#also the skunk bros were difficult

[siennaditbot]

Got an idea and just had to draw it today. I started around 11pm and it's now 2am. At least I somewhat finished it without really rushing it.

Anyway, wanted to draw Slushie and @hansuoddie 's OCs Yuki and Zuri fangirling over their partners, and the fun idea was to show the guys' side. The skunk bros would just chill and maybe talk a bit about their girls but Espio would feel a bit awkward, especially with the two being bad guys (see the kunai ready behind him lol)

[shift-shaping]

Top 5 birds

this is an extremely difficult question i hope you know this

First, let's define what a bird is. This probably seems like a pretty easy question, but ask any paleontologist and you'll get like four different answers. From the same person.

Because phylogenetically, it's extremely difficult to say, definitely, what makes a bird a bird. For a drunk, slightly-outdated explanation of why paleontologists don't know what birds are, check out the following video:

It's not my video to be clear, I just really like it for all the confusion it illustrates. One of my favorite ways to piss off my colleagues is to call Triceratops a bird, which nobody likes to hear because it's stupid as fuck, but if feathers make something a bird then, well...

ANYWAY. For the sake of this ask, I'm going to use Avialae as my cutoff for Bird because it sounds pretty and (probably) includes Archaeopteryx but not Dromaeosaurus. Unfortunately this does not include Microraptor, which is very sad because Microraptor is a good little friend. This does, however, probably include the Scansoriopterygids, the real-life wyverns that I wrote a post about here.

Above left: Archaeopteryx, from Nat Geo Kids. Above right: Dromaeosaurus, from Gabriel N.U.

So here are my birds below the cut:

5. Secretary bird (Sagittarius serpentarius)

First off, nice genus name, though I think she's a gemini. This is a gorgeous bird of prey from Subsaharan Africa that looks kind of like a vulture in flight but a bitch on the ground. They kick snakes to death because of course they do. They are the only member of their family, Sagittariidae, which is within Accipitriformes and therefore places them closer to hawks and eagles rather than falcons.

4. Hoatzin (Opisthocomus hoazin)

SKUNK BIRD SKUNK BIRD THESE GUYS ARE FART MONSTERS. They are the only living members of their entire order! Their babies still have claws on their wings! Hoatzin are herbivorous birds from the Amazon that like leaves and fruit and have a weird digestive system convergent on mammalian ruminants. Food ferments in their strange gut which gives them a bad stink and a bad taste. Despite being fairly large, poor fliers, they smell and taste so bad that people don't eat them. In addition, their preferred habitat (swampy marshlands rather than true rainforest) is disappearing slower than the rainforest proper, so these stinky idiots are IUCN Least Concern.

3. Turkey vulture (Cathartes aura)

If you live in the United States and see a fairly large black bird circling above you and trying its damnedest not to flap its wings, it's probably a turkey vulture. They are lazy and have few natural predators. These guys sometimes get a bad rap because their cousins, the black vultures, are not terribly well-behaved and will sometimes attack newborn cattle. Turkey vultures do not kill. They are too lazy. I love them because they refuse to expend effort, even on flying, and that's an entire mood. They're also pretty chill. I met one named Lurch at ZooMontana who was a bro that had been raised as a pet and thought he was a human. Other vultures perplexed him.

2. Confuciusornis

Above is a stunning specimen of Confuciusornis sanctus currently residing at the Natural History Museum of Vienna. It's actually a really common creature in the Early Cretaceous Yixian Formation in Northern China. It's small, about the size of a pigeon, and those double tail feathers are not present in every specimen --possibly indicating sexual dimorphism. There's debate over how good these little dudes were at flying, but the most recent evidence I could find suggests they could perform powered flight in short bursts.

There is a persistent myth that paleontologists cannot know what color an extinct animal was. We actually can discern color for particularly well-preserved specimens, though this is an emerging concept with lots of ongoing research. The presence of fossilized melanosomes (organelles visible under a microscope that carry color information for soft tissue) possibly indicates they were a rusty brown color, but other researchers think they may have been closer to gold and white.

Above left from DK Find Out

1. Black-billed magpie (Pica hudsonia)

I love these horrible bastards!!!!!! They're so trashy and loud!!!! They are easily one of my favorite animals ever, full stop. They are notorious for eating songbird eggs and chicks, but they actually don't do that terribly often. They prefer ~your garbage~ or, truthfully, nuts and seeds and lots and lots of bugs. Like crows and ravens, magpies (which are also Corvids) follow wolves and other predators to scavenge from their kills. Also like crows and ravens, magpies are highly intelligent. They were the first non-mammal to pass the mirror test, indicating that magpies can very likely recognize themselves in a mirror. Magpies hold funerals (or post-mortems...) for their dead and can be taught human speech.

