#also look at that smooooth shoulder

[unhinged-nymph]

gorgeous golden boy ✨

[the-fiction-witch]

Smoooooth

REAL LIFE:  COUPLE: TBS X READER RATING: FLIRTY

I smiled widely lounging on the sofa. I was half watching the tv and half watching Thomas sit beside me, often sipping his cup of tea in his sith roast coffee cup as he watched some show about finding motorbikes in sheds, fixing them and selling them again. I smiled often, sipping my own tea in my baby yoda mug, watching him every so often. Sometimes he would glance over when he saw me looking and briefly smile at me stroking his thumb across our connected hands.

I took my hand away from him and began gently touching his face, his skin so soft and smooth he glanced at me giving me an odd look as he sipped his tea giving me an odd side eye "yes? Can I help you?"

"Smooooth" I smiled still petting his face "pretty face" I smiled nuzzling to his shoulder

"Awwww thank you honey" he smiled a little blush across his cheeks 

"Why are you so smooth?' I asked stroking his face again 

".... I don't know"

"Smooooth boy"

"If I'm so soft and smooth can I have some kisses?"

"Yes you may" I smiled giving him lots of little kisses "ooh.. I found a not smooth bit" I giggled as I kissed his mouth feeling the tiniest amount of stubble he was gathering having not shaved in about a month

"You said Benny was hot. I am trying to get it back for my pretty lady"

"How much longer till it's pretty again?"

"Uhhh another five months."

"Thomas" I whined "I'll deal with it a whitey level it doesn't have to be Benny"

"Whitey was four months so… still got another three months to go" 

"Owww" I pouted

"Trust me hun, if I could grow it any faster I would"

"Fine, how are you so damn smooth and soft?" I asked "you also have like no acne ever"

"I'm thirty one?"

"So?"

"Do you still get it?"

"Around my period and if I've eaten too much chocolate, or sugar, or salt"

"Hu. I don't"

"What face wash do you use?"

"....... Uuuuhhhh. Soap. That's in the bathroom"

"Which soap?"

"The blue bottle" he shrugs 

"What's it called?"

".... Soap"

"And you don't do anything else?"

"I don't think so, I don't use anything after I shave, I don't use anything else I think"

"Why don't you like lotion or anything when you shave?"

"A I don't shave that often and B … it stings" 

"Awww poor tommy" I giggled "but no like serums or lotions or moisturizer or fancy stuff like that"

"... I use lip balm in the sense that you do and I tend to get a coating of it sometimes when I kiss you?" 

"I gotta see this soap" I said getting up and heading to his bathroom "where is it?"

"Blue bottle on the sink in the bathroom honey" he yelled back as I walked so I hurried up to the bathroom and instantly saw the bottle and I was taken aback grabbing it and hurrying down the stairs 

"This one?"

"Yep"

"..... Thomas this is dish soap" 

"Oh"

"This is literally just like an off brand fairy from sainsburys? That happens to be blue"

"It smells like blueberries"

"Why are you washing your face with dish soap?"

"It's soap, isn't it?"

"Your not a dish Thomas"

"Aren't I?" He smirked 

"Seriously? That's the joke you're going with?"

"I'm not proud of it but I'm sticking with it" 

"You have been washing your face with dish soap, dish soap with a pig on the bottle" I laughed sitting down still with the bottle in my hand

"he's called squeaky, because the soap makes him squeaky clean" he explained pointing out that information on the back of the bottle "therefore I am squeaky clean"

".... Your thirty-one Thomas"

"Yes?"

"And you still buy dish soap with a pig on it?"

"He is squeaky clean" he says "I buy bubble bath in a stormtrooper helmet, there is a llama on my cereal? I specifically buy toilet roll because the koala is adorable and because it is really damn soft, I'm not sure what about this surprises you" 

"Is that why you bring toilet paper when you stay over at my house?"

"Yes, because you buy that cheap stuff and… it hurts my butt" 

"Mine has a panda on it"

"And you get mad at me for using soap with a pig on it"

"But there's a panda because it's recycled and bamboo in it"

"Ohh, yeah. I don't like it"

"Why not?"

