#also that tem drawing was like an idea of him still being alive and just becoming like a celebrity or something

[doopn00p]

More old drawings but now it’s riz and tem

Plus one punch man sketches

[missholoska]

How would the Underswap MH characters react if they met their Undertale and Classicswap counterparts?

seeing as I took ages just to answer this it’d take even longer to draw for every character, so I hope text is fine :’D

(also just a general reminder that I’m not interested in making Swap MH interact with the whole AU multiverse concept, these are just for fun and not canon!)

Swap MH Chara & UT Chara:

I uh, actually don’t know enough about Canonswap Chara or Frisk to answer for either of them, and Swap MH Chara couldn’t meet UT Chara without also meeting UT Frisk and vice versa due to the dead narrator ghost thing, so! both Charas and both Frisks:

UT Frisk would be excited to meet a version of Chara who’s actually alive! Swap MH Chara would have a quieter “huh, cool” reaction, but I don’t think it’d take long for them to start treating each other like siblings :’>

Swap MH Chara would probably be mildly unsettled to know that they died in another universe, but I think they’d get along nonetheless. UT Chara would just be glad to know that there’s a universe where they get to live and grow up, and they have an intellectual discussion about the best chocolate brands.

likewise UT Frisk would be a little upset to hear that their counterpart is dead, but Swap MH Frisk’s reaction? ecstatic to see a version of them who’s alive. they possess Swap MH Chara just to be like “it’s me!! :D!!!”

finally the ghost kids: they’d likely have a fairly morbid talk comparing the differences between their monster families and their deaths, but after that they’re pretty chill buds. and then when UT Frisk and Swap MH Chara take back control of their bodies they’re both just like “……wow geez that was sad”

Neptune & UT Sans:

already drawn Neptune and Canonswap Sans meeting, so I’ll just stick with UT Sans! he and Neptune would absolutely be friends.

UT Sans would be pretty entertained by a version of himself who acts somewhat like his brother but still has their same hobbies and interests. he’d probably struggle to keep up with Neptune’s energy, but they’d definitely have fun sharing horrible puns and talking about space.

Neptune would be a little exasperated by how… stationary UT Sans is, but he can’t be that annoyed when he naps a lot too and that’s how his own brother is half the time. meeting another pun pal and ketchup enthusiast is always a good thing!

UT Sans sees Neptune do his hanging-upside-down-on-a-floating-bone thing that I still haven’t actually drawn him doing yet and feels exhausted just watching him

Noodle & UT Papyrus & Canonswap Papyrus:

UT Papyrus definitely goes googly-eyed with frustration over how Noodle and Canonswap Papyrus are content to just stand around doing nothing, but they can at least develop puzzle ideas together!

considering Noodle is still the younger skelebro and he’s also only a year older than his UT counterpart, he’s a little bewildered by the Older Brother Instincts™ he has for UT Paps.

also Noodle talking to Canonswap Paps: “please don’t blow smoke on my spaghetti thanks”

Axe & UT Alphys & Canonswap Alphys:

I think UT Alphys would have some very conflicting feelings about two versions of herself who are both Strong Ladies and act like the fishy gf she loves, and the fact that she doesn’t like herself enough to like herself. not that she’d act on said feelings at all (there will be no selfcest in my house), just a lot of flustered confusion ahah

both Swap Alphyses are also pretty charmed by how smart UT Alphys is and ask her to teach them some science trivia they can impress their Undynes with

Axe and Canonswap Alphys have a flexing contest. UT Undyne detects A Gun Show in action and joins in. Aaron is there. UT Alphys’ poor little pan heart is too weak for this.

Sci-Fi & UT Undyne & Canonswap Undyne

so much chaos. many explosions. anime speeches. boulders being suplexed. the world is doomed

similarly to the Alphyses, both Swap Undynes are in awe of how cool and strong UT Undyne is, and UT Undyne thinks these two nerdy versions of herself are fun to be around.

