#also why did anyone read that fic

[sh3-emp]

Thinking about how I wrote 128k of shitty slow burn and angst last year and now I can’t even form a literate sentence

[xjustakay]

y’all know that saying “writers are people, treat them like people!!” means you shouldn’t put them on a pedestal they didn’t ask to be put on, too, right……

[astrobei]

for @quinnick: kiss prompt #4 - lips barely touching

The car is out of gas. Will is about ten seconds away from maybe-dying (again). Mike Wheeler has been abnormally quiet today.

At least of late, one of those things is more abnormal than the others. 

The car is always out of gas. Will doesn’t know when the last time they’d filled it up was, but he does know that it’s not his problem trying to figure it out. That’s Hopper’s deal. Or his mom’s, maybe. Or Nancy’s, or Jonathan’s, or–

Whatever! The point is that the car is out of gas, Mike and Will are stranded at the currently closed general store, and they’re probably about to die.

Again.

“Mike,” Will tries, for maybe the hundredth time. “It’s not your fault, okay, it could’ve happened to anyone–”

“Yeah,” Mike grumbles miserably, as they round the corner, from aisle four – cleaning supplies and household items – into aisle five – canned goods. Most of the shelves are empty, turned over. Mike picks up a can of pickled green beans, pulls a face, and puts it back on the shelf. “But it didn’t happen to anyone. It happened to me.”

Will takes a long, deep breath in through his nose. God forbid Mike Wheeler ever let anything go. “You didn’t know,” he huffs anyway. “It’s not your fault.” The store is dark, which is great for being able to roll your eyes without Mike seeing. Will’s flashlight sputters, briefly, the bright circle of light flickering in and out of view. He smacks it against his palm once, twice, and it steadies. “Seriously,” Will adds, as Mike slows to a stop in front of him. “Stop beating yourself up. So we have to wait for a ride. Big deal.”

Mike turns around to face him. His expression is mostly unreadable in the dark, but Will’s flashlight catches the edge of it – worried, a little guilty. “Yeah,” Mike says softly. “Except there are things everywhere and waiting for a ride is just– we’re sitting ducks here, okay,” Mike frowns. “I don’t like it. It feels like tempting fate.”

“Well, the simple fact of my existence feels like tempting fate sometimes,” Will jokes. It works, for a split second – Mike’s furrowed brows smooth out into something halfway amused, and he makes a noise that might be a laugh.

“Not funny,” Mike says anyway. His lips twitch.

“You laughed!” Will insists, smiling. His voice carries down through the hallway in a vibrant echo. “I know you did!”

“Shut up,” Mike whispers, looking away. “Would it kill you to keep your voice down?”

It might. Somewhere in the back of Will’s mind, he’s vaguely aware that they’re not safe here, out in the open, and that the whole point of them coming inside instead of waiting in the parking lot was to hunker down until Jonathan and Nancy could get another car here to pick them up. And also, preferably, get some gas.

Somewhere significantly closer in Will’s mind, though, is the knowledge that this is the most Mike has said – and the closest he’s come to laughing – since the car had stalled on the way from the cabin to the general store ten minutes ago, and Mike had just barely had time to pull into the abandoned parking lot before it had stopped altogether. He knows Mike doesn’t like this – being caught off-guard, out in the open. Even minute changes in the plan – which you’d think they’d all be more prepared for, considering the way things have been going lately – get Mike a little keyed up.

And the sorry, borderline pathetic part is this: despite it all, despite the ever-present threat of danger, and the impending sense of doom that’s been hanging over their heads for what seems like forever, Will feels vaguely pleased with himself anyway, seeing Mike hold back a smile instead of forcing one on his face.

So yeah, it might kill him, if he kept his voice down. That’s okay. Will thinks it would be worth it, sometimes – the danger and the doom and everything else – to hear Mike laugh.

God, what’s wrong with him? That’s embarrassing. That’s so embarrassing.

He shakes the thought off. “Whatever,” Will says instead, praying the cover of darkness is hiding the blush that’s rapidly rising to his cheeks. He angles  the flashlight away from them anyway, just in case, and Mike’s face falls back into silhouette. “You know I’m right. You’re doomed just by being here with me.”

Mike shakes his head. “You know I don’t think of you like that.”

Will frowns. “Like what?”

“Like– like a bad luck charm,” Mike waves his hands around. “Or whatever.”

“I didn’t say bad luck charm,” Will exclaims. “Ouch! Stop putting words into my mouth.”

Mike grins. “Would you rather have, uh,” he picks up the nearest can to him, something small and vaguely gray, “tinned sardines in your mouth? Tinned sardines in water? Oh, gross. Never mind, actually.”

“I would rather not,” Will decides, even though the shelves are so bare that they might have to suck it up and take home the tinned sardines in water after all. “Would you like some, uh. Tuna?”

“I guess we know why there’s so much fish,” Mike sighs, leaning heavily against an empty shelf. “Nobody wanted it.”

“You mean the ten people outside of our circle of friends that are still left in Hawkins? Yeah,” Will scoffs, then sets the can back down with a soft clink. “I guess not.”

Neither of them say anything for a moment. It’s quiet in the store, the room dark and lit faintly by Will’s flashlight and the display in the corner. It lights Mike up a faint blue, catches the edges of his jaw and where his hair is curling softly over the hood of his jacket. 

Will’s flashlight sputters again. 

When it comes back on this time, it’s more faint than it was before. It’s dark in here, Will realizes, a bit belatedly. Like, really dark.

He takes a deep breath and shuffles closer to Mike, just a little, like the shape of his body all leaned against the empty shelves is a grounding force. Mike gives him a look that Will can’t quite decipher in the dark.

“Everything okay?”

“Yeah,” Will breathes out. The proximity is helping, a little. “Just– waiting for our ride.”

Mike leans in a bit closer too, places an arm under Will’s elbow. It’s a light touch, nothing forceful, but the semblance of support is there. “You sure? You look a little pale.”

Sometimes, Will hates how well Mike knows him. He doesn’t get antsy in the same way Mike does in situations like these, but he’d be lying if he said they didn’t affect him at all. It should be expected by now, the automatic fight or flight. 

For some cruel reason, it still isn’t. “You can’t even see me,” he says, but lets himself lean into the touch anyway.

“I can see enough,” Mike says easily. “Do you want to sit down?”

Will shakes his head. The only thing worse than waiting out in the open is sitting out in the open. At least when you’re standing, you can run. “No. I’m fine.”

Will can’t see Mike either, but he’d be willing to bet real money – that he doesn’t have – that he can tell exactly what Mike’s expression looks like. The pause grows, swells and swells and swells, until Will is sure Mike is going to say something–

There’s a clattering outside.

Instantly, Mike’s hand tightens its grip on Will’s elbow. “Did you hear that?”

