#also finally fucking getting my replacement headphones in the mail after losing one of them for two months

[the-moogle-of-your-nightmares]

god it was a good idea to restock myself on this high-caf tea. it is a godsend to have a proper source of caffeine that doesn't make me jittery, nor would i have to drink two or three times as much for my proper dose, nor is it a roll of the dice whether it'll make me gag so hard i have to add ice cream and tons of creamer to cover up the taste.

finally having some disposable fuckin income to last me a while has been one of the few bright spots in this awful, awful goddamn year, and it legit makes me emotional to be able to afford--and stock up on--some things that are a bit on the expensive side but will improve my quality of life immensely.

[parent death talk under the cut cw]

it especially makes me emotional because i first discovered this tea when i was out of caffeine supplies in the weeks after my mom's death, living alone in the house where it happened--a few dozen yards from the room itself at most, 95% of the time, and that far only when holed up in my room. i get the impression it was a treat she had stashed away and never got the chance to have most of; and it made me feel closer to her to have it as medicine and comfort on those long, dark nights with my sleep schedule turned around and the footsteps of ghosts in my house, with jenny nicholson videos running in the background through to the sunrise.

among the many deep, dark lows of this year, those weeks were one of the worst and best parts of it, all at the same time, and it's a relief to be able to have this again. it makes me feel that little bit better about... everything. it's what she would have wanted.

[honorguk]

chapter 13: “celestial”

⊱ ‘to the moon & back’ masterlist ⊱ main masterlist

❛ ━━━━━━･❪ ❁ ❫ ･━━━━━━ ❜

ding!

april looked over at her laptop desktop seeing a new notification in her emails. she clicked on it right away, thinking it was work, but froze for a moment when she saw the account and contents of the e-mail.

clicking on the photo to enlargen it first, she clasped a hand over her mouth as she read over the plane ticket, and wanted to jump from the sudden wave of euphoria and adrenaline hitting her at once. however, she remained seated and reached for her headphones upon noticing an mp3, one which was titled 'galaxy'.

clicking play, a slight wash of red enveloped april, and she pressed the hand harder towards her mouth, nearly tearing up at minho's gentle voice and lovely lyrics. as much as she wanted to call this cheesy and over-the-top, it still made salty droplets pool at the corner of her eyes, and she put her second hand on her face in an attempt to cover up the emotions from no-one in particular but herself.

he was apologizing, regretting, and outlining april's beauty and his love for her in the composition, and at this point it felt silly to stay mad. she wanted so badly to go to seoul right then and there and to embrace his body, to feel his warmth and to hear his heartbeat, much like the first time they met a year ago. minho was singing about that, too.

"baby, baby, pick up," april whispered at the phone a few minutes later after dialing a number so close to her heart. instantly, the line was picked up and a frantic voice was heard.

"april? april, is that you?"

"yes, baby, it's me! minho, i-"

"oh my goodness, april, i've missed you so much," she heard the boy exhale and she sniffled, not realizing that a mix of melancholy nostalgia and adorance replaced her prior feelings.

the two spent a moment simply in a pause, acknowledging the fact that they were finally speaking for the first time in two weeks.

"april, sweetheart, i'm so sorry - i know i fucked up big time and..i'm so scared to lose you.." finally, minho spoke first. she smiled at the words, wiping her nose with a tissue, and coughed prior to speaking.

"i listened to the song...thank you so much.." she nearly whispered and heard him lightly chuckle on the other side, a faint sniffle also heard in the process.

"i hope it's not too corny."

"not at all. i loved it, baby."

after another pause, minho spoke again with a slight amusement to his voice.

"so, do you forgive me?" he asked with a giggle, both of them knowing the answer already.

"yes! a million times yes!"

writing an entire song, as well as buying such an expensive ticket was a gesture so grandiose in april's eyes that it was enough justification to forgive the boy, and welcome him back into her everyday life with - virtually - open arms.

the two were so happy that they could easily fly into the sky and be celestial, with the unbearable weight of being apart finally lifted off their shoulders.

of course they loved each other; the love never went - it was just halted, but thankfully, minho did the right thing to get it up and going again, and april didn't couldn't express just how grateful she was.

[hockeylvr59]

Wanting Whispers || Paul Bissonnette

Requested: [ ] yes [x] no

Authors Note: Needless to say I have been in a Biz mood and well certain someones have been talking innocent kink on my dash recently and that led to this. It’s a lot. Gif possibly by @plasticfilth​ but not sure because I found it on google? Also, this is probably the longest one-shot I’ve ever written so...

Warnings:  smut smut smut and more smut

Word Count: 8,235 

_________

It had happened so slowly but at the same time all at once. Months of chirps and insinuations ending with you flat on your back screaming his name. 

You’d heard rumors that Paul Bissonnette lived in your building when you first moved in, but it had been over a month and you hadn’t actually seen him. That all changed on a Friday night when you heard music blaring in the apartment above you. Yes it was a Friday, but you had a paper for graduate school due Sunday night and you were nowhere near finished. This was possibly the absolute worst weekend for your neighbor to decide to have a party. With the help of noise-canceling headphones, you were able to block it out enough to spend a few more hours working but eventually, your body started to fade and as you gave up deciding sleep was in order it was clear that the party was raging just as much as before if not more. Though you didn’t want to be that person, you really needed some sleep so after slipping on a sweatshirt over your pajamas you threw on a pair of sandals and grabbed your apartment keys, making your way over to the elevator and up one floor. 

