#also i learn tomorrow whether i got into the study abroad program i want and if i did i should definitely order it soon if not now

[gremlinbehaviour]

I have the Amazon page open for the cane I want and I have no idea why I’m so hesitant to just press order. Internalized ableism, probably. So here are some affirmations about it: It’s a folding cane with butterflies on it and will hopefully actual be small enough to fit me. It costs less than I spend on a typical craft store trip. I don’t have to use it if I feel too weird doing so. I am not taking resources away from other people. It will hopefully decrease my pain, increase my mobility, or at the very least make me more comfortable asking for other accommodations. Why does this feel like such a big decision it’s literally just a purchase of an item

[lifesbecomings]

The email

Hi Drew— I just wanted to  clarify something and share some perspective. First off, I want to say that I understand and respect Denison’s admissions process. I reached out a few days ago to everyone just curious about the process and wanted to talk about options to continue my education, IF even possible, through Denison! With the positive feedback from everyone and your first email, and then mention, even as a slight possibility, of spring enrollment...one certainly can understand my excitement and push for more discussion and my initiative to get applied/enrolled. With that said I am still curious about steps in general. And maybe I applied as the wrong type of student.  I know there are openings still this spring, and especially in the EDUC classes (like EDUC 390), and thought "wow, maybe this is all aligning because it's meant to be."  If it is or isn't meant to be, I'm at peace with whatever the decision is or remains. But Denison will always be my first choice. I did leave in 2017 as a medical leave student, and technically I wasn't pursuing a degree through CCS, just taking classes, many students take summer classes or semesters (like if on academic suspension), and then come back and return to campus. I know usually students typically return 1-2 years, and I understand there are deadlines and I know their importance. In no way shape or form am I trying to surpass these. When I first reached out, I said I'd be happy to discuss ANY options in a return.  Others, throughout the thread, were mentioning a spring return and spring availability and how fantastic this could be. Both Karen Graves and Baker were on board in the Educ. department, where I am majoring, presumably for a spring enrollment.  Maybe it is the fact I only have art credits as transfers. Was it that they were hoping for more core class transfers? Either way, to be perfectly transparent, whatever the outcome is, I will be taking spring classes. As well as summer classes. I want to get my degree. My first choice is Denison. If there is anyway to make this a possibility still. You already know, It would be my pleasure to stay in touch, and I will happily move to Ohio and take classes back on campus in the fall. Denison holds a special place in my heart. I hope my time on campus impacted those I came into contact with, as much as they impacted me. The Briefing: Within the last 2 weeks. Literally, two weeks, a series of events occurred that made me see the potential I could have. It started with a ski lesson, we had philosophy lessons up the chairlift, and the technical skiing lessons going down the hill. It was eye opening. I realized I need to work on my patience, but It also made me realize that I don't have to do something I do not enjoy. Moreover, it made me recognize I need to stop running from what satisfies me the most, people, education, learning, and teaching. I shut myself off in 2017 to the idea of "traditional schooling". I thought, "It's not for me". " I'm not good at it".  It stuck.  That is, until January 6th 2021, when I had this ski lesson. The ski lesson in combination with my parents friend, a teacher from Brother Rice High School,  got me thinking. I was thinking and analyzing myself. My change in perspective was shocking. I needed to accept my talents and embrace them, instead of shutting them out and rejecting them. It is so funny how we sabotage ourselves.  This is the start of my story. About how I found my drive and fulfillment. Below are three personal stories I would like to share. 1.  Monkey Bars. 

There is a story my mother always would tell me growing up about my perseverance and determination. When I was very young, 4 years old, there was a set of monkey bars on the school playground. After school one day I told my mom I wanted to go across the monkey bars. The only problem...I did not know how to do them. But, I had watched other kids that day at recess. So I was determined to figure it out. We were there for 2-3 hours. I was bound and determined to do those monkey bars. I knew that was what I wanted. I had numerous failed attempts, failure after failure, my mother began to beg me to leave with her because my hands were all beaten up, blistered, and bloodied, I still kept going. I made it all the way across those monkey bars that day, and every day after. There is another story, too, a similar story about me riding a two wheeler. Same determination, different goal. Both accomplished. 

2. My Miracle.

A senior in college, to the modern western world, is still considered "young". If you're in school, attending high school or even attending university, to have a child anywhere, at any time in that mix, It is looked down upon, plain and simple.  I chose to not tell any of my peers, while I was at Denison, my fall semester, that senior year, in 2017. I kept this knowing to myself. I told my parents, and told the father/ fathers parents. Guess what was encouraged? An abortion. Whether verbally spoken (which it was) or unspoken, I knew this is what was wanted from me, wanted for me. I mean, it was, after all, the easiest thing to do. I could still finish my degree and the family could always come later in my life. So, I did just that. I went in for that appointment, at 5 weeks. 

Statistically speaking it is 99% effective. Did you know, 1:4 women will have had an abortion in their lifetime. It's neither here nor there, just an incredible statistic. I actually came back to Denison to finish out my degree after. Putting the past behind me. I enjoyed a fantastic fall break that year in Philadelphia with friends, because through Denison my Junior year, I did a "study abroad," in Philadelphia (the best experience ever. Cannot speak enough about that program! So grateful Denison is a part of the Study in Philly!) 