“Yes,” Will hisses, twisting around to try and see through the windows. “Of course I heard that, Mike.”

“Do you think that’s–”

“No idea,” Will whispers. With no small amount of reluctance, he tugs his arm out of Mike’s grip. He misses the warmth of it almost instantaneously, and the tugging in his stomach is only amplified by the way Mike automatically leans in behind him, places a hand on his back to replace the absent touch, like it was never gone at all. Will swallows, and flicks the flashlight off. “Now be quiet.”

“The windows are boarded up,” Mike says, decidedly not being quiet. Will wonders where the Mike Wheeler of fifteen minutes ago went – the one that was sulking and fidgeting in silence the whole way down the first aid aisle. “They’re boarded up, so nothing can get in. Right?”

“We got in,” Will points out, which Mike seems to realize at approximately the same second he does. It’s getting a little hard to think, with Mike so close to him.

Will really wishes Mike would pull his hand away.

“Right,” Mike whispers, breath ghosting gently over the back of Will’s neck. “Okay. That’s fine. That’s fine.”

Fine, Will thinks. That’s one word for it.

Another clattering. It’s closer this time.

Will freezes.

Jonathan and Nancy are probably about ten minutes out. Twenty if they had to go back to the Wheelers’ for the other car. So they’d probably be fine if they stuck it out here, because the chance of something happening across them now, in the brief period of time where they’re stuck without a ride, in a building equipped with close to nothing that could help, is small.

Small, but not nonexistent.

Will isn’t really feeling inclined to take that chance. “Come on,” he says, then spins on his heel, grabbing Mike’s hand and tugging him in the opposite direction. “Come with me.”

Mike follows easily, stumbling slightly with the sudden movement. “Wh– where are we going?”

“Just come on,” Will says, then tugs Mike around to the back of the store. He yanks open a door, and shoves him inside. “Get in.”

“Whoa,” Mike says, as Will tumbles in behind him. “Will, what–”

“Would it kill you to be quiet?”

“Sorry,” Mike says, then does, at last, fall silent.

Immediately, Will wishes he hadn’t said that. It’s dark in here – even darker than out in the front of the store – and the only noise is the faint hum of a generator, somewhere behind the walls. It’s grating and stilted. Will wonders when the last time it had been repaired was.

Plus, it’s really–

It’s really fucking dark in here.

Will lets out a long, slow exhale, and reaches out to feel for the wall beside him. His palm comes into contact with chipped paint and he follows the shape of it down, lowering himself onto the ground.

“Will?” Mike says, and Will is in half a mind to say that thing about being quiet again, but–

It’s dark. It’s really dark.

“Yeah,” he says, barely audible even to himself over the faint hum of the generator, and the louder hum – demanding, prominent, persistent – of his blood rushing through his ears. “I just– sitting. I’m sitting.”

There had at least been some light out in the front, but this storage closet might as well be a void. It smells vaguely of dust, something stale and unknown and probably untouched for who-knows-how-long. Will takes another deep breath in.

“Where?” Mike asks. “I don’t want to step on you.”

Will cracks a smile. “Here,” he says, and holds a hand up in the air. “Right here.”

There’s a quiet shuffling sound as Mike moves closer, and then Will feels fingertips brushing against his. Mike latches on immediately, gripping tighter onto his hand and sits down in front of him. 

Will still can’t see anything – he can’t see anything – but he can feel Mike’s presence like it’s a tangible thing.

Mike could let go of Will’s hand now. Now that he’s found him.

He doesn’t, though.

“Hey,” Mike says, then there’s another faint shuffling noise. “Where are we?”

“Storage closet.”

“Huh. How did you know it was here?”

Will cracks another smile, despite himself. “My mom worked here, remember? For, like, years.”

“Right,” Mike laughs, and then he’s moving closer, knees bumping against knees in the dark. “I forgot. It doesn’t feel like the same place.”

“Tell me about it,” Will sighs. He’s probably breathing in dust and debris and soot and all sorts of gross stuff, but he can’t find it in himself to care. He presses his knees against Mike’s a little harder, just because he can.

“I remember,” Mike starts, readjusting his grip on Will’s hand – fingers interlocked, a firmer grip – “she’d give me free candy from the front counter. Whenever I came in with my parents, I mean. My mom was so confused about why I kept asking to tag along to Melvald’s with her.”

“That’s not fair,” Will laughs. “She never let me have any candy.”

“You were a menace all hopped up on sugar,” Mike points out. “I knew how to behave myself.”

That’s a damn lie, and they both know it. “Liar,” Will says quietly, leaning his head back against the wall. “You’re such a liar.”

“Maybe so,” Mike hums. “But I’m still the one who got free candy, so–”

“Mike!” Will shoves lightly at his knee, and Mike’s answering laugh fills the small space instantaneously. It’s loud – too loud, because they’re supposed to be hiding, goddamnit – but the nagging little voice at the back of Will’s head is vanquished almost as quickly as it came. “Shut up.”

Mike, as always, ignores him. “Why don’t we turn on a light?”

“The fuse is probably blown,” Will responds. “If there’s even a light in this stupid closet.”

“I mean this, idiot,” Mike says, and then clicks the flashlight back on. The batteries must be dying, because it flickers to life weakly, steadying out into a dim yellow-white. “Obviously.”

“Don’t waste the batteries,” Will says at once, trying to grab for it. “Come on, Mike–”

“Jonathan and Nancy will be here any minute and then we can go put in new batteries,” Mike says, holding it easily out of reach. “No point sitting in the dark, right?”

“Mike,” Will tries to protest, but it’s useless. Mike’s made up his mind.

Slowly, and a little far away, Will realizes what Mike is trying to do. He’s not being subtle about it, but subtlety has never been Mike Wheeler’s strong suit. He’s always been exuberant, quick and spontaneous with his actions, and this is no different. Sitting up close, closer than would be strictly necessary in any other situation. Turning the light on, despite the dying batteries. Telling Will about coming here as a kid, all those years ago. Making him laugh. Diffusing the tension.

Jesus, and he’s still holding Will’s hand.

A wave of affection washes over him, sudden and overwhelming enough for Will to feel borderline nauseous.

This isn’t fair. This isn’t fair. Mike can’t just sit here and touch their knees together and hold Will’s hand, and–

“Look,” Mike is saying, and then he’s holding the flashlight under his chin and grinning. “Don’t I look freaky?”

In all honesty, Mike looks fucking hilarious. The direct light casts long shadows across the dips of his cheekbones, the shapes of his eyelashes distorting wildly as he blinks. “No,” Will snorts, rolling his eyes. “You look ridiculous.”

“Really?” Mike grins, in a way that means he knows just how ridiculous he looks. “Not even a little?” He waggles his eyebrows, and the resulting effect is so comical that Will can’t help the laugh that bursts out of him, sharp and sudden and real.