"It's really rough, plus recycled toilet roll freaks me out" he says "I know it's better for the environment and all but… eww"

".... Thomas it's not made from recycled toilet roll"

"Oooh… then they should make better packaging because that is not clear, I thought that's what it meant"

"Yeah well you've been using dish soap as face wash for the last god knows how long"

"... Wouldn't that be bad for pandas that you're taking the bamboo for toilet roll considering that's all they eat?"

"We are very off-topic"

"Your just jealous of my smooth silkiness"

"Maybe, you should buy face wash thought"

"Why? You're moving in soon. I'll just steal yours. Like I - nothing" he quickly stopped himself

"Like you steal my what?"

".... Nothing"

"Thomas? Have you been stealing my shampoo?"

".........no"

I pulled him closer and sniffed his hair "why do you lie to me Thomas?"

"If you didn't want me to use it, you shouldn't have left it in my bathroom"

"I didn't leave it. It moved it in so that I can use up my bottle at home and have a new one ready for when I move in here"

"In my defense! The first time I was actually out of shampoo"

"But?"

"But them my hair was so silky and soft and fruity I just kinda kept using it"

"I thought my bottle had gone down since I was here last" 

"You steal my clothes I'm allowed to steal some shampoo"

[sailorzakuro]

SCD 2020 - Week 1 Thoughts

Oo wow okay last night was gooooood I was quite surprised by the quality of everyone haha so let’s get started!

Jamie and Karen - WAHAY HE FINALLY MADE IT and was it worth the over year long wait? I’d say so 😂. Positives, he had a GREAT use of sharp dynamics and overall his performance felt very clean to me, but negatives he looked so tense idk if that was nerves or what but his shoulders were touching that roof glitterball 😭. Plus there was obviously other issues with his posture but I think they were pretty unfair to him it was pretty good 😂.

Caroline and Johannes - HUN DON’T CRY IT’S OKAY YOU DID GREAT 😭. But WOW I did not expect that from her 😂. I know she wanted to be a dancer when she was younger but holy SHIT I did not expect that 😂. Her GRACE omg she had those dancer hands, she had great posture, her entire body just emulated SMOOOOTH 😂. All I would say, couple of timing issues and some gapping between her and Johannes but other than that HOLY SMEGBALLS THAT WAS AMAZING.

Max and Dianne - Poor lad looked terrified omg but I thought he did well!! He was quite stiff, but that could be a combination of nerves and the whole “tango is sharp and staccato so be that” and it went too far cos that is common 😂. Posture was mainly pretty good, I think a couple more dances and he’ll be really impressive!

Clara and Aljaz - What did I say about the quality of this year WHY IS EVERYONE SO GOOD it was only minor issues cos holy cow she had the ENERGY and she was going for it it was great 😂. Again, minor issues, if her chest came out more then she’d have nicer arm lines on opening, sometimes there was a little lack of control and balance but other than that EVERYONE IS SO GOOD WTF 😂.

Jacqui and Anton - Never mind 😂. OKAY I’M JOKING obviously I’m sure a lot of people never expected much from her but she actually did better than I thought 😂. She was both clearly trying and was terrified so I kind of feel bad for her 😂. Her hold wasn’t too bad, a little lazy but again she was actually trying 😂. It was overall quite lazy and lacked some grace but her timing was pretty good so I’ll give her that 😂.

JJ and Amy - Aww this was so sweet I loved it 😭. He was great!! The only thing I’d say is a lack of absolute grace (but I mean compared to Amy anyone would), but he had great timing, his hold looked amazing, he didn’t miss a step and he looked like he was having the best time of his life so WE LOVE THAT 😂.

Maisie and Gorka - ignoring the fact she’s younger than me As expected this was good! 😂. One TINY criticism is a slight lack of energy in some parts which made those moves look slightly lazy but apart from that PRETTY SOLID 😂. Great timing, got all the steps right, felt the music and did it all smiling, can’t complain 😂.

Jason and Luba - This guy has too much energy for an American Smooth someone get this boy on a latin dance ASAP 😂. But he was pretty good!! Great footwork and great timing, had a great dancer face it was all good 😂. But like I said he has WAY too much energy for ballroom it looked like he was itching to get out of hold and do some of those smooth moves 😂. Also there was some stiffness and his hands looked quite poor but seriously give this boy a latin dance he deserves it 😂.

