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anxiouslynumbme · 4 years

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Carmuel Missing Scenes/Moments

Warning: (Explicit Sexual Situations, Strong Language.)

3x08 - Part 2

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Romantic love was a peculiar notion, the reality of being in love was more brutal than people liked to acknowledge. Everyone - well, most people - wanted it, sought it, obsessed over it. And then the some that were lucky enough to have obtained it, usually ended up ruing the day they'd found it.

And so that had raised the age-old question, is it better to have loved and lost or to never have loved at at all?

Was there a right answer? Both scenarios sounded incredibly depressing to Samuel.

But Samuel knew that as painful as loving Carla was, it didn't even touch the blissful intoxication she filled him with. Nothing compared to her. Nothing and no one could make him feel this much, this constant rapturous high she had him hooked on. She was addictive.

And Carla saying I love you to him - that was a whole new level of addiction. A dangerous fucking addiction. And Samuel was already a junkie.

I love you, Samuel.

Her words rang and vibrated through the air around them, stifling his ability to breathe, his body was rendered useless, his mouth unable to speak, his mind utterly blank. Samuel was barely aware of the deafening silence that took over. Were there words to describe what he was feeling? Samuel was at a loss. He couldn't find any.

All he could think, hear, feel, was the heart-stopping, mind-bending repetition of her voice in his head. His heart.

I love you, Samuel.

Samuel's heart was going ballistic, thumping and thrashing wildly in its cage, seemingly incapable of comprehending the words.

"Samuel?" Carla's wary voice smashed into his brain, resulting in a sharp inhale to deliver the much needed oxygen into his lungs.

Please, say it again, his greedy heart pounded with an unspoken plea. Say it again. Say it again. Say it again. Just one more time so he could make sure it was real, so it could sink in. So he could believe it and revel in it and never feel hopeless again. Please, Carla, say it again.

But his mouth wasn't cooperating. His still, wide eyes, were probably starting to make Carla uncomfortable.

Speak, you fucking moron, he angrily scolded himself.

"Shit, Samuel, I'm sorry, I - I shouldn't have said that."

The hopeless organ in his chest ceased its incessant, loud beating.

What?

Wait. No. Fuck, no. She was sorry?

And just like that, his world fractured into a humiliated and rigid focus. Carla was sorry.

Why did she say it then? Why the fuck would she do that to him? It didn't make sense. Even if Carla didn't love him, Samuel knew her care for him ran deep and strong. Carla would never say something like that - something she was well aware he unapologetically craved to hear from her - without actually meaning it.

But Samuel's high-strung emotions were in charge and his brain couldn't keep up with them long enough to rationalize Carla's behavior. All Samuel knew in that moment was that he needed to get away, she could explain later. After he recovered from the emotional whiplash she'd just given him.

He was suddenly feeling claustrophobic, her skin on his was scorching and suffocating and as gently as he could, he pried her off, and then he was out of the the bed before either of them could blink, reaching for his boxers and slipping them on quickly.

"Samuel, wait - where are you going? "

"I - I just need to," he stammered pathetically, walking mindlessly toward the door. "To take a shower."

His wobbly legs carried him out of the room hastily as he tried to steady himself.

He did end up in the shower, because no matter how rattled he was, Samuel wasn't just gonna leave his house while Carla was still there. He still couldn't gather himself well enough to breathe properly.

It was in his nature to dive in hard and fast when he loved someone, he tended to go a little crazy, a little intense and obsessed. Samuel had once thought he was in love with Marina, Samuel had wanted her so badly that he had willfully stayed with her when, deep down, he was aware of her lack of interest. But Samuel had now realized that he wasn't in love with Marina, and it was because of Carla, he was sure of that. Nothing he had ever felt for someone came close to how Samuel felt about Carla. Because Once, love, the love seeps into the bones and unfurls and grows around every inch of skin and swirls intimately with blood until they're one. Then discovery would hit and true knowledge is born on the different types of love one could feel.

And Samuel's love for Carla was otherworldly, it was consuming and whole and unlike anything he felt for anyone in his life. He didn't even know when it happened, it crept up on him.

Samuel sighed shakily, his head thrown back as the comforting hot spray of water rained on him, washing his body and surrounding him safely, as though being under the shower-head was protecting him from what - who - was waiting outside that bathroom door.

Samuel tried to appease his soul and tell himself that it was okay if she didn't mean to say it, that whatever her explanation was going to be, he could take it.

I love you, Samuel.

"Fuck," he muttered in irritation, her voice was stuck in his head. Samuel couldn't take it, he wouldn't be able to. No matter what Carla ended up saying, it was going to cut him open.

A creak of a door opening snapped him out of his spiraling thoughts. Samuel's skin prickled and his body instantly stiffened with attention, the air around him sizzling with her presence. Even under water, her scent wafted to his nostrils enticingly in the small bathroom, it thrilled and alarmed him all the same. His back was to her and he couldn't get his body to whirl around and face her, unsure of what he was going to do.

Devouring her was the most likely outcome, but Samuel's heart was also demanding answers. An explanation he wasn't ready to hear. Because the only thing worse than Carla not loving him back, was her saying she did, and then regretting it.

Her timid, quiet steps were faintly heard, and Samuel knew she must've stopped moving, 'cause it was a narrow bathroom and she should've reached him by now. Samuel didn't know how long he stood there frozen, until he could finally sense her behind him, her soft breaths tickling his skin.

Her lips gently grazed his shoulder and Samuel exhaled sharply. "I'm sorry," she whispered.

"Please stop saying that."

Another kiss, her lips brushing his skin as she spoke softly. "Samuel, I know that you probably didn't want to - "

"Didn't want what," he cut her off, his voice low. "Didn't want to hear the girl I'm in love with to finally tell me she loves me back, only to regret it and take it back? Not something I'd ask for, no."

Carla's breath caught noticeably, and he felt her blanch. A few seconds and she slowly folded her arms around his torso, lips meeting his shoulder again.

"I don't regret it and I'm not taking it back, you idiot," she said it so quietly, he almost didn't hear her.

Something bloomed in his chest, his heart skipping beats left and right at her affirmation. She loved him. "Why are you sorry, then?"

Carla hesitated, guilt lacing her tone as she answered. "Because I'm leaving."

Samuel's eyes squeezed shut at the reminder. He was so engulfed in her bubble, that for one stupid moment he'd forgotten that one important, gut-wrenching fact. She was right, she probably shouldn't have said it. Knowing Carla loved him and then losing her again was fate's worst way of tormenting him. But fuck it all to hell, if he didn't want to hear her say it again.

Her confession did make things ten times more painful. But Samuel had heard it, he'd watched as her beautiful mouth formed the words that were now deeply ingrained and ingested in his veins. And he wouldn't change the moment for anything.

Samuel gently started turning around, needing to see her face, her arms dropping from his waist once he was facing her, their eyes meeting head on.

"You are. Not really the best time to finally admit your feelings, is it?" he smiled sadly.

Carla shook her head, eyes lowering. "I'm sorry, Samuel."

Fuck, it broke him when she said that.

"If you ever apologize to me for telling me you love me again, Carla, I won't speak to you for at least a month," he said, only half joking. A desolate wave spiked through him, aware that they probably wouldn't communicate much in the future anyway.

Her lips quirked slightly. "You won't be able to go that long."

Hmm, she knew him too well.

