#also i know this ref looks kinda empty but i dont really have much to say about her design

[apricot-the-apricat]

Arachne's reffffff i dont like this one but anyways-

Ara!!! She's part of Maeve's court, and heir to the throne if anything were to happen to her. She spends most of her days either in her study doing paperwork for the kingdom or in meetings/events with Maeve, she's a very busy lady in general and nobody ever really sees her outside the castle unless it's for something business-related. Other than that though she seems polite enough. She's easy to talk to if you do manage to find a time where she's not busy, and while she is intimidating and always remains formal she's much more sensible and just than the queen is. Never seems to directly go against Maeve's decisions though.

[nemesyaaa]

bones and all au // rafe cameron x reader

summary : “ you're so handsome when I'm all over your mouth. ” strangers by ethel cain.

warnings : if you were not comfortable with the movie by luca guadagnino, don't read this !! mature plot. a lot lot lot of blood. sick and gore attitude. cannibalism used as a form of love. strangers/ode to eaters by ethel cain muse. smut. pomegranate used as a metaphor of cannibalism. jealousy. mentions of organs and anatomy. some b&a refs but you can read it without watching the movie. violence. minors DNI. +18.

author's note : crdits to @starfxkrreloaded for this au. you can reach for her ode to eaters au which is very insane ! please, i know this is very twisted but don't send hate or be mean in the comments. if you dont want to read something like that, it's your right and i respect it, just scroll. to the rest, hope you will enjoy. it's my first time writing something like that so i'm kinda nervous. and by the way, the movie is very beautiful, taylor russell was incredible in this. i highly recommend you.

you lived in an old house in the midwest, the southern gothic type with an empty fridge, broken stairs, carcasses of eaten animals in the garden, a tv too old to be turned on, a radio player too damaged to be listened to , a completely dirty kitchen with dishes full of dishes in the sink, and nasty dirts on the floor. there was also that damn lamp that flickered and came on every other time, that icy water that froze your bones, that cold tiles that creaked under your feets. the windows were rarely open but when they were, the shutters slammed against the wind, your underwear hung over the radiator. but you really liked this place, in fact, it was the only place you could call home without wanting to collapse in tears.

you had your headphones on in that empty quiet space, and a probably dead singer in your ears living through your swaying body. you found this pomegranate on the table while searching. it was intact, still shiny and full of good things.

you didn't need a knife when you had a hungry beast inside you to cut the fruit with your teeths. you had dug your molars inside the seeds, directly into the fresh and virgin skin, opened the eviscerate flesh, tearing away everything you can with your mouth, the still delicious juice ready to feed your thirst and starved your hunger.

you smelled the fruity and juicy scent through your nose, splitted open the pomegranate, discovering the clean and clear inner bones, a pretty red color, even more oozing and sublime than your blood, a perfect complexion reminiscent of the sanguinary meat of your anatomy. your tongue and teeth were sunk in, completely buried in the dripping morsel. your face and cheeks were full of it, shining onto your dirty and sticky fingers. the juice burst, squeezed in your hands as you devoured this fruit, the liquid of which flowed, dripping down your neck and chest, slipping toward your tummy like an unstoppable river.

you were bad as a demon, but nothing stopped you. you bit and bit like a mad dog into the flesh of the fruit like a piece of meat, extracting with your molars everything that you could recover and stuck in your throat.

the more you ate, the more the fruit bled. but you heard nothing, no lamentations. nothing could stop you from eating, from the rage beating. it was sickly, obscene and depraved.

you looked like such an innocent thing, but inside you, there was nothing like that. and you couldn't fool anyone with your tears and your regrets, because you didn't have any.

you had dropped the pomegranate on the ground, there was nothing left except a broken corpse. you had consumed everything from the flesh to the bones, from the skin to every part.

your dress was stained. you stank of pomegranate as much as sin. there was nothing good in you, and above all, there were too many people in you.

rafe had come home in the night while you were waiting in the armchair in the living room, with this juice stuck to your body. you hadn't moved. for some reason you were faithful to your partner. maybe because he scared you, or because you understood that without him you couldn't survive.

he had thrown the key in the table and came before you.

he came toward you in the same state you had seen him for the first time, covered in blood and with glowing blue dilated eyes. you knew that he had eaten, that he had devoured someone because he was not like you. rafe was worse. he understood that nature was to kill but beyond that, it was something he was trying to teach you as your mentor. that we should not regret giving in to impulses, that if we did not listen to them, they would end up killing us.

that we were originally monsters, and that we had to deal with it. you didn't know if he was telling the truth, if he was right. but he was taller than you. you found a maturity in him that fascinated you, that forced you to listen to him.

he had taken off his shirt, and you looked up at his face. he smelled of blood, that strong, metallic smell that you could sniff from several meters away but especially his because you knew him by heart.

“jesus, don’t look at me like that. you wanted to stay at home, i didn't force you to. ”

“it was a girl. what was she like? did you like it ? ”

you didn't know if it was jealousy, or curiosity. you just knew you didn't like knowing he was with some girls even if it wasn't going to last.

with a smirk but at the same time terribly cold face, he answered you. "if you're that jealous, use that energy and mouth to taste it. maybe, you will have some answers. ”

you got up from the chair to join him. you didn't want to share him, even though you knew there was only you in his life. you knew it because since you knew him, he had never talked about his family, nor contacted relatives in the payphone. then, he rarely spoke about his private life. he often made fun of you, because it was more your type of thing to open up about personal moments. you never knew if he was really listening to you but he stayed until the end of your speech.

eagerly, you kissed him, that girl’s blood sliding against your lips, your mouth capturing rafe’s in a kiss, as your cheeks crushed against his bloody face. “ mine, mine.” you whispered, pushing your tongue against his. “ clean that blood, babe. i can't be yours if she's still here. ” he had slipped his hands under your skirt, pressing the flesh of your ass. he had a ring on, the cold metal playing against your skin. you could smell it, just like what he had eaten before coming home.

he sat on the probably moldy and torn couch in your living room, you were almost his height now that you were sitting on top of him. you were hungry, as much for him as for sex. he made you feel so many things, or it was this jealousy, this thirst within you that made you so hungry. you weren’t really sure.

you took one of his fingers still covered in blood, the recent taste of raw flesh now in your cavity. he had pushed his thumb deeper in your mouth, making you suck the pulp properly. the liquid bleeding against your tongue, as his flesh quickly brushed your cavity, your drooling lips curved around him. he pushed it in until he felt your throat.

he was playing with fire, he was playing with you, because he knew you could bite him at any moment but he had also conditioned you not to.

“so, how is it? ”

“nothing tastes better than you.” you simply replied. “ right ? nothing can be as good as me. ” he said in a mocking tone.

he had undone the strap of your dress, revealing one of your tits which he had taken in his palm before taking it in his mouth. your nipple was pressed between his teeth, your skin trapped in his hand as he sucked on your piece of flesh, pinching it only ever so gently in his mouth. he still had remnants of blood, slipping between your body and his tongue.

there was something sensual between this slow sucking, fast suction of the tongue around your throbbing nipple, your spiraling stomach against the void, the movement of his adam's apple in his throat while he tasted every beads of your boobs. rafe was good at it.

he pressed your tits, grabbed them tightly and firmly against his palm, nibbling the tip, caressing the pulp, kissing the flesh. and maybe if he had bitten into it, you would have cum instantly.

his hand was on you, covering your body in blood and sweat, tracing your figure with his soiled and bloody fingers like a canva, letting them run over your skin like a paintbrush.

he was hidden by your sucked breasts. and you wanted him full. you had started to grind against him, even with your underwear separating you from him and his piece of jeans, you managed to be completely soaked on him. your hips moved in motion, lifting delicately like a porcelain doll too afraid of getting hurt.

you were no worse than him, and he was no worse than you. you were both terrible people. there was no hierarchy among people like you.

but the first time you saw him, in that shirt full of blood, with that mouth so red and that oozing dripping neck.

it was dark, but you knew very clearly what he had done, and perfectly well who he had eaten. you had observed it and you had not seen a monster. you weren't afraid.

he wasn't mean and monstruous, just indifferent.

"if you want to eat, that man is still over there." he said simply, not trying to hide or deny what you were seeing.

and you liked it. you instantly liked it.

“ you're the one who interests me.”

“you know the drill, we don’t eat each other.”

“i mean, will you let me come with you?”

"listen to me carefully, i don't have the face of a babysitter, nor the skills to do so. get by, you may be a minor but if you're old enough to do what you do when mom and dad have their backs turned, i swear, you can get through this on your own. ”

“i’m an adult.” you cut him off.

“your age was a nice excuse for me to tell you that i’m not interested. i bet you're an adult. ”

you had followed him when he approached his pickup. "i wouldn't bother you. but i need help. i mean, this is new to me. i don't do this often while you seem to be experienced. i want.. .i want to be like you, not to be afraid of that.”

“what makes you think i’m the right person for this?”

“you may not necessarily be the right person, but you’re the one I want.”

“you know, i already have a lot of problems, i don’t need a burden on all of them.”

“please. i won’t be one. you have my word.”

"you really don't give me a choice. come up crybaby, but if you bother me, i won't hesitate to abandon you, no matter where."

you nodded. it was going back, but in the meantime, you had traveled to many states of america, and probably left a pile of corpses on your way. even though it hadn’t been easy, he had taught you how to drive.

one cold summer night, in the darkness of a tent in the middle of nowhere, you hadn't managed to sleep. but when you opened your eyes, rafe wasn't sleeping either.

