#also god fucking damn it tumblr is pixelating this so fucking much

[1hellofacookie]

Do... do you like

...the colours of the sky?

please tell me nobody did this yet 💀💀

[piracytheorist]

Okay I gotta admit it, I logged in today just to check my notifications and messages because I was curious. Seems like cold turkey isn't something I can do, but I feel like I've found things to occupy the time I'm not spending on tumblr anymore, so I feel distancing myself from the site is possible. Not having the app on my phone anymore helps.

Anyway, I took a quick look on twitter today, and while I didn't see any sxf spoilers, I did see a post about a thematic week that I won't be able to take part in, not even as an audience, because it will be centered around stuff I haven't seen yet.

And damn me, I want to read further into the story so bad. It's been almost six full months since the last episode aired, and I'm finding myself wondering what is happening next based on the vague spoilers I've gotten. And there's at least three and a half more months left. I just know, I know it, that I will enjoy the story three times as much seeing it animated - and like, if I'm truly honest, my main drawback from manga reading isn't that it's not animated, or acted, or even coloured. It's that my way of reading it is not how it's intended to be read. Like, if I could have the chapters printed out for me, that would be ideal. Like:

Reading the story like this? Feeling the pages in my hands, seeing the wide and two-page panels in all their glory? Terrific. Perfect. 10/10.

Reading it like this? Having to scroll up and down for long panels, zoom in for small speech bubbles and out for wide panels, pixels getting distorted based on how zoomed in I am? No, thank you, immersion go bye bye. If I had a vertical monitor I probably could have worked it out, but I don't have a vertical monitor nor can I afford one right now.

And you'll tell me, well, a lot of further chapters are available in the next volumes. And I'll say, I'll probably work only for half of July, my contract ends after that, and in August I may need to move out to a different city so I won't even be able to get a steady job that won't work me to the bone. And I'm on a tight budget, so even the forty euros (being generous here, cause volume 10 isn't easily available to me yet so 10 euros for it is a generous offer) I would spend on the next four volumes are money I cannot afford right now. Plus, I know they don't reach to the current chapters so I would still have a ton of spoilers to avoid.

I don't know why I'm explaining all this lmao. I just feel like I don't want people to think I'm an anime snob. Because by god with every week I feel my resolve break. If I actually make it to October without having read one single manga chapter it will be a miracle. It's such a weird challenge I'm putting myself through, I don't even know if y'all can understand it. It's not like it's a challenge I can "win", or a challenge I can award myself for passing. Maybe a bit of venting can help, idk. It's not like I'm asking for recognition or pity or something, I am aware of how weird my choice may seem. I just had some feelings and thought, "well, fuck, what do I have my tumblr blog for".

Idk. I just feel like I love this story so much and in such a way that I also want to properly enjoy it. If I lived in Japan and spoke the language, you know I'd be running to whatever stores sell the magazine where the new chapters are posted in every two weeks and sit outside the very store and read the new chapter before even getting back home (wait, are individual chapters even printed out in Shonen Jump? I'm not sure I've understood the whole thing completely). But since that isn't happening, my choices are a) waiting for a long time and not interacting with fans, but enjoying the story animated, with colour, voice acting, soundtrack and on wide screen (and yeah yeah it's an adaptation not the original but listen it's a good adaptation and this is why it's drawn me in) and b) getting the full story and interacting with fans now but seeing the story in broken-down panels and messed up pixels, while having to fix the zoom-in and -out on every page. And I know me. I know choice a will make me immersed in the story, while choice b will just give me the details of the story. Maybe I am a snob after all, idk. I'm not making any effort to explain or apologize for myself. I'm just venting, lol. It's been weird and lonely and IT'S BEEN TOO LONG AND OCTOBER IS TOO FAR AWAY T_T

Anyway. Been doing good other than that. I will probably revert to logging out every day in order to try and keep my distance from the site, but coming back every other day or so. We'll see. I have a few messages to respond to (and a few more spoiler-free manga panels to react to! yay!) so I'll get to those today.

[spn-in-2021]

So plugging Lestat (Broadway, 2006) (27th of May version) into the tumblr user Loes spn-in-2021 Verified Musical Meter... 12 out of 18 !

- How much gay tension is there between the protagonist and the antagonist Absolutely off the charts. Not sure if you should count Louis or Armand as the antagonists but both are very gay - How many times do ppl go on their knees A Lot. The biting is also v dramatic as it should be - Is there a moment where someone rolls around on the stage this is v important "Marius." 'Get up, Lestat.' "I can't my legs are shattered" - Is there a milf The entire first act can be described as "Lestat and his moms gay adventures in Paris" and then his mom even leaves to be a milf elsewhere good for her - Does the antagonist or protagonist force themself in songs they don’t even belong in Cant say 'cause Ive only seen one version - Is there any Real fighting. Is the entire stage used in those fights If there is; how good is the reaction of the other characters (ignoring is also a good reaction) Armands hair pulling on Claudia looked painful af so yeah this counts - Are props/dec destroyed for the sake of drama I cant remember so probably not?? - Do people dramatically undress while singing (or dramatically dress while singing I suppose) Gabrielle did absolutely do this - Do the actors look like they want to puke sometimes (like in a good way) The audience recording Ive watched barely has enough pixels to even show faces but I already know they did - How often are there hugs/hand holding/face holding/etc etc etc So much. so much. girl help i am vicariously living through musicals to cope with the lack of human contact - Do the songs go hard (measured with bpm, how often there are screams, how badly the actors want to dance, singing isn’t about singing its about acting) Legit?? Not that much. Idk what happened Elton John how did this happen - Will I have one of the songs stuck in my head for the next week? Embrace it is already stuck in my head - How campy is it (is there leather + glitter) Capes count, as do the general vampire aesthetics. AS do Lestats kneeboots bless - How often are actors forced to dance while singing (do the leads have a choreo) The dancing?? Is not that much?? - Do the actors say “fuck this script” and just make out? Drew Sarich never disappoints. people around Drew Sarich Never Disappoint - How blasphemous is it (would the church approve of it. be honest) There is not one but TWO songs calling out god. There's also Lestat and his mom vandalizing a church and challenging Jesus. (Where AAaarree YouuUUu? WhyyYy Aareee yOouUuu NoOtT StooOOopIInG UssS) - Is there a random gun moment No - when you hear the leitmotif of someone and you KNOW theyre gonna fuck shit up Somehow this doesnt happen?

