#also is 'board-whacking guy' a dedicated position?

[recurring-polynya]

Sorry to be insane about Soul Society once again, but does anyone actually know anything about those boards they are always banging on whenever there's an emergency or a wartime exemption or whatnot?

This thing:

Does it have a name? A historical precedent?

I wasted a portion of my morning trying to figure this out, and the closest thing I could find was the hanshō (半鐘), which is a bell that was struck with a hammer and were used for fire alarms. (You can read more at this interesting article about fires and firefighting in Edo-era Tokyo; there's a section about halfway down specifically about the bells).

That's a bell though. The thing above is definitely wood; I left it as a video so you can listen to the banging. If you want to listen to what an actual hanshō sounds like, here's a news piece about the one at the U.S. National Arboretum. There is a lot of bell ringing in that video but they ring the actual hanshō about about 1:25, and it's got kind of a muted reverberation, but it definitely goes "bong", rather than the distinctly wooden "clack clack clack" from the video above.

At some point while I was down deep in this rabbit hole, I learned that most hanshō were melted down for their metal during WWII. Does the Seireitei have a metal shortage? I feel like there is not a lot of metal/mining in Soul Society generally and while this might be fun enrichment for my terrible brain, someone chose to draw these bang-y boards all the time and I am absolutely sure it was not for the purposes of alluding to Soul Society's otherwise-uncommented upon metal shortage.

There was also the weird slide-y board, cursive alert tiles that B3 posted about once. We saw it exactly once during that early period where Kubo was absolutely wilding on Soul Society worldbuilding. Weirdly enough, if you look up that part in the anime (the opening moments of episode 21), you can hear a bell being struck in the background. Maybe they just liked the wooden sound better??

In fact, the sound effects they used in the manga were "BONG BONG BONG" and "KLANG KLANG KLANG."

I don't even know anymore.

[hanzi83]

This Is Hanzi’s Blog In Case You Want to Pretend You Didn’t Know

This is gonna be one of my “random” blogs again to showcase I don’t know how to write anything other than run on sentences, but just to start this out in case any Stern fan who stumbles across this, yes this is Hanzi from Howard Stern’s blog since some of you shit heads over there want to find a way to bring up my blog since it has been going off on the far right, so putting there under the guise of “I am a regular human being who just happened to stumble across this fat mentally ill man’s blog where I am gonna assume he is some whack job” opposed to the “I am a deranged Howard Stern stan who has to spend their days on a fucking message board dedicated to a dead show where we regurgitate the same shitty quotes and if it isn’t that we’re doing revenge porn by leaking out Onlyfans of a wife who is married to a former personality from the show, and since we are unhinged cult who have the system’s protection, we can ruin other people’s lives including this mentally ill Pakistani, who is minding his own business and not talking about this show because he kind of moved on but we haven’t even though aesthetically we look better and have families, we have to avoid talking to our kids because we are too busy pretending Howard Stern is a liberal”. Imagine sitting there daily on a sub reddit dissecting Shuli vs Stuttering John and thinking you are in a better position mentally than me. At least I am honest about my mental illness, while a lot of you who hate me or obsessed with me, are still mentally fucked in your head because you insisted on having the aesthetic of a normal person and you know you are never going to fucking heal. I am prepared to never heal because I know the world I am living in is run by a mentally ill system. Also since a lot of unhinged patriots and feds are running these fandoms, they need a way to talk about my podcast or my blog so they put my stuff out there for far right wing people to target me. I can probably bet some of these people were at the Insurrection. Just my theory, I have no facts since you mother fuckers want to talk about how my blogs and podcasts are manifestos. Are they though? I am monitored. They know I don’t have weapons, they know I am not planning any violence. Can I say the same about some of you in these fucked up fandoms? Maybe you are mad that I am covering shit beyond being the Stern persona who just does a podcast obsessing over the Stern Show backstage shit. Maybe you guys are the ones who are gonna be future fucking manifesto shit heads. I know you guys have tried the last decade to pile on me and push me to the brink of insanity. You have scarred me with so much harassment and propaganda to make me question people in my life, or people I have interaction with. Whoever is okaying these attacks and believe me they are probably organized, I hope nothing but the worst for your mental stability and I hope you have to be haunted by everytime you compromised yourselves and your souls just so you can come across looking normal even though your mental issues are never going to fucking heal. And you hate me for trying to evolve and trying to get away from all of that, but you mother fuckers are stuck on a fucking show that has been dead for the last 15 years or so and you can’t handle it because your every day consists of having to be on that sub reddit talking about this shitty show and you don’t have the capability of actually having your own personality which is why you are angry because when the show used to be in its prime, you guys would take from the show and adopt whatever material they put out and beat it into the fucking ground. Don’t get mad at me and you should be happy that I am mentioning your fucking sub reddit because it is the only time people pay attention to it because there are many people who fucking hate me who will now align with these people just as a united front. Leave me the fuck alone. I don’t talk about you or fuck with any of you and it is clear you will mention me because you have exhausted all your tired bullshit about other personalities. So in case you shit heads stumble upon my podcast and blog, yeah this is Hanzi from the Howard Stern Show. Sorry I didn’t become the terrorist you wanted me to become through your harassment and your hints of what they are planning to do to me. Eat shit. They sense I have not been feeling well mentally lately with the overall direction of where this world is going and since these vultures monitor my every mood and and every movement, they know when to strike and they want me to snap from the harassment that is clearly organized, whether people in my life are organizing it like they always allude to, or whether it is the wrestling heads, or Howard Stern himself, and now the political content creators out there who fucking hate me. They will find a fucking way to get at me now that I am putting out my thoughts but the thing is I am supposed to irrelevant, I am supposed to be someone who doesn’t matter because they have purposefully blackballed me from ever making it out of my fucking situation. They insert people into my life who have helped partake in diminishing me and making me feel like a piece of shit, people who will brag about putting pics of me in their discord group and mention how much I am worth because they know my trajectory before I do, but they have to use me as a guinea pig so now they will hammer home how much help I need but then create situations where I am beaten down mentally where I am given no choice. If that is the fucking case then why don’t you fucking let just die off then. Is it because spiritually you dipshit fundamentalists who pose as atheists are afraid I will haunt you from beyond and you won’t be able to shake me? I will never forgive the people who helped do this to me and that includes people from my past as well, even though they found a way while I was at my fucking lowest to socially climb up and sell their souls to be hanging around people in showbiz and then act like cartoon characters at social gatherings because everyone has to play a parody of a human being. There are barely any fucking human beings anymore Look at the discourse over movies and television shows nowadays, nothing fucking comes off as genuine and internet discourse has never felt more parody than I could ever recall. Maybe some of you who monitor me should move on with your lives and learn how to be good parents but instead of that, you will socially climb up with important people so in case I ever do get vindication, you can align with me so you can then oppose me later on because when you become bigger they will always have people who make a living based off hating on you and people will want to align with that. I don’t need those people in my life. People who get angered if there is some happiness for me and are waiting like vultures to pounce and make you feel like a piece of shit. So people who need me have aligned with people close to me so they can be given permission to treat me like shit and now I can’t get rid of those people from my life and they hate that they couldn’t produce content on my podcast, because if they could then they would give it props but because I do it my way and put in the work I know how with it, despite downplaying it as something I record in my mother’s basement it hurts a lot of you to know that as crazy as I sound, i am coming up with new angles on how to analyze the discourse while a lot of you just become part of the kayfabe and buy into these sports entertainment storylines. Everyone, including people from my past have been so used to me being dumbed down they can’t stomach that I actually try to analyze shit on my own. What makes this blog extra sweet, is that while I am writing this in “private” they are monitoring it before and getting affected by what I am writing but then they are going to read it again when I post it so they can go off on it. Remember a couple of years ago they posted my blog before I even posted it publicly by copying and pasting to show they are monitoring my fucking thoughts. This is the level of shit I am dealing with and people tell me to get help like getting help will help me deal with shitty people who are getting worse mentally. They just are around more elitist types and they are getting worse and they will say they are doing it for their family and kids etc but the irony is that people in your life are eventually going to hate you and will resent you because of how mentally unhinged you are but I guess having protection from the elite will make you feel somewhat better. You can weaponize shit against me and blame me for everything knowing I don’t have a support system or the backup. Now my trolls will either promote this under the guise of “HANZI SNAPPED FEEL BAD FOR HIM HE IS GONNA DO SOMETHING VIOLENT” or maybe I made some valid points in the midst of all this craziness, and now you will ignore it because you can’t promote my shit if isn’t some super violent and big time meltdown that you creeps are craving. Now I will admit, you got to me and you know when you get to me that I start going through the mental playlist embedded in my head of all the times I have taken disrespect from people in my life over the last 20 or so years and envisioning future scenarios where I am confronting people for what they have done. I can be honest about my mental illness and where my fucking mind goes because there are others that go through it and no one wants to articulate how this process works because they are afraid of how it will make them look. People already think the worst of me, so I have no shame in expressing my mental illness and how people can trigger it. At the most people will assume it is all in my head because they are not ready to profit off my story just yet, and they will just enjoy the struggle I have but trust me eventually you will all have to come face to face with your demons and the same system you are socially climbing up to will make you an example and tear you apart mentally and no one is gonna fucking save you just like no one is gonna fucking save me. At least I feel I know the people in charge want all of us to be fucked up. You want to join the part of the system that drives people crazy and you want to get worse yourself and it won’t matter because the nice houses, the nice white picket fence family you have will suffice with the image but it will never be good enough and you know it won’t, especially if you are so invested in trying to destroy my mental illness. So whoever is behind it, I wish the worst for you. I wish the worst for whoever has tried to fucking get me to lose my mind like the last fucking decade plus hasn’t already been bad enough for my mental health, and what makes it worse is the issues I have are just solely blamed on me. I will take blame for shit I have said and how I acted, I always reflect on my existence, so instead of reflecting on what you did and how you acted you rather try to push someone to the edge and hoping they will do something violent and when I don’t go that route, and I write a scathing reply it fucking stinigs your mental even more. So spin this as a manifesto or “HANZI IS GONNA DO SOMETHING CRAZY” do whatever makes you feel good, but I bet when you are away from your group chat where you guys regurgitate shitty jokes about me and others, you will be thinking about the words I wrote and they will seep into your psyche and you will be worried about what consequences you will have to face in a karmic kind of way. 

