#although this is more about how the system perpetuates itself interpersonally rather than the large scale macroeffects

[postsforposting]

(speaking of a cis man) Imagine going through your life, like normal, and everyone’s decided that they should call you ma’am. That everyone was using she/her pronouns for you. And that no matter how hard you insisted that, no, you are a man, and no matter how many ways you tried to “prove” it, no one would believe you or take you seriously. That’s what it would be like if you were trans.” 

That does happen, though. This is what gender policing is, when people call cis men pussies and needle them for "acting like women" or "being homo", and when people harass women for "not acting lady like" and "acting like a man".

I think a lot of people don't see a problem with transphobia because it's actually normal behavior to them. Protesting when people treat you like this is no different than not being able to take a joke and being a snowflake and "not being able to handle the real world", among all those other lovely phrases people use to excuse this stuff and claim it's the target's responsibility to shut up and like it, that protesting means you need more of it to toughen you up so you learn what's good for you.

It's not just transphobia that works like this, either. It's part of a larger trend of callousness that's whipped into people from birth.

I think for a lot of white people, when you call them out on their casual racism (microagressions and non-overt things), they see it as a case of hurt feelings from your point of view as opposed to a discussion of harmful practices that aid the vehicle of racism. So in response, they take it as a personal attack, rather than a learning experience, and go on the defensive by bringing up a time that you made them upset as leverage. Or they defend their actions by doubling down on the behavior at hand and dismissing your criticism as over sensitivity and emphasizing their “harmless” intent. And I think that is one of the reasons why it’s so hard to address casual and interpersonal racism with the general white population (and also other poc tbh).

People in general grow up under systemic abuse as children, being taught that maltreatment is a good thing; at worst, that their "fee fees" don't matter and are a sign of their immaturity, and at best that systemic dehumanization, second class citizenship, is nothing more than a case of "hurt feelings" which are good for you to experience to become a better person, which you as the target are responsible for sucking up and getting over on your own time, and which are not the problem of anyone else. If you try to claim someone is in the wrong for doing these things to you, or even that you are hurt because of them, then you get told to "stop crying before I give you a reason to cry". That's a threat and punishment for recognizing what is actually happening. Anything overt is not to be mentioned or brought up at all, because it's explicitly required as "for your own good", and "casual" aggression is seen as you putting up a fuss and being whiny and "sensitive"--again, as you not being able to handle the real world, as evidence that you need more of the same.

You learn to shut up and smile. You learn to treat people the same way, because this is what's considered right, because you will be next if you don't and so you defend the system and slap down those who deviate from it. You learn to never admit to mistakes, because mistakes are proof you're lesser, didn't listen, and deserve punishment. All of this starts from birth.

When that's how you're taught to view yourself, of course you're not going to see identity struggles like racism and queer issues as different from what you yourself live with. It's all just people being whiny selfish snowflakes who don't know what's good for them. You justify what's happening to you because that's what you've been taught to do all your life.

You do not "see it as a learning experience" because mistakes mean you deserve punishment, so on top of being taught to straight up not see harm as harm, you will never acknowledge any errors you make because what should be a simple mistake you can correct is actually admitting you deserve torture. Forever, because there is no such thing as your mistakes being over and done with when they can be infinitely brought up to belittle you.

"Racism" of this kind isn't a problem because "people are white". Bigotry like this isn't rooted in beliefs of superiority and inferiority. It happens because people are taught to not see any harms of its kind as a problem, and are in fact taught to see its behavior the same way they see all other callous behavior: you're a snowflake, they're having a laugh. Until you can crack the idea that people deserve callousness, and that callousness is good and fun and makes you a better person, people will still insist that there is nothing wrong, not because they are "racist" or inherently defective because of their race, but because they were taught that "having feelings" and "being hurt" is weakness that must be burned out. Because they were taught that admitting to wrongdoing means they deserve that same callousness.

[movie-magic]

How Superman & Lois Is Avoiding Falcon & Winter Soldier's Fatal Mistake

Superman & Lois is avoiding the storytelling and pacing issues that hurt The Falcon and the Winter Soldier by focusing on the characters.

Despite Superman & Lois featuring the Man of Steel as a lead, the Arrowverse show is keeping its story grounded, thus avoiding the biggest mistake the MCU made with The Falcon and the Winter Soldier. The CW's series focuses on Clark Kent and Lois Lane as a married couple raising two sons. Despite Clark being Superman — arguably the most powerful being on the planet, and likely Earth's most important hero — Superman & Lois uses conflict within the Kent household as its primary narrative conflict. In the Arrowverse, Clark already knows how to be a hero — but he's still learning how to be a dad.

So far, Superman & Lois has successfully distinguished itself from the rest of the DC titles — particularly other Superman-focused series like Smallville — by focusing on a different period in the hero's life. Superman & Lois season 1 centers on Jordan Kent developing powers, and the family moving from Metropolis back to the Kent farm in Smallville, giving the troubled teen a chance at a new start in a quieter environment. This comes at great personal cost to twin-brother Jonathan, who loses both his star quarterback status and his girlfriend. Still, the predominant theme of the series is family bonds, and although there is tension between the Kents, every person is incredibly supportive of their loved ones.

