#also had my iPad die for a bit and was so uncomfortable with it but made so much fucking vent art

[feral-teeth]

Taking a lil break from socials for a day(?) just to get a breather! I love you all, and really appreciate all of the support 😭 😭

If I don’t answer, that’s why! <33

[heungmins]

HERE'S A 50 QUESTIONS INTERVIEW THAT HEUNGMIN DID 10 YEARS AGO !! [cries] enjoy bc i suffered way too much n you do too

Your given name - Son Heungmin.

Birthday - July 8th, 1992. I’m 19 in international age. Still pretty young, huh?

Nickname - Rocket, Hamburger Son, Smile man, and many more. I like the nickname Rocket the most.

Family - My parents and an older brother. My parents live in Germany and my brother lives in Chuncheon.

Religion - I have none.

Life motto - By practice rather than words. (or Actions speak louder than words)

Strengths/Weaknesses - I think my strength is my bright personality. My weakness would be how timid I am. I want to be more confident.

Words you like hearing the most? - You’re handsome. You’re cute.

People you have trouble talking to/make you uncomfortable - I get scared to talk to people who are conservative and blunt.

Your favourite song and singer - IU’s Good Day. I get embarrassed because I say this so often.

The thoughts that come to your mind when you look in the mirror while you get dressed - I want to have a better style of fashion.

Where do you see yourself after 10 years - I’m still young, you know. I want to be playing soccer still.

Are you dating anyone - Of course not. I only have soccer and the fans.

Your most prized possession - My iPad. I can’t put it down from my hands these days. It’s so fun to go on Twitter.

Your ideal type - A girl who’s cute and small, with a good personality. Oh, and cooks well. Am I being too picky?

Experience with blind dates? - Of course not. I’ve lived in Germany since I was so little.

When do you want to be married - Before I turn 30. (lmao f in the chat for min) I think the earlier it is, the better.

Do you believe in love at first sight? - Of course. I believe that it exists.

If you had to choose between someone you love and someone who loves you only, who would you choose. - The person who loves me only.

Something you hear a lot from someone of the opposite gender these days - Oppa. I can’t believe I’m getting called “oppa” already when I’m so young, haha.

Who do you play the soccer game Winning Eleven with the most in Germany - I don’t have friends in Germany so I play soccer games by myself. I’m bored. Do you want to play a round with me?

Things you do after practice - I clean my room while listening to music. I like everything being clean.

My final words would be - Save me. I don’t want to die yet TT.

Love or friendship - (After contemplating for a while) Love. I think love is the most important at the end of the day.

If you picked up 1 billion won(around 1 million dollars) on the street - I would donate five hundred million and keep the other five hundred million.

Your biggest interests right now - I love watching kpop idols right now. The drama “Dream High” is also very funny.

What would your final meal be - A course meal in an expensive restaurant. Or a lobster dish.

An ad that would be most fitting for me - Soccer cleats (is it called boots for you British people) or a car. My favourite things. But I don’t have a license yet.

Favourite celebrity - It’s not Goo Hara. It’s IU. (During the Qatar Asian Cup, there was a false rumour that Son Heungmin and Yoon-Bit Garam both liked Goo Hara and there was a weird sort of competition going on in the National Team.)

How long can you wait for someone - An hour at most. It would depend on who it was.

The most memorable trip that you’ve been on - The first sea I’ve been to, Sokcho in Gangwondo.

Another sport that you are good at, other than soccer - None. I guess running. I get around the end of 11 seconds, which isn’t bad.

A random word that comes to your mind right now - Winning Eleven. I want to play games.

3 things you need if you’re stranded alone on a deserted island - Food, Someone else, water. You could survive with those three, right?

How do you relieve stress - I sing loudly. I’m not very good though, haha.

Make a three-line acrostic poem with your name - I REFUSE TO TRANSLATE THIS !!! THE SECONDHAND EMBARRASSMENT !! it doesn’t even make sense in English anyway so TTTTT

Your biggest concern these days - Playing games (also could be ‘the number of games I play’). And scoring.

Your best friend in the national team - Jabongie(Jabong is a short form for volunteer) hyung Goo Ja chul. He’s so nice.

The funniest person recently - (Smiling widely) Cha Doori hyung. He has the “It’s because of the liver” effect right now. **It’s an ad that Cha Doori was in. Search up 간 때문이야 if you want to see it.

The quietest person on the national team - Lee Yongrae. He’s so silent.

If you could find someone in the TV program “Love on the Air”, who would you find - Woah, that’s a hard question. (Thinking for a while) Someone who was very sick in grade 1. I think his name was Kim Kwangrim. I hope he’s healthy and doing well now.

Three things that you like - Soccer, singing, video games.

Body parts that you’re most proud of - My nose and my teeth. Apparently they look good when I smile.

Things you look for when you go shopping - Pretty shoes. I really like shoes that come up to your ankles these days.

Someone on the team you want to get to know better - Defender Joris Mathijsen. We’re not awkward but I think it is necessary for us to be closer.

Someone you have trouble talking to - Hyungs who are a lot older than me. When I first came to the national team, it was really hard to talk to Lee Youngpyo and Lee Jungsoo. We’re close now. Don’t worry.

A club you want to retire at - A K-League team. My final moments in Korea.

A team you want to play in at least once in your career - Real Madrid. It’s the best team.

Your favourite non-Korean player - Christiano Ronaldo. He’s got everything.

Your least favourite non-Korean player - Klaas-Jan Huntelaar. When I watch him play, I get this weird frustration. I have nothing personal against him though.

[fandom-sheep]

MCC 18 SEP 21

Yellow Yacks and Cyan Coyotes with a little Aqua Axolotls. Part 1/1

The only reason I didn’t forget MCC was because I got the notification for Eret.

I have Wilbur on my TV. I’m going to watch Eret on my phone. And I’ll have Tommy on my iPad probably.

Wilbur throwing a tantrum and saying he won’t play.

I feel like a true Gen Z member with my multiple screens of minecraft.

I’m only just getting the Wilbur notification.

I love watching everyone run around before MCC and scale things.

Griefing the thumbnail. 😂

Wilbur just causes problems on purpose when it comes to group photos doesn’t he.

He just loves finding ways to cause problems.

Wilbur got a coconut!?!

I didn’t mean to type the question mark originally. But I am a bit confused.

Wilbur just stocking up on coconuts

True friendship is a quote book. I have several.

Baby banana boo.

Wait. I heard the word tumblr

Scott what did you do with tumblr?

I’m scared. Only Eret permitted on tumblr.

I remember watching hole in the wall as a tv show as a kid.

Wilbur’s glasses that don’t do anything.

There are September discounts for subbing?

Neato.

The conversations in my work discord are something else.

Not surprised that Wilbur is going for top swearer of MCC

But my residents are going to walk by my door and judge me.

Alright I apparently wasn’t signed in to twitch on my iPad and it took me entirely too long to learn to remember it.

Tommy looks like he’s really concentrating. Oh wait never mind.

Wow the yaks are in first currently. I might be cheering for a winning team for once.

Alright I have my iPad split screen between Tommy and the MCC website.

Everyone break the elevator!

In the game, not in the building I work. I don’t want that paperwork.

Stick together and place many block.

I’ve been in Wilburs position. “I’ll be captain” “yeah let’s let Wilbur be captain”

Not a single POV I have up is synced. But that’s life.

Oh not starting out strong.

Just keep going. Ignore the falling people just like ranboo last time.

We are at the absolute bottom for this game.

Where’s a bag of popcorn or something?

“Stay down there. That’s how I won that one time” -Ranboo

Down they go.

They didn’t have anywhere to run.

Second round!

Oh that wasn’t their best idea. It was fun seeing Erets POV of that.

Go Teams.

Turning down the volume on yellow yacks to listen to aqua axolotls.

Aqua please. You have so much potential.

Nope.

Switching audio again.

Yellow back at the bottom.

Ranboo ranboo ranboo ranboo

Down he goes. 😂 the timing of that was funny.

Please. Don’t die

Wilbur. Scott. Please.

Scott uncovering the creeper.

Their plan is literally just sit and be.

To be fair that’s my plan for everything I do.

Oh cobwebs are smart.

I’m eating very salty Chick-fil-A chips and need water.

We are still doing ok. Wow.

Cobwebs man. The real MVP.

They are still in 10th

COBWEBS!!! And Wilbur standing on the edge of a block.

THEY WON THAT?!?!!!!

It moved them from last to eight. But still. Wow.

Holy cow. How did that happen.

I always forget what the acronym game is.

Oh yeah. Wilbur snuck and found this. I remember.

Go team!

Oh the website updates faster than the game. But we’re starting off decent.

I’m going to have to take back that statement aren’t I?

Go go go go

Fly fly fly fly

Build build build build

Go Wilbur!

Rafter strat.

Wilbur found the rafters and everyone else loved it.

Blocking his own jump. 😂

I really should do the inside joke chair emoji thing for laughing. But I don’t care.

Tiktok is nice. Depends on the side you are on, but it’s nice.

We are doing halfway decent. I’m proud of us.

Wilbur is struggling and I think he might cry.

Not bad. I don’t think.

Power sweater.

This game in MCC has rainbow road vibes

I’ll have to make that it’s own post since I feel that’ll be popular ish.

Holy cow we hit first on the website!! How?

Ranboo sweet one.

They said no peaking to Wilbur.

Wilbur making them block stuff off and the like is so funny.

Run yaks run!

I missed the moment Wilbur just mentioned. Oh well I’m sure I’ll see the clip.

First last first.

Hey 4th overall. Look at em.

Wilbur switching to full screen to show us his M&Ms.

Let me balance my water bottle on the bedpost above my head. No way this could possibly go wrong in multiple ways.

Double coins. Gorgeous.

Chickens are being sniped.

What’s going to work? TEAM WORK!

I don’t think I have ever watched a game of grid runners in my life?

Alright game should start any second because it started on the website.

Alright stream is delayed about 13 seconds.

Go teams go!

Wilbur just sniping targets.

We’re doing ok.

All this dirt.

Go go go

We’re completing things first.

Cake!

Wilbur got in!

Now they eat

Oh but they are falling.

Oh wow the painting is complicated. My friends and I would fail to communicate so fast.

Is this lever thing just find the button but complicated?

Go you got the levers!

Items grab!

My friends and I would seriously struggle unless I was allowed the lead. But I would lead us off a cliff.

Everyone get ready to go in as soon as the cake is done.

Exit! You guys are so close! Please!

Woohoo!

Go Ranboo! Go Scott!

Come on guys. Come on. Good communication.

I think I like watching Wilbur with MCC because he had a similar strategy to what I would do.

Wilbur why did you try to act cool!!!

They keep saying they are miles ahead but not according to that scoreboard.

You placed 3rd. Good job y’all.

I’m excited for bonuses.

They have another minute until the others run out of time.

Good soup.

Oh wow. Ranboo and Wilbur really are always totgehe.

We are doing well. I see the board changing on the website so much.

Where will they land.

Looks like 2nd or 3rd

Fourth overall. Not bad.

Lap time is logical.

Audience vote?

Look at me redownloading twitter.

Can you not see how others have voted on twitter?

Oh there it is. It only showed mine for a sec there.

Battle box looks close. I voted ace race.

Oh it all looks close right now.

Long break my beloved.

I don’t have time to start my laundry but still. My beloved.

Game 5/8 so MCC won’t be too much longer.

I look up and Wilbur is shaking his ass at George. I’m not surprised.

Phil and Sneeg judging Wilbur.

Wilbur twerking on Phil and Sneeg joining.

Poor Phil.

Wilbur just having visited so many random places with so many random words just gathered.

Oh wow parkour tag is low. But so is sands.

Oh wow it was a tie. Between Sands and Parkour

“Wilbur is Sand Daddy” -Scott and then all the agreement noises.

Sands of Time is my favorite practical game

Maybe because Wilbur is really good at it. And Ranboo had been trained by him.

This is just good.

I swear Sand daddy is going to kill me during this.

I am just going to pass away.

My stream delay though.

Wilbur who says he stays very quiet as he makes circus music noises.

Minecraft Rhinos. Because I can’t spell their real name.

I don’t quite understand sand of time. But I like watching. It’s like college football.

I am missing the only college football game I care about for MCC.

Go Team.

No blue yet.

All the mobs.

“You better not die” sung to the tune of Santa clause is coming yo town. -Wilbur

Keep it up guys.

Oh no. They lost the key.

Oh good they found the key.

You can tell Wilbur had a musicians brain. He just hears something vaguely lyrical and starts singing a song.

Gotta promote your band whenever you can I guess.

I listened to the last Ep for like an hour and a half yesterday while I went about my day.

I wonder how we’re doing?

Only a few seconds.

I could warm a heating pad in the amount fo time they have left.

Ranboo doing these puzzles so amazingly.

Quit caring about what others think. Just do your thing.

I swear the sand daddy thing.

I love the cage of shame for not tracking your sand.

I zoned out. Red cyan orange?

We’re almost 15 minutes into sands.

I want to play Minecraft on my iPad right now.

Wait the website updated. We were 6th?

Yikes. I thought they did better.

3rd overall though!

Wait what was that about most influential improv thingy? Good for them.

Build mart!

Oh Ace Race. Wilbur calling Ace Race his girlfriend now.

I want to see the enemies to lovers fan fictions of Ace race and Wilbur.

Oh wait I can do that. I can verbally tell one like I have others in the past.

I’m excited to watch this.

Wilbur flirt with the race.

I’m not mentally prepared for this.

Everyone just joined because they don’t want to miss Wilbur x Ace Race.

Oh no. He’s not doing so well.

Oh Wilbur is giving us more.

Complicated history…

Whispering to Ace Race and Solidarity.

You’ve got it Wilbur.

Keep on talking. Keep your brain busy while you play.

Mommmm Wilbur is flirting with Ace Race again!

He’s whispering though so I can’t quite hear it and will have to find a clip channel that added subtitles.

Oh teams are changing on the website.

“What are you doing in my women Philza?” -Wilbur

“I will end your bloodline which is canonically also me.” -Wilbur

I can not track all the quotes from this. That’s beyond my abilities.

Wilbur did halfway decent, but it still uncomfortable.

Ace Race is a person now. Also the fact that Wilbur compliments Ace Race so much.

Sally v. Ace Race.

I want to find that fanart now.

Scott honey. Confirmed cannon is everyone fancies the fish.

4th. Not bad.

We’re still talking Ace Race x Wilbur

Build mart! My dearest buildmart!

I miss them sliding around in the sleds.

Grab da flowers!

We’re in 1st at the minute.

Come on yaks!

No coyotes!

Hurry hurry hurry.

Work discord going it’s thing again.

Oh we’re dropping fast.

Move the redstone! Thank you

Alright back on top. Keep it up.

Nevermind.

I love the way the build spaces for the different teams work.

Who is the person on the build?

Oh first again? Nevermind.

Oh we popped up to second. We’re so behind. Come on.

Duck!

Good soup energy. Now all I can think is the bi wide energy song.

Time is running out.

Yeah we aren’t catching up to first. Just hold second.

Where is granite?

Game over.

Third overall now. Not bad. Last game time they can possibly pull it into dodge bolt.

I need to go get a picture with the President of the university for a game with my work.

Good Soup.

I’m sitting here making popcat noises while waiting.

Game time! Go team! Survive!

Wait where did the steamer go? I wasn’t paying attention.

He’s back.

He’s swearing for his points on the swearing list.

Is pee a soup? No. I don’t think it’s think enough under normal circumstances.

Karl is apparently swearing according to Twitter. Good for him. He deserves to swear some as a treat.

Everyone running and leaving shubble.

Oh good they are all together.

Just keep running.

4th so far.

Cars. Beep beep.

Ranboo breath child.

Calling Wilbur like some kind of golden retriever.

Bow boy

Scott is leader now. Because otherwise they are arguing.

We are playing the don’t die strategy.

Come on team.

Did I put my cut in this post? I did.

Ranboo having stolen the airdrop. And he has a thing!

Oh the boarder is right behind them.

They are fighting Dream?

Nice Will.

We’re in fourth.

Boarder is right there.

Sapnap? Nope.

Pink attack and they book it.

Oh no. There goes Wilbur.

Is it just Scott?

Scott vs the world.

Just Organe and pink. They came third.

GO ORANGE!

Please. Please let us do it.

Overall third. Pink overtook yellow.

Sadness.

Ranboo has achieved: Found Hated Game

Ranboo has been hit by Survival games so many times now.

If they had just lasted a tiny bit longer they would have come second.

Cheering Orange I suppose.

I have no skill at picking winner POVs.

I have 3 teams I was at least kinda watching. And none of them are in dodgebolt.

Gosh can hear Ranboo tweaking.

Wow. Yellow yaks just as a team twerking.

What is Wilbur chewing on? Wilbur don’t chew on things that probably aren’t meant to be chewed on.

I can hear the band outside of my window. I think my campuses football game is starting.

The drum line practiced outside my window all the beginning of the semester so it’s fun seeing them march to the stadium.

Oh and there are the cheerleaders.

Oh right I was watching MCC! Who’s winning?

Come on Orange. So close.

Wait I looked out my window. Why is the band walking back to where they were?

Along the sidewalk?

I thought it was game time for a minute.

Oh dodgebolt could go either way.

Distracted by Jesus.

Grian! You got this!

Nice Grian.

Oh Grian has a chance!

Oh!

Oh!

It’s so close!

Ooo ooo!

I’m so invested.

I SEE THE CONFETTI IN THE SITE! But I don’t want to miss the shot.

Come on Grian.

I know you do it. But you’ve got this

YESSSSS

Woo hoo!!

That was a good MCC. Now to do the chores and homework I originally planned to do today.

That was a nice stream.

Scott is separating Ranboo and Wilbur?

Please. Scott.

Don’t separate the beings.

You know. Twitter needs to politely bully Scott into keeping Ranboo and Will together.

Oop and that’s Wilbur done. That was fun.

See y’all next time!

[haikyuu-and-more-haikyuu]

kiss no 4 with ushioi please

Here it is! Ushijima x Oikawa. They have been dating for a few years by now. Ushijima is upset over Oikawa after last night fights. But when he find out why, he is reminded of why he fell in love in the first place.

