#also yes she is... bigger than in canon... I might have... a desire

[crazy-pages]

This is part of the problem though. The desire to cultivate apolitical spaces without engaging with politics makes a space vulnerable to alt-right colonization. Because yes you can and should have places which aren't for political discussion. Decompression, casual conversation, community building spaces which aren't conflict oriented, these are good things! The trick is that you can't keep them apolitical unless you're willing to engage with politics sometimes.

It's kind of like the "paradox" of tolerance. It's important to have universally welcoming spaces, but you can't actually have universally welcoming spaces. If you welcome in people who intend to harm others in the group, the people they harm will stop feeling welcome. So to preserve the tolerant nature of the group, you must eject bad actors who aren't willing to play nice.

Because one way fandom spaces get colonized by the alt-right is when moderators and the community are unwilling to engage with this reality. Because what is political is different to different people. Is it apolitical for a guy to mention his irl boyfriend? If Star Wars suddenly has a black man and a white woman as its protagonsits, is it political to discuss the implications of that? To say you appreciate seeing yourself represented on screen? And one thing the alt-right will do when colonizing a space is militantly insist that anything remotely progressive is political, while their bigoted jokes are "just jokes" and their prejudiced motivated complaints are "just complaints". And there is no way to handle this without a coherent community political stance.

Here's a personal example from SpaceBattles, a a fanfiction and discussion forum that is ostensibly apolitical but has become infamously infiltrated by covert and not so covert neonazis (one of the site admins has the username of a Nazi general, Guderian, so really not so covert). I was reading a fanfiction there where a character is attacked by a neonazi gangster (canon story thing) for homophobic reasons, possibly based on the prompting of a prominently homophobic Christian character (also true to canon) in the story. Discussion was going back and forth over whether or not the Christian character might be responsible. Someone said no, a Christian's faith would never let them suggest violence. And I responded with a few quick missionary counterexamples and also, you know, the Christian supremacy of many neonazi groups. Not even saying he was definitely responsible, just that no, obviously Christians can be violent about homophobia.

You want to guess which one of us got an infraction for breaking the no politics rule?

Blatantly lying and misrepresenting Christianity to downplay its history of homophobic politics, didn't count as political. But factually reporting reality, on the exact same topic, relevant to the story, was deemed political.

And this creates a gradient that pushes out progressives and encourages the alt-right, because downplaying harms is always easier to pass off as apolitical than standing up for oneself. Queer people and people of color don't want to stick around somewhere where people can drop in on their stories and casually start up "apolitical" debates about if the neonazi gang in one of the bigger fandom stories is really so bad, and complain about why someone's story really needed a queer main character, and the mods say "oh that's apolitical". But then pushing back is political ... because that's what starts fights. Just letting yourself get sniped at and quietly harassed doesn't cause obvious conflict, so it's apolitical. Fighting back does, so it's what gets the moderator attention.

And no this isn't because the site owner is secretly a neonazi, despite the one admin. The site owner is actually a friend of a friend and she genuinely believes in cleaning up the site ... but refuses to set a hard stance on what's political that takes a side, and isn't cleaning house among the mods based off anything less than overt mouth-frothing bigotry. Because that would be "political". The belief in having a neutral space is there, but the understanding of the work required to maintain such a space is not.

Meanwhile Spacebattles' sister site, Sufficientvelocity, has the same fandoms, same root membership. But it actually has a coherent political stance on this stuff. It has zero tolerance for alt-right bullshit and quiet harassment and has an established moderator consensus on politics related stuff like basic facts of reality. And the result is that the space gets to be apolitical. Users can exist and chat and have discussions that are predominantly apolitical, and moderators hand out infractions and say "shoo, to [designated space for these conversations] with you!" over bringing up politics to start shit, without it becoming an overtly alt right site. But it only works because the moderators and the community are willing to recognize that fully apolitical spaces are a fantasy. One can only construct something minimally political, and if and only if one recognizes that politics exists and some ideologies are simply incompatible with mutual tolerance.

The video below is actually all about this. But what this all boils down to is that yes, spaces to just chill and watch sports should be some degree of apolitical. But they became alt-right colonized precisely because people believed you could have that just as a default, rather than something you have to do political work to maintain.

https://www.tumblr.com/woman-respecter/766978675093700608/its-so-weird-most-of-the-internet-is-acting-like?source=share

i find this comforting honestly. especally going on here on fandom blogs and people arguing about antis and proshippers like there's no change in the world. it's been easy to doom about dystopian 1984 or handmaid's tale in my mind but you need to consider that you're still going to have good things in life, most likely, in order to find the motivation to fight for the things that matter. i bring up 1984 and handmaid's tale specifically because the point of those two particular dystopian books is about how extreme authoritarianism is also about crushing the human spirit, grinding you down into nothing but nihilism and boredom. so it's good to see that a lot of life goes on, and fight to preserve that it stays that way. and like, look. you don't know that the people posting about shipping or tv shows or cooking or whatever aren't freaking out about politics elsewhere. i think one of the issues we've had is the loss of the compartmentalized internet - like, it used to be possible for young men to talk about games and sports somewhere without it coming with a side dish of right-wing radicalization. politics was something you had to seek out. and i believe we should go back to that. it's not the ONLY thing at fault and obviously those men still took initiative in sliding down those rabbit holes, but it's one thing that really stands out to me as the difference between the internet millennials came of age with and the one that gen z has

yeah you know what ur right. it is kind of heartening to watch my mutuals fight about the firefighter show, despite everything

[dialsforshutup]

Part 3 of the larissa x reader pls

I can't stop re-reading it

tehehehe here it iss!!!!!! <3

Oh, hello. Pt 3

Larissa Weems X Fem!Addams!Reader

(Slight) frenemies to lovers

3/4. not proofread, english is not my first language - formatting might look weird on some devices

Some parts of the canon changed/altered

Lots of fluff. 🥹 shorter chapter than usual (1.4k ish )

Part 4

“ Are you okay?”

The abrupt shift in tone from aggressive to a delicate, even frightened tone left (Y/N) unsure of how to react. She began to wonder: What if Larissa experienced the same need that she did? Could they ever regain their former state, possibly even getting even closer than before? It made (Y/N) tremble, "I wasn't hurt, I was just a little queasy. I apologize for skipping the meeting” As Larissa's chilly hands approached her face to wipe away a single tear that had started to fall down her face, she added, making up the reason on the spot, her voice quivering. Larissa had no idea why she did it; yet, a bigger force had taken control of her. This force was her love for the other woman who was bundled up in front of her, and seeing her brought back all of their shared memories—both good and bad—from the past. Both women agreed deep down that it was time to address their problems because they couldn't continue in this manner. They yearned for the other's confidence, to have each other in their lives again; a friendly face amongst a crowd, a shoulder to cry on, a true friend- perhaps even more....

"Larissa." "(Y/N)."

They both said at the exact same moment, laughing at their timing. It also helped both women calm down since they realized they shared the same desire to let the past go and move on. (Y/N) beckoned Larissa to speak first since she was finally willing to listen to what she had to say. If she said she didn't miss her, she would be lying. Simply nodding, Larissa ran her fingers down a blanket corner into which (Y/N) had curled up into. She spoke in a tone that was noticeably quieter than typical for her confident demeanor, "It all began during the days around the Rave'N, the dance itself was the breaking point for me." (Y/N) was perplexed, breaking point? she wondered, still not realizing that Larissa wanted to ask her to the dance, not Gomez. "To be completely honest, I couldn't bear to see you in that way and my heart was broken. more so now that you were aware." They weren't the best memories to look back on. This only further acclaimed (Y/N)‘s confusion, why was Larissa the one that was upset? What did she mean when she said she "saw you in that way"? "Issie?" (Y/N) questioned, her confusion evident in her tone of speech. Larissa's breath hitched in her throat; she hadn't been called Issie in a very long time, so why now all of a sudden? She shook her head and asked, "Yes?" with glassy eyes, on the brink of tears- because the whole thing was so unclear. "Why did you get angry with me? Did you not intend to invite Gomez to the Rave'N?" (Y/N) finally asked.  Larissa burst into a mixture of laughter and tears at this one and only inquiry, much to the bewilderment of poor (Y/N). It was all just one giant misunderstanding the entire time! That information was more valuable to Larissa than all the jewels on earth because it proved that (Y/N) had not gone with someone else deliberately. The person whom she held most near and dear to her heart had not betrayed her. "What-" (Y/N) said, only to be cut off by Larissa saying, "You Idiot." There was no form of hatred in her voice though, but an unusual hint of humor, Larissa continued to laugh softly at (Y/N)'s confused state and wiped away stray tears that made their way out of her eyes, "You gorgeous idiot- Why in a million years would I intend to ask Gomez to the dance???" Well, this was certainly a surprise, for years (Y/N) thought that her feelings for Larissa weren't reciprocated, and perhaps they still weren't, who was Larissa going to ask? And gorgeous? That certainly made (Y/N) fluster. She gently placed her hand atop the taller woman's- who froze at the initial touch- , drawing circles onto her palms, "Then, who were you going to ask?" she asked her, completely clueless. Larissa held (Y/N)'s hands tenderly, with a form of desperation almost as if she'd disappear from her life once again, "You." she admitted, looking up from their entwined hands and towards (Y/N)'s reddened face, her heartstrings pulled at how adorable she looked, and a small smile crept onto her own. Both women felt silly, for dragging on this negativeness towards each other for years, only for it to be a misunderstanding in the end. All the avoidance and bullshit that gathered up in their nevermore years were thrown out the window, gone were the days of stolen glances across the hallway; yearning for something more only for it to never come. They were both here now, at this moment, together. Just the two of them, it made them both ecstatic. "Maybe it's not too late to fix things" (Y/N) said, which caused Larissa to arch an eyebrow, "Do tell.." she inquired, chewing on the inside of her lower lip in curiosity. But she hadn't expected the other woman to be so forward with her answer, and so considerate. "I know it won't be the same but, would you like to attend this Rave'N with me?"

"Yes."

Larissa was pleased at the prospect of being able to put their ridiculous disagreement behind them and attend together once and for all, and (Y/N) quietly laughed at her eagerness, but she knew deep down that she was overjoyed as well. just as it was intended to be. Maybe things might have worked out differently between them back then if they had just spoken to one another years ago. But now, at this priceless moment that the two women were sharing, the past didn't matter as much. With their hands still entwined, Larissa moved closer to (Y/N)’s bundled state, smiling softly at her, “Do you mind if I stay? The school day is almost over” she asked the woman, who nodded and unraveled the blanket- only to cover it around Larissa and herself. “Stay as long as you like.” (Y/N) said, moving close enough to close the gap between them, she rested her head on Larissa’s shoulder as they relaxed and unwinded beside one another. Their heartbeats almost felt synchronized, and for a moment there was silence. It was unusual to encounter someone with a warm understanding that even allowed for brief periods of serenity. In order to gaze down on (Y/N), Larissa turned her head, and (Y/N) turned her head up to look directly into Larissa's eyes. Less than a day had passed since they were last acquainted with one another, and now they were hugging. "You have no idea how much I've missed you", Larissa said, removing a hair from (Y/N)'s face  She acknowledged that it was a difficult task for her. Although she never intended to say it out, (Y/N)'s reappearance merely served as a reminder of how tough it was to lose her in the first place. She vowed never to go through that loneliness again. She would not allow a silly misunderstanding to drive them apart again. “Issie..” (Y/N) whispered, “I never stopped caring about you.” And so they both sighed in contempt as they held one another in their entwined arms, underneath their shared blanket. (Y/N) fell asleep first, she hadn’t even realized it, but being in Larissa’s embrace was so relaxing. It was like being slipped into a cloud, they fit into one another’s arms like they were made for each other. And she certainly looked comfortable in Larissa’s arms, at least to Larissa anyways. She found the woman asleep in her arms to be incredibly adorable, her hands slowly making their way to the sleeping woman’s hair, running through the soft locks as she slept. This embrace was one they would do all the time back in the day, but never this tender, never this full of genuine love for one another. The loneliness Larissa once felt was a thing of the past now, (Y/N) was back- her (Y/N). It was almost too much for the principal to handle; a woman who wasn’t used to this much affection of love suddenly getting it caused her to become extremely flustered. She was flattered, to say the least, that someone was even interested in her in that way. “Sleep well darling, please don’t let me down..” she mumbled- half asleep- before resting her head atop (Y/N)’s. Although Larissa was grateful to have fixed her relationship with (Y/N), she was still weary. She didn’t want to ruin things between them again- maybe she was going too fast? The thoughts plagued her mind, and she eventually succumbed to them. Before no time, both women were soundly asleep in each other's arms, all hatred or jealousy, or feelings of betrayal was a thing dissolved into the past. All they had for one another was love, requited love.

All that was hoped is that the dance would go well, but any worries about planning were non-existent as they got lost in their dreams. All that they dreamt of was dancing with one another, safe in the other woman’s arms. Swaying to the music; the best that they could with their height difference, as the joy and smiling faces of the students and staff were around them. A perfectly planned and executed day. But what was the rush in their dreams, why was there distance screaming? And the red? Why was red showing up in their dreams?

—-

Hehe I hope you enjoyed!

Sorry for the shorter chapter 🥹💕

- Tag list: @freshmoneyalmondathlete @karsonromanoff @yesisimpforalcina-andidoart

@deepchopshopdetective

[fific7]

Into the Darkness / Part 1

The Darkling x Reader

A/N: This does not follow canon, it’s literally just lemon zest 🍋 ... I have a vision of Ben Barnes in his black Kefta and riding boots permanently stuck in my brain right now. Attempting to write it right out of there.

Warnings: 18+ please due to NSFW content. Dom/sub interaction, being restrained, coercion, questionable consent (thankfully this is a fantasy universe), sexual content including oral, loss of virginity, rough unprotected* sex. I don’t mention her actual age, but Reader is not underage.

*Irl, please don’t go wild in the country without protection.

[My GIF]

The ebony black doors swung open, then were quickly slammed shut again. You heard the lock click, and lifted your head from where you lay sprawled on the floor, chained to the wall by one ankle.

Early that morning, before sunup, you’d been dragged to The Little Palace from the prison where you’d been locked in a cell for several days. And chained to the wall in this opulent room, left alone for the rest of the morning.

After you’d been thrown onto the floor and shackled by the jailer, you’d tried to rearrange your linen slip and undergarments as best you could. They were ripped, dusty and stained from the earth floor of the cell you’d recently been in.

The blue Kefta you used to wear had been ripped off you, when the Oprichnik found you at your family’s small house near Ryevost.

As a Tidemaker, an Etherealki, a water summoner, you’d served in the Second Army but you’d deserted when word reached you that your younger brother had been badly injured in a hunting accident.

You’d fled the Army camp under cover of night and made your way home across country, on a stolen horse. But the elite guards had been sent after you, much to your dismay. What made you so important? Many deserted and were never hunted down.

Your mind went over & over this as you lay there, pressure points on your body beginning to ache from long contact with the hard parquet flooring. The shadows moved steadily across the walls as the day progressed.

And now, it seemed, you had a visitor.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

At first you couldn’t make out much, there were shadows swirling around the figure, but that in itself gave you the answer of exactly who was approaching you.

The Darkling, or General Kirigan as he also now styled himself. The Shadow Summoner. Leader of the Second Army, a powerful man. Your mind spun... what on earth could he want with you? You’d never even seen him before, except from a very long distance away. And you’d certainly never spoken to him.

The shadows cleared, revealing him in his black Kefta and full uniform. His riding boots clicked out another few steps towards you, until he came to a halt, towering over you. You craned your neck to gaze up at him.

You heard your full name being spoken by him, in a low but clear voice. He knew your name? You nodded, swallowing as you replied.

“Yes, moi soverennyi.”

He slowly turned the clawed ring on his last finger. “Why did you desert? I don’t take it kindly when one of my finest Tidemakers disappears without leave.”

“My... my brother,” you stuttered, “he was badly injured, I had to go.” You looked down, “I’m sorry, moi soverennyi, I had no choice.”

“Wrong!” he said, harshly, “there’s a procedure for leave, and you failed to follow it.”

“There was no time...” you said, desperate to put your case to this, the most senior man in the Grisha Army.

“Enough!”

You flinched back as he shouted at you.

He turned on his heel, going over to the large, partly shuttered window.

“I could have you shot.” His head turned slightly, as he looked at you over his shoulder. “Or worse.”

You hung your head, fear spreading into your very bones. If the money you sent every month to your mother stopped, what would she and your brother do? Your father and older brother were dead.

He turned and made his way back to you. Bending over, his hand roughly took hold of your jaw and he forced your head up, so that you were looking into each other’s eyes. His grey eyes looked like shattered ice.

“What would you do to keep yourself alive, hmm?”

“Anything... please... for my family, moi soverennyi. Without me, they won’t survive.”

He nodded, a slight smile gracing his lips. “I thought you might say that.” He straightened up, and stood looking down at you. “I find you attractive, your body is...” his eyes flickered over you like a cold breeze, “desirable.”

A short pause. “I have need of a... companion. To help me forget my daily struggles. You will be that companion. You will take care of all of my needs.”

You realised what he meant, and your eyes widened in shock.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

He’d left after that, without saying anything else. Two of the palace serving women had come in shortly afterwards and unchained you, taking you into an adjoining room which had a large free-standing tub in it. You were washed in a bath of fragrant rose oil, your hair washed and put up in a loose bun, and you were dressed in fresh linen robes.

Then they rechained you to the wall and left you alone.

You contemplated what you’d been forced into. He was handsome, very much so. If he didn’t intimidate you so much, and in different circumstances you’d have been attracted to him. Well, you were attracted to him you admitted to yourself, but you didn’t trust him in the least. And you also wondered what had happened to his little Sun Summoner... there had been rumours about those two. But she hadn’t been seen around the camp recently.

Several more hours passed before Kirigan returned. He strode into the room, locking the door behind him once more, tutting as he saw that you’d been chained up again. He released you, grabbing your arm and pulling you to your feet. He pulled you against him, inhaling your scent for a second before pushing you towards a door off to the right.

“Time to initiate our agreement,” he breathed into your ear, “come with me, little dove.”

Your stomach lurched. You’d never been with a man before, never experienced so much as a kiss. He felt your arm tensing in his hand, and he quickly opened the door, hustling you inside. He locked that door too.

You looked around you; it was a large room with a huge bed in the middle of it. Meanwhile, you were almost hyper-ventilating, and he looked curiously at you.