They are stunningly beautiful animals, but Western culture refuses to understand them and chooses prejudice and ignorance over curiosity and compassion. Let me be clear: if you hate magpies (or really any animal; they're just doing their thing) I do not like you. That sounds harsh, but it is unfathomable to me that a person would actually hate an animal for living its life. They are not gentle, they are not sweet (usually, tw animal death in video: a baby magpie is rescued after its possible siblings were found shot), but they are vibrantly beautiful survivalists that have found a way to thrive among creatures that villainize them. You don't have to love or even like them, but every animal deserves respect. Magpies just deserve a little more. ;)

I can do Eir's favorite birds in another post with more detail, but Tumblr is trying to keep me from spreading the good news by enforcing an image limit so for now, a list of Eir's favorite birbs:

5. Red-tailed hawk. They're fairly large survivalists that live fucking everywhere in the US. She would definitely relate to their hardiness and determination. Also, they're the ones that make the hawk noise (at 0:31).

4. Little blue penguin. I maintain that if Thedas is in the Southern Hemisphere, it should have penguins. Eirwen is not always one to freak out over cute things, but her cold hard heart would absolutely melt for a little blue penguin.

3. These fucking things. Just because they're hilarious.

2. Pigeons. In some life or another, she is a crazy pigeon lady. There's a fun AU! She would love having so many small, chubby, cooing friends to feed and care for. I could see her devoting her retirement to a flock of stupid round bird children because that's just who she is.

1. Carrion crow. Because of course.

[hbostolemysoul]

Fluff alphabet: Joe Liebgott

A = Attractive (What do they find attractive about the other?)

When you and Lieb first met, the thing you found most attractive about him was when he shut the hell up. Joe has a temper, and a mouth to match. You two mixed about as well as water and flaming oil, both working desperately to consume the other, but ultimately never succeeding.

Yeah. You found it most attractive when he shut up. (his hair was definitely not attractive…or the way his mouth would quirk when he smiled…or how animated he gets when talking about superheroes...)

Yep definitely him shutting up…absolutely nothing else…

Joe on the other hand had no problem admitting you had a pretty face, “Too bad every word that leaves your mouth makes you uglier”

Lieb is an asshole, and he knows it. In fact, he is pretty sure that is just his default setting. Which is how he justifies being an ass to you. (he absolutely isn’t nastier to you when he sees guys from other companies flirting with you…and all he wants to do is fucking deck them). He feels that he is doing the rest of guys a favor. Bros before hoes or something like that (except that you definitely are not a hoe, and he will gladly square up with anyone who says that…other than him).  

B = Baby (Do they want a family? Why/Why not?)

Joe talks a pretty big game about finding a ‘nice Jewish girl with big tits, to make tiny Liebgotts with’. Maybe that was something that helped him to cope during the war but finding out you were pregnant actually broke something in Joe. You two had gotten into a fight about god knows what and ending up sleeping together…and then hooking up almost every time you two got into a fight after that (which was frequent). It was fiery, and passionate, and fueled by your mutual hatred/love for each other.

You found out shortly before you shipped off back home. You told him a few days before you left and he just…up and avoided you. You had searched desperately for him the day you shipped out, with no luck. You ended up writing a brief letter to him, leaving your address and phone number. Giving it to Web you asked him to pass it to Lieb.

You moved back home, 7 months later you gave birth to your daughter. Still no word from Joe.

You had been everything from sad, to scared, to furious. When you found out that he had cut ties with literally everyone from Easy you thought it would make you feel…well better. Instead, you found yourself worrying about him.

Word spread to the guys that you had a kid. Most knew that it was Joe’s. Some of the guys were furious (Guarnere, Babe, Roe of all people) most were sympathetic and supportive (Winters, Toye, Webster, Malarkey, ect.)

Your child may not have had a father for some of her life, but she had an army of uncles who would move mountains for your little girl.

Your daughter was three when you received a letter from one of Joe’s sisters. The letter explained that Joe had refused to talk about the war (fair enough) but one night she found him drunk as a skunk and crying. He told her about you. About the baby. About how he didn’t “know what to fuckin’ do anymore”.

She had left a phone number. That was how you met the Liebgotts. It took some convincing on their part, a bit of encouragement from Winters and Webster, and a sharp fucking shove into the back of Malarkey’s car for you and your daughter to make your way down to San Francisco (Buck had also decided to come along, because “Mal can't be trusted with kids, c’mon”)

You had decided to leave your daughter with Malarkey and Buck when you first went to visit Joe.

