#also can i mention how terrifying it would be to date laura when her 2 sisters would kill for her without hesitation

[mtmrem]

absolute queen and her pathetic meow meow of a bf

i played through all of reborn in the summer but i had no motivation to draw. i remembered it existed again recently so i figured i should at least do something

[esmealux]

The Devil Doesn’t Do Children

Part: 2 / ?

Setting: About a year after 5a

Word count: 3.5K

Rating: T

Summary: ‘I certainly did not choose to impregnate the Detective, Doctor!’ In which Lucifer doesn’t know how to cope and goes to see the one person who might be able to help him. 

Warnings: Mention of death, murder (and, quite indirectly, foeticide)

When Chloe parks the car a little outside the film set, Lucifer has finally got his thoughts and the threatening sensation in his chest under control. He had stared silently out of the window the entire ride, calculating, weighing the different possibilities; which one was more likely—him impregnating her after being sterile since the dawn of time, or her getting food poisoning from a hole in the wall filthier than medieval England? The latter. Definitely the latter. It is the only logical—nay, possible explanation. He has no doubt.

But then she asks him to get her a gum from her glove box (she still has a bad taste in her mouth), and when he looks inside the small space to find the pack she always keeps there, something catches his eye, something pink and flat, something he usually associates with mood swings and five days of limited access—something that reminds him she’s more than a week late.

He grabs the gum between his fingers and hands it to her, smacking the glove box shut as if it will erase what he just saw and the distressing epiphany it led to. He searches for alternate explanations in his panicking mind, something, anything, that will ease his returned and now stronger fear that she’s… That they’re… But he comes up with nothing. Just obscure theories that even he will admit are far-fetched.

He doesn’t say anything—not because he knows she doesn’t want to have the conversation on their way to talk to a potential suspect, but because he can’t. So he just follows after her like a lost puppy, until they’re suddenly sitting in a cramped trailer, facing former child-star, current man-child Max Steinfeld.

‘Why did you walk away when we asked you about Laura?’ Chloe asks the actor. He had fled? Lucifer hadn’t noticed. Then again, he’s not entirely sure he would have remembered if they’d been in a car chase, or a gunfire.

The sad example of a man slides a tabloid towards them in response to the Detective’s question. The front page shows a picture (undoubtedly shot by a paparazzo) of him and Riley walking down the street hand in hand, smiles plastered on their polished Hollywood faces. Next to the headline promising insight in ‘all the details about the magical wedding,’ there’s a close-up of an offensively distasteful diamond ring.

Lucifer sees a chance at escaping the cacophony of disturbing thoughts in his head and takes it. ‘What, because you’re marrying Miss Riley and didn’t want a murder case spoiling your-’ he takes the magazine and swiftly flips through the pages till he finds the right one, ‘uber-romantic seaside wedding? Is that it?’ Lucifer leans a little forward and stares intensely into the man’s eyes, his best cheshire grin playing on his lips. ‘Come now, Maximillian, what is it you truly desire?’

‘I…,’ he begins, not blinking as he’s sucked into Lucifer’s stare, ‘I want to stop pretending.’

‘Pretending that you didn’t kill an innocent woman because you put a bun in her oven?’

Steinfeld’s brows draw together in confusion before they arch up in worry and disbelief. ‘Laura’s… dead?’

Lucifer’s just about to call him out on his charades, when the Detective jumps in and confirms that she was found in her home, stabbed to death.

Max’ face turns white. His jaw goes slack. Then a cry of raw agony fills the confined space.

*

Once Steinfeld has calmed down enough to continue the conversation, Chloe decides to go easy on him and begins by asking him where he was between 9 and 10 PM last night.

‘With Moni,’ he says, looking almost ashamed. ‘I had a date with Laura—we were gonna see each other for the first time in weeks—but she didn’t turn up. I figured she was still mad.’

‘Mad?’ Chloe prompts him to elaborate.

‘Yeah, well, I didn’t exactly handle the whole pregnancy-thing very well. I couldn’t- I just- I panicked.’

‘So you killed her,’ her partner concludes beside her. She gives him a stern look and a reprimanding ‘Lucifer.’ He ignores her.

‘No! I would never hurt her! I love her,’ Steinfeld tells them, all kinds of emotions swimming in his eyes. ‘But when she told me, I just couldn’t… deal with it, so I ignored her, for five weeks. One thing was trying to wrap my head around the fact that I’m-’—he gulps and takes a deep breath—‘was gonna be a dad, but I also had no idea how I was gonna tell them.’

Chloe is just about to ask who he means by ‘them’ when Lucifer opens his mouth. ‘Oh, I’m sorry, my mistake. I’ll refer to them as Mx Riley from now on.’ He sounds genuinely apologetical. Chloe side-eyes him, confused.

‘What? No,’—Steinfeld shakes his head—‘Moni goes by “she”. I meant the studio. They made us sign a contract at the beginning of production in which we agreed to pretend to be a couple in public to-’

‘Build hype around the movie, sell more tickets and boost your personal career?’ Chloe finishes. She’s familiar with the concept. 

‘Yeah, something like that,’ Steinfeld mutters and rubs his brow, his hand still visibly shaking from the shock. ‘But I was growing tired of it. I like Moni, she’s one of my best friends, but nothing more than that, and what I had with Laura was so… real. It was all pretty new, but she made me happy. I wanted her in my life—to share my life with her. Still, I was nowhere near ready to have a baby with her, to become a dad! I mean, I still have a bad reputation in the business, I’ve spent all my savings on drugs and alcohol and a mansion I can’t afford, and sometimes I get so stressed I don’t eat for days. How am I supposed to take care of a kid?’ His voice is laced with frustration and tears stream down his stubbled cheeks. She expects Lucifer to scoff at the ‘dramatics’, or at least show some kind of disapproval of the emotional display, but he doesn’t.

‘Look, I get it,’ Chloe says, laying her arms on the table. ‘When I was pregnant, me and my ex-husband were absolutely terrified too.’

She senses Lucifer looking at her out of the corner of his eye. She’s not sure why, or what it means, so she ignores him and continues.

‘Is that why you did it? Did you go to her place when she didn’t show up for your date and then when she brought up the baby you lost your temper? You got scared?’ She wills her voice to be calm, knowing the man is vulnerable.

Max frantically shakes his head. ‘No! No, more the opposite! I was gonna tell her that I loved her and that I was gonna try. That’s why I went to Simone’s when she didn’t show up. Moni knew about Laura, what she meant to me, so I went to her to talk about how we could escape this fucked-up PR stunt controlling our lives,’ he points angrily to the smiling picture of him and Riley on the cover of the tabloid, still on the table. When he continues, his voice is calmer, but also more emotional, ‘so we could be free, and I could do right by Laura… and our baby.’

Chloe turns to look at Lucifer—to see if he, too, believes Steinfeld is innocent—only to discover that her partner is glowering at the now frightened man across from them. Lucifer is breathing heavily, his fist clenched between them, his knuckles white. His voice is sharp and venomous when he speaks, almost hisses, ‘How exactly were you gonna do right by them? How could you just accept that you were gonna be a… a father, even when you knew, in every cell of your damned body, that you couldn’t?’

He’s standing now, his tall frame shaking, heat rolling off him. She reaches for his hand to calm him down (Steinfeld has faced enough trauma today as it is), but he quickly draws it back, as if he’s burnt by her touch. His eyes remain brown and his face smooth and tan, anthropomorphic—still, a lump settles in her throat. Before she can say anything, he speaks again, his voice lower now, only a few octaves from demonic and flaming with something she can only describe as wrath. Wrath and pain. ‘How could you ever pretend to love something you never wanted?’

He storms out of the trailer, surprisingly elegantly considering his emotional state. She excuses herself to Steinfeld and rushes out to talk to her partner, comfort him, ask him what the Hell is going on.

But he’s gone.

Vanished.

Sighing, she bends down to pick up a large, silky feather from the ground.

*

The door bursts open, the hinges shrieking in protest as it slams against the wall and knocks down a picture frame in the process. Linda takes a deep breath and slowly turns around to face her intruder. ‘Lucifer, what have I told you about barging-’

The words get stuck in her throat when she sees him. His hair is dishevelled, his clothes wrinkled and disarranged. A dash of colour is missing where a pocket square usually sits and completes his outfit—whether he lost it without noticing or he didn’t pick one out in the first place, she can’t tell, but either way, it’s concerning. Even more so when combined with his face. Oh God, his face. He looks pale, too pale—ghostlike. His pupils are mere specks, his eyes manic. His chest heaves rapidly as he takes in short, ragged breaths.

Last time she saw Lucifer in a state similarly chaotic, dark, leathery wings were sticking out of his back. Before she can ask him what’s wrong, his tremulous voice fills her office.

‘The Detective’s pregnant.’

Not what she’d expected, but his reaction seems about right.

She goes to his side to help him sit down on the couch, pours him a glass of water, and doesn’t sit down till she’s made sure he’s drunk some. Once in her chair, she takes a deep breath, partly to prepare herself for the incoming conversation and partly to make Lucifer mirror her so they can get some oxygen to his head. She’s not sure if angels can pass out, but she’s not gonna take the risk.

‘Okay,’ she says calmly, ‘and how do you feel about it?’ The question sounds kind of absurd as he’s sitting there, practically radiating distress. Nevertheless, he needs to put his feelings into words.

‘How do you think I feel about it, Doctor?’ he growls.

She doesn’t answer that. Instead, she looks at him with a slight smile and raised eyebrows, inviting him to tell her.

‘I feel betrayed, for one,’ he spits, feeding her plant with the sparkling water she’s provided him—before emptying his flask into the glass and taking a large gulp.

‘By whom?’ she asks.

He glares at her and takes another sip. ‘My father, obviously.’

Linda suppresses a sigh of frustration. She’d thought God coming to Earth and their subsequent bonding time had finally made Lucifer bury his manipulative daddy issues. Guess she was wrong. ‘What do you think your father has to do with Chloe getting pregnant?’ She doesn’t miss how he winces at the last three words before his face sets into taut lines.

‘Oh, I don’t know, Doctor.’ His voice is thick with sarcasm. ‘I mean, it’s not like he has ever sent down one of his pathetic thralls to “bless” a barren couple with a spawn.’

‘How are you so sure you’re infertile?’ she asks him with narrowed eyes, leaning back in her chair. They’d thought Amenadiel was infertile, but she has 31 pounds of pure joy at home to disprove that. 

