#also maybe ill ramble about that stuff more cuz i think it’s interesting but idk

[spro-o]

Heey i have question that has been on my mind for some time now, this question is more what I heard not really my own opinion. But anyways is lancelot x tristan/ban x meliodas even good ship? I seen some many talk about how theos two ships are baf because for Lancelot and Tristan they have no real relationship in canon or what so ever. Coming to ban x meliodas they more like best friends. Is that true?🤔 I very cousfed if it rignt to ship or not.

hello!! okay im gonna ramble a bit cuz i love yapping about this kinda stuff and dont wanna clog up any feeds, so ill add a 'read further' here :3

i feel like its not very surprising that i do think both ships are good (especially melban). i think that for both of them- yes, they can definitely be read as just being friendships and nothing more than that, but i guess the charm of shipping and headcanons is that you can add in your own interpretations and additions which you think feel right :3

a lot of the interactions between mel and ban, for example, i read as being pretty homoerotic/gay. thats mostly because, as a gay/queer guy myself, i find myself relating a lot to the stuff they do together when comparing it to me and my bf, and also because they are my favourite characters and headcanoning them as being the same sexuality (and gender) that i am is like a little golden sticker saying "fav character" (godbless projection onto your blorbos).

in general, i think its pretty common consensus, at least in my circles, that ships dont have to stick 100% to what the canon says/shows, and you can always add in your own ideas or headcanons to create a relationship either between your favourite characters, or one which you think would be interesting to see, or just one which you think would provide a fun/interesting addition to the story. and in my case, its all of those - i really just adore the dynamic meliodas and ban have, and in addition to my gay reading of a lot of their interactions with one another, it just feels right and fun to ship them (this applies to lancetris as well, but to a slightly lesser extent/not exactly the same)

so yeah, thats my stance on it!! i really like lancetris and adore melban, and i think (considering how much reconning has happened on the fandom's part towards nakaba's,,,, decisions,,,,) it doesnt do harm to read certain friendships as having romantic or sexual under- or overtones

i also feel like i should mention that i only really ship lancetris and melban in separate circumstances, if that makes sense - like, i ship melban a lot harder than lancetris, so whenever i do make any ship art of them (lancetris), i think of meliodas' and ban's relationship like more of a qpr than a fully romantic one, just cuz i feel like it makes it better??? more likely??? less weird?? idk if im making much sense here, but yeah, so thats sm (i guess i also just wanted to state that to clear anything up, cuz i do know how having ship art of both lancetris and melban could come off as kinda weird to some, but idk, maybe im overthinking it (￣▽￣)")

[nijigay]

hiiii :3 I noticed ur one (of a few) ppl who ships boniji on tumblr, and I wanna know if you know any accounts/artists who ships them so I could follow them to satiate my boniji fixation >.< Also, some bocchi x nijika questions I wanna personally ask: what songs do you recommend that reminds you of them? Also, what are some boniji fanfics you recommend/like? I probably already read most of their fics but I wanna know what others like. Lastly, ur personal boniji headcanons if you don't mind sharing... 👉👈

I only ask blogs rarely cuz I'm shy so no need to answer immediately...

I'm just brainrotting over boniji so much! im so normal about them (◔‿◔)

AWAWAWA i love boniji like so much like too much like its become my main personality trait!

but youre right!!! it feels like boniji fans are mostly japan natives and there dont seem to be many english speaking boniji fans! ohhh i wish there was more of a following! imagine a boniji zine in the west! i would pay money to get involved with that

im kind of embarrassed about shoving my ships in ppls faces all the time and this might get long and its just me like rambling about my OTP so like .. gona put it under a read more lol. seriously this post is like almost 2k words long thats longer than my average fanfic chapter

i hate to be a shill but im going to be a shill for my fic recommendations:

ive been working on a lowkey corny boniji hanahaki fic on AO3 and some other oneshots, so maybe you would be willing to check my own stuff out?? (if u want .-. im really amateur with this stuff despite being an art student lol) its been on hiatus for like half a year but im just adhd af and keep restarting. im still working on it frequently tho and im secretly hoping to start updating on a consistent basis soon. but i also liked fics like "Midnight and Daydreams" and "Bubblegum Detergent" and "A Sellout Night" and "Just Enough to be Enough" and "A Kiss is Not A Cure". MANNN i remember that last one fucked me up bad when it was posted. it was only the second ever dedicated boniji fic and like I LOVE angst but with how small the sample size of fics was at the time it was like AUFHAUIJKADGF. all those fics are super super good though! i also love the third one, i love the trans bocchi HC personally

umm as far songs songs tho, i guess the ones i associate with boniji most are:

"veil" by keina suda, i remember drafting some animatic for an angsty AU of Hitori living on post-Kessoku