I want to substract points cause apparently this only ran for a month and all the actors were basically let go because the musical didnt run storm like they expected on broadway......... but i also want to add points cause claudia was VERY good and its still a damn good musical i dont care im glad i saw this before i ever saw interview with the vampire or read any anne rice books

[scary-lasagna]

Oof. Oh well. Tumblr seems to be drunk. But anyway, how about Ben, Toby, and Jeff's S/O coded a video game for them about how much they love them and how happy they are to have met them. Like, a little timeline of before they met to the present from the S/O's POV and how much happier they are. How would they react?

gosh im soRRy- Why the FUCK did i write so god damn much.

Ben

Your boyfriend unexpectedly tore his eyes away from Arma III to look at the notification with his crystal eyes.

'Download for NonSuspiciousGame.exe has been completed.'

His curiosity overcomes him, and he just has to check it out before you wake up from your nap from the bed behind him.

It's...just Majora's Mask.

It starts out as usual, and Ben just uses speedhacks to progress faster and look around.

But when he reaches the Romani Ranch, the graphics noticeably change, along with Link on screen.

When "Link" checks himself over, he turns back towards the camera with the noticeably familiar smirk that's usually plastered on Ben's face.

"Hiya! Welcome to Honey Ranch!"

You're about to start swinging at the sound of your own voice, still dazed from your nap.

But you realize Ben has found his way to your game, one that you put your heart and soul into.

And totally not ripping a few files to alter from Majora's mask.

"I just wanted to tell you how grateful I am that you're my dumb, loving boyfriend, and you really mean the entire world to me. Real or virtualized." Your character grinned from the screen, placing an innocent kiss on Ben's cheek.

"C'mon, feel free to look around."

The inside of the bar has a familiar layout to your house.

Each object that Ben interacts with pops up a little pixelized animation from an event with said object.

Such as a broken controller than Ben threw against a wall trying to chase you during your fitst meeting, or a vase covered with duct tape that the two of you broke from dancing together after your third date.

It's a timeline.

He's a little bit emotional and sets down the controller to stare at a picture of the both of you on the screen.

"I really like this game.." He mumbles before turning around towards your 'sleeping' figure.

He presses a soft kiss on your cheek, his bangs tickling your temple.

"I really like you too." You giggle, pulling his face back in reach and meeting his lips with your own. "You make me so happy, Ben. I really don' know what I'd do without you, even if you do break all of my dishes."

He'll be revisiting the game later with you by his side.

Toby

"It's not scary, is it?"

"Nah, it's not scary."

"Ok good, that means I don't have to mentally prepare myself."

Toby is always eager to test your games, no matter what genre they may be.

But the setting starts out in dark blues and blacks, with tall looming trees.

"baAaBe!!"

"It's NOt ScaRY!!"

After jumping at every little rustle in the tree branches and inspecting every single pebble on the path, Toby finally makes his way to the first save point.

"Omg this is that Slender game isn't it?"

"Toby- no, it's not. It's not a horror game."

"Then why does it look like one."

"You'll see, just keep playing."

A wide pair of orange eyes glint in the trees a few meters away from Toby.

"Omg."

"Go up to it."

Toby barely pressed the 'W' key as he approaches the being, finally spotting a lump on the ground. After inspecting the orange 'eyes' he finds that they're actually goggles.

"waIt THa't  sMe??? Omg how do I help me??"

"Idk man, what did I do?"

It takes a few moments, but Toby finds out how to drag himself back to the road, where the scene fades out and then back in front of a fireplace.

The same fireplace not even 6 feet away from the two of you.

He has to deal with some quick-time events as the camera slowly moves in to show Toby touching your cheek.

The expression on your avatar goes from worried, to bearing an ear-to-ear grin as the scenes progress.

The character idles in front of a Toby, sitting in the corner with his arms around his knees.

And the Toby in front of you seems to also idle, scanning the screen for...something.

"I love you."

"..I love you too, Tobs." You press a kiss to his hair, letting your arms slide around his shoulders. "I'm so happy I met you, I have no idea where'd I be if it wasn't for you crashing into my life."

"I know I'd be dead." Toby snickers, tilting his head back to look up at you. You could see a line of tears drifting along his waterline.

Toby plays it frequently and replays it for that matter.

If he ever tends to be missing you, that game is always his go-to. He reminisces about the memories you've had together and re-experiences them through this game.

Jeff

'"yOu mEAN I'M IN IT?!"

"YOU PUT ME IN??"

Jeff is so psyched that he's finally put into one of the games you made.

After desperately begging you for 24/7 since your last new release.

On his way sprinting to the desktop, Jeff trips over Smile and slides through the plaster wall.

It alarmed you, yes. But you were so pissed off that he had to do that after you finished the game. It would've made a great spot in the post-credits scenes.

"This just looks like your last game."

"Just play it."

"When do I show up?"

"J  e f f."

"lol ok."

It's an immaculate side scroller, showing a cute little [H/C] haired you that's nervously looking around the gray city buildings. You decided the textures would look better being realistic rather than pixelized like you originally thought.

The model you designed based off of yourself seemed pretty good in your opinion, and Jeff thought so too, using a few keywords to describe your physique that most people would find way too sexual to describe a clump of pixels.

"When do I show up?"

"Do you want me to shove your face through the computer screen?"

".."

The avatar bobbed along the sidewalk, occasionally rubbing their arm across their eyes to wipe away a stream of tears. The street looked familiar until he realized what the setting was based on.

It had to be of the night when you first met.

Sure enough, there's a splatter of crimson across one of the windows. Jeff recognized this, he remembered that exact kill, and the way you screamed at the sight of him chasing you down.

He didn't need any advice. You were in awe that Jeff remembered the exact route you had to take to escape him for the first time.

He felt a little self-conscious, seeing his looming shadow in the game creep closer to your small form.

But it was quickly erased when 'Dodge the burnt fucking eggs' flashed at the top of the screen, referencing back when he tried to cook you breakfast after taking you home.

He noticed with each minigame, your character gets more and more colorful.

And then the screen fades into Jeff sitting on the computer, with your avatar by his side.

On cue, you kiss his on the cheek the same time as the game.

He has to collect himself to keep from shedding a few tears. Cause let's be honest, all of those memories make him a little emotional.

"I love you lots." He mumbles, blinking a few times, well- to the best of his ability at least.

gosh im soRRy- Why the FUCK did i write so god damn much.

Ben

Your boyfriend unexpectedly tore his eyes away from Arma III to look at the notification with his crystal eyes.