Things went about as well as the entirety of Operation Market Garden.

He was not okay, clearly not coping well with the effects of war. You had left shortly after getting there, leaving a picture of your daughter on the table. His mom was in tears as she saw you out.

Going back home was more somber than either Buck or Malarkey would have liked, but they did everything they could to cheer you up. It helped.

About 3 weeks after arriving back home your phone rang, it was Joe.

It was at that moment that he began to make…well an effort. It was a slow process, but your daughter deserved to know her father, and Joe deserved a chance at love and peace.

C = Cuddle (How do they cuddle?)

While you two were hooking up it was usually rushed, clothing righted shortly after. But in moments where you two had a bit more time, his hands would sometimes linger as he gently rebuttoned your clothes.

Later in life cuddling often consists of the two of you in bed, arms barely touching as a few small humans squeeze their way between the both of you.

D = Dates (What are dates with them like?)

Joe likes to drive, its one of the few things that give him peace. Sometimes Joe would drive you all down to the beach, or to a drive-in. Somewhere a bit outside the craziness of the city.

E = Everything (You are my __ (e.g. my life, my world…))

“You are so much more than I deserve”

F = Feelings (When did they know they were in love?)

Joe knew he loved you back in Toccoa. Not that he ever admitted it fully to himself.

During the entire war, he loved you. He loved you when you told him you were pregnant. He loved you enough to push you away so you wouldn’t have to deal with the broken man he was trying so desperately to hide from everyone.

G = Gentle (Are they gentle? If so, how?)

While you two were sleeping together pre-daughter, he was intense. His touches bordering on painful until after the act, then his touches would gentle, lightly caressing your skin in a way that he could say was accidental if you ever called him out on it.

Once you and Lieb reconnect, it’s a slow process. He has a lot to make up for. Touches of any kind are minimal at first, but over time a hand on your back or fingers running through your hair become gentle parts of everyday life for the two of you.

H = Hands (How do they like to hold hands?)

No. Joe just does not like hand holding. He doesn’t want to look like a ‘sap’ in front of strangers, let alone people he knows. He will, however, sling an arm along the back of your chair when you go out. He finds comfort in knowing you are there without having to physically put his hands on you.

I = Impression (What was their first impression?)

He thought you were fucking beautiful, and so fucking stupid for being in the god damned paratroopers. Everyone took to you like a moth to a flame. You were kind and tough as hell, and he wanted to hate you so much.

When he didn’t hate you, it made him want to hate you more. It wouldn’t do well to get attached to a fucking broad who would be jumping into a warzone. Pushing you away and being an asshole was Joe’s way of trying to convince himself that he didn’t care about you. (It never worked)

J = Jealousy (Do they get jealous?)

Oh lordy yes. Training was a bitch, you couldn’t enter the same room as Lieb before he was spouting off some remark to piss you off.

Looking back now you realize his comments came more frequently when you were around other men.

Even now, married with a few kids Joe still gets mouthy when another man looks at you for longer than a second.

K = Kiss (How do they kiss? Who initiated the first kiss?)

You honestly don’t know who kissed the other first. One minute you are screaming in each other’s faces, the next your lips met in an aggressive clash of teeth and tongue.  

L = Love (Who says ‘I love you’ first?)

He does. It takes him about a year of being back in both your lives, but he does say it. Your daughter had fallen asleep on his one side, you were smiling down at her sleepily. He gently brushed your bangs back muttering the words almost silently. Looking up into his eyes you smiled tiredly, “Love you too Lieb”. It took a lot for Joe to cry, but that did it. Something about that moment healed both of you a little bit more.

M = Memory (What’s their favourite memory together?)

His favourite memory is pretty mundane in comparison to most. It was the first time he came ‘home’ from work. He had just moved in with you two, entering your home, his home, after work was nerve-wracking. His nerves settled moments after he stepped through the threshold. Your daughter was sprawled on the floor, scribbling relentlessly on a piece of paper, while you sorted through work documents at the table. It was so domestic, and so much more than he ever expected. He was home.

N = Nickel (Do they spoil? Do they buy the person they love everything?)

Joe works with you to provide for your small family. You two are never rich, but you make sure your children want for nothing when it comes to the necessities.