"STEP&CLAP" by yoshino aoyama (aka yoppi aka bocchis VA <3), i think yoppi making the song speaks for itself but its a rly cute song and i love thinking of Hitori and Nijika like tap dancing to it?? check out the rest of yoppi's debut album too!! her voice is so pretty and i was so happy finding out that there are 11 songs with her voice, instead of the 1 from the anime

idk why but i also think of them a lot when listening to PMMM's ost by yuki kaijuri, like "desiderium" and "not yet" and "mada dame yo"? these r kinda a stretch though but idk!!

i also like compiling music that reminds me of them into spotify playlists, if youd like some inspiration for your own! this one and also this angstier one

i have a lot of boniji headcanons but i feel like its hard for me to like list them all in one spot because they usually come to me with context during relevant conversations?? but ill list whatever i can think of!:

this ones not necessarily boniji but i was thinking about it like an hour ago, but i really like the idea of Seika being a huge boniji supporter. like in the source material she already finds Bocchi really cute, so I get the impression she would really like to be an older sister figure for Bocchi (and probably gets jealous of Kikuri for holding that spot in Bocchi's life lol), and so Nijika being a potential love interest for Bocchi would make Seika double down hard on supporting boniji. she'd probably be the one who brings Bocchi up to Nijika more than Nijika would bring her up to Seika?? i also like to imagine that for Seika she has a similar complex to Yoyoko. but instead of "Bocchi is stealing my spot as Hiroi's younger sister figure," it would be "Kikuri is stealing my spot as Bocchi's older sister figure" LOL . if that makes any sense at all

this ones actually taken from a japanese twitter user, but they moved on from boniji after the anime ended. but they had some headcanons that REALLY stuck with me. my favorite was the idea that Bocchi and Nijika both have inferiority complexes with one another. iirc their (translated) words were along the lines of "Bocchi thinks of Nijika as a pure, comforting light in her life, one that could be muddied if Bocchi got involved with her. On the other hand, Nijika thinks of Bocchi as a reliable hero who outshines an ordinary girl like her." i just REALLY like it. it also reminds me of this conversation that Yoppi and Suzushiro had on the BTR podcast, about Bocchi and Nijika's first meeting! like nijika literally brought light into Bocchi's life awdsfsgdhgfjh

actually that same user above also made a tweet that is the reason why i associate Keina Suda's "veil" with boniji! they made a tweet about an AU idea, where, in the event that Nijika would ever pass away, Seika would give Bocchi her ribbon, which Hitori would wear from that point onwards as she continues to play music to honor Nijika's memory. they also suggested that in the opposite event of Hitori passing away, Nijika would possibly do something very rash out of despair but thats dark hahaha!!!!

i kinda think this goes without saying and i think its actually a fairly common HC for BTR characters in general, but I can definitely see Bocchi being trans

I like to imagine that shortly after Volume 2, Bocchi and Nijika would probably have another conversation

eventually, i'm sure if Bocchi and Nijika pursued a relationship that they'd eventually move in together (or like into the same room? if Kessoku Band had a sharehouse?), and since both Bocchi and Nijika tend to be minimalistic with their room decor, their shared room would again become filled with a ton of Ryo's clothes and items and instruments, like how Nijika's room at Seika's apartment is

i think they'd both end up being really touchy with each other, especially when nervous? Bocchi kind of already does this when she's in new places (eg bringing Kita to Shimokitazawa, or going to FOLT for the first time and being dragged by Nijika), but I think it would grow to them finding comfort with each other?

idk if this is necessarily a HC but i really like how Bocchi and Nijika emotionally support each other, even in source. Nijika is shown to have a really good read on Bocchi (to the point of Bocchi worrying that Nijika is actually a psychic), knowing Bocchi's common thought processes, and picking up from Bocchi's mother during her first visit to Kanazawa that karaage chicken can bring Bocchi out of her anxiety attacks, and seems to be the only character who actually comments on Bocchi's growth as an individual and actively tries to facilitate it; but she also doesn't lovebomb Bocchi with praise, striking what seems to be a good balance for pushing Bocchi but also being a reliable confidant for her too.

one of my favorite details from the anime that i really feel doesnt get talked about as often as it should is when Nijika finally notices that Bocchi is guitarhero! she definitely wasn't the first to notice (Seika noticed first, but it seemed like Seika only knew about guitarhero via Nijika. When she notices that Bocchi's playing sounds familiar, her thought process immediately goes towards wondering why Nijika isn't noticing, and then she just tells them to get back to work) but she was the first one that Bocchi admits it too. but my favorite part is how Bocchi says that she wanted to change and grow as a person before telling them the truth, and she says that she especially wanted to grow before Nijika in particular found out! its just really cute, i love how Bocchi was worried about disappointing Nijika. and i like how, after some growth, Bocchi's dream turns from "becoming popular" to "making Kessoku Band the best band it can be" which is like almost basically the same as Nijika's dream! and so it's really nice when Bocchi doubles down on that goal by not remotely entertaining the idea of leaving Kessoku Band, even when goaded by promises of popularity.

