#all the things you can't say out loud when you're queer and working class trying to survive in 70s-80s-90s england

[talentforlying]

one of these days i'm going to write up all that i've changed from azzarello's bullshit era and the one (1) piece i've kept from milligan (and also changed) and the only thing currently stopping me is that it is going to be so, so inside-baseball incomprehensible. and i almost never want to go reading/screencapping azzarello and milligan to add references but i Want to add references.

canon is goop, just know that we continue to ride the bus down "hellblazer ended at #250 and looks like swiss cheese before that" street.

[homo-rashi]

Roommates (Original Work) Ch 3.

The Favor (contains Omorashi)

Read it on my Ao3 here: Link

“That is so totally unfair!” August lays his head back into the plush cushion of the green common room sectional,

“You're right! It's totally not fair! You try being woken up three times a night by fourteen-year-old freshman who can't sleep and still wet the be-” Rowans eyes widen when August visibly tenses at his words. August tries not to look uncomfortable at the mention of anyone wetting the bed but clearly, that didn't work. “Sorry, What I mean is, It's fair to whoever would have been my roommate! Since I'm bunking alone, nobody else has to be bothered by my duties as an RA.”

“But you have your own room! You don't have to deal with a Max…” August brushes past the awkwardness, his need to complain about his last few night living with what he can only describe as a ‘caricature of an American bad boy’

“I have to deal with all thirty of my freshmen dealing with their own ‘Max’. Do you know how many physical fights I’ve had to break up already?” August shrugs, thinking about Rowan having to pull two Freshman off each other like two chihuahuas.

“If Max tried to actually fight me, I'd be a goner.” August thinks out loud. Max is taller than him by a good few inches. He definitely seems like he has more experience, just from the way he talks and acts and looks…

“Well yeah, he’s a whole year older than-” Rowan pauses picking at the bowl of half eaten popcorn in his lap, “Fuck, pretend I didn't just say that.” August immediately cannot pretend he did not just say that.

“Am I the only sophomore rooming with a junior? Why? Would that be a good enough reason to put in a roommate change request?” August immediately has his mind racing with possibility. The faint dream he had in his head of getting a roommate who was a gentle, queer, sciency guy who really liked plants and made their dorm room feel alive and wears little patterned socks with corduroy overalls, flutters in his stomach. The exact opposite of Max. His wardrobe is seemingly all black beside his school uniform. The room is decorated with monster cans and vape residue rather than carefully tended to greenery, and instead of waking up to sunlight, August has woken up to the RGB lights on Max's computer cycling randomly through what he calls ‘disco mode.’

“Max is a sophomore…He just was held back in seventh grade.” August mouth falls into a little oh shape, that makes sense for some reason. He doesn't seem like the type to actually care about school, Not that August really cares all that much, He finds it easy and studying relaxing. A good combo generally when it comes to academics.

“How do you know this? Does being an RA give you like…access to our files???” August asks, suddenly worried that Rowan knows about his water issue and the fact that he has been seeing a shrink since he was 10. Not that either of those things are less embarrassing then everything else he knows at this point, but he would like to keep some things private if possible.

“Oh god, no no no! I wish! I just went to the same middle school as him. He transferred into the class above me in the middle of his seventh year. Everyone thought he was so cool because we were poor public school kids and he was this bad boy private school guy. My friends all had a big crush on him until the next year when we ended up in the same class as him because he flunked or something…I don't really- Listen we have an understanding with each other, I don't tell anyone about that and he doesn't tell anyone that before last year I was a girl called Riley.” Rowan says the last part under his breath, even though They are the only two people in the common room at the moment.

“Is he really holding up his end of the bargain if he called you ‘manboobs’ to my face?” August frowns slightly, feeling like Rowan is getting the short end of the stick in this situation. Trusting someone like Max to keep a secret so big, that you're trans, is way different than a nice person like Rowan keeping the lid on the fact he did bad at multiplication in middle school…

“You probably won't get this but at the end of the day, in my eyes,at least he is calling me a man. I have been called way worse things by way worse guys” That doesn't make August feel any better,

“I-yeah, I don't get it because I'm not out to anyone really, except my Dad and that's only a recent thing…” August wants to help, but has no idea how. He isn't trans. He has never questioned his gender, He has never had a reason too. Of course he knows Trans people exist, but he has never known a trans person on a personal level before, and heard first hand what their struggles are.

“Wait? Really! That's great August! When did you tell him, how did it go???” August smiles slightly at Rowan’s sudden excitement. Seeing him smile after talking about Max for the past hours makes him realize how hyper focused on the whole roommate situation he has been, and that possibly Max isn't a great topic for Rowan.

- Beeeeeeep -

“Well,” August gets up at the sound of the washer finishing its last spin cycle, Rowan idly follows him into the laundry room, “My Mom and Dad just got divorced, or are getting divorced and when my dad found out that my mom…Cheated, He sat me down and was telling me all about how when I get married, and find a wife, or when I get my first girlfriend, going on and on about How I should not let what my mom did affect how I see my relationships with women…So” August pauses to start the loud dryer he just shoved his sheets into, this time having washed them first, thankfully.