(One Hour Later)

I know I was kind of on a roll with that last rant, I had to channel some really negative energy for that one and even though I can kind of get good at it, it is not my desired mentality but that is a sample of where my mind goes when I feel people are pushing me and when it accumulates from all my experiences in life, I have venomous thoughts roaming in my fucking head and I can’t control the speed in which all of this is coming from this and I do my best but I really don’t like being this way but I have to vent, and even though people monitor my private thoughts I feel I might as well publish it, it is a gamble whether people like it or not or intrigued by the thought process, because I suspect most people will just consume my stuff to hate on me and make their comments privately about how I am losing my mind and taking joy in it and to know it exists, and quite possibly people you know, it tears at your heartstrings to know I will never have a healthy relationship with people ever again with how the exposition has been about how people have transformed into over the top characters, it doesn’t feel like I really want to anymore and I am better off not being here because it doesn’t feel like there isn’t any hope and when I admit I feel this way, vultures will still take advantage and pounce on you because they have chosen to go more to the right wing side and as much as they complain about being censored and combatting people they oppose with scripted tactics, when someone can kind of truly get at the core of the issue and what they are normalizing they feel triggered but since they are supposed to act like I am not relevant and no one cares about me, they can’t admit they are consuming anything I am putting out because that gives me some kind of credit but they still have to try and lure me into the forefront in front of conservative audiences so they can target someone new and harass them but they can’t officially do that just yet because while they are always listening and watching, they have to keep a low profile since I am making note of any organized harassment that is being put my way. I think they figured a decade ago, by now they would be able to organize enough mental anguish that I would’ve fully broken down but their shit made me stronger mentally and even though they try to fucking shake me up mentally all the time, so this might not seem like the most harassment I have ever dealt with, but whenever they try to start something a little, it then gets me to react aggressively mentally to the entire attempt because I won’t let them fuck do this shit to me again and if I have to irrationally tweet through it, or podcast about it or blog about it etc, then so fucking be it. I already accepted I am not a fucking cool person. I am turning 40 in a week or so, I am never going to fucking want to be cool nor do I even know how at this point. So yes while these blogs are embarrassing on many levels, I will still put them out as long as I am still living and I don’t even know why I am at this point. I have been ready to check out the last 20 years and “fame” just kind of sidetracked the entire thing. I knew once the mental illness became an on surface factor and I didn’t know how I was gonna be able to handle it because I could never talk to anyone about this because most people would use it to their advantage to manipulate and it hurts to know people who were supposed to be close would do horrible shit that they will never cop to, but I knew once that came into play with my life, I knew I was never going to be normal and especially around people who couldn’t admit their mental illness or their own insecurities and they would become shitty people who pretended to be there for you but were using your name to run through the fucking mud and these people get looked at as these great community and thought leaders in this world and how many people do that to other people they can use as a guinea pig and use them to be disposable. People will come out and pretend they are a fighter of the people but then at some point they find their billionaire they will compromise themselves for and it is the same fucking story. Why would I want to become that? I was originally intending on writing more about some current topics, but maybe I should just keep it like this. Do you really need another long winded blog about why TYT are complete and utter shit and are becoming increasingly scarier with their soulless takes and their insistence on doubling down as the official progressive while they are looking for big time paydays which they know they will get. I want to just end this blog because this is what consumed me even though I was going to go over some shit that is in the discourse. Now I am going through this process. I am jotting down my live thoughts on whether or not to keep this mediocre shit going like the rants haven’t been crazy enough for some people, but then again maybe people shouldn’t consume the work of an irrelevant person. Maybe it is a you problem and not a me problem. 

