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nursefailure · 1 month ago

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Intro post that is overdue

Hi, I'm NURSEFAILURE!!! Except that is nawt my name obviously that's just my branding (???)

I'm Ryver!! I am a queer (fuck labels) west-german (MINOR) dude who spends too much time nitpicking at his own code and contemplating whether to actually do something or just procrastinate and scroll on tumblr/twitter/tiktok for hours...

I go exclusively by He/Him and masc/neutral terms, though I AM Agender!!! Except that's just what I paste for clarity because the concept of gender doesn't make sense to me lmao I'm just me bro.. More under cut

My interests lie in a variety of things, such as coding, writing, playing games (like NIKKE, lots of Visual novels, cookie run, pokemon...) And more. One of my biggest current interests is SW and the nightlife industry, but not from an angle of appeal and moreso the topic as a whole! It's insanely interesting to me and my sona is based on kyabakura hostesses for that same reason RAHH

I am taken!! I have been for about 2.9 years (as of 14.05.25) and that by my absolute godsend sunshine of a partner ( @certifiedsungod ) , talking about him is a big chunk of my personality so like beware /silly

I am a(n aspiring) game dev, specifically the founder of LUMAR EXPRESS ENTERTAINMENT 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️ .... Which consists of exactly three depressed homos (me, the coder and writer, Phrog the artist #1 and musician and Liv the artist #2 and emotional support) but that's besides the point LOL

I love thinking about my projects, specifically PROJECT LUMAR.... huge ginormous projects that I want to make my career (hopefully)

PROJECT LUMAR is a category of projects I have crammed into the same overall world,, LUMAR!! Wow you couldn't have guessed that huh /j anyhow..

LUMAR encompasses 355 countries as of present time in lore (yes, I do enjoy torturing myself) and the projects work to bring awareness to a variety of topics while also encouraging proper representation with well-written lore. (No one stays one dimensional in MY household) As of now we're still in the concept stage and will remain buried there for a LONG time,,,

Currently we only have one MC finished and designed and that is coincidentally my sona.... Ryver Miya’moro! Before you ask he literally had the name Ryver first I literally snatched it off of him and it's been my irl and online name since 🙂‍↕️

Now that I have mentioned my shayla I obviously have to talk about him

Art by my beloved, aka certifiedsungod

Ryver Miya’moro

(“Ryver” lumarian for “to be wrathful/wrath-filled + Miya’moro, lumarian for courageous (Miiyaa) and beast (mo’oro) )

Is the #1 hostess of Kiyokami (located within the region TRAP’E MAR KAMIR, lumarian “ki’yyo” defining + “ka’mi” future, a cyberpunk “paradise” known for its nightlife and racing) as well as a champion racer who frequently wins international cups.

He may be a trans man, but he uses the fact of being afab to his advantage to garner fame and love from people in Kiyokami and even internationally. He works at IIKO++, a popular hostess club known for its bunny (suit) theme owned by his adoptive mother with his adoptive siblings.

Logo of IIKO++ in lumarian, designed by me!

Outside of work Ryver is way more timid, preferring to be cooped up in his penthouse apartment that is part of a complex belonging to his racing team. He spends his time collecting figures of his favorite queer pairings, being especially picky about food, buying all sorts of things with his boundless amounts of money (and overspending on charities), coding, posting freaky stuff on social media for his fans or working on androids. Yes, robots! He loved building those and will fight tooth and nail to build you a functional prosthetic if you even *dare* to exist next to him with an old looking one.

When not in his half-bubbly half-freakish-dominatrix hostess sona he's generally a MEANIE. In the sense he'll gladly tell you to fuck off if you get an inch too close to him. He has mood swings and anger issues (which shine when he's on the race track, he's Kiyokami's very own Max Verstappen) but he's mostly angry due to unexplained pain in his whole body.. (Wow I wonder who that is based on!! Haha...) He prefers being on his own but usually doesn't mind company unless said company is annoying.

He owns a pet bunny called Cookie, a white fur ball with black and brown spots. A feral creature. She bites. She will bite you in the ass. Watch out.

Errr I can't say too much I'll be spoiling future games so you get basic information yay!!

Back to ME over my sona uehehe...

I have a spending problem I love commissioning artists UAUAUAJAJAUUA

“nursefailure” aka my whole branding comes from my trauma regarding hospitals, I use hospital related stuff to expose myself to it and cope with what happened there. It is really really dear to me because it keeps me from TWEAKING OUT /j

I also go by “hostessfailure” for similar reasons. I don't like unhealthy coping mechanisms (2 years SH clean, baby!) Annnd using my interest in nightlife and hospital stuff to cope with all the SHIT life puts me through really really helps!! So no I will unlikely conform to the idea that teens aren't supposed to talk about sexual shit. I am COPING!!!! I have HORMONES!!!!!! (And hypersexuality) learning and coping using this stuff is keeping me healthy and as close to happy as I can get in my current environment

Before you come with internet safety; yes, I know. But I also have a group of friends I can unleash on any hoe trying any funny shit + it's an integral part of interacting with me so it IS kinda important because I tend to ramble about it.

That out of the way I WILL massively try to befriend you! social interaction is scared of me!!! Jokes aside I am social. When I want to be. 90% of the time I just don't want to.

I don't have a strict dni (they don't make sense to me) but I WILL block freely. Also if you don't like my partner for any ungodly reason I will bite you and I will not wanna conform to your shit nonsense!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Also don't stalk me that's fucking weird

Uhh BYI I swear a lot!!! I make sexual jokes, not about people but just in general!!!!! I have strict opinions, especially politically and I will loudly voice them!!! I can be self-deprecating without realizing it. I joke about a lot of my trauma to cope. I am prone to talking about my partner a TON so if you don't like that get out. I have a problem of trying to correct people (trying to be helpful) but I understand if you don't enjoy that.

I talk about the stupid unexplained pain I have, bodywide pain that sometimes is near immobilizing for me!!!!!! Yes I'm getting test after test rn,,,,, doctor stop snatching my blood I'm gonna go dryyyyyy /silly

Oh yeah also if your ass is friends with the groomer (floof18 / lucindaraptor) and won't let me educate you on WHY they're a pedophile and a creep I don't wanna talk to you!!!

Some of the tags I use frequently!!

#nursefailure posting — everything me

#ryver shitposts — reposts and other bs

#returninglotus — me && beloveds gayass pokemon bw ocs!!

Anyways that's it yeay I may punch more stuff in in thefuture

#nursefailure posting #intro post #introduction #blog intro

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pdxfoodcarts · 2 months ago

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Portland's Must-Try Food Carts: An Interactive Flavor Tour

Portland's food cart scene is a culinary wonderland, offering everything from fiery Nashville hot chicken to refreshing Mexican aguas frescas. I'm creating a guide to four standout carts that showcase the city's incredible food carts. Each stop represents a different culture and flavor profile, complete with must-try dishes, vendor stories, and a map to help readers embark on their own tasting adventure.

1st Stop: Flew The Coop (6035 NE Halsey St)

Must Try: ‘The Frick'n Chick'n’

This cart nails the balance between crispy, juicy chicken and tongue-tingling heat. Their signature sandwich piles a cayenne-spiced fried chicken breast onto a buttery bun with pickles and tangy slaw. The owner sources free range chickens and tweaks his recipe weekly. Pro tip: ask for "medium" heat unless you're brave.

2nd Stop: Krazy Cups & Cafe (1207 SE Hawthorne Blvd)

Must Try: ‘Mango Chile Cup’

Krazy Cups takes the Mexican fruit cup concept to new heights with their ultra-fresh ingredients and creative combinations. Their most popular order - the Mango Chile cup - uses perfectly ripe ataulfo mangoes that are hand-cut daily (never frozen or pre-packaged). The fruit gets tossed with crisp jicama, cucumber, and pineapple before getting dusted with their house-made chili-lime salt that has just the right balance of spicy, salty, and sour.

