#also not to mention the lines about the lighthouse v the night light

[werewolfclaws]

And while you're at it / Keep the nightlight on inside the birdhouse in your soul 🍀

A little postcard for @laikascomet ! It's so utterly amazing watching Laika's Comet grow from sketches to a full blown comic that's already completed chapter 1!

[brentwatchesmovies]

Brent’s Top 10 Movies of 2019

Scorsese is probably my favorite living filmmaker, but I’ll be honest, when I heard that Scorsese was making this movie, and *how* he was making it (heavily digital de-aged actors) I was a bit skeptical. De Niro and Pacino haven’t been turning in interesting performances in quite awhile, and Pesci came out of a decades-long retirement for the movie as well. On top of that, the first trailer released did little for me. All that to say I was an idiot to doubt the master.

Scorsese returns to the crime genre that he re-invented many times over the years, this time with the eyes of a man in his 70’s, looking back on his life and career. The movie is very long, but in my opinion, it needs the length. The viewer needs to *feel* the totality of a life, and as is his intent with The Irishman, the *consequences* of this specific life. The final hour or so of this movie feels like a culmination of Scorsese’s career in many ways. The energy and entertainment of a crime/mob epic, with the fatalism and philosophical leanings of a movie like ‘Silence’. It’s a 3.5 hour movie that I’ve already rewatched, and actively want to again, so that alone ought to speak volumes.

Harmony Korine made one of my favorite movies of the 2010’s, the neon-soaked and often misunderstood ‘Spring Breakers’, so I was already in the bag for whatever he did next. When I heard it was a freewheeling stoner comedy where Matthew Mcconaughey plays a guy named ‘Moondog’ costarring Snoop Dogg, I reserved its location on my top 10 list.

This movie doesn’t have the empty heart at its core that defines Spring Breakers, opting instead for a character study about a ‘Florida man’ poet after his life pretty much falls apart. It’s basically plotless, stumbling from one insane, borderline hallucinatory sequence to the next, but I just loved living in the world of this movie. Beach Bum almost feels like a deliriously fun VR simulation of hanging out with Matt McConaughey and his weirdo friends down in the Florida keys. This is one that probably won’t pop up on many top 10 lists but I really adore, and will surely rewatch it a dozen times in the years to come.

Let the record show, I’ve been a huge fan of Bong Joon-ho since I first saw his monster movie/family drama ‘The Host’. Some time later, he went on to make ‘Snowpiercer’, one of my favorite movies of the last decade. All that to say, I think Parasite is probably his best movie, and a true masterwork of thriller direction. It also has his usual brand of social commentary and a script filled with darkness and humor, following a South Korean tendency to juggle multiple tones throughout, sometimes all in one moment or scene.

Parasite also follows a big 2019 trend of commenting on class and social dynamics between the rich and the poor. I think that’s part of why it’s done incredibly well at the box office (especially for a Korean language film), the fact that people can relate in a huge way, regardless of which country your from. Parasite is one of the most entertaining movie viewing experiences I’ve had this year and I’d recommend everyone check it out.

If you were to ask me what the funnest movie-going experience I had in 2019 was, I’d have to pick Rian Johnson’s ‘Knives Out’. Hot off making one of the best Star Wars movies ever made (don’t @ me) Johnson decided to make a passion project in the vein of classic Agatha Christie style murder mysteries, and the results are a total blast. Filled with clever twists and turns, weaponizing the structure of murder-mysteries against the audiences expectations, it stays one step ahead of you the entire time.

Aside from the clever mystery of it all, it’s the actors performances and chemistry that really sell this thing. Jamie Lee Curtis and Toni Collette are expectedly great per usual, and Daniel Craig is having the time of his life as Mississippi private-eye Benoit Blanc, but the heart of the movie is relative newcomer Ana de Armas. She brings an emotional weight and anchor to the movie that always keeps you emotionally invested amidst the terrible, money hungry backstabbing by the other heightened characters. I hope everyone sees this movie and Johnson is able to give us another Benoit Blanc adventure somewhere down the line, I’ll be there opening day.

Nobody makes an upbeat, feel-good movie like Ari Aster does! After last years light and breezy ‘Hereditary’ (which I liked a lot but didn’t totally love) he’s back with a completely riveting and emotionally draining (not to mention horrific) masterpiece. What I connected to most in Midsommar is the journey of Dani, played incredibly by Florence Pugh. The way the film portrays the relationship between her and her dog shit boyfriend played by the (usually) charming Jack Reynor keeps you invested in every twist, perfectly paced out over the movies admittedly long runtime.

I won’t get into spoiler territory, but where this movie goes in the end is what makes this a fully 5-star movie for me. After putting you through hell, like Aster loves to do with bells on, Midsommar ends in a euphoric, psychedelic orgy of music and violence that I couldn’t help but laugh out loud. Midsommar rules so hard and I can’t wait for whatever twisted thing Aster cooks up next.

One of my increasingly favorite brands of movies is a finely crafted, primo slice of dad-movie cinema, and James Mangold has made one with Ford v Ferrari. The story chronicles the partnership of ex-racer and designer Carroll Shelby and racer Ken Miles as they work to make a Ford that can compete in the 24 hour race of Le Mans. Bale and Damon are a blast to watch bounce off each other and the race sequences are pretty damn thrilling, combining (what I expect is) a solid amount of great VFX with practical racing to great effect.

I also didn’t expect it to have as much to say about the struggle to create something special by passionate people and not committees while also inside the very machine that churns out products on an assembly line. Just a random note, this original movie was just put out by 20th Century Fox, now owned by Disney but that’s completely unrelated and I’m not sure why I’d even bring that up??? Anyway, I love this movie and dads, moms and everybody else should check it out.

If you saw my list last year, then it must appear like I’m some diehard Mr. Rogers fan. I don’t really have many memories watching his show as a child, but what the documentary ‘Won’t You be my Neighbor’ and this film by Marielle Heller have in common is a shared fascination of his immense empathy and character. It’s only right that America’s dad Tom Hanks should play him, and I was surprised at the end that I was able to get over his stardom and accept him as Rogers. He’s not doing a direct impersonation, and I think it’s all the better for it, instead opting for matching his soft tone and laid back movements.

On a pure emotional level, this movie was a freight train. It didn’t help that the movie covers a lot of father stuff, from losing your own to becoming one yourself (2 big boxes on the Brent bingo card). Heller’s direction is clever in its weaponizing of meta/post-modern techniques, such as one incredible fourth wall break in a diner scene. It literally breaks down the barrier between Mr. Rogers, we the audience, and the films intent to make us feel something.

I cry a lot at movies, that much is well known, but it’s rare that a movie makes me weep, and this one did. Even thinking about scenes right now, days later, my eyes are welling up with tears thinking about the messages of the movie. Mr. Rogers and his lessons of empathy and emotional understanding have rarely been as vital and important as they are right now in our world.

Robert Eggers first film ‘The Witch’ from 2015 is one of my favorite movies of this decade, possibly of all time, so my hype for his black and white, period piece two-hander ‘The Lighthouse’ was through the roof. Even with sky-high expectations, it still blew me away. With dialogue reminiscent of The Witch in its specific authenticity to its era, to the two lead actors giving all-time great performances, It was one of the most entertaining film viewing experiences I had this year.

There’s something about both of Egger’s movies that I really keyed into watching this one: his fascination with shame and the liberation from it. Where Witch was from the female perspective, Lighthouse literally has two farting, drunk men in a giant phallic symbol fighting for dominance. It’s less a horror film than his first, but still utterly engrossing, demented and specific to his singular vision. I can’t wait to see 20 more movies from this guy.

This is another big movie of 2019, like The Irishman, where you can see the director looking inward, at what his films mean and represent. It initially caught me so off guard that I really didn’t know how to feel about it, but after seeing it again, it’s one of my favorites of the year, and probably Tarantino’s filmography overall. More akin to something like Boogie Nights or Dazed and Confused, letting us live with and follow a small group of characters, it mostly doesn’t feel like a Tarantino movie (until the inevitable and shocking explosion of violence in the third act, of course).

‘Hollywood’ is the most sincere and loving movie Tarantino has made, interested in giving us a send off to an era of Hollywood and artists that have been lost or forgotten (Some more tragically than others). In the end, the movie functions similarly to ‘Inglorious Basterds’ in it’s rewriting of history to give us catharsis. “If only things could have worked out this way.” Luckily in movies, removed from the restrictions of reality, they can. And once upon a time in Hollywood, they did.

Uncut Gems probably tripled my blood pressure by the time the credits rolled. A slice-of-life story about a gambler/dealer in New York’s diamond district, the movie follows Howard Ratner, played by Adam Sandler in easily the best performance of his career. Ratner is basically addicted to living at the edge of a cliff, being chased by violent debt collectors, juggling a home life and a relationship with an employee, and fully relying on risky sports bets to stay afloat. It makes for a consistently tense and unique viewing experience, expertly directed by the Safdie brothers.

Something that might not work for everyone but that I personally loved, is the chaotic way in which the movie is shot. What feels like loosely directed scenes, with characters talking over each other and multiple conversations happening at once, adds an authenticity and reality lacking from most other movies. It’s more adjacent to Linklater (thanks to Adam for the comparison) or Scorsese’s earlier films (also fitting, that he’s a producer on this). Following Howard Ratner as his life descends into chaotic hell was one of the best times I’ve had watching a movie this year.

HONORABLE MENTIONS

AVENGERS ENDGAME

DOLEMITE IS MY NAME

BOOKSMART

JOHN WICK CHAPTER 3

THE FAREWELL

AD ASTRA

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The Line [1]

...and where to draw it.

SERIES: Destiny WORD COUNT: 7,586 SHIP: Quinn/Drifter CHARACTERS: quinn leonis (AU), cayde-6 (mentioned), the drifter, kel, luke, nyx-14, glyph

i. dead reckoning

n. to find yourself bothered by someone’s death more than you would have expected, as if you assumed they would always be part of the landscape, like a lighthouse you could pass by for years until the night it suddenly goes dark, leaving you with one less landmark to navigate by—still able to find your bearings, but feeling all that much more adrift.