I won’t try to go into a long diatribe or I will try not to. I start a new paragraph and make the thoughts fresher but normally it starts going downhill by the time the third paragraph starts at an odd place. I just think this world has increasingly become the entertainment we have manifested, I can kind of predict where some shit will go like the sports entertainment of presenting politicians for having words “behind the scenes” which is online behind the scenes, like it is technically taking place off camera, but we know about it but they sell it like we are not supposed to know about it, because if we were not supposed to know about it, it wouldn’t be out in the public sphere for our consumption but Swalwell and and McCarthy’s latest spout where we have grown men who are powerful calling each other pussies, and threatening to kick their asses. I am gonna predict that this is planting seeds for an eventual physical altercation. If America is like WWE, and other countries are territories or represent other companies etc, then when you have been showing us throughout the years of other countries government meetings etc ending in physical altercations then eventually WWE adopts it to happen in their company so you know eventually things that are happening in other countries, will eventually make its way to the US and then in true fashion, down the line Canada will get it eventually like it is getting MTV Canada in 2002 where it was mostly snowboarding videos and replays of Jackass. So eventually we are getting violence in one of these congressional hearings or committee hearings. It is already a shit show, it is like they promote this shit as big time matches. Suddenly RFK video leaks out about bioweapons with some racist twist and somehow it was a “private” conversation at a dinner and I am such a wrestling fan, all I see is the starting promo to start a storyline and then the hearing of him sparring with other members in congress was the big time Monday Night Raw match. This is how I view it. The whole RFK nonsense is one of the most forced pushes, right now where people online think their internet cred is so fucking genuine that if they hammer home how much the establishment hating RFK, they think it will be true and it has never felt so much like a parody and at least 10-20 years ago it came off more genuine even though it is always kind of been sports entertainment even if it symbolized evil or good. Like Sinead O’Connor knowing her career was gonna drop off and she went out like a G with ripping up the pope’s picture and the people who the mainstream supported like Madonna and Pesci coming off like baby faces back then because they could convince people that Sinead was the one out of line, but now that we are more socially conscious or at least we think so, now Sinead is the biggest babyface while Pesci and Madonna are the heels, and I am sure since cancelation is designed and scripted to happen, I am sure this is where we find out Pesci has some shadiness that he has done that will get marketed for the online entertainment dollar. Everything is for the entertainment dollar, we are now doing news stories about rappers' numbers dropping from their live streams because it is levitated with comedy. This is how gimmicked a lot of the shit is. There is also this continuation of using celebs, who are not like regular people or play by regular rules, who get used as cogs so it helps manufacture consent to basically push back on anything progressive in this world so we go back to the stone ages mentally. This is why this sports entertainment is leading to dangerous places all over the fucking board. I know this feels like I am jumping from thought to thought but I just look at shit in an overall pattern and the design of what is being normalized until we move onto whatever the next phase is, like putting out limited hangout UFO discussion where they are making it seem like this is the distraction from whatever story you are using. Like “OH MY GOD CNN’S FRONT PAGE IS NOT TALKING ABOUT CLIMATE CHANGE BUT THEY ARE TALKING ABOUT KEVIN SPACEY, THEY ARE TALKING ABOUT KEVIN SPACEY BECAUSE THEY DON’T WANT YOU TO TALK ABOUT HUNTER BIDEN, THEY ARE TALKING ABOUT HUNTER BIDEN BECAUSE THEY DON’T WANT YOU TO TALK ABOUT UFOS OR EPSTEINS’ CLIENT LIST” Even though everyone online is talking about all the fucking topics, there all right there. What is with this need to act like the legacy media that exists at this point just for their name, to constantly be used so people who made their entire personality “MSM won’t be talking about this” have to constantly use to show their takes are credible even though they also limit the fucking narratives themselves. All of this shit is being talked about, you can’t brag about how Joe Rogan and Tucker get all these fucking views and downloads over CNN or other establishment media, and then claim your opinion and narratives are what the system don’t want you to know about. I have been hearing about fucking Hunter Biden since 2019. It has been everywhere. I don’t even watch MSM unless it is something some of these alt media dorks want to fucking dunk on, and it comes off like any fucking promotion outside WWE wants to take a shot at the obvious and transparent villains. I think the UFO shit is gimmicked, like I believe aliens and other humans have been traveling from planet to planet for a while now. I feel like certain powerful people have been heading out for the last decade especially. I think these hearings are gonna be planting the narratives that something is gonna be organized to happen because pretty soon we are gonna have a situation where the world completely implodes. See this is a case of the blog going too long and I am going into my theories about advancements being in public figures and the potential of clones existing. That Mitch McConnell shit, I don’t know if it a clone malfunctioning or his MK Ultra acting up but they have been compiling those for a while back in the 2010’s. One of the bigger examples back then was the one with Al Roker where he completely froze out of nowhere. Maybe they are marketing that too, and maybe all these celebs are now fucking with us because it represents some craziness is gonna be revealed and what could possibly be fucking crazy in this era when we have seen it all, I mean the super natural and advanced shit has to be next, they already took scandals that used to be big blows to people’s lives and careers and have made it feel useless even though those are still horrible offense, but it is like they took all those over the years and are making it so meaningless they dumped it all in one storyline with George Santos. So what could possibly be next? Politicians having physical altercations, finding out people are faking their death, finding out they are cloning people, finding out aliens have always existed. They will use entertainment to put those themes out and then expect us not to fucking go there mentally while people who think they are smarter get to look down at people for being more conspiratorial. I know there are people who go more right wing with their theories but I use my conspiratorial mind to get me in progressive headspace, like fear mongering about retail theft being organized but using a foreign boogeyman organizing this and still wanting more punishment for the cogs, when you could maybe kind of theorize that maybe billionaires and these company owners are organizing chaos because it is like an ironic advertisement on social media while also manufacturing consent for people to be scared about this crime and theft going on and I personally feel it is organized by very right wing people to make it look like the thoughts of asking for police defunding seems like a scary thing even though most cities have increased funding for police etc. Maybe people with power have investment in organizing and funding crime and if that was the case, wouldn’t you want more exposition on who is doing it since they are the ones causing all of this? Why would you want most of the punishment on the cogs? There seems to be faction warfare and bad faith actors will blindly be against certain institutions blindly and not look at how there are factions of people who are not all on the same side because it feels like the billionaires funding shit want their enemies gone but under the guise of “all cops are evil” you can do it during this time because of the transparent shit they are doing on camera. Like people want to get conspiratorial about Obama’s cook, who they suddenly have videos of swimming and he drowned in shallow water etc, and the obvious shit would be that Obamas are covering shit and if they legit wanted covered up, we would not know about any of it so the fact that it is there, it feels like it is supposed to exist for a true crime exercise from these far right wing people. I could buy that powerful people are living in a mafia underworld where there is fucked up shit going on, but people then limit the possibilities, like yeah maybe Obamas are covering something but I could also then theorize that if there is faction warfare going on, who is to say that people who they are opposing tried to strike at them and they ended up getting the cook, or how about if the cook was a plant who tried to go at them and they defended themselves by self defense. Now I am not saying any of these theories are fucking true but if you are going to be a conspiracy theorist, why is it so fucking limited. See I think these people are not living regular lives, and I feel on some level it is more like the “The Boys” minus all the super hero presentation, kind of like a Sopranos delegation setting. And people think by acting like Clintongs having a body count that no one else on their side could ever have a body count. If someone who was a cook for Trump had died in a pool, I bet they would already talk about how Biden had Trump’s cook killed or some shit. Again I am not saying these theories are true, but it is amazing how obvious all of this is becoming for the discourse. Just like all these fucking stories of athletes having some physical shit happena and it predictably gets blamed on the vaccine. Now if you go by my theory that these athletes are taking some enhancements or they are a lot more advanced than regular human beings, maybe some malfunctioning is going on and the right wing is marketing it as more vaccine problems. I feel these celebs have connections to the cures and best medicine so maybe they don’t need a vaccine themselves but their whole anti vaccine stance to relate to regular people is a way to get regular people not to want to take the vaccine because something more dangerous is gonna come around for the next pandemic, and this has helped kind of as a trial run for for the worst to come because when the worst comes, people are not gonna want to get vaccinated. I know if you are smart and know the science and can understand, I will take my dumbed down ass and come up with a conspiracy to see the anti vaccine propaganda, I think whatever social media currency or money under the table they are getting is a lot more than getting to go on a highly platformed person like Tucker Carlson to kind of talk about how much money you turned down because of not taking the vaccine. Okay sure, but tell me how much you are getting for this gimmick change. For some reason because it is consumed online it means that it is the 90’s and this must be underground shit going on. Anyways listen I am all over the fucking place. I should stop now but with this strike going on and AI writing most of the television and movies, the entertainment is gonna be on another level with social media and the celebs doing shit on there and also with the politicians. We have basically are living in a fucking LARP society now and like I have always said, it would be entertaining if it wasn’t so tragic because people’s lives are on the line, more people will continue to be oppressed and it all gets determined by sports entertainment personas because we live in a exploitative society. Anyways, anything I have said in this blog etc I don’t know for sure. Go listen to experts, I am not one obviously. Look at me. I have the aesthetic of all the bad things you expect from someone. This is just mentally ill drivel. I have to put it down because I have to beat my haters to the fucking punch, even though they will try something else. As crazy as anything I have said in this fucking blog or say on my podcast, it will always be more compelling than anything on the Stern Show sub reddit. Go ahead and give me your gripping analysis on the layers of the Shuli vs Stuttering John feud.

