lie ...maybe

Many months = two whole days

A GUY WHO MAKES Chairs crying

"what's the Platinum Dragon's mother's name?" Hoo that throwback

Oh boy Sam is making something Canon rn

Interesting okayokayokay

Oh Ashton oh no

Oh. Okay. No I'm vibing with this though.

Fearne flashing the room would be hilarious

"quick spin the bottle" XD

Oohhhh showing them is uh an interesting choice right now with the uh exhaustion that comes after

Fuck shit I missed a bit because technical issues hell

Oohhhhhh hh my sweet bard boy

Robbie is such a wonderful story teller ugh

Orym blue screening over Dorian and his horsedragon, love him

Chet is gonna wolf out ain't he.

Tiny sexy breath 🤣🤣🤣

Aaand there it is. Ope he's not actually changing okay okay

OH SHIT TITLES OH MY FUCK AKXBSUHVG

I totally got distracted and missed something said but it's fine I'll watch again Monday

Chet

Oh

What

Where's papa Wyvernwind

Yeeeeeee

I forgot his name is Bronte

Yeah no tracks okay fuck.

Break time! More rambling fuckery in the second half yall

Go use the bathroom and get drinks and snacks

[heard-nsfw-is-back]

part 1 because I reached a character limit which is bonkers to me

Robin is in charge of Halloween costumes this year and she gets them matching outfits. Matching is stretching the truth. Outfits kicks the truth off the planet. Robin has a cute soft bunny onsie in one hand, and a playboy bunny suit in the other and the biggest 'fuck you' grin on her face. Steve reaches for the onsie before Robin snorts. "Yeah. No. That's mine. I'm not freezing my ass off tonight." Steve sighs and goes to shave. "You're lucky I love you."

Robin just tilts her head back, still wanting to be a little shit. "Not really. Eddie is a dragon this year by the way." Steve stops short. Eddie with horns. That's a yummy thought. "Wait how do you know?" He asks and changes his clothes. "We had the same day appointment for our nails." Oh Steve is not going to survive seeing him tonight. "He likes doing them himself though?" Robin shakes her head and zips up the onsie. "He's getting acrylics. He couldn't do that at home." Steve groans a little. The mental image is Too Hot.

Robin makes a face at him and grabs his car keys. "I'm driving. You can't drive in the shoes you're wearing tonight." Steve puts the cuffs on and stares at her blankly. She holds up some high heels and shakes them at him. "Absolutely not. I'll roll my ankles!" "Fibber. I know you can walk in heels. You brag about it all the time!" Steve looks smug this time. "You're correct and I look damn good doing it. Just. Please don't crash my car." Robin sighs and rolls her eyes.

At the party, Steve looks around trying his best to be as inconspicuous as possible. He Needs to see Eddie dressed up as soon as humanely possible and even then, a little faster. Robin wanders off, Nancy and Barbara are calling her over. He makes his way to a blessedly empty chair and gets off his already aching feet. "Look at you Harrington. How much did Nancy pay you to wear that?" Steve thanks every lucky star in existence and looks up to Eddie leaning over the chair. Oh fuck he looks good.

The horns are blended in to his hair. Eye liner smudged and makes his eyes pop. He's somehow made his cheeks look like they have scales. Eddie's even wearing fangs. Steve reaches up. "How'd you do the scales?" He brushes under them gently, trying not to smudge the make up. Eddie's breath hitches and Steve just waits for an answer.

[waylibee-analysis-firm]

mustang theory (ch09)

guys im being so serious rn. im so scared to post this. but bee is being wonderfully supportive (as usual <3) and i am going to be. so very Brave. this may not be coherent, but...i hope it makes some sort of sense ok. anyways here is the theory for ch09:

mike and will leave the camp dance early bc of Bad Memories and/or they would rather just be making out (which is. fair) 

(fearless lore is referenced throughout but also will be theorized/posted about separately) 

this would be proven by the references to wish you were sober by conan gray (yes ik it’s not in relation to ch09 but. this part Could Happen at the end of ch08…just saying). 

this specific theory is fueled by the weird eureka moment i had regarding this post. is this a reach? yes. do i fucking care? no.

they take mike’s car, despite will’s grumblings abt his stupid fucking mustang.

ch01 im staring. Directly at you. shut up. shut up. i hear what you’re saying and i just can’t listen right now okay. ch01 we’ll get back to you i prommy

“Also, God forbid I have to leave the grounds in Mike Wheeler’s stupid fucking Mustang more than once this summer," he adds, nearly spitting. (ch01)

need i say more.

also this would totally be building more on their trust....plus probably some references from follow the sparks that i don't know off the top of my head

also could have been foreshadowed by ch02…when will refused to get into mike’s stupid. fucking. mustang. just saying….

ch02 is also biggest fearless lore references we have that i can think of but that is for another time

“Don’t tell me you’re driving that thing,” Will scoffs, eyeing Mike’s car in trepidation, eyes sweeping along the length of the racing stripes. (ch02)

...forcing Will to declare a lesser of two evils: throwing dignity to the wind and accepting a ride in the Mustang — the undeserving bane of Will’s existence...(ch02)

CAR EMOJI !!!!

this chapter is “thea’s baby”. well thea is also the resident car expert.

im literally so funny for this sorry not sorry im cracking myself up ->

either something happens between them and they end up pulled over OR something happens to the stupid fucking mustang

THIS could be that one post thea made…which could have been totally innocent OR it could have been COMPLETELY SINISTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OUT TO GET US!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! putting on my tinfoil hat

smth happens between them...backseat driver will (mentioned in ch02) as well as the stupid. FUCKING how to drive manual that's been driving me INSANE the past couple of days (found here.)

side note: thea i love you but you are driving me Bonkers (mwah <3)

alternative to the above point is that mike pulls over to 1) make out with will (again. which is again. fair.) 2) chat with will about what they Are

option 2) would require some sort of shift in their relationship/situationship beforehand…im thinking this could mean you know that i caught it could take place BEFORE or DURING ch9… this could be the They Know motif coming to a head (meaning everybody. they Know for real this time. and now mike’s confused about it. “what are we?” talk from ch05 but times a million)

“save me ‘till the party’s over/kiss me in the seat of your rover”

^^ regarding this. i wrote all of this before i rediscovered that wish u were sober has nothing to do with ch09 (supposedly). im just too lazy to change it bear with me please.

will gets mad at mike for some reason?

if the original point made (something happens to the stupid fucking mustang) ends up happening, this could be will’s breaking point bc he’s overwhelmed and panicked and stuff is happening too fast for him

ch09 is a will pov chapter.

also frustrated crier (some ask about ch04 that i need to find to link before this gets posted)…just saying.

will gets mad at mike continued and reverts back to his I Need to Hurt You phase bc it’s safe and he doesn’t know how to handle the UNDOUBTEDLY romantic feelings n thoughts he’s having about mike…

he’s scared of getting hurt again like he was with derek and he’s scared of the unfamiliar territory that comes with being nice to mike/having mike be nice in return

This type of gentleness is certainly a facet of Will that Mike has known, having seen it more than a handful of times over the years, but it’s not quite one he’s accustomed to. (ch06)

this ^^ goes both ways i assume...there's gotta be evidence abt it in a will pov chapter but i am. exhausted.

he lashes out at mike that they aren’t anything, they’re just a casual fwb situationship, etc. 

wow would you look at that…this is paralleling the fearless lore theory…

cue "straight up" by paula abdul for mike pov (i've been a fool before/wouldn't like to get my love caught in the slammin' door/how about some information, please? // straight up now tell me/do you really want to love me forever oh, oh, oh/or am I caught in a hit-and-run?/straight up now tell me/is it gonna be you and me together oh, oh, oh/or are you just having fun?)

“Hit-and-run” CAR IMAGERY ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME

"straight up" by paula abdul is on mike's driving playlist and i've been going insane about it since i saw it. btw. i love this song.

mike's unsure abt what they Are/what will is thinking so he reverts to the childish fighting thing too...pushing will's buttons is second nature for him by this point...evidence for this in a mike pov i will find later prommy

this is also wish you were sober coded “trip down the road, walking you home/you kiss me at your door/pullin’ me close, beg me ‘stay over’/but im over this roller coaster/imma crawl out of the window now/gotten good at saying ‘gotta bounce’/honestly you always let me down/and i know we’re not just hanging out”

first half here. could be about how mike is begging will for a relationship. but will is “over the rollercoaster” and the push and pull of their friendship to rivalry to fwb situation. 

second half here. will’s metaphorically leaving mike (crawling out the window). he’s “gotten good at saying ‘gotta bounce’” bc he’s done this to mike Before when they kissed when they were thirteen…i Think (fearless lore theory). “honestly you always let me down” could be a reference to. will being angry with mike for not just being happy with their fwb, even though he wants more too? “i know we’re not just hanging out” come ON this is will saying he KNOWS THEY CANT JUST BE CASUAL. HE LITERALLY SAYS THIS IN CH05 I BELIEVE. OR MIKE DOES IN CH06. THEY CAN’T BE ANYTHING BUT EACH OTHERS EVERYTHING. 