Joe struggles a lot with having anything to do with the guys. You got him writing to Winters occasionally, and that was a HUGE step for Joe. The best gift he ever gave you, was calling the guys personally to tell them when you gave birth to your second child. It was hard for him. So terribly difficult. But he knew how much the guys mean to you, so he swallowed the grief and panic that came with anything that reminded him of the war. Seeing Luz, Perconte, and fucking Webster with a shark stuffed animal crash into your hospital room a few days later made the gesture all the more special.

O = Orange (What colour reminds them of their other half?)

You remind him of the sky during the sunrise. You are both an infuriatingly bright and absolutely beautiful.

P = Pet names (What pet names do they use?)

He uses ‘babe’ a lot, which was kind of funny when Uncle Babe came over for your daughter’s birthday. The confusion on poor Heffron’s face and the fury on Joe’s was priceless.

Q = Quaint (What is their favourite non-modern thing?)

(I know its still modern) Hersey bars. He likes to share them with the kids on Friday evenings. They will sit on the back porch, share chocolate and talk about their day. Its pretty cute.

R = Rainy Day (What do they like to do on a rainy day?)

Joe is usually driving his cab, if the rain isn’t too bad he will continue on with his day. If the downpour gets ridiculous he will pull off and park somewhere he can see the ocean, watching as the tiny droplets disappear as they meet the waves.

S = Sad (How do they cheer themselves/others up?)

Before you and Joe reconnected he smoked a ridiculous amount. Something about the burn of each inhale helped to settle his mind.

While he has cut back on smoking, you still sometimes find him hunched outside in the middle of the night smoking. The sweat from his nightmares still gathered on his brow, in these moments you just hold him and wait for him to finish.

T = Talking (What do they like to talk about?)

He talks a lot about work, he has some pretty entertaining stories that he will share with you and the kids to get you all to laugh. Your family had brought life back into Joe.

U = Unencumbered (What helps them relax?)

Driving. Every June your family will pack up and head to some camping destination, or off to see one of the guys from Easy. Around D-day Joe gets anxious, so you two decided to make something that marked so much darkness for the two of you, into something positive to share with the kids.

V = Vaunt (What do they like to show off? What are they proud of?)

You best believe that Joe carries around your kid's drawings in his wallet. When Harry and Kitty come to visit it's almost comical to watch as they have a ‘dad off’ on who’s kids are most artistically inclined. You and Kitty often hide in the kitchen and drink.

W = Wedding (When, how, where do they propose?)

You had been having a rough time at work, a few of your co-workers had just quit and the work was piling up while the higher-ups tried to find replacements. You came home late one night, Joe had made dinner for you and put the kids to bed. Kissing the top of your head he ushered you off to have a bath while he cleaned up. Entering your bedroom almost made you cry. On your pillow was a small box and one of your favourite flowers. Walking over you opened the box, tears coming to your eyes, Joe had come to lean against the doorframe. Rubbing the back of his neck he just grinned at you, “So uh- what do ya’ think?”, He asked.

You just nodded as you walked over to him, his arms soon pulling you close to his chest as you cried.

Your wedding was small, just immediate family. Some of the guys were bummed, but they understood as Joe was still struggling with being around them, let alone a bunch of other people.

X = Xylophone (What’s their song?)

Found- Trenton

Y = Yes (Do they ever think of getting married/proposing?)

Yep. Lieb talked about it lots during the war, but actually doing it was another story entirely.

It took him a long time to ask you, he had a lot of healing to do after the war. While things didn’t play out in the most ideal way between you two, you are both happy with where you ended up in the end.

Z = Zebra (If they wanted a pet, what would they get?)

No. Your gaggle of children is more than enough. After all “we own a house, not a fucking zoo”, as Lieb so lovingly puts it. 

* Okay...so things got a bit angsty. Please forgive me*

[deathcookieprsn]

Despair Clause Episode 1

(Scene) Inside the hall of the castle, three guys are chit chatting at the bottom of the stairs that lead to the throne. One is blond with a pony tail dressed in blue royal atire (Otio), one has red spiked hair dressed in black and red armor(Pila), and one has messy black hair, dressed in casual clothing(Fregit).

Pila: yo Fregit, are you still hanging out with Skunk?

Otio: Yeah I've been wondering that too, haven't seen the little dude around recently.

Fregit: Nah he moved to Perditus recently with his family. Honestly it's kinda weird that so many of the poor have been moving there but everyone says that since it's newly built the economy needs literally anyone to move there for the city to survive.

Otio: (Shrugs) I doe know, sounds a bit fishy to me.

Pila: Don't you know anything bro. (Taps Otio on the head) There's a reason that towns have people in them and its not just because that's the way things are. Population leads to transfer of goods and wealth which in turn leads to businesses starting. Perditus is an experimental town that is testing the nature of our poor.