‘Well, it’s simple maths,’ he replies. She gives him a curious and mildly sceptical look, and he leans forward, putting his now half-empty glass down on the table. ‘Right, I’ve been practicing safe sex since the first ever condom came about—you know, for the sake of my lovers’ health—but condoms are only 98% effective at preventing conception, and the ancient prototypes were much worse, which means that, had I not been sterile, I would have fathered one hundred thousand children, give or take, throughout history, and I haven’t. I would have noticed; they would have flocked around me like little rats to get a piece of my fortune every time I appeared on Earth. Ergo, infertile.” He gestures towards his crotch with a dead-serious expression.

‘Right,’ she says, forcing herself to look at his face. ‘And what makes you think that that trait, or whatever you wanna call it-’

‘I call it a blessing,’ he interrupts her, the slightest glint in his eye as he peers at her from over the brim of the drinking glass.

‘What makes you think it’s everlasting?’ she asks him, a theory suddenly forming in her mind.

He furrows his brow. ‘Beg your pardon?’

‘Well, you’re not completely immortal anymore,’ she reminds him, her eyes shifting to his thigh where his first (not self-induced) scar is covered by his creased suit pants. He sends her a hurt look. ‘What a positively shitty way of trying to cheer me up,’ he huffs before downing the remaining liquor.

‘What I mean is,’ she begins to clarify, ‘what if your infertility is like your immortality?’ She lets the words sink in before she continues, ‘What if your aversion to having children, to becoming a dad, has affected your ability to physically father a child? But just like you chose to be vulnerable around Chloe, you’re now choosing to have a baby with her, to grow your family.’

He scoffs, almost laughs, but there’s no trace of humour in it. Only torment. ‘I certainly did not choose to impregnate the Detective, Doctor!’

‘Maybe not on a conscious level,’ she argues. ‘But maybe after the personal development you’ve been through, after seeing you’re worthy of being loved, not just by Chloe but also by Trixie, you’re finally realising, somewhere deep inside, that you’re also worthy of being someone’s dad.’

‘That is…’ he whispers, gazing out into empty air with a thoughtful expression, only to ultimately conclude, ‘absolutely preposterous!’ He sends her a dirty look, as if he’s accusing her of humbug. ‘I don’t want to be someone’s dad, Doctor—I don’t want a baby! The Devil doesn’t do children. I despise them. Always have. You know that.’

‘That doesn’t mean you always will. I mean, do you despise Charlie?’ She waits a couple of beats, watching him intently. ‘Do you despise Trixie?’ She nods in the direction of his chest, knowing his phone is in his breast pocket, nestled against his heart, the screen lighting up with a picture of himself and his two favourite girls every time he gets a notification.

‘Your son appreciates my devil face,’ he defends, ‘and the Detective and her offspring are a package deal.’ Linda knows he tries to appear indifferent, but he can’t hide the fondness suddenly twinkling in his eyes. If Linda wasn’t sure before, she’s now absolutely positive that Lucifer loves Trixie nearly as much as he loves her mother. She sees it all the time; it’s in the way his eyes flash red with hellfire when Trixie is hurt or sad; it’s in the way his chest puffs out with pride whenever he talks about her; it’s in his jealous stare when she and Dan laugh at an inside joke; it’s in his jubilant eyes when he’s the one who makes her laugh; it’s in the immense effort he constantly makes to always be there for her, to never disappoint her.

‘You might call them a package deal, Lucifer,’ she says softly, making him look at her, ‘but they call you family.’

He’s snatched the empty glass from the table and is now nursing it in his hand, unintentionally mimicking his nephew with his security blanket. His eyes are downcast, but she can tell his heart swells at the mention of the F-word. He’d dropped by her place about a month ago, shock all over his face. ‘The urchin referred to me as her family,’ he’d said. Linda had smiled and replied with a simple ‘Of course she did’. As narcissistic and self-indulgent as he is, he is surprisingly oblivious to other people’s affection for him. Then again, what else could you expect from a person who was abandoned by his parents, literally pushed into the abyss, and for eons deprived of any kind of love?  

With Lucifer’s background in mind, Linda steers the conversation back to his feelings about Chloe being pregnant. ‘If you’re being completely honest with yourself, Lucifer,’—she stares at him until he lifts his head and looks her in the eyes—‘what do you think is the main reason you’re having this reaction to Chloe being pregnant? Is it because you don’t want children?’ She lets him think for a couple of seconds before adding, ‘Or is it because you’re afraid you’ll let your child down like your dad let you down?’

Sadness flashes across his still ashen face before the muscle in his jaw flexes and hot fury fills up his eyes. ‘My father didn’t let me down,’ he snarls, putting the glass down with an alarming clank, ‘He banished me from my home and sent me to Hell—after my mother wouldn’t let him kill me! No words cover that immense extent of neglect, Doctor. That cosmic measure of betrayal!’ His voice is shrill and rough as he shouts the last word, accompanied by the jarring sound of the drinking glass shattering to a million pieces as it collides with the wall behind her.

Lucifer takes a few heavy breaths and, once he’s gotten his anger somewhat under control, pointlessly adjusts his jacket and straightens his spine. ‘No one should have to endure even a fraction of that,’ he tells her, appearing strangely remorseful. ‘Especially not an innocent child.’

And there it is.

‘You are not your dad, Lucifer,’ she reminds him. ‘Or your mom. You’re not gonna abandon your child. You’re not gonna hurt them.’ She waits till he looks up at her (his brown eyes are so sad it makes her chest ache) before she says, ‘You’re gonna love them with every piece of your heart and go to the ends of the earth, or Hell, to protect them, because that is who you are. Maybe you weren’t that person when you cut your wings off on the beach eleven years ago, and maybe not even when you first started assisting the LAPD. But that’s who you are now. Just ask Chloe and Trixie.’ She would add all the other people around him who know this to be true, who know him, but there are only two people whose opinions matter to him in this case. 

He doesn’t answer. His lips part, a smidgen of hope and belief appearing in the sea of fear in his eyes.

‘You referred to it as a “blessing” before, the fact that you couldn’t have children.’ He grimaces at the past tense. ‘Based on that, I assume you think having a child would be a curse?’

He raises an eyebrow, questioning her intelligence.

‘Right. But why do you think that is? I mean, if you think about it, is it really so bad that you and Chloe are having a baby? Someone who’s a beautiful mix of the two you, created out of your love for each other?’

He stops tending an invisible spot on her couch to look up at her. Colour has returned to his face, and the anger from before is gone; only a crease of worry remains. He looks tentative, but not scared to his core like earlier, his gaze warm and soft.

‘I…’ he says, musing. After a few seconds of silence, he answers, ‘To be frank, Doctor, I don’t know.’ His lips settle into a crooked line, stuck between a smile and a frown.

Linda lifts a friendly brow, her own lips tugging up at the corners. ‘Can’t know till you try, right?’

‘Right,’ he admits. It’s still not exactly a smile she sees on his face, but it’s close enough.

‘Have you talked to Chloe about all this?’ she asks him.

‘I haven’t, no. Do you think I should?’

Linda blinks, a little dumbfounded he’s even considering it an option not to talk about his fears with the woman who’s carrying his baby.

‘I’m joking,’ he says then, the smallest of smirks playing on his lips. ‘Of course I’m gonna talk to her! I just thought it best to, you know, sort out my own thoughts on the matter first.’

‘Oh,’ she mutters, realising she might not give him enough credit. He really has come a long way since their first session. ‘That’s very mature of you, Lucifer,’ she praises him.

The minuscule smirk from before spreads out into his cheshire grin. ‘What can I say? All good people know everything below an M-rating is boring and worthless.’

He smooths his pants over his thighs and checks his cuffs before standing and walking to the door. Just before he leaves, he turns to her with newfound courage in his eyes and says, ‘Now, if you’ll excuse me, there’s a detective I need to have a chat with.’

Part I |  Part III | Part IV (coming soon)

[staticscreenwriting]

Until we say goodbye || two

Warning! This multipart story takes place after the events of season 3. There’s huge spoilers already in the synopsis down below. I warned you.

Synopsis: (Y/N) Hargrove has to come to terms with the fact that her twin brother is dead and she had to watch him die, unable to do anything about it. There is something she can do for him now though and that’s keeping a promise. The promise to go back home to California. Together. In order to drive cross country and spread Billy’s ashes in a place where the Hargrove kids used to be happy, (Y/N) enlists the help of Steve Harrington. Steve Harrington who decides that it’s time to break out from his parents expectations and be the person he always wanted to be.

This time on “Until we say goodbye”: The teens stay at a quirky motel. Steve talks to mama Harrington and (Y/N) give us a look into her childhood.

(caution: mention of death, emotional abuse, slight mention of physical abuse, mention of alcohol // if you need me to tag any other possible triggers let me know)

One // 

Part 2 of ?

[additional note: I am German. Sometimes I get the tense wrong or make mistakes. I am useless when it comes to punctuation. Go easy on me, please.]

Help a girl out with a reblog, thank you ♥

And if we hit on troubled water

I’ll be the one to keep you warm and safe

And we’ll be carrying each other

Until we say goodbye on our dying day

A cool breeze is blowing past (Y/N) as she sits on edge of the old abandoned lifeguard tower, feet dangling in the air. She’s well aware of the fact that the wind is making a mess of her hair, leaving it a tangled mess. She doesn’t really give a shit though.

The beach is practically deserted except for her and the couple strolling by the shore, throwing sticks for their puppy every once in a while. They seem so happy, as if nothing matters but them and their dog and the ocean.

Her thoughts wander towards Pumpkin, the little Jack Russell puppy they adopted a few years ago when dad was dating this woman named Laura. Laura loved dogs and dad loved Laura and so when she moved in, so did Pumpkin.

(Y/N) loved that stupid dog, hell even Billy did. But like all good things in the Hargrove’s life, this one didn’t last very long either. Dad messed up his relationship with Laura and Laura was smart enough to get the fuck out and take Pumpkin with her. 

The thumping of boots against the wooden planks of the lifeguard tower, pulls (Y/N) back from her trip down memory lane. 

Billy plops down next to her, fumbling a cigarette from the pocket of his denim jacket and lighting it. He’s started smoking a few months ago, just after the twins 13th birthday. Dad was really mad when he found that first cigarette hole in the carpet of their room. 

“ Why are you here ? ‘s about to storm “ Billy mumbles around the cigarette dangling from the corner of his lips.

“ Dad’s being as asshole “ 

“ As per usual “ Billy scoffs, “ what happened ? “ 

“ He found out that I pierced my ears, said I look like a slut. “ 

The words still sting even now that she repeats them to her brother. (Y/N) doesn’t think it’s something a father should say, especially to his daughter. It’s just earrings, what’s the big deal ? 

It doesn’t make her a slut. Right ? 