Link to AO3

Warning: Mention of vomitingWarning: Mentioned of drinkingWarning: Mentioned of homophobia

Ushijima woke up, tired from yesterday antics. They had decided to go out drinking and, well, one beer led to ten others; and before he knew it Oikawa and Iwaizumi was caught in a fight and an hour after that- Oikawa had his head down the toilet bowl as he heaved up every drink he had consumed that night.

Wakatoshi didn’t want to feel angry about it, he really didn’t. But they both were representative of their team and the local media got gossip pretty quickly. A few more marks from their coach and they were out. Their volleyball careers would come to an abrupt stop.

He didn’t even know what the fight was about.

All he did know was that his head hurt, he was tired and that he needed to talk with Tōru about last night.

Ushijima sat up, planting his feet on the cold, wooden floor. Beside him, Oikawa was lying on his side, snoring up a storm. He always snored when he had consumed alcohol. There was a bucket by his side, and Wakatoshi hoped it wouldn’t be used. One thing was taking care of Oikawa when he, himself, was hungover; but taking care of a hangover Oikawa, when he himself was hungover and angry at him was another thing.

He couldn’t be too angry with him either. Oikawa was nursing a nasty blue mark around his left temple that stretched around his eye. It looked awful. And Ushijima didn’t know what other bruised and wounds he had. All he had focused on when the fight broke loose; was to get his boyfriend out of the mess and home to the dorm they shared. Iwaizumi seemed like he went for the kill and it took both Hanamaki and Matsukawa to hold him back.

They were lucky the police hadn’t shown up. and Tendo had been so kind to actually drive over to pick them all up and drive them home to them self. He needed to thank his friend for that later.

Ushijima stood up and went to the kitchen. Coffee was a dire need. He got some pain killers and a glass of water too and set it on oikawas night stand. The ex-setter was still deep in his slumber, a frown across his face.

Wakatoshi sighed and went into the shower. Glad to finally wash of some of the memories of last night. He walked out, to the kitchen and made himself a light breakfast. Just toast and a cup of tea. He wasn’t feeling particularly hungry, but knew he needed to eat to recover more quickly. He checked on his friends and got an update from Hanamaki on snapchat. Iwaizumi had apparently not even made it to his own bedroom and had fallen asleep on the floor. Ushijima noticed his girlfriend lying on the couch beside him. He was glad he were in good hands too.

He distracet himself with his Ipad for an hour or so, he didn’t hear Oikawa shuffled into the common room.

The brunet slumped down in his chair and put his head down on the table.

“Did you take the painkillers and drink the water?” Ushijima asked and closed the Ipad case with a soft snap of the cover. He put it away and gave the miserable boy in front of him his attention.

Oikawa nodded into the table.

“You should eat something, Tōru.”

“Too nauseous. Please don’t talk about food.” Oikawa swallowed hard and Ushijima fought the urge to heft him up towards the sink- just in case he got sick again.

“So, want to tell me how you and Iwaizumi-san got into a fight with three strangers when I went to the bathroom?”

Oikawa sat up. Ushijma frowned at the swollen temple and was surprised he could even keep the eyes up. he got up and took out a bag of frozen peas. He wrapped it in a kitchen towel and gave it to him. Oikawa nodded his tanks back and sighed as he pressed the frozen bag to his left side.

“So, what happened the five minutes I were gone?”

“Can you stop with the angry mood?” Okawa barked to him. “You have literally an aura around yourself and I even felt it in my sleep. What are you so pissed about anyway?”

Ushijima flared. Oikawa could be bratty if he wanted to, but they had been dating for three years now and he honestly thought Oikawa would at least drop the attitude with him.

“Well, both of us know that the way we behave could greatly affect our careers-”

“You sound like the child of our coach.” OIkawa answered and gave him a look. “You’re making me all nauseous again.” Oikawa got up and made himself a glass of coke. He took out a bag of chips too and started to nibble. At least he would get a little bit of food in his system.

“And if you really need to know, I fought because of you.”

“…me?” Ushijima asked. “Are you perhaps not happy with our relationship.?”

OIkawa sighed wearily. “I am. There was three dickheads that kept talking shit about us-about you. said that we were too filthy to play volleyball and should just die because of our sexuailty. Iwaizumi was the only one that was with me before Mattsun and Makki found us. To our defence, one of the others guys threw a punch fist and we were just defending ourself.” Oikawa glared at him. “Happy now?”

Ushijima set his moth in a straight line. He knew many people thought of their relationship as disgusting just because they both were men, some was even in his family.

“There, I said it; if you want to keep your precious reputation…FINE!” Oikawa hid his face from Ushijima.

Ushijima breathed out. He didn’t like to admit it. But if anyone treated Oikawa, he deck them. Silently he walked around the table and sat down beside Oikawa.

Ushijima tilted his head up, each hand on the side of his face. He was careful not to press on the bruised side. Wakatoshi didn’t want to make it worse or make Oikawa uncomfortable.

Oikawa looked startled at him and Wakatoshi was reminded that his lover’s passion was  a major factor of why he fell in love in the first place. He gently kissed over Tōru’s left temple. On the forehead. Even that was hot to the touch and Ushijima suspected that he might be working up a stress fever too. He also smelled of last night many beers and vomit. “Come on, I’ll give you a shower and we can just nap until we’ll meet with the others guys.”

Oikawa nodded and Ushijima hugged him tightly. If Oikawa wanted to fight for him, well then, Wakatoshi just needed to give him something worth fighting for.

[amnachil]

The College Society Chapter 2 Part 4

Here is the next part ! I hope you’ll like it.

Liam Tuesday December 11

Usually, Liam liked Tuesday, because their classes only started the afternoon. But today... Today started badly. It was like 9am when Nick walked into his bedroom. The dark-haired lad opened the drape and the store. Please. I slept only 12 hours... I'll die. (Maybe he wouldn't, but it was better to be prudent).

"C'mon Liam. Wake up already." commanded Nick. "I need your help."

"But it's so early." begged the lad. "In one hour please."

"Just get up, lazy man."

It took a real effort for Liam to shower and eat his breakfast. He felt exhausted. Once he was ready, he eventually joined his roommate.

"So, what do you need exactly dude ?" he asked.

"Shopping. I can't borrow your clothes anymore."

"You what ?"

"Never seen anyone as inattentive as you buddy. I'm borrowing your clothes for one month now. But I can't do that anymore."

I never noticed... Maybe I'm blind or something ? (He had always thought he had a lot of clothes waiting to be washed).

"Why can't you ?"

To be honest, he didn't bother him if Nick needed his clothes. Back in times, Nate and him used to share their clothes too. (At least until Liam did a growth spurt. Now, his bestfriend was only 173 cm or 5'8" while he was 183 cm or 6'0").

"Well, I still can take some of your T-shirt and jacket, but not yours pants. I mean even the sweatpants are uncomfortable now."

Nick gave him a dirty look, but Liam couldn't figure why. Wait. I think I got it. His friend became too large. Now that they talk about it, the chesnut boy realised Nick was bigger than he remembered. In September, he was an absolute twig but three months later...

"I know I'm not really thin." stated Nick. "And honestly, I don't really care, but I need pants. Since you were larger than me, I borrowed your 32' pants, but they are too tight now."

"Don't worry, I'm not judging dude. Let's go shopping."

They finished around noon, and decided to eat at the local mall restaurant. While they were waiting, Liam suddenly thought about Theo. That's not good. He'll lure Nick to eat him. But how could he explain the situation ? Think Liam, think... Eventually, when they started to eat, he asked :

"Are you worried to be kicked out of the team like Pete ?"

"Dude, I'm not really in the team." replied his friend. "I'm only helping Laura."

Liam never noticed that either. (Seriously, maybe he was like partially blind ? Like, he saw only half of the world ?) (Honestly, he wasn't that clumsy in highschool but... it might be a disease).

"Look, don't be too concerned." reassured Nick. "I know I have put on the pounds and I know I have a little belly, but as I said, it don't bother that much. I mean, as long as I'm not obese, this isn't a problem right ?"

"I guess."

"Of course, if Rebecca discover it, she'll tease me because she dislike fat people but..."

"Don't think that dude." cuted Liam. "You're not even fat, and if you were, it's up to you do decide if you like it or not. Rebecca don't have a word in the matter."

He overheard this in highschool. Discussion about fat people. And he didn't want to have those kind of problem here. Nick was Nick, twig or chubby or fat.

"It's the first time I see you so serious." appreciated his roommate. "Are you really Liam, or are you an alien who replaced him ?"

"So funny." laughed the chestnut lad.

(But just think. Maybe he was an alien ! It would explain why he felt so attracted by the sky !) (Just think about it).

Rebecca Friday December 14 – Saturday December 15

This evening, when she headed out of the pool after her training, the black girl glimpsed her boyfriend Emilio. (They didn't actually break up yet, but they hadn't seen each other since the party either). He was waiting for her, and once she was closer, he smiled.

"Hi beauty. I missed you this week. You didn't answered to my text."

She glared at him. Seriously ? Did he think she was stupid or what ? Rebecca let some guys pass next to them, including a blond dude who visited the swim club every night but never actually swam.

"Emilio, I'm not an idiot girl you can play with." she then declared. "Either you apologise, or you can leave."

"Oh c'mon. It was what ? A kiss or two ? I would never be mad at you if a man kissed you."

"Yeah, and I would never let another guy kiss me. Don't try my patience."

She started to feel angry. She had thought he was perfect for her. He loved running, he was tall, handsome and sweet. But he appeared to be also a complete asshole. Suddenly, he grabbed her arm.

"Rebbie, you don't want to do this." he whispered aggressively. "I'm your boyfriend."

"Not anymore." she retorted. "And let me go."

He had a stronger grip than she expected. He forced her to come closer. Let me go fucker.

"I'll scream." she warned.

"Look bitch, I'm not gonna hurt you. I just want things to be clear between us. I'm your boyfriend, you're my girlfriend. Alright ?"

His tone made her shiver.

"Otherwise, trust me I'll find you and break your bones. You would be ready for the paralympics that way."

Once alone in her flat, the black girl felt devastated. She never had been so weak in her entire life. And she was ashamed. She had dated a monster. She had slept with him. I hate myself. But what I'm supposed to do ? Tears flowed on her cheeks. Now she was traped with her own guilt and his threat. Of course, she should talk to someone but... He would know. Of course he would. Damnit. Damnit. Damnit ! She was her girlfriend, whether she like it or not.

The next morning, Rebecca didn't feel any better. She joined Bob for her training, but she honestly wasn't focused. Even worst, Emilio was there, because they were soon supposed to run for the College Championship. He watched her all the time. And then, he kissed her like if nothing happened. She had never felt so bad. I want to puke. But she just stood there, her mouth shut. The tournament began a bit later. Boys started, and he went to the track with a smile for her. I hate him. With my soul.

"Hey Rebbie. You look terrible."

She glanced at Matthew. The sophomore was smiling politely.

"I didn't sleep well." she half-lied. "The stress I guess."

"Or... Emilio came to you." he whispered at his ear. "And he threatened you."

She jumped, scared. How could he know ? What the fuck ?!

"Hey, I know he's a hunter." confessed Matthew. "Guys like him are called home-hunter."

"What are you talking about ?"

"The hunter community of course ! Girl you should watch around sometimes. As for Emilio, it's a person who needs a girlfriend, but loves to see other people aswell. His kind feel the urge to have freedom and a couple in the same time. Emilio is like that."

"But I don't want this kind of relationship !" she complained, kinda desesperate.

"I understand that, trust me. Look, just hold on a bit, I'll try to come to you next week with a plan."

Honestly, Rebecca didn't know how to react. She was wary, but also afraid of Emilio. I have a dream. I can't risk to be hurt by a psycho. And so she accepted Matthew's offer.

Damian Nicholas Smith-Carrey Sunday December 16 – Monday December 17

Carefully, with as much elegance as possible, the Dean's grandson cleaned a frame. It was his most valuable object. Way more than his ferrari. He liked it maybe as much as his own penis. But less than his name, sorry. Anyway, once he finished, he went back to his ipad. The research was apparently over. He had this little girl, Nancy Lou, who was working on the hunt for him. She was a computer expert he had met in highschool. Before her, he never expected virtual sex to be so hot. Whatever, she had found what he asked. Liam's highschool friends. The soccer guy. Nice. And this Nate Huston is probably his bestfriend. Wait. Barbara Henrion, I know this name. Damian Nicholas Smith-Carrey smiled. At least something he could work on.

He remembered where the hell he had heard this name. Consequently, he headed as fast as possible to the dormitory. He entered in the girls one's and went to the third floor. Damn he was so excited. The hunt was way harder than expected. Liam was a gift from above. This dreamy, weak-minded baboon was more interesting than he thought. I like it. He went in Summer's apartment without a knock and yelled :

"Hey bitchy head of the student, I need an information !"

Only then, he noticed the guy looking at him. Summer, this little pervert, was sucking his cock. She turned slowly towards Damian Nicholas Smith-Carrey.

"Don't worry, you can continue." this one assured. "Summer, just tell me. Do you remind Barbara Henrion ? I'm sure you're the one who talked about her."

Those two dickheads just stopped. Dumbasses. Your lost.

"Yes, she's in the student union, as a secretary I think. Why ?"

"Tomorow, bring her to me. And by the way, nice prick man."

The Dean's grandson just left afterwards.

He spent his whole night and the next morning craving for this little meeting. He needed information about Liam in order to catch him. The hunt wasn't only about sex, but more about passionate sex. He needed the freshman to be in love with him. And that was normally the easy part, but not this time. Finally, when Summer showed him the girl, he was more than eager to speak with her.

"She's so small." he said to the head of the student. "Why didn't you offered her to me when I was searching a prey ? I'm sure my dick in her mouth would be something interesting."

"She has a boyfriend." informed the stupid cow. "I thought it would be sad to endanger their relation."

"He was more than welcome. Threesome, Foursome, whatever."

Anyway, Damian Nicholas Smith-Carrey had a way better prey in mind right now. He left Summer and sat next to Barbara. Damn she was so tiny. Maybe what ? 150 cm (4'11") ? She was reading an Army Field Manual. That's creepy.

"I guess you're the Dean's grandson ?" she asked without even raise her eyes. "You've some questions ?"

This fucking Summer had talked too much. I don't know why I slept with her exactly ? She's just bad at everything. Even yesterday, this poor guy failed to cum because of her stupidity.

"I just need some information about a guy named Liam." he admitted. "I just... happen to meet him sometimes and I think I'm in love. Would you help me ?"

He put as much gentleness as possible to affect her.

"You're good." she said. "I almost fell for it. But in my highschool, there was this guy with a voice way more suggestive than yours. Look, I can tell you some big news. But I want something else in return, obviously. I know how college work."

Yeah, you're not reading that book for the cover. You like playin' dirty eh ? Her boyfriend must have a great time with that little cunt.

"Whisper your wish, and you'll be fulfilled." Damian Nicholas Smith-Carrey gave in.

"I don't want to be the secretary of the vice-treasurer of the student union. It'll take ages to climb at the top. Make me work with Summer."

"Yeah, consider it done."

After all, the fucking bitch got the presidency thanks to him. She slept with me for this. And this Barbara was an ambitious little roach. They would be fine together.

"Now my turn." stated the blond girl. "I don't know what you see in him but to my opinion, you're mistaken. Liam is a bastard, you must know that. I hate him. Because Liam almost killed his ex-boyfriend."

To be continued

Nick is now revealing is true form ! Well, it’s what happens when you constantly eat junk food and do not exercise at all... Once your metabolism slow down... Nick has started to develop his own little gut ;) But will he stop or grow even bigger ?!

Rebecca is in a bad situation... But now she’s discovering who are the hunters.

And the main hunt continue, Damian Nicholas Smith Carrey is gathering intel... But what does Barbara mean by that statement ? We’ll see that later wuw

[surveys4ever]

26.

Have you ever been in weather below 0 Fahrenheit (-17 Celsius)? ...yes. Literally every year. There’s usually a week or two in January when it gets down to -50 to -75 F. 

Have you ever been caught outdoors away from shelter during a thunderstorm? Maybe when I was a teenager? I’ve definitely been caught in the rain, not sure about a thunderstorm tho.

What’s your favorite macaron flavor? I’ve actually never had a macaron! But I don’t like meringue so I don’t think I’d enjoy them.

How often do you have friends over to your house? Literally never.

Have you ever had a boss who acted unprofessionally? YES. The assistant manager at the last job I had was insane. She tried to tell me that I wasn’t allowed to leave town on the weekends in case they needed me. LOL girl bye.

How many times have you stayed at a hotel in the past year, and where? 0, covid.

Have you ever done a flip on a trampoline? Noooo.

What about a flip off of a diving board? I’ve never even been on a diving board.

Are you embarrassed by your school yearbook photos?  I believe in the 10th or 11th grade I hated them but I was on the yearbook committee so I finessed some new ones to put in hehehe.

Who taught you to tie your shoelaces? I believe I learned at school.

Currently how many pictures are on your cellphone? 9,008.

Do you think dimples are cute? Oh hell yeah.

Would you rather chew fruity or minty gum? Minty.

The last time you went to the mall, who did you go with? Beebs!

What’s something you used to collect when you were younger? Rocks and lip balm.

Have you watched a movie today? Yes! We went to see Dracula.

Aside from your own, whose house did you last set foot into? We went to an indoor garage sale a couple weeks ago.

Do you love soft pretzels? They’re alright. They smell better than they taste in my opinion.

Who was the last person who cried around you? Why did they start crying? Was it unexpected? Does my dog count? Bc she’s just a drama queen and I wouldn’t expect anything less from her.

Are you more likely to like someone before you really know them, or do you feel you like them more after you know a lot about them? True love is when you like them a ton before you actually really know them and then like them even more after.

Do you buy people cards on special occasions, or do you prefer to make your own? I honestly think cards are a huge waste of money so if I do give one, I made it. But I have a Circuit and I’m pretty creatively inclined so it’s pretty easy.

When was the last time you were being hypocritical? It sounds pompous but I honestly think I'm too self aware to by hypocritical.

Where on your body was the last cramp you had? Why did you have this cramp? My hip, because I was sitting weird.

What is the weirdest name you’ve ever heard? Someone I know named their kid Emanda. Unsure if its pronounced ee-manda or just regular Amanda. Haven’t wanted to ask. Another named their kid Albrea. I just call her Algebra. And another named their kid Annekke, pronounced Anika. She will forever be a-neek-ee to me.