'Download for NonSuspiciousGame.exe has been completed.'

His curiosity overcomes him, and he just has to check it out before you wake up from your nap from the bed behind him.

It's...just Majora's Mask.

It starts out as usual, and Ben just uses speedhacks to progress faster and look around.

But when he reaches the Romani Ranch, the graphics noticeably change, along with Link on screen.

When "Link" checks himself over, he turns back towards the camera with the noticeably familiar smirk that's usually plastered on Ben's face.

"Hiya! Welcome to Honey Ranch!"

You're about to start swinging at the sound of your own voice, still dazed from your nap.

But you realize Ben has found his way to your game, one that you put your heart and soul into.

And totally not ripping a few files to alter from Majora's mask.

"I just wanted to tell you how grateful I am that you're my dumb, loving boyfriend, and you really mean the entire world to me. Real or virtualized." Your character grinned from the screen, placing an innocent kiss on Ben's cheek.

"C'mon, feel free to look around."

The inside of the bar has a familiar layout to your house.

Each object that Ben interacts with pops up a little pixelized animation from an event with said object.

Such as a broken controller than Ben threw against a wall trying to chase you during your fitst meeting, or a vase covered with duct tape that the two of you broke from dancing together after your third date.

It's a timeline.

He's a little bit emotional and sets down the controller to stare at a picture of the both of you on the screen.

"I really like this game.." He mumbles before turning around towards your 'sleeping' figure.

He presses a soft kiss on your cheek, his bangs tickling your temple.

"I really like you too." You giggle, pulling his face back in reach and meeting his lips with your own. "You make me so happy, Ben. I really don' know what I'd do without you, even if you do break all of my dishes."

He'll be revisiting the game later with you by his side.

Toby

"It's not scary, is it?"

"Nah, it's not scary."

"Ok good, that means I don't have to mentally prepare myself."

Toby is always eager to test your games, no matter what genre they may be.

But the setting starts out in dark blues and blacks, with tall looming trees.

"baAaBe!!"

"It's NOt ScaRY!!"

After jumping at every little rustle in the tree branches and inspecting every single pebble on the path, Toby finally makes his way to the first save point.

"Omg this is that Slender game isn't it?"

"Toby- no, it's not. It's not a horror game."

"Then why does it look like one."

"You'll see, just keep playing."

A wide pair of orange eyes glint in the trees a few meters away from Toby.

"Omg."

"Go up to it."

Toby barely pressed the 'W' key as he approaches the being, finally spotting a lump on the ground. After inspecting the orange 'eyes' he finds that they're actually goggles.

"waIt THa't  sMe??? Omg how do I help me??"

"Idk man, what did I do?"

It takes a few moments, but Toby finds out how to drag himself back to the road, where the scene fades out and then back in front of a fireplace.

The same fireplace not even 6 feet away from the two of you.

He has to deal with some quick-time events as the camera slowly moves in to show Toby touching your cheek.

The expression on your avatar goes from worried, to bearing an ear-to-ear grin as the scenes progress.

The character idles in front of a Toby, sitting in the corner with his arms around his knees.

And the Toby in front of you seems to also idle, scanning the screen for...something.

"I love you."

"..I love you too, Tobs." You press a kiss to his hair, letting your arms slide around his shoulders. "I'm so happy I met you, I have no idea where'd I be if it wasn't for you crashing into my life."

"I know I'd be dead." Toby snickers, tilting his head back to look up at you. You could see a line of tears drifting along his waterline.

Toby plays it frequently and replays it for that matter.

If he ever tends to be missing you, that game is always his go-to. He reminisces about the memories you've had together and re-experiences them through this game.

Jeff

'"yOu mEAN I'M IN IT?!"

"YOU PUT ME IN??"

Jeff is so psyched that he's finally put into one of the games you made.

After desperately begging you for 24/7 since your last new release.

On his way sprinting to the desktop, Jeff trips over Smile and slides through the plaster wall.

It alarmed you, yes. But you were so pissed off that he had to do that after you finished the game. It would've made a great spot in the post-credits scenes.

"This just looks like your last game."

"Just play it."

"When do I show up?"

"J  e f f."

"lol ok."

It's an immaculate side scroller, showing a cute little [H/C] haired you that's nervously looking around the gray city buildings. You decided the textures would look better being realistic rather than pixelized like you originally thought.

The model you designed based off of yourself seemed pretty good in your opinion, and Jeff thought so too, using a few keywords to describe your physique that most people would find way too sexual to describe a clump of pixels.

"When do I show up?"

"Do you want me to shove your face through the computer screen?"

".."

The avatar bobbed along the sidewalk, occasionally rubbing their arm across their eyes to wipe away a stream of tears. The street looked familiar until he realized what the setting was based on.

It had to be of the night when you first met.

Sure enough, there's a splatter of crimson across one of the windows. Jeff recognized this, he remembered that exact kill, and the way you screamed at the sight of him chasing you down.

He didn't need any advice. You were in awe that Jeff remembered the exact route you had to take to escape him for the first time.

He felt a little self-conscious, seeing his looming shadow in the game creep closer to your small form.

But it was quickly erased when 'Dodge the burnt fucking eggs' flashed at the top of the screen, referencing back when he tried to cook you breakfast after taking you home.

He noticed with each minigame, your character gets more and more colorful.

And then the screen fades into Jeff sitting on the computer, with your avatar by his side.

On cue, you kiss his on the cheek the same time as the game.

He has to collect himself to keep from shedding a few tears. Cause let's be honest, all of those memories make him a little emotional.

"I love you lots." He mumbles, blinking a few times, well- to the best of his ability at least.

[ajcrwl]

webp? hell yea!

oh god, imagine thinking that gifv or webp formats are bad and blaming it all on Googel.

it’s not the format that’s bad, tumblr just needs to tweak it’s conversion algorithm, perhaps. and let us upload our own webp files. hardly anything can compare to webp’s file size. 

as someone who makes animated files for nearly every page of my comic i had to constantly choose between making a gif with smaller dimensions or destroying the quality for the sake of smaller file size. and then i found out that webp exists and WHOO BOY. i can make animations with the same dimensions and at HALF THE FILE SIZE of what the gif would be???

it’s incredibly flexible when you can control the creation of your own files. there’s even a whole ass photoshop plugin which greatly simplifies the process of saving a file as webp. in fact, even though i’m someone who is tech savvy, i prefer to use it instead of the command line for simplicity (there’s a free libwebp library, and you can also convert files with ffmpeg in your console).

and then i hear some people scream that it’s only supported by chrome, which is a lie?? 

wait, did you mean old as fuck IE doesn’t support it? well it’s about time to GET A BETTER FUCKING BROWSER. as for Safari holding back on webp support - i can imagine why, but none of the reasons are “because webp sucks”. so while there is no webp in your precious Apple device.... GET A BETTER FUCKING BROWSER.