Having reached the upper level of apartments, it was abundantly clear which one contained the party as the volume of the music increased. Knocking on the door you ran your fingers through your hair and waited for a response. By the time it was tugged open you were ready to give up but as the door gave way your eyes met the broad figure of the man you’d heard about. His eyebrows merely raised at your presence and you bit back your nerves as you looked up at him. 

“Listen...I’m your downstairs neighbor and I’d really like to be able to get some sleep tonight so can you please turn the music down a little bit. I have a 30-page paper due on Sunday and I really need sleep if I have any hopes of getting it done.” Your ramble was met with a critical gaze but eventually the man in front of you nodded. 

“We’ll turn it down.” He promised and after murmuring your thanks you disappeared back down the hall. By the time you reached your apartment again, the music was at a more manageable level, one that could be blocked out with some white noise finally allowing you to pass out as soon as your head hit the pillow. 

~~~

Though you hadn’t run into Biz prior to the party, since then it seemed like you were bumping into him in the lobby every other day. The first time you’d thanked him again for turning the music down and he’d asked how your paper had gone. The second you’d bumped into him as he was bringing a woman home when you’d caught the elevator just before it closed. It wasn’t until you were inside that you realized your neighbor had his tongue down a woman’s throat and immediately your cheeks flushed scarlet. You weren’t sure he’d even noticed you but as you stepped out of the elevator you heard him speaking your name telling you to have a good night. 

Eventually your random meetings became not so random. One afternoon Biz was showing up at your door to request you keep an eye on his place for him and bring his mail in while he was out of town. When he returned, he appeared at your door once more, this time a bottle of Pink Whitney in hand in thanks. Eventually payment for his favors progressed to dinners in his apartment and he’d become less of a stranger and more of a friend. There was an obvious age difference between the two of you and his latest hookup had pretty much become his girlfriend but you didn’t have many people in Arizona and while his cooking skills were subpar, he certainly knew how to make you laugh and could distract you from the pressures of school. 

Nearly a month of this level of friendship continued before Biz started in on the less innocuous subjects. Though it was clear that he knew what he was doing, the way he slipped them into conversation was subtle. One night it was inquiring if you had a hot date for Valentine's Day, the next it was a casual mention of how tense you seemed. Each time he alluded to your personal life a flush covered your cheeks and you quickly changed the subject throwing the conversation back at him. And each time he complied, changing the subject but his expression furrowed as he did so. 

Eventually things ended between him and the woman he’d been seeing and though it didn’t really change things, it did mean that you found yourself at Paul’s apartment more or that he was in yours. With more time in closer contact, there were more occurrences of innocent touches and grazes as you moved around your kitchen cooking dinner or as he tugged you down onto the couch to watch a hockey game. 

It had been nearly six months since you’d met Paul and he’d invited you up to his place to celebrate finishing the semester of school. An incredible dinner had been picked up and though he was cutting back on his drinking, he’d opened a bottle of wine for the two of you to toast with. Dinner and wine had ended with the two of you settled into his oversized couch as he flipped through tv channels. Instead of settling on one, suddenly he’d turned the tv off and instead shifted his body to face you. 

“Can I ask you something? You don’t have to answer.” Confusion filtered across your face but after a moment you hesitantly nodded. “When’s the last time you got laid?” He inquired and immediately your cheeks burned red in response. At the same time, a low chuckle slipped from his throat and he shook his head. “Fuck I can’t tell if the flush just means it’s been a while or…” He trailed off and when your blush deepened he almost growled. “No...no fucking way.” He mumbled to himself. 

Feeling yourself starting to shut down, you pushed yourself to your feet. 

“I uh...I should go. Thanks for dinner, Paul.” You whispered, trying frantically not to cry as you started for the door. 

“Y/N. Wait.” Paul stated, his fingers ever so gently wrapping around your wrist. “I’m sorry. That was invasive...I just...you’re always so tense and almost withdrawn around me and I just...forget it. I’m sorry okay.” Nodding, you sent him a forced smile before pulling your wrist back and grabbing your things to head home for the night. 

~~~

With Paul once again leaving town, it was a few days before you spoke, though even that was through text messages. Feeling slightly guilty for just running out on him you sent a short apology. A little while later your phone buzzed in response. 

PB: No worries. My question was invasive and I’m sorry it upset you. Not judging you for it...just a little confused. 

YN: What’s confusing about that? 

PB: I mean is it because you’re like saving yourself for marriage because I totally respect that….

YN: You can say you think it’s a stupid idea. Because I can’t say I disagree with you. 

PB: So you’re not?

YN: No. 

PB: Then what gives?

YN: Why don’t you just think on that for a minute Paul.