Canonswap Undyne is definitely shyest of the bunch and the other two will protecc and attacc for her

Swap MH Happstablook & UT Mettaton & Canonswap Happstablook:

MTT would be very surprised that his counterparts don’t have robot bodies, possibly even a little uncomfortable with the reminder of his past? but he’d at least be glad that Swap MH Happstablook has found happiness remaining a ghost, even if he didn’t himself (not sure what Canonswap Happsta’s feelings are about being a ghost).

ghostly makeovers and dramatic poses. these three will take the fashion world by storm

Swap MH Napstabot & UT Napstablook & Canonswap Napstaton:

UT Blooky is quietly surprised and just a little awed by their robotic counterparts, but honestly Canonswap Napstaton’s personality is probably a bit overwhelming for the other two ahah

they all just lie on the ground feeling like garbage and sharing music tracks together :’>

also I know this is focused on just the napstas but UT Mettaton would be so excited to meet Napstabot/Napstaton and so proud of them being famous and living their dreams and nothing will convince me otherwise

Dandelion & UT Asgore & Canonswap Asgore:

Canonswap Asgore would be the more horrified of the two about UT Asgore and the whole dead kids thing, while Dandelion is more sympathetic since that was his call, too. but I think they’d all get along eventually.

a nice Sad Dad Talk and sharing gardening tips over cups of golden flower tea~

Orchid & UT Toriel & Canonswap Toriel:

UT Toriel’s reaction to two versions of her who did the very thing she left Asgore for would be… uncomfortable. but as long as they meet at a point in time where she’s making progress in forgiving Asgore, she’d be able to tolerate them too.

Orchid would be pretty surprised that UT Asriel was UT Toriel’s son, since she’s an aunt to Swap MH Asriel. and UT Toriel would be sad to hear that both Swap Frisks and Swap Monster Kids died long ago.

…this one got depressing so let’s say they have a happier talk about their respective living human children and it warms UT Toriel’s heart to know Chara and Asriel are alive and well in other universes :’D

Swap MH Temmie & UT Monster Kid & Canonswap Temmie:

UT MK is very confused about this one very angry Temmie, this other sentient plushie Temmie, and how in the world they’re all connected. both Swap Temmies just fiercely ignore this version of themself that gets be alive still and fight like two angry housecats.

“faker?? tem thinks YOU da fake tem round here,,”

Swap MH Asriel & UT Flowey & Canonswap Asriel:

both Swap Asriels just have a fun time being kids and playing together with no idea that they have a third counterpart, because UT Flowey noped out of there immediately.

or alternatively, UT Flowey meeting the Swap Floweys: absolute confusion and intense discomfort. this is the worst possible timeline

[misssunflowersandsangria]

The Arrangement

Chapter 7:  The Meaning 

Hello, my loves!  Thank you for stopping by!  I hope that you are all doing well.  Fair warning, this is some serious fluffy stuff but honestly, I think that’s what we need right now.  Enjoy! 

Summary:  It was time to be honest.

*

**

Flashback

“Princess Temari!  You can’t keep running away from your lessons like this.  Your father is going to become upset.”  Temari just rolled her eyes, annoyed at her instructor. She needed to find a better hiding place.  

“Why can’t I go practice my jutsu with Kankuro?  I don’t want him to get better than me.”

“You will train only after your lessons are done.”

“I don’t care about these lessons.  I don’t want to get married anyways.  I just want to become a legendary Sand Kunoichi and help my brothers and village.”

The woman sighed and placed an affectionate hand on her head. “Oh princess, do you not see the power that you hold?”  Temari just stared up at her silent. 

“These rituals are important for the safety of the village, for the land of Wind.”

“Why is that?”

“It allows the people to know him. The person that you choose to marry will have the power to either sow the seeds of peace or ones of war.  He will either use his influence to build Suna or bury it.  Princess these lessons and rituals are so that you may teach him not only to love you but the land that you hail from.  It is important that you choose someone that will love and protect Suna in the same way that he will love and protect you.” 

Temari sighed, she understood, she really did, but she still didn’t think it was possible.  She may be a princess but she didn’t look or act like one.  There was no way that anyone could actually fall in love with her, someone that would be strong and smart.  That would still respect her for who she was and wanted to become. That could care for the Sand in the way that she did. Ultimately the Council would still probably decide who she would have to marry. Someone that would benefit the village the most. It wasn’t about her and what she wanted. 