last headcanon! because i ran out of thoughts and just came up with this on the spot. but i also like the idea that as the years go on, Bocchi and Nijika in particular may kind of become more similar in personality. i mean, they'd definitely still be distinctly them, but i like to think that Bocchi would eventually start picking up more optimistic habits and stop grimacing all the time, while Nijika would eventually become a little more lax and not reflexively try to dismiss her own negative feelings via looking at the silver lining. i thought of that when Nijika kinda dismisses her family dynamics with her mother's passing and her father's neglect after Kessoku's first real performance, as well as Nijika seeming to admit after inhaling Bocchi Dust(?) during her and Kita's Kanazawa visit that some of her optimism is performative

ok another one Nijika seems to have her art skills commented on sometimes so i like to imagine she has doodles of Bocchi in her sketchbook (alongside everyone else but mostly Bocchi). like think of like Miles Morales drawing a ton of Gwen Stacy like that kinda deal but with Nijika drawing Bocchi. and like Bocchi finds the sketchbook and Nijika freaks out and Bocchi actually doesnt look bc she doesnt want to do something wrong. but then Ryo or Kita take it and look instead and then show Bocchi and Bocchi melts into a flustered puddle

wowwow this got long! sorry! i really mean it when im like OBSESSED with these two like i think ive thought about them on a daily basis ever since the episode aired where Nijika bought Bocchi a cola. isnt that cute, too!? she picked up on Bocchi's favorite soda so quickly! and her buying a box of energy drinks for Bocchi despite not understanding why at all! girlfriend behavior

i really really want to make more boniji content, i'd like to be more active in posting my fics and drabbles and drawings, someday soon. right now most of my boniji content is just illegible sketches in my sketchbook lol

also thank u so much for like sending this ask im like BEGGING internally all the time to be given the chance to talk about them! i dont think theyre like a rarepair or anything, especially with them seeming to be like the second most popular BTR ship in japan, but i do think that not many people talk to them in the english side of the fandom! theyre super super cute and have really good chemistry.

this entire post is probably like a total carwreck i hope its even readable

ill also use this post as an excuse to post my own HCs for a Kessoku Band's relations chart. it's a bonus for reading this far. i'm sorry for draining 22 HP from you with this brain dump

[chimerameat]

general rambling about muses in bnha verses and stuff

i wanna write some of my muses (the shogunate, michel, & wendel namely) in bnha verses ‘cuz of course. i’m me. it won’t so much be a pain of writing their quirks because i’m good at that. obviously. ‘cuz i’m me x2 but writing how i want their characters to be in diff verses like that is gonna be hard fr. 

like for example wendel. i don’t have an oc thing for him yet but he takes place in zakkari and i’s zombie universe, he used to be a part of the military at a quarantined checkpoint area, but got locked outside trying to defeat a horde and prevent it from coming in. after getting locked outside, he starts to lose his marbles, thinking bug and animal bites are infected bites, believing himself to be an infected despite not losing his muscle memory, his aim, or his mind (to an extent). putting this in a bnha setting is pretty difficult, because it’s in his character background and theme to believe he’s the ‘enemy.’ for a kny verse, he’d believe he was a demon, in a zombie verse, he’s a zombie, etc. for bnha, it’s harder to think that. he could think he was a villain, without actually doing any villainy stuff. because in his canon, wendel never bites anyone. never feels the urge to. barely eats, barely drinks water, because he thinks he’s dead. he’d probably try putting himself in some kind of prison because he’s a villain, perhaps getting turned away because obviously he’s not, just pretty mentally ill and very deeply believing in his delusions. in a world like bnha, it’s unlikely (not impossible) that he’d get help for his delusions, so it’d be kinda interesting to test him out as a villain-vigilante mix, more of just a mentally sick guy who thinks he’s evil, but idk what his quirk would be. perhaps sharpshooting, because he was one of the best.

for people like the shogunate, because in genshin i’m roleplaying the puppet that ei used while she was in euthymia, not herself. or her sister. in order to keep true to her character, she very pointedly has to not be an original person, but instead more of like a weapon of the current sovereign. do i make this like, a mewtwo situation where i have her be biologically developed in a lab, made to have a quirk and be strong without a real personality or home to call her own, or is she a clone? i think the shogunate is interesting because she knows she’s not the original, merely the strings to keep inazuma moving. but it’s interesting! i think, even in a bnha verse, she’d still be called ‘the shogunate.’ or ‘the raiden shogun’ and that’d be her pro hero name, and she wouldn’t have anything underneath. ppl’d be like sb: oh what’s your name? shogunate: i’m the shogunate. sb: no like, your real name. shogunate: the raiden shogun. sb: no like... shogunate: i am the shogunate. sb, sweating: ok also obviously her quirk would be lightning related. or very maki from jjk themed, maybe it’s just her sword that has the power. i think it’d be banging if she was the sword, and the person is her quirk. making people, that is. actually, that’s banger. maybe i’ll do that

as for michel, i think it’d be interesting if he had a very charmspeak like quirk. like just got people to really like him. sorta like serena clarke from vicious, who straight up mind controlled people. her power was fairly limitless, so it doesn’t seem fun, but. something to think about. michel’s such a little freak though maybe he should be quirkless just to add onto it

[td-brick]

do you have LGBTQ+ headcanons that you're particularly attached to? If so, which ones for which characters?