“you should sleep, you’re the one driving tomorrow. ”

“you want to know who my first victim was? "

"i guess even if i don't care, you're going to tell me. so go ahead. knock me out, tell me something your little lips haven't told me yet. and don’t say victim, you're much an innocent thing than a killer. but don’t worry, i'm about to raise you very well. ”

his hands had gripped your hips to position you above him. “but for now, tell me about your boring story, maybe it will help me sleep.”

you had told him a lot of your past. the first time you had eaten someone, the babysitter your father had hired who had ended up torn apart on the floor and another part in your mouth. oh it really wasn't beautiful. and this time, in the summer camp where a boy had mysteriously disappeared because you had devoured him in the woods. and that friend at school whose finger you swallowed. it was stronger than you. you needed to eat.

and rafe was the only one to understand it.

the most intimate moments in a relationship should be sex, but for the two of you it was different. it was when you ate together, when you both had blood around your mouth, that you could taste his, and he could taste yours. when there was this connection between you.

he was a different eater from you, he was bestial and cold, sinking his teeth straight into the flesh, tearing off the parts of the body one by one. his bites were mean and cruel. the way, his teeths pulled the organs, the ribcage. you watched him, his hungry raging mouth embracing the darkness of his needs, ripping all the raw meat out roughly. oh the blood, it leaked into every corner of his pretty and bloody lips that you wanted to kiss so badly, to feel the liquid and flesh filling and consuming the space of your throat and your tongue as your body swallowed everything he gave you. oh how much, rafe loved to feed you directly in the mouth, letting you suck the flowing red wet all around his jaw, and down his neck to the cool grass. he was beautiful. insanely handsome. but also, so scary.

his skin was covered in a red, metallic coat. his eyes were consumed with pleasure, while devouring the body of your victim.

he was very different from you, who was more delicate in your movements, or rather clumsy. your bites were messy, your touches lighter, even with the blood all over you.

but it was in those moments that the sex was the best afterwards. when his tongue, still red and famished with blood, circulated over the skin of your stomach, leaving a reddish river against your flesh.

and it went even further than that, when he found himself lost between your legs, his warmth muscle completely buried inside you, lapping your soaked folds, licking you like a starving man, his mouth pressed around your sloppy wet cunt. your juices dripping against his open wided mouth and jaw, the throbbing of your clit against his nose, the way your beating pussy smeared the blood across his lips and cheeks every time he entered and devoured your delicious slick.

since you didn't eat each other, it was your only way to feed him, to make him taste you. you didn't know if he loved your taste but in any case his tongue always came back to find you, to fuck that cunt, lodging itself between your soggy walls.

he forced you to keep your thighs apart, one hand resting on your bruised tummy which contracted every time you felt him on your core.

your legs shaking around his shoulders, the way his bloody mouth nibbled on your clit. you moaned in the middle of this abandoned place. you could shout as loud as you wanted, no one would come, no one would hear you.

you loved feeling his large hands on your bruised skin, especially after eating, because they were dirty and sloppy. you let your tongue clean the blood stuck to his fingers, the drops falling into your mouth.

it was strange how love can be perceived for everyone. ever since you were a child, you have been unable to show affection without hurting people. when you loved someone, it was tragic because you had this need to devour and consume them, to make them a part of you, to make them live within you.

but for rafe, it was different.

you were total opposites. and even though you lived together, you wondered if he felt things for you. if he had ever been in love.

because you liked to think that the way he kept you around, the way he let you stay with him at night, the way he always came home, and was open to doing all these things with you, that was his way to show you that you mattered to him. you even wondered if he came back every night because he couldn't let go of you. yet, at the beginning of your relationship, he wouldn't have hesitated.

here, in this rickety house, you didn't pay rent. it belonged to one of your victims. you always did that, you killed people, and robbed them of their belongings. you took their money, clothes and possessions. you were stealing the lives of these people. at first you felt guilty but now you feel nothing. it was life.

“i love you. ” you told him, as you straddled him on your shared bed, your fists curled in the pieces of sheets. “i really love you, rafe.” you were moaning and feverish, every inch of his thick cock buried in your core, hitting your spot.

while you were bouncing on him, your ass slapped against his muscular thighs. he grabbed your breasts moving over his face, as his dick was ruining you, each of his thrusts destroying your canal. you were as tight as the first time he fucked you in the back of the pickup. he gripped your ass, pinching the flesh.

he wrapped his hand around your throat before losing his face in your neck, his mouth kissing that immaculate part of your body. he placed kisses, before lightly sinking his teeths into your skin, nibbling and sucking on this skin offered to him, while you continued to take him just below him. “yea, you love me. ” with a hard stroke further into you. “still fucking tied to me. ”

and he wasn't wrong, you were so glued to him, completely submissive. he was inside you, filling you completely, every part of his length stuck to your walls, parting your pussy lips, your moans muffled above his head as your arms wrapped around his back. you were desperate and whimpering, the wet sounds of your repeated moans echoing around the room.

you could feel the twitch of his stomach against your skin, the perfect harmony of your two bodies in sync, he speared you violently with his fat cock, let you hear his grunts and heavy breathing against your neck, coming straight from his throat.

you were sweaty and noisy, like one of his victims, but most of all, you were his, his hands all over your body like a prize. every touch was possessive, your head tilted back, and his mouth melted onto your jaw. he fucked you roughly, making you bounce on him and cry.

his blue eyes shone in the darkness of the room. they were on you, in a perfect focus.

“do you love me? " you asked him, your body going through trembling spasms, your skin covering his. you were desperate and suffocating. your breaths were rapid and frantic.

he moved your head with his hand on your throat, his gaze flickering above your collarbones. you felt like you were pretty with the importance his pupils gave you.

you wondered if he had ever wanted to eat you alive, because after all, even if you were an eater, you were still easy prey.

and maybe even sometimes you fantasized about what he could do, because you wouldn't have minded seeing him dug his teeth into your flesh like meat, seeing him consume you one by one, your bones getting sucked, your blood spurting against his tooth.

you would have loved to sacrifice your body to feed him, to be that pomegranate to him, to see him smile through your organs, to see his belly swell because you were in a thousand pieces inside.

you would have loved for him to eat you alive, because you knew rafe would have done it out of love.

“ don't leave me or i will eat you. ” you said to him, his hands brushing your hair like a lover. “ every part of you. like you taught me. ”

“ bones and all ? ”

“ bones and all, my love. ”

and he smiled, fucking smiled all over your kisses, his lips covered yours.

“ then, what are you waiting for ? sunk those teeths in me. scared for what, babe ? nothing that you have not tasted before.”

[scandeniall]

Dear Diary

song 1: dear diary |  good & bad masterlist | prev | next

Pairing: sakusa x reader

Summary/warnings: life has been kicking your ass yet you don’t want to tell sakusa/profanity

WC: 1.5K

“How’ve you been,” you paused debating on answering honestly or not. Switching your phone to speaker, you fiddled with the covers resting beneath your fingers before sighing out. “I miss you Yoomi.” A silence comes settled through the phone line. “How are you doing?” The insistence of your well being causes another sigh to escape your lips. Of course he could tell that something was off even through the phone and a part of you curses his observational skills. “Im just--really fucking stressed,” you mutter out reluctantly. 

“Have you been taking care of yourself? Eating real meals and getting proper sleep?” The questions being rattled off on the other side of the phone causes you to crack a small smile at his concern. You could only imagine the furrow in his brows at the thought of a lack of concern for your own health. You almost miss the ending of the questions as he tells you not to lie to him. Your silence causes Sakusa to sigh on the line. 

“Sometimes I hate how much you really know me.” You voice the thoughts that had previously been in your head. Sakusa could hear the slightest of background noise as you maneuver yourself under the warm comforter and shifted to get comfortable. “Do you need me to come home.” The words aren’t phrased as a question, and that causes you to quickly shake your head despite the fact that he couldn't see that.

“No-no. Yoomi, it's fine. I just- I just need to get my mind right and relax. I just needed to hear your voice tonight, that's all.” You tell him, despite wanting nothing more than for him to be back with you.He’d been on the road for the last month, a series of away games and such. And right before he left, you’d been out of town on a major business trip. It seemed as if time nor luck were your friend. It’d been at least a month and a half since the two of you were anywhere near one another. He’d still be gone another month and all either of you could do was wait it out. 

The silence that followed your response was telling. You could already imagine the way Sakusa has his eyes narrowed in thought. Thinking about whether he should push for your well being or let it go for now. The quietest sigh escaped his mouth from the other side of the phone. He’d made his decision. “I miss you too. I’ll be home soon.” 

Life after that phone call seemed to grow progressively worse. Not only had you and Sakusa not been able to squeeze in another talk in the following week, but life sucked. Your job has been giving you more and more responsibility, and allowing you more freedom. On one hand that was great, a celebratory text sent to your boyfriend at the talks of you in for a promotion, however it was tiring. You were coming home later and later, exhausted and starting to neglect your own health.

It’s not you were intentional in the neglect. It just felt too damn hard to come home after a long day and cook a healthy and fulfilling meal. When you were home you were suddenly reminded of just how empty the apartment was without Sakusa. Dust that was normally absent due to his cleanliness began to appear. Dishes piled up more than he would have liked. Whenever you did bother to straighten up at least for his sake, it drained you. 

Adulthood was really kicking your ass and it came to a head one night when you woke up sweating. As if life couldn’t drag you down even more, your AC had gone out right during the hottest part of the summer. Come morning you found out that your landlord had gone on vacation and could not and would not be able to fix the unit for at least a week. 

So you’d done what you usually did. Sucked it up and forced yourself to push through. Not a word of your woes to Sakusa who had more important matters to attend to other than your slump. You went to work, exhausted yourself there and dragged your feet into the dreaded heat of your apartment. 

Upon entering you were automatically hit with a wave of heat, making your already sluggish steps heavier. Kicking your shoes off you offhandedly waved hello to the person seated on the couch before dragging yourself towards the kitchen like it was completely normal. A moment later you stopped in your tracks. “Yoomi?”

The slightest nod from your boyfriend caused you to blink in surprise before launching yourself into his arms. “What are you doing here,” you muttered as his hands ran up and down your back. Pulling away slightly you eyed him. He looked tired. Eyes unusually sunken and you noticed the tiniest sheen of sweat across his forehead. You went to pull away knowing the touch paired with the heat would likely make him uncomfortable. To your surprise, the hands wrapped around your middle didn’t make any moves to release you. “You needed me so I came home.”

You felt a squeeze in your heart as your arms tightened wrapped around his shoulders. “But I didn't say anything—“

“Your voice. On the other week. And then your texts were different.” Of course he noticed. The conversation had already signaled to him that you weren’t the best. Your shaky exhales as you insisted that you were fine and that he didn’t need to come home. Then he noticed the jokes within your texts began to slowly subside. You’d also found yourself saying that you missed him more than usual. “So you came back?”

“I have a 3 day weekend this week. Then I’m back to practicing.” You nodded in understanding the two of you releasing one another and you noticed Sakusa frown. “Why’s it hot?” You explained about the broken AC and about the suffering you’ve endured for the past 2 days. “Did you get any more fans?” He looked annoyed once you denied purchasing any additional appliances knowing he’d had to get that done for you. “You know you’re more susceptible to nosebleeds in the heat right?”

