#also count in the ed stuff that is a lose/lose situation in terms of being able to function because it’s like. if i eat it tanks my mood

[vigilantejustice]

having a gr8 time

[inappropriatefangirlneeds]

Gotham s5ep5 “ Pena Dura” Personal Review

“Your chance to be a part of this mission”    Warning spoilers below

HARVEY BULLOCK Wow they really put him in the spotlight. First JIM GORDON´s praise. “What you are is the best cop that I know.” If Nygma outsmarts them he wants him to take over. “I need your help, buddy.”. Then he actually listens to Bullock when he doesn´t want to be side lined. Although, I suspect that if it would have been physically possible for Jim Gordon to arrest Oswald Cobblepot he would have done it himself.  Then Harvey gets a moment with BRUCE WAYNE. Bruce is looking for Jim and Harvey is like “Sorry, kid, it's just me.” But in this episode Harvey matters and they have a moment before Bruce batdissapears on him before he can finish his sentence. “I see people losing their will to do good. People I love. What if we don't make it out of this?”  “Because the little things mater. Act by act, deed by deed, it means something. Even if no one notices or cares.” Harvey talks about paperwork (and wow did he basically address my question from last week, he indeed did, partly  .. ) but it´s paperwork that matters and keeps you sane. BRUCE WAYNE / JIM GORDON  & HOPE Haven just blew up but it seems Bruce is much more occupied with SELINA KYLE´s case. Granted there is more personal investment and that issue of him feeling guilty because Jeremiah targeted her about him but it´s an interesting notion to have Bruce to struggle with hope over a more personal matter. While Jim Gordon had his “hope struggle” moments last week over Haven and missing support from the Government. Seems that Eduardo Dorrance might bring a more personal twist to it.  ACCESSORY TO MURDER Selina Kyle & Bruce Wayne Bruce Wayne compares Selina killing Jeremiah to him killing Ra´s al Ghul but Alfred Pennyworth begs to differ: Selina and Bruce are not the same. On is murder and one is not: “Jeremiah made Selina a murderer. Just like Ra's made me a murderer.” “Ra's goaded you into stabbing him, Master Bruce. He used you as an instrument. You're no murderer.”  I´m not here to judge on that but I judge a tremendous neglect in the writing here: Does anyone remember REGINALD REGGIE PAYNE, the guy that arguably threatened Selina and Bruce, the guy where Bruce made a move to push him out of the window and Selina actually did it, claimed not to do regret it and that she would do it again. This would be such a great argument for Alfred´s point. Moreover Alfred has a personal reason to remember the death of someone he had a personal relationship with. One would think, he might bring that up. It´s not like he was ever holding back on things when it came down to discrediting Selina Kyle. Granted they had their nice moments but it seems his first unfavourable impression and judgement still holds.  Alfred Pennyworth is the first one that brings up the instrumentation of a person for murder. Which comes up with various terms again and again: Instrument/ murderous puppet/ being controlled remotely / tool / killing machine. With EDUARDO DORRANCE I think we lack a specific work but his just following orders credo makes him basically a tool for killing as well.  Edward Nygma  tries to figure out why he blew up Haven. He himself his first station then the electricity grants him a flashback that leads him to Oswald Cobblepot (“How could you? You have made me into some murderous puppet.” ) which gets him on his path to Hugo Strange.  Both SELINA KYLE & Edward Nygma have an element of control. Despite Bruce´s repeated claims that Ivy´s medicine changed Selina and she is not herself it´s unclear if or how much this is true. Also Bruce knows he didn´t want to kill Ra´s however with Selina we´ve not that much insight (with the possibility of the plant altering her) and only the modus operandi to judge.  EVERYONE KNOWS EACH OTHER SO WELL * Bruce Wayne & Selina Kyle. “You're no murderer.” “But Selina is.” “You're not the same. She did what she did with open eyes, and you got to learn to respect that, son.” “You're wrong about her, Alfred.”  It´s about the murder, but it is about so much more: “It wasn't your fault. You were just a scared kid.”  The savvy Gothamite knows: Ah Bruce is talking about himself, that´s what he feels guilty about. Selina Kyle promptly picks up the notion. “No. You were the scared kid. We are not the same, Bruce. I didn't do anything because I wasn't willing to risk my neck for someone else because I didn't care. That's who I was and that's who I am.” (Goes on to say she loves "Psycho" by Grim Streaker) I´d say still sounds like case of scared kid, and if it´s just on the basis that they were kids. * Someone do a good paralells meta for 4x12 when Bruce was the one drinking at the Sirens and Selina went in being like “That´s not you”.   * Oh there would just be a lot of quotes that deal with responsibilities and No1 but I´m lazy * Jim Gordon knows himself, that´s why he sent Harvey Bullock to go after Penguin.  * Then we have Jim Gordon acknowledging that Edward Nymga had him framed and more than on his toes. “We're going after Nygma. He's ten steps ahead. This thing goes sideways, you're gonna have to take over.” He should have known him better though or he would have noticed that suspicious arm reaching for the book.  * Edward Nygma  while struggling with what his body does still has a remarkably good grasp on who he is. For him it is clear:  “You're not a murderer, Ed. Except Kristen Kringle. And Officer Dougherty.” Well not that kind of murderer. Good except that issue where is list is like a couple names short. This is repeated when he appeals to  JIM GORDON  “You know me, Jim. The people that I have hurt, they hurt me first.” [I wonder if Ed appealing to the emotional side of things is meant to echo Jim´s “what happened to you” approach in 2x17 ] With BARBARA KEAN Edward´s focus is less on the motive and emotional part it´s about intellect and modus operandi: “Barbara! Am I dumb? In all the years of plotting and the betrayals between us, have you ever ever known me to do something as idiotically brutal as shoot a rocket into a building full of innocent people?”   All of them eventually have to believe that Edward was innocent because they know him.  * Jim Gordon & Eduardo Dorrance  So we finally get some more on Jim “a war hero” Gordon´s military background, which is great but idk I can´t quite make anything of what they gave us. “We hated each other in boot.” “Jim disapproved of my ops tempo.” “Yeah, 'cause you only had one speed: too fast.” “Took me a while to realize he wasn't afraid to get his hands dirty. Just being careful.” “Well, Jim's taught me a thing or two - about being careful.”  That HARVEY BULLOCK says that could provide some great meta if I wasn´t too lazy to properly look into the line of his old partner DIX in  DIX 1x06:   “He's a loose cannon. He thinks he's a white knight, jumping into the breach like some idiot in the movies” First it´s trust and old friendship with EDUDARDO and JIM: “I trust you know what you're doing.” “We do what we have to do, right?” But soon Jim and Eduardo are opposite forces: “After all this, you'd kill me for some bureaucrat?” “Mission comes first. You taught me that.”  This really makes me wonder what Jim did that Eduardo says this!!  Also SEASON 1 Backflash: “You know I hate this spook crap. I don't ask questions; I follow orders.” “Walker wants you to put a bullet in his brain.” “Call it proof of loyalty. It's what she needs from you before she can move forward with final relief plans.” “Jim, ours is not to reason why. And this is your chance to be a part of this mission. So please. You pull the trigger on him, or I pull the trigger on you.” * It mirrors the Jim and Harvey contrast with Harvey being the one talking about questions above his paycheck but after everything Harvey still follows Jim´s disruptive tendencies. It´s about personal responsibility, control, and in Jim and Eduardo´s case we could get some take on the "Nuremberg defense" issue.   * It mirrors the situation with Oswald Cobblepot. Once more an established order tells Jim Gordon to shoot a man, that´s not technically innocent but didn´t commit the crime in question. And once more Jim doesn´t kill but this time he doesn´t get to claim his loyalties lie with the established order.  [For a moment Jim contemplated just shooting Ed because look at what happened with Oswald, he just can´t have another relationship like that] * I wonder if we will get some flack for Jim´s decision to honour integrity over supplies? Just briefly, before it is revealed how it was actually and not only morally the right thing.  FRIENDSHIP Oswald  & Jim  Oswald Cobblepot still tries to count on Jim Gordon.  “Harvey, you're not thinking clearly. Maybe call your boss, see what he thinks.” But Jim isn´t there because he made a decision to not be there.  Oswald´s line of having had only two friends from which one he shot is sad. And I don´t know but after all the “friend” and “favour” stuff between them the “no friends” statement from Jim really hurt: “You know, they say you can judge a man by his friends.” “This from a man who has no friends.”  But at least their dynamic still works, once you get them together and disturbing forces out of the way they still run smooth for the sake of Gotham  “You're protecting a mass murderer. Don't look to me for sympathy.” “Fine. But not with that meathead around.”  Edward Nygma & Oswald Cobblpeot * “Ed, what have you done?” First of all the delivery of the line killed me! Which is not even an exaggeration. * “Of everything that you have put me through, this this is the most cruel.” This was almost as impressive and heart wrenching. * Also I´m just going to put the words down there. How, how did they sound so much like vows?! Oswald just touching his lips, putting his hands in front of them covering his mouth before he can muster so speak further. Oswald later walking right up to Edward pressing the gun into his heart. Could anyone deal with this?!  (Also what is so fundamentally wrong with me that this kind of totally is what I want, like that´s what I´d ask for in any friend or relationship, and on the one hand it´s like just a very basic just knowing and acknowledging each other but also this trust that should be as basic but just really isn´t and oh idk that was just a really special scene.) “What was I supposed to do? Let you die? After Butch, you were my only friend.”  “You shot Butch!” “Which is why I needed you! Edward Nygma, if I wanted you to suffer, I would never do it in some backhanded way.” “If you and I are ever at odds again, you will know, without a doubt, that I am your enemy. I promise you that as a friend.” And then Edward followed up with a “yes I do” and his own vows.  “I might have killed you, Oswald. And if that day comes I swear to you I will stare you in the eye as I stab you in the heart.” * Then a BETRAYAL? And then right away Oswald tells Edward to stay where he is because he´s going to be save while telling his men to get Nygma. Why did you have to break up that wonderful moment so quickly? Self preservation is a wonderful thing but not on the expense of those feelz. Quick, someone meta/fanfic this “betrayal” into something more palatable. Something like, Oswald only said that because he knew Edward would know to disappear at once, they just know each other ~that~ well, okay that´s better, a super thin argument but I´m fine.    * Oswald in this context saying “They want him, not me.” (*)  is so wrong because no honey, you are a double now a TWOFER, as Eduardo phrased it. With one raid they´d get Ed and Os. They are inseparable now.  * This is why they now both looked into the barrel of Jim´s gun while Jim gets told to kill them for loyalty reasons. * This is also why they both had the exact same approach to Jim Gordon this time. Jim Gordon is NOT GOOD CHANCES: Edward: “Once words gets out that you're responsible for Haven, you'll have a target on your back.” “I'll take my chances.” Oswald: “Even if I were to let you go, sooner or later, the Army's gonna come for you. Things are changing in Gotham.” “I'll take my chances.”  * “But first, did you name your dog after me?” How didn´t we get a reaction to EDWARD NYGMA´s question. I get it the whole mass murderer question but I´d like an answer to that one too, especially since they threw in that other JoJo dog business. Honestly I was not living that electrocution scene. (And it´s not only about the fact that Sofia and her dentist made him look much prettier.) but the  “You anthropomorphizing nincompoop. Dogs can't smile.”  sold me on it. It was worth it. Also Edward pretending he doesn´t want to be shocked again when this is going to be his escape and getting them to ignite the fuel was a good one “Please. Shoot me, stab me, anything but another jolt.” * Another marvellous line from Barbara Kean: “I am going to cut your face into a jigsaw puzzle and watch you try and put it back together again.”   * HUGO STRANGE is back and promptly sends a corpse sliding and then wipes hands. Icky. So those lined up hanging body bags had me distracted so I didn´t pay enough attention on the one that Edward Nygma would jump out of. However I think this made me suspicious enough to not trust the “I will write it down. That way, if I'm ever confronted, I can honestly say that I never told you.” Like usually I´d agree, that´s a good plan, makes sense but ha not this time. Love that they kind of paralleled this with Edward reaching for the book in front of Jim and Eduardo. Is that even a proper parallel?  * EDWARD NYGMA tries to control the script  “Let's skip the part where you deny making me into a killing machine.” He wants to get to the point. When Strange starts with a nebulous “I may have tinkered a little with your grey matter.” Edward is like: “Would you just …”  and Strange complies with an answer: “I put a chip in your brain.” “It allows you to be able to be controlled remotely.”  * I am wondering if Hugo Strange really didn´t know about the alter ego situation? It could be right? Either his situation was the reason why the chip worked (which negates my other question below) or maybe this will be the thing that makes Edward overcome his issue? Maybe the other side will surface again and they both got a common enemy: The chip and they unify over that task. THEORY?  * Also the fandom has been all about all the Eds and Nygmas and used various name variations and now the show comments on this and it´s not helpful at all? “You did something to access the Ed Nygma side of my personality.” “But you're Ed Nygma.” “I'm also the Riddler!” Is he thinking of himself as (an occasionally riddling) Edward right now?  * “I developed a tool.”  “A tool? How dare you?”   Haha, he sounded SO offended. * Quick question, why did remote controlled Edward go through the corpse tunnel, was his perception working while he was switched off and did he see Jim escape through it?  PLACES AND THINGS * Can we talk about how pretty the first place of that RPG selling guy ( Gerry Grekov) was. So pretty! Guy got peacock feathers in it.  * What was that movie he was watching? * The floor is Lava! The Edward Jim scene was gorgeous.  * As we established Jim knows Edward he just doesn´t know him well enough to pay attention to that arm that grew longer and longer to reach the right book. Like seriously Jim how could you miss this, even I was on my toes dying to know what he would do. And he boobytrapped the library. Marvellous! The chess riddle with the movements and the books. Marvellous! More please. The shots were really pretty too.  * Apart from Edward´s arm growing longer and longer we got his long legged self running over the cushions. Marvellous!