"True." he chuckled lightly, fully aware that his stare was transparently worshiping and adoring. Samuel knew it wasn't their time, it might never be their time. But he was in love with her and Samuel wasn't gonna spend the last two days with her, hiding and denying.

"I love you," he told her, earnest and unwavering.

"I love you too." Carla swallowed, her gaze so bare, so vulnerable, it made his chest ache. The kiss that followed was the softest and slowest they'd ever shared, their lips seemed to push and pull at a relishing pace. Everything was entirely too vibrant, he didn't care how corny it made him, but Samuel's senses were heightened, he could feel everything around him in a much clearer light. He could smell the water, hear every single drop as it cascaded down his spine and onto the stall floor, his eyes were digesting the world differently.

Their embrace was rapidly veering into a passionate crescendo, Samuel's lips were burning and hungry, parting her mouth open for him, his tongue rolling deliriously with hers.

"I missed you so much," he breathed into her, his emotions making him shiver, pouring out of him openly and unashamedly.

"I love you," she gasped, gripping his hair tightly as his arms clutched at her waist.

Samuel didn't see himself ever getting used to hearing that, each time the profound admission left her lips, it struck him harder and bled into him deeper. It was overwhelming.

You won't even have the chance to get used to it, she's not yours, she never will be, a brutal, truthful voice suddenly blared in his head.

No.

Samuel held her with a fierce need, with possessive intention, his kisses turning desperate and his arms seizing her to him forcefully, trying to suppress his fear. Rotating her around, her back hit the wall, the water now gushing over them both, enclosing them in a world of their own, a world where he got to choose their fate, got to choose their ending, and so they didn't leave that stall until Samuel had showed Carla, in every way he could, just how much he loved her.

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Waking up next to Carla's sleeping figure had made its way to Samuel's top three favorite things quite some time ago. But this time was different, it was peaceful, honest and strangely normal. This time, there were no games, no lies, no pretense. No ulterior motive.

Carla slept like she did everything else in her life, with elegance and grace. Her body was perfectly still, arms aligned with her waist as her hands rested on her stomach, hair placed impeccably on the pillow. If Samuel didn't know her as well as he did, he would've said she was uncomfortable. But her face was free of worry, utterly calm and relaxed, Samuel smiled, his thumb stroking her cheek gently.

His fingertips slowly slid down her neck, tracing the impossibly soft skin, his hand stopped at her upper breast, gently caressing the tantalizing flesh. Samuel felt his dick hardening considerably, and when Carla shifted in her slumber, he decided to get up before it got too creepy.

After taking a quick shower, he started preparing them something to eat, Samuel was getting a plate for the toast he'd made, when he heard her dainty footsteps behind him.

"Good morning," she said.

"You mean afternoon, I was getting worried there - " Samuel's words caught in his throat at the vision that greeted him when he'd turned around.

Carla was wearing his shirt. She was wearing nothing but his shirt. And it was the hottest she'd ever looked, and that was saying fucking something. Despite all the times they'd had sex and spent the night together, she'd never worn his clothes. Her hair was wet, indicating the shower she must've taken, and she was wearing a clean shirt of his. The image of Carla going through his drawers to get a shirt was so domestic and so unlike them, it caused Samuel's heart to hammer loudly.

"What?"

Samuel couldn't pin-point exactly what it was, but as usual, she was invoking a very primal side of him. His eyes took their time scanning her exposed smooth legs, her taut creamy thighs that he wanted to bury his head in between. Then his grey shirt, loose and big on her but he could still see the outline of her full breasts and hard nipples. He wanted to fuck her while she was wearing his shirt, that wasn't weird, was it?

"You know, for someone who's seen me naked many times, you're drooling like you've just found out about boobs."

Well, that was how he felt.

His eyes flew to hers, lust thrumming through him. "Come here."

"Tsk, tsk. Demanding," she said, strutting toward him. Once she was within reach, Samuel snatched her by the waist, her chest colliding with his harshly as he swallowed her soft gasp with his lips.

"Is it the shirt?" she asked knowingly.

"You wore it on purpose."

"No, what else was I supposed to wear?" she said, batting her eyelashes. "Do you like it?"

He smirked, grabbing her thighs and hoisting her up on the small table in the middle of the kitchen, before stepping between her legs. "I love it. In fact, from now on, you should share my wardrobe."

She tilted her head, mouth curling slightly. "Samuel, I love you, but your clothes are just too plain for me."

She said it so matter-of-fact, so naturally that Samuel almost missed it. He was going to have heart failure at this rate, she was trying to kill him. He groaned lowly, his fingers slotting through her hair and bringing her luscious lips to his.

"And I love you," he husked.

"I know."

"Good. So add a few of my t-shirts to your closet."

Carla laughed melodically, her hands resting for a second on his chest before shoving him back roughly, Samuel couldn't stop his body from stumbling as he hit the counter opposite her. Carla's smile was full of promise as she hopped off the table, stalking towards him seductively. Samuel tried to even his breath when she finally stood right in front of him, her fingers teasing the waistband of his sweats.

"I wouldn't rule it out," she whispered, before dropping to her knees and Samuel chocked on his spit.

"Carla, wh- " he was sure his eyes looked comically wide, his brain was scrambled from the sight alone, Carla peering up at him sultrily. "What are you doing?"

All of Samuel's erotic moments were with her, and while Carla had definitely given him a blowjob before, it was never like this. Never in this position. Never in the middle of his kitchen in broad daylight. Never after lighthearted jokes and professions of love. The first time she had ever done this, Samuel remembered thinking that he was going to die. Happily.

This time was no different, seeing Carla like this, on her knees, caused his throat to go completely dry, his blood was pounding in his ears as his palms gripped the counter behind him for dear life.

Grabbing the top of his sweatpants, Carla slid them down painstakingly slow, taking her time to caress his bulge on the way. Once she saw he wasn't wearing underwear underneath, she looked up at him, eyes filled with desire.

"Carla," he hissed through his teeth, feeling as though his skin was burning from the inside out, his whole body twitching with anticipation, their eyes were steadily connected, making the experience even more sensual.

But then Carla's eyes seemed to focus on her mission to ruin him as she very lightly peppered kisses on his thighs, right next to where he needed her, Samuel's hips jerked in reaction.

"Please, Carla, fuck."

Carla was quiet and deliberate. The naughty, smug smirk on her lips was the only indication she was aware of his desperation.

Finally, her tongue dragged up his length before circling the the tip expertly, Samuel's hips bucked again as he whimpered. Carla's palm gripped him tighter, lips fully wrapping around and sucking the head.

"Shit - fuck!" he groaned loudly, eyes fighting to stay open.

When Carla hollowed out her cheeks and started descending on him slowly, Samuel couldn't stop his hand from sliding through her hair and tugging gently, eliciting a hum from Carla and Samuel's cock to weep from the vibration.

Carla went slow, breathing through her nose as she swallowed every inch down until he bumped the back of her throat, and now Samuel's vocabulary was reduced to only her name. He couldn't look away, despite the need to shut his eyes. Samuel needed her eyes.

Her head started moving at steady pace, her mouth taking him in and out with intensity, while her palm jerked off any part that wasn't blessed with her mouth. Samuel's yanks on her hair weren't so gentle anymore, but Carla didn't seem to mind as she let out a soft moan. Samuel's world spun and collapsed around him, his eyes finally closing as a deep growl left the back of his throat.

"Fuck, Carla."