What really makes them stand out is their selection of premium toppings. You can add everything from chamoy (a sweet-spicy sauce) to tajín (a chili-lime seasoning) to fresh coconut shavings. Their agua frescas are made from real fruit pulp - no syrups or artificial flavors here. The hibiscus flavor is particularly special, made from flowers they steep overnight with cinnamon sticks and just enough sugar to balance the tartness.

3rd Stop: Persian Kebab (1901 SW 4th Ave)

Must Try: ‘Chicken Kebab’

This unassuming cart serves what might be Portland's most authentic Persian kebabs. The magic starts with their chicken koobideh - ground chicken mixed with grated onions, saffron, and a secret blend of spices that the owner learned from his grandmother. The mixture gets hand-pressed onto skewers and grilled over real charcoal (not gas), which gives it that distinctive smoky flavor.

What makes theirs special is the texture - many chicken kebabs turn out dry, but theirs stays incredibly juicy thanks to the onion mixture and careful grilling technique. It comes with fluffy basmati rice that's steamed with butter and saffron, plus grilled tomatoes that get caramelized on the edges. The sumac dusting adds a citrusy note that brightens the whole dish

4th Stop: El Burrito Mojado (7316 N Lombard St)

El Burrito Mojado's carnitas tacos are the stuff of legend among Portland's late-night food crowd. What sets them apart is their cooking method - they simmer the pork in lard with orange peel, cinnamon, and bay leaf for hours until it's fall-apart tender, then crisp it up on the plancha right before serving. The result is carnitas with perfect textural contrast - crispy edges giving way to melt-in-your-mouth meat. Their tortillas are made fresh daily from nixtamalized corn they grind themselves, giving them an incomparable corn flavor and perfect pliability. The salsa verde is made from tomatillos they roast over an open flame, blended with just enough serrano peppers to give it kick without overwhelming the other flavors.

Final Thoughts

Portland’s food carts aren’t just about quick meals. They’re a way to experience the city’s creativity, cultural influences, and dedication to great ingredients. This four-stop tour takes you from spicy Southern comfort to refreshing Mexican street snacks, through aromatic Persian grilling, and finally to late-night Mexican perfection. Each cart brings something unique to the table, proving that some of the best food in Portland isn’t found in fancy restaurants, but in parking lots and food cart pods.

#portland #oregon #culture #food #food carts

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luvskywlker · 1 year ago

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first of all i’d like to preface this by clarifying that i am not an american (i am, ironically enough, mediterranean myself as well), although it was very funny of you to assume that (it was genuinely the highlight of my day you have no idea)

second of all, and i apologise if i didn’t make this clear before, i'm not trying to get into the nuances of kanan’s supposed ethnicity/nationality because those concepts aren’t relevant within the context of the sw universe, i was specifically referencing his skin tone, and how it very drastically changed in his TBB adaptation compared to his counterparts in SWR and the comic books

if we only had his TBB and SWR designs to go off on, i would completely agree with you, we could just assume that he developed a tan during the 14 years in between his appearances in those series (it was very sweet of you to insult my intelligence, and this may come as a shock, but i do understand basic biology and know how melanin works)

however, we also have the comic books (made specifically after SWR to furthermore develop his character, years before TBB's release) as a reference, which portray caleb dume directly before, during and after order 66, supposedly coinciding with his appearance in TBB. knowing this, it isnt wrong of me to point out how weird it is that they very clearly look nothing alike, i could barely recognise caleb when i first watched TBB because the difference is so insanely jarring that he has essentially no common characteristics with any of his other designs (i also wanted to point out that kanan has neither red hair nor freckles, his hair is one of the changes they made in TBB, which i was also confused about, and the "freckles" you are referring to is just the animation texture)

i posted earlier a full-bodied image of caleb's design in one of the comic panels, specifically to debunk the tanning theory, considering the fact that: 1- he had most likely previously spent the majority of his life wearing heavy, full-coverage jedi robes and being cooped up in the jedi temple (sure, light-skinned people are perfectly capable of developing a very deep tan, heavily contrasting their natural skintone, however this implies them having a lot of sun exposure so that their body can produce higher levels of melanin) (seriously the guy needs to be checked for a vitamin d deficiency 😭) 2- his skin tone was very unanimous, not showing signs of any obvious tan lines unless the jedi temple had some sort of secret tanning beds we dont know about, it might be time to consider that that may just be his natural skintone

i will never get over this

#swr #star wars rebels #kanan jarrus #caleb dume #kanan the last padawan #the bad batch #are you colorblind

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fleetingpieces · 5 years ago

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Playing with the stars

What if Remus didn’t get injured and was drafted to play for the Dallas Stars?

This is a very self indulgent piece cause happy-sportsman-Remus pretty much lives rent free in my brain.

I’m fairly new to hockey and very much in love with it, but sorry in advance if there’s anything not hockey-accurate!

Once again, thank you Jazzy @inloveoknutzy for beta-ing this! <3 You’re amazing

And the beautiful world building and OCs belong to the amazing @lumosinlove Thank you so much for such a great story <3

CW: mentions of past abuse and mild spice.

Sirius Black was not a clumsy person. He was fearless, dedicated, precise and ruthless against his adversaries.

At least, that’s how he usually behaved.

Today however, Sirius was just stepping on the ice, glancing around the rink, when his eyes landed on a familiar player on the other end and he slipped. Sirius cursed as he grabbed onto the boards to prevent a fall, mentally slapping himself. He was never like this. And he already knew the man would be there, so why was he even surprised? Of course he was there. They were facing his team after all.

It was the first game the Lions would play against the Dallas Stars this season, but Sirius wasn’t sure if he was ready for it. Every game against the Stars was torture, and it had nothing to do with them being insanely good. Sirius liked that part actually, it meant he had to really push himself to beat them.

No, his problem came in the form of one very fit Remus Lupin.

Sirius hadn’t actually, properly seen Remus play in a couple of months, and the impact was even greater because of that. He watched as Loops skated effortlessly on his half of the rink doing warm ups. The way his body moved as he glided through the ice, his muscles flexing underneath his uniform, and the glint in his eyes were enough to take Sirius’ breath away.

Of course, everyone knew who Remus was. First draft, golden boy, star rookie a few years back. Sirius was slightly embarrassed of how well acquainted he was with the man’s career. He’d watched his every game since Loops had started playing for the NHL, and when he was alone in his house he would sometimes watch his old tapes, even though he would never admit that to anyone.

There was a loud clunk from one of the goalposts when Remus took a hard slap shot, and Sirius cursed again. His lithe body seemed to flow over the white surface, his stick an extension of his arm with how confidently he wielded it, and that fiercely joyful smile. Damn that smile. Sirius could only stare as Tyler Seguin went over and crashed into Remus, grabbing him into a headlock and saying something that sent the man laughing.

How the fuck was Sirius supposed to focus on the game with something so beautiful right there?

Shaking his head, Sirius went the other way with a frown etched on his face.

“What are you so grumpy about?” said Pots as he went past him.

“It’s nothing,” Sirius replied. He leaned over his knees and breathed slowly, before slapping hard on his thighs once and setting his eyes on the thing that mattered right then. The puck.

And if there were a pair of amber eyes following his movements from the other end of the rink at that exact moment, he didn’t really notice.