Superman & Lois is leaning into the CW's strengths: relationships. Rather than having each episode feature a "villain of the week," the Arrowverse show wisely reserves its action for small scenes — saving on the effects budget while still satisfying Superman fans — and lets the conflict between characters be the main narrative thrust. The Marvel show The Falcon and the Winter Soldier did the opposite: instead of focusing the short 6-episode series on the relationship of its two leads, the Disney+ show overcomplicated its story with the Flag-Smashers plot. That fatal mistake prevented Falcon and Winter Soldier from living up to its potential.

Falcon and Winter Soldier had a strong premise: Sam Wilson and Bucky Barnes coming together, coping with the unexpected loss of Steve Rogers and grappling with Captain America's future. The show's initial marketing presented the series as something like Marvel's version of a buddy-cop story. However, just like so many of the MCU movies, The Falcon and the Winter Soldier introduced a global crisis for its heroes to solve: the increasingly violent terrorist group, the Flag-Smashers, and the resurgence of the Super Soldier serum. The stakes became much higher than the reluctant partnership of Sam and Bucky — and as a result, their interpersonal drama took a backseat in the story.

There were many aspects of the Falcon and the Winter Soldier that worked really well, and largely, these are tied to strong characterization. Bucky's at his best when he's being introspective and flawed: the show hints that he is still drawn to violence, but is deeply ashamed of the Winter Soldier's violent actions. With Steve Rogers' Captain America gone, Bucky is more alone now than ever, being a relic of the past. All of the people he grew up with are dead or much older than he appears to be — and while he's grown accustomed to this new world, he acts perpetually uncomfortable. It's a theme the show sets up in the premiere but doesn't adequately address.

Falcon and Winter Soldier was poised to give Sam and Bucky a relatable, complicated, and resonant relationship — but this never came to fruition. Instead of genuine conflict between the two, the show relied on forced quips and odd-couple banter. Sam Wilson's past as a PTSD counselor made him the perfect figure to help Bucky cope with Steve Rogers going back to the past: something Bucky no doubt wished for himself, and — given his history with Steve in the MCU and how close they were — may have felt resentful of. At the same time, Bucky could have helped Sam on his journey to becoming the new Captain America. Bucky, as a white man, is ill-equipped to help Sam grapple with issues like systemic racism in America — but as a friend, he could have offered quiet support.

There are hints at the show that could have been in Falcon and Winter Soldier: in the ending, for example, when Bucky helps Sam fix up the boat and joins in on the family celebration, or the scenes of Sam and Bucky training with the shield together. The action in the series is often exciting and is executed well — but any antagonist would have worked for those scenes. Sam feeling such an affinity with Karli Morgenthau never made sense — he literally held her in his arms after she shot Sharon Carter, his friend. In general, the character motivations in the show were underdeveloped, all because not enough screentime was spent on exploring the relationships that mattered. This was the fatal mistake Marvel made with The Falcon and the Winter Soldier: not using the characters' relationships as the focus of the narrative.

How Superman & Lois Avoids Making The MCU's Biggest Mistake:

The CW was wise to make Superman & Lois largely about the Kent family adjusting to major changes: the death of Martha Kent, the children learning the truth about their father, the family moving from Metropolis to Smallville, and the realization that boys could have inherited their father's Kryptonian powers. While there is a larger conspiracy at the heart of Superman & Lois season 1, the Morgan Edge plot is secondary to the story of Jordan discovering his powers and Clark trying to balance being a hero with being a father. The show isn't about super-powered beings donning costumes to beat up bad guys. While other Arrowverse shows have dealt with similar themes, Superman & Lois is the first to do so without focusing on being a superhero. For example, Black Lightning dealt with similar family themes, but is still primarily about Jefferson Pierce fighting The 100, and his daughter begins crimefighting almost immediately after discovering her powers.

Superman does appear in Superman & Lois and is presumably still averting Nuclear disaster and catching criminals, but much of this happens either offscreen or in brief subplots. The best moments in the show are scenes with Clark trying to coach Jordan, like the moment when he quietly tells his son to let out the built-up eye energy on the football field. These moments work because they're so earnest. While the circumstance is fantastic, the parent-child dynamic and the coming-of-age allegory are incredibly relatable. Clark doesn't know what to do, but he's trying his best. Jordan, as a typical teenager, lacks the maturity to make smart choices. He struggles to understand and control his powers, and he reacts to situations impulsively. He has the concerns of a typical teenage boy: his interest in a potential romance with Sarah, his newfound popularity thanks to football, and his emerging sense of self as he navigates puberty. Instead of scenes with Clark and Jordan stopping bank robbers or flying, audiences get glimpses of their family life; it's a story where the character motivations always feel genuine.

The relationships in Superman & Lois are realistically complicated and nuanced. Jordan and Jonathan Kent break the CW's warring brothers trope by being supporting and caring about each other, even when they disagree. Clark and Lois clearly love each other while having their own separate lives, and the show wisely avoids using Lois as a damsel in distress figure for Superman to save. None of the characters are perfect, with Clark in particular struggling with parental choices and the twin boys making the kind of dumb decisions teenagers make. Unlike The Falcon and the Winter Soldier, which overcomplicated its first season with unnecessary global stakes, Superman & Lois keeps the story grounded on its family dynamic, which is a refreshing new standard for superhero stories.

- Screen Rant