JEREMIAH VALESKA “Verisimilitude trumps precaution, you see.” “That bullet is making you sentimental.” * So the present is some resurrection. How did they reverse all the decay. Is it the same bodies. Magic, Science.  Also am I paranoid or might there be some connection to Hugo Strange´s “The last body you procured for me was gangrenous. Completely unsuitable.” line. Unsuitable doesn´t mean unusable. * Jeremiah knew Mr. Wayne, didn´t he. I´m too lazy to look things up but there was a connection. Is he also doing this for himself. Family reunion cause he never had a (good) one?  * Sorry but EDUARDO DORRANCE is boring, get on the program Gotham doesn´t do boring. Clearly Eduardo Flamingo was the superior Eduardo. * “I'm gonna wring this nerd's neck.” Careful Eduardo, this other nerd is just in the progress of saving your life.  * “You left the Army for this city?” You know, I keep saying that people would probably better be off just getting the hell out of there but the reaction to this line showed me I´m as stupid. I mean not that it´s something new all the bathtubs alone had sold me. And army, army instead of riddles like that and freedom to wear leather, pink hair, how´s that even considered competition. * THERESA WALKER why did she need Edward Nygma? If they had a public trial, execution then yes but Eduardo didn´t seem to be concerned about getting him alive, they could have just sent in some random guy? They got all those military people in now I´m sure they could have done less before and it´s probably less effort than commissioning a human drone? * “We need shock and awe.” “Shock and awe is my default.” I wonder if this was foreshadowing because after all the Haven thing could fall under that strategy. They only sent in military after this devastating and shocking destruction. OSWALD COBBLEPOT BEING HIMSELF AGAIN? “Edward, I believe the time has come for a change of scenery.” What is Oswald Cobblepot up to?! What did he store down there, what are his plans? He didn´t seem to be too worried about the military. He must have some kind of plan? Also the “Please. An invasion is tanks, infantry. These are scouts.” line gives me hope that he is prepared.  (*) On the other hand him thinking the military would not go after him too, only Edward, while he was “on top of” the list seems to point into a different direction.  Also someone any (head)canons on Oswald Cobblepot and knowledge about military, has he been ever connected to military terms? He´s been in Jim Gordon´s soldier vision/dream thingie, I don´t know why this line stuck so much with me, but the dismissive patronizing smug deliver was marvellous.

[momo-de-avis]

From a very early age, I was interested in languages and books. I sort of had a natural inclination to it. My mom fed it, of course. At the age of six, I had this book I loved that was one of those kiddy books that taught you german. I always had it with me, and by that age I knew how to say all the colours, how to count to twenty-nine (cause I kept forgetting how to say thirty) and a lot of the animals. I wasn't super smart, I was just interested enough that I allowed myself to learn as much as I could while my mom fed it.

So of course, by the time I was 5 I knew how to read. Not just put the letters together to create a word, but what the words meant (kiddy books, naturally). No one really taught me, except those times when someone sat with me teaching me how to write my name. I was just super hungry for understanding things around me. Back in the 90s, the Cartoon Network we got in Portugal was american (and briefly english, and then american again) with no dubbings or subtitles. I learned eanglish super early by binge watching powerpuff girls, Dexter's laboratory, Edd, Ed & Eddy, cow and chicken and overall hanna barbera. I wasn't smarter than everyone else. I just wanted to learn. I was always an average student, still am. I just exceeded in this stuff I loved doing because I really loved learning about it.