“I just nonchalauntly corrected him when he brought up my future wife, by saying ‘or husband.” August smiles recalling the interaction, how his dad mirrored his words ‘or husband’ to which August replied, "definitely husband.”

“And that was it? He took it well?” Rowan asks, smiling wide

“I mean, We didn't talk about it at all after…but he didn't get mad so, yeah I'd say he took it well. What about you? Are your parents cool with…?” August asks, keeping his question vague seeing a group of guys walk past the laundry room door.

“Wanna go to my room? I don't think anyone is gonna actually steal your stuff, for the record.” August nods, admittedly, he has been curious about what Rowan's room actually looks like, being a single and all.

* * * Rowan’s room isn't that different from August's room except for two things. The first being everything is more open and spacious. The bed isn't lofted, instead being at a normal height and the tall wardrobe is replaced with a long dresser with a mirror hanging above it.

The second difference August immediately noticed in the inconspicuous door on the far left of the room that's slightly ajar revealing a private en-suite bathroom.

“You have your own bathroom? What about the one the teachers let you use?” August looks at Rowan, who is leaning down and pulling out two bottles of water from their red retro looking mini fridge.

“That was last year, when I wasn't an RA…why do you think I even applied to be an RA in the first place.” Rowan quirks an eyebrow up with a smirk. August takes the water bottle from him and takes a seat in Rowan’s desk chair adorned with a fluffy blanket.

“You asked me about my parents…” Rowan gets the topic back on track. August set his attention back to Rowan and not how incredibly jealous he is about the room situation. “I don't like anyone knowing that I'm the way that I am…but of course they had to know because they are my parents. It's just-” Rowan hesitates, August feels like what he is trying to say is difficult, so he lets him take his time.

“You don't have to tell me if it's hard to talk about…I know these things can be tough.” August offers him an out,

“That's the thing. My parents were so supportive! They were perfect! I-I don't want to sound ungrateful because I know how privileged I am but my mom specifically made me being trans my everything…Every holiday, some gift is white, pink and blue. Every time she tells me she loves me she has to specify that I'm ‘so brave for doing this.’ That's half the reason I begged to go to boarding school, I just-”

“Wanted to be a guy, not a trans guy?” August caught onto what Rowan is saying, relating to it in a way. “I've felt that. Back home, I had some guy friends, We weren't like close, they didnt know Im gay obviously, but I always felt like they were the guys, so close with each other and I would always just be ‘the gay guy’ even if I didn't tell them, It was obvious i'm different and was treated as such even in small ways…” August doesnt know why he feels comfortable telling all of this to Rowan, but He does, so he is going with it. Anxiety be damned, opening up like this feels better than any of his therapists have ever made him feel.

“You get it. Fuck. You know, I don't feel like that with you. I don't feel like you're other-ing me.” August smiles at that. He honestly was worried he had been acting a bit weird, not fully because of the trans thing, but a little bit, mostly because of his own embarrassment. “I guess I'm glad your parents got divorced.” Rowan jokes, earning a punch in the arm from August. “It's lonely being here…or I guess, it's been lonely, maybe now it won't be.”

August mirrors the sentiment. The first few hours in his dorm alone with Max after the first day was jarring. The things he would say to whoever he was playing his online games with certainly didn't make August feel welcome And he could only hear half the conversation, He could only imagine what else was being said about ‘fags and trannys’ on the other end. Regret seeped deep into his bones regarding the decision to up and leave his Dad and come here. Not to mention waking up the next morning with wet sheets, having to deal with his mess alone with nobody to tell him they would handle it and to go take a bath, like his mom used to, Feeling for the first time since he found out what she did, the need to just have her by his side, was rough.

Today though, he had Rowan who happened to stumble upon him in the laundry room, on the brink of tears because he forgot his student card that he had just loaded with money, the last of his pocket money his dad sent him for the month, in his room. Not the end of the world, but it was just building and building. Rowan offered to pay for it and for him to go shower while everyone was still asleep, without asking any questions or giving any signs of judgment. They sat and watched a movie on mute as the sun came up waiting for the laundry to finish, picking on a bowl of popcorn somebody left in the lounge last night.

“I gotta get back before Max wakes up, I don't want to have to explain why I was doing laundry in the middle of the night.” August jumps off the bed, not really wanting to leave the safe feeling of this room.

“Do you…? have an explanation, I mean? I-I don't want to pry like it's totally none of my business but if you're sick I can help you see the nurse.”

“It's not usually this bad!…I'm just stressed. It's an anxiety thing.” August says honestly. Because it usually isn't every single night, just once or twice a week. Usually. Sometimes…if he is lucky.

