#also fun fact sean is 23 now which is how old he is in the blood brothers & parting ways endings <3333

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can't believe we all share the most iconic birthday week ✨

[nettlestonenell]

Enola Holmes in Review

Gentle Readers:

1.       I did not plan to watch Enola Holmes

2.       I do not/have not watched Stranger Things, and my entire concept of Millie Bobby Brown as a human is encapsulated in the occasional errant tumblr post, and a line of eyewear she apparently has created, posters for which hang at my glasses-provider.

3.       I had never heard of the YA novels about Enola Holmes

There she is!

Yes, I do tend to enjoy nearly any incarnation of Sherlock Holmes. And, yes, I am often surprised by this fact. For some reason, Holmes, unlike, say, Chris Evans as Cap or Chris Hemsworth as Thor [instances where I can’t really imagine enjoying anyone else in the role] I am always interested to see someone else’s [writer and actor and director]’s take on him. *Subtle shout-out to James D’Arcy’s 2002 turn in A Case of Evil.

Mr. Jarvis! [and there was Vincent D’Onofrio and opium!!]

And yet, watching the Enola Holmes trailer [no doubt b/c of tumblr], and yes, admittedly not unmoved [we are not made of stone] by Cavill’s Curls™ the delight I felt in watching that advert led me to start informing my family that on September 23rd what I was going to be doing was enjoying Enola Holmes on Netflix [and anyone else was free to join me].

Someone important is missing from this picture

And what a delight it was. In the run-up to its debut I read more than a few reviews of the film [and, I think, every one of them written by men], some of which struck me as simply coming from a place of mean-spiritedness, yet none—even the positive reviews—preparing me for how ENJOYABLE this film is.

I’m not going to provide a full review point-by-point here, b/c the film involves cases to be solved (no, none of them are overwhelmingly complex—YA novel--, so all the more reason not to spoil any pay-offs). But I do have some things to talk about.

THE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM – And what a nice, nice elephant it is! Henry Cavill as Holmes is, in my opinion an absolute delight of a performance. From the moment he first says Enola’s name (a perfectly-rendered reaction to the moment playing out) this Holmes fits into this Greatest Showman-like version of Victorian England, where no one’s too dirty no matter how poor, and where despite a flaming red dress, cut too low for daytime wear, young Enola is never once mistaken for a working girl. [Again, YA novel] As other reviewers have noted, HC is, well, Cut and Bulked Out, and in his highly tailored frock coats well, strapping is too light a description word. *not a complaint. Cavill’s Curls are out and proud and here to tell us that we are meant to be Having Fun, and Gentle Readers—THEY DO NOT LIE.

No, not a priest’s collar where he is undercover (though I had thought so)

In fact, you could absolutely write your thesis statement on this film, that it’s really a fraternal, familial love story between Sherlock and Enola. Sherlock is the character during the two hours that actually changes. [Yes, Enola comes to an understanding about herself, and her circumstances change repeatedly—but it is Sherlock who experiences a Change of Heart/Reversal]. 

Raise your hand if you’re totally here for significantly older brother/significantly youngest sister family love!

HOW I WOULD DESCRIBE IT – This might in no way be helpful, but, Enola Holmes is basically The Young Indiana Jones Chronicles...

Where have you gone, Sean Patrick Flanery?

a YA historical storyline that’s written adjacent to [there, famous people] here, enduring fictional characters. It’s adventurous and pleasantly immersive, historical morays are given a slap-dash portrayal, rather than a fully-accurate representation, there’s adventures to be had, and side-characters to be converted into caring about the title character as much as we, the audience, do.

LUCY HONEYCHURCH – Yes, that gorgeous girl from Windy Corner. The timeline doesn’t jibe, but I daresay Helena Bonham Carter (back in a corset—though she may have worn those for Bellatrix) as Eudoria Holmes *IS* what Lucy Honeychurch might well have become beyond A Room with a View’s end. Bonham Carter looks absolutely at home here (period films have sorely missed her! –she had a part in 2015’s Suffragette), and still wears the trappings of Victorian England like a second skin. 

Not to mention that she now join my personal comfort-list of on-screen mothers with the likes of 1997’s Little Women Susan Sarandon and Cinderella’s Hayley Atwell.

FAMILY ISSUES OR PLOT HOLES? 

It’s a fair question. There’s a lot going on in this plot, some of which...seem solvable. Why has it been so very long since the Holmes brothers have seen their own mother? And sister? How could the woman we come to know as Eudoria raise a Mycroft? [see also, Molly Weasley?] Why aren’t people who seem to care about Enola more engaged with saving her from all the dangers London throws in her way? Why does Enola accept several acts of violence aimed at her, why does she in certain instances Do What She Is Told? Rather than chalk these up to plot holes or convenient devices, I’m siding with the Holmes family being dysfunctional [who knows what dad was like? We’re certainly not told here]. 

[clears throat]

The conversations between Mycroft and Sherlock barely skim the surface of any subject they interact on. Classic dysfunction: distancing one’s true self from human interaction b/c keeping the peace supersedes all else.

Enola accepts certain treatments b/c if we really do watch her relationship with her mother, there is an element of something amiss—as I will declare the later abandonment shows. Enola is a child used to being elevated and celebrated on one hand, and shut out and isolated on the other. Her parent has informed her about so much, but essentially locked her away in a false reality, where Enola is not taken to see the world, nor taught how to interact in it (which is explicitly stated). Perhaps it is not so surprising that the Holmes’ brothers have not cared overly much for visiting their remaining family. And when repeatedly confronted with a minor child (and yet a child likely though old enough or about so, to be married off) being forced to endure things diametrically opposed to her will—the brothers’ reactions are stoic, the system they accept as to how life must be lived immoveable and morally right simply by its very existence.

MILLIE BOBBY BROWN – THE STAR – In what has to be an Emmy-nomination-deserving turn, MBB is nothing short of wholly in charge of the screen. She never overpowers the story. She’s as loveable as Sandra Bullock in While You Were Sleeping, and as ready for her closeup as Jennifer Lawrence in The Hunger Games. As another review mentioned, she handles the 4th wall breaks in such as way as we look forward to the next time she’s going to talk to us. We ache with her sorrow for her lost mom, and rage with her at the adults in her life choosing wrongly for her future—or simply not choosing at all.

A random observation, but one that feels important to me: her HAIR. Yes! They’ve managed to make a late Victorian-era film where the heroine’s hair looks like real hair that someone really styled (or in some scenes, didn’t). And yet, where the hair looks proper for the time. [wild applause]

COMPLAINTS: Well, in honesty there aren’t any. If you want to complain that there isn’t any dirt, that the evil of the world (I mean, c’mon, this is narrowly post-Dickensian London, here) is neutered, that the adults in question seem neither alarmed enough or emboldened enough at either their mother or sister being missing and possibly out of their depths in a dangerous society without protection, and in Enola’s case real-world skills--? Well, I’m certainly not going to disagree with you. This is YA Victorian London, after all, not Ripper Street. There is also neither a hint of or actual threat of sexual violence at any point in the film. But the lack of that has preserved us from having to sit through that, as well as no doubt lectures about how Enola’s virtue might be spoilt and she might become useful to no man.

The relationships are appropriate, too. Despite strides between Enola and certain adults in the film, by the time the credits roll they’re not showing physical affection toward each other (a move that would have seemed over-the-top), and teen relationships are shown progressing at a reasonable and mutedly awkward pace.

Now, Netflix, green-light me five more films (or more). There’s still a new version of John Watson to meet, after all!

[recentanimenews]

Bookshelf Briefs 1/4/21

Black Clover, Vol. 23 | By Yuki Tabata | Viz Media – Given we came to the end of a very long arc last time, it makes sense that there’s a lot of goofy comedy before we start the next arc (which has a timeskip!). Fortunately, Black Clover is pretty good at being dumb and goofy in a shonen way—I’ve said before that it’s ripping off every single shonen series in the world, but it’s not doing it badly. Therefore we get a lot of silly love confessions, and priestesses who wear spiral “nerd” glasses like Mousse from Ranma 1/2. Oh yes, and Asta is not executed—for now. They still think he’s totally evil, though. Hopefully fighting a devil may help to change that opinion. This has become one of the longest-running Jump series now, and it’s easy to see why it’s still going. – Sean Gaffney

Days of Love at Seagull Villa, Vol. 1 | By Kodama Naoko | Seven Seas – Another yuri series from this author, this book starts with one of our heroines fleeing to the countryside after her boyfriend gets her best friend pregnant. She’s there to teach (and boy, her class could use some lessons in “don’t slutshame and don’t bully”), but she’s also staying with a young woman who’s raising a kid alone after her whole family was killed. The two are seeming opposites, but turn out to possibly have much in common. The yuri so far here is just a drunken kiss, but I’m sure there will be more to it. That said, the series seems content to introduce its cast and then start to simmer things to a slow boil. That’s good too. I want to learn more about this village. – Sean Gaffney

Didn’t I Say to Make My Abilities Average in the Next Life?! Everyday Misadventures!, Vol. 1 | By FUNA and Yuki Moritaka | Seven Seas – I was expecting this to be a 4-koma sort of volume, but it isn’t. Instead it’s just goofy comedy chapters without the ongoing plot that we get in the normal series. So you get things like Reina trying to learn to cook, and Mavis getting hit on by women again, etc. The usual stereotypes apply—Pauline has large breasts, Mile is… well, Mile, Reina is hot-headed, etc. There’s also a flashback to Adele’s experiences at school, where it turns out that all the school’s “Seven Mysteries” are just her being stupidly overpowered. No one should get this who’s not a fan of the original, but those who are should be quite pleased. – Sean Gaffney

Dr. STONE, Vol. 14 | By Riichiro Inagaki and Boichi | Viz Media – Most of this volume is trying to rescue everyone from the evil village “god” and his even more evil minion, who is unfortunately more overpowered than most of our team. On the cool side, most of the rest of the group gets un-petrified after recovering their bodies from the ocean floor, thanks to the power of Taiju being really strong and really dumb. On the less-cool side, Kohaku and Ginro are now petrified, though frankly that’s a good thing in Ginro’s case, as he was bleeding to death. This is probably the biggest villain that Senku and company have had to face before, so it makes sense that he’s finally taking a very dark step (as he himself says) and bringing guns into this world. Great fun. – Sean Gaffney

Eniale & Dewiela, Vol. 1 | By Kamome Shirahama | Yen Press – I was told when I saw who the author of this series was that I should not expect it to be much like Witch Hat Atelier, and that’s an understatement if anything. Oh, the art is still amazingly gorgeous, but the content is very much designed for those who enjoy the dynamic of, say, Gabriel Dropout. An angel and a demon are best friends despite sniping at each other the entire volume. Eniale is a bit of a featherhead. Dewiela has a bit of a temper. Together, they get involved in Very Wacky Situations. How much you enjoy this will depend on how wacky you find the situations. I found it fun, but I think I would enjoy it better in a magazine chapter by chapter than in volume form. – Sean Gaffney

Hatsu*Haru, Vol. 13 | By Shizuki Fujisawa | Yen Press – This series about four couples—heavily overbalanced towards two of them—finally comes to a close by going back to its leads, as Riko’s mom is moving due to her job and… is NOT asking Riko to come with her. Yes, the final volume involves everyone trying to self-sacrifice the most, with lots of tears and angry words. Of course we know that Riko really needs to be with her mom, even if they may not have the best relationship, which of course means that she and Kai are now far from each other. Fortunately, it’s the final volume, so this can be resolved with a flash forward to college. This was a solid series, but I’ll remember it for Takaya and Ayumi more than anyone else—in fact, possibly just Ayumi. – Sean Gaffney

I Love You So Much, I Hate You | By Yuni | Yen Press – Ayako Asano and Saori Fujimura are both accomplished, successful career women working closely with each other at their company. But outside of the office they’re even closer—they’ve actually started sleeping with one another. Two women becoming romantically involved isn’t so much of an issue, but the fact that Ayako is both married to a man and is Saori’s boss poses some significant problems. I Love You So Much, I Hate You is a mature manga dealing with some mature themes. Initially, there are definite imbalances in Ayako and Saori’s relationship, each woman approaching it from a different starting point and hoping to get different things out of it. However, over the course of the volume their needs and desires begin to align. But it’s not easy for either of them for a variety of reasons; granted, a relationship that starts out as an affair is bound to be complicated. – Ash Brown

An Incurable Case of Love, Vol. 5 | By Maki Enjoji | Viz Media – Nanase and Dr. Tendo are a couple now, so, inevitably, we must introduce the rivals. This volume gives us the first one, a rich young man with a medical condition who cynically says that people only care about him because of his money. He runs into Nanase, who is, well, herself, and falls head over heels in love with her. I was impressed how the author took this old-standard josei manga trope and simply… had the leads act like adults. There are a few misunderstandings and small fights, but there’s no huge blowup or breakup, mostly as Dr. Tendo is very familiar with who Nanase is. That said, Nanase still has self-image issues, and the cliffhanger implies a stronger rival on the way. Maki Enjoji is always good. – Sean Gaffney

Kaguya-sama: Love Is War, Vol. 17 | By Aka Akasaka | Viz Media – While we’re still dealing with the consequences of Miyuki and Kaguya dating, the series really has gotten very good at the tiny little jokes. Including possibly the DARKEST ‘in between chapters’ gag I’ve ever seen, where Iino talks about how she enjoys pain as it makes her “feel safe.” As for Chika, I think she has realized that the author increasingly doesn’t know what to do with her. She probably does not have a big character-building arc like the other four, so she’s essentially the goofy one that annoys people, something she is catching on to. Though the funniest chapter in this book features Karen invading the main title from her spin-off manga—still sadly not licensed—and almost getting everyone arrested. – Sean Gaffney

Practice Makes Perfect, Vol. 3 | By Ui Hanamiya | Kodansha Comics (digitial only) – This volume has our lead couple finally going all the way, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t problems. For one, the first time HURTS, and even successive attempts are nine parts pain to one part pleasure for Nohara (who, amusingly, is still trying to handle this in a “sports” way, as is Yano). There’s also the fact that Yano thinks that Nohara is going to break if he tries to be anything but super super gentle, which… also is not helping, though it leads to the volume’s best joke. Fortunately, the next volume is the last. Unfortunately, it appears that we’re going to get a “hey, the girl I love spends her days surrounded by hot guys!” chapter. Still, this Rated-R manga is still a lot more fun than I expected. – Sean Gaffney

By: Ash Brown

[kbaldwin0609]

'The Bachelor' season premiere recap: Arie begins his race to the altar

Arie Luyendyk Jr. is racin’ to find a wife. (Photo: ABC)

Warning: This recap of the season premiere of The Bachelor contains spoilers.

Do elderly former reality stars deserve love, too? It’s a question that I fear will never be answered to our true satisfaction, rose lovers, but darn it if this season of The Bachelor isn’t going to try. Having resurrected former The Bachelorette runner up Arie Luyendyk Jr. from his death of real estate and mid-level racing obscurity, producers hope to break new ground with the first-ever grey-haired Bachelor… just not the one you were expecting.

Now that he’s had five years to heal his wounded heart, Arie is ready for “the most important race of his life”: finding a wife in nine short, heavily-produced weeks.

Man, is this previously-on recap still going on?

Photo: ABC

We get it, guys — Emily crushed Arie’s heart. But we’ve got 29 new “ladies” who want to get in his drivers’ seat, so how about we get this show on the road?

Photo: ABC

Sigh. Fine, let Sean and Catherine Lowe, the First Couple of Bachelor Nation, impart some “wisdom” to their single friend — and give their little boy Samuel something to talk about when he meets up with friends Ty (season 13), Ricki (Bachelorette, season 8), and Camila (season 18) in their weekly Bachelor Spawn-Anon meetings.

Photo: ABC

Hang in there, little buddy.

With the build-up over, Chris Harrison greets us at Casa Bachelor to introduce “some truly extraordinary women” who are ready to get wifed up. Robot roll call:

Chelsea, 29: Props to this single mom from Maine for not trotting out her little one, Sammy, for her intro package. The “real estate exec. assistant” also finds it “comforting” that her Bachelor is Arie, because he proved during Emily’s season that he’s not afraid to fake settle down with a woman and her child.

Caroline, 26: Another real estate professional! Though she’s “really good” at her job, Caroline says being a wife and mother is “at the top of my priority list.” Well, as that Rasta dude says at the end of Pretty Woman, “Some dreams come true, some don’t — but keep on dreamin’.”

Maquel, 23: This professional photographer from Utah is admittedly “jealous” of the happy couples she photographs… but not in a scary, Lifetime movie way, okay?

Nysha, 30: “The more blood, the better for me!” No, that’s not Nysha’s plan for eliminating her competition in the house — she’s a nurse, silly! One who likes patching up seriously-injured patients — and one who already took a Bachelor-approved Leap Of Faith™ by sky-diving for her 30th birthday.

Tia, 26: Living in the tiny town of Weiner, Arkansas means Tia and her friends have to “make our own fun” — like exercising their 2nd Amendment rights.

Tia’s got her gun.

Oh, look who it is!

Photo: ABC

If you thought Tia seemed a little familiar, what with her long-layered dark locks and her Southern twang, that might be because she’s modeled after/a “good friend” of Bachelor Nation favorite (and fellow small-town Arkansas girl) Raven Gates. (And if you’re playing Bachelor bingo, be sure to stamp “Bachelor in Paradise shoe-in” on your scorecard.)

Kendall, 26: What does “weird” look like on The Bachelor? It’s tall, blonde, blue-eyed, and surrounded by stuffed animals.

Photo: ABC

Yep, Kendall collects taxidermy, and her longest relationships tend to be with preserved animal carcasses, not human beings. Team Bachelor pushed things a little too far with the ukulele bit, though — now Kendall’s not only quirky, she’s annoying.

Bekah M.:  Much has been made of Bekah, both for her short haircut — how did she even get in the door??? — and for the fact that she’s so young. Though producers are playing coy with her age, you don’t need a birth certificate to see that this girl is just that — a girl. Honestly, she looks like she could be a stand-in for one of the kids on Stranger Things.

Photo: ABC

Marikh, 27: This stunningly beautiful woman co-owns an Indian restaurant with her mother and, even more impressively, she did not punch the producer who asked her to say this on camera:

Photo: ABC

Krystal, 29: Oh man, why do bad shows happen to good people? Krystal is a fitness coach who volunteers distributing food to the homeless men and women of San Diego, because her younger brother is currently living on the streets. “I try to treat people how I would want someone to treat him,” she says through tears.

Enough humanity! Send in the chattle — bathed, perfumed and bronzed for Arie’s enjoyment!

Photo: ABC

And the first “lady” out is… Caroline the realtor! She makes a cutesy joke about taking Arie “off the market,” and then beats a hasty retreat inside. Up next is Chelsea the single mom, followed by Kendall the token weirdo. Our first new face is Seinne, who works in real estate (Arie clearly has a type) and who’s also the first woman to bring Arie a gift: Elephant cufflinks. “An elephant never forgets, so don’t forget to find me inside,” Seinne says with a smile. Survey says? Just the right amount of cute.

Tia (who shall heretofore be known as Raven 2) hands Arie a small, plastic hot dog. “Please tell me you don’t already have a little wiener,” she drawls, as all the 7th grade boys who apparently produce this show crack up in the control room. Poor Arie, though, doesn’t quite seem to get the joke. “I do not have this,” he replies, holding up the trinket. “You did good.”

Next up is Bibiana, a fertility-minded executive assistant from Florida (“Oh my god, our babies would have blue eyes!”), followed by Bri, a sports reporter who greets Arie by tossing him a literal softball. Jenny the 25-year-old blonde gets the intro brush-off in favor of Brittane J., who decides to mark her territory by slapping a bumper sticker on Arie’s behind.

Photo: ABC

Jacqueline the research coordinator assures Arie all he has to do is “stand there and look pretty,” but Krystal disagrees: She commands Arie to close his eyes, take some deep breaths, and “reflect on feeling so grateful for everything leading to this moment.” (I suspect that somewhere, Peter Kraus is taking some much-needed deep breaths too.)

Nysha bucks convention by opting for a cocktail length dress rather than a gown, while Valerie the brunette waitress opts for a canary-yellow number that contrasts sharply with the purple undertones of her hair. Team Bachelor intercuts all the less showy arrivals with shots of the “ladies” in the house shifting nervously in their seats every time a new woman enters the mansion. Except for Chelsea, that is: “I’m not worried,” she sniffs. “There’s [sic] no threats.”

Bekah makes the first thematically-mandated auto entrance of the evening, driving up in a cherry red Mustang convertible. “I may be young,” she tells Arie, “but I can still appreciate something classic.” Translation:

Photo: ABC

And he LOVES it. “She is so beautiful,” he whispers as Bekah bounces inside.

Jenna, the 28-year-old social media manager, can’t stop waving her arms around during her introduction to Arie; Jessica the TV host emerges from the limo clutching something called a “gratitude rock,” which sounds like a hotel gift shop trinket — but points for effort, I guess?  Marikh the restaurant owner goes back to the spice well, joking about Arie’s “salt and pepper” hair, and then we get a brief glimpse of Olivia, a 23-year-old marketing associate from Chicago.