“Are you afraid?”

“I’ve never lain with a man before, moi soverennyi,” you admitted.

His eyes widened, a distinct gleam coming into them. “I will take your virginity?” He gave a small laugh, “This is even better than I anticipated! Do you know, you’ll be my first virgin? All the times I’ve...” he shook his head, chuckling, “and never a virgin amongst them.”

His eyes swung down to yours, “Until now.” The tip of his tongue swiped quickly over his lips, and you knew he was aroused.

You shuddered, feeling nauseous. You didn’t want to lose your innocence to this dark, manipulative man, but you had no choice and he knew it.

He beckoned to you, and you took faltering steps towards him. He stared into your eyes, while putting a finger under your chin. You felt like he was looking into your soul.

“We’ll start off slowly, little dove. I don’t want to scare you too much, in fact I want you to enjoy it so that you’ll always be ready and willing for me.”

He suddenly started unbuttoning the fly of his black uniform trousers, and you unconsciously drew back. He grabbed your wrist. “You’ll do exactly what I tell you to do, yes?” But it wasn’t really a question.

You failed to respond so he repeated, louder, “Yes?” You managed to nod. “Say it!” he ordered. “Yes, moi soverennyi.”

He reached down to his open fly, laying aside the fabric of his trousers and undershorts. Your eyes watched his hand in terrified fascination, you’d never seen what was hidden inside men’s trousers before. You caught sight of the smooth pale skin of his abdomen, dark hair marking a path down his lower belly to a thicker growth of hair.

He freed his erect length from the fabric, and your mouth dropped open. It was so much bigger than you’d expected. This is what you’d heard other girls giggling about, you supposed. It was almost laying right up against his stomach, and it looked like a dangerous weapon.

You heard your name, and looked up at him. He had an amused look on his handsome face. He placed his hand on your shoulder, and you felt a downward pressure. “You need to kneel,” he said.

You did so. “Put your hands on the back of my legs,” he ordered, and again you complied. One of his hands went to the back of your head, his fingers pulling your hair loose before entwining themselves in it. He pulled your face forward until it was against the dark trail of hair on his belly. You were instantly aware of his aroma, a spicy scent. “Kiss,” he ordered, and you began laying a path of kisses down it.

He nodded, “Well done. Now.... you will take this in your mouth.” He had his other hand around his cock and inclined his head towards it. You leaned back, gasping up at him. “Come on!” he said, impatiently, “you were doing so well. Open your mouth!” Voice getting louder. You hoped no-one could hear.

You reluctantly opened your mouth, and as you watched his ‘weapon’ approaching your face, you noticed there were small pearly beads of liquid leaking from it. He placed his tip right onto your tongue, and you tasted something both salty and musky. “Now you need to kiss and lick,” he instructed. You began licking the head, and you heard a stifled groan from him. You began to intersperse kisses with your licking, and he tried to contain more groans behind gritted teeth. His hand gripped further into your hair, pushing your head forward.

“Now suck!” he gasped out, “and do it all at the same time!” A voice at the back of your mind questioned how that was even possible, but you did your best. “Be warned, girl! I’m going in further,” he told you, “eventually it will be fully in your mouth and at the back of your throat. Don’t choke, and whatever you do, don’t bite!”

Without further warning, he pushed his length further and further into your mouth, eventually making you gag. He pulled back slightly, “Take a breath. And get ready, I’m not even fully in yet!” You gasped in some air, feeling your eyes beginning to water. He paused for only a few seconds, before restarting his relentless push forward. “Relax your throat!” he ordered, before sinking in almost to the base. Tears streamed from your eyes as you found yourself - despite his instructions - choking round him.

He held your head firmly against his groin and began thrusting, but not too deeply. Gradually you realised that unless you relaxed more, this was going to be extremely uncomfortable for you. He sensed your slight relaxation, and to your horror he immediately began to thrust deeper and faster.

By this time, you’d felt something else rubbing near your chin. Just as you were wondering what this could possibly be, he ripped one of your hands away from the back of his leg and shoved it between his legs. You felt two fleshy, spongey globes beneath your fingertips. “Rub, squeeze!” were your next instructions. You took them into the palm of your hand and did as you were told.

He gripped your hair again, pulling at it while forcing your head to stay as close to him as possible, his thrusts building to a crescendo. You heard a prolonged, agonised-sounding groan from above you, he gave three fast, jerky thrusts into your mouth and suddenly warmth flooded your throat. You weren’t sure what this was but you’d no choice other than to swallow it. It was saltier and thicker than the previous liquid. His large hand was on the back of your head, forcing you to stay in position, and you choked again slightly as you desperately swallowed.

You could feel him softening, and he quickly pulled out of your mouth and away from you. Pulling his Kefta closed, he unlocked the door and walked out into the main room. You weren’t sure what to do so remained where you were, sinking down onto the floor a bit, and trying to loosen up your rigid neck & shoulder muscles. Wondering what was going to happen to you next.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

He returned a moment later with a carafe of water and a glass. He placed them on the bedside table, then gestured for you to stand up. Producing a washcloth from one of his pockets, he gently wiped your lips and chin, where his juices had left a sheen on your skin. Then he poured a glass of water and handed it to you, telling you to sit on the bed.

“You did exceptionally well, for a first attempt,” he praised you, “in fact it seems you have a natural flair for it. Under my tutelage, you will soon give the best head in Ravka.” You looked confused, and he laughed, “The service you just provided for me... it’s called giving head, amongst other things.”

You looked up at him and asked boldly, “Will I be better than your Sun Summoner?”

He scowled, “Do not speak of her! She is gone.”

You nodded, “Hence why you needed a companion, moi soverennyi?”

He took two long strides over to you, grasping your jaw in his hand. “You may just’ve had your mouth around my cock but that doesn’t allow for insubordination, understand?!”

You nodded, afraid once more. “Yes, moi soverennyi.” And wondered why you’d felt like questioning him about her in the first place.

He was pacing the floor next to the bed. He stopped and glared at you. “Your night of discovery is not yet over, little dove,” he eventually muttered. “Finish your water and lie down on the bed.”

Your stomach clenched as now you knew what was going to happen next. You’d naively thought that perhaps he would allow you to sleep for the rest of the night. But judging by the predatory look on his face, that was not to be.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

[jamlavender]

Gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss: Mrs Coulter, misogyny and the His Dark Materials TV show

The show went hard on misogyny as a vital part of Mrs Coulter’s backstory, and I want to talk about how they did it, and why, and how it might have been done better. This is quite long (when is anything I write not, let’s be real) so it’s under the cut. Read on for thoughts on women, power and fictional villainy.

As a quick disclaimer, though: I’ve enjoyed the show a lot! I’m so glad they made it! Ruth Wilson is mesmerising as Mrs Coulter! There’s so much to appreciate about the show overall, including many aspects of Mrs Coulter’s portrayal. But the HDM team have also made gender politics and misogyny very explicit themes of the show – particularly season two, particularly season two, episode five – and I think it’s fair to critique that.

Let’s be clear: Mrs Coulter is a villain. She murders kids by tearing out their souls. She kills and tortures friends and foes alike without a second thought. She abuses her daughter. She upholds and advances a totalitarian regime. She’s a Bad Person, as confirmed by God himself with the unforgettable line: “You are a cesspit of moral filth.” She’s fucking terrible, but, in life as in art, many of us are fascinated by how such awful people are made. What drives someone to commit atrocities? I am keen to see such questions examined in fiction, because I don’t think exploring a character necessarily means excusing their actions, and because it’s interesting (I mean, of course I find her fascinating, I’ve written a novel’s worth of fic about her). However, after a few snarky comments (“What sort of woman raised Father Graves, do you think?”) and some subtler commentary on sexuality, gender and power (her unsettling MacPhail with the key in the bra in S1E2), S2E5 drew a weird line between sexism in Mrs Coulter’s professional and academic life and her vast and senseless institutionalised child murder, and the longer I’ve sat with that the more I’m like: what the fuck?

Look, Mrs Coulter doesn’t tear apart children to search for sin inside them and poison Boreal and break a witch’s fingers because she’s experienced sexism in the workplace and in her education. That’s… a very odd thing to imply. We have to remember that there are lots of women in Lyra’s world, all of whom will also have experienced sexism, misogyny and other forms of marginalisation (many in more expansive and pernicious ways than Mrs Coulter, who’s a woman, yes, but also white, wealthy, highly educated and very thin and beautiful), and none of them are running arctic torture stations. She will have experienced misogyny, absolutely, and that will have affected her in various ways that inform how she approaches her work, but to imply that being denied a doctorate is the reason she became a sadistic killer is frankly bizarre. Here are a few of the lines from that episode with my commentary:

“Do you know who I could have been in this world?” What does this mean? If she’d been roughly the same person in our world, the answer is: Margaret Thatcher, which is probably a step down for Marisa, all things considered, because the Magisterium is far more autocratic than any recent Tory government and would be a much easier institutional environment in which to enact her cruelty. What we’re supposed to think, clearly, is that she’d have been a different person: a scientist and a mother, and she’s had this realisation because she saw a woman with a baby and a laptop and had a three-minute conversation with Mary. This doesn’t make sense. We live in our world! It’s less repressive than Lyra’s world but it’s hardly a gender utopia. If Mrs Coulter had chosen the scientist-and-mother life (which, as I’ll revisit later, she could have done in her world but chose not to because of her megalomaniac tendencies), she’d still have been affected by misogyny here too. Our world is not kind to young mothers, nor young women embroiled in scandals, nor is the world teeming with female physicists. It might be a little better, sure, but it’s hardly as if those gendered challenges would have been solved.  

“What do you mean she runs a department?” This is just the show forgetting its own canon. Marisa, you ran a massive government organisation (the GOB), including a huge murder science research initiative in the Arctic. That’s a much bigger undertaking and much more impressive than running a university department in our world. Pull yourself together.

“But because I was a woman, I was denied a doctorate by the Magisterium.” This is the show flagrantly ignoring the source material to make a clumsy political point. In the books, there are women with doctorates (notably Hannah Relf, also a major player in the new Book of Dust trilogy) and at least one women’s college full of female scholars. Now, would that women’s college likely be underfunded and disrespected compared to the men’s colleges? Almost certainly. But saying that is different than saying “I couldn’t get my doctorate!” when women in Lyra’s world can. The show knew what point they wanted to make, and were willing to ignore canon to do so, which is frustrating. Also, given that there are female academics and scientists in Lyra’s world, and that Mrs Coulter is a member of St Sophia’s college, it’s clear that she could have lived that life if she so desired. But she didn’t want that, because being a scientist and academic at St Sophia’s imbues her with no real power, and that’s what she craves.

I’m not opposed, in theory, to exploring Mrs Coulter and misogyny in more depth, but I think doing so through an examination of the sexual politics of her life would have made a lot more narrative sense and been much more powerful. It’s better evidenced in the text – her using her sexuality to manipulate people and taking lovers for political sway is entirely canon, as is her backstory where genuine love and lust blew up her life – and it links much more closely with the most shocking of her villainy, which involves cutting out children’s dæmons to stop them developing “troublesome thoughts and feelings,” referencing sexual and romantic desire (and what Lyra and Will do to save Dust is clearly a big ‘fuck you’ to those aims). She even says this to MacPhail in TAS, “If you thought for one moment that I would release my daughter into the care - the care! - of a body of men with a feverish obsession with sexuality, men with dirty fingernails, reeking of ancient sweat, men whose furtive imaginations would crawl over her body like cockroaches - if you thought I would expose my child to that, my Lord President, you are more stupid than you take me for.” Don’t get me wrong, she’d have been a villain regardless, but I do believe that there’s a much stronger link between her sexual and romantic experiences and her murder work than between professional and academic stifling and child murder. It would have been a lot more interesting and a lot less tenuous.

However, the show is trying to be family-friendly, and digging into why this terrible, cruel woman might want to cut the ability for desire and love (and other non-sexual adult feelings, I’m sure) out of people could get dark. We know that the show doesn’t want to go there, because they’ve actively toned down her weaponising her sexuality: in the books, she has an established sexual relationship with Boreal, whereas the show made it seem like she’s been stringing him along all this time, and made it about potentially ‘sharing a life’ together rather than fucking, which was clearly the arrangement in the books. Also, I think Ruth Wilson said she and Ariyon Bakare filmed a “steamy scene” together, and given that only a single chaste kiss between them aired it must have been cut. I think they deliberately minimised the sexual elements of the text, particularly regarding Mrs Coulter (the mountain scene with Asriel, which I did still love, was also a lot less horny than in the book) and replaced that with another gender issue, that of professional sexism, as if the two are interchangeable, which they are not. This is a shame, both for Mrs Coulter’s character and also for the story as a whole, because the characters’ relationships with sex and desire are an important part of the books! (If this minimised sexuality approach means that they don’t use the TAS scene where Asriel threatens to gag her and she tries to goad him into doing it, I’ll scream). Overall, I think they missed the mark here, which is a shame because I also think it could have been done well, if they’d been bolder and darker and more thoughtful.

Why might this happen? Why might the show take this approach? Why might it be latched onto by viewers? Personally, I think the conversations we have about women and power are very simplistic, which leaves us in a tight spot when we see women seizing power for themselves (even in fiction) and weaponising that against others, not just other women but people of all genders, because we struggle to move past ‘women have overall been denied power, so them taking it ‘back’ is good,’ even if that immediately becomes a hot mess of white, corporate feminism and results in the ongoing oppression of many people. I think we are so hungry for representations of powerful women that we – producers and viewers alike – struggle to see them as bad, because it’s uncomfortable to be so intoxicated by Mrs Coulter effortlessly dominating the men around her, subverting systems designed to marginalise her for her own benefit, and generally being aggressive and intelligent and ruthless, and then realise that you are entranced by someone who is, objectively, a terrible, terrible person. It can be hard to realise that if you channelled the energy of someone who mesmerises you, you’d be the villain. So instead of sitting with that (more on this below), a lot of legwork goes into reworking her villainy into, somehow, a just act, a result of oppression, as her taking back power that has been denied to her, rather than grappling with the fact that for anyone to desire power in such a merciless way, even if they have to overcome marginalisation to get it, is really, really dangerous.

The joy, of course, is that Mrs Coulter is not real! She’s not real! Adoring fictional characters does not mean condoning their (imaginary) decisions, nor do stories exist for each person in them to fit neatly into a good or bad box so you know who you’re allowed to love. Furthermore, fiction can be a fabulous tool for exploring and interrogating the parts of yourself that, if left to bloom unexamined, might perpetuate beliefs or behaviour that cause harm to others. Mrs Coulter doesn’t need to be a feminist or taking down the patriarchy or a righteous powerful woman to illuminate things about gender, power and feminism for those reading and watching. In fact, it’s important that we explore what happens when women (most commonly white, wealthy women, as she is) continue to perpetuate brutal systems under the guise of sticking it to ‘men,’ because it happens all the time in the real world, and it’s a serious issue. Finding characters like Mrs Coulter so cool and compelling doesn’t make you a bad person, but it might tell you something about yourself – not that you want to be a villain or kill kids or whatever, but something about how you relate to your gender or women or men or power – and that knowledge can be useful! We all have better and worse impulses, and finding art that helps us make sense of ourselves, both the good and bad parts, is a gift that we should relish.

Anyway, tl;dr, Mrs Coulter doesn’t need to be sympathetic or understandable or redeemable to be brilliant – but you wouldn’t know that from how she’s been portrayed in the new adaptation.

[stevetonyweekly]

SteveTony Weekly - May 2

I know I say every week that I read a lot this week but I have been indulging in my favorite coping technique and so this list is ridiculously long. Twitter encouraged me. Blame them. 

**Indicates my recent favs 

~*~ 

On the inherent homoeroticism of cake decoration by welcoming_disaster (616/8K)

“She’s matchmaking, Barton,” Carol sighed.

“We,” Thor corrected, thumping himself hard in the chest, “art matchmaking.”

“Who, Cap n’ Tony?” Clint asked, his mouth full.

“Cap and Tony,” Janet confirmed, cutting herself a thin slice of egg and gently depositing it on her whole grain avocado toast, “it’s getting ridiculous.”

“Wait, I thought they were—“ Clint frowned, glancing around the room as though to confirm. Nothing but confused faces met his questioning gaze. “Huh. I really thought they were fucking.”

“And there is the crux of the issue,” Jess licked a bit of spaghetti sauce off her lip.

“Aye,” agreed Thor, “there’s rub.”

-----------

The team tries to set up Steve and Tony. Things don't go as planned.

Baby lovers like you and me (never say die) by FestiveFerret (Old Guard AU/7.5K)

The Avengers. They'd found him frozen in the ice, told him he was immortal, of all things. And with the way he'd lived through seventy years deep in the Atlantic, he found himself inclined to believe them. They'd also been very… convincing.

Without question, they integrated him into their unit - The Avengers, a secret team of unkillables seeking wrongs around the world and making them right, supported and housed by an enigmatic billionaire named Tony Stark. Their immortality, it seemed, was a secret to everyone but him.

Ready, set, bake by ChocolateCapCookie (Great British Bake Off/11k) 

The Avengers are on a nationally televised baking competition, but nobody seems to have warned the producers that the Avengers, while they save the world everyday and put their loves at risk doing so, are a) insanely competitive, and b) absolutely terrible bakers. Steve Rogers, especially, has a competitive streak a mile wide, and he's determined to win this competition, but it's not easy when his only real opponent is also the man he's been in love with for years.

***To make flowers grow (in this barren heart) by SoldiersShield, KakushiMiko (Hanahaki AU/16K) 

“You hide yourself away in your technology, but you are just as human as the rest of them. Your heart betrays your desire to possess.” Her gaze falls to the arc reactor, and Tony's blood runs cold in his veins.

“The Earth will reclaim what we have lost,” she says, dragging a hand over the chestplate of the armor. “It is you, and your kind-- your greed that pulls life from the soil as if it were nothing. You will reap what you have sown, Stark. The avarice in your heart will strangle the very life out of you.” Arna meets his eyes once more, a serene smile on her face as she leans forward.

“I hope he is worth dying for,” she murmurs, before digging her hand into his ribcage.

(Tony Stark falls in love with Steve Rogers. A rogue enchantress ensures he pays for it.)

Shelter from the storm by silkspectred (KidFic/5k) 

Tony adopts a baby. Guess who's Majorly Fucked Up™ about it.