Ranvir and Giovanni - I was pretty excited for this dance and hey it didn’t disappoint 😂. She really felt the latin Spanish aspect of the dance and RAN with it omg 😂. I definitely did feel there was a lack of dynamics however, she didn’t perform the moves as much which made some of it look quite lazy and stiff, but overall a pretty good effort 😂.

Nicola and Katya - QUEENS sorry I love them 😍. I was hoping for good things from Nicola and SHE FUCKING DELIVERED LIKE AN AMAZON PRIME PACKAGE WOW obviously it wasn’t perfect I’m not gonna sit here pretending it was but HOLY CRAP MAN IT WAS GOOD I’m sorry I love them so much 😂. She was so light on her feet she was just fucking boinging round that dancefloor like Mr Bounce 😂. Also SWITCHING BETWEEN LEADING AND FOLLOWING IN HOLD APPLAUSE PLEASE 👏👏👏👏. It was mostly the upper body where there was issues, her arms weren’t as stable so they looked a bit like they were flailing around out of hold, and obviously the knee slide didn’t slide enough but, a trend with tonight, minor issues, I’m so happy this was so gooooood 😭.

Bill and Oti - I’m about to be biased again cos BILL BAILEY MY MAN 😂. So it wasn’t GREAT 😂. But I don’t think anyone expected it to be 😂. But I don’t think I was expecting that omg 😂. Issues first, obviously his upper body was kind of stiff and all over the place, he needs to push his chest out and get more flow in his arms to create nicer shapes 😂. Then the footwork was... well it was something 😂. But he had energy, he had style, he even had some dynamics in there so WE LOVE YOU BILL 😂.

HRVY and Janette - I don’t think this deserved a 9?? IT WAS GREAT DON’T GET ME WRONG but a 9 might have been a bit much 😂. Positives first, that ENERGY holy cow he basically used all the energy I have in a week in 1 and a half minutes 😂. Also his legs were on POINT (literally), he was hitting every kick like he was dipping his toes into boiling hot water omg 😂. But there are negatives, I felt like his posture was quite poor on top, mainly in his shoulders. Some parts looked quite hunched over and less smooth. His arms also could have been sharper but that is only minor details again 😂. Also rip that mic stand 🌹.

So after all that VERY GOOD START TO THE SERIES you can tell who my favourites are oops 😂. But I think everyone has potential! Looking forward to next week, HOPEFULLY everyone’s dances will switch vibes so we get to see more of what they can do 😂.

[jaemallow]

Thoughts on jaemin. I want a whole incoherent rant about your love for nana

You I love you SO nana have you noticed that when he smiles his like his nose scrunched up which is obvious but even after he’s finished laughing it stays scrunched slightly like he’s still laughing inside his head, and you can see the joy in his eyes? Oh and when he hugs people you can see how he hugs them first and let’s them get comfortable, and then literally saga against them- in a put together way- like his arms slide a bit lower and his eyes slide shut and he drops his head onto the persons shoulder and he looks so peaceful. And when he smiles it’s never small it’s always ALWAYS big because he finds joy in the smallest thing and when he talks he literally talks so sweetly and so animatedly and when he goes oH MY GAD or OMOMOMOMOMO or W OA H! he sorry of jumps a little, or pulls his shoulders up and it’s so cute and like— OMFOSJD I JUST REMEMBERED MY CONVO WITJ IVY OKAY so basically it was like jaemins bone structure, his FACE is so CARVED and SEXY and like his cheekbones are so high and when he sings their so defined and there’s like so much energy in his facial expressions and when he dances and his hair falls in his eyes and he never bats them away bc he’s so focused on his dancing so they just fewm fewm across his eyes and hIS EYELASHES holy shit his eyelashes are so long and pretty and dark and his eyebrows are so on fleak and...his ears....he looks like an animated character, his ears are like the perfect shape and the perfect size in ratio to his face and I want to tug on his earlobes and play with his ears— it’s not weird it’s a family thing in my household and it’s so comforting- and I want him to know how. much. I. WE. love. him. AND HIS VOICE ITS SO DEEP AND THE PRIME EXAMPLE OF GRAVELLY BUT ITS ALSO CUTE LIKE IT HAD THAT BOUncy sort of vibe to it like he’s always bubbly and happy and when he raps I love how his voice is so smooooth it’s like melted chocolate not honey bc honey is so sticky and overly sweet it’s like chocolate bc it’s literally everythinf at once snd it’s so Jaemin and he’s so FLIRTY?? Like he’s always winking making jokes giving compliments wanting to know what everyone’s doing and smacking everyone’s ass and just overall making everyone’s heart badump badump and his singing is a BLESSING when he sings it’s so shsjshsjhshshshshshshshshshshhsshshhshshshshshshhshshsjskaj yeah just had to get that out like it’s so I CANT EVEN DESCRIBE IT ITS SO OERFECT TO ME. SO. SO. PERFECT.