For a few hours your phone remained silent and you tried not to think about everything you’d just implied. Instead you’d reached for a glass of wine and by the time Paul did respond, you were just on the wrong side of tipsy and your tongue was loose. 

PB: I got nothing. But if you want to explain I’m all ears, if not that’s ok too. 

YN: I’m not waiting for marriage but I am waiting for mutual attraction and trust. Needless to say, I’ve found neither. 

PB: You’re saying there’s never been a boyfriend you wanted to bone? 

YN: I’m saying there’s never been a boyfriend. 

PB: Girlfriend then? 

YN: I’m exclusively into men Paul. 

PB: Damn. 

You really didn’t know what to say to that so you dump your phone on your bed and by the time you return after brushing your teeth and washing your face you find a second notification of a message from your neighbor. 

PB: Another question you don’t have to answer. Have you even been kissed? 

YN: No. 

PB: Fucking hell YN. That’s just. That’s insane. 

YN: Gee thanks, Paul…

PB: You know I don’t mean it like that. God is there anything you have done? 

YN: Uh yeah...I mean. I’ve sent/received some risque photos, I’ve had phone sex, I’ve sexted. I’ve gotten myself off. 

When you didn’t receive a response right away, immediately the fear of having said too much started pushing down on you. Suddenly your phone rang and glancing down at the caller id you saw Paul’s name. You couldn’t remember him ever actually calling you before but your thumb hovered over the button for only a moment before you accepted the call, bringing your phone to your ear. Nothing but the sound of Paul’s breathing followed and for a moment you almost hung up figuring that it was an accidental dial. Then he spoke, his voice deep and throaty. 

“Fuck YN. You’re killing me right now.” He said. The sound of your name rolling off his tongue in this tone of voice was not something you’d heard before but your stomach coiled unconsciously at it all the same. 

“What did I do?” You whispered, biting gently at the corner of your bottom lip. 

“You tell me you’ve never been kissed and then admit you’ve had phone sex and touched yourself. That’s so fucking hot y/n and I almost can’t believe it.” Though you knew Paul didn’t mean any offense by the end of his statement, he once again hit a sore spot and you felt your breath strain in response. 

“Why is it so hard to believe that men have never wanted me? You’ve seen me.” You shot back, all of your insecurities of being 27 and eternally single crashing over you. 

“It’s hard to believe because I have seen you and gotten to know you YN.” Paul declared his voice losing some of his deep tone only to be replaced with softness. “You’re fucking gorgeous for one. And you’re one of the best people I know. Any man that turned down a shot with you is a fucking moron.” 

“Paul stop, please. I can’t...I can’t handle any more sweet words that have no real backing. I know you mean well but please...don’t just try and make me feel better.” 

“Trust me sweetheart...I’m not just trying to make you feel better,” Paul said, his voice nearly sinking into a groan. “There’s nothing sweet about how much I want to use my mouth, my fingers, my cock to make you fall apart. To see you experience just how good being physical with someone can be.” 

A gasp spilled from your throat and you found yourself breathing his name. 

“Yeah? You want that beautiful? Want me to make you see stars, to shatter you with pleasure?” Once again his name slipped from your throat, almost in a plea. “Yeah, baby? Are you attracted to me? Do you trust me? Promise I’ll take good care of you.” Your skin was on fire at his words and your brain was foggy with the mental image of him on top of you. 

You were just about to agree. About to give him anything he wanted when he spoke one more time. “How many glasses of wine did you have tonight baby?” 

“Three.” You admitted almost instantly, your mind and body pliant to whatever he wanted to know. 

“Then don’t answer me tonight. Sleep on it, think it over with a clear head, and get back to me.” For a moment you wanted to protest, you were plenty capable of consenting now, but Paul once again stopped you. “I don’t want to do anything that will make you uncomfortable so I really do want you to take the time to think about it when your head isn’t fogged over with booze and lust. Tonight doesn’t have to change anything between us if you don’t want it to.” 

As the phone line went dead, you tugged your blankets higher on your body, your mind racing to process what had just happened. 

~~~

It had been nearly a week since your phone call by the time Paul returned to town. He hadn’t reached out to you and though you wanted to, you hadn’t reached out to him. After spending a week lost in your own mind as you weighed the pros and cons of it all, you finally found yourself standing in front of Paul’s door, your hand lifted to knock. 

Within a moment of your short knock, the door flew open revealing a shirtless Paul. At the sight of him all of the questions and thoughts that you’d had running through your head vanished...except for one. Before he could even greet you, you had pushed your way inside his apartment, your hands wringing nervously. 

“I just have one question.” You exclaimed, your voice cracking. “Do you seriously want me?” You watched as Paul stepped closer to you, his hand reaching up to sweep a stray strand of hair behind your ear. Even that simple touch sent sparks through your body and you couldn’t help but marvel at the fact that you’d never felt safe when a man touched you, however innocently, until now. Any sort of touch had previously made you feel uncomfortable but right here and now you couldn’t help but want Paul to touch you everywhere. 

“I seriously want you.” Paul insisted, his body moving a step closer to your own. “But more importantly...do you want me? Do you trust me?” Immediately you started to nod but Paul refused to take that for an answer, his gaze pressing you to provide him with verbal consent. 

“I do.” You immediately breathed, Paul’s left hand settling on your right hip in response. Your pulse was racing, unsure of whether your consent meant anything was going to happen right now. With your gaze locked on his, you watched as Paul leaned forward, his eyes dropping to your mouth before his lips pressed gently down onto your own. Though you saw it coming, you still gasped in response and that action allowed Paul to deepen the kiss as his hands pulled you firmly against his body. Having never been kissed before, you tried to mirror his movements, hoping that that would be okay. 

You were breathless when Paul finally pulled away and though his eyes were dark, he simply dropped a single kiss to your forehead before stepping backward. 

“Just a little something for you to think about.” He teased. Your lips were swollen and your eyes blown as you gazed up at him and he only smirked in response. “We’re gonna do this right so be ready tomorrow night at 7 for dinner. Wear a dress or a skirt for me.” He instructed, and though you hadn’t expected any of this to include all of that, you found yourself nodding as you moved to leave Paul’s apartment. 

You knew you should run errands or do laundry but instead you curled up on your couch unable to stop thinking about the way it felt to have Paul’s mouth pressed against your own. 