^^ literally kill me now i can't believe none of this is related. curling up into a little ball and sobbing.

this would be the beginning of the Angst that’s a 3-4 on a scale of 10 bc we know they're both idiots just miscommunicating But. hey.

so that's uh. that's the outline of the Theory we currently have...it's our most fleshed out one rn fs but there are a few Others that were referenced here that we need some more information on...

anyways. thanks for being insane with us. <3

[marcholasmoth]

OSRR: 3596

today was my momma's birthday! she turned 70 today.

today i ended up going with momma to walmart and getting a bunch of stuff. we walked around the store and i had an increasingly hard time walking because - you guessed it! - my heel hurt!

honestly i don't know why i don't just have it in my file to never see that doctor. she doesn't listen to me. ever. it wastes my time and money and it's fucking terrible. i practically couldn't waste that money worse than this - if i gave it to just about anyone else it'd be beneficial and not a waste! god i hate that woman. what's the point of being a doctor at all if you're not going to fucking listen to your patients???

anyway.

while we were out, though, mom and i were walking along the back wall past the shoe section, and we spotted some slider sandals, the first of which that caught my eye were DBZ. my mom first saw the spongebob ones, but since i would rather have my retinas disconnect again than own spongebob merchandise, i was happy to point out the other kind i saw next to them - naruto ones.

so mom got me naruto sliders which are wicked comfy and will be great if my foot doesn't heal the way it should.

mom and i spent the afternoon watching some more episodes of the flash, before i went and made us dinner and brought it back up. we watched the end of a season of the great british baking show and then plopped the flash back on before it was time for bed.

nothing from joel today, but the man (1) needs his space and (2) usually has a game on tuesdays. i let him breathe. he lets me breathe. living together full time will be interesting, but nice - i'll get to cuddle with him and talk to him even on work nights because eventually i will be working a job with normal hours. inshallah i will get a normal hour job.

below is a bunch of stuff about my relationship with my mom. you don't need to read it if you don't want.

it was nice to just spend time with my mom without any other pressure or whatever. i think it's fun to spend time with her. she's silly. i love my mom a lot. yes our relationship at its core is complicated, and yes there are a lot of things that she's done that i resent. i won't deny that. and i know the argument of "but she's my mom" isn't always a good one because of one thing or another, depending on the situation. but even after all of that, i still love my mom. our relationship has improved since i've been out of the house more and more, and i'm confident that's why this is my perspective. but i love my mom. i like spending time with my mom. no she won't know everything unless she gets real cool with a lot of things real fast, but having a good relationship is a damn good start.

the older i've gotten the more i understand her actions, the choices she's made, the decisions she makes, the more i understand her as a person. which is nice to be able to do. understanding and relating are two different things but i can translate what she says and does into something i can understand - usually. of course the differences in communication leave her angry and me overwhelmed because she's NOT clear when she communicates and i am trying to bridge the gap she leaves, but i often do an okay job. but she has a short temper when it comes to asking questions and getting answers and then the answers i give are unsatisfactory. which is frustrating. "what do you think of _____?" if i don't say anything i am thinking??? what do you want me to do, keep useless information and analysis on file??? nah. "do you want chicken parm for dinner?" no, because i don't like chicken parm. i never have. i have been your child for 31 years. you should know that i don't like chicken parm.

so it's shit like that that drives me fucking bonkers. and if i'm short back she gets defensive which is also fucking annoying, so whatever, it is what it is. i try to control my tone as best i can. whether or not it works is a different question.

this turned into a long discussion of my mom and that's not really what i was aiming for today, but it is what it is.

in spite of all of it, i still love my mom. i'm glad she's still here to help me, when i have hard times or when i need advice. and i'm glad i can be present to temper her attitude toward others because good lord that woman is a nightmare of judging.

so i continue to keep the peace. 31-and-a-half-plus-years running.

[xstarkillerx]

*let me do this again my dumb ass couldnt find the ask lmao*

dude i saw you reblogged my brian o'conner crash fanart, i was about to plug my A03 (i can't really post my delirious fantasies here since this is supposed to be a blog for my art collective 👀) BUT THEN i saw you already posted my shit here BUNNIE IT WAS YOU ALL ALONG insert iasip meme ILY <3 <3 <3

BASSE-FOSSE YOU ARE SO FAMOUS TO ME HELLLOOOOOO!!!!! It is me, you found me! I definitely should've put two and two together that the person posting art of Brian as Gabrielle and the person writing wild crash-f&f crossovers was one and the same lol. Although, as I've come to learn through your awesome recommendation that led me down a bit of a podfic rabbit hole, there are some bonkers, fantastical fics for f&f with super out there concepts but are really really well realized, which was pleasant to discover. I'm gonna keep blabbing under the read-more, because I'm so happy to have found you on tumblr, but I'll end off by saying I can't believe you posted to ao3 twice in July and I didn't know, I'm literally about to feast rn.

Anyway so nice to see you!!!!!

For anyone curious about what we're taking about, here you go!

I should take this time to say crash blew my mind, you were so right about the final scene being extremely similar to the end of the first f&f, to the point where my friend and I's reactions when we did that double feature were pretty much identical, it was so funny! We watched Crash first, and there was something about seeing that Miata finally get knocked off the highway, that was soooooooo... Like, I may be reading too much into this and I definitely don't understand the movie entirely yet, but MX-5 Miatas are one of the most personified cars out there because of their eye-like headlights and mouth-like vents, they literally look like 😃 it's so cute. Miatas are almost always portrayed as innocent, Friendly, and childlike, so to see the destruction of one (which the movie was def building up to), AND TO WATCH JAMES FUCK CATHERINE IN WRECKAGE , like it's such a good image to end on… it really drives home the irreparable effect being introduced to Vaughn's "world" had on them, like they basically went through the a fucked up version of the hero's journey and were left on the other side of the threshold not knowing how to cope, my jaw was on the floor!!! The unattainable fantasy of ultimate orgasm because of the resiliency of both cars AND human bodies, it was so good. "Maybe the next one, maybe the next one," still gives me shivers.

So watching F&F afterward was hilarious because my friend basically had the same reaction to its ending, that truck impact hit her real hard (she too wanted them to ugly fuck on the busted charger lol). I had told her that this was essentially the most blood we would ever see in the rest of the franchise which is not a lot, and we ended up having a whole conversation about comparing the fantasy set in place by both movies. The fantasy of F&F is essentially 1) the characters' inability to die/stay dead or get injured and 2) the seemingly omnipotent ability of cars to take down larger and larger vehicles, starting with 18-wheelers and progressing to yachts, trains, Humvees, planes, it's endless!! Whereas the fantasy in the world of Crash IS to die, to be scarred, marred, for every dent and scratch on your car to be mirrored on your skin until you're one and the same. It's the next evolution of man, to be melded with machine in a way that's gorey and sexual. Both works involve little family institutions, people who get it, people who have your back, and a fearless leader running the show. Where Dom Toretto literally can't die, or even lose, because it's in vin diesel's contract, Vaughn was fated to! What kind of example would he be setting for the others if he couldn't achieve the nirvana of dying on the toronto freeway.

Ugh I totally did not mean to give you an entire book report but I've been sitting on all of this for so long and I figured you of all people would understand being immensely effected by these two movies being put together lol. Anyway thanks for reaching out! I'm around if you ever wanna talk f&f, I loveeeeee the way you view that universe. Much luvvvv 🫶🫶

[eusuchia]

where would you move to if not toronto? i feel all my friends have toronto as the ideal living place (bonkers rent aside) but also we are literally all from small town northern ontario lol

I get why people move here! I mean I literally am here. it was fine. it is fine. it has all the amenities you want in a big city, like some semblance of public infrastructure, non white people, queer people, communists, certain health services, arts, food, weird niche scenes and stores and whatever. BUT,

now that I've been here for a decade, the rent that was astronomically expensive to me (coming from montreal 2014, where we had an old but comfy 2br for $750/mo total. $325/mo each) when I first got here now seems laughably cheap. it's miserable, yet competitive, and a lot of people get locked into shitty living situations out of fear of the nightmare of finding a new place to live. people often remark about the chill vibes montreal has (or had, depends who you ask), and ultimately a lot of it came down to: not having to hustle your ass off because you could have a beautiful walk-up in a nice medium-density neighbourhood for <$500, and being able to get good microbrews and wine at your corner store, lmao. QC tuition is also cheap for QC residents, and still cheaper than most places for out-of-province, so it really is/was The Place to be a student.

but back to hating toronto: the sprawl is sickening! you get a reprieve in certain neighbourhoods but it's just concrete on concrete on concrete mostly. I feel claustrophobic and trapped here. it takes over an hour IN A CAR to leave the city, or more like two hours if you get unlucky on the 401. if you don't drive? lmao. the commutes that people treat as 'normal' here are unbelievable and inhumane. if I want to be 'in nature' i have to make a whole trip out of it, like that's my entire day. and even then it involves shielding your eyes from the city and pretending it's not there while you look at the lake, or high park, or whatever. I never appreciated this enough about edmonton as a kid/teen but now when I think too hard about the river valley at home I get nauseatingly homesick. (ofc the sprawl in the prairies is horrific as well; I grew up in the small area of downtown edmonton well-serviced by public transport and by the river).

this is to say nothing of the big chunks of 'toronto proper' that I avoid entirely because they're full of the people toronto really wants to cater to, i.e. bay st business guys and lawyers who are the ones buying up all the new developments as investment properties. everything cool here gets torn down for these assholes and turned into luxury condos and people clap and cheer because it's 'more housing!' and you look over and doug ford is getting handed a big novelty check from the Corrupt Personal Friends of Ford Family and Property Developers Foundation.