“Mike,” he chides, for the millionth time. “You’re going to kill the battery.”

Mike looks way too pleased with himself. “Worth it,” he says anyway, as he sets the flashlight down. It evens out the sharp angles of his face, now that it’s farther away, lights his cheeks and nose and eyes up into something softer, more open.

Something about the steadiness of Mike’s expression is brighter than any source of light. Suddenly, it’s too much. Suddenly, it’s blinding. 

God. He’s so screwed.  “For what?”

“Getting you to laugh,” Mike says, simple and easy, like he’s reciting times tables instead of proceeding to turn Will’s entire world upside down on its pathetic little axis.

Will feels his lungs stutter on his next inhale. He looks away. “Don’t do that.”

The gleeful expression falters on Mike’s face. “Don’t do what?”

“Don’t,” Will says, “don’t– you’re being so– so–”

Mike looks caught somewhere between confusion and amusement. “So what?”

“So,” Will tries again, and then Mike moves closer, and the difficulty of articulating a halfway decent sentence immediately increases tenfold. “So.”

“So,” Mike echoes, shifting so the side of his thigh is pressed up against the side of Will’s. He’s being slowly backed into the corner, but the thought isn’t terrifying like it might have been five minutes ago. Suddenly, Will is overwhelmed in a completely new way. “So what?”

“Nice to me,” Will gets out. “Stop being so nice to me.”

Mike pauses, then says, incredulously and half-laughing– “What? Why?”

Bad choice of words. “You heard me,” Will says anyway, because he’s nothing if not stubborn. “You’re being too nice.”

“I should hope so,” Mike says. “I mean, you’re my friend.”

Maybe Will is imagining it, but the sentence feels unfinished. Like there’s a second half to it that Mike is keeping for himself: You’re my friend – right?

The obvious answer here is that yes, Mike is his friend. But that answer feels unfinished too, like a lie by omission. Will tries to imagine it, doing these things with anyone else – what it would be like if Dustin was holding his hand, or if it were Lucas sitting next to him this close.

The conclusion he comes to, almost immediately, is that it would be weird.

It would be really fucking weird.

That feels like– something. An admission, maybe. Because the fact of the matter is that things with Mike have always been like this, and they’ve never been like this with anyone else, and Will doesn’t think they can be like this with anyone else without it being the most unsettling thing that’s ever happened to him.

The silence, he realizes, has gone on just a second too long.

“Yeah,” he blurts out at last. “Yeah. Obviously.”

Something settles over Mike’s face. “Will–”

“Forget I said anything,” Will backpedals, a little bit desperate. “Never mind. Be as nice to me as you want.”

Mike bites down on his lower lip. It looks like he’s holding back a smile. “As nice as I want?”

Oh, no.

“Sure,” Will tries. “Do your worst.”

Mike lets out a shaky exhale. He presses in further, leans in closer until their shoulders are almost touching. “How about this?”

“That’s not nice,” Will says weakly. “That’s just an invasion of personal space.”

“Seems pretty nice to me,” Mike mutters under his breath.

Will inhales sharply. “Mike.”

“What?”

“What are you– doing,” Will whispers, stumbling over his words, just slightly, as Mike places a hand on his arm.

Mike’s gaze does not waver. “Is this okay?”

Is it okay? Will thinks his brain might be halfway to leaking out through his ears. This is–

This is–

“Yeah,” he hears himself say. “Yeah. Great.”

“Okay,” Mike whispers. He’s so close now that Will could count all the freckles spattered across his nose, if he wanted to. He could, and the thought is dizzying, dizzying – suddenly, it’s not the claustrophobia that’s making him feel like this. It can’t be, because Mike is in front of him, and he’s so close that Will could just lean forward and–

He could just–

“Mike.” And maybe he’s a bit of a broken record, but he can’t come up with any words other than his name. He clutches at Mike’s knee and meets his gaze and prays – to whatever deity allowed him to get trapped in a storage closet with Mike Wheeler two inches away from his face – that Mike Wheeler will find the courage in him somewhere to close the fucking gap.

He doesn’t, though, which is a sign that the universe must be majorly fucking with him. Not yet, anyway. Not anywhere near as fast as Will needs it to be – if this is what he thinks it is, it’s nowhere near fast enough.

In actuality, what it is is excruciating – the way Will’s heart is beating so loud that he’s sure Mike can hear it, in the proximity. The slow circles Mike is tracing over his other hand – the hand that he’s still holding. He’s so close that Will can discern the warmth emanating off him, the familiar scent of soap, can feel Mike’s eyes trained steadily on his mouth, and yet–

Either Mike is actually moving at a speed of one nanosecond per minute, or time has slowed to a near-stop around them. Mike’s grip on his hand is agonizing, caustic in all the places where they’re touching, each slow circle of Mike’s thumb against his wrist driving him slowly and steadily out of his mind. Do it, Will thinks, like maybe if he thinks it loud enough, Mike will be able to hear him. Do it, do it, do it.

Mike’s lips touch his.

The world stops moving.

It must, anyway. Or maybe it’s just that Will doesn’t think he’s breathing anymore – he doesn’t know if he can find it in him to remember how. All he’s aware of is this: Mike’s hands on his arm, his wrist. Mike’s leg under his own palm, warm and steady and pressed up against him in a smooth, unyielding line. The pressure of the wall behind him, the strands of Mike’s hair brushing against his face, and Mike’s lips – gentle, gentle, gentle, and nowhere near enough.

It’s like Mike is waiting for something. Waiting for Will, maybe.

God, okay.

Fuck it, Will thinks, from somewhere far off in his own head. Fuck it. Fuck this. 

“Will,” Mike whispers, pulling back a precious few millimeters, and that’s it. That’s all Will can take.

Will lifts his hand off Mike’s leg, raises it to his wrist and tugs. Mike topples into him with a small gasp, Will falls backwards into the wall, and then they’re kissing.

God. Okay.

Mike steadies himself quickly, braces a hand on the wall behind them and leans in, firm and enthusiastic. His hand, Will notices, faintly and with no small amount of affection, is shaking. Just slightly. Will’s trapped between them again – Mike and the wall – but this time he can’t find it in himself to care even the slightest bit. As if there’s anywhere he’d want to go that wasn’t here, as if he’d want to be somewhere without Mike’s hand carding through his hair, or without his lips moving softly against Will’s own, or the noise he makes when Will presses forward, too fast, too eager, too betrayed by his own fluttering pulse – something like a laugh, trapped deep in his chest.

Suddenly, it’s not enough. It’s not enough. It’s–

“Mike? Will?”

Shit.

In a flash, Mike pulls away, wide-eyed and pink-cheeked and breathing like he’s just run a marathon.

Shit.

“Yeah,” Mike calls, voice cracking just slightly on the syllable. “We’re in here!”

