#all the relief and i dont have to be overthinking something or beating myself up etc

[puptoy]

spank me until I cry and then snuggle & comfort me? please?

[latinuser]

Okay so I’m currently in a bit of a root of depression/insecurity/HELLA QUESTIONING MY SHIT right now, which all added together with the need of a job kind of fucks over the mental state to create stuff and get out of that funk. You just sorta. Binge? Lay there doing nothing, you aren’t super upset at that moment but you don’t feel anything, so you’re watching comedy skits or anime or something to bring yourself to a high point so that you can feel motivated to do anything.

But, while being in this shit hole where the majority of my brain turns to: Nobody supports you, you don’t know what you feel so how dare you even think the way you do/you’re fucking over other people you love/you have it so easy stfu

I decided, LETS TRY AND BE PRODUCTIVE (and vent sorta with the above) and so I’m gonna throw up a bunch of shit I like to do to try and help myself feel better (because I can be happy in a moment but it fades over time with the whole depression until you feel like a void)

So, down below is gonna be just some shit I do to make myself do stuff set into categories of:

Art/Drawing

Writing

and Chores

Key note, this works for me. It may not for others, but if it works for some people then I’m glad to provide a little relief.

If anyone else has other advice/resources add on to this post!!

ART/DRAWING

First thing I suggest is something I’ve been doing for ages before I even recognized I was doing it for my depression.

Find a super old piece of art you did, like two-three years ago, and then re-draw it. For slumps (especially long ones) where Depression just won’t let you think creatively, not having to overthink what you’re drawing is helpful. Having an old piece where the pose/the basic composition of the piece is already decided let’s you just work through everything faster, even if you change the pose slightly/what the character is doing. You know the scene, that’s the important bit.

Once done, look back at the old piece, then what you can do now. You may not be satisfied with where you are, but, you are almost guaranteed to be better than the older piece. 

Second thing is memes. Whether it’s draw your character memes or faces or something, just. Draw them. All of them. It’s a good warm up, and it also let’s you go kind of zen and, again, not have to think creatively.

Third is get paper (physical paper) and pen, crayons, etc... any and all different mediums, and just. Scribble. Not being specific has a bit of freedom in it and lets you get out of a “What tf do I draw, it has to be perfect/anything i do is shit” mindset.

Fourth is similar to the last. If you have a medium you haven’t used in a long time (pen/paper, pencil/paper, colored pencils, marker, etc...) pick it up again. Usually making yourself work with something you aren’t used to/haven’t done in a long time lets you see the other skills you’ve progressed and feels good at the time, lets you move forward a bit easier.

Fifth, drink something hydrating. Water, tea, etc... just something that isn’t soda or energy drinks. This is more so just an “in general” statement, but I find I think more clearly when I’m drinking cold water.

WRITING

First thing I like to do is, similar to the first drawing is, read my old writing. Not re-write it, but just. Read it. Read it and pick out all my mistakes and laugh at my grammar or cringy I was. It helps me see where I flubbed out and where I can improve.

Second is pencil/paper write it out. Write out some of your story beats, how it works, etc... Hell, if you have a whiteboard thats even better! This way you can get a far away look at everything. (Also there’s just something to me about writing on paper?? Idk, it’s nice)

Third is eat/drink something. Yeah, same as the fifth one for drawing but this is!!! SUPER!!! IMPORTANT!!!!!! Sometimes you dont realize the reason your head is foggy/your “muse” or your mojo isn’t working is cuz “I haven’t eaten in like 9+ hours and holy shit is that the time?” So just. Get some water, get some fruit/peanuts/something small at your desk and snack while you write.

Fourth is turning all your text white in whatever document. This is more so if you just get stuck at a specific part for me, but it can work for this too. Turning your text white makes you have to ignore your mistakes / what you wrote prior and just keep moving forward, cuz you backspace once and who tf knows what’s going on.

CHORES

Chores are monotonous things that, when you have 0 energy and can’t see a point in doing anything, kind of get pushed to the side. Especially in comparison to the creative things (like writing/drawing) that get pushed to the side because “I can not do that” but!! Here’s a few things I do right before starting them to keep me going.

First thing is white noise.

No. Really. Just. Put something on in the background and have that playing while you drag your butt around the house. This won’t work all the time (like all of these won’t work all of the time) but I find it’s helpful.

Second, family help. So this one is, again, not for everybody and definitely not gonna work if you don’t have someone around who’s willing to take your phone/tablet/random device away from you, but. If you do. Ask your sibling/parent/friend to take your phone away from you after (x) amount of time (i usually say 20 minutes cuz that gets me through one YT episode) and then to take it and hide it (still playing, mind you) and hide it somewhere.