The puck dropped not too long after and the game started. Sirius was first line and won the face off, swiftly passing the puck to Finn, who took it all the way to the Stars net where Dobby was ready for him. Before he could do anything else though, Loops cut his way and stole the puck from right under his feet. Sirius found himself staring in awe as Remus dribbled past one of their defensemen, before he snapped out of it and turned quickly to give chase.

“What the hell was that, Cap?” Pots shouted a few feet ahead of him. Sirius could almost hear the smirk in his tone.

He grumbled but did not lose sight of the puck in front of him. Those two seconds of distraction had been enough for Remus to reach their defensive zone; the way he teared up the ice was ridiculous. He took the shot, but it went straight into Kasey's glove.

Well, that was a way to kick start the game.

“Yeah, Bliz!” Finn congratulated, tapping his helmet.

When it was time for the first change, Sirius sat down heavily as Dumo’s line went out. He clasped his hands together between his knees, with his head bowed down. He had to focus. This was no time to admire what a great player Loops was. Or how obscenely good he looked in his gear.

The Lions knew him to be the dedicated, focused captain of the team, not this silly mess of a man who couldn’t take his eyes off another man from the opposite team. No, there was too much at stake for him to lose it like this. It didn’t matter that his friends knew he was gay, he couldn’t just flaunt it in front of the cameras and the wild crowd.

He owed it to his team to get it together. He started picking up the pace after that, slowly falling into that absolute-hockey headspace, but still he felt that he couldn’t play his usual game. He kept getting slightly distracted for short periods of time, and by the end of the first period he felt incredibly frustrated with himself. It was mainly thanks to his teammates’ skills that the score was still tied 0-0.

He made his way back to the locker room behind them all, admonishing his own behaviour and telling himself he would do better in the second part of the game. He was so focused on his internal rant that he barely noticed Dumo falling into step beside him, and jumped when he placed a hand on his shoulder.

There was a knowing smile on his face that Sirius wanted to wipe off, but his tone was kind as he spoke, albeit slightly teasing.

“Mon fils, if you want to stare you have my full support, but perhaps we should focus on the game now, non?”

With that he chuckled, squeezed his shoulder and entered the locker room ahead of him.

Sirius took a second to stand outside the door, smiling at how simple and easy it was to talk about it with Dumo. The man was like family, a good kind of family. He’d taken him in and protected him against Sirius’ own mother, he’d given him a real home. It was such a Dumo thing to do, talk about his biggest secret as if it was the most normal thing in the world; Sirius could only shake his head as he followed behind him.

“Damn that Lupin!” was the first thing he heard as he stepped in. Finn was in the middle of complaining while making big gestures with his hands, and Logan and Leo were staring at him with fond, amused smiles on their faces. “It’s like every time you turn around he’s there! It’s insane how fast that man is.”

Talker came over then and slapped Sirius on the back.

“Don’t feel too bad Cap. He’s a beautiful man; sometimes I also find myself getting distracted by him.” At Sirius’ raised eyebrow, he added, “I stare with respect.”

He said it with a completely straight face, but Sirius saw the mirth dancing in his eyes. Some of the guys around laughed, adding a few comments of their own to the friendly banter. Sirius wasn’t sure what he’d done to deserve such an amazing team. Although the last thing he needed right now was to keep on thinking about Remus, so he tuned them out until Coach came in to go over their strategy.

Second period started in a similar way than the first had, only the pressure had increased. The players were marking each other more tightly, the puck kept going from the Stars’ zone to the Lion’s, and there had been no shots on goal so far.

Halfway through, the whistle blew as one of the referees called an offside on Dallas, and both teams skated over for the face off. As Sirius was getting closer, Loops skated in his direction, locking eyes with him as he circled behind him, and Sirius had to will his body not to jump when Remus started talking with his mouth close to Sirius’ ear.

“I wonder what got the great Captain Sirius Black so distracted?” he said in a playful tone, and Sirius didn’t have to look to know he was smiling.

He was taunting him, the bastard, and fuck if that didn’t ignite a fire inside Sirius’ body.

“Worry about losing your own focus Lupin, or you’ll end up biting the ice,” he replied in the same tone, and was rewarded with a soft chuckle.

If Remus wanted to play like that, Sirius would give him a performance to remember. It was a challenge, Sirius could feel his body thrumming with the adrenaline of it as he finally relaxed completely and played the way he was supposed to from the start.

Sirius managed to change the rhythm of the game with a fast pass he sent Pots’ way, that ended up being the first goal; then Logan scored another one right before the second intermission, setting the team’s spirits on a high. But then Remus scored two incredibly gorgeous goals in the third period that left Sirius slightly light headed.

They were tied.

And right now Sirius was having an internal battle as well as the one going on by the boards, as he and Loops fought for the puck, their bodies close together and Remus’ witty chirps in the air. It was taking all of Sirius’ years of discipline to keep his head in the game.

“Oh hey, you finally decided to come out to play?” Remus said as he bumped into him from behind and Sirius had to bite back a laugh, before spinning around and lightly sending Remus against the boards in retaliation.

“Look alive, Lupin!”

With barely two minutes left on the clock, Sirius managed to get the puck across to Talker, skated behind the net to position himself on the other side of the rink, shook off two defensemen as the puck headed his way again, and immediately whipped it into the goal, making the horn blare.

Screams and cheers erupted all over as the whole team crashed into him. They won, but it had been a very close call.

Nonetheless, it was over now and Sirius could go back to his hotel room and be alone for a bit. And probably watch some tape. The guys were going to grab food on the way, so Sirius excused himself to go lie down and whack himself for being such a klutz during the first half of the game. He was sure it would become easier with time, today he’d just been less prepared than he’d thought he was, and he vowed to make it better.

Just as he was heading outside through the empty hallway, a door opened and he turned around to see Lupin and Seguin coming out of their own locker room, and the sight was just a bit too much for Sirius right then.

Remus was in his game suit, his hair wet from the shower, with a stray curl falling on his forehead that Sirius desperately wanted to brush off. He was once more laughing at something Seguin had said, which made Sirius frown as he turned away, shoving his hands in his pockets.

There was nothing he could do about it, he wanted too many things that he couldn’t have.

Once he was outside, having escaped through the back door that led to the parking lot, he leaned against a wall before he lit up a cigarette and took a few long hauls, closing his eyes for a few minutes.

“Hey,” a voice said beside him and Sirius almost jumped out of his skin.

“Fuck, are you a ninja or something?” Sirius asked, bringing a hand to his heart, still holding the cigarette. He hadn’t heard Remus coming out.

Loops grinned as he came to stand right next to Sirius, but then his eyes focused on the cigarette on his hand and he lifted an eyebrow.

“Does your PT know that you smoke?”

“No, and there’s no need for him to know. I only smoke when I’m stressed.”

“What are you stressed about? You were amazing out there.”

“Not in the first period,” Sirius mumbled as he took another drag, but Remus heard him.

“And why is that?” he asked with a smirk, taking a step closer.

Sirius huffed in exasperation.

“Fuck Re, do you know how hot you look out there? Did you really have to make it that hard on me?” he lifted an eyebrow at the innuendo, which only made Remus’ wolfish grin go wider.

“Hmm. You didn’t expect me to go easy on you just because we’re dating, right?”

Remus placed a hand on the wall next to Sirius’ head, guarded by the darkness of the parking lot, and looked at him straight in the eye. The golden flecks in Remus’ irises seemed to have a light of their own, and Sirius could only stare, transfixed, as Remus’ long fingers reached up to snatch the cigarette right from between his lips and placed it in his own mouth. Without breaking eye contact, he took a slow drag and exhaled to the side before stubbing the fag against the wall.

“Hey!”

Remus’ hand came to rest on the other side of Sirius’ head, and he pressed their chests together, slotting his thigh between Sirius’.