Shit.

“So,” Will says, aiming for nonchalance. He fails immediately. His voice cracks too. Great. “That–”

Don’t freak out, he thinks. Please don’t freak out.

Mike, to his credit, is not freaking out.

“Yeah,” Mike says, voice a little high-pitched but surprisingly even. He clears his throat. “Um. Yeah. You were–”

“Yeah,” Will finishes, rather lamely. He’s grinning like an idiot. He doesn’t even need to look at himself to tell. His expression is mirrored, perfectly, flawlessly, brilliantly, on Mike’s own face.

The closet door gets thrown open, and there’s a blinding, sudden light– “What the fuck,” Mike exclaims, squinting and throwing a hand up in front of his eyes. “Nancy?”

Jonathan peers around her shoulder. “What were you guys doing in here?”

Don’t look. Don’t look. Don’t–

Will can’t help it. He looks at Mike, and they immediately burst into laughter.

Shit.

[deiaiko]

#20.5 Care

"Agni…" Grace shook him awake.

Agni stirred on the bed, a little displeased. Grace was being a little rough today. Ever since they started living together in this new timeline, Agni usually woke up to Grace kissing his cheek, not an urgent grip on his shoulder. It would have raised his awareness, but for some reason, his body was refusing to do so.

"Please, wake up." Grace begged, voice a little wet.

Agni forced himself to open his eyes, squinting at the blinding light that made his head ache. Once his vision adjusted to the room, he saw that Grace was close to tears. He visibly deflated once Agni managed to lock gazes with him and finally let the dam break free. "Oh thank goodness. I've been trying to wake you a few times but you didn't respond so I thought–" Grace wiped his tears off and tried to regain himself.

"Wh-" Agni coughed weakly, his throat was so dry. What happened?

Grace began explaining anyway. "When I woke up I noticed that you had a fever. So I tried to check on you, but you were more sluggish than your normal sick days. So I was afraid that you were–"

Grace stopped mid-ramble as Agni found and squeezed Grace's hand, trying to stop him from panicking. Waiting for Grace to recollect himself, Agni pushed himself up to sit to make himself more awake. The world spun and a wave of nausea hit him full force. Agni pushed himself off the bed and stumbled a little when his knee tingled uncomfortably. Realizing this, Grace swooped him off his feet and carried him down to the bathroom.

Soon Agni found himself sitting down on the floor next to the toilet bowl. Grace draped a blanket over him before Agni realized he was shivering. Agni noticed that his breath was hot and his shirt clung to his skin from cold sweat. 

Because their bedroom and the bathroom were quite a hassle to go back and forth from, Grace prepared the water bed in the bathroom for them to use later, and Agni was thankful for his thoughtfulness. Grace then sat next to him and mindlessly rubbed on Agni's hunched back, up and down along his spine comfortingly.

As Agni emptied his stomach in the toilet, he hazily recalled taking a little more sleeping pills than he should have last night, plus drinking a few cups of wine beforehand. Though given the circumstances, he didn't know whether he could've stopped himself from doing so. In that case, he must've had a hangover, on top of the chills that he usually got after using his ice shinsu, which often developed into fever.

The room was quiet after the wave of nausea passed, and the silence was nice against his foggy mind. His breath was still slow and uneven, and his throat felt arid and sore. Grace didn't look like he was faring any better, with his eyes red and swollen, movement sluggish as if he was working on autopilot. Still, Grace tended to him patiently until Agni felt okay enough to lay back down on the bed.

However, Grace didn't join him as Agni thought he would, and instead made his way to the door. "I will get you some medicine."

"Do you know which to get?" Agni rasped out. When Grace didn't answer right away, Agni typed the answer in his pocket. "There, sent." Only then did Agni notice the time, so he added, "You should get breakfast as well, if you have not."

"Maybe. I won't leave for long." And Grace closed the door after saying that.

Agni was just hoping that Grace could have a breather from being cooped up to take care of him, but deep down he was relieved with that promise. After all, the thought of being left alone when his body felt like it was chained to the ground spiked his anxiety. His stomach churned as bad memories replayed in his mind from the reminder. He dragged his heavy feet and kneeled beside the toilet bowl for the second time, already missing the comfort of the bed. He retched to try getting rid of the awful feeling, but it wasn't effective when he had nothing else to empty.

As the sleep medication wore off, his thoughts also returned louder, and Agni was reminded again of why he decided to take another dose last night. It wasn't like him to do something so impulsive, but after Grace fell asleep crying, everything seemed too much to bear alone. He needed something to help him quiet all the guilt that he had piled up.

All the events leading up to that tragedy replayed vividly over and over. Each time he tried to think of ways it could've ended differently, but only a few seemed to have played in their favor. But of course, what good would it do him anyway? Because he couldn't change what had happened, even if he went back to the past. And the fact that they were gone was the reality he had to live with from now on.

Grace returned quicker than he had anticipated, with the food tray and all. But his complexion did look much better than before he left, so Agni felt somewhat relieved.

"Bam is outside," was what Grace said as a greeting. And yeah, it did explain a lot for his better mood.

"You should spend time with him." Because Grace needed someone to cheer him up, and who else knew how to do it better than himself? "Don't worry about me."

"How could I not?" Grace sat next to him, putting the food tray on the floor, completely ignoring Agni's former suggestion. Grace brushed his palm on Agni's forehead, the clear temperature difference made his eyebrows knit together in concern. "Your fever rose."

"It's not usually this stubborn." Agni exhaled some of his frustration, and began coughing as his body reminded him of how dry his throat was. He took a careful sip of the water that Grace offered and waited for it to settle before taking the medicine, swallowing it dry out of habit. 

"You should eat something." Grace pulled the tray so it was within Agni's reach. "Or drink some water, you're dehydrated."

Agni groaned, though he knew he needed to get something in his system to make his body focus on recovering. He nibbled on the crackers and drank the water little by little, deciding to take his time rather than risk it. Grace looked very satisfied when Agni managed to get everything down, which in turn also made Agni feel somewhat accomplished.

Not long afterward, Agni yawned, tired after being kept awake by the nausea and his loud thoughts. Grace had pulled Agni to sit on his lap, body facing each other to share as much warmth while keeping Agni upright, or else he might have an upset stomach later.

The way Grace's breath brushed past his neck grounded him, as it was an easy thing to focus on. Time passed slowly, and it would've lulled him to sleep if Grace didn't let the silence linger. There was a tenseness in Grace's shoulders, and the way Grace hugged him a little tighter than usual was enough to tell him not to leave his wave controller alone drowning in his thoughts. The moment Grace's breathing started to get uneven, Agni knew that Grace was crying. Absentmindedly, he began rubbing and patting Grace's back, earning him some sniffles. It was pathetic that this was the only thing Agni could offer to support Grace, but he couldn't think of anything better that he was able to give as of the moment.