Do you get embarrassed when people hear you sing/compliment you on your singing ability? Bold of you to assume I ever let anybody sing.

Are you good at comforting people when they’re upset? I’m the big sister to like a bajillion children. Yes I’m good at it.

Do you have any exercises you do everyday? Newp.

Do you own one of those singing fish? Do you think they are silly or funny? Hahaha I don’t but I literally just saw a Billy Bass at a thrift store yesterday. They were funny then and they’re funny nostalgic now.

Has anyone ever accused you of being bipolar or any other mental disorder? Do you really have any mental disorders? I have a pretty severe anxiety disorder but no one’s accused me of having it because like...it’s pretty obvious? 

Did you buy the last thing you bought with your own money? If not, whose money did you buy it with? Haha yes! We bought movie tickets, a drink, and peanut butter m&ms.

Do you like to put your feet up on the dashboards of cars? Do you parents yell at you if you do that in cars? Our car is too short for that but yeah, my parents always yelled at me for it when I was young.

Which Beatle is your favorite, or do you love them all equally? I wouldn’t say I loved any of them but John Lennon is absolute hot garbage.

Do you enjoy classic rock? If so, who are some of your favorite classic rock artists? Uh...not really?

Did you ever own a Tamagotchi? Yes! They were all the rage in the 6th grade.

Are you more of a dog or cat person?/ Dog, definitely.

Have you ever failed math? I very, VERY narrowly passed the last math course I needed to graduate and I did the math and because of the mark I got on my final, I should have failed by 3% but I got 1% over what I needed to pass. Pretty sure my math teacher just didn’t want to deal with me taking the course over so he passed me BUT my math could have been wrong, haha.

Skittles! What's your favorite color? Lordt. I haven’t purchased skittles in ages. I think I remember red being my favorite?

Have you ever had a dream of stabbing someone? Yeah, actually.

What would you want your last words to be if you could choose them? I would just want my husband to know how much I love him and that I’ll be waiting for him in whatever form of afterlife there is.

Can you sleep with the light on? If I'm dead tired.

What’s the most bizarre horror movie you’ve ever seen? I mean...Dracula is supposed to be a horror movie. The only thing horrific about it was the acting.

What band can’t you stand listening to? I honestly can’t think of one right now.

Would you ever take a lie detector test for your significant other? I mean, if I had to? But we trust each other 100% and I’m brutally honest about everything so he would never require that from me.

What is your favorite Mystery/Crime/FBI related show? Murder, Mystery, & Makeup Mondayssss! Sha na sha sha na sha sha na sha sha sha na shaaaaaaaa!

Would you ever have a bird as a pet? Absolutely not.

How's your relationship between you and your grandparents? I love my mom’s parents to bits. My grandma is one of my absolute favorite people in the world and my grandpa is very quiet but he has a lot of really sweet moments. My dad’s parents are awful fuckin people. My grandfather died like 5 years ago and I really had to try hard to feign sympathy about it to him. My grandmother is still kicking it but we haven’t spoken in over a decade for good reason. She also changed their joint Facebook account to just her Facebook account less than a week after he died loooool. She hated him as much as I did I think. And then my bio dad’s dad is dead but he was also a piece of shit but his mom is a sweetie. We facetime every so often and she holds the phone a grand total of 6 inches away from her face the entire time and tells me the same stories over and over. Bu

Ever had a forbidden love or lover? Newp.

Have you ever had to speak at a funeral? No, thank god.

Do you know someone who’s been cremated? My grandma’s dog.

What is your current problem? My eyes are blurry because I’m tired.

Do you like canopy beds? Tbh, canopy beds are the epitome of glamor in my eyes.

What is your favorite animated movie? Onward.

Would you rather live in a small town or a big city? I like medium cities. You won’t get mugged walking down the street, traffic doesn’t absolutely suck, and you can get clear across town in 15 minutes.

If you could summon any animal to come to your rescue, what animal would it be and why? Uh? Why am I in trouble? Why can’t I call a human? What’s happening here?

Have you ever watched The Golden Girls? I tried watching a couple episodes but it didn’t pique my interest.

Did you ever like the Ninja Turtles? Noooo. Beebs loves them though so he tries to make me love them and it’s just not happenin, buddy.

Last alcoholic drink you had? No idea tbh.

What are you known for? For being talented and having big hair.

Has anyone ever threatened you? Oh yeah. There was this one guy who was constantly sending me really graphic messages about how he wanted to put a gun to my head and kill me or he hoped I would get XYZ and die. I tried to block him but he would immediately make 3 more accounts to send me the same shit.

Have you ever gone frog hunting? Noooo.

Do you ever suffer from dry skin? Yessss. My body is the Sahara.

Do you still sleep with a stuffed animal? No, I sleep with a husband.

What’s the weather like right this moment? It’s rainy!

Do you bite on straws, lollipop handles, or ice cream sticks? Nah.

In what type of area was your first sexual encounter? Beeb’s bedroom. His stepfather interrupted and made him come outside to talk to him for some reason and then very weirdly pointed out his half boner? V. uncomfortable all around.

Where is your mother’s side of the family descended from? Somewhere where white people come from idk.

What do you occupy your time with on flights? iPad games usually.

Do you dog-ear pages in books? No, I’m not a heathen.

What’s a made up word of yours? We call pickles ‘pickies’ and hamburgers ‘borgers’ or ‘borgs’ because we’re gross.

Do you use Q-Tips? In my ears? No. To clean out tight spaces of things I've thrifted? Yes.

Ever gone out with somebody you didn’t like? Noooo.

What hero or heroine do you most relate to in history, fiction, or song? ....No.

What makes you dizzy? Getting up too fast usually.

Are your parents liberal or conservative? Bleh, conservative. If you have liberal parents, consider yourself blessed.

Do you like your teeth? Did you have braces? I got away with having just an appliance/Invisaligns but I still don’t like my teeth. They’re perfectly straight and white enough but I have body dysmorphia and for some reason I think they’re atrocious and I hate them??? I can’t explain it.

Are you happy with your height? I’m 5′11 and I wish I was shorter sometimes. Hugging my husband would be easier.

[colorofyourhair]

Practically Perfect in Every Way

Prompt:

Rating: M

Note: As tumblr is the only site that will let me list an individual rating per chapter I’ll rate them as content demands. However the larger compilation on both FFN and AO3 are rated M.

So... This got away from me. I hope you like single dad/nanny AU because this is 11k of exactly that. Also please forgive the sloppy formatting. My laptop is on the blinks and I’m posting from an iPad and google Docs EATS FORMATTING. I AM SO UPSET. Anyway. Thanks to @ravenstyx for the pre-read.

Also posted here:

FFN

AO3

Autumn

Their situation wasn't ideal. He felt bad admitting that because of course it wasn't ideal. Not for him, not for the girls, and certainly not for their mother – his sister – who'd just been buried. Just being a relative term because the funeral was nearly six months behind them. Six months had passed and he was only beginning to settle in the new house with the children that were now his...ish. His-ish. Were they his? He supposed they were. Gods he was already a terrible father. He couldn't even call them his children without following it up with unnecessary qualifiers.

The social worker had glared at him when he explained that he was still technically a college student. He couldn't just move. PhD candidates didn't just leave. He had papers and books and a life. He even had a job offer already, despite being a full year away from graduating. The position, of course, had been the gage by which he measured all his success as a student. That had been buried right along with his sister, though. He'd need to seek other, more local, employment now. Which was fine. It was fine.

It wasn't fine.

He was angry. Not at the blameless, motherless children that now looked to him as their only parental figure to guide them through their tumultuous childhood and into the even more choppy waters of adulthood. Not at his sister who'd up and died and left him her daughters – okay, maybe he was a little mad at his sister. When she'd asked him if he'd be okay with a place in her Last Will and Testament as a guardian to her daughters, he hadn't considered that she'd develop cancer and actually die before he even graduated college – or ever! All of the blocks toppled at once and Jellal felt completely buried.

“I just need a little time,” he'd said to the social worker.

“Don't you think these kids would love to have time at their disposal? They're children who just lost their mother and I don't think –”

“I lost my sister, too,” he'd snapped. “This is hard for me, too. Look, I'm doing my best. I can have everything done in maybe two months. I can finish my studies at a distance but I need time.”

She'd sighed and eyed him harshly over the tops of her bifocals. “You can have one month. After that you'll need to be here full time according to the attorney. My only interest is the children. We'll schedule follow-ups once you're here permanently.”

“I'm sorry,” he'd been so confused. Everything had been horribly confusing. “Attorney?”

“Didn't you know?” For the first time since they'd met, the social worker grinned. “There's a whole litany of things your sister set up before her death. Good luck, Mister Fernandes.” On his way out he thought for sure he'd heard her whisper, “You'll need it.”

The sale of his sister's house happened quicker than he could truly process. She hadn't wanted her daughters to grow up in the house where she'd died. He didn't know whether to curse her or bless her, but she'd prepared the children for the move. They wanted a say in the new house. Corralling two little girls together to view properties exhausted him more than any late night study session followed by a full day of classes ever had. By the time he had three positive votes on a house, he was ready to sign the papers right away. But there were roadblocks. Things like escrow and amortization and estate tax. Jellal didn't care about any of that. He just wanted to move. To settle.

Even now that they were in the house with all new things – his sister had left behind a sizable amount of money, a sum he couldn't quite comprehend – Jellal still felt out of control. The kitchen was tidy and sparkling. The girls' bedroom and playroom were perfect. The living room was as inviting as any he'd ever seen. They even had a mud room – Jellal hadn't even known what a mud room was until a month before. But his office? An utter nightmare. Boxes were still on the floor and books were stacked on every available surface. The office had been his only condition in a family home. Even the keyboard of his laptop was littered with printouts of resumes.

And that's how she found him. A messy postgrad student standing alone in his office, sifting through papers and books. His hair, though recently trimmed, stood mostly on end and his sweater wasn't quite enough to keep away the early October chill – he really needed drapes for the windows in the room before winter.

“Mister Fernandes?” she said softly from the door. He jumped. His fingers curled into the paper and wrinkled it.

“Yes?” Jellal straightened and cleared his throat. “Are you...” he trailed off and poked around the mess of papers again. “I'm so sorry, I don't...”

“Miss Scarlet,” she offered, stepping around the boxes between the door and his desk. He shook her hand briefly before realizing her resume was the one he'd crumpled. Of course it was.

“Forgive me, this office is a nightmare right now. I'm...” he trailed off again and pushed the fluffy cat from his chair. The cat belonged to his oldest niece. Though obviously a boy, she'd named him Lily.

“A mess?” her smile was distracting but the way the afternoon sun glinted off the violent red of her hair was even more distracting. “It's okay, I understand. I only recently graduated myself. I can't imagine going for a doctorate. I don't think I'd survive.”

Jellal removed his glasses, took a seat in his chair, and motioned to the one across from him. “It's exhausting,” he agreed, glancing over her resume quickly.

“I think I should just go ahead and tell you, Mister Fernandes, I don't have any experience in nannying.” She bit her lip and her shoulders fell. “Or even babysitting.”

He scanned her wrinkled resume and tried his best to flatten it out.

“I just thought I'd get that out there before... this went any further... Mister Fernandes?” Her expression was concerned curiosity when he finally looked up. He blinked.

“Well, of course you don't have experience,” he said incredulously. Her resume, besides having no experience, was impressive. She had a master's degree in early childhood development and had taken a brief position as a councilor at a Montessori School out of state. “You just graduated.”

“Lots of people want experience,” she offered helpfully. “And relevant references.”

“Oh.” He blinked again. “Well do you?”

“Do I what?”

“Have relevant references.”

“I just said I didn't.”

“Then why did you bring it up?

Her eyes narrowed and she licked her lips. “I'm sorry but do you have a clue what you're doing?”

“No.” Jellal sighed and leaned back in his chair.

“I see.” She shifted in her own chair and cleared her throat. “Maybe you could tell me a little more about what you're looking for in a nanny and I'll decide if I can handle that.”

“Right.” He sat up again and heaved a deep breath. “The oldest just turned seven. Yukino is only three, though, and for now she's staying with a babysitter down the street but I'd like for that to stop once I hire you. A bus comes for Sorano in the mornings at the corner around seven-thirty, and brings her home again at three-thirty-ish.”

“That sounds manageable,” she said with a nod. “What else?”

He fidgeted a bit before pressing on. “I'm hoping maybe for help with some extraneous kid-related things, too.”

“Like?”

“I am absolutely capable of handling my own laundry, I would never ask you to do that, but –” He sighed defeatedly. “Little girls just go through so many clothes. I can't keep up.”

“So laundry? I think I can handle that. What about meals?”

“Uh,” Jellal felt the tips of his ears burn. He hadn't expected the process of explaining how utterly inept he was to be so embarrassing. Maybe if Miss Scarlet were older and not so obviously an age peer he'd feel less exposed. “I'm afraid my skills in the kitchen are limited to pasta and sauce. The quality control department has put me on notice.”

Miss Scarlet stifled a laugh. “I think I can help out with that, too. I'll need a list of known allergies or any limitations or preferences.”

“Of course,'' he blurted. Did the children have allergies? He thought for sure he'd have been informed if either of them had life threatening allergies. “And, uh, I'm not sure about your living situation but the gable on the roof is actually a third floor apartment. The realtor called it a granny's quarters.” Jellal flushed. “But obviously you aren't a granny and I'm not asking you to –”

“I'll have a look. I've been staying at a hotel near the airport in Tacoma and haven't worked out residency yet.”

“Perfect.” Jellal suddenly stood and dislodged the array of resumes hanging over the edge of his desk. He scrambled to keep them from falling all over the floor but failed miserably. “I can show you the house now. The girls are down the street with Yukino's sitter. I told her I was doing interviews today and –”

“Can I meet them?”

“The sitter?”

“No, Mister Fernandes, the children.” Miss Scarlet smiled in a way that was almost a smirk.

“Right.” He stopped in front of her and hid his hands in his pockets. “Listen, I'm sure I come across as wildly unprofessional. I apologize if that's making you uncomfortable. Please just let me know what you need and I'll do my best to accommodate you.”

“I think we're probably on the same level there. Maybe if I had more experience with a position like this I would have a better feel of how to judge your situation. Why don't you show me the house and then we'll talk about salary and the things I need. If we can come to an agreement, I'd like to meet the kids and go from there.”

“That sounds great, Miss Scarlet.” He smiled and then she smiled and it was a great effort to turn away and lead her through the house.

Miss Scarlet's expression remained neutral throughout the entire tour until they reached the laundry room attached to the mud room. She quirked an eyebrow at the piles of clothes that hadn't been sorted at all. When they reached the front room, she began in a business-like voice.

“Who does your shopping?”

“Me.”

“I think you should let me do that.”

“Right. Okay.”

She eyed him closely before going on. “I'll need a minimum of five full days completely off duty for myself a month. I don't mind including the kids for small personal errands but the five days a month will be a requirement.”

“That sounds reasonable. If you need more, don't hesitate to bring it up.”

“I won't. Since you're looking for both a nanny and some general housekeeping during the week, I think a salary around –”

“I was thinking seven-eighty a week to start?” he blurted. It was more than his sister's attorney had recommended but after spending the last two hours with Miss Scarlet, Jellal didn't want anyone else. “There's a car in the garage that belonged to my sister and you can have full use of it for nanny stuff. And a phone. I can get you a phone. We can outfit the apartment on the third floor however you like.”

“What if I wanted a pet?”

Jellal blinked. He hadn't expected such a request. Did he care if she wanted a pet? She laughed lightly and the sound was the most levitating thing he'd heard in weeks.

“I'm kidding, Mister Fernandes. How –” The sound of the children bursting through the front door rattled in Jellal's skull. He still wasn't quite used to the way they charged into a room. His two nieces, followed by their exasperated sitter, stopped short in the archway between the living room and foyer.

“I'm sorry, Jellal, but Yuki is running a temperature and my daughter can't be exposed.”

“It's fine, Bisca, I can take it from here.” Though he'd expected it, Jellal was still surprised when Bisca offered Miss Scarlet her hand.

“You must be the new nanny,” she said with a wide smile. “I need to get back home to my daughter but I wanted to introduce myself. If you ever need anything don't hesitate to ask.”

“Well,” Jellal cut in. “She's not –”

“I'm Erza,” Miss Scarlet offered with her own smile. “And thank you!”

“Jellal is so green with these girls, they just stampede all over him sometimes,” Bisca added. Jellal wanted to usher his neighbor out the door but his mouth felt full of cotton. “We should have a drink on your soonest day off. I'd love a friend close by. My husband travels a lot and this neighborhood can be so cliquish.”

“I can imagine.”

Bisca finally took a few steps back and exhaled. “Well, I'll get out of your hair.” She turned to Jellal briefly. “I'm so glad you finally found someone, Jellal. You need it.”

Jellal's headache flared. He liked Bisca, and she was wonderful as a caregiver, but she talked a lot.

“It was nice meeting you,” Miss Scarlet said as the woman turned to leave. Jellal reached up for his glasses – the habit of wiping his lenses on his shirt when nervous was an old one – but remembered he'd left them in his office. The two nearly identical girls stared wide eyed at Miss Scarlet. Only Yukino moved toward her and slid a hand into hers.

“I'm so sorry about Bisca,” Jellal offered. “She has a way of commanding a room.”

“It's fine, Mister Fernandes.” She glanced over the children who only blinked in silence. Jellal couldn't recall the house ever being so quiet since they'd moved in.

“Are you really our new nanny?” Sorano asked, scooping Lily up from the floor.

“Well –”

Jellal cleared his throat. “Yes. I mean, if she wants.”

Miss Scarlet's mouth twitched into a grin. Yukino still clutched at her hand. Around her neck was the ever present purple feather boa she loved so much. It was flecked with silver foil and she wore it nearly everywhere.

“I think we have a deal, Mister Fernandes.”

“When can you start?”

“Are you fun?” Sorano blurted. “The last lady was old.”

Miss Scarlet quirked an eyebrow. “Old?”

“Like super old,” Sorano rolled her eyes dramatically. “Will you take us places? And can we do fun stuff outside?”

“Um, yeah, we can do that.”

“Are you gonna live above us in the room with the sink?”