Fregit:(shifts in front of Pila) Basically they are moving a bunch of our poor their to see if they will prosper with an extreme amount of opportunity available to them and in turn giving them a chance to gain a skill by working at one of the many jobs in the town that are lacking in man power.

Pila: Hey,(punch Fregit in the back of the shoulder and shift to face both siblings) I was going to explain that but whatever.

Otio: I honestly stopped caring after I asked. Right now I'm just wondering what is taking dad so long. He summoned us but it feels like we've been waiting for ages. Did the old geezer forget.

(Footsteps) Distant voice bellows: So now I'm an old geezer am I?

(All three siblings kneel)

King Ficum: Otio(Otio Looks up), Pila(Pila looks up),Fregit(Fregit looks up),... I have summoned you three here because it is finally time that to choose your path in life. Otio will become king after I pass so his future has all but been decided for him. He will begin training with a sword immediately, alongside studying politics and shadowing me when I feel necessary (Otio groans) (King Ficum scowls). As for you two, you must make something of yourself. Forbid it as I may, of something were to happen to your older brother the next would succeed him and so forth. Furthermore your accomplishments will bolster our families reputation making it easier for your brother's ascension to the throne after my passing. For if you are the most worthy of the throne in the eyes of the public, your support of your sibling who is trained in the way of leading a nation will assure the nation in his crowning. You do not have to come up with an answer today but

Pila: Actually father,(Phila Stands up) if l may, I've already decided what I want to do with my life.

King Ficum: (intrigued) hmm?

Pila: With your permission, I would like to join the Guild and become a Hero!

King Ficum: Hero ranking requires you to be granted a Gun by the Guild. Being as they are a new Technology, they are difficult to get a hold of however seeing as you are my son I might be able to pull a few strings.

Pila: Thank you dad!

King Fica: But son, are you sure that is what you wish? The reason guns are granted is because Heros are required to fight on shore when an attack first arises. That means you'll be on the front line. Is that really what you desire?

Pila: It is. Not only is it a good way to earn publicity quickly but it is also the best and most direct way for me to protect our Nation and its people.

King Ficum: I see... Consider it done. And you Fregit, might you have a path you would like to follow?

Fregit:(Fregit looks up) I um... Well... Not that... Um..

King Ficum: It's alright Fregit, take your time. You do not need to decide now. You are the youngest after all so there is no need for haste.

Fregit: O,k...

King Ficum: I will be taking my leave now but boys, be sure have a nice day today. It would be a waste for this beautiful weather to be wasted.

(King Ficim walk out of room)

Otio: ugh, I wish I could just be a lazy king.

Pila: We all know that you could be a lazy anything haha, the following title isn't actually important to you.

(Otio and Pila laugh)

Pila: Fregit is something wrong.

(Fregit stares off to the side then changes his gaze towards Pila)

Fregit: No, just a lot to think about that's all.

Otio: At least that's one thing I don't have to exert effort towards haha. My path it's already decided.

Pila: Well Otio I think you should get a head start on your Sword play practice don't you? I am going to have to practice more to if I am planning to be a Hero.

Otio: I'm actually going to go work on my sleep right now.

Pila: uh uh not today. This kills two birds with one stone.(Pila drags Otio by the collar of his shirt)

Fregit: hah bye guys.

(Scene, Fregit's room, Fregit laying in his bed on his back with his legs dangling off the bottom.)

Fregit: arghhhhh! (Fregit flails his limbs) What do I want to be?! Wendy's wing with me? How have I never thought of this until just now?

(In Fregits mind) Maybe I can be a Hero too... Argh no that would never work, Pila would out shine me for sure and I wouldn't ever amount to anything other than simply being his little brother... I guess I could always go into politics and make a large impact that way.. that might actually work..

(Blonde female child with frilled dress walks in the room)

Fas: Hi Fregit, what are you thinking about?

Fregit: A lot.

Fas: Heyyyyy. That's not a real answer. Come on, just tell meee.

Fregit: (light sigh) well you see Dad called Otio, Pila and I to talk to us about what we wanna be when we grow up (Fas: uhnhuh) and you see I have no idea what I wanna be (Fas: unhuh) Pila is going to be a Hero and Otio is being groomed for King but what's my role in all of this? What am I supposed to do? Who am I supposed to be?

Fas: Well uh, if uh, Pila is going to be a Hero then why don't you just be a Signer?

Fregit: A Signer? Like with the Association instead of the Guild?

Fas: Unhuh! Signers are basically the Associations versions of Heros aren't they brobther?

