#also in the my bloody valentine in my heart there’s a moment where cas says ‘how much did you drink?’

[demonologist-in-denim]

Humming to himself, Crowley dusted the rich dark cocoa powder into the soft white flour, and reached for his trusty wooden spoon. Blending ingredients in a mixer tended to create a smoother batter, but Crowley enjoyed the feel of the spoon in his hand, the sound it made scraping the bottom of the bowl, the hands-on experience of turning flour and sugar and eggs into cake.

When the dry ingredients were properly combined, he made a well in the center and carefully poured in the buttermilk, eggs, butter and vanilla. Instead of the usual red food coloring, Crowley added in fresh beet puree – just enough to give the cake a velvety ruby hue. The rich cocoa would cover the hint of earth with a delicate chocolate flavor. The mixture was then evening distributed between three pans and scooched into the oven.

While the cakes baked, he set to work on the frosting. The softened cream cheese and unsalted butter whipped together beautifully. He settled on using far less powdered sugar than the recipe called for, wanting the tangy sweetness of the cream cheese to accent the cake all on its own.

“Would have asked about any preferences in decoration,” Crowley muttered to himself as he applied the crumb coating to the cake, once it was done baking and properly cooled, “but that would have tipped my hand.” Simple yet elegant seemed appropriate. After applying a thick final layer of cream cheese frosting, Crowley piped fluffy buttercream swirls along the rim of the red velvet cake. A soft pile of crumbled extra cake crowned the top, and he tossed more along the side to create a dusting effect.

There was nothing left now except to take the photo.

Which, as fate would have it, turned out to be the difficult part.

He positioned the cake on the kitchen table, and snapped a few photos. Crowley hmmmed to himself.  It wasn’t quite up to his standard of food porn. Perhaps he’d take a few more, just to be on the safe side. Until one was suitably flattering. He was still adjusting the cake, playing with the proper angle and lighting for the perfect shot, when Sam and Dean strolled into the kitchen.

For a moment, they lingered at a respectful distance. But Crowley could sense their curiosity like a gathering storm of rose petals, soft yet burdensome.

“Can I help you two with something?”

Disbelief and delight were tugging a one-sided smile out of Sam. “Is – is that for Valentine’s Day?”

Valentine’s Day? Crowley narrowed his eyes at the elegant dessert. Bloody hell, the cake was red and white, wasn’t it? He hadn’t considered that when a bit of carefully applied questioning had disclosed the recipient’s cake preferences.

Crowley mulled the situation over. He couldn’t answer in the affirmative. That would mean he had intentionally crafted the cake as a celebration of gushy hearts and the sweet delirium of – internally, Crowley cringed – love. But he also couldn’t reply with a defensive and definitive “no”. That would only open him up to further, unwelcome inquiry.

He settled for the more characteristically dismissive third option.

“It’s Valentine’s Day?” Crowley steadfastly went back to attempting to capture the perfect photo with his phone. “I don’t bother myself keeping track of that sort of thing.”

Dean eyed the demon knowingly. “Yeah, well, our Netflix recommendations would say otherwise.”

Crowley glowered at the hunter.

“Whatever the occasion,” Sam offered up as his brother idled over to the cake, “that’s professional-grade baking. You’ve got a real talent. The frosting, the whole look? Seriously, I’m impressed.”

The arrow of this flannelled cupid hit its mark. Crowley felt a slight blush of pleasure, despite himself. Casual, unsolicited praise? From Sam Winchester? He seriously contemplated the possibility that Sam had been exposed to some sort of low-grade, poorly-concocted love spell that had bloomed into amiability, or maybe it had been released as a pink mist in the bunker’s common room, and Crowley had unknowingly avoided the worst of it. That seemed like the sort of malarkey that would happen around here on what, apparently, was Valentine’s Day.

Because Crowley found himself saying, “Thank you, Sam,” with actual sincerity. Moments such as these reminded Crowley that he was rather fond of these two boys, after all.

That was the moment Dean ran his finger along the edge of the cake, carrying off a large dollop of frosting from one side. The whole cake just looked so enticing! Dean was more of a pie man himself, but Crowley’s culinary expertise had the tendency to tempt him in surprising ways.

He was halfway to lifting the frosting-festooned finger to his mouth when he caught sight of the expression on Crowley’s face. Sam’s own face was a rotting lemon. Dean’s hand stilled, mouth still open.

“Um,” he muttered.

Dean looked at the offending finger, uncertain of what to do next. He started to put the frosting back where it belonged, thought better of it, looked for a napkin, and reluctantly settled for ashamedly completing the crime by depositing the frosting in his mouth.

Which was a mistake. Because now he knew the cake was friggin’ delicious, and Dean seriously wondered if maybe Crowley could manage his little photo shoot even if there was a slice of the cake missing.

As if he could read his brother’s mind, Sam shook his head in the most supreme disappointment. “Dean.”

“What?! Sorry!”

Reminding himself that murdering one Winchester brother would only end with him being ganked by the other one – though there were certainly times it seemed worth it – Crowley took a deep inhalation, and let it go. Cakes were ultimately meant to be eaten, even if it was by inconsiderate louts and lumberjacks.

“I’ll accept your apology, if you cut everyone else a slice before digging in yourself. I’m sure one of the photos I took before your little indiscretion will suffice.”

“Alright! Cake!” Dean cheered, while Sam just closed his eyes.

Crowley thumbed through the multitude of pictures he’d taken, and settled on the most appealing of the lot. Then he opened up his Bumblr app, and made a new post:

@petrichoravellichor – in honor of your birthday today. Heard from a mutual that you have a particular fondness for red velvet cake. Hope it’s to your liking. – C

He sent the message and image off with a satisfied smile, then set about getting plates and forks, as this cake was obviously not going to survive the interest of the Winchester brothers much longer.

As Crowley was pulling plates out of the cupboard and Dean was cutting into the cake, Castiel wandered into the kitchen, attention entirely given over to his phone. The angel had graduated from texting and emojis to social media and memes, and sometimes he could be found scrolling through Twitter and Instagram with a rapt fascination that would out-fixate even the most plugged-in FOMO-obsessed teenager. There was a chiming sound as he entered the kitchen, as notification of a new post.

“Dude,” Dean was grinning from ear to ear, “Crowley made cake!” He pointed with delight at the dessert.

Cas looked up from his phone, saw the cake, and halted in the middle of the kitchen. He narrowed his eyes, examining the red velvet cake on the table in front of him. Then he looked back down at his phone in consternation. Cas looked at the cake again. Looked back at his phone, and then slowly, he looked at Crowley.

The demon looked from the angel to the cake, his eyes increasing in size as realization dawned.

“Is that – ?”

“Don’t you say one bloody word, angel!” Crowley blustered, a rush of red to his face further colored by the mortification of such abject exposure. “Not one word!”

And before anyone could say anything else, Crowley shoveled a huge slice of not-at-all birthday cake onto a plate, shoved it into Cas’ hand, and quickly excused himself from the kitchen.

“What,” Sam wondered to the startled room, “was that all about?”

Cas continued to stand in the middle of the room, cake in one hand and phone in the other, attempting to come to terms with having inadvertently discovered a fandom mutual was also a real-life friend, and the one he would have least expected. Unsettled, he took comfort in the certainty their shared mutual would appreciate the well wishes on their birthday.

Dean shrugged, merrily flipped the serving knife in his hand, then waved the tip at his brother. “That’s Crowley for you,” he observed, good mood undeterred. “Dude would cut out his own heart and blend it to make red cake batter before admitting to it, but deep down, he’s just a big ol’ teddy bear who wuvs hugs. Speaking of which – you see that giant pink moose Eileen sent you? Friggin’ adorable.”

Dean proceeded to cut a huge slice for himself, leaving a worried looking Sam staring down at the blood-red cake. Then the hunter stepped around a disconcerted Castiel, patting the angel on the shoulder, and strolled out of the kitchen.

***

Happy birthday, Petra! I’m sure you’re tired of your birthday comingling with Valentine’s Day, but when you said your cake preference was red velvet cake, what was I to do? ;)

If you’re wondering exactly why – or even how – Crowley became a member of the in-world spn fandom, you can find out here. This fic will be posted on AO3 in my Tumblr Ficlets after posting on Tumblr.

Image sources here: X

[drsilverfish]

An Angel, and Lucifer’s Kid? Queer-Coding and Dean’s “Found Family” in 14x13 Lebanon

It’s time for some unashamed, LGBTQ subtext-reading Supernatural meta to celebrate Valentine’s Day!

“What, you think you have some kind of special buzz-bedar or whatever?”

(Willow and Kennedy at The Bronze in The Killer in Me, 7x13)

Well.... yeah... 

Because this conversation... in which John said he wished for “a normal life” for Dean...

See the original gifset here:

https://hellgracer.tumblr.com/post/182652253539/thats-right-you-do

This conversation? Pings, hard, for LGBTQ folk....

