#also tell me youre transphobic while pretending to be an ally lol

[uncanny-tranny]

Hey, the anon with the 'trump is trans' dream here. I just really needed to talk about this to a trans person, especially a grown up (not sure how old are you, but you're definitely older than me), but you're free to ignore this :3

A while ago my mom was telling me about this show about a trans kid (I asked her for recommendations on tv shows and movies). She seemed happy to tell me about it, and I also explained to her a few things about being trans, for example gender dysphoria and stuff that could affect the protagonist and stuff. I was surprised she listened to me, as I thought she was transphobic. And, well, I thought: "Hey, I guess watching from a trans point of view helped her change her mind, have more sympathy towards trans people, and validate us!". However last sunday she made a very transphobic comment, obviously stating her unsupport towards us. My dad, an obvious ally, "agreed" with her on the transphobic comment, and I don't know if he feels weak when supporting trans people in front of my mom or what, or if he only pretends to be an ally in front of me. And I've been thinking about how cis people only decide to validate us when it's... convenient, or "cute", and I was surprised when I realized this because it's exactly what happens with ableism, and racism too I think. I do get why my mom doesn't completely understand trans people, but saying that we're not valid out loud is disrespectful. I know you can talk shit about others if you're not in front of them, but it's just... mean.

Maybe you talked about this in one of your posts already, I just wanted to vent it out, so, sorry abt filling your asks lol

Yeah, it's honestly kind of hurtful when it comes from people you care about and people who you thought cared about you for you... I've learned to expect some level of transphobia from cis people, but it still stings when that cis person is somebody you thought was higher than that. I think transphobia from my family really cemented that, and I hope that as trans people become almost more normalized and as resources for trans education is more accessible and accurate, more cis people will take it upon themselves to educate themselves, though of course, some people are stuck in the mindset of, "well learning is hard, so why should I bother"

I hope you're doing okay, anon, and just know that there is always the chance that your parents will grow as they learn. It isn't impossible, and regardless of their current view, that doesn't reflect on you. You deserve to live authentically.

[bymyblood]

What happened between you and your ex? I'm so sorry you've been going through all of this, and you're right, it's not fair if she abused you. You deserved so much better than pain. Feel free to ignore this if it's too personal. But I'm rooting for you!

It’s way too much bullshit to adequately sum up over this format but here goes. Overview- we met on tumblr, were long distance for about a year and a half, moved in together at the beginning of 2020. Things were amazing at first but got bad as time went on. She routinely belittled my emotions, would straight up tell me she did not care about my feelings and that they were annoying and didn’t matter. Would selectively overshare with me to give me the illusion that she was honest and trustworthy when in reality she was hiding a lot from me. Cheated on me at least twice that I know of- my friends tell me there were probably more times I didn’t find out about, idk what I believe about that, I just try not to think about it anymore. Pretended to be supportive of me and my non-binary identity whilst being secretly transphobic as hell the whole time (probably still pretends to be an ally even now lol). Spent the entire relationship pretending to be supportive of me getting top surgery- something I had discussed with her a lot, in detail, we had planned for her to come to Texas with me to help me recover and everything- then as soon as I actually scheduled it she bailed on me and said she didn’t want it to happen and that she might break up with me over it. (Note-this occurred about a month after she did a big grand gesture with a promise ring where she claimed I was the one and promised that she would propose to me- I’m not even gonna get into all the pain of that.) The weeks leading up to surgery she treated me like absolute shit and bullied me a lot, told me I was gonna be ugly, that I’d regret it, joked that I would detransition, blah blah blah. It was a living hell. I went away for surgery, she barely talked to me the whole time I was gone, leading me to be utterly miserable the whole time (9 days). I spent pretty much the entire trip crying in the bathroom so my mom wouldn’t see and panicking that she was gonna leave me. Really put a dent in my life-changing surgery experience 🥴 Oh and also while I was gone she drove my car 30 minutes away without my permission (she was just learning to drive) to see some shiny new boy she met, and I came back to find that my car was damaged. She claimed she didn’t know what had happened and that it occurred overnight in the parking lot of our apartment complex- I didn’t fucking know what to believe, and still don’t know, but everyone that saw it said it looked like it had been run off the road. She broke up with me two days after I got home from my surgery trip, I was absolutely heartbroken. Then she pretty much immediately started dating that boy she had met- technically they didn’t put a label on it for a few weeks after but they started hanging out constantly and hooking up and whatnot. She would routinely have me drive her an hour round trip to drop her off at his house for the night, which was fucked up by itself. And then she started bringing him over to our *one bedroom apt* *that we still lived in together*... needless to say things got very messy and everyone had a bad and weird time. We finally moved out in October. Stopped talking in December I think? Idk. The whole thing was a shitshow and there were parts that were good and genuine and wholesome, at least I think? But honestly after everything she put me through I no longer have any semblance of what the truth was. I have no idea what was real and what was the illusion she fed me. She gaslit the fuck out of me and took advantage of my soft heart and naivety. It took me a long time to actually be mad at her. For so long I was infinitely forgiving and gave her a thousand chances and tried my best to support her. She has a couple of PDs and I always tried my best to be kind and understanding of that because I know what it is to be misunderstood and above all I just wanted to show her love. But the reality of it was that I let that be an excuse for her abuse and manipulation and lack of loving behavior toward me. And I never truly held her accountable for how horribly she treated me. Never again, holy fuck.