“Room with the sink?”

Jellal curbed the instinct to sigh. “She means the apartment on the third floor. It's not a room with a sink, that's a kitchenette.”

“Whatever.” Sorano shrugged.

“I think so,” Miss Scarlet answered. “Your uncle and I still have some details to work out.”

“I'm hungry. Let me know when we can eat something that's not spaghetti for dinner.” Sorano wandered off toward the kitchen. Yukino giggled at Erza's side and, still clutching her hand, gazed up at her with wide brown eyes.

“Sorano is opinionated,” Jellal offered. “I think it's part of her package.”

“It's fine, Mister Fernandes.”

Yukino yawned and tugged on the edge of Jellal's sweater. She finally released Miss Scarlet and reached upwards at him. With minimal awkwardness he pulled her into his arms and she settled against his hip.

“I've got to get her in bed,” he said apologetically. “When were you looking to start?”

“I had my things shipped to a storage unit and they're scheduled to arrive early next week. I can have the truck re-routed here, if that's okay?”

“That's fine.”

“And I can start in two days. I have some other things I should handle first.”

“Of course. I'll get someone upstairs to clean everything out for you before Friday.”

“Perfect! I'll make a list of items I need from you to make things run a little more smoothly and email it to you.” Jellal's mind raced. He had no idea what she meant.

“Don't worry, Mister Fernandes, it's just stuff like signed letters to present at doctor's appointments and to the school. I'll provide the letters and you'll just need to sign them.”

“Thank you so much, Miss Scarlet, I really apologize for being so unprepared.”

“Under the circumstances, I think I can let it slide.” If she hadn't been smiling at him, he'd have felt like a heel. Miss Scarlet turned to leave but stopped at the archway. “And, please, we'll be seeing a lot of one another. Call me Erza.”

“Right,” he blurted. “Erza.” Yukino laughed softly and poked him in the shoulder. “I'm Jellal. You can just call me that.”

“I'll get that list to you by tomorrow, Jellal,” Erza waved at Yukino before leaving them alone in the living room.

“She's got pretty hair,” Yukino whispered just before yawning.

“She does,” Jellal murmured, tucking her under his chin. “Let's get you in bed, okay? Want a movie?” Yukino nodded and sighed softly.

Winter

He found her alone at the dining table - the fancy one they never used because children plus carpet plus food weren't always a good combination. She was hunched over with her chin resting on her arms that were folded on the table. In front of her was an open shipping box, emptied, and a prettily wrapped holiday gift. Jellal took a seat across from her and slid one of the hot mugs toward her side of the table. Ezra took a surprisingly long gulp of the hot toddy before smirking.

"How did you know I'd need a stiff drink before opening this package?"

"Call it a lucky guess," he answered with a grin. "You've been sitting here since you got home and I've been trying to work out how soon I could join you before you wouldn't think I'm nosey for offering."

Ezra sighed and swirled the mix of whiskey, honey, and tea in her mug.

"It's that bad, huh?"

"Nothing from my mother is ever completely good."

"So no chance of an innocuous gift of socks or a pen set you'll never use?"

"I would never be so lucky."

Jellal poked the box around in a circle with his fingers. "It's pretty at least."

"She would never send something ugly." Erza sat up straight and chugged the rest of her drink and set the mug aside. "Time to do the adult thing, I guess."

Jellal quirked an eyebrow but followed suit with his own drink. The whiskey already made him feel on the fuzzier side. He watched Erza shred the paper more than truly necessary. The gift box was small and inside was an envelope. She scowled before opening the envelope and scowled even more when she peeked inside.

"Oh, for fuck's sake," she blurted and then flushed. "Sorry."

"The girls are asleep, it's fine." Jellal couldn't quite help the way he leaned forward on the heel of his hand and smiled - he would've been able to help it if he weren't riding a whiskey buzz but that was neither here nor there. Erza stuffed the envelope back into the gift box and unceremoniously tossed it back into the shipping box along with the shreds of gift wrap.

"No pens or socks?"

"Nope," she said with an annoyed finality. "Plane tickets."

"Is she offering a vacation? Because if you need time off -"

Erza laughed loosely and stood. "I'll need a second drink to explain it."

He followed her into the kitchen. Erza skipped the tea and poured only whiskey first for herself before handing over the bottle. After a sip, she grinned.

"The plane tickets are twofold. She wants me back home and by only sending the tickets and nothing else she's letting me know my life here, and my stuff, aren’t important. Everything is replaceable to her and if it doesn't fit into her box, it doesn't matter."

"All that from plane tickets?"

"My mother is a complex woman, Jellal, I learned to play the game early in life."

"I'm starting to think my sister was the same way."

"Did she not approve of your field of study?"

"I don't think she cared one way or the other. But I do think she knew she was dying long before ever telling anyone but her attorney."

"Women are excellent secret keepers."

"She left me enough to pay off all my loans and to live comfortably as long as I stay here and raise her daughters. Your salary comes from the trust. Everything to do with this house and the girls comes from a trust I have nothing to do with. I'm not privy to exactly how much there is or how it works. I've only been told there's enough."

"Wow," Erza said, leaning against the counter. "My mother is at least transparent if you know how to look at her. She came by her money when my father died."

"I'm sorry."

"Thanks," she said before finishing off her whiskey. "But I didn't even know the guy. He was gone before I was out of diapers. For all I know she killed him."

Jellal stared at her in a baffled stupor.

"I'm kidding," Erza laughed. "Kind of. I just don't know what happened except that he's dead and mom controls the money."

"Well, we have that in common then." Jellal divided the remaining whiskey between their mugs. "What will you do?"

"Throw the boxes away and pretend they don't exist."

"Is that your own message to her?"

"It's my way of not responding to what isn’t the first or last attempt by her to control my life. I agreed to go to school at home in California and I took a job she approved of!" Erza was visibly more sloshy than she'd been twenty minutes before. "I even got engaged!"

Jellal quirked an eyebrow. He'd been curious about Erza for months. Most of his questions revolved around why such an educated woman was seeking employment as a nanny when she was so grossly over qualified. He could admit he had an inappropriate crush on her and the mention of a fiancé intrigued him.

"And yet, here you are husbandless."

"Smooth, Jellal," she said around another laugh. "He was a possessive idiot. I wanted to work, he said no. I demanded to work, he told me I was difficult."

"Are you?"

"What?"

"Difficult."

Erza turned to face him fully and bit her lip in a grin. "You tell me."

"I find you extremely easy to get along with and a delight to be around." Completely without reservation he reached up to touch a strand of her hair that clung to the fleece shoulder of her sweater. "Even if you do shock me sometimes to make yourself laugh."

"That's just part of my charm," she said softly, inching toward him. "And you're easy to fool. You take everything literally."

"My mother insisted I was a charming boy but far too serious as a student. She passed away almost ten years ago."

"I'm sorry," Erza whispered.

He shrugged. "It's been a long time and she had a happy life."

"So there's parts of you that aren't lost up in the stars?" Erza blushed and cleared her throat when he tilted his head to the right. He didn't remember telling her his field of study. "You left some books out a few weeks ago. I was curious."

"I wouldn't have minded if you'd asked."

"I didn't want to pry."

"I wouldn't have considered it prying."

She smiled again and leaned into the brush of his fingers against her cheek. "What are you studying, Jellal?"

"Astrophysics."

"Sounds complicated."

"There's a lot of complicated parts of my life but astrophysics isn't one of them."

"Yeah?"

"For example, my current conundrum."

"Which is?"

"You."

"What about me?"

"I can't seem to stop thinking about you in a way an employer should never think of his nanny."

"That's an interesting coincidence," Erza said wrapping her fingers around his wrist. "Because I can't seem to stop thinking about you in a way a nanny should never think of her employer."

She didn't pull his hand away and when his fingertips brushed the curve of her neck she only tightened her grip on his wrist. Jellal moved like a man who'd never kissed anyone before, even though he had plenty of experience. The awkwardness didn't ease off until his lips finally pressed against hers. She tasted like whiskey and honey and tea and when she parted her lips to kiss him back there was a hint of the peppermint candies Yukino liked to crunch on when she needed a sugar fix in the late afternoon.

Erza was intoxicating. Even more so than the whiskey in his stomach. Her arms looped around his neck and Jellal didn't realize his hand had slipped beneath the bottom of her fleece sweatshirt until the pads of his fingers made contact with her back. He pulled her flush against him and the sound that came from her mouth flipped his stomach upside down. There was something about the way she kissed him and the way her hair slid through his fingers. He liked that her eyes smiled right along with her mouth and how she was so completely competent in all the ways he wasn't.

The sound of Lily's claws skittering across the floor tiles shattered the moment. Erza gasped and jumped back. She blinked and her hand flew to her lips in surprise.

"Am I fired?" she gasped in horror.

Jellal's head still felt full of the taste of her lips and he took a moment to focus past the memory and the lingering buzz. "What? No!" He exclaimed, stumbling over the words. "Why would you be fired?"

"For sexually harassing you," she whispered.

"You... you think you were sexually harassing me? Jesus, Erza, I think by all standards I was the one sexually harassing you! I'm so sorry!"

"No, no, you're just drunk!"

"That's not really better."

Erza bit her lip again and raked a hand through her hair. "We're both not quite... sober."

Jellal took a step back from her and hid his hands in his pockets. He didn't want to move away from her but he had to. "What can I do to fix it? Please don't quit."

"I don't want to quit," she whispered.

"Erza, I swear I can do better than this. I'm not a guy who just blunders ahead kissing people with no thoughts on - I mean, I realize that's what I just did but -"

She reached out suddenly and gripped his forearm. "Stop."

"Okay," he whispered, unable to disobey her.

"We're both adults. I work for you and there's a mutual attraction. We had some drinks and had a moment. We can get past this."

"Yeah," he agreed, even though he didn't actually want to get past anything. He wanted to kiss her again. Cold reality rattled in his head when Lily hopped up to the counter between them. "I actually had a reason for coming down here." Erza released his arm and pulled Lily against her chest. "And that was?"

"I'm going away for two weeks. I need to complete the last of this credit before the new year. Everything after that can be done with my professor here but I can't get around the requirement." Jellal scrubbed his hands over his face and sighed. He felt sober in his head but his body still hummed. "I'll be back three days before Christmas."

"I can handle all that. Sorano's winter break starts in a couple of days."

"I need to be back in Palo Alto by next Monday so I'm flying out on Sunday. I was hoping to get a ride to the airport with you and the girls?"

"I think Yukino would like that. She'll miss you."

"She's attached." Jellal sighed. "That's why I, we can't lose you, Erza. I'm sorry for kissing you."

"I care about the girls, and you," she tacked on quickly. "I shouldn't have let you kiss me."

Jellal nodded. "I'll email you my itinerary."

"Yeah."

They stood silently in the kitchen before Erza swept past him still clutching Lily to her chest.

He hadn't expected to feel homesick after only a week in Palo Alto but when his mind wasn't detangling theory, he was stuck back in Seattle. Were the girls okay? He knew they were. Yukino, and even Sorano, Skyped him almost every night. Despite her independent nature, Sorano asked him more than once when he was coming back. Erza was always in the background, folding down sheets and blankets. He couldn't help but get hung up on the way wisps of hair fell around her face as she leaned over the beds. The trails of scarlet had almost all his attention when his nieces spiraled into the inevitable scuffle.

"Will you be home for Christmas?" Yukino asked, adjusting her purple boa.

"I'll be home on the twenty-second," Jellal said, adjusting his glasses and glancing over his phone calendar. "That's in five more days."

"Five days?" Yukino whispered fretfully. "Are you sure you won't forget?"

"He's an astrologer, Yuki, he only forgets silly stuff like scarves," Sorano corrected. Erza could be heard in the background laughing.

"I promise I won't forget."

"Can we do the cookies when you get home? Erza said we should wait for you."

“That sounds like fun." Jellal's phone chimed with a message from his classmate. "Alright, girls, pass me off to Erza. I think it's probably bedtime."

There was a combined chorus of protests and the tablet was left to fall on its back. For several moments all he could see was the ceiling but he heard Erza coaxing the girls into bed. The room went dark and he saw nothing at all until the low light of the hallway made the falling bun of Erza's hair glow.

"So what's your sign?" He asked in the flirtatious tone that seemed to sneak into all their private Skype conversations.

"That's the worst pickup line I've ever heard," she said with a laugh.

"I just figured that since I’m an astrologer now I should try and calculate your future."

Erza laughed again softly and propped the tablet against the lamp he knew sat on the tea table beside the living room couch. She leaned against the arm and gathered her hair over her shoulder.

"I'm a Taurus."

Jellal tapped out a quick google search and ignored the messages from his classmate. "According to my crystal ball, you're patient, sensible, and reliable with an excellent sense of humor."

"Does it count as a sense of humor when it's just me saying things to throw you off guard for my own pleasure?"

"I think it does."

"What does your crystal ball say about my immediate future."

"I'm seeing strawberry vanilla macarons and the chamomile tea you save for just before bed."

Erza's cheeks dusted a shade pink he recognized even in the lamplight. "That's a very observant crystal ball you have there."

"It wouldn't be doing its job if it weren't observant. It helps that the subject is so captivating," he said softly.

"And what about you?" she asked in a low volume that matched his. "What's in your future?"

"A boring chat with a classmate and a night of exhausting study. The ball is clouded, though, which means I'm distracted."

"By what?"

"Everything I miss that's not here," he hedged.

"You'll be back soon."

"Yeah." The word came out as a whisper and his phone chimed again.

"You should answer that." Erza sat up and glanced over her shoulder toward the kitchen. "I'm late for my date with cookies and tea."

"Right."

"Goodnight," she said with half a grin.

"Goodnight, Erza." When her image disappeared, Jellal flipped over on his back. He had work to do but he couldn't think of anything other than strawberry vanilla macarons and chamomile tea.

Yukino took the longest to fall asleep. She wouldn't let go of his sweater sleeve until her eyes drifted closed. Her purple boa had been passed down to the stuffed polar bear that sat at the foot of her bed along with the remains of the candy and trinkets that filled her stocking earlier that morning. The new boa, a bright pink one, hung from the post of her headboard.

Sorano's blankets were tangled around her knees and ankles. She scowled in her sleep when he pulled everything free and tucked her in properly. Despite being difficult sometimes she was just as insecure as Yukino. She slept surrounded by an army of stuffed animals. None of them matched but she always noticed when one went missing.

Jellal took one last look around the room before pulling the door closed. The second floor tended to be the warmest in the house but he wasn't quite ready to be alone just yet.

He found Erza stretched across the couch with Lily on her chest. Her fingers smoothed over the grouch of a cat's downy ears. The rainbow sweater Sorano had picked out for him was draped over the pillows behind Erza’s head. Lily probably hassled Erza to get it off him the second Sorano was out of view. Jellal could hear the rumbling purr from the archway.

"That cat is a ham," he said, taking a seat on the floor near her feet. She wore the fuzzy socks he'd given her to make up for her mother’s gift of plane tickets. He owed her a much better gift for taking such good care of his nieces but the socks made her smile.

Christmas was a wholly different experience with children. The day started early and now all he wanted was this.

"He and I have grown to love one another." As if to drive the point home, Lily stretched one paw toward Erza's shoulder and squeezed his yellow eyes shut. "See? He's a sweetheart."

"He's an old grouch that only likes girls."

"I think you're jealous."

"Very." Jellal grinned at her boldly. "He's got the best seat in the house." Since his return from Palo Alto the Skype flirting had turned into something much more tangible.

Erza rolled her eyes and hefted Lily up to the back cushions. He protested but resettled quickly. Jellal twisted around and crawled over her. She was soft beneath him and her fingertips lightly traced the tattoo that stretched over his eye and cheek.

"I know we agreed to -"

"Get past this?" she finished with a breath.

"I don't know if I want to."

"I definitely don't want to."

When he kissed her this time there wasn't a drop of alcohol in his system. The sticky fuzz in his head was all Erza. She was sharp like peppermint and sweet like sugar cookies and rich like red velvet. He knew he shouldn't take too much but she bent her leg and he felt her thigh press into his side. Erza didn't let him simply lay over her and take. Her hands were beneath his sweater and he knew she felt him hardening between her legs.

The sound of her ringtone was jarring. Erza slid her arms around his waist quickly and trapped him between her thighs.

"Who's that?" He breathed against her lips.

"It's nothing."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive."

The phone went silent and he felt her smile. But she groaned loudly when the ringtone started over a moment later. Jellal dropped his mouth to her neck and left three kisses before pulling back.

"You really should take that. It could be important."

Erza exhaled harshly and snatched her phone from the tea table. "Mom always ruins everything." Her eyes found his again and she was apologetic. "I'm sorry. She won't go away unless I speak to her."

"It's fine," he said scooting back to the other side of the couch. "We really shouldn't -"

"No," she whispered. "We shouldn't. Merry Christmas, Jellal."

Erza cleared the living room and he heard her finally take her mother's call on the way up to her apartment. Jellal glared at Lily who only swished his tail.

"Somehow I think think this is your fault," he said to the old cat. Jellal stood and pulled the lamp cord before taking the stairs back up to the second floor. His bed was cold but what did he expect? The idea of warming it with Erza was ludicrous. He did actually know better than to dry hump her on the couch where either one of the girls could see.

No more kissing. No more anything. He was a grown man with sense. No more making out with the nanny.

He could, however, tend to the hard problem between his own legs. In his head he could have her any way he wanted with no repercussions. Professional or otherwise.

The girls never made it to midnight. Jellal rung in the new year alone while Erza, Sorano, and Yukino slept on the couch. One at a time he transferred his nieces to their beds and when he returned downstairs alone, Erza was awake and confused.

“Did I miss everything?”

“More or less,” he said with a grin, swooping down to pick up the piles of throw pillows that had been kicked to the floor by little feet. “I expected as much from the kids but you, Erza? Disgraceful.”

“I suppose I'm getting up there in age,” she agreed with a sigh.

“Maybe we should go back to calling the third floor a granny’s quarters.” He wasn’t fast enough to dodge the pillow lobbed at his head.

“I was going to offer you some of the belated Christmas gift I got from a friend but now I don't think you deserve it.” She stood and fluffed her hair.

“If it's more macarons I think I can live without the extra sugar.”

“Not even close,” Erza laughed. “Come upstairs with me and bring some glasses.”