All around her people are moving, and Quinn feels like she’s at a standstill.

The air is chilly, heralding the rapidly approaching winter season in the Last City and bringing with it a rapid shift from lighter clothes for civilians (not guardians, though—maybe it was the undeath thing, maybe they just had really well insulated armor) to heavier coats and scarves.

The regular hustle and bustle of the Tower hadn’t been impeded by the shift, guardians moving to and fro, visiting the Cryptarch with secrets uncovered out in the wilds or Banshee for a tune-up of their favorite weapons. Techs rushed from the hangar to the new Vanguard hall, carrying urgent news to Zavala and Ikora, and other civilians that helped keep things running smoothly gathering around the newly placed heat lamps or sitting at outdoor café booths while on breaks.

The shopkeepers, likewise, were busy as ever. Tess in particular seemed flustered for once with how many people were running by to purchase gloves and scarves thanks to the sudden cold snap.

Quinn tugs at the hood of her armored jacket, and thinks that maybe she needs to buy a scarf as well, but she can barely feel the cold; whether it’s from the suffocating numbness she’s been fighting for the last several weeks or her body simply not registering it after enough exposure, she has no idea.

Her head had been foggy as of late. Save for the small handful of people she regularly talks to—rather, talked to until recently—she barely sees passing faces, has a hard time recognizing voices, and by extension struggles to realize when someone was trying to get her attention. Time passes without her even noticing it.

It’s not that she wants to be so distant, but try as she might her connection to the moving world around her had snapped, leaving her adrift and dazed.

Ikora has tried to speak with her several times since her team had returned to the Tower from the Reef, Cayde’s lifeless body cradled in the arms of their team leader. Tried to bridge the unintended gap that had formed between her and the Vanguard after their return.

No one knows he’s dead. No one but her fireteam, the Vanguard, and the small group of people Ikora and Zavala trusted to keep the loss secret.

‘We can’t afford the hit to morale,’ Zavala had said, while Quinn struggled to not reach out and slap him for being colder than the weather had gotten, ‘the people are still afraid, thanks to the Red Legion assault. They need to know their Vanguard is unified and whole and keeping them safe.’

Well, the Vanguard wasn’t unified and whole, and now there’s a hole punched through her chest, growing larger and threatening to swallow her with the few people that recognized her as Cayde’s girl. ‘Why isn’t he in the tower?’ They ask her, and she has to swallow around the stone that finds its way into her throat every time, ‘The Commander said he went out scouting, but it’s been a while.’

Her tongue always feels heavy with the lie when she tells them that he’s just keeping radio silent for the safety of the people here.

And so, the activity in the Tower keeps moving, blurring around her while she finds herself losing time, wandering with no true destination or goal, from one end of the Tower to the other and sometimes getting herself lost venturing down into the still rebuilding City itself. No matter where her feet take her, she never finds a place she feels comfortable in for longer than an hour at most.

Her fireteam was in nearly the same place she was—unsure of where to direct their focus, of what to do after the fall of the Prison and the loss of the Hunter Vanguard. They’ve gone out on a few tactical strikes, done some minor system housekeeping, but they all agree nothing felt satisfying about it anymore.

But none of them were feeling the same kind of pain she was. The deep, aching loss of someone she had begun to see as her other half, someone she’d given her heart to only for it to die with him. Kel, perhaps, understood it best, and it was probably why he spent as much time as he could tracking her down in whatever remote spot she’d found to hide in and sat quietly with her just so she wasn’t completely alone.

Of course, it probably wasn’t his only reason for doing so—he also understood that right then, she didn’t want to be comforted. She wants to take her ship and haul ass back out to the Reef, to hunt down the Scorn barons and put them down, to corner the disgraced Awoken prince and plant a bullet in his skull for what he’d done.

She doesn’t want sympathy and comfort. She wants Uldren Sov dead.

She isn’t the only one, her entire team vocally expressing their desire to return to the Reef to exact retribution for the cruel, slow, and painful true death the Barons and Uldren had given Cayde.

But Uldren Sov was the crown prince of the Reef, and the City couldn’t risk a war with the Awoken, not so close on the heels of the Red Legion’s assault and takeover of the City. Nevermind that Uldren had lost his mind and gone rogue, nevermind that the Reef’s structure had crumbled after Oryx decimated their fleet and killed their Queen.

No, nevermind any of that—they still couldn’t risk it. Zavala had forbidden retaliation, told them all to focus on the safety of the City and the People they were meant to protect, and when Quinn had let him know exactly what she thought of that decision he had placed a system lock on her ship and effectively, infuriatingly, put her on house arrest.

Glyph, the ghost that had claimed her as its own a while back, materializes in the periphery of her vision. It doesn’t understand what she’s going through, not really, and because of the unique relationship between them—it hadn’t risen her from the grave, and so their light wasn’t one and the same—it couldn’t feel what she did. Regardless, it’s worried about her, and it’s made that known many times since her lockdown had begun. “You’re doing it again.” It says plainly, glowing purple ‘eye’ blinking at her and concern coloring its tinny voice.

Quinn rearranges her expression, figuring she’d probably looked something bordering the line of murderous. “I’m fine.”

“I didn’t ask if you were.” It points out, the blue-, white-, and black-colored facets of its diamond-shaped shell flitting around in what she recognizes as agitation. “But you’re clearly not.”

No, she definitely is not, and she’s far too proud to admit it.

There’s still so much she doesn’t know about herself, but she can already feel that she doesn’t and never has handled raw emotions like this well, and she knows that sooner or later, she’s going to snap. Though her memory was so foggy, she’s pretty sure she’s never felt this bad before in her life. It was almost funny that losing Cayde was affecting her this badly when she was decently aware of losing something in the past—her home? Her family? Her purpose?—and yet whatever caused her to wake up from stasis, alone, with few memories and in a world she didn’t recognize paled in comparison.

How was her snap going to take shape, she wonders morbidly. Was a passing comment, regardless of what it was, going to be too much and send her into a violent frenzy? She’d had an infrequent nightmare of nearly beating someone to death with her bare hands, and with the way her mental state was lately she was beginning to fear it was less a nightmare and more a memory.

Was she going to throw herself off the Tower and plummet the handful of miles to the ground to her death, knowing that she, unlike her fellow guardians, couldn’t be revived? Probably not—she knew enough about herself to know that killing herself wasn’t in her playbook. Too stubborn for it.

Would she end up like Uldren? Rogue and thrown to rot in a cell, losing her mind after losing someone she loved dearly and taking it out on those she counted as allies?

She shivers at the thought.

She loves the City. Loves the Vanguard and its consultants, loves Amanda and the new addition, Hawthorne—Shaxx as well, and even Banshee, gruff and antisocial as he was, was someone she counted as a close friend.

But she feels other now.

Rather, she feels other once again—the same way she felt before Cayde had poked and prodded her into opening up and drawing her into the fold of guardians, made her feel welcome and home rather than just a strange anomaly no one could make sense of. She knows in truth it’s more likely just because she knows Cayde is gone for good and everyone else around her has no clue, but the darker parts of her heart are telling her it’s because Cayde was the first and closest tie she had to feel like she belonged here.

Traveler damn her, she needs to find something to do before she spirals further.

Heedless of the steep drop off the Tower before her, Quinn uncrosses her legs and stands, hopping down from the thick concrete railing she’d been sitting on onto the tile of the courtyard in front of the Tower’s guardian housing. To her right is the gaudy, over decorated pavilion that Executor Hideo had claimed for his faction—conveniently located right in front of the apartment block so he could pester people into supporting him.

“I swear, that last Gambit match was rigged.”

The statement catches her ear as she passes by the pavilion, and she stops; Glyph, hovering behind her shoulder as she walks, absent-mindedly bumps into her and then in a fit of embarrassed energy flits around her head before settling again.

“We almost had them,” another guardian says, voice muted and difficult to catch through the rest of the chatter around the plaza.

The first guardian that had spoken waves in the corner of her vision. “No, we had it, but it’s apparently as rigged as competitive Crucible, I guess.”

Dropping her eyes from the pinned notice on a nearby board she’d been pretending to read, she looks over at the pair of guardians, and both of them cease talking immediately, staring back at her. Glowering, really. She’s not surprised. New Monarchy supporters tended to be haughty and standoffish in her experience—a reflection of the arrogant wannabe king that ran the faction.

Rolling her shoulders, Quinn continues through the arch on her way to the main plaza.

Gambit.

It’s something she’s heard other guardians mention over the last few months, always in secret, always hushed. It was like they were trying to keep it from being widespread knowledge. She’d been wondering what it was considering it seemed to be happening under the Vanguard’s nose—definitely confirmed, now that she knew it was some type of competition.

The only guardian-versus-guardian competition in the City was the Crucible, and Shaxx hadn’t ever mentioned a match type called Gambit. Maybe it was something he was testing out before making it a part of the official Crucible lineup, but Shaxx hadn’t ever been good at keeping secrets about his pet project, and she’s sure the only playtesters he’d allow were the elite of the Crucible—those guardians that devoted their time almost exclusively to engaging in a battle royale for sport and entertainment or for training newly risen guardians. None of the guardians she had overheard speaking of it were recognizable or decorated with Crucible emblems.

She changes direction and passes directly through the bazaar without stopping.

When she reaches the Crucible pavilion in the main plaza and mentions it to Shaxx, he confirms he has no game type called Gambit and has no intention of making one at the time. He does, however, tell her that he’s overheard mention of such a gametype as well, but has no idea what it is or who might be running it. As he speaks to her his tone takes on something frustrated, and it becomes obvious that he has concerns about its existence.

It’s understandable.

Guardians fighting guardians was a subject that made almost everyone uncomfortable, the Dark Ages of warlord guardians and light-fueled massacres such a black stain on the history of humanity post-Collapse that even she knew of it and many older guardians refused to speak of it.

There was a reason the Crucible was the only accepted form of it—it was heavily regulated, every match was monitored constantly by Shaxx’s quartermaster frames whether it was professional competitive Crucible or unaired training. Certain weapons were banned because of a danger to ghosts, certain people were barred from participating (herself included) due to either skill imbalance or a demeanor that threatened participants.