My boyfriend has a niece and a nephew, and they're some of the smartest, most well educated kids I've had the chance of meeting. Their mother has taught tem to explore their identity, to nurture their creativity and to reward and experience kindness. She lets them explore all their interests and says it's important that they experiment while they can, which is one of the most validating things you can say to a child. On the other hand, my nephew is spoiled with little regard for others. He gets a shit ton of gifts every year, expensive gifts that he doesn't cherish. If he loses or breaks something, his parents merely scold him for five minutes and then a few weeks later buy him a new thing. He's five and has already had three tablets (his own, not like mom's or dad's that he can use) and four watches. Those four watches, one he lost, the other was a gift from someone outside of the nuclear family, the other was a smart watch for kids (that records and takes pictures) and the latest, gifted this Christmas, was Ferrari watch he was allowed to play with freely (going as far as sticking it in his food and all his parents did was yell at him to not do that).

But you see, my brother is an overachiever. He is a business student, so take that as you will. When the kid was four, he got him into kart racing. According to him (and from what I see) the kid loves it, but at five he already wants the kid to be a pro racer and get into competitions. He proudly announced he is already racing 7 year old karts despite being five (karts that go over 70 km/h). He fed the kid a million shit toys about maths and numbers. Ever since he was born, he has given him little toy cars, yes, even collectible items that those old men keep on a glass stand and polish every month.

And yesterday, he announced: he can read and write.

I told him: no, he can't.

Partly, I meant that he can't because he's five, and he's not supposed to even care about it. Of course, there are words here and there he gets, and he copies his own name and other people's name, but not much different from what I did at his age. But I also meant he doesn't know how to read and write, because I know my nephew and he doesn't. He has incredible photographic short term memory. He can memorize anything by just glancing at it once, which in itself is an incredible talent alone, but one his parents don't care about. I realized that was how he 'learned' how to read and write, because if I mix one letter of his name, he won't notice, and if I mix them all he can't say what's the word supposed to be. If you ask him to write each letter of the alphabet, without visual reference, he can't do it either. But if you show him rhe letters and ask which letters are those, he will say it.

Then again: he's fucking five. It doesn't matter, he should be learning that fully at school. It doesn't mean he shouldn't attempt to learn on his own, if he wants to - which is exactly what my mom did with me. She never taught me how to read, but let me teach myself how to understand. Sometimes, she would sit with me and tell me that those letters put together meant 'apple' and that sort of shit. Even that, if you ask me, is too much,but innocent enough if you deal with it accordingly. But the thing is this is not what my brother and my sister-in-law are doing. (Of course, there are kids who can develop that at an early age, but trust me, no one in my family was that type of kid.)

There's a story on why I insist on this, one I never really gave much relevance to. It was just something that happened to me that I could see as a red flag for this sort of shit, although until today I never really understood the implications of it.

You see, I didn't feel smart, like at all. I just really loved colours and letters, which was what I saw in these books. But when I was five and in kindergarten, my mom told my teacher I knew how to read. Mind you, this was kindergarden. All we did was draw shit, play princes and dragons and sit around while our teacher read us stories. We weren't even allowed to use forks and knives, we were all forced to eat with a spoon, even the kids who knew how to use a fork and a knife (because we were all five year olds eager to destroy shit around us and with a very blurred definition of danger). But after my mom said that to my teacher (who, by all accounts, was a nice lady) she did something I resented my whole life and I never really understood why.

She picked me up in front of every single kid in my class, sat me on her lap, opened a book and said "Ana knows how to read, so today she is going to be the one who reads for us"

And guess what, I didn't say a word.

The moment I told my therapist this, she frowned and said "that's horrible!" I agreed, but still didn't know why. She asked me what did I do, and I said I stood there quiet, refusing to read. I remember vividly the book, it was a book about Snow White. I remember so well not wanting to read that I just know what I did was out of spite. And I said I didn't really know why this was horrible for me, but it was. So my therapist put me through those mind-travelling moments that begin with "let's go back to that day" and made me realize what it was. For a five year old who didn't even feel like she was learning, just having fun, I felt exposed. And by being exposed as "the best at reading among a class of kids who can't even conceive why a person isn't green", I felt terrified of making mistakes.

My then teacher brushed it off as "she's shy", and for the next 10 years, everytime I froze in a situation like this, I was "just being shy". Being shy was the excuse for everything in the 90s, apparently (spoiler alert, I wasn't shy so much as I was I severely anxious and terrified of failure thanks to a domino-effect of stuff like this).

I told my therapist I insisted, as I actually had done on other occasions before, that my nephew didn't know how to read because this is what pretending your child is a genius leads to: a terrible pressure on being the best.

To make matters worst, I went to the same private school my brother did, and he was one of the best students of his year. Me, I was average. My brother excelled at math and sucked at literature, was average at languages. Me, I sucked at math, excelled at literature and languages - but that difference right there labelled me my whole life as "below her brother". My brother was exceptionally good, but me, I was unfortunately less. They tried coming up with lame excused, always disguised as "she needs to try harder": she doesn't pay attention in class, she doesn't try hard enough, she has potential but is lazy. Fast forward twenty years and it turns out it was not only a case of dyscaculia but a shit ton of psychological problems that at least once put me on the brink of anorexia, but I guess until you fucking die, it's just being lazy.

Now here's the kicker: my nephew will be attending the same private school my brother and I attended next year. You think they have forgotten us? They haven't (well, not my brother, anyway). My teachers and my brother's teachers are still teaching at that school.

So this kid is gonna grow up in a closed environment of rich people as the son of one of the greatest students of his class. And trust me, it isn't an isolated incident. I remember one of my friends being one of the best students of her year, and her sisters had a shit ton of pressure on them. The middle one in particular was even the troublemaker, simply because she wasn't as good. That's what happens when you grow up in a closed environment of a private school that functions like a private housing area of rich kids where several generations attend it, and I saw it happen more than once (if I am not living proof of it).