“Y’know, if it was that hard on you,” he punctuated by pressing his thigh down ever so slightly, smiling as a whine sounded at the back of Sirius’ throat, “there are other ways to help you relax,” he said with a tilt of his head, before he ducked down to suck on Sirius’ neck.

“I...Re...”

“You’re not flying back to Gryffindor tomorrow, right?” Remus whispered against the skin just under his ear, pulling a breathy “No” out of Sirius that sounded more like a moan. “Good. I can stay with you all night then, yeah?” he added before he scraped his teeth against Sirius’ ear lobe, and Sirius had to blink a few times to clear his fuzzy head.

"I...quoi?" He had to resist the urge to slap himself. Use your words, Black. “I mean...what?” Oh yeah, much better.

Remus leaned back just enough to look at him with a smile, tucking Sirius’ hair behind his ear.

“Will you be missed if I take you home?” he said in an amused tone, tilting his head in a way that was so adorable Sirius had to fight to keep another whine in.

“I thought you had a team dinner you couldn’t miss.” Sirius hesitated before continuing, “Isn’t it too risky for us to do this?”

“No,” Remus said immediately. Then, after a short pause, “I mean, I do, and it is, but...I haven’t seen you in almost a month, Pads. I...I missed you.”

Sirius’ heart melted. It’d been hard on both of them since the season had started; their tight training schedules and the fact that they lived in different cities didn’t allow them much time together. Being apart from Remus felt like being off balance, like his world was tilted to the side, and it had only settled on its right edge the moment Sirius had gone on the rink today and laid eyes on Remus again.

Sirius cupped Remus’ cheek, and the other man pressed against his touch, closing his eyes as a fond smile slowly made its way through his face.

“What?” Sirius asked.

“Do you remember that first time I asked you out?”

Sirius was surprised into silence for a few seconds, before he got what Remus was thinking about and he huffed a laugh.

Of course he remembered.

They had been in a very similar situation to the one they were in now, but still, so many things had changed.

The Lions had been playing against Dallas too on that day, only they were at Hogwarts stadium, with their chance at the playoffs at stake. And Sirius’ parents had been there.

Their words, their hard looks, Walburga’s hand digging into his shoulder...it had all been too much and Sirius had found himself spiralling down into the scared, closed off boy he’d used to be before he’d started playing with the Lions. Before he’d been accepted into a real team, a real family.

At that moment, all he could think about was pressure, reputation, and secrets.

He couldn’t let his parents find out. He couldn’t let his friends find out. And then, after the game, he’d been alone at the parking lot trying to get his breathing under control, ripping a leaflet to pieces when a soft hand was placed on top of his, and Sirius had looked up to concerned amber eyes.

To the one person he was supposed to avoid at all costs.

Remus had removed his hand from Sirius’, taking what was left of the paper from him and throwing it in the bin in the corner.

“Hey! I was using that!”

“What for?” He’d sounded genuinely curious, which confused Sirius as they were cordial with each other but they weren’t really friends.

Staring ahead, Sirius had avoided looking him in the eye as he ran a hand through his hair.

“There was something on my mind.”

“Hmm,” Remus hummed.

Sirius had glanced to his side and found Remus staring at him straight in the eye, before the other man stuffed his hands in his pockets and leaned on the wall beside him.

“Are you free?”

“Hm?” Sirius asked absentmindedly. He’d been too busy staring at the way Remus’ shoulders strained against his shirt to register what had been said.

The corners of Remus’ mouth turned up in a sweet smile, making Sirius’ breath stop completely. He couldn’t help but think he was gorgeous.

“Are you free right now or do you have somewhere to be?”

“Oh. No, I’m done for the evening,” Sirius said, confused as to where that had come from.

“Well then, wanna go grab dinner?”

“I...what?” Sirius was perplexed. He’d not been expecting that.

“Dinner. With me,” Remus said, amused. What was going on? Was this...was Remus flirting with him? No, that couldn’t be it; Loops was known to be one of the most caring players out there, he’d probably seen that Sirius was struggling with something and just wanted to help. But even if that was it, he was not about to turn the man down.

“I...yeah. Yeah, I would like that,” Sirius said as a small smile spread over his face.

When Remus gave him a happy grin of his own, eyes shining bright, Sirius’ stomach had done a flip, and he’d known he was totally, and absolutely fucked.

He felt his body tingle just like it had back then when Remus trailed his fingers along his jaw, bringing him back to the present.

“Yeah, I remember,” Sirius placed his hands on Remus’ cheeks and kissed him, slow and steady, making Remus sigh and sag against him as he talked between kisses, never letting their lips part further than an inch. “You were so cute. And sweet. I was so fucking surprised that you asked me out, but I didn’t dare believe you actually wanted...well, me.”

Remus laughed, nudging at Sirius’ nose with his own.

“How could I not want you? Did you look at you? Do you know how sweet, caring and amazing you are?”

Sirius groaned as he nipped at the other man’s bottom lip, making him jump in surprise. He let his fingers run among the wild tawny curls, pulling at them slightly at the back of Remus’ neck. Remus let his head fall back, and instantly felt Sirius’ mouth on the soft skin under his jaw, trailing warm open-mouth kisses until he reached his collarbone.

“Re,” he whispered, feeling his boyfriend’s chest rising and falling in short shallow breaths.

“Yeah?”

“Please take me home.”

#wolfstar #wolfstar fic #coops #lumosinlove #sweater weather lumosinlove #Sweater Weather #hockeyau #tyler seguin #coops sw

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givemetherapyimawritingtravesty · 4 years ago

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Happy Holidays! As part of the cheery season, I wrote this little thing for @asunshinepuff for the discord's fic exchange!

CW: food mentions

Toxic masculinity who? We don’t know him. It’s Christmas!

Remus woke up with a warm chest pressed against his back and soft lips leaving a gentle kiss on the back of his neck. He pulled in a deep breath and smiled to himself. This. This was his favorite way to wake up.

“Mornin’.” Remus slurred, turning around in Sirius’ hold.

“Merry Christmas, mon loup.” Sirius whispered, placing another kiss on his nose. “I love you.”

“I love you too, baby.” Remus said, snuggling into Sirius’ chest. “Merry Christmas. We have, I’d say, about six minutes to enjoy this peace before Jules jumps in our bed and drags us downstairs.”

Sirius laughed, “Oh yeah? I’ll take that bet.”

“Oh, he will, he always does. You’ll see.”

“Oh, I’m sure he will, but I’d say we have, eh, maybe three minutes before Reg barges in for Christmas morning snuggles. It’s tradition.”

“Yeah?” Remus asked though a smile.

“Oui. He gets up at sunrise and I told him if he ever woke me up that early again, I’d shove him right off the bed. I bet he bursts in here before Jules.”

“Okay, I’ll take tha-” Remus’ words died in him mouth as there was a shuffling outside their door before the door slowly opened and Regulus creeped in.

“Oh good, your up!” Regulus said, making his way over to the bed. “See I waited until almost 7! Sun’s up, you can’t kick me off the bed this year.” Regulus stated, laying down behind an amused Sirius and wrapping his arms around his older brother, nuzzling in between his shoulder blades.

“Wh- are you comfy?” Sirius asked, smiling still, and trying to look back at Regulus.

“Mhm.” Regulus lets out a happy hum.

Remus made a disgruntled noise from the other side of Sirius. “What about my cuddles? I don’t get cuddles from my best friend of Christmas?” His pout could be heard in his voice.

“No no no.” Regulus rushed out. “I mean yes. You can have cuddles too!” Regulus said, climbing his way over Sirius, who grunted as a slightly-smaller-than-him hockey player finagled himself between the two older men. “Viens ici.” Regulus said, gathering Remus against his chest and placing a soft kiss into his curls. “There ya go, how’s that?”