ANYWAY. I don't know. I had my sights set on halifax for a long time, I love a smaller city and I LOVE the atlantic. it's marginally more affordable than here. it's very white but not as scary white as like, tbh, small town ontario/alberta, I think largely due to being a city and a big student population. but the more I think about it the more it seems kind of stupid to move myself so far away from all my friends, family, networks, etc... again. my fourth province? god. if I do it, I should do it earlier rather than later I guess? but the logistics are nightmarish.

hamilton is on my mind lately. it's more affordable, smaller, less insane as a move, would be close enough to family for my partner to be more comfortable and it's MUCH easier to 'go outside'. I have friends there so I wouldn't be starting completely over again, I even have clients who come to me from there so my work transition wouldn't be crazy. and I could still commute to toronto with bike + GO train. BUT THEN I WOULD STILL BE IN THIS FUCKING PROVINCE.

idk dude sorry for going on and on but this is literally all I've been thinking about for the last few months and I had a minor crisis about it all last week. godspeed getting out of small town ontario anyway. I guess my thesis is... if you speak french, consider montreal?

[kaunis-sielu]

Presidential: 2

You can't help but glare at your uncle for a second. "Uncle Tony."

"I'd prefer Uncle President." He says with a wide smile, offering you the glass of wine again. You shake your head, the last thing you need right now is a glass of wine,

"Don't hold your breath." You grumble as he sets the glass back down on the side table next to him.

"What's got you so crabby?"

"Let's see Tony. You sent four armed giants to my class today. Scared the complete shit out of my kids. Got me fired. And didn't even tell me I was being summoned!"

"Four armed giants." He chuckles then processes the rest of what you've said, "Wait, you got fired?"

“Yep.” You tell him popping the ‘p’ in the word. Maybe you do need that glass of wine.

“For what?” He asks, his brows furrowed.

"Probably for having 4 men come into my room with guns.” You offer, “Honestly though, he was looking for a reason to get rid of me.”

"Captain I thought you said you'd be stealthy." Tony turns on Steve, with a glare.

"We were sir. No press followed us the police weren't notified and no threats were made or reported."

"Yet you still got my niece fired."

"No Tony." You interrupt, this isn't Steve and his team's fault. "They were just doing their jobs."

"Wait so you blame me for this?" He asks in surprise, you’re surprised too, you don’t really know who you feel is at fault here.

"No. Yes. I don't fucking know! I don't know!” You cry throwing your hands in the air, “Why am I here?"

“You have to take a crash course on being First Lady. Every First Lady has done it, I have to take one on etiquette too so don't get all hot and bothered about it being a feminist issue."

"When do I start?" You sigh, you’ll never admit it to him but it will be good to know which fork to use for which meal and how to address foreign dignitaries.

"In an hour. We also have to go over your staff and what you plan on your topic to be. You know how Mrs. Eilers had the eating healthy platform." You already know that you’re going to be focusing on Education. As a teacher that makes the most sense and since you’ve worked in the field until, well today, you know the challenges that many schools are facing.

"Are we doing that all today?" If you are you’re going to need that wine, and a snack.

"Most of it yea." You sigh softly and nod. "Alright let's get this done."

It really isn't that bad. At the end of the day you've hired a public relations woman, Virginia "Pepper" Potts, Jessica Drew was your manager and Hope VanDyne as your secretary. The three are quite the trio but you're excited to get to know them and work with them. You and Tony drive the manners instructor, a man named Hank Pym, absolutely bonkers. He gets visibly more and more irritated with the two of you as you crack jokes.

"Could you two please focus for five minutes?" He snaps and you and Tony exchange a look before bursting into laughter. Mr. Pym folds his arms over his chest and when you meet Steve's blue eyes his face is expressionless but his eyes give him away. He’s equally amused by your and Tony’s antics.

"Sorry Mr. Pym." You tell him before throwing Steve a wink. You see him and Bucky both bite back grins. It's nearly midnight before you're done with everything.

"Alright Tony, I'm heading out. What time do you want me back here?"

"We don't have much to do, I'd like to go over some plans with you about Inauguration Day but other than that you're free until the new year."

“So noon?”

"Perfect." You grab your bag and are followed out of the room by Steve and Bucky. The only two of your detail still here. Steve sent Scott and Sam home hours ago, someone had to be ready for the morning. "I need to go get my car. It's still at the school."

"Tomorrow okay?" Bucky says with a yawn, "It'll be safer."

“Oh. Okay." Steve drives, you give him your address and the three of you ride in silence. The two men walk you to your front door and you stand there awkwardly for a second after unlocking the door. "So, I'm home." You say awkwardly, "You guys can go."

"Go? You're in an unsecured location. We're not going anywhere." Steve informs you ushering you into your little two bedroom.

“Excuse me?”

"24 hour protection. You might as well get used to us."

"Oh my god." You're never going to be alone again you realize with a start. This is your life now.

You're crazy busy for the next few weeks. You wouldn't have been able to teach, with the social engagements that you've got, planning for Inauguration Day.

Inauguration Day comes quickly, and it's jammed full of things to do. You're up at six, hair done first, nails and make up next then you got dressed. You'd decided to go with black wool tights, black heeled ankle boots, a cream sweater and a maroon skirt that fell to your mid-thigh. You cover that with a black peacoat, and a cream hat sits on your head. You're twisting your scarf in your hands anxiously waiting to go outside. Steve takes your scarf gently from your hands and loops it over your head.

“Relax.” He tells you with a soft smile, you’ve noticed that Steve tends to be the most observant when it comes to your moods and body language.

"I'm trying." You whisper, "I think I'm going to vomit."

"Deep breaths." He tells you, "In through your nose, out through your mouth." You close your eyes and focus on breathing, slow and steady.

“Two minutes." Bucky says from down the hall. He moves like a cat, something you'd found out one night when you'd gone to the kitchen for water and had dropped the glass when you turned and found him in the doorway. The glass had shattered causing Steve to come bolting into the room, he'd been wearing shoes and after only mild protests had scooped you up and carried you out of the kitchen. Bucky'd cleaned up the mess before you got back with the vacuum.

Scott and Sam join the three of you by the door, Tony and his team of Phil, Mack, Bruce and Pietro follow not long after with the Vice President. Vice President James Rhodes can't seem to stop talking, his nervous energy pours out of his mouth

“You ready kid?" Your Uncle Tony asks and you take another deep breath then nod. He offers you his left arm and you loop your right through it. Sam flanks you to your left. Scott is in front of you and Steve is directly to your left. Bucky's trailing further behind, to keep an eye on the whole team. A position you've noticed that Steve trusts to only himself or Bucky, you'd have to ask why that was later. The group of you make it up to the podium and chairs amidst the cheers from the crowd, music and flashes from cameras.

Your whole family is here, Maria and her husband. Your parents and your grandparents are all beaming from the chairs behind the podium. It's a relief to know that they're here, that you've got some friendly faces in the crowd. The wind nips at your exposed skin, the sun is warm but that wind is just brutal. Your security team goes to sit in their respective spots when Sam says something to Steve who nods then comes and sits down next to you. His body heat welcome in the cold, you're leaned into your uncle until he stands to take his vow, hand on the family Bible. Both of your grandparents holding it, your grandma is openly crying. Once Tony stands you find yourself leaning to the closest source of warmth.

Steve.

It'd happened naturally, you hadn't even noticed you were doing it until he'd turned his head and whispered, "You okay?"

"Yea. Just freezing. These wool tights were supposed to be warmer than this." You tell him willing yourself not to let your teeth chatter.