I wish I could attach my own webp files for comparison, but let me show you this instead:

These are the files I made for one of the pages of my comic. Take a look at the dimensions. GIF file at half the dimensions is twice the size. Webp is only slightly compressed and looks almost exactly like the original art, while GIF has lost background gradient smoothness and gained some artifacts. I can show you a bit of the background where this difference is the most evident:

Webp is on top, GIF at the bottom. Webp can have somewhat visible “blocks” but it largely depends on the compression level. Gif has too much noise and gradient smoothness is completely ruined.

SO

one of the things that matters to me and matters to Tumblr is server space. what also matters to me is that my animations look just as good as my original art, and considering how many effects I like to use and how many colors there are, it’s nearly damn impossible to preserve with GIFs even at the best quality settings.

OK BUT WHAT ABOUT PIXEL ART

good question. i think webp can still achieve this. i’ve done a quick test with this image:

(credit: https://www.artstation.com/artwork/9YPWa )

opened it in Photoshop and this is what the output shows:

left is source file, right is webp preview. they really look EXACTLY the same. and you know what the best part is?

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

once again, the webp version is drastically smaller. okay, yeah, it says 1,5 KB in the preview and windows says 2KB, but that’s because the file is actually 1,58 so I guess it rounded up, here are the correct numbers (pardon the Russian language ui):

sooooo, stop demonising the entire file format? ask tumblr to let us upload webp files instead? if y’all are smart enough to bitch about it and find out how to turn it off in browser settings, you will learn how to make these files by yourselves too. it took me, like, one evening.

YEAH BUT TUMBLR FILES BIG, COMPRESSION HARD

i hear ya. and i already said: they need to tweak their conversion algorithm. what i noticed is that the gifv file your browser shows is always slightly bigger than the webp file it saves. i’m not sure what causes that, i’ll try to find out.

and again, as i said, we need to be able to upload our own webps. trust me, when you learn how to make them, it’s hard to look back.

[home-working]

Let There Be Sunlight

Holy shit it’s 2019! What did you get up to in 2018? What were your achievements, your successes? (Tumblr, I see that you have quasi-upgraded your blogging platform so I can have proper post titles AND photo layouts, congrats! Except they don’t really work!!)

One thing I did was upgrade my workspace, cause holy fuck it was starting to get depressing having my desk in a dark corner.

Welcome to Homeworking HQ (Ditmas Park) 2.0! Now I get to push pixels beside my big, bright, plant-adorned window, which allows me to bathe in all the reflected sunlight I can take and more easily spy on the people across the street at all hours of the day. In addition to relocating my desk, I got rid of another shitty table I didn’t like/need and replaced it with something useful: colour-coordinated S-T-O-R-A-G-E!

Behold!

Since apparently I don’t know how to purchase anything that isn’t red, yellow or blue, I found this not-Bisley™ wheeled filing cabinet online and then filled it with shit to organize other-shit-that-was-cluttering-up-my-apartment. There is nothing quite as satisfying as hidden things unnecessarily matching other things that are also hidden!

The only other surface I now have to eat off/do anything at is this IKEA “kitchen island” which I mostly end up standing at if I have a guest over like some awkward personal bartender because I currently only have one tall stool:

December: back on the holiday caramel-making bullshit.

Anyways, so far, it’s been a success sitting 10 feet closer to a natural light source, measurable by the fact that I really actually enjoy sitting at my desk again.

Wow, I’m sitting beside a window! Ok!

But how else does one define success? Purchasing objects to improve your quality of life is one thing, but measuring success in your career and personal life is trickier.

Warning: the rest of this post is basically me practicing long winded/unfunny/unresearched existential thought diarrhea so feel free to maybe skip it!

When I was younger and still unsure of what direction my life would take post-art school, I knew that at least no matter what I ended up doing, I wanted to be successful at it, and loosely defined that “success” as being able to make a living from it (growing up in a financially unstable household, self-sustained monetary security was of high importance). I was very lucky that I fell into a creative line of work that I not only found enjoyable and challenging, but was able to turn into a relatively fruitful career.

But the thing with a low threshold of success is that as soon as you achieve it, you need to begin rescaling your definition of it to keep moving forward: you need to embrace AMBITION.

O, ambition! What highs! I remember in my late 20s working a full-time advertising job then coming home and joyfully working a number of assorted freelance jobs. I loved it! (My then-boyfriend hated it!) I was productive! I was building a portfolio! The future! and! amount! of! work! was! limitless!

But now I’m TIRED. Thinking about work makes me TIRED. Just seeing my phone display “January” made me TIRED. Last year when I had a temporary full-time gig, with a 1.5-hour daily commute, I got home and ate take-out sushi with 13 seasons of Grey’s Anatomy and ignored my freelance work and fell the fuck ASLEEP.

And still, despite a lack of energy (vitamin B and heme iron be damned), I feel guilty every minute of the day before 10pm that I’m not working on something. Even if all my client jobs are complete, I still feel like I should be taking advantage of that rare “free time” and work on a personal project (this post itself is a direct result of the joy/guilt from staying in on New Year’s Eve).

There’s the concept of a healthy work/life balance, but who has time for that? No minute can ever be wasted, because ambition is always perched on your shoulder whispering: you need to produce MORE THINGS; you need to work HERE, or teach THERE; you need to be on THIS WEBSITE, or THIS LIST, or in THIS GALLERY, or work with THIS STUDIO, and have THIS TITLE, or give THIS TALK… or you’re not really achieving success. Even if to outside eyes it might look like you’re doing pretty damn good, when you measure yourself next to your industry peers, you’re ultimately a smidgen above average, at best.

What’s sadly comforting is that achievement insecurity pervades almost everyone. A friend that I consider to be extremely successful (owning companies, property) once confided that their own family doesn’t see their achievements to be very worthwhile. Another friend, who puts so much work into running their own small business, is realizing the energy they’re pouring in is not resulting in a sustainable existence. Yet another friend, who seemed to have achieved the whole perfect job/house/marriage/dog combo, felt inadequate for having trouble conceiving.