YES so many LOLLL under the cut cuz I rambled a bit. Also I'm afraid all of them are lesbian headcanons because I am + I really like analyzing stuff from that perspective. also sorry if any of these aren't very eloquent i'm not good at putting my thoughts into words but I hope this answers your question well enough!

And there's a couple more but these are like. the big ones i guess. or the ones I think about most often

Brick: Yeah obviously i was gonna say this. i usually headcanon characters as butch lesbians anyways but my friend headcanons her as a trans girl and i adopted that too and in my perspective its an interesting read on her character... it just means a lot to me i guess. i talked about this more in depth already (here and here) but idk if those held up/are still good. so you judge that for yourself but i guess it gives more perspective on that specifically

Courtney: She's so lesbian to me... i don't really know how to word this properly but like. her comphet goes crazy... it's like she's so nitpicky about how her boyfriends/male love interests act and behave that to an extent it seems like she doesnt even want a boyfriend. she's just performing heterosexuality by trying to make every guy that likes her into her idea of a "perfect man" but its not because she's attracted to a specific type of man, its bc she wants to be seen as the perfect girl and in her mind that's a straight woman (so internalized homophobia + comphet). like notice how she has a very specific idea of a guy in mind that she's supposedly into and wants to change duncan/scott/whoever else into but shes never actually into a guy like that. its only people who she would have to mold into being like that bc imo that's the only way she would be able to stomach being in a long term relationship with a man without feeling Wrong about it i guess

Jo: Admittedly her being a lesbian to me is mostly based off appearances, and I wouldn't call her good rep of butch/gnc women by any means, but she is to me. like you'd have a hard time convincing me of anything else. she's literally just a butch lesbian. Apparently people think this is stereotypical or something and yeah maybe but just bc it is doesn't mean butches will stop existing and i think it's nice we can find comfort/happiness in seeing masculine women in stuff we like as butches (despite how poorly the show treats them for being masculine)

Heather: She straight up just doesn't show interest in men canonically (except alejandro, who I see as a woman anyways) except when she's using it for strategic purposes/her own personal gain. I also think a lot of her disdain for romance from her teammates is not just bc she's unhappy and hateful but also because she's personally not interested in romance like they are (aka m/f romance). Also semi-related I've seen people say she was mean to lindsay/leshawna because she liked them and i personally hate that rhetoric, lesbian or not 😭 especially since a lot of her actions towards leshawna were racist and not just plain old mean. I do like heathsay though (<- I also like pinkberry (bmc) and I think they have a similar dynamic which is a discussion for a whole other post. but i thought yall should know)

Alejandro: I just think she's more interesting/her gimmick is more fun as a woman. She's a character I like already but its really just more fun to me to imagine her as a lesbian. And I headcanoned her as such already but one of my friends hcs her as an intersex woman and I thought that was really interesting so I just adopted that as well lol

Harold: trans girl + lesbian.. again this was initially adopted from a friend but I think it makes a lot of sense. Sorry for not elaborating on this one as much i do have thoughts on it but I don't really know how to phrase them right now? maybe ill elaborate another time idk I've written about it before but I don't think it's up to snuff enough to post on here (yet)

[olympeparpaing]

Ok so i have a couple of headcannons about the psychonauts world so im gonna share them ig

I copy pasted it from my notes so I hope it won’t sound too bad

Tw for a little bit of ableism and some spoilers for psychonaut and Psychonauts in the Rhombus of Ruin

Im probably very wrong but i FEEL like psychic abilities could be some kinda metaphor for neurodivergence (or at least it could be considered some kind of neurodivergence in the pn universe)

(Spoilers for Psychonauts in the Rhombus of Ruin but) when Loboto’s parents found out that he was psychic they basically freaked out and started to consider him as something other than human. And then when they tried to «cure» him his dads colleagues recommended lobotomy, Wich they accepted regardless of if it’ll hurt him or not.

Considering this my headcanon is that lobotomy was often recommended to parents as a «cure» for psychic powers. But it probably became either less current or maybe even illegal (and was probably replaced by things like the Whispering Rock Psychic Summer Camp) because people probably realized that it was a horrible thing to do (just like with real lobotomy).

Other theory but maybe people who got lobotomized could be more likely to go insane (like what happened to dr Loboto), Wich could be another reason as to why people stopped doing it.

