#all of the girls is super cute and should’ve made the album along with news

[iwatcheditbegin]

Invisible String or All of the Girls?

Invisible string

[sadaboutniall]

something about you;

introduction | masterlist | tag | wattpad

Thirteen. March, 2012. 

Niall can’t sleep. 

It’s three o’clock in the morning and he’s fucking exhausted and he’s in New York and he can’t sleep. The day’s been long: an early wakeup call, a never ending album signing at a mall somewhere in New Jersey, a long drive back to the hotel. He spent a few hours fucking around with Louis afterward, playing FIFA, eating pizza, just generally chatting shit and he’d felt fine, mostly, just tired, until now. 

For the most part, the homesickness thing hasn’t really gotten to Niall over the past two years—at least not the way it gets to Louis and Zayn and even Harry sometimes. He doesn’t spend hours curled up in his bunk on the bus on the phone to home, doesn’t feel like he needs things like Barry’s Tea or Club chocolate bars to Tayto crisps to remind him of what he left behind. He loves Ireland, of course he does, but he loves adventure, too—he loves the wide, open roads of American highways, the constant hum of New York City outside his window, the unmatchable energy of screaming fans everywhere he goes. It feels like he’s made a good trade off, if he’s honest—he had to lose to gain, but, most of the time, he doesn’t feel like he’s lost all that much. 

But today was St. Patrick’s Day. All day he’d fielded questions about Ireland: about what he misses, what his favorite slang words are, what he wants to do whenever he goes back next, as if he even knows when he’ll be able to go home again. By the middle of the day it felt like someone was banging him over the head with a hammer, shouting at him to miss Ireland, think about Ireland, call home to Ireland. 

And then there was a girl. She was one of the last ones in line for the signing and couldn’t have been older than six, long blonde hair, a shy look on her face. She clung to her mom’s leg and looked up at the five of them with wide eyes, like she couldn’t quite believe they were real, and when Louis asked for her name she whispered ‘Isla,’ standing up on her tippy toes to watch Louis scribble it onto her copy of the album. 

Bang, Niall felt, hammer over his head again. Bang, bang, fucking bang. 

And now he can’t sleep. And he can’t stop thinking about it. And St. Patrick’s Day is technically over but he feels weird, antsy, a little clammy. He wants to take a walk but not through the city, his only option right now—he’s thinking about backroads in Mullingar, overgrown fields and muddy ground along the canal. He needs to move: to jump, to run, to do something that isn’t laying on his back in a hotel bed and staring at the ceiling. 

He needs to talk to Isla. 

They’re not talking anymore. It was an on purpose decision, one they made together a few weeks after the breakup, when he’d called her in the middle of the night to tell her about a movie he’d just watched and she told him this had to stop, told him it was too painful to keep talking the way they used to, told him they had to take this break up seriously, if that’s what he really wanted. 

They’d drawn a hard line in the sand then: no talking except for birthdays, holidays, and emergencies, and all conversation had to be strictly platonic. Isla’d offered to write up an official contract for them both to sign, Niall’d told her it wouldn’t be binding until she actually got accepted into law school. She’d laughed and hung up on him, and that had been the end of it, really. He hadn’t even had time to see her over Christmas, because he was only home for three full days. 

And so, when Niall does crack at 3:47 in the morning New York time, he shouldn't be surprised that Isla answers the phone with simply, ‘are you okay?’

‘Hello to you too,’ he says, warmth immediately pooling in his stomach. ‘I’m fine.’

‘Why are you calling me, then?’ Isla sounds a little tired and Niall does some quick math: 8:47 am in Ireland, on a Sunday. ‘This is a breach of the contract.’ There’s a smile in her voice, one Niall matches instantly. 

‘Is not. St. Patrick’s Day is a holiday.’

‘That was yesterday,’ Isla says, feigning annoyance even though Niall can hear her laughing. The sound of it melts over him like a duvet, warm and familiar. Safe. ‘And it doesn’t count.’

‘Why the fuck doesn’t it count? It’s our country’s national holiday, it should count the most.’

‘You don’t live here anymore,’ a rustling sound, a chirping bird. Isla’s outside. ‘It doesn’t count for you.’

‘I respectfully disagree, barrister,’ Niall settles down a little more comfortably in bed, imagines Isla’s smile. ‘As a citizen of the great nation of Ireland and a budding national treasure I retain all my rights to—’

‘Shut up,’ she laughs. ‘What do you want?’

‘Nothing, really,’ Niall admits, shrugging his shoulders even though Isla can’t see. ‘Couldn’t sleep, thought you might be able to bore me to death.’

‘Time’s it for you?’ Niall hears a gust of wind down Isla’s end of the phone, bites back the sudden urge to ask if she’s wearing a jacket. 

‘Uh, nearly four in the morning. I’m in New York.’

‘Sick. Have you eaten one of those massive hot dogs?’

‘Yeh, first day we got here,’ Niall laughs. It had been one of the first things he and Liam did. ‘They’re so good.’

‘You there for a few more days? Hasn’t your mam got cousins in New York? You should call round.’

‘I did, saw them the other day. The kids are super cute,’ he ignores the stirring in his stomach, the way it gives him butterflies to know that Isla remembers these kinds of things. This is strictly platonic. He carries on, ‘don’t want to talk about me, though. What are you up to? Sounds like you’re outside.’