“ What the fuck does he know. He still lives in 1971 with his ugly ass mustache“ Billy jokes, effectively getting a laugh from his twin sister. 

“ You know what the worst part is ? “ (Y/N) asks.

“ Hmm ? “ 

“ I think my ears might be infected. They burn like hell. “ 

“ Ya know what ? That’s your own damn fault. I told you using Galliano liqueur was not the best way to sanitize the needle. “ 

(Y/N) chuckles, nodding her head in agreement. “ Yeah, you were right, I admit it “.

“ Good. “ 

She turns to look at her brother. His hair is growing longer now, the curls sitting messily on his head reminding her of crashing waves during a thunderstorm.

Dad hates that Billy is growing his hair and and (Y/N) is fairly sure that’s part of the reason why Billy likes his hair so much. Everything that pisses off their dad is a good think in Billy’s book.

“ Still think you should’ve let me pierce one of your ears. Would’ve looked damn cool. “ she says, teasing smirk playing on her lips.

Billy shakes his head, curls bouncing from the motion. He’s mirroring her smirk though.

“ No fucking way. Never. “ 

(Y/N) finger plays with the tiny silver spike dangling from her ear as her eyes focus on the scenery passing by the window. There’s not a lot to see really, it’s almost pitch black outside. They’re on the road for about an hour and a half now but Steve keeps bringing up stopping.

He’s tired, (Y/N) can tell. Tired and still a bit freaked out by the whole situation.

“ So Terre Haute is coming up at I think we should see if we can find a place to stay the night, then stock up on food and gas tomorrow morning and drive through the entire day “.

Steve speaks up, more of a monologue than anything else. (Y/N) doesn’t mind how long the journey takes as long as they get to California in the end. She doesn’t mind stopping for the night. Doesn’t mind the occasional food or toilet breaks. Leaving Hawkins behind already feels liberating. 

Every mile they put between themselves and that fucking town feels like a weight lifted off her shoulder.

“ Alright, sounds good to me. We gotta find a cheap place though, I don’t have a lot of cash with me “.

“ S’alright I got it “ Steve exclaims.

“ I don’t need your charity, Harrington, “ (Y/N) snaps at him. Maybe it’s a Hargrove thing, being bad at accepting help from other people. From basically strangers.

For the biggest part of her life, (Y/N) only had Billy to depend on. Now that he’s gone it feels absolutely terrifying putting her trust in someone else.

“ Sorry I — that’s not what I meant. “ 

“ No, “ (Y/N) sighs “ I’m sorry for snapping. I know what you meant. It’s okay. “ 

There’s a thick awkward tension filling the car and (Y/N) absolutely hates it. 

“ Can I turn on the radio ? “ she asks motioning towards it. 

Steve nods in agreement. “ There should still be a mixtape in the player. “

With the push of a button the opening chords to Mötley Crües ‘Shout at the devil’ echo through the vehicle, making (Y/N) raise her eyebrows in surprise.

“ Steve Harrington, I did not expect you to listen to this kind of music “.

Steve just shrugs “ why not ? I like all kinds of music. “ 

“ Steve Harrington, Hawkins’ golden boy listening to the Devil’s music. That’s a surprise. “ 

“ Golden boy, “ Steve scoffs “ yeah right. I just about graduated High School. I didn’t get into college. I work at a video store and my own dad thinks I’m goddamn loser. “ 

“ You wanna talk about shitty dads ? Cause let me tell you, I’ll win that one. “ 

It’s quiet for a moment, before Steve clears his throat and speaks up again.

“ Can I ask you something ? “ 

“ Mmh “ 

“ What did they tell your dad happened ? Did they — did they really tell him that whole fire bullshit ? “ 

“ Yup. “ 

“ And he believed it ? “ 

(Y/N) nods. “ He did. He has no reason not to “.

The fire story. Authorities told Neil and elaborate story about how Billy died in a tragic accident in the big fire at Starcourt mall. Something about wrong place wrong time.

(Y/N) was there when they told him. Susan was crying hysterically. Max was — numb. Neil though. Neil didn’t even flinch. There was no sign of emotion. No sign of grieve. Nothing. Nothing at all.

“ I don’t think he gives a shit either, to be honest. “ 

“ That’s horrible. “ Steve exclaims.

“ That’s my dad for ya. “ 

Steve’s BMW rolls up to the parking lot of the Cardinal Inn Motel. It’s a small Motel complex and it looks like it’s seen better days. The walls are a dirty white, almost gray color and all doors are painted a bright red although most of the paint is chipping off. 

The kids enter the motel lobby, a small room decked out in all kinds of kitschy decor. There’s cross stitch art and paintings and decorative throw pillows. And all if it proudly features various images of a red cardinal bird. 

“ Welcome to the Cardinal Inn Motel. “ a chipper voice speaks up from behind the reception desk. “ I’m Ruth, how can I help ya ? “ 

Ruth is a plump little woman with a kind smile, round cheeks and extremely curly ginger hair. She looks more like a caricature than an actual person. Though (Y/N) thinks she fits this place perfectly. 

“ We would like twooo — ? “ Steve trails off and glances towards (Y/N) in question.

“ One “ 

“ — one room. With two beds though “. 

“ Oh sure sure. Let me see. It’s 32 $ for a night. “ Ruth says and opens a book, probably looking up which rooms are occupied and which rooms are free. She walks towards a board holding a lot of keys and takes one of handing it to Steve.

“ This is your room key, It’s number 44. When you step outside, the room is located in the building to your right. It’s on the first floor, first door once you walk up the stairs. I would have to ask for a down payment though. Just in case. “ 

Steve hastily pulls out a bundle of cash from his jeans, counting the right amount and handing it to Ruth. “ That’s the entire amount, we’re only staying for one night “.

“ Very well then. I hope you have a pleasant stay at the Cardinal Inn. “ Ruth chirps almost like a bird herself.

“ Thanks “ Steve says and walks towards the door.

(Y/N) stays rooted though, eyes wandering around the room from one red bird to the next to the next. 

“ Hey Ruth, “ she chimes up.

“ Yes, dear ? “ 

“ What’s with the birds ? “

“ Oh the cardinal ? That’s Indiana’s state bird. “ 

“ They’re funky looking little guys, huh ? “ 

“ Truly. They’re also very interesting. If you want to learn about them, they’re an informational brochure in every room. “ 

(Y/N) gives Ruth a soft smile then rushes after Steve, out into the chilly night air.

“ Knight Rider, really Harrington ? “ 

Steve sits up from his slumped position on the bed as (Y/N) comes back from the bathroom, freshly showered and dressed in her pyjamas. A choice of pyjamas she thoroughly regrets now as the cool air inside the motel room hits the skin of her legs. 

She’s dressed in a pair of short red pj pants and one of Billy’s old band shirts. One she’s stolen from his closet after — the incident. It smells like him. Makes her feel like he’s still there.

“ What, It’s good. “ 

“ It’s so stupid. It’s a talking car. “ 

“ Okay, whatever. You keep on hating but I tell you this show is gonna last forever and it’s gonna win all the awards. Trust me. “ 

“ Mmmh. Sure. Shower’s yours. “ 

Steve gathers some of his stuff from his duffle bag and moves towards the bathroom, closing the door behind him.

As she is left alone in the room, the gravity of it all comes crashing down on (Y/N). This is it. That trip she wanted to go on with Billy. That trip they had fantasized about since the moment they left California. 

Now it’s happening but it doesn’t feel right. It wasn’t supposed to happen like this. With Billy in a thermos. With Billy — dead.

The room suddenly feels too small. Like the walls are gonna close in on her any second now. She needs air. Fresh air. Needs to get out of here. Now. Now.

So she does.

Slips on her shoes and the room key and dashes out through the door and into the night. It’s cold. Way too cold for the amount of clothing she’s wearing or not wearing depending on how you see it. 

For a while all she does is walk up and down the road, wishing she had remembered to take her pack of smokes with her. 

When it gets too cold though, she spots a neon sign in one of the windows of the Lobby building. “Souvenirs”.

She wonders if all of those souvenirs have red birds on them.

They don’t. Most of them do, but not all of them. A lot of them display what she can only assume are important buildings of  the city of Terre Haute, Indiana.

(Y/N) remembers the few trips she used to take with her mom and Billy, when they were just little kids. Mom loved to take them to the little quirky little towns across the coast and the kids loved exploring them. Billy always got a postcard, from every single place. (Y/N) got keychains. She still has a box of them stuffed beneath her bed at home. 

Her eyes wander around the room before they fall onto a display of all kinds of different postcards. Most of them, as expected, have birds on them. Though there’s one that doesn’t. It says “Terre Haute” in big bold letters. It reminds her of the ones Billy used to get from those coastal towns. 

Greetings from … the few happy childhood memories she can remember.

(Y/N) takes the card over towards the reception, where Ruth greets her with another of her signature Ruth smiles. Kind and warm.

“ Hi, dear. “ 

“ Hi uh — I want to buy this postcard. I can’t find a price though, ah shit I left my money up in the room let me just — “ 

Before she can hurry towards her room though, Ruth stops her.

“ It’s okay, Darling. You can have it for free. “

“ Oh no, I —  “

“ Please. You asked about the birds that pretty much the most anyone has cared about this place in a while. Take it. I want you to have it. “ 

It’s kinda sad, (Y/N) thinks. That her just asking about those silly birds made Ruth this happy. That people pay so little attention to her adorably little bird room.

“ Thank you, Ruth. That is very sweet of you. And this place is adorable. “ 

“ Thank you, dear. Do you need a stamp for that ? “

(Y/N) sighs “ No. No I don’t. “ 

The Bean is a little diner at the edge of town looking out onto the Wabash River. It’s emitting a perpetual smell of coffee and waffles and breakfast food.

Steve is munching down an entire plate of eggs and bacon. Oh to have the metabolism of a teenage boy.

(Y/N) takes another sip of her black coffee, hoping that the caffeine is gonna help keep her awake and not get too tired during their drive. After all they plan on being on the road for the entire day.

The pancakes on her plate are long forgotten. She hasn’t really been feeling like eating since it all happened. It’s like she’s acting on power saving mode. Always tired. Always sad. Always working on half speed.

“ You should eat something. You need it. “ Steve remarks.

“ Are you flirting with me ? ” 

“ I uh — what ? “ 

“ Male cardinals feed females as part of their courtship ritual. A female’s partner bears total responsibility for satisfying her dietary needs. “ 

“ How do you know this ?  “

(Y/N) smiles and takes another sip of coffee “ my friend Ruth recommended me some interesting reading material “.