~~~

Dinner the next night went far better than you expected it to. Conversation with Paul was as easy as it always was, but now there was an underlying current ready to light you up with a single spark. From dinner, the two of you returned home and sitting in his passenger seat, the anxious feelings of what you expected to come filled you. So when Paul simply walked you to your door, dropping another gentle kiss to your mouth before pulling away, you were slightly surprised. Sensing your confusion Paul chuckled softly before leaning down to whisper in your ear. 

“As much as I want to drag you to bed...especially when you look like this...I’m not going to.” He explained. “I want you to be completely comfortable with me and I get that means taking things a step at a time. I know you y/n...I know you’re freaking out and overthinking every single physical act and that’s not what I want. I want it all to feel natural and right for you.” 

The fact that Paul clearly cared so much about even your unspoken needs reaffirmed that you were making the right decision. 

“Come inside for a bit?” You questioned and after examining your body language Paul eventually agreed. Grabbing a few bottles of water from the fridge you met him over at your couch and settled yourself in beside him, tucked against his side. With his gaze heavy upon you, you took the initiative to make the first move and shifted to kiss him. As your mouths explored each other’s Paul’s left arm draped itself around you, securing you to him while his right slid just under the bottom edge of your dress. The heat from his body urged you forward and gradually the two of you settled into a steamy makeout session, one that caused your skin to tingle. The more you kissed, the more comfortable you became and by the time Paul pulled away, his eyes were hazy and dark. 

“You’re getting good at that.” He teased softly. “A little too good.” He added, slipping his hand from where it was resting on your thigh to reach for the water you’d set on the coffee table. Watching his Adam's apple bob as he swallowed, you basked in how his dress shirt clung to his skin, showing off just how strong and broad he was and as your eyes trailed down his body you noticed him straining against his pants. Watching you watch him, Paul surged forward with another kiss, the press of his lips against yours mostly sweet with a tinge of desire. “I should go.” He eventually murmured and though you didn’t want him to pull away, deep down you knew that he needed to because if he didn’t you’d be delving into waters deeper than you were honestly ready for. 

“Alright.” You agreed. “Thank you, Paul. For dinner. And for this.” 