Fregit: Sorta but they all have to sign a despair clause and I don't really want to do that.

Fas: But if you find something suuper important you might even become more popular than big brobther Pila.

Fregit: You're right. I know what I'm going to do. Forget being a politician on the Council, I'm ganna be a Signer!

(Scene, Throne room. Fregit in front of the throne with King Ficum Siting on it)

(King Ficum slams his hand on his throne)

King Ficum: Absolutely not! Do you even know what you are asking?

Fregit: of course I do! This is the perfect way to bolster our legacy from both ends of Membership. If I become a famous Signer and Pila a famous Hero then we'll have a position of influence in both the Guild and the Association!

King Ficum: I will not allow it! It is much too reckless.

(Otio walks infrom the right out from behind the curtain that leads to the throne greenroom)

Otio: he's right you know.

Fregit: Otio?

Otio:(otio approaches Fregit) Signing a Despair Clause is risky business, depending on the amount of power you get you might just stub you're toe when the contract is fulfilled but if you end up obtaining a decent amount of power you could easily end up immobilized down in the Chasm with your whole party dead. Something like that would surely insure your death. Even if the contract itself can't cause you to die it can easily lead to it if you're unlucky. Why don't you just become a politician on the Council instead? (Otio arrives in front of Fregit)

Fregit: Because I don't want to! This is the path I have chosen for myself! Why won't you support me Otio?!

Otio: (places hand on Fregit's head) Because I care about you you dummy.(Fregit gazes at the for) Can't we forget about this and move onto something more practical?

Fregit: (in a sad tone) I guess.

Otio: Tomorrow come meet with me in the court yard and I'll teach you sword play, after that I'm sure Pila would be happy to teach you Gun play. He really loves that new toy of his. If you want to become strong this is a much more practical way to go about it. Hell instead of a Signer you could be a Stander or a Runner to support Pila if you want to be a part of the action. How does that sound?

Fregit: actually, that would be great, I'm going to head to my room for a bit but I'll see you I the morning tomorrow for practice. (Fregit smiles)

(Fregit walks away)

King Ficum: I see having you shaddowing me is already starting to pay off.

Otio: Naturally, I may be lazy but when it comes to my family, I will always protect them.

(Scene, Fregit's room, fregit sitting on his bed with his leg up and his hand on his knee.)

Fregit: Otio's right, I can't become a Signer and wander the Chasm the way I am. I need to become stronger.(Fregit stands up and throws his jacket I've his shoulder) Guess I'll have to take him up on his off after I sign a Despair Clause. Thanks for the offer Otio!(fregit hops out his window)

(Scene castle courtyard,night with camera aimed at the sky)(gunshot x3) (gunshot x2)(camera pans to face Pila)

Pila: Dammit I just can't get the hang of this thing!(Otio walks up)

Otio: looks like you got the hand of it to me. From what the target shows you haven't hit anything less than the ring around the bullseye.

Pila: That's not good enough, not for me at least.

Otio: If you're looking for some advice I may be of some help. While eavesdropping before the council meeting I overheard that unlike swords you're going to want to double down on that grip of yours, also you're going to want to hold your breath before pulling the trigger and exhale after. That should improve your aim just a bit.

Pila: Wow Otio, color me impressed. Shadowing dad had really done wonders for your usefulness haha.

Otio: that seemed somewhat of a backhanded complement (chucklr).

Pila: (chuckle)that's because it was.

Otio: Well I'll have you know I have actually been quite useful. Today I was even able to give Fregit some decent advice. He was dead set on becoming a Signer and I was able to explain to him why that was a reckless and dangerous decision. (Pila's face turns to a face of scepticism) He even smiled after and told me that he was going to his room to rethink his decision. I'm pretty awesome!(Pila interrupts Otio mid sentence)

Pila: Otio, do you not know Fregit at all. I promise you he's not in his room right now. He's almost certainly on his way to a library to sign a contract as we speak of he hasn't made it to one already.(You can visually see that a light bulb goes off in Otio's brain)

Otio: Oh no.

(Scene, castle bedroom hallway, camera pointed down the hall at the floor)(Otio's running legs pop into view)

Otio: (shouting)Fregit! Yo Fregit! I have something important to talk to you about!(Fregit's bedroom door slams open. Its empty)(camera switches to a cake of Otio's mouth and chin) Tsch, dammit. (Otio yells) Block, come here, I have a task for you!(camera switches to floor behind otio and pans up a pair of leather boots with green straps)

Block: So, my protection services finally needed.