Anyone who meets my nephew immediately perceives he has problems. Several people have made that clear to me (without me even saying a word about it). Part of that is due to the fact that he is ridiculously spoiled (in a way neither me nor my brother were) and doesn't have a clear concept of basic stuff like personal limit (if he sees a cellphone, he will grab it and try to unlock it, despite not being his, and despite being told it's not his so he shouldn't do it), respect (he insults his mother, like calling her a liar) or the importance (or lack of) material things (he got a fucking Ferrari watch and was allowed to play with it like it was a toy, for Christ's sake). He constantly touches and uses things that aren't his and if you try to tell him he shouldn't without permission from the owner, he either throws a tantrum or try to steal it from you. If he does something he shouldn't, even if it's dangerous, like attempting to push the television off its stand (it's happened) or turn on the stove, no matter how severely you act, he will laugh and act as if it's nothing more than a challenge, and sometimes he will even look you in the eye and laugh as he does it again (the only thing that stops him is my brother spanking him, which goes without saying is terrible). He often grabs my sister-in-law's cellphone, or my mother's, and goes on youtube or online, or even text and send messages (more than once he has sent me pictures of himself through my mom's phone without her knowing) and neither of them will stop him, merely scold him briefly (they won't even take it away from him, they will just turn the app off and tell him he shouldn't use it and you can see the kid doesn't understand why, so he does it again). He keeps losing stuff but doesn't even feel remorse because they just buy him another one.

Now top it all with daddy and mommy always saying "he's really smart for his age, he is above average" when literally every single person that has met him says he has a learning delay caused by his parents (he's five and he still speaks like a two year old. Actually, I spoke fully perfect portuguese at two, and so did my mother).

So when my brother looks me in the eye and says, fully certain of himself, that he can read and write, when I say "no, he doesn't" I am trying to avoid the trauma of being put on a pedestal because you're expected to be that which your parents want you to be. I am trying to avoid the kid going through a bunch of situations like that day when I was five and I froze because the teacher put a fucking five year old on the spot without so much as asking me. Because this kid is growing up to be a rich, spoiled little monster with no empathy and no regard for nothing except himself, and the least I can try to do, since all else failed, is to try to warn my brother about the horrible consequences of doing to him what he did to me.

But of course, he doesn't give a shit. After all, his son is a genius.

Sorry for the long post, I'm on mobile and can't put a read more thing.

[racingtoaredlight]

Degenerate’s guide to college football season 2018 week 8 tv watch ‘em ups

I’m not about to make this a Michigan Wolverines blog but I’ve got to say it warms my heart the way Jim Harbaugh has risen back up in the rankings after being left for dead a few weeks ago. And now he’s facing the football avatars of the sickly Michigan State University so I kind of feel a pull towards rooting him on.

I can’t do that. I would be murdered by my wife and her family. But I might do it.

There’s other stuff happening but with Navy and Miami both effectively dead in the water I’ve already fallen into the mode of only hoping for chaos. There are so many teams that I wish ill upon.

See below for details!

Times are eastern. You can guess whatever else. I might be around to watch with you and I might be outside taking advantage of temperate weather in the desert.

Saturday, October 20

Matchup                                           Time (ET)                 TV/Mobile

Auburn at Mississippi                    12:00pm                     ESPN

Mercifully this one gets rid of itself quickly. Both these teams are bad and the rumors they are a-flyin that Gus Malzahn has all but announced his retirement. Or quitting or whatever. I don’t know if he means to quit coaching altogether or just wants out of Auburn. The racist south lost their best player but he’s a WR and they have three more superstars in that position group. Expect everything to happen and all of it to be inexplicable.

Buffalo at Toledo                             12:00pm             ESPN+ / WGRZ

If things break a certain way, Tyree Jackson could be the #1 quarterback in the 2019 draft. I think he’s probably third at best but somebody could really fall for his potential. Is he closer to Josh Allen as a prospect than he is to Andrew Luck? Absolutely. But imagine the delightful disaster that could be the Giants taking him in the top 10 and then thrusting him into starting duties before he’s ready. The franchise could never recover and isn’t that what we all want? The line has swung towards Buffalo to the point where they’re now favored. Maybe don’t bet this one, though.

20 Cincinnati at Temple                   12:00pm                    ESPNU

Things are setting up nicely for Luke Fickell to return to Ohio State as head coach.

Illinois at 23 Wisconsin                    12:00pm                       FS1

Paul Chryst has a whole season he needs to resurrect if he’s going to live up to his surname. To start he needs to beat the spread against shitty Illinois and that means he needs to beat the hell out of Illinois. The betting public does not trust him to do so but I sort of do. Wisconsin by 40.

Maryland at 19 Iowa                          12:00pm                     ESPN2

The most depressing healthcare story in football comes to the most heartwarming stadium in football and hell if it doesn’t seem like Maryland is the better team, records aside. The spread is shrinking and so is the over under. I don’t feel safe predicting much for either team in terms of outcome but 44 total points? That looks like free money.

Miami (Ohio) at Army                         12:00pm                   CBSSN

This game is crap.

6 Michigan at 24 Michigan State        12:00pm                     FOX

The capacity is limitless for each of these teams to fuck up to the point where you’re not sure whether they mean to play football or not. If I were you and you were betting, I as you would take Michigan State to cover +7.5 and pound the under (40.5.) 

Northwestern at Rutgers                     12:00pm                      BTN

Holy hell this is almost a MAC game.

9 Oklahoma at TCU                              12:00pm                      ABC

Wouldn’t that just be so Gary Barnett to beat Oklahoma right now and kind of fuck over the Big XII Conference. Oklahoma fired their DC last week and here they are favored by 7.5 on the road with an O/U of 61.5. The average total of a Big XII conference game is 94.3.