And there’s also the whole speech oleander wrote on the camp’s pamphlet that could imply that psychics are considered as outcasts or like monsters or whatever but I forgot what it exactly said and im too lazy to look it up

Also (spoilers for Psychonauts 1) maybe some of the names that Raz’s evil dad called psychics in the meat circus COULD be considered some kind of slur towards them (like "mentalists" or something like that)

Speaking of raz I have somewhat of a headcanon as to why he imagined his dad saying all that stuff :

1. Since he was young he had people insulting him bc he was a psychic.

2. He THOUGHT that his dad hated psychics (cuz of the whole curse thing)

3. His mind connected the dots and started to think that his father would say all that stuff behind his back (Wich he doesn’t of course)

Plz tell me if im wrong or if I missed sumthing or if something isnt clear enough

[cutemeat]

no you’re so right for that, op was honestly being rude and probably didn’t expect you to see it (altho i see that they did tag it as sunny so maybe they just don’t care). when i started out, the ppl of this fandom have always been so unapologetically vocal abt their theories and interpretations, and it was so welcoming to me to see that everyone was having fun rambling into the void, knowing that we care enough abt each others’ ideas that even if we don’t always agree, we Get it. like that’s what sunnblr is for, pardon the brainrot but it comes with the territory. you were one of my first (and also only lol) sunny mutuals and i know for a fact i didn’t used to share my thoughts the way i do now before following ppl like you. PLEASE keep rambling, it is good for the soul

thank u Danny!! 🐀💘

it means a lot more to me that I have had that kind of impact where anyone feels more unapologetic n enthusiastic abt talking abt their interests n interpretations n theories! cuz I care so deeply abt that n think (esp cuz this is a space all about enthusiasm n hobbies) it is so fun to hav a place where ppl can do that!! (obv we should be mindful depending on subject matter, but just general rambling abt shit is, as u said, good for the soul 😌😌) U are also just such a creative person n i rlly admire yr style n yr skill u are just so thoughtful and intelligent so u Should be so loud n proud abt those things!! u are such a treasure n ily!!

I hold no grudge against op, cuz i do recognize this kind of thing is just apart of a larger pattern I’ve seen forever since using the internet where a lot of the internet likes to preach abt de-stigmatization n mental health awareness… but unfortunately the internet doesn’t rlly create platforms that are conducive to actually keeping that kind of thing in mind and practicing it effectively. ik that most times (since this is a problem that started in the real world n sure as hell hasnt been solved any better lmao), that unless you are just experiencing palatable symptoms like depression or anxiety… u are opening yrself up to that kind of thing, n i know that just comes with the territory of being mentally ill and havin any public account. im sure its even somewhere in the fine print of the terms n conditions that no one ever reads LOL. i try to brush it off, but it is still hurtful sometimes and so that’s why I left that reply to just explain where i’m coming from and why i left those tags in the first place. cuz again they dont know me and idk them so its not anything personal! but again ik thats sorta the game u play when u post anything yknow? like for all anonymity’s benefits, there are cons like ppl don’t Know i experience manic type symptoms or fixate excessively if they dont know me or follow me, esp when i don’t leave that stuff in my bio anymore or always post abt it so they Don’t Know. and it’s just generally very prevalent to see someone saying Wild Shit n immediately be like ‘wtf?’ n post it without rlly giving it much thought. I mean, I’ve probably done that before myself w/o rlly giving a second thought to what I was doing 😭. so I try not to take it too personally n hope ppl will be sympathetic if they do see the other person’s side of things, at least!

But again I do rlly appreciate u sending this cuz it was still very reassuring and again im rlly happy u feel more inclined to share ur thoughts after following me cuz again u are so thoughtful n passionate n i still love reading ur posts n seeing ur art abt anything u are interested in even when its not Sunny stuff, theres always so much detail in everything u do its incredible! 💖 and dont worry abt me cuz i def dont plan on stopping the rambling myself anytime soon BSJDBDJ

[offtopicoverload]

Any random galaxy thoughts you wanna share? 🧠🧠🧠

so ive been trying to figure out how to answer this for like two days now, and ive got nothing, so im just gonna ramble incoherently about literally whatever comes to mind, but i think thats what you signed up for anyway, so this is on you

im replaying blades rn and nias just the besttttt. i wish more female lis got her treatment, cuz she really wasn't sidelined, like shes fucking there ya know? 

im looking through my ocs birthdays cuz i wanted to include the newbies since heights worked last time, and i totally missed violet’s on the 12th, but olives is soon on the 25th, so thats fun. also love the fact that i accidentally made rue’s valentines day without even thinking about it, and she would hate that, so fun. i also dont have one for izzy cuz i dont think i can get her full chart, the site i used didnt go back far enough for like jupiter and stuff i dont think, but here's the newbies birth charts

