#all the homies love jimmy mcgill

[litres-of-cocaine]

what’s so awesome about the early episodes of better call saul - i’m talking before chuck has his ‘you’re not a real lawyer speech’ - is how painstaking jimmy’s love for his brother is. it’s obvious how great an actor bob odenkirk just from…. everything aha but. hmmmm. hmmmm!

even before it becomes completely transparent how chuck feels about him, the way jimmy looks at him is devastating. and i don’t mean because we already know how the story turns out from brba, because even if we are looking at it completely isolated from context, jimmy’s care for chuck feels almost like grief. there are lots of ways to communicate love across media in joy or happiness or whatever but i think what makes the way BCS shows what jimmy feels for his brother so unique is that jimmy’s love is conveyed through sadness anytime he looks at chuck.

there are two types of looks/interactions i would categorise this presentation of love:

a) the caregiving kind - it’s jimmy in the hospital, jimmy leading chuck out the door of his house to hhm; the kind where this view of what was compared to what is sits so stark against everything else. it’s like anytime someone’s loved one is suffering, like this failing desperation to help.

b) the ache - this desire jimmy has to not be viewed as a ‘scumbag’, basically beyond slippin’ jimmy. it’s him telling chuck he passed the bar and having to ask if he’s proud because his brother won’t say it at first. jimmy is yearning for his brother to think highly of him and even if chuck did what makes the way jimmy responds to him in these situations so goddamn sad is the way it illustrates how low his self esteem is. he needs chuck to encourage him and tell him he’s good otherwise suddenly all his worst fears about himself are just bam correct in his mind.

and like if we compare these showcases of feelings to the flashback of jimmy in custody after his chicago sunroof incident i would argue that we *don’t* see this kind of display. like here he’s interested in escaping the charges and he wants chuck to help him, yes, there’s the underlying tensions of chuck being successful in a way that jimmy decidedly isn’t but this crushing desire to be better at all costs doesn’t appear here. it’s not in the scene where we see a flashback scam play out or barely at all when jimmy has *just* got off his charge and is heading to new mexico.

chuck’s urgency for jimmy to quit his scams and be better is what crushes any positive idea jimmy has of himself (granted if we’re speaking morally - which we aren’t bcs this is fictitious but still - is a societal improvement as he was a con artist) and then his refusal to validate any progress he makes just pushes him down further and further. but jimmy loves him for it anyway. jimmy genuinely wants to be good, he wants so so so much to be a good lawyer and a good person and *like chuck*. he returns the kettleman’s money, warns them about nacho, and actually wants to advocate and help (in exchange for payment ofc, he is a lawyer) for the elderly people he works with.

like he’s viewing his brother as like this redemptive figure for him to a certain extent as he’s realised that he wasn’t a good person before. but chuck ‘saving’ him does make him a better person but just makes him feel crap about himself.

jimmy’s love for his brother is folded over and over and over again and seems so genuine and sincere so that watching chuck’s kind of dispassionate coldness even in the first episode makes it seem all the more desperate and intense. (you could compare him to the way jesse’s parents act a lil probably)

i’m not suggesting that chuck is like malicious in this or anything, but what he does for jimmy seems wayyy more like obligation than care. like he has an understanding of the familial responsibility he has and what i’d call an objective ‘love’ because of that connection, but that’s it. jimmy, on the other hand, idolises him. jimmy in trying to be a good person is still so far from perfect lmao even with the way he is with chuck but it’s clear that is brother is everything to him. the short (and not very revolutionary) answer lol: jimmy loves chuck more than chuck loves jimmy. and again i’m strictly talking. like. episodes 1-9 here.

and now if we put that -back- in context of breaking bad…..

it’s like a fucking sledgehammer to the chest.

we known that jimmy becomes saul before the program starts. even if someone who hasn’t seen breaking bad is watching BCS chronologically, they are seeing saul after the events of the initial show from the start. it’s clear exactly *what* he ends up as. so we know what saul represents in relation to this ideal of a ‘good’ lawyer.

the cars already crashed, the bomb’s gone off, we are reading jimmy mcgill’s obituary.

this care that jimmy shows for chuck (even after the betrayal yaknow) feels so fucking cataclysmic because of that as not only is he trying so hard and the viewers are seeing from his perspective in the early episodes but. we know that he fails. and we know that chuck, the arsehole who i would say, if not directly causes, at least contributes to jimmy’s negative arc, ends up being right.