"Not much is gonna stop that wind, doll."

"You're doing a pretty good job." You tease and he grins down at you. Your uncle finishes his speech and you applaud with everyone else in the crowd then it's Rhodes' turn. His wife holds the Bible for him, when his speech starts you feel your phone buzz. Slipping it out of your pocket you see an unknown number has texted you. Opening the message you see a picture of yourself leaning in toward Steve, written below that the message says 'I see you.' In all capitol letters. You chuckle softly pulling Steve’s attention.

“Wilson check for stalkers.“ He says into his sleeve before leaning into you, "Who is that?”

“It’s Natasha. She’s a tech genius, does this all the time. Usually when we’re meeting up at a bar.”

“That’s gotta stop.”

“Yea, good luck.” You scoff while scanning the area the picture was taken from. You see Nat, Wanda and Clint and wave at them being as subtle as possible, a grin lighting up your face. You’ve hardly had time to breathe let alone see your friends lately. “If you wanna talk to them feel free. We’re going out tomorrow night.”

“That’s really not a good idea.”

“We’ll talk about it later.” You tell him standing up next to your uncle. You slip your arm through his again, smile and wave at the cheering crowd, blow a kiss at Nat, Clint and Wanda then head off of the stage.

The ball is okay, you were allowed to invite some people so you finally get to spend some quality time with your friends.

“Holy. Shit. You look gorgeous First Lady Hill.” Nat says eyeing the navy blue gown you were wearing.

“Not so bad yourself red.” You tease. She’d opted for a deep red dress that totally complimented her red hair. Clint is in a full tux and Wanda looks stunning in her dark purple dress, her date was her neighbor Loki. They made a sweet couple and although he was more than a little standoffish he clearly adored her so you chalk up his attitude to nerves. “God I’m so glad you guys could come. I’m so sick of playing hostess I could vomit.” You tell them hugging each of your friends tightly.

“At least you’ve got plenty of hot men on your security team. The one who was sitting next to you at the ceremony is gorgeous.” You see the small smirk on Sam’s lips before he can school his expression.

“Wilson you keep your mouth shut about this conversation.”

“Yes ma'am.” He says, that crooked smirk reappearing on his face.

“Is he single?”

“Cap? Yea.”

“Good. Girl get on that.“

"Nat!” You grab a couple glasses of Champagne off of the trays of a passing waiter and pass one to her, the other to Wanda before taking one for yourself.

“Can I get you gentlemen anything to drink?” The waiter asks as you sip from your champagne flute.

“Whisky on the rocks.” Clint says and Loki holds up two fingers signaling he’d like the same.

“Incoming.” Wanda mutters her lips behind her Champagne flute. You follow her sightline and sure enough Steve is coming your way. Your whole security team are wearing tuxes and damn it all he looks so good.

“Behave Natasha.” Clint teases, “He does carry a gun.” She scrunches her nose at him causing your little group to laugh.

“First Lady. Which one of you would be Natasha?”

“Oh damn, in trouble already.” Wanda murmurs from behind her champagne flute giving Natasha a side eyed glance.

“That’d be me.” Natasha says with a little head tilt.

“The whole anonymous texting thing needs to stop.”

“Because?”

“Because it could be dangerous. If the First Lady is texted by an unknown number pretending to be you she could put her life at risk.”

“Don’t you think that’s a bit extreme?” Natasha asks skeptically and Steve shakes his head,

“Not at all. It’s my job to keep her alive. It’s your job to help me do that. Otherwise I make you a security threat and you won’t be able to be within 5 miles of anywhere the First Lady is.”

“Damn.” She mutters, “So serious.”

“Natasha.” Clint scolds softly before she lets out a long sigh.

“Fine. No more fake stalker texts and no more anonymous texts.”

“Thank you. First Lady, the President wishes to speak to you.” Steve informs you, holding out an arm for you to take. You give him a puzzled look. “We’re going to be walking through a large, crowded room. I can’t protect you if I can’t get to you.”

“Mmhmm.” Nat hums, you ignore her and take his arm with a sigh.

“Do you know what the President wants?” You ask as he leads you away from your friends, “I’ll be back, don’t go anywhere.” You tell them over your shoulder.

“Nope.” He’s quiet for a moment before glancing down at you, “You look beautiful.”

“Thank you. You guys all look great too. You blend well.”

“Part of the job.” He smiles catching Scotts’s eye he nods, “How are you doing?”

“Fine. Is something wrong?”

“No, it’s our hour to do the perimeter guard so Buck’s on his sweep now Scott will go in ten, Sam after then me.”

“I see.” You can’t imagine how stressful their job must be, being responsible for your safety, and right now everyone in the room. “Mr. President?” You say, alerting your uncle that you’re there, Tony turns and grins at you.

“Gentlemen my niece First Lady Hill.”

“Pleasure gentlemen.” You say with a smile, you only recognize two of them, King T’Challa from Wakanda and King Thor from Asgard.

“We were just wondering,” King T’Challa asks with a smile, “what you’re planning on doing for your project.” You’re confused for a moment before it clicks.

“Oh, my charity work?”

“Yes.”

“Education. I want to focus on making sure that kids of all genders are able to get the education they deserve. Here and abroad.”

Tag list:

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[hesina]

Hi so I’m not really sure how to ask this in a way that doesn’t sound pretty confrontational but I’m genuinely curious. What parts of the Mormon faith do you believe in? Or are you more of a cultural Mormon who’s pretty divorced from the belief system? I want to be clear that I’m not of the habit of challenging/questioning anybody’s religious beliefs, but I think Mormonism occupies a unique historical position that leaves it open to criticism for being pretty solidly grounded in—and irrevocably intertwined with—anti-indigenous racism, American exceptionalism, and historical revisionism. I find it hard to conceptualize a version of that faith that still falls under the Mormon label but somehow isn’t based on those principles.

This is a pretty loaded ask and I understand if you don’t want to/can’t answer (I also know you talk more about your faith on your sideblog but I don’t know what that blog is so I couldn’t go there for more understanding). I’m also aware that those criticisms can be applied to a lot of modern sects of Christianity, so know that I’m critical of those principles wherever they appear. I’m asking you because you’re someone that appears on my dash pretty frequently who I generally vibe with so I want to know more

Ok! So first of all my Mormon sideblog is @im-mormon-and-not-straight! Feel free to scroll through there whenever you feel like.

Second of all, yeah I totally agree that the institutional church kinda sucks in a lot of ways. Now I say that as someone who still participates greatly in the institutionalized church. (I go to church basically every Sunday, I watch general conference every 6th months, stuff like that) And as a gay ass Mormon, I have TONS of first hand experience with being at the brunt of shitty things that it has done.

The claim of anti-indigenous racism is so broad that I'm not quite sure what you are talking about.

If you're talking about violence done by pioneers then I totally agree that was fucked up, though from what I understand of church history (which COULD be wrong I don't have a perfect memory by any means) the leadership of the church at the time condemned that violence. Either way, totally agree that it was shitty! But in my mind those were actions done by shitty people who happened to be mormon, not something they did *because* they were mormon

If you are talking about the book of Mormon being based on indigenous Americans that one can get a lot more complicated. I've heard all sorts of ideas on the subject and honestly I haven't figured out what I agree with the most. Some people have said that the BoM is a work of inspired fiction and the events never happened, but it still has spiritual merit and is worth driving meaning of. I've heard other people say that claiming the BoM is fiction erases indigenous history (?) and we shouldn't be completely writing off any historical value. I find myself somewhere in the middle. I don't know whether or not the events in the BoM actually happened and honestly I don't particularly care. I can still learn from what's in it and I take the themes as they are.

I TOTALLY agree with the American exceptionalism point and it drives me bonkers. There's the tidbits of American religious freedom giving the restored gospel a place to flourish that I can jive with but when people go beyond that it makes me just. So frustrated. Everytime oaks gives a talk about how cool and nifty the constitution is I want to rip my eyes out. (Also every time oaks gives a talk ever. I have hated almost every single talk that man has given) it's like they forget that most of early church history everywhere that Mormons went in the us the other americans went "eyyo fuck religious freedom let's burn these people to the ground" (obviously more nuance there but like. The Mormon extermination act HAPPENED. IN the us. It's not like it's some holy institution.) And that's only about shit that affects "Mormons" specifically. (Though of course things like institutionalized racism affect mormons of color. It's just not targeted to every single mormon) American exceptionalism is just another thing that bugs me about the institutionalized church. Like God. Shut up. The USA is not inherently better or worse than any other country.

The historical revisionism thing is something I'm not as well versed on and I don't even know where to begin with what you mean by that. I do know a Mormon historian (as in a historian who works on Mormon history as well as being Mormon himself) and he is dedicated to cataloguing history as it is? Idk maybe I'm missing smth with this one.