“Won’t the council just pick someone for me anyway?”

Her instructor just smiled at her with a look that only came from having a lifetime of experiences.  “That’s what they will think,  but you Princess are the jewel of Suna. You are as powerful as the wind you command. And no one can tell the wind what to do. If and when that day comes I know that you will make the best decision for yourself and the village.  You will choose your Prince.” 

Temari knew that she needed to do this for the people. Despite what she said her own feelings didn’t matter.  She’d always do what was best for her village.

“Fine, I’ll stop running away.”

End Flashback

After the guests had gone home happy, full and drunk Shikamaru snuck off to a cliff face that overlooked the village. Suna was so different from Konoha and yet Shikamaru knew that part of his heart was here in the desert.  He could understand why she loved it so.  Suna had been through so much over the years but they’d overcome each obstacle and tragedy growing stronger each time.  Since Temari had come into his life she’d tell him stories of her home. Her need to foster its growth and protect it was clear.  Through all the trips there, the people he met and the land he learned about he found the desert to be like a second home. He found himself falling in love with the Sand as he fell in love with it’s Princess.  Like Konoha, he would fight and defend it. 

He heard her approach and while she might dazzle in the sunlight under the moonlight she was radiant. How had he never realized this, what she meant to him? If this whole fake relationship hadn’t come about would they have ever accepted their feelings? Perhaps he would have eventually but it would have been too late. Then his nightmare would have become realized. They both knew that all they had was this moment, right now. 

Temari fell into his arms and any premise of denying their feelings was lost. She was done running away from this. She’d actually, against all odds, found her prince. She tucked her head into his neck placing a kiss where it pulsed. Now that she’d accepted how she felt those emotions were overwhelming her. 

“Did you always know?”  The unspoken words ‘that I loved you’ left on his tongue. She’d always been the perceptive one.

“I’m sure, on some level I did. I guess I just assumed us together would not be possible. You were born to be my enemy, that’s who we were always meant to be to each other. We were so many miles apart and yet our lives kept intertwining. There’s very little about us together that is easy.  Perhaps  more important than anything is that you were just meant for me.”  

Her thumb went to rub his cheek those soft eyes she loved so much meeting hers. The gold flecks in them reminding her of sand, of home. By choosing him she was trusting that he would not only care for her and her heart but also for her home and the people that she loved. Perhaps that was why she had always been hesitant in relationships. Her heart could be broken, but she’d never let anyone hurt Suna.  She’d found the best person for her and her village. 

He placed a warm hand over hers drawing her lips towards his. He kissed her and it was unlike the chaste ones they’d shared all night. This one left her breathless, her hands clutching onto him to keep her from floating. He was warm, so incredibly comforting and safe.  She’d be happy to kiss him for the rest of their lives. It could have only ever been him. 

Shikamaru took her hands in his, eyes hopeful. 

“Princess Temari of Sunagakure, I came from Konoha to earn your love.  My mother sees you as her daughter, my clan has accepted you as one of their own. My friends are yours. I have no more gifts to give you or an elaborate display. All I have left to offer you is my heart and I hope that it is enough.  Although, it has always been yours.  I don’t need the Council to approve, I just ask that you may accept me for who I am. A simple man that loves you.”  

The declaration left her speechless.  Temari’s eyes filled with tears, while feelings of relief fell over her. 

“I love you too Shikamaru…” 

He gripped onto her tightly pressing kisses against her. She loved him, she chose him over anyone else and for the rest of his life, he’d prove that she was right to pick him. 

“I’d always known that I'd have to go through these rituals, to find a suitor, The idea terrified me. I imagined that I would have been killed first honestly.  I thought through a million different scenarios, what he might look like, how we would have lived.  I could have never imagined you.”

Her fingers gently brushed through his hair trying to swallow the emotion in her voice.  “You frustrate me, you make me smile.  Some days I can’t stand you but most days I can’t imagine life without you.  I’ve loved you at your worst and you’ve loved me at my best.  You’ve always had my love and I will continue to love you for the rest of our lives. 