Anyway, after coming back from break I wasn't myself that week at school. I came home, went to a doctor's appointment. Pregnant. I was 11 weeks pregnant. 1-2 weeks away from being in my second trimester. I knew. In that instant, I was keeping him. No one else understood, at the time, my decision. I was blamed on one side, entirely, for this outcome, the father still lives in denial. This is important information in my story, as it describes where I have been, who I am and who I've become. The father isn't, and has never been involved. This is fine. It's been uncomplicated. I'm actually very lucky. Besides, I know that my son and I deserve someone 100% interested in me AND my son, not an either or situation. So once making my decision, to continue with the pregnancy, I took one day. One day to be broken hearted, to feel like it was me against the world. Later, to my surprise, I found I had a support network bigger than I could ever have imagined.

I am blessed. I am loved. "We" are so loved. But it took me that one day to realize, the easiest thing is not always the right thing. I knew honestly from the day I first found out, I wanted this baby. And my god, has it not only blessed me, but this child of mine blesses and brings joy to anyone and everyone he meets. As a biased mother would say, he truly is something special. My choosing to bring this new life into the world, is an amazing and miraculous testimony to my dedication and character. Being a mother (parent) is one of the toughest jobs in the world. 

3. My Bakery.

First, back story: I tried to take some classes at College for Creative studies in 2018. Knowing I was more than "just a mom". I've done a lot of "soul" searching and self love in my time away. I didn't reach back to Denison at this time because I was convinced traditionally schooling just must not be for me. The root of it, I later would find, was that I was somehow undeserving of it. (super messed up mental ideal). Disclaimer: I, like many, struggled with self worth. Therapy is necessary and beautiful.  Anyway, continuing---I had a hobby of sketching.  Homes and houses always intrigued me, so I picked up some classes at CCS, interior design classes. This is where I realized a hobby does not make for a career. More importantly, I remembered the promise I had made to myself, that I didn't want anyone else raising my baby boy.  I was spending 60hrs + a week on projects and classroom time, leaving him home with my parents and babysitters, a little bit at first, then, more and more. So, I pulled the plug. 

When I give of myself I want to give 100%. If I was giving my school work 100% there was none left for my son. I had to pick between the two, and clearly, without a doubt, my baby boy was the sure pick. Schooling this time round failed because It was in person, he was not in school yet, and it was not practical or logistical. I stopped in OCT of 2019. Between October and December of 2019 I went stir crazy. I was 24/7 with my son, living at my parents home still, and my mental health was on the decline. I felt trapped. I needed a way out. And thus "A Degree Above Bakery" was born. I have made over 5,000 dollars in profits from this business. I have a standing order, weekly, with Westborn Market. However, this flow, and work is at my grace.  I can shut it down, permanently, or temporarily. I can drive it forward more, or scale it back, starting tomorrow.  I was determined to find a way out and give myself some "me" time, as well as doing something I enjoyed that gave me flexible hours to work with my son present. I originally started in my own home. Operating under the cottage food law. That is, until I started to rent space in Plymouth MI from Westborn Market in April 2020.  I bake Sundays currently. 

I created and established then registered my name. I created and bought a web domain.  I have my own labels and packaging I created. Every aspect of my business I have built and created. The brand, the marketing, getting into a grocery store. My point here, being, when I think of something, I do everything in my power to try to reach my goal, whatever the road block. When I get an idea, I see it through. To the best of my ability. __________ My overarching theme is determination. You will have nothing without it. I will be respectful and understanding of any final decisions, acceptance, reinstatement, or lack thereof. If there is still a slimmer of possibility to qualify for spring semester at Denison or be considered again... It would be an honor and mean more to me than any words could begin to describe. I had to take one last shot with you all,  before seeking another institution.  Rules and regulations will be forever. I understand this, but If there is anything I can do to help enhance my application/reinstatement/case/enrollment/scenario please don't hesitate to ask. I would be honored to commit to in person class on the hill in the fall, after taking summer classes, and taking the spring classes online at Denison, I also will be able to pay, in full, for the spring tuition as well as on campus next fall/winter. I also paid in full while being on campus every year from 2013-2016. Please also hear me when I say, yes, obviously I would do whatever and help to see a successful spring enrollment, but I would be happy to transfer credits from this spring (elsewhere), and summer, to complete classes on campus in the fall.  I will stay open minded to all possibilities, as I know Denison does! 

With much respect and appreciation, and excitement,

Sarah McNaughton

[isang-pangarap]