“‘Course sweetheart. Anytime.” He replied and from your spot on the couch, you watched him leave, flipping the latch to secure your front door behind him. 

~~~

One week. One week and a beautifully tailored suit. That was what it had taken for things to rise beyond the level of just kissing. 

Paul had stopped by your apartment on his way home from a matinee game, just like he stopped by whenever he arrived home for the day lately, even if only for a few minutes. The moment you’d opened your door, you immediately felt your body respond because this was a suit you had never seen before and god did it do all the right things for him. 

Tugging him through the door, you’d pulled him down into a kiss. There was a twinkle in his eyes when he finally pulled back, like he knew just how much he was affecting you right now. Which to be honest he probably did know. Still, even if he knew his appearance was affecting you, the words that left your mouth next left him speechless. 

“Take it off Paul. I wanna explore you.” You’d been thinking about it for a while now and you knew that you needed this to be the next step. You were comfortable with your own body, you were comfortable with your own touch so you knew that his attention on you wouldn’t be that shocking. It was the male form that was new and you were certain that if you wanted to be comfortable having sex that becoming comfortable with all of him was key. Everything else seemed secondary. 

When Paul didn’t respond to you right away, you felt a small smirk growing on your lips at the thought of throwing him off-kilter even a little. Stretching onto your tiptoes you kissed along his jaw and your fingers anchored themselves in the fabric of his dress shirt. Paul’s silence didn’t last long and eventually, he nodded, his lips capturing your own once more. 

“Whatever you want sweetheart.” He agreed and immediately your fingers started fumbling to undo the buttons on his shirt. The moment your fingers met his hot skin, everything felt a little foggier, like you were already drowning in him. “Easy baby.” Paul murmured, sensing your desire. His fingers worked to assist yours in undoing the rest of his buttons and it was only a moment more before both his suit jacket and shirt were draped over the back of your couch. 

Tracing both your eyes and your fingers over his body, you focused on how tan his skin was, how the ink of his tattoos sprawled over his arms and abdomen, and how the hair on his chest felt under your fingers. He was all man and he hadn’t even taken his pants off yet. 

“See something you like?” Paul teased and lifting your gaze up to his, you watched as he once again swallowed hard at the look in your eyes. “Fuck.” He groaned and hearing that sound only made you want to know what other sounds he could make. Your hands quickly fell to his belt and you bit your lip trying to focus on undoing the leather restraint. Before your hands could fall to the button and zipper of his pants however, Paul was lifting them away from his body. “Should we take this to the bedroom baby?” He suggested and though waiting even one more moment to continue undressing him seemed like too much you sighed in resignation. 

The delay was made a little more bearable when Paul’s hands fell to the back of your thighs and he lifted you to wrap your legs around his waist. From this position you could feel him straining in his pants and you couldn’t help but moan at the thought of what was waiting for you, hidden from sight. Since the floorplans of your apartments were the same, it was easy for Paul to make his way back to your bedroom, not stopping until he had gently laid you back onto your bed, hovering over you to kiss you once more. With your hair sprawled across the pillows you felt him groan against your neck and in between kisses to your skin he murmured about how this could happen here but sex was happening in his bed because he wanted to see you writhing and shaking in his sheets. It seemed like a silly distinction to you but if that was what he wanted, you were more than happy to comply. 

First though, you had some exploring of your own to do, so after kissing him for another minute or so you gently pushed him off of you, signaling for him to roll onto his back. And to be honest, it was almost too much just how large he seemed in your full-sized bed. Perching over him, you pressed another kiss to his lips before wandering down his exposed body, exploring everything your eyes and fingers had before in a new way. A moment’s pause was spent over each of his scars, though that moment was longer when you reached the scar on his wrist that nearly cost him his life. It was hard to think of a world without this man. It was hard to think of your life without him and for just a breath you gave into the tears forming before you kissed over the scarred skin once more and then pulled away. 

Glancing up at Paul revealed a concerned gaze but after pressing your lips against his quickly, he relaxed, smirk returning to his face. Not once did he urge you for more, letting you explore him completely at your own pace but when your fingers finally found the button and then the zipper of his pants, his breath hitched. After a silent communication, he lifted his hips allowing you to tug his pants down over his legs and while you were at it, you slipped both his shoes and socks off of his feet leaving him in only his boxer briefs. 

This was the first moment in which you’d felt even the slightest bit intimated, because while you’d watched porn and had previously been sent a few dick pics, this was your first time seeing one in person and even the outline of his penis through the thin fabric sent a wave of anxiety through you. 

“C’mere.” Paul breathed, seeing your hesitation. Sliding back up his body, you accepted his fingers tangling in your hair as he pulled your mouth down to his own. “We can stop whenever you want.” He reminded you and though your voice was tinged with a certain level of fear it was mostly defiant. 

“I want to keep going.” You insisted. Nodding, Paul kissed you once more, deeper this time, and as he swept his tongue against yours, his free hand grasped your own, guiding it to touch him through his underwear. With your brain focused on the way he was kissing you, there wasn’t any room to worry about anything, though your body was quickly registering how hot he felt in your hand, how solid but yet soft he was at the same time. You didn’t even fully realize that your hand was moving at all until you felt the sensation of skin on skin as you slipped your hand under his waistband to stroke him. 

“That’s it baby.” Paul groaned in your ear when your kiss broke and you turned your head to look down at where your hand was acting of its own accord. Though you could feel every bump and ridge under your fingers, it wasn’t enough and you pushed past the momentary anxiety to free him from his briefs, tossing them to the floor and exposing him to you for the first time. Initially you weren’t sure what you were thinking or feeling  as you peered down at his solid length. You may have had small hands, but girth wise you could barely wrap your fingers around him and lengthwise he was longer than your palm from fingertip to wrist. In your mind it was a good size and the way his cock curved slightly leading up to the uncircumcised head was appealing. If you had looked up, you would have noticed Paul’s slightly worried expression but you didn’t, too absorbed in the sight of all of him spread out for you and only you. 

The shifting sunlight through the window revealed a drop of moisture leaking from the head of Paul’s cock and instinct drew you to rub your thumb over the moisture, pushing Paul’s foreskin further out of the way. His only response was a hitch of his breath but you continued, trailing your short nails over his length lightly, almost in awe of the way he twitched against you. Exploring him was such an empowering feeling, knowing that his pleasure was entirely in your hands. You stroked him gently, let your hand drift down to cup his balls and even kissed your way from base to tip, your mouth feather-light against his skin. 

Having completed a preliminary exploration you looked up at him to see his eyes dark as he watched you. Kissing his tip once more you watched his response, your own blood pulsing through your veins as you watched his arousal heighten. 

“What do you need me to do?” You questioned softly. “Talk me through this Paul.” Your request drew a long groan from Paul’s throat. 

“Up to you baby...I’m happy with either your hand or your mouth.” Growing low in your belly was the primal need to make him cum and it was all you could really focus on. The slightly salty taste of him lingered on your tongue and though you knew your gag reflex would likely be a problem, you wanted to blow him, wanted to feel the swell of him in your mouth. Licking over his head once more, you parted your lips and focused on keeping your teeth out of the way as you sunk down on him as much as you could. It was a strange feeling but you repeated that action twice before shifting your hand to stroke what you hadn’t fit into your mouth. Though you were certain this definitely wasn’t the best blowjob, Paul kept muttering praises, urging you to keep going, to stroke your hand against him in a certain way, to pull back and breathe. 

You continued, doing your best to follow his instructions and feeling him twitch in your mouth as he groaned and grunted above you. Eventually though, Paul’s fingers in your hair drew you off of him and guided you up to kiss him again. 

“Just use your hand sweetheart. I’m so close. Want you to watch me.” Your toes curled a bit hearing that you were close to making him cum and you nodded, resting your head against his shoulder as you slipped your hand back down his body to stroke over his dick. Once more he directed you to do more of this or less of that and after brushing your thumb over his head once more you watched as his body shook and semen spilled from him as he moaned heavily in your ear. You couldn’t explain the pride you felt at being the cause of his orgasm and though a bright flush littered your cheeks, you kissed him again before sliding off the bed to wash your hands and retrieve a warm, wet washcloth for him. 

Letting him clean up, you settled back in bed next to him and let him curl you against his body as he napped for a few minutes while his body recovered. When he stirred he was eager to check in with you about what you were thinking, what you had enjoyed about that, ect. The way he was openly communicating with you and urging you to do the same with him only made you feel more secure and ready to share all of these experiences with him. 