So what the hell was Gambit? Why did she keep hearing about it? And why did only a small number of guardians seem to even know about it?

She can feel a fixation start to form, her mind desperately latching onto it in an effort to avoid the things that had been consuming her for weeks. She needs to know what the hell this is, a gnawing pest in her brain telling her to take the diversion while it’s in front of her. Something about it felt dangerous and she can’t put her finger on why, but she dismisses the instinct.

She hears nothing else of this secret competition throughout the Tower as she wanders, though she keeps her eyes and ears trained and focused. Glyph isn’t sure why she wants it to keep an ear out for encrypted discussions on closed channels, but it does it anyway.

She’s descending the steps to the hangar when Glyph blips in surprise, its voice in her head. ‘Hold on, I’ve got something.’ It says. ‘Someone’s ghost slipped, I caught a mention of it.’

“Who?” She asks quietly.

‘That group at the bottom of the stairs. I’m cracking their encryption now—they’re talking about putting their names in for some kind of big match and picking up bounties for extra payout.’

So, there it is. She’s not sure what exactly she’s planning, but at least she’s got something. She continues descending the stairs as though nothing had happened and steps past the group Glyph had pointed out. “Back out before one of their ghosts catches you.”

‘Already did. You want me to tag them?’

Her brow furrows. “Yeah. I’m gonna follow ‘em.”

Another blip, this time of disapproval. ‘What exactly do you plan to do?’

She shrugs as though Glyph could see it, though it probably feels the motion without the visual, and crosses the floor of the hangar, weaving around techs organizing newly delivered equipment and supplies and heading for the station Amanda had set up shop in.

She holds her breath and forces her eyes forward as she passes another one, this one decorated with maps and littered with knives and partially disassembled handguns.

A plan isn’t something she’s got the energy to come up with at that point in time—this was just a spur of the moment fixation, a way for her to do something, anything that wasn’t wallow in the light she had lost.

Amanda’s face brightens when she spots Quinn heading for her; Quinn has to stifle a brief flash of despair that she has no idea her best friend is dead. She probably shouldn’t have bothered, because she then has to bite down on a swell of indiscriminate rage instead. It wasn’t right of them to keep Cayde’s death quiet, to wait for the right time.

There was no ‘right time’ to acknowledge or deal with death, and keeping someone from grieving a loss of a loved one was despicable.

Her and Amanda strike up a conversation over a partially disassembled sparrow, talking about everything from the upcoming Festival of the Lost (her stomach twists at the thought of officially saying goodbye) to the sparrow racing league she’s in talks with Zavala to strike up again now that the City had been reclaimed.

When the group of guardians Glyph had indicated turns to leave, Quinn excuses herself and tells Amanda she’ll stop by again later, and then follows.

She keeps her distance, shadowing them as they make their way through and breaking off as they do, stopping at different shops in the main plaza and striking up her first conversations in weeks to waive suspicion should the guardians notice her. Even Banshee, for all the old exo’s memory problems, had noticed her scarcity and is surprised when she stops by and says hello.

She feels a spark of guilt about that considering she’s only using him as a means to an end for her ultimate objective.

Which…was what, exactly?

It wasn’t like she had enough authority to just shut down an illegal operation herself, and she wasn’t feeling particularly endeared to Zavala to blow the whistle to him or Ikora. Shaxx, maybe, but he had discouraged a hunt for Uldren as well, and she rules him out.

She’ll figure it out as she goes.

‘There,’ Glyph finally says as they pass a corner nestled between the corridor she had just stepped out from and an open-air restaurant with a few patrons sitting and chatting with the owner, ‘their signatures disappeared in there.’

“’Disappeared’?” She asks, making her way over to the restaurant and taking a seat. She flags down the owner for some coffee to ward off the deeper chill descending on the Tower with the falling sun while she waits.

‘Yes. It’s…’ Glyph is silent for several seconds and then lets out a stream of beeping and blips that Quinn thinks almost sounds like the ghost’s version of swearing a blue streak. If her heart wasn’t feeling so heavy, she might have found it amusing. ‘How have Ikora and Zavala not picked up on this? It’s some sort of light-cloaking field. It’s like nothing is there at all!’

Leaning back slightly as the owner sets a mug of coffee in front of her, Quinn eyes the corner and notices an alley, damn near hidden between hung banners and overgrown plants and stacked crates and supplies. Now that she’s looking closer, she can see some sort of wrought-iron gate blocking the alley itself.

How had they entered it? Usually blocked areas in the Tower required specific passcodes from one of the Vanguard’s ghosts.

She turns back to her coffee and sips at it gingerly. “Maybe it’s discreet enough they haven’t noticed.” She speculates, ignoring the strange looks she receives from the civilians sitting next to her; apparently they’re not used to guardians that speak to their ghosts when they’re intangible. “That’s probably the point.”

The group she had followed reappears shortly after initially disappearing and heads out into the plaza, then makes the turn to head back through the courtyard and main plaza.

She waits until she’s finished with her coffee a little over fifteen minutes later before heading for the alley, Glyph materializing briefly to transfer glimmer to the restaurant owner for the coffee. No one pays her any mind as she slips between the stacked crates and under draped banners and decorative string lights.

The gate she had noticed earlier is only partially closed, and there’s some sort of thin, green banner roped through the bars. Her eyes narrow at it before she ducks down under the gate and into the darkened alley beyond; an exceptionally dim running light is strung in the edge where the floor meets the wall, and it leads the way farther in, turning down a corner she can just barely see.

Against the better judgement she feels as though she lost weeks ago, she follows it.

Glyph points out when they pass into that cloaking field it had mentioned, but Quinn feels no difference in either the air or the energy around her. She wonders if the difference was because of the divide between her and her fellow guardians, or if it’s part of the field being so discreet it goes unnoticed despite being next door to the bazaar Ikora regularly spent time in for fresh air and perspective.

After turning the corner the light leads her around, it takes her a fair distance farther down before the alley begins to lighten up more; she can see another corner up ahead where a brighter light originates from. Her pace slows as she approaches it and steps cautiously into the new light.

She’s not sure what, exactly, she had been expecting, but it’s still just an alley, albeit one that was occupied. There’s stacks of crates, supplies, haphazard piles of machinery and what looks like trophies—the helmet of a Fallen captain, a scorch cannon, Cabal flak rifles, and what even looked like a dismembered Vex arm poking out of a crate settled on the floor next to a pair of booted feet.

Blinking, Quinn lifts her eyes away from the various things stashed with no apparent care for consistency and up to the man standing in the center of the organized chaos.

He’s leaning awkwardly, one gauntleted arm thrown out to one side, as though to block something he’s standing in front of. He’s watching her through narrowed eyes, though there’s a friendly smile on his face framed by a short, dark beard and scars on his jaw. His hair is short, and a dark cloth band is wrapped around his head.

Green seemed to be his favorite color, between the banner on the gate outside, the large ones draped from the ceiling behind him, and the earth-green getup he wore. His clothes reminded her of the robes warlocks wore—was he a warlock, or did he just like the style? Fur pauldrons rest on his shoulders, and the gauntlets on his forearms look as though they’d seen better days, scratched paint and what even looked like rope twined around them.

There’s a gun tucked into the thick belt around his waist, and some kind of green pendant featuring two coiled snakes dangles from a string around his neck.

Quinn meets his eyes and decides she doesn’t trust him or the easy smile still on his face. Her instincts where people were concerned were usually a dead aim, but she’s unable to pick up on anything behind a friendly demeanor that doesn’t feel quite right. At the same time, she feels like the longer they size each other up he’s flipping through her like she’s his longtime favorite library book.

He finally shifts, leaning away from whatever he had been trying to keep hidden and gesturing in her direction. “Think I recognize you, sister—you’re Cayde’s lady, aren’t you?” He asks, voice somehow both a honey-smooth twang and a gravelly rasp that slithers up her spine like ghostly cold fingers.

“Am I that recognizable?” She asks, brow furrowing. Sure, she and Cayde had never hidden how they felt about each other, especially after the fall of the City, but romantic entanglements weren’t really paid much attention to in the Tower, most guardians more preoccupied with their fight against the forces plaguing humanity.

“Ah, ol’ Drifter sees a lot. Hears a lot more. You and him? Real sweet. Shame he ain’t around anymore, gotta admit the guy deserved a bit of happy, all he’d been through.”

Her blood ices over at the statement, suspicion and distrust spiking—how did he know? How did he know when everyone else had no idea? None of the Vanguard’s inner circle would have revealed the secret, and even the resident motormouth of her fireteam wouldn’t have. “Who are you?”

Not once has his smile broken, and Quinn hates that she still can’t figure him out. Her eyes briefly follow as his hand dips into a pocket on his waist and he pulls out a coin—again, green—flipping it idly between his fingers and rolling it over his knuckles as he watches her in turn. “Call me the Drifter. A name ain’t what you’re here for, though, is it?”

The way he asks the question implies he already knows what she’s here for—despite the fact that even she doesn’t know what she’s here for. Curiosity? Distrust? That much was a given; was he the one organizing this Gambit she kept hearing about? Or was he just someone running dirt under the Vanguard’s nose? Were the guardians she had followed accomplices?

What was going on? And who was he? In the years she’d spent in the City and the Tower since waking up, she’d never once seen him, not until right now.

‘He’s a guardian.’ Glyph tells her, voice a whisper despite it speaking in her head. ‘But something feels…wrong.’

She itches to ask Glyph what it meant by that, but she doesn’t trust talking to it with this…Drifter in earshot.

Her eyes follow the coin as he continues fiddling with it, almost mesmerized by the fluid motions. He’s good with his hands, clearly. “What’s ‘gambit’?” She finally asks, unsure of what else to say. She doesn’t want to admit she has no idea why she’d chased her leads here, much less that now that she was here she’s still not sure what she intended to do about it.