Becca K. (not to be confused with Bekah with a k) instructs Arie to get down on one knee and ask her if she’s “ready to do the damn thing.”

Photo: ABC

Is it me, or does long-suffering Arie seem a little annoyed? “That was a first for me,” he mutters drily to the camera, fishing Becca’s ring from his coat pocket like he can’t get it away from him fast enough. And still the limos keep coming.

Photo: ABC

A second social media manager? Perhaps that’s the new “VIP Cocktail Waitress.” Next up is Lauren J. from Louisiana, who one-ups Raven 2 and her plastic wiener by giving Arie some giant balls (in the form of Mardi Gras beads). But the Laurens aren’t done with us yet, folks.

Photo: ABC

And remarkably, they’re not all blonde.

Photo: ABC

The “Lauren Limo” tops out at four, and so it’s on to Ashley and her checkered flag; Brittany T., who attempts to say “You’re handsome” in Dutch (a language Arie speaks fluently); and Amber, who makes a memorable first impression by telling the Bachelor about one drawback of owning a spray-tan company:

Photo: ABC

But honestly, rose lovers, Amber’s ice-breaker is Emily Post-level conduct compared to Ali the personal stylist dreams up:

Photo: ABC

It’s a “pit stop”! Get it? Because he’s a racecar driver? Yeah, let’s just move on.

Photo: ABC

Okay, Annaliese, your joke about Arie’s “kissing bandit” nickname is cute, but talk to me when you’ve kept that mask on for days, like Jeff from Ashley’s season of The Bachelorette.

The deafening roar of an engine precedes our next arrival. “No she didn’t!” gasps one of the women watching from inside the mansion, as Maquel climbs out of an IndyCar. Honestly, did they really think Bekah was going to be the only contestant who showed up on wheels?  The other bachelorettes are so annoyed by Maquel’s flashy entrance, they park themselves right in the shot as she introduces herself to Arie.

Photo: ABC

Simmer down, “ladies” — your probably-not future husband is making his way inside right this very minute. Chelsea tries to offer him a drink, but Arie’s too focused on making his welcome speech sound as earnest as possible.

Awkward.

An off-camera producer mouths something like “take the damn drink, you moron” at Arie, and he pauses to accept the glass from Chelsea. “See, I’m already messing up!” moans our Bachelor with a chuckle.

Seeing that Chelsea already had the pimp spot, is it any wonder that she’s the first one to “steal” Arie for a chat? “I’m not a rude person,” she says. “But I want to get to know him quickly so I can proceed with the rest of my life, possibly with him.” As we saw from her introduction, Chelsea’s whole shtick is being “mysterious” — which mainly means talking about herself in the past perfect tense, like “there have been some sacrifices that were made.” And he LOVES it. “Chelsea’s very good at leaving me wanting a little bit more,” he says. “It’s working.”

Unfortunately for Chelsea, she barely has time to drape Arie in her shimmering veil of mystery before Maquel shows up and politely asks to cut in. Though Maquel could not have been nicer about it, Chelsea immediately begins swanning around the house complaining about “the girl that makes all the noise,” who interrupted her time with Arie. This, coupled with all the other snotty things we’ve seen Chelsea say so far tonight, makes it pretty clear that she’s getting the Villain Edit. And by “Villain Edit,” I mean that cameras have captured Chelsea being bitchy several times, and producers have opted to use that footage.

Perhaps producers were focusing so much on Chelsea’s rude behavior because so many of the other women are actually being… nice to each other? Here they are sharing their feelings on interracial relationships:

Photo: ABC

And here they are bonding over the fact that, OMG, they’re on the freakin’ Bachelor!

Photo: ABC

Meanwhile, the get-to-know-you chats are proceeding apace. Brittany T. challenges Arie to a battery-operated car race…

Photo: ABC

…and even though her victory is totally fraudulent, she still claims her prize: The night’s first kiss. Cue the “nervous ladies start steppin’ up their game” montage! Kendall serenades Arie with an original ukulele composition about roses and fish; Caroline brings Arie some pizza (which looks like it was sitting out on the craft services table for a while, but again, points for effort); and Lauren G. shoves some fruit in Arie’s mouth and informs him that “pineapple” is her safe word.

Photo: ABC

Jenna the social media manager gives Arie a socks-off foot massage while blathering on about her “super-in-tune” senses and all the free food and “spa stuff” she gets on a regular basis. For some reason, Arie finds this whole flibbertigibbet act “intriguing” — it might have something to do with Jenna being a tall skinny blonde, but that’s just a guess.

Oh snap, look who’s here.

Photo: ABC

The first impression rose means that the clock (biological and otherwise) is ticking. Form an orderly line, “ladies” — and then watch as Chelsea cuts to the front. “I understand that I’m in a sea of beautiful women and they could possibly get mad at me,” she explains, “but I don’t care.” Arie doesn’t seem to mind, either.

Photo: ABC

“You snuck up on me there, but I liked it,” he murmurs after their face-mash time. Will Chelsea’s surprise smooch top Jenny’s graphite portrait of Arie in a sports car? Or Jessica’s reveal that her late father met Arie and rooted for him on the race track? Or Bekah’s flirtatious, short-haired joie de vivre?

Yes. Yes, it will.

Photo: ABC

Clink clink clink! Here comes Chris Harrison and his Butter Knife of Bad News. “Ladies,” please proceed to the rose ceremony… as soon as you’re done with your coffee.

Photo: ABC

Indeed, the sun is beginning its arc across the sky over Casa Bachelor when Arie finally begins handing out roses. Becca K., Marikh, Kendall, Lauren G., Krystal, Bekah M., Lauren S., Seinne, Caroline, Brittany T., Bibiana, Annaliese, Jenna, Valerie, Jacqueline, Jenny, Lauren B., Ashley, Tia, Maquel, and Chelsea are still in the running to become America’s Next Top Fiancée. Which means this is goodbye for Ali, Amber, Bri, Brittnae J., Jessica, Lauren J., Nysha and Olivia.

Emotionally drained and exhausted from the all-nighter, poor Jessica takes the rejection the hardest — but her tears are more for her father than the Bachelor. “Now my dad will never meet my husband,” she says sadly. (Remember kids: It’s never a bad time to call your parents to say “I love you.”) Amber the spray-tan proprietor is pretty crushed, too. “I’m so disappointed in myself,” she says in a wobbly voice. “I had, like, my family rooting so hard for me. I feel like they’re going to be disappointed, you know?” Focus on the positive, honey: They didn’t disown you for going on The Bachelor, so they’ll probably forgive you, someday, for getting kicked off.

Wow, have we made it to the “this season on The Bachelor” preview already? Man, those two hours just flew by. As usual, the super-tease has a stellar crying montage.

Suitable for framing. (Photos: ABC)

Oh, and how about that disembodied voice barking “I don’t want to be on the show! I want my girl!” at a producer toward the end of the preview? Any guesses on which “lady” that riled-up beau belongs to? (I’m going with Raven 2 or Krystal.)

Congrats on getting through week 1, rose lovers! Now tell me, did Arie meet your (lowered) expectations? Post your thoughts now! And be sure to check out Chris Harrison’s behind-the-scenes blog here.

The Bachelor airs Mondays at 8 p.m. on ABC.

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[justanothercinemaniac]

Epic Movie (Re)Watch #205 - Hocus Pocus

(GIF source unknown [if this is your GIF please let me know].)

Spoilers Below

Have I seen it before: Yes

Did I like it then: More or less.

Do I remember it: Yes.

Did I see it in theaters: No.

Format: DVD

1) Let’s start off this post with a little blasphemy: I actually don’t have a ton of nostalgia for this movie. I watched it like maybe three times growing up. I’d always catch bits and pieces on Disney Channel or ABC Family Freeform, but I just never got into it like so many other people did. And (prepare to be outright offended now) the last time I watched it all the way through (I couldn’t have been older than 13) I thought it was kinda boring. BUT I was going through a bit of a “too cool for this shit” phase then. Spoiler alert: I enjoyed it A LOT more this time around and do understand the hype now.

2) Fun fact: Human Thackery Binx is played by Sean Murray but is dubbed over by the actor who performs him (Jason Marsden) for consistency.

3) Despite being largely a comedy, there is a wonderful sense of creepiness to this film which I think helps to give it its unique flavor. I mean, this is a Disney movie which starts with a child being killed so witches can drain off its life force. Then these same witches - who explicitly say they’re loyal to satan and have been to hell - get hanged. There’s this sense of edge (or the Disney version of edge) which helps elevate it above a lot of Halloween family fare. I think it’s what makes the film so endearing.

4) Ah, our first encounter with Winifred Sanderson.

5) The Sanderson Sisters

So the way I’m going to structure this note is each sister will be like 5.1, 5.2, and 5.3. That’s how long the note is. The Sanderson Sisters ARE the movie. They’re the reason it holds up so well, they’re the reason people keep coming back to it, is because this trio is so absolutely wonderful. Each sister is written and performed in a way where you get a clear sense of who they are as individuals (instead of just being clones of each other), yet they chemistry between the actresses works so wonderfully that the trio is strong as well. They are the heart and fun of the film, with each actress being brilliantly comedic but also able to turn on a villainous dime when necessary. They’re just incredible.

5.1) Bette Midler as Winifred Sanderson.

The leader of the group in both writing and performance, Midler commands the sisters in a natural way. The actress is the most unrecognizable in the part, so much so it took me YEARS to even realize this was Bette Midler. By putting aside any and all ego, Midler gives a performance which embraces its cartoonish fun to totally wrap you in. She pulls focus, commanding every scene she’s in to the point where you can’t/don’t want to take her eyes off of her. She’s just incredible. According to IMDb, this is Midler’s favorite performance of her own. That fun just shows through.

5.2) Kathy Najimy as Mary Sanderson.

Najimy is an absolutely amazing character actress who totally blends into every role she’s given. Mary is no different. Much like Midler, she is able to work with the cartoonish silliness of the part (with a character who is maybe more so that than her sisters) to just make you laugh. There are so many great moments Najimy has, often times while other things are going on, that you have to watch multiple times if you even hope to catch them all. She’s just really great.

5.3) Sarah Jessica Parker as Sarah Sanderson.

The youngest (I believe youngest) Sanderson sister proves that there is no weak link in this chain. Much like Middler, this role is so different from anything else Parker is known for doing (“Sexy in the City”) that I have to remind myself it’s here. She is able to be charmingly dimwitted and absent minded in a way which is absolutely gut busting. There is this wonderful physical and almost airy quality she brings to the part which pulls you in, the way she moves and plays with her beloved boys. But Parker - like the other Sandersons - can turn on a dime to an intimidating baddie. She’s - like the others - is incredible.

6) Max Dennison.

This may be blasphemous (I don’t know all the things people love about Hocus Pocus), but does anyone REALLY watch this movie for Max Dennison as a protagonist? I will admit the place where the character ends is something I appreciate a lot (more on that later), but for most of the film? He starts off as kind of a douche bag who acts all macho, thinks he’s too cool for his new town, and is mean to his sister. Almost every other character in the movie is a more interesting potential protagonist than Max to me, which I will say is not the fault of Omri Katz. He actually does the best he can to make Max seem interesting, because I’m aware that he could’ve been a much bigger pain the butt during the movie. But the writing is just not there as we get to know him, even if he does develop nicely by the film’s end.

7) It was at this moment I realized Alison was a much more interesting protagonist than Max.

Max: “But everyone here knows that Halloween was invented by the candy companies it's a conspiracy!”

Allison: It just so happens that Halloween is based on the ancient feast called All Hallows Eve.”

Allison is actually a bit of a missed opportunity, development wise. She has a good understanding of not only the tradition of Halloween but also the Sanderson Sisters, showing a creepy side to a character who does not appear as a stereotypical goth. She’s rich, doesn’t seem to really care for her parent’s fancy Halloween ball, is kind, brave, but we never really explore her that much. I’d love to get to know a bit more about Allison.

8) The inclusion of buttheads Jay and Ice add a nice bit of humor to the film. Yeah they’re jerks, but their idiocy is definitely funny to watch. Don’t take them seriously as bullies or threats and you’ll enjoy their presence.

8.1) So I was looking up the actors who played Jay and Ice and…AH! ICE IS THE SAME ACTOR AS LARRY FROM “Buffy the Vampire Slayer”!

9) According to IMDb:

Charles Rocket [Max and Dani’s dad] acquired a certain notoriety for swearing on live television during the final moments of the 21 February 1981 episode of Saturday Night Live (1975). There's an in-joke in connection to this, where he says to Max, "Watch your language!".

10) Thora Birch as Dani.

Can I just say, Dani is so much more interesting to me than Max. I kinda wish we saw this movie through her eyes. She just brings a smile to my face whenever she’s on screen. Birch plays Dani with such honest enthusiasm and intelligence (not every kid in movies is played as smart, sadly) that it’s intoxicating. She stands up to the bullies and later her first instinct upon the Sanderson Sister’s resurrection is to LIE HER BUTT OFF in an attempt to make them think she’s a witch! HER FIRST INSTINCT! And then later when she finds out this freaky zombie is nice she’s immediately like, “Hi Billy!” so sweetly. I dig that.

11) Ah great, toxic masculinity infecting an eight year old girl.

Dani [after Max says fighting the bullies would’ve gotten him killed]: “At least you would’ve died like a man.”

Sorry, that’s just a personal thing.

12) Um, maybe some fans of the movie know this, but why exactly the Dennison family move to Salem? I don’t remember it ever being mentioned. I’m assuming job opportunity but what job takes you from LA to Salem?

13) Um Max, you’ve know Allison for like a week (maybe a week and a half). Isn’t this a little much?

Max [about Allison]: “Dani, this is the girl of my dreams.”

14) The Sanderson house has this wickedly creepy sense of place to it. You know these guys aren’t supposed to be there, you know that this is a place of evil, so when things start getting weird it’s not much of a stretch to see it happening.

15)

16) So at one point in the movie Allison hits Mary with a frying pan and all I can think of is this:

17) The most fun this movie has is watching the Sanderson Sisters adapt to 1993. Reacting to things like the, “burning rain of death,” (sprinkler system) the, “black river,” (a pavement road) and even the way they run from approaching firetrucks because of the sirens is all a hoot. Like I said, each actress is amazing and they play it so well. It’s a wonderful source of comedy.

18) Thackery Binx.

Jason Marsden is an excellent voice over actor (perhaps best known as Max in A Goofy Movie and Impulse in “Young Justice”) who helps give Thackery a lot of life. This immortal black cat is wonderfully charming, with a compelling wit and sarcastic sense of humor which helps flesh him out as a character. But he also has a lot of tragedy in his life, a real loneliness. Thackery is a unique and fun addition to the film which just works really well.

19) That’s Doug Jones as Billy Butcherson.

Jones is currently one of the most well regarded character/makeup actors in showbiz, with such famous roles under his belt as both Fauno and The Pale Man in Pan’s Labyrinth, Abe Sapein in the Hellboy films, and the creature in the upcoming The Shape of Water. Just thought I’d share.

20) I gotta say, the Sanderson Sisters are a lot more funny to me in my 20s than my teens. The whole bit with the calming circle specifically had me in stitches.

Also this is great.

Girl Dressed as Angel: “Bless you.”

Sanderson Sisters: [Freak out.]

21) This whole bit with the fake cop is kinda clever, but this bugs me.

Cop [after Dani tells him Max is a virgin] Are you a virgin?

Max: Yeah.

Cop: Really?

22) Garry Marshall’s devilish cameo.

While largely (if not exclusively) serving as a distraction from the plot, it just continues the fun of the Sanderson Sisters adjusting to the new world. Garry Marshall’s presence in any film is a welcome treat, especially when he brings along sister Penny. There’s just a great sense of fun here born from the audience being in on a joke the witches are clearly unaware of.

23) Okay, this always bugged me: couldn’t the kids get A LOT of people to believe them if the talking cat explained what was going on?

(GIF source unknown [if this is your GIF please let me know].)

24) “I Put A Spell On You”

This may be the most iconic moment from the film, working primarily because it’s just so freaking fun! The tune is infectious, it carries a delightful Halloween sense to it, and Midler’s vocals are top notch. It’s just FUN and that’s what works.

25)

Winnie [upon seeing a high school]: “It is a prison for children.”

Well she’s not wrong.

26) As a fan of old school Universal Monster movies, I dig this line.

Max [over the high school PA]: “I’m your host, Boris Karloff Jr.”

27) Honestly I think this film’s biggest issue is a structural one. Some gags, while fun, don’t add much to the overall plot. Also the moment of quiet/peace after the heroes think the Sanderson Sisters are dead just messes with the overall flow. The tension never got high enough for it to be effective or earned. It just throws off the momentum I think.

28) Winifred’s Book.

It’s not often that I discuss prop pieces in these posts but Winnie’s book is in a lot of ways a character unto itself. The art design on the piece is absolutely wonderful and just really interesting. You understand it’s not a possession but (largely because of that eye) something a little more intelligent than that. A little more alive than that.

29) As soon as Allison opens the book this is all I can think of.

(GIF source unknown [if this is your GIF please let me know]

30) Sarah’s song to lure the children (written by James Horner, not composer John Debny) is wonderfully creepy while also being sweet. It makes sense that it would draw in a bunch of kids but as the audience we can hear the sense of doom it has.

31) So this is a classic case of Villain Stupidity™. Winnie HAS her victory! All she needs to do is give her death potion to one of the countless kids which just appeared on her front lawn but she needs to have her revenge so risks it all (needlessly) to go after Dani.

32) Okay, how does Winnie know enough about modern life to make this joke?

Winnie [pulling up next to Max’s car on her broom]: “Pull over! Let me see your driver's permit!”

33) The film’s climax actually is pretty well done. There is a nice sense of stakes and tension to it. THIS is earned, unlike the school scene. And Max’s decision to drink the potion so he can save Dani is a great character choice, showing how strong his relationship with his sister is and what he’ll do to ensure her safety.

34) Okay, when the sun rises at the end all I can think of is…

35) It may be a little cheesy, but I do really like that this film ends with Thackery being reunited with his lost sister Emily after 300 years. Also his goodbye to Dani is really nice.

Hocus Pocus has become a cult classic for a reason. With three absolutely phenomenal actresses acting as the heart of the film, it has a wonderfully wicked sense of fun to it that works at Halloween. But either you’ll like it or you won’t. There are some problems with structure, focus, and some character development. But honestly I don’t care about those so much because it’s just so freaking fun. It more than makes up for its flaws with a sense of humor and cartoonish mayhem which carries the 90 minute run time well. It’s just a fun Halloween movie which everyone should watch once just to see if they like.

[cksmart-world]

The completely unnecessary news analysis

by Christopher Smart

March 24, 2020

UK TO GIVE WORKERS 80% OF INCOME

& FOX EXECS TO STAFF: IT’S REAL YOU IDIOTS

Congress is working out details of a proposal to put cash in the hands of Americans, which will help hundreds of thousands of service workers who find themselves furloughed as a result of the pandemic. It could be $1,200 to $2,000 for each taxpayer. That's better than a  jab with a sharp stick, but really, how far can 1200 bucks take anyone these days. Meanwhile, Republicans are angling to give the lions share of the   $2 trillion stimulus to corporations. Sound familiar. According to Goldman Sachs, the fallout from the pandemic could prove to be the biggest economic hit on record — forecasting a staggering 24 percent quarterly drop in GDP, more than double the biggest plunge ever recorded. But listen to this: In contrast, the United Kingdom will subsidize to 80 percent the wages up to $2,900 per month of any worker facing unemployment because of the coronavirus pandemic. U.S. leaders just can't find it within themselves to make such investment in average Americans, largely out of the conservative philosophy that government shouldn't be doing that sort of thing — except for the big boys. The U.S. is the only industrialized country without guaranteed comprehensive healthcare and sick leave for every worker — that, say the bigwigs, would be socialism.

SURVIVAL KIT FOR THE BIG ONE

When the brown stuff hits the blades many people rush around like chickens because they have not prepared their survival kits — those necessities that will keep them alive until the coast clears or help arrives. So, the staff  here at Smart Bomb, as a community service, has put together a list that will guide you as you prepare for armageddon:

1- 100 rolls of toilet paper.

2- 48 cans of beans

3- 60 cans of tuna

4- 200 bottles of spring water

5- 100 packages of ramen noodles

6- 10 pounds of coffee

7- 30 cases of beer

8- 30 fifths of vodka

9- 30 grams of California bud

10- 30 boxes of Xanax

You may want to personalize this list to fit your particular needs, but Wilson and the band warn not to scrimp on items 7-10. As Wilson says, “When the going gets tough, the tough get drinking.”