And just after a few bobs of her head, her tongue licking and sucking with vigor, Samuel was done for. His stomach tightened uncontrollably, his thighs shaking with his impending release.

"Carla, shit...I'm coming," he warned her with a low whine.

Carla's motions only got faster, more determined, making his body quiver with fervor. His eyes glanced down catching hers with unadulterated want, his fingers clutching her hair tightly. Samuel's lower abdomen flexed rapidly, as he grunted gruffly, his orgasm railing over him, unforgiving and unrelenting.

Samuel's flushed body lulled, slumping backwards as he let go of Carla's hair. His eyes glazed and half shut in pleasure, hands back to gripping the counter, unsure if his knees would be able to carry him in the next few minutes.

Carla gently tucked him back into his sweats and the act was just as intimate as what had just transpired between them, and Samuel's insides buzzed with warm affection.

He was vaguely aware of Carla moving about the kitchen. "You okay there, handsome?"

"I don't -" his jaw was almost too relaxed to open itself. "I think you broke my brain."

Carla chuckled heartily. "Wasn't it always broken?"

His head whipped in her direction, feeling himself silently singing with her good mood, playful Carla was something to behold. Samuel slowly straightened up and sauntered toward her.

"What was that?"

"What?" her eyes sparkled at him.

"What did you just say?"

"I say a lot of things."

"The most recent thing," he told her, his arms circling her waist, pulling her closer.

"Your clothes are ugly,"

Samuel squinted at her. "My clothes are amazing, stop lying."

"You do pull them off. . .sometimes."

Samuel's fingers pinched her hips and Carla let out a squeal. "Samuel!"

"What did you say, Carla?"

"Um, you have a lovely penis?"

A huge smile took over his red-tinted face. "No, that is not what you said."

"I was thinking it." she winked.

"Stop being cheeky, Carla,"

"I just gave you a compliment."

"And I thank you very much. Now what did you say?"

"Fine," she sighed dramatically. "I implied you were born with a broken brain."

"And is that true?"

She rolled her eyes. "No."

"That's right. You're the culprit, Carla. My brain was perfectly fine and then you came in and turned it into mush." and he was definitely not just talking about the blowjob.

Her lips gave a crooked, proud grin. "I kinda did."

"Hmm," he confirmed, his nose nudging hers softly. "Now I'd like to break yours."

His lips slammed against hers, tongue slipping inside in search of hers. Samuel hitched his shirt up, his fingers touching the enticingly exposed skin of her stomach, he traced ever line, every inch as their lips devoured each other. Samuel's hand finally reached the place he wanted to ravish the most, aching to taste her.

And his phone chose that moment to blast loudly across the kitchen.

"Aren't you going to answer that?"

"Fuck, no."

Ring. Ring. Ring.

Samuel groaned in annoyance, releasing Carla and reaching for his phone. Once he saw it was an unknown number, he recognized who was the caller and his dick softened instantly.

"Hello, Mom," he greeted, Carla leaving his side.

"Samuel, how are you, honey?"

"I'm good, how's everything with you?"

"We're doing fine, just really wanted to hear your voice."

"It's nice to hear your voice, too, Mom. You're okay, right?"

"Yes, just wanted to make sure you remember our video chat, we'll send you the exact time later, okay?"

"Yeah, sure."

"I can't wait till I can see you face to face, my love," she said, and Samuel could hear her holding back tears.

"Me too."

"And we will. We'll be together again, Samu, things just have to calm down first."

"I know, I understand."

"I love you so much, Samu."

"I love you too."

"Take care of yourself."

"You too. Be safe."

And then his mother's voice was gone, and just like after every phone call, Samuel felt a heaviness settle on his chest as he looked down at the picture on his phone of all three of them, smiling and happy.

Carla came back to her spot next to him, her chin resting on his shoulder, staring down with him. "It's a great picture."

"Thank you."

"One way or another, you'll see them again, Samuel. Trust me," she said so confidently that Samuel couldn't help but feel a flicker of hope.

"I know. One day."

"Soon," she insisted.

He smiled, feeling lighter. "Soon."

Just as he was about to turn to kiss her, his phone dinged with a message from Rebe.

Rebeca: I think it's time we meet up and have ourselves a real chat, kid.

Samuel sighed, looking at the message, he'd missed his friend. He still talked to Rebeca, they weren't as mad at each other anymore, but they were definitely not as close as they used to be. Carla had stilled slightly beside him and Samuel knew she'd read it too. He had an inkling it had something to do with the talk she'd had with Rebe at graduation. Of course Samuel had noticed, no matter how drunk or angry he had been, he'd seen them talk and had taken note of Carla's change in demeanor afterwards.

"You're still not talking?" came Carla's cautious question.

"No, we talk, just not as often as before."

"Samuel, you know it wasn't entirely her fault, I think I would've found a way to get a fix from anyone."

His jaw ticked. "But it was her. She sold it to you."

"Samuel."

"Look, I'm not saying she meant to harm you, but she shouldn't have been selling drugs at all. She'd promised me she'd stop. Valerio stopped, he knew what was going on with you, they both did, and he didn't sell it you. Why did she? Why you?"

"Maybe she wasn't thinking clearly that day."

"What do you mean?"

Carla heaved a breath, shaking her head at him. "She was upset, Samuel. Because of you...and me."

Samuel blinked in confusion. "What are you saying? That she did it just because she was jealous?" he asked incredulously.

Carla simply shrugged.

He could understand Rebe's jealousy and anger, he was a terrible boyfriend to her, but it obviously didn't mean she was justified in selling Carla drugs, it sounded petty to him. "That doesn't make it okay."

"I know. But people do dumb shit when they're heartbroken, Samuel. You know that."

He did. Even if Samuel could never understand why Rebe had thought that giving Carla drugs was going to achieve anything, she was sad and had made a very stupid move.

"Is that what you talked about at graduation?"

Carla's eyes flitted to his in surprise. "What?"

"I saw you talk."

"Yeah, she was just apologizing."

"So nothing else?"

"Nothing important."

"It seemed like something happened - "

"What is this, Samuel? Are you trying to supervise my conversations or something?"

Samuel narrowed his eyes, there was something Carla wasn't telling him. She was being a bit too defensive.

"Calm down. I'm simply asking if by any chance that conversation had something to do with the fact that one second you looked at me as though you wanted me, and then all of a sudden you were pulling back."

Carla let out a mirthless laugh. "Oh, that might've had something to do with my ex-boyfriend dying, sorry, I wasn't up for fucking you after that."

This was all wrong. The previously tranquil mood had now dispersed completely and it was Samuel's fault. He was curious, that was all, but apparently something he'd said had struck some kind of nerve he was unaware of.

"Carla, why are you angry? I wasn't trying to - I just wanted to know if Rebe had said something to you that. . .listen, it's not important, okay? Let's just Forget it."

Samuel wanted things to delve back into their peaceful state. He wanted to go back to kissing her, they'd had enough fights and she was leaving in less than two days, there was no way they were going to spend it like the last few months.

"We did talk about you," Carla admitted quietly, not looking at him. "she seems to think you'd do anything for me."

"She's not wrong," was Samuel's instant reply.

"I don't think it was meant in the positive sense."

He frowned. "What?"

"You were so willing to take that bottle, Samuel."

"Just as much as everyone else."

"Not only then. Before everything, in the bathroom, you wanted to take it from me."

"What else was I supposed to do? Let you cover up another murder? You're lucky, Carla, but not lucky enough to get away with it twice."