Tulsa at Arkansas                                 12:00pm                      SECN

Arkansas has started showing signs of life and I don’t know why and I really don’t know why they’re playing Tulsa right now.

North Carolina at Syracuse                  12:20pm               Raycom Sports

If you are unaware, the ACC is full of bad teams this year. UNC might just be the worst of the bunch. So of course they’re going to beat Syracuse today.

Virginia at Duke                                      12:30pm                RSN/ESPN3

The straggler of the early slate is a soul crusher just by listing the teams. UVA is coming off a big upset of Miami that has the Miami faithful, er, questioning their faith. Duke has only 1 loss and a terrible QB who has an odd distribution of hype.

Bowling Green at Ohio                           2:00pm                      ESPN3

Good job by Bowling Green to be bold in a bad situation by firing their coach. 1-11 just feels better without all the extra questions.

Idaho State at Liberty                              2:00pm                      ESPN3

Go Idaho State.

Florida Atlantic at Marshall                     2:30pm                   CBSSN/FB

Luther Campbell’s favorite coach is favored in the road for reasons unknowable. Bet on Marshall here.

Utah State at Wyoming                            2:30pm                      ATTSN

Utah State is a darling of computer rankings and they’re favored by 14 against Wyoming. I’ve got no advice to pair with these things.

Charlotte at Middle Tennessee                3:00pm                      ESPN3

I defy any one of you to offer a cogent expression of expectations for this game.

Eastern Michigan at Ball State                 3:00pm                      ESPN+

Look at all this stupid goddamn MAC football.

Western Michigan at Central Michigan    3:00pm                      ESPN+

At least it’s all happening at once and I won’t see it.

Akron at Kent State                                    3:30pm                      ESPN+

None of it.

1 Alabama at Tennessee                           3:30pm                        CBS

Tennessee got their first conference win in 2 years last week and this week they’ll be slaughtered.

Coastal Carolina at UMass                         3:30pm                     ES/NESN

This is an absolutely perfect weekend to skip football watching.

Colorado at 15 Washington                        3:30pm                        FOX

This is an OK game but it shouldn’t be a contender for best of the week. Brutal slate of games.

Houston at Navy                                           3:30pm                   CBSSN

Ed Oliver had 5 TFL, including 2 sacks, last week. You’d think that would be tough to duplicate against a Navy team that never throws but in two previous games against the Middies Oliver has 25 total tackles, 5 TFL and 2 sacks. He’s a defensive tackle. I understand why he isn’t going #1 overall next year but he should probably go #1 overall next year.

16 NC State at 3 Clemson                               3:30pm                     ESPN

GAME OF THE WEEK! CONTRACT THE ACC!

18 Penn State at Indiana                                  3:30pm                      ABC

I’m not just saying this because I hate Penn State - that 14.5-point line is mighty tempting to bet the Hoosiers. I wouldn’t take Indiana to win but that’s a lot of points to give at home against a team that hasn’t really played up to their rep so far this season.

Kansas at Texas Tech                                       3:30pm                       FS1

My prediction is lots and lots of turnovers from both teams and a final score that’s very disappointing for anybody that roots for and/or bets for the Kansas Jayhawks.

Louisiana at Appalachian State                       3:30pm                     ESPN+

Minnesota at Nebraska                                      3:30pm                     BTN

Our collective dream of an 0-12 season for the Cornhuskers is going to get a serious challenge this week from a pretty bad Minnesota team that isn’t so far away from questioning their own expensive coaching hire.

SMU at Tulane                                                      3:30pm                  ESPNU

The fuccponi’s travel to New Orleans for a debauch and a football game. As far as gambling I wouldn’t touch this one but if you want to see some interesting offensive concepts get in now on Tulane’s modern-ish twist on an option offense. They don’t have any high level talent to speak of but somebody with more to spend is going to scoop up Willie Fritz in the near future.

UTEP at LA Tech                                                  3:30pm                   ESPN+

You aren’t going to see Louisiana Tech favored by 24 over a lot of teams but UTEP isn’t just any shitty team.

Wake Forest at Florida State                               3:30pm                   ESPN2

Florida State is a lot closer to being good again than most people realize. Vegas has noticed and has FSU favored by 10 this week. The rest of you will notice when they beat Notre Dame next week.

California at Oregon State                                    4:00pm                Pac-12N

This is a great Pac-12 After Dark game that is seriously undermined by an early  afternoon start.

Memphis at Missouri                                             4:00pm                    SECN

Drew Lock versus Darrell Henderson in a key RTARL-American cross conference matchup.

Georgia Southern at New Mexico State     6:00pm     11 Sports / AggieVision

SEE FOOTBALL THROUGH THE EYES OF AN AGGIE WITH INCREDIBLE NEW AGGIEVISION VR GLASSES!

22 Mississippi State at 5 LSU                               7:00pm                    ESPN

This is the kind of shit game you can set your watch to. Both of these teams are ranked and, I guess, deservedly so. But that doesn’t mean you should expect good football out of them. Montez Sweat is one of the best players in the country this year and he’s somehow going to get 3 sacks in this game but also lose by 15. Yep, I’m predicting an 18-3 final score.

Texas State at ULM                                                7:00pm                    ESPN3

They got the degenerate part down pat for this one.

10 UCF at East Carolina                                         7:00pm                  ESPN2

The nation’s longest winning streak gets tested by... Whatever. Sometimes ridiculous things happen and ECU winning wouldn’t compare to Old Dominion brutalizing Virginia Tech a couple of weeks ago in terms of insane upsets.

  UConn at 21 USF                                                    7:00pm                   CBSSN

USF and UCF are barreling towards a huge end-of-season showdown and UConn shouldn’t really put up much of a fight here. The Bulls are favored by 32.5 at home and it would honestly be a big disappointment if they don’t beat the spread. One of my favorite things each week the last couple of seasons has been seeing the hilarious final scores of UConn games.