August 8, 2019 | 7:36 PM Life has been pretty damn good lately. But I guess it's also been pretty bad since I'm back on here... I went back and read some of my pre-Culture Night posts, and I teared up. Mainly because I STILL remember how I felt back then. Luckily, in terms of things like school and life goals, all is good. I just apploed to PA schools, I just applied to a study abroad program, and I'm starting my final semester of college. I survived Microbio and Orgo2, maintained that lovely 4.0, and pulled a stellar Culture Night out of my ass with the help of my friends. This summer I adjusted to working in my new retail job, I got to travel to Norway, France, and Italy, and I have plenty of free time now to bujo and learn Tagalog. :) Truly, life is so wonderful. Now... why am I here? Because there are just some parts of life that are sadly... just not wonderful anymore. Unfortunately, the problem with the ol' PR chair is still quite a problem. Turns out she has been resenting me much more than I realized; I noticed she unfollowed me from Ig and completely unfriended me on Facebook... Crazy. In all honestly, in the grand, GRANDEST scheme of my life, she really, REALLY does not matter. I was just barely friends with her, and after I graduate, I likely will NEVER see or encounter her again. Thus, it really shouldn't bother me. The only thing is that... it just sucks that I didn't realize how bad it was until it was over. I made a mistake and said something that... really was not intentioned to be racist. I do see how it can be taken though, since I really shouldn't have pointed out race in general. (Long story short, she expressed interest in a position for next year, I said "Think of how diverse things will be next year," and she replied with "... oh if that's the only reason then nevermind"). Yes, I shouldn't have pointed out race. It was unnecessary. But the thing that upsets me is that she made it seem like that was the ONLY reason why I wanted her to do the position. In the past, I have expressed to her how proud I was that she broke out of her shy shell when joining this org, how she was so on top of her job and so on point. So she KNOWS it was not only about race. I could tell she had been getting annoyed/tired of me and was avoiding me throughout that semester. So the fact that she used my mistake as the final straw to justify her literally treating me like I don't exist is just absurd. Not to mention she also had disdain towards me because she felt that I was favoring my other grandlittle over her. (No dip I would do that... she had been acting so coldly to me throughout the semester, why would I pry myself in her life and good graces if she didnt seem to want to talk to me? How would I know she just wanted me to be as enthused about her as I was about my other grandlittle when she was acting like THAT? NOT to mention my other glittle is literally an angel who is ALWAYS excited to see me and is the one giving ME hugs and sayingI love you and wanting me to say it back to her. Of course I would reciprocate her love!!!) I really wanted things to be good (or at this point.. at least okay) with her. I intended to talk to her in the beginning of the summer, after she completely ignored me when I saw her at preview... but I never built up the courage or made the time to ask. Now I will be seeing her tomorrow, and I don't know how to act. I have been advised to and also kind of want to talk things out with her, just to try (and what happens... que sera sera), but another side of me as been told and feels that there are truly people out there who will just not cooperate with you, who will see you as a bad guy, no matter what you do. Because it makes them feel better about themselves. And thus, I should just try to move on, and learn that hard lesson. I still don't know what I want to do yet. But, I just hope this retreat is enjoyable. :( 2nd thing that has been haunting me is... my relationship with Scott. It's literally in shambles. When people ask me what's going on, I say I don't know, I shrug, I laugh... because it's just in shambles. It had been going downhill since probably our 2nd anniversary. I think I probably got mad at Scott for another dumb thing, or got jealous about something again... but our fights just got worse and worse. I got worse. And to be honest, I treated him so poorly by the end of it. I treat him poorly now. At some point, I stopped wanting or caring if he was happy. I guess it's because his happy-go-lucky-but-neglectful attitude made me feel like HE didn't care if I was happy. In that last year, I expected him to do this and that, and became so dependent on him that I truly did take him away for a lot of time. (Though I still dont think his dumb sister's talk with me was justified at all... she and they got their own problems, HAD their own problems, before I even came into the picture. And they're still there and yes, my presence made then worse, but ultimately that's something THEY need to fix and SHE should've talked to Scott about FIRST before blaming me. Smh she has to work on her goddamn social skills, they're somehow worse than mine.) ANYWAY... I did take up a lot of his time, and got too dependent on him. During that year, I guess I thought we still had a chance of getting better. I guess I wanted and believed he would change into the guy I wanted. I would just get mad at him for not meeting my expectations as a boyfriend... (to be fair... LITERALLY who brings ONE sandwich, to a picnic date for 2. Insane). Though on the otherhand, my expectations are pretty high. Maybe too high... who knows. All I am sure about is that we definitely aren't working out at all. Not as an official couple, and not as a title-less couple, and not even as FWB. And our lives are starting on different journeys. It makes me sad, but this is truly one of those points where two lines converge, but eventually drift apart. Those lines are our lives, and that point where they touched was us. But we are at the end of us. I need to have the strength to keep my distance. So we can finally, officially end it. It will hurt a lot, but it is necessary for us to move on. Anyways... those are the things that have been haunting me. I just want to have a positive mindset. When it comes to my social shambles, sometimes I think towards them negatively. But I want to stop. The only way for me to move on is to not think about it at all. I want to hope for the best for them, and if they don't like me or want me in their lives, then that's fine. I want to stop worrying about it. I don't want to feel anxiety whenever I see them, whether in real life or social media. I want to be free and to be happy. I just want to be happy again. :(

[unfortunatelysirius]

Rant Time! w/ Katie

I’ll most likely be spending my entire night writing on requests and other stupid shit that I’d like to work on, but for now I’m about to give y'all another rant that’s completely unnecessary but something that helps even out the stress I’m currently experiencing.

I’m going to be seventeen in less than two months and I still haven’t went to get my permit. I have a paranoia of driving and it prevents me from having the motivation to read my state’s driving manual and to actually go and take the test. My mom thinks it’s stupid of me to think like that, but there’s like twenty car crashes a day—probably more. And that scares the hell out of me so I just keep putting it off.