Keep on beating by itsallAvengers (Domestic Fluff/6K) 

There were an awful lot of things Steve loved about Tony. But one thing in particular Steve could never get enough of was his heartbeat.

The good or bad thing by petreparkour (Multiverse/10k) 

 “It’s the metal suit,” Thor informed Steve, his normally-booming voice tinny over the SHIELD comms. “What did Stark call it—Iron Man?”

“But he’s down here,” Steve protested as the Hulk roared in Stark’s face, startling him into waking with a shout. “How could—”

“It’s damaged,” Thor reported. “But it looks different. More advanced. And he—ah. He’s carrying you, Captain.”

“Please tell me nobody kissed me,” Stark breathed out, and then Stark’s voice suddenly came over the comms, but the man lying next to him hadn’t moved.

“Guys, come on, you’re killing me here. What is it, 2012? God, I hate time travel. First, I'm fighting Thanos. Now, I have to deal with my past self and Thor's bad haircut? Oh my God, Cap, yes I hacked their comms, they’re my comms.”

Steve nearly opened his mouth to protest that he hadn’t said anything when he realized that this replica of Tony Stark wasn’t speaking to him.

***The tipping point by nightwalker (Domestic Fluff/7K) 

Tony has a few quirks. Steve's still trying to figure them all out.

We two, how long we were fool’d by glassessay (Soulmate AU/9K) 

Steve Rogers comes into the world as unblemished as his mother. When Anthony Stark is born, his soulmark is an obvious pattern of ink across his tiny chest.

It only takes a century, two names, and a shared love of Walt Whitman for them to find each other.

The tape in the cave by betheflame (Canon Divergent/5K) 

Steve had no idea what was happening.

“You think I didn’t know that?”

Tony was staring Zemo down as though the Sokovian was actual vermin - which, Steve reflected, he kind of was.

“You think that I,” Tony continued, not hiding the sneer in his voice, “Anthony Stark, who has more powerful technology in my literal fingers than most nations have, that I wouldn’t know everything possible about how my parents died? That I wouldn’t know it wasn’t an accident, that your silly little HYDRA Nazi knock-off pals are the ones who murdered them? Please, you are pathetic.”

Happy ending by Robin_tCJ (No-Powers AU/28K) 

 Steve is a mobile massage therapist, and Tony is a stressed billionaire. What could go wrong?

With a decent happiness by torigates (Teacher AU/16K) 

Tony Stark is Iron Man. Steve Rogers isn't, and never was Captain America.

Or, the one where everything is the same except Steve is a kindergarten teacher.

Nothing left but scars by SailorChibi (MCU/6.7K) - Reread

Steve wakes up to the fact that no one ever compliments or even says thank you to Tony, and that he has fallen into the same trap of painting Tony with a specific paintbrush.

This is how he showers a very confused Tony with praise to make up for it.

Our hearts should remember and follow by frostfall (MCU/5K) 

Steve hums. “I didn’t know you could play. Or sing. Don’t think I’ve heard anyone mention it before.”

Tony shrugs. “It’s one of the few things, skills, I don’t flaunt. Not something people are interested in, anyway. Not gonna sway any board members by playing fucking Für Elise for them. Sides’, there’s a high chance I wouldn’t even play. Well, maybe if you get me drunk enough and near an instrument. Then, I might reconsider.”

(After a dream leaves Tony rattled, he turns to the piano as a way to distract himself.)

Finally, you and me by pensversusswords (Multiverse/10K) 

Because in every layer of time, in every conceivable dimension, he was always meant to love Steve.

By some miracle, Steve was meant to love him back.

***Full disclosure not required (but appreciated) by Potrix (Identity Porn/16k) 

The one where Steve knows more than he lets on, Tony knows less than he pretends, Clint has a big mouth, Bucky is a little shit, and everyone learns why keeping secrets never ends well.

Almost never, anyway.

Heartlines by nanasekei (MCU/7.9K) 

“Let me,” Tony repeats. He regrets it deeply, so much, he wants to stick the words back into his mouth again, and it must show, in the way his voice wavers. He feels exposed, all of a sudden, as if he’s asking something bigger than what he can actually say. Let me touch you, let me take care of you. “Just… Let me do it.”

i found a way to let you in, but i never really had a doubt (marriage series) by quidhitch (Marriage Series/16k) 

Tony Stark doesn’t believe in marriage. It’s nobody’s fault. —Well, it’s Howard's fault, probably, but Tony doesn’t like to think about that for too long, finds that it dredges up all sorts of issues he’d rather keep buried under a mountain of strategically employed sarcasm, humorous self-deprecation, and the occasionally effective substance abuse.

***Hide your love away by sineala (Soulmate/33K) - Reread

Tony has suspected for a long time that the soulmark on his chest matches Steve's -- but he's never told Steve about it. And then it's too late to tell Steve anything at all ever again. In the wake of Steve's death, the Skrull invasion, and Norman Osborn's rise to power, the identity of his soulmate is just one of the many things Tony cuts out of his memory forever.

When Tony returns to consciousness, he's forced to deal with the aftermath of a war he no longer remembers fighting, not to mention a Steve Rogers who can barely stand to be in the same room with him. Surely the last thing Tony could ever need in his life is more amnesia. But that's what he gets. And Tony's new missing memory just might be the key to finding out the truth of his soulmark... as well as his chance to make things right once and for all.

Break the chain (can’t live in circles again) by orphan_account (FWB/19K) 

There had been seven amazing weeks of dating Steve Rogers before Tony realised that they weren’t dating at all. And then it was a scramble to adjust to the situation as it had always been: being Steve’s friend-with-benefits.

And if Steve seemed a little confused and bewildered by the way Tony was acting, well. Tony was probably just misreading that, too.

Five times steve and tony (tried to) bail each other out of jail by Teyke (MCU/6k) 

Twice before Civil War, twice after, and once during. For very loose definitions of both 'bail' and 'jail'.

Cracked hearts under iron ribs by XtaticPearl (Established Relationship/14k)

Rhodey is away for almost six months now and comes to meet Tony after the mission. He doesn't understand the domesticity of the whole Tower and unknowingly sets off a whole truck of insecurities which make Tony crawl back into being a Stark instead of just Tony. The team is not at all happy and Rhodey joins them in trying to figure out a way to help their resident genius feel better in his skin.

The single biggest problem with communication by BlossomsintheMist (616/108K)

In the wake of Steve's return from the dead and the end of Norman Osborn's reign of terror, the superhero community is recovering--Steve has taken on a new role and Tony is trying to put his life back together. Things are still awkward between them, but they're determined to put things to rights. But when a discussion about their feelings leads to further misunderstandings, they discover that might be more difficult than either of them realized. Set in the early Heroic Age after the end of Dark Reign, this is a get-together story about crossed wires--and second chances.

What are friends for? by bobertsmallismydad (MCU /2.8K) 

In which Steve is targeted by a virus. Will the Avengers be able to save him in time?

Starving by festiveferret (Vampire AU/2K) 

Steve woke up starving.

***Everybody wonders (What it would be like to love you) by SoldiersShield (MCU/3K) 

“...Is that what this is about?” He asks slowly. Steve blanches.

“Oh my god. It is.” Tony has no right looking as giddy as he does. “Steven Grant Rogers, are you jealous?”

--

Or: Steve and Tony have been dancing around each other for a while now, and Steve's rather content with it. Attending a gala together just might change that.

Re(A)d all over by brandnewfashion, MusicalLuna (Drunk Flirting/3k) 

Contrary to popular belief, Tony Stark can blush.

It just takes Steve getting drunk on some magical Asgardian mead for it to finally happen.

***The Do-over Proposal by nightwalker (Established Relationship/1.2k) 

Steve wants to go on a journey, Tony doesn't think it's a good time, and Bucky needs to beat some sense into both these idiots.

A Winter’s Ball by alliejowrites (Victorian AU/3.8K) 

Steve moves to London in search of a patron, so that he can finally devote himself to painting. He is not expecting everything he finds upon meeting Lord Stark. A fluffy little Victorian AU. One-shot.

What’s a fanfic by starksnack (AvAc/1K) 

Kamala introduces Tony and Steve to the world of fanfiction. There is a surprising amount of content about them being gay.

[meggannn]

one thing that bugs me within HZD fandom—or at least in a lot of reddit threads and the occasional tumblr note—is how the discussion of Aloy as the chosen one because of the circumstances of her birth always gets reframed around [REDACTED] in a way that discredits Aloy.

I do love the “hero is a rando” stories as much as the next person, but what I like about HZD is that it sets up Aloy to be some incredible savior and then it turns out... well, she might do cool things, but she’s kind of a jerk, actually! and she has every right to not want to help most people when she’s been hurt and mistreated by them for all of her young life.

Aloy is a hero, yes, but not because of her birth, but because she chooses to be one. and it’s a hard choice for her, because her natural inclination is to help herself—which is an understandable trait now that she is old enough to try to give herself what she was denied for nearly twenty years—and I like that they keep stressing that.

now that we’re under the cut I’m gonna talk spoilers.

Aloy is a great fighter and impressive machine-hunter and she is very smart, but that’s not because she’s Elisabet’s clone, but because she had to develop those skills to survive. every part about her personality and skillset can really be attributed to a few key elements about her: being an outcast and shunned and judged for something out of her control, growing up in the wilds in a world full of dangerous machines, not being raised with any sense of family or friends or community, and her feelings of loneliness. everything about her personality and abilities has a tie back to one or several of those things, either as a way to explain them, or overcome them. those were things Aloy did because she chose to chase the mystery of her past, but her Elisabet genes didn’t do them for her.

so it really does bug me when people talk about it as if it’s Elisabet’s acumen that should be given credit when we talk about why Aloy is the hero of her own story. I think we are far enough as a culture that we can acknowledge nurture plays a much bigger role in someone’s personality than nature, even for clones. (and I think this is why the Lightkeeper Protocol was doomed to fail anyway.) I think GAIA, when awake, may eventually struggle with this initially, calling her Elisabet instead of Aloy because it’s Elisabet she misses and wants to see again, and she doesn’t know Aloy at all—but she is an AI, and can adapt quickly.

but why I think it bothers me so much is that this “she’s a natural hero” narrative goes against Rost’s last lesson that he teaches Aloy in the prologue. Aloy’s flaws are that she is selfish and often self-centered, and doesn’t rely a lot on others, often to the point of discrediting their abilities. she barges into the Hunters Lodge and demands Talanah take her on as a thrush based on her own assumption that she’s as good a hunter, if not better, than most of the people in the building. she says “I’m faster on my own” to Erend’s incredulity, implying others would just slow her down. they’re completely understandable foibles for someone who has been alone and shunned by the world her entire life and learned to survive because of it.

but Aloy isn’t strong or smart or brave because she was a clone of Elisabet. she could have walked away from seeking revenge against the Eclipse, and arguably, she might have even done it if she hadn’t had a personal interest in the matter: finding out who Elisabet was. Sylens even calls her out multiple times for her short-sightedness in focusing on “what happened to Elisabet?” instead of "what happened to the world?” (I think in ELEUTHIA-9 she says something like "This is interesting, but it's not why I'm here though" and Sylens says sarcastically "Right, what's the whole of human history compared to the origins of one girl?")

again: it’s completely understandable that the girl raised with no family is looking for, y’know, her family, but I think it’s also a pointed choice by the writers: Aloy doesn’t really feel like she belongs to a tribe, so she feels, in some sense, that she has nothing to lose by antagonizing and refusing help to anyone. what are they going to do, banish her? her one lifeline is Rost: it’s her love for him, and his last act of sacrifice for her, that propels her self-centered (though by no means wrong) desire of “I need to find where I came from” to “these people are killers who threaten what I believe in,” and “they will kill again, and even if they will hurt the people who hurt me, many of whom I still dislike, I must do my best to stop them.”

the biggest scene that shows her laser focus on her own interests to the extent of others’ is when Erend asks her for help tracking Ersa’s killer and she denies him without the player's input. I thought that was an interesting choice because the game is canonically telling us that Aloy will barge her way past allies to get what she wants, and she will not be nice about it. like, Erend, a man grieving, tries to get her to stop for two seconds to hear out his ask for help, and she says “Out of the way” and “That’s your war, not mine.” Normally games might give you a choice to say yes or no to helping an ally, even if the game will eventually force you help them to progress the story; but the writers made a choice to show her denying a friend help, just after he helped her. It shows she’s still at the point in her journey where she sees others either as allies to help her or as foes in her way, and she might help allies if she makes time for it on her own (side quests), but when she's impatient and picks up the scent of her prey, she’s willing to ignore others’ needs.

it’s honestly debatable if she would have even cared so much about seeking revenge against the Eclipse if Helis hadn’t killed Rost: certainly she may have been interested in seeing them punished for their ambush against a bunch of Nora teenagers, but she mentions Rost the most consistently when she talks about tracking down Helis, not even Vala or the other Braves (RIP). even to Sylens, who didn’t know any of them, she says “You [didn’t say you knew the man] who killed my... who almost killed me.” (also, sob forever that Aloy still can’t call him her dad even after he’s dead, only “the man who raised her.” Rost really did not teach her to ever call him “Dad.” it’s no wonder why she was so focused on finding at least one parent, a mother, who is centered throughout Nora culture.) but the Nora ambush, while a factor, is still kind of... a side thing. she is most interested in their connection to this mysterious woman-who-might-be-her-mother, and the mystery of why they tried to kill her. people just assume that she is after them out of vengeance for the Nora, and she does not correct them as she uses her Seeker title to explore her own interests.

and speaking of Sylens, I think they are great foils for each other just for this reason: Aloy immediately senses there’s something she doesn’t like about him from basically the moment he makes contact. he’s prickly, arrogant, impatient, unsympathetic, and hates to play nice or work as a team. but like... are they really all that different? I think that Aloy sees Sylens in her future if she doesn’t learn to get along with people. like Aloy, Sylens is definitely rude to you, but I hope you realize you, too, are also pretty rude to others as well! (though you could argue this is a game mechanic so she can ask the questions that the player might be wondering.)

this is not all to say that she’s dispassionate or uncaring, or that her mission isn’t sympathetic or understandable. she helps people out, but her goal driving the story, her True North in a way, is really her own interest to find out who she is and where she came from. one of the significant moments she grows in this regard is when she comes out of ELEUTHIA-9 and decides to fight for the Nora, and for the entire world. she just discovered the truth of her birth isn't what she wanted, and she even thinks afterwards that she’s “not a person, just an instrument.” she’s devastated. what on earth does it mean, that she’s a “recreation” of Elisabet? they don’t have words for “clone” in her world—she thinks it means she’s literally not a human being. she doesn’t want a grand destiny to save the world, she just wants to find her mother and have that sense of belonging she was denied for so long, and she didn’t find that—turns out, she never had that. and now she’s being expected to take on this huge burden about restoring GAIA and fighting subfunctions that she doesn’t understand. both of her “mothers" are dead and there are a bunch of people waiting outside the bunker for her to tell them what their goddess is saying.

so when she walks out of that bunker and sees a bunch of scared, hopeful faces looking at her for answers, her decision to fight HADES—not just on behalf of GAIA but on behalf of the Nora and Carja and Oseram and all others—is her accepting that even though she isn’t what she thought and didn’t get what she wanted, she needs to help others because she is a still part of this world and can make a difference. that’s what makes her heroic. her hero-worship of Elisabet is understandable, but it’s not what’s going to get her through the next challenges in her life—only her own growth and commitment to doing good will do that.

when she tells Rost “if I’m going to fight for something, it’s going to be something I believe in,” I think that was her saying “I’ll fight for that something, but if I find it, I think I’ll end up finding it on my own, and it won’t be with the Nora.” at that time in her journey, she was running the Proving to get something for herself, not to serve the Nora, which she would have been expected to do normally if she had successfully completed it. but she does find something to believe in, and it is with the Nora, both physically in the mountain, and in the spirit of any community: it’s not Elisabet herself, like she thought, but it is what Elisabet stood for, and died for. she may not fully understand what GAIA or the subfunctions are yet, but she knows that their survival and mutual cooperation are necessary for the betterment of people now and civilizations everywhere. she isn’t really fighting for Elisabet or the Old Ones, or I don’t think so, at least—I think it is a factor to do all of this in Elisabet’s memory, in some way, but mostly I think she’s fighting for people alive today. it’s the same conclusion Elisabet came to: the Old Ones are doomed, but people of the future might still have a chance, and that chance is worth her dedication.

but how how a lonely girl ends up fighting to save the world when she barely understands it or the people in it, is an interesting challenge. for this reason I also expect to see her faults in full display in the sequels. Aloy’s tactlessness is a big flaw of hers when it comes to her dismissiveness and occasional derision toward any religion/cultural traditions she doesn’t understand or value. she works through this in some way over the course of the story, like when she decides to spare the Nora the truth of their goddess with an easy lie after leaving ELEUTHIA-9, but particularly in the DLC (which can take place at any point in the story), she challenges a werak to become the chieftan of a tribe she knows very little about, just to get something for herself: she wants to further her goal of investigating AI. I expect this trait of hers will be something we see more of in future games, her barging into a community she doesn’t know anything about and telling them how to do things for their own good. (I call it the “Solas Problem” from Dragon Age Inquisition.) she might be right most of the time, but she also needs to learn how to talk to the people she’s trying to save, and learn how to save them without changing who they are.

[bamsywrites]

Mistakes Like These

Summary: Kakyoin never paid much attention to the younger Kujo. Who knew stockings and short skirt were all it would take change that

Rating: 18+, nsfw

Words: 4877

Warnings: cannabis mention, alcohol use

Tags: afab, fem pronouns, modern!au , doesn’t follow the canon like at all, very au, brother!jotaro x sister!reader, kakyoin x reader, soft dom kak, lots of pet names, plus size reader

Notes: I haven’t written any fanfiction in over five years so this might be rusty. I’m sorry for any mistakes made or if its not how the characters would act. I’m still new to the Jojos fandom but had this idea pop in my head and decided to get it out. I want to turn this in to a multi part story and have several parts already planned out, I just want to have feedback to see if people actually like it.

“Have a happy Holidays. Make sure to check in with your financial advisor about the spring semester.”

A sigh escaped your lips as you read the most recent email in your student inbox. Patience may be a virtue, but it was sure one you didn’t possess. At least not right now anyway. Tsking your tongue against the roof of your mouth, you moved the mouse over to the refresh button and clicked. Your eyes followed the downloading icon in circles, fingers tapping anxiously over the desk.