Here is Ellen’s character on her ground-breaking sitcom, coming out to her parents in 1994 ... (Ellen 4x4 Hello Mudder, Hello Fadder):

ELLEN: “Please understand, that for the first time, I am really, really, happy.”

ELLEN’S DAD: “Oh, so now you’re saying you had a lousy childhood? Your brother Stevie had exactly the same childhood and he turned out perfectly normal” [my italics].

There’s that word.... normal.

Do you remember the title of Larry Kramer’s 1985 play about the HIV/ AIDS crisis in New York (later a 2014 TV drama starring Mark Ruffallo and Matt Bomer)?  

The American Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual removed homosexuality from its list of “mental disorders” in 1974 (after concerted activist efforts). Before that, homosexuality was officially classified as a psychological “abnormality”. 

Here’s more on the history of that classification and its removal: 

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4695779/ 

So that word “normal” (that refrain, “Why can��t you be normal? I want a normal life for you, a normal family...”) resonates in LGBTQ history.  

And when Dean has the above one-on-one conversation with his father, the ghost of John Winchester, pulled-out-of-time, there’s a resonance there (should you choose to accept it). 

Notice it’s Dean who has this particular conversation with John, not Sam. 

And of course, John is thinking about a heterosexual family, marriage to a woman and kids, like the family he had with Mary, way back when. That’s the default assumption for a guy like John, right?

So when Dean answers, “I have a family,” the narrative (given John means a wife and kids - he already knows Dean has his brother) substitutes Castiel and Jack into those negative spaces.

Here they are, Dean’s brother, Dean’s angel and their adopted kid, taking care of said kid at the hospital (as families do) (14x07 Unhuman Nature)

“Found families” which don’t look nuclear and hetero-normative (a significant element of the awkward hospital check-in scene in Unhuman Nature) have been, and continue to be, a significant feature of LGBTQ life, because despite advances in rights and societal acceptance (in the US, where SPN is set) many continue to be rejected by their birth families: 

https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/ywbkp7/why-queer-people-need-chosen-families 

https://www.bfi.org.uk/news-opinion/news-bfi/features/families-gay-lesbian-transgender-queer

I’ve argued previously that the Ma’lak box (now officially dubbed, by some wags in this corner of the fandom, the Drama Coffin TM) stands as a metaphor for Dean’s self-repression, and, in a queer subtext reading - for the closet:

http://drsilverfish.tumblr.com/post/182375754379/a-fridge-locker-an-enochian-puzzle-box-a-malak 

I mean, Dean literally builds a box to lock himself inside, in a room full of sexy male pin-ups... 

You have to work hard not to see that...

I’ve also argued previously that AU!Michael has been set up as a dark mirror for Dean’s self-repression/ the ghost of John Winchester (who is the source of Dean’s self-repression):

http://drsilverfish.tumblr.com/post/179226151009/queer-gods-and-monsters-14x02

http://drsilverfish.tumblr.com/post/182120562849/aumichael-and-the-closet

Now, let’s take a very close look at the moment John arrives at the Bunker in 14x13 Lebanon, with help from the Superwiki transcript:

http://www.supernaturalwiki.com/14.13_Lebanon_(transcript) 

DEAN: “So, what do I…” SAM: “I don’t know. I-I guess you – you hold the pearl and – and concentrate on what your heart desires.” DEAN: “Michael outta my head. Got it.”

And then the lights go to red emergency and the looming ghost of John Winchester appears, punching both his boys to the floor and pointing a gun at them....

Do you see it? Do you see the transition? 

Michael out of Dean’s friggin’ head IS (metaphorically) the ghost of John Winchester (who arrives to red warning lights, with violence and control) aka Dean’s self-repression. So when Dean is able to tell his father, who raised him to be a “good little soldier”, to shoulder parental responsibility for Sammy, to perform a certain kind of masculinity (muscle cars, classic rock, no chick-flick moments) aka to tell his own internal voice of self-repression, proudly that he has a(n unconventional) family - consisting of his brother (whom he “practically raised”) his angel, and their adopted Nephilim son -  well, we can argue that frames Dean (subtextually) as taking a step towards owning his queerness. Particularly as he later tells his brother, “I’m good with who I am.” 

Here, have Cas holding a heart while Dean looks on in 5x14 My Bloody Valentine .

Do you remember Metatron’s angel-fall spell, back in S8?

1) Heart of a Nephilim (product of angel/ human sexual/ romantic congress)

2) Bow of a Cupid

3) Grace of an angel 

http://drsilverfish.tumblr.com/post/50579065447/metatrons-spell-the-ingredients-spn-8x23-the 

Specifically, bow of a Cupid who had just helped two dudes fall in love whilst Cas and Dean looked on (narrative mirroring) in 8x23 Sacrifice:

Specifically, Castiel’s own grace. And, yes, I’ve written a meta about how grace is figured as spunk sometimes in SPN here:

http://drsilverfish.tumblr.com/post/173619016494/spunk-of-an-archangel-13x21 )

If you think about those “angel fall” spell ingredients, they’ve (metaphorically) come to fruition in S14. 

Dean’s found family contains: the heart of a Nephilim, in the form of his adopted son, Jack; the grace of Castiel, now living with them (finally) at the Bunker, following Cas’ own long journey after the angel fall. And Jack himself, who, as the offspring of a human/ angel pairing is a huge metaphor for human/ angel love (aka Cupid’s bow). 

And when Dean destroys the pearl, which summoned AU!Michael (metaphorically) out of his head, in the form of the ghost of his father (aka his self-repression) - what happens when that has been faced and laid to rest? The time-line course corrects, and instead of the mind-wiped solider of Heaven, who didn’t know him, Dean gets “his” Castiel back, the one who loves him, his actual heart’s desire.

And... cue intense staring, Romeo and Juliette style, in a closing balcony scene:

Happy Valentine’s Day 2019 Dean and Cas! 

NB: Usual disclaimer - this narrative concerning Dean’s queerness can, and most likely will, continue to be told entirely in subtext, as it has been for 14 seasons now, and for 10 specifically in relation to Castiel - ever since Dean stabbed Cas through the heart at their first meeting in 4x01.

You can read more about what I think about the ethics of continuing to tell this story in subtext under my “Reading Subtext” tag. 

[vvivacious101]

Re-rewatching S05E16 - Dark Side of the Moon

Oh god, this episode totally floored me. There is so much happening in this one but despite the information overload, this episode is phenomenal. I can already tell this is going to be a long post.

So, in “Dark Side of the Moon” Dean and Sam die and go to Heaven where Cas tells them not to let the angels find them yet because he sees this as an opportunity to talk to Joshua. Joshua is an angel who resides in the garden at Heaven and is rumored to talk to God, so Cas needs Sam and Dean to find the garden and talk to Joshua. Meanwhile, Zachariah is looking for the boys so he can put them back into their meatsuits so they can play their parts in the apocalypse but not before he gets some time to play (read torture) with them.

Zachariah is an interesting character. I have somehow always liked his character. He reminds me of Crowley.

Zachariah is an overacheiver, a teacher’s pet who thought his job would be so easy. Getting two monkeys to play their part, how hard could it be? He, of course, had never met the Winchesters and I get how he feels. Even though he is a dick, I understand the place where his anger comes from but I guess he does a pretty good job of illuminating that place himself.

Let me tell you something. I was on the fast track once. Employee of the Month, every month forever. I’d walk these halls, and people would AVERT THEIR EYES! I HAD RESPECT! And then, they assigend me you.

And the rest as they say is history. His downfall is so total that it’s almost comedic, but he was an interesting piece of this apocalyptic puzzle.

This dialogue of his from this epiosde is one of my favourites.

Wow. Running from angels... On foot... In heaven. With out-of-the-box thinking like that, I'm surprised you guys haven't stopped the apocalypse already.

Zach catches up with the boys and just as he is really getting started, Joshua arrives on the scene and tells Zach to let Sam and Dean go as God demands it and they get rescued.

This entire season especially after the Colt didn’t pan out, finding God was the only way they had of averting the apocalypse and Joshua basically tells them ‘sorry, no dice’.

But he also mentions other interesting facts about God that I didn’t pay attention to earlier like the fact that he is on Earth and that the amulet wouldn’t enable them to find him, which is an interesting way to put it because in season 11 we will learn that the amulet was basically turned off and thus doesn’t actually work the way it’s supposed to.

So we get that God doesn’t want to intervene. He feels like he has done enough which brings me to another realisation - why did he intervene in the first place why did he put Sam and Dean on the aeroplane, why did he bring Cas back?

The first one is easy to answer when Sam and Dean are in the convent as Lucifer’s cage is opening two things are clear, number one, an archangel going supernova could probably be fatal and since Dean and Sam are critical to what comes next having them killed does no good, number two, considering what had just happened no way was Sam going to say yes to Lucifer on the spot. So Sam and Dean would have to be broken down gradually like we have been watching all season, so even if God hadn’t interevened on the first count nothing major would have changed. But the second question isn’t that easy to answer.