‘Observational,’ Isla laughs, and Niall imagines her giggling in the early morning sunlight, March frost curling in the air. ‘I stayed over at Emilia’s last night, just came out in the garden to take your call since she’s still asleep.’

‘Oh, did ya? Girls’ night?’

‘No, bit of a party, actually,’ Isla says, and Niall hates how it clangs in his stomach, hates how he still feels left out knowing that his friends are having fun without him, that life carries on when he’s away. His life now is more exciting than he ever could have imagined—yet somehow the thought of his mates drinking cans in Mully’s basement without him makes him jealous, makes him forget about just how much he dreamt of what he has now. ‘Everyone was here.’

‘Ah, what was the occasion?’ Niall tries to keep his voice light, not like he’s digging. ‘Paddy’s Day, or?’

‘Yeah, Paddy’s Day. And celebrating, too.’

‘Celebrating what?’ Niall feels suddenly like he’s missed something. 

‘Uh, me,’ says Isla, sounding a little embarrassed, and a little confused. ‘I, erm. I got into King’s College last week. The law program.’

It feels like he’s been in a car, going 75 miles on the freeway, and had to slam on the breaks. It feels like whiplash, like falling on his face, like that hammer from earlier, bang, bang, fucking bang, life goes on without him. ‘Isla,’ he manages to say, deep breath in, deep breath out, ‘what the fuck?’

‘Sorry?’ she asks, confused. ‘What do you mean what the fuck?’

‘You didn’t tell me?’ He tries not to sound angry, accusatory, but there’s a feeling he doesn’t recognize bubbling over in his stomach. The fact that something like this could happen in Isla’s life and he didn’t get to be a part of it makes him feel like someone else. 

‘Niall, we agreed—’

‘This counts as an emergency,’ he insists, sitting up in bed. He feels cold all of a sudden, like he wants a blanket, or her body, on top of him. ‘Isla, holy shit. I’m so fucking happy for you. I mean, I knew you’d get in but still, fuck, I can’t believe this is happening.’ It’s not a lie, the fact that he’s happy for her. But, he thinks, a rank feeling he doesn’t like still curdling away in his stomach, it’s not the whole truth. He should’ve been there with her when she got in. He hates himself for not. 

‘Thanks,’ Isla’s smiling, birds singing in the distance. Niall imagines her with her face turned toward the sun, her eyes closed, her arms wrapped around her body. He imagines her in his Derby jumper, the one he’d left in Mullingar for her to keep. ‘It’s a crazy feeling, isn’t it? I guess both our dreams have come true in the end.’

‘Yeah,’ Niall says, a tight cramp forming in his stomach, a lump pressing against his throat. ‘I guess they have.’

He can think of at least one dream of his own that hasn’t.

####

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[ella-se-vuelve-loca]

Chapter 12

Grand Masterlist

Series Masterlist

Previous Chapter

~~

‘Hey! You’ve been pretty busy lately and I think it’s time we head out to Johann’s place today :) you down?’

Emilia texted me as I was still lying down in bed, not really planning on going out and just staying in bed… until now, that is. I haven’t seen my group of friends, besides Yoandri, in a little while. My time has been spent with someone and my thoughts have been.. elsewhere.

I’m just wanting to tell everyone and get this weight off of my chest, but at the same time, I can’t. If (Y/N) ever meets the boys, Richard won’t recognize her, right? He’s only seen her for a few seconds at that party we were at. It’s not like he’ll even remember what she looks like.

I know Chris is dying to meet her, having only heard the little stories I’ve told about her to him. He’s been patient, understanding that I wanna keep it private for a while, but it’s obvious that he’s excited and wants to know who she is.

‘Hell yeah I’m in! What time?’

~~

We all were kind of lounged around Johann’s kitchen while we ate some Chinese food that we ordered. It felt good to see my friends again. We were laughing and talking about the things we’ve been up to lately while I thought about Emilia and (Y/N). Two similar, but totally different girls.

Something’s changed though. I don’t see myself gravitating towards Emilia as much anymore, not like I used to at least. I feel like I’ve been lost in my thoughts recently. I need to get back into the conversation.

“So, Joel, you’ve been pretty busy lately. I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever haha.” Emilia smiled. “What are you and the guys up to?”

“We’re just getting ready to release the new album and working on tour dates.” I took a sip from my drink. “We’ve all been pretty busy, so I’m happy that we’ve got some time off.”

“Last time we saw you was at a party with some of the boys from your band.” Johann spoke. “You left fairly early, bro. We didn’t get to talk as much.”

“Oh, yeah uh sorry about that. Something came up and I had to leave.”

“Was it about that girl you were talking to that night?” Emilia smirked and took a bite of her food as Yoandri looked my way with a knowing look on his face. “Wait, what girl?” Johann asked. “Um.. I don’t..” I could feel my face heating up. “Oh come on! She’s the real reason why you’ve been super busy, right?” I didn’t speak. I didn’t say it was true, but I didn’t deny it either. “Oh my God haha you ditched us for a girl?” Johann laughed.

“Hey, she’s not some girl.” I said. “I’m just stating the facts!” He smiled and leaned on his elbows that rested on the table. “What does she look like?”