“Have a happy Holidays. Make sure to check in with your financial advisor about the spring semester.”

You exhaled angrily through your nose and leaned back in your chair. Your eyes fixed on the ceiling for a few moments before you looked over to your bed where your cat, Miso, had woken up from his nap.

“I know I should be more patient. But this grade is what determines if I move on to the next course which I need if I want to graduate soon and get out of this apartment.” You spoke as if your cat had scolded you for your impatience.

Your apartment was nice. Super nice. Your friends often described it as “apartment goals.” You could have never afforded it on your own. Hell, you couldn’t afford it even when you graduated and got a job. Two large bedrooms with a spacious living room, modern kitchen, and a balcony that overlooked the cities skyline. There were only two major downsides: there was only one bathroom which had to be shared with your roommate and your roommate happened to be your older brother, Jotaro.

Now, you didn’t exactly hate your brother. He was like any older brother, he thought you were extremely annoying and wanted nothing to do with you most of the time, though there were times growing up where he’d come home with scrapes and bruises after dealing with someone who picked on you at school. As you were both older, you found each other more bearable than you did when you were younger. That didn’t mean, however, you wanted to live with him. Especially while you were in college, which was supposed to be your time to let loose and have fun while still receiving an education, of course. Your grandfather, however, had other plans.

Joseph Joestar was a real estate mogul and had some serious money to his name. He loved to dote on his two grandchildren and was upset that for the most part your parents chose to give you a “normal” life without the extravagance that he offered. Birthdays and christmas he would buy you each a present, until Jotaro turned 15 and started asking for money instead. He made your mother an offer that he knew she couldn’t deny: he would pay for the entirety of your schooling, from associates degree to PhD if thats what you wanted, in order for the two of you to focus on your studies he’d also give you a weekly allowance so that you wouldn’t have to work, and he’d buy you each your own apartment and pay to furnish it how you liked. Holly couldn’t turn down the offer, what kind of mother would deny her children an opportunity like that? However, she did ask that her father only buy a single apartment for her children to share. Her hopes were that it would strengthen your relationship and it also meant she could see both her darling children whenever she desired.

You didn’t want to seem ungrateful at all for what Jiji had done for you. You knew you were extremely privileged to have the opportunities that he provided you but, fuck, sometimes you wished you had your own place. You wanted the independence, to know you earned something but also because sharing a bathroom with Jojo was infuriating. He always moved your stuff, never cleaned the shower, and he never had patience for you to get ready in the mornings. A wishful sigh left your lips as you thought of your future, with just you, Miso, and the ability to use the bathroom whenever you wanted.

Your eyes moved back to the computer screen, clicking refresh, and rolling your eyes when you read the same email from the dean again. Like you expected anything different, you just turned the term paper in yesterday. You brought your cup of tea up to your lips but furrowed your eyebrows when you realized there was none left.

Pushing yourself up out of your chair you formulated a plan for the rest of your evening. You would refill your cup of tea, hop back on your computer to play Overwatch with your friends until the early hours of the morning, and then cuddle up with Miso and look at TikToks until you fell asleep. It was foolproof. No way that you would even think about your term paper grade.

And if you did, you could always refresh your email in between matches.

-----------

Your finger tapped your lip as you looked over all the snack foods in the pantry. While waiting for your tea, you realized that the only thing that could make your plan better was a good snack. You had just gone shopping so it meant that all the poky, ramen, and chips you desired were on the shelves and it made the decision extra hard.

In the middle of your contemplation, you heard the front door turn and the sound of your brother and his friends entering the apartment.

“You know it's true, Jotaro. Your apartments bigger. Its nicer. It has that view that drives the ladies wild. Our apartment is cramped and it smells like weed.” Polnareff’s voice was the first you heard as the trio entered the house.

“Don’t forget the upstairs neighbors who are always playing loud polish music.” Kakyoin added, plopping down to sit on one of the chairs in the living room.

You heard your brother sigh and could feel his annoyance. You never understood how the trio became friends, it was a mystery to everyone including them but they had been together since their days in primary school and the bond they shared was one that intrigued you.

“Yes, yes. The polish,” Polnareff nodded. “Known around the world for their ability to ruin the mood with a hurdy-gurdy.”

There was silence, and you could tell your brother was not budging a bit. A party was not Jotaros thing. Kakyoin wasn’t a partier either, from what you gathered he’d much rather stay at home playing video games and smoking weed. Sucking your bottom lip in your mouth, you made your decision, grabbing a bag of chips and a box of strawberry pocky. You did your best to hold those in one hand and your cup of tea in the other.

“Feel that Christmas spirit, Jo. Help Pol in his never ending crusade to get laid. The poorman is gonna end this year with, what, a batting average of zero. He’ll be a disgrace to French men everywhere.” The teasing tone Kakyoins voice almost made you laugh.

“Hey! Batting average of 3. You know this,” Polnareff shot back, causing his roommate to throw his hands up in mock surrender.

“Jotaro,” The french man turned his attention back to your brother, who simply turned on the TV in what seemed to be an attempt to drown out the sound of his friend's voice, “C’mon. I’ll buy your cigarettes for a month…..Two months?” His voice was getting more desperate, his head turned toward you. A smile stretched across his features as he jumped off the couch and threw his arms around your shoulder.

God, you just wanted to go to your room.

“New deal,” Polernaff declared, squeezing you to the side of his body as you tried not to splash your tea all over the floor. Kakyoin looked away from the TV, eyebrow raised, Jotaros attention never faltered from the knock-off Viagra commercial. “If you agree to a Christmas Eve party I will buy you cigarettes for three months, I will never ask anything of you ever again, and I will stop flirting with your sister.”

Kakyoin snorted, shaking his head and turning his attention to Jotaro. Since you had moved in with Jotaro, the frenchman hadn’t stopped making comments about how beautiful he thought you were or just giving you flirty winks whenever you walked through the room. You found it annoying at first, but you quickly got over it when you realized he did the same thing with every girl, and boy, that he saw.

“Good grief,” Jotaro sighed. “Its a deal.”

------------------

“I can’t believe you agreed to this.” Kakyoin mumbled as he and Jotaro watched their friend place the final touches on the decorations and food for the party. Y/N had already put up Christmas decorations earlier that month, there was some snowmen set out on the dining table and a cute tree with some presents neatly wrapped under it. However, Polnareff had decided that wasn’t enough. He had hung up snowflakes to come down from the ceiling, there was garland hung on every wall, and so much fucking mistletoe.

Polnareff had even requested that his friends dress festive. Jotaro, of course, didn’t listen and wore what he always wore. Kakyoin decided to humor his friend and wore a Santa hat along with a dark green v-neck and dark wash jeans.

“You don’t need the money, right? Grandpa Joestar’s allowance has to be enough for cigarettes.” He continued, watching his roommate place a bowl of peppermints by the door.

“I just wanted to get him to shut up,” Jotaro said with a roll of his eyes.

“You think he’ll actually follow through on leaving Y/N alone?”

Jotaro shook his head, “Out of all the people in this city, you’d think he’d leave the only one of limits alone.”

Kakyoin simply nodded, taking a sip of his drink.

-----------

You smoothed your hands over your outfit, turning to the side to get it from a different angle. You couldn’t decide if you liked it or not. The sweater was cute, it was red with a deep green christmas tree that had colorful little puff balls as the ornaments. Your make-up and hair looked nice, too.  That wasn’t what concerned you. It was the white pleated skirt and tight red stockings that caused you pause. You grabbed at your love handles that spilled over the top of the skirt a bit and your eyes traveled to how your thighs looked in the stockings.

Polnareff had told you you could invite some friends over. Which, of course you could, this was your apartment and you didn’t need his permission. You had told him as such and invited over your three closest friends.

You turned around to your bed and looked at Miso, who was comfortably curled up. “How do I look?” You waited a moment before turning back to the mirror and smacking your lips together. You were tempted to take off the skirt and tights and throw a pair of jeans on but something changed your mind last minute. Instead of heading to your closet to change, you instead grabbed the reindeer antler hand band and slipped it on top of your hair before heading out of the safety of your bedroom.

You were so distracted with the new decorations that you didn’t notice the pair of eyes that were glued to your form.

------

Simply Having a Wonderful Christmastime was playing for what seemed like the fifth time. Kakyoin had never hated Paul McCartney more than he did now. He was just now starting to feel the buzz of all the drinks he had had but it didn’t make the party any more bearable.

“She,” Kakyoin pointed to a blonde girl in a Santa dress, “is gonna hook up with him,” He pointed to a dark haired main that had for some reason felt the need to take his shirt off.

Jotaro simply grunted before eyeing more of the members of the party. This was a game they’d been playing for the past hour and a half, making bets on who was gonna hook up with who and who was gonna get the most shit faced.

“He’s gonna end up passed out in my bathtub,” The dark haired man stated, pointing to the only person dancing to the playlist Polnareff had created.

Kakyoin broke a smile as he watched the clearly wasted man's horrible dance moves. His attention was brought away from the scene by the sound of Y/N’s laugh. For what had to be the millionth time that night, the red haired man eyed her up and down. That outfit looked so fucking good on her but the smile streched out across her lips looked even better.

I wonder what the lipstick would look like smeared on my cock.

The thought slipped into his head and he couldn’t stop from staring at the red painted on your lips.

Does she feel as soft as she looks?

He took a sip from his cup. He knew he shouldn’t be thinking about his hands running over her thighs or his fingers digging into her hips. It was strange that he was having these thoughts. He’d never viewed Y/N as more than just Jotaro’s younger sister. He never thought she was ugly, in fact there were multiple times that he thought she was down right gorgeous but it had never turned sexual. Something about that outfit had sent him over that edge.

The sound of Last Christmas brought him out of his trance. Kakyoin almost immediately rolled his eyes. He almost missed the hurdy-gurdy.

“Good grief,” Jotaro mumbled and grabbed the pack of cigarettes off the coffee table. “I’m heading out for a smoke.”

Kakyoin watched as his best friend got up but instead of heading for the balcony, Jotaro went out the front door. The red haired man was tempted to follow but as soon as that thought popped into his mind he heard the drunk voice of his other best friend call to him.

“Kak, you gotta show these guys the cherry thing!”

---------

It was well past 3. The party had ended and most of the attendants took an Uber home. The only people in the apartment were you, Polnareff, and Kakyoin. Jotaro had still not returned from that smoke he said he was going to take hours ago. The buzz had long worn off and the reality sank in that you had to clean the disaster of an apartment that was left in the christmas party’s wake.

There were red solo cups strewn about various surfaces and all over the floor, glitter seemed to have gotten everywhere, there were plates of food left half eaten, and there was a candy cane just stuck to the wall. Looking at the destruction, you almost wondered if the fun you had had was worth it. With your parents coming over tomorrow...or, well, today…..for Christmas, you had really no other option than to clean it, with that thought in your head you grabbed a garbage bag and started cleaning.

After a few minutes, you heard the familiar rustle of plastic as someone was opening a trash bag and you turned to see Kakyoin helping you with your task.

“Thanks,” You told him as you threw a plate of half eaten cake into the bag.

“No problem. Pol is passed out in the hallway and I gotta make sure Jo makes it home safe, so I’m kinda stuck here.”

You simply nodded in response and kept about your task in silence. A silence which seemingly bothered Kakyoin because a few minutes later he cleared his throat and broke the silence.

“So I, uh, noticed your man wasn’t here tonight.” He almost smacked himself for asking the question. You thought he was just making small talk, the thought of him having more devious reasons behind asking if you were single hadn’t crossed your mind.

“My….My man?” You quirked an eyebrow, looking back over your shoulder at him.

“Yeah, your man. I saw you with some guy a while back,” Kakyoin had put down the now full trash bag and was leaning against the counter top with his arms crossed as he spoke.

“Oh,” You suddenly realized who exactly he was talking about, “Yeah, um, we broke up six months ago,” You said with a laugh.

“Oh...Six months?” He titled his head to the side, “Are you sure? Hmm… Well, sorry I didn’t notice...I uh guess I should be more observant.

You shook your head, placing down your own bag and heading past him to the pantry to grab another. “Its alright, I’m not offended. I’m sure you find me as annoying as I find Jotaros friends.”

Kakyoin raised his eyebrows at your statement, “You find me annoying? I mean, Pol, I get. Yeah. He’s one of my closest friends and even I can’t handle him sometimes. But me? I never talk to you.”

You had busied yourself with cleaning the rest of the cups off the counter, “ I don’t know. You’re just…” You looked up and noticed his eyes quickly flick down to your lips before making eye contact with you again. “I mean, you did one time give me oregano and told me it was weed.”

“First,” Kakyoin started, his body shifted so it was turned toward you, “Thats not annoying. I would call that immature, maybe. But annoying? Nah. Second,” he threw up two fingers to emphasize his point, “ In my defense, you were 15 and I was worried about you finding our stash under Jo’s bed and I thought it would lessen that chance if I gave you your own stash.”

You laughed, setting the bag down and turning to look at him. You couldn’t help but notice how good he looked in that dark green shirt but you quickly willed that thought away.  “Kakyoin, that doesn’t make any sense.”

“Hey, at the time it did.”

You tilted your head to the side, you had plenty of stories that you could use as proof that he was annoying, “ What about that time you and Jojo left me stranded at school because the new playstation came out?”

“Thats not fair,” He noticed the playful hint your voice was taking and it caused a small smile to tug at his lips.

“How about the time that you threw up in my make up bag?”

“Hey, that was all Frenchie. Not me.”

“Or…..” You were silenced by Kakyoin pressing a finger to your lips. You hadn’t noticed that the two of you had just kept moving closer and closer as you were talking. You could get a better look at him now, his eyes looked tired but there was a mischievous glint to them, proof to you that he found this just as amusing as you did.

“What about you, huh? You saying that you’ve never been annoying?” He cocked an eyebrow, giving you a knowing look that let you know he had as many stories about you that you had about him.

“Look, I never once implied that I wasn’t annoying. I’ll own up to it,” You shrugged, “I was a total brat.”

Kakyoin snorted, “Don’t act like you’re not still a brat.”

“How?!” You looked almost taken aback, “How am I still a brat? You hardly see me!”

Kakyoin loved banter and teasing with his friends, it was kind of his thing. It was how he showed affection. If he didn’t gently bully you how was he supposed to show that he cared? But this, this teasing between the two of you was different. It made the room seem hotter and his pants feel tighter. That coupled with how fucking cute you looked in that damn outfit, even if your make up had worn off a bit and the lipstick was smugged. He couldn't deny it was doing things to him.

“I see you now,” His voice was deep, his tongue sticking out to wet his bottom lip as his eyes trailed you up and down.

Your cheeks immediately turned a blushy pink and your skin was hot under his gaze. Your lips parted but no words came out. This was Jotaros best friend, there was no way he was flirting with you.

Kakyoin took a few steps forward so he was as close to you as he could be without touching you. “I see you now,” He repeated in the same low voice, this time keeping eye contact with you, “And I see a brat.”

He pushes a few strands of hair out of your face and behind your ear, a gasp hitching in your throat as his heated skin touched your check briefly, “Unless you’re gonna show me otherwise.”

“I…” You swallowed the lump in your throat, suddenly weak at his gaze. “H-how?”

You look into his eyes and you can see it. You can see how much he wants you and how intense that want is. No one has ever looked at you that way before and it made your stomach erupt in butterflies. Quickly, you turn your head away not being able to handle the intensity of his stare. You feel his fingers on your chin guiding you to look back up at him, holding you there so he can take in all the features of your face. Its like he’s looking at you for the first time. His fingers move gently from your chin down to your neck, your breathing hitched in your throat when you felt the soft pad of his thumb move across your lips.

“If you want me to stop, tell me sweetheart,” He’s eyes had gotten a few shades darker and his voice seemed more strained than usual. Kakyoins free hand traveled under the sweater your were wearing, fingers lightly dancing along your side as his other hand stayed on you face, gently tracing the outline of your lips with his thumb. “Tell me right now and I’ll go back to pitching solo cups and scrubbing counters.”

In the pit of your stomach you knew you shouldn’t. You knew that if Jojo ever found out he’d flip, he’d always done his best to keep you and his friends separate. You always thought it was because you annoyed him and he didn’t want to have to be around you more than you already were, Kakyoin knew that it was because no matter how the man acted, he deeply cared for you and would do anything to protect you. These thoughts of Jotaro’s reaction filtered through your mind but your brother wasn’t here right now.

You acted on impulse, your tongue peaking out of your mouth to coax Kakyoins thumb between your lips. He watched with heavy lidded eyes as you gently sucked on the digit, swiping your tongue along the length of it. His breathing picked up for a moment before mumbling a quiet, “Fuck.”

Almost instantly you were hoisted on the counter with his lips against yours and wasting no time to swipe his tongue into your mouth. His hands quickly traveled up your thighs, pushing your skirt to pool at your hips and quickly ripping the stockings down the middle. Your legs hooked around his waist, pulling him as close to you as possible as your fingers worked at undoing his belt.

He pulls away from your lips for a moment to help you pull down his boxers and jeans. You licked your lips as you admired his cock, already hard and glistening with precum. You felt his fingers on your face again directing you to look at him.

“My cock needs to be inside you, sweetheart. Can I do that?” He was breathing heavy, he had never wanted someone so much in his life. All he wanted right now was to feel your pussy around his cock. Consequences be damned. “Can I fuck you, princess?”

You whine when you hear him speak, his voice is like nothing you ever heard before. Lust and want seemed to be dripping off every word. The whole situation leaves you speechless. At the nod of your head, Kakyoin pulls your panties to the side and slides inside you. His moan and your whimper are the only noises in the quiet apartment, his eyes watching your face intently for any sign of discomfort or desire to stop.

“Fuck me,” You breath out when your vocie finally comes to you. “Please, Kakyoin. Fuck me.”

He groans and happily obliges, rocking his cock in and out of you. Your small gasps and whimpers only egg him on more as he increases the speed of this thrust, your hands bracing yourself against the countertop. His eyes break from your face to watch his own cock slide in and out, the sight of his cock slick with your wetness makes him moan.

“Thats a perfect fucking pussy, sweetheart.” He breaths out so soft you almost can’t hear him over the slick sound of his skin on yours. His eyes find yours again, hand moving back to rest on your jawline and hold you in his gaze. He leans close and sucks your lip into his mouth, his teeth nipping at the soft flesh before soothing it with his tongue.

