#also its criminally long lmao turns out max has some ~feelings~

[canthelps]

it had been four, maybe five months since maxime had last spoken to london, it had been a very abrupt way that the other ended things. at first maxime had been angry, she had been angry for a long time. she didn’t really understand why she was so angry-- they weren’t actually together, despite what she had jokingly said in the voice note that had apparently rubbed the other woman the wrong way. but they had spent a lot of time together, despite living in different continents mostly, and maxime enjoyed the blonde’s company. she tried not to be angry, told herself that this was all inevitable and that they were never going to work out due to her standing and the fact that they lived three and a half thousand miles away. 

then, after being angry, max had felt a little relieved. she had gotten the sense for a while that london had wanted more from her, and max had always tried hard to avoid that conversation. they were in different parts of their lives, and max wanted to enjoy her twenties before she inevitably got tied down. she knew from her family that if she hadn’t found a suitable husband by the time she was 30, they would find one for her- it might be 2022, but the french aristocracy still had appearances to uphold and they would rather she be unhappy than it seem like they didnt have control of one of their own. as much as it pained her to admit it, max had always secretly planned to get married to london in her late 20s, if only to fend off the looming arranged marriage, but now it seemed like that wasn’t likely to happen. she should have known that people don’t usually sleep with each other for seven years at a time. london probably would have found someone then, someone who actually lived in the same country as her and wasn’t afraid of settling down.

during their time apart, maxime had been travelling around- a few weeks at her family’s vineyard in the south of france, monaco for the casinos and racing, london for wimbledon and royal ascot, one of her friends had a boat moored in santorini and they’d spent a couple of weeks getting very tanned and very drunk on the bow, and of course she’d spent the entire time racking up the numbers in her body count- but things still never really felt right.

she was in hvar right now- a small island off the coast of croatia, known for its party culture. she had the penthouse suite in one of the finest hotels on the island, and a number of phone calls from her mother and her mother’s staff telling her to come home and stop haemorrhaging money- which she wasn’t doing because london broke up with her. of course not. she just liked to live it up in the summer, its not like she had a job or anything. it was about 3am, and everyone around her was getting ready to go out, but maxime had had a few too many shots and maybe a line too many and she didn’t want to be going to another party, she just wanted to go home. but in that moment, she realised she didn’t want to go back to versailles, back to her mother and the stiff upper lips and her childhood bedroom. she wanted to be tucked up in fresh sheets in a new york apartment in london’s arms. 

that was how she found herself sat on the floor of a wardrobe while a party raged on around her, tearfully calling a woman who didn’t want anything to do with her. “Salut, je sais que je ne devrais pas t'appeler, je t'ai vu- merde!” she sighed, before forcing her brain to switch to english. “hi. its me. max. in case you’ve deleted my number off your phone. i know i shouldn’t be calling you since you’ve made it very clear by posting multiple instagram stories a day of you and your new girlfriend. but im in hvar right now, i dont know if you remember but it was one of the places i said i would take you so we could fuck in the fort....” she trailed off, wondering if she should just shut up now.

“i’m uh, i’m sorry if i was rude to you. its weird, i was taught etiquette as a child but actual manners was something that was never on the agenda. and, well. there’s a reason that there’s a stereotype that french people are all assholes. its because we are.” she hiccupped, before deciding that she’d embarrassed herself enough, and she should probably just go all in. “look, i really liked you london, but i never really learnt how to do proper human relationships because my parents hate each other and i’ve been at boarding school since I was four, and before then i had an around the clock nanny. even now all my friends are pretty much just here for the money. i’m not sure any of them would still be here if they’d actually had to pay for their flights and the hotel. but with you... it always felt real? and that scared me. fuck, it scared me so much. i didn’t know how to let loose, to be vulnerable. all i knew is i wanted to spend time with you and have fun. i think i could tell that you wanted something more serious so i started to pull away a little bit” she was crying now, tears streaming down her face as she said everything she’s been meaning to.

“but i also think-- and i’m not trying to make excuses, there was a bit of a culture difference. i didn’t even think i was being mean, that’s just how french people are. we’re blunt. we bully people as flirting. but fuck, i’ve always felt like i was going to marry you one day, i just always thought it would be after i whored it out in my twenties, but then i didn’t even care that much when you started talking about knocking me up, but i think that might just be a kinky thing. i still think the idea is hot by the way, and if you ever do want to breed my royal pussy and make a baby that will be uhhhh-” she paused for a second, counting on her fingers “15th? in line for the french throne, i’m totally down.” maxime sniffed again, taking a deep breath. “sorry, i got distracted. what i was trying to say is, i wanted to whore out, i have been whoring out recently and i’ve realised that i’m sick of waking up in a hotel room bed with a stranger who doesn’t care if i live or die. i want to be in new york, with you and you never taught me how to scramble eggs even though you said you would so you’re gonna have to make some for me, but its okay because i’ll give you the best blow job of your life while you do.” 