“Guys, she’s so pretty and she’s actually real.” Yoandri laughed as Johann looked over at him. “You’ve seen her already?” He nodded as I bit my lip. “Let me see her. I can’t believe you never told me about her.” I took out my phone, going straight to photos and I scrolled until I found a recent photo we took together. He took my phone in his hands and observed the photo as Emilia stood behind him, looking as well. “She’s cute..” He scrolled a few more photos before handing me back my phone.

“Oh my God, Joel! She’s so pretty!” She smiled as I blushed slightly at the thought of (Y/N). “She is, isn’t she?” I glanced down at the photo of when we went to the carnival together and smiled at the memory. “We’ve been seeing each other for a little while now.”

“Well, hey! Let’s celebrate.” Johann lifted up his drink and spoke. “A toast to new relationships and finding love in the most unexpected places.” If I had been paying attention, I would’ve noticed that it almost sounded sarcastic.

At the end of the day, we helped him pick up the place and left on our merry way back to own our houses. I decided to stay behind and talk more with my friend while Yoandri and Emilia had left. It was nice getting to catch up with my friends, it’s definitely been a while. I was currently washing the dishes as Johann popped up behind me. “So… what’s really going on?” He asked.

“What do you mean?”

“Oh come on, Joel. I’m not stupid.” He placed a plate inside the sink and stood beside me. “You were in love with Emilia a few months back and ready to do almost anything for her… what happened?” I shrugged my shoulders and continued washing the plates and cups. “I met someone new and well.. here I am.”

“That quick?” He asked as I stayed silent. I can trust him… right? “It’s not a big deal.” I laughed it off as I finished rinsing the utensils and put them on the clean side of the sink. “Not a big deal? Joel, come on.. is this thing legit?” I washed my hands as I sighed, deciding to come clean to one person I trust. He’s been my friend for a while and I can tell him anything, right? He wouldn’t judge me and I can maybe start to feel some sort of relief by getting this off my chest.

“Can you keep a secret?”

He nodded and waited for me to spill the beans to him. “You can tell me anything, Joel. I’m your friend.” I have to say something. I’m tired of feeling guilty and holding this in. I have to tell one person, at least. “I’m gonna be honest here.. I… I only used (Y/N) to get Emilia jealous in the beginning. That was the only reason why I talked to her in the first place.”

“Ahh see? I knew you were still in love with her.” Johann smiled as I continued. “No, listen. Yes, it was bad intentions at the start and I was head over heels with Emilia, but dude… once I got to know her, I was hooked. She’s really amazing.” I smiled. “She’s so genuine and smart.. she makes me laugh and – ”

“Aanndd that was enough to get you over Emilia?”

“I’ll always love her, yes. She’s my friend but..” I bit my lip. “Whenever I’m with (Y/N), it just feels like it’s just us two and nothing else matters at that moment.” He stayed silent. “Johann, you have to promise me that you won’t tell her or anyone about this. What I did.. I don’t want anyone knowing, especially her. I don’t want to lose what I have with her.”

“Hey, dude relax.” He chuckled. “No te preocupes, you can trust me.”

~~

This guilt is starting to eat me out alive.

I should never have done this in the first place. I should’ve just listened to Richard and leave her be at that party.

But then you never would’ve known how wonderful she really is.

“All things happen for a reason” she said. Maybe… I was supposed to find her. If I never did this, then I would’ve missed out on such a great person… but this is wrong. How this all started was wrong and it’s all my fault. How am I ever going tell her about this? Will I ever tell her? I don’t want to lose her. What we have is amazing and I don’t want to throw that all away. Will she ever talk to me again if she were to find out?

No.. I can’t tell her. I just can’t.

I fucked this whole thing up. I don’t want anybody else. I want her, only her.

I’m not any different from her ex. In fact, I think I’m worse. Using her just to try to get somebody jealous? Yeah, I’m a complete dick. I just didn’t expect for me to... actually really.. really.. like her. What have I gotten myself into? I wanted to tell her that night about everything. To just be able to come clean and hope that she’ll forgive me, but then she brought up her ex and I just couldn’t bring myself to break her heart even more.

I’m happy that I told Johann, though. Everybody else had left and he was there.. it just seemed right? I don’t know, I just really needed to get some relief. Saying it out loud made me feel a little better, I guess.

(Y/N) and I were currently in my car, looking for something to eat until we found a Ricobene’s near by, so we walked in and the sweet scent of food filled our noses. We ordered what we wanted to eat and found a spot we could sit at while we waited for them to call out our name. Her cheeks were rosy from all of the laughter we shared today and I honestly felt like we were on our way to being a happy couple. Like things are looking up for us, despite my biggest secret.

I can’t believe I’m lucky enough to be in the presence of this girl.

“Hey uh I wanted to ask you something real quick.”

“Sure. What’s up?”

“So, a couple of my friends and I are planning on having a little cookout in like a week. It’s just us coming together and having a good time.. and my bandmates will be there too. Well um.. I was wondering if you maybe wanted to come along? If you’re busy, I totally understand and it’s not – ”

“I would love to.” She cut me off. “Really?” I asked as she nodded. “Is it okay with you if I bring a friend or two? I’d like to have somebody there with me that I know besides you.” I laughed. “Of course. The more the merrier.”

