#also so sorry my reply took like ten years lol I needed a fresh brain for this ask

[yeetlegay]

Heya! Asking this as someone who has watched the movie Pretty Woman but not for a LONG time, so my memory is fuzzy.

If I recall correctly, there were some bits in various spots that I think wouldn't float today. So if the Pretty Woman movie were remade today, with an updated approach and more contemporary viewpoints on sex work, what do you think might change? How might the story go differently?

Partly I'm asking because I'm curious to see what different choices you make from the film in FLH. 🤔 *curious curious curious*

Ohhhh this is fun, although idk if I’m the person to speak in depth about the “right way” to tell a story about sex work. Most of what I know about the industry is based on either a) academic scholarship or b) conversations with friends who currently are or used to be in sex work. Representation of sex work is complicated and there are contradicting opinions even within the sex worker community about what it should look like.

With that disclaimer aside, the original Pretty Woman movie isn’t perfect by any means. I think its big weakness is with Vivian’s character and how they chose to write/depict her journey and backstory. They lean into this very Christian/evangelical/biblical idea that women become prostitutes because they have a low sense of self-worth or they’re tricked/forced into it. (I say women because the movie ignores the existence of male sex workers entirely, and is so heavy with the gender binary that trans and nonbinary sex workers are even further off its radar.) Obviously sex workers can have low self-worth just like anyone else, and it’s a high-risk profession that a lot of people get manipulated or trafficked into. The problem is that they didn’t have any other sex workers in the movie besides Vivian’s friend Kit, who’s in pretty much the same boat as far as character background and motivations.

(Throwing in a cut here, it’s about to get rambly lol)

So what hasn’t aged well for me is that Vivian’s development relies so much on ideas about sex work that minimize women’s agency and moralize their sexuality. Vivian got to be the main character in the movie, the person people rooted for, because a) she was ashamed of how she made a living and b) her arc centered around self-esteem and wanting to be “saved” from poverty and exploitation, both of which made her a kind of Mary Magdalene figure that was the only archetype of a sex worker that would be palatable/sympathetic to a broad audience’s values and norms.

That perception of her was reinforced by a pretty big age gap, even though it’s not really discussed much in the movie. Julia Roberts and Richard Gere have a 19-year age gap. She was like 22 to his 41 when this movie was made. To be clear, I don’t give a shit about age gaps (I actually love age gap romances when done well, noona romances are my absolute WEAKNESS) and I’m not saying it makes their relationship unhealthy or anything. It’s just something that helps drive home to both them and the audience that Vivian is the young girl who needs a second chance, and Edward is the older man who can help her. He treats her well, but also he has a pretty condescending, paternalistic attitude toward her that exacerbates the power/class divide and infantilizes her a bit for the audience’s sake. Honestly he’s kind of a dick lol. It’s a miracle I like this movie as much as I do given how much I would hate him if I met him in real life. (Also the way he doesn’t CALL THE FUCKING COPS when his friend Stucky tries to force himself on Vivian??? What the actual fuck my guy)

Okay, now that I’ve rambled about all that, to answer the “what would I change” part of the question, I’d actually say Fake Love and Hennessy is pretty much my answer tbh, in the broadest strokes at least. When I first started outlining and writing, I knew what didn’t work for me in the original Pretty Woman and I had a decent grasp of sex work advocacy, so it was just a matter of figuring out what felt true to Porsche’s character and sort of reverse engineering the plot of Pretty Woman to fit that as much as I could. Which was actually ridiculously easy, not because I was some kind of genius lol, but just because Pretty Woman and Kinnporsche have a surprising amount of plot points and narrative elements in common. The outline basically fell in my lap, I’m not even joking.