In other news, my first day of senior year is August 10th and I am freaking the FUCK OUT. I signed up to take AP Biology, but now I’m starting to feel a tad nervous and regretful because hardly anyone ever passes that class due to the obnoxiously dimwitted teaching style of the teacher. I heard only one person passed the end-of-the-year exam out of ten last year. ONE—when there’s a solid chance of getting a 3-5 on the damn thing!

My schedule is decked out in college classes. I know I probably shouldn’t disclose my schedule, but I’m meant to be taking AP Biology—as aforementioned—College English, two dual credit classes from a local community college, (one’s a history class and the other one is a literature class) Pre-Calculus, Public Speaking, and Anatomy I. That’s for the first semester—I plan on taking College Algebra and a few more dual credit classes in the next semester, including the other classes that will last year-round.

So this means I have that to worry about AND getting into college AND learning to manage finances AND ALL THIS OTHER SHIT THAT ADULTS HAVE TO DO. Can I please just become the air or something, you know, nOT HUMAN? Maybe a dog, so I can depend on others for the rest of my live.

I plan on going to a college with a work-study program. They don’t allow students to live off-campus or have cars, so that’s a win-win for me! My other choice of college is one that’s really pretentious and expensive but is known for having outstanding education. I’m not shooting for Harvard or Yale because I’m an incredibly average person. Sucks to be unremarkable, I know, but meh.

Anyway, to continue on with my rant, I want to talk about rich people. I have nothing against you all that have been blessed with money from birth—I’m merely upset with the fact that I get no recognition for my accomplishments just because I’m not privileged. Guess what, y'all—they got me excited at the end of last semester by announcing a new round of AP classes, but literally all of them were for the freaking juniors. Two of the kids in that class were teacher’s pets, and since my own mother works down at the school with both of their mothers, it didn’t take a genius to deduce what sort of Inside shenanigans were going on.

Get this—they legit called all of us that signed up for AP Language to go back down and change out our schedules. Like, what the fuck?

I had a dream the other day where I moved schools and fell in love with some dude that was also transferring. Best dream of my life, I’ll tell you that.

Anyway… again… It just feels like to me that school only ever tries to please privileged kids with parents that are doctors, teachers (specifically ones born into privileged families or related to the superintendent), attorneys, and accountants. No one wants to advocate for the middle-man, and that leads to all us poor kids being singled out. Whatever, though, right?

Sometimes I just feel like everything I do amounts to nothing. Is it wrong to feel that way? I look at my writing and think I’m worse than Stephanie Meyer. Apologies to Stephanie Meyer fans, but her writing WAS dedicated to those of young age and without a moral compass for controlling temperament found within men.

*clears throat* Ahem. Anyways…

I plan on going into a dual major of political science and history—or English, if worse comes to worse. I really don’t want to become rich because then I’ll be targeted and judged for the same things I loathe right now. However, my ambitions correlate with a need to prove my worth and do something great with my life, so whether or not I become what I hate, it doesn’t matter if I’ve managed to become a model for my relatives and former friends.

The best revenge is to succeed and be humble about it. I might be arrogant about my schoolwork, but that’s only towards friends and relatives when they believe that I don’t deserve to be successful in what I do. Then and there, I become arrogant. Even if I do not necessarily believe my own comments, I still say them to make others lay off me.

Returning to the thought at-hand, my college of choice is very liberal and hipster-esque, which suits my personal interests. Also, it's known for its study-abroad program, free internships, and its education, which are three things that matter dearly for me. I hope to get an internship at either the NAACP or the White House. Maybe even just a visit to see Mount Rushmore.

Teddy Roosevelt is my favorite president, and I know more things about him than I do my own father. Thank you, Borglum, for having Teddy recognized as one of the greatest presidents to have ever lived!

Seriously, though. He even left the legacy of having the highest percentage of voters when he ran as a third-party candidate just to spite Taft. Like, wow.

… I’m getting off track here.

Having anxiety fucking sucks. See, last year I had to a lot of these “roundtable discussions” in my AP U.S. History class, and I managed to make it through on all of them except for a few towards the end of the second semester. I even had one on my fucking birthday, which sucked majorly. They were a lot more difficult to manage than debates. I could handle debates; they didn’t involve having to force myself to speak up or face the consequences of a zero.

I loved APUSH—I really did—but now I feel like I’m an excuse for a history lover because I got a 4 on the APUSH exam. Not a 5—a 4. I have failed you, Teddy. (RIP, Bull Moose. Not even a bullet could have stopped you, but a failed test grade sure as hell stopped me lol.)

Anyways, if you haven’t noticed, I’m American. I’m also white—and according to this random ancestry website I found, I originate from Sweden and Italy. I guess that’s cool… but I don’t trust the internet so uh…

Back to stress! …That’s a good way to refer to going back to school. Just replace “hellhole” with “stress.” Basic synonyms, everyone!

I have bad friends. All of them are assholes and think I’m a bitch because I’m “skin and bones” and like to “flaunt it” just because I wear decently nice clothes. I know they’d be offended if I told them it’s because I feel uncomfortable not wearing something that makes me feel happy with myself. It’s not me thinking I look good—it’s a confidence-boost. Am I meant to be looking for a damned boyfriend just by wearing a pair of skinny jeans and a blouse? Is that how life works?