“You’re such a good girl,” Kakyoin tells you before pressing his lips against yours again. He picks up the pace because, goddammit, he wants to feel you cum on his cock. He pulls aways, resting his forehead against yours. Your moans are soft and the whimpers that follow cause him to smirk.

“Oh, fuck. That feels so good,” You whisper, looking into his eyes. He can see you getting closer and closer and its making it hard for him to keep composed.

“You take a cock so well, princess,” His lips brush against yours, he tilts your head to the side so that he can kiss down your neck, and then back up again. His lips find the lobe of your ear and gently suck on it. Your moans are getting more and more erratic, every now and then you’ll gasp out his name.

“You gonna be a good girl and cum on my cock,” Kakyoin whispers into your ear, his lips brushing against the shell of it. “Shit, sweetheart, I wanna feel that pretty fucking pusy come on my cock.”

It’s the sound of his voice whispering those dirty things in your ear that sends you over the edge.

“Thats it, princess. Fuck, sweetheart…I’m...shit. Can I….?” The red heads voice is ragged and incoherent but you knew what he was asking.

“Fuck, yes, please,” Its all you can do to get the words out. “Please, I wanna feel you come in me.”

You both come hard, his fingers digging roughly into the skin of your thighs and loud moans filling the space of the kitchen. The warmth of him spilling inside of you is enough to make you want a round two. After a few moments the two of you are left breathing heavy, his forehead resting on your shoulder as he tries to catch his breath.

You stay like that for a moment, trying to regain your composure and come to terms with everything that had just happened. This was a development in events that neither of you ever saw coming. Its you that make the move to separate, pushing against his chest and moving off the counter. You avoid eye contact with him, flating your skirt back down and picking up your, now ruined, stockings off the tiled floor. You could feel his cum drip out of you down to your thighs.

“That was….” Kakyoin broke the silence, buckling his belt and running a hand through his hair. You noticed he too was looking at anything but you.

“Yeah,” You nodded your head in response.

“You know we can’t uh…-”

“Yup.”

“Like, ever.”

“Trust me, I’m aware.”

“H-Happy...Happy Christmas.”

You just nod and quickly retreat to your room, throwing yourself on your bed and groaning into your pillows. After a moment, you crawled under the blankets and pulled your cat into your chest.

“Miso. I think I’m a slut….”

--------

Kakyoin watched as you retreated away down the hallway, his mind still wrapping around what had happened. The fact that he was the one that instigated it. He was the one that made all the moves and god, he shouldn’t have. But he had wanted to. He had wanted to get you in that position all night.

It was at that moment that Jotaro entered the apartment again, smelling of cigarettes and….perfume? Kakyoin was gonna have to ask him about that one later. “

“The prodigal son has returned,” The redhead teased his friend, doing his best to hide the guilt he had for what he had just done.

“Shut up,” Jotaro mumbled. He eyed his friend curiously, he was very observant and it was very naive of Kakyoin to think that he wouldn’t notice the change in his friend. “What’s wrong with you?”

I just busted a big one in your sister. And would probably do it again if the chance presented itself. No biggie.

“I’m, uh, I’m just tired.”

-----------

Thank you so much for reading this! I appreciate it very much. Let me know what you think of it and if I should continue the story. Merry Christmas!

[thewatsonbeekeepers]

hello! just saw your reblog about ASiB. i am a little bit confused on why sherlock can't deduce irene? what's wrong on that? and why john thought that the sad violin music is for irene? tho sherlock is not thinking about her right? this is one of the things i can't understand. im sorry to bother ;(

Hello!

First of all - there’s no need to be sorry! You’re not bothering me - there is nothing I love more than chatting Sherlock meta!!

My hot take on why Sherlock can’t deduce Irene - I assume this has been said before by somebody else, but here goes regardless:

The first thing that is noticeable about Irene is the choice to cast Lara Pulver. Lots of people have gone into this - I’m personally a big Lara Pulver fan, but they were definitely at a stage where they could have got a bigger name if they wanted to. Instead, they chose an actor with wavy black hair and cheekbones that could murder you as well as an accent as posh as his. She’s a brilliant performer, but she also looks eerily like Ben when he plays Sherlock. They also accentuate this with tied up hair, Sherlock coat, riding crop introduction etc. Lots of people have talked about how this introduction of Irene as a lesbian is meant to mirror Sherlock’s gayness - but let’s bring in an even more metaphorical reading.

Irene is representative of sexual desire whenever she appears in the mind palace; this only happens in TSoT, TAB and a mention in TLD and TFP if you believe in EMP. TAB arguably makes this the most explicit in the ‘glass house’ conversation. However, what if she is representative of sexual desire as early on as this?

I don’t believe that Sherlock figures out his feelings for John until TSoT - we’re dealing here with a man who has seriously repressed his own feelings (because of the character’s history! The show is very meta in picking a character who has traversed the last 100+ years of queer oppression). So when he comes face to face with Irene, a naked mirror of himself representing sexual desire - he can’t comprehend her.

Now of course what’s interesting is that from a plot perspective, there are things we know about her. Not just her measurements, although that too! She has an expensive ring (diamond?) on the fourth finger of her right hand - this is normally what committed queer people do instead of the left hand, and we know that Irene is in a committed lesbian relationship with Kate so that seems like an obvious deduction left for the audience to spot. Her earrings match the ring exactly in stone and shape, which might hint to us that she wears her heart on her sleeve a lot more than she might let on (as we’ll see at the end of the episode) - she can’t keep personal and work lives separate. It’s not that on a surface level Irene is non-deducible - it’s that she is on a metaphorical level. Sherlock genuinely doesn’t know what to do.

There’s a well known meta here about how the hiker bit is a metaphorical representation of John’s sexual problems with Sarah, which I personally think is a fantastic reading - let’s look at exactly what comes before that. It is Irene who asks exactly what happened with the hiker (read: between John and Sarah) - so it’s Sherlock’s desire which prompts his need to know. But look at what happens when Irene gets too close to John - Sherlock blurts out a garbled response that can only be described as... well, similar to John’s own “backfire”, right? Without trying to read too much innuendo into this moment, there’s an almost sexual prematureness in what Sherlock says, a kind of panic to get the words out and at the same time to stop Irene (his libido) and John from getting any closer. This scene screams to me of Sherlock coming face to face with his own desires and homophobia (internalised over 100+ years!!) at the same time.

In terms of the violin song, one thing that’s worth noting is that that doesn’t come from ACD canon - Holmes composes a violin piece for Gabriela in TPLoSH, and ASiB draws a lot on the Gabriela section of that film. (Seriously worth a watch!) TPLoSH was, until recently, the only queer adaptation of the stories, and in it Holmes’s emotional vulnerabilites come from his sexuality, in particular his drug abuse. That’s why I love this quote from Ben C so much:

She’s here to showcase emotional vulnerabilities, just like the drugs - and the drugs are seriously associated with queerness the further on we go in the show (HLV, TAB).

However, even on a surface level as @dinner--starving pointed out in the post you reference, Sherlock can’t be playing the violin sadly because Irene is alive, because there’s no way he didn’t already know! Unless Irene had a twin sister (and it’s never twins!) there’s no way that Sherlock misrecognised her body - he lied to keep her safe.

Irene’s theme is important because it first appears after the scene at Battersea where the possibility that John is in love with Sherlock is broached - and then continues to be used at key johnlocky moments, such as TEH and the deduction in TSoT where Sherlock finally figures out his feelings. Better analyses of these than I have done can be found here: X X

So yes! I’m sorry this is such a long response and I hope it makes sense! Thanks so much for dropping by to ask - I had great fun digging through ASiB for this :)

[anonthenullifier]

Alright, my headcanon/prompt that's been living in my mind rent free is the idea that Vision doesn't buy Wanda flowers, he buys her vases with sprouts on them, new life ready to grow. When he first heard of people gifting each other flowers he didn't fully understand why you would kill something, and make your loved one watch it slowly wilt away, when you could get them something they'd help survive. After watching so many loved ones die, I just think Wanda would be really touched to help something live and grow (just like her love for him blossoming)

I love this head canon so much. So damn much! I’ve written a story before (It’s About Thyme) that has them planting a garden and nurturing it as a way to mirror their relationship so to say I like to think about them with plants is an understatement. And then your gorgeous head canon looks at it in a way I never thought about and it’s perfect. Thank you for sharing it!

Here’s a little fic that came to mind as I was reading your ask. I hope you like it!

—

To say Vision is perplexed would be an understatement. Which is itself surprising because he has come to a tentative theory that to be human is to be irrational, and yet this, this crosses a line of reasoning he cannot begin to fathom. Typically he would have Wanda here to volley his concerns towards and to then explain in however many examples and phrasings that it takes for him to understand. Except he is here covertly, under the expert opinion of Sam, to procure a token of affection for all that Wanda provides him. Which brings him to a standstill of indecision waltzing along with a niggling horror at all the implications.

Luckily for him, he hopes, there is a sales associate close by. “Pardon me?” The man turns towards him, brown apron emblazoned with stitched on daisies and a name tag that reads Samuel, a fitting name since the other Samuel in Vision’s life suggested this course of questionable action. “I was advised that purchasing and gifting flowers is a socially appropriate way to convey affection.”

Samuel’s eyes squint for half a second, a common reaction whenever Vision goes out in public. “Uh, yeah. What does your special um,” this scanning over of Vision’s body is also common, uncomfortable, but he does his best to act unperturbed otherwise it might stoke potential fear into ire from his observer, “individual like? We’ve got roses, carnations, lilies, daisies, asters. Anything float your boat?”

If this decision were a boat it would be taking on waves at the moment. “But all of these have been removed from their roots.”

“Yeah, kinda the whole point of making a bouquet.”

The sass is not appreciated but Vision believes in remaining polite because the attitude of the man could be compounded with mistreatment from other customers or negative life events and not solely due to Vision’s inquiry. “Does that not mean they will wilt and die?”

Samuel does not share the distaste for this thought, a simple shrug and a rather unhelpful piece of advice given, “They all come with flower food, helps them stay fresh a bit longer.”

“I see.” Vision determines this issue may be best cogitated alone, so he sends a polite, tight lipped smile towards the man, “Thank you, Samuel.”

“Yep.”

The man leaves and Vision continues his stare down with the beautifully variegated display case in front of him. The differing colors and petal shapes form a kaleidoscope of awe, one that feels romantic and wispy and desirable. Except they will all wilt, the petals will curl up and fall to the ground, and within a week it will be in the trash. His love is not so brief, so fragile and he is perplexed as to why he would present Wanda with a token that cannot survive. Would it not imply his love will fade? That he will, even if fed her own love and passion and attention, eventually fall away from her? Even if she were to dry them out, like he has seen Laura do at the Barton farmhouse, it would require her to keep them someplace safe and to never touch them, the lifeless remnants too delicate and brittle for anything other than distant observation—a poor metaphor for his intended message.

Wanda has endured so much already, the memories as vivid as the Tiger Lily in front of him, days of listlessness and tears, evenings brimming over with invasive memories of all the deaths and all the pain, the only salves he could offer were strong arms and gentle reassurances. Why would he gift her something that will also die? Provide a further suggestion that her life must always be dictated by loss? Why would anyone, rational or not, believe temporal brevity a better show of love than something lasting?

Vision turns away from the bouquets, prepared to leave the store and find somewhere quiet to reassess his gift. It is this defeated swivel that brings a small display into his view, one tucked away as if it was an afterthought. On it are simple clay pots of various sizes, bags of potting soil heaped on the ground next to it, and a little table top rotating kiosk of seed packets awaiting to be planted and nurtured into a long and beautiful life. Vision’s lips curl up at the new idea in his head.

————

There is a subtle chime to her left, in the general vicinity of her door. It is the closest he ever gets to a knock. Wanda puts her book down and waits for the unmistakable gleam of vibranium and the glow of Vision’s phasing to come through the wall located mere inches from her fully functioning door. “Hey Vizh.”

He pauses, irises twisting rapidly to the left and lips puckered as if he’s been caught doing something wrong. Which would be not using her door and yet he still persists and still always makes this face, and it’s a welcome joy in her day. “Good afternoon, Wanda.” Unlike usual, his hands remain behind his back, pulling the threads of his synthetic sweater into a tension similar to his body. “I, um, brought you something.”

Hoping to ease his nerves, she shuffles to the side a bit and then pats the mattress, inviting him to come over and haltingly lower himself to the bed, body remaining twisted to hide whatever it is. “What is it?”

Slowly he brings his arms into view and in his right hand is a clay pot with a little seed packet inside, all wrapped up in a red bow, and in his left is clenched a small bag of soil. Wanda shares her gratitude with a smile, scarlet twining around the gifts and bringing them to her hands to inspect them closer. “I had been informed by a trusted associate that flowers are considered the socially acceptable gift for conveying affection.”

Gently, soothingly she offers a minor correction, knowing he doesn't like to be embarrassed by misinterpreting social advice. “Usually they mean a bouquet.”

A grave nod accompanies his, “I am aware.” Vision lifts his hand, waving it around to help usher out the full story, “But it seemed incongruous to provide you a fleeting gift for a sentiment that is not so,” he hesitates, maybe because he realizes the implication himself or because he can see it in the growing smile on her face, either way he’s committed to the admission of how long he sees this new relationship going and she’s hoping he won’t back down now. And he doesn’t, even if he stammers through it. “brief. I would rather my affections be shown in an appropriately long lasting form.”

Experiencing the fascinating way his mind works is always a pleasure and, due to listening to him and learning the way he thinks and feels, she understands it perfectly, feels a deep, warming thankfulness at this chance to play a hand in allowing something to live and grow, a chance she’s been denied so much before. Wanda ropes him closer with her powers and firmly plants a kiss to his nervous smile. “Thank you.” She unwraps the bow and studies the picture of a happy sunflower, a little confused. “I didn’t think these were indoor plants.”

“Oh well,” now that an explanation that is not tied to emotions is needed, he loosens up, “they are meant to be started and nurtured indoors and then, once large enough, can be moved outside or to a greenhouse.”

“Do we have a greenhouse here?”

Vision considers this, lips parted as his thoughts tick away. “Well no, but it could be enjoyable to convert one of the older equipment sheds into such a structure so we could have a year round garden.”

This simple gift blossoms into something bigger, something rooted in a hope for a future together. “I think it would be fun.”

“Yes,” Vision slips back into a slight, carefully paced cadence, “I selected this particular flower because it is often symbolic of adoration, loyalty and um,” he acts as if his actions have not already made it clear, as if his words should be a surprise, one he isn’t certain she’ll like, “longevity.”

Wanda offers a sunny smile, hoping to sear away any question as to her appreciation and reciprocal feelings, “I love it.” An equally exuberant curve forms on his lips. “Want to help me plant it?”

His instantaneous and joyful, “Of course,” is all it takes to settle them into a path towards a life and love they’ll nurture together.

[yellow-faerie]

I would very much like to hear about your head canons for Findis and co! (if you're not busy, no pressure!) have a great day :)

Oh yes! Would love to! Sorry it took so long - I have exams and I had to go back through all my many, many notes I have accumulated over the last six months of headcanons and things and the post kept getting bigger!

OK, so, while I sometimes go by other people as Findis’ wife/husband, my personal favourite is Rilyanixë and together they have four children: two daughters and two sons. Of these children, they have six grandchildren (3 granddaughters and 3 grandsons) and (as far as I know so far) no great-grandchildren.

(I’ll put the full post under the cut)

So Findis is the eldest daughter of Finwë and Indis called Laurinalma by her mother (meaning Golden Flower) and Lintafinwë by her father (meaning Soothing Finwë) (and maybe Finwë is a male name but I believe -wë is a gender neutral name ending and I like the idea of different families keeping a naming tradition of sorts). The name Findis is actually her Cilmessë.

She dislikes Tirion immensely because of their general attitude to remarriage and everything really.

I have this headcanon that the children of Finwë were all very close until they really got into society and rumours and other people’s opinions really tore them apart - Fëanor to Formenos or Aulë’s halls; Lalwen to the wilds where she spends most of her time with her Maia girlfriend/wife (they aren’t sure which); Fingolfin to the isolation of court; and Finarfin to Alqualondë.

And Findis goes to Valmar and the Vanyar.

She takes on a healers apprenticeship there, returning only a few times a year to her family home where tensions are rising between Fëanor and literally everyone else - not yet about anything important, more about really insignificant things. (I think this post sums up my thoughts on Fëanor and the way I see his relationships with his half-family quite well)

And for her graduation, she goes to the Tirion library before returning to Valmar (this is as much to cool down after arguing with Fëanor over something inconsequential as it is to find resources for her theory exam/essay/things) and meets Rilyanixë.

Rilyanixë (a name meaning Sparkling Ice) is the quiet, middle child of the chief archivist of Tirion Archive. His father is a Vanya hunter (because, really, Findis isn’t going to marry someone who isn’t at least a little Vanya) and his older sister takes after him. His younger sister went down to Alqualondë to learn sailing because she refuses to take after either of her parents, but that’s another story.

They meet because he too is looking to get away because his mother - a staunch supporter of the crown and it’s ability to make sound decisions (thus trusting Indis) - threw someone from the archive for making snide comments about the royal family and Rilyanixë rather disliked the raised voices. It is technically his day off but he came here to put books away because that’s what calms him.

So they meet and get on well: Rilyanixë quite likes this slightly scatter-brained healer and Findis likes the quiet librarian with a small smile and brown hair that shines gold when the light hits it just right.

She agrees to meet him again when she returns the books in a month or two when she comes back to town.

And they go out for coffee and learn that they are both half-Ñoldo, half-Vanya. And they sort-of fall into each other, meeting up in Valmar and in Tirion and eventually they are courting and then betrothed and then they are married, three years after first meeting.

(The marriage does cause tensions to rise between Rilyanixë and his Vanya family who see Findis as too Ñoldor and have issues with that so they don’t end up spending much time with them - there’s a reason Rilyanixë’s parents don’t live together anymore)

Now, Rilyanixë married into this family so he is as veritably crazy as all of they are - except no-one notices until he tells Fëanor that his latest creation was ‘passable, he supposes’ because Fëanor insulted Findis and you just don’t do that. Basically, Rilyanixë is very uncrazy unless provoked at which point he will just provoke whoever’s closest, however ill-advised that is (if that makes any sense).