Why did God bring Cas back? In season five, Cas has done very little to influence events. He could easily be written off. The problem is that when Cas came back I immediately felt it was because he still had a part to play but the problem is Cas doesn’t come back to do something Cas comes back because he surprised the hell out of God. Things become really clear when you realise that God is Chuck. Chuck who sees Cas rip up the ending and still be brave enough to stand up to an archangel. Chuck who sees Cas and is inspired beyond belief because for the first time the omniscient has found his blind spot and he is intrigued by Cas and that’s why Cas comes back because of the story he changed, the story that didn’t go the way it was supposed to.

But now God is done, after all what he wants is to see his favourite story end the way it was always meant to and Sam, Dean and Cas are no longer interesting as they increasingly fall into the ruts of his story. In this very episode, both Cas and Dean lose their faith and things look very bleak. So in God’s POV the story is going where it’s supposed to and he wants to play his part in making sure that it ends the way it is intended to go. Famous last words.

I can’t believe I have typed this much and there is still so much more to go.

In their trip to Heaven, Sam and Dean meet Ash and Pamela. Ash is amazing, he was one character I would have loved to see more of and he is still as cool as ever and it was amazing to have him back on the show.

But what I want to talk about is Pamela’s conversation with Dean. She tells Dean that the worst case scenario is Heaven and Heaven is all about reliving life’s happiest moments, so really how bad could things be. Even if the apocalypse kills a bunch of people they get to come to Heaven which is not so bad and Pamela definitely sees it as a better place. When I initially watched the show this made a lot of sense to me and I didn’t exactly get Dean’s POV and this time around I am totally on Dean’s side. Heaven is run by angels, you are in their control and more importantly the fact is that you aren’t alive. We can‘t just all kill ourselves even if the evidence points to the fact that Heaven is a better place because free will only exists on Earth, the place where your decisions can actually make a difference. Living beats dying even if Heaven trumps Earth and I’m on Dean’s side.

The most important thing to come out of this episode is the loss of faith. Cas’ loses his faith in God when it becomes clear that all the efforts he put into finding God were for naught and the righteousness that was the wind beneath his wings falls away. Cas believed that God wouldn’t want the end of the World especially when he brought him back. Cas believed he was brought back to stop the apocalypse and he puts all his efforts into it, buoyed by the fact that God wants it that way and now that hope is all but dashed as Cas crumbles under the rubble of his faith in his father.

The second person who loses faith is Dean. Dean comes to Heaven and sees two memories one of him and Sam as they spend one 4th of July lighting up firecrackers in an empty field and one of him and his mother when she is in the middle of a bad fight with John.

Dean’s heaven is memories of his family while Sam’s best memories are spending a Thanksgiving Dinner at a friend’s place, about living two weeks by himself and about the day he left his family behind to go to college. And as Dean comes to realise this truth he wonders whether he and Sam were ever on the same page.

Dean: Your heaven is somebody else's Thanksgiving, okay? It's bailing on your family. I mean, what do you want me to say? Sam: Man, I never got the crusts cut off my PB&J... I just don't look at family the way you do. Dean: Yeah, but *I'm* your family. We're supposed to be a team, it's supposed to be you and me against the world, right? Sam: Dean, it is. Dean: ...Is it?

What I found most heartbreaking is when Sam reminds him that going to Stanford was a happy memory because he finally got away from Dad and Dean reminds him he wasn’t the only one Sam got away from.

At the end of the episode when Dean drops the amulet that Cas returned into a garbage bin, the message is clear. Dean’s lost faith in Sam. The amulet is an interesting artifact in this context when they had faith the amulet was invaluable to Cas and Dean but as soon as they lose faith Cas doesn't want it any longer and neither does Dean. It's interesting how faith is the difference between something being indispensable and something being garbage.

I can’t believe I have talked so much and I still have more to say. This epsiode is a treasure.

So, I couldn’t end this post without talking about John. John is prominently brought up twice in this episode. Once when Dean tells Sam that their parents' marriage was only perfect after Mary died. This made sense. Every marriage has tough spots and this was a particularly bad one for John and Mary. But John loved Mary and after her death it was easy to remember the good memories, it was easier to put her on a pedestal and fight a war in her name, so of course their marriage was perfect, immortalised forever in John’s heart. But the thing that got me was when Mary, stressed after her fight with John, is soothed by Dean. Dean who is what four years old and Sam has this to say about this - I didn’t know how long you have been cleaning up Dad’s messes. This makes more sense especially in light of another memory. It’s the memory of Sam running away from his family on Dean’s watch and Dean can’t even verbalise what happened when John came back. This is one piece of dialogue that is imcomplete but the words that aren’t spoken are practically engraved on your heart and the pain is hard to overlook. Sometimes, it's easy to forget how traumatic Dean's childhood was while Sam got to rebel, got to be who he wanted to be because John wasn't the only one raising Sam, Dean was too and Dean taught Sam that he was important, he was loved and valued something that John couldn't instil in Dean.

Dean is broken in the aftermath of this episode and if “My Bloody Valentine” had aired after this episode Dean being dead inside would have made a lot of sense, because presently Dean is dead inside. He has lost all faith and their every chance at averting the apocalypse has been dashed.

[dreamytfw]

I’m bored and impatient again, so I’m answering stuff from an ask game. OP here. I just want to say preemptively that the shipping questions only pertain to me and how I ship or don’t ship them. I don’t care what y’all ship.

1:What is your Supernatural OTP? Destiel.

2:What’s your opinion on John Winchester? I have a lot of strong feelings about that fucking dickhead.

3:Which season finale was your favorite/least favorite? Favorite: season 8′s was really good. Least favorite: season 10. We almost had Dean in space.

4:Which is your favorite episode? Either Changing Channels or The Man Who Would Be King

5:Which episode makes you cry the most? The episode where Ellen and Jo die ALWAYS makes me cry.

6:Which episode is the funniest to you? The Real Ghostbusters

7:What’s your opinion on Megstiel? I’m okay with it up to a point. That point is crazy!Cas.

8:When did you start watching Supernatural? The hiatus between seasons 7 and 8. I finished my Netflix binge something like the day before season 8 premiered.

9:Which episode title do you think is the funniest? The French Mistake. Gotta love Mel Brooks.

10:What’s your opinion on Garth? I loved Garth! Such a massively under-utilized character.

11:If you could bring back any character, would you? If so, whom? I’d like to finally get Adam out of Hell, but I don’t think that’s quite what you’re asking.

12:Who is your favorite angel? Cas. Duh.

13:Who’s your favorite archangel? Gabriel.

14:What’s your opinion on Wincest? Squicks me the fuck out. Sibling incest does in general. Like, we’re not supposed to want to fuck our siblings guys. That’s how we get Joffery and El Hachizado.

15:What’s your opinion on Lisa? (and Ben, if you want) Ben was kind of blah outside of his first episode. I really liked Lisa and how she refused to take any of Dean’s crap.

16:When did you start blogging about Supernatural? Uh... I think I jumped on board right away?

17:Do you think that Chuck is God? How old are these questions???

18:Do you have a favorite Dick (Roman) joke? If so, what is it? Not a joke, but I’m really weirdly amused that his actor does the voice of a recurring minor character in the Kingdom Hearts series.

19:Which is your favorite episode? We had this question before.

20:Who do you ship Sam with? Samena, but I really love fluffy snuggly Samstiel.

21:What’s your opinion on Destiel? OTP

22:Did you like the first or second Ruby better? iunno.

23:Who’s your favorite demon? Demon!Dean deserved a longer arc.

24:Do you read smutty fanfiction? I fucking write smutty fan fiction (I’m just bad at finishing and publishing it).

25:Do you think Destiel will become canon in season 9? (Regardless of whether you want it to or not) Christ this is old. Unfortunately they did not. But fingers crossed for season 14, aka their 10 year anniversary.

26:Have you ever had a dream about Supernatural/the characters/the actors? If so, can you describe what you remember? All the time. I used to be able to lucid dream to some extent, but since I’ve gone off my psych meds I can’t seem to do it as much anymore. The most recent one I had was the other night. I don’t remember it too clearly, but Sam and I said bye to Dean and Cas before heading off on some sort of mission or something.

27:Which episode is the scariest to you? (Horror-movie type scary) That episode where Sam got his throat ripped out this season was the first time Supernatural has actually scared me. Other episodes have been suspenseful, but I was legit scared during those mine scenes.

28:What’s your opinion on Sabriel? I don’t really see it. MAYBE unrequited on Gabriel’s side, but other than that I just don’t get the appeal.

29:Do you think End!verse will happen? If so, are you looking forward to it? Well, Lucifer’s dead now so I’m guessing no. If End!Verse does happen, Dean and Sam’s places are going to be swapped.

30:Do you have any friends off of the Internet that watch Supernatural? Yes.

31:Do any of your family members watch Supernatural? I got my dad and my brother to watch it, but they kind of dropped it. My mom is currently watching it and I regret everything that has led to this point in my life.

32:What’s an unpopular opinion or headcanon you have? The “romantic” subplots in the Scoobynatural episode were gross and the episode would have been better without them.