[fleetingpieces]

Playing with the stars

What if Remus didn’t get injured and was drafted to play for the Dallas Stars?

This is a very self indulgent piece cause happy-sportsman-Remus pretty much lives rent free in my brain.

I’m fairly new to hockey and very much in love with it, but sorry in advance if there’s anything not hockey-accurate!

Once again, thank you Jazzy @inloveoknutzy for beta-ing this! <3 You’re amazing

And the beautiful world building and OCs belong to the amazing @lumosinlove Thank you so much for such a great story <3

CW: mentions of past abuse and mild spice.

Sirius Black was not a clumsy person. He was fearless, dedicated, precise and ruthless against his adversaries.

At least, that’s how he usually behaved.

Today however, Sirius was just stepping on the ice, glancing around the rink, when his eyes landed on a familiar player on the other end and he slipped. Sirius cursed as he grabbed onto the boards to prevent a fall, mentally slapping himself. He was never like this. And he already knew the man would be there, so why was he even surprised? Of course he was there. They were facing his team after all.

It was the first game the Lions would play against the Dallas Stars this season, but Sirius wasn’t sure if he was ready for it. Every game against the Stars was torture, and it had nothing to do with them being insanely good. Sirius liked that part actually, it meant he had to really push himself to beat them.

No, his problem came in the form of one very fit Remus Lupin.

Sirius hadn’t actually, properly seen Remus play in a couple of months, and the impact was even greater because of that. He watched as Loops skated effortlessly on his half of the rink doing warm ups. The way his body moved as he glided through the ice, his muscles flexing underneath his uniform, and the glint in his eyes were enough to take Sirius’ breath away.

Of course, everyone knew who Remus was. First draft, golden boy, star rookie a few years back. Sirius was slightly embarrassed of how well acquainted he was with the man’s career. He’d watched his every game since Loops had started playing for the NHL, and when he was alone in his house he would sometimes watch his old tapes, even though he would never admit that to anyone.

There was a loud clunk from one of the goalposts when Remus took a hard slap shot, and Sirius cursed again. His lithe body seemed to flow over the white surface, his stick an extension of his arm with how confidently he wielded it, and that fiercely joyful smile. Damn that smile. Sirius could only stare as Tyler Seguin went over and crashed into Remus, grabbing him into a headlock and saying something that sent the man laughing.

How the fuck was Sirius supposed to focus on the game with something so beautiful right there?

Shaking his head, Sirius went the other way with a frown etched on his face. 

“What are you so grumpy about?” said Pots as he went past him.

“It’s nothing,” Sirius replied. He leaned over his knees and breathed slowly, before slapping hard on his thighs once and setting his eyes on the thing that mattered right then. The puck.

And if there were a pair of amber eyes following his movements from the other end of the rink at that exact moment, he didn’t really notice.

The puck dropped not too long after and the game started. Sirius was first line and won the face off, swiftly passing the puck to Finn, who took it all the way to the Stars net where Dobby was ready for him. Before he could do anything else though, Loops cut his way and stole the puck from right under his feet. Sirius found himself staring in awe as Remus dribbled past one of their defensemen, before he snapped out of it and turned quickly to give chase.

“What the hell was that, Cap?” Pots shouted a few feet ahead of him. Sirius could almost hear the smirk in his tone.

He grumbled but did not lose sight of the puck in front of him. Those two seconds of distraction had been enough for Remus to reach their defensive zone; the way he teared up the ice was ridiculous. He took the shot, but it went straight into Kasey's glove.

Well, that was a way to kick start the game.

“Yeah, Bliz!” Finn congratulated, tapping his helmet.

When it was time for the first change, Sirius sat down heavily as Dumo’s line went out. He clasped his hands together between his knees, with his head bowed down. He had to focus. This was no time to admire what a great player Loops was. Or how obscenely good he looked in his gear.

The Lions knew him to be the dedicated, focused captain of the team, not this silly mess of a man who couldn’t take his eyes off another man from the opposite team. No, there was too much at stake for him to lose it like this. It didn’t matter that his friends knew he was gay, he couldn’t just flaunt it in front of the cameras and the wild crowd. 

He owed it to his team to get it together. He started picking up the pace after that, slowly falling into that absolute-hockey headspace, but still he felt that he couldn’t play his usual game. He kept getting slightly distracted for short periods of time, and by the end of the first period he felt incredibly frustrated with himself. It was mainly thanks to his teammates’ skills that the score was still tied 0-0.

He made his way back to the locker room behind them all, admonishing his own behaviour and telling himself he would do better in the second part of the game. He was so focused on his internal rant that he barely noticed Dumo falling into step beside him, and jumped when he placed a hand on his shoulder.

There was a knowing smile on his face that Sirius wanted to wipe off, but his tone was kind as he spoke, albeit slightly teasing.

“Mon fils, if you want to stare you have my full support, but perhaps we should focus on the game now, non?”

With that he chuckled, squeezed his shoulder and entered the locker room ahead of him.

Sirius took a second to stand outside the door, smiling at how simple and easy it was to talk about it with Dumo. The man was like family, a good kind of family. He’d taken him in and protected him against Sirius’ own mother, he’d given him a real home. It was such a Dumo thing to do, talk about his biggest secret as if it was the most normal thing in the world; Sirius could only shake his head as he followed behind him.

“Damn that Lupin!” was the first thing he heard as he stepped in. Finn was in the middle of complaining while making big gestures with his hands, and Logan and Leo were staring at him with fond, amused smiles on their faces. “It’s like every time you turn around he’s there! It’s insane how fast that man is.”

Talker came over then and slapped Sirius on the back.

“Don’t feel too bad Cap. He’s a beautiful man; sometimes I also find myself getting distracted by him.” At Sirius’ raised eyebrow, he added, “I stare with respect.”

He said it with a completely straight face, but Sirius saw the mirth dancing in his eyes. Some of the guys around laughed, adding a few comments of their own to the friendly banter. Sirius wasn’t sure what he’d done to deserve such an amazing team. Although the last thing he needed right now was to keep on thinking about Remus, so he tuned them out until Coach came in to go over their strategy.

Second period started in a similar way than the first had, only the pressure had increased. The players were marking each other more tightly, the puck kept going from the Stars’ zone to the Lion’s, and there had been no shots on goal so far.

Halfway through, the whistle blew as one of the referees called an offside on Dallas, and both teams skated over for the face off. As Sirius was getting closer, Loops skated in his direction, locking eyes with him as he circled behind him, and Sirius had to will his body not to jump when Remus started talking with his mouth close to Sirius’ ear.