I feel a little safe now to finally show her off to my friends. I mean, what’s the harm now? I doubt Richard will know who she is, Johann promised me that he wouldn’t tell anyone and the ones who know are excited to meet her. This is gonna be great, I know it.

It may have started off with me wanting to get with Emilia, but I found someone better and I don’t want to let her go.

“I’ll send you the details then.” I smiled as I saw her get up. “Oh! Hold that thought, they just called our name. Let’s go get our food! I’m hungry.” She laughed as she started walking away, me slowly following after her. I can’t wait to show her off now that I feel less guilty and everyone wanting to meet her. This is gonna be good, I know it.

After we had picked up our food, we had walked out and went back to my car and I drove us to a Drive – In movie theatre. (Y/N) has told me in the past that she hasn’t gone to one of these things in such a long time and wanted to go before they close it. I paid for our tickets and drove us to where there’s not a lot of people parked beside us. We both got out of the car as I opened the trunk, setting up the blankets and pillows I had brought with me. 

“We’re all set.” I smiled as she climbed up, me following after her. “The movie should start any minute now, so we came just in time.” 

She placed one of the pillows behind her back and sat up, reaching over for the food we had just bought earlier. “What? I’m hungry.” She laughed and reached inside the bag, taking out the breaded steak sandwiches. “Hey, I didn’t say anything.” She handed me mine and got herself comfortable.

People were grilling, many brought chairs to sit outside their cars and others were waiting in line to go and buy some snacks. This is such an old school type of date and honestly I am living for it. Soon enough, ‘Spider – Man: Into the Spider – Verse’ started playing on the big screen as people were now getting themselves ready to see the movie.

“I used to come to the Drive – In every once in a while with my family when I was younger.” She spoke. “Really?” I asked as she nodded. “I loved it. There was one time.. haha me and my dad had brought chairs, and these were the type where you could lie back and look up at the sky. We sat outside of the car while the rest of my family stayed inside. In the middle of the movie, I guess my dad must’ve gotten way too comfortable because the next thing I knew, I could hear him snoring next to me.” She laughed. “I tried to wake him up because the people who were next to us could hear him and he just told me that we’re never gonna see those people again and went back to sleep.”

“Oh my God..” I laughed as she leaned against me. “Yeah, that’s my dad for you.” Having her here in my arms.. I couldn’t wish for anything better. It honestly feels like we’re the only two people here even those there’s a little over a hundred of us here.

At some point during the movie, we had completely forgotten about it and just ended up lying down next to each other, sharing stories and stealing kisses. Honestly, tell me… what could be better than this? My index finger and thumb lifted up her chin so she could look directly at me as I leaned in for another kiss. I placed one of my hands on her waist, running my fingers up and down her side. I brought her a little closer to me as she pulled her lips away from my own and giggled. “I’m ticklish there..”

I raised my eyebrow and smirked. “Oh, really? Do you mean.. here?” I tickled the side of her stomach as she let out a laugh. “Joel! S – Stop! Hahaha!” She tried to push me away from her, but I held her in place as I continued, wanting to hear her laugh once more. “Joel! People – hahaha! – People are g – gonna be looking at us – ssss!” I stopped my movements as I let her breathe for a few moments.

“Oh my.. hahaha! Pinche Joel!” She chuckled and moved away as I lifted up my hands again. “N – No!”

“Relax!” I laughed. “I was just gonna do this..” I moved a strand of her hair away as I placed my lips on hers, giving her a quick kiss. “Did you think I was gonna tickle you again?” I smirked as she nodded. “I mean, I can always – ”

“No! Please!” We laughed as I leaned against my elbow, hoisting me up a bit as I looked at her. Her cheeks were rosy from smiling so much and her hair was all over the place… she was breathtaking. I got closer, leaning in as my lips hovered over hers for a few seconds. I could feel her breath against mine as I looked into her eyes. She’s so beautiful…

“Are you gonna kiss me or not?” She asked as I chuckled, leaning down and placing a sweet kiss onto her lips.

Another perfect date. I can’t wait for many more…

Next Chapter

~~

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[marinaaniseed]

Get innocuous!

Song: Get innocuous! from the album Sound of silver by LCD Soundsystem.

Summary: After the events of Death on the stairs, Steve cheers you up by doodling on your cast.

Pairing: Female reader x Stucky

Length: 1,497 words

A/N: Apparently people wanted a sequel to Death on the stairs, so here it is. Injury, Stucky, poly relationships, bisexuals EVERYWHERE. See here for what this is all about.

***

Steve had been sent to follow up on a lead while you were still in surgery. He’d wanted to stay, to be there when you came to, but Wanda and Bucky would be there, so he’d headed off again with Thor, Clint, and Nat.

By the time he’d returned, you’d been moved to the relative comfort of your room. Bucky had been keeping Steve informed about how you were doing. Those not on missions were doing their best to care for you, keep you entertained and your spirits up.

Bucky brought you breakfast in bed before Wanda helped you wash and dress. They wheeled you around to meetings, social events, everything and anything they could do to help you feel included. Tony was tinkering with various gadgets to try to make your life easier while you healed. Peter had brought some of his Lego to build with you, a space thing from a film that Steve hadn’t seen.