Third of all, I consider myself Mormon in both the religious sense and the cultural sense. Being a queer Mormon is something very central to who I am as a person. However there was a point where I was VERY divorced from the church. I was only going because it was what I did and what was expected of me. And to be honest, I found my testimony through my queer identity.

Now, atleast for me, being a queer Mormon is predicated on the belief that the institutionalized church can, and is, wrong about many things. And this is something backed up by doctrine (that people don't talk about enough -_-) we believe in revelation!! That means we don't have all the answers!!! It frustrated me that people act as if the prophets are somehow unable to fuck up as if Joseph Smith himself didn't majorly fuck up while translating the BoM leading to loosing an entire book of the BoM.

Anyways that was a little bit of a tangent.

What I mean to say is that I am someone who calls out bullshit from the prophets and first presidency and I have made the gospel my own. It's hard to put this into words (I've tried several times already and none of them feel quite right) but the foundation of my testimony came from being able to see the good nuggets of the gospel. I wouldn't have a testimony in the gospel if I wasn't able to sort through the bullshit because if I didn't see the good then I would've moved on.

Basically I was well aware of the bad shit before finding the good shit if that makes any sense.

Like. the amount of times I've had a "don't be gay" lesson or had to listen to oaks give a talk that made me want to march up to slc and punch him in the face, or heard someone interpreted scripture in the worst regressive-ass take, it's helped me find a way to move in the opposite direction. Im a firm believer in the phrase "the gospel is true, but not always the church"

Anyways, leading off on to favorite verse!!

2 Nephi 2:25 "Adam fell that men might be; and men are that they might have joy"

[marindram]

full transcription of Marin's blog from Omega Mart!

huge thanks to @b0chelly for recording a scroll-through, which i typed this out from. (and warning for Omega Mart lore/story spoilers. second half is in reblog)

Marinknows.best

Location: Seven Monolith Village

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June 26, 2018

Happy Birthday to meeeeeeeeee!

So 14 feels way different than 13. For real. I think it's because I was expecting 13 to feel different, but sometimes when you expect something it turns out the opposite ya know?

Plus, 13 is like, "I'm new to being a teenager!!"

14 is more like, "I'm becoming the person I want to be." At least that's how I want it to be. I wanted to start this blog as a record of all that.

I should ask Did you guys feel the same way when you turned 13 and 14?

But probably nobody's gonna read this because I'm just a weirdo in the weird dessert. I mean, I know my best friend Jesse is reading this (hi Jesse). Besides her, crickets.

But yeah, if you are reading this and you don't know me - I live in Seven Monolith Village, a teensy tiny town that you've only heard of if you're into aliens or homesteading. And I'm literally stuck. As in, I'm physically unable to leave. My first memories are of all the adults in my life (Charlie, my great-uncle/father-figure - Rose, my what? Roommate? Mother-figure? Pseudo-aunt? All of the above? and my mom, Cecelia. who doesn't live here) telling me that for some reason, there's something wrong with me that makes it so I can't leave a certain radius of where we live. I got older and thought that they were just exaggerating to keep me safe, but then last year I tried. And it was, let's just say not good.

Anyway. That part of my life sucks, but not everything sucks. This year is all about Marin Dram 2.0. Not new, but definitely improved.

And maybe someday, somehow somebody will read this and care about what I have to say. Somebodies, even. Until then, this is Marin Dram signing off and sending my lame contemplations into the void!

July 1, 2018

Things I Want To Do Before I Turn 20 (and some of these will never happen like are literally unable to happen but JUST LET ME DREAM

1. Kiss someone (who???)

2. Meet HTB (kiss him) (jk he would never) (plus meeting him would be enough)

3. Go to Paris

4. Go to Rome (or somewhere cooler in Italy, look up where is the best pasta???)

5. Go to Greenland (why not???)

6. Go to New York City

7. Go to LA (with a dream and my cardigan lol)

8. Go to the Grand Canyon (this isn't mine, but 9, Jesse is sitting right here and she went to the GC when we were 12 and she's like blah blah blah it's my favorite place in the world and you'll love it. I'm doing this so she'll shut up.

9. Live in a normal house with normal rooms → ideally 12 of them: living room AND TV room, kitchen, dining room, 3 bathrooms, 3 bedrooms, study/library.

-plus an upstairs downstairs

-I'm willing to compromise on the number of rooms as long as there's more than ONE for TWO PEOPLE and I got my own

-plus an upstairs/downstairs

-I'm willing to compromise on the number of rooms as long as there's more than ONE for TWO PEOPLE and I get my own room with an actual door. Very into doors.

10. Go to a mall (Jesse says there's a bunch of bonkers ones in Vegas)

11. Make friends who aren't Jesse (no offense, Jesse)

12. Get Cecelia (my "mom") to teach me about business stuff so I can open my own cool coffeeshop/bookstore someday

13. Learn to drive (ask Charlie to teach me, he's obsessed with his truck) (Jesse says she can teach me because she's Little Miss Mechanic and thinks she knows everything about cars but news flash Jesse: you're you get than me)

14. Figure out my signature style- like I want people to send me pictures of things and be like "this just screamed Marin" and for that to be true

15. Liquid eyeliner??

16. I'm stopping here because I just read over all this and want to die/cry because easily 3/4 of these are literally impossible?

17. Kill me

18. Bye

19. Lololol Charlie just came in and I was complaining about this, not being able to leave and stuff, etc and he said that I should visit new places by... reading books?? And I mean I like to read. But dude. That's the dumbest thing I've ever head.

July 30, 2018

Okay so this is what I want my life to look like:

I want a pink room. Not just pink... P I N K. Cool pink wallpaper (floral? jacquard??), pink carpet, lots of pink flowers everywhere, a four-poster bed with a pink silk canopy, lots of cool pink throw pillows. Like, so pink that

people think I'm being sarcastic! Oh, and BOOKS. Floor-to-ceiling bookcases, and some of the shelves have, like, STUFF on them that isn't books, like gifts people gave me, or things I've collected on my JOURNEYS. You know, normal stuff that people who live on normal places and do normal things have.

If I lived in in this room, it'd be in awhite three-story house at the end of a cul-de-sac (did you know "culs-de-sac" is the plural? Not "cul-de-sacs"? crazy) and I'd wear very classic girly clothes and my hair would always do what I wanted it to. It'd be one of those towns that people call small, but it's actually a city. just one with a kinda small, cozy feeling. Somewhere that gets cold enough to wear cute jackets but not so cold I have to to like, shovel my driveway. Not a non-place with like 100 people where you can't even go outside without going crazy.

August 2nd, 2018

I guess I should explain where I live, for all my avid fans out there! (lol) (hello??)

So like... I don't live on Earth. At least, not the Earth you think of when you think of EARTH. I live in some some weird off-brand version of Earth called the Forked Earth where there are aliens and magic wells of magic energy and everything is MAGIC but like the crappy kind of magic, where the sun never fully rises and some goo called "runoff" has made everything wacky and oh yeah, my mom is responsible for that and everyone here hates her!! LOL

Also, I can't leave! Like, literally can't! Rose says I'm a "special child of Source" and that's why but that LITERALLY explains tells me nothing, in fact it just raises further questions that no one can seem to answer! AHHHHHHHHHH

Anyway, the last time I tried to leave I felt. When I try to leave I feel like I'm being pulled back by something, like you know those old cartoons where someone's on stage doing something dumb and then someone offstage pulls them away with a giant shepard's crook? It felt like that, and when I opened my eyes I was back in 7 Monolith Village. UGH.

I know this sounds crazy!!!!! But believe me when I say that I am the least crazy person here. Also, """here""" is C R A Z Y. Runoff has made everything the bad kind of psychedelic and then people here actually DRINK IT! Not only do I not DRINK THE STUFF THAT HAS MADE THE WORLD INSANE, I also do not talk to aliens (or whatever Nula are) like Rose or believe crazy conspiracy theories like Charlie, so I believe that qualifies me as the most normal person in the Forked Earth, thank you for this honor, I accept this award with humility and grace!

September 4, 2018

I had the weirdest dream last night?? I was swimming in a pool full of cereal, and when I came up for air, my mom was pouring milk on my head like she was rinsing my hair. She had her hand over my face like I was a little kid and she was shielding me from soap getting in my eyes.