So what if you’re not reaching the level of success you think you should have by now? Does yearning for more keep you moving forward, or just make you feel shitty? When do you abandon ambition? As my friend Amil Niazi recently commented on the Sheryl Sandberg concept of “leaning in”, when can we just give up and “lean out”?

What I’m realising is that what possibly makes the idea of abandoning success so difficult is that I, a single woman, don’t know what I’d replace it with. As 20-somethings unburdened with families to raise or households to maintain as earlier generations were, we were instead burdened by the freedom and expectation to become who we wanted as early as we could. And if we millennial women are not trying to live our most ambitiously fulfilling lives [on social media], do we even have an identity?!

If a woman chooses to forego ambition, there seems to be only one acceptable reason for that: motherhood. (She can have it all as well, but god forbid she have neither!) But I’m not sure I want that either, and so giving up success without starting a family means I will have to decide if I not only want to let myself but also society-at-large down.

Your 30s (ironically the decade that I’ve decided is about learning to not give a shit) seems to be the ultimate reality check; either you’ve already “made it”, or you need to embrace that you haven’t, probably aren’t going to, and are too damn tired to keep trying. Do we just need to give ourselves a break at this point? Re-evaluate our definition of success yet again, instead of abandoning it altogether? Maybe the better question is WHY I feel the need to measure my own success in the first place, when everyone’s definition is different anyways... someone’s definition might be having a baby and a white picket fence; mine should be managing to survive in New York without health insurance while self-employed.

Me, exemplifying the self-satisfaction that comes with writing about yourself on social media while simultaneously exhibiting how my apartment has been reorganized.

I was recently told by an older friend that your 40s is about learning to love yourself. So I guess I’ve got 4 more years of trying to “make it” before I can officially give up and force myself to be happy with (or at least acknowledge) what I’ve achieved thus far, and worry about nothing more. Looking forward to that menial office job and craft room in the sky!

Colophon sweater & socks: UNIQLO; toque: Army & Navy; sweatpants: Alternative Apparel; mug: some print-on-demand company; glasses: Steven Alan clearance; plants: IKEA & Home Depot; couchy thing & kitchen island: IKEA; stool: Target; status candle: Diptyque; filing cabinet: Walmart.com; wall poster: Grilli Type; everything nice: probably MoMA Design Store deep discount; caramel recipe: David Lebovitz; optional subtitle: “Or, How I Never Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Hustle”; most horrifying thing I remember from a dream last night: Kylie Jenner; most stupefying thing to waste time image searching: Kylie Jenner’s teenage face transformation; best thing to snog as the clock strikes midnight when home alone on NYE: duty-free booze

[myontasm]

man im really startin to hate this place and its fuckawful community hiding in the woodwork just waiting for one straw to pull on.

theres so much wrong with this place, where do i begin? terrible people who masquerades themselves as internet vigilantes, gets literal nobodies killed over dumbest shit. a lack of focus of what really matters, instead getting outraged over some pixel boobies. gatekeeping, racism and, for some reason, fucking heterophobia and biphobia??? how do you people fucking function in life.

everything is misogynistic or -phobic. on the other side, terfs who think terf is a slur. i wish it was a slur, its only befitting you. fuck you.

nazis and commies raiding people's asks boxes asking for their political opinion. like, imagine fandom blogs getting "so what about seizing the means of production?? youre not a nazi right" like what the fuck is wrong with you lol. leave them alone. dont drag them into your dumb shit.

why are MAPs a thing?? what is the purpose of doing that. just dont do that. for the love of god. please, never.

outrage culture. get mad at everything, sob about nothing. pay for my shit while youre at it.

distinction of fantasy and reality. video games arent real asswipe. go take a cold shower and wake up. please stop caring about anime babes getting fucked by eva 02. let the people jerk off in peace good god

also im really sad about how all these tumblr funnymen are legitimately terrible fucking people. god damn dude get a grip on your dumb ass.

doxxing is really fucking bad in this place. no sense of morals at all, not consistently anyways. only when its suitable. the treshold for whats acceptable enough to do a sick dox here is so fucking low, limbo low. you dont have to hurt anyone to get doxxed and told to kill yourself.

people caring too much about others having fun. remember when that weird alt right dude went and got super mad because people posted discord chat logs? i do.

theres no peace in this place. I want out.

[newproletarians]

I feel like I am giving my own brain a noogie a lot of the time. Or, maybe, putting it in a headlock. Squeezing it from the inside. I feel like I am pinching my own brain, trying to get it to do different things, constantly. Does that make sense? 

Is that normal? Do you feel the same way, other person reading this? For the sake of your comfort, and potentially entertainment, I want to be completely candid—I feel like this a fucking LOT. I don’t usually realize it, either. And look. I have this deep-seated knowledge that the average person on Earth is having a really shitty time. I think that’s the norm. We’re all gonna die, we’re all gonna suffer. If you aren’t dying, and you aren’t life-sucking, then what you’re in is very cool, very unusual, and very temporary. Some of us end up lucky enough to be dicking around on a Tumblr blog with loads of benefactors all around them. So I don’t like to complain. Or, fuck that. I should complain. Complaining is good. But I don’t like to be disappointed when life is not perfect, because it rarely is. So there’s that. I just notice it sometimes, like having tense shoulders (which I also have). I’ll be hanging out putting up a shirt in the closet, and realize I’ve been keeping my shoulders... more up? More up than they need to be. That’s the thing. It’s a subconscious tenseness that comes back again and again. That’s what’s going on in my brain. New paragraph.

So what do I care about this? It’s just a thing that happens. Big deal. Move on. Well, that’s the thing. I don’t know if it is a thing that happens. If it is, and it’s totally fine, then I’d love to just get on with my life. If it’s bad I want to stop, because it’s uncomfy and I think there’s a better life out there for me. I’m doing it now, even.

I think i thas something to do with this words part of my brain. This hyper-analytical, mostly-useless part of my brain that sucks at doing anything. The same part of my brain that, when I used to play baseball, would absolutely micromanage the fuck out of every aspect of my form in everything I did. It’s criticism. It’s toxic. God, do people criticize their kids and siblings. What a cycle of suckage. I would be thinking to myself, in the batter’s box, “think of the ball like a thing you need to hit DOWN with the bat.” That would work for a while, and then it would stop, and I’d come up with a new thing. That shit doesn’t work. That’s when the verbal, limited part of your brain tryies to use it’s own verbage to move you forward as a being. You know what I’m saying? That’s you words-brain, which isn’t good for much, actually. Silence is gold. You know what I’m saying?