He knew you were being looked after but he still felt bad for not being there. It was incredibly brave, what you’d done. The situation in the tower block would’ve been much worse if you hadn’t warned him and Wanda before the fighting started. How had he even slept through the gang gathering outside your door? His hearing was enhanced, just like Bucky’s. He should’ve heard them, been able to do something. In a way, your injury was his fault.

Even with your bedroom door shut, Steve could hear the sound of you crying and it broke his heart, adding another thick layer to his already guilty conscience. He knocked gently, and when he got no reply, he entered gingerly.

Alone and prone in the half-light. Your body trembled as you sobbed, used tissues on the floor evidence of how long you’d been crying.

“Hey,” he announced. There was no point in asking if you were alright, he already knew the answer to that.

“Whuh?” you queried, raising your head to look in Steve’s direction. Your eyes were blurry and bloodshot, nose equally red from blowing it.

“It’s ok, it’s just me,” he soothed, shutting the door with a gentle click. He handed you a fresh tissue, before sitting on the end of the bed.

You wiped your face and turned over, so you could face Steve.

“Aw, fuck’s sake,” you whined, rubbing your eyes with the heels of your hands. “I didn’t want anyone to see me like this.

“Stop rubbing your eyes,” he said, leaning forward to softly but firmly grab your wrists and pull them away from your face. “You’ll make them sore.”

You looked at him for a minute. If it wasn’t for Bucky’s stories, you’d think Steve was a man who’d never cried in his life, but you knew that beneath the all-American hero facade there was also a sensitive, creative man. You’d never seen his art, but Bucky had assured it was good, and not just because he was biased.

Or bi-assed, even.

That thought made you laugh aloud, startling Steve.

“Sorry, I just remembered something funny,” you said. Steve didn’t need to know what it was, he was just glad to see you smiling again.

“Do you want to talk about what made you cry?” he asked after a moment.

“It’s just really disheartening to be stuck here like this,” you told him, gesturing to your foot, where it sat elevated on some pillows. “Everyone is looking after me but I feel like I’m a burden to the team when they could be, should be doing other things.”

“No, you’re not a burden,” Steve noted. “I’m sorry I couldn’t be here before, but Bucky was sending me updates. He really cares about you, we all do.”

“It was such a stupid thing to do, I could’ve died.”

“But you didn’t. Sometimes, we all have to take risks. Think how much worse it would’ve been if you’d stayed up there with no weapon or protection.”

They’d have shot you without hesitation, a broken ankle seemed a small price to pay in comparison.

“I guess,” you told Steve with a shrug.

“What you did was really brave. You gave us a few seconds more warning than we would’ve had. We’re all so proud of you. Here,” he said, opening up something on his phone and it to you. “I probably shouldn’t be showing this to you, but Buck’s such a softie.”

Looking at the screen, you could see it was a thread of messages between Steve and Bucky. Or, more accurately, several messages from Bucky and the occasional one from Steve.

Y/N’s such an amazing and strong lady! Her dedication is immense and I am super proud of her! Without the serum to help me heal, I don’t know if I could’ve done what she did.

Here’s our girl wheeling herself around - so proud and happy! Docs are really pleased Y/N’s healing so well, so proud of her progress.

She makes me so proud, every day. She is so much stronger than I ever could be. We are so blessed to have her in our family.

“Steve, you’re gonna make me cry again,” you said, handing the phone back to him.

“I know Buck’s not the only one who’s proud of you. This is just a temporary break… sorry, poor choice of words, but you know what I mean. You’ll be out in the field with us again in no time.”

“But what if I’m not?”

“There’s always a space for you on our team,” Steve reassured you.

It was hard to imagine being out there again. Just being able to walk was still weeks away, if not months. Even if you did fully recover, would you just freeze when the moment came to make a decision?

“I’m scared,” you admitted.

“That’s perfectly understandable.”

“Not just about my recovery or my career,” you clarified, “but about what dating Bucky might mean.”

“Ah,” said Steve. “You have my blessing, I’m sure he’s told you that.”

“I know, I just wouldn’t want you to feel left out.”

“I don’t have to be.”

Did Steve just suggest what you think he did?

“Pardon?” you asked.

“I don’t have to be left out. If you wanted, I’d be happy to join in. Or date you separately. Very happy, but only if it was something you wanted too.”

“Did they… did they change my meds again? Up my dosage?”

“No,” Steve chuckled. “I’m serious. Although, I’m sure you can understand there’d be a need for a certain level of discretion, especially in public.”

You nodded mutely, too stunned to say anything. It was new territory for Steve, too, but he shared everything else in his life with Bucky, why not you as well?

Glancing down at your cast, he was surprised to realise your cast was completely bare.

“It’s not my usual medium, but would you like me to grab a pen and make this leg as beautiful as your other one?” he suggested.

“Sure,” you smiled at him.

You and Steve always date the same people? You sent Bucky a quick message while Steve went back to his room.

No, only the ones with broken limbs - especially if they’re pretty, came the reply.

Shit, better hope Wanda doesn’t break a wrist or something.

I think you’re safe, doll. She doesn’t seem to like her men completely human.

And you two are? You’re old enough to be my great-grandfathers.

Hey! Play nice or I’ll steal your wheelchair ;-)

Steve burst in, brandishing a gold Sharpie.