She doesn’t mention that the nightmares didn’t allow her much sleep and that she spent most of the night staying up reading the informational magazine. There’s things Steve just doesn’t need to know.

“ Alriiiight. “ Steve exclaims, eyebrows raised “ Hey, what’s that. You gonna send a card home ? “ he asks and motions towards the postcard she’d been scribbling on while he had been ordering their food.

“ Nah. Not really. This one’s for someone else “.

“ Alright … hey uh. I think I should call my parents “ 

She looks up from her cup at Steve’s words. This can’t be happening. She can’t go back home now. He can’t bail on her.

“ Harrington “ 

“ Don’t look at me like that, I’m not turning around and crawling back home. I just don’t want my mom to worry. I need her to know I’m safe. “ 

That’s right, Steve has a mom too, not just an asshole dad. A mom who cared and who worries and who loves. God it’s been so long since (Y/N) had one of those.

“ Okay, yeah. But um — can you not mention my name. I don’t want any news to get to my dad. “ 

“ Of course. Yeah, no worries.“ 

“ Thanks “.

Despite what Billy always said about him, Steve seems to be an alright guy after all. His hair’s ridiculous though.

It rings once, twice, three times before someone picks up.

“ Hello ? “

“ Mom, it’s me. “ 

“ Oh god Steve. Honey where are you I’m worried sick “. 

That sends a little pang to his heart. His mother is a nice lady, she loves him deeply and she doesn’t deserve for him to worry her like that. But this is something Steve has to do, if not for (Y/N) then for himself. 

“ I’m alright mom. I’m taking a friend on a — uh a roadtrip. “ 

“ A roadtrip ?” 

“ Yea. To uh — “ his mind wanders to Billy. “ We’re going to help her brother “.

“ Okay, well are you alright ? “

No. He hasn’t been alright in a long time. Since 1983 to be completely honest.

Maybe this trip is just what he needs. A way out. An escape. 

Steve leans his head against the payphone, taking a deep breath.

“ I don’t know, mom. But I’m safe and I need to just — just get away. “ 

“ Is this because of what happened with the Holland girl ? Or the mall ?“ 

Yes. All of it. If only she knew.

“ It’s just a lot lately. Can you just trust me in this, mom. That I’m doing what’s best for me ? “ 

His mother hesitates for a moment before clearing her throat.

“ Of course I do, sweet boy. But I am a mom and I do worry. I always will. “

It warms his heart. To know someone does care and someone does love him, no matter how much he messes up.

“ I know. I love you and I’ll be back soon. I promise. I just need to do this, for me.“ 

“ Be safe, Steve “ 

“ I will. “ 

Before he hangs up he can just about make out his father’s voice in the background, asking if “that’s him” and “what’s he messed up this time ? “

And it once again becomes crystal clear why getting on the road with (Y/N) is the best decision he’s made in a long time.

He walks back over to her, as she leans against his car chewing some bright pink bubble gum.

“ You ready to head out ? “

“ Yup. Your parents mad ? “

“ No. Surprisingly not. Mom just wants me to be safe. “ 

“ Aw little Stevie. How adorable. Anyway let’s go. “

As they both settle back in their seats, Steve slides the signature dark shades back onto his nose and turns towards (Y/N). 

“ Sooo, snacks ? “ 

“ Snacks “ she nods and throws him one of her signature smirks “ definitely need some twizzlers to survive this trip “.

 “ Happy Birthday to me “ a freshly 9 year old (Y/N) mumbles as she buries her feet in the warm sand. It’s almost time for the sun to set behind the horizon and color the sky in beautiful shades of reds and pinks and oranges.

For the last 8 years this has been a moment she has shared with her mom. Every birthday the two of them would come down to the beach and watch the sunset. Just them two.

Billy had the morning to spend alone with mom, going to the beach to catch some waves, and (Y/N) got to have the evening. 

They’d sit and talk for hours and hours and hours. About everything. The silliest things.

This year she hasn’t so much as called. As if neither (Y/N) nor Billy ever existed in her life.

Billy’s been grumpy all day, refusing to spend time with his sister and deciding to go hang out with some of those stupid boys from the neighbourhood that always call (Y/N) dumb names.

(Y/N) watches the sun lower itself as if to drown the light in the dark water of the ocean, when a little plastic bag lands next to her. Just a moment later Billy drops down onto the ground too.

“ Got you some candy. Twizzlers, your favorite “ 

“ Did you steal them ? “ 

“ No, dingus. I bought them with my own money. “ 

“ Good. Means I don’t have to feel guilty when eating them. “ 

It’s silent for a moment as they sit beside each other, watching the sunset.

“ Hey I’m sorry “ Billy whispers, as if speaking any louder would mean destroying the magic of the moment.

“ It’s okay. You’re sad. I’m sad too. “ 

“ I’m not sad “ he claims “ I’m angry. So angry. “ 

“ You can be sad and angry at the same time. They’re not mutually exclusive. “ 

“ Stop using big words. “ 

“ Sorry. “ 

Billy takes a big breath “ I’ve decide “ he exclaims “ that from this moment on I’ll missing her. If she doesn’t want to come home, doesn’t want to see us. Screw her. I don’t need her and neither do you. “ 

(Y/N) knows that’s absolute bullshit but she also knows that Billy has a certain way of coping with loss and sadness and maybe she doesn’t share his ways or understand them fully but she can respect them if it means he’s less angry and less sad.

“ Okay. “ 

“ We don’t need her because we have each other “ he says, placing his hand on hers “ right ? “

In that moment, little (Y/N) knows that whatever the world is gonna throw her way, it’s only half as bad with her twin brother by her side.

“ Of course. Always “ 

If only they had known how terribly short ‘always’ would turn out to be.

_________

tags:

@sargent-barnes // 

[penniesforthestorm]

“Something’s happening, isn’t it, Margaret?” Twin Peaks Recap, Season 2, Episodes 6 & 7.

Given the nature of these episodes, and what will need to be discussed from here on out, I’m putting a spoiler warning on this. (I mean, I intended these to be for people like myself who’ve watched the show before anyway, but just on the off-chance you’ve been reading along and this is new to you... if I were you, I’d stop now. You’ve been warned.)

Episode Six, “Demons”:

-”I thought you were different!” Harold’s whole speech here, with its references to ‘contamination’, ‘betrayal’, etc.-- he isn’t really talking to Donna or Maddy.

-Audrey on being rescued, “I prayed you would come.” Not for nothing, the song the little girl plays on her radio in Episode 8 of The Return is “My Prayer” by The Platters... Also love Coop’s delivery of “Goodnight, Mr. Horne.”

-I have in my notes: “GORDON!!!” Gordon Cole, of course.

-The scene between Maddy and James-- her clothes in this scene are very ‘grown up’: the wool coat, the long scarf. (More on this later...)

-Josie and Ben Horne: I haven’t said much on this storyline to date because it feels so separate from everything else, but I do like them in this scene.

-aside, inspired by the pizza at Leo’s ‘homecoming’-- wonder what kind of weird s%^& you’d see as a pizza delivery driver in Twin Peaks...

-Pete. Martell. Can we just have a word for how gol-danged lovable Pete Martell is?

-and finally, the One-Armed Man (I forgot how long this thread drags out). Again, really like Al Strobel’s performance in this scene; really brings back the darkness and menace of the situation.

Episode Seven, “Lonely Souls”:

-Maddy talking about her job and her apartment-- as I think I’ve mentioned, I grew up in Missoula. There’s a brick apartment building right next to the high school I attended, in one of the oldest parts of downtown. I imagine her living there-- going for sandwiches at Worden’s Market sometimes, shopping in the old Missoula Mercantile building (in the early 90s, it was The Bon Marche. It smelled like perfume and face powder, and I thought it was the most sophisticated place in town)...

-”Good thing Andy didn’t see this one.” Bless you, Hawk.

-Ben & Audrey-- worth noting that he is honest with her, and does seem genuinely horrified that she was ‘Prudence’.

-Sarah Palmer, crawling down the stairs. It’s so much worse when you know what’s coming.

-”There are owls in the Roadhouse.” Somehow I’d forgotten that Margaret goes with Harry and Coop. (Also notice ‘the waiter’ sitting next to Mike and Bobby)

-James and Donna. They’re so good when they’re together.

-And we see it, finally: BOB and Leland and poor sweet Maddy. This scene is just... It’s awful. Really nasty and terrifying and awful. Obviously yes, they lucked out with Sheryl Lee’s superb, ethereal scream, but even without that, it’s a remarkable horror sequence. The way he grabs her and holds her, the way BOB kisses her and Leland whimpers, “Laura, my baby...” This is something I’ve thought about a lot: Laura was growing up. She wasn’t a little girl anymore-- in some ways, was desperate not to be (the drugs, the cigarettes, working at One-Eyed Jack’s). In the same way, as I’ve touched on previously, Maddy was trying to leave, trying to have her own life. Aside from all of the supernatural stuff, this is a really sharp look at the way abuse works.

-”It is happening again.”/ “I’m so sorry.” Another sharp detail: The Giant and his brethren being unable to intervene directly. (Again, something to return to in future installments.)

That’s it for now; stay tuned. We’ve got a long stretch ahead, I may batch these up differently just to keep myself sane. (I am watching *all* of Season 2 again, just to satisfy my completist urges, so again, you’ve been warned.)

[triggeringthehealing]

marked

Stiles/Derek | PG13 | ~3.3k | AO3 Content notes: future fic, establlished relationship, canon divergence, angst, hurt/comfort

Summary: They play with their prey. Not in a “let me have a little fun chasing you before I kill and devour you” kind of play either. No, it’s the kind where they capture a werewolf — or sometimes a whole pack — and then torture them in ways that put Kate and the Calaveras’s electrocution methods on the level of having to watch Barney the Purple Dinosaur on repeat.

A/N: Written for the fandomwritingchallenge, June prompt: brand A/N 2: Once again, sorry about the late posting :/ 

Stiles figures it out by accident.

He’s been researching the latest big bad that is threatening the fragile peace in the supernatural community of the Northern California area when he comes across a hunter pack that seems to be in the area.

“The McKennas? Oh hell,” Chris reacts when Stiles mentions them.

“Well that sounds awesome,” Stiles replies, gearing up for news of the Gerard variety.

“Think Gerard and Kate combined,” Chris says, and Stiles shivers at the thought. “I have some info about them, I’ll get it to you. But it’s not pretty.”

“Yeah, well, I’ve learned that a lot of the hunting side of all this tends to be ugly,” Stiles says with a sigh. “Not that I think we’ll ever reach the rock bottom of either side, to be honest.”