Rowan (Second Chance) - 21 September 1999 

Sun - Virgo

Moon - Aquarius 

Mercury - Libra

Venus - Leo

Mars - Sagittarius

Jupiter - Taurus

Saturn - Taurus

Uranus - Aquarius

Neptune - Aquarius

Pluto - Sagittarius

Lilith - Sagittarius

Rising - Gemini

Briar (Late Night Lyrics) - 6 July 1996

Sun - Cancer

Moon - Pisces

Mercury - Cancer

Venus - Gemini

Mars - Gemini

Jupiter - Capricorn

Saturn - Aries

Uranus - Aquarius

Neptune - Capricorn

Pluto - Sagittarius

Lilith - Leo

Rising - Cancer

Oakley (WIP AU) - 26 March 1998

Sun - Aries

Moon - Pisces

Mercury - Aries

Venus - Aquarius

Mars - Aries

Jupiter - Pisces

Saturn - Aries

Uranus - Aquarius

Neptune - Aquarius

Pluto - Sagittarius

Lilith - Libra

Rising - Libra

Rue (Sit and Watch the Hourglass Drain) - 14 February 1992

Sun - Aquarius

Moon - Cancer

Mercury -Aquarius

Venus - Capricorn

Mars - Capricorn

Jupiter - Virgo

Saturn - Aquarius

Uranus - Capricorn

Neptune - Capricorn

Pluto - Scorpio

Lilith - Aquarius

Rising -  Scorpio

my blogs been so empty, so thank you for sending asks and stuff, idk what's going on rn but thank you, you truly are the best aries and i adore you

OH, idk if you play lovestruck, but one of my favourites, nysa, came back yesterday, so thats great, i think i want to write something for her, but it'd be pretty long, so idk. the only idea i have would be to make the time between seasons an actual jump, and to up the stakes, and im not sold on that yet. i already have a million other things to write, but who knows since im entirely unpredictable and unreliable

i think i want to try the thing where you write like everything for a fic, and start dumping out chapters, then i could trust myself not to get distracted, but ALSO, im way too impatient for that, so then were just back at square one, and its getting frustrating and stressful, especially when im not even doing the moodboard thing which was really fun while it lasted

i wanted to make one for allegra cuz ive never seen one for her, but i get why now. i have no idea what to do for her, so i might try again after doing like talia or someone, just to practice

i want to draw rainbow lips. no reason, just want to, and maybe i will

i wish i was better at art, i have this one drawing stuck in my head for months and it'd be so dope to make it, but i suck and cant work on something for very long without getting annoyed about making progress soooooo

maybe ill try traditional stuff again, i always did okay, and maybe i could draw briar or something for you ashfkjddslk

im currently playing a fun game of “am i extra depressed again or just need to get my life together OR do i need to find a new interest?”

but here's the thing. i dont want to find a new interest and abandon all this, i really like it, but litgs super dead, which is just fucking fantastic, and choices is so big and overwhelming, and lovestruck is messy as fuck, so im just hanging out here man. just fucking around

ANYWAY, i wrote a thing, but i dont even know if i can fit it into sawthd, or if itd be a good description, but ima dump it here until i figure it out cuz it kinda vibes, right?-

Do you ever wonder it would be like to to crush something so delicate in the palm of your hand, to watch the glass crack and splinter into shards, to watch them cut your skin like paper, to watch ruby red droplets glitter with the reflections and refractions, sparkle in the light or gleam in the dark? Do you ever wonder how bad it would hurt, for the fragments to slice through you so easily, like a knife cutting butter, a rock splitting waves, a bird parting clouds, a destruction so simple and easy? Do you ever wonder if it would be worth it? If the stinging cuts and splinters stuck in your skin as blood traverses the lines in your palm like water through a river would be worth it, just to watch the fragile remains of something that was once whole sparkle like tiny diamonds, just to watch a million different slivers of yourself staring back at you, just to watch the way everything falls apart, one way or another?

this isn't helping the depression thing is it asdkfjs

[spartalabouche]

adhd brain hyperfixated on albino cant stop wont stop gonna go crazy

love love love love albino dave, its one of my favourite strider headcanons. especially as an albino myself!! my dads black, but im paler than my mom, and shes irish. it just fills me with so much joy when i see albino dave and i cant explain why, especially when people include lesser details about it i dont remember how i ended the last ask, i got distracted by reading again, oops. but anyways!! albino dave! i love it, and i recently read a fic that included the *eye problems* that come with it!! it wasnt obvious yknow but for me it was and i honestly think i cried a little cuz i dont see that a lot. despite having it, im not *extremely* well read up on albinism, so im sorry if i ever get anything wrong :( if i remember correctly from what i read, there are 2 major types of albinism, oculocutaneous albinism (OCA), which affects the skin, hair, and eyes, and ocular albinism, which affects just the eyes. so you can be dark skinned and have albinism too, itll just be in your eyes. i think i remember there being different types of OCA, but i haven’t read too much on that, and its not that important right now. i just want to ramble about the visual aspects of albinism! so anyways, visual aspects, due to there being not enough pigment in our eyes, which is essential for them to work properly, we have a bunch of eye problems to deal with. someone with albinism is going to be visually impaired, and will probably have troubles with their eyes judging depth perception properly, but there are other things they can have too, like nystagmus, strabismus, and photophobia! nystagmus is uncontrollable rapid eye movement, like the eyes are constantly shaking. my mom says it gets more noticeable when im tired, but ive hardly noticed it. strabismus is when your eyes look in different directions, but my glasses correct that. photophobia is just an extreme sensitivity to light, and my glasses tint when im outside to help with that. (had to rewrite this cuz i hit the ask limit, idk if the others sending so sorry if you get two of the same thing.) scared to hit the ask limit again oh boy. anyways, eye stuff!! my vision is 20/200, meaning what someone with 20/20 vision can see 200 metres away, i have to be 20 metres away from it to see it. of course im assuming it varies for everyone but thats just me to use as a reference. back to dave being albino... dave would definitely have some eye problems, but his shades could totally be prescription shades!! of course, that means nobody else can wear them unless they want to hurt their eyes or get a headache, but still! or maybe he could have contacts, i dunno. ive heard theres some kind of laser eye surgery, but i thiiink it only corrects the nystagmus and strabismus, not the bad vision itself. uh, hmm... i think that concludes my infodump. sorry for bombarding your inbox with asks, i really really needed to ramble about this. if you have any questions just let me know and ill try to answer them the best i can!