She flinched visibly. "It was my decision to go find that bottle, to help Lu. It had nothing to do with you."

An exasperated sigh left Samuel, Carla was still on the same bullshit as before. How could she still not understand that love came with a price. Everything she did affected him, worried him, encompassed and ensnared him. Everything about her was his business, whether either of them liked it or not. He couldn't fucking help it.

"You involve yourself, you involve me."

Carla's eyes widened. "That is not how it works!"

"It's how it works for me," he bit out.

"Fuck, Samuel," she said tiredly, rubbing her temples in distress. "it's a good thing I'm leaving then."

A whoosh of air was knocked out of him, the implication of her words piercing right through him with cruelty. What was she getting at exactly? That he was so smothering and so insufferable that she was happy to get away from him, or was it something else. It didn't matter. The necessity and the reality of Carla leaving didn't need the connotation of enjoyment. He wanted her to be happy and excited, but that wasn't the case, it felt like she'd been thinking about the whole situation with more than one lens. Her decision might've been made with him in mind.

"Samuel - "

"What does that mean?"

"Nothing," she averted her eyes, gnawing at her bottom lip. "I just - I don't like that you're so ready to cross so many lines for me. That's not you, Samuel. I don't want you to risk your future. . .your life. Awful things happen to anyone close to me, Samuel, I'm always there in the middle of it all, and I don't want you there with me."

At those words, the tremble in her voice, Samuel's wounded heart broke even further. His eyes found hers, and he could feel the weight she was carrying in them. Samuel steadied himself enough to step closer to her.

He cupped her cheeks gently. "I'm there because I want to be."

"No, Samuel - "

"Carla," he cut her off gently. "Listen to me, you're not responsible for my decisions. My wanting to take that bottle from you was because I wanted to protect you. Because I'm in love with you and there's not much you can do about that, is there?" he smiled at her tenderly.

Carla's smile was forced and he could see the gears whirring in her head, and he hated it. Samuel wished he could read her mind, know what was running through it that made her so scared and apprehensive, so he could stop it.

"Carla, of all the things to overthink and worry about, this is not one of them. Please don't tell me you think that you going away is somehow good for me or for the best."

Samuel wanted Carla to be happy, he wanted her to study abroad and experience a new life on her own terms. But not like this, not if she thought, on any level, that he wanted her to leave.

"No, that's not why." Carla smiled reassuringly. "But maybe time away is good. . .for both of us."

A knife twisted in his gut, his heart protesting the idea of Carla being away from him was, in any way, good. But Samuel silenced his bruised soul, because she was right. Their relationship was attached to one horrifying event after the other, it was tainted from the start. They needed to let go and grow into something else, something better.

"Yeah, maybe."

_______________________________________________________

The next day, Samuel was anxiously staring at the clock on the wall for more than one reason. Carla had left shortly after their somber conversation yesterday, she wanted to arrange a few things before leaving and needed to change out of his clothes, which Samuel had been childishly against. After thoroughly feasting on her, he'd finally let her go with the promise of seeing her again the following day.

But now Samuel was looking at the time because the video chat he'd had with his family was supposed to take place ten minutes ago. And Samuel was worried, imagining a hundred different scenarios on what could've gone wrong.

Finally the cracked screen of his old laptop lit up with a message that they were calling, Samuel eagerly accepted the call. He beamed at the faces of his mother and brother, his heart rushing with affection for them.

"Hi, honey!"

"Samu! How are you, little brother?"

"I'm good. Are you guys doing all right?"

"Yes, we're still getting used to everything," Nano said.

"Yeah, the people here are really nice and welcoming." his mother grinned.

"Good. I'm glad."

"Have you been eating well?" his mother asked typically. "You look so thin, sweetheart."

Of course she thought that, Samuel huffed, even though his heart warmed at his mother's concern.

"Yes, Mom, I'm eating well."

"Oh, Samu, I miss you so much." his mother's voice was pained and all he wanted to do was hug her.

"Listen, Samu," his brother started. "We've been talking and Mom will be coming back to Madrid soon."

"Really? What about you?"

"I can handle myself, Samu. I'll be fine."

"So will I. Mom, you agree with this?"

She smiled sadly. "All I want is for all of us to be together. But I don't know when that will happen. And Samu, I need to be with you after everything."

Samuel sighed. "Mom, I'm fine. Both of you will come back soon, okay?"

Nano sent their mother a meaningful look that made Samuel nervous as he observed their silent communication.

"Samu," his mother said abruptly. "I got you a few hoodies that you will love, I'm gonna get them right now."

After she'd left, Samuel dubiously looked at his brother. "What's wrong?"

"Samu." Nano puffed out a long breath. "I don't think - I don't know if I'd ever come back."

"Ever? I thought you just needed time to let the dust settle."

"Yes, but I told you I can't trust those cops, Samu. And I don't know if I want to come back, honestly. The memories can be too much sometimes."

Marina.

Samuel's stomach sank. "I know, trust me. But do you really mean never?"

Nano smiled. "Little brother, we'll see each other again, I promise you that. So this is not forever. I just don't think it'll be soon."

Samuel's eyes lowered with disappointment. "Okay, but Mom should stay with you, Nano."

"No, Samu, you need her. You've been through a lot, kid."

"I'm okay, I swear. You need her more, Nano,"

"Samu, don't argue with me."

"Yes, I will, I'll talk to Mom, she'll see it my way."

"I think I already got to her."

Samuel gave him half a grin. "No, she always listens to me and you know it."

"Why are you all dressed up? You going out?" Nano asked suddenly.

Samuel looked down at his attire, it wasn't necessarily nice. It was just his favorite buttoned down blue shirt. Samuel wanted to take Carla out. A first date. But then they both seemed to decide against it, they couldn't afford not being alone. As much as they both wanted to go out for dinner like Carla once had mentioned, Samuel wanted her to himself, he didn't even want to share her with strangers. So Samuel had suggested to give them their dinner date right here.

Samuel's cheeks heated. "Don't change the subject, Nano."

"I'm not, but you are right now. This is the shirt you wear when you want to impress a girl, Samu."

"What? no it's not!"

"Yes, it is. I bought it with you!"

"I really don't know what you're talking about."

Nano beamed widely. "Ooh, you little shit. There's a girl. Who's the lucky chick?"

Everything halted as Samuel was hit with the reminder of how Nano felt about Carla. He hated her. Samuel's fists curled in anger as he remembered how his brother had attacked Carla at Halloween.

"I don't really think it's any of your concern." Samuel's tone was a dead giveaway to who was the girl in question and he didn't give a shit.

Nano's expression immediately morphed into one of hatred and disgust as he caught on. "Samuel, no."

"Don't, Nano. Just don't."

"Don't what? Knock some sense into you! Samu, that girl is poisonous, she infects everything - "

"Do not talk about her like that! You have no idea who she is."

"I do actually. She's the girl who protected a murderer. Someone who killed her friend! She's a manipulative liar. She's the reason we're not together right now."

"And you have no fucking idea why she'd done all those things! She didn't want to, she had to. So stop, because I won't let you say another word about her."

"I don't need to know why! There's always a choice. Isn't that what you believe, Samu? Not when it comes to her, I assume. She's molded you into what she wants."

A ball of ire was churning inside him, his jaw ticking as he tried to rein in his rage. "What you're insinuating is disgusting. You know nothing about our relationship."