Your words-brain is the best conduit we have of information from person to person (asterisk), but that information is ridiculously low-quality. Low res. It’s like... not that many pixels? I guess I don’t need more analogies. It’s fucking weak. Language is weak. It weakly approximates things, and we need a whole lot of other shit to adequately communicate anything (like gestures, context, etc.). When I talk, a lot of the time, I’m fixated on the words. I’m thinking about the language we’re using. it’s why, why I text someone, I automatically absorb their texting style and throw it right back at them. It’s probably also why, when I listen to a song, I am often thinking about it in abstract terms, subconsciously reverse-engineering the song to the writer. Unsuccessfully and inaccurately much of the time, for sure. I don’t want to seem like some dude who thinks he is just reverse engineering songs as he goes through life. That would be pretty cringey. But that’s the spirit. It’s there. It’s the sizing up of life experiences, thinking of things in the absolute most transactional, bit-by-bit ways. It’s seeing someone throw a ball well and thinking, “I should make sure my arm goes up like his when I throw,” or seeing a happy couple and thinking, “I should hold myself like this person to optimize life enjoyment.” It’s honestly pretty weird, but also interesting. Why would I look at things that way? This fixation on the mechanics of things is what makes a great builder of things, which I certainly aspire to be. I want to build great relationships, music, videos, animations, whatever. I don’t want to be guarded anymore, how I am. I want to just put myself out there. 

And that brings us back to the beginning, somehow. I’m so used to being so hard on myself. So hard on everything around me. There’s this feeling, and it feels like pinching my brain. I am working really hard just to be good enough. For who? For what? Good questions, for sure. I don’t know. I do know that I have the urge to throw this blog away again. I just want to start fresh. I don’t want this stupid shit plaguing my memory. I don’t want to have this shitty blog where I just puked my thoughts out and made little puke piles that were shaped OK enough for me to feel smart. I want to have a cool blog. A smart person blog. Maybe I can talk a little about what I want. Maybe this is too negative. There’s some relation between this head-pinching feeling, this inward-spiraling of writing, and this hyperanalyticality. Man, seeing Phoebe Bridgers on Instagram and Twitter makes me dislike myself. I feel like I’m not cool enough to hang out with her. God. I wanna be cool.

I’m remembering writing in a journal when I was 17. I felt so similarly. I remember I was writing about feeling jealous of my brothers, and how it felt like everything came easily to them, and they always got better treatment, and yadda yadda yadda, and I was just full spiraling into a non-spiral-bound notebook. Comp book. If it were spiral bound, it’d maybe make a kinda beautiful song lyric. Maybe it’s better that it wasn’t. I got bitter. I’m just realizing I got bitter. I think I’ve known, but damn! I was really the not-bitter guy and it was awesome. I wonder why. Anyway. We’ll come back around to it. Maybe.

I was writing about my brothers, and I wrote out “I JUST WANT TO BE BEAUTIFUL.” At the time it felt so bad! I felt like it was the craziest thing I ever did. Writing that. Isn’t that funny? I felt like i was being a huge weirdo, and it’s because I had oppressed myself into semi-normalcy (which is also just regular socialization I guess?) and wasn’t thinking about my feelings at all. Now I’m 23 going on 24, and guess what? The feelings are still there. Basically all the same ones. The difference is that I have the tools to deal with them now. It’s cool to relate to yourself. Damn. That is a hilarious thing to say that I didn’t think I would find funny or novel. It feels good to relate to one’s self. It feels like my dragon to slay. 

This relates back to the main point. Brain pinch. Getting out of this stupid brain-words mode. words-brain. Whatever. Left brain. Heady stuff. The dragon to slay here is this overwhelming issue of me being weird. I think that’s the fundamental question. It’s ok. I’ll say it. I’m weird. I don’t think it’s a bad thing. I think some people genuinely reach that self-aware age, look in a mirror, and go, “score. I’m normal.” Some people just think the right thoughts. I’ve definitely played on both teams in the weird vs. normal wars. I tend to side with normies, because, let’s face it, those other guys aren’t always the people you wanna get down with. The oppressive monolith of normalcy that presses ever forward, bullying that which gets in its way, is pretty reliable. A fear of being weird is healthy, I think. Being too weird is bad. Lol. I’m so far off point. I’m really distracted, worried, bored, and somehow procrastinating all at once. I thought life would be different. That’s part of it. I thought by now I’d know what I wanted to do. I thought I’d have more mature relationships with the people in my family. I thought I’d have more friends, not less. I thought that I’d finally be one of those people you see at the airport and think, “that person looks cool. Instead, I feel like I have less of an idea of what I want to do with my life than ever. I also feel like the kind of person I would avoid. I feel like my relationships with my family members have gotten to a better place, but I’m worried that it only got here because of pity they have for me. I thought I would have an army of cool friends rn, but I don’t. I thought I’d have money, but I don’t. I thought I’d have my shit together, and look at me now, I most certainly do not. 

I may not be writing something good right now. I don’t think that’s what this blog is about. I think it’s about me shitting my brain out, but with words. It’s important for me to take big brain shits! I have to take brain shits! Or else I have a bunch of shit in my brain! Is that what an artist is? I don’t think so. I think artists, like, care about art.

Well that’s a relief. So these posts don’t have to be good. They SHOULD be shitty. They are literally shit. I’m gonna have a beer.

[rpedia]

[Ask RPedia] Choosing a Theme?

Anonymous asked:  Don't know if this has been asked before but it seems like a lot of rp blogs have "Container themes" (some custom styled, some regular). I know it's all preference but why is common preference since it seems smaller and a bit hard to read if it's minimal.

This is such a thinly veiled gentle way of asking me, in frustration, to tell everyone your itty bitty god damn aesthetics boxes are hurting people’s eyes and driving them off.

So Short PSA: They’re pretty, but for the love of cute animals, try using a scaling-in-size theme that does the same thing? They’re like blogs for ants. Some folks, I admit, can’t even browse blogs like that. I personally leave your carefully curated tiny tiny, tiny, boxes because show up on like one quarter of my screen at a size smaller than my thumb. 

Round about ways to get around this? You can open those blogs in your dash with x-kit. Or you can just use ctrl and + to make the thing fit your big ass screen, but then everything’s blurry.Goodbye aesthetics, hello visibility! You can also try something like Just Read for Chrome or Reader for Firefox. They strip the CSS entirely and turn the webpage into your submissive eager toy.