Anyway I have no idea what it's supposed to mean. I went to bed hungry and I need to take a shower? Lol

October 16, 2018

I was trying to hide this entry from Jesse, but JESSE IS A NOSY PERSON. She says that blogs are for readers, and if I wanted something to be private then I should "Just write in a fucking notebook and hide it under your bed like a normal person, Marin." I'm allowed to have secrets!! Anyway, I'm making her a freaking playlist, that's why I wouldn't tell her what I was writing about. but EVEN STILL! I'm allowed to have secrets!! But I have this blog because I wanna get my feelings out, I wanna see everything in my head typed out all nice in a way that doesn't make it look insane. You know? I don't know who I'm asking.) Because, it's not like I go to a normal school or have a normal life where I'm surrounded by normal people I can talk to. No one knows about me! I'm trapped in this crazy place and This blog is my only outlet to the world outside. I KNOW that's heavy but it's true! The point is: Jesse's birthday is coming up. The central consistent thing in pretty much my whole life is sharing headphones with her and listening to music. The soundtrack to my entire existence is her. I wish I had money and could buy her the best presents of all time, but I can make her the best playlist of all time. I want it to be so good it feels like magic. I want her to think I'm magic. I had another dream the other night. I don't remember much, just glitter. I must be crafting too much. Or looking at festival makeup tutorials. Or both.

November 12, 2018

WARNING- Weird thoughts ahead, lol.

I can never tell which feelings are normal, and which are me being a giant weirdo. But for as long as I can remember, I've had this feeling like every part of my body that's possible to have a ribbon tied around it, has a ribbon tied around it. It's so weird. I can't see the other end of the ribbons - how far they go. where they're attached, nothing. And sometimes it's fine, because sometimes I can hardly feel them. I can forget about them for days at a time, weeks, months if I'm lucky. But then other times I can feel them like, pulling at me. It's freaking spooky, to have something pulling at you from somewhere you can't see. I can't tell if it's pulling me toward whatever it is? Or if it's trying to warn me? Or if I'm just insane??

Does that make sense? Does anybody else feel that way? (she asks into the void)

So idk I guess this ribbons-feeling is why I'm really careful all the time. Like I'm just a careful person. Charlie tried to give me a hard time about it, and I can't be like "I don't wanna pull back in the ribbons too hard without realizing it and wreck something!" because he'd be like "WTF Marin, do we need to get you help?" But also, more and more, I want to be the opposite of careful. I want to take a pair of comically oversized scissors and cut the ribbons into so many pieces that nobody can even tell what they are any more.

I don't know why I'm such a freak, only that I am. I don't know why I can't leave 7 Monolith, only that I can't. But there must be a reason, even if I can't see it, and I feel like it makes sense that the ribbons-feeling is part of that reason, right?

There's just a lot.

January 15, 2019

Happy new year! Lol I forgot to write on the actual first day of 2019, but OH WELL!

I got this new glitter nail polish, thanks to the monthly makeup subscription box my "mom" sends me as an outlet for her abandonment guilt. It has like, every color glitter imaginable without quite reading as "rainbow" which is fine just not really what I was in the mood for and it's vaguely halographic and shifts into all these different colors depending on the light. I'm obsessed. Anyway.

I was putting on another layer because I chipped it like 20 minutes into wearing it, and all of a sudden I had this feeling like I recognized the glitter? Like I felt this thing way deep in my gut and for a minute I couldn't breathe. It's the closest thing I've felt to how books and movies make Christmas look. Like I was home, with family, cookies and cider and all that stuff. Familiar and safe. I almost didn't recognize that feeling. And it came from the nail polish. How weird is that.

I mean, I don't want to make it sound like I've had this awful Charles Dickens childhood - Rose and Charlie are the best ever and always there for me and I love them a lot. But things never feel like...home. You know?

My mom always says this cryptic stuff about how I'm "special" and I wanna strangle her because I'm not, but you try getting my mom to stop doing anything she wants to do. Rose told me once that one day, I would "lead the charge into a new era of existence and access" because I'm "of the Source" and I was like uhhhh okay?? Charlie mostly treats me pretty normal, except when I ask him questions about our family. my mom or any Dram. He knows that I want to know more about them and he's my only real entrypoint, but apparently he's like the black sheep of that whole family. He and my mom were close way back right before I was born, but now whenever she comes to visit he barely even looks at her.

So that's to say: nobody tells me anything, ever.

January 16, 2019

Okay this is so weird. I wrote that entry yesterday about glitter and then last night I dreamed about glitter. Then I woke up with purple glitter in my bed?? Like not a lot, so at first I thought it was from my nail polish, but it was just a handful of purely purple glitter that looks nothing like my nail polish. SO WEIRD!!!!!!

February 14, 2019

Rose has an old book full of "ye olde" style fairy tales, and I flipped through it for the first time in forever today.

Not so weirdly, I've always been drawn to the story of Rapunzel.

Rapunzel couldn't leave the tower, or else she'd break her neck and die.

Same.

February 19, 2019

I was reading this article the other day in one of the teen magazines my "mom" gets me a subscription to and it was all about body positivity, which is great, but it was basically just like "wear a crop top if you wannna wear a crop top! it doesn't matter what size you are! You go, girl!" And like, sure. Yes. I am all for that. But doesn't it seem like there are some steps missing in there? Like, I can physically put on a crop top and wear it outside. But how do I convince myself that everybody isn't looking at me and making fun of me in their minds? How do I unlearn the last almost-fifteen years? How do I get actually positive about my body, not just put on a crop top and fight the urge to cry all day?

It's the same thing like when my mom sends me brochures from the CEO camp she ten when she was my age (her dad started the camp for her, which is an insane thing just by itself, but she did all the work, which is even more insane) and she's like "Marin, you lack direction for your life" and I'm like, cool mom. Yeah. I can see that. What I can't see is how to get there from here.

March 2, 2019

This is what I want my life to look like, volume 2:

The walls of my room are covered in Polaroids of me and my friends. There are lots of mirrors in all kinds of shapes. hearts and moons and stars. There's a record player and a lot of vintage records by Billie Holiday and Lena Horne and Peggy Lee and Nina Simone. And Christmas lights! Everywhere! Lots of of pink and purple Christmas lights everywhere.

If I lived in this room, I'd have so many friends and be part of so many clubs. My best friend would have a collection of vintage cameras, and every place we go to that has a photo booth, we'd get photos taken. Every time I'd look at myself in one of those mirrors, I'd feel happy at what I see and never weird or sad. (Jesse hates taking pictures, so even when I actually do normal stuff with her there's no evidence. What even is a life supposed to be without evidence? That's not an actual question you need to answer Jesse, it's just a question)

Anyway, if I lived in this kind of room, my mom would probably be like, an art history professor at a liberal arts college. That's how come everything looks so cool, because I would know stuff about art. My mom and I would love to try new recipes together. We get each other new cookbooks for every special occasion, and right now we're working out way through a Moroccan one. Moroccan Mondays.

In actuality, there's a dust storm happening outside and my eyes sting.

March 9, 2019

Here's what I'm obsessed with lately.

Can. You. EVEN???

February 3, 2020

Omg I totally forgot this blog existed!!

I lost the password and instead of just resetting it I got in one of my super stubborn moods (Taurus moon lol) and just kept putting in guesses and jokes on me, it locked me out. Anyway, that's a boring story.

But my friend Ximena is really good at hacking and stuff, so she got me back in. Yeah you read that right - I have friends. Obviously a lot has happened since my last post. Ximena moved out here a couple months ago (X's family used to live here but they moved away a while ago) and she introduced me to Lora who I sorta-not-really already knew, and Jesse and I have been hanging out with them a ton. Jesse kind of more than me. Which is fine!!

Anyway I'm 15 now? If I lived somewhere normal I'd be psyched about almost being 16, because I'd get a car and have a Sweet Sixteen and eat a huge PINK cake, but I don't!

February 16, 2020

I read this fanfic the other night that was written in the second person so everything was like "you." "you're doing this" etc you know?

So... You go to a drive-in movie with Heartthrob Boy, and he spills soda on you by accident. And you take off your shirt ( you have a tank top on, don't worry) to clean it up, bit you're still all sticky and self-conscious about being sticky and HTB like... used his tongue to get it off??? AAHHHHH I'M DISGUSTING

but also I wonder if a boy will ever touch any part of me with his tongue

March 2, 2020

Hi I don't know if you heard but I have friends :)))

March 15, 2020

I think I'm so into painting my nails and doing my hair because those are things that always fit. I don't have to worry about places not carrying about a size 8, or places that carry XLs but when you read the measurements they're actually size 8s too and it's like jesus if that's an XL what am I

My "mom" was confused why I needed new pants because mine still look new, but I showed her the thigh holes and she was like "that's a weird place for a hole, how did that happen" and I realized that when your legs are a certain size, you just don't know about thigh rub and what it does to clothes. Pants could just last for years.

No matter what, I can paint my nails with a different color nail polish on every finger, and I can always do a braid crown. And I know I'm cute as hell, etc, so this is not a Marin Needs to Learn to Love Herself thing. It's just an UGH thing

April 17, 2020

So Rose does all these Source experiments on plants and flowers and stuff. Tbh, it's just one if those things I hardly even register anymore because it's just always there. She's explained to me a million times what Source is/does/means, but the way Rose explains things sometimes is just a LOT to take in and she refers to me as a "child of Source" but I kinda figure that's like "child of God" right? What else would that mean?