thanks for coming to my ted talk :3

[offshore-writes-blog]

searching for a roommate: maybe also love

gif originally posted by marksseunie

soulmates!au  (part 1/?)

genre: lots of angsttttt

pairing: Mark x OC

inspired by prompt: (i’ll add the link of the list when i find it)

8. “You’re so fucking hot when you’re mad.”

100. ”You’re my soulmate?!”

note: i haven’t proofread this im sorry. another part is coming soooooon. forreal though. 

they say that your soulmate and you sometimes have the same birthmark on your body or some inscription just appears onto your skin one day; the exact same as your soulmate. but i’m convinced that soulmates don’t have to romantic. they really don’t. i think my friend ray is my soulmate. he’s funny and so smart. he’s also so gay. like makes out with his boyfriend in front of me; hinting that i should leave our apartment. he can literally read my mind; how could that be? we’ve been friends for years. we’ve been through everything.

when he’d come out to me the day we’d both come back to our hometown after a semester at our separate universities; we spent the night crying; him at being free and me because he was finally feeling like himself. he’s seen me through every speed bump in my life and still loves me. so like? isn’t that what soulmates are??

i tread quietly into our shared apartment; hoping that ray and his boyfriend (ed) are asleep or at least out of the living room. yeah, so we’re in a big city now but the rent is crazy; despite somewhat promising careers; we can’t afford an apartment without each other.  

letting out a sigh of relief, i put my bag down onto the couch. the apartment’s empty like they hadn’t just wordlessly told me to get the fuck out of here two hours ago. i’d gone to a local coffee shop; to get some writing done. (im a journalist but what i really want to do is write a goddamn book; about anything that makes me heart ring)

the next morning, i wake up to an empty apartment again; strange. assuming that ray’s slept over at ed’s place, i start my morning routine; a quick workout and heading into the shower. i’m not called in today so i can actually have breakfast today. normally, i’d be out the door at 5:30am for the 7am news or outdoor braving the weather to prove to the entire city; that YES it is bad out there; please stay at home.

i’m in the middle of humming to myself as i clean the apartment. although we’re not that messy, we could be cleaner. i hear the keys jingle at the door and look up expectedly to see ray, of course. “hey!” i greet; pausing the music on the speakers from my phone.

“hey…” closing the door behind him, he puts the keys down by the table at the door. lips pressing into a thin line, he walks up behind the couch.  

uh oh. this is trouble. i let go of the broom and watch him; waiting for him to say something. only the couch between us; shaking my head slightly at him to say hellooo? speak now

“ed and i were talking last night …”

“just talking?” i raise an eyebrow and he chuckles softly but continues

“we were talking. and it was like really romantic.” he pauses and looks at me again; trying to read my face i know it. but i dont know what he wants to see because I'm just listening to him intently. “we’ve been together for almost a year now, arista.”

is this going where i think this is going? i wanna be happy for ray. i really do. but my breath gets caught up in my throat. like i can barely get another breath in. so he’s moving out. and i’m going to be alone.

his brows are furrowed now, reading my face. “ari, please.” he pouts, coming over to me; pulling me into him. “look, we want to move in together.” he finally says it but he already knows i know. “and we don’t have a definite date, alright? there’s no way i’m going to just leave you.” i nod and pull away; trying to not look so pathetic.