When Chris gives him the info and Stiles starts looking into the hunter family and what they do — besides the typical hunting — he gets really close to declaring it the absolute bottom of the pit. He has seen hunters who were bad. He has seen monsters — Jackson included, back in the kanima days — who were terrifying. But what he’s seeing on the pages makes him almost appreciate Chris’ comparison to Gerard and Kate. Almost, because there’s no way he can genuinely appreciate something that makes his stomach turn just at the thought of it.

They play with their prey. Not in a “let me have a little fun chasing you before I kill and devour you” kind of play either. No, it’s the kind where they capture a werewolf — or sometimes a whole pack — and then torture them in ways that put Kate and the Calaveras’s electrocution methods on the level of having to watch Barney the Purple Dinosaur on repeat. Which in itself is obviously not pleasant, as Stiles has learned now that some of the pack have procreated.

“They do what?”

Every person in the pack has that exact reaction when they find out. Well, almost everyone who’s present at the pack meeting when they discuss the threat. There’s one person who’s suspiciously quiet in the face of the information, but at first, Stiles is too busy too busy relaying what he found to notice.

He tries not to go into too much detail, but Lydia is looking over his shoulder and making gagging noises already, and he sees Isaac cringe away when he throws a glance at the pages Stiles printed out.

“Chris, why are they allowed to continue operating?”

It’s John who asks the question, and Melissa pulls him back from looking at the details. She is a fierce nurse, has seen things that would cause permanent trauma to some people, and Stiles knows it’s instinct in her to be protective. John returns the protectiveness the same way, but Stiles always rejoices a little when she reminds him that she’s in his corner when it comes to keeping John from too much stress.

“As you can guess, they’re not really controllable,” Chris says, sounding angry and defeated at the same time. “They think that they don’t need to follow a Code, or any rules. They see themselves as some sort of vigilantes, controlling the werewolf population by any means necessary, because none of the other hunter clans do enough in their opinion. And they are solely focused on werewolf packs, no other supernatural creatures are seen as a threat. They just… make sure that the werewolves are punished for existing.”

“That’s insane,” Danny pipes up from the laptop where he’s already sifting through the information that Stiles threw together.

“If there ever was anyone that Kate,” Chris spits out the name like it’s poison, “was looking up to, it was the McKennas.”

Stiles feels the moment that the name reaches Derek’s ears. He knows, because Derek’s grip on Stiles’s shoulder tightens to the point of bordering on painful.

“Not again,” Derek whispers, low enough that only Stiles seems to hear.

Everyone goes back to looking at the information, and they start talking about their possibilities, but Stiles can’t. He doesn’t move, not even when Derek’s grip eases as he moves to join the others.

Stiles can’t follow, because his brain is already connecting Derek’s quiet comment with everything else he knows. With information that he found, snippets he dismissed as impossible and didn’t include in the printouts or files that the pack is discussing. Because there were things that he thought were rumors, too outlandish even in light of everything else he saw.

Branding, he thinks, his mind conjuring the images that he spent half the night before trying to forget.

The McKenna clan doesn’t kill all of the werewolves they capture. Most of them don’t survive the torture — things like being locked in tight spaces, which was what made Isaac step back earlier — and some get killed as part of the process. But a few, usually only one out of a pack, get released after some time. Those who do ‘get away’ aren’t left unmarked though. Stiles clenches his teeth when the vivid images of a branding iron and a blowtorch cross his mind.

All of a sudden, he realises that Derek didn’t just know how to make a tattoo permanent because the Hale pack had been into tattoos, or because he’d encountered the method in New York’s tattoo parlors that specialized in non-human clients.

It’s the thought of the city that makes Stiles finally step forward, and he strides over to his laptop, then nudges Danny to make him move. His fingers are flying over the keyboard moments later, filtering through the information on the hunters’ known locations and movements. As he does so, he’s already remembering the date of that fateful night when he dragged Scott into the Preserve to search for what turned out to be Laura’s body. When he lands on a match, his sharp intake of breath makes the pack turn around in unison.

“What?” Jackson asks, the first one to speak into the brief silence.

“Nothing, nothing,” Stiles mutters, and he closes out of the file he was looking at before Danny — who’s already walking over — can see it. “Just… all of this,” he waves his hand at the screen and nods towards the table with the papers.

There’s no way he’s talking about it in front of the whole pack. Not when Derek clearly isn’t sharing it with anyone, not when Stiles is pretty sure that no one besides Derek knows, including Peter.

But he’s sure now, has zero doubt that at some point between the Hale house fire and Laura’s return to Beacon Hills, Derek had an encounter with the McKenna clan. He’s also sure that said encounter is the reason why the Hale triskelion is in such a prominent place on Derek’s back.

Like a target, he thinks and cringes, the implications more horrific than he wants to think about. His mind wanders though, like it always does, and he can’t stop it any more than he could stop the world from spinning. He manages to act like he’s scrolling through the files on screen, but he’s not seeing anything that’s on there. Instead, he keeps thinking back to the Derek he met years ago, alone and angry at the world, the one who all but growled at Stiles and Scott. The one who spit out “This is private property” like they were set on destroying the last thing he had left — the land that belonged to the family Derek no longer had.

He thinks about Derek before that, the one he remembers from the days when werewolves were just special effects in horror movies to him. The Derek whom Stiles knew as the high school’s basketball team star. The same one he recognized at the ruins in Mexico when no one else did. And he thinks about the Derek who gave in to Scott’s pleas, the one who picked up a blowtorch and made his own brand on Scott’s skin, ignoring how he was given the one on his back.

“Stiles?” It’s Derek’s voice that brings him back to reality. “Are you okay?”

“What? Yeah, I’m fine,” Stiles says a little too quickly.

“You’ve been trying to scroll down this page for over a minute after you got to the end,” Derek points out, and Stiles blinks. “What’s up?”

“It’s nothing,” Stiles says. “Well, no, it’s just all this,” he nods at the screen. “What can we do?”

He’s not just asking Derek but also the rest of the pack. And there’s no response at first, everyone equally shaken by what they’ve been looking at for… well, Stiles has no idea how long he was lost in his thoughts.

They don’t find a solution that night. Not that anyone expected it — the McKenna clan is a whole different ballpark of horror movie villains — since they only just figured out what they’re facing. Chris leaves first, with the promise of finding out more, putting out feelers to more friendly hunter clans. Isaac follows shortly after, joined by Scott and Allison who are already sticking close to him, no doubt preparing for the nightmares that they’ll need to soothe him through. Stiles winces in sympathy when he thinks about the images of the cellars and the lockable boxes covered in claw marks. It’s only a memory for Isaac now, but Stiles imagines it’s not one that’s easy to shrug off.

Erica and Boyd rush off when they get a call from Boyd’s Grandma — they leave Alicia, their three year old, with her during pack meetings, but she gets antsy when things are as tense as their current situation. Derek explained once that for children that young, the pack bond isn't completed, but they still feel everyone’s distress much like human children get upset when the adults around them do.

Stiles melts into a hug from his dad before he and Melissa head out for work, John’s arm around her shoulders as he mutters things to her that Stiles isn’t sure he wants to hear. It’s still pretty new, them dating, and they’re not too old to be giving the younger couples a run for their money in terms of PDA. Stiles deals though, because his dad is happy again. And Scott’s now his brother for real.

Peter lingers, along with Jackson and Lydia, until they gather up all the information. When Danny eventually tugs Jackson away for a project that they apparently have a deadline on, Lydia asks for a ride home.

“You staying?” Derek asks Stiles when the loft is almost empty.

“Dad’s on a double,” Stiles says. “I wouldn’t mind claiming the couch.”

Derek nods, and then he heads over to the corner where Peter’s sitting on the spiral staircase, glowering at the floor. They fall into conversation so quiet that Stiles has no way of hearing or understanding, so he finishes tidying up the table and puts the laptop away instead. His mind circles around the dates he saw earlier again, and he remembers snippets of what Derek disclosed over the years.

There are little things, like the way Derek said “I couldn’t” once when the discussion veered to his arrival in Beacon Hills after Laura was killed. The time when they talked about the Hale family history, and Jackson asked if everyone had a tattoo of the triskelion. Derek’s “no” was that little bit too harsh for Stiles to know there was a story behind it. Like then, he’s not planning on asking anything outright.

He also doesn’t want to act like he didn’t figure out the connection between Derek’s triskelion and the McKennas though. They promised each other a long time ago that they would try to be as honest and open with each other as possible, and Stiles isn’t planning on breaking that promise. It’s just that he doesn’t know how to broach the subject. Or rather, seeing as the whole situation is already out in the open, and it’s only a matter of time before someone else — Stiles wouldn’t put money on whether it will be Lydia, Danny or Peter — connects the dots, Stiles doesn’t want to pretend that he didn’t.

He wants Derek to know that he knows. That there’s no judgment, and no expectation of Derek talking about it if he doesn’t want to.

When Derek sits down on the couch, Stiles startles and glances around, then realises that they’re alone now.

“Peter?”

“Went to his apartment,” Derek says, leaning back in the cushions, looking a lot more relaxed than during the meeting.

Stiles can see right through that though, sees the way Derek’s fists are still clenched, the way his muscles are tense.

“He said there might be something more in the old notes in the vault,” Derek continues, seemingly oblivious to Stiles’ concerned look. “He’ll go check it out tomorrow. We’ll have another meeting in the afternoon.”

Stiles nods and hums in acknowledgment, watching as Derek closes his eyes and breathes deeply, in a way that reminds Stiles of his own methods to shake off panic attacks. Carefully, he moves his hand and lowers it on top of Derek’s, then twines their fingers when Derek turns his palm up.

“You sure you want me to stay?” Stiles asks a few moments later.

It’s not that he wants to leave, or thinks that Derek being alone is a good idea, but he’s not going to make decisions for anyone. If Derek needs time to process, Stiles will give it to him, no questions asked — at least not until later.

“Please,” Derek whispers.

“Okay.” Stiles nods, and sits up. “I’m gonna get my pillow and a blanket. Then I’m gonna need your furry butt off this couch, it’s mine.”

“This couch?” Derek asks, raising an eyebrow. “Because I do recall your protests about how it’s ugly and not comfortable enough,” he says with a more relaxed smile.

“It grew on me,” Stiles shrugs. “Well, not literally, but me and the couch are bros now. We have an understanding. I don’t diss it, it doesn’t make my back hurt.”

“I don’t really think it’s sentient enough for that, Stiles,” Derek says, this time with an actual chuckle. Then he pauses and Stiles looks at him, a little unsettled by the silence, and not at all comforted by the way Derek’s brows are furrowed.