But anyway, it's really annoying because dried flowers are a part of my new aesthetic and I pinned a bunch of them up on my wall but I woke up this morning to a freaking jungle of very alive flowers. I freaked out. on Rose, and she Rose said she didn't do it and I was like WELL THEN WHO DID and she said that I did??

Which like. Obviously that doesn't make sense. I asked her what she meant and She just shook her head and said " It's happening. We should have known" which is some horror movie shit that she refused to elaborate on. I love to feel safe and normal!!

Or maybe it's not a horror movie at all. But maybe it's a superhero movie? Maybe there's some kind of origin story I don't know about yet, and all of this will be worth it once I figure out my powers. I wonder what my costume will look like. Lol.

April 23, 2020

Is it possible to die from longing? I know that sounds melodramatic, but I'm also kinda serious?? Because it seems like one of those things that could fester and get infected and kill you. It's like when you fall down and bang up your knee, and you need to put a band-aid on the scrape for a while, but THEN you need to air it out - but how do you know when you're supposed to do each one of those things? And if you do either one too much, your knee gets infected. What if I smother my heart with band-aids for too long and it gets infected? This isn't about anybody. I just keep having these dreams about someone I never expected to have dreams about and they're so intense that they keep leaking into my life and I wonder if I need to do something about them.

May 2, 2020

So Jesse's gotten really into metal music, and I tried to get her to play me something since, AS PREVIOUSLY ESTABLISHED, that's what we've literally ALWAYS DONE with music and each other, and she kinda looked at Ximena out of the corner of her eye and said like "I don't think it's really your thing" And it was the meanest thing anybody's ever said to me.

So later I looked up Zenion, the band she was talking about, and I listened to every single fucking song they've ever recorded turned up as loud as it could go with my own headphones that are better than hers anyway, and I loved it. And I didn't love it just because she said I wouldn't. I loved it because it was loud and weird and wild and when I listened to it it made me feel like it's not crazy when so feel stuff so hard it's like my heart's gonna vibrate out of my body. And I would have told Jesse all this and we could have shared it, but I guess she thinks just because I like HTB and glitter and stuff, I don't have the capacity for anything else.

She clearly doesn't know me at all. So much for any kind of whatever, why would she ever want to kiss someone she clearly sees as like a stupid baby.

May 7, 2020

The dreams are getting weirder and they're happening more. I'm getting scared to go to sleep. Not that the dreams are always scary (they almost never are, or not scary like in a typically scary horror movie way). I mean, I've only ever been me. I don't know what other peoples' dreams are like.

The other night in one I was jumping on a trampoline, which is something I've never done in real life. I told Rose about it when I woke up, and she said "do you even know how to jump on a trampoline?" and I said "Rose, it's not like riding a bike. You don't have to learn. You just jump." and then we got into this whole thing about how some things we just know, and jumping's one of them, and how that's so weird. Sometimes I really like talking to Rose about stuff.

May 19, 2020

So, it's prom season in the real world. If I lived somewhere normal, my prom dress would be pink with lots of tulle and silk flowers at the shoulders, and it would fit perfectly and trying in dresses would be fun and not anxiety-inducing.

But since there are only like 10 teenagers currently in 7MV, were not having a homecoming. Cool.

May 27, 2020

So, mom came to visit this weekend, and I asked her about her prom. She was Typical Cecelia at first, very "Prom is a waste of time and money, Marin. It's a night when lesser people play dress-up to engage with their aspirations of grandeur." And I was like eyeroll forever and just stopped talking. BUT THEN she actually talked to me like a human being. She was like, "I actually didn't go to my prom" and when I asked her why she said that she didn't have a date, and was very self-conscious about it. I almost passed out at her admitting that she's ever been anything less than perfect.

(gonna continue this in reblog)

[nincompoopydoo]

Hi I don't know if you are still doing the request thing but if you are i was wondering if you could do a jack thompson one with prompt 6 & 20 but if you're not I'm sorry for bothering you & thank you for your time.

PRETTY CONFESSIONS

PAIRING: Jack Thompson x reader

WORD COUNT: 815

PROMPT:

“Stop smirking”

"Pretty sunsets are good for pretty confessions, don't you think?"

SUMMARY: Returning to the SSR, golden hour in the midst of New York's traffic may just lead to some pretty confessions to a very pretty woman in Jack Thompson's passneger seat.

A/N: Again, I have no clue how to feel about this but I'm kinda into it? Anyways, let me know what you think!

MASTERLIST

“Jack, I swear to Jesus fucking Chri-”

“Geez, you kiss your mother with that mouth?” you shot a glare at Jack as he sent a wink your way. “Apparently, I do.” you pursed your lips, leaning back into the passenger seat. 

Jack glanced at you, hands on the wheel as he drove a little slower. You had been cursing him ever since you got into the car with him due to his rather reckless driving. “There. I’ll drive a little slower, alright?” Your lips quirked up at the sudden softness of his voice. It was oddly rare to see Jack not portray the arrogant and cold man he was in the office place.

He glanced at you once more, your eyes were still on him. “What?” A coy shrug, lips curving into a smirk. “Nothing.” His eyebrows knitted, eyes still on the road yet he knew all too well you had that classic smug look. “Stop smirking.”

You let out a light chuckle, shaking your head as you returned gazing at the deep orange and yellow hued clouds in the sky through the window. “Nuh Uh.”

Jack snorted, eyebrows raising. “Seriously, Y/N? Now, you’ve got nothing to say?” he paused, chuckling. “Finally.”

You shot him a glare for what seems like the hundredth time today, rolling your eyes. The clear narrow roads within the heart of New York soon vanished as traffic came to a halt somewhere around 92nd street. Jack groaned, leaning back in his seat.

“I told you we should have taken the other way.”

His gaze shifted to you, breath hitching; your hair sticking out in the most awkward places, glowing in the sunset light. You had a small smile, cheeks tinted pink. You were literally glowing.

Jack never wanted to take his eyes off you.

“Now you’re stuck with me in a car for probably another half an hour or so.” you smirked once more. 

“I don’t mind.”

You raised an eyebrow. “Oh?”

He chuckled, eyes gazing towards the horizon. Clouds tainted orange with a hint of pink as the sun cast shadows upon the towering skyscrapers.

Pretty, like the woman in his passenger seat.

“Pretty sunsets are good for pretty confessions, don't you think?" Jack blurted. You snort, raising an eyebrow “What is that supposed to mean?” He shrugged coyly, eyes still on the road. “--That maybe you’re really pretty as well.”

You blinked as you felt your cheeks turn a deep shade of red. “-What?” A pause, his gaze was still on the road, as the sun began to set. He sighs, body becoming tense. You frowned, utterly confused by the whole situation. Compliments were certainly not in his vocabulary.

Jack was either drunk or out of his mind. 

"I-I mean, shit...  " he trailed off. You've never seen Jack in such a mess before. Your heart began to race.

Maybe you're the one going bonkers. 

"You're pretty too." you blurted, his eyes snapping to yours. Jack's face softens. 

"Oh yeah?" 

You hummed, cheeks turning even redder by the second. He turned his body fully to face you, a small smile fell upon his lips. "Well, if I'm pretty then you're drop dead gorgeous."

You snort once more. "You're a huge flirt, Jack." You were starting to wonder if he had actually meant that compliment. You knew he definitely wasn't a flirt or in fact ever nice to you in the first place.

So, why the sudden change? 

"Do you really mean that?" you merely whispered, eyes refusing to meet his knowing all too well he had been staring at you the whole time.

He was silent, clearly thinking of what to say, lips slightly apart. 

"I did." 

It was as if the way he had said so sincerely and lovingly that made you look at Jack, leaning closer to him. He had the same idea as well. And it was as if the Gods above hated you as you caught sight of him flinching from the blaring sound of a car horn from the back. You turned to see that the traffic was cleared, and cars began to move once again. 

"Shit." Jack muttered, shifting the gear stick, immediately stepping on the gas. You nearly screamed at the sudden jolt. 

"Jack!" you smacked his arm as he let out a chuckle. 

"Don't blame me this time, sweetheart. You were the cause of it." 

A blush crawled up your cheeks once again, replaying the previous events that occurred about a minute ago. Jack turned to you, his mouth widened into a grin. "Now let's get back before Sousa starts to get suspicious."

[theclaravoyant]

I keep throwing prompts your way that I know I won't be able to write. Sorry for that. So feel free to completely ignore this, but in case you don't want to: Daisy knows about the whole "There isn't room in my heart for two people", so when she gets together with Fitzsimmons, she is afraid Fitz won't be able to love her the way he loves Simmons.