Intentional choices I made re: representing sex work and character arcs:

Porsche has self-worth issues, just like Vivian, but they’re explicitly tied up in his role as caregiver for his brother and the class/power divide between him and Kinn. He doesn’t feel good enough for either of them, but that’s not why he got into sex work. It’s just a thing that happened, a choice he made, and he’s not ashamed about it, even if he feels the friction of deviating from social norms. It helps that Kinn is a deviant too (sociologically speaking, not talking about morals just that they’re both breaking society’s rules in different ways) so it would be pretty hypocritical for him to look down his nose at sex work, a major part of the underground economy in his world. (In fact, pretty much everyone in Kinn’s network is sex work positive and Porsche being a sex worker is by itself a total non-issue. If you’re afraid someone is gonna slutshame him or demean sex work at some point in the fic, don’t be. I’m not writing it, point blank. Not even the villains get to pull that shit on my watch.)

I’m playing around a bit with the wiggly consent moments from the movie. Kinn isn’t as pushy as Edward is, which is because a) he’s not as steeped in Western patriarchal influence and b) he just plain digs consent. He doesn’t repeatedly try to kiss Porsche after Porsche shows visible discomfort (like Edward did in the piano scene) and even after a couple of days when it’s obvious Porsche would be pretty down for kissing, he doesn’t make a move because Porsche already set his boundaries.

The D/s stuff honestly just sort of happened lol, I didn’t mean to make it such a big part of their relationship, but when I realized it was going there I went back to my outline to puzzle it out. It was really important to me that Porsche’s submissiveness wasn’t somehow conflated with powerlessness, considering the class divide between him and Kinn. I wanted it to be about him feeling empowered to own his pleasure and desire in a way he’d never let himself before, NOT about him lacking agency in his body as a sex worker. Porsche as a character is just so wrapped up in taking care of everyone around him that he’s not very self-aware in a lot of ways, so Kinn’s style of domming—extremely attentive, confidence-boosting, worshipful—throws him for a complete loop. So while the movie wasn’t very kinky, I thought Kinn and Porsche’s sexual power dynamic in the fic would be an added way to give Porsche agency as he starts exploring this new side of himself.

I’m still not trying to represent sex work “accurately” because that’s sort of impossible to do, and also it’s fiction, where a bit of idealization/rose-colored glasses treatment is pretty much a given. So I’m not saying this fic is even remotely realistic or true to the lived experiences of sex workers. That was never really my goal honestly. What I do want, and what I hope I’ve succeeded at, is to tell a story that respects sex workers across the board and doesn’t stigmatize, dehumanize, or otherwise contribute to their marginalization and oppression.

Okay, that’s a SUPER LONG response lol I get wordy very easily. There’s a lot of stuff in later chapters that departs from the movie, which I would’ve loved to talk about, but it’s all massive spoilers 😔

This made me realize how much I’d love to talk about all kinds of “behind the scenes” stuff about the fic when it’s done, because there’s all these little things (Easter eggs from the movie and show, role reversal moments, scene inspo, etc.) that I’ve had so much fun thinking about and working into the fic. Maybe I could do some sort of Q&A or something at the end if anyone’s interested, or just a list of fun facts/cutting room floor stuff.

But thank you for asking, Nemi, you gave me the perfect excuse to rant about the movie lol. 💖💖

[t-lostinworlds]

In My Blood (Shawn Mendes) [1]

Originally Written: July 16, 2018 | Edited: July 2, 2019

A/N: As you can see by the title, yes, it’s sorta kinda inspired by the song but not entirely lol. This was supposed to be one part only but it’s gotten soooo long so I split it in two. Also haven’t finished rewriting yet haha. And yeah, wrote this almost a year ago and just now had the courage to edit. Anyway, hope you enjoy! x

Summary: As Shawn’s anxiety gets worse you - his life long best friend - is the only person who could help him, just as always. But when he caught his girlfriend cheating, everything just came spiraling down.

Warnings: Angst like loads and Typos like a few maybe

Word Count: 5.6k+

Masterlist in Bio 

-:-:-:-:-

Tired.

Shawn is tired.

He's tired of his own mind filling him up with emotions that he shouldn't be feeling. He's tired of the constant worrying of how people are going to accept him for who he truly is as a person and as an artist, thinking about if people are going to stay with him in the long run. He's tired of feeling anxious about the choices he's going to make, not wanting to ruin the image the world has laid on his shoulders, tired of feeling overwhelmed with the pressure his family, his friends and his fans are giving him, thinking if he was doing enough, if he was good enough.