Agni didn't cry, though he wished he could, so his chest could relieve some of the pressure and stop aching. To think that they were willing to save him without thinking of the consequences, was something Agni still had a hard time believing. That he was able to hold Grace like this was all thanks to them. He could've died that day if Rak didn't protect him, or he could've lost his mind by living in that damned place if Isu and Hatz didn't come for him. He missed his old team, both dead and alive, and all that he left behind in that war time. He never admitted it out loud, but god he missed them.

Eventually, Grace pulled away. His eyes were red and puffy, but his movements were no longer on autopilot. He tucked Agni back to bed after checking his temperature, saying that it had gone lower, and evidently it ceased some of his worry.

Agni snuggled closer to Grace, finding comfort at the thought of him. Alive, real and close by. "Thank you, for being here." 

The corner of Grace's lips pulled upwards in a gentle smile, "You too." His free hand ran through Agni's hair and massaged his scalp. "Get better soon."

Agni started to drift off to sleep then, comfortably tucked up under a blanket and safe in Grace's embrace. He remembered the way Grace placed a lingering kiss on his forehead before Agni was out completely.

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[marimbles]

at the risk of sounding like really entitled….

does anyone else have a fic that is their most popular, but you don’t want it to be, because you don’t think it deserves it, and you have better stuff, and while ofc you are grateful that people like something you wrote, it’s almost annoying that for some reason That one is the most popular. lmao

[corvidcall]

i very rarely get a sense of satisfaction from completing tasks. ive heard people say this is an ADHD thing, but idk. personally i think i might just be bad at being alive

[etherealforever234]

I am doing this again because there is nOT ENOUGH APPRECIATION FOR TGESE AMAZING WRITERS IN OUR FANDOM.

So I did a part 1 but I didn’t include all the ones I wanted since it got too long jsskkskskskdksnxk sooooooo here’s a part 2 of all the fics which absolutely PLAGUE my mind and you NEED to check these out and show them your love!! I have said this before I’ll say it again telling writers you like their writing with just a simple reblog or a good comment MATTERS so much more than you know. So I better see you guys showering writers with love on their fics! While I did make this for myself because I’m building a little ✨collection✨ I hope this helps anyone who’s looking for more fics to read!!!

(Minors this is your cue to not be anywhere around here if I see you interacting I’ll tell yo mama!)

Recs under the cut <3

Her body is Bible by @superblysubpar - DEAD. ASCENDED TO ANOTHER PLANE. MET GOD. DIED. BROUGHT BACK TO LIFE JESUS STYLE. LOST ALL COHERENCE FOR A GOOD FEW DAYS. (18+)

Amuse and romance me like you do by @heartthrobinsfics - I have re-read this whole fic from start to finish so many times dkksckkxmfkdkckdkf the slow burn was really slow burning and ACCURACY in characterisation Family Video Steve has alllllll my heart

Single thread part 1 part 2 part 3 by @headkiss - Spiderman AU Steve I love you so much it hurts! The slow burn is so fkskfkskfkskdkskxkdkdkkdkckfkfskdkxkfk! And he’s just so 🥺 ahhhhh OBSESSED with this whole Universe! (18+)

Rules are meant to be broken by @funnylittlelad - I read this whole series on AO3 and my GOD this deserves so much more love!!!! The complicated relationships with parents the angst is so delicious I am in LOVE with this.

This blurb by @stevebabey - The way I have NEVER felt more represented as I was here. Being a #losergf is a tough job but someone’s gotta do it

If you loved me, why’d you leave me part 1 part 2 by @1986harrington - I have to say reading the first part actually made me wanna lie down in the rain for like a couple of hours because the ANGST🤌🏻🤌🏻🤌🏻 and the SMUT in the second part lordtttt (18+)

how could i say goodbye? by @hawkinsquarry - The way this fic made me WEEP. I love it when people make Steve actually process any of his trauma but him being needy after the events of S4 was so ON POINT. Fuck this hurt. So good!

Beyond part 1 by @abibliophobiaa - The way I start SHAKINH AND SCREAMING AND CRUONH AND YHEOWINH UP when I start thinking about this series sjkdxkdkxkfk fake marriage AU will always have a place near and dear in my heart and with Steve??? DEAD.

Chateau, Careless whispers part 1 part 2 by @kurtie4life96 - Sugar Daddy Steve can be something so incredibly personal to #girlies (me) OBSESSED with thiskdkskfmdkdkdk the smut made the wires in my brain unwire (18+)

Burning by @lis-likes-fics - ABSOLUTELY INSANE actually. CRAZY. MIND DESTROYING. NERVES IMPLODING. KILLED ME. The plot with porn can be so personal to me FUCKING GOD. (18+)

Pray for the night by @upsidedownwithsteve - Call me a whore but I LOOOOOOVE me some “we almost died so let’s fuck each other’s brains out because we’re alive and we want to feel something” 😌😇 (18+)

Pride and Prejudice and Peanut Butter Sundaes by @starryeyedstories - The enemies to lovers of it all kskskskskskdks THE TWIST OF P&P WITH STEVE HARRINGTON REST ASSURE THIS IS CLOSE TO MY HEARTTTTT! This is so freaking goodkskskskskskskx

Meet me at the chateau by @theemporium - I think about this fic so much and it's been MONTHS but I will make it a pOINT to re-read it because this is just absolute perfection ugh sjkskdkskdkksdkjsdjkddk! (18+)

Puppy by @lovebugism - Sub!Steve you’ll always be famous! This made me so dizzy gAWD. Can't believe this isn't my life. So unfair. Looooooooooooove this! (18+)

[mr-independent]

you know, its not brought up in fics often but ted is extremely well read. he doesnt brag about it, but hes read everything from f scott fitzgerald's b sides to ayn rand's doorstoppers to the sixteen book Ender series, etc etc etc. Ted reads about as much as we see Beard reading (which. in my head is a trait that was passed on, a new focus to sharpen the mind and keep him out of trouble and his mind off drugs, something Ted offered up as a coping mechanism for when his own dad died, a way to have fun and adventure and escape without ending up in jail like Ted himself had a handful of times before, scaring the bejeezus out of his ma.)

this turned into a mini fic and i lost my train of thought but point is, Ted reads So Much and more people need to pick up on this in fics please and thank you.

[seventh-district]

.

[that-was-anticlimactic]

besties just out of curiosity, what's like... your favorite fic you've ever written? or favorite art you've ever created?