~~~~

When you’d met Paul, the last thing you’d expected was for him to be the gentle, caring, dare you say romantic man who put all of your needs above his own. But so far, you had yet to see him act selfish, yet to see him do anything that he thought would make you uncomfortable and because of that you were flourishing under his attention, growing in your sexuality and as a person generally. 

You’d always thought that it would take you a significant period of time to open up to someone regarding being with them physically, but it had only been a couple weeks since Paul made his interest in you clear and you were beyond ready. Still, Paul had made no mention of anything further happening, continuing to let you set the pace. And you’d been dropping hints. Every single time you saw him. But he seemed to be completely oblivious. 

Or maybe he was less oblivious than you’d thought. Because you’d come home today to find a box sitting outside your door and when you’d gotten inside and opened it, hidden underneath a layer of tissue paper was a satin slip with lace around the bust. It was mostly white with a floral print and it was both sexy but modest all wrapped into one garment. If finding lingerie outside your door wasn’t enough to make you blush, the note tucked inside the box was. 

Clean yourself up, dinner will be ready for 7:30. I can’t wait to see every inch of you. 

Paul

Following his directions, you rushed into the shower, taking the time to shave leaving your skin silky smooth. Applying just the faintest coat of makeup, you teased your hair into some loose waves before sliding on the lingerie and then slipping into a little black dress over it. By the time you finished getting ready it was almost 7:30 and as you peered at yourself in the mirror, you had never felt sexier. Making sure that you had taken your birth control for the night, you slipped into a pair of sandals and grabbed both your phone and your keys before heading upstairs. 

Paul called for you to come in when you knocked on his door and you entered to find him pulling a dish out of the oven, snug jeans covering his bottom half while a white button-up was pushed up to his elbows. He looked incredible and you dropped your things in the entryway, slipping your shoes off before padding over to him barefoot. The moment you reached him he leaned down to gently kiss you and then murmured for you to go sit at the table. Shortly after, you had a plate of food in front of you along with a small glass of wine and a large glass of water. It didn’t take a genius to see that tonight was the night but while you’d thought you’d feel nervous, you just felt ready...that spark in your stomach just waiting to be lit. 

You laughed at Paul’s stories through dinner before helping him clean up the kitchen. As you finished putting the last dish away you realized that Paul had disappeared and when you went looking for him, you found him finishing lighting candles in his bedroom, blankets pulled down to the foot of the bed for easy access. 

“Paul…” You breathed, almost in awe that he was going to all of this effort for you. He cursed softly at the sound of your voice before turning, an almost sheepish look on his face. “What’s all this?” You continued, your body drawing you closer to his. As you pressed yourself against his chest, his right arm slipped around your waist and he bent to press his forehead to yours. 

“I know you probably didn’t expect all of this...nor do you think you need it.” He murmured and you had to admit he was right on both accounts. “But…” He continued. “If I’m the lucky son of a bitch that gets a shot with you I’m gonna do everything I can to make it good for you.” Your heart swelled at his words, at the fact that he was honestly going above and beyond anything you could have expected. 

“Can’t wait to see just what your definition of good is.” You teased, closing the distance between your mouths to kiss him. His lips on yours was definitely something you weren’t sure you could ever get sick of and while there was a nagging thought as to what would happen after tonight, you weren’t about to let that ruin things. What would come tomorrow was a problem for tomorrow’s version of you, tonight’s version of you was looking forward to having her brains fucked out. 