"Relationship?" Samuel could see Nano's bewilderment even through the terrible connection. "Are you kidding me? What kind of sick -"

"Shut the fuck up, Nano."

" - twisted shit is this? You can't believe - "

"I love her, all right? I'm in love with her."

Silence fell over them. Nano's face was one of disbelief and shock. "What? Samu, no you don't, she - "

"What now, you're gonna say she manipulated me into loving her? You know, you're lucky you're not here, Nano." Samuel seethed, unable to hold it in.

"Samuel, calm down - "

"But I guess you'll get what you want anyway. She's leaving. She's going away. So no worries, asshole."

Samuel's devastation was evident on his face, and Nano's features suddenly softened.

"Samuel, I'm sorry, but I don't - "

Samuel wasn't listening to this anymore.

"Tell Mom I'll call her later. We're done here."

And then Samuel slammed his laptop shut. He sighed running a frustrated hand though his hair, he tried taking calming breaths. A part of him understood where his brother was coming from, but it didn't excuse the way he talked about Carla, the way he demeaned her and belittled their relationship. He was an outsider, just like anyone who still didn't fully comprehend the nature of Samuel and Carla together. Samuel himself had a hard time figuring it out and he was a part of it. Whether it made sense or not was never the issue, they just were, they happened, and it was too good to ever question it, and Samuel was too grateful to have her, to wonder why.

Blocking out the dread that had surrounded him, Samuel jumped eagerly to add final touches for his dinner plans with Carla. She was going to be here soon and that was all he needed to focus on. Right on cue, his phone lit up with her name.

Carla : On my way. 10 minutes.

Samuel smiled, looking at the display he'd worked all day on and nodded with satisfaction. This was as decent as he could make it. Quickly going back inside the apartment before Carla arrived, he took a hurried survey of his appearance in the mirror, his fingers anxiously fixing his hair.

He was being irrational, Carla was going to enjoy herself, they both were. No reason to be this nervous. No reason to think about the fact that this was their first and last date. No reason to think about the fact that he wouldn't get a do-over if he fucked it up. No reason to think about her departure from his life.

As thou, Carla or the universe knew that he was about to lose it, Samuel heard the soft sound of her knock.

Swallowing back the nerves, he inhaled sharply before twisting the doorknob open. Carla stood, smiling, arms crossed elegantly, looking as stunning as ever. She wore a beautiful blue dress that reached her mid thighs, it was form-fitting and accentuated her breasts.

"We're matching." she chuckled.

"Huh?" he asked absentmindedly, still dazed as his eyes drank their fill of her.

She gestured between them. "You know, blue."

"Right. Yeah."

She fixed him with a look. "Are you gonna move so I could come inside or...?"

Samuel smiled bashfully. "Sorry, but we're actually not eating inside."

"No?"

"Come with me."

Locking his door, Samuel started ascending the stairs that led to the roof of his building, he could sense Carla's confusion as she followed behind him. Staring at the beige door in from of him, Samuel took a final deep breath before swinging it open wide.

Stepping inside first, he nervously whirled around to observe Carla's reaction, her eyes studying the scene closely.

Samuel had festooned the two walls opposite each other and the thick railing with red and orange twinkling lights. Stems and pedal of daisies and tulips garland the floor, including just a few on the table which had their dinner ready on it. The candles he lit were decorated on four stools around the table in the middle of the roof, encasing it in an atmospheric glow that created a romantic vibe, or so he hoped.

But Samuel had to give a lot of credit to mother nature in that moment, because the moon was full and so clearly visible in the night sky, it only enhanced and amplified everything else below it.

Carla hadn't said anything and Samuel was trying hard not to let it get to him. He was having a very difficult time monitoring his mouth, his lips itching to say something, justify his cheesy actions that were now embarrassing him greatly.

"I know it's dumb and very cliche and overdone. But I just thought it'd be nice."

"Samuel."

"We could just go back inside, that'd be cool."

"Samuel."

"And what's worse, I know that you'd probably had, like, a lot of guys doing this for you."

"Yeah. So it's really nice that this time actually means something."

Samuel's eyes flicked to hers and they were trapped under the fondness of her gaze, the honesty, the love. His stomach flipped tirelessly as he tried to contain the urge to envelope her in his arms and never let her leave.

"Really?"

"It's you. It means a lot," she said, approaching him slowly. "This is great, Samuel. Thank you."

The most beautiful green eyes gleamed at him and Samuel could vividly see himself looking into them for the rest of his life and it still wouldn't be enough. Swallowing the lump lodged in his throat, Samuel kissed her, trying and failing to quiet down his unattainable desires.

"What are we eating?" Carla asked, lifting a perfect brow, letting him know that she already had the answer.

He played along. "What do you think?"

"Uh - I don't know, soup and salad?"

"No."

"Well, I'm all out of guesses."

"Come along, then." he caught her hand, tugging her forward toward the table. "We're eating - drum roll, please - macaroni!"

"Wow, that is shocking."

"Come on, it's not gonna be that bad."

"I'm not complaining, you're the chef."

"I am, and that's why this is not reheated."

Carla eyed him suspiciously. "Really?"

"Yep. Freshly made and very delicious."

"I'll be judge of that."

"Of course," Samuel smiled, gesturing to another pan on the table. "I also cooked us some healthy chicken."

"Healthy Chicken?"

"Only boiled with minimum salt, princess."

Carla rolled her eyes. "You're an idiot."

Samuel watched as Carla's fork found her mouth, her eyes widened a little, a surprised grin pulling at her lips.

"So what's the verdict?"

"Mmm, definitely surpassed my expectations."

"I Told you, next time you'll be amazed. I was right." Samuel couldn't stop smiling.

"Well, I wouldn't go so far as to say amazed," she teased.

"You're blown away and you know it."

"Blown away, am I?

"Yep. Now try the chicken."

She shook her head in amusement, grabbing a piece of chicken and taking a very small bite.

"Oh, Samuel." she grimaced.

"That bad?"

"You should stick to macaroni, which by the way, you still need to work on."

"It can't be that bad," Samuel defended, gulping down a bite of the boiled chicken himself. Oh. Oh, no, that did not taste right.

Samuel still managed to keep the cringe off of his face. "See? Delicious, went right down," he said with a short cough.

Carla cocked her head to the side. "Really? So no need to throw it back up?"

"Nope," he said, clearing his throat. "Best chicken I've ever had."

"Samuel, I'm pretty sure there's still blood in it."

"No, there's not," he said, examining the piece of chicken in front of him closely. "That's just sauce."

Carla laughed. "What sauce? You didn't use any!"

"You know, the natural sauce of chicken!"

Carla laughed harder and Samuel let his own joy out to join hers as they both guffawed over the atrocity before them.

"Okay, sorry, this is just horrible."

"It is. And don't be sorry, macaroni is all we need anyway," she said, eating another fork of said food with a smile.

A tingling sensation erupted all over his skin. "Yeah, should've known that nothing beats macaroni."

Carla regarded him thoughtfully. "You genuinely love it, don't you? It's like, your favorite food. You eat it all the time, you even bring it to school."

"I mean, yeah," he said, scratching his chin. "I think it's always been my favorite."

"Can I ask when did the love affair start?"

Samuel chuckled. "Uh, early childhood. I think it's because of my mom, she's not the best cook, but she always knew how to make a mean macaroni. That was what she'd always made for me and Nano when we were kids, and we used to hate it at the time.