“Thank you Dr. Omi,” you teased, laughing at his scowl from the nickname. The two of you settled onto the couch, your head coming to rest on his shoulder. “It’s common knowledge.” His replies allow a lightness to settle in your heart. One you hadn’t felt in weeks. The two of you settle into a silence for a little while his hand rubbing soft circles on your knee. “You need to take better care of yourself. And tell me when you need me.”

“I didn't want to take you away from your busy schedule,” you hum out. You feel the movement against your knee stop, a former grip replacing it. “I don't care how busy I am, I’m here. Now stop being annoying and tell me things.” You feel yourself jokingly roll your eyes before agreeing. However that wasn’t enough as you heard the scoff from next to you. 

“I’m serious. You remember what you told me back in college”

“Pretty sure I told you a lot of things back then,” you tease, taking his closest hand and interlocking your fingers. “You believed in me,” he started catching your eyes. “Told me you always knew there was no limit to me. That means I can handle it. Don’t feel like you’re annoying me.” Your eyes widened at how he remembered that very specific moment. 

It was around 4 years ago. He’d just told you that he signed to MSBY, something everyone around him was dying to know. Yet you were the first person he told. He remembered how your eyes beamed as you sat on his lap, your phone camera in his face recording the moment for memories sake. He didn’t even bother swatting it away like he usually did. He’d allowed you to place messy kisses all across his face despite the feel of your tacky chapstick. “Why do you remember that,” you questioned a soft smile gracing your own features. 

You notice the shrug of his shoulders as he helped to to sit you sideways into his lap. “Doesn’t matter. Now tell me what’s wrong. And then we’re going to get some fans.” You nodded leaning so that your lips met his for a soft kiss. “I really missed you,” you murmured into the kiss. And while he was only there for the weekend it was enough. He came home for you. The one who has loved and supported him with open arms for the past 5 years. He’d be damned if he didn’t try to make up for it. 

So you told him everything on your mind. Laughing every time he scolded you for the little things. “Don’t let the dust build up by the time I get back next month.” To “You need to sleep more.” And in return you got the same. You got the story from the exhaustion laced in his eyes. The hours it took to get to you, and the germs he forced himself to sit through to make it happen. And despite the annoying heat in the apartment, neither of you have felt that good in a while.

a/n: wow i FINALLY got at least 2 consective songs in a row done so now my prev/next is relevant for at least 2 parts. This took a different route than I initially planned for, nor is it exact in its storytelling. It was also started 2 months ago and finished now bc it was kinda hard for me. Anyways hi um did you catch the no limit to you ref? bc yeah i love that and to date still my fav piece ive ever written. you dont have to read that to understand this but its 5.4k words if you have some spare time.

anyways: im about to be on an 8hr car ride so feel free to request stuff. rules 

[whence-the-woody]

Finale commentary under the cut

So I wanted to kind of liveblog as I was watching but held back so these are my remembered reactions/second watch reactions

Bummed there was no song recap but quickly figured itd play at the end

PUPPY. Best part of the ep, lbr, Dean was so cute with him

Theyre really doing a cheesey life montage huh - still not clear whether monsters are a thing in this new world?

I was watching the mins tick by during this first montage like OKAY we get it, cheesey happy home life, move along. There was only 40 mins left of the whole show like get on with it, it went way too long 

We definately needed to restablished that Sam is neat while Dean is messy. Totally necessary to spend time on that. Also didnt Dean get houseproud when they moved into the bunker?? What happened to that?

OMG get on with it

Then becomes apparent that hunting is still a thing. Which if so what was the point of showing then doing fucking laundry and dishes while “Ordinary life” plays - if its not just an ordinary life?

At this point i thought it might go the route of them being listless without hunting as a job but then murder scene so I guess not

This whole pie sequence is stupid and a waste of time, we all know it

Dean being a cold, heartless bitch about everyone being dead. Aces. Not unexpected but still just great. How dare you be so happy about pie fuck you dude. 

DOES ANYONE REMEMBER EILEEN

Pie is the face is not funny my dudes come the fuck on

I started skipping through during the murder scene. I was bored. Like, I dont care about tension building to the murder of a family we dont fucking know. Ive always skipped these scenes, what is the damn point. Its not scary or interesting. 

GET ON WITH IT

Same old FBI bullshit. Nice to see the journal again I guess. But like, this is STILL what we’re doing? In the very last ep? Same old, different day, just like 15 years ago. Really?

Singer and Kripke. Subtle. 

I skipped through the interrogation too. I dont find the scary brother act cool or entertaining 

15 mins in and nothing has happened

Theyre trying so hard to give Dean jokes and nothing is landing, its so cringe just stop

The way the little clown faces pop up - if that supposed to be scary? Really? Its all just so silly rn

Watching it again I realise just how easy this hunt is. The answer is in the journal. They find the exact family. They find the exact barn. The kids are just stood in a cupboard. This is what takes Dean out, really? Its not even a normal hunt, its a way too fucking easy one. 

I do not remember this chick or what ep she was in, maybe theres some parallell or foreshadowing by bringing her back but if there is I dont get it

Bottom line if youre gonna bring people back WHY THE FUCK THIS RANDOM GIRL

I knew so fast he was gonna go out like that. Hanging from a fucking nail

I kept saying out loud not like this, no way, this is so stupid, its so stupid omg

I paused and tried to talk myself into putting aside how stupid and awkward it was for him to be doing this scene hanging off a pole and just try to invest in the emotion of the speech. Which I achieved at times

but why was is so awkward tho?? Just the way hes stood pressed against it is fucking weird. Also 1000% Sam couldve gotten help and he wouldve been FINE. It took so long for them to talk, an ambulance couldve been there before they were done, there was no need for this

Okay the speech did make me cry once I pep talked myself into being invested. The reference to being scared Sam would reject him, the I love you so much, Sam saying dont leave me, the stay with me and tell me its okay - all those moments got me and I did cry. I appreciated the family business line. I liked Jensen telling Jared he always keeps fighting, that was a nice reference. 

BUT there were also those moments that made me scoff, roll my eyes or laugh. The whole “always you and me” bullshit especially. The second I knew he was going to say I’ll be in your heart I yelled at them to no do it, I hate that cheesey move, then literally was like “oh my god, he did it”. It WAS NOT always going to end like this - so much of the last 15 years was proving him wrong about that. This is all just so wrong, it is not good. 

Jensen and Jared did a good job with what they were given in this scene but my god

The audacity of the Cas erasure- always you and me. FUCK YOU. 

I laughed out loud when his last shot was a One Perfect Tear. I was literally like “Oh wow they did that”

DEAN DESERVED A BETTER DEATH

It also kinda loses all impact when you see him like 2 mins later

MIRACLE IS THE REAL MVP ILY

Theyre really doing another montage. Really. Like we get it, hes sad, we didnt need the toast to understand that

Omg Miracle by his side. The best of bois.��

Looking around his room like beer and guns was all dean was. Sure. Aces. 

I choose to believe Bon Jovi was a ref to before Dean went to hell

If Donna is back why isnt anyone else?!?

Oh Jared you look so old bby. Go home. He looks older there then later in the ridiculous make up

Why is that shot made to look like hes leaving the bunker forever?? Like that makes no sense

Bobby greeting him is nice and all BUT IT SHOULDVE BEEN CAS

Also they are 1000% doing the show don’t tell by having Bobby just sit and explain everything. SO FUCKING LAZY

Cas has been out of the empty, helping rebuild heaven. Okay, fine. Even Dean’s reaction to hearing that was fine. BUT YOU ASK WHERE YOUR FUCKING BEST FRIEND IS AND GO SEE HIM. WHO IS THIS VERSION OF DEAN WTF

I know people are upset Cas is back working in heaven but I dont think its anything like before. It sounds like he helped fixed things then got his own heaven. Also he’s God’s Dad, hes not serving God, hes teaching him. I know human Cas done right is what we wanted but I dont hate this for him. BUT WE SHOULD HAVE FUCKING SEEN IT. 

Why is a memory of being a kid with his Dad what Dean is reminiscing on. They have literally reverted him back to s1. There are so many memories dean should be thinking about in fucking heaven

Hes going for a drive

Hes going for a motherfucking drive

In the car he was just in

WHY THE FUCK IS HE ACTING LIKE HE HASNT SEEN BABY IN YEARS WHAT IS THIS SHIT

Hes going to drive around doing nothing until Sam gets there are you fucking kidding me. Not going to see any of his family from the last 15 years, just driving. Absolute horseshit. 

This is the moment where you realise that this episode has changed NOTHING. This is the same ending as the last ep except theyre in heaven not on earth

ITS THE EXACT SAME FUCKING THING

Okay so they skip over how Sam went from going on a hunt to walking with a toddler. OMG how unsubtle that they have literally just labelled the child Dean in big yellow letters. I couldnt help but laugh, how fucking stupid. 

I did get a bit teary when the music started I’ll be honest. But mostly through the whole montage (ANOTHER ONE) I was saying to myself This is so fucking stupid. omg this is dumb, what the fuck is this, so stupid.

They literally did a montage so long they had to play the song twice. Im just done at this point wow. 

The old man make up is so bad I just laughed. The only pictures being of the 4 of them, reinforcing the Winchester only bullshit, great. Not even pics of this new random family Sam’s got. The painfully cliche Dad moments for Sam, again so bad its funny. Omg the hand on the head of this random kid, this is so ridiculous. Old man sam in his bad wig trying so hard to move like hes old and crying in the impala. Wtf is happening, this is SO STUPID 

I thought theyd cast a more attractive son I’ll be honest. So he has the tattoo - are they a hunting family? Because that would go against both s1 Sam they’ve tried to go back to and the s15 Sam they build up to for all those years

I know they were going for an emotional parallel with that “you can go now” but this random man saying it to Sam in that make up, with the music cue lined up right there - its just funny coz its so dumb im sorry

I cant believe they actually played another different version, I’ll never get over that

Theres alot of things I’ll never get over

Is this bridge supposed to mean something? They shouldve picked a setting that meant something

I know theyre trying so hard to make Dean look happy and peaceful to convince us its a good ending but sis no

I laughed out loud when Dean turned around - WHAT IS THAT OUTFIT SAM?