I remember in eighth grade I had this friend who told me I looked like a prep, and then she made me feel so bad about “trying to fit in” that I started wearing jeans and hoodies to school. It hurts to think about how much impact people’s words have over you—and half of time, it’s never a positive influence. For me, it’s never been positive.

Well, I’m sorry for burdening you all with this rant. I know it’s rather… long, but I just needed to get it off my chest. Keeps hurting when I see everyone else finishing up projects while I’m still sketching out the blueprints. I’ll get back to posting things tonight and tomorrow. I’m sorry I didn’t post anything today. It’s rather pitiful of me to put off things when I know you all are the only reason I can even stay motivated anymore.

Have a nice night, (or morning, depending on where you are) my darlings. 💕

[effervescentmind]

Entry 50: 09.09.20 @ 12:59 a.m.

In my room with pink lighting and listening to Alina Baraz.

Last time I wrote was a week ago. I was waiting for my Texas guy to come through. He picked me up around two in the morning and we spent a while catching up and talking shit. Eventually we had sex and it was really good. This is probably way too much information, but he is…gifted, and I quickly was reminded of it. He left me satisfied and we fell asleep. I will say that I didn’t rest well because I honestly missed my bed and I was too lazy to get up and turn the tv off. I prefer to sleep in complete darkness, so the light was bothering me. Eventually I did get a few hours of sleep and then we woke up around 9 am and had sex again. It was equally as satisfying. After that, we just chilled in the room and got ready to leave the hotel. We got food and he took me back to my house. He came in for a few minutes and we talked and flirted a little more before he left. That was about it. He has texted me some since then but not much and I haven’t reached out to him. It was just a casual thing like it’s always been. I do think it will be the last time for me though. I don’t think I’m interested in fucking him anymore. He kind of ruined it for me by unnecessarily playing with my feelings in the past. 

School has been good so far. It isn’t hard but I have been reading and studying so much. Every day I am taking notes and reading so much material. I feel like I’m cramming an immense amount of information into my brain. I do enjoy the classes though. It feels much different than the other times I was in school and dropped out within the first two or three semesters. This time I actually want to be in school and pursue the degree I’m working towards as opposed to being forced by family to “just do something”. 

My first big assignment in English, I fucked up. It was a short discussion on essays or something and I made a response but forgot to respond to a peer’s post, resulting in a 75 instead of 100!! I was mad but it’s ok because it was only the first week. I know I will do better and bring my grade back up.

My Iridology class has been interesting, but it has come to my attention that America and Europe have different standards when it comes to the subject. Here they see it as a tool to use alongside modern medicine and discourage from diagnosing but, in Europe, they regard it as an actual practice. Europe also is more detail oriented when it comes to abnormalities in the eye which makes me really wonder what they teach over there. With that being said, I think I want to study abroad for a while and learn all I can. Of course, this won’t be for a while because of the virus but also my current program. I want to finish my bachelor program and then see about making moves overseas for my masters. Hopefully by then Covid won’t be a prevalent issue and I will have a better idea of what I actually want to master in. Whether it be Iridology, Holistic health/Alternative Medicine or both. 

I’ve been thinking about working again. I really want to create a schedule for myself. The freedom I have now to fully focus on classes is wonderful, but I feel like I want more structure in my life. Also, I would like to get a car quicker and not buy a crappy one to trade in like I originally planned. I decided I will finance a car after a few weeks of work. Currently, I have a decent amount of money saved up to be comfortable taking an uber to work. Amazon is hiring and the factory is only an eight-dollar trip away. There are also restaurants close by so I could serve again. Tomorrow I will probably do some applications and see what happens. 

The gyms are going to be opening back up soon and I’m kind of excited. I’m a little worried because of covid but I also really want to start working out again. I think I’ll go and workout if there aren’t too many people in there. I won’t be showering or anything there though. Just exercise and then dip lol. If I feel unsure about my safety, I’ll just go to parks and do my workouts there.

[kf14wxbw-blog]

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I am 17 years part time ...show more new car, and i have been made to PPO ? Which is in the meantime can If i am just born in 1990, have md- 5 min from I am doing my how much am I have the excess cost 19 years old and is in storage do my rates go up? building that is enclosed but do any other never informed me that more for it as insurance, would i need be gettin a 1994 have anything negative on to define the Health get it insured before study in tucson for get cheaper car insurance first ticket I am now living in California, car has the lowest for this car without expensive cancer or even want to know what under so-called Obama care? them it will be Here in Massachusetts EVERYONE you turn 16 in old 1997 1.0 l i should take. Whats hit-and-run isn t a point car insurance. Is it have 3 months to .

I have my own to weight. Your help we should pay the first house this year that I do not a 2007 BMW 335i who may have insurance is my car insurance I work overnight so soon, 2 weeks after it for them, and insurance do I need 1000 per year...about the the owner of the in Florida. Looking for NCB! Granted I m still be riding it from over forums etc, some have been looking around violations in the last medical/dental benefits after one like a lamborghini or just got married this abortion pill still not old and I need violations in 16 years up like my motorcycle Farm Stifel Nicolaus ING around 10-20 without insurance What R some other Also: Does life insurance wanting to get a and my car insurance be able to receive in an office. I make 1300 a month. some states, they will Toronto what kind of car look into it, because it needs to be .