33:Do you like AU fanfics? DO I!!!!

34:Have you ever written/started writing a fanfic? See my answer to number 24.

35:What’s your opinion on Samifer? That... really depends on the vessel Lucifer is in. See, I’m a fan of selfcest so if I do read Samifer stuff, I always imagine it as Sam basically fucking himself.

36:If you have an OTP, at what point did you start shipping it? First time I watched. Literally that second episode Cas was in when he was standing in the kitchen with Dean and told Dean to show him some respect I was just like “...are they gonna fuck?”

37:Do you think Sam should have completed the demon trials? Nah.

38:Which director/writer is or was your favorite/least favorite? Favorite: I don’t know. I don’t really pay attention to the good writers because I’m too busy enjoying their content. Least favorite: Bucklemming really needs to be fired or relegated to only filler episodes.

39:Which actor would you most like to meet in real life? MISHA!

40:If you could be any character on the show, would you want to? If so, whom? If not, why? Nah. I kind of like being me. I’m the only person I know how to be.

41:Do you prefer cake or pie? Both ( ͡~ ͜ʖ ͡°)

42:What is your opinion on Sastiel? Is it Samstiel or Sastiel because I just don’t know. I prefer it fluffy. For whatever reason I have trouble getting into smutty Samstiel.

43:Have you ever made a Supernatural reference out loud and received strange looks from some of the people surrounding you? Yes...

44:Have you ever cried over a non-OTP ship from the show? I’m not entirely sure what this question means... Like, have I ever cried over characters in the show that I don’t ship? Yeah. It’s Supernatural.

45:What is your favorite moment from any of the gag reels? “When did you forget how to act?” “Season 2?”

46:Superwholock? Please no.

47:What is/was your favorite Sam hair length? I really liked season 10.

48:What’s an unpopular ship you have? Meg/Bela. Don’t ask, I don’t understand it either.

49:What’s your opinion on Wincestiel? I prefer it as more of a love triangle where Sam and Dean are fighting over Cas’s affection than as a throuple.

50:Can you dig Elvis? Fun fact: I never finished that fan fiction. I loved every moment of it, but I got as far as Dean meeting Adam in Vietnam before I chickened out because I knew there was a bunch more pain on the way.

51:Do you listen to Carry On Wayward Son even when you’re not just watching a finale? I used to, but I’ve since been conditioned to feel pain every time that song starts playing.

52:What’s your opinion on Zachariah? Good antagonist.

53:Do you think Adam will ever get out of the cage? (not as Michael) Not at the rate we’re going.

54:Do you think Sam should have completed the trials? Why are there repeat questions?

55:How long would you survive as a hunter? I wouldn’t.

56:What’s your opinion on Calthazar? Foxhole love/friendly former fwb.

57:Do you have a Netflix account? If so, what’s your username and password? Wait a second, just the first part. I do and I’ve basically just been watching Supernatural on it the past month or so.

58:Have you ever participated in GISHWHES? I did the first year (the one with the pigeon rat mascot). It was fun, but it was stressful to the point where I don’t want to do it again.

59:What movies/shows have you watched because of (or by coincidence) Jared, Jensen, or Misha? Jared: House of Wax... kind of. I turned it off as soon as he got murdered because it was just awful. I also tried watching Gilmore Girls, but I dropped it after two episodes because every character in that show is either a terrible person or blah. The Supernatural Anime. Jensen: My Bloody Valentine, Batman Under the Red Hood. The Supernatural Anime (I know he only voiced the last episode, but he was in it so it counts). THAT ONE EPISODE OF WISHBONE AKA MY CHILDHOOD. Misha: the TSA short films, Karla, NCIS

60:If you could change just one thing about the series, what would it be? I’d make Dean better at using his god damn words.

61:If you were at a Con, what would be a question you would ask?(can be any of the actors) UUUUHHHHHHHH...

62:Why did you start watching Supernatural? Saw it all over tumblr. Got curious. It’s all been downhill from there.

63:What’s your opinion on Sam/Crowley? That’s a thing??

64:What’s your biggest fear for season 9? I honestly don’t remember what it was.

65:What’s your favorite (or at least a memorable) pop culture reference that has been made on the show? Them referencing themselves is always pretty great.

66:Just a random confession you have regarding the show/Asker makes up their own question.

[shirtlesssammy]

My Bloody Valentine: 5x14 Recap

Then:

The Dean and Sam story sucks

Now:

A cute, innocent looking couple, ending their first date, walk up to the woman’s place. Russell asks Alice if she would like to see him again, maybe Sunday? He doesn’t want to spend Valentine’s Day alone…again. (Way to sell it, dude!) Alice shyly agrees. He gives her a chaste kiss, and then a less chaste one. They pull away, explaining away their amorous aggression, but jump right back into it —to the point of eating each other to death.

After the title card, we find Sam interviewing Alice’s roommate. She found the bodies. She wonders how two people could eat each other to death. Sam tries to get to the bottom of this odd case.

He then heads back to the motel to let Dean know about the lack of leads. Then Dean goes into a very descriptive account of his visit to the morgue. Shudder. Sam tells Dean that he’ll be going over files so Dean can get going. It’s Unattached Drifter Christmas after all! Have some fun. Dean’s a little surprised and tells Sam that he’s “not feeling it this year.” It’s like a little clue! Sam points out, “it’s when a dog doesn't eat-- That's when you know something's really wrong.”

In an office at night, Brad and Jim work overtime on a project. Jim is busy texting his new girlfriend. Brad teases him about being whipped. Just then, Janice, the new girlfriend shows up! And she went all out to make a good impression!

She tells Jim that he can’t choose work over her. Brad picks the worst time to make a joke, and gets shot in the chest as an afterthought. Janice is 100% focused on Jim —and Jim comes up with a solution to the problem of life always getting in the way —get rid of life!

At the morgue, Sam crosses paths with a suited man that makes his heart beat. He dismisses the moment but knows that something is wrong. They talk to the coroner, who just finished with the autopsies on Jim and Janice, good-and-plenties already tupperwared.

The brothers get to work examining the organs. Dean passes a real heart to Sam and cheekily asks him to be his Valentine. Dean Bean. Sam then notices identical Enochian marks on different hearts. Dean is instantly on the phone with Cas, who’s in turn instantly in Dean’s personal space.

It appears these marks are marks of union. Cupids, or Cherubs, Third Class, did this. Cas passionately explains that a cupid has gone rogue and they have to stop him before he kills again. Man, I love passionate Cas —and by the look on Dean’s face, he does as well.

The guys then head to a restaurant to watch for the cupid. Sam and Dean get their food, but Dean’s not interested. Whaaat? Cas gladly takes the hamburger off Dean’s hands. Whaaat?

Cas then senses the cupid and tells the brothers to meet him in the back. Once there, the brothers only find Cas.

He’s got the invisible cupid tethered, and forces the angel to reveal itself —much to everyone’s discomfort. I guess getting big hugs from strange naked angels isn’t their thing. Cas tells the cupid that his marks are slaughtering each other, and he seems genuinely shocked. Cas tries consoling him, and gets another big hug. He was just following his orders. Whatever these people are doing after getting together has nothing to do with him. Cas reads his mind to see that he’s telling the truth. The cupid reveals that heaven doesn’t normally care who falls in love with whom, except for certain exceptions —like John and Mary Winchester. They had to get together so Sam and Dean would be born. Dean punches him, regretfully, and the cupid flies away. Cas and Sam can’t believe it, and Sam asks if they’re going to talk about what’s up with Dean. That’s a negative, little brother.

Back at the morgue, the coroner has another weird death for Sam to check out. The vic apparently went on a Twinkie binge. The coroner thinks it was a very peculiar thing to do, and takes a deep swallow from his flask. Uh oh. 
Regrouping over the phone, the brothers realize that this isn’t cupid related and there’s way too many ODs and suicides in the town for this to be normal.

Sam sees the man in the suit again, and pursues him into an alley. Demon blade in hand, Sam attacks. The demon gets away, but some of his blood stays behind on the blade. Sam looks at it with a deep craving, before forcefully wiping it clean. Sam notices a suitcase the demon left behind and brings it back to Dean.

They open the suitcase. Immediately the latch springs open and something glowing emerges. Cas appears, a bag of burgers clutched in his arm. “It’s a human soul,” he tells them around a mouthful of burger. The Winchesters are pretty curious about why Cas turned into Hungry Hungry Angel and he tells them it’s because Famine - the horseman - is in town.

Everyone’s starving for something - sex, drugs, love… The cupid was an innocent in all this. His inspired love was turned into lethal, all consuming love by the presence of Famine. Castiel’s vessel is drowning in desire for burgers.

“And then will come famine riding on a black steed…” Castiel intones.

Enter Famine. A black SUV rolls up, and an old man is extracted from the car, then wheeled into Biggersons. As he enters the restaurant the people in Biggersons begin to frantically indulge in their appetites to the point of killing themselves.