Shawn is so tired of everything, and sometimes he feels like he is tired of living.

He was sat on the floor of his hotel room, back pressed against the foot of his bed as he stared straight at nothing with tears brimming in his eyes, struggling to keep his breathing steady. Is it possible for a person to feel so many emotions all at once but feel numb at the same time? Because at the moment, his heart is breaking into pieces but his brain is just blank, empty and dark.

Shawn closed his eyes as he took a deep, sharp breath before reaching for his phone, and with shaky hands, quickly dialed her number knowing that when he has episodes like this, there's only one person who can help, and he really needs her right now.

His heartbeat grew faster every time her phone rings, picking up the pace even more the longer she takes to pick up, am I enough for her too?

He was about to hang up and just forget it, not wanting to make himself a burden to her, but before he could pull the phone away, she's already answered.

"Hello there rockstar."

Shawn heaved a huge sigh of relief as her voice hits his hers, the familiar, comforting sound bringing him back to the surface, calming him in the fastest way possible.

"Hi." He whispered as he tried his best to stop his voice from cracking. She knows him too well, and she will definitely know if he's not okay even in the slight change of tone in his voice, they were close that way.

"What's up Shawn? Is everything alright?"

He bit his bottom lip to stop it from trembling, looking up at the ceiling as he blinked back the tears, "Nothing, just really needed to hear your voice." Shawn heard her sigh on the other line, and he can already picture the worry painting on her beautiful face.

"Shawn, what's wrong? Are you okay?"

Shawn shook his head as he drew his bottom lip between his teeth to stop it from trembling, his heart aching as his mind played darker games. He knows that hiding something from her is nearly impossible to do, she can see right through him like he's transparent in some way. As he said, she knows him too well like the back of her hand, and lying to her would be useless, but still, Shawn tried. "Yeah, I just miss you, that's all."

"I miss you too but I know you're lying Shawn, please tell me what's bothering you."

Shawn closed his eyes as he felt a tear roll down his cheek, a soft, almost inaudible sob escaping his lips, and this made her worry even more.

"Shawn?" She called out gently, the concern in her voice so evident that it wasn't that hard to picture her frown, a face full of concern as she speaks on the other line. Shawn tried to fight his tears but still ended up losing as another one slipped out of his eyes, then followed by another, then another and the next thing he knew, he was crying continuously.

"I'm right here Shawn, you know you can tell me anything right?" Her voice was soft and gentle, not forceful in anyway at all, and this is why Shawn always feels so comfortable talking to her, because no matter what, she was never one to judge.

"I'm fine, I just–" Shawn's voice broke as he tried to start to explain to her why he's acting this way, but she stayed quiet, silently urging him to continue.

"I'm just so worked up with everything. I'm getting all wrapped up with all this emotions and I can't take it anymore. I'm getting so tired of the pressure that this career is giving me and I'm like constantly thinking carefully about everything I do just so I can't disappoint anyone. I'm scared of being myself fully because what if no one will like the real me? What if my fans are seeing me as a different person? Painting me into this picture-perfect prince, and when I show my true personality, I'm not the person they expect me to be? I don't want to disappoint them; I don't want to disappoint anyone. The expectations are so high and I don't know if I can live with myself if I don't live up with those expectations. And I'm so tired of feeling so insecure. I'm so scared of not being enough. Fuck, I'm sorry; I'm just all over the place. I can't even explain everything to you properly. I just– I can't take it anymore (Y/N). My mind is consuming me slowly and I'm so fucking tired of it." Shawn ran a frustrated hand through his hair as he let out a broken sob as soon as he finished. The sound he emitted in itself so heart wrenching that she can feel it deep in her chest even if she's miles away.

Shawn can almost imagine her frown deepening on the other line as a soft sigh escaped her lips and he felt slightly guilty for bringing her into this, but he knows she'd scold him if he tells her that, knows that no matter what the cause, she'll always be there for him and she's always made sure he remembered that.