His grin doesn’t falter—doesn’t his face get tired smiling all the time?—but his motions stop, the coin disappearing somewhere into his sleeve with a deft motion of his hand. “Last I checked it meant some type ‘a play to get an edge.”

A light rush of irritation rolls through her. “I didn’t ask for a definition. It’s some kind of competition I keep hearing about.”

“Shoulda specified, darlin’.” He replies easily, brushing off her aggravated tone as though it wasn’t even there. “I got no clue about any ‘gambit’. Dunno where you heard it, but I ain’t got anything to do with it.”

Her skin bristles at the use of the pet name; she hated them, and Cayde had been the only one she’d ever let use one to refer to her. She swallows down a kneejerk reaction to say as much, but the slight uptick of Drifter’s lips tells her he probably picked up on body language that spoke the same words she hadn’t said aloud. “Are you sure about that? Because I followed a few people talking about putting their names in for a big match and some payout back here.”

“Maybe they were headin’ a different way,” he mimics her, crossing his arms over his chest, and she can’t decide if it’s meant to be mocking or not. “Can’t a guy prefer workin’ away from all the noise out there?”

“Not in conspicuously dark alleys hidden behind a whole bunch of junk.”

He laughs at the sarcastic observation and nods, gesturing idly in acknowledgement. “Fair enough, fair enough. Promise, I ain’t up to anythin’ bad. Just doin’ a bit of…discreet work for the Vanguard. Cayde, specifically.”

Her eyes narrow. Ikora’s Hidden did discreet work for her, but none of them hid in dark alleys with a bunch of equipment and weaponry that looked like centuries old designs. Quinn had even spoken to a few of them working out in the open, and met with a few out in the field on assignments. Was he name-dropping Cayde just to put her at ease, since he knew her connection to him?

“Uh-huh. Is gambit a part of that ‘discreet work’?” She pours as much blatant skepticism into her words as she can—he can play games, but so can she. Question was, could she play them at his level? Cayde had taught her how to play poker, once, and this guy had one hell of a poker face. She couldn’t even begin to tell what cards he had on the table, to the point she wasn’t sure he was playing at all.  “I keep hearing about it, and it doesn’t seem to be something anyone wants to—or is supposed to—talk about in the open. Why the secret?”

“Couldn’t begin to guess. But I’m gonna humor you, sister,” he says, and she feels his eyes on her back as she boldly steps around him to eye the handful of guns lined up against the wall, “say I am the guy runnin’ this ‘gambit’ business. If I’m keepin’ it close to the chest, I imagine I couldn’t go ‘round talkin’ about it with just anyone. Why’re you so interested?”

She takes a moment to admit that the guns he was holding onto looked damn nice and wonder how they handled before turning around to face him again, fighting to keep her face neutral; she’d never won a game of poker against Cayde, and he’d joked almost constantly about the fact she couldn’t hold her tells to save her life. “You know I love you wearin’ your heart on your sleeve, sunshine,” he’d say, “but you’re down a few thousand glimmer and I’m startin’ to feel bad.”

She doubts this guy would feel half as bad about playing her under the table.

No answer comes to her, both because she doesn’t trust herself to keep her cards hidden and because she still doesn’t know why she’s interested. It’s a fixation. A distraction, if only a brief one. It’s something shady, something under Zavala and Ikora’s noses.

Her eyes drop to the side and her brow furrows at the thought.

Is that what her interest is? Is she pissed off enough at Zavala forbidding her and her team from hunting Uldren to participate in and hide something unsanctioned just to spite him?

If that was the case, then why didn’t she just cut ties, hijack a ship, say damn the Vanguard and the City, and track Uldren down anyway?

Because she feels indebted to people that gave her stability while her foundation was crumbling, gave her the home she imagines she lost, long ago? Or maybe she was aware of the fact that Zavala was right—the City couldn’t afford another war so soon on the heels of the Red Legion’s, and even the smallest percentage of chance was too much to risk. She was just so lost in grief she was trying to ignore it.

She can feel the rage burning just under her skin at the thought of Uldren, feels the restlessness prickling at the edges of her senses; she needs to get it out of her system before she does something stupid.

Like punch Zavala in the nose, which she was already tempted to do.

“Lemme ask a different way: what is it you want? Money? Reputation? A good fight?”

The last option strikes a chord in her and her eyes snap back up to meet his instantly. Glyph chirps in warning, and she can feel without its input how dark her expression had gotten. How full of anger and hate her eyes were.

Does she want a fight? No. She wants Uldren fucking dead, and that want is leaving her drifting and unsure, apart from her fellow guardians, something black coiling around her mind like the snakes in this man’s pendant. She wants Uldren’s blood for taking yet something else from her after she’d already lost so much, but she can’t, and being kept from that is eating her from the inside. What she wants is a way to burn that away before it can consume her.

The longer he stares into her eyes, the wider his grin grows. “Alright, alright,” he says, voice slower and smoother than before. Seductive, almost. She wonders if it’s intentional. With a flick of his wrist, that coin he’d been fiddling with before is in his hand again, and he flips it over to her.

She catches it, turning it over in her fingers with a furrowed brow. “Is this supposed to mean something?” She asks, thumbing the emblem engraved into the coin; it was a mirror of the pendant he wore. Between it, the pendant, and the banners behind him she wonders what the significance is. Maybe just an aesthetic.

Snakes. Not very trustworthy creatures, if fables Quinn had read from pre-Collapse archives were anything to go by.

“Ha! Maybe. Your ghost should figure it out. Lookin’ forward to seein’ you again.” Is all he says with a shrug, stepping back over to his equipment in a clear dismissal.

Quinn stares at him for another moment, the smooth coin warming between her fingers. Glyph is quiet. She’s confused. Interested, off-balance, and confused all at once. What the hell had just happened? Who was this guy?

‘Drifter’ didn’t exactly give her much to work with.

She’s still standing there dumbly when he looks back over at her and grins again, both wicked and amused. Her back straightens and she immediately turns and beats a hasty retreat, that smile raking up her spine just as easily as his voice had before.

She wasn’t sure how to feel about that, tacking just one more bullet onto the thus far incomprehensive list of ‘what the fuck’ that meeting had left her with.

The fresh, cold air back out in the bazaar does nothing to aid in the effort to help her decide whether or not her momentary fixation had wound up turning into a good or a bad thing. She still has no intention of blabbing to the Vanguard or their immediate confidantes, but…

She glances down at the coin in her palm again and squints at it as though it’d give her the answer, but it just shimmers in the dimming twilight innocently.

Someone walks by and she instinctively curls her fingers around it, glancing around quickly before pocketing it and heading for the apartment block. She wasn’t sure if she relished the idea of being in her team’s shared living space at the moment, but the only other option she had was Cayde’s place.

And she definitely didn’t want to be alone there.

Strangely, though usually she’d happily play the petty bitch and just try to figure out the secret to the token the Drifter had given her out in the open where she was obviously not supposed to, she’d already decided to head to her own room, lock it down, and let Glyph pick it apart away from prying eyes.

She tells herself it has little to do with the potential promise of blowing off steam and entirely to do with her wanting to know what she was getting into before blowing the whistle to…someone.

That was the root of her problems, again. She had no idea what she was doing anymore. The rest of her team was still out taking the fight to the forces that would joyfully see them all exterminated, and she couldn’t even say for sure that, should Zavala lift her house arrest, she would be wanting to do the same thing.

She’s going stir-crazy. It’s definitely not helping curb her anger.

So get a fucking day job, she thinks to herself bitterly as the door to the team apartment slides open and she steps inside.

“Hey! You’re back just in time,” Nyx greets her with a wave from across the room, standing in front of a flat screen that her ghost is hovering near. Her jaw lights flash in a pattern Quinn recognizes as cautiously warm and welcoming, and she feels her chest tighten. “I managed to dig up some old movie things from way back in the Golden Age. We were gonna watch some.”

“You dug them up?” Her ghost, Kessler, beeps at her in aggravation, his facets twirling as he worked on transferring data to the screen’s system. “Sure, take all the credit.”

Nyx lets out a soft pfft at her ghost’s crotchety response, face plates pinching into an amused scrunch. “Grouch.”

Once again, Quinn finds herself wishing she were in the kind of mood to find the banter amusing. Glyph materializes next to her and blips consolingly, but it does nothing to lift her mood.

Luke’s head and shoulders pop out from around the corner leading into the apartment’s kitchen, and he beams at her, causing her mood to drop even further conversely. “It’s gonna be so bad. I can’t wait.”

“You don’t even know what Golden Age movies were like, Luke.” Nyx responds.

“So?” He says. “They’re old.”

“You gonna say that about your music?”

“Hey! Zepplin is a classic.”

“Yeah,” Nyx replies, deliberately slow, “because it’s old.”

Exhaling through her nose and closing her eyes, Quinn tunes Luke’s indignant response out and moves past them. Halfway down the hall to her room she nearly runs face-first into Kel as he steps out of his own room, and she swears under her breath. “Sorry.”

“It’s fine.” He says. He’s looking down at her in a very patented Kel way, intense and yet completely unreadable. If it weren’t for the fact she was used to dealing with Kel’s consistent nature of being aloof and distant and hard to read—both before and after he had started showing his face to his teammates—she’d be more irritated at her instincts once again failing to do her any favors.

He watches her for a moment, brow furrowing as he, like the Drifter before, reads her like a book. “Don’t let yourself get lost.” He says, finally.

She blinks at the statement, watching as he steps around her.

Classic Kel.

For once, his strange, distant way of showing he cared didn’t feel endearing. Instead, she just feels frustrated. She’s already lost, and all things considered he should know what she’s going through better than anyone twice over, considering how she’d heard he’d responded to Gil’s death years ago.

As she opens her door, she hears Luke protest Kel leaving the apartment without watching a movie with them. Kel mumbles something noncommittal in response, and the front door slides shut shortly thereafter. She wonders if Zavala had asked for his input again in directing the City’s hunters, as he had been doing frequently—apparently Shiro-4 had declined giving up fieldwork, no one could get in touch with Marcus Ren, and Kel was the next closest hunter with seniority in the Tower.