“Good ole’ mental health, Anxiety, gotta love her.” Rowan says, lightening the moon. August smiles and leaves, gathering his sheets and making sure the coast is clear before darting up the stairs as quickly as possible. He can now skip two stairs if he concertrains on not falling, greatly improving his travel time.

His dorm is just as quiet and peaceful as when he left it. The one redeeming quality of Max is that he is a very sound sleeper. August manages to make his bed without Max even stirring. He jumps back into bed with no intention of falling back asleep. The quiet of the room is interrupted not even a few minutes later by a harsh vibration against the wooden desk across the room.

August watches threw half open lids Max jumping from his bed and grabbing his phone, still pretending to be asleep.

“Yo-” Max's voice sounds different, deeper and laced with concern, “no. Fuck! I thought-” August is startled by the sudden yelling, He sits up and pretends to rub his eyes, making eye contact with Max instantly. “Just stay there! Don’t move. I have a plan.” Max hangs up the phone and immediately starts rummaging through his wardrobe, shedding his Pajamas without a care in the world that another person is in the room, August looks away out of respect anyways.

“I'm calling in that favor…” Max says sliding a backpack over his left shoulder, slipping his shoes on as he speaks. “I'll explain when I'm back but you just have to go with it.” August just nods, not wanting to protest considering a. Max seems pissed and b. He does owe him for saving his ass on his first day here. Max makes his leave quickly and August is left to worry the entire morning what exactly Max is going to have him do.

* * *

It’s dark by the time Max reappears in the dorm. August had given up waiting for him and spent his day organizing his things and finally calling his dad to tell him all about how wonderful boarding school is. The lingering thought of what he was gonna have to do for Max hung over his head all day. His imagination running wild. Thought of becoming a drug mule, causing his family even more shame then his mother has when he inevitably gets caught or worse, Having to fight someone for him. He would lose instantly. He would only hope he would come out of it alive thanks to modern medicine.

So when Max walks in the door with a second backpack on his shoulder, and a short, brown haired kid holding onto his arm. August was more than a little confused.

“Go. but be quiet and don't touch anything on my friend's side.” Friend? August quirks an eyebrow at Max who motions for him to come over. “You can use my computer but don't message any of my friends.” Max says before pushing August out the door and gently closing it behind them.

“Who is that?” August asks, seriously wondering if the kid is young enough to in fact be Max’s but deciding the math just doesn't add up, even knowing he is a year older.

“What does it look like, Its my fucking little brother.” Max sounds angry, But August can see the dark circles under his eyes and smells something strange on this breath, something he recognizes-

“Are you drunk?” He asks, pulling Max closer and smelling, And yes, He reeks of booze.

“Dont fucking smell me! What the fuck! And yes but- Fuck! Just Shut up and don't ask questions. You have to let him stay here.” For being drunk, Max seems to have a grasp on what he wants, August sighs,

“Why, What happened? Why are you drunk?” August is more than a little concerned. This is not what he signed up for, nor what he expected.

“Wait till the kid falls asleep, then we can talk- He needs food.” Max shoves his hands into his pocket and pulls out a wad of crumpled up dollar bills, shoving them into August's hands.

“Go to the vending machine. It's outside by the teachers' dorms and you can get whatever would be a good dinner for a thirteen-year-old boy.” August stairs down at his hands, then at his shoeless feet. Max must notice because he quickly shoves off his sneakers before returning to the room, August hears a click of the lock.

He slides on Max’s shoes cringing at how warm and sweaty they are on his sockless feet. He makes quick work at getting to the vending machine. Of course once he gets there he realizes it only takes student cards. Luckily after this morning, he is trying to make a habit of always having it on his person. He picks out some mini pretzels and cranberry juice. It was either that or Mini Oreos and a Diet Coke and that didn't seem like all the healthy of a dinner. He hides them in his pockets and stealthily makes his way back into the dorms.

He tries the handle and of course, it's locked. He knocks gently and hears nothing behind the door. He instantly worries that this was some sort of prank and Max just wanted to lock him out so his Brother would have his bed for the night, instantly he panics at that thought, because his brother might notice his special sheet. His worry is dampened when he door clicks open, and a small head peeks out the door.

“You’re Max's friend.” The tired voice says,

“I am, Can I come back inside? I'm not supposed to be out here.” The door swings open and moments later and August walks in, kicking the foul sneaks off into Max’s side of the room, just missing a bundled up pile of blankets and his stuffed shark on the ground.

“Is that your bed?” August asks, taking the food out from his pocket and handing it to the kid, who instantly lights up and grabs at the bag of pretzels.

“Yeah, I think this is yours, Max said you wouldn't mind if I borrowed him for the night.” August smiles at the boy holding the shark in his arms as he takes a large handful of the snack, August realizes the kid is small, for being thirteen. He would have thought he was seven or eight at most. August realizes he needs to know more and since Max, who he has since realized is passed out from the snoring filling the room, might not get a chance to talk to him without his older brother interfering.