(Scene, outside tattered old library)(neon open sign hangs above door) (fregit is holding a flashlight that is pointed towards the library)

Fregit: looks like I finally made it. Now to find a Dolordare and sign a contract!

(Fregit walks through the door)(edison bulbs light the main open entrance, after the entrance are rows of bookshelves, mostly empty but glowing as if a spell is cast on them, down the row of bookshelves are lanterns light by fire keeping the shelves visible but dim)

Fregit:(cough x2) You'd think that the Library nearest to the castle would be in better shape but this thing looks like it's going to fall apart.(Fregit walks down a bookshelf isle with his flashlight aimed for extra light) Actually, it looks like no renovations have been made to this place since after Grandad was king. Guess my father has a favorite power and it's not the Association.

(Large creak comes from next row over) (sound of books falling comes from next row over)

Fregit:(draws a knife he got from the castle's kitchen) Who's there!

Voice: Nooooooobooody... (Eerie,high pitch, child like voice laughs with an uncomfortably long giggle)

Fregit: (thinks to himself)*well that's obviously not true* Show yourself!

(Creature that looks like a chao but with a tail, long arms and a face that is void but with tentacle pops up in Fregit's face)

(Fregit falls on his bottom and holds his knife in fron of him)

Fregit: who are you?

Voice: I am a Dolordare, I keep this library safe along with the books inside although I do not clean much. You may call me Dust

(Fregit stands up and lowers knife)

Fregit:Well Dust, I'd like to form a contract with you.

[aion-rsa]

Wynonna Earp Season 4 Episode 3 Review: Look at Them Beans

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This Wynonna Earp review contains spoilers.

Wynonna Earp Season 4, Episode 3

In last week’s review, I commented that the episode could have been a (great) season finale. It follows, then, that this week’s episode, “Look at Them Beans,” would have the vibes of a season premiere, which it totally does. New setting! New characters! And new problems for Team Earp to deal with. (That last one is not getting an exclamation point.)

Setting doesn’t just refer to a story’s location, but also a story’s time. Therefore, time jumps are effectively ways of switching up a TV show’s setting in some major, abrupt ways. While the episodic plot in “Look at Them Beans” is a bit cursory, it does serve as a fun, quick vehicle to introduce us to this new setting and the new characters and problems that come with it. When Wynonna is arrested for the murder of Nedley (yeah, I immediately refused to accept Nedley’s death as a reality), the Earp sisters and Doc are thrust into Purgatory’s new and not-improved power structure. Luckily, Wynonna has a half-demon cellmate named Casey to explain to us what has been going on the past 18 months. Apparently, after the Ghost River Triangle evacuation for the “forest fires,” the people moved out and the demons moved in. The townspeople were allowed to come back home, should they choose, to a new normal that involves a demon-driven sham of a town government (some bro replaced Nicole as sheriff) and a local forest crawling with monsters.

When TV shows employ a time jump, it also generally means separating the characters into two groups: “audience surrogates” and “mysteries to be solved.” The “audience surrogate” characters are the ones who have had the rug pulled out from under them too. In Wynonna Earp, we get three “audience surrogate” characters: Doc, Waverly, and Wynonna. (Interestingly, for different reasons, Nedley kind of falls into this category too.) The “mysteries to be solved” are the characters we know and love whose experience of the missing time is not only dissimilar to us, but that we don’t have any direct narrative insight into—in other words, they might tell us what they have been up to, but we haven’t experienced it alongside them. In Wynonna Earp, these characters are Nicole and Jeremy, along with supporting characters like Mercedes and Rachel.

Some of the best parts of “Look at Them Beans” come in starting to dig into the mystery of what happened to Nicole during the 18 months we missed. She may have the love of her life back, but that doesn’t mean she’s OK—far from it, in fact. She obviously went through some shit since we last saw her and has many signs of PTSD. Even though she may have her family back and the safety and support that comes with it, part of her is still stuck in those difficult months when it was up to her to take care of the Homestead and Rachel, all without knowing if she would ever see Waverly, Doc, or Wynonna again.

It also can’t be understated how the perceived death of Nedley, who has been a father to Nicole, would have also impacted Nicole’s mental health during this time. While we viewers know that Nedley is probably OK (and somewhere in that Sasquatch) from the get-go, Nicole has no such assurances. She has been asked to grieve her father figure without her main support system, all while fighting monsters on the daily (and I haven’t even mentioned the skunk juice).