FOX EXECS TO STAFF: IT'S REAL YOU IDIOTS

Well, this is embarrassing: Executives at Fox News For Real Americans had to put out a memo to their staff asserting that the coronavirus is real. It appears to be a first: The Fox brass didn't seem to care when its pundits, Lou Dobbs, Sean Hannity, Laura Ingram,  Jeanine Pirro, Tucker Carlson and the gang led their viewers astray on everything from Russian involvement in our elections to children in cages on the southern border. The Fox gasbags have contended the coronavirus is a hoax perpetrated by Democrats to impeach Trump. But in a memo obtained by The Daily Beast, Fox CEO Suzanne Scott and president Jay Wallace warned employees about the real risks of COVID-19... and emphasized Fox’s duty to keep viewers informed with accurate information on the deadly virus. Wait a second, did they say it was the duty of Fox to give viewers accurate information? Well, shucks, since folks are in quarantine and dying, you'd think that was a no-brainer. But remember Fox's slogan: You CAN fool some of the people most of the time. Suddenly, Hannity, et al, are saying the virus is very serious and the Democrats should stop minimizing it. And then, there was this: Lou Dobbs asked his audience to rate Trump's leadership on his handling of the virus as A- VERY GOOD, B- GREAT, or C- SUPERB. Kim Jung Un would love it.

DON'T WORRY AMERICA

Here are some words from our president to calm folks worried about the pandemic:

1- There are only 15 cases and they soon will be gone.

2- Warm weather will come and it will magically disappear.

3- It's a very dangerous virus but we have it totally under control.

4- Anybody that needs a test can get a test.

5- The doctors are all surprised that I know more about this than they do.

6- We're very much ahead of everything

7- We have thousands or hundreds of thousands of people that get better, just by, you know, sitting around and even going to work...

8- Now they have it, they have studied it, they know very much, in fact, we’re very close to a vaccine.

9- The U.S. is the most prepared country in the world.

10- It's China's fault. It's those goddamn Chinese and Obama. It's not my fault. I take absolutely no responsibility.

Post script — If you have a garden, you're in luck. You can plant, trim, weed and dig to heart's content and not worry about becoming infected and dying — or passing the coronavirus on to friends and loved ones, so they won't die. This also is a great time for activities, like solo mountain climbing, spelunking, rowing across the Atlantic, searching for the source of Amazon River or signing up for one of those six-month gigs under the ice in Antarctica. You can hole yourself up and write the great American novel or find out how Emily Dickinson lived by staying in your bedroom and writing poems that no one will ever read. For fun, you can pull the blinds down and pretend your in the federal Super Max Prison in Florence, Colo. — the Alcatraz of the Rockies — with Oklahoma City bomber Terry Nichols, drug kingpin El Chapo, terrorist Ramzi Yousef, Unabomber Ted Kaczynski and Boston Marathon bomber Dzhokhar Tsarnaev and other notorious criminals who are in solitary lockdown 23 hours a day. And no ordering out for pizza. See, when you look at it that way, self-quarantine isn't all that bad. And look, you can still ride a bike, roller skate or go to the park and feed the ducks. Can ducks get coronavirus? You can take your camera downtown and photograph the empty streets for a slide show next year when you can show off you pictures and say, “Look everybody, empty streets. Remember that?”

Well Wilson, why don't you and the guys take us out with a Kenny Rogers song, in tribute to your old pal who died last week — but not of coronavirus. Maybe he did know when to fold 'em.

I woke up this mornin' with the sundown shinin' in I found my mind in a brown paper bag within I tripped on a cloud and fell-a eight miles high I tore my mind on a jagged sky I just dropped in to see what condition my condition was in...

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS 2020: 03/01

Last week, there were 10 songs on the UK Top 40 chart that were not holiday or Christmas singles, and this week, there are two, and by two, I mean these are really technicalities, since depending on however you define a Christmas song, there could also be no Christmas songs whatsoever on this chart. The week after the Christmas songs on all charts, especially the UK Singles Chart and Billboard Hot 100 (Where “All I Want for Christmas is You” by Mariah Carey dropped out entirely from #1), are chaotic, so much so that I think once again I’ll have to eschew tradition and change the format up a bit, because I’m not starting with the top 10; rather I’m starting with the drop-outs, which as you can expect will be mostly Christmas songs. So, with no further ado... 

Holiday Dropouts

Okay, so first of all, “All I Want for Christmas is You” by Mariah Carey is out from #2, “Last Christmas” by WHAM! is out from #3, “Fairytale of New York” by the Pogues featuring Kirsty MacColl is out from #4, “Merry Christmas Everyone” by Shakin’ Stevens is out from #6, “Do They Know it’s Christmas?” by Band Aid is out from #7, “Step into Christmas” by Elton John is out from #8, “Happy Christmas (War is Over)” by John Legend is out from #9, “I Wish it Could be Christmas Everyday” by Wizzard is out from #10, “It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas” by Michael Bublé is out from #11, “Santa Tell Me” by Ariana Grande is out from #13, “One More Sleep” by Leona Lewis is out from #15, “Santa’s Coming for Us” by Sia is out from #17, “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree” by Brenda Lee is out from #18, “Merry Xmas Everybody” by Slade is out from #19, “Underneath the Tree” by Kelly Clarkson is out from #21, “Cozy Little Christmas” by Katy Perry is out from #22, “Driving Home for Christmas” by Chris Rea is out from #24, “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year” by Andy Williams is out from #25, “Mistletoe” by Justin Bieber is out from #27, “Happy Xmas (War is Over)” by John Lennon and Yoko Ono with the Plastic Ono Band featuring the Harlem Boys Choir or something to that effect is out from #28, “Christmas Lights” by Coldplay is out from #29, “Jingle Bell Rock” by Bobby Helms is out from #30, “White Christmas” by Bing Crosby is out from #31, “Holly Jolly Christmas” by Michael Bublé is out from #32, “Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)” by Darlene Home is out from #33, “Sleigh Ride” by the Ronettes is out from #34, “Stay Another Day” by East 17 is out from #35, “Wonderful Christmastime” by Paul McCartney is out from #37 and “Let it Snow! Let it Snow! Let it Snow!” by Dean Martin is out from #39. Obviously, all of the Christmas songs from outside of the top 40 are gone too, with one exception. That won’t be the last Christmas song I mention this episode but I’m glad to finally be done with these. Here’s the top 10.

Top 10

Obviously, the highest-charting song from last week excluding any Christmas songs, and the only non-holiday song in the top 10 last week, is up four spaces to #1, and hence technically the first #1 hit of 2020. It’s “Own It” by Stormzy featuring Ed Sheeran and Burna Boy, becoming Stormzy’s third #1, Sheeran’s ninth and obviously Burna Boy’s first. Congratulations, guys, it was inevitable.

Now eight of the ten songs that survived last week are all in the top 10, with the other two scattered around the top 20. Returning to the runner-up spot is Lewis Capaldi’s “Before You Go” up 10 spaces to number-two.

Dua Lipa’s “Don’t Start Now”, unfortunately not seeing much chance at hitting #1 at this stage, is up 11 spaces to number-three. I know these massive climbs look important but they are really not actually worth much note at all since it’s just a result of managing through the Christmas blockade.

Up 12 spots to number-four is “ROXANNE” by Arizona Zervas.

Rebounding to number-five is the former #1 “Dance Monkey” by Tones and I up 15 spaces to number-five.

Billie Eilish’s “everything i wanted” is also in the top 10 at number-six, as it is up 16 positions this week.

Entering the top 10 for the first time is Harry Styles’ “Adore You”, up 19 spaces to number-seven and becoming Styles’ third entry in the top 10.

Our remaining leftover from last week, excluding the Stormzy songs outside of the top 10, “Pump it Up” by Endor reaches the top 10 for the first time up a whopping 28 spaces to number-eight, which may just be one of our biggest one-week climbs ever. It’s Endor’s first top 10, but I predict he won’t get many more in all honesty. We’ll see though.

Since everything else is a new arrival, returning entry or random Stormzy song that climbed, we have a lot of new peaks this week, including “This is Real” by Jax Jones featuring Ella Henderson, which returns at number-nine, becoming Jones’ sixth top 10 and Henderson’s fourth.

Finally, rounding off the top 10, we have “Lose You to Love Me”, returning to the top 10 at #10 as a re-entry to the top 40.

Climbers

Well, we only have two climbers for songs that were here last week, outside of the top 10, and they’re both Stormzy: “Vossi Bop” is seemingly making a second run, up 28 spaces to #12, and “Audacity” featuring Headie One is up 22 spaces to #16.

Fallers

Ellie Goulding’s cover of Joni Mitchell’s “River” fell immensely from its false #1 spot last week, because it is down 27 spots to #28, which is an unfortunate loss but should make it obvious that label politics are the only thing that got this to #1.

Returning Entries

Before the new arrivals, we will have to book-end our Christmas season with our returning entries, the songs that weathered the Christmas storm but are back in full force afterwards, claiming some form of victory, I suppose. Okay, so “Blinding Lights” by The Weeknd is back at #11, “Falling” by Trevor Daniel is at #14, “Someone You Loved” by Lewis Capaldi is at #15, “Watermelon Sugar” and “Lights Up” by Harry Styles are back at #17 and #18 respectively, “Into the Unknown” by Idina Menzel and AURORA, from the Frozen II soundtrack and hence a song I’m counting as our second Christmas single still on the chart, has returned to #19, alongside seemingly its polar opposite, “Don’t Rush” by Young T & Bugsey with Headie One back at #20. “Memories” by Maroon 5 is back at #21, “Gangsta” by Darkoo and One Acen at #22, “Ride It” by Regard featuring Jay Sean making its way back to #23, “Bruises” by Lewis Capaldi unfortunately returning at #24, “Heartless” by the Weeknd is back at #25, “bad guy” by Billie Eilish shows up completely out of the blue at #26 and “Lucid Dreams” by the late Juice WRLD has returned once again at #27. “Better Half of Me” by Tom Walker is back at #30, “Lose Control” by MEDUZA, Goodboys and Becky Hill is back at #31, “South of the Border” by Ed Sheeran featuring Camila Cabello and Cardi B is back at #32, “Netflix & Chill” by Fredo is at #34, “hot girl summer” by blackbear is at #35, “Circles” by Post Malone is at #36, “Must Be” by J Hus is at #37 and finally, “Old Town Road” by Lil Nas X featuring Billy Ray Cyrus of all songs is back at #38. Now for our new arrivals, which much like right before we had to fend off the Christmas songs, it’s just a couple of viral trap-rap hits.

NEW ARRIVALS

#40 – “The Box” – Roddy Ricch

Produced by 30 Roc – Peaked at #3 in the US

Roddy Ricch is a Californian rapper who is one of the newest crop of rising Auto-Tune-fuelled sing-rappers like Lil Tjay, Polo G, et cetera, although Roddy takes more influence from Young Thug, and you can definitely tell, in fact as a pretty big fan of Young Thug at least since recently, Roddy comes off as a bit of a rip-off or discount version at times, since I sense a lack of variation and honestly a lack of any true “weird” lines or oddities that make Thugger stand out as much. Roddy, or as BBC has mistakenly called him in his first UK Top 40 hit, “Roddy Rich”, has inflections that just seem awfully standard. That’s why I was excited when I heard “The Box”, from his debut studio album, because it starts with a muffled brass loop under strings and Roddy meekly repeating in his falsetto, “eee-err”, and it continues throughout most of the song, even when the beat actually kicks in. The beat is actually pretty weird too, with a reversed 808 bass that just comes in sporadically instead of a normal 808 bass. It’s really odd and really strange but it works because Roddy embraces it, with a fluid flow that switches inflection and delivery constantly, keeping with no motif or theme for more than four bars. He also attempts the very Young Thug method of making a punchline by saying a normal, somewhat funny line and then pausing for a beat or two, just to come back by saying, “Mm” or “Yeah”. The beat ends in a very cool way too, with the brass and strings loop playing without any percussion, until it reverses and the song ends with the rubbery reversed 808. It sounds really atmospheric and a lot better than how it sounds from my description. Roddy also says a lot of nonsense here that’s actually pretty funny, like how he’s supposedly a 2020 presidential candidate? Also, Roddy, Aaliyah’s dead, I mean, she looked great whilst alive, but if you have a “b**** that’s looking like Aaliyah”, chances are she’s not a model, or at least not anymore. A bit of a morbid point to end on, but this song is pretty fun. I still prefer “Ballin’” though.

#39 – “No Idea” – Don Toliver

Produced by WondaGurl and Cubeatz – Peaked at #25 in Canada and #43 in the US

Don Toliver is a rapper and singer from Texas who is signed to Travis Scott’s Cactus Jack imprint and featured on their debut compilation album, JACKBOYS, which made several appearances outside of the UK Top 40 this week, but none within our little range, but we do have this viral TikTok-propelled hit, “No Idea”, which is often considered his breakout single, and his first UK Top 40 hit. I find Don Toliver mostly tolerable, although I didn’t particularly like him on “GANG GANG” or “CAN’T SAY”. I would describe this song as pretty forgettable, actually, despite the admittedly interesting and pretty flute loop, which is immediately and abruptly drowned out by the vocals, drenched in way too many levels of ugly reverb and Auto-Tune. Yeah, Toliver sounds pretty awful here, and he’s just clearly ripping off his mentor Travis Scott with some of his inflections and even the YAH! ad-lib. The bass mastering is questionable and the song seems to have an aimless structure, with Toliver just breezing through lyric after lyric with no substance or content to speak of, and even a bridge for him to just ad-lib over the beat for about half a minute. The falsetto part is borderline unlistenable, especially when all of the overdubs and multi-tracks start clipping, even though that might be intentional. Yeah, no, this is garbage, as expected.

#33 – “No Denying” – J Hus

Produced by TobiShyBoy

J Hus has released a second single from his upcoming album after “Must Be”, which if you remember I absolutely loved, and we all know him by now and I told his story and legal issues last time, so no needless pre-amble this time. It’s J Hus’ ninth UK Top 40 hit and, to no surprise, it’s pretty good. It starts with this intense string loop, with some brass and a rowdy tone, building up for the beat drop, where J Hus abandons his mellow mumbling for raspy and aggressive spitting over a drill beat, and it’s pretty intense, as well as just sounding great, with some sweet 808 rolls, although the transitions between chorus and verse feel increasingly abrupt, even if the drill beat is added to the chorus after the first time. J Hus’ content isn’t any interesting this time around, either, and I think that’s why it hasn’t debuted that high. The second verse is just kind of boring, and the slightly off-beat chorus soon loses its lustre. I wish I liked this more, and there are things I like about it, especially the instrumental, but I’m not sure Hus did it any justice this time around. I still enjoy his casual bars that pay no mind to careless gang violence because I just think they’re pretty funny, especially when he treats killing someone in response to racial abuse like a normal weekday in the second verse, but this song does pretty much nothing for me past the first verse.

#29 – “No Cellular Site” – D-Block Europe

Produced by Kyle Junior

Now, here we go. Here is some interesting stuff: D-Block Europe. Young Adz and Dirtbike LB, two of the funniest rappers from the United Kingdom, of course, by complete freak accident and pure incompetence. They released a mixtape (their third of 2019) in late December and it seems to have just been swept under the rug for the most part as it seems like a rushed, boring tracklist. It’s got one feature and it’s not a big one at all, so this is the single, seemingly, probably because it’s got a video and for no other reason. This is the one people decided to watch the video for, and conveniently early in the tracklist. It’s their seventh UK Top 40 hit and curiously, I actually quite liked their last song with DigDat, “New Dior”, and maybe these guys have genuinely improved. Yeah, no, not really. They’ve abandoned the guitar, instead going for a gross MIDI flute that barely passes as a melody and allows for a bunch of silence in the beat. It’s just really empty and refuses to develop or build up to anything, even when the beat comes in. The beat is garbage but the men themselves haven’t changed. Young Adz is still the lead here, with his signature mumbling in the intro and handling the hook as well. I think his new ad-lib is a breathy “gyehr”. His flow switches in the first verse but it doesn’t sound natural or organic, and he trails off at the end of the bar, with a weird, vocodered ad-lib that just repeats the last line failing to fill up empty space. The chorus sounds really freaking awkward as well, especially as the verse ends not with an ad-lib but with reverb-heavy humming, before the chorus comes in and the beat can’t decide if it wants to come in or not, so it’s just hi-hats, a gross 808 and murmuring ad-libs for a while. Dirtbike LB’s verse is mixed in a completely different way, but the beat drowns it and a beeping flatline starts playing under his attempt at a soulful melody in the second half of the verse and it sounds pretty heartfelt, detailing his mother’s plight when he went to hospital for a drug overdose. Too bad it has no relation to anything else here, and Young Adz has a second verse for some reason as well. I have no idea why the last chorus sounds like it was recorded through the telephone, or why the song ends with the flute MIDI literally cutting off before the note ends. The lyrics here are terrible as always, but have those same odd, janky quirks they always do. Young Adz has codeine swimming inside him, doesn’t know if the “famous hoe” in his car is from Geordie Shore or Love Island, and saw a gun and sold cocaine before his virginity was taken, because that’s info we need to know. Of course, I appreciate the body positivity in the chorus, I suppose. This song is oddly focused on mothers as well, as he told the person he’s selling drugs to, to not tell his parents, and also draws the line when you start pouring champagne on your Rolex. Sure. Also this line is really funny to me for some reason:

I cannot deny that a [gnarly dude] need drugs

#13 – “My Oh My” – Camila Cabello featuring DaBaby

Produced by Frank Dukes and Louis Bell

Our last song is the single from Cabello’s second album, Romance, in which she experienced a severe sophomore slump critically and commercially, mostly because there is not a single track on the album that is enjoyable. It is possibly one of the worst albums of last year, just out of sheer disregard for both quality and trying to be unique. It is a generic heap of nothingness, and for whatever reason, it has DaBaby on it (He’s the only feature apart from Shawn Mendes). It’s Cabello’s twelfth UK Top 40 hit, and surprisingly enough, the first entry for North Carolina trap-rapper DaBaby, who I have talked about here before. He’s funny, charismatic and raunchy but can get very samey and sometimes his feature verses are just awkward, including this one. The song starts with some eerie, quirky vintage synths that sound pretty cool, but the horn section just punches in and I hear in the distance, a manic Camila Cabello obnoxiously laughing, and I’m immediately pulled out of whatever this is. It’s almost quite overwhelming actually, because a lot happens at the same time. Cabello’s voice is squeaky as either, the backing vocals are Auto-Tuned badly and add so much unnecessary vibrato that it sounds mildly off-key at times. The percussion is awfully mixed, with the trap beat, especially the 808s and kick drums being at the front of the mix, which makes no sense. It’s stiff, awkward and not sexy at all, mostly because Cabello sounds like she’s in pain 90% of the time, and I’m not for kinkshaming but off-key gang vocals aren’t hot. DaBaby’s “Let’s go” sounds so sad and tired, so you can tell from the post-chorus that he doesn’t want to be here, and yeah, his verse proves this. Apparently he’s “going Bieber”. Sure. This sucks.

Conclusion

I’ve got to say, not a great week, but the transition weeks between years are often a bit like this. Best of the Week is going to “The Box” by Roddy Ricch, with an honourable mention towards “No Denying” by J Hus. Worst of the Week goes to “No Idea” by Don Toliver and D-Block Europe don’t escape free, as they get the dishonourable mention for “No Cellular Site”. Follow me on Twitter @cactusinthebank, I’ll see you next week.

REVIEWING THE CHARTS 2020

[reactingtosomething]

Reacting to Baby Driver

The Wright Amount

The Setup: For this post we’re thrilled to bring you two Guest Reactors, both former film school classmates of ours, and both Edgar Wright aficionados. One is Andrew, one half of the Punder Twins (we hope you’ll meet the other half in the foreseeable future), and the other wanted a codename like Bats and Buddy, so we’re calling him BOB. All caps, because BOB likes that it works as an acronym for “Boring Old Bob.”

SPOILERS -- and fan/re-casting -- after the jump!

MIRI: Ok, so what did we think of Baby Driver?

ANDREW: Oh we're starting this? It was very, Edgar wright-y

KRIS: I don’t know how much this will matter, but for context I thought it might be fun to start with everyone’s favorite (pre-Baby Driver) Edgar Wright movies/moments

MIRI: I went into the movie not really expecting to like it (the trailers just didn’t grab me the way they did SO MANY people) so I was actually really pleasantly surprised by how much I liked it

Ooh, I like that

What are yours?

BOB: "You ain't ever seen Bad Boys 2?" - Hot Fuzz

KRIS: With the caveat that I haven’t rewatched any of them, I think my favorite is Scott Pilgrim

ANDREW: The entirety of Scott pilgrim vs the world 

KRIS: which admittedly has the unfair advantages of Anna Kendrick and Aubrey Plaza

But also “Chicken’s not vegan?”

Just an insanely stacked cast

ANDREW: I was about to say that!

MIRI: I’d have to go Sean of the Dead

*Shaun

BOB: 

KRIS: Of the Cornettos I do think Hot Fuzz is my favorite

ANDREW: Mine too! I still wish he directed ant man. I mean, I liked ant man. But...