“Perfect.” Remus said into Regulus’ shirt.

Sirius made an indignant noise beside them as the door opened again.

“Cuddle puddle?!” Jules said excitedly before launching himself on the bed, landing between Sirius and Regulus.

“Come here little buddy, since my brother stole your brother, you’re stuck with me.” Sirius said, maneuvering to himself to hug Jules, pulling the smaller boy first on top of him then shifting to put him down on his left side, so he was back-to-back with his own brother as Jules giggled in his hold.

“Come on!” Jules called out, “It’s CHRISTMAS! We gotta go downstairs and do PRESENTS!”

“Oui! I second that!” Regulus declared, starting to untangle himself from Remus to sit up. “It’s Christmas and time for presents and family and breakfast, I am starving.”

“Yeah! Can we do Christmas pancakes?” Jules wiggled out of Sirius’ hold and rolled off the bed, jumping up and dashing to the door. “I’ll make Regulususes pancakes! He’s gotta have the best ones for his first Lupin Christmas with us!” Jules stated, taking off down the hallways and bounding down the stairs to the kitchen.

“What’s… Christmas pancakes? Should I be afraid?” Regulus look down at Remus, who chuckled.

“No. They just have red and green food coloring. Very festive. We do it every Christmas.”

“You know you can add food coloring any time of the year, right?” Sirius said from Regulus’ other side.

“Yeah, but it’s better this way!” Regulus said. “Makes them special. Now come on, I’m pretty sure that kid should not be left unattended in the kitchen.” Regulus smirked, shifting to start scooching down the bed. He made it a foot before Sirius and Remus made eye contact behind him and then he was surrounded by two sets of arms pulling him down for a cuddle.

“Can’t leave without snuggling me, it our tradition, mon petit frere.”

Regulus just rolled his eyes and conceded, letting himself be surrounded by the other two for a few moments before Remus spoke up.

“You aren’t wrong, though. Jules probably should be supervised down there.”

There was a moment of stillness before three hockey men scrambled out of covers and off the bed to race down the stairs.

***

After Breakfast had been made without incident and brought to Hope and Lyall, they had all piled on the bed while they ate. As soon as Hope finished her last bite, Jules nearly vibrated himself off the bed and started to usher everyone downstairs, grabbing Regulus by the hand and practically dragging him along, leaving the older brothers to collect the dishes to be brought down to the kitchen and deposited them in the sink.

“Reg, you wanna be Santa’s helper with me?” Jules asked excitedly.

Regulus smiled down at him. “I have no idea what that means but sure. What do I have to do to help the big guy out?”

“We gotta help hand out all the presents under the tree. And make sure everyone gets one at the same time. And, like, we have to open ours last, but it’s because we’re helping. So, it’s okay.” Jules explained as everyone settled into the living room, Hope and Lyall on the couch and Remus plopping down in the recliner and tucking his feet under him, Sirius sitting on the floor leaning back against the chair in front of his boyfriend.

“Okay Jules. Let’s get this show on the road bud.” Lyall said.

Jules grabbed a present in each hand and passed them out to Sirius and Lyall, so Regulus looked around to find one for Hope and then grabbing the one he knew was for Remus because, well, he had wrapped it. Rather poorly, at that, but he figured since it would be ripped off, it wouldn’t much matter.

Regulus handed Hope her present before making his way over to Remus and hesitating before handing Remus the package. “This one’s from me.” He said sheepishly, giving a half smile.

“Then I’m going to love it.” Remus reassured him, keeping eye contact for a moment to cement the fact that he meant it.

“It’s, well, I know you have them. I mean, not these exact ones. But you like them, so I thought…” Regulus rambled on nervously. “I thought maybe? You’d like them?”

“Extended additions?! I’ve been looking for these for ages! Reg!”

“Yeah? You like them?” A full smile lit up his face.

Remus could barely contain his excitement, beaming up at Regulus. “I love. It’s perfect! We can watch them later, yeah? I know you’ll like them; we’ll have another R and R marathon weekend!?”

“Yes.” Regulus laughed in relief, still trying to believe that Remus was this thrilled over the Lord of the Rings dvds. “That’d be good.”

“Do I get to join?” Sirius piped up from his spot on the floor.

“Baby, you will not be able to sit still for a four-hour movie, much less three of them.” Remus chuckled.

“Also,” Regulus interjected, “You don’t have an R name. We’re cooler.”

“Fine, then Jules and I will have our own marathon, right Jules?”

“Yeah.” Jules said, a little breathless from running over to the sound of his name. “We can watch. Um. The ones. With the pirates!”

“Pirates of the Caribbean? Oui, that sounds perfect.” Sirius agreed.

“Sweet!” Jules declared before dragging Regulus off to grab more presents from under the tree.

The day passed in a haze of smiles and laughs, jokes and love. Regulus nearly couldn’t handle his own excitement. The day was perfect, filled with family and plenty of holiday cheer, just as it should be.

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hellooobees · 4 years ago

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Four times the Lions (and Lions-adjacent) choose to stick together for the holidays.

This fic was written for @slytherinreggieblack for our Hazelnoot Discord Secret Santa!