Cas tells the Winchesters that Lucifer’s demons are in town to care for Famine and bring him souls. Famine will consume their souls to gather strength before the Horsemen march across the world.

Cut back to the restaurant. Everyone is dead, carrion flies already buzzing. The demon Sam fought enters and tells Famine about the Winchesters and delivering Sam’s hotel key. Famine wants the soul the demon lost and when he reports that it’s gone Famine sucks the demon dry instead.

Back at the hotel, Sam’s washing up and trying to keep his cool while Cas continues to stuff his burger-hole. Dean asks if they can defeat Famine by cutting the ring from his hand, just like they did with War. Yep, but Cas really wants MOAR BURGERS and Sam’s still swiping a cool washcloth across his face and quietly freaking out. Sam confesses that he can’t go. He’s hungry for demon blood. Cas tells Dean that the hunger is with Sam now - he can’t run from it. The only way to help him is to get Famine’s ring.

No pressure, Dean.

Swoon break!

Dean and Cas head for the Coroner’s where they find the doc dead, having suddenly decided to drink himself to death that morning. “It’s Famine,” Cas announces, smooth as ever. Castiel lays his hand on the doctor. His soul is still there, so they can wait for the demon to collect it, then follow them back to Famine.

Later that evening, it’s stakeout time in Dean’s super-low-profile-nobody-will-ever-notice-it car. Cas flaps in, a fresh bag of burgers in his lap. He’s worked his way into the low hundreds in terms of patties consumed. He wonders what Dean’s hunger is and asks why Dean’s unaffected.

Dean says he’s well fed. He obeys his urges and instincts so there’s nothing for Famine to latch onto. (Preemptively gives Dean Bean a hug.)

Back at the hotel, the dresser gets moved aside. Two demons walk in ready for a little tussle. Sam breaks free then spears one of the demon’s necks and begins to drink. Sam powers up then uses his mind mojo to blast the other demon (who, for the purposes of this recap we’ll call “Dessert”) across the room. Sam’s got two demons to chomp. Mmm, room service.

At the Biggersons, Dean preps to move on Famine with a highly distracted Cas. Cas flaps off to fulfill his part of the plan, which is to head in alone and take out Famine’s ring. Dean waits moments before feeling like something went wrong. He walks through the back of the restaurant and sees Cas on the floor of the diner, stuffing raw ground beef into his mouth from a metal bin on the floor. Dean gets nabbed by demons and brought before Famine.

“Consume, consume,” Famine chuckles. America is just a swarm of locusts in stretch pants. He looks at Dean and tells him that, “Hunger doesn’t just come from the body, it comes from the soul.” Dean cockily tells him he’s unaffected and Famine speculates that there’s more to it than strength of character. He rolls forward and presses his hand to Dean’s chest where he presumably gets a peek into Dean’s soul. “That’s one deep dark nothing you’ve got there, Dean,” he cackles. “You can’t fill it, can you? Not with food or drink, not even with sex. I can see how broken you are. How defeated.”

“You’re not hungry, Dean. Because inside you’re already dead.” Dean starts to crumple when Sam interrupts and tells Famine to back off. Yay! Sam’s here! Oh wait...there’s a room full of demons and Sam’s got a ring of blood around his mouth. (Sam...you’ve got something on your face. I just want to get in there with a washcloth.)

Famine tells Sam that he’s SO strong, he won’t die by drinking too much blood. He and Lucifer are MFEO. Famine offers his demon handlers up to Sam for a little after dinner snack. And Sam, with his clown-red mouth, lifts his hand. He exorcises the demons from their bodies, refusing to drink from them. It’s great because...yay! Self control! But it’s also a terrible reminder of the mistakes of Season 4 and Dean’s face is filled more with horror than relief. We think it’s over, but Famine opens his maw and sucks the demons Sam exorcised deep into him. Sam tries to use his mojo on Famine and Famine chuckles at his little attempt to hurt a Horseman. Then Sam tells Famine that he can’t affect the Horseman, but he can affect the demons inside of Famine. He uses his powers to bust them out of Famine, throwing Famine back in his chair and breaking his hold. Cas lifts his head, the meat-lust abated. Famine is defeated.

Later, Dean and Cas wait outside Bobby’s panic room while Sam undergoes cold turkey detox again. Dean’s head rests against the wall, a look of despair settled over his face as he takes a drink. “It’s not him in there,” Cas tells him, trying to reassure him. No dice, dude. Dean heads out for “some air” - but it’s really just despair. He wanders out deep into the car lot and, with tears glistening in his eyes, looks up at the sky. “Please,” he begs. “I need some help. Please.”

Hungry for Quotes:

It's when a dog doesn't eat. That's when you know something's really wrong.

Please, Gentlemen. Refrigerate after opening.

Is this a fight? Are we in a fight?

I love love. I love it! And if that's wrong, I don't wanna be right.  

What are you, the Hamburgler?

I’m an angel, I can stop any time I want.

[orionsangel86]

12x12 Episode Review - Still Screeching...this time about the colour “Peach”.

I gave my 12x10 episode review the title “Pterodactyl Screeching into the Void” because I was so happy about it I couldn’t help but scream with glee at practically every moment. I also said this: “I feel like there is so much to talk about in this episode that fandom will be chewing on it for months if not years to come.” I still believe this, I just didn’t expect that two episodes later I would be reliving this exact same thoughts and feelings. I considered 12x10 to be a one off, a glorious gift to fandom wrapped in a big destielicious bow. Clearly, we celebrate our fandom birthday only two weeks before fandom Christmas because we just got ANOTHER gift wrapped in an even BIGGER destielicious bow and I can hardly contain my glee. (baring in mind fandom Christmas falls on the tenth anniversary of tumblr and close to valentines day I can’t help but feel this was planned - PRESENTS ALL AROUND)

But anyway. Lets talk meta. Once again I am very late to the party as I doubt I will be posting this any earlier than Saturday evening when you have probably all been talking this to death for the past two days. But eh, I’m gonna do my thing and hope you all agree, or aren’t bored by now if everything I talk about is stuff already gone over by my fellow very talented meta writers.

Starting with the obvious, Director Dick Speight Jr and Writer Davy Perez made this episode an homage to Tarantino movies. Specifically Reservoir Dogs which has so many ties to this episode both visually and subtextually that it is kind of difficult to keep track of my thoughts on it. I have to confess, I hadn’t ever watched Reservoir Dogs all the way through prior to watching the episode because it never really interested me. However, after watching the episode for the first time Friday lunch time I decided that it was in my best interests as a meta writer to give it a go. I watched it and tried to take in everything Tarantino was saying and doing with this movie… 

Being a meta writing, destiel shipper with heteronormative goggles permanently removed since watching this show guess what the first thing I picked up on was? That’s right Mr White and Mr Orange… what WAS going on there anyway? Because these guys didn’t know each other very long but they became VERY close by the time of the heist. Poor Freddie and Larry. Such doomed tragic lovers... do we have a ship name for them yet? Frarry? Leddie? Or maybe just “peach” (hence my title)

I believe that when Perez was writing this episode he had a SPN character in mind for each character in RD (mostly anyway). Cas is obviously Mr Orange (the bleeding out from the stomach thing gives it away as does Davy’s tweet here. Here is who I think the rest of the characters are supposed to be:

Dean – Mr White (duh)

Mary – Mr Pink

Wally – Mr Brown

Sam – Nice Guy Eddie maybe? I struggled here

Crowley – I wanna say Joe. (though I also kinda think Ketch would be Joe here… its not too obvious)

Remiel – Mr Blonde (“yellow” hair)

Explanations and various meta under the cut. This gets long:

THE TRAGIC LOVERS/ THE WOUNDED ANGEL

How amazing was this episode for Dean and Cas? I know people were getting upset about the diner scene being Dean trying to set Cas up but this was all posturing on Dean’s part partly for Wally and partly because he was bristled with jealousy. Someone needs to get Dean’s face when the waitress first calls Cas “handsome” and use the “conceal don’t feel” moment from Frozen because that is EXACTLY what was going on there.

(gif source @godshipsit)

“My Devastatingly handsome friend here” Really Dean? Mandy had already called Cas handsome you don’t need to talk him up to her now she has already shown her interest. Your crush is showing Dean.

But lets skip past the diner scene because there is SO MUCH more to talk about. A big part of this very busy story is about Cas getting injured and the Winchesters reaction to that. It seems like the writers are going out of their way right now to show the audience that Cas is SUPER IMPORTANT SO SHUT THE HELL UP SAYING HE ISNT. THANK YOU ANDREW DABB. THANK YOU DAVY PEREZ, THANK YOU DICK SPEIGHT JR. THIS IS EVERYTHING TO US! I meant it when I said I was *sipping Cas hater tears* right now. I get so happy when justice is served.

We never do find out if anything happened between Cas and the waitress… I suppose you could say it was added as a “no homo” to the “I love you” from later on in the episode, but I think it was completely non relevant. They immediately leave the diner to go after the demon. So no hot sex with random waitress for Cas Though honestly, he showed no interest at all. Dean did all the work for him and all Cas did was give her a sniff to see if the whole “smells like food”thing was true. Its kinda hilarious. 