“it’s fine.” it’s not. i nod but i know he knows i'm not. but if i say i’m fine maybe he’ll feel less guilty.

ed is ray’s soulmate. they both have the same birthmark on their left arm right below their elbow and to further confirm it, they also have another shared inscription on the crook of their necks; just a number; 15. ed’d been wearing a number 15 jersey when ray saw him at our local coffee shop. ed’d played lacrosse at uni so he still wears it when he’s feeling not so good. that day he’d been getting coffee after binge-drinking the night before over an ex. it’s like meant to be. i remember ed pausing as he entered the shop with me. like he could just sense his soulmate was there.  

to be fair, he and i also shared a birthmark. on the bottom of our feet, it’s shaped like a heart but it’s faded more and more as the years went by. but it doesn’t bother us. we’re best friends till we get to the other side of life; really. so i really believe soulmates aren’t just romantic.

“guys, this is it.” i announce, coming out my room with my laptop in my arms. “this city is full of creeps and i’ll never find a roommate.” i hear the two of them sort of pause their conversation and chuckle at me. plopping down between ed and ray on the couch. “look at this!” i gesture to my screen. i’d posted an online listing about a roommate but so far, everyone i’ve contacted have been dodgy. they didn’t want to give their job descriptions or thought i was being distrustful when i suggested an interview.

“you’ll find someone.” ed tried comforting me awkwardly; patting my back as ray rested his head on my shoulder.

god i wish i could be mad at the two of them. how dare they be so in love!! they were being awfully nice about only moving in till i found a new roommate.

//

it’s fucking storming outside. the wind is crazy. and now i have to act like i didn’t just spend 20 hours straight writing up an article and head out to report the fucking weather.

it’s 4am when i get the call. i’d only gone to sleep 2 hours ago. begrudgingly i leave the comfort of my bed and start getting dressed.

it’s 5:30 when me and the camera crew are at the ferry pier; where the wind is the strongest and most obvious.

“you look like absolute hell.” i hear one of the cameraperson comment about me. we’ve worked together for years now so we have some rapport and honestly, i don’t disagree. i still scoff and raise my finger at him.

they’re putting some make up on me inside the van now. i even have to change inside this tiny van so it’s just me and the mary; one of the crew. she helps out with everything behind-the-scenes.

“hey hey hey, what’s that?” she quickly points down as i sit topless with only my bra on. i look down to myself; seeing as her finger’s pointing on the top of left boob.

“what?” i say and look closer; she does too. “what is it?”

“is that a mark?”

“i’ve never seen that.” i comment quietly.

“it’s shaped like a heart.” mary comments and smiles too cutely at me; teasing me. “it’s a soulmate thing!!” she finally exclaims as it registers to her the same moment it registers to me.

is this a soulmate mark?

i don’t really think about the mark again. i have a lot on my plate. a job and searching for a roommate that isn’t going to kill me in this big city.

////

but one night, we’re letting loose. one of my friends grace is hosting a big party. she’s dating his hotshot up-and-coming stylist-turned-model guy who goes by the name bambam. immediately, i hear the dude’s name and i’m intrigued. i get my hottest (and probably sluttiest) ensemble and head to the club they’re holding the party. i can’t remember what the party’s for but i remember being invited so i go with ray and ed.

the club exudes really expensive and mysterious vibes. god i cannot even imagine the price of these drinks. thank god we’re here for a party. i note to myself. through the sea of people, i make it to grace. she has a gorgeous figure beside her, who i assume is bambam. we hug briefly before she introduces us to him.

ray, ed and i share pleasantries with the couple and they gesture over to another private area. ooooh so this is where it gets interesting. the private area  i see a booth and vaguely recognise the faces and head over. i finally recognise jackson and jaebum. i know through mutual friends and we have spent a couple of wasted nights so.

“arista!” jackson shouts and we hug each other tightly. “god where have you been?” he asks, looking at me after pulling away. he gives a little nod to ray and ed too; giving lil bro hugs.