"Shawn, listen to me okay? You are more than enough. You make me, your family and your true friends very very happy and proud. You are an inspiration to millions of people all over the world. And if there are aliens, I'm sure they've already heard of you and are amazed at how talented you are." Shawn shook his head with a light chuckle at her statement, a small smile creeping up his lips as he wiped his tears with the sleeves of his shirt, staying silent as he waited for her to continue.

"You are amazing, and whatever you do with you career or in life, I will be there to support you no matter what. Don't be too hard on yourself okay? You are an incredible person Shawn. Don't think too much about what people will think, just be yourself and the world will accept you for who you truly are, because you are incredible, the real you is incredible. That's why your fans love you so much Shawn, because you are already so genuine, and an honest, down-to-earth person. You don't let the fame get to you and you make everyone feel that you're not above anyone no matter how popular you are, and that's amazing Shawn, you are amazing. You are the strongest and bravest person I know and you can get through this, always. And whatever problem you face in life, just remember that your family and I will always be here by your side no matter the odds. You keep that in mind okay?" She stated firmly, but in the sweetest way she could possibly do, her voice radiating pure honesty and this made Shawn's heart grow ten times its size, a feeling of pure warmth spreading in his chest at her words.

"What would I do without you?" Shawn breathed out, voice filled with so much gratitude as he slowly calms down, taking all that she said in, fresh set of tears brimming in his eyes but with a completely different reason this time.

"Hey, we're not best friends for nothing." She replied casually and weirdly enough, Shawn felt a little pang in his chest as she said that. He doesn't know really know why–or maybe he does–because (Y/N) and him have been friends for as long as he can remember and it was nothing more than that.

She has always been there for him since the beginning and he is so grateful for that because without her, he wouldn't have stayed sane for this long. Being constantly exposed to the public eye is never an easy life and sometimes, everything can get very overwhelming, so it's always good to have someone to remind you that everything is going to be alright, that everything is going to get better. Sure he has his family and friends, but that person for him has mostly been (Y/N).

She's never failed to remind him where he came from and that he should always keep his feet on the ground. She doesn't let him forget that he is only human and it is okay to make mistakes from time to time, because that's what makes us normal. She has always been his rock, his shoulder to cry on whenever things get out of hand, to sum it all up she's just absolutely amazing in general.

She's such an amazing woman and anyone would be so lucky to have her. And of course, Shawn wanted to have something more with her but he pushed those feelings aside, scared that confessing to her would ruin their friendship, and thinking that she's far way out of his league. An incredible, amazing girl like her doesn't deserve someone with a chaotic lifestyle like his.

And let's just say he got occupied by other girls too. Plus, he's in a relationship at the moment. It's just not right to think about having feelings for his best friend, not right to think about another when he already has someone. And he's over his feelings since so long ago, well, at least he likes to think he has.

"Hello? Earth to Shawn Mendes?" Her voice snapped him out of his thoughts and brought him back to reality, him completely forgetting that he was still on the phone as his mind wandered off to the same person he was talking to. "Sorry, got lost in thought. You were saying?"

"You feel better now?" She asked again with a light giggle. "Yeah, thanks to you." Shawn smiled, for real this time and this earned a sweet 'Awww' from her, making him chuckle.

"Always, Shawn. But now tell me, what triggered this again?" Shawn sighed but didn't bother to answer since no matter what he says, (Y/N) will always know the truth even if he'll explain it to her lightly on what, or rather who caused his attack.

"Let me guess, its Madison again isn't it?" Shawn sighed again making (Y/N) let out an annoying groan on the other line. "Quit sighing Shawn and answer the damn question."

Shawn couldn't help but laugh, already picturing her rolling her eyes at him like she does most of the time. Shawn blew out his cheeks as he stared up at the ceiling, counting a few seconds before answering her damn question. "I mean yeah, kind of."

"What happened?"

"We just had a fight, it's no big deal." Shawn tried to brush it off, but knowing his best friend, she's not going to let it go that easily. "It's a big deal Shawn if you called me in the middle of the night."