“anyway. i’m getting sick of the med. i think i’m probably going to go to my penthouse in manhattan for a bit to decompress, because there’s no way in hell i want to face my mother any time soon. if i do go to new york, i’ll come by and say this all in person. well. if i remember what i said because as you can probably tell from the slurring, i’m real fucked up right now. pretty rude of you to not pick up, since i think its only like...9pm there? say hi to the new girlfriend from me, hope her ass is as tight as mine. bon nuit.”

@edgecfeden​ 

[gaygwenpool]

*slams fists on table* MYSTELEON

I knew you wouldnt disappoint! :D  tho you already know most of these lmaoo  lotsa credit to @herbofoo anyway, i dont remember which of these you came up with but Patchwork wouldnt be the same without your Good Good Content! (And of course thanks for all your patience as i cry about comics lmao)

I’ve lost all shame long since ive started shipping them so brace yourself for the self-indulgent cheese that is Chameleon/Mysterio in my Patchwork verse. (its reallly. really Melodramatic. i gave up all pretense.. also under the cut cuz its long..)

ask meme

Who cooks:

Mysterio! Although Chameleon is objectively The Superior Cook thanks to the long years of being a servant to picky russian nobility BUT exactly because of that, he really doesnt enjoy it, even less when cooking for others and not just himself. So it is usually Beck who prepares meals (that are not bad either, they are just simpler) but as often as they can, they eat out. That said, Cham is very well aware Quentin loves his cooking so sometimes, he makes them something. (Being sick isnt so bad when it means Chammy bringin you a big bowl of hot borscht :)

On the other hand, Cham has quite a sweet tooth which Q notices Fast and decides to learn how to bake. It took more effort and failed tries than it could have, mostly because he got cocky, how hard could this be and just. kept forgetting he put stuff in the oven.. But now he makes quite delicious cookies n cakes which make Dmitri almost tear up because tasty + Quentin baked something Specifically for him?? 

Who does the laundry and other chores:

Mysterio’s laundry is usually booby trapped so he has to clean it himself and he doesnt even let Cham near it. And he keeps forgetting gadgets in his civvies. Not to mention that again, for the same servant reason, Cham really doesnt enjoy house chores in general, so he usually just gets his own clothes cleaned somewhere else (especially since his fancy suits and even fancier gowns are the highest quality and delicate materials, he doesnt even Know how to clean them..) 

As for the rest of the chores, its pretty balanced, although Cham has more of an eye for things that needs to be cleaned up (and Beck already has cooking duties) so he does a tad more. 

How many children do they have + Any pets:

In my Patchwork universe there’s a whole Thing about Leon, the Chameleon of the Ultimate universe but I’ve tried to type up a short summary and failed, it’s a long story lmao ^^;; and anyway he isnt exactly their kid, he is just much younger than them and they ended up sorta mentoring him. 

However, they have Celavi, the escaped ex-spy beluga.(Yes, it started as a joke based on this post that accidentally grew more and more serious until @herbofoo and me were too attached to let it go) She counts pretty much as their adopted daughter that they both spoil to hell and back, I mean no surprise, she saved Cham’s life once and sometimes, she helps out with heists. (Mostly for the show, you should have SEEN the look on Spider’s face when a beluga splashed him. He is used to humanoid sharks, to Hydroman.. not like. real life beluga that LAUGHS at him) Beck’s voice: “Dont you dare to insult her, SHE IS PERFECT AND FLAWLESS and A GOODNESS INCARNATE!! -she is literally a deserted russian spy that was trained to gather everything that could be used to harm USA-yea, i have a soft spot for those ;)“

She was always surprisingly clever so she never really counted as a “pet” and at one point, she even bonds with a symbiote (together they are Vague, again long story ah ha). They dont talk but have quite some range of vocalisations so communication isnt a problem. 

Who’s more dominant: 

They both have pretty dominant strong personalities (ok chameleon’s a bit more complicated with that but like.) with big egos who dont like others questioning their superiority. (Of course not at the level of like Doc Ock etc, they are surprisingly flexible and good team players that can be willing to let someone else take the spotlight if they are Nice) But the whole point of their relationship is that neither of them is dominant over the other, they get enough of that literally everywhere else. It’s very reassuring to be so sure that they are on equal footing, cooperating, no hidden nooses around their neck. Especially in their line of work of course! 

(Also, for the other interpretation of this question: anythin remotely sexual happens Pretty Late in the story and both of them are somewhere on the ace spectrum so it doesnt happen that often but they are both verses tho Beck bottoms more)

Favorite nonsexual activity:

MOVIES!! Sprawled on the giant comfy couch, closer than technically needed, cuddling and watching old movies with great special effects and/or great actors! Listening to Beck excitedly rant through the most dramatic speech of the story as he explains how the next cliffhanger is done with hydraulics! Focusing so hard on the stars in his eyes and his excited tone and gestures and just the tone of his voice you forgot to listen to the words themselves! Watching Cham’s face flawlessly mimic the faces on the screen in a blink of an eye and secretly guessing which one will he pick next. Feeling his head slowly fall on your shoulder, eyes closed, his mask smooth but not tense, instead just.. peaceful. Slight ping of annoyance, after all, this is A Classic movie dammit, but it’s gone in a second because Mitya hasnt slept since thursday and you are just relieved he is finally getting his rest. Feeling his warmth under your hand on his shoulders and suddenly never ever wanting to get up again.. EHM. anyway

PLANING HEISTS TOGETHER!! and more or less successfully executing them but planning is actually even more fun aside from the Big Reveals and Entrances which are actually harder to coordinate than one would think! 