Jellal grabbed two of the small glasses typically reserved for juice and followed Erza to the third floor. He hadn't been up to her apartment since just before she moved in. Considering recent developments he wondered if he should really be up on the third floor at all.

He stopped at the open doorway and almost didn't recognize the space. She’d filled it with her own belongings and everything about it screamed Erza.

“Wow,” he murmured. “I never thought this suite would look like anything other than an empty dorm.

“I’m taking that as a compliment,” she said pulling a box from the cabinet above her small refrigerator. It had a gold leaf logo embossed on the side he couldn't quite make out.

“I meant it as one.” Erza smiled at him and waved him over to her table - or maybe it was a desk. However she used it, the thing was solid wood and he appreciated the deep cherry of the grain. Erza opened this gift box with much more care than the one sent by her mother.

“My best friend from childhood married a guy who's family owns a vineyard. She sends me bottles of all kinds of stuff. This brandy is her new favorite thing.” She peeled back the foil and twisted the cap off. Jellal handed over the glasses and when she poured small portions he caught the hints of vanilla. Upon closer inspection, the scent was very strong. He was glad the stuff tasted sweeter than it smelled.

“I’m not much of a brandy drinker but this is nice.”

“Yeah?” Erza knocked back the whole measure at once and took a moment to form her own assessment. “This is totally not my thing,” she said with a laugh even as she poured a second round.,

“It's a nice bottle though.” He picked up the bottle and inspected the label.

“She’s got entire shelves filled with fancy bottles.”

“Full ones?”

“Oh, no,” she laughed again. “Mirajane’s always been a bit of a lush. The bottles probably don't have time to collect dust and sit in various states of half-empty.”

“So she has an experienced palette?”

“Indeed.” Erza said leaving her empty glass beside his on the table. “I asked you up here for two reasons, actually. The brandy was only half of it.”

“What’s on your mind?”

“You.” She shook her head and tossed her hair. “Us. I mean, this.” Erza gestured between the two of them. “We’re both adults and this thing where we kiss and hump like teenagers on the couch and then back away like it was nothing but a big oops is ridiculous.”

She was speaking very fast and Jellal quirked an eyebrow. He’d never seen her both determined and buzzed before.

“I like you, Jellal, but I also like my job. I can’t keep up with these random moments of crashing into one another.”

“Erza -”

She pressed a hand to his chest and shook her head. “I have a solution.”

“Oh,” he breathed in relief. For a moment he thought she'd planned on telling him everything was over as her New Year's resolution, which, he recognized would be completely fair. Her hand slid over his chest and up to his shoulder.

“I can compartmentalize if you can. During the day nothing changes. I do my job, and you finish your degree. Once the girls are in bed, we can set aside time.” She bit her lip in reservation. “Right? That’s a good plan, yeah? I can’t take wild abandon, Jellal. It’s too risky.”

“You really thought this through.”

“I’m sensible, remember?” She smiled and suddenly there wasn’t much space between them. “I can’t have an affair with my boss if there’s no plan.”

“This is how I know I made the right choice hiring you, Erza,” he whispered, seeking her lips. “You're so smart and practical.

Kissing Erza was the most selfish brand of wish fulfillment. He shouldn’t be in her apartment at all much less tangling his fingers in her hair. They’d never been so alone before and the palms of his hands didn't hesitate to find the bare skin beneath her shirt. Erza’s fingers hooked in the belt loops of his pants and she separated her lips from his. Her eyes pinned him to the floor as she pulled her shirt over her head and tossed it aside. Jellal followed her across the small living space into her bedroom and his shirt joined hers on the floor.

All of her skin was soft and he took the opportunity to kiss every inch of it. She had a symphony of gasps and sighs. He hoped he'd have the opportunity to hear them all. Erza was practically perfect in every way. Where he pushed, she pulled. When he breathed in, she breathed out. She was both overwhelming and precise. The feel of her body beneath him was so much more exquisite now that there were no layers between them but the real delicacy of the evening was her weight above him. Erza had a touch that seared him all the way though. Her final sigh of the night was possibly the most decadent thing he’d heard in his life.

Scarlet touched him everywhere and he curled strands of it around his fingers. Erza hadn’t moved off him and he wasn’t going to be the one to break the spell of the moment. Finally she leveled her eyes with his and kissed him in a way that made him want her again.

“Can we do this?” She asked against his lips. “Or was tonight a New Year's one off?”

“I can keep the downstairs and upstairs separate, Erza. I like you too and I don't have one offs. I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t feel something.”

Erza smiled and kissed him again, softer this time. “You should go before you fall asleep and the girls find us up here.”

“Have they come up here on their own before?”

“Only a couple of times while you were away. But if they woke up and you weren’t in your room, the next place they'd hit would be here.”

“I’m sure you’re right.” Even as he said so, he didn't move. She kissed him once more before sitting up and tucking the sheet under her arms. Jellal gathered his clothes and stood. “I’ll see you at breakfast, Erza.” She grinned and fell backwards into her pillows. It wasn’t until he crawled beneath his own blankets that he realized he'd left his t-shirt on the third floor.

Spring

“Why do I have to make one for everybody in my class?” Sorano asked from her seat at the kitchen table. “I don't even like everybody!”

“Because it’s polite,” Jellal said over his shoulder. Dinner looked questionable but Erza had the night off. He already had the pizza delivery app open just in case things went south.

“Sometimes being polite sucks,” Sorano declared, sealing off the last envelope. Yukino giggled from her spot across from her sister where she drew sloppy pink and red hearts over Sorano’s extra cards.

“That's a sad fact of life,” Jellal muttered.

“What’s for dinner?” Her voice was from directly beside him now. Sorano leaned over and peered into the pan. “Should it smell like that?” She whispered.

“I followed all Erza’s instructions.” Jellal slighted and transferred the cut of meat to a board. “Let’s find out.” The beef was crisp and brown on the outside but the inside was another story.

“I think it’s still mooing,” Sorano said, crossing her arms over her chest.

“I think you’re right.” He hated to waste the meat so he moved it to a baking dish for Erza to sort out another time. “Pizza then?”

“I’ll get your phone.”

Jellal spun around and took a seat next to Yukino. “These are pretty.”

“Thanks!” She pushed an especially garish one toward him and tossed the edge of her pink feather boa over her shoulder. “This one’s for you.”

“For me?” He exclaimed. “Thank you! I’ll put it on my desk.”

“Are you gonna make Erza a card, Uncle Jellal?” She asked softly. Innocently. Even though she couldn’t possibly know how he spent his late nights, the question still floored him.

“Why would I make Erza a Valentine’s Day card?” He tried to pose the query as casually as possible.

“Because you like her hair.” Yukino glanced up at him and smiled in her sweet way. “Is red your favorite color?”

“Well -”

Sorano leaned over the table and passed Jellal his phone. “You look at Erza the way the farm boy looks at Buttercup in that movie Yukino likes so much.”

“I don't -”

“Can we order pizza now?” Sorano cut him off and he wasn’t altogether sorry.

The three of them ate at the kitchen table and afterward Jellal helped Sorano pack away her cards in her backpack. Erza didn’t return home until very late. Jellal was already in his bed with his laptop when she stopped by his bedroom door on her way upstairs.

“I’m assuming the pizza boxes in the garbage are a good indicator that dinner didn’t turn out?”

Jellal pulled the glasses from his face and began to clean the lenses. “I don’t think a successful roast is ever in my future.”

“Did your crystal ball tell you that?” She asked softly with a grin that didn’t quite reach her eyes.

“No, Sorano did. I put it back in the fridge. Maybe it’s salvageable.”

“Maybe.” Erza fidgeted with the cuffs of her jacket.

“What’s wrong?”

“My mom flew up to see me,” she whispered. Jellal tried to keep his reaction as calm as possible. “I had dinner with her tonight.”

“And how did that go?”

Erza sighed heavily and Jellal set aside his glasses and closed his laptop. He crossed the room and pulled her gently beyond the door and pushed it closed.

“You don’t have to talk about it, Erza,” he whispered, leaving a kiss on her forehead. “I’ve never seen you this down before.”

“We fought. She backed off in the end but I don’t think everything she said was wrong.” Erza’s eyes were wary and he hated it. He didn’t like acknowledging that their relationship was not only deeply flawed but possibly temporary. “She accused me of fucking my boss to pad my resume.”

Jellal tried to remain impassive but he knew he failed miserably. “Is that -”

“No, of course not!” Erza scowled and pushed past him. She shrugged off her jacket and tossed it on an empty chair. “I don’t mean to be rude, Jellal, but I could have a job in just about any school in Seattle if I wanted. When it comes to early education I don’t have to pad anything.”

Jellal wished his pajama pants had pockets. His hands landed on his hips because he didn’t know where else to put them. “Is that what you want? I don’t think I can match a proper salary or benefits or -”

Erza’s arms slid around his waist and she pressed her face into his chest. “I’m not saying that’s what I want. I don’t even think she meant what she said.”

“How does she know that we - I mean -”

“My mother is a shrewd woman. She probably has an actual crystal ball. She said my life is out of control and I don’t know what I’m doing.” When Erza pulled away her cheeks were wet. “She’s right, Jellal, I don’t know what I’m doing.”

“This is my fault. I should’ve never -”

“We went into this together, Jellal,” she whispered. “I hate that she made me feel insecure about a decision I - we made. My feelings haven’t changed.”

The words were heavy on the tip of his tongue and he couldn’t have stopped them if he’d tried. “I don’t think mine ever will.” It was a dangerously bold thing to admit but he didn’t regret it.

Her mouth didn’t fall open. Her eyes didn’t widen. She only kissed his lips and took his confession inside of her. For better or worse, Erza never made it up to the third floor that night.

She didn't mention her mother again and Jellal didn’t ask. He thought if she had more to say on the matter, she’d bring it up herself.

Jellal’s intent wasn't to eavesdrop. The hour was late and after spending most of his day stuck in his office, he’d only meant to seek her out to say good night. He heard Erza’s voice first and her mother’s over a phone speaker second.

“Mom, it doesn’t matter. I need to be on my own.”

“Oh, honey, you aren’t on your own. You’ve gone from living off one trust to another. This one just comes with an attractive employer who doesn’t mind fishing off the company dock.”

“I’m not a fish, mother.”

“I never said you were, Erza, it’s a figure of speech. I just think -”

“I already know what you think,” Erza snapped. “You said enough at dinner last week. I need you to give me space.”

“Erza, love, the last time I gave you space you brought home Simon. How can I be sure this Fernandes man isn’t the same type? He is dabbling with the help.”

“I’m not - wait, what?” Jellal heard a fumbling noise and what sounded like blankets being shaken out. “What do you mean about Simon? I dated him to please you!”

“Why on earth would you think an oaf like that would please me? Both he and his father were insufferable.”

“But… He was in my class and a legacy and -”

“Honestly, Erza, sometimes I think you don’t know me at all.”

“That’s the most relatable thing you’ve ever said to me,” Erza muttered.

“I think it’s possible we’re both reading the same book, love, but we’re on very different pages. I trust your judgement when it comes to what you do with your degree or where you find employment. You are a capable woman in all ways.”

“Mom,” Erza’s whisper was the quiet kind that came before tears.

“I only worry that give too freely. You’re a natural nurturer, Erza. This man, your employer, what does he want from you? What does he stand to gain by having you in his bed? Is he the type to get bored and put you out?”

“No,” she said quickly. “I don’t think so.”

“Do you love him?”

“I -”

Jellal couldn’t catch a breath. He really should’ve left Erza to her phone call but his feet felt as if they were cemented to the floor.

“Does he love you?” Her mother pressed.

“I don’t know.”

Jellal’s stomach and heart sank. How could she not know? He supposed that would be because he’d never explicitly told her.

“Can we continue this another night, mom? It’s been a long day.”

Jellal didn’t stick around to hear the conclusion. He also had no interest in getting caught in the stairwell. As quickly and quietly as possible he retreated to his bedroom on the second floor.

Just after midnight the door cracked open and Erza slid through the darkness and under his blankets. Nothing was kept quarantined on the third floor anymore. Secrets were so hard. Her hands didn’t wander beneath his clothes and her kisses weren’t lustful precursors. She didn’t say a word before tucking herself into his side.

When Jellal woke in the morning, she was gone and the sheets were cold.

The cupcake top smeared with green icing for Saint Patrick’s Day left Jellal’s fingers stained with color. He stopped off in the bathroom on the ground floor of the building but couldn’t quite soap away the green. He supposed the embarrassment of green fingertips was not worse than hurting Yukino’s feelings if he’d rejected the offering.

His sister’s attorney occupied the entire seventh floor. Jellal wondered how a woman like Ms. Milkovich managed to retain such a friendly receptionist when he’d pegged her for a shark on their first meeting. The receptionist showed him down the hallway and through the office doors - no conference room this time.

“Mister Fernandes,” Ms. Mlkovich purred, standing from her desk and offering her hand. She waited for him to come to her with a smile like knives. “How’s everything coming along at home?” She asked as if she didn’t already know. “I understand that soon I’ll need to address you as Doctor Fernandes?”

“Mister if fine,” he muttered.

“Whatever you prefer.” She pointed at a cluster of chairs. Her nails were a deep blood red. The cushioned chairs felt as if they’d swallow him up. “What can I do for you today, Mister Fernandes?”

“I, uh, I just needed some clarifications on what happens once I graduate. I received an email from -”

“Navient, I assume? Your student loans and associated debts have been handled, Mister Fernandes.”

“Right. Well, I don't exactly know -”

“You’re free to seek whatever employment you like.”

“As long as we stay in Seattle.”

“Those are the conditions of the trust, yes. I’m sure someone like yourself won’t have a problem landing a position. Especially when the salary isn’t as much of a concern as it would be for someone else.”

“The trust does relieve those types of concerns, yes.”

“How is Miss Scarlet working out for you?” Jellal wasn’t sure if Ms. Milkovich’s expression sharpened or if it was his conflicted conscience that made it seem so.

“She’s great. The girls love her and she handles everything I can’t.”

“She’s a lovely woman.”

“Uh,” Jellal readjusted himself in his chair. “She is.”

“Very capable.”

“Yes.”

“Incredibly overqualified for her position, though. I can’t imagine what sorts of perks you had to offer her besides going over the suggested salary we discussed.”

“I’m sorry, what?”

Ms. Milkovich sighed in a deceptively casual way. “Have you spent much time with her?”

“I do see her every day.”

“Will you keep her on when Yukino starts school in the fall?”

Jellal’s mouth hung open dumbly. His mind wheeled.

“You won’t need a full-time nanny once the little one is in school.”

“I - I hadn’t considered -”

“I wouldn't imagine you’ve considered much at all Mister Fernandes. Has Miss Scarlet grown on you?”

“She -” Jellal deflated and wanted to implode in on himself. “I slept with her.”

“Of course you did.”

“It's been going on for months.”

“These things happen.” Her tone was sympathetic but her mouth was positively deadly.

“It’s completely unethical.”

“And why is that? Did you force her?”

“No! It’s nothing like that!”

“So she willingly seduced her employer?”

“It’s not like that either!”

“Then tell me how it is, Mister Fernandes. What exactly is the bee in your bonnet? Is it that you’ve become a ridiculously cliche man who bangs the nanny?”

“That’s a crass way of putting it.”

Ms. Milkovich shrugged. “If it helps, she’s technically an employee of the estate, not you. I suppose if you truly wanted to get technical, you’re an employee of the estate, as well.”

“I beg your pardon?”

“You provide a service for the deceased’s children. You raise them and see them safely into adulthood and their own inheritance in exchange for your life as it currently is. Resources, Mister Fernandes. I work for the children in trust until they come of age, and you work for me. Technically, Miss Scarlet works for me, as well.”

“Are you going to fire her?” He whispered in horror.

“Why would a fire a woman who, by all accounts, we are lucky to have?” Ms. Milkovich straightened in her chair. “Mister Fernandes, I don't care what you and Miss Scarlet do on your own time. If you want to keep her on as a caregiver even after Yukino starts school, that’s not my concern. I can’t deny that the children benefit from her presence, and as I’ve said before the best interests of the children are my job.”

“I don’t know what to do.”

Ms. Milkovich stood and smoothed her skirt. “Find a therapist if you’re so conflicted, Mister Fernandes. You can certainly afford one.”

Summer

The girls had been giggling and calling him Doctor for days. Jellal didn’t think he felt any different, though. He’d been offered a position at the University of Washington, which, felt sudden but he had no reason to decline. The commute would be taxing but he was already familiar with the department.

Yukino’s fourth birthday party was a day filled with pink and purple feathers, balloons, and a display of cupcakes that took up half the kitchen table. Erza had handled the guest list and planning. Everything went smoothly until Jellal found himself cornered in the kitchen by the mother of a child in one of his niece’s playgroups. He didn’t know her name at all, which made the whole situation worse.

“I find it hard to believe an attractive man like yourself will be a single father for long,” she said, licking a glob of pink icing off her fingertip.

“Well, I’m not really looking to -”

“Men always say that. Everybody’s looking for something.”

“I’m pretty busy actually. The girls, and school, and now this new job -”

“I heard you had a fancy job in the city.”

“Well, Bellevue is still part of the city so -”

She closed in on him like a tiger. “You talk a lot.” She leaned against the counter next to him so that they were touching. “Maybe we could go out sometime and do less talking?”

A spike in the sound of children shrieking startled him but the woman didn’t budge an inch.

“I think, uh -”

“Hey, Jenny,” Bisca’s voice made him jump and he’d never been happier to have the woman grab the room by the horns. “Your daughter is out there smearing blue shaving cream all over her cute little dress.”

“It’s wa-” Jellal snapped his mouth shut when Bisca's glared at him.

The woman, Jenny, smiled up at him once more before brushing past Bisca.

“You really know how to get yourself in a pickle don’t you, Jellal?” She asked, plucking one of the last cupcakes up for herself.

“I was just standing in here! She descended on me!”

“What’s going on?” Erza appeared in the doorway with a half-empty trash bag.

“Jellal got caught in Jenny’s net,” Bisca said with a wink.

“Oh, no, Jellal, I’m so sorry!’ Erza laughed. “I should’ve warned you about her.”

“She’s a predator.”

“You look like you came out of it okay,” Erza said with a smirk. She reached under the sink for a new trash bag and poked him in the ribs on her way back out to the party.