“What?”

“What if you…” Derek starts, then he glances down on the coffee table. “Would you…?”

Stiles waits him out. He would anyway, but today he’s just that little bit extra determined to let things unravel at Derek’s pace.

“Want to come up?” Derek finally says, and it’s so quiet that Stiles only hears it because he’s right by Derek’s side.

It’s a big deal that Derek is asking. Not because they wouldn’t be in a “spending the night together” stage of their relationship yet. They have, in Stiles’ room, here in the loft on the bed that’s still in the corner — it somehow survived all refurbishment and is used a lot during pack movie nights — and in Stiles’ dorm and later his apartment when he was away in college. Back then, they even spent time together in Derek’s place in New York, the small house outside the city that Laura had bought years ago.

The thought, coupled with what Stiles has put together now, sends a shiver down his spine.

But here in Beacon Hills, in the loft that’s seen so much bad and has been rebuilt to mean so much good, barely anyone goes further than a few steps up the spiral staircase. Sure, Peter likes to sit there and watch, and occasionally Boyd or Erica use the small spare bedroom to let Alicia have her nap when the pack is all gathered downstairs. But other than that, the only person who goes up is Derek himself.

“Are you sure?” Stiles asks, fingers tightening around Derek’s. “I want to. I have wanted to. But since you never asked, I assumed it was a werewolf thing.”

“Like, my den of werewolfy solitude?” Derek asks, eyebrow lifted along with the corner of his lips.

“More like your own space not intruded on by my human stench,” Stiles shoots back, and he leans a little against Derek’s arm.

Instead of replying immediately, Derek turns his head and buries his face into the crook of Stiles’ neck, and he breathes in deeply. Then he pulls away just enough to speak while Stiles is trying to ignore the Pavlovian response his dick has to Derek’s stubble on his skin.

“I like how you smell,” Derek says, then takes another deep breath. “It’s… calming.”

Stiles takes a moment to reply, then he can’t help but chuckle.

“Wow, okay, that’s gotta be the only time anyone ever called me calming,” he says, and he gives Derek’s hand a squeeze.

“Well, most of the time you’re moving too much,” Derek says, a smile playing on his lips but not quite reaching his eyes.

Stiles doesn’t try to argue with that. He knows he’s a fidgeter, constantly in motion. It’s what unnerved him so much about the Nogitsune, what should’ve been a dead giveaway to everyone. Derek told him that it was, eventually, but he wasn't around enough to point it out to others.

He’s so lost in the memories of those times that he almost doesn’t notice when Derek gets up. Their hands are still linked though, and Stiles startles a little, then looks up and meets Derek’s eyes.

“Come on,” Derek says quietly, and Stiles nods.

They walk up the stairs in silence, holding hands all the way until they’re in Derek’s room, and Stiles can’t help but stare then. He’s not trying to memorize the bedroom, and it’s not like he’s seeing anything particularly shocking, but still, it’s Derek’s space and something about being there feels special. When Derek lets go of Stiles’ hand to change, Stiles follow suit, and moments later they’re lying down on the soft sheets, facing each other. Then — and it’s not the first time either — Derek turns around and Stiles slips closer, pressing his chest against Derek’s back, against the triskele that’s stark black on Derek’s body.

He can feel the trembles in Derek’s chest when he puts a palm against it, and he bends his head just enough that his lips land just above the outline of the ink. Derek reaches up, links his fingers with Stiles’ and takes a deep breath.

Stiles kisses along the curve of Derek’s shoulder, lips trailing from the side towards the back of Derek’s neck, and then down, until he reaches the tattoo. He drops a kiss there, gentle and as soothing as he can make it, then he moves up until his lips are right below Derek’s ear.

“I know,” he whispers, and he feels Derek tense. “I saw the dates.”

Derek’s breathing is shallow, shaky, and Stiles presses himself closer, holds Derek like he’s trying to stop him from falling apart. And maybe he is, maybe it’s helping. He hopes that it is.

“I’m here,” he says in between breaths. “I’m always here.”

He can feel the quiet sobs rocking Derek’s body, the trembling that reverberates through both of them, and he holds Derek closer, tighter, all while whispering “I love you” over and over against his skin.

It’s not until some time later, when Stiles is trying to fight off sleep, wanting to be there for Derek but too tired to be completely awake, that Derek settles down.

“I love you too,” Stiles hears, and when he feels Derek’s breathing even out, he closes his eyes and follows him into sleep.

[rmuldrake-blog]

Twin Peaks Part 14 Coffee Time

Well here we are we are now 4 hours away from twin Peaks finishing “the return” story, the pile driver punches just keep coming.

So the episode kicks off with Cole calling the sheriffs department in Twin Peaks he is returning Frank Truman’s call, Truman is providing Cole information on the missing page of Laura’s diary. There a wonderful little scene between Lucy and Cole. I can only imagine was Lucy and Andy’s trip to Bora Bora would of been like.

We stay with Cole and the team for an explanation of the first Blue Rose case

Olympia, Washington, 1975

2 field agents investigate a murder in Olympia, Washington. (Cole and Jefferies)

They arrest Lois Duffy at a motel.  They kick the door in after hearing a gunshot, there are 2 women inside. One on the floor dying the other holding the gun then drops it whe  the agents entewr

The wounded women is Lois Duffy on the floor she speaks

“i’m like the blue rose” and then smiles then dies and disappears

The other woman is also Lois Duffy she doesnt have a Twin sister Albert comments. 

While awaiting trail Lois Duffy swears she didn’t commit she hangs herself.

Tammy is asked what question should she ask she returns with 

“whats the significance of the blue rose”

“blue rose does not occur in nature its not a natural thing, the dying woman was not natural, conjured,  whats the word a tulpa”

Tulpa (Tibetan: སྤྲུལ་པ, Wylie: sprul-pa), nirmita (Sanskrit: निर्मित), or thoughtform, is a concept in mysticism of a being or object which is created through spiritual or mental powers. The term comes from Tibetan "emanation" or "manifestation".

“Good” Albert retorts.

This scene plays out very much like X files, so its probably why I liked it so much, The tulpa has also appeared in X file law in season 6′s Arcadia (the one where Mulder and Scully play house) and in season 10′s home again (the band aid man)

Cole enters the room with his thumbs up  Coffee time

Diane is on her way but before that we get the window cleaner, Moving on quickly...

Then we get the bombshell, On the last night that Diane saw Cooper did he mention Briggs Cole asks, she doesn’t want to talk a bout that night, but Cole pushes her. She confirms that he did, Albert then spells out what has happened to Briggs and the ring that was found

The next part I was shouting at the screen over and over again in Doctor who fashion.

Diane’s half sister is Janey-E and is married to Douglas Jones everyone calls him Dougie. Shes estranged but last heard they were in Las Vegas.

So my initial thought straight away hit me, Cole Albert and Tammy have now asked about Vegas, Diane got that text basically asking as much, We don’t know which side of the fence she is sitting on but she did seem genuinely shocked when they asked about Janey-E could it be that things are starting to make sense to her now the pieces are falling in line?

Cole calls the Vegas office there are 23 Douglas Jones in the area, (why did they not mention Janey-E is anyones guess surely that would of narrowed the search a bit.)

“How are we going to find the right one”

“WILSON HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU THIS IS WHAT WE DO IN THE FBI” 

Brilliantly funny my x file fandom also struck a chord albeit in a slightly different way.

““Thats why they put the I in the fbi” Xfiles pilot.

So were no more than 15 minutes in wow, so much stuff to mull over already,

After Diane leaves we get Cole bringing everyone up to date with the missing pages of Laura’s dairy, with the revelation of 2 coopers but after Cole’s first case I can see now why this may be more low key than I imagined it to be, A footnote in another Blue rose case. There are 2 coopers we now know what we are dealing with, but suspicions were probably already there this acts more of a confirmation to them, 

Monica Bellucci dream, “Oh boy” Albert sighs and Tammy... well her look say’s it all.

So the dream:

Paris Cafe, the music is deliberately tense and suspenseful. Cooper was there but no face could be seen only his chin, 

Monica was pleasant and had brought friends. While having a Coffee Monica quotes the phrase 

“We are like the dreamer who dreams and then lives inside the dream, .... but who is the dreamer”

Monica looked beyond Cole while he was feeling VERY uneasy. As he looks back we see scenes from Fire walk with me.

Cooper says it 10:10 February 16th. Cooper was worried about the day because of his dream, Jefferies appears and points at Cooper asking 

“who do you think that is there”

Cole and Albert both hadn’t remembered that. Its seems to be a running theme I am picking up on at the moment. more on that later.

I don’t want to theorise too much but dreams are a kin to the lodges, are we seeing a guiding force to the final act or a we seeing some very timey wimey stuff going on.

So back in Twin peaks the boys are getting ready to go into the woods, sandwiches are laid on the table and Andy is having just cheese, Reinforcing the fact that he is a simple standard guy very plain non corrupted. well thats the way I see it especially with what happens shortly, 

They arrest Chad and I can pretty much imagine the whole fandom punching the air, screaming yes. I did. I can only assume that because they all were leaving for the mountain that they wanted him out the way now.

Up in the mountain I had a very uneasy feeling, we had the hum but we also had Andy at the back and a bit behind them in a couple of scenes while they are walking, it gave us milliseconds extra screen time but it did feel like something was about to happen. 

The listening post is gone Bobby remembers lots of machines and then we arrive Bobby laughing on seeing Jack rabbits palace. One thing to note here 

The pan up the trunk is VERY reminiscent of the purple place before we see the Giant/Fireman and the birth of the golden Laura Orb.

253 yard due east with soil in their pockets we find Naido, Andy comforts her a vortex appears and he ends up sitting across from what we now know is the fireman. Andy is basically shown the entire history of the twin peaks story the explosion, Convenience store, GOTTA LIGHT, Laura’s death, Coopers ganger and even some future events (Lucy being shown something by Andy it would be funny if this was only a self fulfilling prophecy and there is nothing to the scene whatsoever ) Also included is the post where the kid got killed and the number 6 I have a feeling this post has been in the show before i’m guessing fire walk with me but not sure.

I feel that Andy must of been picked as he like cooper is not corruptible he is pure, plain like the sandwich no additions just who he is.

We return to planet earth, Andy is as confident as we have EVER seen him, he now has a purpose and he will do everything he can to complete his destiny. Naido must be protected and no one must know where she is. 

Truman and Hawk are struggling to remember what happened, its a running theme throughout then whole show with Cooper, Cole, Diane, People in the bar, anyone who may of been close too or in contact with the otherworldly beings or supernatural vortex's etc, 

We get an Andy and Lucy scene in the cells, a dog got lost and Lucy must have stayed the night Andy remembers that night too, Please don’t tell me Wally was conceived there Ha Ha.