Anyway, they get a house halfway between Tirion and Valmar (because they can’t be completely separate from politics but...they don’t want to be anywhere near it at the same time) and live fairly peacefully, with occasional siblings just appearing or nephews and nieces and the like (from Rilyanixë’s side too it should be noted).

Everyone is beginning to think that they are not going to have children as Arafinwë is already married and with a baby when Findis declares that she is pregnant. A year(ish) later, she gives birth to a girl that Findis calls Findecurë (Tress of Skill - weird name, but I was trying to come up with a translation for Finvain) and Rilyanixë calls Nofernë (Under Beech Tree). Of the two of them, Rilyanixë’s naming is actually a bit more prophetic than his wife’s (because I find it odd that only women have prophetic visions and while I still think that women are almost always the parent (if either parent does have prophetic name-giving), I thought that men must even just a little).

Before Fëanor pulls the sword and everything finally collapses in on itself, they have three more children. A boy who she calls Findelaurë (I’m using this variation on Glorfindel’s Quenya name for the sake of familial consistency) and who Rilyanixë calls Indiltur (Lily Lord). Another girl that Findis calls Fanyanel (Daughter of the Clouds) and Rilyanixë calls Iþilmolótë (Flower of Starlight - and apparently the Vanyar still used the letter thorn? I might be wrong). And finally another son that Findis calls Finróna (Hair of the East) and Rilyanixë calls Aþumolor (Good Companion in Dreams). In order of birth, their Sindarin names (and the names I shall be referring to them by) are Glorfindel, Finvain, Faniel and Finrun.

At the darkening, Glorfindel follows Turgon (with whom he is close), Faniel follows Glorfindel (with whom she is close), Finrun follows his elder siblings and the other Finwean babies (Galadriel, Argon and Ambarussa), and Finvain follows her siblings.

When her children and family leave, Findis disappears into the wilds (very good fic about this here) and Rilyanixë, with no family, returns to his mother’s house in Tirion.

So Glorfindel we all know goes to Gondolin and dies and gets re-embodied, etc. I would like to add a bit to his story to say I am a big Glorestor shipper and they definitely end up married and they adopt Lindir and his sister Lindis (because no-one can stop me).

As of Erestor, he’s an Avar in my mind who ends up with Gondolin because the Avari keep being pushed from their homes and he knows he would be safe there. (He does initially say he’s a Sindar to try and avoid the general distaste everyone seems to have for the Avari and only tells those he really trusts). Also, he would get on so well with Rilyanixë and it’s such a pity that they don’t meet until the fourth age.

Finvain leaves ME because her brothers and sisters are going, not from any particualr desire of hers to go. She is protective at heart - even if she seems very cold - and loves her brothers and sisters a lot. She does a lot of what she does only grudgingly and eventually swears off killing even orcs as her actions at Alqualondë haunt her that much (she acts as a behind the lines medical assistant due to her knowledge of plants and herbs and is killed because of her oath when the camp is overrun).

She loves gardening. If she’s sitting in a patch of flowers, she’s happy (she would really love hobbits if she had lived). She had a garden in her family home between Valmar and Tirion but when she left it got overgrown, despite Finrun’s best attempts to keep it cared for (he’s busy and the garden reminds him too painfully of his absent sister). She can’t keep a garden in ME (she’s a messenger for Fingolfin, moving around a lot) but she does have a habit of planting flowers in odd places wherever she travels.

She does fall in love, if that is what you would call it. She and Morwen (and I have this headcanon that Morwen and Húrin were really good friends who were both hella gay and both really wanted children so got married for that while agreeing that they could see other people) spend time together and it would have developed further if Finvain wasn’t always being called away and she hadn’t died at Nirnaeth.

Finvain holds guilt over her brother’s death as Finrun died at Alqualondë and Finvain saw him die, still confused as to what was actually going on; and Lalaith’s death (who she thought she could save with her medicine but who died anyway).

When she is re-embodied - before her sister but after both her brothers, she returns to her family home - left abandoned by her mother who had vanished soon after the Darkening; her father, who had returned to his mother in Tirion; and her brother, who was now living almost permanently on the outskirts of Alqualondë. She fixes it up the best she can and tends to her garden as slowly, one by one, her family returns.

Faniel is the sort of person who has everyone wrapped around her little finger but doesn’t seem to know. Hella strong, hella kind, hella oblivious - a summary of Faniel’s character.

Faniel and Ecthelion are both bi (when Ecthelion was younger, there was a time he and Glorfindel were courting before they decided they were better as friends). She and Ecthelion have three children: a son, Elemmakil; a daughter, Meleth; and a child, Enerdhil. Meleth ends up as Eärendil’s nurse and marries Elwing’s nurse Evranin which is all I really have for her and I have next to nothing for the other two. But they exist.

Anyway, Faniel fights with a spear and actually lives to escape to the havens but she dies in the Third Kinslaying.

She is the last of her siblings to be reborn and ends up being the one to initiate the search for their mother.

And finally, Finrun. He dies at Alqualondë when he and a few others go into the city to see what the confusion is all about and gets caught up in the crossfire before he can really tell what’s going on. With no blood on his hands and practically no trauma, he gets re-embodied within a few years but everything is really different: all his family has either gone to ME, gone and secluded themselves somewhere, are exceptionally busy or Finrun thinks they hate him. As someone who thrived off of the familial love of his family (being Aro/Ace, this is one of the main forms of love that he experiences), it’s a jarring experience to say the least and ends up with him being really, really lonely.

He decides to deal with this crippling loneliness by throwing himself into his work. The only family who really talks to him is Finarfin but they mainly talk about work and he’s like, if it makes him happy then it’ll make me happy. (It is making neither of them happy, they’re just avoiding the problem). So he ends up in Alqualondë working towards restoring relations. No-one here particularly likes him (Maglor’s wife, Cantasië, does occasionally come and keep him company to be honest to her).

He is here he meets Elwing, singing and miserable who he promptly adopts. (It is not only the Fëanorians with adopting people on the spot issues). The rest of the Teleri are a bit sceptical of this girl however much they like her and she’s uncomfortable in palace having lived nearly her whole life in near poverty despite being a princess. And Eärendil, when he appears, reminds him of his cousins due to being Turgon’s grandson. There’s a bit more nuance to it, I guess, but basically he sees these two children with no family anymore and as he knows how they feel, he decides to give them that family.

It’s at the end of the First Age that Finrun realises that the Valar intend to keep the Ñoldor in Mandos and he basically becomes the advocate for their release. In his house by the sea, he is slowly collecting war orphans who lost parents far too young and came to these shores to try to heal hurts of their souls and Finrun houses them and loves them and tries to get the Valar to release the families they have lost (not realising that in the process he has become part of that family and the loneliness he has been feeling is lessened somewhat - not gone completely because his family is a different entity entirely but lessened).

Eventually, he convinces them and one-by-one, his family and the others trapped in Mandos are released upon their healing, rather than being kept there forever.

(When Glorfindel is reborn, Finrun is not told and meets him on the docks by pure chance before he must go to Middle Earth. And before he can really get over the shock and bundle of emotions, Glorfindel is gone again. Finrun genuinely thinks that this was a hallucination for a long time.)

It is one sunny day soon after Glorfindel has returned to Valinor that Faniel gets them together to go after their mother, who, despite everyone coming back and a tentative happiness and peace beginning, has not returned from wherever she ran to. During their search, they get to catch up for the first time really since they were all reborn.

Findis has just sort of made camp in a cave, not hiding but decided that society sucked and she didn’t want to go back. Her children convince her otherwise and they return and everything is good and happy.

Umm, so yep, these are my vague thoughts on this family. I hope you liked it!

[shimmershae]

My thoughts on Episode 3--Hunted.

 Most of you lovelies already realize this, but my thoughts tend to zig and zag quite a bit, lol.  So.  To save some of you the headache and spare you from seeing spoilers you’d rather not see yet, I’m again placing them behind a cut.  

First things first.  I have totally turned into Yvette Nicole Brown with her TWD notebooks, lol, and I’m not even sorry.  I just felt like it would be fun to go back when the final episode is in the books and see how well my thoughts from these early episodes line up with what I’m feeling when we say our (not-so) final goodbyes.  

But that’s enough about that. Let’s get to this thing.  

It really is insane how very much I love Melissa McBride.  Just hearing her doing the previously on TWD recap voiceover makes me ridiculously happy.  

Cole!  Dude!  We hardly knew ya.  

Not gonna lie.  That first shot of Maggie in all the chaos reminded of a shirt I’ve seen.  It says--”Well, well, well.  If it isn’t the consequences of my actions.”  

I have to hand it to Angela and the rest of her team.  These opening scenes--on all 3 episodes--have been BOMB so far.  They really hook you in right away.  At least IMHO.  

I realize I’m behind the game on this little tidbit, but how much do I adore the fact that Dog is now in the opening credits?  

Okay.  Alexandria might look like it’s been on some kind of post-apocalyptic bender but all our girls are looking beautiful as ever.  Maybe it’s Maybelline, lol.  

I love to see Kelly and Carol still gravitating toward each other.  It really speaks to each woman’s heart.  Carol wants to make amends so badly and Kelly just has the most lovely, warm, forgiving heart.  

Carol’s point about Alexandria still needing the horses to help with the heavy lifting and pointing out the walls and rebuilding won’t matter quite as much if they’re limited by their  hunger and what they can physically lift on their own isn’t wrong.  But I’m sure the same viewers that were okay with Daryl and Co. going out on Maggie’s suicide mission (using the same reasoning) and saying it made sense for the bigger picture will pretend not to recognize that the same element is there in Carol’s desire to go out there and look for the horses.  You know.  Because it was Carol’s idea and not that of their fave(s).  

Aaron, Man.  Or maybe I should say Angela.   You just had to put a pit of dread in my belly mentioning Buttons like that.  RIP, Buttons.  You deserved better.  I’m still traumatized.  

Look at all the babies bonding.  Look at RJ getting to sit at the big kid table.  

“My mom always comes back.”  She damn well better.  Those babies need her.  Until she does, though, Uncle Daryl and Aunt Carol (and Aunt Rosita and everybody else) are going to be there.  

Anyway.  Poor RJ.  He barely ever gets any lines, lol.  

Hershel and Judith are obviously the mini-adults in this group and baby Rhee is already more cynical and jaded than his sweet daddy was until they reached Alexandria and the wheels started to come off.  

So.  Does Maggie just think everybody’s already dead here or what?  Hmm.  

You know.  Any building can be creepy AF when the lights are off and it’s dark, lol.  Any building.  

So much darkness so far this season.  I’m going to have to invest in some blackout curtains.  I just know it.  

Where are all those stairs leading?  Why am I thinking of Hitchcock?  Am I mixing up my scary, suspenseful movies?  Probably.  

Of fucking course, Maggie dropped her flashlight.  Thank goodness she had that lighter at the ready just before Ghost Face Reaper took a swipe at her.  

Is that Father G with a screwdriver impaled in his thigh?  Listen.  These people deserve a Mega Bottle of pain killers and a week just vegging out in a soft, luxurious bed.  

All these horror movie tropes.  Some of them are cheesy, yes.  But I’m totally here for it.  

LMAO.  That’s it, Maggie.  A good old punch in the nuts works every time.  

Alden really is having a terrible, horrible, no good very bad day.  

Negan is still Negan.  Self-serving and looking out for number one.  But I believe the man really does feel the group is his group too.  He’s like that long lost, sketchy uncle nobody wants to acknowledge much less invite to the dinner table, but that bond?  However thin?  Is there.  

I am both hating that Maggie is being forced to work with the man that murdered her husband (my baby Glenn) and finding it fascinating the lengths she’s willing to go to survive.  This your plan, Angela?  

Rosita and Carol!  How sad is it that the last really significant scene I can remember the two of these women sharing was way back?  Before Rick and Co. attacked Negan’s outpost and Maggie and Carol were subsequently taken?  If only the show had done more of these kind of scenes.  

How much do I love all the girls working together?  Gimps would never.  They’d all be stuck back at Alexandria minding the kids and the community.  

Shallow aside--Rosita is so pretty in this scene.  

Rosita being worried about Carol honestly makes my heart hurt, because it’s about damn time more of them actually did.  Her saying Abraham is trying to tell her something in her dreams is interesting.  Angela sure loves her dreams, doesn’t she?  

Where are Daryl’s dreams, hmm?  No.  Seriously.  I guess they want to give some viewers plausible deniability until the bitter end.  

“Really?  We’re just gonna go toward the screaming?  Cool.”  Hahaha.  You know.  Even the smart people in horror movies sometimes bite it, Negan.  Just saying.  Maggie really does need to “stop running up the staircase” when she could just run out the front door though, lol.  

Poor Duncan.  I think you could have been another Tyreese, Jerry type for me.  

WTF does this show have against horses?  Those poor creatures.  

Kelly is totally me right now.  I’d be freaking inconsolable.  

Carol needed that hug.  Thank you, Magna.  From the bottom of this tired fangirl’s heart, thank you.  

Why give us that beautiful, golden shot with the horses when you’re planning to stab us through the heart later and twist the knife.  Oh.  Yeah.  That’s exactly why.  

Oh snap!  Father G’s delivery when he tells that Reaper “I’m not.  God isn’t here anymore.”  Cold as ice.  

Judas.  That the Reapers’ work.  Or.  Damn.  Either way, that’s harsh.  

Back to what Alden was saying.  All these oprhaned children.  Who’s going to take on Adam if he dies?  That poor kid has had a rough go of it.  Knowing that, makes you wonder what Alden was thinking volunteering for the suicide mission.  

Omigosh.  There went Agatha.  Terrible way to go.  Right, Beatrice?  

I’m sobbing.  Carol with the horse.  That hurt my baby so much but she hurt herself for her family the same way she has been doing since the Prison.  Melissa Mcbride?  When she cries, I cry.  Every effin’ time.  Aaron being there just made it hurt more.  But at least someone was there to see how and really take in how she continues to break pieces of herself off to keep her family as whole and safe and happy as she can.  

Rewinding a minute--that Magna and Carol conversation.  I get Magna’s reasoning too.  I do.  But Angela is just making everything so dire right now so that the sun when Connie is ultimate found shines a ltitle brighter.  

Those babies know they’re eating horse.  I could never.  

That’s got to be a different Coco.  She’s even smaller.  But she’s gorgeous.  

Fucking finally.  Angela having the other characters notice after an eternity of being blind to it, just how much Carol sacrifices of herself for them.  It’s so long overdue and I imagine Rosita’s even more worried for Carol now.  It’s a shame it’s taken 11 seasons.  My baby’s had blood on her hands trying to keep her family safe and whole and happy and fed for a long damn time.  So heartbreaking watching her try to scrub the blood away.  

Sweet, sweet hug that Kelly gave Magna.  She’s such a sweetheart kid sis to all of them, isn’t she?  

Interesting place of refuge.  A gutted church.  A visual symbol, Angela, of where Maggie and the rest of our people are now perhaps?  

“It’s easy for you, isn’t it?  Being reckless with sombody’s life...”  Maggie.  Maggie.  Those words would have hit so much harder if we hadn’t spent the majority of the last 2.5 episodes watching you ignore sound advice just because it came out of the mouth of somebody you (justifiably) hate.  

But will Alden be there when Maggie and Negan get back?  That is the question.  Or will he eventually Lucille himself?  

That little bit of lineup Negan music to remind the audience of Negan lovers and sympathizers that he once took great pleasure in murderously swinging a bag at people’s heads was a nice, subtle touch there.  Like agree with her or not, Maggie  is literally left to rely  on the hope, however small it is, that Negan has changed just enough that he won’t try to finish a job he taken on years before--killing what’s left of her.  

Oh lawd.  Next episode sees the return of a character literally nobody asked for.  How excited am I not?  

Dog better not be harmed or so help me.  

Now for Angela’s weekly explanations of WTF she/there were thinking because they been doing this plausible deniability thing so long some people out there watching with biased, muddy stan glasses can no longer separate head canon from canon.  

Is Maggie worried at all about Daryl or does she just assume his superhero powers are in full effect in this episode?  

“You can’t really say it wasn’t going to happen anyway.”  Not Angela pointing out that simply laying the blame for literally everything bad that ever happens at Carol’s feet isn’t the answer.  Say it louder for those in the back.  Alpha was going to do what Alpha wanted to do.  

“There is love there.  There is respect there.  However, there’s also frustration...”  You damn skippy.  Friendships and human relationships are complex AF.  Like Carol. She’s honestly one of the most complicated characters on this show and any show, IMHO.  That’s what makes her so memorable and such a lightning rod for discussion.  

I know I might be in a minority, but I really feel like they need more of those little scenes between the kids to keep things real.  

Kang saying she always feels like she’s going to get murdered in a staircase or parking lot is relatable, funny, and sad all at the same time.  It’s a girl thing.  

Why is Carol’s story giving me Dark Knight vibes?  Like I feel like she’ll gladly shoulder the burden of their distrust, their hate, or their judgment as long as the hard choices she makes keeps them safe.  And she’s still ultimately going to come back to save their asses even when they forsake her.  Just like Bruce Wayne/Batman.  Am I reaching too far, lol?  Because sometimes I do that.  

Anyway.  This is the third episode of the season and the third episode in a row that I mostly enjoyed.  I don’t know if I’m just so relieved and happy to have all the characters and my show back or what, but overall?  I’ve been pleased with the episodes and found something to love in all of them.  

There’s a much stronger horror vibe woven throughout Season 11 so far.  I feel like it’s a return to the roots of the show and I like that.  Literally none of the characters are making perfect choices and this viewer is here for it.  My only complaint so far is there hasn’t been enough Carol but what we’ve been given has felt like a gift and significant in a way that Gimps’ version was not.  Also?  I really hope the trend of the ladies working together and supporting each other continues because they rule the TWD world, lol.  

Hope you enjoyed at least some of my TWD word vomit.  

Until next episode.  