MIRI: Hot Fuzz is excellent, but Shaun of the Dead just surprised me so much in so many delightful ways

KRIS: Oh also I liked that in the big GQ interview Chris Evans did when he got cast for Captain America, he mentioned that his friends thought his Scott Pilgrim character was hilariously spot-on, though maybe they thought this ironically

I’d have to revisit the piece, which I feel like is semi-legendary in entertainment journalism circles

BOB: I really like how he took that film and made it both a reflection of the action genre as a whole while also making it very much so an original film 

KRIS: I’ll try to find and link

MIRI: Yeah, he does great things with loving parodies

KRIS: Shaun of the Dead was definitely revelatory, although I probably saw it a year or two too early to fully appreciate it

BOB: Which when I watched Baby Driver, you could say he does the same to an extent with heist and car chase movies

MIRI: This didn’t feel as much like a sendup to me as it did just an example of the genre

BOB: It has a little Reservoir Dogs / The Killing (Kubricks) feel to it with the nicknames

KRIS: Guillermo del Toro’s very complimentary Twitter thread about the movie made a point of stressing that where Wright has previously been ironic, Baby Driver was newly and lovingly earnest

MIRI: Yeah, I’d agree. And in some places that worked better for me than others

ANDREW: I concur with the famous director.

MIRI: I’m curious--on a scale of 1-10 how much did you guys love this movie?

BOB: 9.5 

ANDREW: ...8?

BOB: Maybe cause i am sucker for the non verbal acting in the first half and the syncing of music with action 

ANDREW: That's true. The non verbal acting was top notch.

KRIS: I’m probably a 6.5 - 7? I liked but didn’t love it, and the framing for my expectations is that I follow approximately 3 million film critics on Twitter and everyone who saw the movie screen at Austin L O V E D it

MIRI: I’m somewhere around a 6.5 or a 7. It’s totally fun! The performances are great! But it’s also pretty lazy in some ways and has some plot issues. But the action is GREAT

KRIS: The physicality of Baby was definitely great

(Do we know that actor from anything?)

BOB: Fault in our stars

MIRI: Kris, I love you

He’s also in the Divergent films

and he’s the new Han Solo

ANDREW: He is also in baby driver

MIRI: This definitely seems like a step away from the teen heartthrob of it all for him

KRIS: The new Han Solo is Alden Ehrenreich. Same initials, different dude

MIRI: Ohhh oops

BOB: Fact check - han solo is alden something

They look very alike though!

MIRI: Was Elgort in the mix at one point or am I 100% wrong?

BOB: However... he is credited as Ansolo in Bad Santa 2

Yes he was

MIRI: Ok, that makes me feel slightly better

BOB: Damn this guy is only 23!

MIRI: OOOhhh, Alden Ehrenreich is the kid from Beautiful Creatures

I’m never going to get them fully separate in my head now

ANDREW: Bob! Don't look at ages!

It's depressing.

KRIS: (To our guests: we also have frequent and lengthy digressions)

(we very briefly tried to fight it but we know our limits)

MIRI: My favorite person in this movie was definitely Joseph, the foster dad

ANDREW: My favorite was Kevin spacey's kid.

KRIS: I kind of wished we’d gotten more of Jon Bernthal but I did love the Joseph scenes

OH YEAH

He was great

ANDREW: Oh my god, yes! I thought Jon was gonna come back!

I almost forgot he was in the movie.

BOB: Back to BD, BOB is very interested in getting his hands on seeing how much of the movie was motivated by the actual words on the page. A bevy of characters like the nephew and Jon Bernthals limited scenes. Heck even the small bits like the postal worker were interesting

MIRI: I liked the interactions with the postal worker

The headshake played really nicely

BOB: One plot hole for me was who was the hero that tried to ram them (The Flea/Brian Tee trio) because that guy had some guns on him

KRIS: I did really like how IMMEDIATELY everything went to shit in that moment

The second act really dragged for me but I thought this started and ended really strong

MIRI: That’s the plot hole that bothers you?

KRIS: Say more BOB

ANDREW: Damn you good Samaritan! 

BOB: Seemed like a setup that wasn't fully explained. Was Brian Tee's character in on it? Is that why he got s bullet in the head? Or was it more so over the fact that he fucked up 3 times

MIRI: He seemed like an ex-military hired security guy to me

BOB: Mike myers, dragged getting into car, left his shotgun

KRIS: I think he was just a Good Samaritan but he had a Marine Corps hat

BOB: I noticed that hat too but unsure if there was a fix there

MIRI: Oh, I thought it was additional hired security since there had been so many robberies lately

BOB: Miri good point!!!

KRIS: Oh, I didn’t think about it after the movie but in the moment I thought the lost shotgun would come back to bite them

ANDREW: Ooooh that's smart. ... I hope that it.

BOB: Yes likewise about the shotgun 

MIRI: Yeah, I definitely thought the shotgun would come back

I did like the clear willingness to take out allies like that

BOB: What plotholes bugged you MS?

MIRI: BUT that makes me buy Doc helping Baby TO THE EXPENSE OF HIS OWN LIFE even less

BOB: Yes that was good. Start of seeing how Bats was real fucked up

KRIS: Yeah, I did like the setup of Doc’s operation a lot

BOB: Bats killed him

Not Doc

MIRI: I get the weird affection, but that carried it way beyond believability to me.

There’s no planting of that (at least not any that works for me)

ANDREW: I don't know. I bought doc helping baby.

MIRI: Oh, Bats killed him? How do we know that?

BOB: "Moment you catch feelings, moment you catch a bullet."

KRIS: But it would’ve been on Doc’s orders, right?

MIRI: But the guy didn’t catch feelings, he was just bad at his job

BOB: He was already riled up. And he is very trigger happy

Perhaps Docs orders but he didn't seem type to get dirty.

He caught a feeling of being dumb then! Lol

MIRI: I don’t buy Doc helping Baby. Baby destroyed his whole operation, put his actual loved ones in jeopardy, and is now leaving him meaning he can’t pull any jobs for/with him ever again. Plus Doc definitely seems like a survivor above all else, which helping Baby totally invalidates

BOB: Would it have made sense if say Doc was like a relative ala how we see him train the nephew?

MIRI: Sure, but he’s not

BOB: I thought it was gonna go in that direction

ANDREW: You’re right, but he essentially raised Baby and worked with him for like a decade. Albeit forcefully. Do you really think after all that doc would just shoot baby in the face?

However logical it seems?

MIRI: For the level of betrayal Baby has just given him, maybe

ANDREW: Doc seems likes family man to me.

MIRI: Or at least let him twist on the rope he’s put up himself

ANDREW: A sick

KRIS: I buy Doc not killing Baby, if not the risks he then takes on Baby’s behalf

MIRI: He definitely seems like a family man, but I don’t think he treats Baby as family enough to justify the turn for me

ANDREW: That fair.

MIRI: Agreed

KRIS: I think meeting his son, and seeing how the kid is totally well adjusted, is part of setting that up

BOB: Doc shooting up people was a stretch 

MIRI: The kid was his nephew, I think

BOB: I buy the take this money and run angle a lot

Yes nephew

ANDREW: Then baby is the son he never had!

Son of a bitch!

MIRI: But he’s clearly close with him--watches movies with him, etc. He doesn’t spend time with Baby outside of business

BOB: He bought him dinner!

ANDREW: He bought him dinner!

MIRI: i’m with Kris--I don’t think he would have killed Baby necessarily, but he goes way further than I believe

He bought him dinner once, and partially as a chance to threaten Debbie and get Baby back into the game

BOB: He talks to him perhaps more so whenever he picks up him for a job

KRIS: I can sort of see dots to connect from Doc being willing to order terrible things but deliberately distancing himself from them to avoid catching feelings, because he knows or suspects that if he gets too close then he’ll stop being the criminal mastermind he wants to be

MIRI: He’s clearly closer with him than with most employees, I’m not denying that!

I just don’t think they put in enough groundwork to make me believe the turn

KRIS: I don’t think the movie does that work for you

MIRI: The movie expects me to buy emotional connections that it doesn’t show on a couple of fronts

The fact that Deborah is willing to run away with a guy she BARELY knows is ridiculous

BOB: Stop trying to catch feelings Miri!!! Bats may be listening!

ANDREW: Bro, that train I can get on.

MIRI: Even without the bank robber, just shot someone right in front of her thing

ANDREW: I kind of wanted Debra to say "thanks but no thanks" in act three.

That would have been a funny twist.

MIRI: I would have been into that

BOB: It happens... maybe she felt protected?? But they do have moments where they are similar. The love for the road, the music, the need and want to escape 

Maybe she was tired of the old humdrum reality of things

ANDREW: But baby just shot a man at the diner

BOB: Ala Thelma and Louise

MIRI: Right, they have the building blocks for dating, but not “Run away from everyone you’ve ever known with me forever”

Thelma and Louise were lifelong friends

BOB: I'm comparing the desire versus status of relationship length

MIRI: Baby and Deborah have had like 7 conversations

KRIS: (Oh god for like days I’ve been confusing Lily Collins with Lily James)

ANDREW: Most of them are about names.

MIRI: (Me too! Can I blame you this time??)

KRIS: (Yes, because you were there when I did it out loud)

BOB: Too many Lilys and Han Solo look alikes!!

MIRI: BOB: Right, but the “you jump I jump” of it all makes sense because of the love that’s already there. You don’t risk it all for a virtual stranger Basically, I think some of the relationships are weak. They knew what marks they wanted/needed to hit, but didn’t do the work of getting there well

KRIS: I think they do establish that Debora doesn’t have anything in her life early on, but I agree that across the board the movie wants me to make emotional leaps that it doesn’t work to achieve

HOWEVER

MIRI: When there’s an actual depth of relationship like between Baby and Joseph it WORKS

Buddy and Darling work

KRIS: For the sake of argument, there’s this “all the characters in Baby Driver are archetypes” case I’ve seen floated

MIRI: (we have three spellings of Debora’s name going and Kris is right about it)

KRIS: Which doesn’t work for me, but I want to know how you feel about it

In fairness, I have IMDB open

MIRI: Eh. Feels like an excuse. Especially when there are the examples of genuine emotional connections

ANDREW: Can we talk about how there are only two female characters in the movie? 1 is a love interest and the other is fodder for Jon Hamm to be the villain?

MIRI: I would say that Debora and Darling fit the Madonna/Whore archetypes to a disturbing level

KRIS: AND EIZA GONZALEZ IS 20 YEARS JON HAMM’S JUNIOR

ANDREW: Genre be damned. That's a little ridiculous.

MIRI: more than a little

BOB: Hmmm interesting point Andrew! But what about the Mom? So 3?

KRIS: She’s not a “character”

MIRI: The mom isn’t a character

ANDREW: Fodder for baby to have tinnitus?

MIRI: she’s an excuse for maintain

*manpain

BOB: Ahh man pain 

MIRI: She has no arc or actions, and her only voice is filtered through Baby

Also, they do an interesting thing of rarely showing her face fully, which I assume is due to his memories being limited/fading

and it’s very cool on that front

BOB: Ditto with Miri

MIRI: but also she’s about 1/4 of the women in the entire film and we barely see or hear her

it’s not great

Can we take a moment to imagine how much more interesting the Buddy/Darling dynamic would have been if their ages and roles were reversed?

Just for fun

ANDREW: No. I was kind of hoping for something more out of Darling. But then she got shot... a lot.

BOB: Maybe if Doc was a female then perhaps the whole giving themself up in Act 3 seems more believable

MIRI: Because I would have been totally there for that

ANDREW: I was just thinking that Miri!

BOB: She got shot the fuck up

This movie put the female characters through the ringer in terms distress and pain

MIRI: The whole benevolent tolerance of Baby thing that Buddy does would have hit so harder from a potential mother figure when it went away

Yeah, it’s very lazy on that front. And--much as we love him!--not super surprising from Wright

He doesn’t seem to hate women by any stretch, he just doesn’t really seem to think of them much

KRIS: I want writer-directors like Edgar Wright and Christopher Nolan to have to take a seminar co-taught by like, Ava Duvernay and Patty Jenkins

MIRI: Is there more than one female character of note in any of the films he’s written and directed (not based on preexisting property)?

BOB: Now you have me catching feelings... questioning my overall thoughts

MIRI: YES

Also, I want to take those seminars too!

Sorry, BOB

BOB: Sign me up

MIRI: But also not sorry because it’s important to be critical of the media we love!

And the dude is clearly smart and awesome and I expect better of him

ANDREW: True that!

MIRI: Female Baby would have been interesting too

BOB: Very true... i guess I was caught up with the beauty of the action and syncs with music. Didn't take a step back to examine the archetypes 

I'm down to an 8 now

KRIS: I do think that Lily James and Eliza Gonzalez both do a lot with a little, but I also want to point out that that’s something actresses in every genre and every budget range have to do all the time

MIRI: SO true

KRIS: Also here is a tweet for Miri:

https://twitter.com/carolineframke/status/880639492025090048

MIRI: HAHAHHAHAHA

BOB: Still thinking about your posed question

MIRI: I love Caroline Framke

KRIS: About reversing the age dynamic?

BOB: I loved Lily James in this

KRIS: I’m trying to think of who I’d like to see in that reversal

BOB: Daisy Ridley?

MIRI: Ooh

BOB: Or in the Buddy / Darling?

MIRI: Wait, Daisy Ridley as female Baby? I’d be into that

KRIS: Buddy/Darling I mean

Ohhhh

BOB: Helen Mirren / Dave Franco 

KRIS: I don’t know that she’s my first choice but I could see it

MIRI: Ooh, interesting! Even more of an age gap, but I’m not it

ANDREW: No... James Franco. 

Spring breeeeeeak

MIRI: Maybe Marisa Tomei and someone?

BOB: Susan Sarandon / Zac Efron

MIRI: (Spring Break fo’evaaaaa)

BOB: Ahh Marisa! Aunt freaking May

KRIS: I almost went with like Kate Beckinsale/anyone but then I thought about all the thinkpieces about movies/TV that keep pairing brown men with white women

MIRI: She’s a similar level of hot and unexpected for a vicious role like this

GINA TORRES

GINA TORRES AND SOME HOT YOUNG DUDE

BOB: Hmmm let's switch it up.... Viola Davis / White dude

KRIS: Or like Jennifer Lopez

Jennifer Lopez would’ve killed in this

BOB: Ahhh J Loooooo

MIRI: Omg yes to both of those

BOB: J lo and Drake

MIRI: Drake’s not young enough, is he?

ANDREW: De age him 

MIRI: Ooh ooh ooh, John Boyega

JLo and John Boyega

BOB: No he seems to big in size

For J Los taste

MIRI: This tangent has gone wildly afield and I like it

KRIS: This is making me think we should make fan-cast pieces a regular thing on Reacting to Something, not that it’s super original but it would be fun

BOB: But i like that it'd be interesting to see her be the one in control and she is super tiny

MIRI: YES LET”S DO THAT

BOB: slap hands!! Yes

MIRI: I think JLo could play that

KRIS: It’s also making me think of a writing exercise Writing Teacher likes to suggest, where you have a stack of locations, a stack of actors, and a stack of genres on index cards, and you draw randomly and have to come up with loglines

BOB: 

MIRI: Wait why are we not doing that as a party game?

KRIS: Oh she also always includes tequila when she says this

MIRI: I am IN

KRIS: Literally always

BOB: I like tequila

That would be a fun game 

MIRI: I might do gin instead sometimes, but I am IN

KRIS: We’ve never actually done it but she likes it as a brainstorming thing

MIRI: ok, we should maybe talk some more about Baby Driver

Let’s talk about the awesome music some, because it really was great!

KRIS: Yeah

BOB: Actually I have a game like that minus the whole actors/ actresses names

KRIS: You still have to write a Saoirse Ronan movie, BOB

Film school cohort reference, sorry readers

ANDREW: I would like to talk about something I did really like though, and that was the use and portrayal of tinnitus. I know a few people with the condition, one more severe. But whenever there isn't music, there is a faint ringing in the sound.

KRIS: (I like that the all caps just comes off as accusatory)

MIRI: Say more, Andrew

ANDREW: How it’s something he lives with, but it's also his biggest weakness.

Like when Jon Hamm blows out his ducking hearing at the end.

BOB: Don't remind me Kris :-(

MIRI: Oh I misread that as something you DIDN’T like, whoops

ANDREW: Fucking*

MIRI: OMG that was such a vicious move!

Honestly, I didn’t expect it

And I may have jumped in my seat a little

BOB: It was vicious and a great line/scene

MIRI: Totally

KRIS: Yeah

MIRI: I expected the whole kill your girl thing, but the hearing was a great touch

ANDREW: It's just nice to see people acknowledge that it exists. And having it shown with accuracy.

MIRI: Did anyone else not super buy his whole Quirky Thing?

ANDREW: Which quirky thing? There are like 30z

MIRI: Exactly

KRIS: And whose quirky thing?

MIRI: Baby’s

It felt like a very deliberate persona

ANDREW: It did, yeah.

KRIS: I mostly bought the mixtape stuff etc. as an extension of his obsession with music between both the tinnitus and his mom

MIRI: I liked him a lot when he wasn’t performing--when he’s dancing around in the apartment, etc--but as just a dude on the street who doesn’t care that he’s walking out in front of people all the damn time it’s a bit much

The mixtapes I buy

ANDREW: I liked that he had 5 pairs of sunglasses.

KRIS: I actually bought his clumsiness on the street because I read it as a cost to having to pump music into his ears all the time

MIRI: And the iPods, now that I’ve read the Edgar Wright explanation that he finds them (and the sunglasses) in cars

BOB: I can understand it as him thinking its a little game the first time he does that

But yeah running into people is just rude!! Expected someone to deck him

ANDREW: Ooooh I like that he finds them in cars.

MIRI: He just felt like he was trying really hard to be weird a lot of the time

(Right? that’s a nice detail!)

ANDREW: I didn't even think of that. But I love it!

MIRI: But then again, he only feels comfortable with a very small number of people, so I guess a persona is not surprising

BOB: Just thought of anther Baby - Chloe Grace Moretz! 

KRIS: I’ll say I didn’t really buy him as turning out to be a badass

MIRI: And the bigness of it all makes a lot of sense with Joseph, since ASL relies pretty heavily on exaggerated gesture to convey tone

KRIS: I’m going to pitch Saoirse Ronan, who is also 23

MIRI: Really? It semi made sense to me as an extension of his driving insanity

KRIS: Not just because I’m giving BOB shit

Hmm

MIRI: omg YES to Saoirse Ronan

KRIS: (BOB have you seen Hanna yet?)

MIRI: Like, he’s super willing to take risks and put it all on the line when driving. He doesn’t have a desire to be violent, but when put in the position to be I believe him capable

BOB: Yeah not a badass. The him running and jumping scene when he escaped and jumps over the car was a little crazy. Only reason I could see it being believable is because he had a pull up bar in hid kitchen and he might work out or like to swing around and shit.

MIRI: (I haven’t seen Hanna yet and I know I need to)

KRIS: (I FORGOT YOU HAVEN’T SEEN IT)

BOB: (no ... stop making BOB feel bad)

MIRI: Him being able to outrun the cops surprised me some

(I KNOW, I KNOW)

ANDREW: I... also haven't seen it.

BOB: (Let's watch Hanna Miri)

MIRI: (Is ist streaming anywhere??)

KRIS: I almost bought the parkour-lite, because it seemed to be an extension of how in tune he is with his physicality

ANDREW: Sorry Kris.

BOB: (Checking Netflix)

MIRI: Yeah, that makes sense. Except that I’m also supposed to be ok with him being super clumsy and unaware other times

KRIS: I forgive you Andrew

MIRI: Maybe it’s all a matter of focus?

KRIS: (Miri/BOB Guest Reaction!)

BOB: (no sadly)

MIRI: (I’m checking Amazon)

BOB: Yes matter of focus like an adrenaline rush??

ANDREW: Yeah, probably.

KRIS: That and it doesn’t involve him in direct confrontation with another human

BOB: (No to amazon)

KRIS: the same way driving is impersonal

ANDREW: I empathize with that.

MIRI: (rentable, though. We could do a watching party sometime)

KRIS: I own Hanna

MIRI: (Oh, sweet)

KRIS: should’ve led with that

MIRI: Way to abandon the parentheses convention too

KRIS: SORRY

MIRI: 😉 

SOMEONE TALK ABOUT THE MUSIC IN BABY DRIVER

I liked it

ANDREW: Is there a reason half the convo is in parenthesis?

MIRI: Yes, because it was an aside about Hanna, not anyhting about Baby Driver

KRIS: I thought it worked the way Wright wanted it to, and BOB and I talked about how it’s almost like the logical next step of what Guardians of the Galaxy does with its music supervision

MIRI: it theoretically helps keep this tangle all straight when you read it

Does it, readers?

BOB: I liked how he used the music to drive (pun intended) a lot of the action and dialogue 

MIRI: Hmmm, how so, Kris?

ANDREW: Ooooooooooooooh. I get it.

MIRI: Also, how many steps between this and the jukebox musical format? Because I feel like it’s getting close

KRIS: But we’ve previously established on this blog that I much prefer instrumental scores to needle drops, and at some point that’s more a taste thing than an artistic criticism

MIRI: Not that I mind that

ANDREW: Like one. Baby needs to actually sing.