Chad gets a lecture from Andy and we get a really bizarre guy mimicking everything, With blood or some other substance coming from his mouth, its a genuine WTF moment. I need to know more. 

We find ourselves at the Great northern with Freddie cracking nuts with his distinctive green glove and finding out its James birthday.

It appears James is after another married woman (sighs), Renee, could that be the girl who was at the bar when he was singing. Also I have had the thought that is this scene prior to our first bar scene, James doesn’t know who is on. Surely you would know if Lissie was on? No?

We then get the green glove Iron fist story, Where did he start bleeding? it must of been terrifying to the doctor  We also hear a lot of what the fireman had said, he has never spoken so much (off screen obviously), Freddie says London Town, when was it last called London Town the Victorian ages?? The fireman tells him that he will possess:

“the power of an enormous pile driver” we get the Jobsworth story and the cockney slang (i’m not a fan) of snapping his Gregory, (Gregory Peck=Neck), There is also a red card metaphor just in case you didn’t realise he is English, The fireman tells him to go to Twin Peaks to for fill his destiny.

James heads down to the furness’s we get the same noise down hear from up above in Ben's offices and a door, The whole scene seems to call back to Bob we see him in an area very much like this one i think in Fire walk with me if memory serves me right.

SOOOOO we come to Sarah Palmer, I can only guess it leads on from her boxing scene, no more drink needs one goes to bar. 

An obnoxious guy tries to hit on her, which turns out to be a HUGGE mistake, once Sarah takes off her face we get spikes clawing out of her face a hand which has a blackened spirit finger (as discussed on the plane by Cole to Tammy) and then a smile worthy of the cat from Alice in Wonderland, once the face is back on we get a devastating chomp on his neck. Is Sarah aware is she possessed or is she in complete control, does she have that creature in her from episode 8, is it as i have been educated recently Babylon from the box has it taken her over, Is it even Sarah soo many questions its left deliberately ambiguous. Her final remarks, “sure is a mystery huh” is just chilling.

So we are back at the bar another 2 random people talking about getting high, (Twin peaks seems to have a really big drug problem), Then we come to Billy, This girl is supposedly the last one to see him, she goes on to tell the story in the kitchen she thinks her uncle was there she is not sure, Billy jumped over a 6ft fence got into the kitchen blood coming from nose and mouth, he’s looking really strange, they don’t tell anyone? (did they remember it at the time my guess is it just left there mind as these things keep happening.) and we also find out that he has been having a relatioship with her mom TINA, The moment we get her name ominous music comes over.  The girl looks down and then asks “and then he just ran out again” its almost as if the previous question didn’t happen like she forgot, its all links in thematically. She also now doesn’t know if her uncle was there, where as before she thought he was. 

There are Probing questions here “have you seen Billy”

“ive heard you were the last person to see Billy”

“Whats your moms name” 

All these questions feel deliberate the others are lighter in tone. 

To me this probably was the most intriguing part of the whole episode. what an episiode it was.

Who is Billy? Is he having multiple affairs, Audrey, Tina etc, Who’s the dreamer, Is it Cooper, Is it Audrey in a COMA, Whats that thing in the CELL near Naido and Chad? Who’s after Naido is it the experiment? Whats happening with Sarah? Is she polar opposite to Laura now? Is the fireman creating a force to protect the white lodge? There is a plan in place it seems.

We have a lot to get through in 4 hours, and its going to be glorious.

[indigo-streaks-in-her-hair]

500 Follower Ask Celebration :)

welp, here we are with 500 beautiful lovelies reading our fics. when we first started this blog, we never imagined such a wonderful response. everyone is the nicest & we both can’t express how grateful we are for every one of you.

thank you so much for sticking by us, even during our rough times. your support means the world to the both of us, & you all keep us going more than you think. you all inspire us every single day, & never fail to make us laugh.

you, yes all of you, are the best followers in the whole damn universe. you’re all irreplaceable & extremely dear to us. we love you guys so much. words can’t begin to describe how we feel.

and so, since we literally can’t come up with anything else to do on this momentous occasion, our original plan for 500 was to reblog a long ass ask list for you guys to send in numbers, but since that would all be complicated on the matter of the two of us answering, we decided to just answer all these 45 questions.

you’ll find the questions and our answers under the cut! enjoy!

 um she’s really lovely and sympathetic and true and magnificent and her name is summer and the most annoying thing about her is that she’s not annoying at all. -v

pretty much the fact that vic is better than me at  e v e r y t h i n g . she’s so much more caring and generous and beautiful and she’s always there for me whenever i’m having a bad day or if i’m just lonely or whenever i need someone to talk to. she’s also super polite and hilarious as hell. -s

2 • least favorite tv shows? 

oops sorry if i offend some people but i really don’t like vampire diaries, thirteen reasons why, gossip girl, or the uk version of the office. -v

i don’t, like,,,,, watch tv much so all honesty, i can’t really have an answer for this? sorry?? -s

3 • favorite moment with your best friend ( s ) ? 

oh omg i was texting summer a few weeks ago discussing and finalizing which fic requests we were each going to be taking and we had that one request asking for a connor imagine in which him and the reader take zoe to get her wisdom teeth out so i said something around the lines of “i can take connor and the wisdom teeth” and i literally froze before following that up with “omg that could be a name for a band”. summer freaks out and we’re both laughing hysterically over text and we stop everything and just spit out crappy band names that include connor and various body parts like “connor and the tonsils” and “connor and the funny bone” and even “connor and the fractured pelvis” and we’re absolutely dying because we can’t stop cackling at this stupid thing i brought up which made me laugh out loud a hundred times and i ended up scaring my own grandmother when she saw me giggling crazily with my phone. she ended up cutting me a slice of pie because she thought there was actually something wrong and the pie might help me calm down. so if the person who requested “connor and the wisdom teeth” is reading this right now i just wanna say thank you for requesting and your idea is amazing and your fic will forever be iconic ily. -v

oh my god, i was literally going to say the exact same thing vic did, but i guess i can choose a different memory.  one time vic posted a pic of a turtle on her sc story and i was like “girl omg” and she remembered that time she played the character Turtle in her school’s production of The Westing Game play and then we started reminiscing on our old nerdy memories like when a projected video didn’t work for her and she had to just say all the audio backstage, or the time after my school’s cheap ass production of the Wizard of Oz during curtain call i tried to quickly change from my farmhand costume to my tin man costume and i forgot to put my shoes on and i slipped and fell on my ass during curtain call (i also forgot to bow but unimPORTANT) and it was just so sweet and cute but honestly every moment with vic is the bEST. -s

4 • what’s one quality you would like to have? 

hm i’ve always wanted lighter eyes, mine are this boring brown color. whenever i’m in sunlight, they become shot through with these bits of gold and amber and it’s super pretty and that’s the only time they really lighten up. it would be really nice if they were like that all the time. -v

my big nose and thin hair have been the #1 qualities i’m most self conscious of, so i would really like to either have a smaller nose, or thicker hair. my face is already super oily as is, but my nose is the worst part, and i’ve always hated how my nostrils are almost as big has my eyes. as for the thin hair, you always have to be cautious about what you do with it, because there’s so little of it. like, i’m hella prone to sweating, which sucks, so if i sweat too much, my hair can easily build up enough grease to look like i just got out of the shower in a matter of minutes. or if i sleep on it the “wrong way”, and portions of are crinkled awkwardly or sticking out, then that’s how it’s going to look the entire day. and i can’t do any cute hairstyles with it because it all will fall out. -s

5 • name three people of the same sex you would kiss, marry, or fuck. 

kiss rachelle ann go, marry pippa soo, and fuck laura dreyfuss oops. -v

kiss pippa soo, marry eva noblezada, and as for the other one,,,, i’ll get back to you on that.. -s

6 • do you like your full name? 

hell no it sounds so boring and standard. -v

hahahahahah, no way. -s

7 • tell me your most embarrassing memory. 

erhm so many? how do i choose? i’ve tripped in front of crushes hundreds of times, i spelled a word wrong in a spelling bee that i really did know how to spell but my anxiety acted up and i panicked so badly, i ran into a sliding glass door literally yesterday, when i was little i sang in a public bathroom and everyone heard, i also fell out of a tree? does that make me evan hansen? -v

oh n o. there’s too much there, i swear. um, i got so nervous when someone asked me what my name was, i told them i was “helen”, but i think that was because i accidentally said “hell” too loud and tried to cover it up. i’ve tripped so many times on a flat ground. once i was crying in a public bathroom and a kid started banging on the door and told his mom that no one was in there, so before they got the staff to open the door, i panicked and hid my face in my sleeve as i ran out of there. omg there was also one time, a long ass time ago, someone asked me who my favorite member of one direction was and i didn’t know who they were because in my house we don’t listen to (at the time) contemporary music. not to mention anything in english?? but anyways, i’d heard of them but nothing about them, so me, trying desperately to fit in said “i like all four of them”. and they told me “there’s five”. there was also a time i was invited to this girl’s retreat thing in her youth group when we took a field trip to this pumpkin patch and they had this corn maze and we tried to go through it, but i got lost and nobody was around me and for some reason i thought everyone just left so i was terrified and crying and just started running straight through the corn. but then one of the other kids saw me and called me out to everyone and i was too embarrassed and anxious to say “i got lost”. there’s probably so many more memories and probably worse ones too, but in short, my life is a huge embarrassment. -s

8 • favorite color to wear? 

pastel baby blue is my number one. i have this off shoulder blouse that’s this pretty sky blue color and white and i think it’s my favorite item of clothing. -v

i can’t make a lot of colors look good on me so usually i turn to black, gray, or any dark shade. -s

9 • favorite restaurant? 

there’s a vietnamese place called “saigon diamond” in my city and it’s absolutely wonderful and i would go there every single day if i could. -v

i love this little place, it’s called “cafe vie” where they have boba tea, spring rolls, phở, all sorts of vietnamese food and it’s just so quaint and the food is the best there, honestly. i’m so hungry now. -s

10 • what would be a good first date for you? 

take me to a broadway show and then dinner and i will be the happiest girl in the world. -v

vic pretty much took it away at “broadway show” for me. and dinner is hella important, food is so good. i don’t have high standards, but if you really want to make an impression on me, then i’m literally the biggest sucker for romantic gestures. -s

11 • are you a good wrestler? 

thumb, yes. arm, no. full body contact, idk about that but i do know karate so i will fight you. -v

lmao, no. -s

12 • are you allergic to something? 