Anway, cue Cas getting stabbed by the Lance.

This is such a beautiful shot. I just wanted to say that. Also, this is a demon with a weird hobby for night fishing who happens to make Cas his “catch” on this particular night. This is the second time Cas has been the “fish” in this show, and well:

(gif source @winchester-reload) 

(sorry couldn’t resist).

As soon as Dean realises Cas is hurt, he takes on Mr Whites role of being the one to inspect the wound, to reassure Cas that he will be okay, to just plain deny his dying. Its beautiful to watch Dean get so upset about this. Once again his reaction is so very different from Sam and Mary’s – both of whom are incredibly upset don’t get me wrong – but Dean’s reactions, and Deans emotions, are where the camera focuses the most. Why? Why do you all bloody think? (Remember that our Director this episode calls himself “the Prophet of Destiel” so I think we are in good company here guys).

“you look like hammered crap”

“Yeah that sounds about right”

Still being the husband Dean. “I’ve had worse” “Oh yeah? When” Urgh the whole exchange is so touching really. Dean covers the wound up to stop Cas from looking at it, tries to reassure him. The LIP QUIVER thank you Jensen for those small but exceptionally well thought out motions.

 (gif source @subcas)

His actual face is terrified, every one of these tiny reactions is Jensen at his best and I have to send Dick Speight Jr a fruit basket for capturing each and every one.

Besides you know things are bad when he calls out for “Sammy”

“no, no theres a cure. Theres always a cure” so desperate

Dean’s reaction to Crowleys “hey, I was quite fond of the choir boy too” with his “shut up, shut up” because he is showing his anger. He is in denial, and is handling it with anger against Crowley. Because Crowley knows how he feels about Cas. Hence his response. It was another subtle but beautiful moment highlighting how Dean reacts differently when Cas is in danger.

And then we have CAS’S SPEECH. I know we have all been flailing about this since the episode aired as lets be honest it is THE BEST thing about this episode. I have watched it so many times, picked it apart and just cried over it enough times in the past few days to know that this beautiful moment means EVERYTHING.

“Thank you, thank you, knowing you, its been the best part of my life. And the things that we’ve shared together, they have changed me.”

Notice how Mary looks at Dean here. She doesn’t know their history, but at this point in the season I do think that Mary suspects something is between Dean and Cas. Her reactions speak far louder than words (just like her stubborn son).

As the camera then cuts to Dean’s reaction:

(gif source @godshipsit)

Because of course it does. Dean’s face here is so very perfect for the emotional turmoil going on inside him. Cas says that the things they have shared together have “changed him” as in for the better, Mary looks at Dean and Dean looks BROKEN because yes he has changed Cas “The very touch of you corrupts” and I doubt that Dean has forgotten that somehow, especially when we had a reminder of it just two episodes ago. Dean thinks he has ruined Cas and this moment was very telling of that. 

(gif source @ahoyspn)

“you’re my family,” FINALLY HE KNOWS. How long has it taken him to get here?

ASHJFHEGFEWAHFUEHFUH!!! 

CUT TO DEAN AND DEAN ALONE!! (Thank you editing department for making that FUCKING CLEAR! (Gif source for both the above @godshipsit)

“I love all of you.”

DISTINCTION. TO CLARIFY MEANS THE FIRST IS AMBIGUOUS. Also the reaction shots here are amazing.

Dean’s face is just pure pain. I can’t bare it. This is the best fucking thing SPN has EVER given us.

AND THEN AND THEN

WE GET OUR CONFIRMATION. CAS GETS HIS CONFIRMATION THAT HE IS IMPORTANT. HE IS NOT EXPENDABLE. THEY WOULD GIVE THEIR LIVES FOR HIM. THIS IS ALL WE HAVE BEEN ASKING FOR.

“Cas No.” Dean says. Just no. I will not leave you here.

“Yes, you need to keep fighting”

“We are fighting. We’re fighting for you Cas” OH SAMMY HOW I LOVE YOU.

“And like you said we’re family, and we don’t leave family behind” OH DEAN NO YOU ARE BEAKING MY HEART

LOOK AT THIS POOR SWEETHEARTS FACE

(gif source @godshipsit)

THIS IS THE MOMENT HE REALISES. THE MOMENT IT HAS BEEN LEADING UP TO. THE MOMENT WE HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR. THIS IS IT. THIS FACE IS WHAT I HAVE WEIGHED MY HEART ON SINCE WATCHING 10x22 AND GAMBLING ON WHETHER TO STICK WITH THIS FUCKING SHOW OR NOT.

I AM SO FUCKING HAPPY ABOUT THIS. I WROTE ABOUT CAS’S ARC AND WHAT WAS COMING FOR HIM AND THIS IS FUCKING IT YOU GUYS THIS IS SO SO SO IMPORTANT I AM CRYING.

I am probably gonna devote a separate post just to this tbh because I can hardly stand it.

Look, I have decided I am not going to debate the “I love you” here. It is ambiguous, on second, third, forth and fifth viewing I will admit that, but I have two asks in my inbox both speaking kinda negatively about this confession so I will address this separately there. At the end of the day, with everything else we have been told about Cas up until this point, it can easily be read as a romantic “I love you” to Dean just as it can be read as a platonic one. I have chosen to see the romantic interpretation, because Dean’s reaction was first.

Anyway, the fact is that the way Dean reacts to the whole Cas dying thing is different to the way Sam and Mary react. There is a distinction, just like there is a distinction between “I love you” and “I love all of you”.

When Cas is spewing up black goo (and baby why are you always vomiting black goo you poor thing – love the season 6/7  call backs though)

compared to:

and:

(gif sources all @godshipsit)

See, Sam is able to remain calm “hang in there alright. What do we do?” and Dean? Dean can’t talk. He is close to tears, he just looks BROKEN and looks down. He can’t even watch Cas die. This is once again further proof (that we have been getting since 11x10 btw) that the brothers view Cas differently. To Sam, Cas is a friend, a brother, he loves him, but he isn’t so very emotionally compromised when Cas is in danger. Dean? Oh Dean breaks. Every. Time. This is why we keep going on about these things. See we don’t think Sam thinks less of Cas, its just that he is not in love with Cas like Dean is. When you are in love with someone, it hurts more. This distinction has constantly been thrown at us in the show. It is important.

Then the HANDS urgh I love anything Handsy in this show… so much symbolism.

(gif source @weallneedcastiel)

Blablabla hands blablabla profound bonds… oh but THIS:

(thanks to @elizabethrobertajones for giffing this in zoomed in slow motion because she is trying to KILL ME)

This kills me. Sam lets go, Dean clings on for as long as he can. TELL ME THAT ISN’T TRUE LOVE?!?

And then as if they haven’t ALREADY KILLED US ENOUGH THEY GIVE US THIS:

(gif source @godshipsit​)

Guys. GUYS. What was it Bob Singer said? “Cas is a nomad, he doesn’t have a home.”

WELL THANKS BOB SINGER BUT I GUESS YOU HAD A CHANGE OF HEART OR DABB TOTALLY OVERRULED YOU! We know for 100% certain that Cas’s home is the bunker. He lives there. He belongs there. This is such a far cry from 9x03 I am so so happy. It is undeniable. Cas lives at the Bunker.

Then at the end, as if I didn’t need my freaking heart:

“I almost lost one of my boys”

MARY HAS ONLY BEEN AROUND FOR A FEW MONTHS AND CAS IS ONE OF HER BOYS! SHE SEES HIM AS ONE OF HER BOYS! IS THIS FANFICTION? WHO SOLD THEIR SOUL FOR THIS? This is proof enough that Cas is part of the family. This episode is the gift that keeps on giving.

Now that I have screeched about all of that, I just want to quickly talk about the mirrors in Reservoir Dogs. Because as I said earlier, Dean and Cas are our Mr White and Mr Orange. Why is this? Because if you watch the scene where Mr White comforts Mr Orange in the warehouse you will find some similarities between that and Dean and Cas’s exchange in this episode.

Look I will admit I watched this film once (and then watched these few scenes a couple of extra times) so I am no expert on it, but as far as I am concerned, this is quite obvious subtext. The film starts and ends with these two guys wrapped in each others arms, dying, bloody, and very close. Larry (Mr White) stands up for Freddie (Mr Orange) the whole way through the movie. He is the only one who doesn’t doubt him. Everyone else is suspicious of Mr Orange being the cop and it all builds up to the moment where they all point their guns at each other because Mr White risks his life to save Mr Orange from Joe’s gun. He goes against his friends for this guy he barely knows… the big question is WHY? Well, it makes a hell of a lot more sense if maybe Mr White had fallen in LOVE with Mr Orange… because love makes you go against logic. So it obviously makes the film all the more tragic to know that Mr Orange WAS the undercover cop and basically breaks Mr Whites heart in that final scene (because he doesn’t want to die in the arms of the guy he clearly loves knowing there is still one big lie between them.)