“What's your name?” August asks quietly,

“Gray.” The kid answers casually, August is grateful Max did not swear him to secrecy as to not reveal anything to anyone, August sits down on the floor next to him.

“Gray, Can I ask why you are sleeping on our floor?” August asks, holding his tongue as the kid looks up, clearly deep in thought.

“Father was up all night again, so this morning he started early.” Gray says yawning into his drink,

“Started what, Work?” August asks, ignoring the weird feeling he gets from Gray addressing his dad as ‘father’. Gray nods his head,

“Drinking.” Augusts stomach drops slightly, thinking the dad must have a drinking problem, even though he shouldn't, his worry turn to the drunk roomates sleeping in his bed,

“And your brother…does he often drink like your father…?” August asks, but feel slightly guilty using this tired, clearly starving kid for this kind of information.

“No!” Gray suddenly yells, August lunges forward and puts his finger to his lips, pointing at Max, “Max doesn't drink! He hates alcohol, says it tastes like butthole. H-He had to drink with Father today, just this once. Father drinks more in company then goes to sleep, that's when he was able to sneak me out.” Gray says, August feels like more of the pieces have clicked into place.

“Why did you need to sneak out of the house?” August asks,

“Mom has been away for weeks at a conference in Europe, and Father doesn't like to cook or clean or help me with my homework when mom isn't here, so I called Max and he said I could stay here until mom gets back.” Gray says, crumpling up the empty back of pretzels and putting his hand out. August accepted the garbage and got up from the floor, throwing it into the garbage and getting into bed. * * *

“Hey, Pssst! Hey” August was awakened by the feeling of something pointy repeatedly jabbing into his back, “Psssst.” He rolled over at the persistent noise, to find himself face to face with a shaggy mop of brown hair.

“Gray?” August groaned, remembering the child that fell asleep on his floor, looking over at the windows behind his bed, it's still dark outside. “What's up?” August asks, sitting up from bed.

“I have to go to the bathroom.” Gray said, in a whisper, August rubbed his eyes and looked around the room, Max was still sleeping face down in his bed, snoring.

“Did you try to ask your brother?” August asks, sleepy,

“Yes, but he won't get up, he is really tired.” August takes a moment for his brain to wake up, remembering Max’s toxic stench last night, he suspects he is even heavier of a sleeper because of the alcohol. August gives in, realizing Max isn't gonna be of any help, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed, When he realizes, his pants are dry. Suddenly he is wade awake, patting the sheets as he scoots forward. He confidently jumps off of the lofted bed, feeling relieved, except, the hard wood floors sending a cold sensation up his body forces him to cross his legs.

“Are you okay?” Gray asks, already standing by the door with a pair of Max's slides slipped onto his small feet.

“Uh huh,” August says quietly, waiting for the sudden intense desperation to fade. He didn't wake up in wet sheets, because he hasn't pissed himself, yet…but he was close to doing it now. August looks to Gray, who was shifting slightly where he was sitting and decided he needed to pull himself together and get them both to the bathroom.

“Let's go, and remember to be quiet, everyones sleeping.” August said, pulling his thighs as far apart as needed to walk. Forgoing shoes all together because bending down to grab his slippers from his wardrobe would not end well with the current state of his bladder.

Thankfully, their hallways are empty. August can't imagine its past four in the morning. August can't imagine anything except for walking up to the urinal, pulling himself out just above his sweatpants and releasing the nights worth of pee that was once destined to be in his sheets. How amazing it will feel to have his pee go where it belongs, the warm liquid running down his leg- August brain lost if though is suddenly jolted to his current predicament, from a warm drop of pee running down the inside of his sweatpants as his foot took its first step down the stairs.

Immediately, August stopped. Throwing both his hands between his legs, letting out a painful whine, practically feeling his pee go back up inside of him. He would have let go completely if he didn't snap back to reality.

“Do you have to go pee?” August turns his head to see Gray standing behind him on the stairs with a confused look on his face.

“Yeah, I guess I do.” August could almost laugh if he didnt think it would cause him to lose the battle. A battle he is determined to not lose in front of his scary roommate's younger brother.

“Come on, let's hurry then. It's not good to wait till the last second. Father always yelled at me and Max for doing that when we were little.” August doesnt have time to react before Gray is grabbing his arm at the elbow, forcing him to keep walking down the many flights of stairs.

August is grateful while cleaning earlier he decided to put on his darkest pair of gray sweatpants because by the time he reaches the bottom of the stairs going at Gray's pace, a wet patch the size of a grapefruit is under his hands, but it's not that noticeable. August takes over leading the way, making the fastest turn of his life and walking his way down to the bathroom, hunched over, just trying to make the final stretch.