WOW anon this a lot @__@ NOT REALLY SURE WHAT PROMPTED THIS? but its very cool ive read up a little on albinism before just for interest and also for getting details right in a thing that nobody else is ever gonna even read but why not make it accurate u know but its very interesting! i pasted it all in case anyone is interested i guess?! and side note i also really like albino dave as a headcanon i really gotta draw it more cuz i think its so fun. i feel like i know a fanfic with albino dave in it as well but i cant remember what it was but if i do ill tack it onto this post 

[meta-squash]

[Three old connected posts about Richey from like 2016 that I’m just going to put into one post because I’m very lazy.]

okay see the most annoying thing i’ve found so far about this book and also a fair amount of articles i’ve read that rehash richey’s disappearance is that they a) don’t seem to use common sense or think like someone who is trying to be anonymous and b) can’t seem to put themselves in the shoes of someone who is severely depressed and think the way mental illness makes you think. like this book is asking all these questions like “oh well richey was seen newport by a fan and we know he had friends in the city but no one he knew saw him so where was he sleeping the past few nights?” in his car, probably, dumbass. like someone trying to stay anonymous and/or trying not to spend too much money and/or not even thinking about things like hotels would. “why did he take cash out of the bank?” a) he was planning on buying an epensive desk b) he was going to america for 3 weeks c) even if his initial disappearance was mostly unplanned, things like running away, or suicide, or whatever, become sort of escapist fantasies when you’re in a bad mental place and when someone gets even more overwhelmed and starts seeing the fantasy more and more as an actual possibility, they start preparing for it whether or not they genuinely intend to go through with it or not. “why did he leave his passport etc in plain view? was it a clue or to throw people off?” well probably neither cuz when you’re in any sort of state of distress or just want to get out of a situation you don’t usually think about tiny details like where you’re putting the things you’ve taken out of your pockets. and when you’re dealing with severe depression/anxiety and/or a mental breakdown certain things are bound to be even less thought-out, or more erratic, or just generally like impulsive and desperate. and don’t even get me started on the “what if he had an accomplice” conspiracy theories.

okay fuck it i’m making the other post too. there’s all this speculation about like did richey kill himself or didn’t he blah blah. and again it’s just a failure on the part of the people writing to actually think like a someone going through that shit or to use common sense. like the biggest thing people talk about is the car; it was ticketed after he’d been missing nearly two weeks. but like there’s so much common sense that could explain any of that. first of all aust is/was a rest stop, meaning people come and go odd hours and stay for random amounts of time. if richey was staying there and sleeping in his car for some amount of time, it probably wouldn’t have been ticketed, since he was still physically inside the car. second the decision to disappear or kill oneself is a fucking big one. and for someone like richey who loves to think about things, it was probably important to get it all sorted in his head first, which would mean space and silence (again, sleeping in one’s car is a thing, driving around is a thing). and if he had an actual mental breakdown, then maybe his actions and decisions were even more random and erratic and then who knows, he could have just been going from place to place arbitrarily while trying to figure what to do. but making the decision takes time and thought, and his car was probably ticketed only after he’d made the final decision and walked away and had been gone a few days. in terms of no note, well if you were wanting to disappear why the hell would you leave a note? but this book and others talk about richey’s documented obsession with suicide notes. but as someone else who is personally interested in suicide notes, what i’ve noticed (which means richey probably did too) is that they never seem adequate to the living. there’s still a million ‘why’s left, and things are still unclear, they’re there for the living but if the person who would be writing has nothing to say, or feels they can’t adequately express their reasons, or feels they are a burden of some sort, or whatever, then what’s the point in writing a note? and honestly, if he killed himself, he probably wasn’t planning on his body disappearing. there was probably no thought process of “yes i’m going to jump off this bridge and the current is going to make my body disappear.” the other thing that is not mentioned in this book but the other two talk about it is that one interview where richey says he wouldn’t ever commit suicide. and like on one hand yes, that could absolutely be the truth. but on the other hand, do you really think richey (or anyone for that matter) would say in front of his friends and also a journalist “yeah, i’d commit suicide” especially only weeks after getting out of hospital? even if he was suicidal, i doubt he’d have admitted it at the time, and he’d have said no in order to keep his friends happy (especially because both he and the rest of the band noted that around that time richey’s primary goal was to be well enough to tour and to keep his friends from worrying etc). i dunno where this was going i’m just rambling i’m just annoyed at these journalists’ lack of ability to think like a person who had already been suicidal or at least severely depressed before, who had already had a breakdown before, who was under immense pressure, and who was dealing with grief on top of addiction on top of artistic pressures on top of his mental health on top of the prospect of going to a country he actively despised etc etc.