And Cayde hadn’t ever told Zavala and Ikora what his Dare had been, or if he’d ever even decided on one, so they had to make do.

Something dark and ugly twists her stomach at the thought. She wishes the doors weren’t automated for ghost access—she wanted to be able to slam hers shut, childish as the desire was.

She drops down onto her bed heavily and runs her fingers through her hair, digging them into her scalp until it stung, and desperately wills the despair and boiling rage at war in her chest to go away.

“Are you…sure you don’t want to watch a movie with the others?” Glyph asks her quietly, flitting down into her line of sight, the facets of its shell twisting around its center orb. It’s even more worried than it was before.

Quinn almost laughs thinking about how much more worried Glyph would be if it saw what she was like when she actually got mad; though she’s not exactly sure, herself, but she knows in her gut that ‘ugly’ was a tame way to describe what she became when truly enraged and upset. “I’m sure.” She wouldn’t be able to enjoy it anyhow, no matter how nice the thought sounded.

Glyph doesn’t respond.

She stands, reaching into her pocket to retrieve the jade coin she’d gotten from the Drifter and setting it almost gingerly on the stand next to her bed. “Think you can figure that out?” She asks, eager to shift the subject away from socialization as she steps away and reaches for the zipper of her jacket.

“Giving the ghost version of a huff, Glyph drifts over to it and its facets whirl around with activity, a probing beam of light striking the coin as it got to work. “I don’t know if there’s much to figure out,” it replies, “it’s a coin made out of a material that’s been rare ever since the Collapse.”

“Jade.”

She can feel Glyph blink up at her with surprise. “How’d you know?”

Her mouth opens to answer, motions halting as it occurs to her that she, again, isn’t sure. Seems she’s not sure of a lot these days save for wanting Uldren Sov’s head on a pike. “I…think there may have been some of it where I came from, too.” She finally says, hesitantly. Her coat slips from her shoulders and she tosses it haphazardly over the footboard of her bed.

She remembers so little of her life before waking up from stasis here. While it wasn’t exactly uncommon (and, in fact, was the norm) for guardians to not remember their first life, the particular way she woke into this world and the stark difference between her light-given abilities from her peers made it stand out a bit more. The significance of that sudden knowledge doesn’t slip past her.

She should probably tell Ikora—but that would require divulging how, exactly, she came to that little morsel of a clue, which she had no plans to do before she finally found out what the deal was with this Drifter guy.

Her ghost doesn’t say anything to that, but she can hear the thin fweem as it went back to work on the coin. She’s down to the tank top she wore under her coat and armor and her underwear before she finally hears a noise of success from her ghost.

“This is amazing,” it says, its facets flitting about wildly in excitement when she turns around and makes her way back over to take a seat on the bed, “it looks like it’s just a coin made out of a gemstone, but it’s actually a compact encryption key and transponder encased in the gemstone. All in one! Do you think he made them himself?”

She picks the coin up and stares at it, thumbing the emblem again and furrowing her brow. Gesturing idly, she shrugs her confusion and declines to offer her opinion on its question. “Which means what?”

A pause. “I, uh. I don’t know.”

This actually startles a choked laugh out of her, and the reaction results in an energized ghost. She’s sure that if Glyph were capable of it, it’d be beaming at her. “Well,” she says, “so much for ‘your ghost should figure it out’.”

“Hey! I did figure it out!”

Her eyebrow lifts.

It blinks, facets withdrawing around its core almost bashfully. “I mean, sort of. Look, the point is whatever he gave it to us for, we’ll just have to wait until we get a signal from it to find out for real.”

The coin twists and flips in her fingers as she thinks before she realizes that she’s fidgeting—at least it wasn’t braiding her hair, but she’d always hated displaying her anxieties so openly. Pursing her lips, she holds the coin out. “You should probably hang onto it, then. I won’t be able to tell when it gets one.”

“Good point.” It says, hitting the coin with another flash of light and dematting it into whatever light-fueled pocket dimension ghosts had access to. It looks at her long and hard, then, and she squints back at it. As she’s about to ask what the look was for it cuts her off. “Are you sure you want to do this? We could—we could just tell Zavala. Or Ikora. You’re still friends with Ikora, right?”

Whatever shift in her expression occurs it causes Glyph to recoil from her and she feels terrible. Her face drops to her hands and she takes a deep breath to calm herself. “Sorry,” she says. She feels like she needs to say more, but the words won’t come and so she sits there on her bed stupidly, her gaze going long and distant.

“You know, spending time with the team might be good for you.” Glyph says softly.

Silently, she agrees, but while she does want to spend time with her team, she also really doesn’t. In spite of the fact she hadn’t done much that day—meeting with the Drifter being the only moment that truly stuck out, strange a meeting as it was—she was exhausted. Glancing to her side where a clock is projected above the surface of her nightstand, she notes blankly that it’s barely past sundown.

Shifting, she settles onto her bed and pulls the covers over herself, rolling so her back is to Glyph. “You can go ahead and watch the movie if you want, Glyph. I’ll be okay.”

The room is quiet, but she eventually hears the hiss of her door opening and then clicking shut as Glyph leaves her alone with the silence.

[galileosunshine]

A Fallen Angel’s Consolation

Rating: General Words: 2855 Series: Love Live! Sunshine!! Pairing: YohaRiko

Summary: Yoshiko treats Riko out to dinner, and tries to act the part of a proper girlfriend. And that means - no Yohane. 

Written for @aisuwa as a makeup gift for Secret Admirers 2018 exchange! 

Read on AO3

Tsushima Yoshiko had never been more on edge in her life.

She was a jittery mess of nerves on the inside, and she fought to not constantly fidget with her hands or fix her hair or sigh. All of it was because of what she had planned for this evening with her girlfriend, a certain senior with red hair and a passion for playing piano.

It wasn’t that their evening’s plans involved anything out of the ordinary. It was just a Valentine’s day dinner at a restaurant. Granted, the restaurant was rather upscale, located on Awashima Island, served gourmet dishes along with balcony views of Uchiura’s sea, and required a certain dress code and at least a week’s prior reservation. And all of it came at a hefty sum of money.

Ok, it was pretty extravagant. Yoshiko wanted to do something special for their Valentine’s. But besides the fancy dinner, Yoshiko didn’t want anything else be out of the ordinary. And to be specific, she wanted to be herself unassuming – and that meant none of her fallen angel pretenses and speeches about hell or little demons. Absolutely nothing Yohane-related.

She wanted everything to be proper, down-to-earth…because Riko was a proper, down-to-earth kind of girl.

Yoshiko and Riko had only been dating for a couple months. And for that matter, it was the first time Yoshiko had dated anyone, so she had more than a few anxieties about how their relationship was going. She definitely didn’t want to screw this evening up. She wanted Riko to have fun, without having to be embarrassed about her own girlfriend while in public.

And that’s what made her worry. Yoshiko just hoped she could keep her fallen angel side under control.

Yoshiko swallowed down her nervousness as she finally arrived at Riko’s house, pulling her car into the driveway. She gave her makeup and hair a final lookover in the mirror before exiting the car and heading up the path to Riko’s front door.

Before Yoshiko even had a chance to knock, the door opened and Riko stepped out to greet her with an enthusiastic smile.

“Yocchan! You’re here!”

Riko wore a low-high, off shoulder dress, in her namesake’s color of pink, and a small pearl necklace hung around her neck. Her hair was styled with waves, and it was swept to one side and hung over one shoulder. It nearly made Yoshiko forget how to breathe, and for a second, all of her worries were forgotten. But only a second.

“Riri!” Yoshiko said, then quickly bit her tongue. “I-I mean…Riko! You look great!” Yoshiko mentally berated herself for letting herself trip up already. She had to be more careful than she thought, or else she’d unconsciously fall into her habits.

Riko tilted her head slightly, confused at Yoshiko not calling her by her usual nickname, but she quickly put it out of her mind. Their reservation was in thirty minutes, and it wouldn’t look good to be late.

“You look great too, Yocchan,” she returned the compliment. Then she smiled playfully. “I half expected you to be in some gothic getup and your face painted all white, but here you are.”

“Whaaaat?” Yoshiko let out a forced laugh. “I wouldn’t do that!”

“I don’t know…” Riko feigned.

“I wouldn’t! Not for a night like tonight,” Yoshiko said, feeling her cheeks get hot. “And certainly not for the kind of place we’re going to.” Yoshiko didn’t mention that luckily for her, her mom had a spare black dress that fit her, or else she really might be in one of those gothic dresses. But Riko didn’t need to know that.

“I know, I’m joking,” Riko giggled. She stepped out of the doorway and clutched Yoshiko’s arm. “Shall we go?”

Yoshiko gulped at the sudden cool sensation of Riko’s arm against her own. “Ahh, yeah! Let us descend to – I mean! Um…yeah, let’s go.” Mentally berating herself again, Yoshiko led the two of them back to the car.

It started a week ago, at the shoe lockers after school.

“Hey Riri,” Yoshiko asked nervously, leaning against the wall of lockers. Riko was switching out her shoes as they talked.

“What’s up, Yocchan?” she replied.

“Next week…is Valentine’s, right?”

“Yeah, that’s right. What about it?”

Yoshiko’s eyes darted about. “Well…I was wondering…what you wanted to do? I mean I know the tradition is the girl gets chocolate for her boyfriend, or the person she likes, but since we’re both girls…do I, like, give you chocolate, or do you give me chocolate or…I mean, not that either of us is the ‘guy’ in the relationship, but…y’know! Or, um we can both get each other chocolate, or…”

Yoshiko’s head swam as she babbled. Why was it so awkward talking about this stuff? She thought she’d get use to this lovey-dovey stuff after a couple months of dating. But she was still as tongue-tied as ever when she was with Riko.

Riko answered with a laugh. “You’re overthinking it, Yocchan. Just like you said, we can both get each other chocolate. C’mon let’s walk.”

They exited the school building and began their daily walk down the long slope leading up to Uranohoshi, and that led to the bus stop at its end.

“There’s one other thing!” Yoshiko said, calling after Riko.

“What is it?”