You honestly weren’t sure how long you stood beside Paul’s bed kissing, but eventually his hands slid from their spot at your waist down to your ass and he gently lifted you to set you onto his soft mattress. Finally breaking away from your mouth he leaned back and you watched as his eyes took in your body. 

“Give me a minute to memorize the way you look right now.” He mumbled and once more you felt your cheeks flush in response to him. You weren’t sure you’d ever get over being looked at like this. And you weren’t sure you wanted to. 

After a moment, Paul bent back down and you felt his breath against the shell of your ear before his mouth dipped to kiss and suck at the sensitive skin along your neck. “So beautiful.” He murmured and with one hand sweeping light trails along your side and over your arm you already felt your desire for him growing. But as impatient as you were feeling, you let him take his time, the same way he let you take your time with him. Thankfully, Paul sensed your impatience and after the dancing around each other that honestly felt like it had been going on forever, even if it wasn’t long at all, it was clear that he was just as ready to move things forward as you were. 

He’d thoroughly marked your neck up by the time his hands drifted down to the bottom of your dress and with a smile and a nod that layer of fabric was removed, leaving you in nothing but the slip and a thong you’d pulled out from the very back of your drawer. Paul groaned the second he saw you in the lingerie he had purchased and you saw the second his eyes darkened when he realized that your nipples were already pebbled through the thin fabric. 

“See something you like?” You teased, repeating his words from the first time you saw him. Realizing that you’d just thrown his own phrase back at him, Paul laughed and your smile widened. You’d never thought intimacy could be so easy and comfortable but with Paul, it was all of that and more. 

“I see things I more than like.” He finally responded and you moaned as his mouth latched onto one of your nipples through the thin fabric of the slip. In all the time you’d spent exploring your own body, you had never gotten as much pleasure from massaging your own breasts as you’d gotten from less than a minute of Paul’s attention on them. With your body arching into him, his large hands slipped behind your back for a moment to pull you closer to him. He continued, swapping to your other breast after a while until you were practically panting under him. 

“Paul please.” You whimpered and he smirked up at you. 

“Yeah, baby? What do you need?” He teased. “Trust me baby...I’ll destroy you all in due time.” His words were only turning you on more and you reached down to fumble with his button-up again. 

“Goddamnit Paul...take your shirt off.” You whined, wanting nothing more than to feel his bare chest pressing down on you. His smirk softened a bit and he rested back on his knees as he worked his shirt off of his body before laying back down over you, pressing some of his weight onto your body. 

“That what you want?” He asked. Your fingers scraped along his scalp as you nodded before quickly dropping down to run over his shoulders. He was so sexy and there was still a part of you that couldn’t believe that you were getting to feel him like this. 

After making out for a few more minutes, Paul’s hips rutting down against your own, he pulled back and started kissing down your body, flicking his tongue over your nipples once more before settling himself between your spread thighs. Just the sight of him there made you shiver but true goosebumps appeared over every surface of your body as he kissed from your knee to the crease of your thigh before repeating the action on the other leg. 

“You’re so wet for me.” He commented, his thumb pressing over the lace of your thong right where you needed him most. “So wet for me.” He repeated. “But I’m gonna make you fall apart on my mouth and my fingers just like I promised.” His eyes sought consent once more as his fingers slipped under the edge of the thong and when you moaned his name the fabric quickly joined the other pieces on the floor and for the first time you were truly exposed to him, only the slip still covering your body. “Stunning.” He declared, his hot breath dancing across your skin making you more and more needy for him. 

You’d thought you were prepared for this...but there wasn’t anything that could prepare you for the way Paul’s mouth felt as he dove into your core. It was obvious that he knew exactly what he was doing, but not only that, that he truly enjoyed it as well. His forearm draped across your pelvis to keep your hips in place as he worked your body over. You’d never orgasmed this fast before but within only a few minutes you felt yourself spiraling over the edge as his tongue fucked into you. He worked you through your orgasm, tongue soothing gently over your heated flesh while licking up all of the juices he’d drawn from you. Then for a moment, he kissed at your hip, letting some of your sensitivity ebb. 

Your break had barely begun when he slipped first one and then a second large finger inside of you, curling them and flexing them to stretch you out for him. As he did so, he moved back up the bed to kiss you and for the first time you tasted yourself on his tongue. It was dirty but sexy at the same time and you couldn’t control the endless string of moans against his mouth as he pushed you closer and closer to your second orgasm. 

“You’re so sexy.” Paul groaned and glancing over you could see just how much he was straining against his jeans. Reaching over you flicked open the button and gently drew the zipper down, hoping to provide him with some relief. The release of pressure was clearly appreciated because Paul’s fingers sped up inside you and you felt your second orgasm behind to crest. “That’s my girl.” Paul murmured against the skin of your neck. “C’mon baby. Come for me again. Let me feel you clench around my fingers just like you’ll clench around my dick. You’re so goddamn tight baby.” Whether it was his words or the way he curled his fingers to press against your g-spot, you were soon seeing stars and you cried out loudly as wave after wave of pleasure rushed through you. 