Shawn frowned, glancing at the clock and sure enough it would be thirty pass two in the morning back in Toronto. "Did I wake you? I'm sorry I woke you up."

"It's fine dork, when I say you can call me any time, I truly mean it." Shawn's heart melted at that, feeling so thankful to have her in his life.

"But I didn't wake up for you not to tell me the full story Shawn. So, seriously what happened this time?" Shawn ran his hand through his hair with a sigh. There was no getting out of this. If he doesn't tell her the truth and just dance around the topic, then she will most likely get the truth herself, because knowing (Y/N), she would fly out all the way from Toronto to pester it out of him sooner rather than later.

"Well, we went out and ate at this restaurant just how normal couples would, then she excused herself to go to the bathroom so I took my phone out for the mean time. I was scrolling through Twitter when I realized she might have been gone too long, and when I looked up, I saw her talking to one of the managers at the back of the restaurant. I didn't think much of it because maybe it's one of her old friends or something. But then she started to get all handsy with him, touching his muscles, poking his chest in a flirtatious manner, whispering in each other's ear, giggling..." Shawn took a deep breath as he told (Y/N) what happened earlier, his stomach twisting as he starts to recall the earlier events. (Y/N) stayed silent but he knew that she was listening carefully to everything that he was saying and that he can take his time as much as he likes, so slowly, he continued.

"She caught me looking at them and as an instinct of mine; I quickly looked away and pretended that I didn't see anything but I was fucking fuming. I know that she knows that I saw everything so she quickly got back to our table and sat down like nothing happened. I was so mad at her but you know me, I'd rather stay silent and wait to deal with it when we get to somewhere private than confront her in public so I ignored her for the rest of the night. I don't know I just can't even look up at her without snapping so I just stayed glued to my phone. She tried to get my attention but everything she did, none of it worked. That's when she started to get irritated..."

***

"Is this how you treat a girl on a date Shawn?" Madison said loudly after he paid the bill, a few people near their table sending smothering as they start to eavesdrop.

"We can talk about it later Madison, don't try and make a scene." Shawn stated as calmly as he could with a straight face.

"I can't fucking believe you. You brought me here just to ignored me? Wow Shawn, you are such a gentleman." She said sarcastically, people around them whispering, some even have their phones out to try and make something out of this predicament. "Madison, please, not here." Shawn tried one more time to control the situation, as well keeping his nerves at bay but much to his dismay, she wasn't having it. "Why the hell not Shawn?" She stood up and crossed her arms over her chest.

"Madison..." Shawn said in a warning tone, jaw clenching as he glared up at her, and she only took this as a challenge. "What? You scared that people will know what kind of a douchebag you are?" She scoffed and that was the last straw for Shawn.

"That's it." He muttered deeply as he abruptly stood up, ignoring the stares as he grabbed her arm along with her purse and dragged her outside.

"What the fuck is the matter with you?" Shawn said through gritted teeth as he quickly opened the passengers door and threw her bag inside out of frustration. He didn't wait for a response as he walked over to the driver's side and got in, slamming the door behind him. Once she slowly got inside of the car with her arms still crossed, Shawn continued.

"Why are you acting like you're the victim in this situation huh? I fucking saw you flirting with a guy Madison!" Shawn yelled, his grip on the steering wheel tightening as they stayed parked.

"Flirting? Oh my god Shawn, imagining things again aren't we?" She responded with a scoff, playing it off like she's done nothing wrong and this made Shawn even angrier. "I'm a guy! I think I fucking know it when a girl is flirting with a guy. I'm not fucking dumb!" He growled as he shot her a glare but she didn't back down, twisting the situation and putting the blame on him instead.

"You know what? I'm sick of this. You always treat me like I'm some kind of property you own. Now I can't talk to guys too? Wow, my ex was way better than you. There are a lot of guys who treated him better than you Shawn. You are nothing compared to them. You always hurt me Shawn, always. Now I feel so trapped like I can't even make my own decisions anymore because you're always jealous and possessive and I'm sick of it." And she cried just like that and Shawn only did nothing but stare at her blankly, his brain still processing everything that came out of her mouth and as to why the whole thing just flipped in no time.