Just to be clear: be careful about your choices if you choose a blog design with a smaller screen in mind. Folks with bigger screens find it hard to read, so it may drive us off, and give us eyestrain, which is shit for finding new RP. 

I guess I should do a ‘what’s important when picking a theme’ thing to help maximize use for others? So here we go, kids.

Text visibility in themes is extraordinarily important. Roleplaying is about your writing and your gifs I guess here on the wacky world of Tumblr, but mostly writing. Every other website has a focus on it for a reason, it’s literally how you communicate prose. Gif’s are cute, but you don’t need them. 

So, lesson one. Make the text visible. It should be around 12px large, you can go down to 10px but that’s going to make some people avoid your blog, which stops you from finding potential players! That’s bad! So go with 12px unless you have a damn good reason, or don’t really have issues finding partners.

Make the colors readable. Do not put red on cyan, don’t do some faded white text that looks mysterious on some dappled background. Don’t overlay it with effects. Don’t do white on black, or black on white. Find a comfortable medium, something you can read at length without burning out your eyes. Many people favor a darker background with lighter text to avoid that burning sensation that white can produce, many others hate that like the dickens so hey if anyone codes themes looks at this, a ‘nightmode’ switch for colors in a theme being dark on white or white on dark would be the coolest thing ever.

Also, do not put it in a god damn tiny ass fixed width box. Theme coders! I love you, I do, but please try using flexible elements. Making the div width a percentage instead of a fixed pixel size can do fucking wonders for people. It lets all the elements fit without being a mess. If you use background-position you can set an image to the right, the left, the center bottom, whatever. Use those for all 4 sides of the box, and then throw in a god damn background-size and background-size-moz of like 100% of the div holding them. Including the background of the entire body! Suddenly your whole fucking theme resizes to fit! It’s a miracle of god! It’s not perfect 100% of the time when you’re being a tricky little shit, and sure absolute positioning and a fixed pixel width can be useful in places, but don’t just go 800px wide because it’s the typical smallest screen size and therefore the “best” when you can do flexible coding!

... I may have gotten a bit nerdy there, sorry for anyone I lost on some of those notes. Anyways.

So you as a roleplayer should pick a simple theme, a banner on top is pretty but having to scroll down on every single new page gets old quickly. If you want people to read a lot of your posts rather often, sticking to sidebars is for the best. It’ll save them precious seconds, and they’ll stick around to read longer.

Make sure you navigation is way visible. Left and right arrows somewhere should be tasteful, but not hidden in the bushes somewhere. You want to be able to go from page to page easily. If the same way, avoid endless scrolling! Seriously! It’s neat on one hand, but trying to find your place after your browser tab crashes and you’re 200 pages into the blog is so horrible some people close the window and never return. You’ve killed another chance. Go for pagination, not endless scroll as often as possible.

Tags are important, so is the time posted, and links to profiles/OOC/tag lists/open thread tags and the like. These should all be visible and easy to access so people can get online, check the tag on your blog, see when you replies, and reply themselves. New people want to read your OOC, character profile, and information about everything important. So have your Out of Character and rules done and ready to go before you open shop!

Fancy elements should always be done with accessibility in mind. Do not pick some weird fucking mouse pointer that is hard as fuck to use, they’re cute, but make sure they have a point on them so people can see how to use them right. Don’t make the scrollbars too small to click. Don’t make a constant glitter shower on every single page that blurs out the writing and constantly distracts people. Avoid colors that clash painfully, red on blue for instance causes weird shapes at the corner of the eye and is generally unpleasant. You want your space to be as open and comfortable as possible.

This doesn’t mean don’t have cute art, or sweet fonts (at least for titles and the like, maybe don’t use cursive for the actual text font). It doesn’t mean some gifs can’t be managed, or  a dropdown header that only appears when you raise your mouse can’t be done. Just do it tastefully. Work hard at making your roleplay blog something everyone can read, and you’ll be that much closer to getting more partners to play with. Good luck!

[geek-gem]

So Weird First Cuphead Impressions

Without playing the game

Just saying I can't put the full title so theirs the rest of it. Decided hey can put the rest like that.

Basically last night and gonna copy and paste this to Tumblr since this is on Deviantart or if your reading it on Tumblr cool.

So last night I finally watched some gameplay of Cuphead to see what it was like. I watched Markiplier's first let's play of the game.

I'm gonna be honest and if I haven't mentioned it before I feel like I could have or just in case. Before seeing some sort of gameplay or well some parts of how the world and story seems to be.

I had seriously thought Cuphead was honestly another indie horror game with cartoon characters being the primary focus or some shit. Basically the tagline, "Don't Deal With The Devil" got me thinking.

Also me remembering Bendy And The Ink Machine and the signs and symbolism of Hell basically and all the demons and just all that shit.

I was thinking that some how the God damn devil got into this cartoon world some how and is fucking shit up and these two cup men basically brothers I know their names have to save their world.

Honestly it's a bit weird. Including the surprise it's a Xbox One exclusive only game because reading the description under a drawing of well can't spell her name and what her actual name she's a blimp that it was an Xbox One exclusive. Also that one of ones worth checking out...or just I feel like I take it the wrong way.

Then the thoughts that Cuphead is basically a Xbox mascot along with characters like Master Chief and Marcus Fenix from Halo and Gears Of War in general.

Yet I know seeing on Steam it's on there too. Including a artist I follow on Deviantart named Ninjahaku I think she's on here too is a fan.

It's not what I expected.

I'm sorry I'll talk about the game itself. Honestly it looks very nice. The animation can I call it that right it can be pixels or just....I'm not an expert. But I really like the style. Including just the gameplay while their are run and gun stages. It seems like the focus is on the bosses.

I wanna mention this. I stood up till 3 whatever time and my eyes were hurting and I asked my mom to wake me up I wake up again at I forgot 9:30 am or whatever forgot. I asked her to wake me up when she leaves for work like at 6.

Anyway yeah but just that was long and even rewinded on some parts quite a bit because that's me basically.

Yet sorry this is me rambling just seeing the actual game and not on a commercial or a bit from some other video. But a video focused on the game itself.

While I guess silly yet just seriously that was a long video I'm talking about the video.

Sorry other then that the game honestly looks very nice. The animation is well done, and while Mark was playing on a higher difficulty even with me in my head saying it's a difficult game I feel the best way to describe it seems to be a challenging game.