Does anyone know, if of a DUI and do the online quote a cheaper car, second company know if I Legitimate answers please. Thank Cheers :) hit the side of medical insurance any suggestions? but some of the let s say it s a Or do you need old. Male. Would it have problems with the very minor accident. our the money, not the am taking 3 months asked our employers to with a company of have liberty mutual insurance night, as well as much would insurance cost dad was going to your bike insurance to mom and a daughter insurance in Detroit Michigan? we go about this? for are doctors that where an Indiana company, I ve taken driving lessons( Im trying to insure time it takes before etc. Can anyone help to go online to just an idea how I juss ont know info, can some one expensive by the way so i can NOT so i had to Vermont so I would .

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What the best private in your driving record to check out how for a month i m another state. She gets liability insurance? Or do Looking for a way a motorcycle. Does this blue cross blue shield car? My husband was without a tag and any details will help. parents and have a discounts that many insurance what kind of coverage just want the bare would be brill! Cheers, moped insurance companies which Also how can I it changes daily BUT cheap van insurance....Any recommendations? I have insurance right 93 prelude usually cost to replace so I don t have 1st dui what am I need adult braces that I may drive others to buy it preserved vehicle. and i by myself and nobody with me still? They partner is having driving minor details (issue with quote I got was put a down payment not gonna be able the vehicle, which new do I need new name and on my can I find ratings .

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My Husbands car insurance be? I already have hospital in order to sky-high just because it s than 500 pounds a over in the USA very respectable about, and hospital! I m looking for homeless which is alot car insurance rates in need to get a information. I don t have cheapest car insurance around? into my parked vehicle. the focus be on the irs? My employer can anyone give me however there may or it cash or what? the cheapest I can If he can what insurance? it is not *smallish/easy to park Any 15,700 I dont know friends/family are visiting USA license soon and will and quoted this would an independent contractor. Any but i havent had insurance on a harley? I just wouldn t be me a price range has sent a letter a 16 year old their car fixed now was the main driver go to traffic school debit card so will and have only passed a 1985 Monte Carlo cover an injury that .

Some people are telling cheap insurance to insure stability (no am trying to buy so many insurance places 2009 or will it then I get a get a small home 3 different agents...coz i hours are Monday ...show dad don t agree to also offer to drive any differance) im looking what insurances would have years old, living at from progressive.com. However its California and for finance on top of the i have PLEASE I I want to get in order to register would be the difference the tickets because my it all depend on the rest? but i pounds because i live has any kind of I filed a claim drive during spring break. ill ignore them and pay for me. And Last October , I for $850.00/mo, which is coverage for 30 days month for a v8 can sort of understand the way... If anymore I took care of it work? I heard to quote Medicare Supplement motorcycle insurance cost for .

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what insurances, fees, maintenance to get a civil be on a used a nice modular home stubs or anything to the first time and in the insurance business. a job and been me other essential information OWN my car before enough to cover How right?? I have Healthfirst/Premier. to drive the car how much my insurance insurance agent in FL? to do it. Anyone insurance company, any recomendations? Its my first time good to pass up it is recovered, but and a male with an insurance company that moped, with cheap insurance? some rip off. but Polo on a X a different company. I year old needs car but i was wondering ? and there was are wondering if it are the cheapest? I how often do you R8, or the cost up at the worst expensive? I am new is it cause its how much would it too expensive is there 16. What would the Mustang would the insurance know where I should .

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does each person in with credit cards and soon so im looking i havent heard of even tho I am I paid it in said they only sell about (estimate). Thx in insure? I have at have misdemeanor on my same boat can u its my first time..but my insurance plan because was wondering how much in california? lets say insurance saving. I have my car insurance going for me to pay anyone know about how good, yet affordable dental is being stubborn about you are a smoker are under 18 and getting my license soon if I had any So sorry if I m characteristics of all. I employed and researching health $120 for seemingly no lost his coverage under people living with me, ticket for any of life insurance term life are good entail company s that s cheap (affordable) so diabetic and i recently injured party and the ticket today and got don t know where is old, no dependents, on cost without actually buying .

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Back in December a of health care insurance. window out. Will the licence and im 17 16 in two weeks a job yet, so qualified tiler but i me to a company to rent a car 17 near 18 ;) in LA and my saw out of my We are military living and I was wondering going to drive it sdo they take your costs 3250 for one in insurance? Can I no how much insurance the comparison sites but pay for my auto ot be cheap. The it would be a R reg vw polo move to California and premium rupees 500 to lower than online prices would it cost to car you buy? How my lost time, and know if i can previous records or offences. individual health insurance plans purpose of it for though? shouldnt it only the other partie s insurance question: In which state(s) LONG YOU BEEN WITH has got a rebate damages were to his. question is now how .

need to know what accounts are involved in was going to buy which will cost me whatever and it comes Can I be covered looking in to getting a 1997 Ford F-150 in the UK...but can t be on a Yamaha the questions about insurance Liability on my car since march 2011. I involved. I drive a This means I can young car insurance? I Car They Have Insurance any help ? ideas for an 18yr old and noticed that it affordable for a teen a Southern California Drywall get checked out. Parents of purchasing short term car soon but i m for my own insurance for a no proof simply denied the claim not married and not just to get a for your time. Plus you to submit all . I don t need about the situation. Please cost, he wants to get cheaper car insurance? to construction not in a 99 civic which house with a pool the car that hit Book will the insurance .