BOB: Wright had the music in mind as he wrote it ala James Gunn but it does more than just be backdrop music or something that comes on when play is clicked

MIRI: Kris hates excessive needle drops so much, you guys

BOB: I love needle drops

MIRI: Does the fact that it’s all diagetic make it more palatable, Kris?

KRIS: I guess what I mean -- and BOB please interject here -- is that Guardians uses really well chosen needle drops as a critical part of Peter’s emotional arc

Yes

ANDREW: I agree with that too, actually.

KRIS: And Baby Driver takes that to 11 by syncing it to the physical action

MIRI: I’m with you

BOB: Like the Jamie Foxx scene where he tells him to play something funky --> shootout --> Tequila line

KRIS: That like half-second shot of Buddy cocking Darling’s pistol in time with the music in the warehouse gunfight is super cool

BOB: The music itself lended to the shootout scene

KRIS: And of course the timing of Buddy’s shots in the shootout with the cops when Darling gets killed

ANDREW: That was pretty sweet!

MIRI: I also liked him making them wait for him to restart the song on the second job

BOB: Whenever a drum banged, a gun shot rang out

ANDREW: That's me. That's what I would do.

MIRI: God, that one was screwed from the beginning, wasn’t it?

KRIS: Yeah, and I read that partly as a way he has to compensate for his hearing being compromised

BOB: Haha yes it was Miri

MIRI: Yeah, the shooting synchronization was obviously awesome

KRIS: Presumably he knows all the streets of Atlanta really well so he figures out his route ahead of time and syncs it to his playlist

Have any of you been to Atlanta?

Or I guess spent serious time there?

MIRI: Yes, but it was about 6 years ago and I didn’t drive

So no

ANDREW: Nope!

KRIS: I’ve seen/heard different opinions on how well it’s used as a location

And I was just curious if any of you knew it well enough to comment

BOB: I've seen the show... that count?

MIRI: Yeah, lots of relief that something shot in Atlanta is actually being presented as Atlanta instead of New York or whatever

But some people feel like they kept it very surface level, right?

KRIS: Right

Almost touristy, I guess is that line of thought

MIRI: I’ll agree that it didn’t have a particularly Atlanta feel in anything other than Baby’s accent (which ALWAYS surprised me every time he opened his mouth)

BOB: Yes much relief!! I liked that. Wish they had used Ludacris now that i think about it in the soundtrack... but perhaps since he is in F&F probably thought otherwise

KRIS: Hahaha

BOB: It felt somewhat like a different city when he walkef around during the coffee runs

Driving on the highways too.

This move may have been Miri’s favorite thing Baby did all movie

So it didn't have the NYC or LA feel to it

KRIS: Yeah, the first coffee run scene for sure definitely felt distinct in that way

“for sure definitely”

shut up Kris

MIRI: Don’t tell yourself to shut up, Kris

ANDREW: I didn't really realize it was in Atlanta. To me it was nameless city.

But, I don't know anything about Atlanta, so... *shrug*

Can I tell Kris to shut up?

KRIS: I also had that!

The not realizing where it was exactly

And yes

BOB: (Gonna be driving for next 10 mins - so a little radio silence on my part)

It felt like a Southern city though

Thanks to the accents

ANDREW: Good! I'm glad I'm not the only one, Kris. Now shit your pie hole!

KRIS: I need to get better at placing accents

MIRI: I guess the food didn’t feel very regional to me, and I would have expected it to

Better like you didn’t pick up that they were Southern? Or better like you didn’t read it as Atlanta specifically?

ANDREW: The second one, for me personally.

KRIS: Both that I definitely didn’t read Atlanta specifically, and that while I recognized Southern accents I didn’t connect the dots to “oh this is in the South”

MIRI: I don’t think most people not from the South would read it as Atlanta specifically, so I wouldn’t worry about that

KRIS: Partly because I think Southern accents are sometimes used in kind of a tropey way with characters like Debora

MIRI: They so are

ANDREW: Right!!

KRIS: And I guess I’m also just used to hearing Kevin Spacey as Frank Underwood?

MIRI: Yeah, I think I am too

ANDREW: Me three.

MIRI: Ok, any points (or random thoughts) left to address? 

ANDREW: Man, the last two action films I saw had Kevin Spacey and Robin Wright in them respectively...

MIRI: What Does It Mean??

I thought the dude describing guns as cuts of meat was incredibly Extra and I liked it

ANDREW: That we are in... a house of cards?!?!

KRIS: That we need a movie where Robin Wright punches Kevin Spacey in the throat

I also liked the gun thing

Although it’s hard to beat John Wick 2 for that

BOB: Lol a house of cards?!

Need to see that still

MIRI: “we need a movie where Robin Wright punches Kevin Spacey in the throat” YES YES YES OH MY GOD YES

I just need there to be an Antiope movie

And for most if not all of it to take place on Themyscira

I NEEEEEED it

KRIS: I feel like most people would agree this is a very surface-level movie, and that where opinions diverge is on whether that’s A) deliberate and especially B) a good/cool thing

MIRI: That’s fair

Where does everyone stand on both points?

KRIS: I have definitely liked style-as-substance things very much before

I mean again, John Wick comes to mind, at least the first one for this point

MIRI: John Wick might be style over substance, but I think it’s consistently so

KRIS: And Tarsem Singh’s wild Greek mythology action movie Immortals

But I don’t know, this lost me for a good long while in the middle

ANDREW: It also very auteur. In the sense of, if you watch this film, you either learn what wright is like as a director, or recognize his directing.

KRIS: For sure

MIRI: That’s the hanging point to me--if you want that as an excuse, you can’t go deeper on some parts. You have to stay on that level and have fun there 

ANDREW: Even if there are better films in his roster.

MIRI: Yeah, you always know you’re watching an Edgar Wright film

ANDREW: For me, it's more surface than anything else. Stylish and fun, but there are much better films of his, and better stylish films in general.

I guess it depends on how much you like Edgar Wright.

KRIS: Yeah, I definitely wouldn’t put this in the upper half of his filmography

MIRI: It’s definitely a fun movie. I enjoyed the whole thing in the theater, with some moments of having to just accept the flaws. 

KRIS: Which I guess is why the reactions out of Austin surprised me in hindsight

Oh I did really like that Baby didn’t get away

MIRI: Basically, if you can resist pulling the threads and you want a car chase movie it’s exactly what you want

KRIS: Although I don’t know that I loved him getting out of prison early

ANDREW: Me too!!!

MIRI: Yeah, I’m surprised it’s been as critically loved as it has (and largely without caveat)

ANDREW: What a twist!!!!

MIRI: Yes, that was an actually unexpected beat and I really liked it!

KRIS: Yeah I was really like “Man, how is he going to end this?” and then he really did the right thing and went with something that felt both surprising and inevitable

MIRI: Props to Mr. Wright!

ANDREW: I was still expecting him to escape Bourne style into the water until he got the cuffs thrown on.

MIRI: That would also have been a turn

ANDREW: Like Debora would smile as Baby swims away and the action music will play.

And credits.

KRIS: And the structural success there again makes the characterization choices frustrating to me

https://twitter.com/tvoti/status/881358030016618497

MIRI: HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHA

KRIS: I didn’t actually CARE that much about Baby

MIRI: Well that’s not a great thing, is it?

KRIS: I would’ve dug a Bourne style ending

Although I could also see it feeling tonally more like previous Wright films than this one

Because it was such a “Fuck yeah!” moment in Ultimatum

MIRI: I think Debora should have busted out unexpected abilities and gotten them out

KRIS: And I guess this was generally more elegiac

ANDREW: The Baby Ultimatum.

MIRI: hahahahaha

KRIS: A+

ANDREW: Or the Bourne Driver?

KRIS: We need a Punder Twins reaction at some point

I’m out of stuff but I want to wait for BOB to get back to check in one more time

MIRI: Btw, if Baby’s Saoirse Ronan I still want Debora to be a girl (which I know surprises no one)

ANDREW: The Punder Twins will always be there Kris, when you need us.

MIRI: Hmmmm, what should we have them React to?

KRIS: Something they could use as a Nostalgiology tie-in

#crosspromotion

ANDREW: *Shrugs* I'm up to anything.

MIRI: ANASTASIA

Because then there can be gifs of the dress to fully convey the wonder of it and I can talk more about Anastasia

Which is always a goal

KRIS: I have not seen Anastasia

MIRI: KRIS

KRIS IT’S A GODDAMN DELIGHT

ANDREW: In the dark of the night... Kris will watch it!

Watch it!

You'll get that someday, Kris.

MIRI: ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ 

KRIS: BOB I am starting an arbitrary countdown

I am not sure what the units are

Or how many of them

But it is happening in my head

MIRI: That is the most arbitrary of arbitrary

I like it

KRIS: What was the first song in Baby Driver? Let’s do the runtime of that

MIRI: I don’t know

KRIS: 

ANDREW: I think "Bellbottoms?"

Oh hey!

KRIS: THIS IS A VERY GENEROUS COUNTDOWN BOB

ANDREW: Let's hope he doesn't... bottoms out?

IM NOT SORRY!

KRIS: Oh now that I’m listening to it this was a REALLY fun opening wasn’t it

MIRI: You’re never sorry

ANDREW: It was!!!

MIRI: It really was

Although!

KRIS: Offscreen action is almost always a fun choice

MIRI: Him operating the windshield wipers dry BOTHERED ME

KRIS: Like in Mission Impossible 3

ANDREW: They didn't do a good amount of off screen action.

KRIS: I guess it wasn’t really offscreen here

But it sort of feels like it in my hazy memory

MIRI: But it was removed--we were seeing it from a distance

KRIS: BOB has 2 minutes

ANDREW: And the heist gone wrong had off screen action too. Before the Good Samaritan got involved.

KRIS: Oh yeah and that was used pretty well as a dramatic beat rather than a comic one

MIRI: The Heist Gone Wrong is a good title

What genre would we put this in?

ANDREW: Rom com

MIRI: I’ve seen it described as a comedy and it isn’t to me

Andrew

ANDREW: What?

MIRI: If it was a rom com she’d have held him not talking to her in front of his friends against him way harder

KRIS: Oh maybe that was also part of why it didn’t totally work for me, in terms of expectations

BOB the song is over

BOB

ANDREW: I was taking about the Heist Gone Wrong as a rom com!

MIRI: A lack of communication gone horribly awry is fundamental in rom coms

Ohhhhhhh

That makes sense

I meant to ask about Baby Driver

ANDREW: Oh! Action... thriller... musical?

MIRI: Is The Heist Gone Wrong our alternate universe version of this film with Ronan, JLo, etc? Because I’m into that

It is now

KRIS: Hmm

MIRI: Yeah, I’d put Baby Driver as action drama, not comedy

ANDREW: Yeah, it wasn't really funny.

KRIS: I’m thinking of how the Golden Globes lumps musicals and comedies together

MIRI: I mean there are definitely comedic beats! But they’re not the focus. Plus way too many people die if we’re going classical on our definitions

KRIS: There’s an element of genre snobbery

MIRI: Very much so

ANDREW: A lot of people do die in Shaun of the dead though.

KRIS: I like action musical

MIRI: But it’s not actually a musical

KRIS: Hmm

ANDREW: Its more of a... ballet

But with driving

MIRI: Yes!

Very apt description!!

ANDREW: And murder

Why thank you!

KRIS: Yeah, that’s good

MIRI: A...Ballet but with Driving and Murder for sub-heading?

KRIS: BOBDAMMIT

Yes

MIRI: hahahahhahahahha Bobdammit

Ok, we may just have to call it, guys

KRIS: I won’t hold anyone else hostage here if anyone needs to bail but I’ll wait it out

MIRI: Ok. I have to get my Orphan Black thoughts in order to post, so I’ll be around

ANDREW: It's up to you two. I'm a guest here.

BOB: Sorry reading 

KRIS: BOB!

MIRI: BOB’s back!

BOB: What's the question?!

KRIS: Just anything else you wanted to bring up

MIRI: We just didn’t want to wrap up without you

BOB: In a different life I am Baby

Very interested in the idea of reclassifying films such as this one with an alternate casting

Got me thinking all types of things now

MIRI: We should definitely make that a thing we do

KRIS: I actually really want to hear more about you-as-Baby, if you have more to say about that

BOB: Overall down to an 8 after the very Wright-ful comment on lack of women

MIRI: Andrew, he’s coming for your pun king crown!!

BOB: Well based on him driving and my life as a Lyft driver i started thinking about what I jam out to

ANDREW: Welcome to the fold, BOB.

BOB: But I enjoyed the film thoroughly and as mentioned yesterday want to get my hands on the script

To see how the link up and syncing up with action and music

MIRI: I wonder if Wright is a better director than he is a writer

BOB: I believe that despite its flaws with some characters and a few plot holes, as a whole should be considered for something award worthy because of its ingenuity with music and action

ANDREW: A Wright... er.

MIRI: I wouldn’t say it deserves best screenplay or anything, but a sound design nom would be well deserved

Especially factoring in the ringing

(Is that sound design or sound engineering? I always mess them up)

BOB: I think a Golden globe nod

ANDREW: I think design!

I could be wrong.

I'm probably wrong.

MIRI: Whichever I mean, that one!

KRIS: For the Oscars, Sound Editing is for making effects, Sound Mixing is for how you layer them together

So I could maybe see nods for both in this case

MIRI: So design isn’t even an option

That seems right

KRIS: I tend to say “sound design” as a safe/cop-out catchall

Oh I could totally see a Globe nod

BOB: How about its cinematography?

KRIS: in that weird Best Musical or Comedy category

MIRI: Hmmmm. I never really noticed the cinematography the way I did the sound

(don’t tell my dad)

Miri’s dad is a camera operator

KRIS: Same, except in that single shot coffee run

MIRI: Yeah, that was fun

BOB: It was shot really well

KRIS: But I would believe it was a hard movie to shoot, since most of the effects/stunts were practical

MIRI: They ought to get recognition for the stunts/driving

ANDREW: It was shot very stylistically too.

MIRI: Is there a stunt Oscar or Globe?

ANDREW: How many cars were destroyed in the making of this film?

BOB: Not yet

KRIS: I feel like I’ve heard that stunt people have been pushing for an Oscar?

Which should definitely be a thing

MIRI: Yeah, looks like no go yet

BOB: The Wright amount of cars were destroyed

KRIS: Oh my god

ANDREW: Son of a bitch!!!!

MIRI: Roughly 150, apparently 

ANDREW: Is that really the number?

Holy shit!

MIRI: http://www.cinemablend.com/news/1665810/the-crazy-number-of-cars-edgar-wright-used-for-baby-driver

Not sure they were all wrecked!

Just used

KRIS: I think we may have a new title contender

That’s also going to be hard to beat as an exit line

ANDREW: I will play Angel by Sarah McLaughlin as I think of those cars this evening.

Thanks very much to Andrew and BOB for Guest Reacting! You will almost certainly hear from them again.

For even more pop culture reactions -- just, uh, mostly from people who aren’t us -- follow us on Twitter!

[piracytheorist]

Hello, it’s your CSSV :) How are you feeling after those spoilers? Whelp, at first I was pretty furious at A&E and honestly I wanted to cry. But afterward I read some reviews of people who saw the screening and loved the episode and it made me feel better about it. And I decided to change my approach to the show and take it less seriously, because I’m tired of being negative all the time. It seems like there are lots of great Emma moments in 6x11 and I’m here for that! (1/4)

Also, I was bummed about the fact that Old Hook plays absolutely no role in helping Emma get home, but then I thought about it, and this guy is NOT Killian (like his past self or Deckhand! Hook who was the real Killian with altered memories); it’s a doppelganger created by magic. What matters is that she’s 100% focused on getting home to the real one. And while I think it’s not a great move on the writers’ part, I’ll try to focus on the ridiculousness of the situation (2/4)

and on how much fun Jen and Colin must have had while filming that. Also, I never thought I'd say this but I'm interested in the OQ story. That Robin doppelganger seems funny and has some good lines, according to people who saw it. If only they'd written a good storyline for him and had developed his character when he was still alive. (3/4)

What are you up to this weekend? I have both days off, so I’ll probably relax and go read a book at a cafe and make some giftsets :) I’m almost done reading Alias Hook by Lisa Jensen – I saw people in the fandom talk about it and I was curious. I don’t know if you've read it, but the way Hook is written is similar to Killian and I like what the author did with the Neverland world. –your CSSV ♡ (4/4)

Boy, was I mad with the spoilers! It wasn’t only that there was no use for old Hook, they also made fun of him and that just breaks my heart. However, I also read some positive reviews, and while I can’t swallow the fat-shaming, I think maybe I can get behind some good stuff, like Emma’s flashbacks and her determination to go back home. At least I’m glad I’m getting to vent my anger now and be prepared for the episode when it actually airs :)

To be perfectly honest I consider Robin’s lack of development as one of the most embarassing mistakes the writers have done. Like, they gave such a big premise, made Regina so focused on him and then... nothing. He was simply there. I also read that wishverse Robin has his own role and funny lines and all, and I’m mostly glad Sean was given a chance to play more of this character. I don’t really care for the rest of the story, I just hope Robin will not be completely sidelined again. 

Also, for the musical episode, they said there will be original songs only, so no Sweet Child o’ Mine :( What can I say, all I hope is that they reach at least a little Galavant’s level, and that’s more with the quality of the songs and the restrained cheesiness. I just hope the actors will have fun with it, but it’s decided, I will have a few glasses of booze for that :P

So my Saturday’s pretty gone by now, it’s like, 23:51 here, but my sleeping schedule has been so off these days so I’m still proactive :P I hope to finish a big meta I’ve started and then starting on my gift. It’s been raining and stopping here since Friday so I don’t think I’ll go for a walk tomorrow.

I think I heard once about that book but I hadn’t looked into it. I did now and wow that sounds cool! I’m always in for any version of Hook that doesn’t get ridiculed and turned into comic relief - which is why I hate Disney Hook and one of the reasons I love OUAT Hook - so the premise definitely looks promising to me!

Kisses!

[dismissyourdoubt]

03/18/2017

1) Put your iTunes on shuffle. Give me the first 6 songs that pop up. Seven Wonders by Fleetwood Mac, Self Control by Frank Ocean ft. Yung Lean and Austin Feinstein, UGH! by The 1975, Love Money Party by Miley Cyrus ft. Big Sean, Someone Like You by Adele, In My Eyes by Best Coast.

2) If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? Honestly I can’t deny my love for Anderson Cooper like hi daddy

3) Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17. “...time. I cover her up, then go to bed and dream.”

4) What do you think about most? Honestly, boys and work.

5) What does your latest text message from someone else say? It says: “wait the hoodie was more than that it was a different one i was looking at but still got it for $18 bc only 36”

6) Do you sleep with or without clothes on? I sleep with underwear on, but that’s it.

7) What’s your strangest talent? Fucking things up and pushing people away, overthinking everything.

8) Girls…. (finish the sentence); Boys…. (finish the sentence) Literally as if @ this question

9) Ever had a poem or song written about you? Um yeah guys actually all of Frank Ocean’s love songs are about me because we’re in love soooooo

10) When is the last time you played the air guitar? As if I know

11) Do you have any strange phobias? I have a pretty bad fear of ovens? Like I’m afraid that I’ll basically either fall in or be pushed in and then burn myself and die.

12) Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose? No but there’s a hilarious story about my dad sticking a pencil eraser up his nose in Catholic school and what happened when it got stuck up there...

13) What’s your religion? I don’t really follow any religion, I like certain aspects of Buddhism but I don’t know enough about it to actually consider myself a Buddhist. Sooo yeah I don’t know.

14) If you are outside, what are you most likely doing? Walking to/from the bus stop for work, because in the winter that’s really the only reason I leave the house, lmao.

15) Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? Behind it, usually... Although I film fake vlogs all the time because I think it’s so fun...

16) Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band? Okay so like the way this question is phrased, I’m only considering bands, not solo artists. So... hmm... Daughter

17) What was the last lie you told? I told my dad I can’t go to a family dinner tomorrow because I have a test, he doesn’t know my driver’s license is suspended because of a speeding ticket and I don’t have it back yet...

18) Do you believe in karma? I mean, I like the idea of it. I don’t know if I necessarily believe that it actually happens.

19) What does your screen name mean? Song lyrics, from Broken by S. Carey.

20) What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength? My greatest weakness is honestly my depression and the fact that I’m awful at taking care of myself; my greatest strengths are my work ethic and my intelligence.

21) Who is your celebrity crush? I mean if I had to pick just one I’d probably have to say Tom Daley... or Hunter Parrish?

22) Have you ever gone skinny dipping? I actually don’t think I have.

23) How do you vent your anger? By texting a friend or something like that. I normally don’t get “angry” though, more just annoyed or upset.

24) Do you have a collection of anything? I have a collection of antique keys, tapestries, glass pieces and other stoner shit.

25) Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online? I mean honestly neither like just text me honey, it’s much easier for me that way

26) Are you happy with the person you’ve become? This is a good question. I look at who I was a little over a year ago, and I’ve definitely changed as a person, and the change has definitely been for the better. So, in that regard, I’m happy with the person I’ve become. At the same time, I do feel that I have such a long way to go. I want to start going back to the gym and make a lot of other changes in my life. But I’m definitely on an upward journey.