Really, they have nothing to say? No questions, no convo? They just have cheesey smiles and look over the water? This is so wrapped up in a fucking bow trying to force us to feel good my god

The cut almost immediately to them talking to the camera, still in character getup, was so cringe I yelled and turned it off

And they pan out to literally none of the people we want to see . Great, Good. 

LITERALLY WHAT WAS THE POINT 

[palmett-hoes]

Do you have any Jewish Neil hcs? I have some but a lot of them conflict with each other and I can’t make up my mind which I like best but I love hearing other people’s because they’re always better anyway.

aww no no no i wanna hear them!! message me @hoob-gooblin if u wanna (it's my main nd where i can answer messages from) (no pressure tho if u dont wanna)

and don't worry my hc's for jewish neil and his family history and stuff are all over the place too and changing all the time. i just stick to the one central tenant that that boy is jewish no matter what

also, i'm not actually jewish. it's a long and complicated family story but suffice to say, my dad is, i never was, and i've got some... feelings about that

so i kinda project my feelings of alienation from judaism onto neil and also use him as an excuse/motivation to learn about judaism and jewish history bc also i fuckin love? ethnographic research?

so first off all. very fun to read aftg as an exodus narrative. neil as moses. exy as religion. (this is straight up ridiculous i swear). nathan and mary as pharaoh and pharaoh's wife that keep him in the dark of his 'truth.' his time as a runaway as the flight from egypt. tfc/most of trk as canaan (kinship and self-discovery). taunting riko, protecting the foxes, killing nathan, negotiating with the moriyamas as the plagues/miracles (not to mention that the basement has a lot of 'death of the first born' energy, prevented with lamb's blood (neil's sacrifice of his life for the foxes) and the intervention of an angel (stuart)). defeating the ravens as crossing the red sea.

oh and this mf?

ABSOLUTELY one of my neil refs

so yea besides all that insanity

the parts of reading neil as jewish that really make me emotional is his status as a runaway. moving from place to place. being chased away over and over again. never having a home. always looking over his shoulder. the entire jewish disapora for thousands of years have just been a play on that again and again, of having to flee from someone trying to kill you. reading jewish history is so sad. i mean, spain, russia, britain, germany, north africa, the middle east, ethiopia just to name some of the biggest ones. it's a story of constant migration and the way that mirrors neil's own journey speaks to me very much

BUUUUT some actual headcanons

nathan was much more dismissive of religion and actively discouraged his wife from practicing openly and would punish neil for bringing it up. at times he would even 'play christian' by decorating for christmas for show.

to me both nathan and mary were jewish (bc i have this complex about not heaping more ideological weight on either of neil's parents so i pretty much mirror any identity-based-hc's on them)

mary would attend synagogue sometimes but only the services, she never stayed around or made any connections. sometimes she'd bring neil and he'd LOVE it because he never got to go out anywhere, ever.

i like to think that mary was always multilingual with neil, and is of some maghrebi jewish descent so has been speaking to him in french and hebrew his whole life when she could. he's only fluent in languages he lived in daily but hebrew is his most personal language because it was the one that was just between him and his mother

he primarily knows emotion words in hebrew 'i'm tired.' 'i'm scared.' 'i'm hurt.' it's his secrets language, the only one that wasn't about blending in.

neil's version of 'abram' for mary was 'ima'

they stayed in a number of algerian jewish communities when they lived in france, and tended to seek out synagogues when they needed food, but couldn't afford establishing a pattern that could be used to predict where they might go

he leaves one rock on the place where he buried his mother

anywhoodle less sad hc's

psu has a jewish center on campus. neil attends occasionally.

he talks to renee sometimes, about god. he doesn't really know if he believes but sometimes he needs something to be angry at

after he tells the foxes he's jewish he never has to celebrate christmas again. it's a relief for a million reasons

nicky, a baptist born and raised, doesn't really 'get' it but gets really enthusiastically into trying to celebrate 'neil's holidays' until neil tells him to tone it down. they do go out and find a purim festival every year tho

he never officially joins a congregation but does eventually have a bar mitzvah

neil has no taste buds and will eat gefilte fish

'can i be buried in a jewish cemetery? i mean, i HAD a tattoo, but then it got burned off with a cigarette lighter...' 'jesus christ, neil' 'whomst?'

one night, when they both have too much rage that needs to be released, andrew and neil go to an empty lot and smash glasses and bottles together, stomping on the shards. they leave holding hands

[environmentworld-blog]

Making an environment in One Week - Part 1

I decided to make a whole environment piece in one week. So yeah!

WHAT THIS IS: Practice and an experiment. This was just a personal test to see what I could achieve and share my experience. WHAT THIS IS NOT: Healthy and practical. Healthy for reasons you will read bellow (at least for me), and practical because rushing things doesn't make you better. Even though there was some discovery here for myself, I didn't learn any new techniques, didn't learn from critiques, etc. I dont recommend to do this as a constant art practice. Its not smart if you are planning to grow in your craft.

That said!

Its been both a challenge, and a great time. It was definitely a big learning experience for me, and I am not very happy with the results but I decided to share it because I got something out of it, and hopefully some of you will as well.

The main challenge was to conceptualize and go from blockout to final in 1 week. Basically, going from here...

...to here...

...in one week.

The result is running realtime in UE4. I used Blender, ZBrush, Topogun2, the Substance suite and Photoshop.

DAY 1. Starting out...

This was, heads out, the hardest part. The whole piece took me around 45 hours. 4 hours after work from Monday to Friday and at least 12 hours on each day of that weekend. Needless to say, at the end of that week I was completely exhausted. MVP of the week was my girlfriend who decided to take care of my chores the whole week while I worked!

Looking at the empty canvas is always scary.

And of course this time it was no exception. It added an extra layer of pressure knowing that every minute I spent looking at it and clicking around, would take valuable minutes away from my busy week.  

I had to figure out SO MANY THINGS.

When tackling down an environment, there are many things I usually keep in mind. You have composition, theme, storyline, execution method, end platform, etc. And in this crazy jungle of thoughts that usually strikes me when starting to build a piece, I can get lost really quickly and begin walking in circles.

First I had to CHOOSE A PLATFORM. Unreal, of course. Moving on!

Then I had to FIGURE OUT THE MAIN THEME, on which I'm going to build my scene. So I almost instantly thought: pirates. I LOVE pirates. I mean, who doesn't? And with Uncharted 4 still to this day in my veins and one of the latest Magic The Gatheringset ever-present in my head (go Ixalan bois!), I had all the inspiration I needed. I had found my theme. And I set it in stone, for I would never allow myself to lose time changing it. That was not an option...

And of course, I ended up changing it.

Now, I need to THINK OF THE STORY. It was going to be amazing! I wanted to have a small boat in the sand with a treasure on it. And in the back, a huge ship shooting at it. As if the pirate stole the treasure and was getting away! He got to shore, but the ship was too damn close, so he had to take away whatever we could in his hands leaving most of it behind.

Cool, I liked it. It was no Dark Souls environment art storytelling, but it kinda worked!

So then I jumped to the next and one of the most crucial of steps: GATHERING REFERENCE AND BUILDING A MOODBOARD.

I think I got rid of most of my pirate-related reference, but here you kinda see what I was aiming for terrain wise. I had to cut a lot of it, but the feeling was there. This step is almost crucial, and it is really important not to underestimate reference. Spend 1-2 days looking for it. Always keep it open while working, and never stop looking for new pictures!

All this took me a good couple of hours. Perhaps 3 (tight time frame after all). So I HAD to move on to the engine now. No time to waste.

Next, I started with my main BLOCKOUT. This is definitely the most important part of it all. Here is where you should spend the most time when making environment art. The blockout is going to dictate the overcome of your whole piece. Don't think in details, details sucks, details are for murlocks. Nail your main shapes and composition FIRST. You will definitely tweak things around, but having your composition, shapes, balance, and flow of the piece in place in the beginning, is not only going to allow you to work more effectively, but it will also keep you inspired and moving forward.

So I did. This is the first blockout of this piece ever.

I started out with the simplest of compositions. I can go quite crazy trying things out at this stage but, not to my surprise, I hadn't much time to spare. So a simple rule of thirds, which I personally dislike (here is why), will do for now. I knew that I was going to keep a simple 3 point composition, and 2 counterbalancing points will do the trick for now.

Also, at this points rocks, water and sand texture were taken from the UE4 library.

I moved on then to BLOCKING OUT LIGHTING. As everything in this stage, it was very simple. Just used a basic skysphere (default to UE4) and tweaked the values a bit. I knew for a fact I wanted to keep working on both the mood and the clouds. But no time for that right now.

The goals of my first day were to have the whole blockout done. At this point it was almost 10 pm and I wasnt ready. And I wasnt going to bed until I had at least a very basic sand texture there.

So I made it.

And since its really awful, I figured I might aswell explain what was I shooting for composition wise. The framing was going to be natural vs man-made. Rock vs water. So the big rocks on the fore and the middle ground where doing that for me. At the same time, I was throwing all the flow lines I could to make the ship pop up.

And that was it. 11 pm. Time to eat something, go to bed, and go to work the next day. I could have stayed up all night. But I knew better.

DAY 2. Sand and rocks

Day 2 started out nicely. I almost ran home to get my hands on this! I was confident that I was going to pull it off. All was great!

I jumped right away to Substance Designer. I knew (and had been thinking all day) that I wanted to have the sand in as soon as possible. So I jumped directly to my next step BLOCKING OUT TEXTURES. Not everyone works this way, but I found out that having a solid blockout of your textures helps you to see the bigger picture. In an interesting scene, not only color but also roughness take a big part in making it look unique and appealing to the eye. And having your materials blocked out will get you early to a point where you can start tweaking lighting, composition and even propping to get the most out of your scene.

This screenshot is 2 hours in on the second day. I kept moving rocks trying to improve the composition, and all this new perspective came from my new sand material being applied to the terrain. I built a simple blend shader and vertex painted some roughness variation in where the land met the sea.

Also grabbed this super high poly ship from somewhere on the internet and used it very quickly to try to pull my vision a bit forward. All assets were created by me in their entirety, but blocking out a ship just for the blockout's sake would take me a whole day, and I was already starting to get scared from the scope of this scene. At this point I didn't think I was going to pull it off, and grabbing these ships helped me realize that my original vision simply wasn't going to happen. They were a lot of work, so I had to improvise something on the fly.