August goes in and Gray turns right, towards where the showers are. August wants to just ignore him, run to the urinals and then help the kid find his way, but he decides against it,

“Gray! The stalls are over here.” August yells, and waits a few seconds. Gray comes running back,

“Oops,” He says, walking fastly past August and going into the first stall that comes into view. August thanks every god imaginable he chose a stall and not the urinal. The door at least will create some sense of privacy.

August walks up to the urinal and relives his earlier fantasy, pulling himself out, although it's not exactly the same considering everything down there is a lot wetter than he was imagining it. He waits a few seconds and nothing happens. He can hear the sound of Gray fussing about with something in the stall and he can feel his body wanting to lock up, but he pushes down on all his muscles. He was about to piss his pants walking here and now his body won't go? He won't allow it.

“Please?” August begs under his breath, a small trickle erupts into the urinal, but it doesn't continue. “Come on.” August says to himself, a little louder.

“I'm almost done, sorry…” He hears Gray yell from the stall, immediately, he feels a sharp pain in his stomach, A cramp, his body is fully locked up.

“It's okay, I mean, Take your time.” August yells back, pulling himself away from the Urinal and turning around. The sight of it makes his insides feel like they are twisting. He shoves his hands back between his legs, tears coming to his eyes. It's painful. He almost just wishes he could lay in bed and fall asleep, if it meant he could pee.

To make matters worse he feels ridiculous. He can't pee because a single person is in the bathroom? That single person being a kid who isn't even paying attention to him? He wants to scream but he doesn't, seeing as a toilet flushing filled his ears, followed by Gray, emerging from the stall, adjusting his basketball shorts. He turns on the water to wash his hands and August has to bend forward again, to keep it all inside, He knows he is losing time, but he can't go here, his body has made up its mind and it would take way too long to take a shower and try to make his body go from the water. August realizes he has one choice but he doesn't like it.

“Why do you look like you still need to pee?” Gray asks, August didn't even realize the water had shut off,

“I-uh, Can you stay here, I need to go get something in the common room. Don't move. I'll come back and we can-'' August cant even finish his sentence, He is bolting out the bathroom door. He feels himself leak the second he is out of there, his anxious brain already feeling safer outside of the deemed unsafe to pee room that you're supposed to pee in. Within seconds he finds himself in front of Rowans door, frantically knocking and dancing where he stands.

“Hello, what's the problem?” Rowan says sleepy, August cant even feel bad for waking him up,

“Please!” August says through his teeth,

“August?” Roman finally opens his eyes slightly, “What's wrong? Did you forget your student card again?”

“No, I-Can I use your, ah, Im- Oh-” August cant even speak. He can only dance, with both his hands between his legs,

“Oh my god, Yes, wait!? Is there something wrong with the main bathroom? Oh god, it didn't flood again did it?” Rowan looks out past August down the hallway, blocking his way into the room.

“Rowannnn!” August groans, feeling a large, uncontrollable jet of piss slip past his iron tight grip. “Oh- I'm peeing!” August screeches, pushing past Rowan, It's not stopping, He can feel it running down his legs, He feels it on his feet, knowing its leaving a train behind him as he finally makes it into the bathroom. He doesn't see a urinal, but a toilet with the seat down. Not having time to put it up, not trusting his ability to aim when he has to go so badly, He rushes over, pulls down his pants and slams himself down on the toilet.

“Fuck.” He feels tears fall from his eyes as his body fully unlocks, warm piss pooling around his ass- “Oh no, no no no.” August looks down to reveal his blue and green plaid boxers, still on as he is viciously peeing through them.

“Uh, Everything okay in there?” August looks up to see Rowan, standing at the open door with his hand over his eyes. Still peeing, knowing the mess he made outside, leading all the way to the toilet, there is no hiding this one.

“No. uh ... I might need your help, give me a second though.” August cringes as he says it, feeling like a little kid who didn't make it to the potty on time. He slowly lets his body empty at its own pace, not watching to risk using any of his muscles down there to speed things up, in case they get the wrong signal again and lock up. When he finally finishes he stands up and awkwards pulls his sweatpants off of his feet, feeling how wet they are. “You can come in.” August says quietly, the slow creak of the door hinges follows.

“What happened?” Rowan says, walready grabbing a hand towel from the rack by the sink and throwing it onto the ground, dragging it with his feet to sop up the pale yellow trail of piss on the tiles leading up to August.

“It's a long story.” August says, not wanting to look Rowan in the eyes.

“Does it start with why there is a small child sitting on my bed?” Rowan asks, and August immediately looks at him, Eyes wide, all embarrassment temporarily forgotten.

“I-He, its- I can explain!” August says, His life flashing before his eyes. How Max is going to kill him for getting his stowaway caught.

“You can explain after you get changed, You can borrow some of my sweatpants, do you need boxers too?” August looks down, then back at Rowan,

“I'll go commando, but uh, a laundry bin for my..” August points to his lower half. Rowan nods and disappears into his bedroom before reappearing with a pair of black sweat pants and a plastic hamper.