[inkybinkyboink]

no ok heres my hot take on the whole “breaking bad characters opinions on queer folk” headcanons except its a masterpost with every single character i can think of and it’s in alphabetical order because of my undying need for approval from fictional characters. queerphobic percentages included no extra charge!!!!!!!!!!!

badger: 33% - badger’s been hanging out for long enough to know that people come in all shapes and sizes, no two are the same and that doesn’t confuse him, but he thinks it’s weird. definitely believes that there’s a “normal” and a “not normal”.

chuck: 64% - good lord this man grew up following the rules and probably catholicism. he’s such a pain in the ass abt it too, like he’ll bring up biology the first chance he gets.

francesca: 21% - shes spoken to enough shitty people to the point where as long as you’re not a dick to her she could not give less of a fuck who you are or what you do at home. 

gale: 0% - gale is the one character at zero percent for a reason. he’s just,,so full of love???

gus: 1% - ok this was kind of a joke but you cannot look at this man and tell me he doesn’t not have an iota of internalized homophobia in him. 

hank: 78% - hes just,,,,so conservative-coded. i don’t trust him. i feel like he’d talk abt queer people like “snowflakes” and uses “blue hair and pronouns” but in the most derogatory way possible.

howard: 24% - idk man i just think he’d be chill with it. he seems like a homie. 

huell: 31% - man grew up religious in louisiana like bro. strikes me as a “hate the sin, love the sinner” kind of guy but in the most nonchalant way possible.

jane: 5% - goddamn bro she’s probably queer herself but? god look at her and tell me there isnt a small part of her that harbors the most micro-aggressive biphobia you’ve ever seen.

jesse: 22% - like ok jesse’s funky bc at the beginning of the show hes definitely further up there, but as he grows as a character i think it would go down bc he learns people can be kind, and it’s not based at all in what they do or who they are. like he doesn’t get it, but he’s super willing to listen and learn, but only like,,,after the events of el camino. any time before that i think he would just kind of brush it off.

kim: 15% - she’d go to a pride parade. but also she doesn’t actively advocate for queer rights. but she’s totally cool with it.

lalo: 28% - k so lalo is so gender i struggle to see him as a purely black and white queerphobic person. like, i dont think he’d get it, or understand it, but he also doesnt,,,care,,,like, he’d kill you either way but he’d also ask you your pronouns before he kills you

marie: 67% - her husband is hank and her sister is skyler. need i say more. she gets SUPER terf-y.

mike: 36% - ok so i think he’s kind of in the same boat as lalo, except i added points bc theyre from different generations, which i do think affects viewpoints. but like on any given day mike does not care. he doesn’t care, but also he’s not gonna drive you to your hrt appointment. yknow? 

nacho: 12% - look ok i wouldn’t put it past nacho to have experimented himself, i think he understands better than a lot of people that identity and sexuality is fluid. also? idk i feel like he would find the concept of identity interesting, so he’s done a lot of research of his own and stuff.

saul: 26% - saul’s kind of on the same road as jesse i think. like jimmy mcgill would try to listen and understand, but saul just kind of,,,doesn’t care. also probably micro-aggressive but would never actively do anything shitty.

skinny pete: 25% - similar to badger, but he doesn’t think it’s weird, he thinks it’s cool. absolutely watches rupauls drag race.

skyler: 43% - like ok if one of skyler’s kids came out to her, she would be a lot more supportive, but otherwise she just kind of lives in her own bubble where she oversexualizes the concept of queer people and thinks that all drag queens are trans women.

todd: 56% - gd bro todd lives with nazis. that’s a pretty confident contender for not being the most accepting. but of course, it’s todd, so he’s gonna be nice about it? but absolutely trash talks queer ppl behind their back. 

tyrus: 35% - we know little to nothing abt tyrus’ backstory but he gives me rlly calm vibes. idk. he doesnt pay much attention to it. has pre-existing notions of queer folk that give him a more negative bias.

tuco: 88% - dude. dude. dude. tuco is a loose canon. please never let me near him. i will die. so quickly. 

walter: 35% - ive seen fanfics and implications that him and elliot had something going on, but also walters kind of a total dick? like he’s homophobic bc his own experiences were shitty so he assumes the worst from then on out.

walt jr: 29% - ok everyone says walt jr. would be transphobic but i disagree. hes part of the younger generation, i feel like he would understand it more than anything? i know thats not applicable to every like,,younger person but he’s more surrounded by like,,society and stuff??? idk i think he’d kind of just shrug it off and support it.

victor: 74% - he just...i dont like his vibes. i dont like ‘em. i feel like he’d be rlly douchy if he found someone he was working with or was friends with was queer or trans. 

[screenmaven]

Films I’ve Loved This Year

I have already written reviews on some of them (not seen in this post), that you can already read here. So make sure to also do that.

I’m completely laid out in bed extremely sick, I thought between the delusional fevers, bomb exploding headaches, and literally feeling like I’m dying, I’d share the other films I’ve absolutely enjoyed watching this year.

I started up a separate account via Instagram to just post film, but having multiples is beginning to be too much, so from now on any other film content aside from the blog here will be on @ starrymayx.