"But then we learned to appreciate it. Mom was doing her best and at one point she worked two jobs to support us and had almost no time to do anything else for us. But she'd always made time to make macaroni and leave it in the fridge for us. Hence, why I actually love it reheated."

Samuel paused, smiling. "It's nostalgia, really. Whenever I eat it I just feel like I'm home, and I'm always transported back to all the times I came home after school and she wasn't there and it sucked, but then I'd find her macaroni in the fridge. She was thinking of me and that was enough, it made me feel loved."

Samuel stopped when he realized he was babbling, glancing at Carla out of the corner of his eyes shyly, to find that hers were glistening with tears.

"I'm sorry, Samuel."

"For what?"

"It's my fault they're not here."

"Carla, don't start that."

"You'd be together right now, if I had just stuck by the truth and testified."

Samuel sighed, hating the direction the conversation was headed, Nano's words still ringing in his ears. "Carla, you were protecting your family."

"And I shouldn't have. They were wrong. I was wrong. None of this would've happened, Samuel. Do you realize that?"

"Carla, they couldn't even find the murder weapon, your testimony probably wouldn't have mattered anyway."

Carla rose from her chair and Samuel instantly followed as she briskly walked to the railing overlooking the street.

"I shouldn't have lied, Samuel. A lot of things would probably be different right now. Your brother would be free and your family would be put back together. Polo would probably be in prison and not dead." she nearly chocked out the words.

Samuel couldn't handle the pain in her voice, his hand squeezing her shoulder and turning her to face him. Her eyes were haunted with guilt and sorrow, and Samuel was willing to do anything to never see that look in her eyes again.

"Carla, please don't. You'll drive yourself crazy thinking like that. It's done. It's over. What ifs could destroy you if you let them. Okay, you did what you had to - "

"God, Samuel," she interjected with agitation. "Don't excuse me. Don't make it seem like your life wasn't wrecked because of me. From the fucking start. I knew who did it while your brother rotted in jail."

"Jesus, Carla. Stop." why was she doing this? Samuel's lungs filled with anxiety as she spat out her burdens.

"No, Samuel, you stop. And just accept the truth of what I'd done. You should hate me."

"I don't." Samuel gritted his teeth. "I could never hate you. How can you say that to me? After everything."

"Samuel -"

"Enough, Carla. Whatever you wanna say, I don't care. That's always been my problem with you, I just don't care."

She gaped at him. "What?"

"I know, Carla. You don't need to tell me, I fucking know. You don't have to recite the details of every bad thing you'd done. I know and I obviously don't care. I've never cared."

Before she could open her mouth to respond, his palms grasped her cheeks, forcing her to look into his eyes. "It won't change the way I feel about you. Nothing can."

"That doesn't mean you excuse it."

"I'm not excusing it. I'm saying that I understand, that I know you were scared and you did what you were forced into thinking was the best for your family, you were protecting them, and yes I hated it. But there's this really delightful concept called empathy."

"No, Samuel -"

"Shut up," he interrupted impatiently, capturing her lips.

"Samuel." she breathed against his lips. "Please just let me say sorry, don't tell me you understand or it's all right. Just let me apologize, okay?"

He smiled softly. "Okay."

She drew in a long breath. "I'm sorry, Samuel. I'm so sorry."

"I know, Carla. I'm sorry too."

The atmosphere shifted. Everything suddenly felt final. An end. This was what it was.

Samuel's chest thudded with sadness, because they were ending a chapter of their story. And the only problem was, there were no new chapters on the horizon, no new beginnings for them. It seemed they'd reached the last chapter of the book.

_______________________________________________________

Her blond locks flailed around her in waves as he twirled her back into his chest. The soft sound of the smooth, groovy guitar travelling to their ears as they swayed to it in the middle of his bedroom.

Samuel was immensely enjoying dancing with the definition of beauty in front of him, if he could, he'd dance with her until they dug his grave. But his heart knew he was delaying the sex part of their evening, because Samuel knew it was the last time, felt it in his bones. She felt it too.

Samuel couldn't look away from her, he never could, but tonight there was a fearful tick in the way his eyes followed her. And he tried to keep it at bay and focus on the good. The moment, this moment, she was right in front of him and his eyes were hungrily snapping mental images to store in his memories. It was disorienting to think about a future where he was going to look back at this moment and what, smile, feel sad, nostalgic?

"What was your very first impression of me?"

Her question startled him back into focus. "Uh, I didn't really know you enough to form an impression."

She wound her arms around his neck. "I know that. I just meant, from afar, before you got to peek behind the curtain, what did you think of me?"

Hot, rich, spoiled, reckless. But beyond that, Samuel didn't pay much attention to her until after Marina's death.

"Don't do that. Tell me what you're thinking."

"Do you really wanna know?"

"Absolutely. I know it's not good."

"Fine. I'll tell you mine if you tell me yours."

Carla smiled. "Easy. First time I saw you, I thought you were quite handsome, in a broody sort of way."

"Really?" his arms pulled her closer.

"Yeah, but honestly I forgot about you pretty quickly after that."

"Hey!"

She laughed, shrugging. "It's the truth."

Samuel rolled his eyes. "Well, same here. First time I saw you, the usual things ran through my mind, gorgeous and rich."

"Hmm, and you didn't like Christian being with Polo and I."

He paused, she said it with conviction and Samuel remembered the few times they'd all fought with Christian about the company he'd kept with Polo and Carla.

Samuel's eyes lowered. "That doesn't count as first impression, though." he tried feebly.

She half-grinned. "I get it. We had an unhealthy arrangement, the three of us."

Samuel felt a bile rise in his throat, irrational jealousy inflaming his stomach as he remembered Carla's past affairs.

"I don't want to talk about that," he said sternly, his lips enveloping hers roughly.

"Noted," she said after drawing back. "how about the first time you decided to get close to me. What were your thoughts of me then?"

"Carla, you know what I thought."

"No, no," her hypnotic gaze speared him, her voice turning husky. "The inner bad thoughts, handsome, the ones that made you kiss me."

His attraction to her. His fascination. Samuel gulped.

"I was equally enraged and enthralled by you," he said gravelly.

She hummed airily, sending a tingle down his spine. "Go on."

"As you know, I looked through your Instagram. And I found myself staring at your pictures - a lot."

Her eyes twinkled mischievously, smirking. "A lot? Like, when you pleasure yourself?"

That earned her a nip on the hip. "Maybe." he grinned, his cheeks burning.

"Samuel!" She laughed loudly. "hmm, Interesting."

"Do you want me to continue or not?"

"Sorry, carry on."

He sighed. "And then at the funeral, you were trying to look unaffected. But I could see the guilt and sadness in your eyes."

"Yeah? You didn't even know me."

His lips curled in remembrance. "You said that then, too. But for some reason, I could just see you - feel you."

Carla's nose brushed his cheek, her breath fanning over him, and his skin fluttered. "And then we went for drinks, and you were so straight forward with your questions."

"Well, you're too smart for that shit, we'd never really talked before, so I just cut to the chase."

Her mouth skated over his jaw, purposely avoiding his lips, and Samuel wanted to moan in frustration. "And then the kiss. Why did you kiss me?"

"Don't act like you weren't seducing me, Carla," he told her breathlessly, bunching her dress in his hands, and holding her close, something stuttering in his chest.

"Hmm, maybe I was," she murmured into his ear, taking his earlobe into her mouth and sucking. A shock-wave of desire shot up his insides. "So I distracted you and it worked. Was that it?"