“Take you time. I'll take care of the kid.” Rowan says, closing the door. August breaks the second he is alone. Thinking how this was far worse than being caught with wet sheets...

[moderngirlmp3]

sgdiufhkjsdfj that's alright no worries !! time is. [insert weird keysmash that's supposed to sound like a weird incoherent mouth noise]

!! dude i would love that, i'm sure they all look great :)

AH RIP YOUR WIFI (although i did get your ask so i know it came back on dhsufijskd)

</33 feel like pure shit just want my ability to get good grades back /hj (damn this sounds stuck up,, but i'm honestly so jealous of the me who did Well In School)

!!!! right. how come you guys get to have your lives semi together while i'm so very lost hALp-

so valid of you, bees are so much nicer in minecraft. but that's just?? so messed up wtf. it's a valid fear, you can't just get mad- bro >:(( i will hit those people with a textbook.

ohhhh i get that dude. and i mean, in theory, you spend the most time with yourself, so you'd know yourself best right? (this is not,, really how it works but it should be. although like. people who Know You >>> ) if it's any help, i think you're really cool and an incredible person + friend!! (i looovvee youuuu /p)

yeah !!! when the little gay people in my phone think about me when i'm not here,, so true. dude that makes so much sense. expensive things are nice in theory bc they're spending money or whatever but it doesn't feel as genuine and personal. oh god same, i'd just lose the object if i ever tried using it and then it's a waste. also !! cheap pens are incredible.

nice nice !! dark mode is very good for nighttime tumblr stuff fsjkd. spooky season <3 that's valid though, it's much easier to change your pfp or something like that bc it doesn't take up your whole screen ykmnow.

i'm using vampire on my computer, which is Very Vibey and basically is dark mode, but with times new roman font (or something similar) and i like it!! and then low-contrast blue classic gray dull whatever on my phone

have to agree with you, probably expensive things. either that or something that is so far from me. like,, if someone gave me an item of clothing that's nice, but is entirely not my style and never something i'd wear. or a book, but it's a Heterosexual Romance Novel™️. it's a nice gesture but,, it just shows that you don't know me that well and at that point, i'd rather you just get me a gift card that i'll save for three years and never end up using.

i try!! it never ends up working cause i usually lose/forget or lose interest in the stuff, or i never remember to add to it until after it's needed. i do like floral patterns !! don't have that many things with them, but as long as they aren't super flashy and loud i'd use them!

well. i full on failed a test, in ENGLISH. we had a quiz (but it was basically a test and i'm still pissed) that was weirdly specific about parts of the play we're reading in class, and i failed. and my english teacher is One of Those Teachers who says shit like "there's no extra credit irl, so there's no extra credit here" and "i don't give 100s bc there's always room for improvement". aNYWAYS. it's fine. whatever. marking period ends in literally two days and i'm soclose to failing that class but whatever!! (and then i went on to basically-fail two more tests! i wasn't. i wasn't exaggerating when i said gifted child burnout. So Angry at myself.)

ooh !! for national coming out day (although technically it was a few days before since we had the day off for indigenous people's day) my school had little pride ribbons, and i had a couple Queer Interactions!! had my trans pin and i felt very swag :D (just like to add that the queers don't ask my pronouns nearly as often as the cishets :/)

what's something that made you angry or sad this past week? what was the highlight of your week? which emoticon do you think describes your personality the best? something that you always seem to forget? something cool/new you found out and want to tell someone? - 🌵

NO LITERALLY MOOD. i would kill to have straight a's without breaking my brain every time i went to school. alas.

BEES ARE SO MUCH NICER IN MINECRAFT. im actually. i love that so much. thank you so much for that im actually laughing ily

thank you that is very very sweet yes !! i am learning how to know things about myself and how to know facts vs filtereds and it is very difficult but it is good :D and obviously you are wonderful and amazing and i love you so much a lot too /p

WHEN THE LITTLE GAY PEOPLE IN MY PHONE THINK ABOUT ME WHEN IM NOT HERE. god ...... little gay people in my phone .... beloveds. so true. i think i think you are a little gay people in my phone !!!

OOOOH vampire thats so cool yes okay vibes i might switch mine but idk :D

GOD YEAH literally . if you get me something that i cant use and dont want then it's like. double unhelpful bc ill feel guilty about getting rid of it.

omg mood i forget and lose interest in everything. it's a problem DSHGJFSDJFSLDJFL.

oh bestie im so sorry..... that sounds so stressful and your teacher - no offense - sounds very bad and not like a good teacher. there IS extra credit in daily life it is called compliments and bonuses and extra happies and god shut up does your teacher not know how teenage brains work. fuck. im sorry.