“I wonder what got the great Captain Sirius Black so distracted?” he said in a playful tone, and Sirius didn’t have to look to know he was smiling.

He was taunting him, the bastard, and fuck if that didn’t ignite a fire inside Sirius’ body.

“Worry about losing your own focus Lupin, or you’ll end up biting the ice,” he replied in the same tone, and was rewarded with a soft chuckle.

If Remus wanted to play like that, Sirius would give him a performance to remember. It was a challenge, Sirius could feel his body thrumming with the adrenaline of it as he finally relaxed completely and played the way he was supposed to from the start.

Sirius managed to change the rhythm of the game with a fast pass he sent Pots’ way, that ended up being the first goal; then Logan scored another one right before the second intermission, setting the team’s spirits on a high. But then Remus scored two incredibly gorgeous goals in the third period that left Sirius slightly light headed.

They were tied.

And right now Sirius was having an internal battle as well as the one going on by the boards, as he and Loops fought for the puck, their bodies close together and Remus’ witty chirps in the air. It was taking all of Sirius’ years of discipline to keep his head in the game.

“Oh hey, you finally decided to come out to play?” Remus said as he bumped into him from behind and Sirius had to bite back a laugh, before spinning around and lightly sending Remus against the boards in retaliation.

“Look alive, Lupin!”

With barely two minutes left on the clock, Sirius managed to get the puck across to Talker, skated behind the net to position himself on the other side of the rink, shook off two defensemen as the puck headed his way again, and immediately whipped it into the goal, making the horn blare.

Screams and cheers erupted all over as the whole team crashed into him. They won, but it had been a very close call.

Nonetheless, it was over now and Sirius could go back to his hotel room and be alone for a bit. And probably watch some tape. The guys were going to grab food on the way, so Sirius excused himself to go lie down and whack himself for being such a klutz during the first half of the game. He was sure it would become easier with time, today he’d just been less prepared than he’d thought he was, and he vowed to make it better.

Just as he was heading outside through the empty hallway, a door opened and he turned around to see Lupin and Seguin coming out of their own locker room, and the sight was just a bit too much for Sirius right then.

Remus was in his game suit, his hair wet from the shower, with a stray curl falling on his forehead that Sirius desperately wanted to brush off. He was once more laughing at something Seguin had said, which made Sirius frown as he turned away, shoving his hands in his pockets.

There was nothing he could do about it, he wanted too many things that he couldn’t have.

Once he was outside, having escaped through the back door that led to the parking lot, he leaned against a wall before he lit up a cigarette and took a few long hauls, closing his eyes for a few minutes.

“Hey,” a voice said beside him and Sirius almost jumped out of his skin.

“Fuck, are you a ninja or something?” Sirius asked, bringing a hand to his heart, still holding the cigarette. He hadn’t heard Remus coming out.

Loops grinned as he came to stand right next to Sirius, but then his eyes focused on the cigarette on his hand and he lifted an eyebrow.

“Does your PT know that you smoke?”

“No, and there’s no need for him to know. I only smoke when I’m stressed.”

“What are you stressed about? You were amazing out there.”

“Not in the first period,” Sirius mumbled as he took another drag, but Remus heard him.

“And why is that?” he asked with a smirk, taking a step closer.

Sirius huffed in exasperation.

“Fuck Re, do you know how hot you look out there? Did you really have to make it that hard on me?” he lifted an eyebrow at the innuendo, which only made Remus’ wolfish grin go wider.

“Hmm. You didn’t expect me to go easy on you just because we’re dating, right?”

Remus placed a hand on the wall next to Sirius’ head, guarded by the darkness of the parking lot, and looked at him straight in the eye. The golden flecks in Remus’ irises seemed to have a light of their own, and Sirius could only stare, transfixed, as Remus’ long fingers reached up to snatch the cigarette right from between his lips and placed it in his own mouth. Without breaking eye contact, he took a slow drag and exhaled to the side before stubbing the fag against the wall.

“Hey!”

Remus’ hand came to rest on the other side of Sirius’ head, and he pressed their chests together, slotting his thigh between Sirius’.

“Y’know, if it was that hard on you,” he punctuated by pressing his thigh down ever so slightly, smiling as a whine sounded at the back of Sirius’ throat, “there are other ways to help you relax,” he said with a tilt of his head, before he ducked down to suck on Sirius’ neck.

“I...Re...”

“You’re not flying back to Gryffindor tomorrow, right?” Remus whispered against the skin just under his ear, pulling a breathy “No” out of Sirius that sounded more like a moan. “Good. I can stay with you all night then, yeah?” he added before he scraped his teeth against Sirius’ ear lobe, and Sirius had to blink a few times to clear his fuzzy head.

"I...quoi?" He had to resist the urge to slap himself. Use your words, Black.  “I mean...what?” Oh yeah, much better.

Remus leaned back just enough to look at him with a smile, tucking Sirius’ hair behind his ear.

“Will you be missed if I take you home?” he said in an amused tone, tilting his head in a way that was so adorable Sirius had to fight to keep another whine in.

“I thought you had a team dinner you couldn’t miss.” Sirius hesitated before continuing, “Isn’t it too risky for us to do this?”

“No,” Remus said immediately. Then, after a short pause, “I mean, I do, and it is, but...I haven’t seen you in almost a month, Pads. I...I missed you.”

Sirius’ heart melted. It’d been hard on both of them since the season had started; their tight training schedules and the fact that they lived in different cities didn’t allow them much time together. Being apart from Remus felt like being off balance, like his world was tilted to the side, and it had only settled on its right edge the moment Sirius had gone on the rink today and laid eyes on Remus again.

Sirius cupped Remus’ cheek, and the other man pressed against his touch, closing his eyes as a fond smile slowly made its way through his face.

“What?” Sirius asked.

“Do you remember that first time I asked you out?”

Sirius was surprised into silence for a few seconds, before he got what Remus was thinking about and he huffed a laugh.

Of course he remembered.

They had been in a very similar situation to the one they were in now, but still, so many things had changed.

The Lions had been playing against Dallas too on that day, only they were at Hogwarts stadium, with their chance at the playoffs at stake. And Sirius’ parents had been there.

Their words, their hard looks, Walburga’s hand digging into his shoulder...it had all been too much and Sirius had found himself spiralling down into the scared, closed off boy he’d used to be before he’d started playing with the Lions. Before he’d been accepted into a real team, a real family.

At that moment, all he could think about was pressure, reputation, and secrets.

He couldn’t let his parents find out. He couldn’t let his friends find out. And then, after the game, he’d been alone at the parking lot trying to get his breathing under control, ripping a leaflet to pieces when a soft hand was placed on top of his, and Sirius had looked up to concerned amber eyes.

To the one person he was supposed to avoid at all costs.

Remus had removed his hand from Sirius’, taking what was left of the paper from him and throwing it in the bin in the corner.

“Hey! I was using that!”

“What for?” He’d sounded genuinely curious, which confused Sirius as they were cordial with each other but they weren’t really friends.

Staring ahead, Sirius had avoided looking him in the eye as he ran a hand through his hair.

“There was something on my mind.”

“Hmm,” Remus hummed.

Sirius had glanced to his side and found Remus staring at him straight in the eye, before the other man stuffed his hands in his pockets and leaned on the wall beside him.

“Are you free?”

“Hm?” Sirius asked absentmindedly. He’d been too busy staring at the way Remus’ shoulders strained against his shirt to register what had been said.