No, that wasn't it. There had been an animalistic urge, something he'd never felt before. It was gravitational, a burning curiosity that had needed to be fed.

The titillating melody in the background throbbed in his system, making everything more lustrous. His breathing was ragged and panting, and fuck, he wanted to fuck her right now.

"I'd never been so forward, I was always a mess when it came to the opposite sex. I'd never done something like that, But something about you... just brought it out of me. And you were so close, I could feel you pressed against me. So beautiful, so sinful."

He paused to exhale, his voice hoarse with arousal, Carla's lips now above his. "I - I had to kiss you. It was this confusing mix of anger and desire, I needed to taste y- "

Samuel was silenced by her trembling lips. The tension swelling and magnifying and they moved slowly within it, absorbing it in sync and harmony. Despite Samuel's fears of the aftermath, he managed to shut it down, so he could drown himself in her.

Their lips hardly edged away from each other, they kept finding the other, kissing hard and long.

Samuel pulled back only slightly, so his eyes could appraise her fully, his breath hitching from the explosive want within him, he could barely breathe from the ache to have her. His fingers pried under the hem of her short dress, wanting nothing but to reach her most intimate part.

But Samuel was going to take his time, his hands sliding back up her body, till they were fondling her breasts and causing Carla to let out a sexy moan, further hardening his already very stiff length. Carla was a sensual lover, but she was also a controlled one, quiet and collected, always leaving you wanting more. Samuel prided himself in making her vocal during sex, he took it as a challenge to elicit such arousing sounds from her, he wore it like a badge of honor. And tonight he was hoping to make her scream.

They helped each other removing their clothes, shoving the unwanted garments off. Samuel softly guided her back on the bed, lying flat over her and crushing their mouths together. Curving his arm around her waist, Samuel brought her closer, his lips leaving hers to descend down her heavenly skin, sponging open mouthed kisses all over her. His mouth finally covering her breast, sucking the sensitive area greedily.

"Samuel."

Her breathy gasp jolted him to the core, his heart was racing dangerously, experiencing all too much. His mouth continued appreciating the magical creature under him, kissing along her skin. Worshipingly, he trailed down the valley of her breasts, licking and biting his way to her navel. Samuel was on fire as he gazed at her, his lips grazing her thighs as he grabbed onto the underside to spread them apart and teasing her with feather kisses.

Reaching her dripping heat, Samuel inhaled deeply, relishing her sweet scent; before burying himself in it, his tongue flattened against her folds and dragged up and down in a sluggish manner, causing Carl's back to arch off the bed with a groan.

Samuel felt a desperate need in the pit of his stomach, a need that would never be sated, his love for the woman before him scorching his skin. His tongue flicked her sensitive clit, swirling around it before devouring it in his mouth, slowly he let a finger find her opening and curl inside, hitting that spot.

"Ah, fuck."

Carla's hand tangled in Samuel's hair, tugging at his head urgently, Samuel's heart rate accelerated as he hummed against her center eagerly. A second finger joined the first, as his mouth worked on her joyfully. He licked and sucked and fingered to his heart's content, possessed by a heady strong need to drive her closer and faster to the edge. Samuel was beyond aroused from her taste, the sounds she was making, that he almost felt like he was about to lose control without even touching himself.

Samuel glanced up as Carla bucked her hips, eyes closed as his tongue and fingers pushed her off the cliff. Starting to squirm on the bed, her pussy tightened around his fingers, surrendering to her pleasure with a sob of release.

Samuel gently moved his way back over her body, pecking her flushed skin lightly. They were both breathless as she tilted her head once he reached her face, seeking his lips, her kiss tasted sweet and loving. Her palm tenderly caressed his cheek, Samuel leaning into her warm touch.

He grasped the back of her knees, and held his breath. The moment felt delicate, precious and almost fragile, her gaze encompassing his heart and mind and soul completely and irrevocably. Their mouths hovered, sharing shaky breaths as he entered her slowly.

His eyes closed at the euphoric sensation, oxygen leaving both of them entirely, as he sank deeper and deeper until she was filled to the brink, and then he stopped, savoring that overwhelming, indescribable satisfaction.

"God, Carla," he groaned, easing himself all the way out, then thrusting back in harshly. Carla moaned loudly, closing her eyes as she met his hips. And with one upward thrust and maneuver of her hips, Carla impelled Samuel on his back.

His eyes hot, raw, and dark with carnality as he stared at her. Her hair wild and untamed around her shoulders, the dim lighting of the room casting a dizzying glow on every curve of her body, and his mouth hung open in awe. Up and down his cock, she fucked him, her breasts bouncing. And Samuel was entranced, captivated, owned, as she rode him into oblivion.

With a guttural, throaty growl, Samuel sat up, clutching her waist, his mouth attacking a pebbled nipple, eliciting a loud moan from Carla, and he felt it all the way down to his toes. One swift move from him and she was on her back again, he grabbed onto her ankles, plunging in deeper, feeling her muscles clench and contract around him.

"Fuck, Carla, you - you're everything," he rasped, his voice almost unrecognizable, rocking in and out of her, and grinding his teeth as a high-pitched cry escaped Carla's lips.

Everything was in overdrive, causing tremors to travel over both of them almost painfully. His eyes were unable to leave her face, frantically tracing and memorizing every single inch of her features.

Samuel ground himself harder into her, kneading her breast harshly before swallowing her gasp into his mouth, his lips sucking hers ravenously. Every memory they'd ever shared was in the forefront of his mind, brutalizing his emotions into a sweeping, vast field that held nothing but him and Carla. Their love, their passion, their bond. They were ineffable and frightening, and Samuel had no idea how the fuck was he going to live Without her.

Carla broke away from his lips with a moan, and Samuel took pleasure in showering her neck with wet, needy kisses. She drove him insane, running her hands up and down his back and onto his ass, urging him deeper.

"Oh, Samuel," she breathed into his neck, before taking the flesh into her mouth. Samuel clasped the back of her head, needing her mouth back on his as his hips quickened, picking up speed feverishly.

"I love you so much," his voice was devoted and raw against her lips, Her nails digging into the nape of his neck deliciously as she returned his faithful confession.

He couldn't hold back any longer, he tried so hard to make this last, to stop time. But Samuel couldn't stop time and they were both falling rapidly. Their mouths gaping and meeting sloppily, messily, as they pummeled toward a blissful abyss. It crashed onto both of them mercilessly, both moaning loudly as waves upon waves of ecstasy whirled and shook their worlds apart.

Their eyes shut, arms clutching each other desperately, their lips restlessly moving and that was when it dawned on Samuel, the silent tears that had dampened their cheeks. But nothing was said, they just held on.

And the night carried on with their bodies attached, whispering declarations of love and promise as they lost themselves in each other, over and over again.

_______________________________________________________

They'd come to a silent agreement that he wouldn't be escorting her to the airport. Carla was going home to take care of a few final details before she was off, and then she would be gone. Samuel wouldn't be able to see her tomorrow. He didn't know when he was going to see her again. If he was ever going to see her again.

One day, maybe. Someday in the far future.

Ah, one days and somedays. Such consoling, yet disquieting abstractions. Someday - it gave Samuel such contradicting thoughts, it was naive, but comforting in a way that made him not as sad. But it didn't change anything. Because that day was not today, it wasn't tomorrow or next month or next year. That day was an unknown, unsolvable variable, and it was going to taunt his every waking and sleeping moment.