"You're not going to say anything?" She sobbed but Shawn stayed quiet, his mind going elsewhere as he looked at her in pure confusion and shock.

"Fine!" She quickly took her bag and got out of the car, slamming the door shut before Shawn could even react, leaving him there alone to deal with his demons that started to consume his mind.

***

"When I drove back to the hotel, I began to overthink everything that she said. And being the stupid person that I am, I scrolled through twitter and read tweets about what people actually think of me and the next thing I knew I was reading through hate accounts and I got lost. Then everything was starting to go dark, that's why I quickly called you." Shawn took a deep breath as his voice began to get shaky, mind going back to where it was just minutes ago.

"Shawn, hey, calm down, breath. It's okay, I'm here." (Y/N) coed in that soothing voice of hers, Shawn quick to latch on to her words to keep himself calm. "It's okay rockstar, it's going to be okay, I promise." She whispered. Shawn closed his eyes as he lets out a shaky breath, his heart going back to a steady rate, her voice helping him in a way he can't really put into words. "Shawn? Still there bub?"

"Yeah, still here. Thank you (Y/N). God what would I do without you?" Shawn whispered.

"No need to thank me Shawn. I'll always be here remember? I already promised you that and I'd like to keep that promise for as long as I can."

Shawn shook his head in pure disbelief, "Have I told you how amazing you are? You are such an incredible person (Y/N) you have no idea." A small giggle was heard on the other line, followed by a soft and shy thank you that Shawn couldn't help but smile as he pictured her face all flushed as she always does whenever he gushes about her. A few seconds of silence hung in the air before she spoke again, "On another note," She paused for a moment, and Shawn already knows where this conversation is heading.

"You'll probably hate me for this but, why are you with a girl like her Shawn? You deserve so much better."

Shawn sighed, a hand raking through his hair as he tries to settle this without ending in an argument. "I don't know (Y/N), I just—I know she can be a handful at times but I just can't let her go. I don't know, I can't really explain it." He grumbled, he in himself properly conflicted as to what he truly feels.

If it was that easy, he would have left Madison a long time ago. He doesn't know why but he likes to give people plenty of chances, a huge thing that he needs to work on his part, because by the end of it all, people only take advantage of that and Shawn's learning that, slowly but painfully.

All Shawn heard was a sigh of disappointment on the other line. "I know your upset (Y/N) and that you aren't her biggest fan but I really do like her and I think I'm falling for her. That's why I am willing to give her another chance."

"How can you like her Shawn? She's a brat. All she ever does is blame you for the mistake that she made. I don't want you getting hurt at all and she's like a poisonous snake. There are better girls out there Shawn." The annoyance in her voice was so clear, and Shawn knows she'll never hide that from him because (Y/N) is always honest. Even if it upsets him that his best friend who means the world to him doesn't really get along with his girlfriend.

"We can't have this conversation again (Y/N), please. She's still my girlfriend." Shawn reasoned, not really in the mood to get an earful from her yet again about the same thing.

"Yeah okay fine. Sorry, well, I'm not really sorry for not liking her but yeah I'll stop." Shawn couldn't stop the chuckle from escaping his mouth, and just when he was going to say something back, another call came through.

"It's Madison, she wants to Facetime." Shawn sighed once he got a glance at the caller ID, not entirely happy about the interruption but glad to see that she's the one to reach out this time.

"Well, that's my cue. Go and sort things out with your girlfriend. I'll see you soon rockstar."

"See you honey. Thanks for everything." And with that Shawn ended the call and answered Madison with a slight dread, knowing that this was going to be a long night.

***

Few months later...

"Around what time would you like me to come over at your place?" (Y/N) asked on the other side of the phone, voice a bit muffled indicating that she must be on a walk or just out and about.

Shawn looked at the time for a quick moment before continuing to fish his car keys out of his pocket, a task he seemed to have a hard time of doing. "I don't really know yet. Maybe some time after lunch? I'm surprising Madison so maybe we'll go out for lunch and I don't know how long we'd be out." Shawn whispered a 'yes' as he finally found his keys after quite the struggle.