“I think that’s why nobody’s doodled on it, they don’t have a pen that’ll show up on such a dark cast,” he commented. “Anything you want me to?”

“I’ll leave it to your judgment.”

*** It took Steve several hours, you had to keep turning over for him, but eventually, he finished it. He’d drawn anthropomorphic versions of the team, with gaps filled with intricate flowers and patterns. There was a replica of the Captain America monkey doodle he kept on his desk. Sam and Clint had become a falcon and hawk, fighting over crumbs being thrown on the ground by spider versions of Nat and Peter. Tony had become Tony Stork, carrying Vision, there was Goose Banner in his lab, Thor was a hammerhead shark with Mjölnir between his teeth… there were so many wonderful little doodles all over your leg, but your personal favourite was Bucky as a cute little bear, holding a heart with yours, his, and Steve’s initials on it.

“Let me send him a photo,” Steve said with a smirk.

It didn’t take long until you heard Bucky thundering along the corridor, bursting into your room with such force that the door bounced back off the wall.

“Listen here, you punk,” he shouted, pointing a vibranium finger at Steve, “I am not a cute little bear.”

“That’s not what the guy at that club in Berlin said,” Steve answered, trying not to laugh.

This was going to be fun.

[belizedeservesbetter]

The Worst Kind of After School Special

The hand on the playbill is choking all life out of Jagged Little Pill

There’s a lot going on in this musical so trying to figure out where to start with this is going to be as messy as this show.

You know what? We’ll start with what I liked. Get those small bits and pieces out of the way.

Alanis Morrissette is an absolutely incredible singer/songwriter and has written albums worth of amazing music that is highly specific to her life and yet feels highly specific to our own. Her songs are infused with a beautiful brand of theatricality that made me surprised she hasn’t lent them to the medium before now. That being said, of course the songs in the show are great. They’re from Jagged Little Pill! The orchestrations as well were super solid. I really trust Tom Kitt with these kinds of things, especially after the master orchestration he did with American Idiot. 

Lauren Patten is just as good as everyone says she is. While I had some issues with her character (will discuss this later) I loved seeing Patten get a chance to shine. I really enjoyed her performance in last year’s Days of Rage and thought she was even better in this. Her performance felt so full and rich and completely vulnerable. Of course her rendition of “You Oughta Know” is completely awesome, and the way she started off the song completely calm and composed while already belting out the notes was really lovely to see.

There was only one characters I really truly loved and that was Mary Jane Healy, as played spectacularly by Elizabeth Stanley. Everything MJ did was far more interesting than literally anything else on that stage. Her story was interesting, fresh and unique. It felt the most honest of the plot lines by far. I was so interested in everything that happened to her and her husband Steve (an underutilized Sean Allan Krill) and yet the show quickly glossed by all of their most uncomfortable moments in favor the far less interesting high school aged characters. Stanley was truly incredible and I loved every second she was onstage. Her “Smiling” and “Unforgiven” were truly the highlights of the show.

Occasionally there was some interesting staging, one of them being this cool spinning in chairs moment during “Ironic,” which should have involved main characters Frankie and Phoenix but was instead used with an unnamed teacher character who was in exactly one (1) scene. The spinning swing set for “Head Over Feet” was also cute, if not a little precarious. I was worried Antonio Cipriano was going to topple off of it the whole time. (Side Note: He’s listed on the website as Ensemble but he definitely had a named character) The staging of “Smiling” was super cool and was the one moment in the show where I thought Diane Paulus was going to do something really incredible. I don’t want to spoil it, but it’s a really cool moment. 

Alas.

Diane Paulus really can’t stage new musicals. All of her revivals are divine but there’s something about new material that just doesn’t work quite right. She throws a lot at the wall, and only some of it sticks. It felt very haphazardly directed, with a bunch of different stylistic things happening that didn’t go together. She had time to see what worked/didn’t at the out of town tryout and still chose not to make the show cohesive, which is disappointing. 

However, my biggest problem with the show is the show itself. It’s messy, introduces a million different plots and characters and resolves very little. Because of this, characters were paper thin and I didn’t feel like I knew any of them besides one or two little facts. This led to me honestly not caring that much about 90% of those characters.

The primary example of this is the brother character played by Derek Klena. His name is Nick, but I had to look that up to make sure because for the life of me I had no idea who his character was. I knew he was Derek Klena, so whenever he was on stage my brain went “Oh there’s Derek Klena.” He’s perfectly fine in the show, but not only is he barely in it, he has absolutely nothing to do. I don’t really know much about his character besides “Harvard” and he very, very easily could have been taken out. Nothing about the plot would have changed. Actually, this would have given us a better opportunity to dive deeper into the other characters, who, even though we still didn’t know, affected the plot in a more prominent way. 

Jo is an interesting character in that she’s one of the best performances in the show and has some of the best lines, but altogether only affects one plot point and is forced into doing so. Let me explain. “You Oughta Know” is the third best moment in the show, but it is entirely dependent on Jo previously breaking and entering into Frankie’s house, finding something out she shouldn’t have, and then ending up in NYC because the plot said she had to. The song should’ve been moved up to either the beginning of Act Two or the very end of Act One, because as of now it kind of comes out of nowhere. Anyways, I feel like if Lauren Patten wasn’t as good as she is, Jo would’ve ended up on the cutting room floor somewhere. 