“I kinda…wanted to do something special too. Besides just the chocolate.”

“Something special?” Riko echoed, and she hummed in musing.

“Eh? What’s wrong?”

“Well usually when you say ‘special,’ it means some kind of Satanic ritual or something else involving Yohane.”

“Ahh, that’d be nice…wait, no! I don’t mean anything like that!”

Riko wasn’t convinced, however.

“Are you sure?” she said, narrowing her eyes. “I don’t want to be dragged into one of your little demon shenanigans.”

“It’s not that!” Yoshiko replied in a fit of embarrassment. “I was just thinking of going out for a nice dinner? It’d be my treat! My mom was telling me about this fancy new restaurant that opened on Awashima Island. We might be able to get a reservation there. That is, if you want to…”

Yoshiko’s face felt, as she might say, hotter than the flames of hell. And her embarrassment only got worse as Riko stayed silent for the next several seconds, until they stopped walking, having arrived at the bus stop.

Finally, Riko turned toward her and gave an earnest smile. “Yeah, that sounds nice!” As relief flooded through, Yoshiko’s body, Riko stepped closer to the dark-haired girl and planted a small kiss on her cheek. “As long as you don’t make a scene and nothing ends in a public spectacle then, I’d be happy to!”

“G-great!” Yoshiko responded, her heart racing out of control, both from the kiss, and in excitement for the coming week. “I promise you won’t be disappointed!”

Although Riko probably didn’t mean her words to be taken so seriously, Yoshiko was determined to act the part of the proper girlfriend on this date.

And so, on their ferry ride to Awashima, she didn’t make any comments about crossing the River Styx or entering the realm of Hades, or about the night being as dark as her tainted soul, and she certainly didn’t stand at the helm of the boat, claiming it be her vessel in their journey to the underworld. As much as she wanted to.

Riko found Yoshiko’s demeanor to be strange as well, voicing her concern.

“Are you alright, Yocchan? You seem awfully quiet.”

“Do I?” Yoshiko said back, and Riko raised an eyebrow.

“What’s wrong?”

Nothing was wrong, Yoshiko wanted to say. But she knew that would just make Riko more curious. And the last thing she wanted was for Riko to be worried about her on their date.

What made the entire situation worse was that, whenever she didn’t know how to respond to something, she always had her Yohane persona to fall back on. It made everything easier when she could turn it into a joke. But now she couldn’t even do that.

“I just want you to enjoy yourself,” Yoshiko said instead, with a smile that she hoped would ease Riko’s worry. Then she pointed to the sky, trying to divert attention away from herself. “Look, the stars. Aren’t they pretty?”

“Yeah,” she replied without looking. She only continued to stare at Yoshiko, concerned etched even deeper on her face.

When they arrived on the island, they were ushered to the restaurant, where they claimed their reservation and were seated on an open-air balcony overlooking the Uchiura waters. Off in the distance, they could make out the lighthouse, its beam of light circling around and around. Little lamps were also set adrift in the water below, and combined with the fairy lights that lined the railings, Yoshiko and Riko felt like they were floating among stars.

“Wow, this is beautiful,” Riko said. “I feel like I’m in a dream.” Seeing the enchanted gleam in Riko’s eyes, Yoshiko smiled, perhaps her first genuine smile that night.

Soon, they had their drinks, and were offered menus.

“Geh,” Yoshiko flinched, eyeing the rows and rows of fancy sounding dishes. “I can’t even pronounce half of these!”

Riko giggled. “I think some of these are in French.”

“What? How am I supposed to know what to order? They don’t even have pictures!”

“Maybe we should ask for a children’s menu?”

Yoshiko sputtered. “H-hey! I don’t need a children’s menu!”

“Oh?”

Yoshiko raised her chin up haughtily and made a V-sign in front of her eyes. “The great Yohane has lived ages, millennia, longer than you fellow mortals. She certainly does not require a chil–”

Yoshiko came to an abrupt halt, realizing what she was doing. Her hand came down from her face in an instant.

“O…kay?” Riko said, curious as to why she had stopped. “But I would think that Yohane, having lived so long, would at least be able to read a few foreign languages.”

“Let’s…not bring up Yohane, ok?” Yoshiko said, her face turning red. She quickly looked about the room to make sure no one had seen her. In the fine dining establishment they were in, Yoshiko was afraid she might even get a complaint for making ‘gang’ signs.

Riko furrowed her eyes in confusion. Now she really suspected that something was wrong. But once again, she decided to let it go for the moment, and instead focused back on the menu.

“We could pick at random?” Riko suggested. Despite her teasing, she had to admit that she couldn’t make out most of the food options either.

“Pick at random?” Yoshiko echoed.

“Yeah, my mom and I do it sometimes. It’s kind of fun, to get something completely unexpected.”

“What if we don’t like it?”

“Usually, since we’re getting two dishes, there’s something we can enjoy. We can share that, and ignore whatever we don’t like.”

Yoshiko thought for a second. She looked down again, at the words written on the laminated pages, with all its roman letters in fancy squiggly lines, and the extra vowels and accent marks that made her brain hurt deciphering how to pronounce them.

“Y’know, I like that! Let’s do it, Riri!” Yoshiko said, she really didn’t have any better ideas. And then she realized what she said. “I mean – ! Good idea…Riko.”

“Ok, that’s it.” Riko closed her menu with a loud thump and tossed it on the table. She folded her arms and put on her best ‘stern’ face, making sure to looks Yoshiko square in the eyes. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

“Wh-! What? Nothing’s wrong! I’m completely okay! What gave you that idea?”

“Well for one, you’re reacting like that.”

Yoshiko flushed.

“You won’t call me Riri, which you always do, even when I tell you not to! And you’ve only cracked one Yohane line this entire evening! You’re acting like… Well, you’re not acting like you.”

Yoshiko hid behind her menu. What could she say? She couldn’t deny that everything Riko said was true.

“Sorry…” Yoshiko mumbled out apologetically, and Riko immediately softened. She didn’t mean to yell at her. She was trying to help Yoshiko after all, not make her feel worse. Riko reached across the table and laced her fingers through Yoshiko’s.

“Yocchan,” she said, her voice low and hopefully soothing. “You said you want me to enjoy myself, but I can’t have fun if you’re not having fun either, ok? So tell me what’s wrong.”

Yoshiko set down her menu with her free hand, and took a long intake of breath before letting it out in a sigh.

“Well…you said you didn’t want anything Yohane related tonight, so I was trying to be…y’know, not. I was trying to be normal.”

Riko pursed her lips. “Is that all?”

Yoshiko nodded.

“You’re really an idiot, Yocchan.”

“H-huh?”

“I said not to make a public spectacle. You don’t have to completely avoid being Yohane, I didn’t mean it like that.”

“But…”

Yoshiko went silent, her eyes taking on a faraway look, and Riko started to realize that it wasn’t simply a misunderstanding on Yoshiko’s part. The source of Yoshiko’s worry went deeper, farther into her past. And when the girl finally spoke up, her voice was cracked and wavering, a mix of fear and anxiety that spoke of years of being rejected and ridiculed for being Yohane.

“It’s just…I don’t want you to hate me,” Yoshiko said, barely above a whisper. “You’re my first girlfriend, and…you’re the first person who’s accepted me despite…well, everything. And also today’s Valentine’s day, so I wanted you to have a good time, and so…because you made it sound like you didn’t want anything to do with Yohane tonight I…”

Yoshiko trailed off. She probably wasn’t making sense anyways, but more so because she was afraid that she’d start crying if she said any more. Her body was already trembling enough as it is. Riko was also looking at her as though she’d break into a million pieces at the slightest breath. She certainly felt that way.

Yoshiko felt her hand being squeezed.

“Yocchan, I don’t hate you, or your fallen angel stuff. I mean, I don’t like it when you drag me into it or make a scene in public, but I don’t hate you for being you.”

Riko sighed. It’d take more than a few words of consolation for scars this deep.

“I love your passion for all the fallen angel stuff, I admire it. And I love how you can just put yourself out there, and unapologetically be yourself. It’s really helped me too, to come out of my shell, and be more assertive. I love all of you, Yocchan, so you don’t need to pretend to be something you’re not, ok? Not with me.”

Yoshiko’s eyes met Riko’s for an instant, and then looked away. And then she looked at Riko again, and the second time, she held her gaze.

“You…mean it?”

“Of course I do.”

Yoshiko squeezed Riko’s hand back, and gave her a shy half smile, pointed tooth and all. “You really are my most loyal little demon, Ri– …Riri.”

Riko’s heart heaved a sigh of relief. She felt that at that moment, the entire evening could’ve ended and their time would’ve been worth it. Normally she’d brush off a comment about her being a little demon, but in that moment, it was the highest praise she could ask for.

Because it wasn’t just praise. It was Yoshiko saying thank you. Thank you for being there for her, for putting up with her, and most of all, for accepting her. And that’s when Riko stumbled upon another realization.

Perhaps that was all Yoshiko was ever asking for, when she invited people to become her little demons.

“Ahem,” a voice called from behind Riko, and they both swiveled their heads toward the source of the sound. “Are you ready to order?” It was their waiter, who had been standing there for who knows how long.

Yoshiko and Riko exchanged glances and smiled knowingly at each other, before Riko turned back to the waiter.

“Yes, we are.”

And as planned, they picked randomly off the menu, pointing at a spot and requesting whatever their fingers landed on.

The rest of the evening passed just as lightheartedly. They chatted about school and recent Aqours activities, laughing at each other’s blunders and swearing to do better. They talked about new songs, even coming up with some new concepts for their subunit. When their orders arrived, and they saw the food sitting on their platters, they had a fun moment of “so that’s what that was!” and enjoyed trying each other’s dishes.

Most of all though, was the feeling of freedom Yoshiko felt. She was more boisterous and “fallen angel” than ever, at one point even trying to perform a summoning by drawing a pentagram with ketchup.

And through it all, she basked in the light of Riko’s eyes, and the warmth of her smile, that told her she was accepted, and that she was loved.