[birdinabowl]

god this fic was so mean to Connie (it was for character development though)

[shikai-the-storyteller]

Thank you to q!Jaiden for your valiant sacrifice, it gave me the motivation to actually bust through the block I had writing this fic

[derangedthots]

feeling some type of way about user simpofnegan's new cowboy jacemond fic in the tags and by some type of way i mean desperately trying not to scream in my dorm room @ 2am and wake my roommate

[smowkie]

finished my second bingo card from @ficreadingchallenge, woo! thanks again for hosting this event, it's great fun! 💗

list of read fics under the cut

1. multichapter fic

Countdown by prairiecrow

Garashir, DS9, 8,090 w, rated teen

summary:

Garak is poisoned, and Bashir finds himself in a race against time.

2. mythical creature AU

beautiful eyes lookin' deep into mine by sarahcakes613

Barisi, SVU, 1,664 w, rated gen

summary:

Rafael hasn't seen his reflection in almost six decades. Sonny finds a magic mirror.

3. less than 20 kudos

I'm Thinking Pastels by harinezumiko

Garashir, DS9, 100 w, rated gen

summary:

Prompt: garashir, magical unicorn adventure.

4. found family

Two Fools And Their Son [series] by Talvenhenki

Garashir, DS9, 5,227 w, rated gen

summary:

Julian adopts a child. As the child grows, so does Julian's family of misfits.

5. historical AU

Our Better Natures by OnlySlightlyObsessed1

Spones, TOS, 1,429 w, rated gen

summary:

Spock couldn't let it happen again.

6. future AU

I will die in the house that I grew up in by justhockey

Buddie, 911, 3,169 w, not rated

summary:

Loving Eddie is like breathing past all of the broken glass in his lungs. Buck can’t believe he gets to have this - can’t believe he gets to hold something so precious in his shaking, bleeding hands, and is trusted not to ruin it. He’s not sure he deserves that kind of faith, but he will spend the rest of his life being grateful for it anyway. He’ll spend the rest of his life trying to deserve this family that he’s made.

7. 5+ year old fic

Letters from the Northern Continent by thehoyden

Garashir, DS9, 7,966 w, rated mature

summary:

It just figured that the first time Julian Bashir set foot on Cardassia after the war, it would be halfway around the world from Elim Garak.

8. fic with no comments yet

Big Medicine by LadyDrace

Garashir, DS9, 100 w, rated gen

summary:

Doctors make the worst patients... and tailors don't make very good doctors either...

9. hurt/comfort

Here, at the End of All Things by sahiya

Garashir, DS9, 17,929 w, rated teen

summary:

He was no one’s choice of nurse, Garak reflected, even if Bashir seemed to tolerate him more than anyone else on the station did. Garak had been trained to inflict pain, not to ease it; to terrify, not to comfort. Bashir had shown Garak more tenderness and care than anyone had in many, many years, and the idea of trying to play that same role for the good doctor now was, frankly, a little intimidating. Not trying at all, however, simply was not an option.

10. fix-it fic

you standing in the doorway by Mireille

Stony, MCU, 1,420 w, rated teen

summary:

The most remarkable thing about you standing in the doorway / Is that it's you and that you are standing in the doorway - Mountain Goats, "Going to Georgia"

11. genderbend

Magic is the Worst by arianapeterson19

Tony Stark (gen), MCU, 1,354 w, rated teen

summary:

As far as magic went it wasn't the worst thing to have happened to Tony but it also wasn't turning out how he wanted. He was going to find Loki and demand a refund. OR The one where Tony gets turned into a lady.

12. de-aging/kid

Kid Steve by Neverever

Stony, Avengers Assemble (cartoon), 1,752 w, rated gen

summary:

It's all fun and games for Kid Steve after being de-aged by the Impossible Man, until asthma attacks.

free space

Bombing It by tokidokifish

Garashir, DS9, 1,112 w, rated gen

summary:

“Happy birthday.” “I’m sorry, my dear doctor—I think you’ve mixed me up with someone else.” “I haven’t. I know you wouldn’t ever tell me your real birthday, but I still wanted to give you something to show how much I appreciate your friendship—so I just picked a day with appropriate significance in human culture.” “The first of April.” “Exactly.” — Julian wants to give Garak a gift, so he simply picked a day to do it.

13. bodyswap

i'm yours, body and soul by meidui (orphan_account)

Stony, MCU, 749 w, rated gen

summary:

When Tony wakes up in his husband's body at six in the morning hundreds of miles away from his conference, he almost puts a pillow over his head and goes back to sleep because, really, stranger things have happened.

14. daring rescue

come out to the sea, my love by allyasavedtheday

Buddie, 911, 8,035 w, rated teen

summary:

“Bobby,” Maddie exclaims. “It’s Buck.” Eddie’s head shoots up, hand immediately going to his own radio. Did something happen? Is it another clot? Did Christopher call 911? Is Buck on the floor bleeding out while his son watches- “He and Christopher were on the pier.” There’s one dizzying moment where Eddie’s vision completely whites out and he loses all control of his limbs but then a strong hand is gripping his arm and he manages to pull himself together enough to focus on Bobby’s face. “Maddie, how do you know that?” Bobby asks and he sounds calm but Eddie can hear the tension hidden in his voice. This can’t be happening. This can’t be happening. “A girl with a drone called 911- she sent me the footage and-“ Maddie lets out a hitching breath. “They’re stranded on top of the 136’s ladder truck.” * Tsunami au in which the 118 find out about Buck and Chris being stranded on top of the ladder truck and come to rescue them before they get separated.

15. fic written by someone who follows you

a line drawn in the sand by crazyassmurdererwall (smartalli)

Buddie, 911, 5,655 w, rated teen

summary:

When Eddie forgets about a family tradition and can’t get off work early, Buck steps in and takes Christopher to Abuela’s for him. Eddie doesn’t expect Buck to still be there when he gets off work. He doesn’t expect to tell Buck how he feels. And he doesn’t expect to stand up to his parents. But maybe it’s about time he did. Maybe it’s about time he go after what he wants.

16. unhappy/bittersweet ending

Flowers for Julian by peytra

Garashir, DS9, 1,232 w, rated teen

summary:

A late-night conversation about time and gardening.

17. short fic (<1000 words)

Sleep And Be Peaceful by Elemental_Queen

Garashir, DS9, 214 w, rated gen

summary:

Garak comes home late, and finds Julian asleep on his couch.

18. BFFs

I really love you (oh, you’re my best friend) by stellarpoint (pettifogger)

Steve & Robin, Stranger Things, 1,457 w, rated gen

summary:

Robin approaches him slowly. She sees herself in the mirror: still dirt-smudged with bags under her eyes and dried blood obscuring her freckles. She rests her hand on Steve’s back and feels the rattle of his breath under the vest he still hasn’t taken off. “It’s okay, Steve.” He jerks his head up. His eyes are red-rimmed and shining. She slides her left hand all the way around his side until she’s hugging him from behind. She presses her cheek to the denim covering his back and closes her eyes. “It’s okay, dingus. You can let it out,” she murmurs. She rubs her face against his back and slides her hand down the bare skin of his arm. “It’s just me. You don’t have to pretend you’re okay.” Or: Steve has a tell for when he’s trying not to cry and Robin seems to be the only one who notices it.