Much like in game development, the cool parts get cut. Ships were out, and I spent a whole hour trying to think what to do to replace them. And the clock kept ticking.

So I kept working on the composition. A 3 point composition would do it. A simple offset of focal points kept in flow by the terrain and contrast. Not too fancy, but would do the trick if done correctly.

Then I thought I might as well move on to the next thing: CREATING KEY PROPS. So I decided to get started with the rocks. I sculpted these godforsaken monstruosities and quickly decimated and textured them.

Here is a quick tip for you all: DONT RUSH THINGS. Because when you do, you end up losing time. They looked like crap. And I knew that. And hated the fact that I had to redo them. That didn't only make me lose time, but also severely affected my morale. Tackle things smartly, and give every piece of the puzzle the time it requires, because if one single piece is off, everything will look unfinished or just wrong.

Then added some fog and, just like that, the day was over. What a waste.

DAY 3. Rocking rocks.

Day 3 started at 7pm. I had to get to work with the rocks right away. So I did.

I looked for a lot of references and got to it. I ended up finding some killer ref on it, that was exactly what I needed. In the end, and after pretty much all day, I was happy with what I got. The sharp edges broke nicely with the smoothness of the scene. It almost felt like I was achieving a gradient between the smoothness of the water, the semi-rough surface of the sand and the sharpness of the rocks. I quite liked that. There was even a cool story element to it.

It also had to be reusable, so I sculpted it 360 degrees, since it was going to be rotated like crazy. I knew they weren't perfect since there was barely any small detail on them, but I would come back to them later.

I also kept developing the blend shader a bit. And used it on the rocks as a test, painting some sand on top of them.

DAY 4. Propping, mesh scatter and sand!

Getting back to it on the fourth day had me excited! I knew what I wanted to do with the rocks, so I started creating bigger variations and some backdrop ones. Once I had them, I kept working on the composition and framing of the whole piece. Also created some sharp ones to add at the distance, as some reference I found showed.

So at this point, halfway there, I had my composition kind of there, my secondary props almost done, my main textures half done, and I was still experimenting with lighting. Damn.

When propping, it's always good to keep micro-compositions in mind. There is a lot to talk about on this topic, and I plan to do it in the future in more detail, but as of now this should do. Every big shapes should be grounded, accompanied by medium and smaller bodies. And this is what you can see I did here. Breaking the rotation of assets and having other smaller props around them, blend big assets and terrain together smoothly, almost like in a gradient.

And then it clicked. I decided to take a huge U turn. Pirates wasn't an option anymore since the ships were too expensive to make. So I decided to turn into scifi. Star Wars more specifically. For some reason I just got a bit of a scifi vibe out of it. Decided to follow my gut.

First big change was lighting. Before I was aiming for something really moody and gray. Tons of fog, low visibility and and sad/uncomfortable mood. Changed it into a mostly clear sky at dusk.

DAY 5. Prop making

Getting back to it on the fourth day had me excited! I knew

My first idea was to recreate the crash from Star Wars Jedi Knight Jedi Academy on the planet of Blenjeel (the one where the sand worm tries to get you). So I thought it could be a really nice remaster piece to make! Story was figured out and all.

So I used some UE primitives to build the basic shapes of what I was going to go for in both focal points. It was going to be the fallen ship and one of the ships parts you need to retrieve in the mission.

But as I started looking for reference, what I could find was really limited. the game is really old and there is barely any art for the level. I found a single piece of concept art in one of many Star Wars wikis and started blocking it out from it.

My plan was to execute the main asset that day, so I quickly jumped into it. And as I started modelling one of the turbines of the ship (you can see it in the next image), it resembled something I was really fond of. So, again, a new sporadic change in the design...

Pod racers! I LOVE pod racing. Who doesn't?

And like that, day over!

DAY 6. Of grounding and helmets

First day of the weekend. My intention was to finish everything today. Wanted to have all props figured out, all dressing done, all painting in place, etc. The last day had to be just post processing and super small details in the scene. Lots of things happened on day 6.

The new prop was simpler and more easily recognizable. And, most importantly, I liked it! It would be now the remaining of a crashed pod. The races (as depicted both in the movie and the game) were pretty brutal, and so I figured I could try to show that.

Here is the asset.

After that I quickly jumped into grounding the asset better and adding smaller detail. Added some dragging marks for the turbine, wires, random parts of the broken pod scattered everywhere.

DAY 7. Final tweaks and presentation

Final day upon us!

I started the day early adding the third focal point to the scene. Backdrop pods racing at the distance. This wasn't only the third piece of the 3 point composition, but also a big storytelling element. This guy had some tough luck, but the race still keeps on going!

Also started to play heavily with a post process volume and some nice LUT tweaking.

Then did a final pass on everything. Added some more scatter, tweaked lighting, added some fake bouncing lights and tweaked the reflections. Then made some quick dead vegetation and added it around some rocks. The final composition was rather simple, but here is a breakdown of my mental process. It doesn't really matter which of the 3 focal points to see first, all of them are connected creating a circle flow between them.

In blue, you can see the helmet connecting with the turbine thru the wire in the sand, creating an arrow directly pointing back and forth. Framed by the rocks in the foreground, the helmet creates a strong contrasty focal point that is very likely to attract most attention at first glance.

In red, the turbine. The trail behind it serves a single purpose: its guiding the viewers sight towards the next focal point in the rotation. Also the same positioning of the turbine works as an arrow pointing left. Perspective and placement work together here for this end.

In green, the pod creates an attention spot simply because of contrast. And so it completes the circle. All shapes around are meant to both point towards it and guide the viewer back to the helmet.

General positioning on the scene and during the dressing had purpose. Playing with empty spaces vs populated ones, contrast and color helps, and here the sand areas and sea create clear paths to traverse. and the central, uninteresting, piece (in orange) creates the perfect shape to accentuate direction and a pivot for the whole image.

And so I was done! 8pm on Sunday. Crazy week! Was absolutely exhausted and had a real bad time trying to concentrate next Monday morning. But I managed to pull it off to the best of my ability in the given time, and the result was rather acceptable.

Many lessons learned on this. Not going to bore you with all the details of my own realizations, but I tought it would be nice to share the crafty side of them.

Im not doing this again any time soon. Even though I look back and can be proud of having finished a piece in this small amount of time, the gain wasn't really worth it. Things I would improve if would have had more time are:

Pods could have improved with some motion blur (didn't have the time to figure out how to make it happen in UE).

Smoke looks still and inorganic.

Rocks could be better grounded, with sand buildups on the sides.

Backdrop rocks are way too simple.

More color variation would have taken this to a much nicer place. I played it safe with complimentary colors.

Assets could use some more time.

And I think I could keep going on forever. Even though my eyes are still a bit used to seeing it constantly.

Thanks a lot for reading! Sadly I had to cut a bunch of it due to text characters limit, but I think this sums it up well enough.

Please leave any questions you may have, happy to answer them! Also any ideas and C&C on the piece is absolutely encouraged.

Thanks again, and till next time!

Otto

[tumblunni]

Ah, here’s the pillowsnake! It’s called Rashab, I totally forgot!

beware, like 40 paragraphs of long rambling about the game below:

I never realized how the naming schemes actually work. All the different variants of a particular genus share a name ending- Nushab is the weird 8 shaped long neck snake, Rashab is the super rectangular chubby one, and Mukshab is the sticklike one that just looks like a real snake but with the trademark weird head that this monster has. And then the sub-breeds of each sub-breed have a totally different naming scheme! Only the main Rashab is Rashab, the other three elementals are all something-moaj instead. And Nushabs are something-oots, and Mukshabs are something-mines. Its an interesting way to do it, though it’s pretty hard to actually figure any of it out ingame when all the pure sub-breed forms only appear as enemies and you’re gonna be fusing your own variations for your party. I think pretty much anything fuses well with the snakes, they look awesome with any texture! And when they fuse with bugs they can actually gain lil wings and look like Dunsparce!

OH OH OH and ALSO I love how monsters in this game actually grow up! Like, they dont evolve, they just grow up like actual animals! They have very very subtle model changes in size for the first 20 or 30 levels, to symbolise reaching maturity. Its hard to even notice it happening unless you compare save files! And often you’ll be fusing monsters rather than keeping them in your party for a long time anyway. So I’m glad that the Shabs have some of the more noticeable changes! Their baby selves start off looking a lot more similar, and they only gain their giant variation in body shapes when they’ve matured. (Though you can still tell what one its gonna become)

OH AND ALSO ALSO The shabs look even cuter in the concept art, yo!!! Ingame it maybe loses a bit of the appeal cos of the low resolution and how everything is textures rather than model detail. (A necessity considering how the fusion system works, yknow?) On the concept art their faces look less like an eyeless snake with dot patterns, and more like a snake with eight buglike eyes. ITS REALLY CUTE!! Thats why I said they look like leeches! Cos they have the super light coloured undersides and the three-pronged jaw and the bug eyes! They’re scaly big leeches! they’re leechly small snakes! THEYRE THE BEST OF MY TWO FAVOURITE LONG ANIMALS!!!!

OH AND its good worldbuilding but I’M SAD The shabs The shabs get the honor of being in the worldbuilding in A SAD WAY The basic MP restoration item is called a Shab Liquer :( Yeah, its nice to know that they thought about how these magical monsters might be a part of everyday life even outside of a battle setting. But its sad to think about how they’re killed and used in medicine! And you have to use hundreds of this medicine, there’s no way to survive without MP restores! I DONT WANNA MAKE MY SNAKE FRIEND A CANNIBAL Tho I do appreciate how the name Shab Liquer just implies a lot of worldbuilding on its own. Like, you don’t just know that they make a medicine from the snakes, its implied its quite literally a snake oil. Like, does that mean snake oil is an idiom for a totally reliable and true thing in this universe? And Liquer is just a rather archaic and fancy way to phrase it, it fits very well with the setting! But seriously WHY DO I HAVE TO FEED MY SNAKE BABY DEAD SNAKE BABIES TO KEEP THEM ALIVE

OH OH OH AND that reminds me of another Fucked Up aspect of the worldbuilding! Your most reliable way of gaining money in this game is selling the monsters you catch. Which is dumb and impractical anyway cos I mean YOU WANNA FUSE THEM ALL!! And you get more money from selling your ones that you actually already fused and levelled up, like NO WAY am I doing that! I love them!! Even if I’m not using them, I’m just gonna keep them at home with Mahbu! NO MAKE ME SELL MY SNEKS But the REALLY FUCKED UP PART is that its explicitely said that by selling them you are killing the monsters.