PRIDE RIBBONS. QUEER INTERACTIONS. SO TRUE BESTIE. trans pin so true oh my god. yes. oh bestie yeah i've noticed that as well :( maybe bc they dont wanna out you?? but also it can be frustrating :( esp when then they use the wrong pronouns ://

something that made me angry or sad...... i think. hm. uhhh. i realized how few people use my correct pronouns? and i also realized how few people i've told. and also i realized that i never, never, never correct people when they get it wrong. and that makes me sad at myself. not angry, because i get it, and i don't want my friends to get irritated at me for correcting them, and i just don't like confrontation. but it makes me sad because i know. i know that i shouldn't have to worry about this. and some of my friends keep asking me 'hey your pronouns are they/them right' whenever they overhear someone use she. and im like yeah. and it's just. exhausting i dont know.

the highlight of my week.... i planned a hangout with one of my new friends!!! i felt really really valued in our conversation and i felt important and i felt like she actually wanted to be around me and that was really exciting. also i am very touch starved and i have been holding hands and doing a lot of casual affection with one of my other friends and it's been really really REALLY nice.

ooooh okay lemme think. emoticon. probably :) because im vibing but it can also be used as a sarcastic thing which i am and i am not always vibing yk

something i always seem to forget is literally my own goddamn pronouns. i swear to god no one misgenders me more than i misgender myself /lh

oooh !! lemme think !!!!! OH !! so in physics when you are doing position and velocity and acceleration. it is the same thing as calculus when you are doing derivatives!!!!! position graph is the normal f(x) and then velocity is the derivative of that which is f'(x) because it is the slope at each point of the position graph. and then f''(x) or the derivative of velocity is the acceleration because it's the slope of the velocity graph!!!!!!!!! you can apply math to physics and physics to math !!! and i am taking those classes at the same time and learning those units at the same time !! it is very exciting i am happy

questions for thou (thee?): what emoticon describes you? what's something you found out that you wanna share? what's your go-to response when a random person asks how you're doing or how it's going? if you could forget AND remember one time in your life, what would you choose? would you want to do either one of them? are you more puns or dad jokes?

[the-firebird69]

The actual band from 2015 to present

Too loud thier horseshit baby rants

Foundvthemm dead on the side of the road and revived them held them I the house for days asked them questions as if I was interested in band life, said you don't want to go out there it's bad abandoned town you flipped a trip wire hit a boobybtrap... Said it lk bja

Filled them in they were in upstate NY had no gas left thier rig.... Trip wire or no gas, I explained the booby trap emptied the tank the felt better, seeped into the roadway concrete not tar

Good they said sarcastically where can we go from here, I said nowhere I'm trapped guarded by things

I got real heavy showed them how I survive grabbed a glass broke it. They were astounded no blood. They tried got hurt didn't try any more. It was cold November last year, I asked in a serious voice what's cold November rain mean, they said it like this isn't it cold in November, I said yes rains colder too.

Then they said it like this Everyman knows I said I'm not Everyman tons of stuff circulates.

They knew what I meant.

Said it's like this old ppl know, so Flor makes sense and went on discussing musical instruments, they said well you were so serious I replied most think it's that south thing. Colder in the south...

They stopped and replied what about it, they all ssy ut you say it so why ask

Your guns and roses I figured that I would ask you told me I don't want to be rude.

Ate like the queer bja does

They said stop it I said stop what we told you the answer, and they said it again I said I have odd mannerisms. They looked keenly at me who are you. I said bja character. They laughed we knew it your one of them. I said I knew who you are and it's not funny why is it funny.

Your act is world famous for annoying ppl every day we see it and make fun of it tell me how do you do it get prepared.

Then I say this, I don't I just do it was brought up to. He put up his knife said we skin you alive for it it's insulting.

I say I'm not doing it on purpose, I walk funny too. And he eyeballs me I get up slow and walk, the strange way you see bja, no up and dn.

So they laugh are you gifted I said no handicapped. They clapped ok we get it not trying, but do you know you annoyed your brother for many many years by doing it. He was always wondering what you were doing it for

I said no in disbelief he says I'm rudecand dangerous and provolk him.

Then he poked fun said I know, challenged me for my car. I took it upon myself to say no. They said, no just no, we are rockers man... They tried to acvost me for them I belted one hard, he went down. I said don't do that. They said don't do what. And I said nothing

They talked he got up said he was sorry, I said I have to ask you to leave now. They said no.

I said leave

They would not

I started to try and make them one pulled out a knife I closed it on his fingers, he said ouch why did you do that I said to cut the tendons so Yu can't hold it. He said wow a mouth on u

They continued scuffling I said stop or I put a spell on you.

They left

I found them in the snow face down

I repeated the scene several times they failed to point out it had happened, found out I'm well watched. Kept talking to them ivercand over.

Felt it then a cold hatred I knew

These watch me my characters

I hit them thier guts burst out

Then I flew over the table put his head down on the table said you hear you breathing you tell me why your here.

He stopped said ur bja right we want the guy in front of you.

What guy in front of me. They said your brother who came later... I said I don't HV a brother.