27) What’s a sound you hate; sound you love? Okay I’ll just say I love the sound of Kehlani’s voice because I’m listening to her right now... And I hate the sound of babies crying.

28) What’s your biggest “what if”? What if I can never have a successful relationship and I end up alone?

29) Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens? I mean, honestly, I’m not sure, but I wouldn’t be that surprised if either of them existed. So I’ll just go with yes for both.

30) Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm. With my right arm, I touched the back of the couch I’m sitting on. With my left arm, I touched the wall right next to me. So exciting.

31) Smell the air. What do you smell? Oregano ;)

32) What’s the worst place you have ever been to? Is college an answer to this question?

33) Choose: East Coast or West Coast? Definitely West Coast, even though I live in Pennsylvania, I’m dying to move to California...

34) Most attractive singer of your opposite gender? This is a hard question because there are so many queens I’ve been idolizing lately... Tinashe, Kehlani, Jhené Aiko, Beyoncé, Zara Larsson, Ariana Grande, like damn they’re all hot as hell, you know?

35) To you, what is the meaning of life? As if this question isn’t gonna send me into an existential crisis.

36) Define: Art. Okay literally.

37) Do you believe in luck? I mean, yeah, I definitely think that at some points in your life you are “luckier” than you are at other points in your life. But, I think it’s entirely coincidental how much “luck” you have at any given point in time.

38) What’s the weather like right now? It’s not as cold as it’s been the past few weeks. I think it’s around 40, and it’s kind of windy/rainy, but not snowing (it was last night), so that’s good.

39) What time is it? 7:22 PM

40) Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed? I drive. I’ve never been in an accident, although I did have a near-death experience driving on the parkway a few months back. It was raining and my tires started spinning out of control; I almost crashed off the side of the road and then my car swerved across both lanes of traffic and almost crashed into the middle barrier... Then somehow I regained control of the vehicle. Crazy shit. Not fun.

41) What was the last book you read? I literally don’t know. Maybe Perks of Being a Wallflower?

42) Do you like the smell of gasoline? In a way, yes.

43) Do you have any nicknames? Nothing really other than Kev which is just short for Kevin.

44) What was the last movie you saw? Get Out. It was fucking wild. Especially because I went into it without having seen any trailers or anything like that... But I highly recommend.

45) What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had? Ummm, I’ve never broken a bone or anything like that, so I’m honestly not sure lmfao

46) Have you ever caught a butterfly? I haven’t and now I’m kind of sad that I haven’t. Like thanks for calling my attention to that.

47) Do you have any obsessions right now? Kehlani, I’m definitely obsessed with her right now, like without a doubt. Her and Tinashe but what else is new.

48) What’s your favorite music genre? R&B

49) Ever had a rumor spread about you? Of course.

50) Do you believe in magic? I mean, probably.

51) Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong? I try not to. I mean, when I cut someone out of my life, it’s (typically) pretty permanent. But I also understand that people change, so I’m not sitting around holding onto hatred for anyone.

52) What is your astrological sign? Capricorn

53) Do you save money or spend it? A combination of both. I make enough money that I can do that ;)

54) What’s the last thing you purchased? I spent like $400 on Amazon, oops. But that included nice chino pants, a ton of random drinks like Snapple and Diet Coke, a tiny golden statue of an elephant, you know, things I totally needed... I also bought a beginner’s dabbing kit which included a little wax container, a dabber, a carb cap, and a titanium nail, so yeah that’s cool.

55) Love or lust? This is a hard question. Like lust is so much better when it’s passionate and there are feelings (love) involved, and love can be so great but love also hurts like fuck. So I mean you know there are definitely pros and cons to both so I don’t know.

56) In a relationship? HAAAAAA AS IF

57) Are you a virgin? Nope.

58) Can you touch your nose with your tongue? Nope, definitely can’t do that.

59) Where were you yesterday? Work, then home, which is literally how I spend 99% of my days, so no surprise there.

60) Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you? CYNTHIA IS PINK

61) Are you wearing socks right now? Nah son

62) What’s your favorite animal? The zebra. I just think they’re so beautiful and majestic and stuff.

63) What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you? I really don’t have one? I just act like myself and hope for the best?

64) Where is your best friend? She’s at a party with her boyfriend’s family.

66) What is your heritage? Like primarily Czechoslovakian on my dad’s side, I’m not too sure about my mom’s side, but you know I’m basically as white as they come.

67) What were you doing last night at 12 AM? Sleeping. I’m an old man so I go to bed early now.

68) What do you think is Satan’s last name? This is the stupidest question ever and I’m also just noticing that question 69 is missing. And 65 was missing too. Probably others. Bish wut.

70) Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend? Yes, I’ll always listen if you need to talk about anything, I’m pretty chill and easy to get along with.

71) You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do? I would stop to save the dog, then explain the story to my boss. If the boss wasn’t understanding about that and honestly wanted me to leave a dog there to die, that’s probably not someone I’d want to work for anyways.

72) You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid? a) Yes, I tell a select few. b) I travel, try different drugs, try to experience as much as possible in my last month. c) Obviously I would be afraid?

73) You can only have one of these things: trust or love. Love, trust is impossible for me anyways.

74) What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it? Distraction by Kehlani, current obsession

75) What are the last four digits in your cell phone number? 8108

76) In your opinion, what makes a great relationship? There are a lot of things that make up a great relationship, I’m certainly no relationship expert but I think some of the more important of those things are mutual trust, attraction, respect, and compatibility.

77) How can I win your heart? Consistent communication, paying attention to the little things, asking how I am, stuff like that.

78) Can insanity bring on more creativity? Absolutely.

79) What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far? Dropping out of traditional college and switching to an online university.

80) What size shoes do you where? YOU MEAN WEAR? 10.5 or 11.

81) What would you want to be written on your tombstone? Ya know, my name, birthday, death date, maybe a cute little illustration, nothing too fancy, just the standard tombstone because I’m nothing too special.

82) What is your favorite word? I really don’t have an answer to this question...

83) Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word: heart. I thought of the song Black Heart by Carly Rae Jepsen.

84) What is a saying you say a lot? AS IF

85) What’s the last song you listened to? Currently listening to Nights by Frank Ocean my king.

86) Basic question: what’s your favorite color/colors? Growing up, green was always my favorite color, like olive green. But honestly now I’m more into the blues? And obviously black.

87) What is your current desktop picture? It’s like a scenic portrait of a mountain and a sunset.

88) If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be? Donald Trump. Am I going to get arrested for typing that?

89) What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on? Honestly ask me anything, I’m not afraid to tell the truth, haha.

90) One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do? I really wonder how stoned the person was who wrote this survey...

91) You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power? Ability to read minds! Or invisibility. Yeah I’d actually probably like invisibility the best.

93) You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? Can I just erase the entirety of 2015?

94) You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be? FRANK OCEAN

95) You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go? Somewhere in California or Hawaii. Or maybe I should leave the country and go somewhere nice in Europe like Amsterdam.

96) Do you have any relatives in jail? No I don’t.

97) Have you ever thrown up in the car? I never have.

98) Ever been on a plane? Yeah, like three or four times.

[dmartin-blog]

Week 15 NFL odds, picks, how to watch, stream: Colts win thriller over Cowboys, Patriots over Steelers

via WordPress ift.tt/2Eyu2I4

I’ll be honest guys, I almost didn’t get my picks done this week and that’s because I decided that watching 71 straight replays of the “Miami Miracle” would be a better use of my time than finishing my Week 15 picks.

If you put the word “miracle” next to a football play, there’s a 100 percent chance that I’ll be watching it on a loop, non-stop, for at least three straight days. I didn’t leave my house for a month after the “Minneapolis Miracle.”

With the play in Miami, you have to watch it at least 10 times just to fully appreciate the poor tackling effort that Rob Gronkowski made at the end of Kenyan Drake’s run. You know what, let’s watch it one more time, because you can never watch it too many times.

That will never get old. Patriots fans are going to be forced to watch replays of that and the helmet catch for the rest of eternity, which is enough to make you feel good inside.

You know what else makes you feel good inside? Watching football, and we’ll be getting plenty of it this week. As a matter of fact, Week 15 is the only week of the entire NFL season where we get treated to four days of football (Thursday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday). I’m not good at math, but I think that means more than half our week is going to involve football, which means I need to hurry up and get to these picks, because we don’t have any time to waste.

Actually, before we get to the fun stuff, here’s your weekly reminder to check out the picks from all our other CBS Sports NFL writers, which you can do by clicking here. Also, if you’re looking for a new podcast to listen to — and who isn’t — you can click here and subscribe to the Pick Six Podcast. I team up with Will Brinson, Ryan Wilson and Sean Wagner-McGough every week for an NFL recap show that you can download each and every Monday morning during the season. It’s basically music for your ears, except no one actually sings.

Alright, I think I’ve delayed long enough, so let’s get to these picks.

Stream Thursday’s game and all of Sunday’s games on fuboTV, try it for free, and stream the CBS games on CBS All Access.

NFL Week 15 Picks

L.A. Chargers (10-3) at Kansas City (11-2)

8:20 p.m. ET, Thursday (Fox/NFL Network)

Guys, I have some good news and some bad news. The bad news is that this is the final Thursday night game of the season. That’s bad news because I’m not sure what I’m going to do with my Thursdays from here on out. Actually, you know what, I do have 17 Hallmark Christmas movies currently on my DVR and they’re not going to watch themselves. Now I just need to figure out if I want to watch “The Gingerbread Romance” or “Christmas Incorporated” first.

Now, I also said I have some good news and the good news is that the NFL is ending “Thursday Night Football” with a bang by giving us the Chargers and the Chiefs. There are only two teams in the NFL that have scored at least 20 points in every game this season and those two teams are playing in this game, which means there’s a 99 percent chance that we’re going to get a crazy shootout.

The one thing that makes this game difficult to predict is that both teams are dealing with some big injuries. On the Chiefs’ end, Tyreek Hill (wrist, heel) and Spencer Ware (shoulder, hamstring) are both battling injuries. On the Chargers’ end, they probably won’t have their two running backs this week: Melvin Gordon is still dealing with a knee injury and Austin Ekeler can’t really move his head right now.

#Chargers RB Austin Ekeler said his injured neck is very stiff and he can’t move his head a whole lot today. He’s officially day-to-day but he appears to have plenty of recovery to do quickly if he’s going to be available Thursday vs. KC.

— Jeff Miller (@JeffMillerLAT) December 10, 2018

Now, I’m not a doctor, but if you can’t move your head three days before you’re supposed to play in a football game, that probably means you’re not going to play in that football game.

Although the Chargers are going to be hurting at running back, the one thing they will have is all of their wide receivers, which is all Philip Rivers needs to win. In the first meeting between these two teams, Rivers threw for 424 yards and he might double that going up against a Chiefs passing defense that ranks dead last in the NFL this year.

As much as I like Rivers, there are a lot of reasons to pick the Chiefs in this game: They have the best record in the AFC, they’ve won nine straight against the Chargers, and home teams are 11-2 on “Thursday Night Football” this year. However, I’m not going to pick the Chiefs.

Back in August, I picked the Chargers to win the AFC West and I’m going to stand by my pick, because if you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything.

Did I steal that quote from my niece’s tumblr page? Yes. Is it the most overused quote ever on the internet? Probably.

“You’ve got to stand for something or you’ll fall for anything.”

— Miranda Lambert (@mirandalambert) February 15, 2012

Am I still picking the Chargers? Definitely.

The pick: Chargers 34-31 over Chiefs

The result: Chargers 29, Chiefs 28

What NFL picks can you make with confidence in Week 15? And which Super Bowl contender goes down hard? Visit SportsLine now to see which NFL teams are winning more than 50 percent of simulations, all from the model that has beaten 98 percent of experts over the past two years.

Dallas (8-5) at Indianapolis (7-6)

1 p.m. ET (Fox)

If the Cowboys make the playoffs this year, they should probably send a thank you note to Jon Gruden, and that’s because he’s basically single-handedly responsible for the the Cowboys success this year. Gruden hasn’t been able to turn the Raiders into a contender, but he turned the Cowboys into one when he decided to trade Amari Cooper from Oakland to Dallas. That deal took place on Oct. 22, and since then, the Cowboys have been unstoppable.

Cooper started his first game for the Cowboys in Week 9, and in the time period since then, he leads the NFL in both receiving yards (642) and receiving touchdowns (six). Oh, and the Cowboys are 5-1 in the six games that he’s played in. If Gruden hadn’t decided to implode his roster and sabotage his own team, none of this would have happened and the Cowboys wouldn’t have Cooper, so maybe they should send him a fruit basket and a gift card to Chili’s on top of that thank-you note. However, they definitely shouldn’t send him any cookie dough, because apparently, that stuff is bad for you.

I don’t want to say the CDC is overreacting, but I’ve been eating cookie dough every day for the past three weeks and I feel fine. As for this pick, I’m taking the Colts, and if I end up missing it, I’m blaming the cookie dough that the CDC said I wasn’t supposed to eat.

The pick: Colts 27-24 over Cowboys

Note: The Cowboys will clinch the NFC East with a win on Sunday, and although I’m not picking them, I am giving you a heads up so you can avoid all Cowboys fans for at least 24 hours after the clinching. As everyone knows, there’s nothing Cowboys fans like to talk about more than how amazing the Cowboys are. If you have a lot of friends who happen to be Cowboys fans, you might want to turn off your phone and quit all social media.

New England (9-4) at Pittsburgh (7-5-1)

4:25 p.m. ET (CBS)

The Patriots are coming into this game after losing on a miracle play in Week 14, and yet somehow, I’m fully convinced that the Steelers actually had the crazier loss on Sunday. For one, they lost to the Raiders, which is basically the NFL equivalent of hitting rock-bottom. The Raiders don’t even have a general manager. I mean, it doesn’t get any more demoralizing than losing to a team and then watching that team fire their general manager the next day.

I didn’t think it was possible for a first-place team to be in total disarray this late into the season, but the Steelers have proven me wrong. The most baffling part of the Raiders game is that Mike Tomlin kept his starting quarterback on the bench even though he was healthy enough to play. After Ben Roethlisberger left the game in the first half with a rib injury, he was ready to return in the third quarter, but Tomlin wouldn’t play him because he didn’t want to ruin the “rhythm and the flow of the game.” That would be like not pulling the chord on your parachute because you don’t want to ruin the rhythm and flow of your free fall. PULL THE CHORD OR YOUR SEASON IS OVER MIKE. Not pulling the chord would end in disaster and it’s starting to feel like that’s where the Steelers season is headed.

if Roethlisberger plays against the Patriots — and he likely will — he’s going to be dealing with a rib injury. If James Conner plays, he’ll be dealing with an ankle injury. The Steelers can’t beat the Patriots when they’re healthy, so I have no idea how they’re going to do it when they’re banged up.

I’ve been writing this picks column since 2013 and in that time, the Steelers have never beaten the Patriots. Including the playoffs, these two teams have met a total of five times over the past five years and the Patriots have won every game. Watching the Steelers choke against the Patriots has basically become an annual tradition and I don’t see that ending this year.

On the other hand, Roethlisberger did win a game on a miracle play once, so maybe the Patriots should be concerned.

The pick: Patriots 30-23 over Steelers

Seahawks special: Seattle (8-5) at San Francisco (3-10)

4:05 p.m. ET (Fox)

The fact that this section is back for another week can only mean one thing: My record picking Seahawks games this year is still perfect. This section will only exist as long as my record stays perfect, and right now, it’s sitting at 13-0. Last week, I said the Seahawks would win by double digits in a beatdown of the Vikings and that’s basically what happened on Monday night.

At this point, I’ve decided that if my streak continues, I’m going to start celebrating each new win. If I improve to 14-0 this week, I’m going to buy a Marshawn Lynch elf on the shelf, which sounds weird, but I don’t care. At $19.99, this thing is a steal.

I will say that I think the marketing team for the Marshawn elf blew it. I mean, how is this thing not called “Lynch on a bench?” You get all the fun of an Elf on the Shelf, except on a bench. Someone at NFL Shop needs to make that name change happen.

As for this week’s game, the Seahawks can clinch a playoff berth if they win, which means there’s a 100 percent chance I’m going to pick the Seahawks in this game, and I won’t be surprised if things gets ugly. For one, I’m pretty sure everyone in Seattle’s locker room is still slightly bitter about the fact that Richard Sherman called the Seahawks a “middle of the road team.”

If the Seahawks are a middle of the road team, then I’m not sure what that makes the 49ers. Not only did they lose to the Seahawks 43-16 back in Week 13, but they’ve also lost nine straight games to the Seahawks dating back to the beginning of the 2014 season.

This definitely has all the makings of a trap game, but with Sherman’s quote and the 49ers upsetting the Broncos on Sunday, I don’t think the Seahawks will be overlooking anyone.

The pick: Seahawks 31-20 over 49ers

NFL Week 15 picks: All the rest

Texans 27-20 over Jets

Browns 19-16 over Broncos

Falcons 20-13 over Cardinals

Bengals 30-27 over Raiders

Bills 23-16 over Lions

Bears 20-17 over Packers

Vikings 30-17 over Dolphins

Titans 23-20 over Giants

Jaguars 19-13 over Redskins

Ravens 24-16 over Buccaneers

Rams 34-23 over Eagles

Saints 31-24 over Panthers

Last Week

Best pick: Last week, I predicted the Falcons would score 20 points and lose to the Packers, and then the Falcons went out and scored 20 points and lost to the Packers. Of course, the reason I picked the Falcons to lose had nothing to do with the Falcons and everything to do with the Packers. When it comes to making picks, I only have one rule and that rule is that there’s a 100 percent chance I’m going to pick a team to win if they just fired their coach. However, I now feel bad for picking the Packers and taking advantage of Mike McCarthy getting fired, because apparently, he’s a classy guy.

Even though the Packers kicked him to the curb, McCarthy still took a out a full-page ad over the weekend to thank the team and fans for their support. That’s basically the complete opposite of the scorched earth tour that Hue Jackson went on after he got fired. You know, the one where he blamed everyone but himself for the Browns’ failures. Jackson also added insult to injury by taking a job just weeks later with one of the Browns’ biggest rivals.

To put this in layman’s terms, McCarthy’s firing would be the equivalent of a guy getting dumped and then sending his ex-girlfriend a thank you note for a wonderful relationship while Jackson’s firing would be the equivalent of a guy getting dumped and then setting his ex-girlfriend’s house on fire in the same week where he also started dating her slightly less attractive sister.

I think the lesson to be learned here is don’t date your ex-girlfriend’s sister.

Worst pick: Last week, I spent roughly three paragraphs talking about how the freezing cold weather in Chicago would have no effect on a team from California and let me just say that I’ve never been more wrong about anything in my entire life. Not only did I pick the Rams to beat the Bears, but I said they would score 26 points in the win. I’m not sure if you watched the game, but the Rams definitely didn’t beat the Bears and they didn’t come anywhere close to scoring 26 points.

I have no idea why I said the Rams could handle cold weather. As someone who lived in California for six years, I know for a fact that the only thing people in California hate more than non-organic food is cold weather. If it’s not beach weather, then there’s no reason to go outside, but it’s always beach weather, which is why everyone in California is always happy.

I mean, I can’t even type on a computer when the temperature drops below 35 degrees, so I’m not sure why I thought Jared Goff would be able to throw a football. Lesson learned, which means if the Rams play any playoff games this year in a cold-weather city or a city that doesn’t serve organic food, then I’ll definitely be picking against them.

Finally, if you guys have ever wondered which teams I’m actually good at picking, this is the part where I tell you, but I don’t need to tell you, because you already know. Through 14 weeks, I only have a perfect record picking one team: The Seahawks (13-0). Also, I’m 11-2 picking the Rams and 10-3 picking the 49ers, Chargers and Browns (9-3-1).

As for the rest of the NFL, I’m somewhere between 6-7 and 9-4 picking the 27 teams not listed above.

Picks record

Straight up in Week 14: 10-6SU overall: 132-74-2Against the spread in Week 14: 9-7ATS overall: 98-105-5Exact score predictions: 2

You can find John Breech on Facebook or Twitter and if he’s not doing one of those things, he’s probably re-enacting the Miami Miracle with his cats.

ift.tt/2FY3zVO

Posted by smashdownsportsnews on 2018-12-16 13:51:15

Tagged: , Featured , Football , News

The post Week 15 NFL odds, picks, how to watch, stream: Colts win thriller over Cowboys, Patriots over Steelers appeared first on Good Info.

[newsbiteswithjennysok]

July 26, 2019

1. Jay-Z‘s got 99 problems but Woodstock isn’t one: The rap king has pulled out of the 50th anniversary Woodstock festival just weeks before the troubled event is supposed to take place.

A person familiar with the situation, who spoke on the condition of anonymity because the person was not allowed to discuss the plans publicly, told The Associated Press on Friday that Jay-Z will no longer close the three-day festival scheduled for Aug. 16-18.

The news comes on the same day that John Fogerty, who performed at the original 1969 festival with Creedence Clearwater Revival, pulled out of the anniversary event.