“You two seem close,” Bisca said offhandedly, peeling back the cupcake paper.

Jellal’s ears burned. “Do we? I mean, she’s here all the time so -”

“It’s important to like the people who take care of the kids.”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“How long have you guys been together?”

Jellal froze. “Well she was hired last fall -”

“No, Jellal,” Bisca said softly. “That’s not what I’m asking.”

He slumped against the counter. “Is it so obvious?”

“Not really. I just know you pretty well and I’ve never seen you so comfortable. It was your pathetic awkwardness that demanded I introduce myself to you in the first place. I felt bad for Yukino when you quite obviously didn’t have a clue what you were doing.”

“Erza and I are complicated.”

“I don't need details, hon. She obviously makes you happy and the girls love her. You’ll work it out.” Bisca tossed the cupcake paper into the trash bag Erza left behind. “I’ll help you guys get rid of the guests. These kids look like they’re on their last leg.”

When Erza found him again the sun was hidden and he sat alone on the back porch. She plopped down beside him and took the beer bottle from his hand and finished it off.

“Are the girls asleep?” He asked.

“They passed smooth out. I noticed you got all the trash squared away.”

“I couldn’t stand the thought of waking up to the mess.”

“Well, you’ve set a precedent now. Every party from here on out will have to top the one before it.”

“Two of them a year.”

“Yep.”

“I think I can handle it if you’re here too.”

Erza’s head fell to his shoulder. “Things can’t stay as they are, Jellal. Everything changes always.”

“I don’t want them to change.”

She smiled up at him sadly. “You don’t get a say in that.”

“You’re right,” he said, staring down at his hands. “I know things can’t and won’t stay like they are now. But I don’t want to lose what we have.”

Erza curled her hands around his arm and sighed. “I don’t either.”

Autumn

Jellal pulled into the driveway and slid the key from the ignition. The day had been gruelingly long. Had he been so obnoxious as a postgrad? He’d like to think he wasn’t. The students he worked with annoyed him more than his nieces on their very worst days.

The house smelled like food and he made a quick stop in his office to shed his work thing. When he finally made it to the living room, Sorano nearly gave him a heart attack with a backflip off the couch.

“You’re home!” She exclaimed. “Erza said I could take gymnastics classes!”

“I said you could ask him about it,” Erza called from the kitchen.

“We’ll talk about it this weekend,” he said as Sorano attached herself to his arm. “There’s a place on 112th I pass every day.”

Sorano squealed and darted off toward the stairs. Jellal passed the pile of backpacks and Erza’s heels on his way to the kitchen. All their belongings mixed together now and the chaos of it eased him. He found both Erza and Yukino in the kitchen.

“Will you help me with my homework?” Yukino asked from the table.

“They give homework in pre-k now?”

“It’s just a coloring page,” Erza said, pushing out a chair for him with her foot. “She did do a first grade level worksheet in my office today, though. So that’s interesting.”

“More math stuff?”

“We can have her tested next year when she starts kinder.”

“How was your day?” He asked, sliding an arm around her shoulder. His fingers tangled in her hair the way they always did.

“Long,” she sighed. “But I like it. The school is great and I think it’s a good fit for me.”

“Erza said I could keep snacks in my own box in her office for when I sit with her in the afternoons,” Yukino piped up. “I can even have a nap on the play mats!”

‘Are you sure you don’t want to be in the play gym with the other kids?” Erza asked. “I’d hate for you to be bored with me.”

Yukino smiled and gathered her crayons back into the tin. “Nope. I like the quiet and you’re my favorite besides Sorano and Uncle Jellal.”

She disappeared into the living room with her pink feather boa trailing behind her. Jellal turned to Erza and grinned in the way he’d resigned himself to recognize as sappy.

“You love me right?” He asked. “I’d understand if -”

“Oh, shut up, Jellal.” She leaned in to kiss him briefly before standing. “I’m happy.”

Erza pulled a perfectly cooked roast from the oven and Jellal vaguely wished he could understand the magic behind cooking large cuts of meat slowly over several hours.

“By the way,” Erza said, reaching for the knife block. “My mother is flying up in two weeks. She wants to meet you and the girls. I think Sorano will love her.”

Jellal’s entire body clammed up. Of course Sorano would love her. She loved all things commanding and bossy. He sucked in two deep breaths before deciding Erza’s mother couldn't possibly be any more frightening than Ms. Milkovich.

Could she?

[nevertellmetheodds2017]

up & down

So this is my week ‘off’ & I wish I was enjoying it a bit more. Other than going for liver function tests, I have no appointments. I haven’t had a CBC so I’m not sure if my Hgb is hanging in. I know my albumin is crashing but total protein is fine & I’m not seeing edema. Theoretically I should be feeling pretty good and the fact is, this is about as good as I’ve felt in quite a few weeks. Being able to get outside and take walks - very very slow walks - is a big deal from where I was getting very winded from walking to the bathroom. 

But there’s a nasty pattern that’s been developing over the past several days - by midafternoon I start running fevers which are very uncomfortable and do not really respond to my meds. Well, they sort of do. They go up, they come down a bit, go back up a bit and so on for hours. Last night I think I finally fell asleep at 2 am. I go from feeling like I’m freezing and hiding under all my heated blankets and heating pads, to suddenly feeling like I’m on fire and needing ice packs while I pant like an old dog laying in the sun. 

My breastcancer online friends sometimes try to encourage me by pointing out that sometimes fevers are a sign of liver tumors dying off but since I had these before I started treatment, that seems unlikely. Though the immunotherapy might be adding its own wrinkle to inflammatory processes. 

The fevers are also accompanied by all over pain and I can’t even describe it because it’s not severe, it’s just ..... everywhere. I mean my armpits hurt. Last scans said nothing in my lymph nodes so it’s not likely that but possibly again, the immunotherapy doing weird stuff. Lymph is such a critical part of the immune system after all. 

Anyway. Just to say it’s not all fun around here, if I’ve been leaving people with that impression. I drug myself and try to distract myself with a show I watch on my ipad (I will tell you about my watching in another blog post) until it either passes or I fall asleep. 

Things that pissed me off yesterday: 

A NYT story which I clicked on from my Twitter feed about having stage 4 cancer during covid. And I thought, ok, let’s see. I can probably relate. Well this fucking story made me so angry. The woman has breast cancer but she has the BEST type to go stage 4. She’s already gotten over 8 fucking years. EIGHT  YEARS! That is so so so so so rare and she’s ‘lucky’ because the reason she got those 8 years is because she’s HER2+. Almost 40% of HER2+ stage 4s are still alive 8 years after dx. It’s the lucky draw if you’re gonna draw stage 4 breast cancer (& remember, pick bone mets. They apparently really hurt when you’re finally dying but you’ll likely live the longest before you die & then you’ll get opioids).  And yeah, I know, it’s not the misery Olympics. Everybody has shit in their lives and some people have it much much worse but it just struck me that yet again, this ends up being a public presentation of breast cancer.  We’re all thriving! We’re frolicking in fields! We’re so happy to be bald! We’re so strong! We just keep going! We keep working! 

It’s all such bullshit. Anyway, whatever. Good luck to her. Cancer sucks for all of us. 

Same day one of my liver mets gals told us that her MO thinks she’s run out of options after less than 2 years of treatments and she’s referring her to hospice. She figures she has 5 weeks. That’s reality.  

Anyway. Here’s a song. “I cried like a little child” - but it’s a happy song to get this post out of this funk.  

undefined

It starts at 35 seconds if you don't want to watch the whole artsy video 😉

[cosmosogler]

hi guys. not doin too hot. and by “not doin too hot” i mean “I AM TOO HOT OH GOD WHY”

don’t worry. when i realized i would not be able to fix the ac myself (at like 8:30 pm) i put in a maintenance request. so hopefully that will be fixed tomorrow or friday. again.

i feel bad putting in so many orders but like, 58 degrees is too cold and 80 degrees is too hot. please. i’m not THAT picky but it’s so much and i’m sweating all over my papers and i can’t tell if poor snoopy is uncomfortable or not. she spends a whole lotta time by where i have the fan on by an open window.

it doesn’t cool off my desk/bed area but at least my kitchen is a nice temperature.

when my alarm went off i realized that i just... did not sleep very much. i had bad dreams but i don’t remember enough about them to say why. i ended up skipping my first class to try to get SOME sleep but unfortunately i just laid there with my eyes closed feeling hot and miserable for 40 minutes. i was so pokey getting ready for school that i was actually late for my second class despite getting up with more time to get ready than usual.

i took notes on my ipad. it was nice. i like the line sensitivity. i picked up my pen from the mail room in the afternoon so now i can write more than four words per line too.

keegan and harrison and i got spaghetti lunch and then i went to my doctor’s appointment. the doctor took a look at my throat and lungs and stuff and said everything seemed fine but i could take some allergy medication that might help it clear up faster. so i did that. also my other problem with the birth control is ok if it happens once. if it happens three times in a row there’s gonna be a problem but otherwise between missing a day (even though i caught up) and all the stress and getting sick it could be anything.

the allergy medication also serves as a sleep aid and anti anxiety medication so she said if it works i could use it for the whole month or when i start sleeping normally again and if it doesn’t work to just stop usin it and don’t worry about it.

i helped ammar and rebika and luis get set up with the printer network in our building after a lot of hassle with my computer. luis and taylor were talking so loud that i couldn’t think at all and harrison was getting annoyed because i wasn’t using any of the convenient tools that computers have like search functions.

and i took my accommodation letters to both my professors and hashed out the test plan with them. my stat mech professor invited me to sit for a while and then... blocked the door with his chair. i don’t think he did it on purpose but I NOTICED. i got antsy immediately and i couldn’t seem to find a good opportunity in the conversation to leave.

i doubled my score on the prelims! now i have a 22/120 instead of, like, a 10. all i gotta do to pass is get up to ~60 though. but it was a DEFINITE improvement. i feel conflicted about it. on the one hand, i did double my score and that’s really impressive. on the other hand, the score is still total garbage and kind of embarrassing if it wasn’t already incredibly well established that i am really bad at taking tests no matter how well i know the material.

hopefully next time i won’t have the worst and longest cold ever.

i ended up spending like 2 hours hanging out with harrison and drawing on his blackboard. he said i draw really fast when i did a blue in about 30 seconds and i said “yes i’ve always drawn abnormally fast.” i did some base shape stuff with him and he showed me one of the symbols he’d been working on. 

jennica wandered in at one point to talk about the em homework and i was gonna die. “what is that?” she asked. “harrison is teaching me how to draw,” i said. i knew that she knew it was total bs because i was holding the chalk and had been drawing when she came in so i made a big deal out of saying over and over that i definitely wasn’t the one drawing. i think she understood it was a joke.

i biked home and picked up my mail and ran a quick errand (the corner store doesn’t carry the item i want any more so that’s a bummer. i’m gonna have to figure out what i want to do about that. the cashier said they might start ordering it again). i fiddled around with the ac trying to get one of the buttons to do the thing i want but it doesn’t seem interested in doing anything but blowing hot air into my apartment. i made some dinner while i did my dishes... i was out of plates. 

i should be drinking more tea but hot drinks just really don’t appeal to me right now.

then i sat down and started drawing. it took like an hour and a half to do three panels out of the seven on this one page. i had made my boards too crowded because i drew too big so i had to take pictures of my pages, load them up on my computer screen, and then erase my work and redraw each panel with everything a little bit smaller. it would have been fine except IT’S SO HOT AND IT’S SO HARD NOT TO SMUDGE MY LIGHTER LINES TO HELL.

snoopy was a little more active than usual today, at least when she was “hunting” for her cookies. i put them in slightly more out of the way places than usual and it looks like she got all of them in about ten minutes. i’m going to have to bump up the difficulty for her just a bit. though earlier i noticed that if i hide her cookies in places that require using her paws to get them out she won’t do it even if they are easily visible. 

maybe getting all those mats off her underside improved her mood. seeing just how much fur got shaved off her stomach, it was probably really hindering her movement.

a good thing todayyyyyy isssssss while i was waiting for the doctor i wrote a whole bunch of notes about nastasia. since my classmates’ em period starts 2 hours earlier this semester i got to the doctor’s office about 40 minutes before my appointment so i just settled into a chair and grabbed my phone and started typing. i’m working really hard to give these characters a common thread and i think it fits pretty well with the general theme of the story. i don’t know if i’m laying it on too thick or not though. it’s hard to write drafts for comics except for the individual scenes you’re currently setting up. i can’t go back and change the beginning because it’s done and uploaded. all i can do is adjust the current page.

so that’s a challenge!!!

it’s fun that having a group of characters with different manifestations of the same flaw creates such a disaster though. count bleck is such a dumpster fire. 

(i am also a dumpster fire and i write characters that are almost exclusively trash man level of emotional maturify)

GAAHHHHH IT’S GONNA BE 80 DEGREES TOMORROW??? THAT’S THE EARLY JANUARY WEATHER I WANT TO SEE!!!!!!

ok anyway it’s 10:45 now so i should probably start thinking about maybe getting ready for bed sometime. i’m so tired. but i really, really don’t want to sleep. i’m so tired of nightmares.

a good thing that i like about myself maybe is, uh, i’ve been working harder at following up with people lately. i was doing it before, but now i’m trying harder to make sure i ask people how a thing went if they bring it up earlier. like suzanne’s cousins are visiting today. i dunno. suzanne seemed impressed that i remembered, last time i did it with her. but now i don’t remember what it was i had asked her about!! i’m trying to find more ways to show people i care, i guess. as i get more and more sleep deprived though i am getting less good at remembering things to bring up in my conversations.

[cooperjones2020]

Nobodies Nobody Knows, chp. 5

Summary: She is the lamp in Hero’s tower, the scissors in Delilah’s hand, the blood in Guinevere’s bed. She is a million and one metaphors and all of them are his undoing. (Some of the scenes from Second City but from Jughead’s perspective. More a character exercise than a story.)

A/N: Spoilers from The Third Man. But not really. Cause it came out in 1949. If you haven’t seen it, Jughead the Cinephile is disappointed in you.

ao3–>http://archiveofourown.org/works/11434950/chapters/25935393

Nobodies Nobody Knows one / two / three / four (ao3)

Second City one / two / three / four / five / six / seven (ao3)

Jughead stops paying attention to Archie’s words as soon as Betty sits down next to him. He’s too busy measuring the space between their bodies in increasingly implausible distances, in handbreadths, in millimeters, in eyelashes. How deep a breath would he have to take to bring their shoulders together? How long does a person usually sit still before readjusting?

As his hands are otherwise occupied—holding an iPad and digging into the couch cushion behind Betty’s shoulder, respectively—he tenses his legs instead.

He has the absurd urge to try the sneeze and grab, just to close that small but insurmountable distance between his hand and her shoulder. But he knows better. He knows she would startle like a deer from a hiker.

All in all, it’s a a relief when Veronica kicks him out and he can join Mike on the front porch, can focus on the feel of the beads of condensation trapped between his hand and the beer bottle Mike gives to him.

After dinner, they’re banished to the back porch, a nice change of scenery, while Mike and Mary clean up. He tries not to read anything into it. Normally it’s his job to load the dishwasher, to eat whatever bits of food remain on plates before he does so. Yes, he is aware that this is normally the role of the family dog. But Betty doesn’t know their rituals, and he doesn’t want to leave her alone, or make her uncomfortable by presuming an intimacy with Mike and Mary which she may not share.

So, she leans her elbows on the railing and he tucks his hip into the place where it meets a column. She’s drawing out the end of her glass of wine from dinner. He tries not to stare at the delicate bones of her hand when she grips the stem and swirls the bowl of the glass, or at the long line of her throat when she has to tip her head back to swallow the dregs.

They’re quiet. It’s almost peaceful, the way the beams of light cut across the rooftops as the sun slinks away. With each breath, he relishes the hit of nicotine from the cigarette between his lips. He had contemplated quitting. He’s trying to remember why when her voice cuts across his thoughts.

“How’d you get out, Jug?”

“What?”

“The Serpents. You were in a gang. Teenage gang members don’t usually wind up with full rides to tier one colleges.”

Oh.

Fuck.

“You’ve been talking to Mary.” This was probably inevitable. He shoves his beanie in his back pocket so he can ruffle the top of his hair. “FP found out after a while and lost his shit. He managed to get a hold of my foster parents from prison and all of a sudden, junior year, I was being escorted to and from school. It let up after his trial, but he also reamed out the Serpents. So that was sort of it for my career as a gang banger.” Please please God let her be satisfied, let her leave it at that.

“Oh, that’s why you disappeared for a while.”

“Disappeared?”

“I mean I stopped seeing you around town. And then when I did again…”

“You were with Archie.” It’s been so many years and, still, the image that materializes is a punch in the gut.

“Yeah, and you were with that other blonde girl.”

“Sabrina.”

“Yeah. I would get this quick little pang when I would see you around town, at Pop’s or with Sabrina, I always thought it was regret that I’d let our friendship die along with our relationship.” Pang is a mild word for what Jughead feels, both then and now. “I mean, we drifted apart and eventually we both moved on. We should have been able to still be friends.”

“It wasn’t like that with Sabrina, you know. She had a boyfriend. Harley? Harvey? I don’t know. Last I heard they’d just gotten back together.” It seems stupidly important that he correct her on this point.

“No I didn’t know.”

They stand in silence for a while while he builds up the courage to give her words back to her.

“I regretted it too. That we lost our friendship as well. That I lost both of your friendships.”

“Yeah well, you’re the one who walked away.”

“What? Betty, I didn’t” He forces himself to take a deep breath through his nostrils and the sound is harsh.  “Okay. Yeah. I did.”

“And you didn’t come back.”

“There was still shit going on, Betts. Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t.”

“Why not? If not the Serpents, what else?”

“Even if I wasn’t a member anymore the Serpents were still a factor. They were still my friends. My dad was still in jail. We were still in the middle of a fucking civil war. We’d already been threatened, and not just with the pig’s blood.”

“Please. No one threatened me beyond Chuck and his usual douchebaggery.”

“Not true.”

“Oh yeah, who was the big threat? And why don’t I know about it?”

Every muscle in his body locks into place. He flicks away his half-finished cigarette in frustration. At her. At this. At himself. “Ah—no. You’re right, you weren’t. I’m misremembering. I must have just been thinking about something else Chuck did.”