19. pets

Birthday Surprise by PepperSpicedLatte

Saffi, ST: Picard, 100 w, rated gen

summary:

Evie, their beloved cat, has a surprise for Raffi

20. mistaken identity

What Happens At Comic Con by Heartithateyou

Stony, MCU, 1,164 w, rated gen

summary:

So Steve likes to go to comic con sometimes. And just maybe he dresses as Captain America. And perhaps he might flirt with an Iron Man cosplayer. But can you blame him?

21. remix fic pair (worth 2 spots)

out of the mouth of babes (a childish remix) by Fluffypanda

Stony, MCU, 3,745 w, rated teen

summary:

Tony doesn't know how to deal with a child-sized Steve that seems to think they're friends.

22. new (to you) fandom

when you think you've tried every road by firstaudrina

Tristan Duffy/Liz Taylor, AHS: Hotel, 3,224 w, rated teen

summary:

Normally Tristan would brush off someone eyeing his ass but this is different, somehow – like Liz looked at him once, and wanted to keep looking.

23. lyrics title - listen to the song too!

Crawling on Your Shores by Mireille

Stony, MCU, 9,600 w, rated teen

summary:

Compared to the last time Tony was trapped in a cave, this should be a piece of cake. It's really not. His armor is damaged, he doesn't have anything to work with, and he has an unconscious supersoldier on his hands. It's definitely not a piece of cake.

24. slow burn

keep a bower quiet for us by starghost

Garashir, DS9, 20,218 w, rating gen

summary:

Julian Bashir goes on vacation, and ends up stuck on Earth, in the past, with Elim Garak. Things could be worse, probably.

[syncrovoid-presents]

Hiya friend!! (Can I call you that? I don't know!) I thought I should share a silly drawing that reminds me of you! (Not trying to be rude! It just reminds me of your personality and art!) Have a lovely rest of your day!

Also, any fun facts about the home zone that don't reveal to much? (Just curious!)

Hello Friend!! (sure! if I can call you friend too @:]) This is very fun, thank you for sharing the art! It's very cool, lots of fun colours! It is Very Fun seeing a representation reminders of the vibes you've found here @:D

Hmm as for Home Zone, I don't want to spoil anything but I can give some environmental fun facts!

There exists a blueprint of the apartment, and though things get wonky the layout remains the same (or mostly, sometimes walls just need to grow haha). The Home Zone was named by a commentor and the name works in multiple layers!

Other fun facts about the Home Zone (speed round! I have so many thoughts!!)

The MC has multiple photographs they've taken up around their apartment. Originally the deer picture scene also had a description for warped photos of birds, a sail boat off in the water, and of a sunset! I'm a big fan of Deer Horror so I kept that part in, but the rest are part of the story in my mind haha. Because it is You, You can imagine any photo being warped in that scene

The dragon statue in chapter 16 being warped is a Charizard @:)

I don't know if anyone cause it, but the odd Duck Bowl in one of the earlier Home Zone chapters (I forget exactly which one, but it is likely chapter 12 to 14?) is a reference! It is Duck Guy from Don't Hug Me I'm Scared (in strange uncanny bowl form, I thought it was funny @:p )

The wires from the ceiling is based off of what electrical wiring can look like in an unfinished space. I've lived in many under-construction places and the electricity is shut off so the wires are safe. It looks funny though!

The atmosphere of Home Zone is heavily impacted by the non-physical environment of all the ""characters"" in the story (is this a spoiler? I don't think so? I think people picked up on that(?))

It is also called Home Zone (to me, to me. This is a Silly Thought you now know!) because I think Wally calls the MC's apartment home because anywhere his Friends like are a part of his home. Because he thinks Home means something like Safety and Care, and he Cares about his friends (home is where the heart is, etc etc. I don't know if I explained it well, but he is just a Silly Little Guy!)

Additional fun fact: Wally is the MC's height for a reason! I cannot share because that would be a spoiler, but there is a reason!!

I could ramble a LOT about The Consequence of Imagination's Fear (I think about it a lot!) But i shall limit it to that. Thank you for the ask, this was really fun to answer!!

Have a Lovely day or night too, and keep being awesome @:D

[clambuoyance]

Sorry if uve answered this before but like. What do u think kon and clarks relationship? I kinda like them being on good terms but in the nebulous ur ny uncle/brother/cousin/close family memeber deal instead of clark being a parent because... waves hands at luthor and the uh. Kinda constant issues of how kon was created and also because I think kon deserves to choose what people to mean to him after everything he's been thru but what do u think

ive had a couple asks about this and i dont remember if ive answered it before or not but i guess ill separate my thoughts into Fanon/my preferred timeline and then canon. but i think im in the same general camp where i think that theyre relationship is very nebulous, but don't mind if Parent is one of those relationships thrown into the mix. saying theyre brothers doesnt feel 100% right, but saying theyre father-son also doesnt feel totally right? i literally don't know how to explain how i feel about it but if you read this maybe it will be more clear

uh this will be long

1)Canon (pre retcon and post retcon)

Sooooo firstly with canon, i chalk a lot of the choices up to the narrative constraints and dc editorial things? because one, they wanted superboy to be a solo hero and not a sidekick, and two, his original story is that he is not a superman clone, but just a clone from a shitbag scientist named Paul Westfield that was altered to look and mimic clark, which is also pretty weird and understandably off-putting for clark still.

then when clark finally "returns from the dead" he's still pretty concerned about the kid? like he helps kon figure out what to do with cadmus and all, and then kon gives clark's old apartment back to him and says he's gonna find a new place and fly "second star to the right and straight on till morning" T-T

and you know from then on he's just a guy that occasionally pops up and gives kon advice.

and then we get to the whole "brother thing" because when kon went into hypertime and met teen clark, teen clark assumed his adult self had shared his secret identity and life with kon, which makes kon feel insecure about not being trustworthy. teen clark explains that he probably has a reason and says they could be like brothers. and when kon comes back and confronts kal-el, kal tells him he's family.

they do act familial, but the brother thing was proposed by clark first so it's not as clear on kon's side. personally, despite his rebellious attitude and insistence on being his own man, he's still a kid, and with how much kon latches onto father figures, laments about not having a real father or mother and even wishes he had one, gets distraught at the thought of losing his father figures like guardian or dubbilex, i don't really blame some readers for hoping clark would step in more as either a mentor or something more?

but again, that would require some big narrative commitments and mightve made it hard for them to be solo heroes with separate lives, and supergirls a solo hero too with a similar age range but she's already been established as a cousin.