this is a continuation of my annoyance that was expressed in these two posts but i was just thinking about it again

like the people writing articles and books and stuff are freaking out about richey leaving his medication behind but like meds don’t always work. the first meds you’re on don’t always work. and it’s been proven that prozac is one of the least effective antidepressants especially for severe depression and if richey had other mental illnesses as well then who knows. but idk one of the books said something along the lines of ‘without his medication, who knows what he’d have done in his unhinged mental state’ but like if his meds weren’t really doing anything, his leaving them behind wouldn’t have made much of a difference. idk just like every interview and every record of his behavior after getting out of the hospital seems less to me like someone on working meds with adequate therapy and more like someone trying really really hard to make the people he loves happy but also cope without the coping mechanisms that everyone says are harmful to him and without adequate support to replace them. idk like whether or not richey had an actual breakdown when he disappeared, i doubt his lack of medication would have made much of a difference. and anyway, it’s also proven that severely depressed people are more likely to commit suicide just after getting on medication, because the meds finally give them enough energy to get up and go through with it. so, like, it wouldn’t have necessarily helped had he been on them. idk it’s just annoying that they just assume that everything was worse because he left his meds behind. but like, maybe they weren’t working, or maybe they gave him the energy to do what he needed to do, or maybe he’d stopped taking them long before then, or whatever.

[terminallydepraved]

Umm I guess his overall personality and his interactions with other characters? It's pretty obvious he thinks killua will betray gon and come back to the family -itty

still pretty vague bro but ill do my best i guess like its easier if you give me specific characters or specific aspects of his personality cuz like this is an open question and doesnt give me much direction

anyway

i think silva is a perfect example of the zoldyck mentality, in that he obviously cares about his family but he also cares about his Family, meaning he values the perpetuation of the zoldyck name/lifestyle over the desires and personal wants of his children. i think that hes worked hard to condition his children to fall in line with his way of thinking and its worked in most of them, but killua is somehow different since he doesnt fall in line with it. idk if its because killua was spoiled and therefore doesnt feel he has to fall in like illumi has or if killua is just free-spirited enough to want more for himself, but its interesting to see how confident silva is in thinking that even if he lets killua go run amok with gon that he will inevitably come back and take up his role as the head of the family when the time comes. i dont think its necessarily that he thinks killua will betray gon, but i think it might be that silva sees himself in killua so he knows that killua will end up making the same choices silva did. i know we know from the drama cds and stuff that silva wanted to be a rockstar when he was a kid so he obviously had his own little rebellious stage, and he fell in with the family plan in the end.

i think one of the most interesting things about silva (or at least one aspect that i think is really interesting) is comparing him to zeno. zeno was ostensibly the prior head of the family, passing on the title once he hit old age, but its just so wild how different they are personality wise. like its hard to equate zeno with silva, like in thinking that zeno acted the same as silva in terms of how he raised his children. zeno seems to spoil killua and he seems pretty chill? like he must be pretty bad since im fairly certain the zoldyck brand parenting method has been passed down through the generations, but its just hard to imagine him doing that. idk maybe its cuz we havent had much of zeno but i find it hard to imagine at least. plus given silva’s rebellious phase i find it interesting to think of how zeno dealt with his wayward heir wanting to run away and start a band….

lol i think im rambling at this point, i think the zoldycks in general are really interesting since theyre pretty fucked up and you all know those posts about how abusive and shit their parenting is but the fact that silva and kikyo canonically love each other a lot and that the family itself has stayed together for so long using ostensibly the same tactics through the generations is pretty interesting. it makes me curious too how kikyo came to marry silva, since i think its hinted or implied that shes from meteor city so im curious 1. how they met and 2. how she took to the family when she learned of how the zoldycks raise children. im not sure if they molded the pre-existing tactics to suit them personally or if kikyo was just on board with torturing her kids and feeding them poison or what.

suffice to say, (i am rambling at this point and) there are a lot of interesting, thought-provoking aspects to silva and that family that i really would enjoy knowing. ;-; maybe one day we will learn more.