...Okay so.. this kinda needs some explanation of more of the worldbuilding first...

The way you catch monsters in this game is by using magical cocoons, hence the name of the story. Monsters are meant to be like spiritual creatures, they’re called Minions cos they’re literally the minions of this setting’s deity, Elrihm. The religion of this culture states that humanity (or ‘The Beasts Of Knowledge’) committed a great sin in the past. We were god’s attempt to grant free will and intelligence to animals, but we used it to do evil and he decided the whole species was beyond saving because of the actions of a few. So he created these monsters/demons/avenging angels in snake form, and their mission in life is to destroy all of humanity so that the world can be reset. Which is why minions attack humans on sight, yet coexist perfectly peacefully with animals and plants in the forest. So like... humanity obviously Did Not Want to all die for the sins of one or two dumb kings, yknow? We stubbornly persist! We hold out our vanguard and keep our little towns amidst the Doom Forests, living life as normal with just the Doom Forests being a thing in the background, yeah. Defending against occasional attacks of minions banding together into swarms and chewing on the walls a little, but yeah, no biggie. And sometimes one of them manages to get in and eat some of our garbage or something. People live normally in these fortified wall villages, and the religion still worships Elrihm, and revolves around begging his forgiveness and trying to prove that humanity deserves to live. And never advancing too far with industrialism. lest we be punished again! And I mean, maybe that actually IS how everything happened, or maybe its just a story and Minions have always existed as a natural part of the ecosystem and they’re not evil things destined to destroy us or whatever. Its ambiguous! Even when you get to see Elrihm’s avatar at the end of the game, it’s just a big magical tree that the monsters come from, you never get any idea if it’s sentient and you’re not able to ask it if our legends have the right idea about it’s role as god. (Or if its gender is actually male, or if it even has one XD)

Anyway, that’s the legend of where the monsters come from, and it kinda explains why people might be a bit callous towards them, if they can be tamed as cute friends but also the wild ones are such a big threat to civilization. And if mythology says their threat to civilization is the natural order of existance, that they exist to kill us under orders of a god who abandoned us centuries ago... But yeah! Anyway! There’s a bloodline of magical people called the Nagi who have the power to purify the anger out of minions and make them friends. And the game has a cool way of keeping the usual mons show aspect of ‘catch a monster inside a certain item that has a limited amount of uses’, while making it fit with this ancient times mythological setting! Instead of the pokeball equivelant being some sort of manmade machine, it’s... cocoons! Since Minions are spiritual creatures, they can be like.. de-manifested and have their souls stored, to be re-summoned later. And for whatever reason, the way the magic works is that their souls have to be contained in cocoons. It’s... actually never fully explained? Where do the cocoons come from? Is it like you take any cocoon from a regular bug, and you seal the monster soul inside? But how would you even get an EMPTY cocoon? Is there a special bug in this universe that makes cocoons not for metamorphosis? or do you like.. fuse the soul with the bug inside the cocoon, and thats why all the monsters in this game are inspired by bugs? But they have the same bug-inspired designs even when you find them in the wild before catching them. So is it like the Nagi magic can create magical cocoons and you use those? or is it like you dont actually carry the empty cocoons, you carry something or other that turns into cocoons when a monster is sealed inside it? the catching animation is very vague, the protagonist is only holding his magic flute and a nebulous white glow in his hand. Then the cocoon forms around the monster and its sucked into his hand... ANYWAY I’M GOING OFFTOPIC SORRY! The point is that Nagi people can purify minions into friends, fuse minions into new powerful forms and (probably?) create the magic cocoons that can catch them in the first place. But it doesn’t mean that Nagi people are actually equipped to fight and catch the monsters themselves! the usual setup is a married couple where the Nagi can stay at home and focus entirely on their magic, and the regular human partner learns warrior arts and catches the monsters for them. Also catching monsters requires magic music, so you need to be a damn good bard too! I liked that they even showed that different Cocoon Masters (official name for peeps like the protag) can use whatever instruments fit best with their soul. The protagonist has an ocarina and [important endgame character] has a fancy lute guitar thing? I wish the game had told me what those are called... I think a name for an ancient japanese string instrument is a shamisen but i have NO IDEA if the one shown ingame is actually that or there are more different ones..? I mean its only shown in cutscnes so there’s no good ref image for it- I’M GOING OFFTOPIC AGAIN Anywaaaaaayyyy, its also in the worldbuilding that (for some reason) Nagi men are unable to use magic, and thats why the mages are always the wives and the warriors are always the husbands. Its interesting how this mythology is kinda presented as an opposite of adam and eve, too! Men who try and use magic are sinful and will be punished for stepping out of their assigned roles by becoming demons. Its the sad story of the protagonist’s parents, alas! His mother was the previous Nagi priestess of the village, but her husband committed the ultimate sin and then all we know is that his corrupted self fled into the forest and was never seen again. And everyone marks you as a failure for what your father did, so becoming the new cocoon master is quite hard at first. And its SUPER DUPER SAD cos your dad did it because performing minion purification is painful for the Nagi, and he couldn’t bear to see his wife hurting herself for his sake. So even though he knew the risks, one day he just tried to purify his minions himself so she could get some rest. And.. like.. ultitmately it did work. Cos she could never bear to remarry, and thus the village didnt have another cocoon master until their son grew old enough to marry. At least he succeeded in letting his wife never have to do magic again, even if it was because she stopped doing it out of grief for him.. :(

ANYWAY Now i’ve explained that worldbuilding and why it is cool and awesome and sad, I can explain the worldbuilding of a random gameplay element and why it is also cool and sad! So yeah, like I said before LONG TANGEANTS... The only really reliable way to make money in the game is to sell your monsters. And it makes me feel SO BAD! Cos the game very much outright tells you that selling them is killing them. And I guess it makes sense cos I mean, only Nagi wife-husband pairs can actually summon the monsters, there’d be no point trying to sell living ones to anyone else. So, since minions are sealed inside cocoons, in order to sell them you spin their cocoons into silk thread. This village’s primary export is weaving, so you can sell these silk spools to the big ol building of spinning wheel people and make money to keep going on your journey. Apparantly silk infused with monster souls is higher quality and can grant various effects and stuff, hence its value. Its a shame they didnt make a crafting system with this! Instead its just a standard ‘more powerful weapons and armours appear at the shop as the plot advances, for no real reason’. I mean, wouldnt it have been cool if you could add your monsters’s particular resistances to your main character’s armour? i would feel less sad about betraying them so utterly if they could protect me from beyond the grave. BECAUSE SERIOUSLY THIS IS SO FUCKED UP Seriously! These monsters faithfully served you! You purified them of their anger against humans, and instead of taking that opportunity to love them and show them the good sides of humanity, you just kill them! You kill them after they gained free will! You specifically HAVE to give them free will in order to kill them! Poor babies... I mean seriously I know that animals have to die to provide humans with food and materials and stuff, this is just how society works. But there’s something so much more viscerally terrifying about imagining taking an animal and literally weaving its SOUL into thread, then wearing it! There’s so many metaphysical questions that need to be answered before you can even figure out how much pain they would experience! And like.. god.. even the way they do the gameplay is so.. even more sad. Like, you can’t just hand the monster to someone else and its implied that they kill them. You have to hit an actual button to turn it into a sellable item. You have to cull it yourself. The death blow is on your hands, even if someone else weaves its dead soul into a nice scarf... So yeah, I pretty much always deliberately play ‘hard mode’ on this game, and refuse to make any damn money. Well, I mean, you can still find items in forests and sell them, but its infinately harder that way. You really are supposed to be selling your monsters to progress. I SAY NO! Big ol giant interface option sitting there on the menu unused forever. I love my sneks. You will not take them!!!

Oh but MAN I do really like the moral ambiguity of this worldbuilding, aaaaa!! The whole setting is so.. like.. realistic. There’s the dark realities of life in an ancient times setting. They take care to establish how the society functions and what their main trading export is, and what role monsters play in a non-battley setting! And seriously even the lil Shab Liquer thing! The casual implication that other villages might have different industries with their captured monsters, and someone somewhere out there found a way to make this medicine out of snakes. it manages to imply a wider world even as you’re confined to this one single village and the long forest that divides it away from every other human settlement. Plus.. like.. I really like the ambiguity it gives to HUMANITY. That seems like the MOST realistic of anything! Seriously, the game starts off establishing that in mythology humans are said to be evil, that the creation myth says we’re living in a post-fall society as the corrupted form of what true humanity should actually be, that god has abandoned us and we follow religion because we have to prove ourselves good enough to regain our former status. Like.. seriously, its refreshing compared to how boring and samey a lot of fictional religions are! They’re often just copies of existing religions, or of the general most popular religion template of There Was One Or Two Creator Gods And They Made Humans And Humans Are Destined Important And Animals Were Made To Serve Us. Instead in this game humanity’s mistreatment of animals and the environment is our absolute sin, and the definition of holiness is to be more similar to animals. And big scary demon monsters are GOD’S HOLY CREATIONS, SENT TO PUNISH US! No stereotypes here! No corner-cutting bullshit stolen from real life religions! And then like.. its nice how ambiguous it makes humanity nowadays, even beyond the ambiguity of the mythology and history. Humanity is trying to redeem itself, humanity is following this religion worshipping the god that cast them down for being corrupted. But still, it shows that some people believe in this doctrine, and some people believe that the things that are ‘corrupt’ about us are actually good. Cos it shows how some people believe that like.. ALL progress is sinful, any sort of machine is sinful, any attempt to improve society or change on what’s traditional. And it shows how some people who believe this are the bad guys, and some people believe this in a way that actually makes sense. And similarly, some people who follow the traditional ways are good- like Mahbu and her grandma. But then there’s the village chief who just follows religion blindly and doesnt seem to actually understand what’s morally correct at all, he’s just like ‘if I do what I’m told, I’ll be freed!’ instead of getting the goddamn lesson. And he tries to pretend to be a reasonable authority figure at first but then he gets more and more corrupt as the game goes on. He’s the representation of how forcing our two heroes into an arranged marriage is a morally ambiguous thing, even though they actually were in love and would have got hitched anyway. They’re still way too young to get this destiny of being the only ones who can save the village, AND keep the economy alive by spinning poor lil monsters into silk! And then he keeps giving you more and more orders, and they go from the actual duties of a cocoon master into just fullfilling the chief’s own greed and paranoia. And its interesting that him and the vizier lady who represents ‘lets abandon the rules and do everything for the benefit of humanity’ actually end up teaming up in the end and becoming even more goddamn corrupt together. Excessive progress and excessive stagnancy are both evil, and honestly they both have very similar selfish motives! Tho I do think the only problem is that they put a bit too much emphasis on this whole ‘these two looked like reasonable authority figures but were really evil’ thing, and don’t have enough good people in the town representing the other side. So its harder to care about saving this place when its literally just your wife and your mom who represent the goodness of the human race. And like.. technically I dont want the asshole lil kid to die, cos even though he’s a jerk he’s too young to be 100% responsible for his own actions. Even if I dont like him as a person, I’d still rather wanna take him away from this trash town and hope he can get raised by better people...

