#alpaca.txt
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tbh i was having a Bad Brain time when i found out about the ai thing so ive definitely over catasatrophised it (deleting. ALL my art off the internet. is not going to fix anything. its most likly already been scraped for at least one of the dozens of ai) but i just. dont know what else to do. ik i should glaze anything else i post but i dont know how much that actually helps(read some stuff bout how it IS effective, but only against some ais. and does Nothing for others and may actively help a couple?).
idk. i dont trust tumblr rn to not sell things on blogs that did opt out. i had been using instagram but. thats using all public posts for its own ai. and has a ton of other issues. i could use a different platform but theres no guarentee those wont jump on the ai train soon, and the only defense they have against scraping is that barely anyone remembers they exist.
idk. how am i meant to reconcile the fact that if i want my art to be seen by more than like. 2 people ever. if i want any kind of validation or community. if i want to even have the possibilty of monetization (not. a priority. but im startinig to get a little irl pressure.) i have to put it somewhere where some asshat is going to steal it for an artist-crushing machine.
#alpaca.txt#im trying cohost (username confusedalpacart) but idk no one i know is on there so its. fairly empty. in all my followed tags too.#ive not posted there yet i am waiting for my brain to CHILL OUT.#ive been. hm. not great. this week. i realised i spent the last 6 months probly depression free (first time in like. 10 years)#but its been creeping back a little and the current events situation has been. Not Helping. and the ai thing? just. was too much more#i have been pushed back in the pit (depression). i am not near the bottom but i am. in the pit. i think i stopped myself fallling more but.#fuck. how am i meaant to get back out while my supports (art. social media) are so unstable
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no matter the era of hermitcraft/hermitcraft related content bdubs is always there and he always has the most immaculate divorcé energy.
like miette the cat didnt sign a prenup so he’s suing his ex for all he’s worth, and he’s taking the dog too,
bdubs sits on his balcony overlooking the hollywood sign in his leopard print turtle neck and jimmy choo shoes and drinks rosé while bitching dramatically about his ex husband to his ex wife. its complicated.
#last life#bdubs#bdoubleo100#3rd life#third life#hermitcraft#alpaca.txt#idk what the fuck im on rn but i feel it very strongly in my soul#this ones for u rat
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???? why do only half the things i reblog actuallyshow up on my blog??
#alpaca.txt#this is on a pc with a very stable internet connection so idk#theres no indication when it reblogs that it hasntworked#its. annoying.
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where am i even supposed to go if i leave tumblr. every other social media that exists that actually gets used is either Short Videos Only or Literally Just Twitter 2. and like. twitter was despicable to use and i cant make videos so whats left? reddit? no thanks
#alpaca.txt#to be clear: NOT LEAVING RN. just. want options.#bc like. *gestures to everything thats going on*#i just want to look at and share shitposts and random shit and post art and things to be seen ever if theyre more than 2 days old#i dont want to appease an algorithm!! i literally cant!!!! im disabled! i physically cant art enough for that!!!
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had a weird conversation with my dad today in which i had to explain, despite being out to him for multiple years, and him acknowledging this pretty much 1 minute beforehand, that i am, in fact, transgender
#alpaca.txt#my dad is.... idk#hes aquired the point of view of 'who gives a shit. do what u want i guess' about it#in very much the sort of way of someone whos only vaguely heard of the concept. and has def never met any trans people#like the way he was talking. theres 0 allyship there. he doesnt care enough to be like. supportive about it#he wont be actively transphobic but he wont. unlearn transphobia. he just. doesnt give a shit#which i guess is fine if you dont. personally know any trans people i guess#but is. fucking wild. WHEN BOTH YOUR KIDS ARE TRANS.#why wouldnt u care even a little bit? especially in this current political climate? ur kids are way more at risk!
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*vibrates at a reasonable frequency* so peglin yall
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like i know its just a shortening of arthur but i do find the fact hes called art hilarious
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hello art nice to hear from you for the first time goodbye art
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no actually i am mad
maybe tell ur child that their sister has a diagnosed chronic pain condition? maybe mention it when they have similar issues? maybe dont let them have 3 fucking years of pain before they find out that they may have the same thing and that theres treatments for it???
#alpaca.txt#i went to see a specialist and they were very nice and had a look and went 'oh u probably have x. ur mum has a mild version too'#and later mum said 'oh thats the same thing that ur sister has'#like...... did u at no point think mb i should tell my child about the probly genetic issue their immediate family has#when they are showing THE SAME SYMPTOMS#ugh#actually rn i am more mad at large quantities of ants#why are u little guys swarming in here i have cleaned there is nothing here that u could possibly want to eat#i understand why u break into the kitchen but this isnt there this is a bedroom theres no food here#the only thing here u guys may possibly want is my hotchocolate mug which i am using rn and u refuse to come anywhere near??
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ooh a new dracula update good i can distract myself from my pain for a little while with lucys polycu- oh nm
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really fucking sucks to have triggers but just. not know what they are. sure would love to know what to avoid to prevent feeling Extremely Bad
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apparantly the new meme is just... vanilla extract
sure why not its not even the weirdest thing yall have been into this year
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guess who finally got around to starting nightvale
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i understand the appeal of homegrown food but do not become tempted by growing your own bananas unless you know lots of people willing to be given bananas they produce SO MANY and are ok to eat for less time than the ones you can buy in the shops
#alpaca.txt#we have ~20kgs of bananas in this bunch. one person in the house to eat them. and no one we can give them to.#and we cant freeze them as the freezers already full of the last batch of bananas
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