UTSA at Southern Miss                                          7:00pm                   ESPN+

I don’t like this ESPN+ nonsense one bit. Because I haven’t ever figured out what the hell it is and a game like this screams out for the CBS Sports or FOX regional treatment.

Fresno State at New Mexico                                   7:30pm                  ESPNU

ESPNU, on the other hand, I understand. This trash is in its perfect place as a game you put on the tablet to stare at some bullshit while whatever you actually are watching is at commercial.

North Texas at UAB                                                  7:30pm        beIN SPORTS

Oh, hell yes. This is beautiful. I’m rolling with the UNTs +1.5 and over 54.5.

2 Ohio State at Purdue                                             7:30pm                ABC

I find Ohio State football to be deeply and eternally unsatisfying. I can’t count on them to win or lose the way I like. Oh, well, as long as Dwayne Haskins keeps racking up 5 or 7 passing TDs a game they can do whatever the hell they want in every other facet.

Old Dominion at WKU                                               7:30pm              ESPN+

If ODU can finish 1-11 this season we are all winners.

12 Oregon at 25 Washington State                           7:30pm               FOX

I hate the national scheduling making this start in daylight hours but I love everything else about this game. Both QBs were on the RTARLsman list this week as one is the legitimate best QB in the country and the other is leading the country in most counting stats.

Rice at FIU                                                                   7:30pm               ESPN+

Holy crap does Rice suck. This is better left out of sight out of mind.

Vanderbilt at 14 Kentucky                                          7:30pm               SECN

Kentucky being ranked in football is unnatural and bad and I hope it stops soon.

USC at Utah                                                                 8:00pm               Pac-12N

No idea what to expect from either team and I still don’t think of it as a conference game but I find these two uniforms to be aesthetically pleasing.

Arizona at UCLA                                                         10:30pm            ESPN2

Now that UCLA has won a game I don’t know what to do with my hands. I kind of want Sumlin and Kelly to work out for at least a little while in the Pac.

San Jose State at San Diego State                            10:30pm            CBSSN

SDSU isn’t the best they’ve been in recent vintage but SJSU is an abomination of a team that might just be the worst in America. Classic degenerate watch ‘em up. Sometimes San Diego State wears cool looking unis and the contrast between their shiny maroon and black should be very nice against San Jose’s blue, yellow and white.

Nevada at Hawaii                              11:59pm     Spectrum/Nevada Sports Net

Hawaii disappointed me greatly last week but I still love them eternally just for playing so late when they’re at home. This is kind of an ugly uniform matchup but it could still be a fun, wild and crazy game between middling teams that do cool stuff on offense.

[someguyranting1]

What’s in a Scene? How SAO Became the Worst Anime Ever

Sword Art Online is ass. OP to ED and everything in between, the whole thing stinks and I hate it. But I didn’t always. As a matter of fact, when the series first started airing, I thought, “This is okay. I mean, I’ve seen better, but I’ve seen worse, too. I’ll see where this goes.” Somewhere between that and this, though, that stopped being my response to the show. At a certain point, I could no longer form words and was mostly just vomiting blood for the duration of each episode. And I’m not alone in that. Pretty much everyone over the age of 12 agrees that this show sucks.

What they don’t agree on is WHEN it started sucking. When did Sword Art Online get terrible? Some would say it happened when they locked the only likeable character in a rape dungeon and made Kirito’s sister want to fuck him. Others would point to the gratuitous tentacle rape scene, and boy, gee whiz, there sure is an excessive amount of sexual assault in this show. Then there’s the “I told you so” camp who say it was terrible all along and all of the bullshit just made you realize that after the fact.

For me, there’s a precise moment when Sword Art Online goes from being okay to being one of the worst fucking shows ever, and it’s all Yui’s fault. Yeah, you heard me: your innocent daughteru ruined fucking everything. Let me explain.

In the beginning, Sword Art Online had some stuff going for it. Not a lot (the fight choreography was always pretty bad, the cast was always bland, and the premise was never original), but it had a solid sense of tone. We’d seen “trapped in an MMO” stories before, but never with this kind of horror tinge to them. The world of Aincrad had this oppressive air hanging over it. From very early on, there was this sense that just about anyone could die at any moment. The first few episodes do a great job of establishing that. And while it didn’t break any new ground in terms of character writing, it had some good stand-alone episode plots, like the one where all of Kirito’s friends got murdered, and the whole murder mystery thing where they’re trying to figure out how somebody was breaking the rules of the game, and… Actually, those were the only really interesting episodes, but hey, lots of okay show have had less.

The main thing that the show had going for it early on was that underlying sense of dread. It felt like something where nobody, except for this one guy, was ever really safe. Nobody important died after the first few episodes, but that was fine...for a while. If the show was kill-happy all the time, that would be a problem in itself. You’ve gotta pace these things. It’s hard to get attached when characters are going in and out through a revolving door.

Still, by Episode 10, there had been enough near misses that it seemed like Kirito and his harem might be a little too invulnerable. It seemed like the right time to kill someone off to raise the stakes. It’s at this point that they chose to introduce Yui.

If you don’t know (congratulations, you’ve saved yourself from a shitty show), Yui is a little girl who Kirito and Asuna find wandering around the woods near their home and decide to adopt as their daughter. She’s sweet and innocent and might as well be walking around with a timer counting down to her sad death. It’s cheap and lazy enough to introduce a pure cinnamon roll character purely for the sake of killing them off, but that’s not nearly bad enough writing on its own to drag this show down to the total dog shit territory it now occupies.

The bigger problem with this is tied to what Yui is. Yui is actually a fully-sentient AI, which means that she’s the only character in the entire cast who, if killed, could be brought back. And that’s very, very bad for the show because if Yui dies and is then brought back, that renders the threat of death from a narrative standpoint permanently meaningless.