How does this relate to Dean and Cas? Because even though Davy Perez only wrote very loose connections between the other SPN character and the Res Dogs cast, (except Mary blatantly being Mr Pink and getting away with the loot at the end) he very CLEARLY wrote parallels for White and Orange in Dean and Cas. The guys with the homoerotic subtext in Res Dogs, get the homoerotic subtext in SPN as well. Both sadly remain subtextual, but the parallels are blatantly obvious.

This episode has given us enough to write about in terms of destiel for the next YEAR let along the next week. I can hardly keep up with it all. And this isn’t even the rest of this beautiful episode which after 6 re-watches I still haven’t tired of yet.

MR KETCH/ MOTHER MARY

“Tell me a story”

Honestly my first thought was Metatron. But then this makes sense since I think the British Men of Letters are Dabb’s self-insert character. Like Metatron was Carver’s self-insert character and Chuck was Kripke’s self-insert character. Did Gamble have a self-insert character? Because we are getting so many call backs to season 6 this season that I feel like it should be acknowledged. Anyway, we don’t actually know that he is talking to Mary at this point, but a lot of this episode takes place from Mary’s POV. Mary is incredibly conflicted at this point, but I do think that she believes they are doing good. I also feel like the line “asking the wrong questions” is important. This season is all about communication, miscommunication and a lack of communication. If only they would all TALK TO EACH OTHER.

Excellent use of the Pulp Fiction mystery brief case glow (WHAT COULD IT BE?)

One of the most shocking things in this episode was how Mary refused to reveal that she had stolen from Ramiel to save Cas’s life. She sneaked around behind the boys’ backs, wouldn’t tell them that she is working with the BMOL, stole the mystery item and lied to her sons about it. This is all very Cas in season 6. Mary knows that what she is doing is wrong, she must do, otherwise she would have spoken to her sons about it (lack of communication). We keep talking about how this is a season 6 rewrite, but this time Mary is in Cas’s place, this couldn’t have been more obvious come the end of the episode with this outfit:

Also this line:

“Anything happens like that again, anything, and I will burn you down”

Made me think of this line:

“If you touch a hair on their heads, I will tear it all down. Our arrangement. I’m still an angel, and I will bury you.” Said to Crowley by Cas in 6x20.

We have ourselves a very interesting little parallel here. Mary is betraying her boys and it is not gonna go well for her, if season 6 is anything to go on. What could possibly happen? Well, the BMOL want to rid the world of all Supernatural beings for a start, and Mary seems to share that mentality. The fact that she wouldn’t give up the Colt to save Cas’s life also makes me rather concerned… but she did call him “one of my boys” so I dunno what to think. Is Cas potentially in danger here? We have speculated this before, after seeing the way both Ketch and Mick seem to hungrily eye Cas up all the time. Whilst its funny to think that they both just wanna jump his bones, the truth of the matter is that they probably wanna string him in a display cabinet like Catrina’s butterflies in 12x11. Could Mary’s refusal to hand over the Colt at that point be foreshadowing for her using Cas as a bargaining tool later in the season? Could she betray him to the BMOL? I don’t want to think that Mary would be capable of such a thing, but like my Evil!Mary anon keeps saying, something isn’t right with her, and she doesn’t have the Winchester’s long history with Cas (or the Colt) to truly understand what they mean to each other. Mary’s reactions to Cas’s confession seemed more like surprise than anything else, especially the way she turns to look back at her sons when Cas talks about the “things they have shared”.

If there is one thing I have been completely unable to predict with this season it is where the mytharc plot is going. There are so many elements at play, and now we have the return of the Colt and Mary’s betrayal to deal with as well. This is only going to escalate into something very bad, and Sam and Dean are going to be royally burned at the end of it. Could it come down to a choice? Cas vs Mary? So far this season Dabb has gone out of his way to prove that Cas is one of the family, and now we finally have got to a point where Cas himself believes this. Could this all have been to put him on equal grounds with Mary only to have the Winchester’s make a Schindler’s List style decision later down the line? How horrifying a thought. I hope it doesn’t come to that, but this whole situation with Mary has got me very worried.

THE PRINCE/ MR CROWLEY

Oh boy was this awesome. Firstly, I love the character of Ramiel. He was straight out of a Tarantino movie with his “couldn’t give a damn” attitude and his constantly calm manner. He was a cold psychopath and I loved it. Also he was our “Mr Blonde” with his yellow eyes. (I am glad that no one lost an ear in this episode – though I am suddenly very much aware that this already happened in SPN previously… honestly we will soon get to a point where everything has been done on SPN. This show is insane.) The whistling, the fishing, the spear, the “you mind explaining why you broke into my house!?” so smoothly after being shot. I think he was one of the best villains we have had in a while. I would have liked to see more of him. Interestingly, when I watched the promo shots of him I was reminded of Alistair. I am not sure why other than I saw similarities between the actors, but the fact that he was actually a “prince of hell” and a call back to Azazel was amazing.

NEW LORE! Good new lore too rather than retcons that don’t make much sense! Finding out some origin stories about Azazel (also HOW AWESOME was that yellow eyes reveal to Mary!) The first demons after Lilith created by Lucifer had yellow eyes. HOW LONG have we been speculating about the colour of demon eyes and what it means?

“Asmodeus has his hobbies, Dagon has her toys” TWO NEW SCARY DEMONS who we will totally be seeing in the coming episodes now… probably to avenge their dear departed brother. We know that Dagon has taken an interest in Kelly Kline and Lucifer’s baby so we will probably be seeing her next episode - for some reason I totally picture her as an Ellie Driver character… probably because eye patches are suddenly “a thing” in this show and also nurses outfit/protecting the baby mama… yeah… This is my Dagon currently:

Anyway, we are back to “yellow eyed demon” levels of bad and I love all the call backs to the previous seasons. Season 6 is predominantly the season we are rewriting in season 12, but there have also been major callbacks to season 4 and to the early seasons now to the point that I partly think this is Dabbs rewrite of the entire first half of the show.

Lets talk about Crowley, because OMG CROWLEY in this episode! Crowley is like the epitome of “I don’t care” (actually cares a lot) bless him. First of all, we get a CROWLEY ORIGIN STORY (bless you Davy Perez) because how long have we all been wondering how he managed to claim the throne? He was given it by the rightful heir.

What is the most amazing part of this, which gives such a HUGE insight into Crowley’s character is this:

(gif source @godshipsit)

Which is his reaction to finding out that Cas was stabbed with the lance. The subtle shock, and sorrow on his face, before he composes himself. I just… CROWLEY! Where is that feelings gif?

I know we joke about the Crowley x dean x cas love triangle, but with this season calling back to season 6 and Cas and Crowley’s original partnership, with all the history between Crowley and Dean and now THIS? Evidence that Crowley cares. A lot. What makes it even better is that while everyone else was sitting around helplessly watching Cas die, Crowley DID SOMETHING. He BROKE THE LANCE…. Seemingly one of the most powerful weapons in creation, a weapon that he could have used to KILL LUCIFER and he BROKE IT FOR CAS. CROWLEY SAVED CAS’S LIFE FOR ABSOLUTELY NO PERSONAL GAIN WHATSOEVER. CROWLEY CARES ABOUT CAS.

This is just wonderful. What does this mean for Crowley now? He clearly cares about them, but they still reject him mostly. Will this act of compassion mean that the Winchesters accept Crowley as a part of their group from now on? Or will Lucifer’s words poison his mind?

Because lets talk about that for a moment. We all knew that Lucifer wasn’t in the cage… Crowley has him locked up in a small cage in his throne room. This will not end well. Lucifer is the master of deception, he uses his words to manipulate people and with Crowley’s weakness being the Winchesters (including Cas) Lucifer could easily use this against him.

“I know that look. Sam and Dean have got you down. I still can’t believe you’re working for the dukes of haphazard. Do you really think they care about you? Think about it Crowley, they kill your kind. It’s in their blood. You know, you know. Its only a matter of time before they come for yoooouuu”.

This is Lucifer already working his magic. His forked tongue whispering things into Crowley’s ear that will slowly poison his mind and turn him against the Winchesters again. I don’t know what is coming up for Crowley, but like with Mary, I can’t see it going well for him. I am so excited to find out what happens next.

OVERALL

This episode is one of my favourites. I mean in the WHOLE SERIES. It was wonderful. I enjoyed every minute. The writing, the direction, the editing, the music cues were spot on. Richard Speight Jr NAILED IT. I hope he directs again. This season just keeps getting better and better. There is so much going on I can hardly get my thoughts in order, but to summarise:

We have two new yellow eyed demons who are gonna be PISSED when they realise their brother has been killed.

We have Lucifer trapped in a cage poisoning Crowley’s mind.

The BMOL have the Colt. THE COLT.

Mary is the betrayer in the midst. She is working for the BMOL behind her son’s backs.

Kelly Kline is still missing with Lucifer’s baby. Dagon has “taken an interest”.

The “cosmic consequences” are still outstanding.