“i’ve been busy with work.” i finally say, still kind of hovering over the round booth; making my way to jaebum while ray and ed sit beside jackson. jaebum and i hug briefly and he gives me this look. “what?” i say as he moves a little and lets me sit inside the booth on his other side just between him and jackson; while the other is occupied by a face i don’t recognise.

“you act like we don’t have jobs.” he teases with a little smirk. i smack him and click my tongue. “but seriously, where have you been?”

“well, ray’s leaving me.” i announce dramatically and all eyes land on him. “i’ve been trying to look for a roommate who’s not going to kill me or grope me.” i explain and the rest of the table laughs a little. suddenly my eyes land on a few faces i’ve never seen. “i’m sorry we’re being rude.” i say. “i’m grace’s friend, arista.” i extend my hand over to the guy on jaebum’s other side.

“mark.” he speaks and his voice sounds smooth. like really smooooth. strong but also soft? i try not to show that i’m into his voice and look over to see another girl beside him.

“jennie.” she smiles at me and my breath is taken away. she’s beautiful. both mark and her. actually everyone on this table except me. thank god my outfit looks hot and is compensating for my lack of actual natural beauty.

“you are gorgeous.” i blurt out, kind of losing myself in her eyes. wow. girls are amazing. “sorry.” i say almost immediately and jennie smiles shyly but something about her aura tells me she’s confident. like she’s kind of a force to be reckon with.

“is this why all the blind dates haven’t worked out?” jackson finally says. “we’ve been setting you up with guys.” he nudges me, laughing.

“they don’t work out because you set me up with guys who are exactly like you and it makes me think of you.” i roll my eyes, sipping his drink.

“you think of jackson on your dates?” jennie teases now. “maybe you two should…” she adds with a few blinks, smiling mischievously.

everyone at the table groans except mark and jennie. the two of us look at us with amusement and i notice mark finally smile a little wider. our eyes meet and i feel my heart stop but look away.

“jennie, don’t get us started.” ray finally says. “these two…”

“let’s not talk about this before i’m at least 20% tipsy.” i run my fingers through my hair; already having a hard time having to explain what weird things jackson and i have done.

we’ve never dated. i’ve literally had a crush on jaebum since the three of us started partying together. jackson’s been nothing to kind to me. everyone thinks he’s this joker who’s wild and just funny. he is wild and funny but he’s a hard-worker and so compassionate about people in his life. he took me home when i saw jaebum hook up with girls on our many nights of partying. and people just didn’t believe that we didn’t fuck. so it was just easier to not deny or really say why we always end up together after a night of drinking.

after a couple of hours later?? time is an illusion i don’t even know but grace and bambam finally join us. (probably having entertained the other 100 of their guests) we’re all a couple of rounds in with our drinks when they do join us. i’m being a little too giggly now. but i can’t control it.

“as the only people in a serious committed relationship,” ray pauses and looks at grace. “no offence.” he continues. “ray and i have decide we will not participating in this round of dare or dare.” the whole table groans at them feigning annoyance.

grace whines a little but the two of them stand firm. they leave for the dance floor; giggly too. they’re totally go bang somewhere, i acknowledge in my head. but i guess i said it out loud because everyone’s laughing.

“alright alright alright.” bambam finally says as he and grace take up where ray and ed had been sitting. “let’s get started.”

// 

i think it’s form of ptsd because i’ve completely blacked out what happened last night. after ed and ray left. i don’t remember a single thing. but i’m home. thank god. i'm still in my clothes from last night. this navy sparkly body-hugging dress seems ridiculous now as the daylight seeps through my curtains.

what the fuck happened i wonder as my head’s pounding. i walk out to see jackson and ray at our breakfast bar.

“well good morning drama queen.” ray greets with an amused expression; seeing me walk out my room and jackson also turns his head to see me.

“oh no what did i do.” i'm limping.

“what didn’t you do?” jackson teases as he chews.

“seriously tell me.” i nod, with my head down, looking at the kitchen counter.