Woodstock 50 has faced a series of setbacks in the last few months, including permit denials and the loss of a financial partner and a production company.

Bloomberg reported Thursday that the event will now take place at the Merriweather Post Pavilion, an outdoor amphitheater in Columbia, Maryland. A representative for Woodstock 50 told The Associated Press Friday that she couldn’t confirm the report and said the organizers had no further comment.

2. Netflix is set to debut The King, an adaptation of Shakespeare's Henry IV, Part 1, Henry IV, Part 2, and Henry V, at the Venice Film Festival.

Timothée Chalamet, 23, plays Henry V in the movie.

The first promotional still was released on Thursday, giving fans a look at the actor's hairstyle.

Some are calling it 'a dream,' while others are horrified.

It also stars Joel Edgerton as Sir John Falstaff, Robert Pattinson as Louis, the Dauphin of Viennois, Ben Mendelsohn as King Henry IV, Sean Harris as Michael Williams, Lily-Rose Depp as Catherine of Valois, and Thomasin McKenzie as Philippa of England.

3. The Jersey Shore: Family Vacation cast threw a fun filled bachelor party for Mike 'The Situation' Sorrentino that included both strippers and a surprise appearance from his fiance Lauren Pesce.

And after Mike and Lauren reunited, Ronnie Ortiz-Magro was still worked up over Jenni 'Jwoww' Farley not talking to him about her divorce or anyone else with the cameras rolling.

At the campfire, Ronnie sat in silence as he was thinking about the fact that Jenni wouldn't open up to the group about her ongoing divorce.

Throughout their stay at the ranch, he had tried to get Jenni to confide in him about how she was doing, but to no avail.

As she watched Mike and Lauren kiss and hug, Jenni told Ronnie: 'Yeah, I don't have that. Swear to God.'

Ronnie answered: 'But that's how you fell in love, right?' to which Jenni shook her head no and said: 'I don't want to be on camera with this, either.'

He continued to push her: 'It's already out there, so just..' before she cut him off and said: 'We don't talk about it here, though.'

Ronnie got angry and said 'We're gonna talk,' but Jenni said: 'No, we're not talking about it!'

Deena Cortese told Ronnie after she overheard them talking: 'Don't do that here,' to which he answered: 'She does it to me.'

Hours later, after Jenni said she had to go back home to take her son to a doctor's appointment, Ronnie spoke to Angelina Pivarnick about her and how frustrated he is with her not wanting to speak about her divorce.

Angelina said: 'At the end of the day, there's a big, fat elephant in the room.'

He said: 'Cause she's f*****g fake as f**k. You're fake about your life, you're fake about everyone else's life. You're just f*****g fake.'

He then compared himself to Jen's estranged husband Roger Mathews: 'Stop acting like you're not hurting. That's what I'm saying. Stop acting like you're not hurting. There's no way this man is... I know what he's going through. To be with somebody that's so cold and shows no emotions and is just so... and all you do is give and give and give, like it hurts.'

Adding: 'How do you deal with someone that's f*****g fake and not in touch with their emotions and not communicative? Like I get it. That's why me and Roger are so close cause we've been dealing with the same person, where it's like, we're not asking for much, we're just asking for real-life emotion. That's the worst thing ever, to be with somebody and not know how they feel. Like you might as well be with a f*****g corpse.'

4. On Tuesday night, Kyle Richards fired off 29 tweets about her feud with former Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills co-star Lisa Vanderpump.

And not surprisingly, Vanderpump, 58, has some fire of her own.

The reality TV star clapped back on Thursday, responding to a fan's tweet: '...if I wanted to hurt any of them there were so many things going on, lawsuits, bankruptcies, shops failing, shows cancelled, loans in default etc and I never said a word.'

According to US Weekly, Vanderpump was likely referring to Richard's show American Woman, which aired for one season on Paramount Network, the closure of her shop Kyle by Alene Too, and a lawsuit Richards' husband Maurcio Umansky and his real estate company The Agency has been embroiled in.

'Me on the other hand oh I am a liar, coward, sniper, bad teeth, awful friend, terrible wine, the list goes on..awful really,' Vanderpump wrote in another tweet. 'Glad I stepped away. Also pump rules has been amazing this year.'

Their once close friendship broke up over the Puppy Gate drama on the show's latest season, which led Vanderpump to leave the reality TV series.

5. Lizzo, the 31-year-old hip hop artist proved worthy of the title once again as she released the music video for her latest single Tempo on Friday.

The eye-popping clip includes a lingerie-clad Lizzo dancing with legendary rapper Missy Elliot as they sing: 'Slow songs, they for skinny h*es, Can't move all of this here to one of those... I'm a thick b**ch, I need tempo.'

Meanwhile, the hitmaker born Melissa Viviane Jefferson has become music's It Girl this summer and her trajectory seems unstoppable.

But two years ago, the artist was ready to give up on her dreams after the poor response to her single Truth Hurts.

'I remember thinking, "If I quit music now, nobody would notice. This is my best song ever, and nobody cares,'" she explained to People on Wednesday.

'The day I released Truth Hurts’was probably one of the darkest days I’ve had ever in my career,' she detailed.

'I was like, "F**k it, I’m done." And a lot of people rallied; my producer, my publicist and my family, they were like, "Just keep going because this is the darkest before the dawn."'

The support was just what the songstress needed as the song was re-released on her 2019 album Cuz I Love You and recently broke the top ten on the Billboard Hot 100.

'It was a long road,' Lizzo added.

The renewed interest in Truth Hurts coincided with the song appearing in the Netflix romantic comedy Someone Great starring Gina Rodriguez released in April.

'What a moment in a movie can do for an artist is crazy. I had everything else: the hard work, the good music, touring — but then there’s that extra-special magic that nobody really knows what it is that can really change your life.'

[flauntpage]

The Kill is Alive: Thoughts after Flyers 2, Predators 1

The phrase being tossed around this week is that the Flyers “are fun again.”

Two home wins following the firing of a coach who was publicly maligned for more than two years by the fans and starting the heir apparent, a 20-year-old rookie goalie, who the same fans have been screaming for will bring about that feeling.

And to be fair to the Flyers, they have played two solid games, most notably on the defensive side. Yes, Carter Hart has done a fine job in goal, but more so because he’s been able to make more routine saves that many other goalies the Flyers have trotted out this season.

No, instead of focusing on Hart, the real change has been the Flyers playing more soundly in their own end. They’ve improved their breakout. They haven’t alarmingly turned the puck over in the past two games like they did so often in the previous 30 games.

Winning both games helps, too, because it also energizes the fan base into thinking they were right all along and that the problem was the coach and the fact that Hart wasn’t on the team.

If you want to believe that, fine. Go nuts. It’s not accurate, even if it has played out that way for two games.

There are other factors, like Detroit, the team they beat Tuesday, being pretty terrible. And Nashville, the team the Flyers upset Thursday, playing without a couple key players.

But that’s the nature of the sport. Good teams take advantage of those breaks in their schedule and while it’s likely too soon to call the Flyers a good team, they certainly did take advantage of those breaks.

But there’s something else that is vastly improved about this hockey team, and it’s something that began well before Hart’s arrival and well before Dave Hakstol was fired, and it’s the No. 1 reason they were able to stave off the Predators on Thursday.

Find out what it is after the jump:

A suddenly stingy penalty kill

There was a time this season when the Flyers were on pace to be historically bad at killing penalties. Through the first 21 games, the Flyers penalty kill was only successful 68.5 percent of the time. It was a pace that, if maintained over the course of an entire season, would have resulted in the worst penalty kill percentage since the NHL started tracking that statistic in 1979-80.

Yeah, it was that bad.

But since then, which coincided with Thanksgiving, the Flyers have done a complete 180.

Yes, it’s a small sample size, but in the 12 games since, the Flyers penalty kill has allowed just five goals on 38 chances, killing off penalties at an 86.8 percent clip.

Consider that three of those goals allowed came in a 7-1 drubbing at the hands of Winnipeg, that means the Flyers have allowed a total of only three power play goals against in the other 11 games.

Assistant coach Ian Laperriere has been a target of the fans’ ire for much of the past two seasons because of the ineptitude of the penalty kill. It’s hard to say those outcries by the fans weren’t justified.

But just as he’s deservedly been the scapegoat for the penalty kill’s failings, he also needs to be recognized in a positive manner for finding a fix to this long-standing problem with the team – even if it’s only been a temporary one.

The Flyers killed off all six of Nashville’s power play chances Thursday. And while not having P.K. Subban manning the point or three of their top five goal scorers (Filip Forsberg, Colton Sissions, Viktor Arvidsson) in the lineup likely crippled Nashville some, the way the Flyers competed on the kill was still impressive.

“Our PK hasn’t been the best during the season, but I think during the last 10 games it has been a lot better,” said Robert Hagg. “I don’t know how many PKs we had, but every single guy that was on the ice did a hell of a good job.

“It’s all about the small details and I think we play with more pressure now than we did 10 games ago. We’re trying not to let them set up inside the zone, and I think that’s the biggest thing. … But you need to block shots, that’s what everybody in this room is saying, we need to keep doing that to be successful.”

As a whole, the Flyers blocked 23 in the game against the Predators. Hagg and Travis Sanheim led the way with five each, although 13 of the Flyers’ 18 skaters were credited with at least one block.

But never were they more important than on a two-minute, two-man shorthanded situation.

Late in the second period, the Flyers took three successive penalties. Wayne Simmonds wiped out the end of a power play with a chintzy hooking call. Radko Gudas was then whistled for delay of game which was immediately followed up by a high-sticking call on Andrew MacDonald that never made it above the top of the Predators logo on Kevin Fiala’s chest. However, Fiala sold it well, and the Flyers faced a daunting task.

With Ivan Provorov already off the ice with a misconduct (more on that in a bit) and Gudas and McDonald in the box, Coach Scott Gordon had little left in the way of options to kill off the two-minute penalty other than Sanheim and Hagg. Yeah, Shayne Gostisbehere was available, but he’s not reliable enough defensively to kill a penalty at 5-on-4, let alone 5-on-3, so it was the two second-year defenseman and Sean Couturier who coach Scott Gordon turned to and, well, they delivered:

(video courtesy of Charlie O’Connor at The Athletic)

Sanheim (21:58) and Hagg (20:59) were the top two minutes guys among the Flyers defensemen and they combined for more than 10 minutes of ice time while shorthanded.

Couturier also shows why he is an elite defensive forward on this kill. And it energized the building, as any good penalty kill in a one-goal game can – but when you are doing it two-men down for two minutes… that’s something else entirely.

Speaking of Sanheim

He’s arguably the Flyers best defenseman right now. Again, I know there are fans who have been screaming this for two years – that he should play more, that Hakstol stunted his growth, yada, yada, yada. But the fact is, he needed to be put on this path. He needed to develop with a little more nurturing. He needed to build confidence a little more slowly than some other players. That’s all O.K.

And if you think it was Hakstol who was stunting him, you’re fooling yourself. I asked Scott Gordon about Sanheim’s development, and this is what he had to say:

“In Travis’ first three months in Lehigh (in 2016-17) he was keeping both teams in it, that was his biggest adjustment. By December he was a little more responsible defensively and picking his spots better to jump up into the play.

“He plays that first year and no matter how much you learn and get better in the American League, there’s always going to be another adjustment in the NHL. Players are bigger, stronger, faster and decisions have to be made quicker. You can’t replicate that in the American League.

“So, he had some growing pains last year. But this year, you started to see him score a couple goals. He’s getting up into the play more. That’s a strength of his. Somewhere along the way on this most recent road trip (Assistant Coach Rick Wilson) started mixing up the D pairs and wanted to try some different things. When I got here, his recommendation was to play Sanheim with Provy.

“Obviously if you play with Provy you are going to get more ice time, and when you are a big body like that you’re going get some ice time on the penalty kill. And your minutes are going to go up, and, now he’s getting time against the other team’s top lines.

“With all that being said, he’s got to do the right things to deserve that opportunity and he has. Some of it is simplification. There was one play in the third period on the far side where he didn’t have anything and he threw it off the glass and he lives to play another day. He lives to play another shift. You know what I mean?

“Sometimes, when you are a young player you always think you can make a play and that was just one instance of his maturity as a player, recognizing the situation and identifying the fact that ‘I don’t have anything,’ get it out in the neutral zone, let a forecheck happen. Get in my gap and defend. That’s something the best defensemen do – they don’t beat themselves.”

There’s a lot to unpack here.

I love the way Gordon gives you a detailed, thoughtful answer. This is bountiful with information and really gives you honest perspective.

Speaking of which, I love the quip that Sanheim’s problem was he would “keep both teams in the game.” In other words, he was superior offensively but he often made bad decisions that would cost his team, and he needed to learn not to do that.

He identified that getting going offensively is what Sanheim needed this year to really spike his confidence.

That working with Rick Wilson is already paying dividends for Sanheim.

That Gordon, ever the teacher, identified an innocuous clearing play in the third period as a seminal moment for Sanheim’s development. Never mind that the guy, who rarely plays on the penalty kill, helped author a textbook kill of a two-minute, two-man disadvantage, the clearing play off the glass rather than risking a turnover is what was most impressive.

Overall, that Sanheim is earning his promotion to the top pairing and his bigger minutes.

And yet, that this is a shining example of a good, patient process for a young player playing out before our eyes.

I also had an opportunity to talk to Sanheim one-on-one after the game. Here’s how that went:

Q: You haven’t been asked to play a lot of PK this season, and then tonight, you were called into duty. Can you talk about jumping into that role and then being out there for the entire 5-on-3?

“Last year when I was sent down to the American League (Gordon) would leave me out on the penalty kill for the entire two minutes. So, I’m familiar with the situation and being able to kill penalties. It was something different for me this season, yes, but it wasn’t just me out there. Hagg and Coots deserve full credit, too.”

Q: You had to know with three defensemen in the box and with Ghost not playing on the kill that you guys were probably going to have to play the full two minutes, right?

“It’s not something that I was really thinking about to tell the truth. It was just that ‘next man up’ mentality, really. I just wanted to step up to the challenge. Hagg did, too. He had three or four blocks on that one kill alone. Credit to him for doing that. It made it easy for me.”

Q: Good that you were able to get a breather in there when Scott called the timeout too?

“He came down the bench to talk to us and see how we were feeling. He asked us if we thought he should take the timeout. I said that if he was willing to use it there that it would be a good time. It was nice to get the rest there for 30 seconds and then be able to go right back out there.”

Q: It’s no secret that confidence is a big thing for you and that you’ve been playing with a lot of it lately. Does being able to help the team win in this way – through defensive posture more so than your offensive ability – just add to that growing confidence?

“Yeah, I think so. Anytime you get to play in all situations you feel like you are contributing more to the team. That said, it doesn’t matter how many minutes I’m playing, I’m there to help the team win hockey games, but in the end, I’m going to do everything I can for however many minutes I play to do just that.”

Now, while the penalty kill was the key thing to focus on in this win, and I spent an inordinate number of words writing about it, there are some other things that I have to touch on before getting out of here, so:

MISCELLANEOUS STUFF

Provorov is damn lucky:

Why Provorov got a 10-minute misconduct. pic.twitter.com/5pF8QBypIP

— Broad Street Hockey (@BroadStHockey) December 21, 2018

This kind of action usually results in a match penalty and a game misconduct. In that instance, there is an automatic 10-game suspension. No hearing. No negotiation. 10 games. Out. But, by getting only a 10-minute misconduct, he will likely avoid that significant suspension. I expect a fine of some sort… but that’s it. Big break for Provy and the Flyers.

The non-call on Sean Couturier

I took abuse from Twitter for saying I agree with the referee in not calling this a penalty. I will say that I wouldn’t have been shocked if it was called a penalty, but this is far closer to a borderline call/non-call than it is a blatant and egregious boarding:

It looks worse at full speed and from the wide angle than it really is. The angle to pay attention to is the one from behind the net. The referee isn’t wrong that Couturier turned away from the check and that he does reach out to brace himself on the hit. Usually, those two things prevent a boarding call unless the skater takes several strides to hit a player from behind with force, which Ryan Johansson does not do in this instance.

I talked to Coots privately after the game, and while I won’t quote him specifically because I didn’t have my recorder on at the time, here are some things that he said:

He’s fine. He doesn’t have a concussion. However, he was mad that he had to go to the quiet room to get checked for a concussion on a play that there was no penalty. If an off ice official was concerned for his health on a hit, then maybe the hit wasn’t good.

He admitted he turned into the boards, but said he did so to protect the puck.

He didn’t feel it was a major penalty, but thought it should have been a minor for two reasons. The first being that Johansson was not right on him, but took a stride before making contact. The second being they had just called a penalty on the Flyers for a high hit (Scott Laughton) and an earlier high stick on Andrew MacDonald (which wasn’t a high stick) was the result of Kevin Fiala throwing his head back. His thought process was if those were penalties than this should have been too.

I get the argument. And like I said, I wouldn’t have been screaming about an injustice for Nashville if the penalty was called. But, by the book – and not that the book is always right – this was a 50/50 judgment call and the ref went with the judgment that it wasn’t a penalty. I can’t disagree with that rationale.

  The post The Kill is Alive: Thoughts after Flyers 2, Predators 1 appeared first on Crossing Broad.

The Kill is Alive: Thoughts after Flyers 2, Predators 1 published first on https://footballhighlightseurope.tumblr.com/

[recentanimenews]

Bookshelf Briefs 7/23/18

Anonymous Noise, Vol. 9 | By Ryoko Fukuyama | Viz Media – The tour begins, but it’s already on the verge of falling apart. Nino simply isn’t playing very well, and Yuzu is falling apart because of his love for Nino, something that he is trying desperately to hide from her. Indeed, he ends up getting in such a swivet he loses his voice, prompting a trip to the doctor that may lead to him missing the start of the concert. And then there is Momo, dealing with his own career, and irritated as he waits for In No Hurry to reach the level they sho0uld be able to achieve. I was frequently frustrated by this volume, but the book’s last chapter works exactly like a great song, pushing closer and closer to a climax until it finally hits the last chorus in triumph. And then there’s a cliffhanger. End of song next book! – Sean Gaffney

The Bride & the Exorcist Knight, Vol. 1 | By Keiko Ishihara | Seven Seas – I wasn’t too sure about this premise. Anne is a young woman destined to be the bride of a demon. Instead, she’s saved by Haru, who is a male exorcist. He’s also twelve, and he says he’s going to marry her instead. The book, fortunately, emphasizes over and over not only that he’s too young to be talking about marriage but also that he really is an immature kid, despite being an amazing exorcist. Anne too is a good character, not content to be a helpless damsel but fighting in her own way to change fate. We don’t see much of Mephisto, her intended groom—though the cliffhanger suggests that will change. But provided you don’t mind the age issue too much, this is a cute and action-filled debut. – Sean Gaffney

Gabriel Dropout, Vol. 4 | By Ukami |Yen Press – the majority of this volume involves our four leads returning to heaven/hell (delete where applicable) in order to report on their time down in the world of humans. The gags are predictable but still fun—Gabriel is unable to bring her games to heaven, which proves rather dull, but at least she can bullshit her way past an easily suckered God. Meanwhile, Vignette is dealing with her adorable little pet being a lot bigger than she remembers (I was reminded of Gintama here), and Satanya has to deal with being herself—she tries to break into heaven and fails. Fortunately, we find out that the rest of her family (bar the “normal” younger brother) are just like her. This remains a very silly but amusing series. – Sean Gaffney

Go For It, Nakamura! | By Syundei | Seven Seas – Although there have already been several BL-adjacent manga released by Seven Seas, Go for It, Nakamura! is the publisher’s first real foray into the genre. The volume is an absolute delight. Nakamura is a gay high school student who has developed a crush on his classmate Hirose, but Nakamura’s introverted nature and general awkwardness mean that the two of them have barely even talked to each other. Go for It, Nakamura! is the perfect title for this manga–I couldn’t help but root for Nakamura as his friendship with Hirose slowly develops. The story is funny and charming and the characters immensely likeable. A bigger deal is made out of Nakamura being a fan of octupi than out of him being gay, a refreshing twist that is also resolved sweetly. Nakamura does occasionally have a dirty daydream, but overall, Go for It, Nakamura! is rather chaste and wholesome. I loved it. – Ash Brown

Haikyu!!, Vol. 25 | By Haruichi Furudate | Viz Media – Last time I commented on how delighted I was with Hinata’s character development and growth. That continues here, but as the training camps end and we resume practice it’s Kageyama who’s given a volume to really show off. In this case it’s not just that he’s grown, but the series also looks at the attitude that got him in trouble in middle school—the whole arrogant “King” thing—and wonders if it was the attitude or the rest of the team? After all, the Haikyu!! kids are unlikely to be cowed by Kageyama at this point. Particularly Tsukishima, who may need enough people being jerks towards him in order to really take off. Good stuff, though I suspect we may be getting more tournament games soon. – Sean Gaffney