Credit for the sweater weather-verse goes to the wonderful @lumosinlove

Happy Holidays ❤

CW for Christmas/holidays, mentions of food and very brief mention of toxic family

~~~

New York, 23 December 2012

Kasey buried his face in his pillow and threw his phone blindly across the bed somewhere. He was tired. So tired.

There was a heavy weight flopping on his back.

“Ow.”

“I think Mr Winter is ready for you now, Ms Darcy,” Alex passed him his phone and flopped over to the other side of the bed from on top of him. Natalie’s smiling face greets him from the other side of the screen.

“Hi, sugar. Your phone was busy when I tried calling you, and figured Alex is probably going to be there too.” Natalie looked so soft and warm in a huge fuzzy green sweater and wisps of her hair that escaped her bun framing her face—it’s only been 3 days since he last saw her, but he has missed her so much he wants to drive all the way to Concord, crawl under that sweater with his face buried in the crook of her shoulder and stay there forever.

“Hi. Yeah, sorry I was talking to my mom. How is it going there?”

Nat shrugs one shoulder, “Not too bad. No one has gotten into a screaming match yet. My brother and I have a bet on which relative and when it will happen.” She then asks, “Alex says your parents can’t make it?”

Kasey lets out a very long sigh. “Their flight was overbooked and their replacement flight got cancelled because of the blizzard—yes, thank you, I do see the irony,” he says in Alex’s direction when he sees him open his mouth out of the corner of his eye, “and now it’s too late to find another flight that isn’t fully booked. They’re going to keep trying but they won’t make it before Christmas, if at all.”

She inclined her head with her mouth pressed in a thin line, “I’m so sorry babe, I wish I could hug you right now.”

Kasey did too. He’s just… very tired. This will be the first Christmas that he’s going to spend without his parents and that low simmering homesickness he’s been feeling since he moved to New York has made itself known with a vengeance. It physically aches—or at least it feels like it with how sore he is, which could just be the after-effects of the game tonight but it hurts so much more than it usually does. There are like nine different feelings in his head that he doesn’t want to examine too closely right now.

Natalie is looking at him in that way that makes him feel she can see into the depths of his soul and knows everything about every feeling he’s not examining too closely and it makes him smile a little abashedly.

“I’m spending Christmas alone, I guess.”

“No, you’re not,” Alex suddenly looked up from where he’s fiddling with something—are those hotel toiletries?—“You really think I’m going to let you spend the holidays in a hotel room? You’re going to come live with me for a few days.”

Kasey blinked at him. “Didn’t you say you have family over at your house?”

“So?” Alex sniffed at what Kasey thinks is moisturiser before squeezing out too much of it on his palm, “If you’re worried about space, the guest rooms are taken but my room is blissfully brother-less since Finn doesn’t come back from Canada before New Year’s, so we can share mine. It’s not like I haven’t passed out and spent the night enough times here—” Kasey has a sudden flash of Alex in the mornings with mussed hair and blinking blearily and imagines waking up to it in Alex’s bedroom while snow falls softly out the window. It’s a good thing they’re sitting in the dark and Alex can’t see Kasey flush. There are now ten different feelings in his head that he doesn’t want to examine too closely right now.

“—and if you’re worried about being a burden, don’t. You’re my friend, I care about you and I want you there. My parents have been itching to make you move in and never let you leave since they met you, they definitely won’t mind you being there. This is not a pity thing, just come and be a part of our holidays, okay?”

Kasey thinks it’s a little dangerous to have a best friend and a girlfriend who can see so thoroughly through him that he doesn’t even need to voice his worries out loud before making him firmly put them aside and make him feel so known and so loved that it makes him want to melt. With Alex looking at him so earnestly, soft orange light coming in through the window from the street and lighting up the side of his face and the column of his throat, and the feeling of being folded in so seamlessly without a second thought enveloping him like a hug, Kasey can only just whisper a soft, “Okay.”

Alex swiped some of the excess lotion out of his palm and smudged it across Kasey’s nose, “Good,” and then picked up his phone from Kasey’s hands, “Oh, Natalia, dearest?”

“Yes, Alexander?”

“Do you think you can come back here for New Year’s? We can spend the day together and you two can properly meet my brother finally. You should bring your brother too.”

“As if we don’t already spend practically every day together,” Nat replied with a laugh, “but yes, that sounds wonderful, I’ll try to.”

Alex smiled and nodded in a decided ‘Mission Accomplished’ way and then nudged Kasey’s shoulder with his, “Now when you’re ready, there’s fake football I need to kick your ass at.”

He gets up and Kasey follows his broad back till it disappears behind the bathroom door, presumably to wash his hand, still feeling the warmth on his arm from where he touched it.

He turned back to the screen only to see Natalie looking at him in that all-knowing-sees-the-depths-of-his soul way, hiding a smile against her palm. Kasey fondly rolled his eyes, subconsciously rubbing the moisturiser off his nose. “Shut up.”

~~~

Harvard University, 24 December 2014

Logan answered the video call with a pathetic little sniffle.

Sydney squinted down at the screen and said, “Oh wow, look how red his nose is.”

Noelle nodded sagely from her side, “You could say that it is very shiny. Maybe even say that it glows.”

“Oh fuck off,” Logan replied, which with his blocked nose doesn’t sound very admonishing at all, and is pleased to see Aubrey smack their heads lightly even though she’s also giggling. Good. She’s always been his favourite sister after all.

Suddenly there’s Finn’s face next to his, leaning over the back of the sofa, “Don’t worry Tremz, you’ll definitely go down in history.”

There are three identical shouts of “Finn!” from his phone. Logan forced himself to relax and stop thinking about the feeling of Finn’s warm breath against his cheek.

They chatted for a while about how things are going on either side, how Logan’s feeling now, if they’ve received their gifts yet, and Logan hung up with a tiny murmured “I miss you” that his sisters coo at him over.

There had been a bug going around their team and Logan had thought he’d escaped it, till two days before he’s supposed to leave to go home for the holidays he woke up with a cold that felt like all his organs were trying to come out of him when he sneezed and a fever that made him want to throw his entire body in the trash. So going through a crowded airport filled with loud children and even louder adults to go back to a crowded home filled with loud family was… no.

And then Finn had decided to stay back to keep him company. “My parents are going to Tampa to visit Alex anyway! Who spends the holidays in Tampa?” He’d countered when Logan had protested and refused to change his decision.

The past few days have been difficult. Logan wants so much to just sink into this veneer of domesticity over them that coming from staying in a big house all alone (with like two other guys he’s only seen in passing) and the other person doing everything in his power to try and make him feel better, and if this is all he’s allowed to have then he wants to soak up all of it. But there’s also that part of him that’s so afraid of being hurt when he stops being on the receiving end of Finn’s care once he stops being sick and it’s too risky to let himself get used to any of it. Combined with the guilt of making him stay, the embarrassment of being this vulnerable in front of him, and the hundred other feelings Finn normally makes him feel, it’s been a very long few days.

He had seen the slightly worried looks his sisters shot him. He knew they had wanted to talk about how he felt since they had first gotten to know what was going to be happening but Logan wasn’t ready for it. He didn’t have the space in his half-clogged brain to think about any of it.

For some reason, all of this was making him incredibly grumpy and constantly annoyed at everything.

He realised then that he’d started listing to the side and had landed with his head against Finn’s torso. Finn was just scrolling through his phone, completely unbothered.

Feeling his face heat up, Logan poked him in the stomach to get his attention, “Shouldn’t you be staying away from me? What if you get a cold too?”

Finn looked down at him and answered, “I think I would’ve gotten it already if I was going to. But fine, if you want me to go away you need to get off me first.”

Thing is, Finn makes a really good pillow and Logan doesn’t particularly want to move. “...Non.”

Logan does deeply appreciate how much effort it is taking Finn to not outright laugh at him, “Okay, then.”

As much as he doesn’t want to move, he picks himself off of Finn’s lap to look him straight in the eyes, “Why do you just… keep letting me have my way? Keep giving me things and agreeing with me?”

“Lo, where is this coming from? What are you trying to say?”

Logan knew he wasn’t making any sense. His own brain was having a hard time catching up with whatever point his mouth was trying to make without his permission. He groaned once into his palms before looking back at Finn.

“I want you to make me hot chocolate.”

“Fine.”

“And I want you to read to me.”

“Sure. I’ve already been doing all this everyday but okay.”

Logan narrows his eyes at him. “And I want you to make me a blanket fort.”

At that, Finn lights up like the fairy lights that cover every inch of the frat house, “That’s a very good idea, we should do that.”

“Harzy!” Logan tried to sound as indignant as he can manage.

Finn did laugh then. “What? It would be fun! And I’m not doing it just for you, it’s for both of us and you’re also going to help,” he says, pulling Logan up by the wrist off the couch.

Logan’s help mostly just amounts to dropping pillows and blankets in a big pile on the floor of the living room while groaning and cursing with every second step. At some point, he grew tired enough to flop down on top of the pile and never want to get up again.

He woke up to a blanket fort already made around him, with a string of fairy lights strung above. Whether he had been asleep for ten minutes, or an hour, or a whole day, he didn’t know.

When his vision cleared a bit more, he registered Finn sitting next to him reading a book out loud, but not loud enough to disturb him. When he saw that Logan was awake now too, he passed him a warm thermos. Logan sat up and drank from it, warm hot chocolate soothing his sore throat.

“Merci.”

“De rien.” Logan doesn’t know whether to be impressed or horrified how many extra syllables his over pronunciation added to the simple phrase. Finn noticed the look on his face and smirked lightly, returning to his book.

He’s been such an idiot. Finn is so… Finn is so good. He might be the best person Logan knows. And just because Logan couldn’t understand why Finn would want to cancel and rearrange all his plans just to keep him company while he’s sick, he decided to take it out on him by being an asshole. To try and push his limits maybe, see how much it takes for him to leave.

But even if he didn’t understand, it gave him no right to be that rude—if anything it was disrespectful, especially when he’s actually so grateful for how kind he’s been to him. Not just these few days, since the day he’s met Finn. He doesn’t say that to him enough.