AN ~ It was a pleasure! I think I tweaked it a little from your request, but hopefully close enough; FitzSkimmons were together before the Framework, but now Daisy is avoiding Fitz - and not for the reasons he thinks.

Read on AO3 (~1700wd)

and fall back together

Fitz sighed, his spoon scraping the bottom of his tray repetitively as he stared longingly across the room at where Daisy sat. She was alone, eating slowly and taking what he was increasingly sure was conscious effort not to look over at him and Jemma. Jemma sighed too, upon following his gaze, and dropped her spoon in frustration.

“This is rubbish,” she declared.

“Hm?” Fitz wondered, his attention snapping back to her. “Oh, the food? Yeah. We lived underground for years and still managed better than this, honestly.”

He lifted the food – beans, he speculated – and let it dribble back into the tray. Jemma rolled her eyes.

“No, not the food. I mean, yes, the food, but… Daisy.”

Fitz lowered his eyes.

“Yeah,” he tried to jest. “I bet she’s dying for a box of cocoa and some eggs. She’d make a round of microwave cakes, d’you think?”

Jemma glared.

“She’s avoiding you. You need to deal with it.”

Hesitantly, Fitz glanced up at her.

“Jemma,” he breathed. The memories still burned to think about. “I tortured her. Sort of. I had her chased down a staircase and beaten. And I killed – I killed a good two-dozen people, for being like her. Of course she’s bloody avoiding me.”

Jemma shook her head.

“It’s not about that. Daisy knows you didn’t do those things.”

“Doesn’t mean she can look me in the face without thinking about it.”

Jemma gritted her teeth.

“Honestly, you two are too similar for your own goods,” she muttered. “She’s pulling in on herself, just like you are, right now. Just like we’ve always done and promised not to do this time. She thinks you haven’t reached out to her because you don’t want to. She doesn’t want to interfere with us.”

Jemma gestured between herself and Fitz, and Fitz frowned.

“You got all that from her sitting at a different table?”

“No,” Jemma muttered. “I had a conversation with her, about – about what Aida said. And what you said.”

“What I said?”

“And that’s all I’m going to say on that,” Jemma concluded abruptly, and pressed her lips together firmly for a moment, for effect. “Go to her. Go on!”

She jabbed her fork in Daisy’s direction. Fitz considered the goop that was probably once beans, that was now rapidly cooling on the metal tray before him. It looked, felt and tasted about as appealing as the upcoming conversation, but at least the conversation had the potential to improve somebody’s day. Dropping his spoon, Fitz stood. Then, rethinking, he picked up his tray and approached Daisy, falling short of casual as he slid onto the bench opposite her.

Daisy looked up for a moment, caught his eye, and then returned her attention to her food, aimlessly mixing the tomato-ish concoction she had selected.

“So, ah,” Fitz began. “I was just saying to Jemma maybe we should ask for some cocoa. I’ve been craving those cakes you used to make, you know? The ones in the microwave? In the, um, the mugs?”

Daisy snorted. Fitz was a little tempted to try another joke, but there was not much to reference other than their rather unexciting food choices and the fact that they were, unofficially, being held prisoner. Instead, he slid a hand across the table, almost moving to take one of hers but doubting that he’d be allowed to. So he waited, and fixed large, pleading, apologetic and hopeful eyes on her.

“Look, Daisy, I… I’m really sorry for what happened in there. If there was any way to make it up to you I would, you know I would. I want to make things right between us, any way I can. Please, just tell me what I can do.”

Daisy looked away, blinking as if she felt guilty about it.

“It’s not about what happened in there,” she whispered, her voice tight and reluctant. “It’s about what happened out here, after. Don’t worry about it, I understand. I saw it coming. Just go back to Jemma, I’ll be fine.”

Fitz frowned again, thinking back on what Jemma had said. What had he said to so offend Daisy when he’d been talking to Ophelia? She hadn’t even come up in the conversation. And that’s when his mouth went cold, and his stomach churned, and he knew he couldn’t blame the beans this time.

She hadn’t even come up. Not out loud. Aida had not been aware of his attachment to Daisy, and so she’d fixated on Jemma, and had driven the conversation to fixate on her too.

“Daisy….” Fitz began again, realising his mistake. “Is this about-“

“’You only have room in your heart for her,’” Daisy quoted quietly. She must have been playing it over and over in her mind, maybe even watching it on repeat, driving the knife deeper and deeper. (Just like Jemma had said – Daisy and him could be far too similar for their own good).

“I’m sorry, Daisy,” Fitz said again, “but… I didn’t mean it like that. No! I mean. It’s not what it sounded like. I mean. Ah, there’s no way to say it without sounding like a jerk but I swear, Daisy… Just hear me out.”

Daisy huffed and rolled her eyes, clenching her fists around the edge of her tray like she wanted to get up, but she didn’t.

“I don’t want your platitudes Fitz, just let it go!” she begged, but she couldn’t bring herself to leave. More than anything, she wanted him to soothe her wounds, and she needed to believe it so much she held on, even if what he was about to say was going to hurt as much as she thought it was going to.

“Look, it was Aida,” Fitz explained. “She got obsessed with me and Jemma. She wanted to feel love and she knew I had it so she tried to figure out what I was attached to and she landed on Jemma. And she wasn’t wrong. But she fixated on it so much that she ignored everyone else I love, and in the Framework she literally wrote herself into Jemma’s place. That’s what I was talking about when I was choosing her. Aida’s controlled life, or Jemma, and my real life. In a world where I chose Jemma I was raised by my Mum and I’m a good person, I think, and I joined Shield, and I met you. I couldn’t have done any of those things in a life with Aida, even one I willingly chose. Did you see her go bonkers after that? Do you think she’d be okay with me loving you too? No way! She’d probably kill you in your sleep.”

“She wishes.” Daisy rolled her eyes. “You know, she tried to tease me about you in the Framework, like she had you and she knew all this about you that she got to parade around. I knew you’d never choose that. That’s why I threw her out that window. The consequences were a bit more drastic than I was expecting, but…”

“But you were trying to protect me,” Fitz insisted. “You were sticking up for me. And hey, if you’d managed to kill her then, we could have avoided a lot of trouble.”

Daisy blinked, taken aback.

“You sound weirdly okay with killing her – Jemma mentioned you weren’t so keen on the idea.”

“I wasn’t,” Fitz confessed. “I don’t know, I just feel like, the things she wanted she could have learnt to get without hurting people. But, what’s done is done. And I did cool on her a bit when she promised to kill everyone I love in front of me and make me watch.”

Remembering the lingering way she’d kissed his cheek, with her hands viciously pinning his face to the wall, Fitz shuddered.

“That’s fucked up,” Daisy remarked. “And I’m glad she’s dead. I’m glad you’re okay, and you and Jemma –“

“And you. Who most certainly would have been next on her list, I’m sure of that,” Fitz promised. “She might not have guessed we were together, but she knew I cared about you. Even in there, she didn’t let us spend too long together. I was impressed by you, I remember. When you didn’t give up.”

Blinking, he tried to recall the conversation. It was hazy, but he was quite sure –

“Why didn’t you mention us? In there. You were trying to convince me that Jemma loved me and I loved her. You never mentioned yourself.”

“I wanted to,” Daisy confessed, “but if you wanted to kill Jemma, there was no way in hell you’d remember me. I was being practical.”

“You were being insecure.” Fitz took a chance, and closed the extra few inches between their hands. Daisy looked down at where their fingers were joined, and then back up. She didn’t bolt, though part of her still wanted to. This conversation was not going as she had expected, but she couldn’t help waiting for the other shoe to drop.

“The power of love was never going to be enough in there,” Fitz said. “But I wish you’d tried. And I wish I’d chosen my words more carefully. I wish a lot of things about all this could be different, but they’re not and they can’t be and I can’t take any of that back. But I love you. And I’ve never doubted that. And I’m really, really sorry if I’ve ever made you feel like less. I love you, and I need you, and I respect you, and I love you.”

“You said I love you twice.”

“It’s been a while, I’m catching up.” Fitz’s lip twitched with a smile before returning to sincerity. “But honestly. Choosing Jemma meant choosing you too. All Aida wanted was to control me, to control my heart. Jemma has never wanted to do that. Neither have you. Jemma would never ask me to only have room in my heart for one person. That’s why she was the person I chose. So I could choose you too. That’s the long and short of it and I hope I’m being clear. If it was up to me, all three of us would be over there, eating our misery slop together.”

Daisy took a moment to absorb the sentiment behind his words, and to squeeze his hand gently, accepting it. Then, never one to let a heavy mood last when she could help it, teased:

“If it was up to you, you’d still choose space prison?”