Little Devils, Vol. 1 | By Uuumi | Seven Seas – This is supposed to be more than one volume, though I do wonder where it’s going to go from here. The premise is that the hero has defeated the demon king… which is now split into eleven adorable and bratty children (and one egg). Each chapter of this first volume introduces one of the children, shows off their eccentricities, and moves on. Some of the cast make reappearances (Asuka is clearly the “star” of the children), but for the most part this reads very much like an anthology. Fortunately, the kids’ eccentricities are enough to disguise the fact that the hero is super boring. The said, this really feels like it could have ended with the first volume, after the egg hatches and we get our twelfth devil. Can it keep up being sort of cute? – Sean Gaffney

Log Horizon: The West Wind Brigade, Vol. 9 | By Koyuki and Mamare Touno | Yen Press – We continue to deal with the odd golem creation that was introduced in the last book here—turns out Kuroe is part of a pair, and is not all that excited to join up with her other half, which is filled with hatred and despair, now that she’s gotten kindness from Soujiro and company. The evil golem creature is a pretty nasty opponent, eating Isaac’s black sword among other things, and the fact that it sort of looks like Soujiro with cat ears doesn’t help. I suspect this may be the final arc of this spin-off title, so I’m pleased it’s emphasizing the family aspect of the series rather than the comedy. Also, really nice fights. – Sean Gaffney

My Hero Academia: Vigilantes, Vol. 1 | By Hideyuki Furuhashi, Betten Court, and Kohei Horikoshi | VIZ Media –I was a little wary of this My Hero Academia offshoot, but it turned out to be more enjoyable than I expected. Nineteen-year-old Koichi Haimawari has a modest quirk—the ability to glide along surfaces—and has been spicing up his boring life by doing good deeds. One night, he runs into a grizzled old vigilante who calls himself Knuckleduster and becomes his apprentice. Knuckleduster is on a mission to track down the source of a drug called Trigger, which causes users to spontaneously undergo monstrous transformations. I didn’t expect this much plot, and Betten Court really nails Horikoshi’s art style. My only complaint is the fanservicey costume for the female vigilante, Pop-Step, who ends up in villainous clutches more than once, but I definitely like the family vibe the trio have going by volume’s end. I will surely be checking out volume two. – Michelle Smith

My Solo Exchange Diary, Vol. 1 | By Nagata Kabi | Seven Seas – One of the most critically acclaimed manga released last year was Kabi’s My Lesbian Experience with Loneliness. The sequel series My Solo Exchange Diary was therefore a welcome and perhaps obvious addition to Seven Seas’ catalog. Like its predecessor, My Solo Exchange Diary is an autobiographical work that will resonate strongly with many readers. Through the short essay manga collected in the series, Kabi continues to explore her experiences with anxiety, depression, and intense feelings of loneliness and how they impact her relationships and day-to-day life. Each chapter is framed as a diary entry written to her past self, at times offering advice and encouragement while at other times seeming to despair that she couldn’t have done some things differently. My Solo Exchange Diary can be brutally honest as Kabi struggles to find love, happiness, and self-worth, but it’s that honesty and authenticity that makes the series so compelling. – Ash Brown

Spirit Circle, Vol. 4 | By Satoshi Mizukami | Seven Seas – Spirit Circle has an overarching plot, but the way it’s being told also makes it feel like an excuse to do a series of short anthologies with a wraparound. Once again, the majority of this book is devoted to another of Fuuta’s past lives… and this one seems to be a future life, as he’s now Lafalle, a young man in charge of cleaning the chambers in a giant monolithic tower that house the brains of those that were killed but may one day be revived. As he gets older we see him interact with Kouko’s other self Lapis, and the two of them continue to have an odd bond that seems to lack any romantic feeling whatsoever—they even get married here, but it’s never consummated. This is well-written, but where is it going? – Sean Gaffney

By: Michelle Smith

[justanothercinemaniac]

Epic Movie (Re)Watch #192 - Robin Hood: Men in Tights

Spoilers Below

Have I seen it before: Oh yes

Did I like it then: It’s grown on me.

Do I remember it: Yes.

Did I see it in theaters: No.

Format: DVD (although we watched my brother’s blu-ray copy)

1) Watching this film is a tradition to do on my brother’s birthday (which was in August but I’m behind on my rewatch posts). We’ve been doing it for 9 years (give or take a year) and it kinda grows on you.

2) I’m a sucker for 4th wall breaks in movies, so the numerous ones in this film are appreciated.

3) Honestly, the rapping which bookends the film feels like a misguided attempt by Mel Brooks to make the film “hip”. It just doesn’t really work and doesn’t feel like it belongs in a Mel Brooks bit.

4) There are actually quite a few clever gags in this film. A lot of them come from the very first scene in Jerusalem’s prison with Robin and Falafel.

(GIF source unknown [if this is your GIF please let me know].)

5) Cary Elwes as Robin Hood.

Elwes was cast in The Princess Bride back in 1987 because of his “Errol Flynn” like quality. Now he plays a role which is one of Flynn’s most iconic. He commits to the part in the grandest of Mel Brooks’ tradition, as set before by Gene Wilder in Young Frankenstein and Bill Pullman in Spaceballs. Elwes’ Robin is wonderfully buffoonish and ridiculous, with most of the humor coming from his lack of self awareness. It would be easy for an insecure actor to give a wink to the audience that lets them know he’s aware they’re stupid, but Elwes isn’t afraid of appearing idiotic. He embraces it. Robin should come across as an idiot. That’s the gag!

6) I relate to Achoo so much.

Robin [while going into a fight]: “Watch my back!”

[Robin gets hit in the back twice.]

Achoo: “You’re back just got hit twice.”

Robin: “Thank you.”

7) Dave Chapelle as Achoo.

Chapelle’s ability to play the straight man in this film is absolutely amazing. A legendary comic, Chapelle basically represents the audience. I mentioned that Robin is blissfully unaware of the foolishness in his life, but Achoo is hysterically aware of it. He’s observations are comedically wonderful and just all around inspired. Chapelle is a wonderful addition to the cast.

8) Blinkin, the blind butler.

The film is able to take an absurd concept that was taken so seriously in Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves and take it to its naturally funny punchline. While many of Blinkin’s jokes may fall flat, his overall presence is appreciated and does lend to some nice comedy all around.

9) Robin losing everything he loved shouldn’t this funny.

(Screenshot taken of a GIF set originally made by @thorinss)

10) I despise the Home Alone “joke” this film makes. It is the first in a long line which shows that just because you make a pop culture reference doesn’t mean you’re being funny.

11) Roger Rees as the Sheriff of Rottingham

Roger Rees is the definite scene stealer of the show, outshining even Dave Chapelle’s Achoo. He is able to take ownership of every moment he’s in by playing the Sheriff as a bigger idiot than even Robin to a wonderfully hysterical degree. I got a chance to see Rees on stage before his passing (when he played Gomez Addams in The Addams Family) and I could see from that his comedic talent was not only limited to his work with Mel Brooks. All in all, for me, Roger Rees will always be my favorite performance in the film.

12) Amy Yasbeck as Marion.

Yasbeck - like Elwes - commits to the silliness of Marion. Although more of a spoof than a character at times, it’s a damn good spoof. By taking aim at old school “fair maiden” tropes and sort of the humorous daintiness of that, Yasbeck is able to hold her own against Elwes and the insanity of a Brooks’ movie.

13) Richard Lewis as Prince John.

If the Sheriff of Rottingham is the evil version of Elwes’ Robin (in his embracing of the character’s foolishness) then Roger Lewis is the evil version of Achoo. He plays it modern, very aware of kind of the idiocy around him, and casual to the point of funny. He has the ridiculously strong chemistry with Roger Rees which makes all their scenes a treat and all in all totally fun.

14) Tracy Ullman as the witch/cook Prince John goes to in times of need and she’s fine enough in the part. It’s not exactly a fountain of character writing but she’s funny enough and works with the part well.

Prince John [after Latrine says her family changed the name when they came to England]: “You changed it TO Latrine?”

Latrine: “Yeah. Used to be shit house!”

Prince John [after nodding]: “Good change!”

14.1) Also, Latrine promises to make a magic potion that’ll make Robin worthless if Prince John puts in a good word for her with Rottingham. He agrees and then…it never comes up again. At all. It’s like the scene never happened. And I’m just like…

15) Hey, that’s Erik Allan Kramer!

16) The bow staff fight between Robin and Little John is actually pretty clever, primarily because of just how funnily it deteriorates into a slapping game.

17) Remember what I mentioned in note #10? Well, we get these two “jokes” back to back.

Will Scarlett: “My full name is Will Scarlett O’Hara. We’re from Georgia.”

Achoo [after Robin fails to jump on his horse]: “Man, white men can’t jump.”

Repeat after me: making a pop culture reference is not the same as making a joke.

18) However, this is pretty funny.

According to IMDb:

The gag about Robin being able to speak with an English accent is a reference to Kevin Costner's performance in Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves (1991). Unfortunately viewers who saw both movies in a dubbed version couldn't get this gag. For the German dubbed version the gag was changed to: "because I - unlike some other Robin Hood - do not cost the producers 5 million". The German word "kosten" (cost) was also pronounced to sound a little bit like Costner. In the French (France) and Italian (Italy) dubbed versions, it is translated as, "Because unlike other Robin Hoods, I do not dance with the wolves", referring to another Kevin Costner movie Dances with Wolves (1990). In Quebec, the translation becomes "Because unlike other Robin Hoods, I accept to wear tights," which refers to the fact that Costner didn't wear tights in the 1991 movie. In the Hungarian version, he says "Because unlike Kevin Costner, I have a shapely bottom," a reference to the infamous fact that Costner used a body double in the nude scene.

19) The castle fight has a number of clever bits but some could’ve been cut in support of pacing. The scene as a whole drags at times and can come across as dull instead of fun like it should be. Tightening it up may have helped.

20) If only for Dave Chapelle’s Malcolm X impression, this is my favorite scene in the entire film.

I also love the juxtaposition between Robin’s Churchill and (again) Chapelle’s X. It just really works for me.

21) Hey…isn’t that David DeLuise? The dad from “Wizards of Waverly Place?”

22) Ah, the obligatory Mel Brooks cameo.

23) Dom DeLuise as Don Giovani.

Robin Hood: Men in Tights - Don Giovanni - watch more funny videos

Okay, I lied. THIS is my favorite scene in the entire film. DeLuise is absolutely hysterical and why the scene may be a bit too long, I just don’t care. He’s so fucking funny! His Brando impression is a gift from above and I’ve got a feeling most of his shit was improvised. It’s just…it speaks largely to the talent of Dom DeLuise. I love it.

24) This is probably the best Blinkin gag in the film.

[Blinkin falls from a tree, dusts himself off, then starts to look around.]

Blinkin: “I can see!”

[Blinkin walks right into a tree then takes a step back.]

Blinkin: “Nope. I was wrong.”

25) The “Men in Tights” song is a much better fit for this film than the rap. It feels organic to the kind of comedy the film embraces and is just pretty fun.

26) “The Night is Young” is similarly organic and a better fit than the wrap, but it probably shouldn’t have been put back-to-back with the previous song. We need a little variety.

27) I love this.

(GIFs originally posted by @summercountess)

I love that the filmmakers aren’t even trying to explain why he gets another shot. It’s just, “It’s in the script.” I mentioned I’m a sucker for fourth wall breaks and this one takes the cake for me!

28) There are a lot of gags in this movie which were funnier in other Mel Brooks films.

Prince John’s, “I have a mole?” vs Igor’s, “What hump?” from Young Frankenstein.

“Walk this way!” in this film vs Young Frankenstein.

The hangman in this film vs Blazing Saddles.

etc.

29) The fight scene is actually what the castle fight should’ve been more like. The swashbuckling action is fun and mixed well with gags and slapstick humor.

Rottingham: “En guard!”

Robin: “Thanks for the warning!”

Also they run into a crew member on his break, which continues my love for 4th wall breaks.

30) And a wild Patrick Stewart appears!

He has a Scottish accent because Sean Connery made a similarly random cameo at the end of Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves with his natural accent. It’s kinda weird and doesn’t add much but who cares, it’s Patrick Stewart!

While there are other funnier Mel Brooks movies out there and better Robin Hood films out there, Robin Hood: Men in Tights does exactly what it is supposed to do: it gives you a 100 minute distraction with silly comedy and fun performances that can act as a break from your day. Cary Elwes is a delight as Robin, with Roger Rees, Richard Lewis, Dave Chapelle, and Amy Yasbeck all showing off their comedic chops. It’s just fun. Occasionally stupid, yes. Some of the jokes do fall painfully flat (like that Home Alone gag), but by the end of the film you’ll probably have gotten in a few chuckles and feel like it’s time well spent. It’s just silly Mel Brooks fun.

[thrashermaxey]

Ramblings: Draft Analysis, Weekend Trades and Signings

Draft Analysis, Weekend Trades and Signings

First off, I just wanted to give a shoutout to Peter Harling, Cam Robinson, and the rest of the Dobber Prospects team for some amazing work at the draft (and for Cam for actually dropping a Ramblings to boot – these things don’t take five minutes to write, you know). It was awesome seeing the Dobber brand showing up on the Sportsnet ticker as each big name fell off the board.

As significant as the Dobber presence has been in Dallas, next year might be even better, with the 2019 draft coming to Vancouver! Will Quinn Hughes receive the honor of announcing his brother Jack as the first overall pick and his new teammate? Wait just a minute Canucks fans… you seem to have forgotten about the crummy luck that you have in the draft lottery every year.

By the way, I’m ecstatic about the Hughes pick. I can say that a puck-moving defenseman is something that the Canucks have been missing since, well, ever. I think the one takeaway from this draft – at least the first round – is the type of defensemen that were drafted. After years of teams drafting bigger and bigger, the smaller defensemen were all the rage as teams move toward a faster style that stresses the importance of moving the puck out of your zone and keeping up with the play. Here’s the height and weight of the first seven defensemen drafted in the first round:

Rasmus Dahlin (BUF): 6’ 2”, 181 lbs.

Quinn Hughes (VAN): 5’10”, 173 lbs.

Adam Boqvist (CHI): 5’11”, 165 lbs.

Evan Bouchard (EDM): 6’2”, 195 lbs.

Noah Dobson (NYI): 6’3”, 176 lbs.

Ty Smith (NJ): 5’11”, 176 lbs.

Ryan Merkley (SJ): 5’11”, 167 lbs.

Not one of these defensemen is over 200 pounds, and there are more that are under six feet tall than over. Of course, these are still kids who could continue to grow and should also fill out a bit more. But the trend of blueliners scoring more should continue, while fewer enormous-bodied stay-at-home defensemen will be able to survive in the NHL.

What made this draft fun is that after the first two picks, it didn’t seem to proceed according to plan. It’s easy to criticize Montreal and Arizona on their off-the-board picks, but the fact is that we’re putting faith in 18-year-old kids and perceptions will change. Let’s check back in ten years to find out how these picks really turned out. Maybe these Habs fans will become huge Kotkaniemi fans one day.  

Habs fans are not happy about their 3rd overall pick pic.twitter.com/EVIbIcXrg4

— Hockey Central (@HockeyCentraI) June 23, 2018

There’s certainly a lot to unpack from the past two days, so let’s get started.

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I’ll start with a question that was asked to me this weekend. Some keeper leagues have an entry draft in which draft-eligible players can be drafted by teams. So if you have the third pick (or are simply ranking draft-eligible players), who would you choose? Assume Rasmus Dahlin and Andrei Svechnikov will be picked first and second overall. This person was initially thinking Filip Zadina, but with Jesper Kotkaniemi being picked third overall by the Habs, he wasn’t so sure anymore. Should the third overall pick in fantasy drafts be Zadina, Kotkaniemi, or someone else?

Settings and team needs could determine who you pick, but just because a certain NHL general manager decides to go off the board to pick the player he wants doesn’t mean that you also have to. And there’s a reason that the Kotkaniemi pick was considered off the board. Zadina obviously fell down at least a couple teams’ draft boards, but picking a real-life team is different from picking a fantasy team. Zadina says he will “bring the goals” to Detroit, something that he did in the QMJHL (44 goals in just 57 games). If you like fantasy goals on your team, he’s the guy I’d look to add at number 3.

For you (and for my own benefit, since I participate in one of these leagues), I will produce a draft list during the summer of draft-eligible prospects. But I’ve started with those three. Who would you pick after that? Or would you include someone else in your top 3? Remember that if you don’t want to wait and/or require far more detailed prospects analysis, you’ll want to pick up your copy of the Fantasy Prospects Report.  

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Dobber himself provided the Fantasy Take on the Ilya Kovalchuk signing, which includes how top-6 forwards in LA might be impacted. I’d expect Kovalchuk to be a decently productive fantasy option next season, but at age 35 he’s already seen most of his peers his age drop off from their prime (or drop out of the league by now). As productive as Kovalchuk was in the KHL (over a point per game over his last two seasons), I can’t help but think that someone like now-34-year-old Rick Nash is a comparable at this point in his career. And Nash isn’t someone you should be reaching for in next season’s drafts. But don’t get me wrong, I’d still rate Kovalchuk over Nash.

Another point I’ll add: After the Kovalchuk signing, the Kings are left with just over $3 million in cap space. They don’t have much work left to do (possibly extend a qualifying offer to Tobias Rieder), but barring any other moves to clear cap space, they probably won’t have enough room to bring back Slava Voynov. And they may not be planning to bring him back.

From The Athletic (this article is free):

Sources indicated that the Kings trading Voynov’s rights is likely the most plausible scenario.

This article, written by Katie Strang, describes both what would need to happen in order for Voynov to be reinstated, as well as the details of the events that led to his contract being terminated by the Kings. Although the 28-year-old Voynov could provide a team with an all-important right-shot defenseman who can deliver some offense, I don’t imagine that his acquisition will go over well with a significant portion of any team’s fanbase.  

With Kovalchuk now off the board, John Carlson getting close to a deal in Washington, and John Tavares still considering re-signing on Long Island, could July 1 be kind of a “meh” day? Diehard hockey fans will no doubt tune in to the programming on TSN or Sportsnet (at least in Canada), but for the most part we’re not talking about franchise-altering players. Lots of over-30s who have had productive careers, though. You can check out the list over at Cap Friendly.

Speaking of Tavares, he is set to meet with five teams ahead of free agency. According to ESPN, those teams are expected to be San Jose, Toronto, Tampa Bay, Vegas, and Dallas. And according to David Pagnotta, the Islanders’ initial offer to Tavares is an eight-year deal worth $88 million.

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Dobber also gave you the Fantasy Take on the Calgary/Carolina blockbuster. Fantasy-wise, this trade has a major impact on the Flames’ top line, with the forwards swapping places on it.  

Bill Peters says Lindholm is penciled in on the top line w Gaudreau and Monahan already and will take draws on his strong side. Said he spoke to him but kept it short as Lindholm was attending Sweden’s World Cup game when the call came.

— Eric Francis (@EricFrancis) June 23, 2018

As far as the trade goes, I’m going to concentrate on the forwards in the deal.

I really like this move for Elias Lindholm – more so than anyone else involved in the deal. The previous relationship with Peters should result in Lindholm receiving at least a long look with Johnny Gaudreau and Sean Monahan. There was no real continuity when it came to Lindholm’s linemates last season, but both Gaudreau (1.05 Pts/G) and Monahan (0.86 Pts/G) scored at a higher pace than any Carolina forward. This is a significant upgrade for Lindholm. If Micheal Ferland can score 21 goals while (mostly) playing on that line, then the more talented Lindholm should score at least that many. Lindholm has never scored more than 17 goals in a season.

Conversely, the main reason I decided to take a flier on Ferland last season was his place on the Flames’ top line. Of his 41 points last season, 35 were even strength. And of those 35 even-strength points, only three were without either Gaudreau or Monahan. There could be more turnover with the Canes’ forward group, particularly if Jeff Skinner is traded. But for now Ferland is buried among a large pile of wingers, which means that he should probably only be targeted in leagues that count hits.

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One day after being traded to the Avalanche, Philipp Grubauer has signed a three-year contract worth $10 million total (Fantasy Take from Mike). I know one Semyon Varlamov owner that is livid right now, as he was counting on Varlamov again after bouncing back to fantasy respectability last season. Given that Varlamov has started 50+ games in four of the last five seasons even with an injury-prone reputation, I don’t think this turns out any worse than a 50/50 split for Varlamov. But it might be better to bet the under than he will play 50 games again in 2018-19.

This probably goes without saying, but the Grubauer trade all but assures that Jonathan Bernier will be headed to unrestricted free agency. The UFA goalie market is thin (you can check out that group at Cap Friendly), but Bernier should be considered a top-5 option in that group. That probably should net him a goalie timeshare situation of his own at best, with the more likely scenario of him being signed as a team’s backup.

As for the vacant Washington backup goalie job, recently signed goalie prospect Ilya Samsonov is expected to play a lot in the AHL next season. That would make Pheonix Copley the little-used backup behind Braden Holtby. The native of North Pole, Alaska (maybe he has met Santa Claus!) has played in just two NHL games – both with the Blues.  

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For more fantasy hockey information, you can follow me on Twitter @Ian_Gooding.

from All About Sports https://dobberhockey.com/hockey-rambling/ramblings-draft-analysis-weekend-trades-and-signings/