Lots of shobiz/job talk actually, they really enjoy what they do! Lots of people already mentioned that in their hc compilations but i agree, they love goin to see all kinds of movies and plays and performances as well as acting various scenes with one another!  

Their favorite place to be together:

NEW YORK CITY BABEYY. Sure they love to travel and see other countries (and cause mayhem there) but.. they love their mess of a city, it’s never the same without the webhead around as well as the bazillion of other heroes n villains bashin each other’s heads. 

Any traditions:

Oh so many pop culture references and inside jokes, oh my god. One time, they spent the entire heist (and its planning period) speaking strictly in famous movie lines and titles, Max and other sixers tried to join but didnt last too long :’D 

Beck also has a habit of taking pictures of people with Interesting faces or styles he sees and sends them to Cham. Also another fanon classic: together they have a running game, disguising themselves as moderately famous people and the other guessing who..

Their “song”:

‘This is me’ from the Greatest Showman, i just live for the two of them singin it in Cham’s car,off key but fully immersed and living it. 

What they do for each other on holidays:

Neither of them are religious but that doesnt stop Beck from going ALL OUT at any opportunity, Sin Six doesn’t do any heists around holidays because you Know he’d make them dress for the occasion or worse, write them themed lines…  They still meet for Christmas and Hanukkah and sometimes other holidays too because this is my AU and you can pry festivities-related shenanigans from my cold, cold hands. It’s always at Beck’s place tho because he can turn his hideout into the tackiest holiday-themed showcase but he aint roping them into it.  

On the other hand, Cham despises American commercialized holidays in general and Christmas time especially, since it’s not a big thing in Russia and  also once again, he has family issues for days. (Although relatively speaking, he is pretty over these, he is not gonna like mope around or anything) 

Anyway, what they do for each other is that they try to compromise, Dmitri doesnt sneer at stupid kitsch decorations every 5 minutes and Quentin ..chills a little. :’D To be fair, Beck makes everything fun and having Cham there makes Beck appreciate the details more instead of just goin into BETTER!BIGGER! frenzy.

Where did they go for their honeymoon:

After the fuckin Ages of pinning, when they finally end up together for realsies, they wanted somethin Big and Flashy! (Well Beck wanted and Cham kinda too but also with the option to merge with the crowd unnoticed and take some chill time) Anyway they went on a whole world wide tour! Starting with a luxury cruise, they took their time, lots of crime sprees to plan and execute, lots of local shows to see, lots of dumb heroes to fool, they’re gonna have it all! 

Where did they first meet:

Around the time when Cham and Hammerhead had their criminal empire running Fisk to the ground, Otto decided the Sin Six should team up with them for their ressources needed on one heist or something. They agreed but Cham insisted on actually going in the field, it’s been a while since he really stretched his face legs like this and the mafia life was starting to bore him. Doc made him team up with Mysterio much to the fishbowl’s dismay because why do they need another disguise artist?? He is the Master Of Illusions dammit, he can run circles around this guy, what the fuck Otto?? So at the start, he pouts and fumes under his helmet and in general he is his v unpleasant self but… He can’t help but notice that the new guy is a real professional, he even uses Traditional masks, he likes the same movies… And most importantly, he is actually interested in Mysti’s craft, asking questions and even LISTENING to his long winded answers… At one point he even wondered if that X thing was meant as a HOMMAGE to the Y movie, the Six never did that!! (Usually the rest of the sixers dont know the reference, heathens, and when they do, they mock him for it, that he’s copying ideas and mixin them ridiculously.  BUT THIS GUY GETS IT!!) So it doesn’t take long for them to hit it off, of course at this point without any real Trust behind it but it’s a start. 

(Though Beck does pay a visit to Otto like, buddy pal i know you’ve been planning on manipulating these crimelords to your end somehow and honestly, any other day i’d be down, i actually had a robot prepared for my own backstab but i was thinking they werent that bad and maybe we Could hold our end of the bargain this time and just. leave each other on good terms? Mabye? Obviously it’s purely out of respect for our teammate Kraven since him and Chameleon seem to have some history, nothing more, definitely nothing to do with how bright Cham’s eyes were when i was showing him the back of my stage… ) 

What do they fight over:

this whole post has been a mountain of cheese but im bringing more! Honestly, goin through my notes on Patchwork, their biggest arguments have always been about.. the other one not taking proper care of himself :’D Or them lashing out because they were scared and worried about the other and they cant stand being so vulnerable while the other pretends it’s not a big deal because they dont know how to handle genuine concern directed at them. 

Do they go on vacations, if so where:

GIVE!!! BECK!!!! HIS!!!! ISLAND!!!!!!They actually do have one, it’s where Celavi spends most of the time and they visit her often. But never for too long, neither of them can actually spend too long doing nothing..