When you finally settled, you found Paul gazing down at you completely in awe. “You didn’t tell me you’re a squirter.” He groaned and an embarrassed expression graced your face. Having wiped his fingers on the sheets, Paul’s hand slipped into your hair and he tugged your mouth back to his. “No...none of that. You don’t know how fucking sexy that is Y/N.” He insisted. Though your cheeks were still flushed you focused yourself on Paul’s kiss, moaning as he nipped at the skin of your lips. 

“You’re so expressive, baby. I can’t get enough.” He assured you, his hands sliding to tug the satin slip up and off of your body. When he didn’t speak at first, you felt the nerves creeping back in but they were quickly silenced by Paul’s string of expletives as he eyed you. “You. Are. So. Sexy.” He repeated kissing each of your breasts and then down over the swell of your stomach before returning his mouth to yours. With the fire rising in your veins again, stronger than ever before, you slipped your hands down to push his jeans off over his ass before cupping him through his boxer briefs again. 

“I swear Paul if you don’t fuck me soon…” You trailed off. Paul wore a devilish smirk and he trailed his hands over your body. 

“What are you gonna do?” He teased. A frustrated whimper slipped from your throat and you squirmed against the sheets trying to quell the aching feeling that was starting to drive you crazy. “Answer me, baby.” Paul pushed, his thumb slipping down to put just the slightest amount of pressure on your throbbing clit. 

“I’m gonna explode.” You whined. A second whine escaped you as Paul climbed off of the bed and he chuckled softly at just how desperate you were for him. 

“Just give me a second sweetheart.” He insisted and you heard the sound of fabric hitting the floor and a nightstand drawer opening before Paul was beside you again, his fingers brushing away the frustrated tears that had slipped down your cheeks. You were feeling so much and yet it wasn’t enough and you truly felt like you were going to burst if something didn’t happen soon. 

Paul’s thumb lifted your chin, bringing your eyes to his own and then he guided your hand to help roll the condom down over his length. “You need to relax for me Y/N.” Paul directed. “This shouldn’t hurt but it might sting a little and I just need you to relax and focus on me. I promise you I’m gonna make you feel so good.” The sound of his words was grounding and you nodded, not sure whether to watch his face or the way his body connected with yours. Feeling the pressure of his cock head at your core had you choosing the latter and you gasped as he slowly pressed inside you, your body taking him eagerly. There wasn’t any feeling besides pressure, besides feeling full and you moaned at the knowledge that this was as close as you could ever be to another person. 

When you looked up at Paul’s face you could see him watching you, could see the strain to remain still. Brushing your thumb over his cheek you nodded up at him. 

“I’m good Paul. Promise.” You insisted. “Please move.” His shoulders slumped a bit in relief as he drew his hips back before thrusting forward again. The pace he set was slow and easy but it was already providing delicious friction. The way his body pinned you to the bed as he fucked into you made you feel so small and you were overwhelmed at all of the feelings rushing through you. 

When Paul shifted your legs to wrap around his waist, he slid even deeper inside of you and you cursed, tears prickling in your eyes. Immediately Paul froze, scared he had hurt you but you kissed him softly in reassurance. The feeling of him that deep didn’t hurt, it was just more than you had expected and you were certain you were going to feel him for days. 

As the friction built, so did the pleasure and gradually your moans grew louder and came more frequently. In turn, Paul’s pace increased just slightly and his grunts in your ear were swapped for the sound of his voice pleading for you to cum, praising you for just how good you felt wrapped around him. And just when you thought it couldn’t get better, Paul kissed you and though you hadn’t seen it coming, your orgasm hit suddenly causing your body to bow beneath him and a shriek of his name to spill from your lips. A low groan and a twitch of his cock inside you signaled that he had spilled into the condom and he collapsed half on top of you and half beside you as your bodies struggled to come down from their highs. 

With Paul’s face nestled into your breast, you laid there for a few minutes before he gingerly pulled out of you causing you to wince. The bed shifted as Paul moved to discard the condom but eventually, he returned, gathering you in his arms to carry you to the bathroom. He instructed you to pee and then guided you into the shower to quickly rinse off. By the time you’d returned he’d changed the sheets on the bed, the candles had been blown out, and a t-shirt was laid out for you to change into. 

Tugging the t-shirt over your body, you let Paul pull you back onto the bed and he tucked you into his chest. 

“You were incredible.” He whispered. “That was incredible.” It was a relief to know that he enjoyed that as much as you had, but now that the deed was done you couldn’t help but wonder what, if anything, came next. It wasn’t that you would ever regret this, there was no way you could when it had been so perfect. If you had lost your virginity as a teenager there was no way you would have gotten three orgasms from the experience like you did now with him. It was well worth the wait in your mind and you could only hope that the delay in getting here had been worth it for him as well. 

Sensing your mental turmoil, Paul groaned and shifted to tangle your bodies together further. “Turn that brain of yours off.” He grumbled. “I still have a million other things to teach you, don’t I?” 

It was just like Paul to quell all of your worries with one stupid phrase. There were so many things he could teach you...about sex and about life. If he was willing, well, you certainly weren’t going to turn it down. Not when it felt like this.