She caught the teardrops before they could fall from his eyes.  “Don’t get emotional on me Crybaby.”  She smirked her own tears lining her eyes.  He just chuckled, kissing the crown of her head.  

“I love you Temari.  I have so many cracks in my heart but you held it together, you kept me together.  Thank you, Princess, for being my best friend, my rival, my equal and my happily ever after.” 

They laid there under the starlight a warm desert night a princess and her prince. 

*

**

Temari felt herself gasping for breath, Shikamaru’s kisses were relentless and every part he touched made it feel like she was glowing.  He was supposed to walk her back to her room instead it had turned into a heated make-out session that left her wanting more. 

“Shika…”  She breathed.  

Each time he tried to take a step back to leave she’d pull him right back. After denying this for so long she would be damned if she didn’t appreciate that she had him now. 

“Tem…” He kissed her before continuing “I need to go.”  She just grinned up at him. 

“Nothing is making you stay here.”  She replied, biting her lower lip.  His lips immediately replaced her own.

“You are, it’s you.”  He groaned his hands grabbing her waist. His lips traced along her throat becoming drunk off her scent. 

“You don’t really want to go do you?”  She teased her hands finding their way under his shirt to trace over his warm muscles.  She couldn’t help but love the shudder she felt run through him. For years she tried to deny her attraction towards him. Now she could admit and enjoy just how attractive her genius nin was. 

“Of course not, but your brothers and my mother will skin me alive if I stay.” She pouted but nodded.  She wouldn’t want that now. 

“Fine.”  She took a step back, but before she could retreat into her room his body pressed hers against the door, heavy kisses paralyzing her in place.  Gathering her wits she wrapped her arms around him pulling him as close as he could possibly be. 

“I love you Tem. We have a lifetime together, we can say goodnight just for now.” 

She nodded, stealing a few more kisses to keep her sated till the morning. Oh, how she loved him. 

“Good night Shikamaru.” 

He cupped her face in his warm hand, his thumb rubbing over her kiss swollen lips.  The memory of his sweet and gorgeous Temari kissing him would keep the nightmares away. “Good night my Princess.” 

She watched him disappear down the hallway before retiring to her room to collapse in bed.  She was light, euphoric and free. 

So this was love. 

The Arrangement:

Chapter 1: The Set-Up

Chapter 2: The Proposition

Chapter 3: The Participants

Chapter 4: The Declaration

Chapter 5:  The Fear

Chapter 6: The Performance

Chapter 7: The Meaning

**

If anyone read this earlier I added the last little bit.  I may end up writing a side story just for the smutty stuff :D We have just about 2 possibly 3 more chapters then this baby will be done.  Thank you for hanging out with me during this quarantine.  Please take care of yourself and others!  Love you and sending positivity and healing to all of you!

[tren-fraszka]

Fandom 5k Letter

Dear creator,

Thank you for taking your time to check my requests. I know my requests can sound a bit tricky, but please don’t be discouraged. I wish you will have good time writing first and foremost!

My AO3 is Tren, if you wish to check it out.

Likes: comedy, casefics, canon compliants, AUs, time loops, bodyswaps, roleswaps, “being hoisted by your own petard” plotlines, snark, pettiness, rivals, enemies to friends to lovers, violence, friendships and character bonding,

DNW: graphic sex, A/B/O, mpreg, rape depicted as positive (so no “it’s okay, because the other person enjoyed it/it was what they truly wanted”), trans headcanons, soulmates, stories ending with surrender to fate/destiny, fourth wall breaking in canons where that doesn’t occur.

Also, I included what ships I’m okay with in each fandom. Please do not include any ships that aren’t canon and I have not allowed in those sections (if you feel really strongly about a ship, you can ask through mods just in case, if I didn’t include my opinion on it). 

                                                 REQUESTS

PERSONA 5

Akechi Goro/Kurusu Akira

I’m a big sucker for party traitors, so it isn’t really a surprise that I walked out of my Persona 5 playthrough with a new shiny ship. I love how messed up it is with both of them planning to outplay each other in a deadly game and yet still forming an emotional attachment. I also really love how they are mirror images of each other. They are extremely similar, and yet they are also each others opposites. There’s just something fascinating in watching them interact.