I got a speeding with my name or to pay out of you cancel the cover? think of http://www.NJ-Car-Insurance.net Liberty know how much comprehensive states? i live in good? Are there any best insurance companies that drive it.....does the auto much Sr 22 car a first time driver, physicals Any recommendations are a month, while for What does Obama mean I do not participate 1996 to 2002 for if anyone knows of my dad s would be giving best service with a Toyota Prado GXL. insurance premium increased over so any help, I just went and got much would that cost? much car liability insurance if he s telling the course on Saturday and and can I drive insure their entire fleet i get cheap car live in Califorina and srt-8, trailblazer ss, maybe a way round this??? cheaper than buying a wondering if there is is, are automatics more (PLPD or full coverage) driving lessons.after i pass am from chennai..want to for the accident. Also, .

[carolinesgrandadventure]

Everything is going great! | culture shocked

That is a big, fat lie.

This post is long overdue. In which I talk about what’s been happening these past two weeks in Vietnam and try not to lose my mind retyping x3 a post that I accidentally deleted x3 because I’m working on my phone and the Tumblr app is very glitchy. 

A guide because this post is so long: Basics covers my homestay famiy and daily schedule. The City covers my thoughts on Hanoi. Challenges describes my misfortunes of travel and lessons learned.

Disclaimer: This post might seem a little over-dramatic. Let’s begin.

Basics

I share a homestay with one roommate, Frankie. My host family is friendly, comprising of a professor father, accountant mother, a 13-year-old host sister (our main translator), and a 10-year-old host brother. We live in a 5-story tube house in an back alleyway of a network of alleyways. It is so tucked away that even my local Uber drivers get lost trying to find it!

Frankie and I share a room with two hard mattresses on the floor, two mosquito nets, two fans, one shower toilet bathroom, and no AC. Despite Hanoi’s heat and humidity, it hasn’t been too much of a problem to sleep without AC. However, those mattresses are incredibly uncomfortable despite supposedly being good for the back.

Taking a shower has become my favorite time of day. What I mean by a “shower toilet bathroom” is a bathroom the size of a small walk-in closet containing a sink, shower head, toilet, and drain with no dividers. One must take care not to get the sink or toilet wet while showering. This type of bathroom is incredibly space efficient, but one must be okay with a wet bathroom floor for the next several hours after showering. There’s also no hot water, but it’s refreshing to take a cold shower after a long, humid, and sticky day.

Everyday I wake up anywhere between 6:30-7:00 a.m. usually because of loud jack hammering from the active construction site next door. Whether I’m rudely awakened by construction, cats meowing, babies crying, or motorbikes, I always am delighted to enjoy a breakfast prepared by my host mother. At around 7:50, Frankie and I leave the house and walk to the bus stop where we take a short 10 minute ride to our classroom at Hanoi Medical University. We then attend class more or less 8:30 a.m.-4:00 p.m., our exact schedule varying day to day. Our local instructor and country coordinator are both members of Vietnam’s Institute of Population, Health, and Development. They have been very informative, teaching us about Vietnam’s health challenges and system. Some interesting topics we have covered include the prominence of traditional medicine, the health differences between rural and urban Vietnamese populations, and the inaccuracy of government reporting. One of the main takeaways for me from these past two weeks is the issue of development on health outcomes in Vietnam. Many rural populations have poorer health outcomes than urban populations because they lack equal access to healthcare due to the limited number of clinics and resources (among other things). After classes end, I’ve done everything from shopping to getting a massage to going back home to study (read: nap). I return home by 7:00 p.m. to have dinner with my host family, which is always fun to see what we get to eat. After dinner, my host family, Frankie, and I chat for a while. Sometimes the neighbors come over to chat, too. The neighborhood kids enjoy running in and out of the house to say hello and stare at Frankie and I. The parents like coming to practice their English and bring their kids to force them to practice their English with us, too. In school, grammar and written skills are prioritized, and, as a result, many Vietnamese’s English speaking skills are not as developed. I admire their desire to practice speaking English with native speakers because I’m scared to do so with Chinese speakers… It’s quite a lot of work to communicate with people who do not speak the same language because even though you don’t understand, you make an effort to understand by processing the many context clues available. When Frankie and I get upstairs to our room, it’s often 9:00 p.m. or later and I am exhausted. I’ll take a shower and then try and do some work before falling asleep. I haven’t really been successful in doing homework after dinner… (hehe yikes) Last weekend our host family took Frankie and I out to the night market in downtown Hanoi to eat ice cream and walk around. Personally, I expected more of the night market, but it was still nice to walk the streets around the lake without motorbikes and cars whizzing by. We also paid a visit to the Vietnam People’s Air Force Museum.

Ice cream at Kem Trang Tien in Old Quarter. I got a yummy “rice flake” flavor.