up until the time i was five or something i was allergic to grass and i had to wear pants whenever i went outside and it was honestly horrible because i couldn’t play tag or run around like other kids my age. -v

i honestly don’t know but most bug bites i get can get hella blisters and really gross even if i don’t touch them. -s

13 • would you be a good singer? 

i’ve been singing pretty much my entire life but it was only this year that i started gaining confidence with my voice so i guess i consider myself a good singer? i’m not completely there yet, though. -v

i really hope so. i’ve been a big choir nerd since i was 7 or 8 and i’m really passionate about singing, but that really has nothing to do with skill, i guess? i don’t really like the sound of my voice, but i’m pretty decent at harmonizing. -s

14 • who’s the last person you said “ i love you ” to? 

summer aka the shining light in this dark world. -v

victoire aka the actual light of my life?? love you, vic -s

15 • what car would you buy if you had enough money? 

um a porsche obviously because that shit is prime. -v

literally any car that doesn’t break down. as long as it can transport me from point a to point b without any troubles, then i am set. -s

16 • favorite cover of a song? 

currently it’s that cover of ben platt singing “ stay ” that’s floating around tumblr rn and i think i had an eargasm when i listened to it the first time i was so shook. -v

i can’t pickk a favv omg. everyone is so frickin talented it makes me actually want to curl up and yell. -s

17 • what was your last conversation about? 

coincidentally it was summer telling me we hit 500 and me proceeding to flip out. -v

hah, i don’t remember who it was with but i went around telling a couple people that my dad took my phone and i can only contact them from my crappy chromebook. -s

18 • where were you born? 

good ol’ michigan in the usa where i still live today. come visit us because we have chocolate fudge, cereal, and eminem if you like that kind of shit. we also have lots of lakes and pretty places and we’re so cool we’re shaped like a fucking mitten. -v

kansas, where i also still live today. maybe i don’t get out much, but it’s kinda boring here,, -s

19 • least favorite app? 

there’s this app on my uncle’s phone called “ chicken scream ” where this chicken has to jump onto platforms but to do that you have to scream and the octave of your voice determines how high the chicken jumps. seriously fucked up and i hate it but it’s hilarious watching people play it. -v

anything that can’t entertain me for more than two minutes. i have such a short attention span -s

20 • tell me two facts about the country of your birth. 

um we have the largest air force in the world and we sell enough pizza every day to cover one hundred whole acres and no i am not lying i read this in a book ok bye. -v

uhhh… its abbreviation, “USA” stands for the United States of America, and it’s made up of 50 states. -s

21 • do you like wearing sunglasses? 

actually i hate wearing sunglasses because they get tangled in my hair but if a pair looks good with my outfit then i will wear them for the sake of fashion. -v

i don’t wear sunglasses really at all, so i guess i can’t really have an opinion on them? -s

22 • when’s a good moment for a first kiss? 

goodbye kisses are the best, do not tell me otherwise. walk me home and then kiss me goodbye at the door and i will be thinking about you all the damn time and i’ll can’t wait to see you. -v

i think for a first kiss it should be a very important thing, so whoever you have it with should be really close to you, and someone you know that even if things don’t work out, you can always look back on it as a positive memory. but what would i know? -s

23 • what are your nationalities? 

i was born in america to immigrant parents who came from the philippines. along with the filipino blood, my great grandmother on my dad’s side was chinese, and my great grandparents on my mom’s side were spanish. -v

i was also born in america to immigrant parents, but they were from vietnam. my great grandparents on my mom’s side were chinese. -s

24 • what would make you drop college / university? 

ha are you kidding me if i ever dropped out of any sort of education my strict asian parents would probably disown me and mushu the dragon would appear out of nowhere and give me that whole “ dishonor ” speech. -v

^damn vic, i couldn’t have said it any better. -s

25 • a crossover between two shows ( any shows ) you would like to see? 

idk about any of you but a crossover between riverdale and doctor who sounds hella awesome. i’d definitely watch that. -v

frick;; i don’t watCH TV at like,,, all?? -s

26 • long or short hair? 

on me? honestly i prefer to have long hair but i’ll go shoulder length if i’m really feeling brave or something. when i was little i had super short hair with bangs so i was basically an asian dora the explorer. -v

short hair, for sure. i used to have hair down to my waist when i was younger and that was probably the grossest thing about me because it was so disproportionate to my head/face and made me look like if E.T. had two long strands of black yarn on its head. but even before that ofc i had a bowl cut. what asian kid doesn’t have a bowl cut, honetsly. although, over the summer i don’t cut my hair so i can dye the ends, then have it cut when school starts. the farthest it goes down is barely past my shoulders. -s

27 • a character from a book / tv show that shouldn’t of died? 

max lightwood from the mortal instruments book series was the purest bean, and he wasn’t even ten years old yet and that definitely broke my heart. as for tv characters, i sobbed for days on end when arthur from the bbc show merlin died. -v

um,,, crap idk. -s

28 • favorite movie scene? 

pitch perfect two where ben platt’s character benji musters up the courage to kiss emily before the bellas go on. idk why but it’s so cute? maybe it’s just ben? -v

sidenote: vic, i love that scene. anyways, maybe that final scene in heathers where martha gets her one line. idk. -s

29 • do you ship more fictitional characters or real people? 

fictional characters of course. who would i be without my otps? -v

definitely fictional characters. -s

30 • favorite country song? 

i seriously despise country music. i just don’t like it. it’s bleh. i don’t really know half the artists or their songs so i can’t have a favorite. -v

frickin “your man” by josh turner. i’m seriously kidding. i don’t listen to country music efiouhadjhdsilvb -s

31 • favorite john green book? 

it’s tied between “ paper towns “and ” looking for alaska “ because both are equally cryptic and beautiful at the same time and i love when books are like that. -v

heck, i really like “looking for alaska” -s

32 • least favorite ed sheeran song? 

oh come on. i love ed. you can’t expect me to pick a least favorite. but when it comes to the song i skip over most of the time it has to be ” even my dad does sometimes “ from multiply ( x ). -v

uhhhhmmmm… hell if i know -s

33 • favorite ship? 

malec from shadowhunters will always be my otp until the day i die. the ship is so diverse and has so much chemistry and if you read the books magnus and alec are so in love i can’t handle. -v

i don’t frickin knowwww. i’m honestly feeling so attacked right now. i’m so sorry if all of my answers are like this, i’m literally the most indecisive person in the actual world. -s

34 • how do you deal with sexual tension? 

uM -v

uM -s

35 • name a celebrity who died that you miss. 

our queen carrie fisher. i grew up with star wars always on my tv and when i heard of her passing i cried and rewatched ” the force awakens “ with blankets and two boxes of tissues. -v

there’s really too many to choose from, and thinking about all of the happy memories they’ve brought to me and everyone is just getting me so emotional. -s

36 • favorite harry potter spell? 

i’m really fucking basic but ” lumos “ is the best. it’s so simple. it’s light. and idk why that resonates with me but i just think everyone needs a little light these days. -v

i literally said “lumos” too, but now i’m going to choose “riddikulus” because turning boggarts into something funny proves that anyone can find humor in their biggest fear. -s

37 • something you are scared of losing? 

my family. there’s no way in hell i’d make it through life without my little brother or my grandparents who are there for me. -v

i’m terrified of losing the few friends i have. everyone i used to know didn’t have a single hesitation in forgetting me or even trying to lose contact with me. -s

38 • someone you regret meeting? 

i could make you a list and tell you what each one did to make me regret even looking at them but i don’t wanna go out on a full on bitch rant about these people who ended up wasting my time. but i’ll just say i’ve met my share of shitty human beings. -v

too many. there have been too many people who’ve hurt me or betrayed me or have honestly made me feel like a horrible person, and i really wish i could forget every last one of them. little tip: it doesn’t matter how long you’ve known a person, it doesn’t excuse any sort of bullshit or betrayal they’ve done. -s

39 • have you ever been hurt by someone you thought was your friend?

yes and it’s caused a lot of emotional and mental issues. i’ve been backstabbed and used so many times and i just wish i could stop being stupid and blind for not seeing it in the first place. -v

god, yes. i wish it didn’t take me this long and this much damage to realize i shouldn’t have been throwing around my trust or my yearning to be accepted so lightly. getting hurt by the people you thought cared about you most is the most awful feeling, especially knowing that every single act of kindness and sympathy and love to them meant nothing. -s

40 • do you easily open up to people? 

yes and no, actually. it ultimately depends on the person and whether i have a connection with them. -v

it’s really hard to open up to people in real life because i don’t know if they’re confidently lying to my face or will use my own words against me to people who also know me irl. but online it’s easy to open up to my friends there because i can find people who understand shit i go through and actually take the time to give a crap. -s

41 • what is a gift you love receiving? 

hugs. i love hugs. gimme all the hugs you got, boo. -v

damn, v knows exactly what i’m going to say. i love hugs so frickin much, but honestly any sort of affection is all i need, like, smooches? yes?? compliments? absoLUTELY?? cuddles??? MARRY ME?!?! -s

42 • what is something you could leave easily? 

erhm maybe my notebooks? i usually journal in them but not that often anymore. -v

probably hair clips. i really can’t do anything with them, and on me they’re really tacky. -s

43 • rant about what’s eating you up. 

i’d really rather skip this one if anyone doesn’t mind, i’m sure i’d go on for a hundred paragraphs about my stressful life plus i’m sure it would annoy you. and my problems are the kind of personal ones i’m not comfortable putting out in public yet. -v

i really agree with vic here, i don’t want to be a huge bother to y’all and it’s really a touchy and personal subject here. -s

44 • if you could make a phone call to anyone right now, who would it be and what would you say? 

i’d call ben platt, tell him how much i love him and how much i love the show and whole cast, all while screaming and shaking. -v

i was going to freaking say ben platt too, seriously. i wish i could thank him for how much his representation of evan and the build up of his character has made me find something to relate to and learn to appreciate myself more, even in the slightest. i’d also love to tell him that he shouldn’t have to feel apologetic for doing the things he does to take care of himself physically and mentally, and his fans should be more than supportive of him taking care of his well-being. i’d also ask him to tell the rest of the cast, creative, and standbys how much i seriously appreciate them, but honestly i’d be speechless if i knew he was on the other end of the line. -s

45 • are you easy to love? 

aw yes. people say i’m lovable. i’m been compared to a teddy bear before. it’s happened, trust me. -v

i should hope so, but not very many people like to stick around me. i mean, i try to be someone worth loving and i’m more than happy to spill out all of my love to anyone who just asks politely <3. -s