For the story, I’m very okay with some in-between the canon flirting with the obligatory dash of scheming and mind games. I also would endorse, some post canon with Goro turning out to be alive. Not having idea what to do next with his life, he follows Akira to his hometown, where he stalks him for some time (bonus points for Goro being miserably homeless, because he probably doesn’t have much at this point), before Akira spots him and reluctantly decides to help Goro get some footing. I would love if Akira helps convince Goro to take a therapy, because he really needs it.

AUs and ships

I don’t mind AUs, just be aware that the messed up relationship between the two of them is a huge draw for me, so I would definitely opt to preserve that part in some form. You don’t have to do the exact same scenario, but at least make them childhood friends, who ended up on the opposite sides of some conflict. Or undercover spies who got in relationship without knowing each other true identities and they really should kill each other since they work for different clients. The exact setting is of secondary importance to me, so choose whatever you feel would work best. AU Divergences are also welcome. I’m always a game for Akechi surviving. Especially, if he gets to shoot the final boss--he deserves that.

As for how spicy I want this pairing, I would be pretty okay with them having makeouts or even sex, but you shouldn’t feel pressured in this regard. I would be as delighted to see 5k words of them just doing intense mindgames.

I’m okay with including pretty much any other ships, except for the ones between the characters who are still students and adults in this case.

DORORO

I’m watching the anime as it comes out, so you are free to incorporate any new developments into the story. I will definitely be caught up on new episodes.

Hyakkimaru

I love the whole idea of someone’s sense and body parts being stolen with them. The process of Hyakkimaru regaining his body parts is fascinating and the main draw for me. You don’t have to concentrate on this aspect, but just a few mentions will go a long way for me.

I would love some sort of youkai of the week story. Hyakkimaru and Dororo having to figure out how to find it. Bonus points if Hyakkimaru’s newly regained senses become an asset/inconvenience when facing the youkai.

I asked for Hyakkimaru, because he is tied to the aspect of the story most interesting to me, but I’m okay with fic not focusing on him, especially for some of AU suggestions bellow.

AUs and ships

The “regaining body parts and senses” plotline is such a huge draw for me, I’m not big on any AUs that change the setting (unless you can somehow incorporate that aspect). Also I love how much the show commits to the gruesome warring states aesthetic, so I would definitely love to see more of that. 

However, I’m all for canon divergences or roleswaps. Like messing around with the order in which Hyakkimaru got his senses back. Or a roleswap AU where it’s Mio who is cursed and killing demons. Or Mio somehow surviving the attack, which results in Dororo and Hyakkimaru desperately trying to keep her alive despite the wounds she sustained. Or a bodyswap between two characters with Hyakkimaru being extra overwhelmed by suddenly having all senses and limbs, and the other character struggling to navigate his half-complete body.

I have no strong ship preferences here. I’m okay with Hyakkimaru/Mio, but if you have a strong preference for some other ship I probably won’t mind. I would prefer Hyakkimaru and Dororo’s relationship to remain platonic, though.

BEASTARS

I’m caught up with the manga, so don’t worry about spoiling anything for me or incorporating new developments.

Legosi

He’s beauty, he’s grace, he’s a teenage grey wolf with a lot on his plate.

I love Legosi as a character. He has great interactions with literally everybody and keeps getting himself in a lot of trouble without even trying. I would love watching how he bounces off other characters. I would especially love a case fic. I really enjoyed his investigation of Tem’s death and would love to see him solving other crimes/problems. Whether it be Rokume asking Legosi for help with yet another investigation, Yafya pushing him into doing something or Louis just grabbing him out of the street, because he needs a trusted person to help him find the truth, all those scenarios would be great. I would especially love, if someone was helping Legosi bounce the idea. I’m not picky about who it is, chose whichever character you like. Whether it be Louis, Haru, any classmate, theater member, Rokume or Legosi’s grandpa, they are all valid choices.