But seriously goddamn THOSE FUCKIN ASSHOLE CHIEFTAIN AND VIZIER PEOPLE!! Even after me and mahbu just saved the city from a deadly disease, after like 12 hours of gameplay and three forests worth of fighting for my life against monsters, where I’m expected to have sacrificed like 30 monsters to feed their stupid fuckin silk industry, even after ALL THAT they show no gratitude! The opposite of gratitude! The chief is still paranoid of the Nagi people for being foreigners, even though they dedicate their whole damn life to leaving their families and going on journeys to settle down in different cities and give their power to protect un-magic humans. And they’ve been doing this for all of history despite persecution, and like.. they lost their home and now the only ones who exist are the nomads and various half-nagi children who’ve never seen anyone of their own race before and are losing all the culture. Mahbu is an orphan who was just found by her ‘grandma’ and raised here, the only other Nagi in the village are the protagonist’s mum and technically the protagonist is half Nagi. (Tho like I said, the worldbuilding is that men cant use the magic, so protagonist is classified as a regular human and would just pass it on if he had a daughter.) So seriously Mahbu is a GODDAMN ORPHAN who was raised here all alone and hated by the village even as a kid! And the protagonist was her only childhood friend cos he could understand the feeling of being hated for having this blood, so no wonder they ended up falling in love. And then their love is at risk cos they were forced into this political marriage when they’re really young, and now have to risk dying everyday to protect this town that still hates them. And they work so hard to prove they don’t deserve to be hated, they don’t even think ‘the town is assholes’, they think ‘this is my home and i love it and it must be my fault everyone hates me so i have to work harder’. And the game doesn’t give you any option to do otherwise!

And it progresses even worse than just not getting gratitude! After you save the village from the disease, the evil chief and vizier wreck the day that you just saved, by pulling their goddamn bullshit evil plan! The chief decides to cut down the god-tree because of his paranoia, the vizier decides to cut down the god-tree because of her greed. And like... GAHHHH but its SO GOOD cos its all moral ambiguity still! The evil duo are definately evil, but they get to be evil for different reasons. They represent the two darkest sides of humanity, and no matter how much you represent the light of the world you cannot change them just by passively obeying them and hoping they’ll react like goddamn rational people! But you can understand why the masses might be tricked into following them, yknow? Humanity has been living in this tough life for as long as human memory, and mythology says that we’re being punished for the sins of our ancestors and we’re just BORN EVIL even though we weren’t the ones who did that shit. So you have good reasons to be angry against god, even if the evil duo DONT have good reasons, and they’re not doing something that will actually help.

Anyway so yeah thusly they trick mahbu and the protagonist into helping them trap the god-tree so they can cut it down. Again its a lil annoying that the game doesn’t give you a choice, though! And they dont even bother writing it a bit more ambiguous so the player could be fooled too, its pretty damn obvious you’re being tricked yet the only way to progress the game is to keep going. So you accidentally end up casting the evil magic on the god-tree and its like HOLY SHIT NO! And as you run back to the town you cant get back in time to stop anything, and you just get to see cutscenes of what’s happening while you’re gone. The evil duo cross the line EVEN FURTHER by MURDERING MAHBU’S GRANDMA! Mahbu’s grandma is the BEST CHARACTER, you fucking fuckface! She was such a nice helpful mentor and one of the only people who genuinely treated you two like human beings even though she wasn’t related to you. And she tries to stop the evil duo from doing their evil plan, she tries to reason with them, and she even gets desperate enough to try and reason with them within their own logic. Even if they’re sacriligious and selfish enough to not care that they’re trying to kill god for personal gain, they should at least understand that their plan WON’T FUCKIN WORK, and they’re just gonna bring god’s wrath and ruin humanity’s only chance at redemption! You’re gonna lose all your goddamn money and power if you get bitchslapped by the heavens, dumbass! AND you;ll kill the rest of us too, who never did anything to deserve it! And they ignore all her attempts to be reasonable, and ritually sacrifice her to try and save their own asses once their stupid attempt to kill god backfires. FUCK YOU TWO, SERIOUSLY!

And then something I really like is the revelation of grandma’s backstory! Cos seriously, who exactly was this mysterious woman who found this orphan and rescued her from the forest? She wasn’t a citizen of this town, she just stayed here to raise Mahbu once the town residents acted like assholes and tried to kick the poor kid back out. It turns out that grandma is actually the mortal incarnation of one of the minor deities! She’s basically this world’s psychopomp. The evil duo were actually RIGHT when they said she was a demon in disguise, but NOT when they thought that she was the evil one and they were good. The psychopomp figure of this mythology is hated, but it seems to be that she gained that reputation because she disobeys Elrihm and tries to help humans. She saved this Nagi girl from dying like the rest of her people, and even bound herself in human form in order to try and redeem this town of jackasses. And even though she was part of their village for so long and did nothing but try and protect them, they still ultimately betrayed her... And it was a very vague plot element that was only casually mentioned here cos its Endgame Time and we have to move very fast now. But it was implied that the chief and vizier are the reincarnations of the original evil king and evil sorcerer who did the same sinful nonsense all those centuries ago to get humanity kicked out of god’s domain in the first place. I dunno if its just meant to be that they’re naturally stuck in a cycle of reincarnation as punishment for their sins? But I always liked to interpret it that psychopomp grandma chose to never take their souls, because no matter what they do to her she still believes that one day they might be able to be redeemed in their next life. I feel like maybe she’s gambling with god, she’s keeping humanity alive by holding this one last wager to prove that they’re worth saving...

And then spoily endgame stuff happens and ultimately the protagonist fullfills some ancient prophecy and calms god and etc and MAKES UP FOR THE BULLSHIT ADULTS RUINING ALL THE SHIT, SERIOUSLY And seriously i haaaate how abrupt and rushed the ending is, and how that in this abrupt rushed ending they had time to show that the trash town comes back to life but not show that Mahbu does! You’re told beforehand that she will, but like.. with how many times you get lied to in this game, it would have been nice to get some damn confirmation in the end. Plus seriously, I cant even be happy seeing the town come back! Thats not a very climactic ending! Seeing protagonist smooch his poor long-suffering girlfriend would be way better! Seriously SERIOUSLY everyone else fuckin died cos of their own fuckin fault cos they MURDERED A GRANDMA my nice sweet ETERNAL GRANDMA, the ANCIENT DEITY OF ALL GRANDMAS, the fuckin DEATH GOD SATAN FIGURE WHO SACRIFICED HERSELF TO BECOME A GRANDMA AND PROTECT US AND THEN THEY KILLED HER, AAAAA they fuckin deserved to all die and be frozen in stone unable to even find peace But Mahbu’s life was instead in danger because she used too much magic purifying monsters IN ORDER TO SAVE THE DAMN TRASH TOWN And after all that they had the goddamn gall to be ungrateful and just cause a second disaster and ask us to fix it again! THAT is why mahbu was gonna die! Because she was a good person who listened to your bullshit and tried to save you, and loved me, and just SERIOUSLY SO MANY EMOTIONS you repayed her by KILLING HER GRANDMA

And i mean seriously her form of death was quite literally death from being TOO HOLY AND MORAL. She wasn’t strictly ‘dying’, it was more like a death of personality, I guess? Becoming something holy and leaving this world, when she didnt want to leave you. Everyone called the painful Nagi markings ‘cursed’ and shamed her for it and made her cover them up so their poor goddamn eyes wouldnt be offended by having to look at them. And poor mahbu was worried her goddamn love of her life would be disgusted with her if he saw! So it was like.. simultaneously cathartic and sad to learn that tradition was wrong in this respect. That it was still a BAD THING, but it was holy markings instead of a curse. Nagi priests who succum to the ‘curse’ are just shedding their humanity as a reward for their service, because from Elrihm’s perspective this is a good thing. So Mahbu becomes a tiny fairy angel type Minion, and then its just sad and intense because soon she’ll lose the ability to speak and forget about you and grandma :( So you have to seal her inside a cocoon in order to halt the spread of the holy markings, and can only let her out to talk to her for very short amounts of time in case it starts up again. And then you have to face the gauntlet of the penultimate dungeon alone without the ability to fuse monsters, until you get through it and find the original Nagi hometown whose demise was greatly exaggerated. And then nobody there has any time for character development cos its endgame time, but seriously it was thematically really damn cathartic to walk through that door and see the place! And meet this actual good guy chieftain who actually finally answers some goddamn questions and helps you! Even if its super sad to have to do fusion with these new stranger shopkeeper twins, instead of the wife you’ve grown to love. And also SERIOUSLY just imagine how fuckin atmospheric that whole penultimate dungeon would have been if the player character got to have a voice! It was all atmospheric to me cos I got really into it and imagined it, but I wish it coulda been canon, yknow? I’m just imagining the poor protagonist dude fighting through this horrifying gauntlet all alone with his final team of monsters, struggling to keep up without any of the magical reinforcement they usually get, unable to restock the last few items he has left in his bag. Fuckin DESPERATE HORROR, fuckin having to sleep overnight in the forest for the first time, fuckin terrified. Fuckin.. clinging to the soul of his wife sealed in a cocoon, keeping it safe against all costs, fuckin wakes up in the middle of the night and just how terrified he’d be that he can’t find her, until he remembers what happens T_T And then like.. imagine him summoning her and only getting a few minutes to hold her tiny fragile fairy self in the palm of his hands, and strain to hear her quiet voice as it gets fainter and fainter, and she struggles to remember herself. Thats somehow EVEN SADDER than if you could actually use monster-Mahbu in your party to fight alongside you! (tho that would have been AWESOME) I felt so bad that after all the horror these two had to go through, we never get to see the happy ending they earned, and instead the game wastes time showing the trash town coming back and just... GAHHH