The corners of Remus’ mouth turned up in a sweet smile, making Sirius’ breath stop completely. He couldn’t help but think he was gorgeous. 

“Are you free right now or do you have somewhere to be?”

“Oh. No, I’m done for the evening,” Sirius said, confused as to where that had come from.

“Well then, wanna go grab dinner?”

“I...what?” Sirius was perplexed. He’d not been expecting that.

“Dinner. With me,” Remus said, amused. What was going on? Was this...was Remus flirting with him? No, that couldn’t be it; Loops was known to be one of the most caring players out there, he’d probably seen that Sirius was struggling with something and just wanted to help. But even if that was it, he was not about to turn the man down.

“I...yeah. Yeah, I would like that,” Sirius said as a small smile spread over his face.

When Remus gave him a happy grin of his own, eyes shining bright, Sirius’ stomach had done a flip, and he’d known he was totally, and absolutely fucked.

He felt his body tingle just like it had back then when Remus trailed his fingers along his jaw, bringing him back to the present.

“Yeah, I remember,” Sirius placed his hands on Remus’ cheeks and kissed him, slow and steady, making Remus sigh and sag against him as he talked between kisses, never letting their lips part further than an inch. “You were so cute. And sweet. I was so fucking surprised that you asked me out, but I didn’t dare believe you actually wanted...well, me.”

Remus laughed, nudging at Sirius’ nose with his own. 

“How could I not want you? Did you look at you? Do you know how sweet, caring and amazing you are?”

Sirius groaned as he nipped at the other man’s bottom lip, making him jump in surprise. He let his fingers run among the wild tawny curls, pulling at them slightly at the back of Remus’ neck. Remus let his head fall back, and instantly felt Sirius’ mouth on the soft skin under his jaw, trailing warm open-mouth kisses until he reached his collarbone.

“Re,” he whispered, feeling his boyfriend’s chest rising and falling in short shallow breaths.

“Yeah?”

“Please take me home.”

[random-mha-thoughts]

Mama’s Boy/Lover’s Boy (Bakugou x Reader)

Pairing: Bakugou x Fem!Reader

Genre: Fluff

Inspo: “Down for You” by Cosmo’s Midnight/Ruel

Summary: Bakugou hates being dragged to fancy parties for many reasons, but only one thing makes it all worth it.

Word Count: 2,322

Tags:  @yuki-osaki​ @liviitehe​ @iamsoftsodonttoucheume-blog​ @bunnythepipsqueak​

a/n:  I absolutely adore this picture, ngl that was the whole inspo for this.

It's not fair that a whole Katsuki exists while I'm bleeding out and my hormones are out of whack.  I'M A LOYAL SHOUTO HO, STAY IN YOUR LANE KATSUKI!  DON'T TAKE ADVANTAGE OF MY INSTABILITY LIKE THIS!

When I was at the last few paragraphs, I realized I would've loved to let Baku lose his shit and almost crash the entire thing like in Murphy's Law (man I loved writing that), but that wouldn't be good.  We love a good chaotic fluff monster.

This turned out a lot longer than I thought it would, but I really like how it turned out!  Definitely more fluff than I expected, but who's mad at that?  I'm bleeding out of my uterus and my mom and dad got me feverish and sick and I definitely needed this, so I KNOW you Baku stans are gushing at this too.  Thanks to @rubyred-imagines​ for one of the story beats here!

Spice might be incoming in the next day or two ;3  Not sure which character yet, but it's gonna happen!

"Babe, your face."

"What about it?!"

"Stop looking like you want to kill everyone."

"But I do!"

"I know you do, but don't look it."

Katsuki walks into the grand hall, muscular arm linked through his dazzling girlfriend's slender one.  He really doesn't want to be here; he hates these high-class, uptight gatherings, he hates this constricting tuxedo he has to wear, he hates how he barely knows anyone here, and he especially hates that he could've been on a date with her alone instead of being surrounded by these suffocating faces.

His lovely girlfriend announced this unfortunate outing a few weeks ago right before Katsuki was going to suggest the idea of having a date night, since they haven't had any quality alone time together in a while.  Her eyes lit up when she reported that she RSVP-ed for both of them to attend her company's fancy dinner.  And his plans were crushed like that.  He wanted to grumble and refuse, but she'd yell right back at him anyway, being the stubborn person she is.

She reminds him of his mother.

"You're just like my mom," Katsuki rolls his eyes.  "She used to drag me to her company dinners all the time, too."

"We won't stay for long, I promise," she pats his arm with her perfectly manicured fingernails.

"She used to say that too, and then we'd be out for hours," he mumbles to himself.

The girl looks up at him sweetly.  "And you'll be a good boyfriend and stay here with me the whole time, right?"

The blond growls low in his throat.  "I don't even belong here, you were invited, not me."

"Katsuki, you're my guest, of course you belong here."  She leans up to whisper in his ear, "Besides, you're more handsome than any of the guys here, show them all up."

That makes Katsuki smirk.  "Damn right I am, babe."

The couple find their table after an irritating amount of time.  Every few steps, some other pretentious stranger from his girlfriend's company sweeps over to exchange empty kisses and the same empty conversation.  Katsuki thinks it's some kind of script everyone practiced from, no one deviating from the script or else the entire simulation might fall apart.  Actually, he would like to say something inappropriate just to relish their horrified or disgusted faces, but he for the sake of his precious girlfriend, he keeps his mouth shut, teeth grit, and smile plastered each time he's introduced to a new face.

"Do you really know everyone here, babe?" Katsuki mutters in her ear as they finally approach the table.

"Not everyone," she hums in response, "I don't know most of the employees from the other two companies here, but I know the higher-ups through my boss."

He briefly remembers her saying this dinner was for a big merger deal between these three companies.  His girlfriend works tirelessly for her boss, usually taking on more than she can handle and coming home late most nights.  She'd been promoted from just being a regular company worker to being in a near-the-top position right under the main board managers.  He admires her dedication, but he's always worried about her health and energy level.  He may be a Pro Hero, but she's the real superhuman in the relationship.

Katsuki does the gentlemanly thing of pulling the chair out for his lady and pushing her back in before settling in his seat next to her, purposely shifting closer to her than the person on his other side.

"What manners your boyfriend has," one of the older ladies at the table coos at the couple.

"Thank you, I'm very grateful to have him," the girl smiles politely in response.

Katsuki's heart melts at the pride dripping from her voice as she compliments him.  "And I'm very lucky to have her."  It felt like the right thing to say as he squeezes her hand under the table and briefly glances into her eyes.

The two don't tear away from each other until someone else approaches his girlfriend and she stands to greet him briefly.  Katsuki surveys him in case he would do something ballsy to his girlfriend.

She turns and places a hand on Katsuki's shoulder.  "This is my boyfriend, Katsuki Bakugou."

Hell yeah, I am, you better not pull anything, dumbass.  He stands and shakes the other man's hand, polite but stiff.

"Nice to meet you.  Your girlfriend is honestly a powerhouse, she's amazing," the man gushes.

"Yes, I'm aware," the blond replies tersely.  He's on guard because he doesn't get a good vibe from this man.

Sure enough, he goes on a little too animatedly about how much his girlfriend does for the company and the rest of the company.  It comes off to Katsuki as fake and kiss-ass.  Nonetheless, his girlfriend accepts all the compliments like the graceful goddess she is.  He realizes this boy is one of his girlfriend's juniors as they descend into a conversation surrounding work and future projects.