If investigation is not really your cup of tea, you can go for some other adventure. Maybe some story from when Legosi was working part-time for Gouhin? Or Legosi’s struggle with drama club stuff. Maybe an AU where Legosi ends up having to be an actor in some different circumstances?

AUs and ships

Setting influences the characters so much I can’t even imagine divorcing them from it. However, I don’t mind any Canon Divergences.

I’m okay with pretty much any ship for Legosi, other than shipping him with his family.

SWORD ART ONLINE

I haven’t read Alicization novels, just watched anime. I know anime skipped some content and if you want to use it in the story I’m fine with it, just make sure to establish the situation so I know what’s going on. However, I would be grateful for not spoiling the story from the novels that have yet to be adapted (you are free to use general worldbuilding from it, just don’t spoil major plot elements).

Eugeo/Kirito

I was perfectly fine with Asuna/Kirito becoming canon and then Eugeo comes and makes everything gay. Honestly, though, I love the interactions Eugeo and Kirito had and I would love to see more. Especially from their sword academy days where they had some peaceful time before they were brought to the tower. I want to know all the weird shenanigans they got into during that time, given how much like they acted like an old married couple. Or if you want something else then maybe some exploration of their struggles as they climb the tower. For example, a time loop taking place during their tower climb, with the system returning to the last save state each time Kirito dies to keep him alive. 

AUs and ships

I don’t have any suggestions, but I don’t mind setting changes if that’s where you want to go. I’m also okay with Canon Divergence AUs of any kind. Especially, for ones changing the ending of first season. Like, I’m okay with sad gay we got, but there are so many possibilites to explore here other than what canon gave us. Maybe have Eugeo permanently fuse with his blade so Kirito ends up having a sentient sword boyfriend. Or he asks Cardinal to transfer her authority to him and have him oppose Administator as the new Cardinal. There’s just so many interesting ways this could have gone.

As I mentioned I’m okay with Asuna/Kirito ship, so if you want you can incorporate it in the story. Just make sure the focus stays on Eugeo/Kirito. I must also admit that I really can’t see Eugeo’s feelings for Alice as romantic, so I would prefer them to not be portrayed as such.

BOKU NO HERO ACADEMIA

I read the manga chapters as they come out, you can assume I’m caught up on all new developments.

Bakugou Katsuki/Uraraka Ochako

I love how different the two of them, but at the same time how well they see through each other. I would love to have them work together while showing both great teamwork, but at the same time butting heads over their differences in worldview. I also love how they both acknowledge each other’s strength.

They are both very focused on becoming heroes, so I would prefer that they don’t just get together easily. I believe they would be both be extremely reluctant to do so, because of their line of work and media attention that heroes get. Still, I would love to see the tension between them where their professionalism fights against their feelings.

For prompts I would love having them complete some sort of exercise or exam together. I would love to see them pretend to be villains for the sake of exercise and Ochako surprisingly getting into the role, with occassional moments of her breaking out of it, which give everyone a whiplash. I feel like Bakugo would have amusing reactions to seeing her act so out of character. Or the work together on something for school festival. Like making a perferomance togater. Alternatively you can go for future fic where the two of them take part in an action to stop villains. Maybe one of them gets hurt which prompts the other to get more honest about their feelings. 

AUs and ships

I would very much encourage any future fics for this pairing. I love seeing characters as fully-fledged heroes. I’m okay with other setting changes, though I would prefer for the competence aspect to still come in play somehow in them (with Bakugo being stupidly talented and hard working, while acknowledging Ochako’s potential). I’m also okay with canon divergences.

I don’t mind past Midoriya/Ochako if you want to incorporate it into the story, but I’d rather not get any love triangles for this pairing. Either have Ochako’s feelings sizzle out or have them date and break up at some point in the past. When it comes to other pairings I like Midoriya/Todoroki and Eraserhead/Mic, but have no strong feelings on other characters pairings, so you are free to do whatever I guess.

[squareallworthy]

As a bioethicist of the pro-human school, I denounce the dim-witted hand-wringing in this article.

And because this morning I am a rather crabby bioethicist, I am going to denounce it in detail. If you are a transhumanist, or if you ever even heard of transhumanism, there’s likely nothing in the article and nothing I’m going to say that’s new to you. So the rest is below the cut. I apologize in advance for wasting your time on this stupid article and my foul mood.