“I’m sorry for being such an asshole lately. And thank you. For staying.”

Finn stopped reading, carefully placed a bookmark where he’d stopped and turned to face Logan.

“Apology accepted. I get it though, you really really hate being sick,” Finn gave him a small smile, “and of course I stayed. Couldn’t leave my best friend alone now, could I?”

Something flutters in Logan’s chest. He still doesn’t understand, but wouldn’t he do the same thing if the positions were reversed? Maybe for different selfish reasons, but he would.

Finn’s smile widens. “It’s past midnight by the way. Merry Christmas.”

Logan lets himself just look at Finn for once. Taking in his hair, his eyes, his skin, all of him, golden under the yellow lights. His heart shifted a little to the left and he felt—Logan felt.

God fucking dammit.

“Merry Christmas Finn.”

Logan falls back asleep to Finn's deep, steady lilting voice. Despite his heart trying its hardest to send him to an early grave, he has the best night of sleep he’s probably ever had.

He woke up to the loudest sneeze he’s ever heard coming from next to him. He turned his face into a pillow and groaned for what felt like hours.

~~~

Boston, 22 December 2013

It was almost 2 am and Lily found herself standing in front of James’s house in the snow in just a hoodie and sweatpants and wondered what to do next. She could climb the tree to reach his bedroom window but she hadn’t done that in eight years and certainly never while it was snowing. Maybe throw snowballs at his window? Was he even awake? Would he even hear it?

Lily then remembers that her life wasn’t a cliché rom-com and took her phone out of her pocket and looked for James’s contact. She was shivering violently.

It rang for long enough to make Lily worried that he wasn’t going to pick up before there was a click and groggy voice on the other end saying, “Hello? Lily?”

“Um. Hi. I’m outside your house, can you let me in. Please?”

“You—wait, what, hang on—” There’s a shadow at the window of James’s room. Lily gave him a shaky wave.

“Oh, you really are. Gimme a sec, I’ll be right there.”

The door opens and before Lily can say a single word, she’s being pulled in, rushed up the stairs and into a room and being sat on the bed. He immediately threw several blankets around her and then started digging through his closet before piling some of his warm clothes around her too. She wasn’t complaining, she definitely needed them given the way her teeth were chattering.

“What happened? Are you okay?” James said with so much concern in his voice, she immediately felt guilty for worrying him.

“Nothing. Nothing happened, don’t worry.”

“No one shows up to someone else’s house in the middle of the night in that kind of cold wearing hardly any layers if there’s nothing wrong.”

Lily lowered her gaze to the floor. “I mean… okay, fine, something happened but it’s not serious and I wasn’t thinking. I don’t want to talk about it right now, yeah? I just…” then in a smaller voice, “I just needed to see you.”

An awkward silence hung between them. When Lily did finally look back up at him through her eyelashes, he was still hovering over the bed. She could see a concerned furrow of eyebrows now that her eyes had somewhat adjusted to the dark.

She shifted to the side and patted the bed in an invitation to sit, and her eyes caught sight of something on his ceiling.

“You still have…” she pointed to the fluorescent stars on the ceiling.

James sat down, with a polite gap in between them. She wished he would sit closer but she didn’t know the first thing about how she would go about asking for that.

“Hm? Oh, yeah they’re still there.”

Lily remembered helping him put them up, eight years old and making up their own constellations. Something in her stomach pulls at her at the memory. Is that why she had come here? Searching for something familiar to wrap herself in when she found all her foundations crumbling?

Lily had run into James at the ice-cream parlour in their neighbourhood at the beginning of last summer. Running into each other was normal, living fairly close to each other and going to the same school.

But that time they hadn’t hastily turned away when their eyes met. That time James had walked up to her and started a conversation for the first time in eight years. And they’d kept talking after that and been inseparable all summer.

She had finally realised what a mistake it had been to let her pride and misunderstandings come in between the most meaningful relationship she’s ever had with the most wonderful, kindest, brightest person she’s ever known.

And then at the end of summer, James was being drafted and she was going to college and she was losing him all over again. Lily couldn’t help but feel like her heart was being broken cleanly in two, half of it already on its way to Gryffindor.

“I watched the game tonight,” she said when the danger of hypothermia didn’t feel so immediate anymore.

James sat up a little straighter, turning to look in her direction, “What did you think? Did you like it?”

She nodded fervently. “I did! I didn’t understand a lot of it, but that one pass you made from the blue line and got an assist for? That was so brilliant. You were… you were so brilliant.”

She felt herself flush and cleared her throat anxiously. “I mean… I think I want to watch more of it if you could teach me some of the basic rules? If you want to.” God, she was being so awkward. But she also didn’t know what to do about it.

“Of course, yeah. I’m… glad you enjoyed it. And thank you.” Maybe she wasn’t the only one who felt awkward, but that’s completely understandable.

James said after a pause, “Maybe I shouldn’t say this but—” Is that nervousness she could hear in his tone? “But I—I really wanted you to be there. I’m not saying that you should’ve come, it’s fine that you didn’t want to! I just…”

She had wanted to too. They had been texting a week ago about him having a game in Boston, him planning to stay the night at his house instead of the hotel the team booked and then driving back to Gryffindor with his parents the next day to spend the holidays together. Lily had so desperately wanted to ask to see him then—she had almost booked tickets several times before chickening out at the last second. Hearing James actually say that he’d wanted the same thing was… well. She really hoped she wasn’t misinterpreting this because if she was, she would never be able to look at James ever again and she doesn’t know if she could take the hurt of losing him for a third time.

Lily carefully leaned her shoulder against his and said, “I wanted to be there too. I just didn’t know how to ask for it.”

She felt him relax with a small sigh before completely turning to face her, tucking his legs under him and taking both of her hands in his, “Look, I don’t know what happened tonight or what made you come over and you don’t have to tell me about it. But know that if you want to, I’m always here to listen. Wow, your hands are so cold. And I know that coming back home couldn’t have been easy after everything you’ve told me, so if there’s anything at all I can do for you—”

“Can I kiss you?” Lily hadn’t consciously decided to say that out loud but she knew if she stopped herself now she was going to overthink and never have the courage to do this ever again.

And to her immense relief, James replied with, “Oh thank fucking god, I’ve been waiting for you to ask that for so long—” and surges down to capture her lips in hers.

For as long as she could remember, Lily had never truly felt like she belonged anywhere. Coming back after staying away for four months to a house that had seemed to outgrown her instead of the other way around had made it blatantly obvious that it wasn’t home anymore, if it ever was. Her entire life she’d been so scared to ask other people and places to accommodate her, fearing that her presence alone would ruin and destroy them as her mother and sister had repeatedly made a point to tell her.

Maybe she did come here looking for something familiar, muscle memory taking her down the street she had actively made sure to avoid for years. But kissing this boy, this wonderful, beautiful boy, who had tried so sincerely to mould around her even after years of being strangers, who made fluorescent stars on the ceiling and a house she hadn’t stepped in in eight years feel so much like she’s finally home, the feeling of being in his arms so right, how could she begrudge herself that?

“Your hands really are so cold,” James says against her mouth, hands coming up to hold hers closer where they had found themselves on his neck, holding his face. Lily vaguely sensed the blankets falling off her body, but that was okay, she felt the warmest that she’s ever felt even without them.

When they part, breathing heavily, James’s looking at her with so much awe in his eyes she wanted to drown in them. He whispers, “Come with us to Gryffindor tomorrow. I want to take you to family skate and introduce you to everyone. I have a friend I want you to meet, you’re going to love each other so much. I want to show you around the city and take you to all of my favourite places,” he hesitates then, “Only… only if you want to. Is this going too fast? Am I crossing a line?”

“You’re not crossing a line and I want to, of course I want to,” she immediately agrees and pulls him towards her again. Because going back to a house with her dad’s sullen silences, her mom’s disappointed sighs, her sister’s underhanded insults and jerk fiancé felt unbearable now that she finally had a taste of what being truly home feels like. She wanted everything he wanted to share with her and more. She wanted to pick apart everything that’s changed with him in the time that he’s been away from her, and everything that hasn’t changed and wants every part of him to be so commonplace in her life that she grows used to it. And she desperately wanted to make him feel just as loved as he’s made her feel.

If there’s one thing that’s solidified in her mind after this it’s that she wants to keep him for as long as he’ll have her, for as long as he wants to keep her too. She hopes it’s a very, very, very long time.