“You’re lying.”

“I’m not.” It’s not a lie. But it’s not the truth either.

“Fine, whatever. Don’t tell me. I suppose I’ve gone this long not knowing.”

“Betty.” He doesn’t know what he’s trying to say. The two syllables of her name have always sounded like a prayer, now they sound like penance. When he suggested to Mary that she invite Betty to their dinner, he’d tried to make it sound like a whim. A natural extension of his and Betty’s recent proximity, of Mary’s kindness, of all of their history. But it wasn’t a whim.

He says her name and realizes he’s going to have to tell her. If he has any hope of this continuing, of maintaining her sudden reappearance in his life. Until this moment, he wouldn’t have admitted that’s a thing he wanted, even to himself.

But if he wants it, he’s going to have to break her heart, and his own, again. And he doesn’t know if he’ll be strong enough to do it a second time.

“I’m going to go help with dessert.”

He follows her in a few minutes later, resumes his seat across from her. The millimeters now feel like miles.

Jughead jumps at Mike’s offer to work on the desk, desperate for an activity that will shut off his brain for a while. He cannot bear to be so near her.

The system moves slowly, like maple syrup in winter.

FP couldn’t make bail, so they transferred him to the county correctional facility in Greendale to await trial. It took more than a year.

Jughead visited when he could. At first, Betty drove him when she could manage to get one of her parent’s cars. Then, once he had a bike, she still insisted on coming with, even though he tried to stop her from coming inside.

After, he went alone, or with Penny Peabody, the lawyer he neither liked nor trusted, or with Viper, who became the Serpents’ acting leader in the wake of FP’s arrest, Mustang’s death, and Joaquin’s continued absence.

When winter, and FP’s trial date, approached, when FP had stopped asking him about Betty, he showed up, for the first time, in his Serpents jacket.

FP screamed and Jughead swears, to this day, he had never heard him so animated, so adamant in his entire life. “That is not what I meant, Viper and you know it. God damnit!” The last, punctuated by a foot to the rickety metal table at which they sat, brought the guards running. “I said protect him not initiate him.”

In retrospect, he understands why FP was so upset. He understands that gangs are serious business. That they’re no place for sixteen year olds. That FP wouldn’t have been embroiled in the whole Jason Blossom mess without the Serpents.

But at the time it felt like just another family his father’s decisions took away from him.

FP intervened before he could get the tattoo. Which he supposes he’s grateful for. He didn’t really fancy the idea of his own personal Dark Mark. But he also didn’t appreciate the face FP made when he saw the tattoo Jughead did get a few years later of his own free will.

He didn’t see her much afterward. And when he did, it wasn’t for lack of trying. He avoided Pop’s, SoDale, Pickens’ Park, any of the places they once frequented together. But one morning in September, when FP was seven months into his sentence, he was waiting in the cab of Viper’s truck to be dropped off at his new job at the depressingly indoor, depressingly suburban Cineplex, when it happened.

He saw Archie and Betty. Her hair was down and wavy. Her eyes looked dark, shadowed, from far away. He imagined it was because she had little smudges of makeup beneath her eyes.

Once, they’d fallen asleep in his bed at his foster parents’ house while waiting for dinner to be ready, worn out from a long week of not seeing each other and late night phone calls. When they’d woken to his foster father’s embarrassed knock on the door, Betty’s mascara had left a pattern of dark snowflakes across the translucent skin below her eyes.

He brushed them away with the pads of his thumbs. She grabbed his hand and made a wish before blowing away the eyelash that had traveled with the worn off makeup.

Archie held the bakery door open for her and she blushed, shrugging one of his sweatshirts higher up on her shoulders. Jughead crushed his empty coffee cup and spilled the few remaining drops on his jeans.

It wasn’t surprising, really, that they’d find their way to each other eventually. He’d been waiting for it to happen since they were all six years old, since he realized Betty and Archie and their families existed in a different world than his own. But it still hurt. It was still the moment Jughead realized he’d never get her back. That his actions had broken them, that he couldn’t put them back together.

As he toils away in the basement, Jughead ruminates on a line from his favorite film noir. He ruminates on the increasingly demoralized Rollo Martins, climbing the stairs to Anna’s room, hoping the truth about Harry Lime would somehow “pay the mortmain that memory levies on human beings.” It’s a line that’s stuck with him. Because it doesn’t work. Anna still loves, will always love, Harry, even though he’s a criminal and murderer.

That moment, on a cold September morning outside a bakery, when he sees Archie and Betty together for the first time. And that other moment, years later, when Archie tells him Betty’s engaged. Those moments shine the light on a truth he’s otherwise been sometimes successful at shadowing. You cannot pay a mortmain. You own your memories in perpetuity. They cannot be escaped.

[movietvtechgeeks]

Latest story from https://movietvtechgeeks.com/richard-speight-jr-talks-supernatural-behind-scenes/