[cathedralight]

What is your opinion on kyoru's physical intimacy? I'm seeing two pretty distinct camps at least in the fanfic community: that they took forever to get there (like until they moved to their own place) or that they started out in Shigure's house. And I've also noticed a lot of people infantalising Tohru to the point where she's a completely non-sexual being, even though she ended up married with 3 kids?

ahhh hello! okay great question, and related to something i actually went off about in this post lol.

to reiterate a bit, i don’t really have a problem with kyo and tohru waiting until they move out to start an intimate relationship. like that’s not my personal hc, but i don’t hate that idea and i don’t think it’s Incorrect to hc that they’d wait to move out first (i’ve read some truly lovely fics that use exactly that concept without making a weird big deal out of it, and they use it extremely effectively and in an in-character way). like, i see it, it’s valid! and that’s fine. what i talked about in my earlier post, though, is that i think the hc that they waited FOREVER to start having sex, that they specifically waited until marriage due to shame/embarrassment, or that they like, only have sex to have kids and not because they just want to/”only have sex three times to have three kids” lmao, isn’t the best take—just because i think it stems a lot from toxic purity culture and the thought that kyo and tohru are too cute or pure or wholesome to also want a sexual relationship.

so to answer your question about their physical intimacy: my thoughts on it are shaped a lot by their physicality that we see in canon!! in that, they’re suuuuuper touchy with each other. kyo, in particular, definitely expresses affection primarily through touch—holding hands, headbonks, hugging even though it makes him transform… like kyo is really touch starved lmao. tohru is less forward in initiating touch—i think it just doesn’t come as naturally to her vs other forms of affection—but she’s always receptive when kyo touches her. and that’s before they even start dating—in the last few chapters once they’re in a relationship, they’re again very touchy with each other (with tohru initiating, too). so i think that that would translate very naturally to their sexual relationship. that is, i think they’d be very comfortable with it and that it becomes a big part of how they express their love.

on the one hand, kyo is the more physically expressive of the two, but i think his fear of harming tohru and general self-hatred that he’s still trying to get over post-curse might make him more hesitant to take that step with tohru. he wouldn’t avoid sex like the plague, but rather i think he’d need pretty consistent reassurance from tohru at first that she really wants to, that he’s not hurting her, etc. and then with tohru, she’s less physical than kyo, so i could see her being a bit more unsure of how to get the ball rolling… but also tohru is obviously very determined! and stubborn! so after they start dating and she feels comfortable being more intimate with him (which, like i said, i think happens pretty quickly), i think tohru absolutely wants to take that step, and i don’t think she’s afraid of telling kyo what she wants.

i honestly fall more into the “they had sex while they’re still at shigure’s” camp. i mean… they’ve had rampant sexual tension between them for a solid year… after endless yearning and drama, they finally get to be together… the curse is gone so there’s nothing keeping them apart physically… they’re madly in love and “clingy” with each other… they live under the same roof, across the hall from each other… yeah lmao. given all of that, combined with how tactile they naturally are with each other already, i just don’t see them waiting very long to become more physically intimate. and tbh the reasoning of “oh they’d wait because they wouldn’t want shigure to know” doesn’t really ring true for me because, since when does shigure even go upstairs? and does he usually barge into tohru’s room in the middle of the night? and re: yuki sharing a wall with tohru, i’ll be dead serious. i’m not sure they are thinking far enough ahead to consider yuki being next door. which is terribly unfortunate for yuki alksdflaksj but i don’t think it’s out-of-character for kyo and tohru LMAO. again, i think these things would be an aspect of navigating their sexual relationship, but i don’t think it stops them altogether from having one before they move out.

now wrt people infantilizing tohru, i really don’t like that take (preface again: this isn’t about hc’ing her or kyo as ace or anything along those lines.). not only do i think it’s unfortunate to write tohru as this completely non-sexual being because it’s tied into, again, a woman’s purity being based on whether she has sex or not—i also think it just doesn’t make sense for her character. sure, tohru is an airhead, doesn’t have prior relationship experience, etc., but people seem to forget that not only was her mom in a gang, she was literally a teen mom. tohru was 15/16ish when her mom died—and people really think kyoko never had The Talk with her? hello?? so yes i definitely think tohru knows what sex is LOL, and i think she has pretty normal sexual desires typical of a teenager/young adult. and because she had Excellent Sex Ed, i really don’t think she’d be averse to acting on those feelings once she falls in love with kyo and starts dating him. also, i know we all meme’d on tohru for this but like.... the comment about kyo’s hands getting bigger... like. i’m SORRY but what do people think that MEANS if it’s not tohru thirsting over kyo and his hands ajlksdhlksdh but ANYWAYS....

SO in conclusion, my takes: physical intimacy is definitely big for kyoru, and i don’t think it took them a ton of time before they started exploring that part of their relationship. they had insecurities and hang ups to work through like any other couple, but taking that step was ultimately very natural and comfortable for them! they’re awkward nerds in love and they also have sex and those things don’t contradict each other. :’)) and also uhhhhh if they had three kids they definitely had sex more than three times. like. a lot more than three times LMAO.

[takaraphoenix]

Buffy Season 8: Review

It’s bad. It’s just... really... bad. That’s the TL;DR of this review. There was one (1) good thing about this season and that was the return of Oz. So if you’re looking for something that hypes season 8? This is not it. If you are confused, angry or salty about season 8? Hi, yes, me too.

Starting at the beginning. At first, I was really happy that they introduced more characters of color, with Renee and Satsu. And when Renee was then even “promoted” to Xander’s love interest? Nice. The two were even cute.

But no. That was all just the set-up to fridge her. Which, I am so very tired of that trope. And that is what that was. That wasn’t just a slayer dying during a fight. The entire issue of her death focused on her and Xander, building up to their relationship, setting them up for their first date, having her be prominently featured, just to then kill her off and have Xander avenge her.

What made it feel even worse - worse than just the fridging - was that they really had to fridge one of their very few women of color. And, to top it off, spend the entire issue in which she dies having her subjected to racism. Just great. Really, you managed to make an already shitty trope even worse. That’s impressive.

The racism itself too. Dracula. They just decided to make Dracula totally racist now, huh? and it doesn’t get a pass just because Xander points out in the comic that he doesn’t remember Dracula being this racist. Because he wasn’t. This Dracula just throws around slurs left and right in a way that feels more like the writers just really wanted to use slurs. Because the character? He was suave, charming, heck he charmed the straight men and the lesbians too when he was on the show. He was a smooth talker. This Dracula? He just... He was just racist and rude in general. Why.

Moving on from the racism to the next failure in rep. The gays. At this point in time I am simply convinced that Joss Whedon is entirely unfamiliar with the concept of bisexuality.

I know I’ve already made a separate post complaining about this, but it needs mentioning in the review of the season too. Having Buffy hook up with a lesbian twice, but #NoHomo, just a straight girl in her “experimental phase”. That’s just cringey and also offensive. Just... make her... come out as a bisexual? It’s not like the writing in the show hadn’t already set her up with quite the bi vibes.

Instead, the narrative made it sound like the only options would be to be straight or to now suddenly turn “into” a lesbian. Which is also offensive on itself, because - as this very show had proven on screen - lesbians can come out later in life and genuinely, I adore Willow’s arc. For her narrative, it fit to have her come out as a lesbian, the circumstances and her life fit for that. I absolutely agree that it would have been weird for Buffy to have a sudden coming out as a lesbian at that point in her life and after everything, but referring to it as turning into a dyke was just not great.

And lesbian wasn’t the only option. Though, I’m unsure Whedon knows that, considering that 6/6 canon queer characters are homosexual and 4/4 wlw are lesbians. They just keep introducing more lesbians - which, as a lesbian I am always in favor of more lesbians. However, when you have a very small number (2) of queer characters, it figures you can not cover all the sexualities and it’s even fair that even with two, you still choose to have them both be the same sexuality. But... the more you add? The more questionable it becomes that you limit it to one sexuality only.

This arc would have so beautifully set up for Buffy to come out as bi. But no.

And while we’re on the wlw; one of the things I always loved about Buffy was that the lesbians weren’t just there for the male gaze, they weren’t oversexualized. They desired each other, they even had sex. But... in a normal frame work, to a normal amount, meaning equal to how the straights were handled. I always liked that, because especially in early days, lesbians were usually just there to look really hot and have hot sex that straight men could get off to. Well, consider me very unimpressed with the comics, because... man are lesbians sexualized now. Willow gets a hot constantly naked snake goddess girlfriend whom she can only contact by - and I am not making this up - having an orgasm. So we prelude the trip by her having sex with Kennedy, before waking up all nude in snake goddess’ realm and usually having am makeout session or sex with her too while doing whatever business she has with her. So much nakedness, so much oversexualization. Really... disappointing.

Staying on the romance but turning to the other Summers sister, I truly can’t believe they made Xander/Dawn canon. Like, I can not comprehend they decided to make that a canon ship.

Sure, Dawnie’s had a crush on Xander since the literal beginning of Dawn. And that was... cute, honestly. Fifteen year old girls have crushes on cute older guys who are nice to them. Figures. Adorable. But she kind of... grew out of that over the course of the show? Or so it seemed...

And Xander. One of the things I loved about Xander was that Dawn was always a total no go. She was Buffy’s sister, heck, she was kind of every Scoobie’s little sister. He had always had brotherly advise for her. Heck, in this comic he points out that it’s weird since he’s known her since she was little - and yeah it is. It’s not weird when two people were both little together, but when one was sixteen when the other was eleven and one has babysat the other? That’s weird.

Getting infinitely more disturbing by the fact that she... literally... just turned eighteen. If they had put this into a rather later season, or a bigger time skip, had Dawn been A WomanTM for a few years now and Xander had gotten around to separating the idea of kiddo!Dawnie from the woman she has become, but Dawn is only eighteen, she hasn’t become a woman yet. She just turned legal to bang and thus, a switch was flipped in Xander’s mind, putting her on his radar. And just... no. Why.

And even beyond this decision; Dawn spends the first third of this season being slut-shamed in ridiculous ways. Which is also tiresome. I am the last person to defend cheaters, but there’s a difference between “You cheated and are being held accountable for it” and “You cheated so now you are cursed to be a giant, a centaur and then a porcellain doll for weeks at a time, being publicly humiliated and having control over your body taken away from you”. That was... sure a choice.

Moving on to the actual main problem of this season. The plot.

Starting with the incomprehensibly dumb idea of “hey let’s retreat to Tibet, put a huge target on Oz’s new home and get rid of all of our magic. surely that will not come to bite us in the arse when the bad guys find us”. Naturally, it came back to bite them in their collective asses. This was just... No one objected or pointed out how dumb that plan was? Really? No one? Really?

Anyway, let’s talk villains. And work our way up there. The return of Amy and Warren. Once again, I ask why. I’m still salty about the 180° Amy did from sweet Wiccan to wicked bitch after her stint as a rat, but having her now... hook up with Warren, the second biggest misogynist on this show, who is also skinless. She used a spell to keep him alive but she couldn’t... give the spell a color? Anything? Anything to not make him look flayed? Because this was just unnecessarily gross body-horror.

Not to mention the... lack of reaction? Sure, some spoke grumpily against working with Warren. But... this is Warren. The guy who killed Tara when he was trying to kill Buffy. There really should have been more breather-scenes of the Scoobies talking about this, digesting the fact that the guy was still alive and more so when they worked with him.

But nevermind them, because they’re working for Angel. Because Angel’s the villain behind this season. I mean, he was manipulated into that by Twilight, but manipulated means he still chose to do it.

Now let me preface that I might not ship Angel/Buffy, but that really only factors marginally in here, because this plot would be bullshit even if it were my OTP.

We now retcon the creation of the Slayers as not just being something dirty old men did in a cave, it was now all the greater plan of the universe. Which. Might have worked had Slayers been... naturally occuring. And not created by men, forcing this upon a young woman. Sure, what people do can be seen as the greater plan of the universe too if you will, but that seems like a cop-out that absolves bad people of their bad choices and deeds.

Anyway. The universe created Slayers and vampires and the ““balance”“ between them (which is bullshit anyway because 1 Slayer vs thousands of vampires... not balanced at all), including the now supposedly destined romance between Angel and Buffy.

Both get rewarded with super-powers now so they can super-fuck and thus give birth to a new universe. That universe is called Twilight and manifests as a burning, winged, green lion who can talk (because that sure is how I always headcanoned Angel/Buffy’s children to look like /s) and who, through time-travel shenannigans, has been manipulating Angel into his own creation.

The magic pull between them is so strong that it overrides the “Angel just caused the death of over two-hundred Slayers” so Buffy fucks him.

At which point I just... this season was flat-out character assassination of Angel? He was manipulated by the bad guy. Not controlled, manipulated. He caused the death of hundreds. He threw everything he stood for and believed in out the window for the promise of a paradise where he could be with Buffy, when the real Angel has chosen other things, higher goals, over being with Buffy over and over again, because that’s what they do. That is their whole thing, they choose the good of the world over being together. They have always been a “will they/won’t they?” where the answer is they won’t, because they know they are needed elsewhere, by others. But now Angel just... doesn’t care about all that anymore, or heck about his own son and his friends, ready to abandon everything for this.

And then when Twilight is born and consequently abandoned by Buffy, who still prioritizes her friends, family and the world over being with Angel, Angel actually... needs convincing in the abandoning? Because, again, character assassination. Ultimately, Angel gets controlled by Twilight and used to kill Giles and try to kill Buffy.

But thanks to the Deus Ex Machina of Spike dropping in in the final arc, they know how to stop this. He hasn’t been in this season so far, because - truly in line with this season - he was off being the king of a race of alien bugs, traveling in their space-ship.

To stop this all, they go back to Sunnydale, where of course the “heart of the Earth” is located, the seed that contains all magic, and destroy it, and with it all magic. Also, the Master was apparently always just there to guard that seed. He is now back from the dead!

Let me summarize that once more, just for emphasis: The universe wanted Buffy and Angel to fuck so they can give birth to a new universe that personifies as a green, winged, burning lion but before it can destroy our universe, Spike, now king of an alien bug race, delivers the solution to go back to Sunnydale and destroy the seed of all magic that is being guarded by a resurrected Master.

How do you read that with a straight face? How do you pitch that? This is just so incomprehensibly stupid.

We end the comic with Buffy as a waitress, hated by many, Xander and Dawn now have an apartment and are playing house, Willow broke up with Kennedy because she realized she is in love with the snake goddess she will now never get to see again, Giles is dead, Faith somehow inherited everything from Giles and she is also the designated Angel-sitter now.

[soft-thrills]

I got a prompt! Mulder and Scully are ar the beggining of their sexual relationship, learning each others kinks and preferences. Mulder starts to notice Scully gets wetter when he's rougher with her, and decides to try some Dom moves. Extra points for a little spanking and fucking her from behind. Love your work!

Here you go, anon! Thanks for the prompt, hope you enjoy it.

Surprises

Mulder/Scully; smut; an unofficial part of my “Scully liking it rough is canon” crusade

*

They are new to this -- to one another. No, that’s not quite right. The truth is they are extraordinarily familiar with one another. They know each other better than most people really ever know anyone. But they have only recently come to know one another in the, er, biblical sense.

Fucking. They’re new to fucking. Well, new to fucking each other. Mulder’s had some experience before and, though he hasn’t asked for a resume, it’s clear Scully is also more than proficient. 

While they’ve spent the last six years in a long-running conversation, they haven’t talked much about what they’re doing. About the fucking. But that’s ok, because Mulder is a man who notices things unsaid -- that is his job, after all. He mentally catalogues every tidbit he gleans from their early encounters. Some are expected, or at least, have long been imagined: the way she clenches her thighs against his ears when he’s between her legs working her clit like a sunflower seed; the way she says his name in bed, a lot, a breathy whisper so close to the way she’s said it before but just a tiny bit different; the way she has a doctor’s unashamed comfort with nudity.

But, you can know someone very well and still be surprised by them. And there were surprises. The way her breath seemed to catch in her throat when he pushed her from sitting upright to flat on her back on the bed. The moan, the kind that seemed to be urging him on without words, when he pulled the hair at the back of her neck. The quickening rise and fall of her chest when he had playfully pinned her to the bed during a joking wrestling match. 

Scully might have told him that the human mind naturally seeks meaningful patterns and configurations in things that don't inherently have any. 

But Mulder knew a pattern when he saw one.

Scully -- Special Agent Dana Scully, M.D., she of the ice-cold, steely-eyed stare, the fuck-you heels, the woman who could take down men twice her size and not muss up her makeup -- liked it rough.

He was pretty sure. Ninety-nine percent. The one percent of lingering doubt was rooted in his concern that he’d simply watched too much porn in his life, which, of course, he most certainly had. But that didn’t mean he was wrong.

Scully always pressed him to really test his hypotheses, to find evidence. The scientific method had never been so fun.

It was a spring Friday. They’d had a day filled with paperwork and bullshit from Skinner, and, to blow off steam, they’d gone out for a couple drinks at happy hour at a Mexican place in Georgetown, not far from Scully’s apartment. They had margaritas -- good ones, not the sickly sweet kind you get at loud chain restaurants. He stared, unabashedly, whenever her tongue swiped over the salt on the rim of her glass.

“Should we get dinner?” he’d asked after margarita number two.

“Mm, let’s stop home first, regroup,” she said, her tongue emerging again around the edge of the glass, her eyes meeting his as she licked at the salt. It reminded him of how she’d look up at him when she was running her tongue over something else.

Yes. They had better go home and regroup.

The bill was paid in record time. It was still light out, the trees were in bloom, the sidewalks were crowded with college kids and tourists. It was lovely but also the longest three-block walk of his life. 

Emboldened by the tequila, eager to shake off the stressful day, seduced by Scully, he was prepared to test his theory.

As soon as Scully had closed the apartment door behind her, Mulder was there, backing her up against it, leaning down to kiss her. He pressed his body against her, one hand on her cheek, the other in her hair. A gentle pull, and there was the moan again.

“Is this what you meant by regroup, Scully?” he asked.

He kissed along her jawline while he waited for a reply.

“Because I think this is what you had in mind,” he teased. Then, bolder: “I think that what you really wanted was to get fucked.”

Her eyes were wide. He hadn’t been shy in bed so far, but he hadn’t been quite this direct, either. It felt like an eternity that he waited for her to respond, and there was some part of him that was afraid she might hit him.

She nodded. He rewarded her with another kiss, hands on her breasts through her shirt. God, how he wanted her naked already.

“Tell me,” he said.

“Yes,” she said, but it would not be enough again.

“Tell me,” he said again, emphasizing the first word.

“I want you to fuck me,” she said. Then, having said it, she seemed to feel bolder, too. “I’ve wanted it from the moment we left the office. Maybe before.” A grin.

“Good,” he said. “Because that’s what I want, too.”

He took her hand insistently, and while it was her home, she let him lead the way to her bedroom. 