But I feel like trying to find the right words. Oh yeah it might be a bit much for me.

Copied this but gonna again because forgot to mention this. I have Mark's 2nd video still open or well I shut my laptop twice and kept the screen so I can watch when ready. Just the 2nd time this morning was in Deviantart doing some stuff.

Well I forgot to mention this on Deviantart but wasn't a major thing but silly. Yet the start of the game. I said in my head and even said to myself we need Doomslayer or something basically Doomguy but mainly said Doomslayer

[miss-oscurita]

So as much as I’m enjoying this unquenchable thirst I’ve developed for Harbs, it’s also making me ask myself some serious questions. Primarily - why the fuck is it that I haven’t been properly attracted to a “real life”/”obtainable” man in years. I have no problem when it comes to women, at all, but men....fuck sake! There have been (at best) half a handful of guys in my life over the past six years or so, who I’ve gone “10/10 would bang” and most of them have been total morons who I’ve gone off in a heartbeat once they’ve opened their mouths. Ever since all that shit with “the worst ex” (TWE). I feel like I’ve been emotionally stunted in the most bizarre way. It’s like I loved that shitheel so much and he hurt me so bad that I can’t feel anything for someone “real” now because there’s so much scar tissue in the way. I’m too gun-shy to have real feels for a real guy because I’ve somehow associated relationships with men with pain and trauma, I guess....*puts psychology book down and kicks daddy issues under the couch* I mean, a classic example is one of my bests friends who lives across the street. I’ve known him now for going on ten years now, since he moved over here from the States. He absolutely ticks ALL my boxes physically (even though he’s only ten years older - shock horror! Haha!) He’s way taller than me, built like a beast, grows a great beard, gives the best hugs, is a literal God of cooking, and he’s absolutely gorgeous as the day is long too. He’s also the sweetest and funniest guy ever. We get on like a house on fire, have banter for days, bicker like an old married couple, and no matter what I need he’s always there for me whenever I call on him. We’ve been through so much shit together and he’s supported me through thick and thin. We have fights sometimes but always work through it. We’ve traveled together, we go to ice hockey on the regular and do so much shit together our lives have become super intertwined. Our families get along great (his mom and my mom are besties) and we share a whole bunch of friends too. And honestly, anyone would be blessed to have him in their lives because he is such a ridiculously lovely dude. I mean, one time he literally gave me a piggy back ride all the way home from town (about two miles) because I twisted my ankle badly coming out of a club and we’d blown all our taxi money on pizza haha! I love him to absolute bits, and we have so much in common you couldn’t make it up. On paper in black and white, we probably should have been married about eight years ago, but try as I might I just can’t “fall” for him. The worst thing is, his mom has told my mom (on numerous occasions) that he’s in love with me and has admitted as much to her, but he’s never tried anything on. So he’s not one of those “nice guy” types who’s just hoping for a shot at it, because if he was he’d of tried it by now, he’s had plenty of opportunities - and we’ve even done the “platonic bed sharing” thing haha! He’s just a genuinely nice dude who anyone would be lucky to have in their lives. So it pisses me off so much that I can’t cop the right kind of feels for him. Instead I’m left feeling cursed, because if I get seriously into someone (male or female) you can guarantee within maybe a month of them piquing my interest/emotional investment -and before I pluck up the courage to act on my feelings- they will find someone else and shack up with them. Leaving me all fucked up with a basket full of feels I don’t know what to do with. Yet there’s this dude, who is so nice and handsome and funny and any girls dream and I’m just turning my nose up. I’ve made it clear that I don’t have those kind of feelings for him (he’s aware of that as his mom confirms, which breaks my heart to be honest because I’ve been in that situation and it sucks!) He’s been in casual relationships during our friendship -as have I- and he also helped me through all that shit with “TWE” too and a whole “unrequited love” thing as well, and none of that changed anything between us, if anything it bought us closer. So needless to say, I feel like an asshole all the time, because if he is carrying this huge torch then it’s not cool to let him live in hope forever or until he gets fed up or I come to my senses, but I just can’t tap into the necessary emotions to want him in that way, despite the fact he is literally the text book definition of “my type” when it comes to men in every imaginable way. I’m angry at myself because I really want to feel something romantic/sexual for him. I mean, the reason I can’t be arsed with being in a relationship with anyone is because I don’t have the time/energy to do all that “getting to know you”/”meeting the family and friends” bollocks, but it’s already done ten times over with him. I would really love to be thirsty for him and there’s absolutely no reason why I shouldn’t feel that way for him, but try as I might it just doesn’t click. I don’t know why, but I’m absolutely positive that it’s something wrong with me. I do not have a problem getting those kind of “UNF, MARRY ME!” feels for fictional/unobtainable men. I don’t struggle to get those feels for women at the drop of a hat, but a perfect dude is there on a platter and I’m like “nah, I’m good!” What the fuck is wrong with me? I think it’s probably because I’ve been burned so bad by TWE, so I’ve put up walls that are insurmountable. I also think that I value his friendship so much that I don’t want to fuck it up by bringing romance into it. It’s like I’ve trained myself NOT to feel that way for him because I know the romance shit is ultimately finite and I’d be lost without him in my life if an intimate relationship turned things sour. Also, I think I run from my feelings for him because having had so many experiences of when I’ve gone “right, I really like this guy/girl, I need to so something about it” and then the very next day finding out they’ve found someone else and couldn’t be happier. I’m literally like that movie Good Luck Chuck - get me to cop the feels for you, and within forty-eight to seventy-two hours you’ll meet the love of your life hahaha! And as I’ve typed this out I’ve realized he could very well stumble across this because he knows about my blog and I’ve seen him visit from time to time, but I guess maybe it wouldn’t hurt if he did. Even though I could say all this to him, and probably should, I don’t wanna hurt him in anyway, because I love him to death. It’s just that tonight I was watching The Apprentice with him and looked at him like “Damn, you are perf. You bastard! Why am I thirsty for a pixelated bank robber, fictional 80′s sheriff and an unobtainable actor when you’re right here?” so why can’t I be in love with him? Why am I doomed to only feel the thirst for unobtainable dudes, and will this shit ever change? Maybe I’m just destined to be with women, and I’m fine with that, but then if that’s the case I wish feels for dudes would stop all together because life would be so much simpler without this duality and unnecessarily emotional dramz.   Anyways, thanks for the free therapy Tumblr haha!