After dismissing him, another group of his girlfriend's underlings rushes over with compliments and "Oh my gosh, senpai!  You look amazing!" and the like.  Each time, she would accept the praise, introduce him, before launching into more work-related subject matter that Katsuki learned to tune out eventually.

Honestly, he's annoyed at how everyone here is overwhelmingly toxic.  All the subordinates or peers are kiss-ups and her superiors are pretentious stick-up-their-asses that look down on his girlfriend.  He can't stand that his lover is surrounded by this atmosphere all day.  They don't know the genuine type of person she is, other than that she's kind and easy to walk all over.  No one seems like they care enough to carry genuine conversation, and he'd rather not tune into that energy.

Instead, Katsuki directs his attention to his lovely girlfriend.  Staring at her face, he recalls how painstakingly long it took for her to paint her face with makeup to look this flawless.  He's sure she would've had a mental breakdown while doing her eyes, especially putting on her eyeliner.  She was chanting to herself cutely to get them even, almost coaxing her shaky hands in front of the mirror to perform some kind of magic.  If he had done the wrong thing and hurried her or teased her habits, she would've unleashed all her anger on him.  He's learned that the hard way.  In the end, she was able to achieve this masterpiece on her face without making herself look like a completely different person, highlighting her natural beauty.

Scanning downward to her dress, he remembers fondly going shopping with her last weekend.  Her hair was in a topknot as she fumbled through the racks for a dress to wear.  She had dragged him along because she trusted his opinion on fashion choices.  While he would've liked for her to choose a scarlet red gown, Katsuki knew she'd look infinitely better in the sapphire blue number she's wearing now.  The skinny straps holding the dress up leads down to a not-too-plunging neckline that suits her shoulders, collarbone, and chest perfectly.  The dress cinches in at the waist to emphasize the figure he knows she has before falling straight down from her hips, and the mid-thigh slit on one side is subtly sexy without having her risk overexposure.  Finishing the entire outfit is a classic pair of nude pumps, a dainty gold necklace, matching dangling earrings, and a clutch matching her shoes.  Her hair is curled in waves cascading down her back with some stands hanging over one shoulder.

Katsuki can't help but smile unconsciously.  He can't wait to someday place the finishing touch she deserves: a simple but elegant ring on her left hand.

After all the formalities, the two finally sit down and start eating the dinner courses that have started gracing their place settings.

"I know you wanted to go out for date night today," his girlfriend begins gently, "But we can imagine this is a fancy restaurant with just us two, and everything else is just a backdrop."

"Shouldn't you be paying attention to what's going on?" Katsuki quirks an eyebrow.

She waves her hand and takes a refined sip of her wine.  "I've already heard them practice this speech too many times."

The devilish blond smirks and slinks closer to her.  "That's not something a good employee would do, is it?"

"I'm not working right now," she smoothly responds back, replicating his energy.

The organizer of the dinner finally takes the stage and starts his speech.  Katsuki keeps his gaze on his beautiful girlfriend, admiring her delicately picking and eating at her plate.  She's so precious to him, he doesn't care if he's making heart eyes and everyone can see.

When the speech finishes, his girlfriend's glass also empties and she indicates that she's going to get another.  It leaves him on edge, he hates being alone with all these strangers even for a few minutes.  He doesn't want to tell you this, but if one of these people try to small talk him without you here, he might actually break something.

"So, Bakugou, what do you do?" the same lady from earlier chirps at him.

He whips his head up.  For fuck's sake.  "I'm a...public safety worker of sorts."  He tries so hard to sound polite for his girlfriend's sake.  He also can't resist scanning the room for her as a safety reflex.  With all the shady people around, he doesn't trust that something bad won't happen.  And he also wants your comfort in these uncomfortable situations, but he'll never admit that either.

"Oh, I see."  The old lady seems satisfied with his tone, barely noticing his fidgeting as she launches into a whole story about her grandson wanting to do something like that, and all the tangents related to that.

Katsuki is relieved that he doesn't have to talk for the rest of the time, just nodding along  and humming to prove he's passively listening.  He finally spots his angel a few tables away, groaning internally that she was stopped by someone, keeping her from coming back to him.  It seems they were having a deep conversation at first, but suddenly the man cracks a smile and a joke that makes her cover her mouth in respectful laughter.

Katsuki's annoyance is cut through at her wholehearted display of emotions.  The entire night, he's been complaining about how much he hates everyone here, but it's only now he realizes how relaxed she looks in the entire situation.  She's completely in her element; he'd get easily drained by all the suffocating small talk, but her?  She thrives off this, she gains energy from it.  Although she comes home late, overworked and tired, she still faces every day with a smile on her face.  She makes it look so easy to talk to people, striking up and following conversations with everyone in the most endearing and poised way possible.

Katsuki smiles to himself, warmth washing over him.  Yes, just like his mom, but it makes his girlfriend all the more stunning and admirable in his eyes.

His girlfriend finally returns to the table, her recently-acquired glass already half empty.  "What did I miss?" she asks, buzzing with both energy and alcohol.

Katsuki leans his head on his palm.  "Nothing much."  He's still basking in the glow of his wonderful girlfriend, casually sipping his own wine absently.

She turns towards the clearing in the center of the room and takes his free hand.  "Let's go dance, babe!"

Any other time, Katsuki would have sternly declined, but he can't resist her today.  Without a single complaint, he rises and lets her drag him by their entwined hands to the dance floor.  Guiding his large hand around her waist as her one hand plants to his shoulder, she raises their joined hands and starts swaying them to the classic orchestral ensemble's upbeat performance.

The man doesn't know if it's the overwhelming feeling of pride he recently uncovered, or the way their bodies press together gently as he inhales her floral perfume, but he can't find the words to describe everything he wants to say. He settles on simply smiling warmly down at her as he whispers, "You're amazing, you know that?"

His girlfriend's cheeks flush and she erupts into giggles.  "What's with the sudden compliment?"

He shakes his head.  "I just realized it, that's all.  Just like my mom."

"You sure are a Mama's boy, aren't you?"

He scoffs at the idea.  "I love the old hag, but I'll never tell her that.  Besides, I'd say I'm whipped for a different woman in my life."  He brushes hair behind her ear, her earring glinting against the light, and places a kiss on her perfect temple.  "You look stunning tonight."

His girlfriend's eyes close in half-lidded affection.  "I'm sorry this isn't the perfect date night you wanted."

The blond leans his forehead on her's, slowing their pace to allow time to pass much more leisurely around them.  "I get to dance with you, I think that's a definite win."

"I guess so."

Katsuki comes to realize that he can be forced to come to all of these events.  All that matters is his enchanting lover and her smile.  When the night is over, he can't wait to let her take her heels off and carry her bridal style to their car as everyone watches in envy and awe.  He'd let her recline and rest her weary feet, telling her stories of his adventures of night outings with his mom to lull her to sleep in his passenger seat.  And then he'd carry her sleeping figure up to their bedroom and wake her gently so she can clean herself up and change into her cute pajamas, just so they can cuddle in each other's warmth until they fall asleep.

Maybe he's not a Mama's boy anymore.  More like he's a Lover's boy.

[dayalloused]

4 and Shin? That's a dark one, but you write him well so I'd trust you with it. If you want something lighter instead, 17 for Shin!

Thank you for asking this! As you can see, I got into a very deep ramble about his life pre-death game and it doesn’t really tie in but I’ve kept it there :)  The last few parapraghs are the actual answers ahaha. Play some sad music in those paragrapths because I nearly cried with halloween music in the background.    4) What they would do if they had one month to live.   If Shin had one month left to live? We see it in the game kind of. Or at least kind of. Obviously imitating your ‘scary friend’ most likely abuser to try and turn everyone against your biggest threat isn’t going to work in real life. 