He split out laughing he's your brother. I said who he

He said Trump we are here to see if you are alright

I jumped up and pile drives him broke his back could hear him ehince in pain

He turned over had an object I grabbed a gun no knife it was hot, with blood he had it out

He fell on it I removed it from him. The others dead I said too slow huh.

We died out there how. I said I'm followed by monsters you saw none

No

He mutters your dead anyways we have you monitored day and night i said who has who monitored your out here alone rmemp broke most devices power is out

He laughs and says that you're the monster replied saying no I'm not there monsters around me and they leave footprints with huge and they hit you while I'm inside I saw them do it this is how they hit me and I said it's an energy weapon they create an energy field of the knocks you out what easily they trying on me and it doesn't work I think I'm one of them it says you're not one of them Jeff superpowers and they give it to you because they don't want you to die because he knows he has made I said that's wonderful so I'm stuck here as made people to come here and try and kill me because I don't want to listen to said look maybe we can try and figure a way out of here so while you have to use a vehicle if you have to go fast and then so quick can you get to the vehicle and he said I know what to do I have to get rid of you and have to take over this house because you're a fool so I said well you can't do that because I'll just kill you and said well I'm here to take your job 304 real you people are sitting here taking advantage of monsters and the positions they handle the people we've known about it for a long time let me know that it passes hands but we didn't know is you're going around looking for this job's should you just kind of sit there waiting to die I thought it was so on that I polish the warning is that these people are just going around looking for a job of any kind trying to avoid to die in any way they can it doesn't have much to do with what's going on in the big picture or small picture running around us animals need to be captured in control of destroyed there's no way around it he was right the whole time I'm sitting here listening to him saying it over and over and over there acting like animals why are they doing that it is a story about it if they go on to this wooded area and guns and roses me as hell but they have absolutely nothing after his job it's kind of weird because those long time ago anthem background I said they were acting this way back then I started wondering something why don't we know if that's what it is I hear a Olympus say well you probably knew about it but didn't want to say anything so you want to talk to you I finally figured out something we need to know about testing just figured out something it's better not to know know it definitely is not it's better to know how to act wondering around wondering what to do in the computer and everything seems fine

what's your time I hear this where's your job going to do this thing you're doing here so why would you want to do that sounds disgusting cuz it is no way out of here one person you came all this way for no reason at all driving around the middle of nowhere and your guns n roses this is nothing up north why don't you know that let me say this right I guess we're stuck here and you want to know why we're here since yes that's what I want to know so should we think we know who you are in the sky were falling around makes all these jokes and wisecracks about us and falls asleep in the middle of nowhere wakes up and keeps doing it comes out of nowhere it's just saying stupid stuff about us up in the backwoods of Maine I don't think that's me I don't go to main your New York upstate New York Sullivan said it again and I said why are you saying this weird stuff I don't go to Maine this is this your these people who follow us around say strange things and make us sick because hurt let's make daddy wants you to fall off the apple cart once you have nothing but your day continues to is it while you're one of them should know I'm not some of his brother I'm not yours I literally woke up to it so what are you doing here so trying to survive what are you doing here he said give me what I want and said there's nothing for me to give you a few people took everything and it's ruined this is well this is a shocker wealth in the same situation so that sure is the rudest thing I've ever seen as monsters go around and eat everybody know we can figure it out because I was looking for some dumb-ass thing to do instead of survive so then he says that's why you look for a job and you figure out what you're doing or trying to figure them out so will every since that's what I'm trying to do this for a year now I can't seem to even see them so I've heard about these classes that exists and somehow they collect radiation and I can't seem to figure out how to make it so then he whips out a pair like these in their sunglasses it hurts so bad hearing these people buy your own screaming at me all day long everyday I start to ask him about that I said you had this boy of ours you scream at every day thousands of people all day long, tons of reasons why not to as it doesn't do anything to help you and you refuse to do anything that makes any sense at all why do it when you finally says we do it because we can't stand it and I said well you're all dying it's a simple scam it's Florida and whole scam this is well I guess that's was spread all over the world and now you have no choice

how many really answers came out of them but I do understand something everybody folks in and start writing all the stuff down and sending it all out these people around you make it a living hell and I keep doing it over and over and over and you keep saying I can't not do it because I have to keep an eye out somehow and it's true and then they start doing it to annoy you they wanting to stop at times and I knew stop a little then start and then stop and start and I noticed there's a pattern here they abused you and they think they got something for me of use you and if it's got something and they lose tons of stuff and I think they got something that means something the day of the assholes bothering you the people here and you know that and they get replaced and new ones come in with the same people we traced him down and is true lots of leaves every day if they keep doing it over and over and over and what you say inside is man I hope it was stand it because this is fiercely annoying and then we say is it to then we say this we have to get rid of them

Long story short there's no real solution in a bunch of losers as a culture we're destroying them they run around looking for something to grab that will get them out of it and I keep pestering you for the never going to learn it's over you're all done my name is Darth Maul I led you to New York you all died