Notes: Well, I never expected myself to write a YohaRiko fic ^^;; I probably wouldn’t have if it weren’t for this exchange. Although it is faaaar from being my favorite ship, it was a nice challenge to try and write for it, and to try and understand it a bit more. I hope you enjoyed!

[cashflowguys]

183 - Are You Doing It Wrong? A Letter From A Listener

Below is the email I received, and below that is my reply.

  Hey Tyler,

  I just want to say thank you for doing what you do and providing so much value in your podcasts. Unfortunately the times available to schedule don’t work right now for me because of work.

  I just recently listened to your latest podcast “How to get unstuck” and made me realize I’m doing it wrong.

  I want to wholesale houses but as you stated it’s not the best way to get financially free. I can see that from the standpoint of constantly needing your pipe line filled with leads to ensure cash flow is consistent. Also not to mention the amount of taxes taken out! Ouch

  My concern is how do I get into these multi family homes without any cash knowing any money private lenders and having unfortunately a shitty credit score.

  Maybe I’m just overthinking it.... Thanks for your time.

  My Reply:

  First, Thanks for listening to the show, and more importantly, thanks for reaching out.

Why do you want to wholesale houses?  Because some wholesaler made you think he got rich doing it?  Reality:  Most wholesalers are poor beyond imagination, the rest may not be poor, but they are all hat and no cattle as they say in Texas...only a fool sits on a pile of cash.

Society lied to us by telling us cash is king, as Robert Kiyosaki says in his new book “Fake” CashFLOW is king, cash is nothing but worthless paper that the government can print at will.

Yes, you will need consistent streams of leads to wholesale, you also need these leads to retail, to buy and hold, to fix and flip, to “subject to” as some people call it..bottom line is you need leads.

The masses need to be educated on what your needs are, whether it be investment capital or opportunity, neither will come to you unless people know you are looking for it. 

  Poor Man’s Mentality:

“I don’t have any money” “I don’t know any private lenders” I call bullshit, you have some money in your pocket, just not enough.  The fact is that those who have money to invest, simply don’t hang out with broke folk, instead they are in places where people with motivation and money hang out (you know where these places are).  These places are where poor folks are uncomfortable the most, and they are doing what poor folks are most uncomfortable doing, which is learning.

  Lenders:

Let’s talk about “lenders”.  Frankly, I am not a fan of the term because it brings forth the feeling in today’s society that when someone lends you something, they are doing you a favor, when in fact the reverse is true.  Banks and credit card companies are the most common version of lenders, the reality is that if they cannot lend money, they go out of business!

  Mindset shift:  When you help someone invest their money into an opportunity that produces a yield far greater than they could gain for themselves, you are the one doing them a favor are you not?  That said, let’s instead attract people with capital that we can HELP by deploying their capital into worthwhile opportunities.  Without us, those that are sitting on capital actually lose that capital over time because inflation causes the cash to lose buying power.  An example of this is that 20 years ago bottled water cost .10 cents, today I have seen it for sale for several dollars a bottle.  That’s called inflation!

Instead of trying to “find lenders” refocus your mindset into attracting them instead.  As the age old parable says, be a lighthouse, not a tugboat. 

Here is the story:

The LIGHTHOUSE v TUG BOAT parable.

A LIGHTHOUSE can help save boats.

A TUG BOAT can help save boats.

But their functionality and ability in doing so is DRAMATICALLY different.

The TUG BOAT goes out and back pushing and pulling with great effort to try and help/save an individual boat, and in the process runs itself ragged trying to get itself AND another boat to shore.

The LIGHTHOUSE stands fixed and simply shines it's light. No pushing. No pulling. Each boat has the ability to choose if they heed the light, but the LIGHTHOUSE stands firm regardless of the boat both day and night and simply radiates its light.

When you invest time educating yourself to a point you begin to discover and take action on opportunity you will have an awakening that will result in finding all the capital you need to do you deals.

As for having a shitty credit score, FIX IT.  Here’s the deal, and I say this with love..There is a reason why you have a shitty score, and until you man up and do the work to fix your credit and become financially intelligent and responsible you should not be dealing with other people’s money, period.

Have a bad credit score means you are unwilling to do the work / make the sacrifice to do anything about it.  Yes, I understand that bad things happen to good people but if you really want to fix your bad credit you can, without having to use a service.  Yes, you will most likely have to pay your past due bills in full, perhaps you can negotiate a discount and screw the lender out of some of what you promised to pay them originally, but the fact remains there are no shortcuts.  If you don’t have the cash to pay off debt, earn it, it's that simple.

Unless you are a quadraplegic, in prison with a disease that requires you to live in a bubble and not speak to any other living soul ever again, you CAN do this.

Check out this episode!

[laurenborrelli]

Lekkerrrr

When I moved to Boston 3 years ago, I got a text within my first 48 hours saying Kate and Daniel had booked a trip to visit the following weekend.  The weekend of their visit, I distinctly remember Dan telling me he was interested in applying to University of Pittsburgh because of their study abroad program in Cape Town, South Africa.  And then 3 years later he was attending that program through Pitt and I booked a flight to visit!

Dan is my childhood neighbor and 5 years younger.  So I had to mentally prepare to be around kids that were barely 21 years old...AND tackle it as my first semi-solo trip.  Not to mention I was able to use credit card points and fly for FREE!

Itinerary:

Wednesday, November 29th 2017:  My flight departed Boston in the evening and I arrived at my layover destination in the AM.  With a 9 hour layover in Munich, I ventured outside the airport to the Christkindlmarkt in the city center.  With a full belly of sausage, one (ok two) gluhwein, and new cashmere scarf to keep me warm during the snowfall, I headed back to the airport nice and tired.  Topping off with more hefeweizen (best type of beer to drink solo!) at the airport, I at least boarded verrrry sleepy for my 12 hour flight to Cape Town.

Friday: FINALLY arrived in South Africa around lunch time!  Since Dan’s semester had just ended, the school let us stay there for a crazy affordable price.  Would have been good to know that before we booked the airbnb in CBD...(theme with 21 y/o’s lol).  A couple dead cockroaches in the kitchen and no central wifi BUT I had an incredible view of table mountain from my bedroom window.  We spent most of this day booking tours / airbnb’s for the rest of the trip.

Saturday: We went to the Woodstock Market in the late morning.  Half is local food vendors and the other half is local artists selling jewelry, household goods, clothes, you name it!  Oh yeah and there was a DJ in the center right next to an aperol spritz station.  I mean...what could be more perfect?!? Started with an amazing pour over and some stuff avocado.  Then moved on to a spritz while I bought some awesome jewelry and a vegan leather clutch.  I could have stayed here alllll day!  And i probably spent less then $30 USD total.  Then we headed to the central business district (CBD) to check out the Company’s Gardens.  It is a beautiful public with a really awesome natural irrigation system for their vegetation.  AND super cool mega sized whicker baskets as swings and tree houses.  We grabbed fresh Juice on Long Street and ordered flights to try from brewery Beerhouse.  A quick freshen up and we grabbed dinner on the waterfront meet up with some of his friend’s.

Sunday: Dan was super sweet in arranging a day to hang to check out the newly finished Zeitz Contemporary Museum of Art!  It’s superrrr sick - a restored grain factory turned into museum.  Concrete was cast around the old silos, which created a traditional deceiving form on the exterior.  While the interior is just the reverse - a HUGE curvilinear entrance with a skeleton of a pterodactyl very Game of Thrones like in the center.  A guy who worked in Dan’s study abroad office was a recent architecture grade from the University of Cape Town - so he joined us on our day of touring architecture!  In fact, he is the one that told me there was a bit of an uproar of a British architect being selected for Africa’s first contemporary art museum.  The attention to detail and design was immaculate in the city - makes it hard to believe there were no African-based architecture offices that couldn’t have tackled the challenge... We then checked out the watershed project.  It’s an old industrial boat storage facility turned host for local artist vendors on the ground floor and communal “we work” style offices on teh second floor.  Once again, a SUPER cool space!!!  (BTW - this will be the theme of my architecture comments for this trip).  The enclosed food market next door was a perfect stop for lunch.  After walking around the waterfront some more, we made our way over to Camp’s Bay to watch the sunset.  This area reminded me a lot of Southern California w/o the prices plus mountains in the background.  Truly it was the most stunning sunsets I have ever enjoyed (and wth a spritz too!).  Quite possibly my favorite day in Cape Town of the trip!!

Monday: It was a big weekend of activities for Dan so he slept in while I wandered around a bit on my own!  Started with trying the world’s strongest cup of coffee at Haas Coffee (great I would only need one cup this morning!).  Then went to the District Six Museum - which is a museum dedicated to the district segregated and then bull-dozed down during apartheid.  Really heartbreaking but an excellent intro to how it has only been 50 years since this epidemic happened!  To put into perspective, my parents were born before this happened (sorry for the age exposure mom and dad)! I then grabbed lunch and took the scenic route from the V/A Waterfront allll the way down to Clifton Beach.  Stunning views, beautiful weather, and a good opportunity to see what South Africa’s non-working people are doing along the water at this time of day.  They consisted of surfers, mothers and sitters pushing kids in strollers, LOTS of people running or roller blading, and a handful of “lookers” that suddenly stop what they are doing when you walk by.  The beach is tucked between a bunch of wealthy homes in a pretty private location.  A great spot to water-color the ocean crashing into seals on the rocks beyond!  After much relaxing, I headed home for a quick change before Dan and I headed to hike Lion’s Head at sunset.  An easy hike but the views are stunninggggg.  Ended the evening with take-out of a Cape Town quintessential BFA (bacon feta avocado) pizza.

Tuesday: Walked to grab coffee in the nearby neighborhood of Rondebosch and then took a car to the beautiful, traditional Bo-Kaap neighborhood!  Vividly painted stucco buildings line the streets and are very well preserved amongst the expanding urbanism surrounds.  We took a cooking class with Cape Malay cuisine.  The culture descends from Southeast Asian, but brought to Cape Town through the Dutch Indian Trade Company.  So the cuisine has a interested blend of all three cultures - deep curry flavors with just enough spice for white people to tolerate LOL.  Great day learning more about the history and making amazing, brand-new dishes!  With very full bellies and a very strong sun overhead, we noodled to Camp’s Bay beach with a handful of Dan’s classmates.  They were a bit of a handful and we had to lay on every piece of clothing so it wouldn’t get swept up in the immense ocean wind, but the views were stunning!  We ended the night with trivia at a local bar.  Luckily we had a couple South Africans on our team, so they were able to help us answer “what is the most played African song in foreign films.”