"Yeah, right." Shawn was met by the most uninterested tone he'd ever had the pleasure of hearing, making him let out a chuckle as he slowly got into his car. "Did you just roll your eyes at me missy?" Shawn joked, but already knowing that he was probably right.

"Oh my God! How on earth do you do that Shawn? We're on the phone but it's like you're seeing me on the other side." (Y/N)'s voice was laced with pure sarcasm, adding in a fake gasp as well to sell the act. "Oh, shut up." Shawn laughed, shaking his head as he reached for his seatbelt, connecting his phone with his car in the process.

He was on his way to Madison's house, one that she rented while she's in Toronto for a couple of weeks for some project they never got the chance to talk about. Shawn on the other hand just flew in last night and didn't tell her in an attempt for it to be a surprise, since he hasn't seen Madison for a while now. The only person he told that he was back home was his family and (Y/N), of course.

"But seriously though, how did you guess that right?" She asked just as Shawn drove off, her voice now booming around the car.

"I just know that whenever I mention Madison, you always roll your eyes." Shawn pointed out the obvious. "Just like right now." He added, earning a hearty laugh from the girl.

"I mean how can I not? Just her name itself annoys me. That fucking snak–"

"(Y/N)..." Shawn warned before she could even finish her sentence, though a smile did made its way to his lips at how stubborn his best friend is, not even giving Madison a slight chance to redeem herself.

"Oops, I'm sorry sir, I'll stop." Shawn shook his head with a chuckle, purely amuse at how (Y/N) is just is, and oh how much he adores her. "You are something else aren't you?"

"Well you love me that way so..." Shawn rolled his eyes with a scoff, but never did deny what she said because it was the truth. He does love her, but maybe in a different way as she thinks he does.

"Yeah, whatever." Shawn tried his best to keep his voice casual but his mind was running a hundred miles per minute as he starts to think about where his heart really does lie, because it would be very unfair to both girls if he himself aren't sure of what he feels.

Was he really still in love with his best friend?

"Anyways, do you need something? I'm stopping at the grocery store later to get a few things." (Y/N)'s voice slightly startled him as he got lost in thought again, but he was quick to compose himself as he turned the curb, arriving just in front of Madison's house. "Nope, it's fine, just arrived at Madison's. I'll see you later yeah?"

"Yup, see you later Shawn." She sighed with a hint of disappointment in her tone. Shawn was about to ask her what's wrong but he kind of already have a clue what it was just judging by the name he has mentioned. As much as he wants (Y/N) to accept Madison and just see pass through her mistakes, she can't really blame her if she can't, given the fact that Madison has hurt him plenty of times, (Y/N) being the witness of the aftermath.

"Don't bail on me (Y/N)." Shawn warned jokingly, though he was making sure that their plan was still a go. Her laugh echoed throughout Shawn's car, the sound tugging a smile on his lips.

"Never." She breathed out, the sound almost like an inaudible whisper, soft and gentle. An answer to his question but Shawn knows that the simple word held so much more. That whatever happens, she'll always be there, that she'll never stop being there for him and this made Shawn's heart skip a beat.

Shawn brushed this feeling off and didn't think much of it, shoving the thought in the back of his mind as he says one last goodbye. Once she hung up, Shawn disconnected his phone and got out of the car, mind in different directions as he walked towards the front door.

About three steps away from the door, Shawn suddenly felt uneasy, a certain gut feeling he can't seem to ignore making him think that something was up, but he continued to take steps forward.

As he placed his hand on the doorknob, he heard noises that made him stop dead in his tracks. Shawn's breathing stared to grow heavy, his hands shaking as his heart pumps blood around his body two times its normal speed. The voice in the back of his head telling him that he should ready myself for what he was about to see, but even if he tried, he was sure he will never be ready for this, not now, not ever.

Shawn twisted the doorknob slowly, the sound only growing louder as he pushed the door open as quietly as possible, like he was sneaking into someone's house without their consent but then again, that was kind of the situation.