First, the lede:

In a 2011 New Yorker profile, Peter Thiel, tech-philanthropist and billionaire, surmised that “probably the most extreme form of inequality is between people who are alive and people who are dead”. While he may not be technically wrong, Thiel and other eccentric, wealthy tech-celebrities, such as Elon Musk and Mark Zuckerberg, have taken the next step to counteract that inequality – by embarking on a quest to live forever.

So, the big news that sparked this useless blather is -- nothing. If you thought maybe you missed some big news in longevity research, no, you didn’t. The writer of this piece, Sanjana Varghese, looked over the entire field of transhumanism and couldn’t find anything more compelling to kick off the lead paragraph than a six year old quote. Smashing journalism.

After opening with this damp squib, Varghese invites us to contemplate this horror:

Thiel and many like him have been investing in research on life extension, part of transhumanism. Drawing on fields as diverse as neurotechnology, artificial intelligence, biomedical engineering and philosophy, transhumanists believe that the limitations of the human body and mortality can be transcended by machines and technology. The ultimate aim is immortality. Some believe this is achievable by 2045.

Okay, so we should expect some argument about why this is bad, right? Well, what we get are these two complaints: 1) "transhumanism won't fix capitalism”, and 2) "I hope these people in particular die.”

It seems like if you could articulate those two simple ideas in a pretty strightforward way, right? Well, maybe you could, but let’s not. Instead, let’s first get confused about what the hell transhumanism even is, and who are the people involved in it.

The hows and whens of transhumanism are matters of debate. Some advocate the "Singularity" – a form of artificial super-intelligence which will encompass all of humanity's knowledge, that our brains will then be uploaded to.

Wow, sounds like a radical transformation of all of human civilization and society!

"Transhumanism doesn't have much to say about social questions. To the extent that they see the world changing, it's nearly always in a business-as-usual way – techno-capitalism continues to deliver its excellent bounties, and the people who benefit from the current social arrangement continue to benefit from it," says Mark O'Connell, the author of To be a Machine,

Oh, not so much then.

Musk has publicly declared that we have to merge with artificially intelligent machines that overtake humanity in order to survive.

Oh, survival of the species, that does sound like an important social question, though.

O'Connell points out that "you'd have to be coming from a particularly rarefied privilege to look at the world today and make the assessment, as someone like Thiel does, that the biggest problem we face as a species is the fact that people die of old age".

And we're back to "transhumanism is just overenthusiastic geriatric medicine."

But who are these transhumanists, anyway?

Of course, humans have long harnessed technology, from vaccinations to smartphones, to improve and extend our lives. But that doesn’t admit you into the transhumanist club. Wanting to live forever, and possessing vast sums of money and time to research, does. 

So transhumanists are typically billionaires, then. Like Thiel and Musk and Zuckerberg. Zuckerberg? He's mentioned as someone "embarking on a quest to live forever" in the first paragraph, and then never again in the article. I guess supporting one's contentions is too tranditional-journalisty for a progressive outfit like the New Statesman.

But also, transhumanism includes Ray Kurzweil, an engineer at (gasp) Google. Also a former candidtate for governor of California, Zoltan Istvan. Kursweil has some ideas about that "Singularity" thing, and Istvan has no ideas at all, apparently, since none appear in this article. But he does admit that billionaires are funding longevity research, so that's obviously sinister. 

But also, transhumanism includes white nationalists like Michael Anissimov. But also, they are not a fringe movement because DARPA is funding some projects. DARPA being a totally mainstream thing that everyone is always talking about, like Game of Thrones.

But also, 

It would be remiss to tar all transhumanists with one brush. [...] There are some prominent transhumanists who don’t fit into the Silicon Valley mould. Natasha Vita-More, the former Chairman of the Board of Directors of Humanity+ , the global transhumanist organisation, has spoken about the potential for a posthuman society to address issues of economic justice.

So transhumanists are evil billionaires, except when they are not, and they have no vision for the future of society, except when they do. So, we were going to learn about why they are bad, right?