What the game and his 0.0% score does tell us (or heavily shove in our direction so we infer it) is that Shin is petrified of certain death to the point of desperation.

I do believe/headcanon that he is a very logical person. Almost everything he does is backed up by logic in the death game except for his last moments because screw logic that’s never worked before.  (The opposite of Keiji who’s likely very emotional until his potential last moments but this isn’t about him). So the question is, when did Shin’s last moments begin for him?  As the player, it’s when it’s that final choice between him and Kanna. To Shin this is likely a very different response. His last moments start the very second he gets told he’s doomed to die. Almost all of Shin’s choices in the game are emotional. Trusting Sara or at least earning her trust is the logical choice here. Making yourself her enemy because you are scared is the emotional one. He just lies to himself on the basis that she’s untrustworthy. Which, you can trick yourself into believing is logical.  It triggers a kind of flight or fight response in all our characters when they realise they can die here. All the cast barr Shin choose to fight and try and escape. Shin chooses the flight option here. Nothing he does actually prevents his death in the end. He just runs away from the inevitable doom. 

 I am once again inferring by comparing him to rest of the cast the death is a deep rooted trauma (and I definitely have thoughts on why). While the concept of death is one that scares everyone, no one seems to revel in it the way Shin does. He is living an incredibly safe life. A free lance programmer (by the sounds of it)  which earns an average of £60 an hour. He has a side job at a convenience store (that wasn’t a lie). He doesn’t leave his apartment much meaning he doesn’t have much of a social life. Shin is in a position in life where it’ll be near impossible to hurt him. Obviously he isn’t earning 60 quid an hour, but he has the potential too. Once he’s set up and successful, he’ll be able to die old. Alone, maybe not happy, but old.  For a guy likely in his early to mid twenties, things are bound to change but only as much as he lets them. From one person who will happily spend all their life in their own company to another, Shin isn’t going to change that. Not when he’s too scared to let someone past arms width and will avoid doing so. By the time he gets his game together and his skinny self to therapy it’ll likely be too late to make the same connections he has the chance too at his current age.  It’s not emotional because even the most introverted of introverts desires a life all alone. It’s a logical one for the fears and life he has. I don’t think that means he isn’t happy. It just thinks there’s a potential that he could have been happier. 

For Midori to have gotten as close as he was and no one to pull up the red flags his friends either didn’t care or didn’t exist. Most likely the latter seeing as he is very much in the process of mourning three years after his friends death. He likely wasn’t close enough to his parents to feel he could go to them over something as silly as Midori’s death. In the aftermath, Shin will be confused and muddled. In some ways, he’ll be elevated because he is free, he can move on. In other ways he’ll be lost, devastated and empty. Shin will also have a semblance of independence back. He doesn’t think he shows enough gratitude to his parents for materialistic items. Midori’s abuse was likely emotional or verbal. It probably consisted of vague threats, put downs, anger, power dynamics and a shrug at Shin’s emotions. I’m in no way a professional but after years of this Shin is going to think his emotions are something he should be able to handle himself, something he might not be able to do if he started to repress them in his teens. Shin likely has a warped sense of independence. Instead of being free from others control, he’ll likely think it means he can’t get help and must deal with everything alone. 

Being told that his death is round the corner strips two things that he values most away from him. He now has zero control over his life and worse, it ends with him dyeing. Shin would grasp for straws to have that independence back and therefore escape his own death. If he couldn’t get his independence back then he’ll try and avoid the end outcome. 

His last month would be a goose chase to avoid death. There’d be a list of everything he has to do. Fuck his jobs, fuck debt he needs to get to the hospital. Get checked up! Make sure he’s well. He’d do it everyday. Does he have enough medicine? Wet wipes, stock up on healthy food, hand sanitizer? Does he have enough hand sanitizer? Make sure his room is squeaky clean, don’t let anyone in, don’t answer the phone. Bolt the windows and live off ramen and debt for the rest of the month. Beanie on, beanie off, what is he going to die from? Has he prevented any possible cause? He’s forgotten to call his parents. That’s fine because he shouldn’t be dyeing anyway. It’s logical. It’s all logical. This is not his fear of death speaking through everything he is doing is logical! Now he just needs to figure out what’s causing this all? How did that person know? Then on the last day. He’d just give up. He’d finally pick up that phone and call his parents. He’d thank them and explain. He’d apologize for the debt because he’s swimming in it then he’d hang up. Shin would then proceed to cry in bed all day and trying to sleep so he just doesn’t wake up.  Then, while it’s a tragedy, I think he’d accept it. I don’t think he ever really thought he had a chance but his emotions drove him round and round in circles. Maybe he would regret his whole life and look back on it all. In a none death game scenario Shin seems like a brooder. He doesn’t have Kanna to live for so he has no reason to push forward. I think in the end he’d reach the conclusion his life was pretty pointless. Just as he’d slip from consciousness I imagine he’d think of Midori. Nearly everything we know about Shin seems to revolves about Midori . We, the player, never know him before the guy entered his life. That guy has a big impacts in his life and in a world where that was the only person to leave such a big mark? I think he’d go back to Midori. Especially with nothing to distract him from his mourning. 

It’s quite sad really. He lets his fear control him too much. Midori controls him too much and they’re both aware of that fact. But in the short, Shin would try and avoid his death. Hell he’ll likely die of exhaustion or caffeine overdose

His ending in the main game, I think that’s the best way Shin could have gone at that age. Dying for Kanna and letting go of his cynicism. 

Ending this off with 17 because I need that jokeness now, after all that. 

17) What would they sing at Karaoke? 

Everyone expects Shin to like bang out with some Beyonce or something. Maybe one of those silly little disney parodies. Everyone would make a joke about what he should sing because he’s indecisive as hell. 

Keiji Kai and all of those mature adults suggest Single Ladies,  Mr. Brightside,  Fireworks, Wannabe because classic Karoke songs you actually have to be able to sing when Shin 100% can’t? Count them in! 

Midori would suggest something embarrassing he knew wouldn’t even be funny to watch. Just painful. 

Gin, Sara, Reko and Alice are snickering behind their hands as they suggest Poor Unfourtunate Souls,  How Bad Can I Be (Alice ended up doing that one), The oogie boogie song and the price Ali reprise. 

When he refuses Sara refuses to let him get away with not being painted as some corny villian and dedicates her singing of Cruella De Vil to him.

Then Kanna taps on his shoulder and tells him what to sing and A: It’s Kanna’s suggestion B: It’s not and a bonus C if he’s drunk: He gets to whack a certain police officer and teacher with a hockey stick. 

And my inner theatre Kid shines through as he I say Shin sings Revolting Children and can’t get his letters write, drunk or sober. 

‘R e v o t l i n !’  instead of ‘ R E V O L T I N G’ 

‘S P L L!’ instead of ‘ S P E L’ 

‘TOO LATE FOR YOU?’ Instead of  ‘ 2-L-8-4-U ‘

I kid you not I have knows this song for years and I still struggle. You can not do that spelling rhythm first time. 

Also the lines. The lines!   We will become a screaming hoard.//Take out your hockey sticks and use it as a sword.// Never again will we be ignored.//We'll find out where the chalk is stored// And draw rude pictures on the board.

It’s such a childish song but it’s so hard. He struggles and struggles and one day he will get it because it’s so simple and why can’t he do it roght! Also, it suits him. Sue me.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o6PXm34OBP8