now after the retcon, its been changed so that kon is half lex luthor half clark, and though there's still a mixed bag of opinions on it, at least kon's attitude towards paul and not wanting to end up like a shitbag and have to be told by clark he's his own person still applies i guess T-T and the circumstances are more iffy and kon does keep it a secret for a while. it also complicates things by painting clark to be some absentee dad, which frankly is out of character for him i think. so idk kon keeping both his donors a secret could be interesting ? i have to think about it and how to resolve that narrative issue T-T. but also, i dont think the retcon is necessarily bad, just had a bunch of missed unique opportunities they could've used to make it stand out in a medium where this type of plotline already saturates its stories T-T (you could buy a sandwich if you had a nickel for every hero with half villain half hero genes)

so yeah basically im pretty sure readers at the time were hoping for a more father-son relationship while some were fine with just being brothers, and dc cant decide so i have decided that i will apply homestuck rules in which they are genetic father and son and may call each other brothers but in a way where kon looks up to clark so much he's basically a father to him. or like in ninjago where kai and lloyd clearly have a brotherly relationship but lloyd claims "kai was a father to me when i needed one."

because relationships aren't so cookie cutter you know? especially when it comes to family.

ANYWAYSSSSSSS

2) Fanon/My canon timeline

In my mind's eye, their relationship takes a longgg time to develop, and it has to overcome misunderstandings, but they are always amicable to each other. (Basically, not whatever the yj show did?) Clark doesn't automatically set himself to adopt or whatever, but he promises to look after him and has a more active role in helping kon find a place to stay, on kon's own insistence on being his own independent person. He heavily distrusts Cadmus though but dubbilex and guardian seem trustworthy enough. There is a part where he asks kon to keep an eye on cadmus' shady operations, and in my fanon I'd rather him just say that kon should go to him if anything bad every happens more out of concern for kon's safety than anything else? If that made sense.

Also, Clark is young and still rattling with the fact there's a mini-him running around the place that was meant to replace him so he's allowed to feel weird about it and not have all the answers. He does know that the right thing to do is make sure the kid's safe, but the kon's got a chip on his shoulder and doesn't make it easy. Kon is no one's sidekick--he is going to be superman one day, because it's what he's meant to do. He doesn't always know what's best for him, and always gets himself into trouble, and maybe he knows that, but I'd write it so that he slowly has to learn that it's okay to be a kid and to fuck up sometimes and listen to someone who knows better. Also, he talks big shit about being superman but also places expectations on himself because Clark's shadow is just so big that it makes it hard to connect with clark maybe? Like that's the guy you were made to be one day. And you know for a fact he didnt mess up as much as you did.

And when kal gives him the name kon-el and proclaims that he is family, kon is so happy he cries so you're left wondering why it took so long for them to get to that point. so i think in my timeline it'd happen a bit sooner? or like i would not make it take so long lol.

then you meet teen clark, and i think that's when things start to change. Of course this is the homestuck in me talking, but I think i'd have liked to see kon spend more time with teen clark, where some of that walls between them could have been broken down at now that kon's able to see what clark was like as a kid and bring him down to earth more rather than view him as this big lofty figure in his life. that's also partly what the yj sins of youth arc does too i guess. mmm gotta love the coming-of-age-ness of it all.

teen clark says that having kon around is kind of like having a brother, and kon nods but wonders if adult clark will think the same. after returning to his reality, kon goes to kal-el who reassures him he's family and trusts him and is sorry he doesn't make that more clear. he'd ask what kon wants but kon himself is still unsure. and after that convo, clark makes it a point to check up on him more and grows more concerned. he's gotten to know the kid a lot more!

and okay i could go on and on but basically, he voices his concerns about kon's living situations and surrounding peers a lot more and is careful not to command kon like a scolding parent, but nudge him with advice and let it be kon's decision on what to do. basically this is the stage where clark is acting more like a guardian figure i guess and after kon is finally convinced to go live in smallville with the kents, clark gets a lot more unbearable and acts like an annoying family member to kon and smothers him with sagely advice lol. and kon appreciates the gesture but he's having a hard time adjusting to it all, at having to live a normal life, and no matter what clark does there's still this shadow and expectation that falls on him. and not knowing what to do kon gives in, and tries to mimic clark cuz his previous efforts to be his own person all always landed him in hot shit.

(and if we are keeping the retcon, then finding out you arent who you thought you were would just add more to ur identity crisis T-T and if ur like me who likes to think of kon as queer then aaaah this new life would do a number on you and you might try to act soooo normal and scramble for a sense of control and understanding of your own life. and insisting on keeping it a secret bc ur afraid it'll change what people think of you? ough ik it wasnt meant to be read like that but my brain just went aaaaah. the queer experience. and with the whole luthor mind control thing? I hate 70% of it but i like thinking about it from an angle where kon realllly has to fight for an ounce of control over any aspect of his life idk idk T-T even without the retcon, i think you could still find a way to do something with this notion of identity and control)

anyways, i think time in smallville would slowly allow clark and kon to bond even more and really see each other for who they are as people and for kon to really find out who he is and who he wants to be, not as a sidekick to clark or as superman but as himself (and he'd slowly come back to a more punk and/or flamboyant fashion sense T-T). he's friends with the coolest teen heroes ever who are his family, and he's ma kent's boy. and he's clark's family. he tells his school friends that clark's his cousin and maybe thats what the documents say, and they may agree to call each other brothers, but bottomline is clark will be a father to kon whenever he needs one and will always be there to help kon and be a home to him.

then when clark is older and has jon, i guess maybe kon would still stick around and help out and definitely sees himself as jon's brother. like regardless of what clark and kon decide to call themselves kon is jon's brother like i really want them to be silly brothers. also cuz jon deserves one. there's so many interesting things dc could do with jon and kon aaaag so sad. it's also important to me that clark is a good parent and even if he wasnt perfect, he cared about kon and explicitly shows theyre family? like even in canon sometimes it didnt feel like it T-T

maybe it's just me, but i guess i project a lot of my own experiences and my oc rolin's experience onto him a lot. because rolin lives with his aunt who is basically a mother to him, and he has an older cousin who is basically a brother to him, and then this little girl that barges into his life basically becomes his sister and he can act like an overbearing parent to her even though they're not related by blood. he's got a weird relationship with his own dad, so he sees a father in a lot of older ppl. you can never have too many parental figures!!! so i guess my mind's used to thinking of family members doing double duty T-T ? i just personally really think dynamics shouldn't easily be pinned down as just one thing and think ppl are too stuck on traditional (or perhaps a nuclear or western) family standards. ugh when i write my oc story you will all see.

sorry that was really long and rambly and didn't make sense in some parts--i probably should have done this in google docs and made this fancy. also! who knows i might totally change my mind on a thing anyways. canon is my playdough i mold to whatever i think suits a more interesting narrative or to my personal bias.