Once he was inside, the noises just became unbearable at that point and he so badly just wanted to throw up, head spinning as his heart thumped loud against his chest. Shawn swallowed a huge lump in his throat as he lumbered his way towards the living room, not even sure what to do if he sees what he thinks was happening but when he finally reached the space, his heart was quick to drop and shatter as soon as his eyes confirmed what his brain was telling him.

There she was, his girlfriend on top of some guy that he doesn't even know, both half naked and moaning in pleasure as loud as they can, making sure the neighbors could hear. They were so caught up with what they were doing that they've grown oblivious to the fact that Shawn was right there, standing frozen and heartbroken, watching them attentively even if he so badly just wanted to look away.

All the blood drained from Shawn's face as it slowly rushed up his brain, and that's when all he saw was red. "What the actual fuck?" He yelled once he was back to his senses, making both heads snap in his direction, them looking at him with nothing but wide eyes.

Madison stood abruptly, trying her best to cover her body, guilt and fear written all across her face but Shawn ignored her as he launched himself towards the guy, not even thinking with a clear mind anymore.

"What the fuck man!" Shawn screamed, throwing a punch across his face and actually managing to hit him hard, having the element of surprise to his advantage but Shawn was never a fighter, so he was easily caught off guard when the other guys managed to land a punch square on his cheek.

Shawn stumbled back, a warm feeling coming out of his nose but he casually wipes it off with the back of his hand, never taking his eyes of the guy as he continued to walk forwards not even scared if he was going to get beaten down as his anger only fueled him to keep going.

The guy was the first to throw in another punch, Shawn unable to dodge it as it landed right on his eyebrow, head now starting to throb but still, he kept going as he threw another one back and it was a full on back and forth at that point.

Shawn gave a few punches and received some more, both guys now on the floor with Shawn managing to stay on top, knuckle colliding with the guy's face over and over until Shawn's fist was fully covered with blood, the other guy managing to reach a hand out, fingernail digging right in Shawn's face, making him curse out loud.

"Stop! Both of you stop!" Madison shrieked in horror, and that's when Shawn managed to stop, chest heaving up and down as he stood up slowly, eyes glued to the man as he growled. "Leave."

He staggered up, collected his clothes and rushed towards the door without another word, enabling Shawn to turn his full attention towards Madison. "Shawn he–"

"What? You're going tell me that I'm making things up again? Or that you accidentally fell on top of him while losing your clothes in the process? I fucking saw it with my own eyes Madison! You fucked another guy behind my back, or should I say right in front of my fucking face. You cheated. Simple as that, your bullshit won't work on me this time so don't even try." Shawn shook his head in pure disbelief as he tried to keep himself together, the actual truth of what he just saw tasting so vile in his mouth.

"So what are you going to do? Break up with me?" She said crossing her arms across her chest, voice a bit shaky but raising her eyebrow nonetheless, as if he was challenging him. Shawn only let out a sarcastic laugh, eyes almost rolling to the very back of his head as if it was so hard for him to just that.

"Yes, that is exactly what I'm going to do." He stated loud and clear, venom laced in every word. "I'm done with all your bullshit. I should've done this a long time ago. (Y/N) was right, I deserve so much better. I'm done Madison, it's over." Shawn added ready to turn his back on her and leave this hell hole called a relationship, so fucking mad at himself for not doing it sooner.

"Fine! Go! I've never loved you anyway! You were useful for my reputation while it lasted." She screamed out just as Shawn pulled the door open, his heart breaking even more as he rushed to his car, struggling to keep his feet under him while his mind started to get darker as seconds ticked by.

Once he slammed the door shut, that's when he broke down, floods of tears running down his face as he turned the engine on, a very reckless decision but Shawn didn't care as he drove off, fast and hot headed.

His mind and body shutting down all at once, judgment entirely clouded as he started not to care about anything, his demons feeding his dark thought more as he felt the loss of care for his own life.

Fuck everything. Fuck life.

-:-:-:-:-

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