~~~

Wisconsin, 25 December 2022

“We should go somewhere like this.”

They’d woken up on the floor of the living room where they had fallen asleep watching a movie last night. Silently getting up and tucking the blanket around Jules and Regulus more firmly who were similarly asleep on the couch, Jules sprawled over Reg’s back, they had made their way back up to Remus’s old bedroom. They weren’t really sleepy anymore and it was almost dawn, so Sirius and Remus had sat down in front of the wide balcony windows, snuggled under a quilt and drawing with their fingers on the slightly fogged up glass while watching the snowfall and waiting for the sunrise.

“Hm?” Sirius looked up from where he was meticulously drawing a sun with a smiley face with lines to denote rays of sunlight coming out of it (he’s very proud of how even they are). Remus had his tongue poking out like he does when he’s focusing intensely on something, which a window drawing of a landscape that looked more like it’s made by a toddler rather than two grown men arguably requires. It’s very cute.

“We should go somewhere like this,” he repeated, not looking up from the house he was drawing, “Maybe during the holidays next year. A cabin in the mountains where we can see the sunrise everyday.”

“Next to a squiggly river?”

Remus nodded seriously. “Next to a squiggly river. And if it snows hard enough that we get snowed in just the two of us, alone, that would be really tragic wouldn’t it,” he says in a tone that Sirius takes to mean that it wouldn’t be tragic at all. “In fact, we should just buy a cabin in the mountains and live there. Permanently. All alone in a bubble. A heart-shaped bubble.”

Sirius knew it was supposed to be a joke but he sensed the undercurrent of genuine anxiety that had been following them over the past year. For the past couple of years, probably ever since their relationship got outed. To say that having your relationship be constantly publicised no matter how much you try to keep your lives private is difficult, would be an understatement. Especially when it overshadows all other important moments and changes in your life.

It’s all worth the effort though—his relationship is, Remus is, hockey is, every single person who’s ever come up to him to tell him how much he’s helped them is—but he’s not going to deny that it’s also exhausting. The constant judgement and scrutiny and pressure of their entire lives being in the limelight have been steadily grating on both of them, leaving them feeling scraped raw.

Escapes have been necessary. They’ve started taking every chance they’ve had to go on vacations or visit the Lupins or go stay at their lake house for a few days. It was why they were spending their Christmas in Wisconsin. But the thing about escapes is that it becomes a lot more difficult to come back to reality afterwards.

Sirius decides to go along with it, reaching out to draw two stick figures and a large heart around them. Being alone together in a heart-shaped bubble doesn’t sound unpleasant at all. “And what about being able to see our families?”

“I’m not that much shorter than you, jerk. And we can still visit. Or they can. Or, oh,” Remus turns to him with wide eyes, “We can find one of those castles in the middle of a forest like in vampire stories and we can all go live there.” Sirius raises an eyebrow at him and fights hard not to burst out in laughter. “Think about it! That would be so cool. And we can afford a castle, right, if everyone pitches in? What’s the point of all of you rich, millionaire hockey players if we can’t buy a castle?”

Sirius makes a show of considering it, not saying anything about the ‘all of you’ part of that sentence. “Can we still have a rink in the basement?”

Remus giggles at him and pats his cheek twice in a jokingly patronising gesture. Sirius flinches a little at how cold his index finger is from the glass. “Yes baby, we can absolutely have a rink in the basement.”

Sirius hums thoughtfully before saying, “Ouais.”

“Ouais?”

“Ouais. I’ll go wherever Mon Loup wants to. That was part of the vows, wasn’t it? You remember husband, you were there at the wedding.”

Remus looks at him with amusement for a second and then moves to straddle Sirius, linking his hands around his neck. “They were in the vows, were they? And who told you that you can say such lovely things with no warning, huh? That’s not allowed.”

“I don’t remember that being part of the vows. If anything, shouldn’t I be required to say them more often?”

“Not when it’s barely six in the morning and I’m not prepared for it! That’s just cruel and you can’t be cruel to your husband. Won’t you think of my poor heart? New rule: you have to give me a five-minute warning before pulling shit like that.”

Sirius narrows his eyes at him. Remus bumps their foreheads together in answer. “I would like to discuss this new rule before I agree to it.”

Remus mumbles an “mmhm sure” before leaning into a kiss.

Sirius lets out an embarrassing squeak at the feeling of the cold metal of Remus’s ring slowly dragging up his neck so carefully that it has to be deliberate. The feeling of his ring against his skin does something to him—a fact which Remus has never hesitated to weaponise against him.

“As if that is any less cruel. What about my poor heart?”

They slowly part and even after three years of being together, Sirius still isn’t used to the way Remus looks at him. Like saying, ‘oh, there you are’ with just his eyes. He’s still not used to that look directed at him from across a room, and definitely not from just a few inches apart. He would be a lucky, lucky man to ever be able to get used to it.

He already is an insanely lucky man. So lucky that this treasure of a person decided to take up space in his life and his heart—with every locker room ritual, every incomprehensible joke about the weather during dinner at the Dumais house, every little mark he’s made in the house that used to feel like a waiting room and turned it into a home. So lucky that Sirius in turn is allowed to take up space in his life too.

Out of all the goals and hattricks and, yes, even the cup, being Remus’s husband remains his proudest achievement.

The stakes are so much higher now. He can finally truly empathise with his teammates who get jumpy at their phones ringing. Anxious with the feeling of having no control over their lives. It’s been implied to Sirius several times that the organisation’s priorities don’t lie in doing everything to keep him and Remus together (although pettily he refuses to even attempt to understand that line of thinking at all.) It’s exhausting, tolerating all of it when the only thing fueling him to keep playing as a part of the league is his love for the sport and his team.

However, as long as Remus keeps looking at him in that way which makes something bloom in his chest and grow warm around his ribs, and keeps holding him in the way that makes him feel more precious than any jewel in the world, he knows they’ll figure everything out. He knows they’ll be alright. He hopes Remus knows that too.

The sun is finally rising. The soft winter morning sunlight spills into the room and across Remus’s cheek, almost caressing him. And that is a line of thinking he completely understands, how wanting to caress his Remus’s cheek might quite literally be a universal feeling. He replaces the sunlight with his own palm and makes sure to this time let his ring touch Remus’s cheekbone.

“Je t’aime,” he tells him, trying to put all of his adoration into his voice, and then pulls Remus in again to give him the most loving, reassuring kiss possible. Remus hums happily against his mouth and Sirius gladly swallows that sound.

Soon, there is the sound of loud footsteps from outside followed by insistent knocks on the door and Jules’s voice shouting at them to “get up, get up, get up!” and they slowly make their way downstairs to join the rest of their family for opening presents.

#my fic #sw #c2c #vaincre #lumosinlove #o'darwin #harvard finnlo #jily #coops #cw christmas #cw holidays #cw food mention #cw toxic family #mine

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