In the (brilliantly-directed) best scene of the episode, we get to see Waverly, Doc, and Nicole save Nedley from the clutches of the furry monster he has been turned into all through Wynonna’s perspective. Wynonna watches as her family does what they do best: show up for one another, using whatever tools they have lying around. (This time, it’s a super soaker, a t-shirt gun, and some rope.) It’s fucking hilarious, delightful in its silliness, but it is also incredibly moving at the same time. This is the moment when Wynonna realizes that she is home and she and her family is safe. When she tells Nedley that he survived, she’s telling herself that too. It’s the moment she can let go of the breath she has been holding since Waverly was pulled into The Garden, or maybe even before that. Nicole, on the other hand, is still holding her breath. She’s still in survival mode. She’s still carrying the weight of her world on her shoulders, not yet ready to trust that she can truly let go and let others’ carry it for a while. Because, when she lets go, she’s going to have to feel a lot of stuff that she hasn’t been able to let herself feel. It’s going to messy and it’s going to be painful and, hopefully, there will be some healing on the other side. (You know there will be. This is Wynonna Earp.)

The other main “mystery to be solved” character I have yet to mention is Jeremy, who we get the briefest of glimpses of when Chrissy Nedley is leaving the Ghost River Triangle. Jeremy is stationed at the checkpoint, in uniform, presumable back working for Black Badge in some capacity. Nicole seems to have written him off as any kind of reliable ally, but it’s hard to believe Jeremy doesn’t have some kind of larger plan for helping Team Earp in action here. Given that Wynonna is snatched by military-types in the final moments of the episode, Jeremy might understand a threat to Team Earp that we have yet to. Or maybe, given that Chrissy gave him the scoop on his friends’ return to Purgatory, he was the one who gave the order to bring Wynonna in? Either way, I miss Jeremy. I hope we dive into his mystery sooner rather than later.

Additional thoughts.

Seriously. What the fig, Chrissy Nedley?

Martina Ortiz-Luis is killing it as Rachel. I’m glad to have her as part of the ongoing cast. The scene that sees Wynonna thanking Rachel for taking care of Nicole while they were gone and Rachel thanking Wynonna for noticing was an episode highlight.

I hope Casey sticks around too.

While the introduction of the new Purgatory is only somewhat successful (partially because I never had a great grasp on how the old Purgatory actually operated past the Homestead, the bar, and the police department), the introduction of demon club Glory Hole rocks. Doc has serious chemistry with the proprietor of the club (played by Lost Girl‘s Noam Jenkins), stirring up that always-lingering question regarding the nature of Doc’s relationship with Wyatt Earp. (They were in love, right?)

Mercedes is working at the Glory Hole, pretending to be a demon. Never change, Mercedes.

Wynonna is trying to keep the fact that she no longer has Peacemaker on the dl, presumably because she assumes that it keeps the demons somewhat afraid of her. Personally, I think Wynonna has the potential to be terrifying whether she has Peacemaker or not, though it makes sense that she would presume so much of her power lies not in herself, but in the gun/Curse.

It’s interesting that Wynonna, Doc, and Waverly were all gone for the same period of time, even though Wynonna was in The Garden for a far shorter period of time. This suggests that it’s not that The Garden has a different temporal pace, but rather that the wormhole or portal or whatever that brings people back from The Garden to The Ghost River Triangle has something to do with the temporal distortion. I don’t know. Time dilution and/or travel makes my brain hurt!

It is interesting, however, that both The 100 and Wynonna Earp have some time dilution going on this season. (Although, I am assuming that it will be way less important in Wynonna Earp, but who knows?) The Magicians also had this as part of their setting, as Fillory had a different temporal pace than Earth. It’s particularly interesting to see this kind of time travel/time dilution storylines during this period of pandemic and general societal upheaval where time has seemed to slow down with the changing of our status quos. It’s honestly highly relatable and a little cathartic to see our TV characters go through something similar. It’s like, “Oh, you looked away for a second and your whole world changed? Same.”

This also makes me wonder not only where, but when Eve ended up. As in, how much time has passed for her in whatever intersection of time-place she ended up in? We better hope she didn’t end up in our past. That is the time travel equivalent of a head start.

This episode was directed by Melanie Scrofano, and she did an amazing job. That is two full-time jobs she pulled off exquisitely in the production of this episode.

Wynonna’s hair always looks so good.

I, um, had to Google “bush party,” even though I grew up in a rural area where this was the main kind of high school party. But we just called them “parties.” Now I am learning about Ontario slang.

Kate hasn’t come back.

What happened to Robin?! Finish the sentence, Nicole! Is his mysterious absence related to why Jeremy is working for Black Badge again?

“Vacation is over, assholes. It is time… for a Holliday.”

I want some of Waverly’s vegan chili.

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