Not too hard, but def. somewhere I gotta go and search. Makes me get up, makes me have to go to whatever other room it is, and means I’m much more likely to keep moving.

Third is, honest to god, showering. Just. Do it?? I dunno what it is about showering, and I don’t care if it’s 9AM, Noon, or 11PM, take a shower. Showers can help you wake up or wind down and, generally, the water will ease you and make you relax more. Plus, as said with above, once you start moving, you keep going. Even if you don’t quite understand why.

Fourth is binging while you work. I usually carry my phone around with me, YT or a Podcast blasting in my pocket and just walk around and do my chores kind of numbly in these moods. It’s not the easiest and I do get 100% distracted/just don’t want to keep going. But it helps me, similarly to white noise.

Fifth, can anybody guess what this is?

That’s right. Drink/Eat stuff. AND AGAIN, make sure it isn’t just junk food or soda/carbonated drinks. Again, fruit, peanuts, just something?? Is better than nothing.

Anyway there are some of my things. Hope this helped some people?? As a final “THIS IS WHAT I LOOK AT” I’ll put down some pretty sappy/funny stuff I like to watch in this mood to give me more positive ... mess of something in my stomach while I work.

Lucahjin

Masaenala

Chuggaconroy

TheRunawayGuys

Ponder Sprocket

TheZodiacLord

TheOdd1sOut

Jaiden Animations

[survivorkomnata]

Episode #7: "keep me because im so cute :3" - Zach

omg i forgot to confess bc i was so busy.... so this last round was honestly p straightforward. the ~international~ alliance stuck together. i feel bad cos liam is the loml but ): a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do.

lowkey pissed the other tribe didn’t send me to the basement. they can choke !

i’m nervous about the joint tribal bc let’s be real i’ll be going. i’m nervous for whatever tribe goes with us cos if it’s atilla i’m worried someone i’m close with will leave. tho honestly i would flip on stephen z. so we’ll see!

i’m feeling rly close to luke and i’m excited to potentially make merge w him (:

Winning this immunity challenge is a double-edged sword. I'm immune at what will probably be a chaotic joint tribal, and LIKELY going to be making it to the merge soon. At least I hope so. But there's two major drawbacks, and I want to talk about why I'm worried about each of them.

Number one is obvious, I can't socialize with the 4 Kato members that will be at this vote. They'll be meeting 4 more original Takagi members and potentially bonding with them while I'm sitting here in what is basically exile. I need to pay even more attention to my first impressions because these players are definitely going to have some kind of deal going before I show up.

The second is just as important. i won't be at this tribal council, meaning I can potentially lose an ally here without having any ability to change plans for the better. If Karth or Ally get voted out here, my game takes a huge hit. A hit that I might have been able to prevent if I was there with Jess and Alyssa.

But, I'm gonna enjoy this safety while it lasts. I want my last few moments away from the merge to be stress free, since I know things are really going to pick up once every piece is on the board.

i'm going to tribal for the second time this game, and it's a joint tribal. rip. i am riddled with fear and stress.

i don't think i should be targeted. i believe i've maintained a solid social game and appear as a benefit to most people. i trust karthik/tim enough to not vote me, and i think i've developed somewhat of a grounding with jake/miguel. though ally/stephen/luke may identify me as a physical threat, i think ally knows keeping me is best purely for a shield purpose.

however, there is that little voice in the back of your head. the one that says "you're a physical/social threat!" and "it's the (probable) last vote for premerge, why wouldn't they take out a threat???" - though i disagree with this logic in terms of how i feel/play orgs, you can never know until it's too late. personally, i'd be taking out a goat or someone who is playing a similar game as you. if you're a shield, take out a shield. if you're UTR social, take out another person who is UTR and social. you want to be the BEST at your role, and i don't think anyone is as big of a shield as me (atm, of course). maybe i'm overhyping my game (and p.s., in no way am i saying i'm playing a good game, i just mean physically im pretty dominant).

jake mentioned stephen being an endgame threat due to his social game and likeability. he (stephen) is someone i wouldn't mind taking out. i have no connection with him, and he has had a tendency to flip on alliances (confirmed by jake/miguel/ally; the TJ vote). it just seems too obvious.

as for my idol, i'm not sure. if the person i vote (stephen, whoever.) is idolled in any regard, i'm likely idolling. i am NOT leaving premerge with an idol - that's ugly. but it's a tribal with no advantage i fear most. i don't want to overthink it. i've wasted so many idols because i critiqued every little word + action. i want this game to be different. i'm totally using it tomorrow bc im a paranoid mess btw. but i truly would love to save this idol (if i'm safe, of course) for future use.

in the wise words (or title) of that one type of game at the killing floor in Murder Trivia on Jackbox Games:

decisions, decisions…

i KNOW I JUST I CONFESSED BUT

idk. my fear is that it's final 11 right now. merge is in the horizon. if this joint tribal (for me) was any earlier, i'd be more secured i think. they don't need me for tribal immunities anymore. so, what will they decide?? keep me because im so cute :3 or throw me in a ditch and call it a day.