//

“i dare you to kiss the person who you want the most. at. this. table.” jennie yells through the music to me. my heart’s beating fast. a dare’s a dare. the drinks help me brave this. i turn to face jaebum who’s just watching like the rest at the table; amused. then i look around the table like i’m thinking about it. but i already know i want to kiss jaebum. my eyes go to stranger mark. his lips are pursed as he watches me a little too intensely. even in my inebriated state i know mark’s intensely looking at me. i wonder if it’s because i feel spellbound whenever i look at him.

“hurry!!!” bambam yells and I'm pulled back into the game.

grace and jackson throw me a knowing look. but they know I'm a bit too prideful to lose the game. so i face jaebum again and pull him by his shirt collar. i want to kiss him so bad. i look at him and his eyes widen a little and his usual smirk is misplaced from his face. then i let go.

“i give up.” i shrug. this is the first time i’ve given up on a dare. i’ve possibly made an acquaintance bust in their pants by riding their thigh but kissing jaebum? i can’t do that. when you forfeit a dare, you’re out of the game. something in me snaps and i get teary eyed and leave the table, pushing past jaebum and mark. this is so so soso embarrassing.

i avoid the booth for the rest of the night. jackson and grace find me in the toilet sobbing. why am i even crying? god.

“did you see his fucking face?” i say through my tears. “like me wanting to kiss him was so absurd and bizarre.”

“babe, no.” grace hugs me. “he was just surprised. ‘cause you and jackson are so tight.”

“yeah, grace’s right.” jackson croaks and pats my head. “c’mon, you don’t wanna waste your night in here.” he says and that makes me smile.

i’m drunker than i’d been an hour ago. i'm in the middle of dance floor now with ray and ed; the losers of the dare and dare. although i feel a pair of hands on me, i just keep dancing. i kind of want it to stay. i just want to not remember that jaebum doesn’t like me and will never see me that way.

the next thing i know, i’m being scolded by jaebum outside the club. after he’s pulled me out the toilet after seeing me in a very compromising position.

“arista, could you try to be more responsible?” he says with exasperation. “you don’t even know that guy. what’s going on with you tonight?” he softens at the last part.

“i am responsible!” i whine, pushing him. “people hook up at clubs all the time.” i yell. “i’ve seen you do it! right in front of me a hundred times.” i’m yelling but my voice cracks at the last time.

“people do it. i do it. but you don’t do it, arista. i know you.”

“what the fuck do you know?” i push past him, annoyed. i can’t even gage how angry he is because of how intoxicated i am.

“arista, you’re not going back in. i’m taking you home.”

“look, i’m going to screw that guy’s brains out then we can go.” i say mindlessly. god drunk arista is that bitch.

jaebum grips onto my wrist. “arista.” his voice is low, trying to hold in his anger.

i jerk my head around to see him. his nostrils are flaring a bit i remember thinking he looked beautiful. his hair’s a bit of a mess after a long night. his chin’s pointing out now; he’s mad. even drunk me knows that’s a sign on his face of anger boiling. but i can’t help it. i giggle.

“you’re so fucking hot when you’re mad.” my voice comes out differently. but i feel a small smile on my face. my hands want to touch his face but he’s holding one of my hands already.

he drops my hand and looks at me incredulously. he wants to laugh. “god, you are so drunk.” he still doesn’t believe that i like him. just because i'm drunk.

ray comes out the club just in time. before i can fuck the situation up even more. “it’s okay jae, i can handle this drama queen.” he breathes with an easy smile; like i hadn’t just been pouring my feelings to him.

//

ray and jackson console me rest of the day. so my life’s kind of messy now. at least i have a job i love. i spend the entire day ignoring my phone. if i was a mess like that in real life i don’t even want to see who i texted what to.

//

it’s a couple of nights later. i’m finally home from work. the apartment’s empty and i anticipate that this is how it’s going to be the rest of my life. eventually, i’ll make ray move out (even though he says he will wait for me to find a roommate but it’s been a month of searching and still nada) and i’ll live alone being broke because this apartment is too expensive but also too comfortable to leave.

when the door bell rings, i’m in the kitchen cooking, stretching my neck to watch the tv from there. who is that? i try to remember if i’d ordered anything recently. and as i look out the peep hole, i'm startled.

it’s mark.