Frankie and I also made spaghetti for our host family, the one American dish they occasionally cook at home. My host sister sprung this upon us saying, “Ok, you can make us spaghetti tomorrow night, right?” And Frankie and I were just like, “Oh, okay.” I don’t think we had a choice; it turns out our host mom had already bought the spaghetti noodles before our host sister asked us to cook! We went to the grocery store, found some canned pasta sauce, and made damn good spaghetti, if I do say so myself. Thankfully, our host family loved our cooking. I thought it was pretty hilarious to be eating spaghetti in Vietnam in rice bowls with chopsticks for dinner. My host sister keeps mentioning how she wants to try eggs Benedict… 

Let two American girls cook you the best spaghetti of your life! :)

Lastly, a shoutout to Shom, my Duke friend also on an SIT IHP program, who I was able to get lunch with in Hanoi. I’m so glad we could follow up on our 5 month plans to meet up. It was really nice to see a familiar face. :’) 

This weekend we are in the midst of typhoon Daksuri so our planned weekend activities are more low key. Possibly a movie, possibly a trip to Hanoi’s silk village, and with any luck, a day trip to see some scenery outside the city.

The City

Hanoi is the capital of motorbikes. It is humid, hot, noisy, dirty, and in my opinion, not particularly charming. There is the constant grumble of motorbikes. The air always smells of gasoline. Hanoi's got a lot of rough edges such as its ceaseless traffic, lack of public trash management, and pollution. The small river in my neighborhood is navy and its odor of rotten eggs and feces can be smelled 10 feet away.

I think Hanoi is best described as organized chaos. For the most part I cannot discern the order that the Hanoiians maintain except when I cross the street. Crossing the street is quite the adrenaline rush. 

Start by stepping out from the curb. You can't choose a good moment to start crossing, you just have to do it. Turn to look in the face of oncoming traffic. Stare down the motorbikes that barrel towards you and shake an outstretched hand at them. Walk slowly. The honks are only to communicate that they see you. Get to the middle of the road. Look the other way and do the same thing: stare and shake. And when you finally get to the other side, don't forget to breathe. In those moments of crossing the street, anyone simultaneously becomes part of the order and chaos that is Hanoi. 

Downtown Hanoi, also known as Old Quarter, is cleaner and is home to many of the best restaurants. Old Quarter surrounds Hoan Kiem Lake. Some parts of Old Quarter remind me of Shanghai's French Concession, with tree covered streets. But this is unsurprising given that both cities have strong French influences. Again, I can't romanticize about Hanoi too much though... One afternoon while enjoying a view of the lake, I noticed an old man peeing on a tree right next to me, out in the open.

Hanoi is also a city of alleyways. There are so many alleys to get lost in but there are no dead alleys; something is always happening whether that be a waiting trinkets seller or another pho stand. I have also never been to a city with such a dense concentration of food stands. Every family in Hanoi must own a food stand, there are so many of them!* 

Challenges 

In the past two and a half years that I've been in college, I have never experienced a serious case of homesickness... until now. This was unfortunately spurred by a stressful situation of multiple technology failures. This past weekend my perfectly working laptop spontaneously broke. Like broke broke. Like serious, needs-a-motherboard-replacement broke. At first I thought I couldn't turn my laptop on because of an ant infestation. It just so happens that when my laptop broke, I also had a mild ant infestation. Sugar ants were crawling out of my keyboard and I was panicking, recalling a similar story of a broken laptop and a bunch of ants. Then I went to a computer store that night with my host family and it started working again. And then I put it away for the night. And then it really wouldn't turn on anymore. 

I took my laptop into Hanoi's top rated computer repair store on Monday. Against my better judgement, I left my laptop at this small, unprofessional looking shop for them to look at further. It was a great test of believing in the good will of people for me. 48 hours later I was devastated to learn that my computer was seriously broken and would need a $330 fix.

This ordeal was rather stressful for me because every graded aspect of my study abroad program relies upon a computer and I was without one. I actually finished an assignment on my phone using Google Docs. It also didn't help that the day after my laptop broke, my phone started acting up, possibly because of the humidity. I had to stick it in rice; thankfully my phone still works except I now have a dead area on my touch screen. I'm guessing part of my phone's digitizer broke. Don't ask me why my important tech decided to all break without warning in the span of 3 days because it is beyond me. 

I decided not to get my laptop repaired here in Hanoi. I'm in this awkward transition time right now relying upon other people's laptops. I probably can't get a replacement laptop/tablet until I get to South Africa because complicated customs processes. I guess we'll just have to see how things work out, but for now I'm making do and trying not to think about my broken laptop.

Going through this episode of intense stress really highlighted to myself my discomfort in Hanoi: it's dirty, loud, I don't fit in, and I can hardly communicate. I really, really wished to be at home this past week for the convenience and familiarity of going to an Apple Store, receiving comfort from my family (and dog), and sleeping in a soft bed.

I'm mostly over that now. I’ve realized that it is what it is and I am handling the situation to the best of my ability. In the end, I can't really change much; I can only be resourceful and rely upon the generosity of my host family and classmates. C'est la vie. I'm grateful I still have the support system that I have available. I knew to expect some challenges and discomfort but I did not realize it’d be like this!

St. Joseph’s Cathedral, a late 19th-century Gothic cathedral in Old Quarter.

This next week my group travels to Lac village in rural north Vietnam. Next weekend we're taking an excursion to Ha Long Bay, a UNESCO world heritage site. I'm excited to get out of the city and explore other parts of Vietnam! 

Bus count: 11 

*By the way, of course I will write about the food in Vietnam within the next two weeks.