OK SO FIRST SORRY FOR THE LACK OF CONFESSIONALS I'VE BEEN SO BUSY WITH MY 1st ever THEATRE PRODUCTION. And I haven't been able to talk to anyone at all which bites. I am lucky that my team sat me out for this challenge because I woulf have flopped but we flopped anyway lol.

NOW WE'RE AT A JOINT TRIBAL NNNNNNNNN and i do not approve.   Jake talked to me and pushed the idea of staying with the 5 on kato 2.0. I totally agree with this but we just need to come up with a name…

By some miracle.... Attila came together this round and... actually..beat.... the... other... two... tribes. LIKE YASSSSS QUEEN YASSSS! I'm almost certain we will be merging next so it's always nice to know that you didn't suck enough to NOT make merge?

Speaking of merge, that's all up in the air for me right now. I still have no idea what my merge plan is.... I'd love to link up with Tim, Karthik, and Stephen but something tells me nothing is ever that simple. I can see a world where Tim, Karth, and Zach got extremely close. I can also see Tim's paranoia about me and Alyssa grow out of control and that's just something I'm going to have to deal with in this game. It's a fact.

I really want to end Zach's game FAST. I'm really afraid he's going to just keep winning immunities and that's going to suck.

Going forward I DO hope the trio of myself, Alyssa, and Stephen stick together but lord... I don't see that lasting very long either..

Let's just say... I'm prepared to get messy. Messica is here y'all!

Something fishy is going on here. So Zach is, without a doubt, the biggest physical threat in this game. Ally tells me the best way to move the votes is to vote out a threat. I say Zach. Ally says no, Karthik and Tim would never vote out Zach. But you just said we should target a threat... Oh, i see, you meant an OG Kato threat. Right, ok. Its worrying that Jake is being shady and lying to me when he really needs to open his eues and see that if he doesnt work with us then OG takagi is gonna vote us out 1 by 1

I’m going home but ive told ally i have an idol cause i might leave but ill be damned if i dont make an impact before i go

a timeline of my thoughts throughout this tribal that i’ll probably end up dying in for being messy: — 12pm: i’m worried about getting votes bc for jake and miguel i’m the only person they don’t know well miguel knows me obviously but not in game — 4pm: THESE PPL ARE ALL MESSY kato 2.0 is gonna control the vote and at this point i’m just gonna seal stephen’s fate byeeee i tried to get a majority but stephen is an idiot and only wants to vote zach so i’m going to go shove him under a bus to zach now and hopefully they’ll kill him ! — 5pm: jk i hate all of og takagi they can all choke stephen is gonna try and get all of og kato to vote together and i'm voting with them bc fuck zach fuck karth ! tim is ok we don't rly talk i'm gonna try to flip miguel i have low hopes but we'll see — 5:30pm: i’m being so messy but i don't even care bc i'm sick of being ignored by ppl who are allegedly!!! my allies!!! — 6pm: WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENINGGGGH I AM LOSING MY MIND I HATE ALL THESE PPL — 6:30pm: so stephen has an idol zach might have an idol let’s pray my messy ass isn’t getting votes for being a messy ass and maybe everything will be ok — 6:47pm: something feels weird. idk what. fuck survivor!

SO I JUST SAW THE MOVIE US. Oh and I will recap on that crazy joint tribal in a second but now I'm at CHILI'S. And I feel a merge in this Chili's tonight.

Oh my GOD. Oh my G O D!!!!!!! We WON????? HOW????? I’m actually dead cuz we’ve been strategizing literally since yesterday about what we would do in a joint tribal situation. Like I was looking at the results just PRAYING Takagi lost and Anna Jane announced they did and I just felt a huge sigh of relief. But then she announced who was safe????? And it was Attila?? I??????? WOW. I’m just really happy. I mean it sucks I guess cuz now it’s one less round to meet new people and maybe it’ll put me at a disadvantage for the merge that may be coming but like???? My head not being on the chopping block is pretty. Um. YEAH! I’m hoping that they vote out Luke tbh... but I guess we’ll seeeeeeee. For now I’ll enjoy being safe!!!

Stephen W is voted out in a 5-3 vote. He becomes the first member of our jury.

[puptoy]

spank me until I cry and then snuggle & comfort me? please?