I had this problem with a lot of the characters, actually, just about all of them. Everyone was extremely half-baked. 

First of all, there’s The Frankie Problem. Frankie is an activist and adopted and bisexual. That’s all we know about her. Does she like anything? What cause specifically motivates her? She’s an activist in the most generic term. Helen Shaw from Vulture wrote something really good about Frankie’s character, which, to sum it up, basically said Frankie is super self-important and annoying but she’s not supposed to be. We’re supposed to love Frankie, but I really didn’t like her at all. Also, nothing she does makes sense. She picks a fight with literally everyone over every single thing. Likewise, SPOILER, she cheats on her girlfriend/friend/it’s-complicated-because-it’s-never-explained relationship with Jo and fights with her mother MJ and just runs away to New York and makes a situation about a character named Bella allllll about her because she can. I wanted to know what Frankie cared about. You can say “activism!” but what specifically. Most activists have a very specific cause they especially champion, but I didn’t know what that was for Frankie. She seemingly cared about everything, but she mostly cared about herself.

This leads to the The Frankie and Phoenix Problem. This is also SPOILERS but Frankie falls very in love with Phoenix very fast and as soon as she sleeps with him for the first time she tells him she loves him, and, then, when he can’t say it back, she says this whole self-important thing about being impossible to love. However! Right before he was telling her how he was busy because he was trying to help with his sick sister! We also know extraordinarily little about Phoenix, and he kind of comes out of nowhere, so it’s tough to root for him when we’ve already had “Hand in my Pocket” to establish the Frankie and Jo connection.

On the plus side, Celia Rose Gooding, who plays Frankie, is wonderful and I look forward to seeing what she does in the future. 

I really don’t know how to approach Bella’s character, because the show clearly didn’t either. This is a big spoiler, but she is raped at a party and one of the many plots of the show is about this. However, she isn’t really in the show all that much. We have no idea who she is. She’s friends with Nick, but not very. She eerily appears in the light sometimes around MJ and she has one scene with MJ, but how much they try to tie these two characters doesn’t work. I wish Bella was a character we knew more. I almost wish she was Jo, or even Frankie. If we look at the characters as tiers, with MJ and Frankie being Tier 1, Jo, Nick and Steve being Tier 2, she would be on Tier 3, along with Andrew (???) and Phoenix. She is The Girl Who Was Raped, which was actually kind of offensive. 

As for the rape scene itself, they do show it in flashback. That is something you should know going into the show. It was not handled well. Also, the person who raped her (I think his name was Andrew??) is in the show for exactly two minutes. I actually thought a different character had raped her because we have no idea who anyone is. 

So that’s all my story qualms. 

The show utilizes this dance chorus that is absolutely obnoxious and distracting and takes away from literally every scene. They come in out of nowhere and make every single song (literally!!) a big song and dance production number, which greatly took away from the story. Every time I saw them start to dance into the scene I internally was like “wait no! stay away!” 

I mean it when I say

every

single

song

was a huge production number. And we didn’t need it! It actually took away from the emotional impact they were supposed to have! Likewise, there was only one solo in the entire show! Every single other song was shared between multiple characters. I think they did this because they had too many characters and had to give everyone something to do but every time it happened, the main character singing it lost some of their needed emotional impact. 

If I had my way, I would cut the ensemble in half and only use them in half the songs. The dancing was far too much and it made the story messy and it made the stage far too busy. It wasn’t even that good either. There were some nice moments, but overall it didn’t work. It was distracting and dare I say it bad. 

At the end of the day, the show was “woke” for the sake of being woke. It wanted so badly to say something that it ended up saying nothing. To be honest, the amount of “wokeness” felt performative and not genuine in the slightest. It felt like an after school special in the worst kind of way. The teens weren’t people but caricatures of teenagers. 

I really wanted to like Jagged Little Pill. I love writer Diablo Cody and I love Alanis Morrissette. This should have been amazing, but instead it fell flat. A show that should have been filled with life felt like a well structured after school television special. And All I Really Want(ed) was something with more grit 

[randrvstheworld]

Girlband Adventures: gruelling hikes, Linzee’s birthday & the girlband retreat where we work on our difficult second album

Well where do I start. Linzee, Roxy, Lucy & I are now officially declared a girlband & we’ve been having a completely awesome time of it.

It’s been a couple days since my last post, when we had just arrived in Salento - I’m finding it super hard to keep track of days of the week at this point, this is the longest I’ve been unemployed in literally years & it’s all just merging into one long epic holiday - but it is now Friday the 13th of October (which I remember because everyone from our last hostel, El Viajero, was dressed spooky for the occasion which startled me thi morning when I went out in search of my daily avocado at 8am). We really lived it up in Salento despite only being there a couple of days.