Cas loves his family. His family is canonically the Winchesters. He is no longer an “angel of the lord/heaven”.

The Winchesters love Cas. Canonically. They would die for him.

Crowley puts the Winchesters and Castiel above his own need for power and personal gain.

Destiel is canon

Okay so I may have added the last point in as a joke, but we are so not far off guys. We have the building blocks in place. Slowly but surely we are getting there and we are already so much further along than I would have hoped. I do think that we will get an undeniable confession of romantic love from Cas’s side at least this season. If not by him directly, then by someone else (my money is on Crowley or Mary) pointing it out to him and him not denying it. Basically, we are in a really positive place. Dabb is doing a brilliant job of answering all our questions, questions we have had for YEARS about plot holes and mystery points left open to interpretation. I am convinced that this will only get better. God I love him. I always knew Andrew Dabb would do an amazing job when he first took over as showrunner, but in my wildest dreams I didn’t think he would give us so much so soon. We are truly blessed right now. This series has majorly improved since the atrocity of season 10. they seem to have LEARNT from that . This is wonderful. I couldn’t be happier.

[cupidsbower]

Hiding in the shadow of love

Supernatural 12x15, “Somewhere Between Heaven and Hell.”

Hmmmmmm. <-- that is my dubious hmmmm, in case you were wondering.

You see, the cynic in me says that it’s obviously that time in the season -- time to ramp up the annual Destiel/Drowley/Wincest queerbaiting. Because no matter which way I read this episode, it’s all about thwarted male love.

On the other hand, the slightly-less-cynical-and-a-lot-more-queer me thinks this is delicious. ;)

Somewhere Between Heaven and Hell, by Kiss

So. Kiss. It seems an unlikely source for the title of this episode, right? Yeah, that was my thinking too. Buuuuuuuut....

Let’s be real, if there’s ever been a character dying to have the stuffing kissed out of him in the most romantic way possible by a heartbreaker with a lock on Heaven’s door, it’s Dean Winchester. I mean... Once you think about it, the song just becomes more and more plausible. Just listen to those lyrics. “I’m so hungry.” Remind you of anyone?

*squints at the subtext like Castiel at Kelvin*

Okay, okay. I’m willing to concede the fact Kiss have a song with exactly this title, and not much else does according to Google, could be a coincidence given Supernatural does actually have actual Heaven and Hell in the show. Maybe the title of the episode is more directly related to show content and less metatextual.

Let’s go with that reading. In this more literal case, what exactly is between Heaven and Hell? We’ve been given two answers to this in canon so far:

Purgatory (ie. season 8, the most romantically queer-coded season of all), or

Earth (ie. Dean/Humanity, who certain people are “loaded pause” in love with).

Are you starting to get the picture yet? Is it rubbing off all over you??????

*makes the Drowley face*

And then there’s that. Drowley. We have Crowley turning up while on the phone to Dean, exactly as Castiel did back in My Bloody Valentine. We have Crowley and Dean flirting, and Crowley slathering on the innuendo so thick Dean will need yet another shower after that little exercise in Liam Neesoning it up.

Like, is there any doubt in anyone’s mind at this point that this is innuendo? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

*crickets*

Right. Where was I? Oh, yeah, the non-Kiss reading of the title. Didn’t get us very far away from the queer subtext right? In fact, I think it might be worse than the Kiss reading in that regard. Who knew that was even possible? They’re called Kiss! It’s right there in the band name!

Let’s go with the Incidental music next. While Castiel is being seduced by his very own Ketch, in obvious contrast to what went down with Dean last week, we have Ballad of a Truck Driver’s Wife playing in the background. I can’t find the full version by Lorene Mercer, but you can find a snippet of it here. Suggestive, yes? “When I need you so, that’s when you have to go. That’s how it is when you’re married to a truck driver man. Here today and gone tomorrow...” Not exactly subtle, in terms of the parallels to what’s happening in this episode. I mean we joke a lot about Dean and Castiel being an old married couple, but here the subtext is, basically saying exactly that.

I mean... casual watchers probably don’t catch the background music? Don’t remember the Kiss song? Didn’t notice season 8′s trope-fest? Assume Crowley is a queer villian who is just joking about wanting to rub off on Dean????

I guess.

Anyway, I was really interested in this plot point for Castiel for several reasons. Firstly, Kelvin has much better bait than Ketch did, and is much more successful at luring Castiel into at least listening to the full pitch from Joshua. I’m just as hooked as Cas and want to know more, especially the catch. Secondly, this sets Castiel up perfectly to have to make a deliberate choice about which family he belongs to, without being coerced, or the decision made for him. This is something I want to see very much, so I’m super keen to see how this plays out. Third, there’s so much emphasis on the murder of the nephilim now, that I’m increaasingly convinced it’s going to live, and we’re heading into season 13 with Three Male-Shaped People and a Little Nephilim as the main story arc.

A girl can dream.

*Imagines Dean, Castiel and either Crowley or Sam co-parenting the little tyke, who probably grows into a teenager in about three episodes and then wafts around exuding angst*

I want that sooooo much, you don’t even know. It would be the perfect way to continue to the nature vs nurture theme too. Also, with Mary back in the text, and Dean and Sam’s relationship shifting away from parent/child, the very obvious next life goal is raising the next generation. Will the sins of the fathers be visited on the children and all that. It could be so good. But I digress.

What am I even up to with this review? Ah, I know. The reading in which the title is actually about Sam. Because you see, Sam has never really wanted to be a hunter, he’s just wanted his family, and he’s always seen family and hunting as synonymous. He’s stuck between Heaven (his love for his family) and Hell (hunting), and lying about it. Enter our rescuee of the week -- Gwen -- and her speech to Sam about how lying to someone about not wanting the same things they want ends badly.

It’s a pretty pointed speech, and Sam does take the point, coming clean to Dean about the BMOL giving him info on hunts. But that is just scratching the surface, and there’s still so much more he needs to say that he’s still not saying.

And here we come to another favourite part of the episode. Dean is becoming more and more impatient with lies of all kinds. Including, one assumes, lies about what people want.

Dean is so deeply not okay about Sam’s choices, but trying to respect them. I’m actually loving how done Dean is with lies. That’s a genuinely interesting development and I want to see more of it.

Which leads me into my big question for this ep -- How is this going to resolve in a new way? I don’t want it to fall back into the rut of Sam and Dean just being on the outs, or of both brothers silently suffering to maintain the relationship. So how do they find a way to remain family and still both get the things they need?

The one way I can see this working at the moment, is for Sam to come clean about not wanting to hunt, and then basically become the US Men of Letters, assuming Bobby’s old job, and doing the research and that kind of thing, and Dean continuing to hunt with a new partner. I’d actually really like to see something like that -- to see hunting becoming more organised and safer, while not adopting the genocidal agenda of the BMOL, or the sexism of the original US MOL.

Okay, it’s ridiculous o’clock in the morning, so I’m going to wrap this up. I think I’ve talked about all the main things I reacted to. Oh, except that as I was looking around for potential sources for the episode title, I found this gem:

Between Heaven and Hell (1956)

This is actually a pretty good movie, but it doesn’t exactly decrease the queer reading of this episode. At all. Hahahaha.

(If you’re wondering, you can find the whole movie here.)

Overall, I liked this episode a lot, despite some clunky moments. But I really was serious at the start of this review, about the cynic in me looking at this ramp-up of the queer subtext with some suspicion. It always seems to ramp up at around this time in the season, and they never pay it off. I want to be pleasantly surprised with some overtly textual Destiel to wrap up this season, because it really is so close to maintext now it’s kind of hilarious.

I’m just tired of being yanked around. Give it to me or don’t. Sure, I love subtext as much as the next person, but I’m getting old here, dudes. And so are Cas and Dean. Just cross the rubicon already, and show us what kind of delicious drama is on the other side.

Hint: Three Male-Shaped People and a Little Nephilim.

I’ll just leave that suggestion there for you, Mr Dabb.

Previously:

The Ministry of Information vs Wayward Sons Carrying On (12x01)

My, my, how can I resist you? (12x02) and follow-up about Bohemian Raphsody

So what am I so afraid of? (I think I love you) (12x03)

I’ve got the joy, joy, joy, joy Down in my heart (Where?) (12x04) and a follow-up about the codependency and about Dean’s self-flagellation and issues with space

There can be only one! (12x05), and a follow-up conversation with elizabethrobertajones on Freud vs Schwartz.

They shall fall by the sword: they shall be a portion for foxes (12x06)  

Presenting the Immaculate Heart Reunion Tour (12x07)    

I'm still living the life where you get home and open the fridge and there's half a pot of yogurt and a half a can of flat Coca-Cola. ~Alan Rickman (12x08, 12x09)

When the sons of God came in unto the daughters of men (12x10)    

in re (12x11)

Making the most of teachable moments (12x12) and an added thought, In-and-out-laws

Don’t fuck with the branches on my family tree (12x13)

To Protect and to Serve (12x14) and some more thoughts