Wednesday: Dan and I headed to CBD to pick up a rental car for our trip outside of the city!  We drove along swerve-y, cliffy edge road from Camps Bay, down through Hout Bay, down to the Cape of Good Hope!  It’s basically a national park with...wild baboons roaming around!  We went to the lighthouse at the Cape Peninsula and it was so windy I was scared to take my phone out in case it would fly away!  Awesome perspective of the peninsula if you had a strong enough grip of the railing surrounding you!!  I did a bit of hiking around the rocky cliffs while Dan and his friend Allie took lots of selfies around the water.  We then checked into out ocean-front apartment  in St. James that was so. freaking. BEAUTIFUL!  Unreal views, unreal price, unreal sunsets/sunrises.  Even got to see whales breaching form the balcony!!  We finished the day by grabbing dinner and drinks from the great restaurant Tiger’s Milk in Muizenberg.

Thursday: I started with a sunrise run along a beautiful ocean-front path that went right by all the morning surfers in Muizenberg and the super man-made formed but naturally resourced ocean pools in St. James.  We then hopped in the car for a morning snorkeling with seals, to only find the currents and wind were too strong. :(  Instead we headed to check out the legendary warm-weather penguins at Boulders Beach.  I grabbed some coffee, and a meat/cheese delicious hot-pocket style snack for lunch, and we headed the immaculate Noordhoek Beach.  Bright white sand, turquoise water with minimal waves - never seen a more beautiful beach!  So stunning and barren, for some very strange reason...maybe the large number of horse flies?  LOL despite getting swarmed it was so hard to not want to get swallowed up in the beautiful vista.  Even if I did leave with over twenty bites on my legs alone.  We headed home and while those two napped, I walked down to check out the shopping in Kalk Bay.  Also shops and the store owners were all super friendly - one woman’s husband photographs architecture professionally!  After stirring them awake we headed to Muizenberg to watch the surfers at sunset and check out the infamous painted beach shacks. We bounced around at a couple out door bars before ending up at the great Tiger’s Milk.

Friday: Another sunrise run and yoga on the deck.  I grabbed coffee at the super cute shop blonde + beard in Muizenberg, then we jumped in the car to head back to Cape Town.  We moved into a different university student housing buildling upon our return...and this is the point where I decided it was worth spending the money for a nice apartment not in the college area of the city.  We went to a natural watering hole only known to locals/students.  Amazing views of table mountain and the water was super clean and hella refreshing.  We grabbed dinner at an Indian restaurant close by then headed to drinks at Yours Truly on Kloof Street.  My. Favorite. Bar. HANDS DOWN!  Different DJ each level, awesome craft brews and cocktails, beautiful string lights and plants climbing up the terraces, super funky furniture, and people rocking all different trendy outfits.  Dan’s friends felt out of place but I freaking loved it!!  Finally I caved with how much they were itching to leave, and we grabbed Italian food down the block.  We then stopped at their favorite 21 y/o hangout sgt pepper on Long Street and I hung on the smoker’s deck with Dan while his friends had a couple items stolen from them on the sweaty dance floor.

Saturday: Time for our wine tour!  $60 for a round-trip bus to the infamous wine town of Stellenbosch. Tasting #1 included an array of cheese.  Tasting #2 was in a beautiful outdoor garden.  Tasting #3 tour of a cute farm where we tried wine from the syringe!  Plus a fullll traditional braai (barbeque).  Tasting #4 tiny little private winery.  Tasting #5 pairing with Chocolate!  Best part was bonding with everyone else on our tour!!  An american couple on grad school holiday, an older couple with one descendent of Upper Saint Clair, super cool British couple my age, older British couple who have travel to 80% of the world, and a British dad with his daughter about my age who works in an art gallery.  Great convos about how crazy Trump is but it humanized the U.S. to not be this great country anymore, to why haven’t I signed up to do bungee jumping yet, to you are crazy for staying with a bunch of 21 y/o’s up until now!  Left with lots of souvenirs and great memories!!  Brought my stuff to my new adorable apartment downtown and crashed during the sunset while watching elf on Netflix.

Sunday: Headed out solo to grab coffee/breakfast and then check out the Castle of Good Hope.  Strangely enough there was a cross fit competition taking place in the main courtyard, so that was a bit entertaining to peak at in between taking in all the history.  It was a dutch fort along the East India Trate Route to Indonesia - but more specifically acted as the home base during teh British invasions.  Free tours are given by of the military museum and the inter-workings of the castle which turned out to be very light and engaging!  I think picked Dan up and we went to the Kirstenbosch botanical gardens.  Amazing variety of wildlife here and a good chance to hang with Dan one-on-one.  We went to Moju Market and drove by a crowd letting out for the Springbok Rugby game.  Now those fans where some crazy costumes!  The market was superrrr lekker (va bene in Afrikaan).  There was a station for trendy oysters, a “salad bae” stand, local wines shop, curry shop - everything plus an elevated ocean view.  Awesome way to fuel up before Dan and I conquered a Table Mountain hike the next day.

Monday: I grabbed breakfast at the adorable Skinny Legs cafe and then coffee and beans at Origin Coffee Roastery.  Both make my mouth water thinking about them (and their beautiful interiors too!).  Then when to meet Dan at Kirstenbosch, where the beginning of our hike up Table Mountain began.  Started pretty steep, up wooden ladders in woodsy areas.  At the top we stumbled upon a completely barren water source.  It looked to be a collection spot for a small reservoir.  The water was unnaturally a rainbow gradient and was in a bit of a small canyon - making it seem like people were going to jump out at any moment like the hunger games.  We randomly heard a siren here too, making us jumping in our pants even more!  We then continued along the top of table which is mostly huge boulders - but it started to get windier.  We soon found that it was too windy at the top for the gondola to take us down!  So we had to bare the exposed edge by foot!  This was seriously soooo hard because any time we would hear a huge wind gust coming, we would have to duck and hold onto any possible branch around us.  Took a while it felt such a  rush of accomplishment as we ate at an Indian buffet afterwards!

Friday: Last day!  My flight was leaving in the evening, so i tried to squeeze in as much as I could!  Morning at Clifton Beach then lunch of mussels and a glass of chenin blanc at the waterfront with Dan.  Was able to do a little shopping at the artist in the waterfront too - most sold awesome sustainable home goods too!  Probably did the most shopping / consuming of good food/drink this trip - but thats because it was all my style, amazing flavors, accessible, and reallllly affordable!  I’m already counting this as one of my top 3 favorite cities and I can’t wait to go back and visit!!!

What brought me excitement:

Design Aesthetic: Yes the city is BUMPING with architecture, both new and old.  Now this may sound crazy, but when i walked into a basic enterprise office in the CBD, something struck me.  I followed the datum of the square floor tile, that then aligned with the line of small stair landing, that then aligned with the rectangular wall base, that then aligned wth the curtainwall mullion.  MY JOB IS TO ALIGN FINISHES FOR A MUSEUM!  How do these simple alignments just happen in the least design conscious interior spaces?! Still blows my mind the attention to detail and craft the culture just exudes.  And it is oh so clear in every interior of every store, restaurant, coffee shop, boutique, refurbished space.  Really inspiring as someone in the design field!!  Nothing boujee or over the top either, all very minimalist, modern, simple, earthy designs - amazing!

Cultural Blend: My first day at the beach, there were a bunch of middle school age kids that all playing soccer together.  A girl in a hijab kicking a ball to a blonde haired boy kicking to a black boy .  The integration of the future generation was so heart-warming to see it made my eyes ACTUALLY well up!  I’m not kidding too!!  It’s location is an ideal spot for not just europeans on holiday, but a great stretch of immigrants from the middle east and asian as well!  I can’t wait to come back in just 5 years and see how progressive it will be!!

What left me uneasy:

White Guilt: Learning how recent apartheid and many racist epidemics had occurred, it really left a sinking feeling in my stomach.  I felt guilt vacationing here because I didn’t want any locals (no matter their ethnicity) to feel like I was taken advantage of their home.  I didn’t want it to seem like I had some money to spend so I was creating a larger economic divide and taking anything away from the locals.  It was probably the biggest guilt I have ever felt, even though it wasn’t me personally who had done those hurtful injustices.  But it is up to me to stand up for those that are still getting hurt today.  It certainly empowered me to not bat an eye and turn a shoulder when something is happening you don’t believe in.

Water Crisis:  At first I was wondering why toilet’s in the student housing were never flushed!  Then i realized it was to preserve water.  They were in a serious crisis and I didn’t fully understand it still we were at our airbnb in St. James.  I remember standing at the sink washing my hands, looking straight ahead at the 180 degree ocean view.  After drying my hands, I stepped on the balcony to take in the view even more.  A line of people about 100′ away caught my eye and I realized they were waiting at a public water source.  The government has shut down water to certain neighborhoods - unfairly.  These people weren’t stumbling out of overcrowded buses - they were coming with buckets out of private cars in nice clothes.  I felt sooooo guilty that I had a water source right here yet these people are waiting for this small spigot down the street.  Would the airbnb host downstairs be pissed if set a couple of buckets of water outside for these people?  But also, how could the host bat an eyelash and not be wanting to do the same thing?  This tore at my gut throughout this entire trip.

Safety: Cape Town is a very walkable, and even bikable city!  Unfortunately i didn’t realize how much I had to worry about safety even during the day.  I do look like the native Afrikaan, as many people spoke it to me before I spoke English back.  However, I think the economic divide is still too much for there to not be some animosity between the various parties.  It made me feel a little limited, that I couldn’t safely take the public train to the beach or rent a bike along the coast - all things I take for granted in my day to day life.