oh and also that is THE ONLY THING about the sequel that i agree is bad! I liked the sequel a lot! And.. I mean.. in theory its a very interesting concept to have the protagonist of the last game be this sadman morally ambiguous broken mentor man. But seriously fuckin hell give the man a break! They literally say that he got blessed/cursed with immortality cos he fullfilled the prophecy in the first game, so Mahbu died long ago and he desperately wants to die too. Thats such a fuckin sick thing to do to your protagonist! And I mean, he doesnt even look like the same person anymore, and so much about the gameplay and the setting and etc are wildly different so it doesnt seem like the same world in th future, why even bother trying to claim its the same world in the future... I mean even.. monsters come from eggs instead of cocoons now, and you cant catch them or merge them, only buy them in stores! Shoulda just made it a separate game and let it stand on its own merits, it would have actually succeeded. I love all the characters in JC2, there’s no problem of ‘man i dont wanna save these guys’, the only character I dont like is fuckin... SADMAN FORMER PROTAGONIST WHO WANTS TO DIE At least in the ending after spoily stuff he gets to pass away. But lets just say the spoily stuff spits on the poor man’s legacy even more, sheesh...

ANYWAY I FEEL A LOT OF EMOTIONS FOR PROTAGONIST AND MAHBU And this game has great worldbuilding and i love it even if the ending is rushed and you’re forced to fall for stupid villain assholes’s stupid tricks ok end of bunni’s rambling

[infernumequinomin]

Hi there... I’m sorry if this is too personal, but I saw your recent post mentioning that menstrual cups are such a lifesaver, and for the most part I agree, but it seems like I can never get the position right and it still leaks often... do you have any advice beyond the directions that come with the cup? Again, I’m sorry if this is too invasive to ask, you don’t have to respond if you’re uncomfortable with it. ;;;;

Yeah absolutely not a problem my friend menstrual cups can have kind of a learning curve!My tips and such are gonna be geared pretty primarily towards reusable menstrual cups and not the disposable kind because I just havent ever used them. Also pardon the lack of ref images or anything am on mobile.

Cup Hacks:

If you are having consistent leaks you maybe don’t have a big enough cup, this was my first issue because I used to use the much smaller tampons when I used them then was leaking like nuts, no fun. Get a bigger sized cup (Diva Cup does a small-medium and a large, I used to use a slim tampon and heavy duty pad and need to use the large cup, MoonCups I have been told are slightly larger, so your sizing may vary) If the leaks are kind of sporadic then you may be having some issues getting the cup seating and sealed properly.

Inserting tips, a lot of the guides say to insert the cup kind of folded in half on itself, this can sometimes keep the cup from springing back into shape in the way you need it to upon insertion. I tend to dip the edge into the rounded portion of the cup in a sort of U shape rather than a folded over sandwich shape (I literally can't think of another way to describe this pardon my brain) because it retains its shape on insertion better. When you insert the guide is like “hey shove that bad boy allllll the way up to your cervix” its actually easier to get a solid seal by getting the cup into yourself and then gently pushing up and tilting the opening of the cup towards your bellybutton region. This allows the cup to settle out into being open again and pressing it up after prevents weird suction directly on your cervix which can cause cramps to worsen, can be concerning for folx with IUDs, and is generally not super comfy overall, do not recommend.So simple layman’s instruction: dip one edge of the cup into the center of the cup and squeeze it to hold in place. Insert into your vagina until just the edge of the cup is sitting in your opening, twist and adjust as needed to get the cup to open back up if releasing it did not already. Push the cup into yourself in a sort of parallel to your vagina angle, aiming the opening of the cup up towards your cervix. Wipe any excess blood from your parts, there may be light spotting on heavier days just from blood that was shed while cleaning/emptying your cup so maybe also wear a light pantiliner. If youre noticing more than like a teaspoon of blood on your pantiliner in a few hours, you may not have seated the cup correctly, or you’re bleeding more than the cup can handle and should empty it. A good sign youve not got the suction youre looking for is If you empty the cup and its only slightly full but you've been spotting, the seal isnt good and ya need to adjust. ALSO, sometimes specific strenuous activity like running, riding roller coasters or horses, and swimming can mess up your seal a bit, and you should adjust accordingly.

Removing/cleaning your menstrual cup:Hey that things WAY up there now, how ya gonna get it out? Sittin on a toilet with some leg spread is generally enough for the cup to lower itself towards your entrance, you shouldn’t really have to go fishing for it unless it is way too small for your bod. I’ve had to reach maybe a half inch at most but generally a soft push like youre trying to make yourself pee is enough to force it lower and make it easier to grab. (FUN TIP: PEE BEFORE TRYING THIS SO YOU DONT PEE ON YOUR DANG HAND) Use a bit of toilet paper to reduce grossness factor a bit, grab the ridges or tail on the cup and GENTLY lower it out. Pulling too fast makes one hell of a mess and I defo made that mistake of pulling it out like a tampon at first and had to frantically wipe down the toilet cause I got blood all over and honestly friends… It just isn't worth it. Be gentle. Cradle it and empty it backwards towards your butt to avoid potential UTI issues and then pull it out of your crotch/toilet area. (I’m not actually sure what the rate of UTIs among folx who use a cup are but I know I havent had one since I started using mine but be safe either way!)

In any given bathroom, public or private, ya got a couple options for cleaning the thing out. If you have a sink close enough to where your toilet is, a little rinse in generally fine if you’re reinserting it immediately, and you can use soap if you want it to be a little more sanitary (I recommend this unless youre getting rushed out the door by your girlfriend to go get burgers). You can also, if sinks are out of reach or just gonna cause you to hobble your way over with your pants around your ankle (don’t do this, its not worth the potential for drippage since you just opened the floodgates so to speak), do a wipe down with some tp or a damp paper towel if you remember to do that when you walk into the bathroom like a person better than me would. I generally ball up a little bit of tp, slide it inside, give everything a good wipe down, and then flush the evidence away (don’t flush that paper towel though, rude). This is honestly not preferred for me, I’d rather rinse it every time, but you really never know if youre gonna have to empty your cup in a public stall bathroom so, ces la vie, gotta live your life.

Cup comparisons:

I used to use 2-3 overnight or super pads a day for the heaviest days of my flow (which was generally the 3-4 days in the middle of my gottdang 7 day period). With my cup I generally use 1 or 2 pantiliners a day on heavy days, none at the beginning of my period or towards the end when I’m lighter, and maybe a regular pad overnight if I’m especially heavy, so I am still occasionally wearing a few disposable items but honestly, a pantiliner is a game changer from wearing big heavy overnight pads to WORK ugh. On average I personally wear my cup for 4-6 hours before emptying it, longer towards the beginning and end of my period, but usually don’t wear it for longer than 10 hours at a time. This is my experience and I honest to god dont know if TSS is a thing that can happen with a cup, but listen to your body and if you start feeling sick at all, definitely remove it and wear a pad for a bit. You can defo use a cup with reusable pads but I dont own any and haven’t really looked at the literature on whether they’re better/worse bacterial infection or whatever wise so I can’t give a good recommendation despite a few folx I know having good experiences with them.

Care and cleaning: I generally wash my cup with a mild vinegar and water solution right after my period ends, this cuts down a lot on bacteria growth and the general funk that a cup can get over time. Its medical grade silicone but its spending most of its time in a moist, nutrient rich environment for bacteria, and like, ngl, the thing is gonna just have a blood smell. It just is. Right after the first week you use it. Its gonna smell kinda weird. Faint, but kinda gross blood/general vagina smell. Nothing wrong with a little vagina smell. I soak my cup overnight after the initial wash in a combo of water and antibacterial soap, dry it, and put it away with my period junk. Once every few months you can do a boil out but you have to be careful not to let your cup melt on the bottom of the pot. Just a mix of water and vinegar (like ¼ cup vin to 2 to 3 cups water) boiled on the stove and drop the cup in there. Use a spoon to make sure it doesn’t touch the bottom and melt or warp, and stay with it. Maybe boil like 10 minutes or so and drain it out and set it somewhere to air dry that isn’t gonna freak out your roommates (don’t dry it with the dishes, big mistake) or have it sitting in water, the point is to let it dry out and breathe. Diva Cup says to replace your cup every year or something which I honestly think is a good way for them to make a crapton of money off people who are super scared of their hygiene being bad and gross or something. You should get rid of your cup around the time that the silicone starts to degrade or start looking rough. I kept my first Diva Cup for 3 years before it started to really show signs of wear and tear in the silicone. Signs your cup may need to hit the streets include: creases or crimps in the cup, persistent discoloration of the silicone (washing, soaking, boiling doesnt do anything and there’s just a grossness to the thing that washing it isn’t helping), a persistent musty sort of smell (this may imply you weren’t washing/caring for your cup as much as it needed and if you’re starting to get that a solid overnight to 2 day soak in a vinegar solution may help a lot. Do it as a 2 stage soak, soak, empty, soak again. Warm water works best and towel dry it off really really well after.) tearing in the silicone period! Its not gonna be effective if there’s a rip, especially on the rim cause that suction is what you want!, and if there are defects or scratches in the silicone overall. So bubbles, scratches, warping, ect.

Storing your cup in a clean, dry place is also important to keeping it from getting damaged or gross to the point you need to get rid of it.

Also, fun fact, you can have sex using a cup. It isn’t a replacement for birth control if that’s a thing you need, but it can make the uncomfortable oozing parts of period sex less… Oozy. PIV Intercourse can be a bit more of a challenge with a silicone cup because of the tail but is definitely possible. Other sex acts (outercourse, oral, frotting) are a lot easier (or even possible depending on your partners feelings on period sex at all) and due to the way self lubrication works in a vagina the cup wont prevent things from getting wet, just keep the blood from making everything a vaguely pink mess.

Anyway so that’s my essay on menstrual cups, I hope this helps ya out with loving your cup and makes it a lot easier to prevent leaks!

Go out and live your fullest life!