The day after the coffee tour we went on a gruelling hike up the Cocora Valley, which is stunningly beautiful, a vast nature reserve full of amazing birds & lusciou greenery, mountains with these incredibly - & almost eerily - tall, thin palm trees. Amazing silhouettes across a slightly darkened sky. The day started off sunny & we set off through fields filled with amazingly fluffy cows (& one very cute donkey) down a long path, lined with verdant hillside, into the forest. We crossed rivers, wobbled across decrepit wooden bridges. We walked up & up & up & realised faaaar too late that we were going the wrong way for the loop & plateau & it was suuuuper tough. We were at the highest altitude I think I’ve ever been & in my haste to get ready in the morning I had neglected to eat properly. It was an incredible hike - the views & our surroundings were unbelievable & I’m proud because I was really put through my paces but I MADE IT- but it did make me realise that I’ve never really done any endurance like exercise, I’m more of a sprinter by nature, & I found it really difficult. I do enjoy a challenge though (even though I sometimes get frustrated) & I just figure the next time I try & do something like that it’ll be easier, & easier & easier & so on henceforth. It’s all progress & learning new things!

Anyhow after we realised we were going the wrong way & trekked aaaaaaall the way down again & got to the fork we should’ve taken it started raining just as I realised my legs had given up for the day so Lucy & I split & headed back to the entrance to get a jeep home - you get to the edge of the reserve & hiking trails via these rickety old jeeps from the main square in Salento; on our way there they had me Lucy & Linzee hanging from the back on a little step, riding along with the wind in our hair (& clinging onto the roofrack for dear life).

The ride was fun - Lucy is awesome & super fun to chat to & we remained in super good spirits despite being physically & emotionally broken from this hike, haha. When we’d all returned & showered & spent a couple of minutes weeping softly we went out for the best vegan dinner of all time, veg bowls & hummus & smoothies & the most amazing banana bread. It’s so nice to travel with more people, we’ve got our little on-the-road girl gang & it’s just the best vibes. TO WIT the following day (now yesterday) we decided to throw Linzee an Un-Birthday because her actually birthday will be just after we all part ways, SOB!

We intended to go on a river walk & were strolling - very slowly on very, very sore legs - just around town in Salento, to the bits we hadn’t seen. The actual town of Salento is very cute - small, colourful; these kind of wood-panelled style doors & shutters that made me think of it kind of like the town in a Western, but obviously super brightly coloured because this is Colombia. We walked down a long main street lined with little shops & boutiques & touristy sterf so we window-shopped (& a little bit actual-shopped, what’s uuuup new loose breezy trousers) & then decided to stop for coffee before our walk when it started chucking it down with rain. We tried to wait it out. We were optimistic. It didn’t work out. It rained, & it rained, & it rained, so we did what any normal group of travelling girls on someone’s un-birthday would do & started drinking. And playing shithead. Of course.

The rest of the day panned out bar-hopping & food-hopping around town before retreating back to the hostel & basically having our own mini party because Roxy & I had a whole dorm room to ourselves! That’s been happening a lot lately & it’s always awesome when it does, like getting a private room on the cheap. We met some really cool Israeli dudes at our hostel in Salento & hung out with them a bit too. Stuff like that blows my mind still - that suddenly I find myself chilling with a Canadian (residing in Australia ); two Israeli cousins reconnecting; a girl I’ve known for almost 7 years & another chick who I also just met but who happens to be from the same place as me; & we’re all in a country that none of us are from at that exact moment having a f**king awesome time & you’d never have met them otherwise & it’s so great that you did.

After yesterday’s party antics we decided to evacuate our hostel & go to this amazing retreat-y, cabin in the woods type place called Refugio for one night - it’s just 3km out of Salento & then easy for us to get back tomorrow so Linzee can head off to Medellin & the rest of us to Bogota. It’s basically a super lush retreat (where we’re rediscovering our sound & working on our next album), this gorgeous garden with a river at the bottom & a series of little wooden cabins. It’s run by a Canadian guy & his Colombian wife & home also to their two gorgeous german shepherds, Yucon & Achilles. We’re in a cabin right next to the river - I’m listening to it rush by as I write this - down a little slope from the main area. There’s a wooden deck outside with fairy lights & a hammock. And a big beautiful table to paint at while I look at the water.

We went on our first horseback adventure today (except Lucy, who got a massage instead). It was so great! The weather was absolutely beautiful & we got introduced to our steeds: mine, a beautiful dark brown creature with a short black mane, called Clarochillo. And then we hopped up & trotted through the tiny ‘town’ of wherever the f*ck we are - & into another beautiful nature reserve. This region is very mountain-y & just breathtakingly verdant, everywhere you look is just stunning. We trotted, & cantered, & at one point properly galloped through & this greenery & through little rivers & through a couple of spooky tunnels belonging to the now-defunct train track. We also got super muddy because the horses ran through so, so many boggy puddles. Our destination was this stunning waterfall in a forest & it did not disappoint.

I’m glad we finally went out on horses - it’s something I’ve been itching to do but at the same time it’s been really important to us to a) make the most of it with a really good, proper trek (we were out for about two hours today) & b) to ensure they are healthy, well-loved & looked after animals, not mistreated in any way. It made me feel really natural & at one with nature; to ride a horse out in the open really feels like the optimum possible way to see your surroundings. This place is so gorgeous & just what we needed, a chill wholesome day in a really beautiful setting. Yoga on a deck to the sound of a river. Laying in a hammock. A delicious local dinner in almost complete darkness (& riling the frankly thousands of territorial local dogs in the process). Gonna aim for a super early, 6am style rise & paint by the river in the morning light before we all have to pack up & get moving again. I really want to make the most of our only night & morning on this incredible place.