So to start off the list here we go…

These 90s “Noir” films started my whole new movie Escapades, and I’m so glad they did -

Bad Influence, Guilty As Sin, Pacific Heights, Whispers in The Dark, Dream Lover, Untamed Heart, White Palace

Here are the others…

Thrashin - 1986

Starring: Josh Brolin, Pamela Gidley

Brooke McCarter (RIP homie), Sherilyn Fenn, Robert Rusler, & Josh Richman

Anthony Kiedis + RHCP

Tony Hawk, Kevin Staab, Mike McGill, Jimmy Star

What I liked: There was so much awesomeness in this film and a feel good story of triumph. Basically it’s about two skateboarding gangs, having beef, mix in lots of skating, graffiti, punk rock aesthetics, and a love story, and you have yourself a pretty badass film. Plus they overcome their rivalry in the LA Massacre challenge, and there’s even several rat tails. 🤣 Definitely worth a watch!

I really wish I could skateboard. I would have been so rad. To all my skater friends and Bo’s over the years, mad respect. 🤘🏻

The House on Sorority Row - 1983

Director: Mark Rosman

I swear Scream Queens was influenced by this film.

I really liked it. Loved the lighting, still had a seventies type feel, storyline was really good. Definitely a film to check out if you like really good horror, without all the super special effects.

*For any strobe light sensitive people* like myself out there, there is a scene where it’s wild,

Pump Up The Volume ✊🏻 1990

Director Allan Moyle

This movie is 🔥 Definitely a pioneer for all things talk radio but from a non-narrative perspective. Films like this and indie radio programs paved the way for our now podcasts. I loved the way it was written, the development of the characters personal selves, and breaking the rules.

I love me some Christian Slater 💓

The soundtrack is also amazing!

From Richard Hell, Leonard Cohen, Beastie Boys, Ice T, & more! I’ll link the soundtrack in my stories.

*trigger warning: there is a scene that deals with suicide and those scenes always get me. So I wanted to mention that.

Out of Bounds - 1986

Director- Richard Tuggle

Cinematography - Bruce Surtees

Starring: Anthony Michael Hall

Siouxsie and the Banshees 🤘🏻💓

& Meatloaf (in like 3 scenes)

What I liked: The cinematography of downtown LA & Venice Beach California, (actually the whole film is beautifully done). The 80’s colors, Dizz’s home, her style. The fact that Anthony Michael Hall was a badass hero, taking down a heroin drug man with his knife throwing skills. Really good film.

2 Days in The Valley - 1996

Written and Directed by: John Herzfeld.

Starring: James Spader, Eric Stolz & Charlize Theron

Synopsis: 48 hours of intersecting lives and crimes in The Valley of Los Angeles.

Why I liked it: Artsy Cinematography, James Spader obviously, and the correlation of numerous parties all being connected, going through individual stuff but being thrown into the mix of chaos. Plus sunglasses just seem to add viable cred to it. Why are sunglasses so cool yet mysterious?

Shampoo - 1975

Director: Hal Ashby

Starting Julie Christie, Goldie Hawn, & Warren Beatty

I throughly enjoyed this film mainly due to the Jim Morrison/Sharon Tate style vibes it gave off throughout, and all the stylish decor/fashion. The Morrison looking guy played by (Warren Beatty) is basically a lover to many of his women hair clients (he does hair).

I really appreciate the 70’s swank and aesthetic appeal in this film. I’m also obsessed with Julie Christie’s glam Tate starlet look and I wish I could pull off bangs! Goldie Hawn is also in here and a younger Carrie Fisher.

From the 70s eye shadow, purple outfit I want, the main girls style, glamorous hair, river grotto, la house party with body paint and strobe lights (which that part I had to turn away - sensitive), it still rocked.

Based in the LA canyon/hills it’s definitely worth a watch to see the web of desire and aesthetic unfold. Keep your eye out for the creepy art in one of the scenes that just didn’t quite belong. 😳

Additionally there was some dialogue between two parties in the kitchen about questioning the lead male’s (hairstylist) orientation, and the f word was used a couple times. Didn’t like that part.

Really glad we’ve evolved on how we should identify people and what’s right to say and not to. A person can be gay or even not, but using derogatory terminology to hurt them is very low par. If you still do that. Stop.

Chopping Mall - 1986

Director: Jim Wynorski

Mall Location: Sherman Oaks Galleria

I loved this film. For reals.

Nothing better than a mall unleashing new technology security robots, only to go horribly wrong. Which I already knew where it was going as soon as it started 😂

Anyways a group of mall employee friends and two others throw a party in a bedding home store and get freaky - typical 80s horror, which I love. Then basically the robots go crazy and savage, hunting down all of them in a terminator/stranger things vibe kind of way. The aesthetic, 80s style, and scenery are very appealing, all the way down to even the playboy underwear from Miss Virgina Slims herself. Camel ciggs just won’t cut it. 😂

Lots of greats here, and I hope you check them out if you haven’t seen them.

Happy Filming 😘