On an even more basic level, a transhumanist society would undoubtedly be shaped by the ideals of those who created it and those who came before it. 

Unlike other societies we might have in the future, which would not be shaped by any sort of ideals, of course.

Immortality as defined by straight, white men could draw out cycles of oppression. 

PETER THIEL IS GAY, YOU DOLT! How can you even work in journalism and not know that he destroyed Gawker for outing him? You use a quote from Thiel to kick off your lousy excuse for an opinion piece and you don't even know this?  Did you even spend as much time writing your screed as I did writing this rant in response to it?

Without old attitudes dying off and replaced by the impatience of youth, social change might become impossible.

We need to kill off these transhumanists because they are stuck in old, hidebound ideas like this "upload all human minds into a global superintelligence" thing.

Artificial intelligence has already been shown to absorb the biases of its creators. Uploading someone’s brain into a clone of themselves doesn’t make them less likely to discriminate. 

Only technology that advances progressive ideals can be tolerated.

Thiel and Musk, for example, identify as libertarians and have frequently suggested that taxes are obsolete and that governmental military spending needs to be curbed (and put into life-enhancing technologies).

Progressive ideals like spending money on the military instead of on improving people's lives, that is!. Now, the New Statesman has been around for a long time, and what counts as progressive is as prone to drift as anything else in politics, but I did not realize they had come around to "bombs are more important than treating senlile dementia."

Okay, wrap it all up for us. What's the really real problem with people not suffering from old age as much as they do now?

If those who form society in the age of transhumanism are men like Musk and Thiel, it’s probable that this society will have few social safety nets. There will be an uneven rate of technological progress globally; even a post-human society can replicate the unequal global wealth distribution which we see today. In some cities and countries, inhabitants may live forever, while in others the residents die of malnutrition. If people don’t die off, the environmental consequences – from widespread natural resource devastation to unsustainable energy demands – would be widespread. 

So, three basic complaints. First, old people in the future will suddenly stop wanting social safety nets. Old people are kinda well known for their attachment to safety nets now, so why exactly do you expect that to change? Because Musk and Thiel funded medical technology, and thereby hypnotized nonagenarians into voting to end Medicaid and the National Health Service?

Second complaint: in the hideous transhuman future, we would still have problems with inequality. Well, I had raisin bran for breakfast, and that also did not solve global inequality. Am I next on Varghese's hit list? "You did not solve global inequality" is a pretty tough standard to meet, so I guess we can look forward to a long series of columns explaining why knitting, and ISO date formats, and hanging toilet paper the right way, and coffee, Taylor Swift's new album are all bad. Don't you know that if it doesn't solve this huge, complex problem that's been around forever, it's bad?

But worse, the second complaint is entirely unsupported, and the reverse may well be true. Cell phones used to be toys for the rich. Now they are commonplace, and they're doing quite a bit to benefit poor people, thank you. Could it be that research into human longevity will have positive consequences for people other than six billionaires in Silicon Valley? Like every broad-based area of technological research always has, ever? Could that be an interesting line of inquiry to write about in an opinion piece? Nah, not worth considering.

And complaint the third is that keeping people alive is just too expensive. It's phrased in tems of environmental costs, but that's just a way of tabulating the bill. Let me tabulate it this way: Varghese looks at a bunch of humans and a bunch of non-humans, and says, "Yeah, it's better if the humans die and the non-humans live." If you're aiming your dumb-ass opinon at oysters, that might be a good argument. Aimed at humans, not so much.

So there's the case against transhumanism. There's the case against basic medical research into aging and disease, including  Parkinson's, Alzheimer's,  cancer, heart disease, osteoporosis, arthritis, hearing loss, vision loss, and just generally feeling crappy when you get old. There's the argument against helping billions of people to live happier, more connected, more productive, more satisfying, and yes, longer lives. 

It's also the argument against fighting cholera, smallpox, and polio. It's the argument against human existence. And it's not progressive, it's not in favor of human dignity and autonomy, and it's not a position that helps the people Varghese claims to be concerned about. As someone who is in favor of human beings, I say fuck that.