Carla was adorning his entryway, her eyes quiet and disconnected, he would've commented on it, if he weren't sure that his eyes held the same distance. Samuel didn't want their last few minutes to be spent like this - uneasy and uncaring. Samuel still felt it pulsing within him, the need to protect himself from this non-stop emotional hell, and he could see it in Carla too. They stood there, both trying to make their goodbye less painful, less Important. Less life-altering.

They'd also come to another unspoken understanding. They weren't gonna say it. They hadn't uttered those three words since they had been intertwined and consumed by each other for the last time.

The thought of not touching her again was enough to make Samuel crumble in front of her. But he didn't, he couldn't. Instead he smiled softly, edging his body slightly nearer to hers, afraid to close anymore inches between them, her proximity always a danger to his self-control.

"I don't know what to say," he said quietly. How do I say goodbye to you? I wish you could stay, please stay, there's so much we could be.

"What to say?" she sighed, lips pursed in consideration. "see you later. . .no, too casual, right?"

Her weak attempt at lightening the mood fell flat and tense.

"Yeah. maybe we could go with see you soon. Nah, too unrealistic, right?"

There was a slight edge to his voice that Samuel didn't like, that he didn't want Carla to hear. Fuck, he had to be stronger than this. Carla was about to embark on her own path, finding herself without all the toxicity that had been in her life. She was going to university like any other fortunate human being. It was expected, it was normal and Samuel was happy for her.

"Yes, a little." she sent him half a smile, nerves present in her tone. "How about - will you visit?"

Samuel had been first in asking her that. Because he was desperate for a sprinkle of hope. he wanted to be able to pretend that they could have a long-distance thing, that maybe they could fly out every month to each other. But Samuel knew that was hardly an option, he didn't have the money, he didn't even have a passport yet, he couldn't travel over to be with his family. Visiting Carla was a pipe dream.

"Will you?" was his dodgy reply. Because if there were any chance he got to see Carla sooner than he believed, it was her visiting him.

Something in her eyes told him, she could read his train of thoughts. Her lips curled in wistful smile. "Of course. After all, Madrid is my home, I'll miss it too much not to."

Her words suspended in the air, neither of them saying anything for a while, giving Samuel time to breathe. Carla was about to walk out his door forever, for all he knew. And anxiety pooled in his stomach so tight, he could throw up. She was about to leave.

Samuel was so caught up in his thoughts, he didn't notice that Carla had moved much closer to him, until her scent wafted its way around him, blanketing him in its warmth.

Samuel was drowning as his eyes linked with hers, her palm darting up to caress his cheek. For the first time since it had all started with Carla, Samuel didn't want her to kiss him. Because he knew for a fact he'd break down, and he wouldn't be able to bring himself to let her go. Samuel was barely holding himself together, if he got to taste her again now, he wouldn't be able to stop.

As though she knew, Carla very gingerly brushed her lips on his forehead, triggering Samuel's breath to shorten as she rested her mouth there for a minute; before finally moving her forehead to settle against his own.

"How about I say this." she paused, so close to his mouth, he felt his fists clench, trying to curb his need to diminish the distance between their lips. "When we see each other again, I hope we're both in a better place in our lives, I hope you'll be with your family, finally at peace, living your life to the fullest as Madrid's most successful justice-warrior lawyer."

Samuel chuckled softly, his heart constricting painfully at the picture she painted, because she wasn't in it. "doesn't sound too bad."

"No, it doesn't," she replied gently, her eyes shining with unshed tears.

"And I hope," Samuel started, his voice weak and strained and woeful. "If we see each other - whenever we find each other again - I hope I find you happy."

"I hope I find you happy too."

Samuel didn't know if they were just words they were saying to each other to make it somehow easier. Because he only wanted to be happy with her. But his mouth remained shut as he tried to absorb these last minutes with her.

Samuel's fists finally gave up the fight, unclenching and roughly yanking Carla to him, his head buried in her neck trying to inject her scent into his veins. Their arms wrapping around each other so tightly, it felt like they were never letting go.

After a minute or an hour, Samuel didn't know nor did he care. Carla began to pull back and his arms instinctively tightened around her, trying to keep her just a little longer. But thankfully he shook himself out of it and released her slowly. They stared at each other, both of their eyes holding back tears, mouths not saying anything. No more words were needed.

Carla nodded her head slightly, as if to say 'this is it'. And then light as a feather, she floated to his front door, turning the knob, swinging it open. She stopped. Samuel was silently begging her to say it - say something, but his head was screaming at her simultaneously to just go and spare him the additional pain.

And Carla listened to it, without one more word or one more glance, she was gone.

The light click of the door shutting after her, thundered through his body viciously, making Samuel gasp loudly as he finally let the tears stream silently.

"Fuck," he whispered brokenly to the hauntingly empty house. Samuel felt a sudden sharp need for his mother, wanting her to wrap him up in her arms, to reassure him that he was going to be okay, it was all going to pass. He needed his mother so badly and she wasn't here.

No one was here.

Samuel angrily wiped at his tears. Anger. He welcomed the familiar emotion, it was better than this hollowing sadness that was threatening to take over him and never leave.

Plopping down on the couch, he grabbed his phone, only to find it open on one of the pictures they had taken together in the last few days. With his heart in his throat, Samuel sifted through them and before he knew it, he was sitting there browsing through the images again and again.

He was so fucking tired of losing her.

He stopped on one particular picture, where both of them happened to be looking at each other and not the camera, he remembered taking that picture vividly, his arm outstretched, smiling, turning to Carla to find her looking back at him. So lovingly, it took his breath away. And Samuel was lost, he could see it now in this picture, all over his face, how Carla had complete ownership of his heart - of his entire being.

They never had the chance to actually be together. That was what hurt the most, what could've been. They fell hard and fast and unexpected. They loved each other but they never had time to explore it, enjoy it, savor it.

Is it better to have loved and lost or to never have loved at all?

Well, Samuel knew one thing with unshakable and absolute certainty, he could never, would never, regret what he'd had with Carla. The memories were irreplaceable and untouchable and they were his. She had been his, for however short amount of time, Carla had been his and Samuel had been hers. And losing her might never stop hurting, but Samuel wouldn't trade what they had for the world.

Was there destiny and fate? If Marina hadn't died would they have even found each other? Samuel couldn't think of a world where he didn't love her. Even if the events of their lives had been different, someway and somehow, they would've been brought together.

And they had found each other, so maybe they could again.

An alternate universe. A different reality and future, maybe they'd had made it. Or maybe even this universe, this future, they could one day have each other again.

Silly and stupid thoughts. But in that moment, Samuel needed them to survive. He needed to believe in these notions, even if just to stifle his anguish and despair, and save his currently lost soul. So he let them in to flicker life back into his heart. It was naive and a little pathetic, but maybe, just maybe, there was a time, in this life or another, in which they could reunite.

Because Samuel had always felt it, and even in his heartbroken, cynical state, he could still feel it.

They were inevitable.

_______________________________________________________

A/N:

It’s over! I hope you liked it!

Thank you so much to anyone who's ever given this any kind of support, reading, liking, or reblogging. And thank you so much to the people who replied or sent me an ask to give feedback, and took the time to write something, you kept me going. I hope you know how much it means to me, you're the best!

Once again, thank you all so much and please stay safe!

#samucarla #carmuel #carla x samuel #samuel x carla #carla roson #samuel garcia #elite

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