Remember: as of this episode, that’s the ONLY interesting thing about SAO. Death in media isn’t interesting because, “Oh, they’re dead! That’s sad! I’m sad!” It’s interesting because it inherently changes the dynamics of a story. A character who was once a force in the narrative now ISN’T. Any arc that they might have been going through is cut abruptly short, and from this point forward, the writers can’t rely on their presence to move the story forward or build up other characters.

Most stories never pull that trigger, and I’m cool with that because, like I said, it’s hard to write around. I’m okay with a show being a little toothless as long as the story is engaging and the characters are fun. Also, there are plenty of ways to make your characters suffer without killing them off.

However, when a show acts like death means something and then does something that very transparently reveals that the writers aren’t willing to sacrifice potential plot lines, it’s like watching Mickey Mouse take his head off at Disneyland: it ruins the magic. There are RULES against this kind of shit. If a character dies and is then brought back, you might as well write, “And then they got on a bus for a couple of weeks,” for all the fucking difference it makes.

Obviously when the show was airing, I was really dreading this prospect. I was hoping that the show would pull something out of left field, maybe fake me out and kill Asuna or Kirito off, instead of do the stupid, obvious thing that it was definitely going to do. But then, I got to the end of Episode 12 and I watched Kirito and Asuna mourn for little baby Skynet, and it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be.

IT WAS WORSE! They don’t just kill Yui off in the most trite way possible; they do it while immediately undercutting all of the dramatic weight of the moment because, as Yui is being deleted, Kirito pulls some techno wizardry out of his ass to store her in an inventory item. And because of that dumb dragon feather episode, we know that means she’s coming back. They could AT LEAST have left it ambiguous as to whether or not they could bring her back, but, “Nope! Can’t let anyone think their waifu might not come back! They might stop watching and giving us money!” However, even that isn’t the most asinine thing about this scene.

In this moment, as they reach the game master’s console in the depths of this dungeon, Kirito reveals the heretofore unknown fact that he’s a PhD-level programmer, thus irreparably ruining his character forever. Kirito was already stupidly overpowered, but at least it made a bit of sense. He was a beta tester, so his base skill level being higher than most other players’ was justified. Doing Kendo in real life gave him good reflexes. He also spent, like, the first year of the game solo queuing instead of socializing to reach his ridiculously high experience level. That became less believable as he also proved to be the most eligible bachelor on the entire Internet, but you can at least justify that as girls having a crush on him for saving their lives, rather than that coming down to any innate social skill on his part. It’s easy to justify a lot of things about Kirito because he has no defined personality at all. However, when you add to those traits the fact that he’s got the scripting skills to not just hack the game from inside it, but to custom-write code in the space of a few seconds to store data as an in-game object, I’ve gotta call bullshit.

Hacking games requires time and at least some knowledge of the source code. There’s no way Kirito has that. Even if the thousand or so carefully selected beta testers for SAO were data-mining the shit out of the game, they only had it for a little over a month during summer vacation and they only saw a fraction of the content. It would be hard to get a full picture of how the game works in that time frame under NORMAL circumstances, but SAO is also the first game of its kind, built from the ground up for incredibly complicated, brand-new proprietary hardware.

Already, Kirito’s doing something that nobody outside the company should know how to do, but even if we assume that there’s a command already in place to store a script as an in-game object, think about what he’s storing. Yui is a fucking AI, the most complicated kind of program conceivable. Her code needs to be immense to account for the broad variety of situations she might need to deal with, and it also needs to be capable of rewriting itself on the fly in real time. Kirito is taking that huge, complex code, saving its current state of operation, and converting that information into a custom item in a game whose script he must be figuring out in real time, all in the space of a few seconds. NO! NOT FUCKING POSSIBLE!

In this moment, Kirito ceases to be a real human being and I lose all suspension of disbelief for this entire show. It’s just not believable that any person could be capable of pulling off the shit that we’ve seen him do up to this point. Maybe some of it, but not all of it, and especially not A FOURTEEN-YEAR-OLD FUCKING CHILD!

Also, as if he wasn’t special enough already, the scene establishes a few moments earlier that he and Asuna are the only people to ever experience love or joy in SAO during the entire two years that the game has been running. This is so fucking stupid, it hurts!

This scene amazes me for how thoroughly it manages to ruin the entire show. It would be bad enough to ruin the whole story by implicitly admitting that they never plan to kill off anyone who’s had any kind of character development ever again (unless dying is part of their story arc), but in doing so, they also manage to make it impossible to relate to their PROTAGONIST. From this point forward, the show has no dramatic stakes. It CAN’T have any. Kirito’s been established to be able to do basically anything, and we now know for a fact that no one important will ever really die.

Furthermore, if you want to nitpick, this scene raises a ton of questions, too, the big one being, “WHY?! Why is THAT what Kirito did with his backhand access?” If he had the time to isolate a huge, complex program and store it as environmental data and write a custom script to save that file to his personal computer, why didn’t he, I don’t know, globally reactivate the game’s logout function? He had access to the fucking source code! And that would’ve been a lot simpler! There was probably just one value he needed to set from True to False, or maybe a few lines of code that had been commented out. Comparatively speaking, it would have been easy, and he’d have been saving, I don’t know, upwards of, like, 7000 people’s lives? But no. Preserving his wife’s Tamagotchi is a lot more important than that.

There’s been a lot of complaining in this review and not a lot of hard analysis, but that’s because there’s not much in this scene to analyze. This is one of the most flat, boring scenes that I’ve ever watched in anything. Every shot is static and dull, especially the obvious, predictable reaction shots that it uses to ham-fistedly attempt to tug at your heartstrings. Furthermore, the set is a blank, white room with nothing going on. There’s basically nothing to even look at here. That said, if nothing else, I guess I can take solace in the fact that nobody was even trying when they made the scene that ruined the whole show.