Richard Speight Jr. talks 'Supernatural' behind the scenes

I had the pleasure of chatting with one of my favorite people at the Nashville Supernatural convention last month – Supernatural actor and director Richard Speight, Jr. I’ve known Richard since his very first Creation con appearance almost a decade ago, and I always enjoy his thoughtful insights about the show. Nashville is a particularly fun place for Richard to be, since it’s also his hometown. In fact, he was busy planning a tour for a small group of lucky fans for the next day when we met up at the green room backstage to do this interview.  Turns out there were a bunch of very tired people catching a few minutes of much-needed sleep in the green room, so Richard resourcefully pulled some chairs off a stack in the hallway and made our own little interview area (the backstage area of the hotel is literally a series of hallways that thread through the kitchen and storage areas and then spill out into the main hall, which is fairly typical for convention hotels. Not exactly scenic, but you take what you can get!) Richard: Sorry. Lynn: Not my first rodeo. Look how versatile I am (balancing an audio recorder precariously on a ledge and an iPad on my backpack on the floor) Richard: (with raised eyebrow) Yeah, you’ve got a lot of machinery there… Lynn: So how are you? (The audio recorder tumbles off the ledge, closely followed by the iPad falling off the backpack) Lynn: You know, I thought I was being so smart and resourceful… Richard: (Goes to get another chair) Lynn: Thanks. Richard: So I’m good, how about you? Lynn: Me too. You’ve been busy busy busy. Richard: You too. Bravo on Family Don’t End With Blood (the upcoming new book written by Supernatural fans and cast). Pleasantries and balancing acts over, we got down to business – that is, chatting about the episode that Richard directed earlier this season, which had just aired before the Nashville convention. ‘Stuck In The Middle (With You)’ was an emotional and innovative episode, written by Davy Perez so that the action shifts backwards and forwards in time, from multiple points of view, and as a sort of homage to Quentin Tarantino’s filmmaking. I can only imagine that the episode was challenging to direct, but Richard really pulled it off! Lynn: So all the Tarantino touches, were they already written in? Richard: Some of them were, yes. For the most part. Davy had a very clear style in mind for telling the story non-linearly. Lynn: I’ll say! Which was awesome. Richard: For example, for the table scene, he referenced that he’d like to see it like the diner scene in Reservoir Dogs, and of course he had the box with the gold light ala Pulp Fiction. It had a very Shaolin Master feel to it, which is a style Tarantino pulls from a lot, and it was largely Davy putting those in there.  The slow motion walk thing, he put that in there too. Lynn: Were you already a Tarantino fan? Richard: Oh yeah, absolutely. Lynn (who understands a thing or two about being a fan): So was this a really exciting thing, were you like oh wow, I got an episode that’s totally a Tarantino homage? Richard: I was, I was excited and I was also very intimidated because of the enormity of the story. I had two fight sequences – the previous episode I directed had none. I had five major characters and they all had story lines that had to be serviced. I had shifting perspectives so I had to film scenes from various angles and various perspectives, so that when we had to flash back to them or go to them from a different person’s perspective, it looked and felt the same but different. Lynn: Wow, complicated. Richard: (nods) So it was a real challenge in terms of the technical aspects of it, so I did find it intimidating. But what Davy started with the writing was great because it was basically like rolling a boulder down the hill in terms of the momentum it took on as we went along, because then I decided oh, I can totally go stylized with this, we’re gonna go cinematically stylized, and I can dive in and keep fanning the flames in that direction. So that led to a lot of Western themes that I put in there, and to a Western score that got put in. Lynn: Oh yes, because that really added to it – the Western theme and music, it made the character of Ramiel seem sort of reminiscent of Cain. I was watching the episode at an academic conference, believe it or not, in a hotel room with some other Supernatural fans, and everyone was saying that – the music gave it a real Western feel. Richard: Yeah, it did. I’m a big Sergio Leone fan, and it felt like there was a lot we sort of pulled from that with the stand off with this character – from how I placed the camera, to how I used the camera, I used the split diopter shots to change focus, which is an old Western technique. I kind of embraced that world because it felt right for the story, and it worked really well with what Davy had already teed up in there. Lynn: It did, it worked really well with that character. It made Ramiel , who was a one time character, nevertheless a really interesting one. Richard: He’s awesome. Lynn: He embodied that part. Richard: Yeah, he was great. He came in and auditioned and he was just fantastic. We cast him out of Canada, and a lot of times those heavy hitters are out of Los Angeles. He lives in Vancouver – he’s an American, but he lives in Vancouver. And he was just fantastic. I wanted somebody who knew the martial arts. Lynn: Oh yes, you said he does his own stunts? Richard: He’s a world champion martial artist. So we never doubled it – except when he got hit by the car. Lynn: (laughing) Well okay, I should hope so! Richard: But even that was more of an effect, I mean, he did everything. In the fight scene with Jared and Jensen, he was just dynamite. And I wanted him, because I wanted somebody who knew how to hold a spear, who looked right when he had to pull that thing out of his shoulder, who could turn around and look like he knew what he was doing. It mattered to me tremendously that the actor looked like he could defeat Sam and Dean. Lynn: Which is really saying something, because – well, Sam and Dean! So with the spear, was there something there or was that entirely VFX? Richard: No, no that was there. We had a spear. We took it away and then put it back. Lynn: Oh okay, because I don’t know how otherwise he would have made it look that real.  And speaking of real, acting wise, I told Misha how much I loved his performance in that scene where Cas was almost dying. It could have so easily gone over the top. Even the way it was written, it could have. And, like I told him, that’s a lot to do with his acting. But it’s also a lot to do with you. How do you walk that fine line to make it emotional but not over the top so people won’t go ‘oh, come on…’? Richard: Well for starters, I’ve got to give Misha the credit for most of that scene. That was Misha.  I didn’t really give him any notes. He came in, and I think I used mostly take one for the edits and then a little bit from take two. But he mostly kind of nailed it right out of the gate. And I think Jared and Jensen and Misha and Mark, the four of those guys have a really good sense of the reality of the show. Which is a heightened reality. Lynn: Yes, but still reality. Richard: But which is grounded in the framework of that universe. So there’s a lot of stuff in Supernatural that in the wrong hands could be cheesy. Lynn: For sure. Richard: But it never goes there, because those guys always play the honesty of the beat and the moment. So Misha playing that moment, you know, I think if I leant anything to it, it’s insisting that we be consistent in how beaten up he is. I didn’t want him pretty, I wanted him sweaty, I wanted him gross, I wanted the blood to be awful. When he comes in the bar with Mary carrying him, I made Sam (Smith) wear knee pads because I wanted her carrying his full weight, so if she fell, she fell. Like I did not want it to look like anything was easy. I wanted his journey to be difficult, because he’s on TV - No one actually thinks he’s going to die. Lynn: No, not really. Richard: So we have to go as far to the cliff as we possibly can emotionally, and make it not easy.  That was this character’s journey – not pretty, not sexy, not romantic. So many things are like that for those boys, I think maybe keeping him gross and uncomfortable and sticky, maybe that helped put him in that headspace. I don’t know, but maybe it did. But from a director’s standpoint, I did nothing more than point a camera at him and let him do his thing, and it’s great. Lynn: I think that probably does make a difference, it sort of grounds them in the moment. I mean, you know, you’re an actor, you have to get in that headspace, you know how it feels. And all those things help. Richard: Well, I direct the way I like to be directed and I try to shoot things the way I like to be framed and shot, so I think it helps that I’ve been in that position before. Maybe it lends some credence to my opinions when speaking to actors, that I’ve been in that place before. Lynn: Jensen has said the same thing about being an actor and a director.  And I’ve heard guest actors say that they appreciate that, that he knows what it’s like to be the actor. Richard: Right. Lynn: There were some gorgeous shots in this episode. I’m a big fan of (director of photography) Serge Ladouceur, I know you are too – I mean, he makes things beautiful. Richard: (nodding enthusiastically) Oh man… Lynn: How much of that is you and him working together? For instance, that beautiful scene of Ramiel stabbing Cas, it was breathtaking. Did you know when you were shooting it that it was going to look that great? Richard: There’s nothing I’ve ever done with Serge in the two episodes I’ve directed where what I’ve had in my mind doesn’t pale in comparison to what he does. I have a shot design and he and I go over it. Serge and I talk constantly during the process, we ride to set together and we ride home together, so we talk about what worked before, what worked that day. I make him play a game called what’s your favorite shot of the day? Lynn: (laughing) Richard: And we tell each other our favorite shots of the day. Lynn: Well I hope that was somebody’s favorite shot of the day! Richard: It was certainly mine! And that day was full of great shots. That night we shot Mary running down the stairs and Castiel coming out the window, we shot Misha getting hit by the car, we shot that shot, we shot Jerry  walking up with that wide, beautiful shot with the tree up behind him, which I love. But that shot of Jerry – Ramiel – stabbing Castiel, it is a feature film shot. Lynn: Exactly, that’s exactly what it is. I have a collection of favorite cinematic shots from when I’ve interviewed Serge, and that’s going in that folder. Ricahrd: And I mean, I can take credit for framing the shot. But I cannot take credit for how he’s able to light it up like that. But that’s Serge. He knows where to put the key lights, he knows – I like to think I give him enough fun ideas to make him feel like his work is being utilized properly, you know what I mean? Lynn: (nodding) Mm hmm Richard: It would be terrible if we had lit that space that beautifully and I never shot it, so I was happy to put the camera lights on that shot. And Jerry, again, perfect example. Because he knows how to use a spear, and he knows how to hold his body, he looks like a fucking dragon, man. I mean his legs are set, and he like stabs and rears back and it’s just fantastic the way he uses his body. So that’s why I wanted a martial artist, I didn’t want an actor trying to look tough. You know, I talked to casting about it, and Andrew Dabb and Bob Singer and I talked. I wanted Anthony Hopkins. I wanted an older man who was scary sitting still. Lynn: Yeah, that was him. Richard: And so when Jerry came in, I made them put him in dull clothes and flat hair and the little fishing cap when he’s out there gardening, like I didn’t want anything about him to be scary until he was scary. Lynn: Yes, yes, and that contrast is what made it so creepy! Richard: Right Lynn: And the music too, the whistling, holy shit. Richard: Yeah, so I just loved that, it was a great shot, with a great performance by Misha on the ground and Jerry with that absolutely epic stance. So I agree, I think that’s a beautiful piece of cinematography. Lynn: You also made the decision to use a lot of really close up shots. There’s Dean loading the gun, there’s Ramiel holding the stopwatch,  there’s that shot that will be a million gifs of Dean and Sam clasping Castiel’s hands to pull him up. What was the rationale behind those tight shots? Richard: For starters, I wanted in the fight sequence that you’re talking about where we’re close on faces, I wanted that very much from the Sergio Leone school – tell the story with the eyes, get the camera close, keep it wide and close and let the tension build with the looks on the faces and the moment, beads of sweat, you know, and try to build the tension. Lynn: It really worked. Richard: It works great. Misha with the cracked face, and breathing heavy, those moments add to the tension of this stand off. It was an old west standoff, like a duel sort of thing. And so you utilize those tools that have been utilized so effectively in that genre forever. I wanted to tell that story there. What other places did you mention? Lynn: Oh, that shot of Dean loading the gun. Richard: Dean loading the gun was because you needed to know what those bullets were. So I wanted to make it cinematic while also telling that story. And I used a 100 mm macro lens which makes a really cool tight shot, and Ackles is so adept at using the weapon. Lynn: Yes, just like Dean. Richard:  I think showing the details of those boys doing what those boys do really well is part of the fabric of the show. Lyn: It was, that’s what made it so cool – it was an iconic shot, because it’s who the Winchesters are, what they do. And the shot of both Sam and Dean pulling Castiel up, was that scripted, or was that you? Richard: That was me. Lynn: (clapping) Oh that was just great. Richard: I just felt like after the family scene, I knew we’d be coming back from a commercial  and I knew we needed a frame that brought us back to where we’d been in the story and I just thought it would be a really cool shot. You’d see the hand come in, and then the other hand come in, and then they pull him up and it’s just like family. It just said family to me. Lynn: It said family to everyone. Richard: And yet, unemotional – I mean, it said it cinematically without trying to be emotional. It was simple. Lynn: And it didn’t need any dialogue. Richard: That’s what I’m saying, it was a simple way of saying, ‘we’ve got each other.’ Lynn: Yes. Exactly. I thought that was brilliant. You got two iconic shots in one episode! Richard: I was real proud of that hand shot, and I felt like it would resonate. You know, for the scripts that I get and I know there’s a lot too in America 101 or anything I do, I get emotionally wrapped up in it, maybe because I’m an actor or maybe all directors do, I don’t know. But I really get…when I was doing ‘Just My Imagination’ and Jared was delivering that speech with Sully about having to go back in the Cage, I was completely choked up during that. I mean, I’m not immune to the emotion of what these scenes are. Lynn: Even when you’re filming them. Richard: Even when I’m filming them, when I’m watching the monitor, I’m engaged because these guys are so good. Lynn: They so are. So much emotion comes through. Richard: And I’m engaged in what they’re doing.  I mean, they get to me. And Jared doing that scene just blew me away. Like Jensen going through the whole ‘we’re family’, you know, where he had that whole thing – it was beautiful. Lynn: I teared up, NGL. Richard: And Jensen made a very specific choice – we talked about that, and the script was sort of pushing Dean to go a different way and he said that’s not what Dean would do, Dean would do this. And I said, well you ARE Dean, so you do what Dean would do and I’ll just put the camera there and you can do it. And he did and he just crushed it and it was beautiful. Lynn: It so was. Richard: There’s something about the emotional content that those boys bring. I get wrapped up in it and I knew – I guess this is about the hand shot really, I knew that I needed – there was something just really powerful about the helping hand, you know? Lynn: Mm hmm. It’s sort of, it could be the icon for the new book.  Family Don’t End With Blood in one gif. Richard: Yeah, like never leave a man behind. And the cool thing is all the angles, so you frame that up and you’ve got two hands reaching down and two hands reaching up. Lynn: Even the rhythm of it worked. Richard:  I’ve seen some reaction online, and I’ve been really pleased by how well received that shot is. Lynn: Oh yeah. I think as soon as I saw it, I said out loud, oh that’s a gif. That’s a high compliment from fandom. Richard: And I loved Jerry’s acting so much – I had him laugh during his death, I had Ramiel give me a big laugh – like, don’t die on me until you laugh. I want Sam to feel like it didn’t work – I want him to think shit, does this thing kill this guy? Lynn: Because it did take a really long time… Richard: Yeah, I wanted him to laugh and you know, the laugh is somewhere between you think this is going to kill me and nice work kid, you got me. You know, this is sort of the old gunslinger giving props to the young  guy. And I don’t know if they’ll ever do this, but I just wanted it to be just left with the sense of okay, he went up in a puff of smoke, but did he die? Lynn: And that’s just so quintessentially Supernatural, you know? I mean, did Cain die? I still don’t know! (I hope not because, Tim Omundson!) Richard: That’s the thing, because I thought that Ramiel was a really well written role. And then Jerry took it to another level and I thought, that’s the kind of guy that I would love to see back on the show. So I wanted to give him as much meat as I can as a director to help them find an excuse to bring him back. Lynn: To leave that open, yeah. Everyone immediately said to him, we want you back, one episode wasn’t enough! Richard: He was great. Lynn: At the last convention, Misha was giving you a lot of grief about putting him in the path of that truck. He claims you promised him you wouldn’t. Richard: Everything he says is true. Lynn: (cracking up) You really promised you wouldn’t do it and then did it? Richard: I swore on a stack of bibles I’d never put him in the road with the car. But part of that is because then I decided how to shoot it. By the time we got to the moment, where we put the camera and how it sort of crushed the depth of field, we could have Misha pretty far away from the car. Lynn: Ah, I see. How far? Richard: (gestures across the hallway) I mean, if my leg was here, the car was over there. Lynn: Oh okay that’s not bad. Richard: See what I’m saying? But it is true that he can’t see how far away it is from where he was. Lynn:  So he didn’t really know where it was. Richard: Right, exactly. But I had the camera low enough that -- it was all about him, you’re not supposed to know that a car is coming, so it’s a low shot over Misha, so the distance is not evident in that shot. Lynn: It really isn’t, it did look like it was right near him. I gasped. Richard: Cool. Good. But yes, I lied to Misha’s face. Lynn: (laughing) He survived. I thought Mark also did a really good job in his scene showing some emotion in Crowley when Cas was dying. Which we see more of in the next episode. Was that something in the script or… Richard: No, again I think Mark made really strong choices on his own. Mark liked the way the story was going, he really recognized in Jerry a skilled foe as a character and as an actor, so they were able to do their scenes together and have a lot of fun with it. And Mark came on and did the flashback part of it and the current part of it. Lynn: The flashback part of it, btw, Mark looked so different and so much younger! For a minute I thought, did they pull some footage from back in season five or something?  Makeup must have done an amazing job. Richard: They did. We cut back the beard and Trish in the makeup department did a great job making him look young. Lynn: He even looked more innocent somehow. Richard: (nodding) No, he did, he had a wider eyed expression – and that’s Mark. Trish did her job at a very high level and then Mark added his own little energy, and he’d done his research. So you know, you’re talking about four guys who know their characters so well and are such professionals. My concern was never gee, I wonder if Mark will be on point, I knew Mark would come in with his decisions made and that they’d be the right decisions, and if I could help in any way, I would. And he might say, what do you think of this or that and I’d throw my two cents in, but I was more in that scene helping Jerry get up to speed, because it was his first day, he doesn’t know the world. And helping the story be told with the cameras as opposed to worrying about that performance. Because Mark knows that guy better than I do. (That’s what makes Richard a great director, imho). Lynn: Right. There was a scene at the beginning that some fans had an issue with, when Sam says to Mary ‘are you okay’ and she sort of brushed him off and walked away. Richard: Well, has their mother ever been in a bad mood? This woman has a lot of shit going on, and at that moment, the last thing she needed was a heart to heart, she had a ticking clock and a guy about to walk in the room and a thing to steal downstairs that was a very intense thing to steal. And she was putting people’s lives at risk doing that, so I feel like it was great – it wasn’t TV and that’s why I liked it. I feel like people who were worried about that, they’re really worried about Sam’s feelings, and not the reality of the scene. Lynn: Definitely, that’s right. We care about these characters, and we do worry about their feelings. They’re fictional characters, but we care about them anyway. A lot. I see what you’re saying though, about what was happening at the time. Richard:  That scene, if it were a real moment, a ticking clock moment, she would have been ‘put a pin in it, let’s talk about it later’. And if she has an answer that’s not warm and wonderful, I think that’s okay because it’s human. Lynn: I was talking to Jensen about this today. It’s interesting to see where they’re going with Mary, because they’re showing her as human and flawed and complex, which is great especially for a female character, like let’s make her a fully fleshed out character not a stereotype. But at the same time, they’re really pushing the envelope. They’ve written her in a way that makes it seem like she doesn’t care about her boys, and that’s very hard to swallow. At this point at least, the fandom doesn’t like her, so when the redemption arc happens, as it certainly will, it’s going to be a tough sell. Richard: (nodding) I’ve watched the shows before my episode, and she’s not a great mom in some of these sequences. Lynn: No, she’s not. I mean, John wasn’t a great dad either. Richard: Right. There are some moments when she doesn’t hug Dean when you really want her to… Lynn: God yes, I SO want her to… Richard: And that’s good writing and good drama. If everything goes the way it always should go, this show would be incredibly boring. There’s gotta be roadblocks, there’s got to be emotional walls, there’s got to be miscommunications and the things that make humans human and humanity complex, otherwise you’ve got nothing. Lynn: Talk a little bit about choreographing those epic fight scenes. I’ve been lucky enough to be on set a few times to watch (stunt coordinator) Lou Bollo work through some fight scenes, and it’s almost like a ballet dance, the way it’s choreographed. Richard: It is like that. Lou and I talked about the fight scenes the first day I showed up, for two reasons. Number one, he’s an expert and I’m not. And  number two, I had ideas but I wanted to run them through the Lou filter because I didn’t want to pitch an idea that was insurmountable. Lynn: So did you have ideas of how you wanted to shoot it? Richard: It’s like visual effects. I know where I want to go, but then they’re gonna take it to the next level. So I’ll go to Mark in visual effects and say hey I’m thinking of this that and the other and he’ll go great, that means we can do this that and the other. And this will be really cool. Or we can do it this way and it will look even cooler. And I’m like great, I’ve gotten us this far and I like your addition to it, and we’ll go that direction Lynn: I’m always so impressed with the collaboration on Supernatural, how collaborative it all is. Richard: This is definitely a team sport. Film making is a team sport. Lou and I talked long and hard about a very martial arts feel to the fight. We wanted a very specific spear centric feel to that fight. So he worked long and hard with Jesse and the other stunt players to be sure that’s what they could pull together and they did it beautifully. Lynn: They absolutely did. Richard: And I had a real gift in that I had three actors – Jared, Jensen and Jerry – who essentially don’t need stunt doubles. Now we did use stunt doubles for Jared and Jensen just to give them a breather, because they have to do it so much and they do it often and we don’t want to get them hurt, they’re the stars of our show. But you do that for them, not because they need it. They can do all these things really really well and are experts at it in their own right. And Jerry, I never used a stunt double. He knew what he was doing and I didn’t mind burning Jerry out, I knew if he was tired the next day his scene was wrapped. Lynn: (laughing) Good point. Richard:  And he was a total pro, very safe, he knew what he was doing. And because of the way I staged the fight with him in the center, at any given moment I would see his face because you might see the back of his head but then he might turn to hit Sam, from both directions, so I needed to be able to not have to cut around that character. So I wanted him to be able to spin around and be able to use all those looks. Lynn: Oh, right, right. Richard: And he was so good at doing all that stuff, and so Lou and I talked long and hard about that early on. So they started doing the beginning stages of the fight scene, and they’d bring them to me and we’d sort of adjust it. And we had Jensen use a shovel to sort of give Jensen a similar martial arts tool. Lynn: Fandom loved that – like, is Dean Winchester fighting the sword of Michael with a shovel? Of course he is! Richard: (laughing) But it makes sense, right? It makes sense for the character, we’re in a barn, let’s use something that lives in that space, let’s utilize it. So Lou was a great set of ears in terms of what I wanted to do with story and character and he made sure that Jerry had the tools to work on early on so he could practice, and then just worked on it a lot. That unit worked a lot on that fight sequence, and then shooting it went very smoothly because it was so well rehearsed and Brad Creasser and Brian Rose are so good at shooting fight sequences that. I mean, it took time, but not an inordinate amount of time. It’s a well oiled machine and everybody in that room had done alot of fight sequences except for me, so they knew very easily how to execute what there was to execute. And I had a list of things I had to be sure to hit, and those things came together very quickly because we prepped our faces off for a very long time for that fight. I think the fight was the last thing we shot in the barn, because I had to blow out the doors, because I had Sheppard going through the doors. Lynn: Oh, that’s right! Richard: So I couldn’t do the fight scene earlier, then the doors wouldn’t be solid. So I had to do it late in the game. Lynn: And I think you tweeted that Mark added that scream? Richard: He added the scream in the audio booth and it was a great add, a nice little detail. So yeah, that fight sequence and then the fight sequence on the front porch, so obviously Jen (Jennifer Cheon), the actress who played Ronnie, the demon who killed Wally, she needed to get the better of Wally and she was an adept athlete herself – I don’t know if she has a stunt history, but… Lynn: She was imposing looking. Richard: She was a very cinematically interesting person, a striking figure in film, taller than Wally and just looked like the right person – it looked appropriate that she could take him. Lynn: She made it look believable, she moved like it was believable. Richard: And she did a great job, I could use take after take of her. And Donavon (Stinson), who played Wally, was great, he’s a really likable guy on film. I really wanted to try to get a feel for him in the diner scene, so that you’d miss him. Lynn: So you’d care when he was killed, right. And even though we all probably said oh, he’s the red shirt, you cared. Richard: You did, and Donavon brought some great energy and light to that role. It was great having him.  And in terms of Jared’s part of that fight, Lou and I talked a lot about that being Old West. I wanted an old western feel. I added the tea pitcher to be like a bottle, because I wanted it to feel like that. We added breakaway railings too – I had that fight take place on a porch on purpose, because I wanted it to feel like it was a saloon brawl. I modeled it after a saloon brawl. I wanted it to feel like they came out the door and went through the horse railing, so I built it like that. Lynn: And it did! I didn’t necessarily realize it consciously at the time, but all of us watching picked up on that old west vibe. I think subliminally you’re picking up on it. Richard: Right, so I made sure that the pitcher of tea was on the table. Lynn: Was that Jared when you see Sam doing that last stab to kill Ramiel? (Samantha Smith suddenly appears in the hallway behind Richard) Did I hear my name? Lynn: Hi Sam! Oh…it was the other Sam… Richard: It was Jared Sam. Samantha: Oh, okay see you later. Richard:  Lynn, I wondered why you were saying hello to a fictional character… Lynn: (laughing, though really it’s not all that preposterous…) Richard: Yes, Jared did that. Jared is very good -- again, he’s an expert at doing these types of stunts. He has a perfect reverse energy that he can do, which is just great, he knows what he’s doing. Lynn: It worked so well, because yes, these guys really do know what they’re doing. They make it look so real. Richard: As much as I can use the real guys, I want to, because of their faces. Lynn: And they like to do it, I enjoy hearing them talk about it. Richard: And they’re good at it. Lynn: Oh, I wanted to ask you, I think Misha said something about smelling the waitress being an ad lib, and also Jared’s reaction to that? Richard: Yeah, we kept the dialogue really loose in the diner scene. I wanted the diner scene to feel real. Not that you don’t want every scene to feel real, but because of the way I was shooting it, I felt like overlapping lines was fine, I wanted it to feel like guys not that worried about their mission, relaxed at dinner, talking about women or whatever they’re talking about. And that created a relaxed vibe in doing it, and the boys are very good at that kind of thing anyway. And so they had a great time. Jared started improv-ing about why would you want a girl to smell like food. Lynn: Which I thought was a great question, btw. Richard: Right, and they just improv-ed a little back and forth on that until Mary shut them up. And it’s those moments that make it seem real. And Misha did the smelling the waitress, yes. I’m watching the monitor and he was just very subtle – too much would have ruined that bit – but he did it very subtle, sort of leaned up to smell her and it was actually perfect because the camera was coming across him going up to the waitress when he did it and there’s a lot going on, I’m watching a whole take, and then after the take I said, did you just smell the waitress? And he walked over to me and said, I did, and I said, that was brilliant, keep that, that was awesome. So that was his idea. Lynn: So that was just one take? Richard: No, I think we did it again and kept it because it was a great idea. There were a lot of things in there that weren’t in the script, like Jensen doing the snoring bit like nobody cares, that was his add. Lynn: So not surprised about that! Richard: And I love those moments, those were really real. He did that in rehearsal and I said, that’s dynamite man, make fun of it, this is your brother. Have fun with it now because we’re gonna be knee keep in shit for the rest of the episode, so just relax. And again, when you have people who can do that, who have the skill set to do that and the talent to do that, you should let them do it Lynn: Oh yes, you definitely should. I love those ad libbed moments! Jensen and I have this running thing where every episode I try to guess which moments were added, because they always come off as so genuine. Not that the whole show doesn’t seem real, but there’s a qualititative difference to those moments and I’ve gotten good at guessing which they are. That scene worked really well because of those additions, and things like people talking over each other, real life stuff. Richard: Yeah yeah yeah. Lynn: I also liked that scene because it was a Winchesters not on a case moment. That was one of the things I loved and miss so much about Robbie Thompson’s writing, I love that he valued giving us Winchesters at home, or driving around between cases, or just talking or sleeping in the Impala. The things that remind us that we care about these characters, that it’s not just about fighting monsters. Richard: Right, right. Lynn: And that diner scene was like that. Richard: And I will say, that diner scene, which looks effortless – those boys, and all the actors – including Donavon who was guesting and Sam Smith – did a very good job of keeping it very alive and relaxed the whole time, and it made it look easy but it was actually a complicated scene to shoot. Lynn: There was a lot going on. Richard: There were a lot of people and perspectives and a lot of very important dialogue being said in a sort of offhanded way. So to me it was very challenging in terms of how I set it up, but once we got in there and I started shooting, it became very easy because of their ability to play at that level. It takes more skill to improvise than to do scripted stuff, especially if you’re improv-ing around scripted stuff, so you have to come back to the scripted stuff, get those points in, but seem relaxed around the framework of it. It’s actually very complicated. And they never missed a beat, we never had to tape long because they went off it. Lynn: It’s like, they’re aware always of those parameters but they can play within the framework. Jensen told me once how much he appreciates that, having that space to play within, when a director trusts them. Richard: Right, exactly, and it was really really great. Lynn: That kind of stuff fascinates me, it makes so much sense. And to someone who’s not an actor, it’s really interesting. The other interesting scene with Mary in this episode was when Ramiel was saying I just want what’s mine back, that was also hard to understand… Richard: Like, why didn’t she speak up? Lynn: Yeah Richard: That’s a question I can’t answer. Lynn: I figured. Probably more for Davy Perez. Richard:  It’s a Davy question and maybe more for Sam, a how she justified it question. But I feel like the weight of it played well. It played intensely in the moment and the why didn’t she out it right there to save everybody’s life question, that one has deeper roots than I can speak to, but it made for great drama. [caption id="attachment_44357" align="aligncenter" width="338"] Photos: Courtesy of Fangasm[/caption] Lynn: It was definitely dramatic in my house. I was screaming at my television, Mary say something!! So this was your second time directing Supernatural. I remember Jensen saying after his second time directing that it was a real learning curve. Even though you’ve directed other things, what was different this time directing Supernatural than the first time? Richard: I was very nervous this time as always, very obsessed with the details and the minutiae and trying to get it right, but I was nowhere near as petrified as the first time. Different story, different set of challenges. You’re not re-shooting the same episode, so it’s very different. It had its own set of challenges that kept me up at night. But there was a level of nervousness that came with the first one that you’ll never have again… Lynn: I guess that’s good. Richard: (laughing) Because it was the first one, you know what I mean? I mean, I’ll always be nervous, the day I’m not nervous and thinking about it a lot is the day I should hang up my hat because being nervous, that means I’m  focused on the material and I’m doing the best I can to be sure the story gets told in the best way possible. But ‘Just My Imagination’ brought with it a level of excitement that I still have, but a nervousness that I don’t have as much. The first time, the second Jeremy Carver called me and told me I was hired, I stopped sleeping and started sweating. And I had four months before I got the script! Lynn: (laughing) Richard: Because you just don’t know! You can shadow and shadow and study and study, you can learn, you can be an actor on the set, but until you’re the person in the chair making all the decisions, from prep to wrap on the last day, you have no idea how much pressure that is. Lynn: Sounds incredibly stressful. (Richard then had to stop to take a call on his sell, from his son. Which was seriously adorable). Lynn: So one last question. What’s the scoop on Kings of Con? Will we have a Season 2? Richard: We’re really proud of how the show came out. We love the audience response, Comic Con HQ loves the audience response. We’re eager to get back in and do some more, w’ere just waiting for the green light. Lynn: There will be a lot of very disappointed people if you don’t get renewed. It’s an awesome show! At that, we took a few pictures, for which I insisted that Richard put his glasses on (you’re welcome, fandom). For more from this fabulous episode, check out my interview with Jerry Trimble here. And stay tuned for the second Supernatural episode that Richard directed this year – he’s hard at work in Vancouver as I write this!

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