Upon getting to her bed, Mulder wished he’d thought of more of a plan. He was starting to feel more certain that Scully did indeed want him to take charge, and suddenly the thought was paradoxically intimidating to him. He forced himself not to overthink it. 

He undressed her, which centered him a bit. It was hard to feel anything but desire as he unbuttoned her shirt, slid down her skirt. She was not wearing hose -- though he was nearly certain she had been wearing them at the office. Must’ve slipped them off and into her pocketbook at the bar. Full of surprises. 

She was in her bra and underwear, a light green matching set he’d never seen before. Mulder was still dressed when he kissed her again, pressing his body -- and, most particularly, his erection -- against her soft skin. He gripped her perfect little ass, gently at first, testing, then, a hard squeeze. She moaned, arching her pelvis against him.

He pulled away to remove his own clothes, stripping naked, watching as her eyes were drawn to his cock. 

He backed her up against the side of her bed, and ran a finger along the strap of her bra. “I like this. Did you wear it for me, Scully?”

“Yes,” she hissed, and leaned up for a kiss. Instead, he flattened the hand that was stroking her bra strap and pushed her down onto the bed.

Mulder often forgot how much bigger than Scully he was -- she’s quite a presence, after all -- but was reminded when he easily moved her lithe body to where he wanted it on the bed. Maybe Scully wasn’t the only one who got off on the idea of him being a little rough.

Before he knew it, he was on top of her, all over her, nudging her legs open with his knee, lifting her breasts out of the dainty cups of her bra. He bit one nipple, pinched another, harder than he’s done before, and she cried out. A good cry.

Time to seek out more conclusive evidence. Mulder reached a hand inside of her underwear. 

“You’re so wet, Scully.”

He knew she had probably noticed this herself, but still, he liked saying it. It seemed she liked hearing it, too, as she arched up against his fingers, wordlessly asking him to keep touching her. He worked his thumb in fast little circles around her clit. 

“God, Mulder, I want you inside me,” she said, squirming underneath him. 

“I think I can give you what you want,” he replied, summoning up the confidence he’d felt falter earlier. 

Instead of sliding off her panties, he moved them to the side. Just felt sexier, dirtier. Then, he slid into her -- one hard, fast, stroke. She threw her head back and cried out. In that moment, he felt indestructible. 

“Careful what you ask for, Scully,” he practically growled into her ear. “Because I’m going to give it to you -- nice and hard.”

She whimpered. He made Scully whimper. It goaded him on -- he grabbed her hair and gave it another pull. He could feel her tighten around him. He’d never felt her this wet.

“You like this?” he asked.

She nodded, hiding her face against his shoulder as he thrust in and out of her, over and over. 

“Do you like it when I’m rough with you, Scully?”

She moaned. He wanted more. He took her hands from off his biceps and pinned her dainty wrists down to the bed. He stilled his hips.

“God, Mulder, don’t stop.”

“Answer me. Do you like it when I’m rough?”

“What do you think?” she shot back, sassy even pinned beneath him.

“I think,” he punctuated with one sharp thrust. “That I want to hear you say it. After all, I wouldn’t want to hurt you if you don’t like it.”

He waited a bit. Another singular thrust. 

“I like it,” she whispered. “I want it -- I want you to be rough.”

“Good girl.”

He pulled out and she looked stricken.

“Turn over for me, Scully. Get on your hands and knees.”

“Yes,” she breathed as she scrambled to get there. When she was ready, she turned to look back at him.

He pressed his cock up against her clit, teasing. She arched back and, before realizing what he was doing, he gave her a little slap on the ass.

She froze. So did he. He’d never done that to her before -- he’d never done a lot of this to her before, but he was more worried about how the slap would be received. 

“Mulder.”

Oh crap oh crap oh crap.

“Mulder, do that again.”

He exhaled. Full of surprises. 

Relieved, he brought his palm down against her ass again, just a touch harder. Then again. 

“Please,” she said, turning to look at him again. “I need you inside me.”

He couldn’t deny her anything in that moment. And, ok, he couldn’t deny himself one more minute, either. He thrust inside her and set a steady rhythm. He hadn’t fucked her like this before. But watching his cock slide in and out of her wet pussy, gripping -- and, occasionally slapping -- her ass, catching her eyes as she stared back at him, her elegant back arched, her dirty little secret tattoo on full display… it was a lot. 

He’d better make it good for her, quick, because he didn’t have much left in him.

Another slap and then his right hand moved to her clit.

“Oh, God, Mulder, yes,” she urged him on. “Harder, I can take it.”

He moans. Hearing Scully -- his Scully -- ask him to fuck her harder? The stuff of dreams. He’s not entirely sure what she wants harder, so he errs on the side of caution, or abandon, however you look at it, and he gives her all of it -- a firm slap, speeds up his fingers, snaps his hips harder. It works. 

She was close, he could feel it.

“Yeah, Scully, that’s right. Take it. Come for me,” he urged her on.

A moment later she did, crying out, tightening around his cock, trembling. He didn’t ease up -- chasing his own relief now, free to take it from her willing, perfect body. Her upper body slumped down but he gripped her hips and surged into her, lasting only a few sublime thrusts before he followed her over the edge.

When he caught his breath, he pulled away and she sank down onto the bed. He flopped down on his stomach beside her, exhausted, but desperate just to look at this beautiful, sexy, surprising woman he was somehow lucky enough to share a bed with.

“Wow,” she said, simply. 

He tucked her hair behind her ear and kissed her cheek. 

“Wow is right,” he said. “I’m never going to be able to hear the phrase ‘let’s regroup’ again without getting hard.”

She laughed. They basked in the afterglow; he basked a little extra in the afterglow of knowing that his hypothesis had been correct, that he had read the enigmatic Doctor Scully like a book. He was, all in all, feeling pretty pleased with himself.

And then.

“So I guess I left you enough clues about wanting you to be a little less gentle?”

A lightbulb. Those clues he’d happened upon had not been so happened upon after all.

He turned to see her grinning at him. 

“I thought I’d pulled off my best bit of profiling yet, Scully. Why not just tell me?”

“Oh, it’s more fun this way. I’m only sorry I was so easy to read.”

He slid across the soft sheets of her bed to get a little closer to her.

“You are full of surprises, Scully, and I’m going to discover every one of them.”

[pi-cat000]

Girl who made the night sky: p5

NOTE: so I started writing this again this year but didn’t get very far. Here’s what I wrote if anyone was interested. I might post it on ao3 as well, not sure.

Summery: To return home Shikako splits herself infinitely across dimensions. A fault in one of the splits results in a discorporated Shikako stranded in the Naruto canon-verse.

Part 3, Part 4

Her alarm goes off just as the sun begins to peak between the buildings opposite her apartment block.  Sakura roles over to glare at the thin beam of light filtering through her window, catching in floating dust particles. Somewhere in the dark of her mind Kako shifts with amusement, prodding at her sluggish thoughts, pushing them into a state of awareness.

/Morning./ The word is said slowly, echoing with a lazy laughter. Sakura scowls, flopping over to hit the snooze on her alarm, yawning. She is still getting used to waking up at dawn and is thus completely reliant on her alarm to shake her from her sleep. A real shinobi would have enough control to wake up whenever they desired.

/Practise makes perfect,/ Kako says as if guessing the direction of her thoughts.

“Easy for you to say,” Sakura mutters, dragging herself up and yawning again. There is more idle amusement from Kako.

/Have a good day./

Slowly, the impression of Kako fades into the neutral baseline of just-Sakura, signalling that the other was asleep.

“I will,” Sakura comments in her renewed alone-ness.

Kako now slept during the day, leaving Sakura to her own devices. Whatever that not-dream had been, it had disturbed Kako enough that she now spent most of her ‘awake’ time watching over Sakura while she slept. This left only a few scant hours in the evening for discussion, conversation and hanging out together. Despite only having Kako around for a few months, Sakura already misses the other’s presence. Though their interactions had always been limited, reduced to scattered sentences and the occasional emotion, just having Kako listen to her ramblings or watch as she walked to and from the academy, studied or completed whatever other task she had set herself. Funny how much of a difference just having someone around and interested made even the most mundane parts of life. 

Discouraged by her own solitary thoughts, Sakura contemplates returning to bed and sleeping an extra hour. Not like Kako would know if she did. The notion passes quickly. Kako would be disappointed and the thought of disappointing Kako make her sad. Also, she was pretty sure it was dangerous for her and Kako to sleep at the same time. Sakura’s not an idiot. Even if Kako had yet to outright say it, she could put two and two together. Something bad had happened during the nightmare other than just giving them a fright. 

...

The rest of the morning progresses according to her new schedule. She dresses and packs her bag. With her collection of notebooks steadily increasing, it was starting bulge in the middle. The sooner she figured out how to properly make storage scrolls the better.

Next, she shuffles down to the kitchen, pulling together a meal with the correct amount of nutrients. Now Sakura is waking up before her mom, she has been forced to plan her own meals. Kako had been very helpful in that department, pushing her towards the type of diet she would need to help with muscle growth and keep her energy levels high throughout the day. It didn’t taste particularly nice, but it was functional, and she couldn’t help but wonder if the other non-clan kids knew about this sort of stuff. Meal planning was something they’d touched on in class but not something Sakura had bothered applying to her day-to-day life. Sure, she’d always tried to eat healthy but, like most things ninja related, there was a lot more to physical conditioning than just that being healthy.  It had only been a week but she has already noticed a marked improvement in her daily energy levels.

...

Sakura closes the door her apartment just as she begins to hear her parents start to shuffle around, preparing for their own workday. She takes a second to breath in the cool morning air before heading towards the old academy training grounds.

When she arrives the training area is empty like it usually is. Not a lot of academy students bothered coming out so early, especially not to this training spot which was in an awkward location. She hadn’t even known it existed till Kako pointed it out.

Another yawn.

A long sigh.

Sakura begins her warmup stretches, trying not to let the silence of her own mind bother her too much.

She is maybe halfway through the revised exorcize routine that Kako put together for her, when movement at the edge of the training field catches her attention.

It startles her enough that she almost trips through the final set. If Kako were awake Sakura might have had some warning as Kako was usually the one to sense and alert her to people approaching unexpectedly. Maybe she should work on her spatial awareness or lack thereof. She’ll add it to the list.

As it is, she thankfully doesn’t trip and embarrass herself because the person approaching is very familiar.

“Sasuke-kun!” She can’t help but call an enthusiastic greeting, waving. Sasuke freezes on approach, staring his usual blank stare. He blinks, expression shifting ever so slightly to surprise. Well, as surprised as someone as cool as Sasuke can be.

“Hello!” What were the chances of running into Sasuke outside of school hours? Practically zero. Ino would have a fit.

Saskue about-faces and walks in the opposite direction.

“Wait!” She starts to follow as the other quickly disappears into the trees encircling the training grounds.

“Do you want to train…” She hesitates, slowing, “with me…?”

Does she want Sasuke to see her huffing and puffing as she tries to make it past her tenth lap of the field? Her stamina is less than impressive and Sasuke always placed in her class’s top three when it came to combat and physical ability. She stops following. No way was she letting Sasuke see her like this.

If Kako was right, and she usually was, she would start seeing a physical improvement in another weeks time.

She pouts, trying not to feel too unmotivated.  Maybe…hopefully, she’ll see Sasuke out here again and ask to train then? Then she wouldn’t be a total embarrassment. Yes, a prefect plan. She resumes her exercises. Before Kako had come along, catching up to Sasuke would have seemed like an insurmountable task. Now Sakura’s seen what a real shinobi is capable of and said shinobi believes she is capable of the same things, it doesn’t seem as impossible. Goal reaffirmed, she tackles the rest of the morning with renewed energy.

...

Her day progresses as per usual. Sakura sits in class, takes notes, and revises on past topics when Iruka deviates between teaching and crowd control. When lunch break starts, she takes it as an opportunity to sit around the side of the building and examine her sealing notes. Away from her noisy peers, she has a chance to sort through all the stuff she’s been learning and figure out what questions she wants to ask Kako in those few hours they have together in the afternoon.

“Why do these seals use a bunch of descriptive kanji while this one is just a collection of stylistic lines?”

She mutters to herself, scanning the copies of Kako’s seal and her copies of Iruka’s notes on storage scrolls. The storage scrolls are easy enough to understand. The symbols and lines follow a logical progression, building on the basics she’d learnt while studying explosive tags. Kako’s seal is different…very different. Instead of easy to follow connections between the function and kanji, Kako’s seal is a simple circle, spiral and tomoki. Nothing else…No hint at what the lines might mean.

….

...

/Seal is collapsed…simplified. Needs expanding./

Is Kako’s somewhat confusing answer. After spending most of her lunch, then the following lesson mulling the question over, this is less than satisfying.

“What do you mean by needs expanding?” There is a long pause and Sakura waits for Kako to find the right words and energy to talk. Kako could almost communicate in full sentences now but it was still somewhat stilted.

/Not the full seal…simplified…smaller./

Sakura frowns, staring at her desk. Strewn across it are piles of notes, several bottles of ink she’s been infusing with charkha, and blank sealing paper. She had been half asleep at the time but she vaguely recalls how, on the night of Kako’s arrival, the seal had been a lot bigger, stretching across almost all her visible skin. 

“You mean this is only a small part of the seal and there’s more that I can’t see.” A wave of warm encouragement has Sakura continuing, “No, it’s more than that…all the seal is here it’s just…. just smaller…symbolic of the larger seal.”

/Compressed./ There’s a warm swell of pride like she’s just understood some tricky concept Kako’s been trying to impart

“Well …then how do I study it? How do I un-compress it?”

/An expansion seal./

She groans, “So…I need another seal to look at this seal.”

/Hmmm./

“Let me guess: That’s complicated as well.”

/Basics first./

Sakura rests her head on the desk, sighing.

[inkykeiji]

OMG CLARI HI ITS BEEN FOREVER!!! i’ve been so busy with college that i took a social media break and am only just now able to download tumblr again :) how are you?? i hope you’ve been well and just from some quick scrolling, i see that ur blog has grown so much bigger than when i was last on here and eek!!!! i’m so proud of u!!! u n ur writing deserve it so much :))))

ofc i know that i primarily sent u asks about the bmb universe way back when (and i am very excited to get caught up on the new installments) but i couldn’t resist the piece u posted for mr shiggy’s birthday and honestly i’m so happy i read it first bc it is so good. u do such a good job writing angst and the way the mc described her guilt over cheating on touya even though he can be very manipulative was so realistic and so well described i could really sympathize with her and her actions. her internal conflict combined with her affection for tomura is a deadly combo (for touya anyways) and u balanced the terror and feelings of desire so well!!!! i’m so fond of the tomura in this universe. he’s so impulsive and not tactful at all. he says what he wants and what he wants is the mc and compared to touya’s conniving ways, he’s like a breath of fresh air. sniff sniff ;; i think i might be in love with tomura almost as much as he’s in love with the mc. speaking of!!!! that last scene in the bathroom where she reads his text and has to delete it is such a gut punch like ugh she’s so conflicted and her feelings are pulled in every which way and god i just wanna hold her hand and give her a pat on the back and tell her everything will be okay. u did such a great job with the emotions of this piece so it was the perfect thing to read as soon as i opened the tumblr app.

u probably already guessed that i would have more questions, lol, so here they are!!! does touya ever find out? why doesn’t tomura do anything to fight for the mc? does she love tomura back and is it that she’s too caught up in touya to properly go after tomu or what? gah i’m so nosy but that’s only because i love what u did with these characters. they balance each other so nicely :)

anyways, i’m gonna go read the third part of bmb now :)))

-star anon!!

STAR ANON MY BABIE I AM SCREAAAAAAMING OH MY GOD STAR ANON SWEETPEA HOW ARE YOU????? i thought about you!!!! as my very first (named) anon ever, you will always have a very special place in my heart hehehe <333

social media breaks can be very good for you, so i am proud of you for putting yourself and your education first!! i have, thank you!! YES hehehe it has, aaah thank you so much bb (*/ω＼) ily lots and i hope you’ve been doing well too, and that college isn’t too stressful!! <333

oooh!! please heed the trigger warnings and stay safe <33 hehehe aw star anon thank you so very much, those are such beautiful compliments to receive and i am honoured <3 i’m also super glad to hear that it affected you emotionally, that you were able to feel what she was feeling and sympathize with her!!

YES YES YES exactly!! my gosh you interpreted this piece SO well and i am literally overjoyed like there’s such a massive smile on my face right now aaaah i’m just ecstatic that you picked up on all of that and that it’s coming across the way i intended for it to!! <3 once again, thank you from the bottom of my heart!!

hehehehe i always love your questions so much!! eeee okay let’s get into them!

does touya ever find out?

(like i mentioned in the ask before this, idk if i’d technically include this piece in what is officially ‘canon’ for m touya-nii AU--i just wrote it for fun n because i missed this version of tomura sm!!) BUT no, touya never finds out. it stays a secret between reader and tomura forever. tomura would never, ever reveal this secret to touya, because he knows how much trouble (and potential DANGER!) the reader would be in if he did, and he despite how selfish and impulsive he is, he loves her too much to do that.

why doesn’t tomura do anything to fight for the mc?

because he knows it isn’t worth it, he knows he’ll lose, and he knows how dangerous touya can get. that’s almost an automatic death sentence for him, especially since he was the one reader originally cheated on touya with!! truthfully, he’s lucky he’s still breathing at all (which is really all thanks to the fact that touya works for tomura’s father, and touya knows if he kills tomura, then he will be killed in turn by tomura’s father, or will spend the rest of his + reader’s life frantically on the run). but overall he knows that the reader is in love with touya, and him attempting any fight is both pointless and hazardous!! 

does she love tomura back?

no, she just cares very deeply for him. there is definitely a potential for love to sprout there just in general between those two characters because they get along so well, but by this time in the story she’s in much too deep with touya (because she does genuinely love touya!). in this piece, reader also feels guilt for having left tomura so suddenly and then never even attempting to contact him again. she feels like they both need closure, and she kind of pities him in a way. but she sincerely cares for him and decided to seize the coincidental opportunity when it presented itself!!

hehehe great questions star anon thank you so much!!! hopefully my answers make sense!! <33 as always, i cant even tell you how much i appreciate your beautiful, detailed asks, and the amount of effort and thought you put into them. you’re incredible and i’m so lucky to have you here!!!!! ily!!!